**
TALES # CALCU \m LATED TO DRIVE Y O U
Vol. 16 No. 16
Humor /n A Jugular Vein
Comic-Book Raid
As a result of chances that certain comic-
books a r e contributing to crime. ths comic-
book artists 1 | ! were rounded ut> today at
their hideout where they had stored a size-
able cache of brushes, drawing paper and
ink. From right to left, they are a "crime"
cartoonist, a "science-fiction" cartoonist,
and a "lampoon" cartoonist.
Slo fiailr "
ON
Someday, October. 1954* 10c MB| 10e s,7r:, 10< ' M r
Story on Page 1 ?
Story on Page -
Comics Go Underground
In tins remarkable photo. [->] we see a comic-book
publisher "hose books have been banned from the
newsstands, secretly peddling his comics on a busy
street corner. It is rumored that this is only one of the
tricks that desperate comic-book publishers are re-
sorting to in order to sell their books . . . another far-
fetched rumor being that they are disguising their
books to look like newspapers in order to sneak them
onto the stands. However, this rumor is plainly ridic-
ulous. Story on pnfe '<j)
 LM&F
YES, EXTENSIVE TESTS BY
THE E.C. RESEARCH BUREAU
/ HAVE PROVEN CONCLUSIVELY
THAT PANIC L E A P S EIGHT O T H E R
BEST IMITATION
B R A N D S IN IMITATING- MAP/
PANIC USES M O R E O F MAP'S
ARTISTS, M O R E O F MAO'S PRINTERS,
M O R E O F MAP'S POTRZEBIE A N P
F U R S H L U G 6 I N E R THAN A N Y
O T H E R MAP IMITATION /

SO CLIP THIS COUPON AND SEND AWAY

FOR YOUR SUBSCRIPTION T O . . . PANIC
HOWEVER, IF YOU WANT THE. REAL
McCOY, SUBSCRIBE T O . . .
SUBSCRIPTION DEPT.
ROOM 7 0 6
2 Z 5 LAFAYETTE ST. PLEASE SEND ME O N E OR

NEW YORK 12, N.Y. BOTH MAGAZINES CHECKED
NAME A B O V E FOR WHICH I ENCLOSE
* l . 0 O PER TITLE C& ISSUES)
ADDRESS.
CITY ZONE STATE
(.'PLEASE PRINT)

Mad. Oct.. 1954Vol. 1, No. 16. Published Monthly bv Educational Comics. Inc.. at 225 Lafayette St.. New York 12. N. Y. William M. Gaines.
Managing Editor. Harvey Kurtzman. Editor. Entered as second-dasa matter at the Post Office at New York, N. Y. Subscription, 8 Issues for $1 in
the I.. ,S. Elsewhere. SI.25. Entire contents Copyrighted lfi.'il by Educational Comics. Inc. Unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned unless
accompanied by stamped return envelope. No similarity between any of the characters, names or persons appearing in this magazine with any of those
living or dead Is Intended, and any such similarity is purely coincidental. Printed in U.S.A.
Atar- . HOWEVER". Hfi IS THE AHA, /V\y FRlENP... 15 THAT ALU IT . . . H A S - ^ N P O F A N INCH C H l P P E P
MORTY REASON I A S K E P YOU TO TELLS YOU?... WELL...1 WOULP S A > O F F OF THE EPGE... S H E H A S A
HAS COME O V E R / WHAT PO IT BELONGS TO A y O U N G L A P K . TINy B E A U T y - M A R K - f c T H O F A N
FOlLEP YOU MAKE OF IT. A H A N P S O M E BRUNETTE... 2 4 . . . INCH IN P I A M E T E K . UN PER, H E R .
ME WHATSIT? -S--4...S6-22-3+.../// 3t-Z2-34f RIGHT A R M - PIT A N P A T A T O O O N
AGAIN ... 25... S/T/P000/.. FURTHER HER RIGHT &\CEP O F A S I M U L A T E
MOKE, HER. FINGERNAIL O N H E R P A G G E R PIERCING T H E F L E S H A N P
LEFT FOREFINGER.. INSCRI6EP WITH T H E W O R P . . .
'MOTHER'

BASKETBALL HALL I S THE FAMILy CASTLE O U T O N THE

M O O R S / . . . O N E B L A C K NIGHT WHEN THE COUNT W A S
HAVING A PARTy... A MAJPEN SPURNEP HIS AFFECTIONS
A N P R A N FROM B A S K E T B A L L H A L L INTO THE M O O R S /
...THE COUNT, IN A T E R R I B L E TEMPER... UNLEASHEP H I S
H O U N D S A N P W E N T A F T E R H E R / A S THE G U E S T S
S A W H I M G O . . . THEY H E A R P H I M S H R I E K T O T H E
P6VIL TO A S S I S T H I M IN T H E C H A S E . ' WHEN H I S
F R I E N D S CAUGHT U P WITH H I M . . . T H E y F O U N P T H E
M A I D E N DEAD, A N P T H E / FOUNP T H E C O U N T WITH
A MONSTROUS BLACK HOUNP STANPING OVER.
H I M , RIPPING OUT HIS T H R O A T . .
... WELL... EVER 5INCE COUNT
AMISHER BASKETBALL'S PEMISE,
LIVING AT BASKETBALL MALL
HASN'T BEEN CRICKET/ IT WOULP
SEEM THAT THE FAMILY HAS
BEEN CURSEP By A L0N6 SERIES |
OF SAO MISFORTUNES A N P
UNTIMELY P E A T H S . . .
...UP TO THE LAST PESCENPANT
OF THE BASKETBALLS...MY
UNCLE,, COOLIPGE BASKETBALL,
WHO ONLY THIS PAST YEAR,
PlEP AT BASKETBALL HALL
UNPER THE MOST UNUSUAL
CIRCUMSTANCES AT THE
ENTRANCE TO THE COURT- VARP
OF BASKETBALL HALL.
...YES...THEy FOUNP HIM By THE
BASKETBALL COURT, LYING WHERE
HE HAP FALLEN... APPARENTLY
FROM A STOPPAGE O F T H E
HEART/... IT SEEMS HE HAP BEEN
RUNNING FROM SOMETHING...ANP
WHEN WE FOUNP HIS BOPY... HIS
FACE WAS FROZEN IN' THE MOST
TERRIFYING EXPRESSION O F
HORROR X HAVE EVER SEEN. 7 ...
NEAR HIM WAS FOUNP FOOTSTEPS.'
...FOOTSTEPS OF...
YES/
...BASKETBALL HALL ' J ... Off AT PR. WHATSIT/ ...LISTEN TO THOSE GROWLS.'')...C0URA6E. MADAME.'
... THE FEOPLE! <TTHE LUCK.' ... THERE'S j IT'S COMING STRAIGHT ...I WILL DEAL WITH
... THE CIVILIZATION'. A FOG HAS SOMETHING * FOR US.'...IT'S COMING THIS WITH MY BARE
... THE COCA - COLA/ /OESCENDEO OUT THERE.. STRAIGHT FOR ME... /T'S //A/VPS... FOR A HOUND
GONE* - ^/nm THE THE OEV/L -MOUND OF IS ONLY FLESH AND
SOMETHING BLOOD/
MOOR.'... WE'RE THE BASKETBALLS/
/
RUNNING RAPlO-
f LY ALONG THE
?$^r GROUNP...
 ...yOU SEE, WHAT-
SIT... WHEN X
PRETENDEC? T O
LEAVE FOR LONDON
. . . I ACTUALLy WENT
5NOOPIN<3- IN
BASKET B A U -
HALL

TH(>USSDEPrs..yOUrHtEVEN A S WE SPEAK, GROWN-UPS OF AMERICA BATTLE TIRELESSLY TO DESTROY EVIL READING MAT.
TER THAT IS CORRUPTING YOUTH .'...HOWEVER, BEHIND THEIR BACKS LOOMED UNCHALLENGED, EVIL READING MATTER THAT IS COR'
*UPTIN6 6POMUPS!. YOUTH/...SAVE OUR 6*0WN-UPS!... SAVE THEM FROM THE BAD WFIMEHCES OP.,.

