Professional Documents
Culture Documents
6
After Juliet......................................................................................8
All for Love (Act III Scene i)..........................................................11
American History X.......................................................................13
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy..................................16
The Applicant................................................................................18
Art.................................................................................................21
August, Osage County.................................................................23
Babies..........................................................................................25
Balm in Gilead..............................................................................27
Barefoot in the Park......................................................................29
Barry Lyndon................................................................................31
The Bear......................................................................................33
The Beau Defeated......................................................................36
The Beaux' Stratagem..................................................................38
Been So Long..............................................................................40
The Big Lebowski.........................................................................42
Blasted.........................................................................................45
Bold Girls......................................................................................48
Breathing Corpses........................................................................51
Bridesmaids.................................................................................54
Bridesmaids (2)............................................................................56
The Cable Guy.............................................................................58
California Suite.............................................................................61
Captain Blood...............................................................................64
The Canterbury Tales...................................................................66
The Champion of Paribanou (1)...................................................68
The Champion of Paribanou (2)...................................................70
The Champion of Paribanou (3)...................................................72
Closer (1).....................................................................................74
Closer (2).....................................................................................78
Closer (3).....................................................................................81
The Collection..............................................................................83
Comic Potential............................................................................86
The Confusion..............................................................................88
Coriolanus (remix)........................................................................91
The Count of Monte Cristo (1)......................................................93
Count of Monte Cristo The (2)......................................................95
The Court Jester...........................................................................97
Cymbeline (IV, 2)..........................................................................99
Dangerous Beauty......................................................................101
Death Becomes Her...................................................................104
Design For Living.......................................................................107
The Devils Advocate..................................................................110
The Devil's Law-Case.................................................................112
Dinner.........................................................................................114
Dogs Barking..............................................................................117
Don Juan's Wantons..................................................................120
The Duellists...............................................................................122
Edward the Second....................................................................124
Erik the Viking............................................................................126
Excalibur....................................................................................129
Fair Maid of the West.................................................................130
Fallen Angels..............................................................................133
The Feigned Courtesans............................................................135
A Few Good Men........................................................................138
Fight Club...................................................................................142
Firebird.......................................................................................146
Fool for Love (1).........................................................................149
Fool For Love (2)........................................................................151
Frankenstein...............................................................................153
Girl, Interrupted..........................................................................155
The Girl's Guide to Saving the World.........................................157
The Great Race (1)....................................................................160
The Great Race (2)....................................................................162
Greek (1)....................................................................................164
The Hard Man............................................................................168
The Harlot and the Hypocrite.....................................................170
Henry IV pt 1..............................................................................173
Henry VI pt 1 (Act I, Sc. 2)..........................................................174
Henry VI pt 1 (Act I Sc. 2) - Fight Cut.........................................176
Hook...........................................................................................177
The Insatiate Countess..............................................................179
In Bruges....................................................................................182
In the Boom Boom Room...........................................................184
Jerusalem...................................................................................186
Jitters..........................................................................................189
Killer Joe....................................................................................192
King Lear (Act II, Sc. 2)..............................................................195
King Lear (Act V, Sc. 3)..............................................................197
King Lear (Act V, Sc. 3) - Fight Mix............................................198
The King's Thief.........................................................................200
The Last Days of Don Juan........................................................202
The Last Samurai.......................................................................206
Les Liaisons Dangereuses.........................................................208
The Lieutenant of Inishmore.......................................................210
Life of Brian................................................................................212
Like A Brother.............................................................................214
The Lion In Winter......................................................................217
The Lodger.................................................................................220
Loose Knit..................................................................................224
The Love Of The Nightingale.....................................................226
Lovers and Executioners............................................................228
Lovers and Executioners (2)......................................................230
Macbeth.....................................................................................232
The Maid of New Orleans...........................................................234
The Maid's Tragedy....................................................................236
The Maid's Tragedy (2)..............................................................238
The Mark of Zorro.......................................................................240
The Mask of Zorro......................................................................242
Medea (1)...................................................................................243
Medea (2)...................................................................................246
A Midsummer Nights Dream, (Act III, Sc 2)...............................248
Moliere.......................................................................................250
Monty Python and the Holy Grail................................................251
The Murders At Argos.................................................................254
Nil by Mouth...............................................................................257
The Odd Couple (Female version).............................................260
The Odd Couple (Original version).............................................263
Oedipus the King (1)..................................................................266
Oedipus the King (2)..................................................................268
On Emotion................................................................................270
The One.....................................................................................272
One Corpse too Many................................................................275
Orange Is The New Black (2).....................................................277
The Orphan of Zhao...................................................................280
Our Lady of 121st Street.............................................................283
Phoenician Women....................................................................286
Pirates of the Caribbean.............................................................288
Playhouse Creatures..................................................................289
Posh...........................................................................................291
The Prince and The Soldier........................................................293
The Princess Bride (1)................................................................295
The Princess Bride (3)................................................................296
Private Lives...............................................................................297
Red.............................................................................................301
Reasons To Be Pretty.................................................................306
Red Peppers..............................................................................309
La Reine Margot.........................................................................311
Revolutionary Road....................................................................313
Richard III...................................................................................315
Ring Round The Moon...............................................................317
Road...........................................................................................319
The Roaring Girl.........................................................................321
Robin Hood................................................................................324
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves...................................................326
Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead......................................328
The Rover (short cut).................................................................332
The Rover (Long cut).................................................................334
The Secret of the Unicorn..........................................................339
The Servant of Two Masters (Female Version)..........................341
The Servant of Two Masters (Male Version)..............................344
Serving It Up...............................................................................347
Sharpes Challenge....................................................................350
The Sisterhood...........................................................................353
Sleuth.........................................................................................356
The Social Network....................................................................358
Some Voices..............................................................................360
Stoning Mary..............................................................................363
Swetnam the Woman Hater Arraigned by Women.....................365
Tamburlaine the Great................................................................367
Tamburlaine Must Die.................................................................369
The Taming of the Shrew...........................................................372
Tape...........................................................................................376
That Face...................................................................................378
That Scoundrel Scapin...............................................................382
Theatre of Blood.........................................................................386
Timon of Athens Act IV. Sc.3...................................................388
Tis Pity She's A Whore (Act II, sc. 1).........................................390
Tis Pity Shes A Whore (Act IV, Sc. 3)........................................392
Top Girls (1)................................................................................395
Top Girls (2)................................................................................397
The Tragical History of King Richard III......................................399
Troilus and Cressida (1).............................................................401
Troilus & Cressida (2).................................................................403
The Trojan Women (1)...............................................................406
The Trojan Women (2)...............................................................409
Truth and Reconcilliation............................................................411
Tusk, Tusk..................................................................................414
Two Noble Kinsmen...................................................................417
War Next Door (The)..................................................................419
War of the Roses........................................................................423
Welcome to the Jungle...............................................................427
Whistle in the Dark.....................................................................429
Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?.................................................431
The Witch...................................................................................434
The Women Pirates....................................................................436
The Woman Who Cooked Her Husband (1)..............................439
The Woman Who Cooked Her Husband (2)..............................442
Zastrozzi: The Master Of Discipline (2)......................................446
Zastrozzi: The Master Of Discipline (3)......................................449
The Zoo Story.............................................................................452
The Acid Test
Anya Reiss
Ruth Jess stop it. He's been fine. He's been lovely. Just go
to bed or something.
Ruth Stop talking about him like he's a dog Jessica. Youve
been nothing but horrible to him all night.
Jessica What?
Ruth You can stay with your mum and Barry, Jim can stay
here until he's sorted out.
Ruth Ah for gods sake stop playing the fucking victim I dare
you.
Jessica What are you even doing here Ruth? Shouldnt you be
in the hospital with your precious boyfriend not here
creating another little drama.
Ruth You are just disgusting you know that? Im your friend
and you talk to me like that?
Ruth You know what I cant live with you anymore. Always
fucking angry and complaining thinking youre some
misanthrope who people gravitate toward or something
but you are actually just a nasty little bitch.
Jessica Ok fine dont live with me, then you get out. Go and
jump off a bus shelter with your limp little waster
green/-haired boyfriend. You're a joke.
Ruth Oh you know what fuck you, fuck right off. Me and
Dana want you gone so fuck off.
Petruchio I do.
Rosaline And when youve seen, when youve seen, and we are
all ordinary and we have no purpose. What then? It will
be too late to turn back. Well be out of the fighting
way. What tales then will we tell our children? Well
have no more heroes, well die old and wrinkled in our
beds. Love will be less sharp.
Rosaline I dont want to see our race decline. Where will our
poetry come from, hate ironed out of our souls, our
fighting days done? Blossom is more sweet today if
death comes tomorrow.
Petruchio I want to live: you want to die and join Romeo in the
vault. And you want to take us with you. These
weapons are chill, Rosaline, the cold sweat of the
grave is on them. In a May time. Blossom on the trees.
Perfume in the air. I put a sword in a girls hand.
Watched her catch up her skirts and fight. Teasing me.
Laughing at me. The immortal passando I taught her,
the punto reverso, they hey.
Petruchio We dont like them, they dont like us. Should they die
for it? Should we? Because they pierce their
daughters ears at birth and thats not our practice.
Should we die? Should they?
Petruchio This feud began not in our fathers' time but in our
fathers' fathers'. Some small difference began it. This
ancient grudge. IN all the tales our mothers tell. I never
heard what was the root cause. Was it some slight.
Some preferment. Even some small argument
between women. And yet our young men die. IN the
service of this fierce fate which Rosaline believes gives
our lives meaning.
Rosaline. I dont know where the beginning was. Here and now I
take the end on me.
Petruchio You require a death, Ill be your opponent. Ill fight you.
(Unfastens jacket)
Petruchio Making it easy for you. Giving you a clear sight of the
target.
Rosaline Have you cats, Petruchio, I hope they purr for you.
All for Love (Act III Scene i)
John Dryden (1631-1700)
Octavia A Roman:
A name that makes, and can unmake, a queen.
Cameron Well look who's here, the return of the soldier. Take it
easy. Chill out. You're on safe ground. You don't have
to watch your ass round here. (Laughs) Come on. Sit
down. Relax. Im sorry the party was a little quick but
we're justdamn glad you're back, Derek. It's only
natural you should feel a little funny.
Cameron You know you made the fat kid a little nervous. He
thinks the jointmessed with your mind.
Derek It did.
Pause
Derek Well you can forget it. I'm done with it, Cam.
Cameron Yeah, well, I know you grew out of that shaved head
bullshit a longtime ago, thank God. I like your hair the
way it is now. You see that's what Imean, Derek. We're
thinking bigger now. No more of this fucking grocery
store...
Derek You're not listening to me. I am done with it. All that
bullshit out there.And all your bullshit, too. I'm out.
Cameron I understand how you feel; I mean you've just done
some hard time.
Derek Don't you fucking talk to me about hard time. You don't
know a thingabout it.
Derek You didn't do shit. I found out about your little prison
story. You did twomonths, and then you rolled over on
two kids and let them go down for you. Sodon't feed
me your fucking lies, Cameron.
Cameron All right. This is stupid. I'm done. Now you go cool off.
Get laid. Dosomething. Get your head on straight and
then I'll talk to you.
Derek: Hey but it doesn't even matter if I don't, does it? 'Cause
you've got thenext crop all lined up and ready to go.
You fucking chicken hawk.
Derek You prey on people, Cam! You use them! I lost three
years of my life foryour fucking phony cause but I am
onto you now, you fucking snake.
Derek Hey shut up! Shut the fuck up! I came in here to tell
you one thing. I amout. Out! And Danny is out, too! And
if you come near my fucking family again Iam going to
fucking kill you.
Cameron Well excuse me, but fuck you, Derek. You can't come
barking threatsat me. Look, you can do whatever you
want but Danny is a good kid. He's notsome whiny
pussy like you. He needs my help and I am going to
give it to him.
Derek If you come near Danny again I will feed you your
fucking heart, Cameron
Cameron I won't have to. He'll come to me. I'm more important to
him now thanyou'll ever be.
Derek Shit.
Veronica You werent here. Why are you being this way? Why
cant you just be proud of me as a peer and as my
gentleman lover?
Ron I cant believe you did this to me. You read my news.
Ron You are a real hooker and Im gonna slap you in public.
Veronica Owww
Ron OK you know what that was uncalled for. I cant work
with this woman.
Veronica Mr. Burgundy, Im a professional and I would like to be
able to do my job.
Veronica You are not a man; you are a big fat joke.
Ron Im a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel
Tower out of metal and brawn. Thats what kinda man I
am. Youre just a woman with a small brain, with a
brain a third the size of us. Its science.
Veronica I will have you know that I have more talent and more
intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire
body.
[An office. Mr Piffs sits at a desk, he is the essence of efficiency, looking over
an application form. Mr Lamb, an eager, cheerful, enthusiastic young man
enters.]
Piffs [Glances at Lamb, unimpressed.] Yes. [Looks at form.] You are applying
for the vacant position of 'Physics teacher', aren't you?
