Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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THE USE OF NEUROLINGUISTIC
PROGRAMMING IN BUSINESS FORMATION
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TABLE OF CONTENT
CHAPTER 3.3 MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS IN BUSINESS WITH THE HELP
OF NLP
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Chapter 1 NLP in literature
Chapter 1.1 Definitions - WHAT IS NEURO-LINGUISTIC
PROGRAMMING
NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is the art and science that can be described in a
nutshell, as an attitude and a methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques.
Some basic concepts in Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is about noticing patterns. Therefore, in NLP, we
are not so much interested in content as we are in process. Often this is an interesting
transition for us to make. The first step is to pay attention to the process of your interaction
with others listen to the form, watch the form, feel the form and not get involved in the
content.
"First, the attitude of NLP is one of curiosity and experimentation. Next, the methodology
is modeling, which is the process of duplicating excellent behavior. Another person's
behavior can be duplicated by studying what that person does inside their head (language,
filters, programs etc.) to produce results. NLP was initially created in 1975 by Richard
Bandler and John Grinder, who began modeling and duplicating the "magical results" of a
few top communicators and therapists. Some of the first people to be studied included
hypnosis therapist Milton Erickson, Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls and family therapist
Virginia Satir. Since then, many others have contributed to the growth and development of
the field. And finally, the trail of techniques created through this type of modeling is what
is commonly known as NLP. Today, NLP is widely used in business to improve
management, sales and achievement/performance, inter-personal skills; in education to
better understand learning styles, develop rapport with students and parents and to help in
motivation; and of course, NLP is a profound set of tools for personal development. . (Bob
G& co, 2002, p277)
NLP techniques and processes help us understand ourselves and the others, and produce
new and more effective ways to (Renne de Lassus, 2004, p77):
attract the right person for you;
create ideal relationships;
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advance your career and make more money;
increase motivation and energy;
create your desired self-image;
Communicate to produce the kind of results you want.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a behavioral technology, which simply means
that it is a set of guiding principles, attitudes, and techniques about real-life behavior, and
not a removed, scientific theorem. It allows you to change, adopt or eliminate behaviors, as
you desire, and gives you the ability to choose your mental, emotional, and physical states
of well being. (Bob G& co, 2002, p7). With NLP, you learn how to grow from every single
life experience, thus increasing your ability to create a better quality of life. NLP is a very
pragmatic technology based on an ability to produce your desired results, thus allowing
you to become proficient at creating your future. In the end it is not a lot different from
understanding how to program a computer your own bio-computer. (Renne de Lassus,
2004, p62)
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Chapter 1.2 NLPs sources in psychology
At the end of the 19th century and throughout the 20th, psychology played a great part in
understanding human nature and the way people interact; therefore, Neuro-Linguistic
Programming, closely linked with behavior, was very much influenced by this science.
(Renne de Lassus, 2004, p44): Of all psychologists, Freud and Pavlov had a great
contribution to the further development of NLP.
Freud has the great merit of having observed and, first of all, of having dared to state
that, for the most part, a person is not aware of what it is that determines his actions.
Suggesting the term unconscious and various methods of investigation through which to
know it, he opened an extraordinary path towards the unraveling of the way the human
mind works.
Like all recent schools of psychology, NLP owes a lot to Sigmund Freud.
On a practical level, NLP recommends considering the existence of the unconscious
reality, rather than trying to interpret what, after all, does not concern others than one
particular person.
In other words, NLP recommends: Lets work with what our consciousness does offer us,
knowing that an unconscious part of our being is beyond our reach.(Steve Andreas, 2001,
p23)
For several decades, Pavlov suggested a series of concepts that would answer the question
What is it that makes the human being take action?. Starting with behaviorism and its
concept of stimulus-response, scientists believe theyve identified an essential dimension
of human reality.
A part of this concept is still very much of present interest, being the one that contributed
to the elaboration of NLP.(Sue Knight, 2004, p21)
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DOMAIN SOURCES
Psychology Freud and psychoanalysis
Pavlov and the stimulus-response relation
Miller, Galanter, Pribram T.O.T.E.