^5!
IBHEWS IPAJPJEl
<k w^^MmMlk
%/&&&?/ ^ ^

m ircf

X
...UKE FOR INSTANCE, A GROWN-UP ...BATTLING TIRELESSLY TO DESTROY . SAID MATTER IS COMIC BOOK O F
COMING FROM THE NEWSSTAND? SEES EVIL READING MATTER CORRUPTING YOUTH, EVIL TYPE WHICH IS MOSTLY FULL OF
SAID YOUTH WITH READIN6 MATTER.' GROWN-UP INSPECTS SAID M A T T E R / VIOLENCE, MURDER, GIRLS, AND LIKE THAT!

SO IN ORDER TO KEEP YOUTH UNCOR- .!.WHILE GROWN-UP DESTROYS S O WHEN GROWN-UPS GO TO READ,
RUPTED...GROWN-UP DESTROYS EVIL YOUTH'S READING MATTER...NOONE MY GOSH... DID YOU EVER 5EE WHAT
READING MATTER.'... BUT MAINLY... DE5TROY5 GROWN-UPS REAPING MATTER.1 THEY R E A D ? . . LIKE FOR INSTANCE...

*&$/-/-,, ' iffjijti^

Zm& f ^T

^^^^P&JBW BfP

^ ^s9 (I.
* P S . HEWING- TO THE USUAL WRETCHED MAP PRACTICE, WE SHALL CONCERN OURSELVES MERELV WITH
THE iHORST ASPECTS OF NEWSPAPERS AND TOTALLY IGNORE THE 6EST,'
 fS-JM-ALYflPOOP * T" el* fM* I ^VJCTURE NEWSPAPER
-.PLENTY PICTURES
4<t
A POUND

IW* I -.-* \ Somedav. October. 1964* if 'F.S',1? I.

HIS GIRL FRIEND S t o r y on Page 4

Son if Skunk Farmer Weds Heiress

Story on I'age 4

Big Bloody Riot Boy! What violence then

was on the docks yesterday. * " " UBUIBII s h o w s
Note in Foreground above, f f ) policeman's teeth being: where she was bruised 1 - ^ 1 when
smashed in by brass kmickles. Note in background,man. being burglers broke into her apt. house,
clubbed on head with lead pipe, pushes thumb under other Although it was a neighbor's apt.
man's eye. Note plenty other bloody things by looking ai they broke into. Vava was bruised
photo closely. while taking a shower.
 DAILY POOP. SOMEDAY. OCTOBER 1954

Killer Admits Usm. Meat Googie Divorces

Zazie for Boobie By Smedley Dirtdigger
DAILY POOP News Bureau
Y e s t e r d a y , t h e m o s t e a r t h - s h a k i n g e v e n t in t h e
h i s t o r y of o u r t i m e s took p l a c e w h e n Googie S m i d l e y ,
a f t e r a quick divorce from the B a r o n e s s Zazee L e y
S m e d , g o t s e c r e t l y m a r r i e d t o Boobie V a n S m o o d l e y a t
a m o d e s t little c e r e m o n y a t t h e T a j M a h a l .
After the wedding, a modest
little reception was held at the
Hollywood Bowl. The happy
couple had this to say when
quizzed by this reporter. "This
time, Smedley, it's for keeps.
This romance is the real thing
and this time this is IT and for
keeps this time and it's the
real thing." This was Boobie's
12th marriage and Googie's
27th.
While Boobie is the wealthy
heiress to the Van Smoodley
Timber, Steel and Uranium
fortune, Googie is the son of
an illiterate, filthy, peasant
skunk-farmer.
As to their future plans,
Googie said that the honey-
moon would have t c b e delayed
since t h e r e a r e m a t t e r s of
grave concern and import to
attend to . . . matters that can-
not wait. Like for instance, the
construction of a special polo- <POOPfotbyJ.Dvii
mallet being hand-fashioned Googie and Boobie as they
for Googie. Boobie, meanwhile, said thai this was it.
will vacation. , his last C a r r i a g e ) , this re-
As Googie packed hismoney- porter was told, emphatically,
bags and prepared to depart "Smedley, this time it's t h t
OP (Mo by Jck D in his platinum jet-plane (by real furshlugginer thing."

Full Details on Most While

Googie With Foofoo
Boobie Vacations
Nauseating Crime Ever
T o d a y , S t u r c U e y H o c k b l o c k p u b l i c l y c o n f e s s e d lp t h e m o s t e s t s i c k e n -
By Dirtley S m e d i g g e r
T h e B a h a m a s - T h e m o s t drooly incident ever
w i t n e s s e d b y c i v i l i z a t i o n took p l a c e t h i s m o r n i n g w h e n
Googie Smidley landed here on his own p r i v a t e plat-
i n u m l a n d i n g s t r i p (by his eleventh m a r r i a g e ) , for a
i n g e s t c r i m e e v e r , i n t h i s c i t y o f S m e r d l e y , a n d w e h a v e all t h e d e t a i l s d o w n r e n d e z v o u s w i t h Foofoo S m e d d Lee.
t o t h e last g r u e s o m e little d e t a i l s . Meanv hile, Boobie said she

Very Important People Arrive on Boat

Police Chief Smudley Smed- and Googie could not make a
ley of Smet-dley had this to go oT married life and she was Googie is Mine
say: instituting a divorce. Foofoo
"Echhh!" Smed Lee, wealthy heiress to Says Selma
The body was discovered Smed .Lee Gold and Diamond
f o r t u n e ; a n n o u n c e d modest By D. Irt
yesterday by 172 witnesses all little wedding, only 10,000 Selma Strudley, this eve-
over the city. This was because close friends to attend. When ning, confirmed the devastat-
the body was in 172 packages queried, Googie said, "Dirtley, ing rumor that she and Googia
all over the city. But you ain't this time it is positively IT," Smidley will soon be married.
heard nothing yet. he left, in his platinum Meanwhile, Foofoo Smedd Let
Hockblock was immediately diesel train. told r e p o r t e r s t h a t her ro-
apprehended through the effi- mance with Googie,- after a
ncy of a mammoth police long period of incessant bick-
dragnet, a diligent manhunt ering, has .gone
by the organized citizenry, ar on t h e r o c k s .
announcement on "Gangbust- Foofoo is the
ers," and mainly, Hockblock wealthy heiress
gave himself up". to several large
c o u n t r i e s all
But now we come to main over the world,
enjoyable part "where Hock- and as she
block describes in detail how stood h a n d in
he committed murder like for hand with Goo-
nstance what kind of butcher's gie a t t h e en-
tleaver tie used, w h a t type trance to Foo-
blood the victim had, what foo's m o d e s t <;<">*"': ' '<
olor blood, with closeups of little city, Googie informed this
the blood and like that reporter that this was it! Out-
poor !<- Now all the teeny details the side, on Foofoo's private lake,
ay Hockblock went about the on the deck of her private flat-
The moil importantcsl pcoplr ever, arrived on ibe S.S. Sturd- top, Googie's p l a t i n u m j e t
ier today. Above is Miss Baha Bam waving hello from rail m u r d e r w a s t h i s . F i r s t he (POOP folo k* J k Dvij Constellation was warming up
of ship. Not that Miss Baha Bam had anything lo Ho with ar- grabbed his victim and then he Googie and Foofoo tell world for a business trip. x
rivals . . . >h was jusi passing hy dorks at lime. (continued on pg. 780) that this is it.
 1