Piffs [Stands.] Good. [Lamb stands again quickly.] Now our procedure is,
that before we discuss the applicant's qualifications we like to subject them
to a little 'test' to determine their physical and... psychological suitability.
You've no objection?
[Piffs picks up a rapier from the desk and hands it to Lamb. Lamb takes it.]
Lamb How amusing. [Piffs picks up a set of his own weapons.] You have
these too, do you? [Nervous.] Of course, you'd have to, wouldn't you?
Piffs [Serious.] Unquestionably. Now just relax, Mr Lamb. Don't think about a
thing. [Raises sword and dagger to guard position.]
Lamb Well...
Lamb Puzzled?
Piffs Tricked?
Lamb Tricked?
Piffs Fooled?
Lamb What?
Piffs You've let them get the better of you. [Nods.] I see.
Lamb [Slightly annoyed.] Now just a minute, I... I thought I was here to...
Piffs [Nods.] Very good Mr Lamb. You may put down your weapons.
Lamb [This is more like it.] Ah. Well I like to keep order, of course, but I think
that a healthy learning environment should be-
Serge Are you aware that youve talked about nothing but
yourself?
Yvan Well, who are you talking about? Everybody talks about
themselves.
Serge Yes.
Serge How many more times are you going to say it?
Yvan Just answer the question, are you saying its me whos
fucked up your evening?
Serge Yes.
Yvan You know I could burst into tears, I could start crying
right now, Im very close to tears.
Serge Cry.
Bill Barbara
Barbara Oh, forsook you and the horse you rode in on!
Barbara Im sick of being fair! Ive seen where being fair gets
me! Im sick of the whole notion of the enduring
female. GROW UP! Cause while youre going through
your fifth puberty, the world is falling apart and I cant
handle it! More importantly, your kid cant handle it!
Barbara Yknow, youd have a lot more credibility if you had any
credibility.
Viv Yeah, you can stare, Valerie Pinkney! Oh yeah? Its only
shopping, Valerie. Its bloody paid for.
Val I can see the drink in that bag. Street smells like a
brewery thanks to you.
Val Your Scottie would turn in his grave if he knew how you
carry on.
Val Ive written to the council about you. Told em how you
neglect your kids.
Val Well, its a wise bull that knows its own shit.
Judy You sawed-off little bitch, you moving in? You moving
into our pad?
Rust No?
Rust Youre gonna get your ass kicked, is what youre gonna
get.
Judy Why dont you mind you stay away from Terry.
Judy Go on
Corie I didnt say you were a stuffed shirt. But you are extremely proper and
dignified.
Paul Im proper and dignified? When ? When was I proper and dignified?
Corie Always. Youre always dressed right, you always look right, you
always say the right things. Youre very close to being perfect.
Corie Exactly. Very sensible and logical, except that it isnt any fun.
Paul To sleep.
Paul You have the fight. When youre through, turn off the lights.
Corie You will not go to sleep. You will stay here and fight to save our
marriage.
Paul Because I wont walk barefoot in the park with you? You havent got a
case,
Corie Ooh, I hate you, I hate you. I really, really hate you!
Paul That was in the middle of a fight. This is in the middle of a divorce.
Paul I see Well I guess theres nothing left to be said. You want a
quick divorce or a slow, painful one?
Quinn: Now you listen to me. You are but a young man and
I am willing to consider you as such. Now Dublin is
a fine place and if you have a mind to take a ride
there and see the town for a month, heres ten
guineas at your service, I will consider the affair
honourably settled.
Redmond: Mark this, and come what will of it. I will fight any
man that pretends to the hand of Nora Brady. Ill
follow him, even if its into the church and fight him
there. Ill have his blood or hell have mine.
Quinn: Just say youre sorry Redmond. Come on, you can
easily say that.
Redmond: I am not sorry; and I will not apologise; and Id as
soon go to Dublin as to hell.
Smirnov Your late husband, with whom I had the honour of being
acquainted, left debts outstanding. Since the interest on my
land falls due tomorrow, I should be obliged to you, madam, if
you would pay me the money today.
Smirnov No.
Smirnov And do you imagine that just because you are the poor
mysterious widow, you can go around insulting others with
impunity? Because youre a woman? I demand satisfaction!
Popova Oh if you want a fight, then by all means! How I'll enjoy
putting this point through your brazen heart! Damnation take
you!
Popova I'll not rest until I've made a hole in your detestable
forehead!
Smirnov Strike home! You have no idea how happy I'd be to die
looking into your eyes. Here I am on my knees like a fool. I'm
offering you my hand.
Mr Rich And then a hey for disobedience, who is this with his a
hey for disobedience? Art thou the flaring fop my hopeful
sisters fond on, descended from thy duchesss bed-
chamber, to steal my daughter?
Mr Rich Tis false, thou art not, I have traced thy original, and
found thou art none.
Mr Rich Defy me, thou thing equipped! Canst thou justify the
worst of thefts, stealing my child? Draw.
Sir John Your pardon sir, not before the lady, I may discompose
her, perhaps the sight of a sword may fright her into a fit.
Mr Rich A coward.
Sir John I sing tolerably well. For who would in a cellar dine,
when he may go to Lockets.
Mr Rich Thou trifling coxcomb, all wig and no brains, begone this
very instant, or Ill lead thee by the nose, Ill lead thee to a
she-fop of thy acquaintance, coxcomb, I will, therefore make
use of thy heels.
Sir John Ill lampoon thee, till your friends shall fly ye, your
neighbours despise ye, and the world laugh at ye.
Sullen Happy, happy sister! Long smiling years of circling joys for
you, but not one hour for me!
Raymond Christ, I need a piss. The lager they serve here, this
foreign stuff its not tip-top quality, is it?
Raymond Sorry?
Gil Yes.
Raymond I dont even know you and youve come to kill me. You
getting paid? Who hates me? What have I done to
him?
Raymond Shit!
Gil In my face.
Gil Im gonna cut you till I cant see you, and when I cant
see you, Im gonna cut where you was.
Raymond Im gonna die over a bird you never had and I cant
remember fucking.
The Big Lebowski
Smokey Huh?
Smokey Bullshit?
Smokey Hey Walter, come on, its just a hey man, its
Smokey, so if my toes slipped a little over, you know,
its just a game, man.
Walter Am I wrong?
Smokey Im not -
Walter A world of pain.
Smokey No.
Smokey Theyre calling the cops, man. Lets put the blades
away.
Smokey Walter?
Walter Am I wrong?
Walter What?
Walter Am I an asshole?
Smokey Yes
Smokey Man.
Blasted
Sarah Kane
(entering hotel room)
Ian Ive shat in better places than this. Hate this city. Stinks.
Ian No chance.
Ian See.
Ian Please.
Cate Dont want to.
Ian What?
Cate I dont.
Cate What?
Cate I f-felt...
Cate Im sorry.
Ian Dont bother. Ill be dead soon anyway.
Cate I d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d
Ian Easy easy. You dont want an accident. Think about your
mum. And your retard brother. What would they think?
Ian You sleep with someone holding hands and kissing you,
wank me off and then say we cant fuck, get into bed but
dont let me touch you. Whats wrong with you you Joey?
Cate I didnt want to do it. It was hurting. You bit me. Its still
bleeding.
Cate You.
Bold Girls
Rona Munro
Marie No.
Cassie No, not Michael. Wasnt he just the perfect man, the
perfect saint of a man?
Cassie Honest!?
Pause
Cassie So he told you about it, did he? All the times he made
a fool of you to your face?
Cassie I dont believe you could have kept that smile on your
face Marie, not if he was honestly telling you what he
was up to.
Marie Cassie
Ah, Jesus!
Cassie Well what did you expect? Hed be crazy to talk about
it. If he told you, hed have to change. Theyd sooner
leave than they would change, Marie You didnt want
him to leave.
Ben How hard d'you have to fucking kick her to draw blood?
Kate I didn't -
Ben She's hiding in her basket, scared shitless and she's got
a cut on her side, you've got blood under your toenails,
it's not rocket is it?
Pause
Ben To Cameron.
Kate I-
Kate Ben -
Kate Yes.
Kate Let me go -
Ben If you push me, if you really push me, you know I'm
stronger. I could snap you in two if I wanted to and I don't
want to I really don't want to but this is no way to live,
Kate. It's got to fucking stop.
Ben Are we going to stop or carry on?
Kate Stop.
Kate Yeah.
Kate Yeah.
Kate You've got hair in your hand. You pulled a whole clump
out. Fuck that hurt.
Annie Are you kidding me? I'm the one who told her about
Paris, Lillian. I told her about the whole idea.
Lillian Christ, Annie, have you lost your fucking mind? What
the hell are you doing?
Lillian No, you know what? I don't think you even want to be
friends with me. I think you want to have a little pity
party.
Annie No!
Annie What the fuck, Lillian? Why can't things just go back to
normal? I've been calling you - or what, is Helen
screening your calls now?
Lillian You know what, No! This is supposed to be about my
time. You have managed to ruin every event at my
wedding. Thank you very much.
Annie Okay, well thank you very much. It's all her fault, not
mine, and you would know that if you got your perfect
fucking weave out of your asshole - I correct myself,
out of Helen's asshole, which I'm sure is perfectly
bleached.
Annie Why would you bleach your asshole? Why would you
do that??
Annie Oh.
Girl You started it. Did you forget to take your Xanax this
morning?
Annie You know, you arent as popular as you think you are.
Girl Exactly.
Annie Yeah okay, well have fun having a baby at your prom.
Yeah I know what you do with that mouth.
Girl Well I can smell it. You smell like an old mop.
Girl You smell like you ate a turd for lunch. You eat your
own farts.
Steven How do I put this? I've really enjoyed hanging out with
you, but...
Steven Oh, lord. Look, I want you to know. Where the hell are
we? What are we doinghere?
Chip No, but I gave the management team free pizza and they
said it would be cool if we just went at it for a little while.
Steven What the fuck? Just take it easy! What are you doing?
Chip This is just like when Spock had to fight Kirk on "Star Trek".
Best friends forced todo battle. That's the spirit. Let's give 'em
a good show!
Chip So that's how it's gonna be, huh? All right. Okay, you want to
play rough - sayhello to my little friend.
Steven I've told you before - my name isn't Jim, this isn't "Star
Trek", and you're not Tony Mon-fucking-tana!
Chip Wait!
Steven What?
Steven What?
Chip Sucker!
Steven Now do you get it? We're not friends Jesus! This is
madness!
Chip Well done, good sir. You are the victor. But we shall meet
again. You may havewon the battle but you haven't won the
war.
Chip Jim, wait, that's only Act One. What about Act Two? Jim?
Steven! Hey, I calledyou by your real name, Jim.
California Suite
Neil Simon
Stu One entire morning wasted in Honolulu while five chinese tailors
measured you for a thirty nine dollar Hong Kong suit that fell
apart in the box. Half an afternoon on fisherman's wharf
watching a near-sighted eighty-four year-old artist sketching a
charcoal portrait of you that looked like Charles Laughton. I've
had enough! I want to go home!
Mort How about we just shake hands and forget everything. Come
on, I'll get you a drink. How about a nice Planter's Punch?
Stu Please don't order another Planter's Punch! I'll go crazy if I have
to watch you trying to get your cherry out with your straw again.
Don't do that to me, Mort.
Mort I don't want the cherry! What's your problem with that, you idiot?
Stu Take that back! I want an apology. Either you apologise for
calling me an idiot... or I'll fetch my tennis racket and backhand
you to death.
Mort All right, don't threaten me... I got a little bit more meat on me.
Never threaten somebody who's got more meat on them.
Stu Two...
Stu Three...
Stu Four...
Mort I'm talking about a closed hard fist no, open hands.
Stu You wanna play, alright let's play, I'll show you a nice little game
called "Kill Your Friend"
Mort what you crying about? If I could lift my arm I'd hit it again.
Stu you want more? Come on then, you fat water tank.
Stu I'll bite your goddamned leg off if you don't apologise to me for
calling me a moron.
Mort I didn't call you a moron. I called you an idiot, you crazy bastard.
Mort I've had enough of you, you crazy little pipsqueak. Don't you
ever bite me again. You could give me a blood disease.
Mort All right, we're not leaving this room until we've made up with
each other. We came here as friends and we're leaving as
friends. Now tell me we're friends you bastard.
Mort And tell me you had a good time on our vacation. Tell me!
Mort And you want to come on another vacation with us next year!
Stu Never!
Captain Blood
Blood Not this morning, thank you. As you say, a foolish article.
Now my Capitain, since you covet what is our joint
property, you may have her. Provided you are willing to
buy her.
Blood At the price you yourself put upon her: Twenty thousand
pieces of eight.
Arcite (to audience) Who fought all day then found the bone
was gone.
Murganah Then youre a fool. I will tell you this. I shall not enjoy
killing you. I loved you but you scorned that love.
Ahmed Murganah!