Maslow and the theory of human needs
C. Rodgers and the congruence, the empathy
F. Perls and the Gestalt therapy
V. Satir and the family therapies
M. Erickson and his models, including the Ericksonian hypnosis
E. Berne and the states of I
The movement of the human potential
The School of Palo Alto
Neurology Systems of perception
Systems of representation
Anchors
Linguistics N. Chomsky and the profound and surface structures
A. Korzybsky and the general semantics (The Map of the World)
Mathematics Cybernetics, informatics, notions of models and of feed-back
Contributions The Kepner-Tregoe techniques of solving problems
Others The Cou method
Creativity techniques
Philosophy Classical and oriental
As early as the late 60's and early 70's communication studies indicated that nonverbal
behavior played an important role in communication: (Mehrabian, A. and Ferris, R. (1967),
According to Sue Knights definition (2004, p.232), NLP studies the structure of subjective
experience. We all experience external events, but what we do with them depend on our
subjectivity.
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Chapter 1.4 Books
In Europe and America are many literatures about related field focused by general NLP
theory, NLP roots, hypnosis, therapeutic change, education, business management and
business sales. There are a few of them, the referential ones.
General NLP
Introducing NLP by Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour, 1991
Frogs Into Princes by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, 1979
The Structure of Magic, Volume I, by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, 1975
The Structure of Magic, Volume II, by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, 1976
ReFraming, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of
Meaning by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, 1982
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I have to! And if not?
Everything?!
Precisely, who?
They, People
Better than To do
Everything what?
Better Precisely, how?
Sensory information,
perceived by the five We are aware of only
senses, simultaneously one sensory information
and unconsciously
posture
gesture
face expression
visual access keys
NLP senzorial
voice quality
word choosing
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reprezentation model
T.O.T.E. MODEL
Bandler, Grinder, Dilts and others, in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, refer to a model
of strategies called T.O.T.E. The T.O.T.E. model was designed to represent how people
process information. T.O.T.E. stands for test, operate, test, and exit. The notion of
strategies actually comes from George Miller, Galanter and Pribram in a book called
Plans and the Structure of Behavior. They're the ones who originally developed the
concept of the T.O.T.E. model. As the theory goes, a strategy or T.O.T.E. begins with a
certain test. It's a test that actually starts or fires off the strategy, according with Sue Knight
(2004, 229). It's the starting point. Typically, what happens is that there is an external
event and we run that event through our internal processing. We make an Internal
Representation (I.R.) of that event. That I.R. of the event combines with a physiology and
creates a state. "State" refers to the internal emotional state of the individual a happy
state, a sad state, a motivated state, and so on. Our I.R. includes our internal pictures,
sounds and dialogue, and our feelings (for example, whether we feel motivated,
challenged, pleased, excited, and so on). (Renne de Lassus, 2004, p72) A given state is the
result of the combination of an internal representation and a physiology.
According with Antoine et Daniell Pina (1998, p48), reality is an mental construction
So what happens is that an event comes in through our sensory input channels which are:
Visual
Including the sights we see or the way someone looks at us;
Auditory
Including sounds, the words we hear and the way people say those words to us (unless you
specifically want variety in form);
Kinesthetic
Or external feelings which include the touch of someone or something, the pressure, and
texture;
Olfactory
Which is smell; and
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Gustatory
Which is taste.
The external event comes in through our sensory input channels and it is filtered we
process the event. As we process the event, we delete, distort, and generalize the
information that comes in, according to any number of several elements that filter our
perception.
Deletion:
Deletion occurs when we selectively pay attention to certain aspects of our experience and
not others. We then overlook or omit others. Without deletion, we would be faced with far
too much information to handle with our conscious mind.
Distortion:
Distortion occurs when we make shifts in our experience of sensory data by making
misrepresentations of reality. In Eastern philosophy there is a well-known story of
distortion in the rope versus snake analogy. A man walking along the road sees what he
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believes to be a snake and yells "SNAKE". However, upon arriving at that place he is
relieved as he discovers that what he sees is really only a piece of rope.
Distortion also helps us in the process of motivating ourselves. The process of motivation
occurs when we actually distort the material that has come to us, by changing it through
one of our filtering systems.