War Breaks Out in Far East. Millions gency round-table discussion

agreed unanimously that this
event in the far-east is defin- of civilization
itely the beginning of the end
Flee for Lives will undoubtedly lead this
country and the rest of the Do the Nose Drops You Use Itchy skin starves
It was heard today that
the beginnings of a war have
world into war and if is diffi-
cult to forsee how it will be CHOKED - G A S ? Match Fluid in Your Nose? tor medicated lanolin.
started in the far east. In the possible to avoid using the
opinion of a leading advisor atom and hydrogen bombs. A
in this country, this war is so hoard of experts in an emer-
tightly linked to our strategic
position in the world that it

*tW1

PRACTICALLY
MED1CAI DISCOVER*
TURNS PIMPUS
We Pay You to Take Away
INSIDt-OUTI
M m SpieiaUsl. 5 - n ^ U j B. /-'!* M .
pnrlt thai n*w medical discover* works
TA'dtrt on tk' akin.
k UH.felteti Til is Furniture, practicall
Do people fUrt at you and go. "Uu*!"?
T>> paopl* avoid you at partiea* Well, ac-
-AHlnr to a trading akin apwialiit'a r e
pert. B. LEMISH'S SKIN CREAM i> tha
italnr io- you You aw. B. LEMISH'S
peetratine action actually alnka rijht in-

OUR QOC
to (ha akin and turn plmpW Inaida-oot.
Jmt think, after ONE application of B.
LEMISH'S SKIN CREAM. instead

the LIFE of the partita. Think how peo-

ple'a exelamationa of "Uh'" will tori*
0 "BeM" Don'* waate a moment. For
Ufi you cn have a ten year aupply of B.
LEMISH'S SKIN CREAM. Send 2&e with
ll.P1 to rov* r handllns . . . to B. LEMISH.
/ Lamlah's Hogfat Distillery in Smudley.
_ PRICE U L 3
Look at all these pieces
OVERWEIGHT
I Sofa I Coffee Table
'and con't diet?
\ 3 Cush, on
*Jsl n&WiiFjm ' * ' Coffee Cup
mksZM&M Bl*^.*5^il H D i l 4 Legs 2 Lumps Sugar
2 Arms j p [ o w e r pot
7 LB0'/' 5 F OWerS
'
I tamp Table 1 Cigarette BOM
?W*%M 'Lamp .Match Book
('^V&^Zji&wm P^^T333^^ ' Lpmp S h o d p 2 2
Cigarette*
t n*^T*^--^^ * Su/b 30 Matches
Just think . . . when y o u buy Mm $1,000 value for $ 2 5 , y o u save $ 9 7 5 ! That's
like $975 put in fhe b a n k ! Shop at our store a n d you will be rich in no t i m e !
THY T H E NU-MAL TUITION WAY
. . . of getting rid of fat. NU-M AL
TRITION does not pretend t o dis-
lotve f t . NTJ-MAL T R I T I O N
Hoes not work on t h e stomach to
The following, we HAVE to get rid of! Come TAKE it away!
rive you loss of appetite. NU-MAL
TRITION merely knocks you un-
conscious for days on end. N U -
MAL TRITION. the sure way to
dieting- , .
Hollywood Bed, genuine sprung steel reg. 500 reduced to 39.99
Sitting Down Hollywood Mattress, genuine spring steel lumps reg. 300 reduced to 29.99 ,
All The Time.,.
Hollywood Studio Couch,from genuine Hollywood studio... reg. 100 reduced to 19.99
Lack of Pep?
Don't neglect your kidneys.
Very often, s simple thing like a
neglected kidney can make you
Hollywood Bunk, single, double, triple, fupple decker reg. 50 reduced to 9.99 <
feel listless, tired all day with no
energy to get ahead in the world.
Don't let this condition make you
lose out on life. Don't let lack of
Hollywood Cot, folding canvas, type U.S. A reg. 10 reduced to .99
t>ep deny you fame. You might be
rich right now if you had some of
that pep to get-up and go and
make out in this world. Murdsley's Hollywood Stool reg. 1 reduced to .09
Penentrating Iron Tablets a r e the
thing for you. These tablets a i t
designed so t h a t they will sivc you,
t-%nty of get-up and go. You see FREE parking, OR... if yon can't rida,
B 0
Scafeet'd Defet. St&te
lui -U1ey*s Penentrating Iron tab- WE'LL pick you up, OR... if yra caa't
lets have an iron point on the top
nt> that when used properly a s di- leave homa, WE'LL bring the Hierdw*-
rected, you will find sifting on
Mordsley'a Penetrating Iron t a b - disatsyoe, OR... WE'LL da any- .
lots gives you ail the get-up and tWn'g!NTnflllC...Y(MJHEIR!!! *
t e that ye* neeei AT SMURDLEY A N D M A I N
 DAILY POOP SOMEDAY. OCTOBER, 1964 305

