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Welcome to Your New Eternal Life: How to Survive Vampirism

So you just turned into a vampire. Now what?

Im assuming that, since youre reading this, you got turned

without your consent or you got turned by a master vampire who

abandoned you.

Either way, youre lost and alone in a world that doesnt

take kindly to us--yet. So until the Vampire Rights Amendment

gets passed, life kind of bites.

But have no fear. You will survive this, and hopefully, in

the early years of your immortal life of vampirism, the VRA will

be passed.

Steps for Surviving Vampirism

1. Got blood?

First things first. You need to eat, and Im not talking

about cheeseburgers.

Now that youre a vampire, you cannot consume human food.

Our bodies can no longer undergo the same digestive process that

we did as humans. As a result, human food will not metabolize.

You can be sick for a month or upwards to three months, and in

serious cases this can lead to death.

Yes, we can die. But Ill talk more about that later.
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So dont eat that cheeseburger.

Another thing to note: animal blood isnt going to cut it.

I know it does in the movies, and there are the rumors floating

about it being a humane alternative. It may be humane, but it

is no alternative. In other words, its insubstantial. Some of us

like to drink it to taste a consistency similar to human blood.

Although animal blood can somewhat-curve cravings, it is no

substitute.

What you need is pure human blood.

I know this idea is not appetizing to all of you. But dont

think you can try to go without it, because youre the living

dead..

If you dont eat, your body will begin to wither and decay.

You will completely lose your humanity, and you will turn into a

state much like a zombie.

And no one wants that.

2. Feeding Can Be A Pain In The Neck

In the movies, when vampires feed, they run around in the

streets at night and bite victims at random. That is a fine

option if you have a death wish, in which case go ahead. But we

need to try to exist in this human world, and operating in a

clandestine manner is key until the VRA is passed.

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So, how do you go about feeding without drawing attention to

yourself? There are a few ways to go about it.

One option is to find a blood donor.

You can easily find them in the larger cities where there

are public vampire bars and clubs. If you dont live in a city,

ask around the local vampire scene, because there may be a secret

vampire bar or club. There will also usually be vampire parties

in almost every town or city.

At any of these places you can find humans who donate their

bodies to our kind. Some will donate blood in the venue. Others

will agree to be your blood slave.

Having a blood slave is your most permanent option. You can

keep your blood slave at your residence and drink from him or her

whenever you want.

However, make sure your blood slave candidate either has a

family that accepts this lifestyle or no family at all.

The last option is to raid a blood bank, which can be found

many places. To name a couple: the storage at a hospital or

Diagnostic Labs.

You dont have to steal the blood bags. Instead, you can

have the humans give them to you with your new power of

compelling, which I will expand on below.

3. Jedi Mind Tricks and Superhero Strength

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Now that youre a vampire, Im sure youve noticed that your

body is new, improved, and stocked with amazing abilities.

One of these abilities is called compelling. Its basically

like Jedi mind tricks, expect you tell humans, These are not the

vampires you are looking for.

Im sure youve used these powers without realizing it.

Now you can compel people to do things for you, and feel

certain ways. This includes making people do things for you with

a happy heart, so to speak.

Compelling can come into handy in almost every situation,

especially while acquiring blood. As I said, you can compel

someone to give you blood bags in a medical facility. Or you can

compel someone into relaxing and wanting you to drink their blood

if you need a quick fix.

Always remember that, after compelling someone, you need to

erase his or her memories.

Also remember that you need to learn how to control your

ability.

Compelling is activated when you look into the humans eyes.

Now when you open your eyes widely, you will cause your irises to

ripple, creating a hypnotic effect on humans. In order to compel

them to act or feel a certain way, you need to verbally command

them. Then they will do your bidding.

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After youve compelled them, you should erase their

memories. You can do this through the same process, but this

time, command them to forget the events that you want them to

forget, and tell them a different story of what happened. This

will replace their old memories with the fake ones.

Use your powers wisely, but if you dont, you can always

erase their memories.

In addition to Jedi mind tricks, Im sure youve noticed

your newfound superhero strength and agility. This is an exciting

part of your new life, but you need to keep them under the wraps

for the most part.

Unless you are in a vampire acceptable setting, you need to

try to blend in with the humans. Try to remember the weak

strength and slow movements you had as a human, and act

accordingly until the VRA is passed.

We need to work hard to blend in because our movements will

usually arouse the suspicion of more than one human at once. It

is impossible to erase the memories of that many people, so you

will most likely get caught and staked.

Either way, be smart about it.

5. How Immortal is Immortality?

Your body is immortal. This means that your body will never

change from the age that you had when you turned. Unlike humans,
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you can never die naturally. In addition, you are not susceptible

to any illness or cancers that humans are.

That being said, there are ways that we can die.

One way is with a wooden stake thrust straight through the

heart. To combat this, I suggest investing in a bulletproof vest.

This will be your best defense against staking.

Another way we can die is a bit more inconvenient: sunlight.

So, welcome to the nightlife. This is the obvious downside

to your new life, but you will eventually adjust to your new

lifestyle.

Like humans, we are made of meat on bone, but our flesh is

mutated into a far different chemistry. Though it allows us to

never age, it leaves us susceptible other things. Namely, if our

skin is exposed to direct sunlight, it will burn the skin away.

Our bodies will heal exponentially fast, but not when it

comes to burns. Because of this, overexposure to sun will

completely erode your entire body until you turn to a pile of

ash. Keep in mind that overexposure can happen in five minutes.

I know what youre thinking, and the answer is no: sunblock

will not cut it.

Also note that fire can burn our skin, much like sunlight

can. This is similar to when we were human. As such, if our body

is doused in fluid and ignited with a fire, the effect will be as

devastating as the suns effect on our bodies.

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6. Mood Swings? No Fang You!

Mood swings are normal for vampires of any age. Our emotions

are heightened, and our personality traits--especially our

worst--are exaggerated. The worst emotions and personality traits

that you had as a human, like jealousy, control issues, or

depression, to name a few, will be more pronounced than you can

imagine.

You need to keep these emotions under control.

Too many vampires get staked because of impulsivity and rash

decisions. But remember that if you do slip up around one or two

humans, you can always erase their memories of the incident.

The moodiness of vampires is one reason why most of us go

solo rather than nest together.

Some vampires swear that nesting is the best way to exist in

a human world. Nesting is when several vampires live together.

This can have advantages, because it is easier to stock up on

blood bags with help. Also, many nests will have one or more

blood slaves at their residence.

But nesting is not for every vampire. The downside of a nest

of vampires is that it can be very dysfunctional. Oftentimes, the

vampires fight, and sometimes they end up killing each other.

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Vampire nests tend to function like a chaotic human reality

show, except without the camera, and its rated X for extreme

violence.

In addition to the advice Ive given you, try to find local

vampires. Networking will help while we wait for our rights. Try

to attend local VRA lobbies and protests to get the ball moving.

We need to stay united in our cause.

This is a great time to be a vampire, and it will only get

better from here. Remember that we are not second-class species,

we are the superior species. Soon we will not be confined to this

life of style, and the world will accept and cater to us.

Hold onto this hope, young one. Welcome to your new eternal

life.