The Cree Lbeary LEONORE DAVIDOFF The Bett Cicee Looe Desi — e Rhy Man rate antes The Best Circles China: A Shore Coleral History SOCIETY ETIQUETTE AND THE SEASON From Plough to Psamen t Soh ark” A Short Histary of Teland JC Batt VICTORIA GLENDINNING Pee ‘dney Auckland Johannesbu Gover: Hush by James Test Courtesyot The Cty Ar alery, Manchester London MelbourneThe Crest Library ry Hetchinaon Group (82) Lad Century Hutchinson (SA) (Py) Lat First plished 1978 by Croom He Let © Leonore Davai 1978 Printed and bo Brith Library Ctlouing in Paitin Date icles Dass ISBN 0 09 104701 6 Publishing Group (Australis) Pry Lat CONTENTS a eERgISEgy Te THe omennertamnany porriow Introduction Society and the Season in the Nineteenth Centory ‘The Anatomy of Society and Etiquette Ghange and Decline Variations: Extra-Society and AntisSocely Woinen and Work APPENDIX: ‘Society’ in wo other Cultures96 rae ager cimenes generation and slowly the custom was shifted to once a week on Sunday evenings, and, as Iesure activities for all age groups grew sore varied, was finaly abandoned “The unique feature of Victorian society is that these essentially middle-class patterns of behaviour were grafted on to the hanorife coil of the aristocracy or gentry to produce the widened concept af ‘gentility’, which was, without doubt, one of the most effective Ine struments for social control ever devised. This was achieved by the |, middle class permeating the ranks of the aristocracy, particularly the genny, elther lecrally in person or by the spread of ite values, ‘This amalgamation did not occur without a struggle. For example, at the boginning of the century an important iasue was the oppo ‘duelling, not because of the violenoe involved but because it repre ‘sented port of the traditional code of honour. This code emphasised valour, physical courage, romantic attributes of heritage and ran counter to the values of personal effort, work and achievement, “As the century wore on, very slowly the ealendar of events in the purmuit of gentlemanly life, sport, social intercourse, entertainment fand dining, was formalised, enlarged and organised into separate activities, pursued at specific times. Personal behaviour was also ‘modified and controlled. Very slowly the business of pleasure and ‘government took on the habits—snd hours—of business." se tion CHAPTER IIT “2: The Anatomy of Society and Etiquette Society, t whatever level one cares to look ait is not easy to defn As Virginia Woolf said in Orland, “London Society is a miasma— mirage . . At one and the same time Society is everything. ar Society is nothing, Society is the most powerful concoction in # ‘world and Society has no existence whatsoever’... In sociologic terms Society isa self-defined status group based on communal lif styles. The ever-changing roles of fashion often become an element control by such groupd/although, as Weber rightly emphasises, Iie styles and fashions aré‘almost invariably supported by the own ff some sort of property.® Such groups, through social interact (Weber's connubium and commensality) often bar aspiring othe: from the acquisition of privileged economic and political positions, f ‘one of the most important privileges of being in Society is havin ‘access to a vast information network: information about jobs, vvestment possibilities, sccret political decisions. At the same ti, participation in the group is« reward and a badge of arrival into the positions, a public seal of acceptance into elite status. ‘A featare of this kind of socal group is that entry, by ether an i Aividval o family, is voluntary. An evcentrc could choose to deft himself as not ‘being in Society” although he had all the requisi oquirements for being accepted. Even the most eligible throug birth, wealth and edueation might choose to live a= recs and ea nothing for the reactions of relatives or the public. A notorio: example was the Duke of Bedford who kept two large fully staff houses in London complete with four ears anid cighe chauffeurs as w as the army of 40-60 servants at Woburn, yet he lived virtually ¢ ‘off from social, politieal or even family ife® ‘Nor did everyone who made money quickly in the various boo ai 838 rue aes cincuEs periods during the century choose to enter Society. They might Tather put energy and capital back into the family enterprise. Some chose family or church ties alone, ‘The immediate desoondants of such families may have felt themselves a litle outside the upper-class machinery for entering fully into national Society, yet too wealthy and important for local Society. Whatever the cause, dhe decision to re= rain strictly within the family circle’ or socially isolated had direct tects on the lives of all in the household but particularly the girls tnd unmarried daughters, Beatrix Potter, who was educated at home, fs 80 many girls of her class, never made the transition ‘into Society’ {a therefore never had any opportunity to break from the complete Submission to her patente authority. Not a single institution even of a ‘Semi-public kind was open to her to contest this authority.* ‘Among the lower middle class (George Grossmith’s ‘Pooters’) the attempt to enter Society at even avery modest level often required £00 great an effort, For young couples starting their married life dhere fre many warnings in magazines and advice books not to try to go into Society at fist, or at least at not too high a level. These warn ings tended to be directed at urban and suburban audiences where a certain material level was necessary a8 a base. On the other hand in more elosed villages or small towns eonfidence and presence could bring off what was, in many cases, a selefulliling definition of acceptability. Lovisa Potter, who wrote about the mid-Victorian ‘Provincial soane with acute insight says {wonder what constitutes gentility! .. I believe in assuming to yourself and others that you are genteel; and only assume it enough, and all around you will come into the belie In every ‘country neighbourhood there isa genteel family, it may be poor hat is of no consequence’ if it thinks itself genteel, the neigh- ours think so #o0.