Holding On To The Promises of God in My Marriage

Holding on to the Promises of God in My Marriage
Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2
Janice Jackson
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank everyone who has contributed
to my mission and ministry, my wonderful husband, Bobby
Jackson, Sr., for his support in my many endeavors. You
and our children have been patient, supportive, motivating,
encouraging, and the reason why I want to share with
others my experiences of learning what a godly marriage is
really about. We have experienced previous marriage and
divorce, and have coming together with our unique blended
family. It has been different, challenging, adapting, and at
our twenty year anniversary it has been rewarding when
you follow the Words of God regarding man, woman, and
children, which results in a successful and peaceful
marriage.
Janice,
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Copyright 2016 by Janice Jackson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed
or electronic form without permission.
Second Edition: November 2016
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1539826781
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Foreword
Although marriage is a challenge lived between two
people, marriage is the most unique partnership that God
created. Marriage brings out the good and the worst in
people. Then at the same time, it allows us to line up our
life with the vision that God has for marriages.
Janice Jackson, M.S., M.A., BCCC

Certified Christian Counselor
Coach
Crisis Response
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Letter to the Readers
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this
vision. Each vision that God bless me to write, it is to
inspire, encourage, and uplift those who are in need of a
fresh Anointing from our Heavenly Father. I do believe that
it will provide you with insight on how to move forward in
your marriage, personal life, and address other issues that
may arise. God wants each of us to experience a rich and
full life here on earth before being caught up with Him.
Dont be satisfied in spiritual poverty and mediocre living.
He desires for us to live in loving, healthy, strong, and
profitable single and married relationships, however, it is
up to each individual to make it happen. Our Heavenly
Father is not a dictator and He leaves us all to make
choices. I pray that those who have chosen Him will stick
with Him; and those who have not will do so. If your
marriage is dead wake it up, if your relationship is not
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moving forward seek God for answers, read your bibles,
and pray fervently to our Heavenly Father. If its the job get
up find another job, go to school, and tap into the gift/s that
God has given you for increase. God gifts all of His
children; He does not leave us where we cannot be useful
in careers, our own businesses, and personal lives. He has
designed each of us to prosper and be in good health. Wake
up from slumber and pray to God, wake up venture out, and
think outside the box. Ask God about your purpose in life
and be on a mission to do great things for yourself and for
your family.
God Bless.
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Outline
Acknowledgements
Forward
I. Hanging in There.7
II. When we Slip and Fall.28
III. Avoid the Yo-Yo Sin...53
IV. Unseen Battles.99
V. Trust the Foundation....135
VI. Notes to God: Tell God the Desires of Your
Heart for Your Marriage
Hanging in There
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When we give our lives to Jesus and pray the
prayer of Salvation, most times we fail to go
beyond that point to seek more of God. We are just,
hanging on of what we believed in the beginning
without looking for any other challenges; praying
and hoping that things will be fine from here on
out. We fail to seek the next challenge in our
spiritual walk and, subsequently, live timidly in the
shadows. This is not what God intended for His
children. God want us to pursue the next step in
our spiritual walk by asking, God, What is my
purpose from here? What have you called me to
do? This is the question that He would like to hear
us ask, without fear, and without being bashful or
timid. You are a part of the Most High Gods family.
Will He use you as a sacrifice to make a point? Will
He take you to a place that may possibly take you
from your comfort zone? Maybe, but, nevertheless,
He tells us in, 1 Corinthians 10:13, No temptation
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has overtaken you except what is common to
mankind. And God is indeed faithful; he will not let
you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But
when you are tempted, he will also provide a way
out so that you can endure it. God is faithful; He
will not challenge us to the place of danger and
harm. He is not that kind of Father. But, there is no
growth without challenge.
If you have a desire to grow in your spiritual
walk with Jesus, all I know is this; there are levels of
responsibility that we must take on. The service
that we provide is not about you or I; it is about
service to God and His people. Hebrews 6:10,
states that, God is not unjust, he will not forget
your work and the love you have shown Him as you
have helped his people and continue to help them.
In our walk with the Lord, there are a lot of things
that we must work on getting rid of within
ourselves that is not conducive for the Kingdom of
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God. Ask yourself this question, how am I able to
minister to someone about giving up something
that I know is not good for them, but I have not
allowed or trusted God enough to deliver it out of
my own life. It is not always easy to do; however,
as children of the King, there is a lot of stuff that we
must work at to get rid of before entering in the
Kingdom of God. It is required that we,
intentionally, work at it. To mature and understand
our positions means that there will be a level of
processes. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, this
processed is called, Pull the Tooth, this is when
Gods people go through a process to get rid of bad
stuff. Dr. Cloud asserts that, they get it out of their
hair, off their plate, out of their souls, and out of
their lives. They do not allow negative things to
take up space in their lives; draining them of
energy and resources. If that tooth is infected, they
pull it immediately. Those who are seeking God, to
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truly change their lives, have very little tolerance
for nagging pains that are unresolved (Cloud,
p.45). Unresolved issues holds the believer under
water, they are unable to breath. They must get
freed from this negative energy that will control
them and hold them back from doing Gods will.
Oftentimes, this energy is not innately bad but not
good for the believer to continue to hold on to.
The levels of maturity will determine the
levels of challenges, attacks, and levels of
wickedness that may come against you. There are
times when you wont pass the challenge test;
however, this does not conclude that it is over. The
challenge will come against us until we have
learned how to deal with it. Each challenge have to
be won before going to the next dimension or the
next level of challenges. These challenges should
never control you; you must first put yourself under
the submission of the Holy Spirit so that you can
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control it through the Word. We can take the view
of Paul, in 1 Corinthians 6:12 says that, Everything
is not permissible for me-----but not everything is
beneficial. Everything is permissible for me-----but I
will not be mastered by anything. Paul was strong
minded, unwavering, uncontrolled by the world and
its standards, and did not let things of this world
control his decision making. Although he was
talking about food, this applies to our time and
energy (Cloud, p. 47).
Maturity and spiritual growth comes with a
price. You and I will not be able to receive Jesus as
there Lord and Savior and remain the same.
Spiritual growth and maturity is relevant to the
believer. When we walk in Christ Jesus, there is a
desire and a need to change. Spiritual growth and
maturity is inevitable when you become a child of
the King. Following God and desiring growth is
almost at times like a bad marriage at first. You
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argue with the Head, which is God, and in the earth
rim we argue with the head, which is the husband.
Therefore, maturity and growth may take a long time for
a lot of us.
We ask ourselves, Why do I have to go
through this? Why cant he or she do it? Why do
I have to change? It seems like I am the only one
trying to change. In order to see a bad marriage
get better and a good marriage continue to thrive
and grow, there are necessary changes that must
take place. It is not just for the husband but also for
the wife. There must be change all around. Even
though they both feel as if the other need to
change, this is the very time that they each must
evaluate themself. Until we understand the
fundamentals that allow change toward God and
our spouse we will be unable to see stability in our
relationships as well as spiritual growth. As a
counselor, I will not provide anyone a disservice
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and overlook the most critical part of the process
and this is establishing a personal relationship with
Jesus first. If you think that your marriage is going
to thrive without Him, you are sadly mistaken. Even
if your marriage has lasted a long time, it has only
lasted because you did not want anyone to suggest
that you lost that battle. There are some who will
remain in a relationship and an emotional rut, just
to prove others wrong. But inwardly, where no one
else is looking, there is pain and bitterness, and you
live a life of hatefulness, resentment, bitterness,
and unhappiness because of the stuff that we have
hidden inside. It has to come out somewhere.
Change From the Heart
If a spiritual change is to be made, we must
examine our hearts and ask ourselves why do we
want to grow spiritually and what our motives for
change? In the Bible, we observe the Pharisees,
they were experts of the Law, their fine clothing
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make them look important, and when they walk the
people move to the other side of the road because
they are considered holy. Why did they not want to
change the way they were? Was it the added
attention, money, and recognition, did they want
God to have favor on them so that they could
continue to receive gifts, or, was it the honor that
were receiving people? It was all of the above.
There are many that begin with good intentions or
motives. But, if we are not careful or sure of our
relationship with God, we are prime targets for the
enemy to attack.
Love the Lord your God with all you heart
mind, body, and strength, and to love thy neighbor
as thyself. They have been studying the laws all of
their lives and understood that a Savior was to
arrive. They did not know when, but the Scriptures
said it. They were angry and upset at Jesus tearing
down the normal.
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I hope that your motives do not sound like
this. Our marriages are to service God and one
another. The Bible says, Severely Love One
Another. Regardless of what you are going
through, for better or for worse, through sickness
and in health, for richer or poor, until death do us
part. One thing that no one has to endure in a
marriage (unless you choose to), and that is
physical abuse. If a spouse is beating you and you
and your children are afraid for your lives, this is
one thing that I know my God did not intend for
anyone to live this type of life. I will prove this in,
Ephesians 5:25-26, Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the
washing with water through the Word. God did not
beat His wife (church), He loved her, and therefore,
neither husband nor the wife should beat the other.
Love does not beat on one another, demean,
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degrade, manipulate, or with hold any good thing
for each other.
In a marital relationship that seems to be
taking a turn for the worse, you both have careers,
you have financial stability, you live in a wonderful
gated community, and you drive the best of
vehicle. So, what is the reason for such
unhappiness? You both wear the finest clothes and
people compliment you when you are out for dinner
with friends. So, I ask again, why you are not happy.
When you got married you had everything that
other people hope and dream about. When you got
married did you love each other? Or, were you
thinking about how she can help you look
successful at the business parties and she enjoys
showing him off like the prized stud. Checking
motives first is important before making a marital
commitment. You motives are more than you think
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and will come to haunt if they are not for the right
reasons.
In order to carefully make honorable decisions it is
important to seek wise counsel, something that
many people dont want to do and feel as though
they dont need it. It is amazing to me for people
believe that marriage is going to be perfect at all
times and not have trouble along the way. I know
this is not you; this is for the other person. There
should always be that Christian friend or Christian
Counselor, which you are able to go to for
accountability and decision making. Wisdom is
important in every area of life. It seems as though
there are people who are born wise. They have
everything figured out, they have a vision early in
life and at the end of their full years they are living
the life of indulgence; and never expect to have
trouble along the way. Then there are those of us
who have made sporadic decision, went to this job
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and that job. Married this man/woman (not
satisfied), then divorce. As we approach the
retirement years, we can barely retire because we
have been there, did not remain their or anywhere
long enough to plant our roots. Why is this I
wondered? People are different; they are made up
of many backgrounds. There are times where our
background can help or hinder our lives. Everyone
did not grow up in the perfect home, with the
perfect family. I dont think that any of us did.
However, those who did have good homes have
also made many bad choices.
There are families that instilled the vision of
a productive future, in Christ, with decent careers
with benefits and retirement. The families
encouraged their children to complete their
education. Some families have even disowned their
children if they fail to pursue a college education.
This is how important education was to some
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parents. They knew what it would take for them to
the right position in the job market.
Then there were those parents who did not
have this knowledge. Most time it is passed down
from generation to generation, they did not
encourage their children to pursue higher
education. Then there are those children who
escape the cycle, but found themselves in other
compromising situations. These children had a
choice; they could go to college, military, or get a
job, take your pick. These are the parents who did
not sit down and explain the options to their
children thoroughly. They did not explain the
benefits of earning their degree before beginning a
career search. My life fit the later one. But only
because my parent (single parent) gave her
children what she knew. Our options were college,
military, or get a job. My brother joined the army
and I went to Beauty College. Although I was good
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at it and did well for some time, I was not prepared
for an injury that would ultimately cost me my
career. It is so important to make a wise decision
regarding your future and the future of your family.
It is wonderful when parents are able to steer their
children in the right direction, in a path that would
be beneficial to them in the future. But parent in
the 60s gave their best for their children in the way
they understood.
It excites me to the fullest to able to share
my learning experience with my children that will
help them to make wiser decisions. There were so
many times that Bobby and I had to hang on,
feeling the pressure that we might break financially.
Our older children are doing well and the two that
are still at home are in the process of learning their
way and the importance of making wiser decisions.