The Kwestioning
Kameraman
By MURULtV S.
T H I Poor will pay Sin lor
mry intelligent, thoughtful.
important question submitted
and used by this column.
QUESTION
.. you ever get punched inna
nose ?
LOCATION
Down in the subway in va-
rious locations... on the plat-
Well, id : , "'!' fi i |ili nlj' of dirt culled from forms, in the trains, and on
Broadway fi>!j>uu'toQay. Last night, this reporter picked up the tracks.
some mighty interesting items down along that glamorous ANSWERS
avenue of theatres, clubs, and the neon night-life. And here Punchy Knucklehead, sand-
are some of the items, some of the dirt t h a t this Broadway wich s i g n
reporter picked up. Some of the items and dirt w e r e : a carrier :
hardly smoked cigar butt, a In- Nobody eva
dian penny, a comic book with 'I p u n c h e d
cover torn off, Vi pound silver & "\|- I d n ' t
paper from cigarette packages, W give'em
give'e the
10 Planter's Peanuts wrappers cha nc't
I can send away for free stamps. I punch 'em
f u y s t
AND NOW, a r o u n d t h e ffigg When guys
nightclubs with Smurdley Yel- " pass me an'
drums: At the Stark Club I saw 1 d o n ' like ' e i r l o o k s '
Zaza Zam chatting in a very P U N C H ! 1 let 'em have it.
chummy manner with producer, Head knuckle Punched,
Sam Urdley. At the Twentythou- process
and Four Eight Club, Ludsmey server :
Zam, husband of the beauteous Yes, people
Zaza Zam, was seen sitting alone always
and this reporter chatted with W H A T AC1 RESS? p u n c h me
him for a moment. At the Moce- in the nose.
borabo, Sam Urdley, producer, was seen being punched in the My job
nose while chatting with Ludsmey Zam. At the Coq Roach, makes pec- POOP PEOPLE'S LETTERS
Zaza. Zam seen also punched in the nose while chatting with ple mad
Ludsmey Zam. At the Chez Pigalle, this reporter seen punched Sometimes I and addri me ol your lawyer wtth year letter
Pleas* >
in the nose by Zaza Zam. p e o p l e
AND NOW, the hottest item of the week . What T.V. punch me for no reason. The SHOOT OUSTED," and 1 want to
actress has been frequently seen with what international other day some sandwich-sign This city is going to the voice my disagreement to this
playboy a t what restaurant a t what time? What is going on carrier came up and punched dogs! There are no good bums letter attacking some of the
between these two and what will Broadway actors have to me in the nose. in city-hall t h a t a r e decaying basic ideas of our political
say ? W h a t will his agent have to say and what will his com- Knucklepunqh Head, potr- and corrupting our city till structure. 1 want to, say to
pany do about what? In fact, what do all these goings on z e b i e gradually, it is going to the "MOST DISGUSTED," men
mean in the first place? If you know Ma y b e . dogs There is a small band of like you are the fundamental
what, let me know what because I'd One'day. I d i r t y no-good self-seeking trouble with our whole social
Jike to know myself went to the money-hungry political bums and political ideology. In
top of the who alone are responsible for other words, in answer to
AND NOW, an open letter to Bop-, S t a t u e of letting the city g o t o the dogs. your statement "Women a r t
tey Smurd: Dear Bopley, I am sending Liberty and And there is only one thing stupid!" I say men are stu-
you this open letter because of the re- was accost- left to stop these dirty bunch
eent etieounter you had with your pub- ed there by of no good bums from letting DISGUSTEDGIRL
lie the other night when you got angry a thief who this eity go to the dogs. I say
at your fans and refused to sign their , g a v e me a we must take them out and STUPID
autograph books. I am writing you this FAN punch in the belly We were shoot them like dogs take I just want to second read*
open letter to remind you that it was the fans who put you standing in the Statue of Lib- out all the dogs every er "MOST DISGUSTED"'
where you are today. It was the fans who gave you your erty's nose, so although I was letter If anyone has the sim-
single doff^ and shoot them plest grasp of life, has Ute
first break as a singer. Remember you used to be an eiae* punched in the belly. I was like dogs/That way, this city
iririan and you were fixing the electric fans at the Stark Club punched in the nose. merest ability to comprehend
cannot go to the dogs. the complex philosophy we
and the night club owners heard you singing while you were Headpunch Knuckle, mal- GREATLY DISGUSTED live by. they would realize in-
fixing those eledrio fans? Remember? Hah, you bum, re- c o n t e n t e d 'Jiftff&i stantly why we have wars,
member? That was your fi rst break. I am writing you this let- GRIND UP
disb wash- Your n e w s p a p e r is t h e why we have sickness and dis-
ter just to remind you what those fans er : Has one ease They would realize in
did for you. So last night, when your the right to worst rag on the market. It is
kicking screaming fans tore the sleevr the most terrible bunch of sentence like "MOST D I S
be punched junk I have ever seen. It isn't GUSTED." that women are
from your coal, the leg from your pant, in the nose stupid!
the hair from your head, there was no is the core fit for lining the trash can. It
reason for you to get m a d . . . no reason to o f ' Xh i s .isn't even fit to grind up and DISGUSTED BOY
start to strangle that little girl. She just question make into other paper again.
It isn't even fit for thinking STUPID
wanted your socks for a souvenir And Don't let In answer to the vital ar-
mainly I am writing this open letter...I "big inter- of grinding up and making
into other paper It isn't even gument "MOST DISGUST-
am writing you this open letter...be- ests" talk you into not getting E D " 's letter has touched off.
cause a closed letter would coal three punched in the nose. I hope fit for making into paper for
thinking of grinding up and I think the truth of the mat-
cents postage and it's cheaper tills way. that answers your question. ter is men and women are
Bobo Bom, stenographer making into other paper.' I'll
AND NOW, goings on about town . bet you don't print this. stupid!
Pat Mike is about to sue Sam Tom! A.B. Quit following me or I'll give REALLY DISGUSTED DISGUSTED THING
will double-cross C D in the morning! YOU a punch inna nose!
CRUMS KILL
and E . F is going to punch G.H. in the I think that the solution to
nose tomorrow! L-S. signed that con- What a bunch of crurtis you our problems is to kill all the
SILVER PAPER tract with M.F.T. and it's rumored that are. I'll bet you don't print Democrats.
Q.X. will O.K. that deal with O.K. How- this DISGUSTED
ever, although Q.X will O.K. O.K., O.K. will not O.K. deal MUCH DISGUSTED REPUBLICAN
Does Q.X. think O.K. is O.K.? If so, how can Q.X. O.K. if O.K BUMS
is not O.K. that is, if O.K. is Q.X. and not O.K. I mean Bums! I'll bet you don't KILL
O.K rather then O.K .er, the first O.K. rather then O.K as print this. 1 think the solution to our
used the second time Shall we get on to the next item I PLENTY DISGUSTED problems is to kill ah" the Re-
AND NOW, this is your Broadway Gunk reporter, publicans.
I'LL DISGUSTED
Smurdley Yeldrums closing wfth the final statement of wis- I'll bet you don't print this
dom that I pass along to you out there in order to give you DEMOCRAT
something to think about today and that final wise word GOOD AND DISGUSTED KILL
'S . anybody want to buy silver-paper? 1 have U pound STUPID 1 think the solution t r oue
which I will sell eheap I read the letter yesterday problems is to kill everybody.
by r e a d e r , " M O S T D I S - , PLAfN DISGUSTED
 requited, what is your answer ? him for the change and he told time we had a date, he was
^tverfdvice..^ ANSWER: Yes. me to leave him alone or he'd with another girl. When he
DEAR MISS UNREQUIT-I never take me out again. Next took her home, I asked him to
by Smurdlove Unrgfl ED: I am going out who some' time we had a date, I gave him take me home. He told me to
DEAJ - -tl*+- \m that times I think don't love me. He my car for us to take a ride in. leave him alone orhe'd get me
erately don't have a job, and once we When he took me home, I asked in trouble. What I want to

tifo
had a date and I gave him my for the car and he told me to know is, can he get me in
V*. light pay-check to take us out and leave him alone or he'd neve'r trouble ?-Z.X.
nodel when he took me home I asked take me for a ride again. Next ANSWER: M a ^ .
< & % % & , lliant
,
z *Z~r' sSTIcto be
Sther man who
theVfst man worked for. When
I met the first man, it was love
at first sight, and since he had
divorced the second woman, he
thought everything was all
right till the first woman show-
ed up. Now everything is in a
furshlugginer mess and I am
wondering if you have any
opinion on all this. Miss Un-
* * WHAT'S * * *

UP-STARS
YOUR HOROSCOPE
by Sleller Smurdley
Todaythe stars predict
many important events, so
take careful note. First of all,
it seems that the morning will
start very early, and later on
in-the day you will find your-
self in the afternoon. Still later
on, take care, for it will get
very dark and you will be very
sleepy. Our advice would be for
you to go to bed. During the
day, try to see and think clear-
ly. Try not to get into trouble.
Also, try to eat and breathe
and most of all, stay alive.
GeminiToday to all Geminis
who have birthdays, all we
have to say to you is, Jiminy,
Gemini, happy birthday! For
all Gemini, nomatter homini,
we predict that today your fu-
ture lies ahead of you although
prour past is behind.

"Packed with action

. ana grand scale!
Rousing! Spectacular!

levr
 *****
LATE IATI
LAH IATI
DAILY fl POOP PICTURE NEWSPAPER...PLENTY PICTURES - . mr
IN CITY -. (IU IMIII, mrrsitx.
OUTSlIJf.
4,000 Pites Someday, October, 1954* e LIMITS
fii
IOC COUNTRY LIMITS OC EARTH LIMITS

Nauseating Story on Page 980

Messiest
Fight Ever
Here are the Daily Poop's
exclusive fight pics of the
Kid SmadoodleyPunchy
Melvin bout. The Poop
has spared no expense to
give you complete photo
c o v e r a g e of b e s t a n d
bloodiest parts of fight
with photos of hardest
blows, taken from many
different angles. Candid
shot on left [<-]' catches
face of Punchy Melvin as
it contorts from Sma-
doodley's left to the head.
Next candid shot [*(-)
catches Kid's contorted
face pressed unbelievably
flat for an instant by
Punchy's glove. Below.
J e f t M - ) . Punchy's face
contorted . , ear is where
eye should be. Last shot
f ^ f ] Kid's whole face is
in space eyebrows should
be.