® But although there was an element of choice involved, most families realised that in order to gain access to positions of povver oF to con solidate gains already made, it was necessary to enter Society at some evel while realising that to be recognised at the desired Ievel it might be necessary to wait until one’s children were properly ‘groomed in the appropriate lifestyle before full acceptance was “The traditional aristocracy, both nobility and gentry, hed had litle newd to seek a legitimating ideology for their continued role. Bat such sin ANATOMY oF soctPrY AND EriguerTE ¢ ccereainty, shaken by the events ofthe 1830s and 18405, needed a mo: explicit framework, especially jn the ease of the relative nev comers to wealth and power. The justifcation for their way of Ki ‘partially derived from the renewed emphasis on « Cristian ethic, w Jn terms of a Vague bot complex idea of ‘social duty’: duty to ther selves, their families, their social strata and the community 2 ‘whole, One strand in this ideal derived from simple cconomie ide about the benefits of middle-class consumption in providing work f ‘other classes. But beyond this, it was the duty of the middle~ at Uupperclase family to maintain an establishment on the most elabors scale they could afford, in order to entertain and interact in aeivilise ‘way, as an example 10 the barbarous customs of their native lov class and natives overseas, The feeling was: "That the responsibilities of Society are very great and can in no way be evaded is true for no one denies that the vices of Society have a disastrous effec on the nation at lange.” Whether or not this was true, even in more remote country district, Is.a very debatable question. Tt isthe belief in their own importan Which justiied their behaviour to themselves, ‘This concept ¢0 nued to be used to justify what could be looked at as an intense selfish way of life based on leisure, sport dining and entertainmer Jong after its country estate context had faded away. Such ideals of social city and the Tegitimate supremacy of Socie activities were, by definition, conservative. tis «rue that many nes comers were absorbed Into elite positions through Society whi Jmpocunious members of the elite were gently lowered into respec able poverty, but this mobility took place within an extremely hic archical, ven rigidly formal social stricture. ‘Those who ignored fystem, of even worse, those who took a stand agaiust it, were sc as potentially hostile, threatening and disruptive. ‘The sanctio. ‘which could be invoked by Society in terms of ostracism, ridicule at exclusion from sources of power and wealth were extremely powerf. ‘Aa British control over the Empire grew, s0 did the feeling that British upper and middle class was the centre ofthe social world. 11 ‘opulence and extravagance of these groups was justified by invokir the idea of social duty. But the Lavish expenditure of ime, energy a rioney sometines Weighed heavily on the individual conscience, f the ideals of duty were based on Christian precepts of individ conduct and behaviour. For many, and especially many women, «‘oven stricter adherence to personal and individual standards of be- haviour within their own circle in an effort to still that conscience only made it more diffcule t develop an understanding of wider social problems in general or a genuine sympathy with the problems of working-class life in particular Ie was felt that in some way thelr ‘own personal behaviour would stand as examples to the working class even in the minutiae of living. ‘Thus card playing on Sundays should be banned as it set a bad example to the servants. And, when peaking of setting an example to the lower elasaes, most women really meant their servants who were the only representatives ‘of another class they saw at close quarters and whose deferential response, outwardly at least, reinforeed the seeming importance of formal propriety and individaal gentility. ‘Such an inherent blindness was particularly acute for women who ‘wore cutoff from the correctives of involvement with wider political or economic life, and at least among middle-class families, social ‘duties were interpreted as more Imperative for women than for men, Indeed, ina legal hand book it is stated that a wife was legally bound ‘olive up to her husband's position in Soeiety no matter what her own inclinations of fumily responsibilities might be. This does net mean ‘hat men did not accept their social duty to marry and establish a family, to entertain and be reesived in an appropriate social sphere. On the contrary, they were very much aware of the advantages for furthering thelr interests and broadcasting their successes which play ing a part in Society slone could bestow. The problem, as Benks has so ‘convincingly demonstrated, was how to finance and maintain the ‘establishment which sich a position demanded. Conventional ‘marriage implied providing an income and managing such an estab- Tshinent plus the added burden of unlimited numbers of children. And ‘conventional marriage was the only legitimate way of establishing a [permanent relationship with a woman. It ia possible to specalate that ‘ne of the consequences of this pattern, which made auch heavy ‘demands on middle- and upper-class men, was not only to postpone ‘marriage but also to push many of them isto homosexual relationships 48 well as relationships with working-class girls." Specslasion apart, inthe early part ofthe period when the ‘pay-oil from Society functions vas greater, “even for men of canspieaous talent, Society was a rmuatter a serious as polities or any war". Even then, ‘who carried om many’ of the day-to-day social netivities, GWE ANATOMY OF soctery Ano EriguErTE “The means by which esch level of society ereated barriers to entry w the elaborate onde of etiquette which grew up from the 15205 0 wards, (The word etiquette significantly means labelling or tieke ing.) ‘The ynost cereinonial behaviour wae required Ki ehse> thes the life epele whieh have, in all cultures, beer used co mark ‘ites « passage’. birth, coming of age, marriage and death, ‘The oth Sensizive area ruled by etiquette was the introduction of new i dividaals and families into group membership and activities. ‘T) Introductions, calls, various levels of "commensality’ and the obverse—the ‘eut’—-beeame vastly elaborated." In a system where the aim was to Keep those below you at be while gaining access to the next higher grown, introduction we vitally Important: “ladies will pay avery. specs! astencion to th important rte’. The inferior was always introduced to the superic who ideally should have been asked beforehand if he or she wished be introduced. The higher in rank, the older and the woman (amor women, the marvied) were those to whom the neweomer was int” duced. If there was any question about supremacy, rank alveays toc precedence, ‘The socially more importane then had the choice following up the introduetion or not by further recognition. ( should be noted that it was only ia England that women acknov ledged introductions which shows, perhaps, their very real soci power.) ‘Being introduced then, was only the fist step. A mideennn rmanaal aimed at the newly arrived provincial warn It ie neither necessary nor desirable to introduce everybody to everybody; and the pwomiseuous presentations sometines ine ‘ited upon us are anything but agreeable. You confer no favour ‘on us, and only a nominal one tote person presented, by making ls anjusinted with one whom we do not desire to knows and yeu ‘may init positive injury upon both. You also put yourself in an unpleasant position; for ‘an introduction i a sveial endorse tment", and you becom, to a certain extent, responsible for the person you introduce. If