Paxton, Wenninger

Date: Feb 28, 2017

Brief Thief
A story told from the perspective of (the underwear, the Conscience)

Ahhhhhh.., my body it been punctured in 2 places.

( 1 year later) Look up in the sky, its a helicopter, its Superman. No its Superbunny, saving
the town! Yep thats me, well. I lied, I'm the underwhere A.K.A mask as he calls me. Its a
normal Tuesday, fighting Muk. (Muk is a super Villain who loves the Pokemon Muk) Super
Bunny's tactic is head butting him. Ive been head butted into him 63 times plus the last 32
times I hit metal.

Remember when your mom told you to not wash yourself in the washer and dryer well thats
happened to me. Ive been shrunk, been bathed in bleach, and almost drowned in laundry
detergent. My stand A.K.A Super Bunny, knows that he needs to hang me to dry or Ill shrink.
Now the most boring part of the day, drying time, I literally am clipped to a clothespin and am
told to just hang there. It is very relaxing though, no one in sight. Wait, did you just see what I
saw? A piece of poop just fell from the tree. No toilet paper though. Oh, no, hes coming
towards me, wait please dont do what I think youre going to do

Ewwwwwwwww Ive seen things that no underwear should see. If you want to hear what I
exepeciend read along. First he looked at me for 352 seconds or 5 minutes. Then, I dont
know if you should hear this but, I was wiped like toilet paper then thrown into a bush! But the
worst part is I was playing mission impossible. With slimy,stinky, rainbow (I guess it was
rainbow because hes a gecko) poop. Also I had poop on me,, Ill never forget that moment.
After when I got out I saw Super Bunny, the only time I was happy to see him. You should
have seriously seen that noob, quivering in fear. He just stood there looking like he was going
to cry. (Im pretty sure I saw a couple tears run down his scaly skin)

Ahhhh my eyes, the soap burns, it burns. Gargle, gargle, uhhhh.. Help Super Bunny hes
drowning me. Finally out of that monstrosity. A fly landed on me! Please don't do it lizard!
Noooo.. He went savage on me and started licking me like crazy. Ok, back to hating Super
Bunny again, he didn't even say hi, I was just stuck on his head! Ohhhhhhhh.. I forgot the nice
feel, and smell, of rushing air. Nooooo Help Im falling, the poop must have made me bigger.
Ahhhhhh ow, oh no its the lizard! Super Bunny help meee... .

Rubric rating submitted on: 3/4/2017, 12:11:40 PM by mark.kinzel@wrsd.ca

4 3 2 1

Content Details of the story Details of story are The story is There are few
Your score: 3 are established, clear and make predictable. Some details or
specific and sense. The story is details may be descriptions. Does
consistent. The generally irrelevant or not flow from
story flows and straightforward from unnecessary. Tends beginning to end,
makes sense. beginning to end. to follow familiar illogical sequence.
Supporting details Writing generally patterns or ideas. Does not get
are consistent and holds the readers May keep the reader's attention
help to develop interest. reader's attention.
story. Writing holds
the reader's
attention

Origination The story has a The story follows a The story has a The story has no
Your score: 3 beginning, middle logical sequence beginning, middle clear beginning,
and end. There is a with a beginning, and end but can be middle and end.
connection between middle and end. difficult to follow. There are some
events, setting, and There is a There is some actions or events
characters. connection between connection between but are illogical or
 Characters are well events, setting, and events, setting, and hard to follow. Lacks
described and characters. Story characters. Story connection between
developed. There is beginning beginning briefly events, setting, and
a well described establishes describes characters. Does
setting. There is a characters and characters and not describe
clear and well setting. There is a setting. There is a characters or
defined story clear and well story problemthat is setting, may just
problem or plot that defined story connected to the give character
flows logically. The problem or plot. The characterbuthas an names. There is a
story problem or story problem or abrupt ending. story
plot is connected to plot is connected to problembutthere is
the character. the character. Story no character
Events, actions, has a logical ending development. Story
details, and/or that resolves the ending does not
characters are story problem. makes sense or is
consistently missing.
maintained. The
ending resolves the
problem and
satisfies the reader.

Sentence Structure Sentences are well Sentences include Simple sentences, Basic and poorly
Your score: 3 formed and flow one complete which do not include constructed
smoothly and vary thought. They begin descriptive sentences, that
in length. They with capitals and language. They often don't make
begin differently use appropriate end generally begin with sense and are
with the correct use marks. They are capitals and use repetitive in
of capitals and have logical, and make appropriate end construction.
appropriate end sense. marks
marks

Vocabulary Words are well- General words are General words are Words chosen are
Your score: 4 chosen. Phrases chosen and used chosen and are often wrong and/or
are purposeful. correctly. Words and used incorrectly at misused. Phrases
Avoids overusing phrases help times. Words and are misused or
words. Words and explain and phrases are simple missing
phrases are used to describe. and/or do not
create imagery describe well.
(mind images)

Voice The story has a The story has The story has some The writing contains
Your score: 4 definite personality personality and personality, but it is little or no
and highlight how shows how the hard to identify the personality. There
the character thinks character thinks and writer. The tone is is no evidence of
and feels. feels. The tone fits apparent in some tone in the writing.
The tone fits the the purpose and parts of the writing. The author tells
 purpose and audience. The The author does about feeling
audience. writing is lively, more telling than without showing it.
The writing comes expressive, and showing feeling. The author does not
to life and is very engaging. The The author cares seem to care about
engaging. author cares about most of the time the topic or the
The author is the topic and about the topic and audience.
invested into the audience. audience.
story can cares for
the charactes and
that shines through
in the writing.

Comments:
The story was a little hard to follow at times. It jumped around a few different times, and then suddenly
ended abruptly. The vocabulary that you used was amazing. It provided detail and the perfect amount
of comic relief.

You need to