Rachael Moore

April, 10th 2017

LBST 2101
Interview on a Good Life

The world is full of standards, structure, and highly opinionated beliefs; a trio of things

that dont always agree and that vary from place to place and from person to person. Because of

this, questioning the meaning of a good life has been a recurring train of thought in my mind for

as long as I can remember. I question not only what I believe to be a good life, but what it means

to others, what role our surroundings play in how we develop these beliefs, and whether or not

people trust their own ideas of a good life enough to truly live it. In attempt to answer these

questions, I decided to cut out my main source of unhappiness and quit school. I needed to live

against the grain of society and what my dad wanted for me. A year later I felt more lost than

ever and all these thoughts were still racing through my head when I frantically and anxiously

registered last minute for my classes this semester. I coincidentally found myself in a class about

the notorious good life, reading John Haidts The Happiness Hypothesis. I remember being

amazed at how relevant this topic was, given the series of events that put me there. The primary

reason I returned to school, despite thinking it would send me deeper into unhappiness, was my

dad. Throughout this semester he has been my entire support system and inspired me to change a

lot about the way I think. So when prompted to interview someone of another generation about

the meaning of a good life, I couldnt think of a more relevant and personally beneficial

interviewee than my dad, Wesley Moore.

I started by asking him to define a good life. His response was like an incredibly detailed

list. Loving human relationships, love given and received, satisfying human interactions and

sustained connections. Perhaps romance and family, but certainly friends and society. He values

a life with physical and emotional needs fulfilled, health, happiness, respect, service, belonging,
laughter and fun. At this point I could tell that he felt passionately about the subject, which drew

my interest even more and he went on, living within ones means. Not constantly struggling to

obtain or maintain things that one cannot afford. Keeping life simple. Resilience and hope for

inevitable times of trouble, faith that good things will happen to me and appreciation when good

things happen to others. Rewarding activities to pass the time - enjoyable and rewarding work,

finding activities one enjoys, peace, accomplishments, development and learning. His response

was full of wisdom as always, and I could tell that these were truly his beliefs, but there were

certain inconsistencies between what he was saying and how I see him live his life that struck me

with the desire to dig deeper.

I decided to stick with the general questions for now, and asked him how one goes about

living a good life. I was given another well thought out list, Being aware of ones needs and

ones principles. Assessing whats right for you and shedding things that do not benefit to ones

life. Living consciously and simply, experiencing joy from simple things in life. Setting goals for

good living and enjoying the journey to achieving them. Trusting that God and the universe will

bring you good things, investing in relationships, keeping balance, experience new things, good

books, long walks.. More honest beliefs, but this time I had a picture in my head of all the times

we took walks around the neighborhood together, sharing thoughts like these when times were

hard or even when they werent. This image reminded me to stay aware of his perspective and

his position in life as a divorced then remarried father of three girls, as a hard working business

owner who built a life for himself after the death of his parents, as a human being and not just

my dad.

Determined to get through the basics of this interview before delving into the more

personal questions I asked, How is happiness defined and understood? He said, Happiness is
a feeling of satisfaction, an absence of need or longing for what we do not have. From this state

of sufficiency we feel appreciation for the moment and allow feelings of joy and peace to fill us.

I agreed with this concise response and moved on to the next question on my list; one that I

struggled to put into words during the flash writing we had in class about this topic. What

would you say, if any, is the relationship between empathy and morals? He said. While morals

are a code for living, empathy makes it easy to appreciate that code and live a moral life.

Empathy takes one outside oneself and ones own struggles, needs, and wants, releasing us from

these concerns to connect with the world, society and other people. Morals provide a code for

practicing empathy. Morals support empathy and empathy supports moral living. I think even

the most empathetic people can sometimes fail to see this connection, but as long as we make a

conscious effort to practice empathy or morality we are subconsciously strengthening our

sensitivity to both. Im glad my dad is a smart guy because his answer definitely helped me make

that connection for myself.

What are the problems we humans must address? To which he responded, We must

address indifference to human suffering and corruption caused by materialism. Materialism

reflects an imbalance between the physical and spiritual aspects of people. Restoring this balance

in people and society will produce many improvements to the quality of peoples lives. I

couldnt have answered this question any better myself. It mirrored my views in such a way that

it made me think he may have even learned it from me and my frequent rants about how too

many people value things and use people, not the other way around. I took a look around my dad

and stepmoms overly decorated house renovation project that I grew up in, cluttered with things

that never held meaning to me, other than a means of avoiding connection. I saw a house, not a

home. I saw indifference to human suffering and corruption caused by materialism.

 This was the point where I had asked every pre-written question on the list, and my final

question to conclude the interview came naturally. Based on the answers you gave me, how are

you applying these beliefs to your life currently? Are there areas of your life where are you not

applying these beliefs? Why or why not? I sat patiently while he thought, and I think its

significant to mention the wave of understanding and emotion between us both. He and I both

knew exactly what the answer was and he knew exactly why this was my last question. His

response was exactly what I needed to hear, I have been out of balance focusing on business too

much at the expense of relationships. This has been due to ambitions for career advancement and

learning, which I have accomplished at a high price. As Im interviewing for jobs, Im

considering more than the money they offer. Im considering which job will include supportive

colleagues, enjoyment, and balance. Also with the departure of a business partner from my

company, Im reaching out to people who are not selfish and more earnest and open about their

thoughts and feelings which I think will make the work more fun and productive with happier,

supportive relationships. I recognize that Im going through a transition in life now with career

change, my two older daughters now living out of the family home and my marriage becoming

increasingly troubled. Its a time to reconsider my choices and consciously develop a better life.