he diagraces himself in any way you Share, ina greater or lesser degree, i hi disgrace. Be as cautious in hs aro a5 you woul in wtng your mane on he back of‘The separation of initial introduction and real acceptance is indiated by the existence of ‘the English rule’ (so called by Arnericans)®® he. “the roof is an introduetion’. Once invited to the home no further sign of social avceptability such as an introduction ‘was onsidered necessary? Ifthe higher status party did not want to continee the relationship Udy ‘eu’, This was used extensively, not to humiliate in a personal way, but by devices such as on meeting in public crossing the street or not catching the eye o¥ at most a “cold civil salute’. ‘This practice Jed to the idiomatic use of now’. ‘Do you know Mr X? ‘No, [have met him, but I don't know (i.e. recognise) him’ This isa phrese fre~ quently used in Victorian dialogue and should be recognised as a consequence of Society rules. Non-partieipants like servants could not introduce or eut. Nor, its interesting to note, could functionaries lke clergymen, doctors or governesses, In general the nexe step in socal recognition after being introduced, ‘was the leaving of ears {although sometimes the higher rank could leave cards on the lower without being introduced as a special favour). tn the eighteenth century the eustorn had been at large town, houses to have a slate where callers” names were written, In the country callers were most often neighbours, house guests or relatives. Bat by about 1800 the French exstom of using printed cards to leave in place of personal visits became widespread. The leaving. of cards| ‘added an intermediate step in the interaction between the parties which made the system more flexible and at the same time less slamaging personally. Mealy a lady seated in her carriage handed her ‘ard to her servant who took je to the door and handed it to the servant of the house who took it to his mistress who cou then slecide whether or not she was “At Homme” to the caller. Sending cards in advance of a subsequent call also put a time interval between the ‘contact of the parties. Seen in this way, “the stress laid by Society ‘upon the oorreet usage of these magic bits of paste-board, will not seem unnecessary, when it is remembered tht the visting. cand, socially defined means, and frequently is, made t0 take the place of ‘one's self" By mid-century it was acknowledged that the wife could deputise for her husband by leaving his card, while grown-up daughters ‘accompanying their mothers had their names printed underneath. A Iady let er own card and two of her husband's, one for the lady ofthe house and one for the master. Ifthe comer of the card was turned THE ANATOsIY OF SOCIETY AND EriquerTE down if meant that the card had been delivered in person, with intention of calling, not by & servant, ‘The importance of the initial contact through cards is shown i recalled incident where a neweomer left cards on the weiter’s mot! ‘who had had no intentions of calling on her as she was m #0 inferior. The mother wrote a stiff letter pointing out thet initiating callin this way was not in the social code. Mrs X, the newoon ound out that her schoolboy son had, as a joke, taken some cat from the silver salver in someone else's hall. (Where they we always left displayed to let other callers see who hd left card ‘Mrs X. made many apologies for this inadvertent fatax-pas but never called on by the writer's mother until both families fost sons the First World War when the social barriers were, a last, lowered Card Ieaving, however, was not synonymous with calling, It w: rather, a system of feeling the social climate before taking action, leader entitled “Etiquette” says: ‘There is vory strict etiquette in this matter of cards and calls and there is one essential difference between calling and leaving ‘ards, Its usual on paying a fist visit merely to leave cards with= ‘out inquiring if the mistress of the house is at home. Thus Mrs, A. leaves her own card and two of her husband's eards upon Mis [B. Withit a week, if possible, certainly within ten days Mrs. B, should retumn the visit and leave cards wpon Mrs, A. Should Mrs. A., however, have ‘called’ upon Mrs. B, and the latter re= turned it by merely leaving cards this would be taken as a sign thatthe letter did not desire the sequaintance to Tipen into fren ship. Stet etiquette demands that a call should he returned by a call and a card by a card.” Calls were also made on ceremonial occasions, ey. after marriag or childbirth. They were also used a5 acknowledgement of hospitals received, always within three days of dining or attending 1 bal reception or other entertainment. These cals between aequaintanct were confined fo the middle of the afternoon s0 as not to disrupt housekeeping and business side of the household. They were terme ‘morning calls, ‘The offial timetable for visiting was 9 pan. t 4 p.m. for ceremonial calls, p.m. to 5 p.m. for semi-ceremontal eal snd 5 para. to 6 p.m. for intimate calls. Sunday was traditionally ada for closer friends and family. These were somewhat revised later in th ‘century when there was a mach heavier social ealenda and populadun ANATOMY oF soctETY awe EriguETTR and active people regularly attended two or even three houses in an ‘evening, a practice ealled “dining deep". ‘Manuals of etiquette stressed that calls should be short and format with conversation restricted to light, pleasant and impersonal topics. No children or dogs, or other intrusive extras should be taken. In pay ing morning calls, ie was correct to keep on outdoor clothing, men particularly had t0 keep hat, gloves, walking stick in order to om phasise the ritual nature of che call. Fifteen minutes was considered Tong enough for this purpose. If several people called simultancowsly including relatives, then the striet procedure of introduetions was brought into play. [twas in the course of ealing that wives made the contacts which led to dinner invitations which in tum might mean entry into important houses and during the course of afternoon calls, ‘the women of the family eould collect useful information about the social network, Conversely for those few who wanted to stay ott of the social geme it was possible to calla hale inthe proceedings with- ‘out giving offence. A couple in the, 1890s who were both writers ‘wanting time to work at their profession migrated to Eastbourne but never flt part ofthe social life there. The wife told her daugiter that, to preserve their isolation, she returned all calls but refused the first invitation to tea and gave no invitations herself ‘Young and unmarried men paid their calls on Sundays, a practice sometimes called, a litte maliciously, ‘sowing seeds’. On the whole, however, they were rather pitied for having to do s0 as,it was con sidered very mich a part of @ wife's or daughter's duty, In the Inter part ofthe period when other activities for