Our daughter has recently graduated from college
and decide to pursue her nursing degree (great
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choice) and our son is 15, he will acquire wise
counsel that the older children did not have the
opportunity to receive in-depth before starting their
lives. He is blessed. Still playing video games, but
blessed just the same.
Wisdom is not wisdom until we have lived to
obtain it and then give it away. It is wonderful when
you share the wisdom of, slow down, wait, and not
to make your moves too soon. They may not
always understand the purpose right now, but, they
will as they get older and become face to face with
their own challenges. Further, I explain to our
children the reason why I am the way that I am. For
our daughter, I want her to be a suitable helper
when God gives her a husband. This is for the
purpose that the family is financially taken care of
with assistance. For my son, I want him to pursue
the right career so that he can be the provider for
his family that he is called to be. I want my
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daughter-n-law and my grandchildren taken care of.
My in-laws are not off the hook either; they must
also be suitable for my children. If their father and I
invest in them, their spouse must also come with
the same mind set. Yes, I am that kind of mother
and I will not compromise my grandchildrens
welfare because of unwise decision. I have made
numerous mistakes and I do not want my children
to make the same mistakes that will cause them
financial distress. We can break the curse now of
making unwise decision.
In this day and time, it seems that husbands
and wives are lacking in wisdom, if we ask for
wisdom, the divorce rate would not be so high. We
will talk about divorce in another book. As Christian
couples we should by all account continue to
implement Gods Word in our lives daily, this is how
we grow in wisdom. In James 1:5, it says, If you
lack wisdom ask of God. James is only known as a
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servant/slave of the Lord Jesus Christ. You become
wise when you have experienced trial and
temptations, and James write to the believers to
live without wavering, consistent with what you
have learned through our Savior Jesus Christ. We
must learn through Jesus Christ not our spouses,
friends, or facebook. We learn from Jesus, He is the
ultimate role model. Sometimes we go through the
same trials and temptations over and over again
like a vicious cycle. James wants Gods people to
mature in their walk with Christ by simply living
what we say we believe.
Wisdom has no association with hypocrisy,
pride, sin, favoritism, and slander. He want the
believers to live humbly every day before the Lord,
not with wisdom that is of the world, but the
wisdom of God that only God gives to those who
seek him with their whole heart.
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There are many of us who are unable to walk
in wisdom because as soon as someone gets out of
line with us we take offense, if someone looks at us
funny we are ready to tell them, you know what.
But, James 1:1-5 instructs us by saying, Consider it
pure joy, my brother and sister, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the
testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let
perseverance finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any
of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who give
generously to all without finding fault, and it will be
given you. Isnt this awesome, wisdom is ours for
the asking and without fault. So, regardless of what
we have done, regardless of our past sins,
regardless of who we were, or what we were prior
to asking, God said, it will be given without fault. I
love HIM.
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So, James is telling us that all we have to do is
repent to God, believe, and the trials and
tribulations should cause us to persevere even the
more? Paul also states, in Matthews 5:11-12,
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute
you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you
because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great
is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they
persecuted the prophets who were before you. I
stated earlier, we have a problem when people look
at us funny. If we lived in the bible days when
Christians were being persecuted, none of us could
have handled it. Their bodies (hand and feet) were
spread, tied, and then pulled apart. They were
beaten to death, stoned to death, and hanged; and
we have problems when someone lies on us or
talking bad of us behind our backs. If we are unable
to handle the little things, how much so can we
handle larger territories?
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Christians must get over being offended,
talked about, and lied on. Does it hurt, yes, who
we tell about it, God? Instead, we go tell our
friends, the church members, our pastor, the
mother board, the deacon board, the prayer team,
we lay out at the altar, etc., instead of going into
our secret closet and telling God. We must seek
wisdom by way of the Holy Spirit it will bring us into
all truths. And all we have to do is ask God, who
gives liberally.
To endure trials and tribulations with pure
joy, the wise person understands that God is the
revenger and that He will take care of it. So,
therefore, we are joyful as we go through it. There
will be people that you come across throughout life
that will plan your demise, they will do all that they
can to terminate your plan, they will focus on your
shortcoming to make it appear that they are better,
they pass off as your friend but what they do
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against you it seems as though they are straight
from the pits of hell. I have had things done to me
by people who I thought cared about me, to my
surprise; I would have never known that secretly
they hated me and would conspire to do harm to
me. But, I remembered the scriptures through my
tears. I can hear Jesus whispering to my heart,
Cheer up I have overcome the world. Meaning,
how they are operating, it is just a matter of time
that it will come back on them three times worse
than what I went through. So, I will continue to
praise Him with my whole heart, and have a visit to
the book of Job 13:15, Though he slay me, yet will
I trust Him. Whatever you go through, go through
it with God in mind, remember Him on this journey.
Dont get so caught up in the cares of the world
that you forget His promises. As He walks you
through the trials, He builds character,
perseverance, and with this He constructs and
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shapes endurance and then wisdom. This is why it
is important to practice being calm in your
marriage. The more you practice it, the better it
gets, going through trials and tribulations further
assist in making wise decision in your marriage and
decisions concerning your children.
Wisdom is identified in the Webster
Dictionary as, The quality of having experience,
knowledge, and good judgment, the quality of
being wise, the soundness of an action or decision
with regards to the application of experience,
knowledge, and good judgment. Over the last
eight (8) years, God has taken me through many
trials and tribulations, I could not understand it, I
did not know what for. All I knew was that, it hurt,
more than anything.
All the things that I have talked about so far,
I talk about because I have been through it. It
wasnt pretty at all, but it served a purpose for me
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and it will definitely service a purpose for you. It
built a determination that I have never felt in my
life. After going through eight years (8) years of a
job trial, I asked why eight years, why not the
seven years, Lord I have asked you over and over
to bring me out of this and you have not responded
for a long time. But eight years almost to the day,
God brought me out. I looked at the meaning of
year seven; year seven is the, year of completion.
Then I looked at the eighth year and eight meant
the year of, new beginnings. I begin to thank God,
I begin to praise Him. I praised Him as I went
through my trials, I praised Him through my
tribulations, I cried, I praised, I worshiped, I danced,
I praise, I laid out on the floor at home crying, and I
praised Him. I never lost my praise because I knew
He was up to something.
A new position was offered me, it was an
increase in income, it was an hour away from
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home, but God gave it to me. Yes, He gave it to me,
just for it to be taken away three months later. I am
like, Father, what is really going on? I did not
understand, I had never in my 38 years of working
ever been, let go, of a job. Why, I asked myself? I
shook everyones hand and told them it was nice
knowing them. This is because I still knew that my
Father was up to something. But, Daddy, I need to
work, my husband needed my help. From January
to May, I was unemployed. In thirty-eight years, I
have never been unemployed. I prayed every day,
asking God, what have I done, I repented for this
and that, and then I ran out of things to repent
from. Lord, we have children that need food and
clothes. I tell you, this was one of the most
challenging times in my life. But, through it all, I
trusted His plan for my family and me. I had no
idea what He was doing, I just trusted Him. Through
it all I became wiser, stronger, better than before,
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worrying less, trusting Him more, and teaching our
children the benefits of trusting God. I started
praying for others who were also going through
distress and hardship. The more I gave myself to
others the more God began to bring revelation to
me.
Wisdom is understood or said to be the
practical application of knowledge. He concludes
and brings an answer to the how, question. When
we place our minds on a decision that we have to
make, wisdom allows an individual to look at every
angle. If we evaluate the issue or situation long
enough, wisdom allows us to look at it thoroughly
before making a decision. Making quick decisions
was part of my life and part of my failed endeavors.
It pays to place attention on a decision that will not
only change your life, but, will also change the lives
of your family. When other people are affected by
your decision, you will look at it more closely.
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Having knowledge is important and part of
the wisdom process. Having knowledge of
understanding and knowing the facts and
information and skills that are acquired are through
education that is received. Knowledge understands
to a certain degree, it comprehends, and it grasps,
and commands. However, having knowledge does
not necessarily mean you have wisdom. Those that
have wisdom also have knowledge. But everyone
that has knowledge does not necessarily have
wisdom. You can read all day and not have wisdom.
You can have the highest education and lack
wisdom.
In relationships we tend to focus on
knowledge, those are the facts, the things we
know, the things that are familiar and the things
that we understand. When it comes to God the
facts are not fair, they dont line up with what is
going on, and the situation is devastating. But true
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wisdom, waits on making a decision, wisdom will
allow you to wait, so that God can show you the,
how. How do I make this relationship better, what
is my role in making it better, how do I get him to
come home and not stay out all night, how do I get
her to stop shopping and spending all of the
money, how do I do it? While you are asking and
pondering and seeking God, He is preparing your
action plan.
Wisdom will help you not to move too soon.
It allows you to hang in there until God prepares a
strategy for you to address the problem with love.
Wait for your answer, its coming. The more you set
aside prayer time, wisdom kicks in, and gives you
an answer. It allows you to listen to God and your
spouse. While we wait, God is working out the
situation. Hes releasing the kinks and knots so that
when the time comes to approach it, it will be a
smooth conversation, of peace, kindness, and love.
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This is when wisdom is alive and well. We go
through the waiting period (developing patience),
which could be a lengthy process depending on the
situation; you experience the value of talking to
God, waiting on God, and then hearing from God.
This process has taken you through the
experience of waiting (the hardest part), and then
throughout the waiting period you are gaining
wisdom, knowledge, and insight along the way
about the process of waiting. You are growing, you
can see your way clearer, and this develops better
judgment. Only God can take you through this
process and you come out on top.
When We Slip and Fall
It is obvious as human beings and inevitable
to slip and fall into sin on this Christian journey. Life
will never be perfect. Just because we accepted
Jesus as our Lord and Savior does not mean that
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you and I will live a life with no challenges. We are
living a life of luxury while our Savior bears the
scars of sacrifice. Although there are Christians who
are living a good life being happily married,
financially secure, great kids, and great careers.
What we cannot perceive is what they have had to
endure along the way.
Jesus, the Son of God knew it while He was
on this earth. That He was born to experience a
death that no one on this earth or in heaven could
accomplish. He was tortured, whipped, crown of
thorns pressed so deeply into his head until the
sharp thorns penetrated down to his skull, he was
nailed to a cross where He hung and gave up the
ghost. They could not kill Him, so He placed His
Spirit in His Fathers Hand. The Word of God says in,
2 Timothy 2:12, If we suffer with Him, we shall also
reign with Him. If we deny Him, he also will deny
us.
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Why did I say all of that? In order to live in
heaven forever, there are something we all must go
through and endure. Why do we have to go through
so much? We will talk about it along the way. If we
desire to have the privilege of living with Jesus, we
must understand that there are strips to be earned.
If you are not willing to earn your strips, how can
you be promoted? Do you desire to finish higher
education, do you desire to move up in your career,
whatever you desire to do or become, it takes
focus, sacrifice, following the rules, perseverance,
and carrying your cross.
Jesus did not give up no matter how He was
rejected, put down, or talked about from the
spiritual community. When we desire to be like
Jesus, to accomplish some tasks in our lives we
must realize also that we will slip and fall as well as
be talked about. We are not Jesus, but his appeal to
us is to live holy, strive for perfection (In Christ
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Jesus), obey the commandments that He set before
us, and live in peace. When we receive Jesus in our
lives and practice this way of life, you must realize
that this will be some of the most challenging times
of your life. Will you endure the hardship when it
comes? The only way that we will be able to do this
is to first, have a relationship with God/ read the
Word, and learn to pray fervently. This identifies
that you are eager to follow God; you are
passionate in learning the ways in which He has
taught us through his life on earth. Will you slip and
fall along the way? Yes.
When I tell people these truths; to some
people it sounds harsh, horrible, and maybe even
infantile. Why such a loving God allow His children
to endure so much pain? In the previous chapter,
we talked about endurance, perseverance, wisdom,
and many other truths that will occur through our
lives and especially throughout our marriage. When
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we were single and we found ourselves in a
situation in which we have sinned or made
mistakes, we went to God for repentance. It
affected us as an individual and us alone. But when
we are married, we are not dealing with only
ourselves. What we do affects is our spouse and
children.