The Champion of Paribanou (2)
Alan Ayckbourn
Ahmed Aaaaaaahhh!
Ahmed Frightened?
Ahmed Ready
Murganah Ahmed.
Ahmed Murganah.
Murganah I should value that choice whilst you have it. Why
have you come here?
Anna Why?
Larry Yes
Anna Dan.
Beat
Why did you marry me? Why did you tell me you
wanted children?
Larry I dont give a FUCK about the spoils. You did this the
day we met; let me fucking hang myself, made me
feel... humiliated, for your amusement. Why didnt
you tell me the second I walked in the door?
Anna Yes.
Anna Different.
Larry Better?
Anna Gentler.
Anna No.
Anna Sometimes.
Did you have a bath because you had sex with him?
Anna Yes.
Anna Yes.
Anna Guilty.
Larry Where?
Anna Everywhere.
Anna Twice.
Larry How?
Anna Yes.
Larry Thats the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your
honesty. Now fuck off and die. You fucked up slag.
Closer (2)
Patrick Marber
Dan I apologize. If you love her, you'll let her go, so she can be
happy.
Dan She's gone back to you because she can't bear your
suffering. You don't know who she is! You'll hurt her. You'll
never forgive her.
Larry There's a good one. She never sent the divorce papers to
her lawyer. Now, to a towering romantic hero like you, I
don't doubt I am somewhat common, but I am nevertheless
what she has chosen, and we must respect what the
woman wants.
Dan When she came here, do you think she enjoyed it?
Larry I didn't do it to give her a nice time. I fucked her to fuck you
up. A good fight is never clean. And yeah, of course she
enjoyed it. As you know, she loves a guilty fuck.
Dan You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a
diagram.
Larry Have you ever see a human heart? It looks like a fist
wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself. You writer!
Larry Listen. I spent the whole of the last week talking about you.
I know all your little ways. Anna tells me you fucked her with
your eyes closed. She tells me you awaked in the night
crying for your mother, you mummy's boy. I could go on.
Shall we stop this?
Larry It's over. Accept it. You don't know the first thing about love.
Larry Dan. I lied to you. I did fuck Alice. Sorry for telling you. I'm
just not big enough to forgive you, buster.
Closer (3)
Patrick Marber
Anna Fine
Alice Everything. I like your bed. You should come round one
night, come and watch your husband blubbering into his
pillow it might help you develop a conscience.
Alice His big thing at the moment is how upset his family are.
Apparently, they all worship you, they cant understand
why you had to ruin everything. He spends hours staring
up my arsehole like theres going to be some answer
there. Any ideas, Anna?
Alice Maybe.
Alice So dont tell him, I think you owe me that. She even looks
beautiful when shes angry. The Perfect Woman.
Bill What?
Bill Leeds?
James Tell me all about it. See much of the town? Get out
to the country at all?
pause
James Aaah. You were down there for the dress collection.
You took some of your models.
Bill Did I?
Bill Oh?
Bill Did I really? What, the ones with the black initials?
James Yes, you had them on you in165.
Bill In what?
James 165.
Bill Well, thats a bit silly, isnt it? Booking a room and
not staying in it?
James 165 is just along the passage to142; youre not far
away.
James Yes.
silence
James Be careful.
James No?
James I see.
pause
Adam I love you, Jacie. I really do. Ive not had a great
deal of experience in these matters but I think what
youre trying to tell me, in a roundabout sort of way, is
that you love me too.
Jacie What?
Turkey (to Adam) Keep out of the way mate. No quarrel with
you. Just the tart. (To Jacie) Come on, unless you
want to feel it. Come on!
Turkey What?
Turkey Youre just about due for surgery, arent you? Learn
a few manners.
Turkey Yes
Adam You were wonderful. Where did that one come from?
Characters
Louis Anglesey, the Earl of Upnor: the finest swordsman in England and
owner of English slave girl Abigail Frome
Sergeant Bob Shaftoe of the Black Torrent Guard: beloved of Abigail
Frome and brother of L'Emmerdeur, the Vagabond King, who recently
stole King Solomon's gold
Notes: In the original fight the Earl of Upnor uses a rapier and
dagger and Bob uses a spear.
Earl of Upnor Sergeant Shaftoe, since we met last your brother has
achieved even greater infamy. Now the Battle of Aughrim has
been lost. I am not likely to see the sun rise again. But I can at
least thank Providence that she has placed you in my power,
that I may salvage something of the day by sending the
brother of L'Emmerdeur to Hell.
Bob Enough talking. I did not come here to make friends with you.
Upnor It's about the girl, isn't it? Abigail, my pretty slave. I had
forgotten.
Upnor Tell me, do you believe killing me will help you repossess her?
Bob Not really. She'll pass to your heirs and assigns, and I will kill
them.
Upnor You hesitate a second time! You could have cut me down
before I jumped across. Hark! Patrick Sarsfield's cavalry is
approaching, I do believe!
Bob Why are you playing message boy, my lord? Why is not St
Ruth doing his job?
Bob jumps the ditch and Upnor allows him to then closes swiftly, drawing his
dagger in his left hand.
Upnor Don't look at the poniard, silly man. You must fix your gaze
upon your opponent's eyes - just as Abigail Frome stares into
mine when I am pleasuring her.
Bob attacks, he clearly has planned this first set of moves, Upnor is
surprised.
Upnor You are a cold, cold, cold-blooded knave! I think you do not
care about Abigail at all!
Upnor You have been practising against someone who knows the
rapier. Tell me, did he show you this?
Upnor Lung?
Upnor Twill be a festering wound then. I will gladly supply you with a
quicker death if you will be so good as to let go of my weapon.
Upnor peels Bob's hand off his sword and stands, yanking it away.
Coriolanus
Hail, lords! I am return'd your soldier,
No more infected with my country's love
Than when I parted hence, but still subsisting
Under your great command. You are to know
That prosperously I have attempted and
With bloody passage led your wars even to
The gates of Rome. Our spoils we have brought home
Do more than counterpoise a full third part
The charges of the action. We have made peace
With no less honour to the Antiates
Than shame to the Romans: and we here deliver,
Subscribed by the consuls and patricians,
Together with the seal o' the senate, what
We have compounded on.
Aufidius
Read it not, noble lords;
But tell the traitor, in the high'st degree
He hath abused your powers.
Coriolanus
Traitor! How now!
Aufidius
Ay, traitor, Marcius!
Coriolanus
Marcius!
Aufidius
Ay, Marcius, Caius Marcius: dost thou think
I'll grace thee with that robbery, thy stol'n name
Coriolanus in Corioli?
Coriolanus
Hear'st thou, Mars?
Aufidius
Name not the god, thou boy of tears!
Coriolanus
Measureless liar, thou hast made my heart
Too great for what contains it. Boy! O slave!
Aufidius
Fix thy foot.
Coriolanus
Let the first budger die the other's slave,
And the gods doom him after!
Coriolanus
Cut me to pieces, Volsces; men and lads,
Stain all your edges on me. Boy! False hound!
(If you have writ your annals true, 'tis there,
That, like an eagle in a dove-cote, I
Flutter'd your Volscians in Corioli:
Alone I did it. Boy!)
Aufidius
Insolent villain!
Aufidius
My lords, when you shall know--as in this rage,
Provoked by him, you cannot--the great danger
Which this man's life did owe you, you'll rejoice
That he is thus cut off. Please it your honours
To call me to your senate, I'll deliver
Myself your loyal servant, or endure
Your heaviest censure.
The Count of Monte Cristo (1)
(Betrayal)
Fernand Hes in Paris. Hes very ill. How far back are the
gendarmes?
Edmond Minutes.
Fernand Good.
Edmond Complicated?
They fight.
They fight.
Fernand Edmond.
Edmond How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this
moment? With pleasure.
Edmond Its complicated. Lets just say its vengeance. For the
life you stole from me.
They fight.
Fernand Take your vengeance. But know that any blood you
spill of mine is noble blood that will never run
through your veins. Youre no more a Count than I
am a commoner!
Ravenhurst Sorry, if you were of noble blood Id... but Ill not
deign to soil my blade with your common blood.
Ravenhurst Perhaps the Black Fox will save you. Hes the hero
of the common people isnt he?
Ravenhurst No, fool. Well, actually, yes. But if I meet the Black
Fox I shall kill him like that! (Snaps fingers)
Black Fox Aye, the Black Fox. Play games with me will you.
Your life isnt worth that. (Snaps fingers)
Ravenhurst Now my gallant Fox, well see whose life isnt worth
that.
Ravenhurst Well, our game draws to an end. Now you shall die
and you shall die like that. (Snaps fingers) Do you
have a twitch?
Black Fox Well, Ravenhurst, your time is up. I shall have you
like that. (Snaps fingers)
Guiderius A thing
More slavish did I neer, than answering
A slave, without a knock.
Maffio Ill bet she worked for it. You want her to work for you
Marco, just pay the lady. Shell come. Thats her job.
What do you cost these days, Veronica? What would
it take for you to come and work for me?
Derisive laughter. Maffio furiously draws his rapier and lunges for
her. He is stopped by Marco.
Marco Maffio!
Madeleine Shes dead. These are the moments that make life worth living.
Madeleine Youre a fraud, a walking lie, and I can see right through you.
Helen You may have always won, but you never played fair.
Madeleine Ive raised a lot more than that in my time, you cheap, phoney,
hollow bitch.
Helen Yeah? Well, youve lost your one and only talent.
Madeleine Which was one more than you had, you former fatso.
Helen Pain! Ill tell you about pain. Bobby OBrien, Scott Hunter,
Ernest Menville - thats pain. They loved me. They were all I
had and you took them away from me. Not because you loved
them. Not because you cared, but just to hurt me. You hurt me
on purpose.
Helen Liar!
Madeleine Yeah? Did you think I was blind? Did you think I was deaf? I
couldnt hear what you and your snotty little friends were saying
about me behind my back? You thought I was cheap!
Madeleine How come you never invited me to one of those parties at your
parents house?
Helen Did!
Helen Did!
Helen Admit it
Madeleine No! You admit it! You look me in the eye and admit you thought
I was cheap.
Madeleine Coffee?
Helen Yeah.
Design For Living
Noel Coward
Leo You!
Otto Yes.
Otto Yes.
Leo I see.
Leo Shut up! Its too utterly beastly - the whole thing.
Otto You will - in time - when your acids have calmed down.
Im desperately tired.
Leo Otto.
Leo Look.
Otto Gilda!
Leo Of course.
Otto Shes gone!
Milton You were right about one thing. Ive been watching. But
Im no puppeteer, Kevin. I dont make things happen.
Doesnt work like that.
Milton Free will. Its like butterfly wings. Once touched, they
never get off the ground. I only set the stage. You pull
your own strings.
Phrase 1
Milton Got me! Thats it, step it up son! Hold onto the fury!
Phrase 2
Phrase 3
Milton That day on the subway, what did I say to you? What
were my words to you? Maybe its just your time to
lose.
Phrase 4
M or K I rest my case.
The Devil's Law-Case
John Webster
Fight
Fight
Sian It was five times actually. Once in her teens, once when
she lost her baby, once when she heard about me, once
when she was diagnosed with cancer and once more on
our wedding day. Poor old Mags. Attempting suicide; bit
of a habit really.
Hal You know I used to think Paige was the biggest bitch Id
ever met but Paige is an amateur compared to you.
Shes like a yappy little pug to your slavering hyena.
Hal Oh Do I?
Hal Pardon?
Sian You suck the life you of the living like a dried up
pusillanimous Bluebeard.
Sian Why dont you stop feeling sorry for yourself / and get on
with your life?
Hal Then pull off my head and devour it with your talons like
you did to that lobster.
Sian No.
Hal Shame.
Hal Nothing.
Hal Sian.
Sian What?
Hal Then why did you throw your self at me? Im your
husband.
Sian No.
Neil Well?
Alex Well?
Neil Pregnant.
Beat
Neil How about this? You sign the transfer form. Handing the
flat over to me. All of it.
Alex What?
Neil You cant sell it unless I agree and I dont. Wont. Not
ever. Youve got a nice big house with Ben now, Alex,
youve got to leave me something. Its five years of my
life -
Neil Not if you give me this. Here (Neil tries to hand Alex a
pen and the from. Alex backs off)
Alex no way.
Neil I gave you Ben, didnt I? Youve got exactly what you
want now sign the fucking form. (Neil grabs hold of
Alexs arm)
Alex No!
Neil You fucking sign it! Ill get another. I brought some
spares.
Neil No?
Neil Cmon Alex, I dont wanna hurt you, lets just have some
fun. How longs it been? This is the kind of scenario you
always talked about isnt it? I bet youre just wet thinking
about it. Is that right, babe? Are you nice and wet? (Neil
stuffs his hand down Alexs tracksuit pants) Oh my god,
you are loving it! Youre absolutely dripping - look! (Neil
brings his hand forth and holds it out dripping with
blood). Oh my God!
Alex What?
Neil Sign the form first. Youre not going 'til youve signed it.