I look forward to creating circumstances for closer relationships with all of my daughters. I also

look forward to getting back to some of the things I enjoy in life that Ive missed and being more

true to myself.

A lot of the questions Ive had about happiness throughout this process were answered in

chapter five of The Happiness Hypothesis titled The Pursuit of Happiness. This chapter

covered ideas about where happiness comes from and ultimately concluded that happiness comes

from a balance of internal and external aspects of our lives. You have to improve your internal
world as a means of finding peace and happiness in a treacherous and ever-changing world

(87). One of the main things that frustrated me about how I saw my dad seeking happiness was

how attached he was to external things, specifically wealth and material objects. He was stuck on

whats called the hedonic treadmill where no matter how many riches are accumulated, we feel

no better than before, and raised expectations drive us to work harder and want more anyway.

My dad has realizes this doesnt provide happiness, but I think he is only recently applying that

to his life by making an effort to find a job that has more than money to offer, cultivating positive

emotions, and addressing the external living conditions that he can change.

Chapter five mentions how all individuals have a characteristic level of happiness due to

our genetics that exists within a potential range. In order to understand how we can change

where our happiness lies within this range, psychologists came up with an idea they call the

happiness formula. The formula says that your happiness (H) is determined by your biological

set point (S), the conditions of your life (C), and your voluntary activities (V): (H=S+C+V). We

will inevitably adapt to certain conditions of our lives, but we can not expect every external

aspect of our lives to cater to our needs without a conscious effort to change them. According to

Haidt some of these changeable conditions include noise, commuting, lack of control, shame,

and relationships. The ones that stood out to me in terms of my dads situation are lack of control

and relationships. When you have a house, three kids, an angry wife, and a job to hold on to, its

easy to imagine how one might feel a loss of control at some point, especially when at least one

of those kids is focused on escaping your control. A study by psychologists Davis Glass and

Jerome Singer concluded that just the belief that one has some form of control makes a situation

less distressing. Personally, I think my dad was feeling a loss of control in many areas of his life

and was looking to gain it back in the wrong ways. Now that he is practicing acceptance of his
role in what is happening around him, he is more aware of how a situation allows him to control

it. When Haidt explains how relationships impact happiness he says, you never adapt to

interpersonal conflict; it damages every day, even days when you dont see the other person but

ruminate about the conflict nonetheless (94). My dads previously mentioned troubled marriage

to my stepmom has been troubled since they tied the knot when I was eight years old. To keep it

simple, Ill just say that shes a very angry person and she raises conflict frequently in an extreme

way. My dad values meaningful human connection and positive, loving relationships, which Im

sure is why he chose to ignore it for so long. He was attempting to adapt to a situation that is

impossible to adapt to, and is now realizing that he has the ability to control whether or not that

source of negativity remains a part of his life.

Ed Dieners Politics of Happiness is also a great source of ideas about where happiness

comes from. It focuses on six specific areas that can impact our level of happiness: marriage,

social relationships, employment, perceived health, religion, and quality of government. All of

which are things that my dad mentioned in his interview as things that he saw as qualities of a

good life. Marriage, social relationships, perceived health not only impact our happiness, but can

also be impacted by our happiness. Happy people are more likely to be successful in these areas,

which is a great reason to improve your internal world so it can shine light on your external

world. Throughout the process of this interview Ive realized that Ive been mostly focused on

my internal world, which I talk about a lot with my dad. Part of me thinks that my current

transitional phase in life as impacted my dads transition in a way that has made him more aware

of the importance of his happiness.

I have seen my dad change and grow so much as a person as he faces these obstacles one

by one, and I always wondered why he chose to live a life fueled by money, power, and material
items. It defied everything I understood to be the makings of good life, so for most of my life I

assumed we were either very different people, or that he had to be extremely unhappy. It wasnt

until recently that I started to understand that we are actually very similar in our understanding of

what a good life is and as people, and hes not extremely unhappy. He is just at a much different

phase of life than I am, which requires different strategies to shape his situation to maintain the

good life he wants for not only himself, but for my sisters and I as well. He has made a lot of

sacrifices in his own life to ensure that Im on the path to success and happiness. What I used to

see as an unhappy man trying to lead me down the same path of unhappiness, was actually a man

working through lifes unexpected obstacles on a much larger scale than I was capable of

understanding, while also trying to teach me how to avoid certain obstacles so I can be happy

too. For a long time what I saw in his life motivated me to intentionally defy the things he

wanted for me, thinking that was the key to avoid unhappiness. I think I had to pass a certain

threshold of maturity to accept that I was wrong and start viewing his life in a new light that

would ultimately bring us closer. If it werent for this class and this interview, among other

things, I might still be stuck in that negative cycle of defiance and might not have valuable

connection with him that we have now.