There are many people in the bible that
slipped and fell in their walk with God along the
way. Lets take a look at King David. The bible tells
us that King David was a man after Gods own
heart. He wanted to know God, learn God, and
pattern his life after Him. He honored God in every
way. But King David had an issue. Most of us have
issues, issues that we battle with. Family curses
that have come down through the generation. This
is when the enemy (demons) lingers in families and
they (families) dont know how to break loose. King
David had issues.
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We all know that story of King David and
Bethshebayou dont know? Well, let me share a
little bit of it with you. The bible says in, 2 Samuel
11:12, In the spring, at the time when Kings go off
to war, David sent Joab out with the Kings men and
the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the
Ammonites and besieged Rabboh. But David
remain in Jerusalem, (wrong place, wrong time, if
you supposed to be with the group, go with the
group). V2. One evening David got up from his bed
and walked around on the roof of the palace. From
the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was
very beautiful. We must understand the human
nature, it does not matter how much we have,
there is always more that we want. The bible
speaks of eight wives that David had and ten (10)
concubines. Unlike his son, Solomon, who had
hundreds of wives and concubines. In most
families, there is a distinct unfamiliar spirit that
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lingers. To the family it is normal, but to those who
are outside looking in, it is discrete, noticeable, and
has been manifested throughout the generations of
that family. If a child is acting or behaving a certain
way and there is someone around who knows that
family very well, they will tell you, Oh, there daddy
and granddaddy did the same thing. So, a family
has these spirits in the form of attitude, character,
a temperament, mood swings, bipolar, depression,
ADHD, a phantom or spirit, lustful spirits, prideful
spirits, and lust of the eyes. This is the reason that
people should date for a time before getting
married.
Each family has some kind of spirit that has
overshadowed that family for generation. Now it
could be negative and it can also be positive.
Before you marry someone make sure you have
had time to witness the family that you will be
marrying into. A friend told me once, Always check
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the pedigree. How do they treat each other, do
they argue, do they show love, do they attend
church regularly, etc. If we have not checked the
family to actually see who they are, we are doing a
disservice to ourselves and future generation.
There are spirits that linger in families, and until
you accept Jesus as your Savior it will continue from
generation to generation. But, if you find yourself in
this position, this is the perfect opportunity to
become prayer warriors for your future spouse,
spouses and your children and grandchildren.
The way that Bethsheba became Davids
wife was cruel, however, women did not say, no, to
the King. David stayed behind instead of traveling
to war with the rest of the Kings. When rules and
laws are in place and not followed, terrible things
can happen such as in this situation. Even worse,
Bethshebas was a married woman, her husband
Uriah was an outstanding soldier, the best that
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David had. Uriah (Bethsheba husband) would do
anything for the King. But unknown to Uriah and
after his wife slept with the King, she conceived.
They had to cover up the sin with another sin.
If we slip and fall into sin, we should quickly repent
and get back on track, whether you are single or
married. Your spiritual life depends on your
repentance to God.
When we repent, punishment is sure. But,
when we received the punishment by God, dont be
angry with Him. In Proverbs 3:12 states, Because
the Lord disciplines those He loves as a father to
the son he delights in. It is stated again in
Hebrews 12:6, Because the Lord disciplines those
he love, and He punishes everyone be accepts as a
son. The Old Testament and New Testament
complement each other in agreement. Just like a
natural mother and father who disciplines their
children when they disobey. Christians are also to
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be corrected by our Heavenly Father when we slip
and fall into sin, as King David did.
When we fall short we should not waste time
to repent. King David committed a terrible and
unjust act towards not only Uriah but also to
Bethsheba. David was unable to cover up his sin
the he wanted to by convincing Uriah to sleep with
his wife Bethsheba. David wanted Uriah to sleep
with his wife so that she could say that it was her
husbands Uriahs child. This is what King David did
to his most loyal solider, in 2 Samuel 11: 13-17, At
Davids invitation, he ate and drank. But in the
evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among
his masters (King David) servants; he did not go
home. Uriah was so loyal and devoted to his
responsibilities that he could not disobey King
David even after eating and drinking. 2 Samuel 11:
12, In the morning, David wrote a letter to Joab
and sent it with Uriah (Uriah carrying a letter for
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his own execution). In the letter were these words
from King David towards his most loyal soldier, 2
Samuel 11:15, Put Uriah in the front line where the
fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he
will be struck down and die. This was an evil
scheme to do to a friend, a loyal servant, and to
someone who honored his King as Uriah did
towards King David. Now answer this question,
should King David be punished by God? Most
certainly, this is why when we do wrong, God will
indeed punish us and love us all at the same time.
When Bethsheba heard of her husbands death, she
grieved; she loved her husband on one side and at
the mercy of King David on the other. What a
position to be in.
David was a man after Gods own heart.
Even though he plotted out such an unspeakable
act of sin it did not make God love him less.
However, pay back is worse when you dont repent
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and dont realize that you are at fault. There are
wise people who will tell us when we are wrong; it
is because they love us that they tell us. Most often
people do things because of greed, jealousy,
envying, covetous, and covering up truth; all of
these come from the pits of hell. When we are in it
we are satisfying one of these four wicked acts of
evil. I have seen this demonstrated by people who I
thought were close to me, I have seen it
demonstrated from someone who I thought loved
me. I have seen it in many forms. It is demonic
from its core and whats sad to say is that most
people refuse to repent from things they have done
against someone else. But this does not mean that
God loves them less. He still loves us when we do
wrong things. But we must repent, without
repentance, Luke 13:3 tells us, I tell you, but
unless you repent you will all likewise perish.
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The prophet Nathan said in, 2 Samuel 12: 1-
5, The Lord sent Nathan, the prophet, to David.
When he came to him, he said, There were two
men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor.
The rich man had a very large number of sheep and
cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one
little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it and it
grew up with him and his children. He shared his
food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms.
It was like a daughter to him. Now the travelers
came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained
from taking of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a
meal for the travelers who had come to him.
Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the
poor man and prepared it for the one who had
come to him. David was furious at how the rich
man treated the poor man. Nathan reminds David
that the rich man was him (David) and the poor
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man was Uriah (his loyal servant). He told David
that he was that rich man who was unjust.
It was King David, a man after Gods own heart
who committed adultery, plotted Uriah death
(premeditated), caused Uriah murder by having
him carry his own death warrant and placed in the
front line of battle to be killed. Because of fleshly
greed, lust of the eyes, then the pride of life (Being
King, the Pastor, the President, and the Supervisor),
even as Christians, we have not overcame all of our
faults and sin. There is good and evil residing in the
same body. The one who follows God and then the
other man/woman that sometimes think about
doing what is wrong. Because of the sin nature that
lies within us and the acts that we have committed
or will commit, it has to be paid back and that pay
back will not only affect you, but your spouse and
children.
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It is designed to ruin your entire household.
Satan comes to kill, still, and destroy. His first
target is the husband, wife, and the family (order).
We should not want to do anything that our
children will have to pay for. Lets finish with King
David and his now dysfunctional family, it is
dysfunctional because of the multiple acts of sin he
put on one man, Uriah.
Now lets look at his multiple punishments.
Now that David has realized his sin through Nathan,
he falls on his face, cry out and repent. He lay in
the dust for several days. This is why it is good to
have someone in your corner who loves God and
love you enough to tell you the truth. The truth
coming from Nathan saved Davids very soul from
eternal hell. If Nathan had not came to David, and
addressed him the way that he did, in a parable,
David could have died an un-repented death. His
servants and the country would not have had the
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courage to tell the King how wrong he was, but, a
child of God will tell you the truth even if it hurts to
save your soul from hell. A true Christian would
rather you suffer for a few days than to give your
entire soul to the devil and let him play puppeteer
for the rest of your nature life for him.
It is important to remember that when we
slip, our sins will carry a penalty depending on the
sin. You and God know how bad the sin/s were or is.
Great grandmother conceived out of wedlock,
grandmother, mother, daughters, and so forth. And
will get mad at someone who will challenge them to
break the curse. Great granddaddy was a wife
beater, granddaddy was a wife beater, daddy was a
wife beater, and the son is a wife beater. Every
generation committed adultery and it trickled
down. Is there anyone in the families who is saved
and know how to call upon the Lord to break these
curses or will you continue to embrace what God
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says is, unholy, and count it as right? It says in
Isaiah 5:20, Woe to those who call evil good and
good evil, who put darkness for light and light for
darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for
bitter.
For so many people this has become their
normal, their environment in which no one knows
how to escape it. There are two kinds of
generational sins that the bible speaks of, and if we
dont cut the cord of it we will fall into its trap over
and over again. In Exodus 34: 6-7, Keeping loving
kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and
transgression and sin, and that will by no means
clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers
upon the children, and upon her childrens children
upon the third and upon the fourth generation. We
must understand the penalty of what our sin
causes, not just for our children but for their
children who have not even been born. God is
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saying, just because we love Him that does not
mean we are cleared. We will see that same sin,
that same iniquity visit and grandchildren and so
forth, if we dont cut the sin at the root. That is why
we should pray for them. The sin that we have
committed will also visit our grandchildren and
their children.
Then we have the second sin and
transgression in Exodus 20: 4-5, Thy shalt not
make unto thee a graven image, or any likeness of
any kind that is in heaven above, or that is in the
earth beneath, or that is in the water under the
earth. Thy shalt not bow down thyself unto them,
nor serve them, for I Jehovah thy God am a jealous
God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the
children, upon the third and upon the fourth
generation of them that hate me. This
punishment goes toward idolatry, worshipping of
other gods other than Jehovah.
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When we have witnessed how God does
great things in our lives and delivered us from the
enemy, overcame challenges through Christ Jesus
our Lord by the Grace and Mercy of God, it is
unthinkable to worship any other god other than
the true and living God. But there is some who are
infatuated by success and look at themselves as
being accomplished or I have arrived. Now, I also
say this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with
being blessed with the necessities of life and doing
well. However, without Jesus being the Head of
your life, as your personal Savior, and loving not
only the Saints, but most of all our enemies, if we
have not arrived or have slightly learned the fruit of
the Spirit we definitely have more work to do.
So, lets get back to King David and talk
about the penalty of his sin. King David loved God,
but he slipped terribly. He repented but he still
must go through the punishment of his action. Lets
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take a look at how he had to pay for this terrible
sin. After Nathan revealed Davids sin to him, David
made this statement (this is what Gods child would
do), 2 Samuel 12: 13, And David said unto Nathan,
I have sinned against Jehovah and Nathan said unto
David, Jehovah also hath put away thy sin; thou
shalth not die. V.14, Howbeit, because by this
deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies
of Jehovah to blaspheme, the child also that is born
unto thee shall surely die. David prayed for the
child, sought God, fasted that this child would not
die, but God and the prophet had spoken and death
of the child was sure.
When we look upon something to want it, we
lust for it, and commit sin for it, until we get it.
Then we have to try and cover up which involves
more sin. When we sin we must come clean with
God, tell Him about it even though we have to pay
for the sin. We will be better off coming clean and
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thanking God for His forgiveness, thanking Him for
chastising us and loving us. Lets be mindful of the
sin and transgression that we commit, because it
trickles down the family line. Bethsheba, until this
day is known as, Uriahs wife.
The child died on the seventh day. There
were other children born between David and
Bethsheba thereafter. Their children were in chaos,
Amnon was vexed with such lustful spirit toward
Tamara, his sister. Because not only was she
beautiful but she was also a virgin. Amnon, like his
father David strategically planned to get Tamara to
come to him and he plotted and conspired. David
had done Uriah the same way. After Amnon tricked
Tamara to come into his chambers and done the
unthinkable to her (raped), he began to hate her,
the same as he had loved her.
Absalom, Tamaras brother was so furious at
Amnon that he killed him. Remember, these are all
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siblings, sister and brothers. Keep your focus on the
sins of David and what he did to Uriah and the
great judgment that God has on David and his
children. Now, we can say there are four children,
who are dead, the baby at seven days olds, Tamara
when she was raped by her brother, this will be
against her for the remainder of her life. No man in
that day and time want to marry a woman who has
been raped, she is considered to be damaged
goods. Amnon is dead and Absalom has fled the
city and is against his father King David.