Youll lose your kid. Whats more important?
Amorada Aha!
Querida I don't know who you are, but you will never love him
the way I do!
Amorada Oh!
Querida I may not have your youth and lost innocence. But you
do not have the desperation of a woman who has
married badly and longs for a lover's touch.
Amorada Never! I would rather die than forswear that for which I
live. In fact, given the choice it might be quite nice to
die in his arms.
Querida What?!?! Get out of his arms! You will die over there. If
anyone deserves death in his embrace, it is me, for his
love has wounded me deeper than the longest and
thickest dagger.
Amorada I am the one who was defeated! I am the one who gets
to die in his arms!!
Feraud Of course.
Feraud What reason would you like? Shall I spit in your face?
Shall I cut a chunk out of your backside or would that
be too ridiculous? How do you get out now, eh?
Through the window?
Feraud Now!
Edward Villain!
Erik Yes.
Erik Sh!
Erik No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I
couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite
honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual
feeling between two people...
Helga What?
Erik I'll kill you if you say anything about this to anyone.
Erik Scream.
Helga Ah.
Erik Louder.
Helga Aaagh! Rape!
Arthur Move aside! This is the Kings road, and the knights
you joined arms against were his very own.
Lancelot I will not. You must retreat or prove your worth in a test
of arms under the eyes of God.
I was in health
Roughman (aside)Too well, the devil take you!
Jane Julia! I shall never forget your face, when after all,
the plumber arrived.
Julia I didnt.
Jane Go - go - go away!
Tickletext Stay sir, stay,- let me ask you some few questions
first, for sir I have played at back-sword and could have
handled ye a weapon as well as any man of my time in the
University.
Petro Set your right foot forward, turn up your hand so dat be
de quart now turn it dus and dat be de tierce.
Tickletext Aye marry sir, thats a good one indeed! What shall
become of my head then, sir, what guard have I left for that
good Mr Monsieur, hah?
Jessep No.
Jessep Have you spent any time at all in an infantry unit, son?
We follow orders. We follow orders or people die. It's that
simple.
Jessep Boy, I'd love to know what in the world qualifies you to
pass judgement on me.
Kaffee But that's not what you said. You said he was being
transferred because he was in grave danger.
Kaffee No sir. You made it clear that your men never take
matters into their own hands. Your men follow orders or
people die. So Santiago shouldn't have been in any
danger at all, should he have, Colonel?
Jessep You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places
you don't talk about, you want me on that wall. You want
me there. You use words like 'honour', 'code', 'loyalty'...
we use those words as the backbone to a life spent
defending something. You use them as a punchline.
Kaffee Colonel Jessep, you have the right to remain silent. Any
statement you do make can be used against you in a trial
by court-martial or other judicial or administrative
proceeding. You have the right...
Jessep What the hell..? I'm being charged with a crime? That's
what this is?
Jessep I'm gonna tear your eyes right outta your head and piss
in your dead skull. You fucked with the wrong marine.
Jessep I saved lives. That boy was - there was a weak link. I
saved lives, you hear me?
Jack Comforter.
Tyler It's a blanket, just a blanket. Now why do guys like you
and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our
survival? In the hunter- gathered sense of the word?
No. What are we then?
Jack (looks at his watch)Oh, God, it's late. Hey, thanks for
the beer.
Tyler A hotel?
Jack Yeah.
Jack What?
Tyler Yes you did. Just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask,
man.
Tyler (indifferently)Yeah.
Jack ...Thanks.
Jack What?
Jack Why?
Tyler Right.
Jack Hit me again.
Tyler punches Jack in the stomach again. Tyler and Jack move
clumsily, throwing punches. They breathe heavier, drooling saliva
and blood, growing dizzier from every impact.
Tia Let me out of here! Open the door now! Yerd better let
me out of here or I swear to god! Let me out!
Tia I dont give a toss what you need. Let me out of here!
(AJ enters)
I'm just gonna lock the door and then I'm gonna make
sure you're okay, yeah?
AJ Who?
Tia You know who. Graham. You left me on my own with him!
I said last time I dint want him near me and you said
okay and now youve gone back on another promise
and..-
AJ Calm down!
AJ Don't worry about that. We'll get you some new tops.
Tia I were screaming for him to get off me but he just kept
doing it and laughing at me.
Tia Good. I told you not to let him come near me ever again.
Tia Yes you did because he paid yer. He told me. How much
has he give yer?
Tia Don't lie to me, AJ! He said it himself. You knew he were
coming so don't lie.
AJ Get off!
Tia Using me to pay your debts you-
AJ Like last time? You know the score. Itll be you who gets
banged up for whorin yourself out.
AJ You know what, forget it. I got plenty of other girls lined
up. Plenty. Much prettier than you an all. So go on. Get
out.
Look at the state of you. I'm gonna have to tell them all
the party's cancelled. Do you know how that's gonna
make me look?
Tia Let them in then. Im sorry. AJ. Please. Let them in.
Eddie Who?
May I am. Im gonna kill her, and then Im gonna kill you.
Systematically. With sharp knives. Two separate
knives. One for her and one for you. Im gonna torture
her first though. Not you. Im just gonna let you have
it.
May HA!
May Im not going back to that idiot trailer, if thats what you
think.
May No.
May Dont go
May Dont you touch me, dont you even think about it.
May You promised me that was finished. You can't start that
up all over again. You promised me.
Eddie What.
May It'll be the same thing over and over again. We'll be
together for a little while and then you'll be gone.
May You will. You know it. You just want me now because I'm
seeing somebody else. As soon as that's over, you'll be
gone again.
Silence
May Eddie -
May Eddie!!
Frankenstein
Nick Dear
Victor What?
Victor It speaks!
Victor A female!
Creature It is my right!
Victor I curse the day when you drew breath. Since then I
have lived in darkness. And now so will you!
Victor No, I will not. Torture me as much as you like, Ill never
consent!
Creature I could torture you. But I will reason with you. Isnt that
what we do? Have a dialogue!
Daisy Well, leave it there then. Just give me the fucking Valium.
Lisa Im sick, Daisy, you know that. But here you are in so-called
recovery, fucking cut up like a goddamn Virginia ham.
Lisa Help me out here Daise, I thought you didnt take Valium.
Tell me you dont drag that blade across your skin and pray
for the strength to press down. Tell me Daddy doesnt help
you cope with that. Illuminate me.
Lisa They didnt release you cos youre better Daisy. They just
gave up. You call this a life, Daisy? Taking Daddys money.
Eating his chicken, fattening up like a prize porker?
Everyone knows he fucks you, what they dont know..
Daisy But hey, thats OK, Its only natural. Happens to all of us.
The Girl's Guide to Saving the World
Elinor Cook
Jane Jesus. What are you doing? Climb back up here OK?
Bella Nope. Not moving. Not until the very last moment.
Bella You know what I remember? It was you. The one who
used to make me do this. You.
Beat
Jane I know.
Bella So scared that you - You decided to opt for the ultimate
get-out clause. The most convincing excuse not to
have to commit to anything. Ever.
Pause
Pause
Bella Why don't you stay down here with me, Jane?
Remember how good it used to feel?
Baron No.
Suffragette Im a reporter.
Leslie A reporter?
Leslie Well, its hardly that simple, but lets discuss it,
shall we?
Suffragette All right. Lets discuss the whole thing fully and
completely, right from the beginning. Do you want a
wife, a companion? Or just a woman?
Suffragette Why?
Waitress Our cheesecakes are all made from the nectar of the
gods mixed with the dextrous fingers of a hundred
virgins who have been whipped with bulrushes grown
by the banks of the Ganges.
Eddy OK, Ill have one Ive finished the coffee now and
wont have any liquid to wash the cake down with.
Eddy Not want but must not want but have to/you took so
long to bring the cake that I finished the coffee so
bring another
Waitress OK.
Waitress 2 Yeah.
Waitress 2 No, not really, not a big horny stiff thick hot pink one.
Waitress No!
Waitress 2 Yeah, it was all gnarled like an oak with a great big
knob on the end.
Waitress Yeah?
Manager Whats the matter, that you raise your voice you punk
and scum/fuck off!
Manager Ill cook you in a pie and serve you up for dessert.
Eddy Ill tear you all to pieces, rip out your arms and legs
and feed them to the pigs.
Manager Ill kick you to death and trample all over you/stab
you with carving knives and skin you alive.
Manager Weak.
Eddy Power.
Manager Dying.
Eddy Victor.
Eddy Tada.
The Hard Man
John McGrath and Jimmy Boyle
BYRNE enters
Bandit Bayonet
Byrne Hammer
Bandit Chains
Byrne Bottle
Bandit Blades
Byrne Screwdriver
Byrne What?!
Harriet I said I was sorry about that rate increase. Its the
times, dont ye know? I gave you the clergymens
discount, didnt I?
Filcher And I dont like to tell a harlot hers, but: "Less teeth,
more tongue."
Harriet Oh!
Filcher Now if you dont mind, Ill have my refund. And Ill be
by once a week to collect the churchs share o your
doings and absolve you of your sins. Tis a sinful
establishment youre runnin. And in such a God-
fearing community, Im the one man can make sure
yere not excommunicated for it. And then burned as a
witch.
Harriet I am no witch!
Harriet So thats how it works, is it? Ye hold our souls over our
heads. And we pay through the nose to get em back.
Harriet Doesnt the good book say, "Thou shalt not commit
extortion"?
Harriet Well, if thats how its gonna be, then Im right glad I
decided to steal your other pouch while you were lost
in the throes of carnal ecstasy.
Harriet People are such terrible gossips, Abbot. They moan all
manner of half-truths when they're caught up in a fit of
passion. Especially a jeweller. Our very own Abbot
soliciting donations from hardworking goldsmiths,
under threat of excommunication...
Filcher Shut up, harlot! They gave me those willingly. Every
one of em.
Prince For worms, brave Percy. Fare thee well, great heart.
Henry VI pt 1 (Act I, Sc. 2)
William Shakespeare
La Pucelle Dauphin, I am by birth a shepherd's daughter,
My wit untrain'd in any kind of art.
Heaven and our Lady gracious hath it pleased
To shine on my contemptible estate:
Lo, whilst I waited on my tender lambs,
And to sun's parching heat display'd my cheeks,
God's mother deigned to appear to me
And in a vision full of majesty
Will'd me to leave my base vocation
And free my country from calamity:
Her aid she promised and assured success:
In complete glory she reveal'd herself;
And, whereas I was black and swart before,
With those clear rays which she infused on me
That beauty am I bless'd with which you see.
Ask me what question thou canst possible,
And I will answer unpremeditated:
My courage try by combat, if thou darest,
And thou shalt find that I exceed my sex.
Resolve on this, thou shalt be fortunate,
If thou receive me for thy warlike mate.
My courage try by combat, if your darest,
And thou shalt find that I exceed my sex
Resolve on this, thou shalt be fortunate,
If thou receive me for thy warlike mate.
Joan I am prepared.
Hook Where are you going? Come back here and fight
me. Ill find you wherever you are, do you hear me?
Bad form, Peter. Peter, I swear to you, wherever you
go, wherever you are, I vow there will always be
daggers buried in notes signed James Hook. They
will be flung at the doors of your childrens childrens
children.
Peter Pan You got me, James Hook, Pan the avenger is back!
Peter Pan Put up your swords, boys, its Hook and me.
Hook Good form, old man. You know youre not really
Peter Pan, dont you? This is only a dream. When
you wake up youll just be Pete Panning, a cold,
selfish man, who drinks too much, is obsessed with
success and runs and hides from his wife and
children.
Hook I am not!
Peter Pan I want you to take your ship and go and I never want
to see your face in Never Land again.
Peter Pan
BAAAANNNNNEEEERRRRAAAAAAANNNNNGGG
GG!!!!!!
The Insatiate Countess
William Barksted and Lewis Machin
Isabella Rogero
Gniaca Ha!
Rogero What? Hath thy faith and reason left thee both,
That thou art only flesh without a soul?
Hast thou no feeling of thyself and me?
Blind rage that will not let thee see thyself!
Rogero Leave her, and leave thy shame where first thou
foundst it:
Else live like a bond-slave to diseasd lust,
Devourd in her gulf-like appetite,
And infamy shall write thy epitaph.
Thy memory leaves nothing but thy crimes
A scandal to thy name in future times.
Harry For fuck's sake shut the fuck up or Ill smack you in
your fat fucking head.
Harry You did what? . Let me get this right. Not only have
you refused to kill the boy, youve even stopped him
from killing himself. Which wouldve solved my
problem, which wouldve solved your problem and
which, it sounds like, would've solved the boys
problem!
Ken Yea, you do. Youve got the capacity to get fucking
worse!
Harry Oh, now were getting down to it !
Harry You fucking retract that bit about my fucking cunt kids !
Ken Alright ! I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Chrissy No.
Al No? No?
Al Is that right?
Al We was together.
Al You know.
Chrissy We been together in a lot of train stations.
