Liturgy for Divorce

Jennifer Watkins

Course Title
Instructors Name
April 27, 2015
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This service would be open to all members of the congregation and

community, but would be particularly focused on those who have been
touched by divorce. This would include those who are divorced, in the
process of divorcing, considering divorce, or come from homes broken by
divorce. The intention of this service is not to shame those who have ben
touched by divorce, or to encourage repentance for the sin of divorce.
Rather, the focus would be on healing, resurrection, reconciliation, new life,
and second chances.

Given the delicate nature of this topic and the wide range of emotional
responses, the pastors and elders of the church should have a training
workshop prior to performing this service. This would prepare them to
respond to the needs of the congregation.
This workshop would have several goals. The first goal would be to
explore different views of divorce. It would be helpful for the church
leadership to learn a brief history of the churchs teachings on divorce so
they can better understand the preconceived notions, both helpful and
unhelpful, that the congregants may be carrying with them. For example,
some churches have taught that divorce, particularly when infidelity is not
involved, is a grave sin. This has led to deep feeling of shame, and has
frequently served as a stumbling block for those who felt called to the
ministry or desired remarriage. The church leadership must be familiar with
the churchs response to divorce in order to best serve congregants who may
be carrying a great deal of shame.
The second goal of this workshop would be to clearly state the goal of
this service. The goal is not to shame or to embarrass congregants, nor is it
to pray for unreasonable reconciliation in marriages that are long dead.
Further, the goal is not necessarily to encourage repentance for the sin of
divorce. The purpose of this service would be to move wounded hearts
towards healing and to remind congregants their identity in Christ,
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regardless of their past failings or marital status. While prayers will be

offered for restoration and reconciliation where possible, the church
leadership must understand that divorce may be the best option in some
cases, and many of the congregants should receive support and grace,
rather than unrealistic pressure to return to unhealthy relationships.
The third goal of this workshop would be to train the elders to
recognize reactions in the congregants that attend. The elders would be
assigned a small section of the sanctuary, perhaps a few pews, to monitor.
They would be asked to be aware of the congregants seated around them,
and respond if they sense an emotional reaction, such as crying or clenching
fists. The elders would be encouraged to be present with these congregants,
and to offer to listen if the congregant wishes to discuss their story. This is a
sensitive topic, and some congregants may feel they want to tell their story
to another. In essence, the elders would serve as first responders, stabilizing
the congregant until a pastor can respond after the service. They should also
be equip with a list of resources, such as counselors in the area, should the
congregant need such service.
Silent Prayer

Great Healer, Wonderful Counselor, open our hearts to Your healing

touch. Do not let us conceal our brokenness from you, but let Your light shine
on the hidden things, that we might be healed, restored, and renewed.

Call to Worship Psalm 30:1-2, 11-12.

Leader: I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up

and have not let my foes rejoice over me.

People: O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,

and you have healed me.
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Leader: You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

People: You have loosed my sackcloth

and clothed me with gladness,

Leader: that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

People: O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

All: Alleluia! Let us worship God.

Prayer of Adoration (based on Psalm 34).

God of Compassion, You are near the brokenhearted, You save the
Crushed in spirit. Your praise shall continually be in our mouths, and we will
exalt Your name together. In Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.

Hymn #1: God, When Human Bonds Are Broken (See Appendix )
alternative for contemporary service: Praise You in This Storm (See Appendix)

Call to Confession (based on 1 John 1:8).

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in

us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Let us confess our sins first silently, and
then together as one people with the prayer written in the bulletin.

Creator God, we confess that we have harbored resentment towards

those who hurt us. We confess that we have been quick to see their sins, and
slow to see our own. We have held on to bitterness and pain, and have not
forgiven one another, or ourselves. We have sought our own solutions, and
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taken matters into our own hands when we should have sought you for help
and guidance. Cleanse us from all bitterness, unforgiveness, and anger. Heal
the brokenness we carry, and lead us through the storm into a resurrected
life and fellowship with you in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Pardon (based on Romans 8:38-39).