Because of the sin committed against Uriah
(Bethshebas husband), King Davids household
was affected, especially the children that were born
between Bethsheba and David. It is important to
think about how the sin that we commit affects the
children for generations. We cannot justify it, we
must repent of it. It is the only thing that will put us
back in order and in right standing with God. But
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mind you, prepare and stay prayed up because we
must pay for the sins that we commit. Do you
witness your child or children when they do things
and it is an act that you have once did in your
youth. You cant fault anybody, because a child will
do whatever is in his linage. Whatever is in his line
and part of his pedigree, he/she will do it. Dont get
mad with them, it is inherited. However, you can
stop the curse with prayer, fasting, and teaching
your child what thus says the Lord.
In this present day, we will teach them all
types of worldly things, the most important thing
that they need to know we will not teach them.
They need to know about the Lord, praying, fasting,
and reading the Word. Even I struggle with my child
(14) to keep him focused on God, reading, praying,
and studying. It is easy for him to play video
games, visit his friend with video games, watch
television, and play football. It takes little effort for
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me to get him to do what does not matter, but it is
like pulling a stubborn tooth to get him to do what
matters. My solution is, before he does what he
want to do, he must first do what is important,
meaningful and purposeful.
When we sin and transgress against God,
God forgives us when we repent and ask His
forgiveness. It does not matter how old or how
young you are, rich or poor, up or down, we all
must answer to God one day. No one lives in this
world to suit their own desires and do all manner of
ungodly acts and get away with it. We all must pay
the price of the sin that we commit. One thing
about our God and the chastisement that He gives,
as Christians, we know and understand why God
chastise us. I am so glad that He loves me enough
to chastise me and teach me the right way to go.
He is awesome and only God should we serve. He is
the perfect Father.
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God further tells us about ourselves when we
dont chastise our children in, Proverbs 23: 13-14,
Withhold not correction from the child; for if thou
beat him with a rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat
him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from
Sheoul (Hell). We have stopped chastising our
children and have begun listening to Dr. Phil,
Oprah, Psychologist, and anybody else except the
One who created them all. Now, everyone would
like to know what is wrong with our children today;
the adults and parents stopped listen to the Creator
(Jehovah) and started taking their advice from the
creature. Good luck with that.
If God does not withhold correction from us
as parents we should not withhold correct from our
children. He has given us these children to instill
the right values, to build positive character in them,
to impart love in them, and to teach them about
our Savior Jesus the Christ. Lets not get curious
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about sin, I dont care how fine he or she looks; it
does not matter what type of car that sin drives or
live in. Dont be curious. Like David, staying behind
when he should have been with the other Kings
fighting, dont stay behind and get caught up in
adulterous behavior because you are having
problems with your marriage. Our family Pastor
informed his congregation sometime back and I
have never forgotten it, You might think that the
grass is greener on the other side, but it could be
growing on top of a septic tank. You know what
you got in your wife or husband but you dont know
what you are going to get. If you find yourself
having trouble in your marriage find a, Christian
Counselor, not a regular LPC or Licensed
Professional Counselor, there is only a certain line
that a licensed professional counselor can cross
because they are under their states laws. Dont get
me wrong, Licensed Professional Counselors they
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are good, however, they are under the law. They
cant freely give you what it will take to build a solid
foundation for marriage and family. The Word of
God and those of us, who are Christian Counselor,
are under no microscope but the Living God. A
Christian Counselor, Layman, Pastor, Missionaries,
those who have been called by God are the only
ones that will give you the unadulterated,
unbroken, and concrete truth about marriage and
its roles.
Before you commit a sin, step back and think
about the consequences. What will it do to you,
your family, and those who respect you in
leadership? If you have fallen and you feel as if
there is no way out, fall on your knees and repent
to our heavenly Father. God still loves, He is kind,
and He is the maker and creator of this world and
everything that is in it. He will help you get up
again. Connect with a close Christian friend who
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will pray for you and your family and move forward.
God loves us, He want to be our God, He want to
bless us, He is the first and the last, the beginning
and the end. He is Jehovah-Jireh, my Provider;
Jehovah-Nisse, my Banner; He reigns in victory, He
is Jehovah-Elohim, God is Power and Mighty,
Jehovah- Rohi, my Shepherd; Jehovah-Rapha, my
Healer, Jehovah-Shammah, He is Present, and
Jehovah-Shalom, The Lord is Peace. God is to be
worshipped and honored . You have to have
received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior to
understand who He is. In return, He give you peace,
joy, desires of the heart, we have hope and the
promises of God along with eternal life in Christ
Jesus. Be blessed.
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Avoiding the Yo-You Experience: Getting the
Same Results Over and Over
There are times when we find ourselves
reliving the same scenarios over and over again.
Every year it is like a scene that we lived on last
year, where does it end? It seems as though you go
through the same financial struggle.yes, things
may look better when income tax time arrive, but
three months later we find ourselves in the same
rut. And, for the next nine (9) months we struggle
again. Barely making ends meet, how and why do
we get in this situation again and again, we ask
ourselves. Why do we struggle with the same sin,
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the same argument, the unresolved rollercoaster
that goes on and on?
How do we continue to commit the same sin
of adultery, lying, stealing, murder, backbiting,
hating your neighbor, and displaying covetous
behavior year in and year out? There are many
other ways to kill a person without a weapon, our
tongues are the most evil part of our body and can
kill a person with only a few words. We use it to
gossip, deliberately lie on someone out of jealousy
and envy. We have the appearance of godliness but
lack the power thereof. We will say to the boss, I
dont want to talk against anyone.but and give ill
information about another individual because of
your insecurities. These are some of the reason
that we experience yo-yo cycles in our lives, not all
but most. But I tell you, it happens time and time
again, and you will be surprised at those who do it.
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These types of people have the appearance
of godliness, prosperity; they have the appearance
of being holy. They attend church, but deep within,
it is dark, and they are on a rollercoaster. There is a
darkness that lives within and most are miserable
and unhappy. These behaviors are the yo-yo
experience behaviors (my term).
Even though we feel as if we have not made
progress in our lives it does not mean that progress
will not be made. These feelings of inadequacy
bring on bitterness, jealousy, and other envious
spirits, along with depression. I am here to let you
know that God has not forgotten about you and I,
and He loves and cares for us always.
In order for us to want progress in our
marriage and Christian walk, it is critical that we lay
all of our cares at the feet of Jesus and that He and
He alone is the only one that is able to sustain each
of us. In our marriages, homes, jobs, and
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communities, we should not carry vile spirits in our
hearts against others and expect for God to bless
us the way we want. God does not work in this
manner. When negative attributes fester in our
lives and our minds, it is noticeable in our
marriages, in the home, and on our jobs. This
behavior comes directly from Satan himself and it
cause an individual to do unethical things that is
unpleasing not just to themselves but to God.
There are times in which we will suffer many
things. However, as Christians we have a cross to
bear and bearing our cross is part of the character
building map that God has for those who love Him.
We should not get suffering for Christ and the
Kingdom sake confused with, God is making me
suffer. As Christians, there are many things that
we must endure, however, by having a positive
relationship with God, we know why we suffer. So,
dont get lost in the suffering, as the enemy would
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have you to believe, that God has turned His back
on you when it is the total opposite. When you see
a Christian whose life lines up with God and they
are at peace with God and themselves, you can be
assured that there are battle scars there that are
not visible. The only one who knows about them is
the person and God. However, when time permits
they will give their testimony. Stay out of the yo-yo
experience and dont be overtaken and obsessed
by the material things that you see.
Let us look at some challenges as a Christian
and how crowns/favor is earned. A challenged
Christian that stay in the fight, (following God
Commandment, Resisting the devil, Resisting
temptation, Loving the Enemy, Doing good to those
who they know hates them) understands that there
is a reward when the battle is over. When going
against an opponent in boxing, tennis, basketball,
the Olympics, etc., it takes years of serious
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practice, training, nights of crying, bruises,
rejection, and other forms of challenges. However,
they never give up to defeat. It takes years for this
type of training to build Christian character.
God standards apply even more so, because
it means either eternal life or eternal death. Do we
lose some battles, certainly? Do we lose the war,
for those who will follow Gods Word, absolutely
not. Those who lose are those who turn away and
give up; and every day they replay the events on
how they could have reacted differently. We must
never forget that we serve a second, third, fourth
chance, and on and on God. He gives us chance
after chance, so that one day we will grab it and
hold on to it.
There are times that we may remember
losing; there are also those times when we regret
decision that we have made in the past. But, one
thing about God, He is a God of new beginnings for
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His children. There will be times when we stumble,
but dont give up and dont stay down. Get up and
get back in the race. Before the final count, get up,
shake it off and get back in the fight. When you are
a Christian and you collapse, because of Jesus and
His shed Blood on our lives we raise up victoriously.
It is imperative to understand the yo-yo
experience in our marriages, when it happens and
why it happens, dont continue to relive this
experience, get to the root of, Why, it keeps
attacking you and your spouse. These are things
that we should go to God about. Dont just take it
and assume that it is the normal way. If it continues
to cause your marriage to be distressed and bitter,
pray to God fervently, have another saint pray with
you and your spouse. Pray with your spouse, and
see why there is such cause for these attacks.
When it comes to the attacks of the enemy,
for those who are not grounded and rooted in Jesus,
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Satan is able to use the same tactics with different
strategies, methods, and design. This makes
unbelievers as well as believers, think that this is
something different and new. Our flesh says, Lets
try it, however, midway through whatever tactic
that Satan has schemed up and planted in the mind
and the flesh, we have realize that it was just
another trick of the enemy. These are those
moments when we say to ourselves, how did he
get me again. He does the same thing with a new
twist, but, with the same outcome. Then we
become miserable and beat ourselves us.
For those who desire to live a Christian life,
going to church one day a week, praying one day a
week, and never read the Word, it is not enough.
God want us to purposely develop a relationship
with His Son Jesus Christ. This requires not only
reading, attend church once a week (maybe two),
but purposely connecting with God through prayer,
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studying the Word, and meditating daily. God wants
true worshippers, not church attendants.
Worshipping each day is when we love God enough
to follow and obey His commandments daily, loving
our neighbor as ourselves, and when the world
says, no, to Jesus, we (believers) should say, yes.
Even though when it seems as if you are the only
one who is following Gods instruction, stay
grounded and rooted in His Word, and remain
unmovable.
When a person first received Jesus Christ as
their Savior, at every sermon they will take notes,
read them, referred to them throughout the week. I
studied God Word for twenty-five (25) years. I read,
I worshipped, I prayed, but not like I should
throughout those twenty-five years (25). Years
after, God taught me how to pray a more fervent
prayer. He is still teaching me today, we should
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never be beyond being taught by the Holy Spirit for
a more productive Christian lifestyle.
In 2007, God took me to a level of study that
I did not know possible. The Holy Spirit taught me
how to put chapters together that integrated the
Old and New Testament. This profound
comprehensive study was with me from 2007-2009,
as I earned my degree in Pastoral Counseling.
With the call to be a Counselor (I am a
Counselor who put Counseling into a book form), I
am trying to do my best. I tend to say what I,
want to say in my country tone, and as I re-read
it, I am like, what- the -what. But I ask you, pray
for me. This is Gods calling not mine, I assure you.
It was phenomenal how God did it. God
orchestrated the entire two years of a level of study
and fellowship with Him that I never knew before.
God and I had developed a personal relationship
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like no other and I am grateful for Him choosing
me.
There are Christians and non-Christian whose
marriages are unable to see progress and grow or
have stopped, for one reason or the other. Your
marriage and the marital home have become
unresponsive to God and His Word and the impact
comes with a heavy burden. God wants to see His
children move from Glory to Glory. He wants His
children to continue progressing in one way or the
other and eventually in every way. He wants it to be
evident so that we can bring others to Christ. It is
all about building Gods Kingdom, not your little
kingdom. Where ever and whatever area you are
gifted in or being gifted within the ministry, build on
it and move it further.
If you are not sure of your purpose, go into
prayer and ask God, and allow the Holy Spirit to
teach you. That is what He does, He is the Teacher.