Al Dont gimme that shit! You been with em; I know you
have.
Chrissy No I aint!
Al Bullshit!
Johnny Don't be daft. You slog all the way up here. Let's have
a drink -
Johnny What?
Johnny You miss her boy? She's your treasure? Bet it's hard to
sleep with her right next door. She in your dreams,
boy? She in your dreams?
Troy I'll mark you good, gyppo. I'll put you in the ground, you
Diddicoy maggot. Living on a rubbish tip. You're the
lowest piece of shit in this forest mate. Now, one more
time, cunt. Where's my daughter?
Troy Just fucking open your cockhole one more time, I'll
shut it for good.
Johnny When was it you were last up here, Troy? Jesus I don't
think I've seen you up here since you were fifteen,
sixteen. Do you remember that night we took a pack of
cards? The old ones with the devils on the back. And
we laid them out in a circle. Just there. In the dead of
night. You shook like a leaf. Couldn't stop.
Troy Shut the fuck up. You wanna say some more? You little
bitch. Little cocksucker.
Johnny You were terrified, boy. From that day you never came
back. Have you come to play again, boy? You want to
play again?
Troy It's you and me now, you fucking snake. I will beat you
into your grave. Into your grave, Gypsy.
Jessica Ah, there you are. Stand up. I want a word with you,
Ive taken all I care to take from you. Youre the worst
excuse for a human being that Ive ever run across.
Jessica Oh, I can forgive your ill manners and your ill temper.
I can forgive your vicious sense of humour. I can
even forgive your alcoholic phone calls in the middle
of the night. But what I cant forgive is un-
professionalism. Your behaviour last night on this
stage was nothing short of atrocious.
Jessica You know damn well. From the moment you strutted
down those stairs you pulled out every stop. You
snorted and bellowed like a wounded moose.
Patrick And while were at it, dont cross your legs on-stage.
Last night you sat on the sofa working you legs like a
pair of scissors.
Patrick The first three rows dont have to know you were
wearing black lace panties.
Jessica I bet you were the only one who noticed. Did you also
notice the bruise on my left thigh?
Jessica Listen you, I was doing leading ladies when you were
failing to get through adolescence. So dont tell me
how to act.
Jessica At least Ive got the guts to work outside this country.
Patrick The truth is your last two Broadway plays died in the
first week. You havent acted in the theatre for two
years. Youre living in the past, lady.
Jessica Bigger?
Patrick If we were both shrill, then how come only you get
slated?
Jessica Not now darling. I know a good exit line when I hear
it.
Killer Joe
Tracy Letts
Dottie Dear Jesus, thank you for the food. Thank you that we're
all here together. We're sorry Momma's dead. Please
forgive us for anything we did wrong. We would all like a
place to stay in Heaven too. Amen.
Joe We're leaving after this delicious meal. Ain't that right?
(DOTTIE nods)
Joe Dottie!
(Dottie leaves)
Chris That a girl. (to JOE) You can't have my sister, Joe.
Joe Chris, I can certainly appreciate your love for your sister,
but you have to cut the old apron strings sometime -
Chris I'm not gonna discuss it. She's my sister, I'm takin' her
with me. We're leavin' here.
Joe Say another word, little man, and I'll rip your head off
your shoulders.
Chris It didn't work out. You're gonna have to eat this one.
Kent Ay.
Kent Strike, you rascal! You come with letters against the
King, and take Vanity the puppet's part against the
royalty of her father.
Brampton Ah, but then, you see, I have. Plans and very little
patience.
Dermott Provided?
Donna Anna (she cant see him) And everything youve promised
will come true?
Donna Anna Every wish, every dream, every desire will come
true?
Don Juan (in his own voice) A light? (catching himself and
continuing in his assumed voice) Why a light?
Donna Anna So I may see the face I shall live with all the days of
my life. My darling just let me bring a torch
Donna Anna You lie! You assault my honour! Help, hes ruined
me!
Don Juan (in his own voice from here on) Dont shout so loud girl
you ring like a bell!
Don Juan I wish I were dead. It would be less dreadful than this
banging in my breast. My heart burst for you! My passion
madam knows no rest. You shine like the sun. My body turns
to ashes in your heart
Don Juan Tell me your desires the same.
Donna Anna You were enraged. You threw away your life.
Donna Anna You beautiful boy. Wake up, oh do wake up..! The
cup of delight I had raised to my lips, and still I spill it.
Don Juan I must have died and gone to heaven..! Are you an
angel? You have the face of one
Donna Anna You have a lot of chat for one whos half dead. Must
be the shock.
Don Juan My lady Anna. It is not too late for love. I feel my
strength returning. (he struggles to sit up, but the effort is too
much)
Algren Nineteen.
Algren Yes.
Algren Why?
Merteuil Where?
Valmont Ive been more than patient about this little whim of
yours, but enough is enough and I really must insist
you call a halt to it.
(Silence.)
Valmont Shes ill, you know. Ive made her ill. For your sake.
So the least you can do is get rid of that colourless
youth.
Mairead That was the object, to have your fecking eye out.
Mairead Go ahead and tell Mam, only you'll have to tell her with
no eyes!
Davey I didn't touch the poor fella, I swear it! A car it must
have been clobbered him.
Davey You'd have blinded your own brother over a dead cat.
Mairead How?
Dirk Oh.
Francis So am I.
Dirk What?
Francis Ha!
Dirk I did!
Dirk I did!
Francis We are!
Dirk and Francis hide as two soldiers pass through the room
Jason No.
Agent Exactly.
Jason Ohh!
Jason I want you to tell them to shove this play right up their
fucking assholes! Tell them Id rather hammer a rusty
nail into my left eyeball than
Jason Fuck all these second rate cunts who wouldnt know
art if it bit them through their intestinal tract. And Fuck
you. Im supposed to fucking care what you think?
Are you mad?
Agent No one had done anything to you, you got a little bit
famous, had too much Cocaine and Jamesons and
had a crackup in front of the eyes of Soho. Do you
think I can sell you anymore? Frinton-on-Sea
wouldnt hire you to sell Cornettos, you ungrateful,
arrogant fuck!
Eleanor To Rome?
Henry Lamb, Ill be rid of you by Easter: you can count your
reign in days.
Henry Ah, poor thing. How can I break the news? Youve
just miscalculated. You should have lied to me. You
should have promised to be good while I was gone. I
would have let your three boys loose.
Henry Wouldnt I?
Eleanor She did. She said she never loved your father.
Eleanor We did it. You were in the next room when he did it!
Well, what family doesnt have its ups and downs?
The Lodger
Simon Burke
Wise in his lounge. Enter Lois. He looks at her. She looks at him.
She knows something has happened. He has an odd far-away
look on his face. When he speaks, it sounds almost ghostly:
Lois No. I didnt think there is anything I want to tell you. Its
over, isnt it? Whatever it was.
A frozen silence.
Eventually:
Wise ARGGGH
She just turns and makes quietly for the door. He jumps up and
bars her way. Now hes trembling:
Lois Out.
Wise Where?
Lois Away.
Wise Where?
Lois Anywhere.
Wise Arent you even going to bother denying it? Its true, isnt
it? Its fucking TRUE.
Wise Get out of your way? Is that it? Is that fucking it? Am I in
your way? What happens to people who get in your way?
Is that fucking IT?
Lois Why didnt you tell me what you were, are you any
better?
Lois loses her temper and starts to struggle. He goes to slap her
hard but holds back at the last second. He pauses, panting
heavily.
Lois Why is it so bad? What have I done I didnt have to? End
of story. Now leave me alone.
Lois You lied to yourself it was all in your stupid head You
never liked me
She breaks free and retreats; he follows her round the room.
Wise So thats what I had to do, I had to fucking pay you, thats
all.
Lois No
Lois No.
Wise Why did you come here? I was happy. God you must
have laughed up there in your room
Lois No.
He lashes her across the face. For a second they both stare at
each other in shock, breathing heavily.
What have you done to me? What have you fucking done
to my life?
Lois Yes. I came all the way here just to fuck your life. Does
that make you feel better? Do you give a shit whether its
true or not?
She lunges at him and makes a break for the door. He leaps at
her and pulls her back by the hair. This time he has lost all control
and as she flails at him he hammers at her. She cries out in pain
and fear
Blackout.
Liz Lily, you can refuse to talk to me on the phone and you can
not let me into your house, but you cant kick me out of
Ginas apartment.
Lily Fine.
Lily What you want, Liz, is not a high priority with me right now.
Liz Come on! What happened was bad, but we could work
through it. Last week, when you were falling apart we were
almost communicating
Lily Oh, now you want me to fall apart again! Thats lovely
Lily And thats why you slept with my husband, I suppose. Very
effective reasoning, Liz. Once again, your logic is right on
track.
Liz Look, Im not the only one at fault here. I mean, all this shit
with Miles was hardly innocent.
Lily I set you up on a bad date! You slept with my husband! Its
not exactly the same thing!
Pause.
Liz Fine. Thats fine with me. I never liked you anyway. Now, at
least I dont have to pretend.
Liz Not anymore! I admit it, ALL RIGHT? I fucked him to get at
you! I fucked your husband, and the whole time, I was
thinking about you. [You bitch!!] Sorry.
Soldier Its no more than 4 days walk to the palace. Why are
we still here?
Soldier Then why are we still here? What are you afraid of?
Soldier Braggard.
Soldier Murderer!
Tereus Corpse!
Tereus Wars make death acceptable. The Gods are less cruel
if it is mans fault.
Lovers and Executioners
John Strand
Don Lope The rumour I have heard, dare you deny it?
Don Lope No, no! Do not try it! Sir, do you hope to make
Constance your wife?
Frederick Halt! (in pain) If you kill me, you kill a royal
magistrate.
Don Lope Stand still you snail and fight like a man!
Frederick Impossible!
Don Lope For that very task, Madam, I have been bred.
Constance You will win that battle, Captain, only in your dreams.
I am free to choose my lover.
Don Lope Your insults do not harm me. These I rise above.
And I counterattack be reasserting my love.
Constance Captain, give up. You shall not win this heart.
Enter Johanna
King Bleed!
King No!
Evadne I am!
Aspatia When you know me, my lord, you needs must guess
My business, and I am not hard to know,
For till the chance of war marked this smooth face
With these few blemishes, people would call me
My sister's picture, and her mine: In short
I am the brother to the wronged Aspatia.
Aspatia Thou art there already, and these wounds are hers.
The threats I brought with me sought not revenge,
But came ti fetch this blessing from thy hand.
I am Aspatia yet.
The Mark of Zorro
John Taintor Foote & Garrett Fort
Capitan Quiet you popinjay, Ive no reason for letting you live
either.
Zorro What?
Zorro No.
Zorro Come on. I havent the time to give you the proper
instruction.
Elena So arrogant!
Zorro Ha!
Medea Loathe on! Your bitter voice how I abhor the sound!
Medea Why all the noise? Why are you hammering at the
door? You're a little late to be looking for your family.
Medea No, it was your lust, and the insult of your new
marriage. The heavens know who started this.
Medea You rejected them, sent them into exile, and now you
want their kisses?
Hermia Puppet! Why, so? Ay, that way goes the game!
Now I perceive that she hath made compare
Between our statures; she hath urgd her height;
And with her personage, her tall personage,
Her height, forsooth, she hath prevaild with him.
And are you grown so high in his esteem
Because I am so dwarfish and so low?
How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak:
How low am I? I am not yet so low
But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.
Hermia Why, get you gone! Who ist that hinders you?
Moirron Monsieur Moliere, are you sure you wont regret this?
I know a secret. And theres still a king in France.
Monsieur.
Moliere I thank you for your loyalty. I can see very clearly
now. My heart might have softened towards you
before you said that, but now its too late, you
pathetic little gipsy.
Moirron Father.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Dennis Man!
Arthur Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over
there?
Arthur What?
Arthur I did say sorry about the 'old woman,' but from the
behind you looked
Dennis Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By
exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated
imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an'
social differences in our society! If there's ever going to
be any progress
Arthur The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest
shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the
bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence
that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am
your king! And why you should grace me with silence.
Arthur Shut up, Shut up, Shut up you bloody fool, will you be
silent I wont tell you again.
Menelaus You know very well. I want you to give up this Orestes
business. No more search parties. No more public
prayers. No more sacrifices and libations and tearing
at your dress.
Menelaus Your faith becomes you, but your brother fled raving
into the wilderness. Shall we look at the situation with a
clear eye?
Menelaus It's only my presence here that has kept the mob from
tearing you apart.
Menelaus It's not the rights or wrongs that make a king. It's
whose ass is on the throne. And just at the moment
mine is.
Menelaus I have two sons. and Agamemnon barely has the one.
Two sons, two kingdoms. It has a certain symmetry.
Electra Yes, very neat. Well, if you're already king, what do you
want from me?
Electra I can't forget. Why should they? And I won't let them.
How can you - ? You've made a sewer of the world.
And now you want to rule? You have no right! I won't
let you!