-Loti more, p. 5040

This photo [->) shows grown-up accused of se-

Man Fined For Bashing Son verely spanking youthful son | - ^ j . Grown-up told
reporters how while reading newspaper today, he noticed youth looking at evil reading matter. Suddenly,
rott'n-up's mind felt so strangely corrupted, he jumped up and spanked \milh ( - > ] . Youth [->] points
f->] to wrench [*-] grownup [ | ) used to [ | ] spank.

BIL. yOUTH... THAT'S WHAT TrlEy'RE REAPING.' THAT'S WHAT MOHEY-HUNGRY PUBLISHERS ARE FEEDING TO
R* OWN GROWN-UPS.'.. yOU CAN ACT-'..FORM CI UBS, ORGANIZATIONS.'.. SEE TO IT THAT OUR GROWN- UPS
BUY <TIEAN WHCX.ESOME READING MATTER/ SEE TO IT THAT OUR GROWN-UPS ARE NOT CORRUPTED By NEWSPAPERS'
 And now. once again, in line with our purpose of informing a*
well >< entertaining. M A D turn* serious for a moment Once
again, in order to bring the future into focus, we present this
month an article by a famous analyst on Egypt Yes, it is well
to watch Egypt, krvsrone of the east i n Egypt the decisions

of tomorrow will br made in tfw future W e are sure th*t this ^ ^ IA *~ *~ JA i~ u- u

article will stress thai fact even more so. and so we present this

article called
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AND WE CAME UP Mftif.

THE SEASICK EDITORS OF

NOW YOU SEARCH PIRACY
ROOM 70fc,

FOR I T / 225 LAFAYETTE STREET

N.y. c. 12, N . V .
OKAY, 3ILGE RATS.' YOU SHANGHAIED M E . '
I


BUT IF YOU CAN'T FIND PIRACY 1 ENCLOSE l . O O FOR THE NEXT EIGHT ISSUES I
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CAN SUBSCRIBE! JUST FILL OUT NAME

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i
 MAD MUMBLINGS
Dear Editors, . . . Your comic-book. MAD, is highly objectionable
... What's the idea of trying to p a l m thai article in in so m a n y w a y s that 1 will not bother to state them
issue * 3 off a s Greek writing. I know Cqptain Marvel I do not believe in censorship by a governmental
code w h e n I see it.Hal HigdonChicago, 111. a g e n c y or through organized pressure b u t I do feel
that you should be a p p e a l e d to on an intelligent basis
You h a v e responsibilities beyond your interest in mak-
. . . In MAD # 1 3 . in the story of the Book Version, ing profits. When your work is designed for young
you h a v e the main c h a r a c t e r s a y i n g , "Gimme that people you h a v e the responsibility to help them grow
# @ * * # $ film" I r e a d the real book version, a n d I strong emotionally a s well as intellectually. I feel that
believe he said, "Gimme that x x # * * # $ film." you h a v e no other choice but to remove your comic-
Paul AndersonSioux Falls, S. Dak. book MAD from the s t a n d s . ... if you are honest.Frank
QuinnSan Francisco, Cal.
. . . All the s q u a r e s a r o u n d my crazy school don't
dig no b o p talk. I told one s q u a r e to lend me a hunk . . . In order to m a k e a buck, an artist may turn to
of b r e a d a n d h e said he h a d some biscuits and that's the public, a n d thus lose all his principles. When MAD
all.Paul CumminoSalino, Kan. first a p p e a r e d on the stands, it w a s a comic-book for
the intellectuals, a n d circulation w a s low. Now, cir-
. . . After digging Mad Mumblings, I h a t e to say it culation is high, a n d I fear you boys are g o i n g , to
but I do think those kats a r e a bit s q u a r e on Bop. It mass-produce for the public, and MAD will k e e p in-
seems all they know is "dig, cool, man, crazy." I'd like creasing its circulation. So w h a t ! The New York Times
to assist. Now a true hipster is h e p to the times a n d would increase its circulation if they used an eight-
comes on like Einstein . . . starts inventing. Sentence column h e a d , or printed the Hollywood scandals.
structure is the key. Man. if you're g o n n a cool that jive Thank God the Times hasn't b e e n s w a y e d by the
completely, you've got to go it phrase-wise. A foreigner public's c h e a p d e m a n d s . The same c a n a p p l y to music.
w h o checks in at the 48 might know how to say. "Yes, Toscaninni p r o b a b l y would be more popular if he
no, hello, g o o d b y e . " Those few don't rate him no di- lead such g r e a t pieces as Ricochet Romance or Doggie
ploma. He's got to cool it more so S a m e thing with in the Window. Wouldn't you rather h a v e your book
the Hipster. He must not have e y e s to see 'fragmen- a p p e a l to intelligent people than to a p p e a l to the ig-
tation, he must go fluidly.Richard BassfordCoro- norant proletariat? LeRoy Furguson Wilmington, Mass
na, L I.
. . . Just thought I'd write in to say that I a p p r e c i a t e
MAD humor very much a s do m a n y of my friends here
.. . Hipster's revised dictionary:
at Tufts college. If intelligent satire c a n woo kids from
house-RANCH stupid comic-books a n d television, MAD comics will
eat-GREASE c a r r y us far a l o n g the way, a n d each one s a v e d from
car-STROLLER imbicility will be a triumph for you. Marvin Galper
key-TWISTER Salem, Mass
. it d o w n - S Q U A T
money-ENDS . . I nominate MAD for the Pulitzer Prize in literature
let's g o - L E T ' S QUIT IT for 1954. In time I believe your m a g a z i n e will take its
door-SLAMMER p l a c e a s o n e of the classics.Edwin L. MageeU. S
radio commercialSONNET Naval Academy. Annapolis, Md.
heckler-JONAH
broke-WASTED . . . Would you p l e a s e tell a poor, u n e d u c a t e d college
b o p recordsJAMS student what Potrzebie means?ScooterPenn. State,
Stan K e n t o n - T H E MAN Penn.
h u n d r e d d o l l a r s - A YARD
p a l - M Y MAN . . . What d o e s the word Potrzebie mean?Eddie
s h o e s - S A N D A L S , STOMPERS, KICKS Essen (cotton-picker)Bristol. Tenn.
p o p u l a r fellowPLAYER
D. (for Down) McAllisterBaltimore, Md. . . . Please tell me what Potrzebie means.N.S.
Boston, Mass.
. . . Some more words for the Bop Dictionary: . . . Potrzebie, what does it mean?Hopee Saunders
Portsmouth, Va.
a few m i n u t e s - A FEW TICKS
I'll see you-LATER ,. W0 thought you all knew. However
real n i c e - T O O MUCH What Pofrzebfe man* is timply
Bop r e c o r d s - T U N E S . SIDES -ed,
bad-SCROUNGY
friends-HENCHMEN Subscription coupon on inside front covelipi lease
t o g o - T O BLAZE. SPLIT k e e p the mail coming . second only to your dimes
house-CRIB we want your letters! Address for c o r r e s p o n d e n c e is:
square-TURKEY
eye glasses-CHEATERS
nice-WILD Mad Editors
the 1st S g t . - S I M O N LEGREE Room 706. Dept 16
225 Lafayette St.
- P e r s o n n e l of 8th R.S.M.-Brooks A.F.B.. Tex. N Y C 12, N Y.
 THE AMERICAN SCENE DEPT,: FOLLOWING THE USUAL MAD POLICY OF EXPERIMENTING WITH NEW THINGS AND THEREBY
COMING CLOSER TO RUN... WE INTRODUCE A MEW FEATURE, DEALING WITH VARIOUS PHASES OF UFE IN AMERICA/
LIKE FOR INSTANCE... HOW'S ABOUT THE PHASE WHERE ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON, DAD DECIDES TO TAKE THE FAMILY TO A . . .