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What is your passion that causes a burden when
you dont see it happen or fulfilled? If your desires
are always self- seeking, its all about your
prosperity, its all about you, this may be why you
dont see changes in your life, your marriage, or
your ministry. Gods business cannot be about you,
it has to be about God first and foremost. He knows
your desires and the things that you want to
accomplish. But, your first focus must be on Him. If
it is not, then you will find yourself chasing your tail
and going through the yo-yo experience once
again. Until we place God at the forefront of our
lives we will always be one step away from the goal
with never reaching the goal. Our ministry and
purpose is always about Gods will. When we fulfill
the will of God everything else falls into place. You
will see prosperity in many ways, but, if a married
couple is prospering away from home, separately
from each other and not supporting one another,
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the marriage is out of order. You may be prospering
financially and in careers, but when a marriage is
dying because of self-seeking and trying to uphold
an image, rest assure that you and your spouse are
suffering.
How Do we Know When God is Speaking
In Job 33:14, For God does speak.now one
way, now another though no one perceives it.
There are times when we assume that God is
saying something when it is actually you who is
making the decision. God does not have to tell us
when to take a left or right, should I go up or down?
God gives you free will to make such decision as
long as you reach your destination. One person
may take the shortcut while another would like to
go the scenic route. However, neither is wrong,
they just have a different experience along the way.
Have you ever known a person who makes these
statements frequently, God told me to do this,
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God told me to make a right turn, God, do I go
over here or over there?, I am not trying to say
that God does not speak ( He does), however, God
is not a dictator. He allows you to make your own
decision for petty issues.
We tend to take petty issues to the Lord,
issues that He trusts us to make decision about.
How can He trust us with major things when we
have to go to Him and ask Him which turn to take? I
would ask you, Do you want to take a shortcut or
do you want to go the scenic route? When you
answer this question, then you will know which way
to go. God have to be able to trust us to make a
good decision. Of course, we have all made
decision that were not good, however, we suffer the
consequence and learn from that experience not to
go that way again.
Every Word of God is flawless there is no
errors; He is a shield to those who take refuge in
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Him (Prov. 30:5). There are many ways in which
God speaks to His children. Christianity is
relationship with Jesus Christ. God communicates in
various ways through prophets, dreams, visions,
miracles, and even from the mouth of a donkey
who spoke like a man. It is not a specific description
how He speaks to His children, because He speaks
in many ways. John 10:27 says, My sheep hear My
voice, I know them, and they follow me. You have
to be a child of the King to be able to hear Him
when He speaks. He also says in 1 John 2:27, But
the anointing which ye have received of him abide
in you, and ye need not that any man teach you:
but as the same anointing teaches you of all things,
and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath
taught you, ye shall abide in him.
It is impossible to live day-to-day as a
Christian without the Holy Spirit that brings us into
all truths. If you have given your life to Jesus Christ
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and proclaimed him as your Savior, asked for the
Holy Spirit, do so immediately, so that He will
reveal Himself to you. Without it you will not be
able to receive from God what you need to equip
you for this journey.
Changing the Way You Think
In this section, I am not telling you
something that I have never experienced and I am
not telling you anything that you have not heard
before. I will not simply give you this information
and expect for you to heed my warning. I will not
write this and tell you that it is easy. It is not easy
making changes in our lives, especially when it is
for our good. It is not easy hearing someone repeat
the same information. But what I will tell you is this;
change does not come over night. If you are not
ready to change the way you think about habits
and if you set out without purpose, old habits will
return. Its like losing weight, I am a heavy woman,
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so society says, if a person is not ready to change
their eating habits and do some form of exercise,
there will be no weight loss. If a person start a
weight loss plan with low calories and exercise and
in a couple of months begin their same eating
pattern, not only will that weight come back but
more weight follows. We must stay in it long
enough to see results and beyond. We should place
our focus on witnessing the changes that are taking
place in our lives. Its like a marriage; there is no
doubt that when we get married that there will be
challenges. But if you stay in it long enough, with
two willing partners of course, that marriage will
thrive and become one of the most successful
Christian marriages. The conflicts that you would
have gone through will have strengthened the
marriage even more. But you must stay focus and
stay on course. The enemy wants you to give up
and quit. He does not want you and your spouse to
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progress and would like to see you both drift apart
and back into the same old habits. But, if you keep
your eyes on God, the marriage will survive with
flying colors. The goal is to become an effective
child of God in your Christian walk, marriage, as
parents, in your careers, and in every area of your
life.
The Marriage Yo-Yo Experience
The first thing that is important and pertinent
to our marriage is our upbringing as a child. When
spiritual truths has been placed in a child, nurtured,
and developed, these are the types of children that
will grow-up remembering the Godly teaching that
they learned from their parents. Not that they wont
stray away sometimes, but they will remember
what they were taught.
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The Word of God says, in Prov. 22:6, Train
up a child in the way he should go even when he is
old he will not depart from it. When we are not
raised in purpose for God, our lives will take on a
long journey of unfamiliar and sometimes dark
experiences. There are times when we have been
trained and brought up in the Word of God;
however, there are journeys that a Christian must
travel for the sake of the Kingdom. It may not look
good, it may not feel good, but it is good for the
building up of Christian character and developing
the fruit of the spirit. That is why when you see a
Christian go through situations and rejoice through
the suffering, they understand that their faith
sustains them, they are optimistic, and courageous.
They understand their purpose and the promise
that follows the pain.
To be honest, Christians wonder what God is
doing; because the struggle seems unbearable. The
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process is like giving birth. At that point you think
you cannot push anymore and the saints of God
(nurses) and your Pastor (doctors) coach you and
encourage you to stay in the fight, dont give up. As
you find yourself at your wits ends, when you
cannot take anymore, you shout to God and say, I
cant do it, I give up God, You have to do this for
me. This is all He wanted to hear. He wanted you
to give up that struggle, the stress, and the worry.
When we think we cannot muster another breath
and we are told, just one more, we muster up
every little breath that we have and take one big
final push and that beautiful gift arrives.
Its similar to what we experience in the
Spirit rim. When we feel like we cannot take it any
long, God says, Just one more time. We trust what
He says and after that last time, greater faith gifts
emerge, our love has increased, God has ease the
pain of a need and made provision. We not only get
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our request met, and what we have asked for, but
also our faith has increase, our endurance has
increased, perseverance has increased, patience
increased, trusting God increased, and our love for
others increase. The fruit of the spirit has grown in
our lives during the waiting and enduring period.
God is not taking us through these changes
for nothing; it is for a much higher calling. When we
are on a Christian journey, the Christian is living a
life of sacrifice, a life of character building, a life of
struggle through the storm with grace and honor.
When you have the grace and favor of God, it is all
you need to survive. On the other hand, non-
Christians like we once were before, will suffer with
grumbling, complaining, uncertainty, unrest, and
not knowing the purpose for the suffering. Lets
take a moment and look at real suffering in a
marriage relationship. This is real suffering at its
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finest with purpose and obedience to God and God
alone.
Let us look at Hosea, my favorite book to
refer to when it comes to the Agape love of
Jehovah. Hosea was a prophet who came to warn
King Jeroboam II about the external or outside
threats from Assyria. Hosea prophesized that the
nation will take on the mind of confusion and chaos
because the country lacks rules and had weak
authority; the nation believed that the
government and the laws were not necessary. This
cause confusion, chaos, up and down, the nation
did not know which way to go. They followed the
law today, but did not follow it the next day. This is
how it is when there is no authority in the home.
In this day and time men have taken on the
women role and women have taken on the men
role, this is out of order and it will not survive. If it
survives, it will survive with chaos; simply because
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this is not the order in which God created. Society
can say whatever it wants, no woman want to take
on her husbands role in the home and no man
want the woman role in the home. If so, it is out of
order.
Back to Hosea, can you imagine the United
States operating on weak leadership and authority,
dont know how or when to make a firm decision for
the country and let the people do what they will.
Imagine that for a moment. Now, think about the
order of your home. What leadership is it under?
Who are in their proper roles and making reliable
and firm decisions for the family? Imagine your
spouse and children living with no rules to follow
and your children running wild. Whatever they see
you do as a mother or as a father they will take on
that same behavior. You will not be able to scream
and fuss at them, because this is the example you
set as a father or as a mother or both.
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Hosea the prophet compared Israel to an
unfaithful wife, but this is what God instructed this
Holy prophet to do in, Hosea 1:2, When the Lord
began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to
him, Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and
children of unfaithfulness. There are times that a
true believer may question Gods instructions,
God, is that really you telling me, your prophet, to
marry a whore? This would be a bad thing to do in
the natural, but in the Spirit it has a purpose for the
Kingdom. However, a true believer knows their
Fathers voice and they obey. The Christian focus on
God and His destiny for their lives. The true
Christian sacrifices their lives for Gods purpose.
You have purpose, your spouse has purpose, and
your children have purpose. As bad as it may have
looked for Hosea, he had purpose. Gomer, although
she was a harlot, she had purpose for the kingdom,
and their children had purpose. Gods people have
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purpose no matter what the scene in the home
looks like, no matter how it looks like to others.
There is purpose for everyone who calls on the
Name of Jesus.
There is always a penalty for not obeying
Gods commandment whether a sinner or saint. For
those who disobey over and over again, God will do
the same to us. He will leave us with a reprobated
mind (degenerate, rascal, troublemaker, sinner,
wrongdoers, no-good, good for nothing), this is
what reprobate means. He will leave those who are
disobedient; He will be silent for a season. Until you
learn not to live by worldly standards. Until we
come to grips that Jesus is Lord of all.
This is the time when we find ourselves
struggling within. If we continue to refuse to follow
the Creators instructors, how do we expect to learn
the art of overcoming obstacles and challenges?
And most of all how do we expect to learn our
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purpose for the Kingdom of God. Our purpose is to
serve God by using the talents that He has gifted
each of us with. God has given unique talents to
each of us, I cannot dislike you for your talent/s and
you cannot dislike me for my talent/s, we all have
our individual talents that contribute to the
Kingdom of God.
Can you imagine God instructing you to do
this? Listen at the instructions that He gives Hosea.
Hosea and Gomer had children, it was said in some
reading that Hoseas children resembled some of
the men in the community. But hear what Gomer
(the wife of Hosea) says after being married and
having their children, in Hosea 2:5, I will go after
my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my
wool and my linen, my oil and my drink. Satan
does all he can to destroy the family. He plant
selfishness and pride in our spirits disregarding our
spouses and our children. Marriage is the leading
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most sacred and blessed event that God created
and there are a lot of spouses who disrespect God
by disrespected their spouse. Can you imagine
having a husband, a prophet, who is providing
everything that a wife and children need, but the
wife says, I will go after my lover. We also have
to remember that Hosea was a prophet. So there
were perhaps many times he will be gone day after
day carrying the prophetic word of the Lord. He
could not give up his assignment that was given to
him by God.
Hoseas life was a testimony and an example
to the nations. He obeyed the call of God to use
him so that God could demonstrate the love He has
for Israel and people today as well. God provided
Israel with everything that they needed from when
they were slaves in Egypt, they multiplied in
numbers. While they were on their journey to the
Promised Lands, God opened up the Red Sea and
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they crossed over on dry land. He brought forth
water out of a rock for them and their cattle, food
(manna) fell from Heaven every day so that they
could eat fresh food day-by-day. It was fresh every
day; they did not have to store any for the next day
because God provided fresh food (manna) every
day. God led them at night with a cloud of fire
during their night travel. Who wouldnt trust a God
like that?
It doesnt take long for us to give up. At any
minute, if we dont hear from God or we have not
received what we wanted from God on our time, we
tend to fall back into the same habits the same as
the children of Israel. When Moses went up to Mt.
Sinai to spend time with God, he stayed longer than
the people thought he should have. They assumed
that Moses had gone up the mountain and died.
This is how the enemy plants the seed of
doubt in us. Because it is not going according to
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how we think that it should be going, they assumed
that God has forgotten. Moses had not died. On the
contrary, while Moses was there God provided rules
and instructed for His people and Moses, the
authority or leader of Gods people received the
laws to give to the children of Israel. Which were
the Ten Commandments. But, after three (3)
months of being on Mt. Sinai, when Moses returned,
the children of Israel had forgotten all about what
God had done for them in that short period of time.
They had built golden calves to worship and doing
all sort of vulgar and unnatural things, to include
the Priest Aaron. But even as Aaron slipped for a
minute because of the people, God was still
designing his Priest Robe with all the bells and
whistles.