sport, travel and voluntary ‘work were opened to women, paying calls was increasingly regarded as being something of a burden. In defending the practice, the writers ‘on etiquette reveal even more clearly how important the system was: jn maintaining the fabric of Vietorian hierarchy. Visits of form of which most people complain an yet to which most people submit, are absolutely necessary—being infact, the basis on which that grest structure, society mainly rests, You ‘cannot invite people to your house, however often you may’ have ‘met them elsewhere, until you have first ealled wpon them in a formal manner, and they have returned the visit It ls. a Kind of | safeguard against any aoquaintances which are thought to be ur= desirable. H'you do not wish to continue the friendship, you dis= continue to call, and that fs considered an intimation of auch Intentions, and therefore no farther advances are made by them. But it would be considered very bad manners, and very un ‘courteous behaviour, not to return a callin the first instance." Cards wore also left to show that the family were leaving the a {for a while (with P-P.C. written on them—Pour Prend Cong). F ‘quently absences could be used 10 change an individual's o fami: social milieu, sometimes radically, for instance, by going abroad. ( returning froin such an absence, the choice of thom to eall on cot be used to forin a new social set. Among an elite that was cc tantly sifting from town to country this was extremely imports: Indeed, the whole elaborate structure Was most useful in eties whe face-to-face interaction is always harder to maintain, ‘There was, § ‘example, the growing problem of the ‘placing’ of town dwellers w ‘temporarily rented a place in the country as opposed to the land family (or at least country dwelling family) who rented a house int tovn for the Season. tn the country, the parties may have be oquainted and on ealling terms, Back in town “the Park divie them’ (Hyde Parc). ‘The technique of eard leaving and calling continued to be used more people wished to live in more distant suburbs, A common p tem was to rent a country house for a short time in an area whe ‘eventually the family would decide to live permanently as cor ‘muters. ‘Then the preliminary aocil step between, residents (oft ‘poorer gentry) and newcomers was the exchange of calls: ‘Tho resident i the first to tke the initiative, fit is adverse to ‘the result desired for instance, if one fees she isnot likely to care ‘much about knowing the other from what is gathered in the course of 2 quarter of an hour's conversation, the acquaintance ‘comes to a deadlock, whichever side may fel disinclined t0 con tine it, a6 It eannot be a one-sided one and maintained by one ‘of the two only. Although the system of etiquette were constantly changing. These subtle shifts of fashionably core sehaviour were sed to mark the knowledgeable insider from the ot ider. As Society rules beeame more complex ati greater numbers people were involved, magazines began to act as advice centres « {questions of social behaviour.* Starting in the 1880s The Queen ran regular etiquette columm, “Aw Fait’. Unfortunately only the answe‘were published so that it is only possible to guess at the readers problems. For example, in November 1804, ‘Nemo’ is answered: She should not have bowed to either his wife or himself. They probably thought they had met her somewhere but were not ‘quite sure. Casual conversation at an afternoon party does not establish a bowing acquaintance —the correct way is to affect not to have seen them, ‘Thor ie nothing which so divided the lifestyles of the middle case and working lass as the formality ofilling end visting. Ay mile {lass or upper elas person fet fve to vine a working las ome at ‘ny time, to walk in art st once become involved in the life of he family by asking question, dlpensig charity or giving orders, This aight be tempered by personal Kniss and cosidetatencn ee Gilly on estates and in linges in the county, but the fact reales that there was am unquestioned right to ac inte way ‘An excook who had married the gamekooper and lived in the Lage described, without resentment, the effcs of such an expect sion, She alvays fle th shad the baby nice becuse youoner koew who they (the Gentry) were bringing in. A frequent gues a the Hall, when ou lking the dog inthe eave grown, wee al in ‘dn' maeter what time of ay washed gear ech baby out oer ct. And she'd sy, I'm never aad to ech her out of he cot beeaise she's pt aswell a ihe was in my own nursery. {did hear her say that to this Eady and Tthough, oh wells thas feather 1 have argued tha the rials of intradutins, ards and calling vere in part established to give she partie time fo aarp ot jet social interaction. In contrast, workingrclass servants tl her fans Lonaries were expected to be instelysvallable at any tine they were ranted by uppercase individuals. Servant were to be om ea any hour, tralesinen to deliver goods at any tine anjwnre, This one Pestaton had very immediate consequences in the lomny trades. For Example one ofthe greatest prolene for dreamshers, tllnes sad ‘others in these eeexpations ws the unevenness of demand Teste fverwork during the Season alternated with sack time aut of fab vrall asthe rushing of orders fr capricious customer Wo cha heir minds atthe fst minute" ve 1F introductions, cals and cad leaving were ‘the small change of society, then balls and dinners are it heany deaf according ‘ommerialy-minded mid-Vietorin ® Invitations to amar’ were THE AWATOMY oF SoctETY AND nriguErTE. ‘often given according to the same precedence as introductions, ‘they were formally written at least two weeks In advance. The pro selection of dinner guests called for the highest application of $0 slalls while bringing the greatest opportunity for social success failure, In the eighteenth century dining was more often than not an aft ‘noon preluse to an evening at the theatre or public gardens, But in nineteenth century, with the decline of public places of amusement respectable families, dinner became the apogee of the socal day. 2") hour of dining was steadily put forward from about 2 prin. to even in part this was to enable those nen who had to wotk to finish th tasks. It was made possible by the introduction of better artlic lighting—first oil and then gas. Whatever the cause, 1€ mest change into more formal clothes and the introduction of ew rit: Precedence in the procession from the drawing-room, with the gue paired off male and female, marked conclusively the social rank, ‘ach participant, Their seating at the table set the seal on that rat Handbooks for footmen and butlers contain tables of precedence ar very sharp eye was used to note mistakes. For example, to help ¢ many neweomers to society, Burke published a Book of Precedence 1891, T¢ had an alphabetical list with a key number by each ent ‘which ‘Indicates at a glance the positions of the various grade Burke maintained that the law of precedences, when strictly adher to, “regulates to general satisfuction everyone's proper position society’. But the necessity for such a book indicates an uncertain bout social ranking at this period.