Menelaus Oh, it's not Orestes who wants to rule. It's Electra. Isn't
that what this is all about? Orestes, poor incapable
little mite, sitting on the throne. Electra standing behind
him telling him what to do. Isn't that what you've
always wanted? A chance to make the world behave?
Val What?
Ray Come on, I want to talk to you. Ive got something for
you. Come on. Now. Val.
Val What?
Val Who?
Ray How many times? How many times you fucking seen
this Peter then? I mean what are you humping
him?
Ray Are you fucking him? Cos you looked a little bit too
fucking friendly to me!
Ray Oy, dont fucking walk way from me. Come here.
Val No, I go round there, right, 'cos I cant stand this, see,
I cant stand you.
Val No, I mean, I cant stand this, I cant stand this, all the
time
Olive I see.
Florence Undependable
Florence Thats it. Im finished. Now youve been told off. How
do you like that?
Olive Not me, you idiot! Your! Youre the one whos going.
Ill fix your siren so it can whistle for a cab.
Oscar I see.
Felix Undependable.
Felix Thats it. Im finished. Now youve been told off. How
do you like that?
Oscar Its no use running, Felix. Theres only six rooms and
I know all the shortcuts.
Oscar Not me, you idiot! Your! Youre the one whos going.
Ill fix your siren so it can whistle for a cab.
Oedipus What you? How dare you come here? How can you
find the impudence to show yourself before my
house, when you are clearly proven to have sought
my life and tried to steal my crown? Why, do you
think me then a coward, or a fool, that you should try
to lay this plot? You were made, so to attempt the
throne, poor and unaided: this is not encompassed
without the strong support of friends and money!
Creon This you must do: now you have had your say, hear
my reply; then yourself shall judge.
OEDIPUS What then, thou knowest, and yet willst not speak!
Wouldst thou betray us and destroy the State?
TEIRESIAS Thy frown I dread not, for thou canst not harm me.
Yea, I am free, strong in the strength of truth.
TEIRESIAS Hear then: this man whom thou hast sought to arrest
With threats and warrants this long while, the wretch
Who murdered Laius--that man is here.
Co-partner, and assassin of his sire.
Go in and ponder this, and if thou find
That I have missed the mark, henceforth declare
I have no wit nor skill in prophecy.
On Emotion
Mick Gordon & Paul Broks
Anna Lucy!
Lucy You wouldn't! How could you? You would never. You're
my best friend.
Anna You're frightened Lucy. It's why you sleep with so many
stupid men and think it's the same as falling in love.
Lucy I should have let you kill yourself.
Anna Now!
Jo No.
Jo No.
Harry Of what?
Harry For fuck's sake tell me what you want. What do you
want?
Jo Rape me.
Jo Yes.
Jo Pussy.
Jo Yes.
Jo Yes.
Jo Yes.
Harry I've got big shoulders. I can take you on. You can't
push me away. Women don't ask to be raped. You
don't want to know what it feels like.
Beringar My gage is lying upon the floor. You only have to take
it up. I have not withdrawn it.
Beringar Are you saying that the child lies? To what end?
Tiff Hey college, I got words for you. Alright, I'm just gonna
put it to you straight, College; I've been harbouring
some... really bad hate in my heart for you.
Tiff You saved me from some shit you got me into. Don't
be surprised if there's not a national holiday declared in
your name.
Piper If I had to label it, I'd have to say that I'm a secular
humanist.
Tiff You're not religious, okay? Just stop. Stop. You believe
in Hussein Obama? Electric cars and Shakespeare
books and do you go out to eat to restaurants? I don't
have any of that, okay? All I have is Him.
Tiff Don't ask for my forgiveness. You should ask for His
forgiveness. You need to get right with Him... And then,
we don't have to fight anymore.
Piper Oh, no. Oh, no. You do not wanna fight with me right
now, crazy.
Tiff I don't wanna fight you. I wanna end you right now.
Tiff Hi Mr Healy!
Noise
What is that?
Tuan Gu Cheng Ying has lied to you. He told you some story
and, like a child, you have taken him at his word.
Cheng Bo Cheng Ying could have lied to me. China did not lie to
me. I made a journey and I saw what I saw. I set out as
a child. I crossed seven rivers twice over. Cruelty killed
the child in me and left me with this mystery to solve.
Tuan Gu Is it not most cruel to kill one who has been a father to
you?
Cheng Bo I will not kill you unless you beg me to. The crowd will
demand and answer from you, and they will make you
pay at length for their suffering.
Cheng Bo I loved you once. Your fear has killed you. No one will
fear you now.
Our Lady of 121st Street
Stephen Adly Girguis
Norca Girl. You are looking too fine. Jesus. How long its
been.
Inez Walter and I have been divorced for 5 years now baby.
I hope the bastards got leukaemia.
Norca I mean you funny like how you make your face look
when you say shit, like when you said suspect.
Norca Yes you are, and its funny. Dass all. Its a compliment,
OK? Cuz sometimes I think about funny things you
usta say that was funny, or how your face looked like
when you was reactin ta something like in school
or when we had them sleepovers at your aunts house
or, like, ya know, all the times we was together
and , I think to myself, damn, that bitch was funny,
and I wanna juss laugh, and I do laugh, and its helpful
to laugh sometimes and dass cuz of you, so dass
all.
Inez Well, Norca, other than, Gee, girl, your0 fat ass
bounced off my kitchen table real nice when you was
servin up your stank pussy to my husband other
than that, I admit Im drawing a complete blank.
Norca Whatever
Norca No I aint!
Norca I will!
Inez OK.
Inez OK.
Eteocles The time for talking has passed. There is now way
that we shall be reconciled except on the terms I have
stated: that I retain the throne and rule this land of
Thebes. Leave me be, Polynices. You had better
take yourself outside the city walls, on pain of death.
Eteocles She is close by, not far away. Do you see these
hands of mine?
Polynices Yes, I can see them, but wealth breeds cowardice and
an abject fondness for life.
Polynices The same goes for you. But I repeat my demand for
rulership and a portion of the land.
Jack Only a little. You know what youre doing. Ill give you
that. Excellent form. But hows your footwork? If I
step here; very good. Now I step again. Ta. That is a
wonderful trick except, once again you are
between me and my way out. And now you have no
weapon. Who makes all these?
Will No.
Will No! I cannot just step aside and let you escape.
Nell The clock has struck four. Ill show that Mrs. Marshall
who is the better actress! Disguised as a gentleman,
what better way to impress her husband the director?
Chris What the hell do you think youre playing at? What the
hell have you done to my pub?
Alistair We said before wed pay our way. You wont be out of
pocket.
Chris Who the hell do you think you are? I dont want your
money.
Chris Dont start with me, my friend. What the hell dyou think
gives you the right -
Alistair Sit. Down. This is what happens. You go back out there
quietly and we do this and we pay you. We pay you a
large amount of money - in cash - we pay you and we
go away and everyones happy. Alright?
Chris Think you can buy your way out of everything, dont
you? People like you think the world -
Prince You will fail, what kind of army are you, half of you
are wet liberals, the other half women, and everyone
knows all women are shall we say, very highly strung,
not practical or in the least bit pragmatic.
Soldier Thats very funny sir, are you trying to tell me you
have some?
Soldier Never!
Prince I think that I will kill you with my hands in the name of
Allah and all my glorious Ancestors before me.
Soldier You sir, will die in Allahs name I, on the other hand
will live to fight another day like the true solider that
I am.
Prince Your speech does not surprise me, are not most
women prone to fantasy?
Westley Then Ill explain. And Ill use very small words so that
youll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
Westley It wont be the last. To the pain means the first thing
you lose will be the feet, below the ankles. Then your
hands, at the wrist. Next, your nose...
Westley I hadnt finished. The next you lose will be the left eye,
then the right.
Westley Wrong! Your ears you keep and Ill tell you why: so that
every shriek of every child whos seen your hideousness
will be yours to cherish; every babe that weeps at your
approach; every woman who cries out, Dear God! What is
that thing? will echo in your perfect ears. Thats what To
the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish,
wallowing in freakish misery for ever.
Fight
Rugen Good heavens. Are you still trying to win? Youve got
an over-developed sense of vengeance. Its going to
get you into trouble someday.
Rugen Yes.
Kill
Private Lives
Noel Coward
Elyot Its very late and it will annoy the people upstairs.
Elyot This is no time of the year for Tunis. (He turns the
gramophone off)
He flings her away from him, she staggers, and falls against a
chair. They stand gasping at one another in silence for a moment.
Amanda I am; let go of me - (He pulls her away from the door,
and once more they struggle. This time a standard
lamp crashes to the ground) Youre a cruel fiend, and
I hate and loath you; thank God Ive realised in time
what youre really like; marry you again, never, never,
never .... Id rather die in torment -
Elyot (at the same time) Shut up; shut up. I wouldnt marry
you again if you came crawling to me on your bended
knees, youre a mean, evil minded, little vampire - I
hope to God I never set eyes on you again as long as
I live -
He stops.
Rothko Like I care. When you pay the rent, you can pick the
records.
Beat.
Rothko What?
Ken You heard me.
Rothko Look at their work. Not like you usually look at things, like
an overeager undergraduate
Ken I have.
Rothko You know the problem with those painters? They are
painting for this moment, right now. And thats all.
Because those goddamn galleries will do anything for
money. Thats business young man, not art!
Ken You ever get tired of telling people what art is?
Rothko No, not ever. Until they listen. Better you should tell me?
Fuck off.
Ken Youre just mad because the Barbarians are at the gate.
And whattaya know, people seem to like the Barbarians.
Rothko Of course they like them. Thats the goddamn point! You
know what people like? Pretty. Beautiful. Nice. Fine.
Thats our life now! Well let me tell you, everything is not
fine!
Ken So said the Cubist, the second before you stomped him
to death. You guys went after the Cubists and Surrealists
and, boy, did you love it. And now your time has come
and you dont want to go. Well, exit stage left, Rothko.
Because Pop Art has banished Abstract Expressionism. I
only pray to God they have more generosity of spirit than
you do, and allow you some dignity as you go.
Rothko What?
Ken Two years Ive been working here. Eight hours a day, five
days a week and you know nothing about me.
Rothko What is - ?
Rothko I suppose.
Rothko Yes.
Ken Stop it
But then, nothing is ever good enough for you! Not even
the people who buy your pictures. So who is good
enough to own your art?! Anyone? You say you spend
your life in search of real human beings. But in your
heart you no longer believe those people exist. My
friend, I dont think youd recognise a real human being if
he were standing right in front of you.
Never mind.
You do make one salient point, though not the one you
think. I do get depressed when I think how people are
going to see my pictures. If theyre going to be unkind.
Selling a picture is like sending a blind child into a room
full of razor blades. Its going to get hurt and its never
been hurt before, it doesnt know what hurt is. Thats why
these are different. You dont understand my intention.
Ken Your intention is immaterial. The art has to speak for
itself. Just admit your hypocrisy. Sure you can kid
yourself youre making a holy place of contemplative
awe, but in reality youre just decorating another dining
room for the super-rich.
Rothko You think Im kidding myself. You think its all an act of
monumental self-delusion... Answer me.
Ken Yes.
Beat.
Im fired, arent I?
Steph I though you didn't want me to, thought you said it was
stupid.
Greg And again with the mouth. / Stop!! My God, you're like
a Chris Rock concert or something... with all the...
Steph Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU! FUCK
YOU!!
Greg OK, you know what? I don't have to stand here and
take this... I don't. You've got a real issue with your
temper there, Steph...
Greg I'm sorry but it's true - you're acting crazy now! Like a
fucking nutcase!
Steph Tell me what you said. TELL ME, I just want you to say
it and then I'll stop!
Greg It's not... / I didn't say... How did this happen, why are
you such a freak? I mean, this is like a serious
personality glitch you've got there...
Steph THEN SAY IT! SAY IT. Just do it and I will quit.
Greg Fine. /
Steph Or anything like that? At all? / You got this far, don't
fuck it up now...
Greg I said... no, what I said was, I know what I said now... It
was, like, umm, 'Yeah, well, maybe Steph hasn't got a
face like that girl's - maybe her face is just regular - but
I wouldn't trade her for a million bucks.' Something like
that.
Steph OK.
Lily Never mind about that the exit was too quick.
Lily It was too quick, I tell you, its been too quick the
whole week; the whole numbers too quick
Lily Oh, youre Fred Astaire all right, with a bit of Pavlova
thrown in theres nothing you cant do, except
behave like a gentleman.
Navarre One more Protestant, one less. Who cares! You can
be proud. Proud to rule over a country full of dead
bodies. Paris is a cemetery. Your subjects are either
dead or covered in shame! They were my wedding
guests and you used me as bait for the massacre.
Navarre You want us all dead. God will punish you! Our
brethren will come from all over to avenge us.
Navarre Do what you like with me. Its too late, youre all
damned. God will punish you for this.
Frank Okay, okay, don't tell me. Don't tell me; let me guess. I
made a disgusting spectacle of myself.