HERE >OU ARE WITH THE STURDLEY5... EYEPALLS PROTRUD- ...AT LEAST YOU'VE MOVED UP THE LINE FAR ENOUGH
ING, TONGUES GENTLY LOLLING... AT A CHOW- MEIN TO GET AROUND THE CORNER AND INDOORS.'FINAL- |
RESTAURANT <f POPULAR IN BIG CITIES), WHERE >OU'VE IY YOU'RE NEXT AND DAD GUHPSES AN EMPTY
I BEEN WAITING- IN LINE FDR A. TABLE.' TABLE...ONLY HE'S NOT SURE ITS IN THE RESTAURANT/
 IT'S NOT IN THE RESTAURANT/ IT'S "MOM/ JUNIOR/ UNCLE SMURPLEY 'L.TABLE HERE/...HAW.E TERE.'... HOPPLE
IN THE KITCHEN.'... BUT BEHIND 5TURPlEy/...TA0lE.'...OVER HERE/ TOBBLE/" HOWEVER BY THE TIME PAP
SOME COATS, PAP FINPS AN EMPTY ... SMURPLEY.2:..MOM?.. JUNIOR? CATCHES THE FAMILY5 EYE, ANOTHER PMtjy
TABLE.' HE 516NALS FRANTICALLY/ ...OVER.'... HERE TABLE/...TABLEHERE. ". HAS SWIFTLY SUTHEREP WO THE BOOTH i

ANYHOW... YOU FINALLY SET A TABLE ANP ALL'S WELL SO THERE YOU WAIT, A RISING LUMP IN YOUR STOMACH..
UNTIL YOU NOTICE THE WAITER HASN'T CLEAREP YOUR WATCHING THE JUMBLE OF GREASY PISHES.. .THE COLP
TABLE-TOP, THE CONPfTION OF WHICH IS BEST CUP OF GREY COFFEE WITH THE FLOATING CIGARETTE
PESCRIBEP IN A W O R P . . . *BCCCCHHHH!" \ BUTT...THEiLTTLE GLISTENING WET THINGS ON THE TABLE-CLOTH.'

HOWEVER, SINCE VOU'RE IN A MILP STATE O F ...THAT5 UNCLE SMURPLEY/... EVERYONE'S IN A HURRY TO
STARVATION BY TIME THE WAITER COMES.-.^OU ALL GIVE EAT.'... THE WAITER'S IN A HURRY TO TAKE THE ORPER/
YOUR ORPERS IN A TWINKLING... EXCEPT FOR. ... EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT, \, 2,3... EXCEPT
UNCLE SMURPLEy/...HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS M I N P ' FOR UNCLE SMURPLEY/... HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MINP!
UNCLE SMURPLEY ISN'T UNCLE SMURPLEY ISN'T
RgAPy/... FOUR MINPS REAPY/.-FOURSOULS WRITHE
SCREAM SILENTLY PLEAP- SECRETLY... SHRIEKING
ING HE SHOULP ORPER / HE SHOULP ORPER.'

EVENTUALLY, YOU DO SET FOOP/... ANP THE WAY IT'S

SERVEP...YOU RFAU.V GET A TERRIFIC AFPETHE JUST
LOOKING/...ON FRESH WHITE LINEN, AMIPST SHINY
SILVERWARE STILL WARM FRO/A A SCALPING BATH...

NOW YOU START NOTICING LITTLE PETAILS/... PAP

FINP5 LIP5TICK ON HIS GLASS.'... MO/A FINP5 LIP-
STICK ON HER GLASS/... JUNIOR FINPS LIPSTICK ON
HIS <SLASS.'... UNCLE SMURPLEY FINPS UPS ON HI5 GLAS5.'

- * \
>0U CAN'T SIGNAL HIM y*/ SWWS AROUHP... OH, YVELL...yOU'LL CATCH W t f 7 f i W MK. SHARP
SO YOU'LL CATCH HIM TAKE A BREATH...OPEH HIM THE NEXT TIME BY' INTAKE OF 8REATH...HIM6
WHEN HE PASSES NEAR.' TOUR MOUTH TOSPEAK... ... W00R5.'.. JUNIOR SPOTS OPEH MOUTH TO SPEAK...
BYGEORGE-HEREHEIS.' ...HE'S GONE J HIM COMING BACK/ ' .HE'S SON6/

SOON... ALL OBSTACLES SURMOUNTED YOU SPOON OUT ...CRISP NOODLES... STEWED ONIONS... BEAN SPROUTS...
SAVOR/ CHOW-MEIN IN CLOUDS OF STEAM... MIX VARIOUS STRIPS OF CHICKEN... SNOWY RICE... A DAB OF ENGLISH
INGREDIENTS BEFORE YOU, AND ECSTATICALLY MUSTARD... A DASH OF SOy-SAUCE ...ALL LIFTED
LIFT A FORKFULL TO YOUR M O U T H . . . JO yOUR MOUTH... BABY HAS TO LEAVE THE ROOM.'

o<... /youGO/...YOU COMB BACK.'
...you SIT DOWN AGAIN.'... YOUR
PLATE OF FOOD HAS COOLED OFF
A LITTLE BUT THAT'5 ALL RIGHT.'
...MIX IN A LITTLE MORE HOT
CHOW-MEIN FROM THE CASSEROLE.'
...MIX IN A LITTLE MORE HOT
RICE/...THAT'LL WARM IT UP.'
*
...ANOTHER DAB OF MUSTARD/
ANOTHER DASH OF SOY-SAUCE/
... LIFT IT TO YOUR MOUTH, AND
'.BABY HAS TO LEAVE THE ROOM.'
SOME TIME LATER,
YOU'RE EATING/...THEN
THERE'S THE CUTE LITTLE
BOY PEEKING AT YOU/
...AT LEAST yDU THINK ...WHICH IS A HORRIBLE ...WITH THE NEXT " I SEE
HE'S CUTE ...SO VOU MISTAKE BECAUSE WITH YOU," HE GIVES YOU A
PLAY "PEEKABOO, X THIS TYPE KID, FAMILIARITY SIS 5MACK IN THE HEAP.'THIS
SEE YOU" WITH HIM... 5KEEPS CONTEMPT, AND... GOES ON TILL MEAL'S ENP.'
v \.l./

WELL... THE MEAL'S OVER... THE WAITER. BRINGS SO WHILE YOU LOOK AT THE CEILING, YOU CASUALLY
THE BILL fFACE DOWN)/... NOW A RE5TAURANT BILL LIFT THE CORNER OF A NAPKIN... YOU CASr LY
IS LIKE A PRETTY GIRL IN A BATHING SUIT.' YOU LIPT THE CORNER. OF THE CHECK...YOU CASUAL! \NCE
WANT TO STARE, 3UT YOU KNOW IT'S NOT NICE/ AT THE PRICE...YOU CASUALLY FALL ON THE FL^OR./

ALTHOUGH PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR TABLES, YOU BUT WHEN THE WAITER TAKES AWAY THE TABLE AND
WANT TO SIT A MOMENT TO SMOKE...TO LET THE WHEN THE PEOPLE START SITTING POWN NEXT TO
FOOD SETTLE/ THE WAITER TAKES AWAY THE YOU AND START TUCKING NAPKINS UNDER. THEIR
PISHES...TAKE5 AWAY THE ASH-TRAY...THE TABLE CLOTH... CHINS, YOU FIGURE MAYBE THEY WANT YOU TO LEAVE.'
r
THE TIP/... UNCLE SMURPLEY
PISS FOR HIS COAT...YOU PI
FOR THE TIP.'... YOU ACT UN-
CONCERNED. . PEVIL MAY- CARE
HOWEVER,INSiPE... YOUR MINP HALF-WAY OUT THE POOR, VOUR CON-
RACES FURIOUSLY...CALCULATING.' SCIENCE STOPS YOU!.~YOV PON'TWOT
YOU PUT POWN THE TIP ANP RUN IN TO LOOK CHEAP/ YOU RUN BACK.
SHAME BEFORE THE WAITER COMES.' ANP PUT DOWN A FEW MORE COINS.'