Moses became angry with them and threw
the tablet of the law in which God had written, on
the grown. They were up when they saw blessings
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and down when they couldnt see it. If things were
going good they were fine, when things did not go
so well they were confused. This is an example of
how we are up and down.
As Christian families, we cannot continue to
be moved by things that happen to us day by day.
When things are good we are good, when trails
come around we forget God and wonder, what
happened, He loved me on last week but this week
my mother passed away. God still love us even
when we go through challenges. If we live for Christ
there are many things that will come against us as
His children. However, we cannot be moved by
every negative trial that take place in our marriage
or on our Christian journey. Others will watch our
reaction to negative occurrences in our lives.
Colossians 1:23 confirms this, If indeed you
continue in the faith firmly established and
steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of
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the gospel that you have heard, which was
proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of
which I, Paul, was made a minister. Ephesians
6:11, Put on the full armor of God, so that you will
be able to stand firm against the schemes of the
devil.
Marriage is a ministry with many trials and
challenges. Stand firm on the promises of God. We
are to forgive, love, and give second chances.
The Lord said to Hosea, Go, show your love
to your wife again, though she is loved by another
and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the
Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love
the sacred raisin cakes. Sacred raisin cakes refer
to the love and the worship of other gods. God said,
show love and forgive even though they love the
sacred raisin cake. We should love our spouses if
they attend church or not, if they go out and party
and leave their spouse and children at home, and if
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it is known that they are committing adultery. God
is trying desperately to instill in His children, hearts
of forgiveness and Agape love.
Hosea was earnest about winning Gomer
back, in Hosea 2:2-3, Hosea, yells out to the
children at this point, this means he was seriously
getting fed up with Gomers behavior, Rebuke your
mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am
not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous
look from her face and the unfaithfulness from
between her breasts, otherwise, I will strip her
naked and make her as bare as on the day she was
born. I will make her like a desert, turn her into
parched land, and slay her with thirst.
When God identifies the husband and wife as
being one flesh, He means it. Regardless of
adultery (fornication), we are guided to forgive.
However, this is the only sin that God has allowed a
written of divorce. It is not good to leave a spouse
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too long by themselves. We must care for each
other physical and mental needs as well. A husband
should not be neglected by his wife. If so, it gives
room for sin. Hosea was a prophet, traveling and
brings Word from the Lord to wherever God sends
him. Although Gomer was an adulterous wife, how
long was she left alone? She was a harlot before
she became Hoseas wife. How long was Eve left to
herself when the serpent enticed her? For three
months Moses left the children of Israel in the
wilderness. Perhaps loneliness gave way to
manipulation, persuasive talk, and the weaker
vessel being persuading by an influential voice,
someone giving them attention, this arouse the
thought and need for affection. We could assume
many things.
People are persuaded by a number of things
when left alone. They are enticed by their past, we
become discouraged if we dont hear from God and
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say, just forget it, Hes not there for me when I
need Him most. Can you imagine the enemy
feeding these negative comments to you daily until
you begin to answer the call of your flesh? This is
exactly what Satan wants us to do, react to our
fleshly feelings while God is trying to get us to tap
into His Spirit. While He (God), desperately want us
to learn to depend on Him, we get stuck and caught
up in our own desires.
Hosea is a firm man of God that obeys at
Gods commands. Who will you chose to obey? We
must know that it take commitment, love, and trust
in a marriage. God has promised and informed us
what will happen when we obey Him. Lets believe
what He says about obedience. And know that His
promises for those who believe and obey will be
realized.
Identifying Yo-Yo Experiences
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When we are married or preparing to be
married, it is a difficulty time to see anything
beyond the marriage events. During these times we
only see happy times ahead. We are oblivious to
what lies ahead. Marriage is a very sacred event
and is not to be taken lightly. Most of us have not
had the best of role models in our lives with family
and friends as it relates to marriages. If you and
your fianc have not sat down to discuss the many
issues that occurs within a marriage, it can hit you
like a bombshell. Most often we see marriages fail,
but have we sat down to really see what and where
the problems generate from? And, instead of
deciding that divorce is the first choice, lets
actually see where the problem lies and when and
where was the problem birth.
At this point there is nothing that can be
done about past negative events and divorces.
However, it is something that we can do to
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contribute to identifying problems early on before
marriages takes place. This is why pre-marital
counseling and post-marital counseling is a
principal factor before and after a new marriage.
Before marriage takes places it is the responsibility
of the, Christian Counselor, or your Pastor, to sit
down with both individuals and take a closer look
into past, present, and future issues that are good
and not so good. Identifying these factors and
influences early on could assist in diminishing the
yo-yo- experience early on.
Several decades ago marriages stayed
together in the most crucial circumstance. Whether
spouses committed adultery, consistently lied,
through domestic violence, spouse staying out for
days at a time, through physical and mental abuse,
and the list goes on and on. Husbands and wives
stayed together because of their children even if
they were happy or not. Was this healthy for all
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involved? I dont know. But you have to consider
the times of the 1940s-60. People had very large
families. Where would a wife go with ten (10)
children? Or, who want to marry a man who is the
father of ten (10) children? So, they stayed
together. Happy or not, they stuck it out. Were
there pre-marital counseling available for them
before the marriage, probably not.
Fast forward to the 1990s until now,
marriages end today under the title of, Ill-
reconcilable differences. This means, we dont
agree with careers, being married, I thought I loved
him/her, or I just wanted to have a baby and did not
want to be an unwed mother. I do know and
understand that there are serious and legitimate
reasons that people divorce their spouses.
Domestic violence is alive and well in every
country. Should a person stay with someone who
does not want them and would rather beat them
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every day, every week, or on monthly bases just
because they dont want or love you or abusing the
children, and it is life threating? No. God did not
intend for any of His children to live under these
especially cruel circumstances.
When we are preparing to get married we
are concerned about what is now and what is at the
end, a wonderful beginning and a happy ending.
However, we have not taken a look at all of the
stuff that will take place in the middle over a 20-50
year period. We are only focusing on what we see
now. We only know at this time that we are in love
and we are going to be happily married now and
forever. During the courtship process, God reveals
many things to us. Courtship is the most
foundational and necessary part of the beginning of
a marriage. I do believe that a certain amount of
time in courtship should be a requirement before
any marriage. It gives you the opportunity to see
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the pedigree of the person and their family. It gives
you a birds eye view of what your boyfriend,
girlfriend, or fianc family is really all about. There
may be some family that they may even keep you
from seeing, who knows. But, the longer you go
through a courtship the more God shows you
different sides of that family, the good and bad.
Now, every family has some of both good
and bad in it, but, the question is will you be able to
handle everything that comes along with the
person you love and their family. Will you love them
enough to endure all that comes along with him or
her? Can two imperfect people come together and
let God bring them into perfect fullness together
under His guidance? God can do it, yet remain
steadfast and unmovable and remain faithful to
God and each other. This is why it is so important
for a couple to sit down and talk about the good,
bad, and the ugly together before the, I dos.
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The observation period must consist of
looking at several events throughout the courtship.
You would want to observe the treatment of family
members. How does your fianc treat his or her
parents? The way that your fianc treats his or her
parent is critical to the future blessings of your
family. You do not want to marry someone who
does not love and treat their parents with respect.
If they dont treat their parents with respect, they
definitely will not treat you or your children with
respect. You can also risk your future children
assimilating that same behavior. If your fianc does
it, he or she will not be able to teach the children
appropriate behavior.
Ephesian 6:1-3 makes this state, Children,
obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother---which are the first
commandments with a promise---so that you may
enjoy long life on the earth. Not following
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commandment clearly states that without
obedience to parents, your life will be cut short. The
bible leaves no hidden messages and nothing for
anyone to ponder or question. It states plainly what
God means. If you witness your fianc disrespecting
the parents with screaming, yelling, and cursing
them, you might what to rethink who you are
marrying. Your child/childrens lives are depending
on you making the right choices for their lives.
When a person show you who they are believe
them. If they are to be trusted, you will know it, if
they are mean and angry all of the time, they will
show it.
Will a person try to mislead you into thinking
that they are the best person? Yes, he or she will.
Then after the wedding is over they reveal the real
person. Watching as well as praying is a statement
to inform us not to get physically involved and
dont be tempted to the point that you are not able
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to make a sound decision. Matthew 26:41 says,
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into
temptation. The spirit is willing; but the flesh is
weak. Dont get too involved in anything where
you are not capable of making a sound decision.
There are some people that make the
statement, Oh his/her family loves me. You dont
really know what that means sometimes. There are
times when a family is ready for their loved one to
get married and get out. Or, we make statements
such as, We love each other, I dont care how the
family feels about me. Truth is, in all actuality, it
does matter how the family feels. Now, if your
fianc loves you enough, in spite of how his or her
family feels, it must be thoroughly discusses
between the two of you, as this can cause a strain
on the marriage. But, if the two of you are on one
accord and God is the center of that marriage, it
will last a lifetime, but you will have to stay strong
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together. There is nothing worse than being in a
marriage where you have to battle with a spouse
and their family.
It is also important to know the educational
background of your fianc and their family. Are
there any college graduate, are there many high
school drop outs? This matters, because one day
you will want to have children. Know that now-a-
days an individual not only requires a high school
diploma to get employment, it takes even more
higher education to make a decent living for the
family. What type of parent will you be? Were you
encouraged your children to attend college, will you
encourage pursuit of higher education? Will take
changes in doing something different that will
benefit you financially? All of this comes into
question when you are seeking to share your life
with someone. This is a question that is most
important and essential to the lives of Christians
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and those who are embarking on accepting Jesus
Christ as their Savior. Does the family attend
church? Does the family from either side attend
church regularly where Jesus is the Center?
Most people, who are anticipating marriage,
often make statements, I know they dont go to
church but I love him and I he will go for me.
Thats good but will he go for him or herself. If you
are his or her motivation for attending church it
may not last long. If you stop going will he/she stop
going? If she stops attending church will he stop
attending church? If a mere person is the
motivation for attending church, it wont last, but if
God is the motivating factor, if she stop going, he
will continue to go, if he stop going she will
continue to go. When one is weak the other must
be strong. It is an unhealthy relationship if only one
or both husband and wife are weak in their faith.
The goal is to attempt to alleviate the yo-yo cycles.
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This is not to say that it wont happen, but I want to
help lessen the effects of it and the influence that
this experience can cause.
Most marriages begin at approximately 20-
25 years of age. I call this the new marriage; stage
one, the love stage. When a couple first becomes
married, most nights are filled with sexual pleasure
that you have never known in this way. There is no
better or greater lovemaking than Gods married
sons and daughters. This type of love is expressed
in freedom, unashamed of each other, and it is
what God made that should happen often between
the married men and women that He created. He
created lovemaking for the married couples. Is this
followed all of the time? No. Is there a penalty for
not carrying it out according to biblical standards?
Yes. So, if you are doing it wrong, living with
someone without being married, having children
without being married and the bible have scriptures
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for it. Go to it and read it. I will not talk about those
scriptures at this time as there may be many of
them who are reading this book that is living in this
lifestyle, therefore, my responsibility is to point you
to scripture and assist each person in living a
lifestyle that is pleasing to God.
God want to bless you on this journey and I
want to see you blessed before Jesus comes back.
We are all guilty, however, when we receive Jesus
Christ as our Savior and learn better, we must do
better. So, God says tells His married children to,
Be fruitful and multiply. This does not mean for
us to sit on our hand (for those who are in the
childbearing years), this means get busy making
love and having those sweet babies. Society looks
down on married people having children, if my
husband and I could have more, we would have.
However, we do have many together.
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Married couples are talked about during
these times for having many children, but, will
congratulate a single person with five and six
children. I am not talking down on a single mother,
but, dont talk down on a couple with twelve; when
they are happy with raising their children. One
thing about this is, God is totally with them and
their family. If God can be with a single mother of
ten (10), surely He will be with a married couple
with thirteen (13). Being fruitful can also mean to
be fruitful in your careers, spiritual walk, raising
your children, finances, and in life. God desires for
His children to be fruitful in all things. His children
are also able to be fruitful even when there are
setbacks. Setbacks are designed (for the believer)
to become fruitful in prayer. Ok, let me get back on
subject.