Hear the Good news:
neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor
things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other
created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in
Christ Jesus our Lord.

Know that you are forgiven of any and all transgressions, and be at
peace.
Pass the Peace
Having received peace from our Lord Jesus Christ, let us turn to one
another with words of peace and reconciliation.

Hymn #2: Savior, Like A Shepherd Lead us (see Appendix). Alternative

for contemporary service: My Lighthouse (see Appendix).

Prayer for Illumination

Let us pray together:

God of everlasting love, fill our hearts and our minds with your life, and
fill the cracks in our hearts that we may become vessels of your truth. Speak
to us a word today, that we might taste and see that the Lord is good.

Testimony and Reflection.

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During this time, several people will come up and share a segment of
their stories. These segments will relate to the five stages of grief; denial,
anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this is a very simplistic
model of grief, the hope is that everyone in attendance will identify with at
least one of these themes. Each testimony will begin with a scripture for
reflection.

Testimony 1: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding. An individual will now
share about their experience of denial in a divorce situation, whether as the
child or as the spouse. The scripture was chosen with the intention of
reminding the wounded that they can rely on God, even if their world seems
to make little sense as they journey through divorce.

Testimony 2: Exodus 14:14:The LORD will fight for you, and you have
only to be silent. An individual will now share their experience of anger in a
divorce situation, whether as the child or as the spouse. The scripture was
chosen with the intention of reminding the congregants that ultimate
judgement belongs to the Lord and that this is not their battle to fight.

Testimony 3: 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, My grace is

sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
rest upon me. An individual will now share their experience of bargaining in
a divorce situation, whether as the child or spouse. The scripture was chosen
with the intention of giving back power to someone who may be feeling
powerless. During this stage, they may feel like they are powerless in this
situation and need a reminder of the power that dwells within them through
Christ.

Testimony 4: Lamentations 1:16: This is why I weep

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and my eyes overflow with tears.

No one is near to comfort me,
no one to restore my spirit.
My children are destitute
because the enemy has prevailed. An individual will now share their
experience with grief in a divorce situation, whether as the child or as the
spouse. The Scripture was chosen with the intention of demonstrating that it
is okay to go to low places with God and with Scripture; there is nowhere the
individual can go that Scripture cant go with them. Rather than choosing a
happy or joyous verse, this verse will resonate with the hurting and give
them an empathic ear from Scripture, rather than promising a better time
that may seem impossible from their perspective.

Testimony 5: Isaiah 43:18-19: Remember not the former things,

nor consider the things of old.
19Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert. An individual will now share their experience
with acceptance in a divorce situation, whether as the child or as the spouse.
The emphasis should be on healthy acceptance, not as denying what was
written in our story, but reclaiming the pen and choosing where our story
goes from here. The Scripture was chosen with the intention of giving hope
to those who may not have reached the far side of the storm yet and may
still be waiting in Holy Saturday. This verse will hopefully give them a glimpse
of the future that they can have.

Affirmation of Faith. At this time, the congregation would be invited to

say together whichever creed or affirmation is appropriate and agreeable to
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this congregation. The Apostles Creed and the Nicene Creed are possible
examples.
Prayers of the People

Creator God, we thank you for the world you have created. Though
many of us come from families that have fallen apart, we thank you for the
fruits of those broken relationships, we thank you for the children we once
were and for the children we now have. We thank you for your image which
we bear, and which our former loved ones also bear.

Great Healer, many of us stand before you hurting from shattered

vows, broken families, and severed trust. We pray that you would give us a
desire to forgive those who have wounded us, and that you would empower
us to choose to forgive as you have forgiven us. We pray that we might draw
closer to you in this storm, and that you would walk beside us until we reach
the new thing that lies ahead. Heal us, oh God, of every burden, every harsh
word, every affair, and every abuse. Grant us time, patience and love to heal
from wounds that seem to reach our very core.

