GRACE COLLEGE AND SEMINARY

BOOK REPORT

SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP

AELRED OF RIEVAULX

SUBMITTED TO DR. CHRISTINE HILL

IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF

1617-30-MIN 6010 - I SPIRITUAL FORMATION

BY RYAN PETGEN

4/26/2017
This book was written by an influential abbot who served the abbey of

Rievaulx in England from 1142-1167. The monastery he shepherded grew in

numbers [to over 600!] and affect during his tenure. He wrote several

historical pieces as well as several spiritual works.

Prior to his service at the abbey, Aelred served in the court of King

David for perhaps a decade. The training he received there and experience

in significant matters show clearly in the polished and genteel verbiage he

employed. He chose to present his content in the form of a dialogue

between himself and typically one friend, though occasionally another man

entered the discussion. He used the questions, statements, experiences and

disagreements of the other parties as a means to further elaborate on the

topic at hand. I found it be be an understandable and enjoyable method to

transmit information to the readers, notwithstanding the occasional obscure

words. Fortunately the Kindle version I read easily defines words you

highlight.

Aelred wrote this book to expound on the great value of true

friendships. These are a rare and highly prized relationship in his eyes. He

recounts that from the time of his early years on, relationships were of great

value and interest to him. The opportunity some years later to read Marcus

Tullius Ciceros De Amicitia (On Friendship) further sharpened his

understanding and passion on the subject. Upon his conversion at the age of

24, he found Ciceros work to be wanting due to its completely secular

approach. Consequently, he endeavored to share his perspective on this

subject via this writing because of its immense importance to him and, as he

believed, to every person.

Aelred divided this work into three books or chapters, beginning with

an explanation

of the nature, origin and cause of true friendship. He defines the nature of

friendship as agreement in things human and divine, with good will and

charity (Aelred, Spiritual Friendship, 2010, Book One, para 11). This

agreement includes a high degree of compatibility in both spiritual and

physical interests. He asserts that to be a true friendship it must be a

spiritual friendship centered in Jesus Christ. Christ is the model and mode of

genuine friendship, consequently, the unsaved dont, nay, cant possess it.

Next, he elaborates on the virtues of friendship and contrasts true and

false friendships. False friendships can never provide the blessing nor the

solid foundation of real companionship. True friendship benefits both parties

in the sharing of joys and sorrows, the iron sharpening iron of correction

and willingly receiving correction, and the deepening of their understanding

and movement towards similitude to the greatest friend of all Jesus. The

freedom and wholeness that come from complete openness of opinions, the

revelation of ones own sins, and the doubled excitement of shared joys are

only truly attainable in the context of true friendship.

 Aelred distinguishes three types of friendship: the carnal, created in

conspiracy to do wrong; the worldly, engendered by hope of gain from the

friend; and the spiritual or true, bonded by parallel lifestyles and interests

wrapped in righteousness.

Then Aelred explains his process for selecting friends and maintaining

them in the rougher patches. He counsels to avoid picking friends who are

irascible, fickle, suspicious, slanderers and verbose. From the narrowed group

that remains, choose to test a few of those

that seem most compatible for their loyalty, right intention, discretion, and

patience. After choosing and testing, accept those rare ones that pass. If

during the acceptance period, they continue to be drawn to you and you to

them with affirmation of their discretion and love for God and you, bring

them fully and intimately into the realm of true friendship with you.

I was struck on the very first page by the smooth and very natural way

in which the author spoke about spiritual matters and particularly the

inclusion of Jesus as foundational to everything, including friendship. It

seems to clearly reflect a life that was accustomed to conversations about

spiritual matters. Sure, this would be the logical, seeing how he was the

Abbot at a monastery. However, he was still very much engaged in the

everydayness of life in those times. He oversaw all of the financial,

agricultural and architectural aspects of the monastery in addition to the

directly or obviously Spiritual exercises.

As I reflected on this, I've come to recognize that I think at varying

degrees for most of my life I've been more concerned about appearing to be,

for lack of a better word, mainstream. By that I mean being versant in many

different topics and not seeming unbalanced or radical by speaking too

overtly about spiritual things. Unless, of course, it was a decidedly spiritual

context, i.e., teaching a lesson or preaching. As I'm sitting outdoors, I'm

observing our windmill not turning despite the fact that there is a steady

breeze blowing. I realize that the issue is that it's not turned into the wind

properly, analogous to me oft times. I see again how pride has been a larger

component of my interactions and approaches to people than I was even

remotely aware prior to the dark period of this past year combined with

these two courses that

I've taken for my masters degree. I am at the same time saddened and

thankful for this revelation. It does remind me that God is continually

bringing things into our lives to be agents of change or rather agents to

create a thirst for a change, as this book has been for me.

Perhaps I've missed it or not gotten to that part yet, but I haven't been

explicitly provoked in my thinking about the value of friendships in spiritual

formation. Clearly, there is a great deal of value to the self examination and
the work of the Holy Spirit in revealing areas of needed change. That

valuable work can be greatly enhanced by the knowledgeable and

courageous inputs of a godly friend, or as Aelred would say, a true friend. I

do think accountability partners can function in a limited way in this role, but

I think the effect of a true, loving and intimate friend can be much greater. I

believe God has chosen to do a great deal of his work here on this earth

through the means of human vessels. Therefore, even in the needed

revelations of our inner workings, a human godly friend can be a very precise

and powerful tool in the Masters hand. Perhaps a prayer we should all be

praying is to become the kind of friend that this book portrays as well as

asking God to help us find such a friend. We also talk extensively to our

children as theyre growing up about the value of finding good friends and

yet I have not seen much intentional teaching about selecting a true friend

and being a true friend. I certainly see in my past the lack in this area both in

direct instruction as well as modeling. With the number of moves that I

experienced growing up, near 20, the opportunity to develop close

friendships as a child was limited somewhat but even so I think there was

certainly room for intentionality to make that a greater part of my childhood

experience. The author cited quite a few examples of friendship in the Bible

that are instructive, both positive and negative. These are certainly great

fodder for extensive teaching on this subject in both family and church

settings.
 A related application to my life was the opportunity for a human friend to

help me better understand Jesus as a friend. In a sense, as the old saying

goes, to see Jesus with skin on. Certainly as we see the way that Jesus is

portrayed in the Scriptures as relating to his disciples as well as the

references throughout Scripture to his care for us, we get a clear definition or

description of what a friend is like. But as he lives this out through a close

friend I believe that would help us understand it more fully and perhaps

appreciate it even more. To see a close human friend relating to us in that

way could take it from the mainly theoretical to the actual.

Perhaps another application to spiritual formation is to evaluate our own

friendships to reveal to us our capacity to love. For as the author says, love is

the root of all friendships, especially those rooted in the God who states that

he is love. Since love and pride or self absorbency are inversely related, the

degree to which one genuinely loves and has deep friendships will reveal

something of the status of love in their heart.

This book would be useful for many men in the church, for we in

American society tend towards the lone wolf syndrome. This tendency

stunts our growth relationally with God and our fellow man. I think it could

be used in a personal context or small group setting. It probably wouldnt be

the first book Id encourage a leadership group, elders for instance, to read

through together but it would be in the top 10.

 5

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Cicero. De Amicitia. Translated by William Armistead Falconer. Cambridge,

Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1953.

Rievaulx, Aelred of. Spiritual Friendship. Translated by Lawrence C.

Braceland, SJ. Collegeville, Minnesota: Liturgical Press, 2010. Kindle