Generalization:
The third process is generalization, where we draw global conclusions based on one or two
experiences. At its best, generalization is one of the ways we learn, by taking the
information we have and drawing broad conclusions about the meaning or the effect of
those conclusions.
Normally, the conscious mind can only handle seven (plus or minus two) items of
information at any given time. Most people will be able to name two, maybe three products
in a category of low interest and usually no more than nine in a category of high interest.
There is a reason for this. If we didn't actively delete information all the time, we'd end up
with far too much information coming in. In fact, you may have even heard that
psychologists say that if we were simultaneously aware of all of the sensory information
that was coming in, we'd go crazy. That's why we filter the information.
So, the question is, when two people have the same stimulus, why don't they have the same
response? The answer is, because we delete, distort, and generalize the information from
the outside.
We delete, distort and generalize the information that comes in from our senses based on
one of five filters. The filters are Meta-Programs, belief systems, values, decisions, and
memories. Also believes is implied in this comportment (as Antoine et Daniell Pina, 1998,
p143)
Meta-Programs:
The first of these filters is Meta-Programs. Knowing someone's Meta-Programs can
actually help you clearly and closely predict people's states, and therefore predict their
actions. One important thing about Meta-Programs: they are not good or bad, they are just
the way someone handles information.
Values
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The next filter is values. They are essentially an evaluation filter. Theyre about how we
decide whether our actions are good or bad, or right or wrong. And theyre about how we
decide upon how we feel about our actions(Renne de Lassus, 2004, p73). Values are
arranged in a hierarchy with the most important one typically being at the top and lesser
ones below that. We all have different models of the world (an internal model about the
world), and our values are the result of our model of the world. When we communicate
with ourselves or with someone else, if our model of the world conflicts with our values or
their values, then there's going to be a conflict. Richard Bandler says, "Values are those
things we don't live up to."
Values are what people typically move toward or away from (see Meta-Programs). They
are our attractions or repulsion in life. They are essentially a deep, unconscious belief
system about what's important and what's good or bad to us. Values change with context,
too. That is, you probably have certain values about what you want in a relationship and
what you want in business. Your values about what you want in one and in the other may
be quite differentBeliefs:
The next filter is beliefs. Beliefs are generalizations about how the world is. One of the
important elements in modeling is to find a person's beliefs about a particular behavior that
we are trying to model. Richard Bandler says, "Beliefs are those things we can't get
around." Beliefs are the presuppositions that we have about the way the world is that either
create or deny personal power to us. So, beliefs are essentially our on/off switch for our
ability to do anything in the world. In the process of working with someone's beliefs, it's
important to elicit or find out what their beliefs are, that cause them to do what they do. We
also want to find out the disabling beliefs, the ones that do not allow them to do what they
want to do.
Memories:
The fourth element is our memories. In fact, some psychologists believe that as we get
older, our reactions in the present are reactions to gestalts (collections of memories which
are organized in a certain way) of past memories, and that the present plays a very small
part in our behavior.
Decisions:
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The fifth element, and related to memories, is decisions that we've made in the past.
Decisions may create beliefs, or may just affect our perceptions through time. These filters
will determine our internal representation of an event that is occurring right now. It is our
internal representation that puts us in a certain state, and creates a certain physiology. The
state in which we find ourselves will determine our behavior.
Our every experience is something that we literally make up inside our heads. We do not
experience reality directly, since we are always deleting, distorting, and generalizing.
Essentially, what we do experience is our experience of the territory and not the territory
itself.
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Chapter 2.1.2 THE SYNCHRONIZATION AND CALIBRATION
MODALITIES (IN THE RELATIONS WITH THE CLIENT)
Of course, the next question is how specifically do you "listen to the form, watch the form,
feel the form, and not get involved in the content?" The modalities are one way of
categorizing exactly what a person does inside their head as they think.(Stefan Prutianu,
2000, p.194) They are a way or a model for what a person does in their head as they make
up an Internal Representation (I.R.). In the process of creating NLP, Bandler and Grinder
discovered that by looking at someone's eyes, you could tell HOW they think. Not what
they think, but HOW they think. You can tell what they're doing inside.