During the early years of marriage, this is the time
that couples are buying their homes, working, and
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becoming parents. When parents anticipate a new
baby they are buying furniture for the nursery,
decorating, buying clothes, and talking about their
wonderful future. Becoming parents is the happiest
time in the life a couples life. There is nothing like
the fragrance of a new baby. Stage two, I call the
excitement stage. This is when the couple is new
parents; they are so happy for the new bundle of
joy and looking forward to their future as a family.
When the bundle of joy arrives, it is the most joyful
time imaginable. New parents, grandparents, and
family are so excited and happy. When that sweet
and precious child arrives home he/she or both
(twins) are the most precious creations you and
your husband have ever witnessed in your entire
lives. The first month or so the child sleeps all night
(maybe). You stay awake watching the little baby
sleep, rubbing your nose up against its little face.
The baby smell is so sweet at this time.
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After the sweet stage, parents are waking up
four or five times a night to an endless screaming
child. Either the child is wet, hungry, or both. Most
parents during this stage do not get a full twenty-
four hour of sleep in one week. They are cranky,
irritable, and just tired. Most times the husband is
at work which is considered a break to the mother
who is left home with their needy child. She has not
had a day out with her husband or with her friends
in months.
When her husband returns home from work,
he retires to his recliner, waits for dinner, and then
proceeds to take a nap in his recliner before
bedtime or he may play or nap for an hour or two
with the baby. During this very short break, the
mother rushes to clean the house, wash clothes, or
try and take the time to relax before the child
awakes and notice that mom is not around. When
dad and child wake up, mom is terribly exhausted
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and would love to just rest. This is where the cycle
continues. This is a stage in which resentment is
birth. It begins with being tired and husband not
assisting with some of the home responsibilities.
The husband is not taking the initiative or does not
have a clue that anything is wrong. He has no idea
that his wife is irritated with him. Most times this is
where the arguments begin. Because the wife and
young mother failed to express how she is feeling,
a fire of resentment and anger has ignited in her
spirit. The arguments begin and ugly name calling
develops. Because of the added stress that has
developed over the past few months with the new
baby, this is the perfect time to visit a Christian
Counselor so that the couple can understand what
is taking place at this point in the marriage.
However, for most couples, Christian Counseling is
their last resort.
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During this time the yo-yo experience begins
in many marriages, between the 2nd-7th years of
marriage. If it is not addressed in time, the
marriage will suffer devastating losses if counseling
is delayed. Like any illness or situation, if you can
get a handle on it in time it will survive. Pre-marital
counseling is a very important part of the marriage
plan and marriage interventions throughout certain
stages in a marriage.
Marriage counseling with a Christian
counselor who will give you sound advice will allow
both husband and wife to talk about many issues
before they happen or as they are happening.
There will be times when issues come upon you
before you know it, however, the education that
you received will begin to come to mind. The
enemys job is to cause confusion, doubt, and
cause a person to doubt what is true and right
about your marriage and why you married your
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spouse. You will find yourself in a fight and a
struggle that is exhausting, difficult, and depleting.
There are times when you will find yourself during
an argument losing yourself in the fight and the
struggle. This is because marriage was not design
for total complacency, marriage was design for
character building, being fruitful (lovemaking),
taking care of each, and loving your spouse and
children, even when we dont feel like it, when
there are family struggles, children struggles, and
spousal intimate struggles.
Satan wants to make your marriage what he
wants it to be. He want it to be a struggle,
exhausting, he wants us to believe that it is better
to live together than marry as God said to do. He
(Satan) wants marriage to constantly fight and
struggle and say, Its not worth it. The more he
can make you commit adultery, shack up, and
fornicate, and have lustful spirits, then he will have
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you just where he wants you. Lustful spirits does
not just means a sexual act. It is whatever is more
important to you than your spouse. This lust can
even involve your child/children. When you give
more attention to something else other than your
spouse without including him or her, this is called a
lustful spirit or lets says a, Jezebel spirit.
The enemy will blind you with inner rage and
anger because you desire what you want without
thinking of your spouse feelings. However, what we
tend to forget while we are in the arguments (as
what Satan want you to forget) are the fruit of the
spirit, humbleness, meekness, and love one for the
other, no matter what. Whether you know it or not
this is considered to be living a life of sin, dont let
this happen and dont let Satan win. Love your
spouse and live a life of happiness in Christ Jesus,
including each other in every aspect of each other
lives.
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Stage three involves finances. When pre-
marital sessions are scheduled there should be a
session that includes the couples finances. Are
there massive student loans debt? What type of
income, career, or debt each of you have?
Oftentimes, when we are in love, we dont care
much about money, food, rent, insurance, vehicle
break down, washer or dryer break down or any
other obstacle that we may face that requires
money. Our focus is on getting married and other
pleasurable activities that comes along with being
married and we will take care of the rest later.
Discussing financial issues has its place in all of our
lives. It could also be one of the major problems in
marriages that cause divorce. Be careful of this
stumbling block, it is also one component of the
Jezebel spirits.
This spirit is called having power or control
over someone. Jezebel spirits seeks selfish gain
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even in marriages, seeking to gain apart from their
spouse, when in fact God want to bless you
together, because you are one. But there are
spouses that do not want to share even with the
one that God has made them one flesh with. This
type of thinking and behavior creates a yo-yo
experience because it was not designed for one
individual, but two individuals who are joined
together. Thus, when you are trying to do
something apart from your husband or wife, it
always comes back around and is revealed. This is
due to the fact that you are not in it alone, you
have another person who is a part of you to
consider at all times. It does not matter how you
feel about it. It does not matter that you feel
unhappy, what matters is that you overcome this
struggle by charging Satan with the, WORD of GOD.
God has given us our weapon because He
knew we were going to be in warfare. We say we
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are ready for the fight, but are we really ready for
the fight? As soon as it gets too hard we are ready
to give up. When the struggle is the hardest is
when the blessing is the greatest. Dont give up.
Couples talk about giving 50/50%. To me both
people are only giving half of themselves. My
theory is to give 100/100%, and then both people
are giving their all and not half of themselves.
There are many situations that a marriage
must go through. Make sure that you have sat
down with each other and professional counselor, if
needed, to ensure that you have addressed each
one. Now again, just because you sit down with a
counselor to address future concerns does not
mean that you will not go through it. But my goal is
to ensure that you are aware of the issue and be
prepared when it arise. We have to learn through
pulling down stronghold through the Word of God.
These struggles in marriages and families are real.
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We have been taught through the church and
Scriptures all of our lives to prepare for when it do
come our way. But, when we find ourselves in the
struggle and have not prepared ourselves, we can
barely make it and want to give up. I know I have
been there also. Its tough, its real, but there is one
thing I know, if you bailout too soon, you will never
know the blessings that awaits you at the end.
Bailing out of a job that was terrible, bailing out of a
marriage, bailing out of this or that, stay in the fight
and watch God abundantly bless you, your spouse,
and your children.
Unseen Battles
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For many of us if we would have known how
our future was going to turn out, we would have
done so many things different; from leaving our
parents home, and choosing college, marriage,
children, and careers. Unfortunately, we were not
privy to knowing and tapping into that information.
There are many people who seem to have it all
together, they knew exactly what they wanted to
do, how they would do it and had the map already
planned for the first steps. This is great, to be
knowledgeable of the things that you aspire to do
and become. These decisions can be developed
from two perspectives, (1) There were parents and
family who consults and advise their children the
best way to achieve their goals, or (2) There were
children who lived in a household who did not see
much increase in the home whether career or
financial and wanted to change the dynamics in
their lives. Neither one of these mentioned are
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better than the other because they each service its
purpose.
Most of us, through trial and error, reach a
certain place in our lives where we eventually settle
down and make choices that will shape our careers,
finances, and family. Although it may have taken a
while to get there, along the way we learn so much
valuable information. I look at people who lose
learning so much valuable information in life, they
are those who are competitive, dont want to be the
looser, they will stay with something even if the
Lord is trying to get them away from it. God can
show them who a person is, they wont believe
them. God can show them that this is not where I
want you to be, however, due to not wanting to be
the one to seem like the loser, they lose so much.
God can warn us many things in many ways
and we will not believe Him. It only seems as
though we have lost because we are so hung up on
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how it looks to the outsiders until we lose what God
is trying to put on the inside of us. Although it
seems as though you won the battle, it could also
mean that you lost the war. I rather lose a battle
temporarily than to lose the war entirely. We must
identify what is a battle and what is a war. Although
you were successful in getting the man does not
necessarily means that the man got you. There is a
difference in planning how to keep the person when
Gods plans could have been something totally
different from yours. You and I can ask, Did I win
the battle or did I win the war? Only each
individual is able to answer this question. If you had
not have done this or that or made yourself look
better or more accomplished; would you have won
the war or is the war really won? Would you have
trusted God by saying, The lesser that I am the
stronger that Christ is on my behalf. Christ fights
my battles. He completed it on the Cross.
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There are battles that we go through that are
unseen by others. Many of us have battles scars so
deep that no one knows that they are there. There
are unseen battle scars that have penetrated us
through the years until we have forgotten they
were there until something triggers our thought.
After we have gone through it and many years have
lingered around, we dont react to it as we did
during the earlier years. However, we must
remember our children will also go through
spiritual, relationship, their children, career, and
many other battles throughout their life. This is why
it is so important to ensure that you have taken
care of your battle scars from the root and not to
pass them on from one generation to another. We
cannot let them linger with us and allow them to
breed bitterness in our spirit. We still have a
responsibility as Christians to teach the younger
generation how to effectively overcome hardship. It
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is impossible to teach a younger person the love of
Jesus when you have not forgiven those who have
hurt you throughout your life.
Spiritual growth and positive attitude is
essential to an effective spiritual walk with God.
Growing spiritually and physically are somewhat
the same but different. I see my son as he is
growing up. Bobby, Jr. is now 15 years old and it is
funny to me sometimes to see how he is growing
and the observations and various pains he feels. At
birth, Bobby, Jr. was approximately 9 lbs., at the
age of three to five years old he weighed in at
about 55-60 lbs., at the age of ten is was about
130-150, and by the time he made it to age 14, my
husband and I have a 290 lbs. 62 giant on our
hands. There are many times throughout this young
development, Bobby, Jr. will say, my arms are
hurting, Mom, my legs hurt or Mom, my head is
hurting. But what he did not realize is that skin is
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stretching, bones are growing, and muscles are
stretching, torso and back were stretching. He can
see veins that he never saw before. They are
growing and popping up visibly under his skin.
When he lay on me or his dad and complains about
elements, the only thing we can tell him is, Son,
they are growing pains. His physical growth is an
unseen battle within that shows how it is
progressing outwardly. Different organs are moving
and muscles are shifting making room for physical
growth. When someone is visible growing outwardly
we know that there are changes inwardly. The outer
growth does not determine the maturity of spiritual
growth and the spiritual growth does not determine
the maturity of the outer growth.
The spiritual growth is similar to the physical
growth. Most of us who are reading this have
attended church during their lifetime. My brother
and I could not miss a Sunday of Sunday school and
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or church. My mother was faithful with taking us.
She did not take us and drop us off; she took us
along with her. We were baptized at young ages
and taught the bible by the men and women of our
church in the early 60s to the 70s and 1980.
During all of this time, I received the basic of bible
teaching and church etiquettes, but never really
knew what it fully meant spiritually. Most of us fall
into this category. It is not until you truly, on a
personal level, ask God to come into your life and
make you His own through the repenting of sins. I
gave my life fully to Jesus at the age of 24; it is so
clear to me. I was riding in terrible weather and had
just had an argument with my manager about not
wearing make-up on the job. I was a hairdresser, so
you had to look the part working in one of the high
end salons. One thing that I have never like was to
be dictated by anyone. This was one of my true
hang ups, I was so angry I went home. It was
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storming and I was furious with her, how dare she
tell me to wear make-up. I dont know why this
day was so different; I wore make-up the rest of the
days. On my way home I remember the rain coming
down in buckets, but my mind was somewhere
else, to the point that I did not remember the rain. I
began to cry out to Jesus and asked Him to come
into my life. This was a world filled with people that
I did not know how to accept. I could not accept
their behavior and they could not accept mine. It
was like oil and water. God overshadowed me that
night in the pouring rain, I shall never forget it.