Protect and heal our children, and the children we once were, from the
trials of divorce. Be with them and remind them that they are loved, valued,
and cherished, that they are innocent of any wrongdoing in the demise of
their homes, and that they are not assets to be divided but precious children
of God.

Lord we pray for those that still cling to the hope of resurrection. We
pray that you might breathe life into the dry bones of their relationships and
restore if it is possible. If that is not to be their story, Holy God, please grant
them peace and a hope for the future.
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We pray for all the other struggles that our beloved brothers and
sisters now face as a result of this tragedy, for dwindling finances and the
stresses of single parenthood. We pray wisdom and discernment for both
attorneys and judges who are settling these disputes. We pray that you
would meet every need and be ever present with our brothers and sisters.

We pray that we would not fail our brothers and sisters in their time of
need, and that through us they will know the love and grace of Jesus Christ,
through whom we now pray, amen.

Offering/Offertory (an instrumental variation of Be Thou My Vision, or

similar hymn is recommended.)
If possible, the church might consider giving the offering to a cause
related to divorce, such as a local shelter for survivors of domestic abuse. If
this is done, a short introduction or note in the bulletin would be appropriate.

Communion

The Invitation:
Leader: Jesus said:
Come to me,
all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you
rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me;
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
I am the bread of life.
Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will
never be thirsty.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will
be filled.
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So come, friends, and lay your burdens down. Come, and partake of
spiritual food for the journey. Come, and receive the grace and new life that
flows for you.

Rationale:
This variation of the more standard invitation found in the PCUSA is
designed to emphasis healing and continue to focus the minds of the
congregation on the future, on new beginnings, and the Resurrection Sunday
that is waiting for them at the end of their divorce journey.

Great Thanksgiving:
Leader: The Lord be with you.
All: And also with you.
Leader: Lift up your hearts.
All: We lift them to the Lord.
Leader: Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
All: It is right to give our thanks and praise.

Words of Institution. The Lord Jesus, on the night of his arrest, took
bread,
and after giving thanks to God,
he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying:
Take, eat.
This is my body, given for you.
Do this in remembrance of me.
The minister or elder lifts the cup, saying:
In the same way he took the cup, saying:
This cup is the new covenant sealed in my blood,
shed for you for the forgiveness of sins.
Whenever you drink it,
do this in remembrance of me.
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Every time you eat this bread and drink this cup,
you proclaim the saving death of the risen Lord,
until he comes.

Friends, these for the gifts of God for the people of God, Thanks be to
God.

The elements will be distributed in whatever way the church chooses,

whether via plates, intinction, or other method.

Prayer after Communion,

Holy God, we thank you for your love which will never end, for your
unfailing faithfulness to us. We thank you for being parent to the parentless,
spouse to the spouseless, healer to the wounded and redeemer to the lost.
Bless all of us this day, and guide us on our journey to the land of new things
which you have in store for us. All this we ask in the name of our precious
Lord Jesus Christ.

Hymn #3: Come Now Font of Every Blessing (alternative for

contemporary worship: Oceans by Hillsong).

The idea of this hymn is to be uplifting and to remind the congregants

that God is with them, that Gods love is unchanging regardless of what they
may or may not have experienced with their spouses, and that there is a
future for them. Both songs contain elements of this.

Benediction
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Friends, we have traveled a long way together today. Let us be gentle

with one another. If any of you have need of a space to share your stories,
someone to be present with you in your storm, we are here to help as we are
able. If you need other resources such as a professional counselor and dont
know where to start, we have those resources for you as well. We are on this
journey with you. Go in peace and know that you are not alone.

Friends, receive the benediction.

May God lead you to new things so wonderful, that the old things will
not be thought of again, may the sky after the storm be so beautiful the
thunder will not be remembered, and may your destination be close and you
journey in the peace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
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Notes
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