THEN YOU CASUALLY RUN OUT BUT ON THE WAY YOU ...ANP YOU PUT POWN HALF THOSE COINS ANP YOU RUN
REALIZE THE T)P YOU LEFT WAS MUCH TOO MUCH, OUT THEN RUN BACK BECAUSE YOU FORGOT UNCLE
SO yOU RUN BACK ANP PICK UP SOME COINS ANC? 5MURPLEY ANP YOU RUN ALL OVER, ANP YOU FINALLY RNP
YOU RUN OUT BUT THEN yCHJ RUN SACK... ^2b% HIM STILL PIGGING FOR HIS COAT ANP yOU RUN OUT...

...ANP SO, THE STURPLEY FAMILY TRUPGES OFF INTO THE

SUNSET VOWING- NEVER AGAIN TO GO TO THAT RES-
TAURANT...VyiNG IT'S MUCH SMARTER TO EAT HOME.'
HOWEVER... WHEN NEXT SUNPAY ROLLS AROUNP...
POT#Y OCPT.: TODAY WE DO DISCUSS... I N MANNER /MARKED OF US... COf WRECKING AND wRAtKiNG
AND COtAlC BOOK HACKtHS)... THE POEM ' H E S P E R U S / . . . A N D S O PRESENTING- T H U S , . . WITH WORDS '
UNCHANGED OF C U S S . . . FROM G O O D TO WORSE, THE ' H E S P E R U S ' VERSE TO T H E . . .

Blue were her eyes as the fairy-flax, And her bosom white as the hawthorn huds
Her cheeks like the dawn of day, That ope in the month o May.
 skipper he stood beside the helm. And he watched the veering flaw did blow
His pipe was in his mouth $ The smoke now west, now south..

Then, up spake an old sailor, 'I pray thee, put into yonder port,
Had sailed the Spanish Main: For I fear a hurricane."

"last night the moon had a golden ring, The skipper, he blew a whiff from his pipe,
And tonight no moon, we see/ * And a scornful laugh, laughed he.
Colder and louder blew the wind.. The snow felt hissing in the brine,
A gale from, the north.-east; And the billows frothed, like yeast.

Down, came the storm and smote amain She shuddered and paused like a frightened steed
The vessel in its strength.; Then leaped her cable's lenqtr

'Come hither/bme hither/My little daughter, "For I can weather the, roughest gale,
And do not tremble so;" That ever wind did blow.'
He wrapped, her warm, in his seaman's coat He cat a rope from a. broken spar.
Against the stinging blast; And bound, her to the mast.

*0 father !l hear the church-hells ring, "'Tis a fog-hell on a rock-hound coast/*-

O say, what may it be?" . k. * And he steered for the open sea

"0 father/1 hear the sound of guns Some ship in distress, that cannot live
O say, what may it he? In such, an angry s e a / "
4
O father' I see a gleaming light, Bat the father answered never a word,
O say, what may that be? A frozen corpse was he.

Lashed to the helm, all stiff and 6tark. The lantern gleamed through the gleaming snow
With his face turned to the skies; On his fixed and glassy eyes...

_ And fast through the midnight dark and drear. Like a sheeted ghost, the vesseL swept
Through the whistling sleet and snow. Towards the reer of Norman's Woe

*&sltE
 '
And ever, the fitful ousts between,, It was the sound of the trampling surf,
A sound came from, the land; On the rocks and the hard sea-sand.

,*-._

The breakers were right beneath, her bows, And a whooping billow swept the Crew-
She drifted a weary wreck, Like icicles from her deck-.

She struck where the white and fleecy waves But the cruel rocks, they gored her side,
looked soft as carded wool. Like the horns of an angry b u l l .
Her rattling shrouds, all sheathed, in. ice. Like a Hvessel,
n
of glass, she store a n d sank..
tir,/ +ti
With, masts, went by t h e b o a r d ; Ho/' ho/ the h*-flakpr
breakers mr oa ar pr eHc t .

Wm^m

At daybreak, on the bleak, sea - beach,, To see the form, of a maiden, fair,
A f i s h e r m a n stood, aghast,, Lashed close t o a drifting m a s t .

The salt sea was frozen, on her b r e a s t , And he saw her hair like the brown sea weed.
The salt tears in. h e r eyes; On the billows fall a n d rise.

Such was the wreck oP the Hesperus,

In the midnight a n d the snow.
Christ save us all from a death, like this
On the reef of Norman's Woe/
I m a g i n e ! T h i s big box of 21 beautiful new C h r i s t m a s C a r d s is y o u r s
w i t h o u t o n e p e n n y ' s cost to you. Y o u w o n ' t be a s k e d t o r e t u r n the
c a r d s o r pay for t h e m , n o w o r ever. W e ' r e m a k i n g this a m a z i n g offer
t o s h o w you h o w easily you c a n m a k e as m u c h as $ 7 5 . 0 0 and m o r e
w i t h 6 u r exciting new C h r i s t m a s C a r d s !

ANYONi CAN MAKt MONEY THIS EASY WAY!

W h e t h e r y o u ' r e 8 or 8 0 . . a s t u d e n t , h o u s e w i f e or have a full-time
j o b . . you c a n m a k e b i g m o n e y in y o u r s p a r e t i m e ! Y o u d o n ' t n e e d
any e x p e r i e n c e . W e ' l l supply you w i t h a big outfit of actual s a m p l e s
O N A P P R O V A L . Just s h o w t h e s e s a m p l e s t o p e o p l e you k n o w
O u r b i g values sell on s i g h t a n d you k e e p up t o half of each d o l l a r
as y o u r b i g cash profit. Y o u can quickly m a k e $7 5.00 selling only
1 5 0 b o x e s . W i t h o u r b i g line of C h r i s t m a s and A l l - O c c a s i o n
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Other fast-sellers, you m a k e still m o r e m o n e y !

OFFER LIMITED . . . ACT N O W .

Send no money. Just mail c o u p o n for s a m p l e outfit O N A P P R O V A L
a n d Feature A s s o r t m e n t FREE. Y o u must be satisfied that you can
m a k e m o n e y this easy way, o r you may r e t u r n the
s a m p l e s only. T H E $ 1 . 0 0 F E A T U R E A S S O R T M E N T
IS Y O U R S T O K E E P , FREE, W H E T H E R Y O U RE- FREB BOX
T U R N T H E S A M P L E O U T F I T O R N O T ! T h i s offer
COUPON SEE WHAT OTHERS DO! 1
is l i m i t e d , o n e to a family, and may never be r e p e a t e d . "1 make $30 to $40
Mail coupon for a week, in my spare
money* making lime. It's easy Your
STUART GREETINGS, Dept. FB-11? MS c a r d s sell ihem
4 4 3 6 N. CLAkk STZ 0//CAGO *Oi ILL* sample outfit ON selves!"
APPROVAL Get R.B.T., New Mexico
i am interested in making money with your outfit f
iample assortments. Rush it ON APPROVAL. Include feature Assort* "Customers can't
$i feature Christmas Assortment FREE, per your offer. men! as a FREE resist these cards.
Showing them is a
SIFT for trying nice way for any stu-
<a<r p l a n . d e n t to e a r n extra
money!"
Address- M. K., Wisconsin

City & Z o n * _ State

If for fund-raising, give organization'* name below STUART GREETINGS, INC.
4 4 3 t H. ClARK ST., Oept. H M 1 7 , Chicago-*,!.!.

