I have chose to talk about Eriksons third stage which is the initiative vs.

guilt

stage. This stage occurs during the pre school years, between the ages of 3-5. During this

stage it is important to encourage exploration of interpersonal skills that are life skills

needed to communicate in everyday life. This stage also consists of helping children

make appropriate choices. Caregivers who are dismissive during this period may cause

children to feel ashamed of themselves, leading to self-consciousness. Children may also

become overly dependent upon the help of others causing the individual to doubt him or

herself when making a decision.

When I was between the ages of 4 and 5 I was in preschool, transitioning into

kindergarten. I was a shy and quiet little girl who isolated herself from her peers. I

refused to interact with other children and participate in group activities. I bounced back

and forth from my parents house to my grandparents house. I had no stability or

consistency in my life. I never knew where I was going to end up at the end of the day.

My parents were in their mid-twenties at this time. Both my mom and dad were drug

addicts who put their lifestyle before their children, who consisted of my one year old

sister and I. They often would drop us off at my grandparents house and sometimes leave

us there for a few days until they were ready to bring us back home. There was a child

named Russell, who I spent a lot of time with because my mother and his mother spent a

lot of time together. I grew up knowing him as my cousin because he was my mothers

godson. His mom Kathy and my mom were best friends from high school. They spent a

lot of their time together. Russell was six years old and he was the only person close to

my age who I socialized with.

 One of my experiences during this stage was growing up in the home of my

parents, which lacked supervision. My mom and her best friend Kathy took turns going to

each others houses. When it was our turn to entertain that meant the adults had their

adult time in the home while they sent the kids; my cousin and I, outside to play. We were

always given a box of crackers and a can of cheese whiz and we were told it needed to

last us until we were allowed back inside. Russell and I would walk around my

condominium complex at the ages of four and six trying to find ways to entertain

ourselves. Our favorite game to play was ding dong ditch. We would ring random

doorbells just to run and hide for laughs. When it started to get dark we would hide

behind a home where we couldnt be seen by others and ate our crackers with cheese. We

would sit there on the grass and wait to hear my mom yell our names to go inside. The

days I dreaded most were the days we went to their house. Our parents would either lock

us in Russells room or in the garage outside. During the time at their house, Russell and I

found ourselves trying to keep busy to pass the sense of time which felt like eternity. One

night we were caught sneaking out of the room and sitting in the stairway spying on our

parents. We saw a lot of beer cans, smoke and ashtrays all over the living room. When we

were caught we got sent to stay in the garage and locked out of the house. We were left

alone outdoors and the only commands given to us was Russell take care of Rebecca.

That was how I learned to ride my first bike. Russell took out his bike from the garage,

and he taught me how to ride a tricycle by letting me practice going up and down the

sidewalk on their street. On the days we would go visit Kathy and Russell I remember

always begging my mom not to drink. When we went over to their house I knew

eventually we had to drive home and that always worried me. My dad always drove home
because my mom always ended up passing out by the end of the night. More than once I

found myself crying in the back seat of the car praying to God to help us get home safe

because my dad would fall asleep behind the wheel on the way home. I would sit there

and watch him drive, and the second I saw his eyes close I would nudge him to wake up.

This is what I had to do to ensure we made it home safe. At this stage in life it is crucial

to have adult supervision to facilitate play. All I had to depend on was a six-year-old boy

because I was told he was in charge of taking care of me. I was also a child who was

responsible for taking care of my parents while they were under the influence of alcohol

and drugs.

A second experience during this stage in my life was when my mom decided to

send me to Pre School. My mom took me to various sites to explore and I experienced

Separation anxiety. Even though she told me we were just going to look at the classrooms

I refused to let go of her leg. I refused to talk to any of the teachers I met. My mom

finally decided to enroll me at the same site where my cousin Russell attended for an

after school program. The only reason why I agreed to stay at this school was because I

knew I had someone familiar near-by. In the classroom I isolated myself by avoiding the

teachers and other children in the class. I believe it was difficult for me to interact with

other children because I did not have the experience to initiate play. I did not know how

to express myself. For some reason socializing with my peers was not encouraged by my

teachers. I would observe the class from a far and the teachers allowed it, without

acknowledging me. Pre School is supposed to be the foundation where life skills are

introduced and I did not have a good experience. I feel this stage was unsuccessful in my

life; therefore the maladaptation I experienced was inhibition. Perhaps, this is the reason
why I am now a pre school teacher. I would not allow my students to feel ignored by any

teacher in the classroom because it is our duty to ensure these children needs are met in

the classroom if their parents are unable or capable of meeting their childs needs.

This stage also focuses on the relationship with your family, and getting to know

your family members. When I was five years old, my mom became incarcerated and my

grandparents became my legal guardians. This was a big change in my life because I did

not understand where my mom had gone. My grandparents always told me she was

working, and I never understood why she was not capable of picking me up after work to

take me home. I was used to staying at my grandparents house for a few nights, but I

started to wonder if my mom would ever return for me. Apart from losing my mom, I lost

contact with Russell because my grandparents forbid his mom and him to come visit or

have any contact with me. He was the only person who I trusted to keep me safe. I was

starting a new life, a new school, with new children and teachers. When I started

kindergarten I experienced separation anxiety all over again. My grandparents were in

their sixties when they took me and my one year old sister under their care. My grandma

had to leave her job in order to take care of my sister and I. My grandparents only spoke

Spanish and that made it hard for me to communicate with them. While it took some time

to adjust to my new life, I was learning the true meaning of love. To have someone attend

my needs, give me affection, and simply give me attention helped me realize that my

sister and I were now safe and in a stable home.

In this stage it is important to facilitate group play to build confidence by allowing

children to initiate an activity. In this stage in my life I lacked the experience to socialize

with children my age. I did not have the experience of communicating with peers and
therefore, I believe this is why I have a hard time communicating with other adults now. I

have a difficult time carrying on conversation with people and part of it could be from the

lack of supervision and attention from my parents while growing up and having a

language barrier between my grandparents and I. Working in a pre school setting, I know

the importance of modeling language and this was not provided to me at the time of need.

I was not able to overcome the initiative stage and this is why I experience doubt. I have

a very difficult time making choices and often turn to others for approval. I am very self-

conscious about myself, and my ability in making the right choice for any given situation.

When I was between the ages of four and five, I should have had a parent help me

explore activities with other children my age to succeed the initiative vs. guilt stage, so I

would have strength in purpose and direction, rather than have maladaptations of

ruthlessness and inhibition.