Visual
Typically, people who are in a visual mode stand or sit with their heads and/or bodies erect
with their eyes up, and will be breathing from the top of their lungs. They often sit forward
in the chair or on the edge of the chair. They tend to be more organized, neat, well
groomed, and orderly; more deliberate; more appearance oriented, and sometimes quieter;
good spellers. They memorize by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise. They
often have trouble remembering verbal instructions, and are bored by long verbal
explanations because their minds tend to wander. They would rather read than be read to. A
visual person will be interested in how someone looks at them, and will respond to being
taken places, and being bought things. They will tend to use expressions like See ya
later, I want to look at it, Focus on it, Watch it, Be clear, foggy, Picture that,
notice, appears. (Antoine et Daniell Pina, 1998, p 231)
Auditory
Someone who is auditory will move their eyes sideways and also down to the right. They
breathe from the middle of the chest. They typically talk to themselves, and are easily
distracted by noise. They often move their lips when they say words. They can repeat
things back to you easily. They may find math and writing more difficult and spoken
language easier. They like music and learn by listening. They memorize by steps,
procedures, and sequence. An auditory person is often interested in being told how they're
doing, and responds to a certain set of words or tone of voice. They tend to use words and
phrases like listen, talk to, said, speak, hear" or "Good to talk to you."
Kinesthetic
They will typically be breathing from the bottom of their lungs, so you'll see their stomach
go in and out as they breathe. Their posture is often more slumped over, and they often
move and talk very slowly. They will typically access their feelings and emotions to "get a
feel" for what they're doing. They respond to physical rewards, and touching. They also
stand close to people and touch them. They are often physically oriented people (athletes).
They may move a lot, and they memorize by doing, or walking through something. They
use words like feelings, get in touch, hold, grasp, and handle. Those are the
characteristics of the three major modes of operation. . (Bob G& co, 2002, p17)
ANCHORING METHODS
As Sue Knight (2005, p.249) there are four steps in anchoring:
The first step is to put the person in state. You can use a spontaneous state, or an induced
state ("Can you remember a time..."). It's important that the state be fully associated. This
means that the person is in their body, looking through their own eyes (as opposed to
looking at their body from outside it). It's also important that the state be intense and
congruent. Here is some specific language to get the person in an intense and congruent
state: "Can you recall a time when you were totally X'd? Can you remember a specific
time? As you go back to that time, can you step into your body and see what you saw
through your own eyes, hear what you heard, and feel the feelings that you felt when you
were totally X'd?". (Steve Andreas, 2001, p99) People go into states at different rates, so
it's important that you calibrate the state, or you can ask them to tell you when they are
fully into the state, at the peak of the experience. You can have them nod, move their head,
or finger, or foot or whatever. The second step, when they're at the peak, is to provide a
specific stimulus. Provide a specific stimulus and apply it consistently. When they are at
the peak of that experience, the anchor should actually be ending.(according with Renne de
Lassus, 2004, p160)
Making the most out of interior potential
Anchoring (Sue Knight, 2004, p242) is the process through which we learn how to master
certain states, crucial for obtaining success. Its a way of choosing the emotional state we
want and of finding a way to access it. The anchor is a stimulus: it could be a sound, an
image, a touch, a smell or a taste that produces a conscious response within us or within
the others.
STRATEGIES
A Strategy is a specific syntax of external and internal experience which consistently
produces a specific behavioral outcome or, in other words, a strategy is something that
somebody does in their brain and nervous system that produces a specific result. It's what
somebody does in their head when they do what they do. An analogy that seems to work
really well in describing strategies is the analogy of baking a cake.(Sue Knight, 2004, p
204). A strategy is a specific order and sequence of internal and external processes or
internal and external experiences that consistently produce a specific outcome. If you
reverse the strategy, that is, if you reverse the order and sequence of the strategy, the
outcome that you get may be substantially different. Are six element into a strategies. And
these are pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes, smells, and you can talk to yourself.