*° Protocol of precedence liad to be maintained within each hie archical institution and dificulties could arise when position with ‘these hierarchies cut across aristocratic definitions of place. It was f duty of the host (or more often the hostess) to smooth out all the problems. Raverat says of the 18008: “The regular round of formal dinner parties was very important Cambridge. In our house the parties seere generally of twelve ‘or fourteen people, and everyborly of dinner purty status was ine vited strictly in turn. ‘The guests were seated according to the Protocol, the Heads of Houses ranking by the dates of the foundations of their colleges, except that the Vieo-Chancellor ‘would come frst ofall. After the Masters eame the Regius Pro- fassors inthe order of their subjects, Divinity fst; and then there AwaTOMY oF soctERY ano ETiquErTE, ‘other Professors according to the dates of the foundations of their chairs, and s0 on down al the steps of the hierarchy. ‘These gradations were supremely important tothe participants and ‘even atthe very highest level itwas not unknown for ladies to jockey {or position, to the point of using elbows to advance their claim, as the ‘Countess of Airlie discovered when she was Lady of the Badchamber to Queen Mary. It was part of her duty to lineup the Indies for dinner in strict order of precedence when ‘there was always an argument as ‘Winifred, Duchess of Pordand, insisted on putting herself atthe heady, although’ the Duchess of Roxburgh was actually entitled to this place’ ‘Within the family, 09, precedence and related rituals could masle relative positions. For example, when, around 1900, Kathleen Smith, daughter of a wealthy merchant, was visiting’ her flaneé's home (he ‘wae a younger som of minor gentry) on the last evening of her visit she reported to her mother that she “went in with him [the fancé, Frank Isherwood] as it was the lastnight’. Christopher Isherwood, hher son, points out the significance of this gesture. According 10 ‘protocol Kathleen would naturally have “gone in with’ her father-in- aw and Frank would have ‘taken in’ his mother. The changes of ‘partner on the last evening was a ‘sort of betrothal ceremony’. ‘More elaborate serviee at dinner was one of the new fashions designed to display the greater use ofthe establishment's skilled man power resouroes as well as to free the host and hostess for purely Sociel functions. Before cha time, the host carved atthe table and two Inuge oourses, each with a great variety of dishes, were put on the table one after the other. ‘The new system of dinner “h Ta Resse, Hirst ‘observed in the 1820s, required the fostmen to carve at aside table and ‘serve the food to each guest in turn.* Guests no Tonger poured wine for each other but waited for footmen ta doit for them. In discussing these changes in custom, it must be remembored that there could he a ‘considerable time lag in their adoption in different social sets and in the provinees as opposed to the capical. John Izzard Pryor, prosperous Hertfordshire brevter, was impressed when he first dined 4 la Russe ‘when invited to meet the American Ambassador at Knebworth in 1859. Some memoirs report that early Vietorian or even pre ‘Victorian habits were still practised by their grandparents atthe end of the century. Increased Wealth and “plant” also made it possible to give private Dalls and dances instead of subscription dances in public assem rooms. This was considered desirable as part of the move t0 rest socially and sexually mixed functions in public. One of the reas that private gatherings were preferred wns thatthe invitations cowl individually scrutinised and undesivable entries eliminated. Even la inthe contury when public fnctions were again gaining in popir the custom seas to have private dinners or hose parties before public bal. It was entry to these private affairs which was coveted Later in the century, as more men began to work regular of Sours, and take meals away from home, luncheon snd especialy ‘became socially important. But they were essentially ladies’ me: supplements to morning ealls. Some women set xed days for = afternoon affairs by being At Home on a wider or narrower basis, set days of the week, In this way, middleclass patterns of $0 behaviour, most signifeantly the “feminisation” of social life, w adopted by almost all groups eligible to be in Society. ‘One of the most essential points of acess to high status group me Dership is through marriage, ‘This avenue of advancement taok new significance during our period. Tt often provided status ley: macy through one partner and new capital through the oth ‘Throughout the nineteenth century arranged marriages were longer acceptable 40 that individual choice had to be most eareft regulated to ensure exclusion of undesirable partners and maxim ‘gain for both sides. Social exclusiveness ensured the former. T latter was achieved by the strenuous bargaining Which took place af the marriage proposal and acceptance. ‘The two fathers, oF their ley representatives, then came to grips with the terms of the maria settlement Under such a system it was vital that only potentially sual young people should mix, To mect these ends, balls and dances t ‘ame the particular place for girl to be introduced into Society. rhame and rank ofthe young men who signed her dance programme ‘custom introduced in the 18603," exeeptamong, the most aristocrat ‘supposedly so well known to each other that programmes were ce sidered ‘rather second circle’) were an indication of her social posit as well as beauty and personal attraction. Chapersncs were necessa ‘0 overlook the social character of her dancing partners just 8 mi50 quy peer cincnes THE ANATOMY OF SOCIETY AND RTIQUETTE as her sexual behaviour. The rule that a girl must not dance more than ‘three dances with one partner or sit out a dance with young man was to ensure rigid contol of this most delicate situation where new family alliances might he made through marriage. For these functions, the girlshad their own trade secrets, obviously mostly eoncered with dress and fashion. They also had their own trade language, ©. & socially eligible young man was a ‘part’ (from bon-part) while his ‘opposite veas a ‘detrimental’. A ‘squash’ was a function that young sels attended out of duty rather than for their own interest oF ase ‘Under this regime, itis not surprising that by mid-century the rules of chaperonage were very striet. An uimarried woman under thirty could not go anywhere or be in a room even in her own house with an ‘unrelated man unless accompanied by a married gentlewoman or a servant. As anote it should be added that an unmarried gentlewoma, zno matter how old, could not