Hi Chris

I really like how all of your topic sentences mention the rhetorical device you are using

and all of your body paragraphs relate back to your thesis, but most of your topic sentences

started with Brodwin so I would diversify that to different beginnings and more specific topic

sentences that really summarize what you are about to argue. Also work on your transition to

make a smooth, fluid paper.

Starting with your topic sentence, it is the hook, to get that you should either add another

sentence after your original one to have it transition better into the rest of the introduction or

delete that sentence all together and write a better hook. I think your thesis is really good but just

remember to mention the name of the article in the introduction paragraph.

In your first body paragraph you raise the idea that medical professionals are the ones

who this article is written for and make a good argument that she needs to provide good

evidence since her audience would have knowledge of psychedelics but little evidence is

provided to back that argument. You did not analyze the first quote completely and it does not

seem to back your argument. With the second quote you seem to have another good argument but

it does not relate to the first, you say that she is trying to advocate so the audience.

In your second body paragraph you seem to be continuing the idea of the audience yet

expanding it to nonmedical persons but you change to talking about imagery of a man on a hike.

I really enjoy this imagery but I dont think it has to do with the audience necessarily. I would

suggest making this part of an introduction or some other paragraph talking about imagery

because I think that is imagery is very powerful. Because this imagery took over the paragraph

the explanation for why you think it is for cancer patients and young adults is lost. If you

still want to make this argument you need to come up with an explanation why.
 Brodwin has a few motives for writing the article is not a descriptive enough topic

sentence especially since it sets up the next three paragraphs. The story about Father Martin

seems like it should take place after the one of the two following paragraphs or incorporated into

it because the first few sentences of the first paragraph on page three are really good. As a

suggestion, the chart showing the different forms of drugs talked about in this paragraph can

be inserted which will not only show a visual representation of what you are talking about but

also to make the paper more entertaining.

In the paragraph about ethos, pathos, and logos you do not mention logos and your

argument that these devices work hand in hand is not evident in your argument. I would firstly

add logos and then figure out a way to strengthen your argument that these work hand in hand

or ditch this argument all together.

I really like your paragraph about tone. It is an extremely well formed paragraph but

doesnt reference your thesis much. I think just one added sentence about how the tone explains

psychedelics as a form of treatment like your thesis argues.

For your conclusion, you did exactly what a conclusion should do, you resummerized

your points about what Brodwin did but I would use a thesaurus and find more synonyms for the

word effective.