Chapter 3 USING NLP
Modeling in business has led to significant progress in the way abilities are learned. (as
Sue Knight, 2004, p207). Traditionally, companies have used standard training programs
for the achievement of standard abilities. Very few times, though, the students were
allowed to adapt these abilities to their unique environment, using their own means. There
are unique patterns that work in a company, a department or a market section patterns
that dont work in other fields. Modeling allows us to emphasize these patterns, specific to
a context, to reproduce excellence in a chosen domain. (David Molden, 1996, p66)
Meetings can be time consuming, frustrating and if you take in account the cost of your
time and travel, expensive. On the other hand meetings can generate ideas, commitment,
resources and build valuable relationships.( Alain Cayrol, 1991, p213).
If all the participants have a positive attitude and are genuinely interested in their own and
in others success, then it is likely that an atmosphere is created that will lead to successful
outcomes and give the space for a structure to develop.( Helena Cornelius& Sttoshana
Faire, 1996, p47). Its worth considering individually what would be the best attitude for
you to achieve the outcomes you want.
If all the participants know that if the meeting goes well they will achieve an outcome
thats important to them; they will naturally be motivated to move the various discussions
forward. On an individual basis its always worth considering what would have to happen
at a meeting to make it worth your while.
If a meeting has an agenda where every participant knows they will have a chance to be
heard; that the agenda items are allocated time slots relative to their importance; with the
important, contentious issues first, attendees are likely to become more positive and
outcomes are likely to be further clarified and achieved.
NLP focused on three things (according with Steve Andreas, 2001, p134)
Attitude
Outcomes
Structure
Making the right decisions is an essential business skill. Professionals would learn how to
stay focused under pressure and move from stuck or indecisive to aligned and decisive
action. In negotiation to make a right chosen on the final is it essential. .( Helena
Cornelius& Sttoshana Faire, 1996, p212).
NLP techniques learn people, in an accelerated format, the secrets of outstanding decision-
makers. Strategies are largely drawn from the unique NLP modeling of the worlds greatest
money managers. NLP practitioners discover exactly how to re-strategize thoughts and
feelings to make the best decisions and move with confidence to successful action.
Often real-world business issues are complex and multi-leveled. NLP has conceptual
models for identifying complex problems and relating it to systemic, feedback-driven,
solution oriented tools and approaches and all in a practical and user-friendly way
(Steve Andreas, 2001, p112) . People are learning how to resource and resolve work-based
issues for long term exponential gain in business results
There are many ways to use anchors.(Sue Knight, 2004, p135). An easy way is using the
technique called collapsing anchors. This is a way of harmonizing two states for
example, an inspired state with an uninspired one.
Conclusion
Now, more than at any time in human history, many approaches, old and new, are pointing
toward improvinghuman potential and increasing possibilities. We wanted to produce
results consistently, we wanted to know the difference that made the difference between an
occasional or temporary relief and a deep, lasting change. We wanted to be able to
deliberately facilitate transformational change.
That is the motive why we choose the nest case study. We wanted to teach others to do it
for themselves as well like in theory.
CASE STUDY
NLP Trainers S.R.L used NLP model and techniques for training and coaching
General information about the company
The name of the company: D. Consulting Company
Domain of activity: Consultancy and market research
Number of full-time employees: 60
Number of collaborators:150
Headquarters: Bucharest
Zonal centers: Timisoara, Iasi, Constanta, Cluj, Oradea
Situation
D. Consulting Company uses a large number of interviewing operators (IO-s) for collecting
primary data. In most cases they are external collaborators, paid according to their work
amount and their performance. The accuracy of the collected data is also an important
criterion. Sometimes difficulties may appear in selecting and maintaining the IO teams.
These fluctuations lead to problems in planning researches and in allocating human
resources. The most important task for the IO-s is to fill in interviewing forms.
Report
Executive Summary
This report contains the results of a survey designed to understand participants views on
NLP, the program being provided by NLP Trainers. It is part of a broader exercise to
establish the value delivered.
Of the sample surveyed, all participants believe NLP to be very useful both personally and
professionally, and regard courses as enjoyable and effective methods for developing NLP
skills.
For many people, this program is the start of a process of acquiring NLP skills.
They are a catalyst for further development.
Some people identified small changes that could have improved their experience as
delegates, although these were highly personal and varied requests. However, a significant
proportion of attendees spontaneously requested some form of ongoing support mechanism
to help them continue to develop their skills and apply what theyve learned after the end
of the program.