chaperone; she was still nominally une attached to the system. Governesses, on the other hand, although they ‘were expected to come from genteel backgrounds, were allowed £0 chaperone although it was not necessary 0 chaperone them. ‘This as felt to be humiliating as it showed they bad drapped out of the system and were no longer in the marriage stakes, On the other hand, in practical terms, it gave them more personal independence. ‘Marriage was considered not so much an alliance between the sexes 4s an important social definition; serious for a man but imperative for 4 girl. Te was part of her social duty to enlarge her sphere of in ‘uence through marriage. In order to marry a girl must have achieved the status of an adult. To become an adult, she must have entered Society at some level. In Trollope's dyala’s angel, two sisters left ‘orphaned are handed over tothe eare of ¢wo uncles. One unele lives ax absolutely secluded life with his wife, the other wealthy uncle's family follows the seasons! round with great verve. It Is accepted that the sister who goes to the retiring couple will never marry. “The only other possibility for wider action was to become mistress ‘of a father’s or brother's home. If it was on a grand scale such a position could be more attractive than marriage since it meant social power without submission to a husband's rules, “When a sister is atthe head of her brother's house, she always takes the position of a married woman in the estimation of her iends; the mantle of his presence in the household completely envelopes her in its folds of conventionality. The two are invite: together to dinners, to dances, to At Homes, to everything ® A stciking example of this was the case of the sister of Visoo Derehaven, 4th Earl of Bantry. When her brother suddenly marti she was dethroned” and she married the first English aristocrat ¥ ‘ame along. He carried her off to Leicestershire where she remait virtually a prisoner in the gigantic mausoleum, Staunton Harold? A girl's whole life from babyhood was oriented to the part she | ‘to play in this ‘status theatre’ Although marriage was her great chanee for expanding her role it was not the end of the play by © ‘means. It was the progression through sharply demarcated stages the move from ene status to the next which made her Tie 0 ¢ ferent from her brothers’ ft also made what edueation she recels ‘meaningless to her future lifes® From the time the litle g ‘entered the schoolroom at about the age of five until she ‘came out seventeen oF eighteen, there was nothing to mark her progress in ‘way of promotions, certificates or even in variation in dress, Later the period, some girls were sent away to school especially during th mide teens, some even to the Continent, Some were given a £ added responsibilities ae home in connection widh running the ot ‘or less often with the younger children, But for most, early edot ‘ence was an awkward time, not just because oftheir own physical psychological development but because they had no place ‘The only ‘safe’ contacts they could have outside the home were few selected other girls, clergymen, or in the context of emall-sc: charity work, particularly teaching in Sunday schools. Tt is posit ‘that religious confirmation, which usually took place about the ages thirteen to fifteen and was accompanied with a certain amount familial ritual, helped to reconcile them to the systems and fil in ¢ gap while they waited to come out. It absorbed idealistic ener, hich might have been turned in 2 more disruptive dircction, ‘conventional girl, born 1863, wrote: 1 fancy that 1 thought taking the sacrament might make i ‘easier t0 "be good” though what “being good" actually was be- ‘came increasingly dificult to understand, unless it just meant doing what those "set in authority” over you wished.” [At seventeen or eighteen she suddenly emerged from the shoe room. Hair was put up, skirts down and she was groomed, often tTHE ANATOMY OF soctEry AND ETIQuEDTE special deportment masters, to be presented at Court oF its local cquivalent. The metaphor used again and again is a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis:# “The change in required behaviour was also radical for ‘although the schoolroom girl might appear at luncheon when neighbours eame over ‘or there was party in the hou, woe betide her if she ventured to say imore than *"Yes" or “No” to remarks addressed to her—as fora joke of any sort it was tinthinkable! From the opposite side of the table a ‘porgon-eye woukd be fixed upon her, plainly intimating that she as fransgressing the proprieties and freezing her to silence. With her coming out” the position was reversed, What previously Iad been called reprehensible was now a virtue. Tt was impressed upon her that as a member of Society it was her duty to contribute her mite to the general pool. Tf they were fortunate in having hospitable relatives and friends, teenage girls often went the rounds visiting with them, making social “dry runs" before ther first Season. For these who were presented at Court, the occasion took on an almost mystical significance, Weeks were spent in training to graceflly elimb in and out ofa carriage, to ‘walk up stairs, to curtsey and walkout of the room backwards while encumbered by the long traling Court train, long white veils, the ostrich feather and tiara head dress. The choosing and fitting of this gown and all ts trimmings was a time-consuming oecapation. On the ‘day itself, when she was finally dressed and ready, the girl was admired by the whole household circle of relatives and servants whose ‘deferential approval added to her feeling of importance. ‘The drive to the palace, the Tong wait in the ante-room surrounded by the protocol of magnificently dressed Court funetionnaries impressed on her that she was truly a part of the great national community. When she was at last admitted to the inner sanctum, this was reinforeed by the ceremony which decreed that ifthe débutant was the daughter of Peer, the Queen leant forward and kissed her’ ifthe young lady was the daughter of a commoner she kissed Her Majesty's hand’° And 40 she emerged fully fledged into a new adult category. ‘Two or three Scasons were all the chance she had after that, if she were not at least engaged she was, forthe most part, written off as 4 failure. A proper débutante was expected to keap a "Season's ‘Album’, a record of social success, which she ‘had to fill with the Signatures of fellow guests and adorn with photographs of houses ‘visited, enlivening the pages with verses, sketches or witty remarks ‘contributed by her more talented friends'A7 If she married — ‘especially married well—she emerged with a totally mew status. {he fluid social climate of that time such « change was an opportur ‘fo recoup or reconsider social poeition, Immediately after the ee ony, aaye the author of the Bride's Books “sending bridal five ‘hows what circles you will mix with after marriage “The young matron then began the important task of setting up. plant and making use of the eontacts for the new family unit. If tnoved in upper-middle-class and aristocratic eirclea she was a presented at Coure by her husband's female relatives to set the seal her new status. Or it his family—or her ovn—were not suficien well-connected a friendly sponsor might be found. Mes Lily Lang was presented during-her second season in London by the Marchion fof Conyngham at the same time as the Marchioness presented | daughter. "We had arranged it during one of my visits to th country house.’ However, ‘having an official position in the Quee Household, Lady Canynghamhad the privilege ofthe "entrée" (priv ‘entrance 19 the Palace) but this she could not, of course, extend anyone outside her own family. Therefore my actual companion ‘hat day was Lady Rowney.” Tiaus those who hed entered ‘Society the basis of beauty and personality or talent alone tried to secure most respectable of sponsors. ‘The next important step in the matron’s career, the birth of 1 babies, was marked by ceremonial visits, of course, but such custo as the wearing of white flowers or wrapping white ribbons on door knocker died out by mid-century. Contrary to much of ‘moralising Hteratare, in reality ynotherhood par 22 waa not the ra important part of the matron’s life. Ie is true that cards were sent announce the birth and again to let it be know that the mother v ready fo reenter Society. But being mother was certainly + expected to absorb all her time ani attention, The, physical # ‘motional care of young children was in fact, considered to be a é traction from the more important business of wider family and soc shies, Its ot dificult ta read between the Tins of such items as € report from 3 high-class gossip column. s “Lady Beauchamp has a family of young chilren, whom she adores, and prefers their society and the pleasant surroundings of her gerdens at Madresficld and Elmley House to all the amase- tents of Landon life, However, thie daughter of the Groswenors{ oe ‘tue best cinctes does not shirk duty, and had it not been for the sad death of her Title nephew, Lord Grosvenor, the series of political entertain ments planned for the weeks following the opening of Paria- ‘ment would have taken place (see section on Mourning). These are, however, only postponed, and will be resumed early in the Undoubtedly the most demanding stage of motherhood was in the ‘grooming and presenting of her own daughters when they reached ‘heir middle and late teens. The relationship of mother and daughter ‘was fraught with difficulties at this stage, partly because the subtle ‘minor rules of the social game changed over the generations. Some ‘women, too, temperamentally disliked these duties and ay alter= native activities became available this strain was increased ° After her daughters were married, or had erossed the rubicon of thirty years and so became confirmed spinsters, the mother could rest on her fixed position asa dowager. Now she had reached the stage where, at least Within her own social circle, she eould be initiator of camtacts with considerable power in her hands." Lord Beaconsfield dubbed people like the Duchess of Sutherland ‘social fairies. They could get ball in vitations and other entrées for young hopefils, ‘The formidable ‘mistress of Blicling Hall, “Queen” of the part of Norfolk surrounding hher estate, was nicknamed the ‘Double Dow’ (Dowager). ‘Widowhood again changed the woman’s status. In fat, the death of any individual changed the status of everyone related to him. In the super-elaborated etiquette of mourning, the Victorians found a superb {vice in the recognition or non-recogmition of kn or friends for plac. {ng themselves in the socal hierarehy.®* Mourning forthe dead in the form of special carriages, funeral processions with black horses and Dilack feathers had been the custom throughout the eighteenth ‘ecutury. Black clothes had also been worn as a mark of respect. But in the nineteenth century, the etiquette of mourning became much ‘more complicated as it was incorporated inth x more formal social code. ‘The social importance of the deceased was indicated by the degree ‘of mourning: the length of time mourning was worn (and thas restricted social interoourse), the kind of clothing and aecessories and ‘he numbers and station of members of the houschold who went into 2nouming. As might be expected, widows put on the deepest mourn ing and wore it for longest. "First mourning’ was worn fora year and sie awaromy oF sociETY ax ETIQUETTE a day. This mean back clothes covered with erépe no omaments 2 widow cap with veil Second mourning then lasted for the twelve mont, black wit es crépe, without & capa jt mame only, called “lighting” the mourning. ‘The third. year was tnowrning. when ierey of mauve could be add fr colour. Se Widows chose to etninin mourning forthe rst of thelr ives wt ould give them certain personal an socal sdvantages. For pare {er ciléren) twelve monte” mourning was expecte, arin deep mouming and shedding it Uy degrees, Grandparents, sist brothers, aunts, odes, consing and! inlaws were monet descending onder with les ime and les crepe for each category. the death of the master of the house servants were provided mourning eaps, gloves and even black work dresses. Children w ‘lowed litle leeway inthe ue of grey and Black ribbons or wl other ermine seh Black ‘Wile in deep mourning, people were placed outside the so world, Clove relatives were expetted to withdraw from Society 1. For the lever entegories of mourning thee months waa 4m ium. Tt was considered extremely: bad taste to appear at for tering like balls while wearing erp, ‘These were the ide the etiquette. In real life they could be ed or not with consider: discretion. If here was an important soil engagement onthe Son, deep mourning for more distant relatives could be convenict, fongotten, Ori the relationship was denied, moursing could ort flowy be let off A. passage from a letter of 1880 brings out tse of mourning. a8 social pesognition az much as private bersa ‘Mrs, Whitty was my fist cousin. but she has ved so Tay cout of the worl! that I-never thougit of your mourning fo fers oe doing 20 myself altiough 1 did goal with black ® Em. ‘There must, however, have been times when snavoidable mourn could wreck 2 well-planned social campaign. On the other ha friends and god-parents could be moumed through ‘compliments ‘mourning, ax marks of respect and intimacy and so demonstr ‘membership ofa particular social network. ‘The very act of produe correct mourning—in dress and its necessaries, n stationery, se floral decorations and other insignia indicated not just the me vial basis © invest in all this equipment but that the womanssa vue peer cinenns rue awatomy of socteTy ax EriguErre: sufficiently initiated into the mysteries of proper mourning to carry i ff The height ofthe cult was reached about 