April Right.
Frank And everything that man said is true. Right? Isn't that
what you're going to say?
April The in-- the in-- the inabil-- the inability to - Oh. Oh,
Frank, you really are a wonderful talker! If black could
be made into white by talking, you'd be the man for the
job. So now I'm crazy because I don't love you - right?
Is that the point?
Frank No. Wrong. You're not crazy and you do love me; that's
the point.
April But I don't. In fact I loathe the sight of you. You're just
someone who made me laugh at a party once.
Frank Well, what the hell are you living in my house for if you
hate me so much, huh? Will you answer me that? Why
the hell do you fuck me?
You know what you are when you're like this? You're
sick. I really mean that. You're sick!
Frank Oh yeah?
April Just because you've got me safely in this little trap, you
think you can bully me into feeling whatever you want!
Frank You're not worth the powder it'd take to blow you up.
You're an empty, hollow fucking shell of a woman. It's
not my fault you didn't turn out to be an actress, and
the sooner you get over that little piece of soap opera,
the better off we'll both be.
Richard III
William Shakespeare (Boldly Adapted)
Anne Foul devil, for Gods sake hence, and trouble us not,
For thou has made the happy earth thy hell.
Anne Fouler than heart can think thee, thou canst make
No excuse current but to hang thyself.
Richard Then let him thank me that holp to send him thither.
For he was fitter for that place than earth.
Richard Yes, one place else; if you will hear me name it.
Anne Some dungeon.
Isabelle Yes
Diana Yes.
Diana You dont know how lucky you are. I tell you money
is only worth something to the poor.
Marion Bloody hell. Bloody hell eh, can't even get us summat
to eat now.
Marion Give us a swig. (she takes the bottle and drinks. Brian
tries to grab it back) Eh, eh, I've not finished yet.
Brian You don't think you're having all me drink and not
giving us a shag do you?
Marion Oh, that's that then is it? You're a selfish bastard you,
Brian. You know what your pissing problem is don't you
eh?
Brian What?
Marion You don't know how to treat a woman.
Marion What?
Marion What was that? What was fucking that! HOLD STILL
YOU, YOU BASTARD!
Marion I'll kill you, Brian. I'll kill! I'm not joking.
Marion You what? This is your cunting fault all this! Get here
now!
Brian You've shown me up tonight 'a'nt you eh? You fat arsed
twat. Get home now!
Laxton Coachman.
Exit Coachman.
Moll Do you ask that now, sir? Why was this meeting
pointed?
Laxton Whos this? Moll? honest Moll? Ill swear I know thee
not.
Moll Ill swear you did not: but you shall know me now.
Moll Yes, heres the point that I untruss: t has but one tag;
twill serve tho to tie up a rogues tongue.
Laxton How?
Moll Theres the gold with which you hired your hackney.
(Attacking him) Heres her pace. She racks hard, and
perhaps your bones will feel it!
They fight.
Laxton I do repent me! Hold!
Robin Hood You do look sour, Gisbourne. Whats the matter? Run
out of hangings?
Guy Youre a very rash young man. This time I will not
waste Norman steel on you.
Robin Fluently.
Will I was.
Robin How did you get away? Wait - nobody escapes the
sheriff unless hes lining his pockets.
Robin You were to use these news to get close to me then kill
me, right Will? -- What are your intentions?
Will From knowing from knowing that our father loved you
more than me!
Robin No!
Robin Maybe its not very noble but its the only way to
answer to a liar.
Will Really?
Rosencrantz Practice.
Rosencrantz Cheating.
Guildenstern How?
Guildenstern What?
Rosencrantz Hah!
Guildenstern Why?
Rosencrantz Why not?
Guildenstern Who?
Rosencrantz No.
Guildenstern When?
Rosencrantz What?
Rosencrantz Am I dead?
Willmore This can be none but my pretty gipsy. Oh, I see you
can follow as well as fly. Come, confess thyself the
most malicious devil in nature; you think you have
done my business with Angellica -
Willmore Ha, tis not she! Who art thou, and whats thy
business?
Angellica One thou hast injured, and who comes to kill thee
fort.
Willmore Angellica!
Angellica Yes, traitor! Does not they guilty blood run shivering
through thy veins? Hast thou no horror at this sight,
that tells thee thou hast not long to boast thy
shameful conquest?
Willmore Ha, tis not she! Who art thou, and whats thy
business?
Angellica One thou hast injured, and who comes to kill thee
fort.
Willmore Angelica!
Angellica Yes, traitor! Does not thy guilty blood run shivering
through
thy veins? Hast thou no horror at this sight, that tells
thee
thou hast not long to boast thy shameful conquest?
Willmore Faith, no, child. My blood keeps its old ebbs and
flows still,
and that usual heat too, that could oblige thee with a
kindness, had I but opportunity.
Angellica Devil! Dost wanton with my pain? Have at thy heart!
Willmore Faith, child, I thank God I have ever took care to lead
a
good, sober, hopeful life, and am of a religion that
teaches
me to believe I shall depart in peace.
Angellica All this thoust made me know, for which I hate thee.
Had I remained in innocent security,
I should have thought all men were born my slaves,
And worn my power like lightening in my eyes,
To have destroyed at pleasure when offended.
But when love held the mirror, the undeceiving glass
Reflected all the weakness of my soul, and made me
know
My richest treasure being lost, my honour,
All the remaining spoil could not be worth
The conquerors care or value.
Oh, how I fell, like a long- worshiped idol
Discovering all the cheat.
Would not the incense and rich sacrifice
Which blind devotion offered at my altars
Have fallen to thee?
Why wouldst thou then destroy my fancied power?
Willmore Sure..
Angellica Another word will damn thee! Ive heard thee talk too
long.
The Secret of the Unicorn
Herg
Red Rackham So, I've caught you, you miserable cur. You'd
blow us sky high, would you?
Red Rackham You won't have the pleasure. I'll skin you alive
before I even douse that fuse. Retreat as you
may, you will not escape me.
Characters
Signora Pantalone Wife of a rich nobleman of Venice, mother of Clarice
Signora Lombardi Father of Silvio
Lombardi You can tell me shes keeping her prior promise. You
can tell me shes marrying my son.
Lombardi You know not with whom you trifle Signora Pantalone.
My family has a good name and influence throughout
the whole republic of Venice.
Pantalone Ill slice off your head and parade it around the
Piazza.
P or L Quite, yes.
The Servant of Two Masters (Male Version)
Carlo Goldoni
Characters
Signor Pantalone A rich nobleman of Venice, mother of Clarice
Dr Lombardi Father of Silvio
Pantalone Dr Lombardi
Lombardi You can tell me shes keeping her prior promise. You
can tell me shes marrying my son.
Lombardi Your word is not your bond, Sir. Your reputation isnt
worth a spoiled fig and you left your integrity long ago
when you lost your youth and virility.
Lombardi You know not with whom you trifle Signor Pantalone.
My family has a good name and influence throughout
the whole republic of Venice.
Pantalone Ill slice off your head and parade it around the
Piazza.
P or L Quite, yes.
Serving It Up
David Eldridge
Nick I might not be out as much but I'm still going to trip out.
You watch, we'll be doing lines through fifty quid notes.
Nick Do what?
Sonny Nothing.
Sonny Nothing.
Nick I don't...
Nick Sonny...
Sonny Oh yeah...
Sonny What..?
Nick Val...
Sonny Val?
Nick I...
Sonny No. No. I thought the jumper and the card from you
was strange.
Sonny You left the price tag on. Nine fucking ninety-nine - is
that what she's worth?
Nick Sonny -
Sonny Don't fucking speak to me. I trusted you. I would die for
you, you cunt!
Nick It's only happened twice.
Nick No.
Sonny Aaah, you cunt! Don't you fucking cry. Get up. Get out.
Go on, fuck off!
Sharpes Challenge
Bernard Cornwell
General William Dodd, commander in chief of the armies of Raja Kanday Row, an
Indian prince rebelling against the British.
Sergeant Sharpe, a British spy posing as a deserter who has recently joined the
Raja's army to discover their plans.
Vadius They wont get tripe like that from you and me.
Vadius When?
If its a piece of juvenilia
Trissotin No
I finished it about a month ago.
Andrew Terribly funny fellow. I once saw him bag three brace
of duck with one shot.
Milo No!
Andrew Yes. Three brace with one shot! The only trouble
was, they were the china ducks on the auntys
drawing room wall. I said Oh Charlie, you cant do
that, its the close season. Its not really all that
funny. Theres an open season on some creatures
all the year round, Seducers and wife stealers for
example.
Milo Whats brought all this on? What are you doing with
that sword?
Milo You mean all this steal my wifes jewels stuff was just
a...
Milo And now shes in love with me, and the dog in the
manger wont let go. The mad dog in the manger
who should be put down for everyones sake.
Milo Thanks.
Milo Obliged.
Eduardo How 'bout now? Are you still wired in? You issued over
twenty-four million shares of stock.
Eduardo How much were your shares diluted? How much were
Sean's?
Mark You think we were gonna let you parade around in your
ridiculous suits pretending you were running this
company?
Dave Where is it? I'm only going to ask you this once, Laura.
Once. And then I swear I'm going to get angry.
Laura Who?
Laura What 'boys'? You live in a world of your own, you do.
Dave One.
Dave Two.
Laura Let go of me.
Dave Three.
Dave I'll leave alright. Just as soon as you tell me what you
did with it. You probably sold it. Sold it to pay for a
holiday with your fuckin' fancy man. Is that what you
did?
Dave Just tell me who it is. Come on, I can take it. Tell me
who you've been getting friendly with.
Dave Well, probably I'll just smash your brains out shall I?
Eh? Maybe I'll finish it right here. How would you like
that.
Laura I'll tell you something. I cared about you. You don't care
about me so do you know what suddenly - I don't care
about you.
Dave One word of advice. Don't ever, never fuck with me.
And if I ever catch you with another man I will kill you.
Stoning Mary
Debbie Tucker-Green
M ...To smell. Have his smell. Smell his smell, smell his smell
on him smell his smell on me. The never-get-used-to-that,
the never-get-enough-of-that. Me doin that. Waitin for that.
That smell. That. His. Him. Doin that. Me. Miss it. To
Smell
D He smelt of you.
M He smelt of him.
D He smelt of you.
M He smelt like
M It reminds me of him.
M Good
D Not by you.
Swetnam the Woman Hater Arraigned by Women
Anonymous
Marlowe Keep away from him, unless you want to feel the
sharp end of my sword. My quarrel is with Judas
here, but come forward if you want some of this.
Theres enough for him and extra for you if you want
it.
Blaize What fury is this? Have you lost hold of your senses?
Marlowe No doubt you meant me to take the blame for the old
mans death too?
Marlowe Then let us decide now who is Cain and who Abel.
Well rewrite history and the ablest of us will live.
Why?
Blaize No. Yes. Not straight away. This all happened months
ago.
Blaize I met them to ask for time. I knew that as soon as the
plague lifted I would have a means to make money.
But they gave me a beating, threatened my life, then
offered me a way out.
Blaize So you mean to kill me? You and I have reached our
final act.
Blaize No.
Marlowe Even if we meet in hell Ill damn you. You were never
Tamburlaine. Just a half-rate actor. No match for fear
or fatal steel.
The Taming of the Shrew
William Shakespeare
Petruchio Good Morrow, Kate, for thats your name I hear.
Petruchio You lie, in faith, for you are calld plain Kate
And Bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst;
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom
Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation,
Hearing thy mildness praisd in every town,
Thy virtues spoke of, and they beauty sounded,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs
Myself am movd to woo thee for my wife.
Katherine A joint-stool
Petruchio Come, come you wasp; ifaith, you are too angry.
Petruchio Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look sour.
Petruchio Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so.
John How?
Vince What?
Vince Nothing.
John Get our of my face, Vince.
Vince It was obvious. Tell me what you did and Ill let you out.
Vince I dunno.
John I pinned her arms back and I shoved my dick in her for
christs fucking sake!! Are you happy? Shit happens. I
already told you Im sorry.
Vince Fuck you! (goes and gets the tape recorder). Ive got it
on fucking tape. Thanks, mate.
That Face
Polly Stenham
Alice drugged, bound and hooded on the floor, Izzy and Mia stand
over her.
Mia Im trying.
Izzy Alice? Stop pretending. Youre making this tricky. And you
wouldnt want to make this tricky now, would you? Would
she, Mia? Would she be so silly as to pretend to be asleep?
Silly things happen to silly girls now, Alice. Silly things...
Alice?
Mia Well, I
Mia Dont Shit, shit, shit me. Your responsibility is tied to a chair
looking like a torture victim. Id be more worried about that if I
were you.
Izzy You know full well that that is different. This initiation. Its
tradition. The teachers dont care. The sixth form dont care.
Its practically goddamn allowed. Besides. Its meant to be
fun.
Izzy Dont you dare tell me to calm down. Look at her. How
many?
Mia What?