With no exception, participants perceive there is value in courses for others in their
organizations. The range of roles identified as possible targets for the programmers is
broad, reflecting the general requirement for these skills in all professionals.
CONCLUSION
The range of positive comments about the program suggests that the participants found
NLP inspiring and they were encouraged to take their understanding further. Theres no
doubt that some form of practice community would increase the rate of application for
these tools. D. Consulting Company should decide what it wishes to do about this and
might use the existence of the group in marketing its program.
In terms of competencies, the improved results that participants say they are getting cover
every single competence. The courses are therefore great general skill builders. The
program is relatively intimate, and requires an open mind to get the best from them.
However, if the company can identify a particular group that is not getting the results they
should, (perhaps in customer service), a specialized course might be developed to solve the
problems. Such a course should be developed through NLP, modeling the strategies used
by people who are brilliant performers in the problem area.
Trainers should themselves develop a niche course to help others acquire these strategies.
In short, NLP programs appear to be highly fulfilling for participants and help people get
measurably different results in their professional lives.
ANEXE
Course handout designed for D. consulting Company
Excerpt from the zonal managers training handout
Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone who you just click with? Those
situations where, even though you may be seeing them for the first time, this person feels
like an old friend? This is an example of what psychologists call rapport. Being able to get
into rapport with other people isnt just a key for successful influence; its also one of the
most fun, enjoyable & relaxing skills you can learn. People like to be around people who
can get into rapport with them. The researchers noticed that the people talking began
(unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye blinks
and head nods.) When they were monitored using electroencephalographs, it was found
that some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment too. As the conversations
progressed, these people were getting into rapport with each other. Rapport has been
described as what happens when we get the attention of someones unconscious mind, and
meet them at their map of the world. It is more commonly understood as the sense of
ease and connection that develops when you are interacting with someone you trust and
feel comfortable with. Rapport emerges when people are in-sync with each other.
Any group of two or more people can be described as a system. Rapport is an emergent
property of the system, like a fit of the giggles or a pregnant pause. As such, its not
possible to cause or do rapport; you can however massively increase the likelihood of
rapport emerging when you are communicating with another person.
On a basic level, we like people who are like us. One way to help rapport to develop is to
mirror the micro-behaviors of those we wish to influence. Any observable behavior can be
mirrored, for example:
Body posture Facial expression
Hand gestures Breathing rate
Head tilt Energy level
Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality) Anything else that you can observe
Key phrases
Blink rate
To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, then do
that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a
few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other
person is looking in a mirror. When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the
other person. However, a few notes of caution are appropriate:
Mirroring is not the same as mimicry. It should be subtle and respectful.
Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other persons experience. Avoid mirroring
people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.
Mirroring can build a deep sense of trust quickly. You have a responsibility to use it
ethically.
Exercise 1
Practice mirroring the micro-behaviors of people on television (chat shows &
interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become
comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviors of others.
Pacing and leading is one of the keys to influencing people. It refers to meeting them at
their map of the world (pacing) and then taking them where you want them to go
(leading.) Rapport is a basic, behavioral signal that you have met someone at their map of
the world. The simplest, most effective test for rapport is if you lead, they follow.
Exercise 2
Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone elses
behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport
with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the
next minute or so, congratulate yourself you have led their behavior!
Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport.
You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe.
Exercise 3
Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-
building into situations where it will benefit you and others are familiar with rapport-
building techniques and are particularly aware of body posture mirroring. Cross-over
matching involves matching another persons behavior with a different behavior of your
own (e.g. matching their breathing rate to your head tilt, or their eye blinks to your foot-
taps.) This is a way of building rapport that is very difficult to detect, and still highly
effective.
Exercise 4
During a conversation with another person, choose one of their behaviors (eg.
breathing rate) to cross-over match with one of your behaviors (eg. speaking rate.)
Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops!
The fact that youve read this far means that you can see the benefits of increasing your
rapport skills. Reading is sadly not enough practice is the key to building skill, so do the
exercises. When you first start the practice of mirroring, you may have to pay some
conscious attention to what youre doing. After a while, however, you will start to catch
yourself doing it unconsciously. This is where you really begin to build rapport
elegantly!