The Generational Change in Dating

If someone was to ask his or her grandparent what dating and being involved with someone was

like when he or she was a young adult, his or her response would be much different from what young

adults view dating to be today. There is not one main reason for this increasing difference between

generations, but it is clear that the chivalry that occurred within dating in the 19th and 20th century is not

returning anytime soon. This could be due to the feminist movement gaining popularity and women

believing that chivalry stems from sexism or men simply believing women do not need to be treated as

respectfully as they did in the past; however, whatever the cause may be, it has become obvious that

many physical relationships occurring today are happening with an absence of love and genuine feelings

due to a loss of chivalry in our society. In the novel, The Handmaids Tale, written by Margaret

Atwood, the narrator, Offred, expresses feeling a loss of emotion within her daily life. This loss of love is

due to the novel taking place in the Republic of Gilead, a dystopia, where women do not have rights

and most, like Offred, are forced to either reproduce with or become a servant for a headmasters

family. The women in this novel cannot express real love, since they all serve a distinct purpose in this

world. The men are also in misery in this new society, considering they too must conform to the

restrictive rules of Gilead. Therefore, no one is benefitting from living in this society and the author is

warning the readers of this novel that this life could become a reality if cultural changes do not occur

soon. More specifically, Atwood is satirizing the increasing absence of romantical love and emotion

within many physical interactions between people in our current society, due to a loss of chivalry, by

showing sexual relationships in Gilead with a specific reproductive purpose and by conveying that the

people living here miss feeling loved and expressing emotions like they did in the past.
 In our current society, chivalry has become a thing of the past and, although some women view

this as a step in the right direction against sexism, an absence of chivalry can also lead to men and

women losing romantical intimacy when dating. The formal definition of chivalry is the code of conduct

amongst knights, but nowadays the term chivalry is used to represent men acting very courteously and

respectfully towards women. This can include paying for dates or giving ones jacket to a woman in the

cold. The downside of chivalry, though, is that chivalry tends to create a disadvantage in a couples

relationship. If the man is taking control by paying for dates and always giving to the woman, then

consequently the woman feels unequal to the man. Thus, when the womens feminist movement starting

gaining popularity in the late 20th century, chivalry started to disappear as women believed chivalry was

creating an inequality in many relationships. Men too believe this to be true considering a popular

website for college men, called Total Frat Move, wrote an article expressing, Women are very

interested in confidence in men. Now a days women want a man who believe he is worthy of the girl.

And both parties have agreed that chivalrous acts takes away from this equality. (Freid). Therefore, this

feminist movement has potentially created a society in which both men and women believe chivalry is

unnecessary for current day dating relationships considering it creates an inequality in the relationship.

Unfortunately, this absence of chivalry has also led to an increasing frequency of relationships without

intimate emotions and genuine feelings toward one another.

An absence of chivalry in our society leads to an increasing amount of non traditional sexual

relationships and some men believing they do not have to put in as much effort into dating, which in

effect decreases emotional intimacy within relationships. When boys grow up being taught that they do

not have to take a girl out on a date to experience physical intimacy, an increase in non traditional sexual

relationships occurs. For example, In one sample of undergraduate college students, found in an
investigation about sexual relationships in the United States today, both men and women had nearly

double the number of hookups compared to first dates (Garcia). Thus, nowadays hookups are

commonplace on college campuses, and this leads to graduates going into the real world believing that

going on dates and, consequently having an intimate connection and feelings for someone is not

necessary when it comes to dating. As a result, a loss of emotion and love begins taking place in our

society. This is supported through one investigation within the same Sexual Hookup Culture paper

which found that in regardings to hookup gratification, 89% of young men and women reported that

physical gratification was important, 54% reported emotional gratification, (Garcia). Therefore, there is

an absence of love occuring within many sexual relationships due to a loss of chivalry in our society, and

this is the element of our current society that Atwood is satirizing in her novel.

Atwood satirizes the loss of love in our current society by showing women with a specific

purpose to reproduce, and, thus these acts of love are committed without a presents of emotion and

feeling. In the current state of Gilead, people have sex with a specific purpose. Making love is actually

frowned upon considering headmasters and their wives do not have sex. This can be seen when the

narrator and the headmaster have sex during a ceremony. During this intercourse, Offred narrates the

two are not, making love because this is not what hes doing (Atwood 94), in this interaction.

Atwood is setting up the stage for the rest of the novel in this passage by showing that love is completely

lost during sexual relationships and moments of physical intimacy in this world. Due to this absence of

love, many of the people living here, including the narrator and the headmaster, miss the way things used

to be (157). This longing for the past shows that Atwood is satirizing our current societys increasing

loss of love. For example when the narrator explains the stains of sex on her bed being, the evidence

left by two people, of love or something like that, desire at least (52), Atwood is showing that in our
society, sex is suppose to represent love, however now it tends to represent desire, or lust.

Therefore, Atwood is explaining that our societys views towards sex should be the views the people in

this novel had before Gilead, and consequently, our societys loss of love in relationships could end up

being similar to Gileads, but not to the same extreme. Furthermore, Atwood shows that our societys

relationship ideals could become Gilead's through Nick and Offreds sexual interactions. Before the two

begin having sex to get Offred pregnant, Nick says, No romance Okay?, and Offred narrates that

this comment, would have meant something else, once. Once it would have meant: no strings. Now it

means: no heroics (262). This once Offered is referring to is our current society considering our

society views hookups without commitment to be a commonplace sexual interaction between singles,

whereas romance will only occur in serious relationships. Thus, Atwood is satirizing that if our society

does not change its views around sex, sex could become an action done strictly for a purpose, since

heroics is symbolizing passion and emotion.

Atwood satirizes the absence of feelings and love within sexual relationships in our society to

explain that our societys relationship culture needs to urgently change for romantical love to continue

existing in our society. This message is portrayed through the novels dystopian setting, in which sexual

encounters occur strictly with a purpose of reproduction, and thus, there is not any romantical love or

emotions present in Gilead. A world without intimate emotions for most people today would be terrible,

yet with the way sexual interactions are progressing, this dystopia could possibly become a reality in the

future. Therefore, people must listen to the message Atwood is making to change this. People must go

into sexual relationships wanting emotional intimacy, not just physical intimacy, because if not, romantical

love could be something of the past.