Izzy You are taking the piss. Tell me youre taking the piss. Even I
know thats tons.
Izzy I hate you. I absolutely hate you. Look at her. Shes un-
fucking-conscious. Were screwed.
Mia giggles
Mia No.
Izzy How, Mia, how did you think poisoning a thirteen-year-old girl
would help? How? Im dying to know.
Mia Its not poison. Its a mild tranquiliser... stops panic. Takes
the edge off things. You can be nasty when you get... you
know, excited, and I wanted the initiation thing to go
smoothly. I thought youd like that. You could do more to her.
Izzy This is it. Were screwed. I wont be a prefect, which will fuck
up my UCAS... Oh god...
Mia Youre shaking. Its too much, isnt it? You only like a good
clean torture.
Izzy Shit.
Leander You think youll make a joke of it, do you. Ill teach you!
Leander Yes, you villain, and your conscience should tell you
only to well what it is.
Scapin Well then, master, since you will have it, I confess that I
and a few of my friends drank that small quarter cask
of Spanish wine someone gave you a few days ago. It
was I who made hole in the cask and poured water on
the floor to make you think the wine had run out.
Leander Im glad to know about that, but its not what Im after.
Leander No. Its something much more serious than that, and
Im to have it out of you.
Leander No, you scoundrel theres something else yet you have
to own up to.
Leander Well---
Enter Carlo
Leander Come on. I forgive all that youve done ay, and
worse things if youve done them.
Leander What?
Scapin Three
Leander What.
Leander Done.
Theatre of Blood
Screenplay by Anthony Greville-Bell & Stanley Mann
Devlin Oh.
Lionheart No, this is my first visit. I'm afraid I'm not very good.
No, I have been very ill. I had a serious accident. I
broke a few limbs.
Lionheart Oh, so you noticed that, eh? Well then. There. Now
you dont have one either. You see!
Devlin Lionheart!
Devlin You did kill Larding and the others, didnt you?
Timon How has the ass broke the wall, that thou art out of
the city?
Timon Slave!
Apemantus Toad!
Annabella Nay, and you will not hear, Ill speak no more.
Soranzo What?
Annabella You shall never know.
Soranzo How?
Soranzo Thus will I pull thy hair, and thus Ill drag
Thy lust-be-leperd body through the dust.
Yet tell his name.
Kit Go on then.
Kit Good.
Kit Go on then.
Kit Im tired.
Joyce Christ.
Joyce I dont know how you could leave your own child.
Enter Richmond
Alarm, fight.
Richard is wounded
Enter Hector
Hector What art thou greek? Art thou for Hectors match?
Art though blood and honour?
Achilles Look Hector, how the sun begins to set, how ugly
night comes breathing at his heels. Even with the
veil and darkning of the sun to close the day up.
Hectors life is done.
Achilles So, Ilium, fall thou. Now, Troy, sink down. Here
lies thy heart, they sinews, and thy bone.
Oh Myrmidons, and cry you all amain. Achilles
hath the mighty Hector slain.
Troilus & Cressida (2)
William Shakespeare
Ajax Thersites...
Ajax Thersites...
Thersites And those boils did run, say so, did not the general
run then? Were not that a botchy core?
Ajax Dog!
Thersites Then would come some matter from him: I see none
now.
strikes him
Thersites I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness, but I
think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou
learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst
thou? A red murrain o thy jades tricks.
Thersites I would thou didst itch from head to foot: and I had
the scratching of thee, I would make thee the
loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
the incursion thou strikest as slow as another.
Ajax Cobloaf!
beats him
beats him
Thersites Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness: do, camel: do, do!
The Trojan Women (1)
Euripides
Hecuba You actually expect sympathy from us? You who never
drew a breath that didn't cause an innocent person
pain?
Hecuba What have you lost? What have you ever valued
beyond your own comfort? Your country? You
abandoned them to wretched turmoil only to drag them
behind you in your wake to us. Troy? Fools that we
were, we opened our shining gates to you only to let
you seed your infection of woe in our perfect city.
Woman A Don't.
Woman Who you been taking tips from? Who gave you the
bollocks to talk to me like that? Who the fuck d'you
think you're talking to?
Woman You can cut me down for what I do say but you can't
stand there and criticise me for what I didn't.
Woman A What you didn't say loses lives. You knew what your
boy was going to do.
Woman Did I?
Eliot Dunno.
Maggie Yesterday, and the day before that and the day
Eliot Dont. Im warning you. Dont open it. Mum said not to
go outside.
Maggie Youre more like her than I ever thought. You both
cant see the shit from the stars.
Eliot Bitch.
On this last word Eliot gives in, angry. He pounces on his sister,
pushing her back onto the sofa etc.
Struggle
Eliot What are you saying we do? Well get farmed off to
some teenage care home and they will put Finn in
separate foster care before his feet touch the linoleum.
She had one last chance
Maggie And she ruined it, Eliot. Its time to wake up.
Beat.
Eliot Im sorry.
Palamon O good-morrow.
Arcite Do, and spare not. Ill give you cause, sweet cousin.
Palamon Now to you, sir. I would have nothing hurt thee but
my sword, a bruise would be dishonour.
either:
or:
Max Im telling you - / Im asking you no, listen Ali, you cannot
Ali Yeah? Well whatever you saw, you think you saw, its got
fuck all to do with you.
Ali Its none of your fuck off. I int never done nothing on my
doorstep. Why would I do it on my doorstep?
Max well I dont know but I saw you on the doorstep - / how
Ali Bollocks.
Max Im telling you, Ali are you listening? No-one fucking told
me. I saw
Ali It was her want it? She told you. She fucking told you.
Ali What did she say, then? What did she say?
Max It is illegal.
Max Look this isnt about the fucking police alright? Thats not
what this is about. Im interested in stopping you before they
find out.
Ali Im careful.
Max No. Careful isnt good enough.
Ali What?
Max How much are you making? From my weed. How much?
Max No I dont want their names you stupid sod. I want to know
where do they come from? How do you know them? How do
you know theyre not part of some drug squad?
Max And if they ever found out which they will do because the
way you carry on its only a matter of time it would be the
complete and total fucking end of my whole entire career.
Ali Well thats alright then innit, coz Im not telling them.
Max If you wave it about on the fucking doorstep they dont need
telling do they? They just need eyes.
Ali You call the cops on me Ill call the cops on you.
Oliver Im sorry.
Oliver I kind of live with the assumption that all guys owe an
apology to the woman they live with.
Oliver Now Ive got you and Im not going to let you get
away. What the hell is wrong with you?
Oliver Why!
Bar More!
Bar Oliver, if you dont get out of here now you have no
idea how far I will go.
Oliver Nobody who makes pate like you can be all bad.
Oliver Fido?
Bar Stop it. I mean it. I would never humiliate you like
this.
Oliver Slut!
Bar Scum!
Oliver Filth!
Bar Faggot!
Bek You and I walk outta here nice and easy, no blood or
broken bones.
Travis Ill give you one more chance to shut your mouth!!
Travis Youre getting nothing out of me
Bek Well, there probably is, but I know what you mean
Travis You got the moves, Ill give you that, but you reached into
the wrong refrigerator.
Bek Good!
Travis Look, Ill give you what you want next week.
Bek No
Travis NO!!
Bek You can take it off or I willat the knuckle. Now, have
what you owe by next week or I might have to enjoy
myself again.
Whistle in the Dark
Tom Murphy
Michael Ive had enough. Pig. Youre a pig!! An animal, thats what
you are. Listen, if you are not gone in the morning.
Harry What? You didnt get so far with your clever ways. All
your big talk and youre not even a bank manager.
Michael If
Harry What a mighty word, if, if, if. If youd got the chance, is it?
If youre head wasnt so big, is it? If you werent so
handsome, what hey? Huh?
Michael No...
Harry All the other bank managers got the breaks, except for
you.
Harry Ohh, you feel intelligent and Im not, huh? And youre
always right, right?
Harry Whose *** it? Isnt that it, isnt that it, heh?
Michael Anything else? Oh, how tough you are. Are you happy
now. Said enough?
Harry No, but youre frightened now Michael. Im drunk, thats
funny, but you, youre frightened Michael. You worry
about me dontcha? You worry about me and you
apologise for me to them with their lovely white collars
and to them with their lovely white collars you say Yes,
sir and Right away, sir and they smile at cha, and a pat
on the head for you, and that makes you better than me,
huh? Does it?
Michael Yes!!
Harry If I say a thing, Ill mean it, Ill fight for it, no old crap talk,
not not knowing where I stand.
George Its perfectly all right for you I mean you can make
your own rules you can go around like a hopped-up
Arab, slashing away at everything in sight, scarring up
half the world if you want to.
George You can stand there with gin running out of your
mouth, and you can humiliate me, you can tear me
apart ALL NIGHT and thats perfectly all right thats
OK
George Oh Martha.
Martha Im on to myself.
Martha Ill show you whos sick. Boy, youre really having a
field day, hunh? Well, Im going to finish you before
Im through with you
Antonio I do not care to see it. To tell you troth sir, 'tis only a
holiday thing, to wear at a man's side.
Fransisca What base cowardice is this? Draw it! Or I'll rip thee
from neck to navel, though there's small glory in it.
Fransisca I'll tell thee that anon. This slave had so much daring
courage in him to act a sin would shame whole
generations, but hath not so much strength about him
to draw a sword in way of satisfaction.
Fransisca Come back quickly, for I must kill thee. Stay not long if
thou desirest a death with little pain.
Fransisca See they weapon and weep before thy death. See this
- thy unworthy and unequal piece. Thou wert not good
enough to use it.
Mary Nothing.
Mary No.
Ann Oh yes.
Mary Im a woman.
Ann Thats not funny.
Mary Me.
Ann Never.
Mary Mary.
Hilary Not good enough for him? Not hot enough for him?
Not young enough for him? How dare he think he can
dump me?
KENNETH enters
Ill split his head open Ill crack and rip and tear
and split Ill crunch him and chop him slice him
nice and thin bastard, Bastard, BASTARD!
Kenneth Ive just come for the rest of my things, but if your
busy Ill...
Hilary LIAR! What is it she does for you? She must have
something, my God to throw this all away.
Kenneth Oh God.
Kenneth I cant.
Hilary See how the lies come pouring out now! Our whole
lifes been a lie!
Hilary I bet you didnt! You wanted the best of both worlds! I
know about men like you I just didnt know you
were one of them.
Kenneth Cant we just talk?
Hilary Why should I get you out of the little mess youre in?
Kenneth You couldnt attract anyone now youve lost all your
looks my lifes not over yet Im sorry, but you
might as well know now youve become a fat, old,
boring housewife and I dont want you anymore.
Laura I've come for a chat. I don't really know how to tell you
- you're going to kill me - I don't blame you. He won't
tell you - I've begged him...
Laura He's been with me. Kenneth and I are lovers; we have
been for a long time.
Laura I'm special enough that he wants to leave you for me.
Zastrozzi Im preoccupied...
Zastrozzi No.
Matilda The whore sleeps with the devil so she can feel like a
virgin?
Zastrozzi Something like that. Yes. What a comfortable little
solution to guilt. Except that your devil is
unpredictable. Get out.
Zastrozzi Get out. Or your devil might slit your throat just to
show you the flaw in your argument.
Matilda If I crawl across to you and beg will you let me stay?
MATILDA enters.
Matilda You must be the virgin. The one with the marvellous
gentle sensuality.
Matilda Yes, get angry. You are better when you are angry. If I
were a man I could seduce you on the spot.
Julia Why?
Matilda Yes, get confused. You are quite ridiculous when you
are confused. And it is exactly the way someone like
you should die. (She advances)
MATILDA attacks and they struggle. The knife falls and JULIA
scrambles after it. MATILDA leaps on her and somehow MATILDA
is stabbed. She falls over dead. JULIA feels her pulse)
Victor By you?
Zastrozzi Yes. But I take it from you quickly. Youll never even
know its gone.
Zastrozzi Lets see. Did you not know that I could see into your
heart?
Victor So.
Zastrozzi So.
fight
Zastrozzi What are all these strange things you are doing
designed for?
Zastrozzi Perhaps more alive than you have ever been. That is
sometimes the way a person faces death.
Zastrozzi Ah, Victor, you understood what was in your heart but
you did not know your limitations.
The Zoo Story
Edward Albee
Jerry Tell me, Peter, is this bench, this iron and this wood,
is this your honour? Is this the thing in the world
youd fight for? Can you think of anything more
absurd?
Peter Oh, boy, listen to you; well, you dont need this
bench. Thats for sure.
Jerry Ill have to give you credit for one thing; you are a
vegetable, and a slightly near-sighted one, I think.....
Peter Stop!
Jerry Very well, Peter, well battle for the bench, but were
not evenly matched.
Peter You are mad! Youre stark raving mad! Youre going
to kill me.
Jerry There you go. Pick it up. You have the knife and
well be more evenly matched.
Peter Ill give you one last chance; get out of here and
leave me alone!
Jerry So be it!