1470 to 1880, 2 time of excessive concern with propriety and soclat placing. In this social ritual, as in so many others, women were expected to be the chief protaganists and the period of mourning was usually longer for women than for men. After emerging from mourning, the Individual or family might have the opportanity to reshule their social hand by the skilful play of cards and calls, especially if their position had been enlarged or diminished by a change in financial position “The correct use of mourning was also considered part of social duty in order to demonstrate “decent” behaviour to the working class Mourning for Royalty including foreign royalty was a symbol ofthe family-based social loyalties of the upper classes and all those below ‘who identified with them. The Court was looked to for oficial gui dance on mourning ritual although infact the aetwal decisions were Uhely to be made by leading ladies of fashion. When Queen Victoria died in January, King Edward did step in and deeroe that there should bbe no mourning after April, otherwise the season could not have taken place which would have undermined the whole fabric of the Society network. Mourning for Royalty emphasised national over class loyalties. Many have written what ain awesome sight it wae to fee the whole of London wearing black the day after Victoria's death, avast ocean of blac, broken only by the white faces under the lack hats. 5 "A final note must be added about the interlocking of “Society” and charity. Mose charities were num as privste eommittoas. Access t0 ‘hese committees oF even permission to clo volunteer work at a lower level was inthe hands of social leaders although family ties might also be used. #® Conversely charity work could bring opportunity forming. swith higher social strata as many nouveaux riches families realised Charity Bazaars, Faney Fairs, private theatrcals, charity garden parties (which were also ooeasions to show off private homes) were ‘ised a8 mones-raising fimetions to suppore charitable purposes, But for many people they were seen primarily as part of the season's social ealendar. There ave many satirical references to the unwanted faney work, ‘tobacco pouches, mufetees, omamental slippers, watch chaing, miles of worsted work’ produced to sell at these functions. However, there were so few opportunities for many middle-class girls and women to take part in any sort of organised public event that these functions were highly prized despite masculine ridie A sketch of » Charity Bazaar in the 1860s gives an idea of + “The bazaar is held in a large marquee, which is furnished b stalls gaily decked out with ribbons, wreaths, and fags, an ‘covered with merchandise: and numberless young Indies presid at the stalls, dressed in the height and breadth ofthe fashion, an never cease to attract public attention to the goors with the mat ‘winning, coaxing, insinsating, and i€ one may be allowed th ‘expression, wheedling ways. ‘Actual charitable work with the poor was often considered arduous, contaminating and degrading for young girls to undert ‘The administrative side was often in the hands of men. ‘Thus wor were thrown back on a very private form of individual help and 2 giving, reinforeing the Imitations of their social experience, and ing credence to the feeling thatthe social aspect of organised chs able activiey was the most useful and important part. Charity w was part of the wider ideal of sociel Christian city. But charitz action should not be earried to excess even by clergymen. In prac this meant that charitable activities should not interfere with es! ishing a home, entertaining and following the social calendar. f¢ impressed on girls with all the weight of the dowager’s autho thae it was their du to appear at balls and carey off gracefully * social role, This divided ideal of social duty came into confict v enthusiastic reformers, whatever their cause, and particularly idealistic young who could only eut themselves off from the dema of Society by living in settlements like Toynbee Hall, a choice m only by 2 tiny minority. ‘Thuis quite genuine conflicts of goals might avise forcing a che between spending money and time on charity oF social activity, si both were legitimately pare of a wider social duty. Such conflict many, particularly girls snd women, confused and unable to follo ‘consistent line of action. Another consequence of the mixture “Society” rules with earitable action was to obscure the substant ‘often crucial, help given by the working class to each other and to ‘very poor. This Kind of mutual aid had ne social visibility and 20 + very often overlooked and discounted. [By mid-century, the rituals of etiquette and the control of perso Iife by the rules of Society” were aenepted in a more or leas elaboraform according to the means available, by all of the British middle and Upper classes. From Dukes to tradesmen, froin village to metropolis, from Inverness to Exeter this unifying system was acknowledged 2 strictly determining social behaviour. CHAPTER IV e Change and Decline / By the 1880s the basis of London Society membership was begin (to widen, In the sixties and seventies the admission of manufact fand businessmen of the first and even second. generation problematical! The source of the wealth they had acquired and route of entry were important elements in their success, OF cou there had always been some rich entrepreneurs or talented en tainers who were admitted to Society without ovsning land or eve country house, Indeed, their inclusion in socially reeogmised sett ‘often enabled impecunious insiders to recoup by selling, oF a8 renting, their inherited landed properties.® They had been, howe: the remarkable and remarkes few. By the third quarter of the eentary, the economic base of the Ian aristocracy itself began to give way under the effects of the a) cultural depression. ‘The amount of wealth beosnie as importar criterion of entry to Society as its source, This shift of emphasis + Increased by the introduction of foreiya-made fortunes. First w South AAtican and European bated families, many of them Jewish second wave mainly American. ‘There was a certain amount of & Semitic and anti-Yankee feeling resulting from this injection of r ‘wealth’ into the system but it should be kept in perspective. ~ whole basis of Soclety was growing wider and ‘there new ¥ swealdhy groups only helped to ‘raise the ante’ for the material bas: ‘operations. The final seal of acceptance, elevation to the peers shows quite clearly the shift in recognition, (The table below ret to those from industrial and commercial positions given peeraget Well as those nobles and gentry who received peerages ix eragnit of their industsial or coramercial achievements.) Pumphrey assumes that the observed phenomenon of & substan increase in the number of persons with commercial and induste Dackgrounds elevated to the peerage in the middle and later 19¢ 59