We Show Y o u HOW To Do It!
Now, without spending one cent, you can start a spare-
time Shoe Business t h a t brings in exciting cash profits
every m o n t h ! M y powerful Selling Outfit m a k e s it
easy. Just take 2 orders a day for our fine, Nationally-
Advertised shoes and you earn up to $ 2 1 7 . 5 0 extra a
m o n t h ! You also get chances to win valuable free prizes-
EVERYBODY W e a r s S h o e s !
Here's the perfect business, because E V E R Y O N E you know can
be a customer! Just show friends, relatives, neighbors, people where
you work, how Mason Velvet-eez Air Cushion shoes let them "Walk
on Air". That's REAL comfort!
As the Mason Shoe Counselor you give people the E X A C T
style, size and width they order because you draw on our giant stock
of 200,000 pairs in sizes Vh to 15, widths AAAA to E E E E . Cus-
tomers choose from over 160 different stylesdress, sport and work
styles for men and women, including air-cooled Nylon Mesh shoes,
\lso work shoes with special built-in comfort and safety features.
You'll be E X C I T E D the way people stuff steady cash profits in
your pocket for extra-comfortable Mason shoes!
M'/HifllV SH0E MFG co
- -
If * I'M. k J \W 1 DEPT. MA-360, CHIPPEWA FALLS. WIS.
<sz% 2 S e l e s & Si&y
B r i n g s Yew u p *o $217
XTRA a M o n t h !
Mason Shoes Can Be Boutjhf Only From YOU!
Because we do not sell Mason Velvet-eez shoes in stores,
people must buy these TV-advertised shoes with the famed
Good Housekeeping Seal O N LY F R O M YO U . . . and
keep buying from you! -^C Right now, during our
Golden Anniversary year, is the perfect time to get
started. Just mail the coupon and I'll rush your
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Professional Sample Outfitpictured above is
sent to qualified men without a penny's
cost! Send today and start earning
exciting cash profits R I G K T AWAY!
MR. NED M A S O N
,-VIASON SHOE MFG. CO.. Oept. M A - 3 6 0
Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin
Please rush my 50th Anniversary FREE Selling Outfit so 1 can
start making up to $217 EXTRA a month and more R I G H T
AWAY!
NAME.
ADDRESS.
TOWN -STATE
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V*O"*?A 0 W V 0 /MOHT'
*ffi|flrSHANTAY ___^
SANDS OF M A R S
( S e e description above.)

THE A S T O U N D I N G
SCIENCE-FICTION A N T H O L O G Y
A story a b o u t t h e first A-Bomb
. . written before it was invented!
A story of t h e movie machine t h a t
shows " n e w s r e e l s " of any past
event. Plus a score of the best
tales from a dozen years of As-
tounding Science-Fiction Maga-
zine, selected b y its editor, J o h n
W. C a m p b e l l . J r . 5 8 5 pages.

OMNIBUS OF SCIENCE-FICTION
4 3 t o p stories b y o u t s t a n d i n g
authors . . . stories of Wonders of
E a r t h and M a n . . . of startling in-
ventions . . . of visitors from O u t e r
S p a c e . . . of F a r T r a v e l i n g . . .
Adventures in Dimension . . .
W o r l d s of T o m o r r o w , 562 pages.

THE LIGHTS I N THE SKY
ARE STARS
By Frederic Brown
T h e year is 1997. U. S. Space
pioneers have already conquered
Venus, Mars, t h e Moon. Now, t o
reach hostile Jupiter400 million
miles awayone man and woman
will do a n y t h i n g . . . A N Y T H I N G !
WILD TALENT
By Wilson Tucker
P a u l Breen was a one-man
secret weapon! F r o m his hide-out
he could read t h e minds of e n e m y
agents anywhere! T h e n he got a
brain wave t h a t he was about to
be killed . . . b y H I S O W N
GOVERNMENT!
THE CAVES OF STEEL
By Isaac Asimov
Robots are t h e most h a t e d
creatures on earth. T h e y ' v e been
taking over scarce jobs held by
h u m a n s . T h e n a noted robot sci-
entist is murdered. Detective Ba-
ley has to track down t h e killer
And he's given a robot as a
partner!

$
THE BOOK CLUB OF TOMORROW IS HERE TODAY! H W H I C H 3 "rZFcMt" 1'*S?:
S C I E N C E - F I C T I O N B O O K CLUB

T H E founding of this S C I E N C E -
F I C T I O N B O O K C L U B is a
recognition of t h e fact t h a t Science-
Fiction h a s won a place as an impor-
t a n t new kind of literaturethat it is
a valuable addition to t h e library of
every imaginative reader. Science-
Fiction h a s grown so fast i t ' s h a r d
to k e e p u p with it! How is one to
read t h e B E S T new Science-Fiction
bookswithout wasting t i m e and
m o n e y w a d i n g t h r o u g h good and
bad alike?
N o w T h e C r e a m of N e w Science-
Fiction Books For O n l y $ 1 Each!
T o enable you t o E N J O Y t h e
finest without worrying about t h e
cost, t h e Club has arranged to bring
you the best brand-new full-length
books F O R O N L Y $1 E A C H (plus
a few cents shipping c h a r g e ) - e v e n
though they cost $2.50, $2 75 and
up in publishers' editions!
NO Dues or Complicated Rules
E a c h m o n t h t h e Board of Editors
reads alt the promising new science-
fiction books and selects the N o . 1
title. E a c h selection is described
well I N A D V A N C E , in t h e C l u b ' s
interesting free bulletin, " T h i n g s to
C o m e . " You take O N L Y those
books you really wantas few as
four a year, if you wish. I t ' s t h a t
simple. T h e r e are no other rules,
no dues, no fees.
SEND NO MONEY
Just Mall Coupon
W e K N O W you will enjoy mem-
bership in this unusual new book
club. T o P R O V E it. we are m a k i n g
this amazing offer. Your choice of
A N Y 3 of these new Science-Fiction
m a s t e r p i e c e s - A T O N L Y $1 F O R
A L L T H R E E . T w o a r e your gift
books for joining; t h e o t h e r is your
first selection. This liberal offer m a y
have to be withdrawn at any t i m e .
So mail coupon R I G H T N O W t o
SCIENCE-FICTION BOOK CLUB, Dept.
SC-S>, Garden City, N. V.
D e p t . C-9 Garden City, N e w York
Please rush me the 3 books I have checked below, as
my gift books and first selection You will bill me only $1
(plus (ew cents shipping charges) for all three, and
enroll me as a member of the Science-Fiction Book Club.
Every month send me the Club's free bulletin. "Things
to Come." so that I may decide whether or not I wish
to receive the coming monthly selection described therein.
For each book I accept. I will pay only s i plus a few cents
shipping charge I do not have to take a book every month
(only four during each year I am a member) and I may
resign at any time after accepting [our selections.
ASTOUNDING ANTHOLOGY Q 0MNI8US OF SCIENCE-
Q CAVES OF STEEL FICTION
LIGHTS IN THE SKY SANOS OF MARS
ARE STARS fj] WILD TALENT
SPECIAL NO-RISK GUARANTEE: Jf not delighted. I
may return all books in 7 days, pay nothing, and this
membership will be cancelled!
Name