After God cleansed me that night, my life has never
been the same and that was 30 year ago. He
continues to amaze me with His love, compassion,
forgiveness, mercy, and His grace. I no longer have
a problem with people trying to be a dictator
regarding me; I just learned how to cut it off.
Although people dont like for you to cut them off,
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but there are dictator spirits that are not welcome
in the life of a believer. A true believer has only One
that we answer to. Everyone else is questionable.
Throughout those thirty (30) years, there
have been many battles. I was married ten (10)
before becoming a mother, owning my own
business for twenty (20) years, going through
domestic violence, learning to walk again, divorce,
remarry, step mothering, adjusting to a new life,
and then motherhood again. Throughout this time
there were many times, like my son complained of
physical pains, but I complained of spiritual pain.
There are many challenges that we go through in
order to meet our full Christian potential. There are
many who drop off and give up in this fight. They
become weary and tired of the many test and trials
that life brings us; family hurt, church hurt, spousal
hurt, being lied on or lied to, death of loved ones,
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talked about, and many other things that we go
through.
There are many things in life that attacks us
that could cause a person to give up on this
Christian journey. And know this, we all fall but we
should hold on by that branch that is about to
break, by holding on to it even if you fall, God will
catch you. We may find ourselves falling off that
branch a time or two, but one thing about it,
whatever we fail at the first time God will give us
another chance to get it right.
There are things that we have gone through
unsuccessfully, however, God want us to overcome
barriers in our life, weaknesses, and struggles. He
does not take us back through it because He does
not love us, He takes us back through it because He
does and wants us to conquer it and it not conquers
us. Until we learn to conquer some of the
challenges and battles that are set before us, God
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cannot move us to the next dimension or stage in
our life. He cannot move us if we have not
conquered what is set before us. Most of us want to
go to high altitudes of life when our attitudes
cannot get off the ground. I witness young people
with high paying jobs and successful. However they
are unable to follow direction in the more basic job.
When you are unable to handle and follow basic
instructions, why should I make you a director in
my company when you are unable to be directed
yourself?
We have to be willing to go through the
battle and battle does not mean in your safe
comfort zone, it means that you trust God to take
you to another area if need be to learn something.
Some people are like the children of Israel, they
believe going around in a circle in the same
environment, doing the same thing walking around
waiting for their breakthrough of success. This may
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work for those who are waiting for promotion or
waiting for someone to retire on a job, in hopes that
they may get the position. What if you have waited
and still not get it? There is a very low percentage
who will acquire those positions and often time the
higher uppers already have their pick of the litter.
That is not success to me. Now it could be to
someone else. This is not everybodys view of
success. For some getting out in new environments,
going into other arenas, meeting those who are
accomplished and dont mind taking risk. If it
means a lot of time is lost, maybe, but worth every
day to understand how the rest of the world is
operating. This is adventurous, risk taking, and
successful to me. There are times when you must
take a risk even if you find yourself back where you
were. But you bring with it experience,
understanding people better and understanding
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what it means to have a sense of humility. If you
came back with this, you have done well.
Trusting your instinct where God is taking
you, whether you are walking around in the
wilderness for 40 years or out in the various arenas
for 40 years, it is all for purpose. Your purpose may
be to wonder and someone else purpose could be
to go out for 40 years. Regardless, if we fail to learn
in any of these arenas, they will just be wasted
years. However, for those who are Christians and
we find ourselves on any of these journeys we find
ourselves learning so much. We arrive stronger and
better.
The inward battle scars has taught us
patience, kindness, love, a shot of wisdom, and a
ton of mercy for others. Although life takes us on
many different paths and journeys, there is a divine
plan for each of our lives. Our Heavenly Father can
take care of you, me, and everybody else at the
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same time. He know the plan that He has for us, He
says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward
you, saith Jehovah, thoughts of peace, and not of
evil, to give you hope in you latter end. And ye
shall call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto
me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with
all your heart. Jeremiah 29: 11-13.
God has developed a perfect plan for each of
us and we will see our prayers, requests, and
desires come to fruition. For us to see this come to
past we must learn obedience and humbleness and
trust wherever His plan takes us. He takes us on
different paths for different purposes. There is
purpose in all of our lives, my purpose is no special
than yours and your purpose is not special than
mine. No one is in competition, we all have our
reward and rewards are determined by your
obedience, not by status, degrees, or who are in
high position in career. But God chose things the
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world considered foolish in order to shame those
who think they are wise. And he chose things that
are powerless to shame those who are powerful.
Corinthians 1:27. So, as children of God we must be
mindful and care about our attitudes, our struggles
that we encounter, our challenges, and most
definitely how we treat others. No one has bragging
rights for anything. We make it through only by
Gods grace and mercy. Fight with confidence in
God, trust Him through the storms. Whenn you
come out of the storm dont forget who led you out
and esteem others higher than yourself. Because
we must remember there are still battles that are
yet to be won and we never know when a battle will
rise up against to test our faith.
Dont Lose Your Focus
There are times when it feels as though we
are out of reach of our blessings. Our marriage is
only basic, our children struggle, we have desires
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and needs that are not met, and we feel lost, alone
as thought our spouse does not understand what is
going on in our hearts. In many marriages and
relationships this is true. Whether it is relationship
with our spouses, children with parents, family, or
our friends; however, there is a struggle within all
of us when we feel as though we are not reaching
our potential as a mother, parent, friend, or a
daughter or son. The children of God are created
more than just for existing. We are created to do
exceptional things for God and His people. When
we are called by God for a particular assignment,
there is a gift that He has given us within. We know
that it is there and we feel its existence on the
inside of us. But there will be more of Gods people
who will not tap into their full potential and grow
because we are either afraid of what others will say
about us, that we will not have our spouses support
in our dream, or the support of extended family.
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There is one thing that I do believe with all of my
heart and that is, the true children of God will
deeply support one another. God will not give a
wife a vision without preparing the husband as well
and God will not give a husband a vision without
the wife truly supporting him, and this is also with
their children. This is one thing that we know
regarding how others will think about you according
to the Word of God:
If the world hates you, know that it has hated me
before it hated you. If you were of the world, the
world would love you as its own; but because you
are not of the world, but I chose you out of the
world, therefore the world hates you. Remember
the word that I said to you: A servant is not greater
than his master. IF they persecuted me, they will
also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will
also keep yours. But all these things they will do to
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you on account of my name, because they do not
know Him who sent me. John 15: 18-21.
So, in other words if we desire to follow God
and receive of God we must realize that we must
come against opposition. There is no way around it;
I dont care how many times you plead the Blood of
Jesus on it, we must go through it. The words of a
song that I remember most while growing up in
Columbia, MS, in the wonderful small community of
Expose, I did not understand it then but bless God, I
understand it now more and more throughout my
adult life, this song reignited with me listening to
the deacons sing this old hymn,
Must Jesus bear the Cross alone and all the
world go free? No, there is a cross for everyone and
there is a cross for me.
I dont believe that people understand what
this is saying. If you are seeking to be known for
fame, to make money, and to be recognized, you
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do not understand this song (selfish gain). But, for
those who have been called by God to use their
gift, there is a cross that comes along with reaching
that destination. There are trials, tears, setbacks,
divorce, and trouble with children, sickness, lack of
money, and all types of other things that come
along with reaching that destination. As I write
about healthy marriages and relationships, my
husband and I have both gone through unhealthy
toxic marriages. But for those of us who possess a
burning within to get a goal and gift accomplished,
we will go through hell and high waters to reach our
destination. Those who are on this path remain
focus even through the setbacks, down days, up
days, delays, fired from jobs, and no money. As you
pray for a breakthroughs people look at you as if
you have it all together. People are admiring you
spouse, your children, your life, not understanding
or know the setbacks that you and your family have
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gone or going through. But for those who know and
understand their God given gift and vision, we are
looking to reach the destination and the end
results.
As we go through the process of reaching the
full potential and gifts that are placed in and on our
lives, it lives in our hearts. As we go through the
process, God is developing a new person, He is
transforming thoughts about success, your life, He
wants us to look at the destination process not the
blessings, and blessings will come. He is giving us
the vision of kingdom building. He is restoring our
minds and how we think about life and our walk
with Him. God is trying to get His people to have a
transformed mind, He want us to change our
thought process. This is what He says about it:
Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what
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Gods will ishis good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2.
Until we get to this place in our lives, when
how the world thinks does not matter, then will we
allow God to teach and train us; transform meaning
to change how we think about God and His process
not me and my process which is based on
the worlds view. When we can begin to
understand this, we will be able to move forward
towards our goals. Most people have our purpose
already figured out. We thing it is ours and about
us. This is a prideful view and this is why we cannot
get a foothold into our purpose because we focus
on ourselves more than God and His Will.
Let me focus on the gift that has been given
me as a Christian Counselor for pre-marital, post
marital, and crisis counselor. When I went through a
bad divorce, physical trauma, remarried with
stepchildren, and many other challenges in my
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present marriage to my husband, Bobby, we had no
idea of what God was setting up in our lives. For
those who are married, what each of us fails to
realize is that marriage is a ministry. As a wife or
husband we want a marriage that everyone would
desire to have, I dont dare say perfect marriage
because there is no such thing. However, we want
great kids, careers, and homes; and some of you
may well have that, but, it did not come easy and is
still not easy trying to hang on to it. What I did not
realize as it seem as though I was on a path of
unfamiliarity. Years ago, I had no idea of the
choices that I made. I would ask myself and I am
sure my husband ask himself the same question,
What was I thinking when I remarried? At one
time I was miserable, I did not know which way to
turn, and did not know the vision or the focus.
Marriage does not come with a manual and the
book that gives us the instructions (Bible), we dont
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understand. I felt as though I just existed. This
feeling of just existing was never in my
vocabulary. I never just existed, I was always a goal
or trendsetter, I was the one that did things and
asked for things that no one else wanted to ask. If I
was on a mission I was going to see my mission
through, I did not care what it took. However, at
this point in my new life, I had not a clue. I
remarried at 36 years of age; my first marriage was
at the age of 20-21. I have experienced some
things and now another journey to unfamiliar
territory. My daughter and I moved from my family,
I did not know what to expect from the new
marriage, although I have known him since college
and knew of him to be a good person. Still it was
unknown territory.
At this point in our lives we both found
ourselves divorce and three months after my
divorce, I found myself married again. Three
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months, this is unheard of, what will people say.
Surely someone was going to thing that he and I
was having an affair all along. But, this was
definitely not the case. God was the developer of
this marriage; I say that because knowing who I
am, I would have never married him. Before I knew
it, he had gotten his boys, packed up my stuff and
moved me to his home. It was effortless. We got
married and here we are today twenty (20) years
later. God know the plan that He has for each one
of our lives. God said this in, Jeremiah 29:11-13;
For I know the plans I have for you, declare the
Lord, plan to prosper you and not to harm you,
plasns to give you hope and a future. Then you will
call on me and come and pray to me, and I will
listen to you. You will seek me and find me when
you meek me with all of your heart.
Beloved, we must realize that God has the
perfect plan for our lives, however, we cannot
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move forward until we get in line. God will do His
part but we must also do our part. We are sitting
and waiting for God to bless us (and He is there),
however, we continue to run with the same crowd,
commit the same crime or the same sin, we
continue to lie even if it is just a little white, we
continue to mistreat not just people that we dont
know, but we mistreat the very ones who we live
with which are husbands or wives and children. We
continue to live in sin, living together without
marriages, having lovers, and live a life that is an
abomination to God; yet, we wonder why we are
not being blessed? If those who are reading this
book, who are unaware of sin and abomination,
pick up Bible and let God tell you in His own Words
what sin and abomination is. Dont stop reading
until you have read it All. There is a time in our
lives that we must come to this point. It is not just
enough to go to church; it is not enough to listen to
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t.v. ministry, its not enough. Until you bow down to
God, repent of your sins, and have the desire to
walk in Gods order, you will never receive the
fullness of what Gods plan is for your life.
If you are at this point in your life and dont
know where to turn, turn your focus on Jesus and
the Cross, the only One who is able to bring you to
your fullness of life. He is the only One who is able
to successfully direct you to where you supposed to
be, because He is the One with your plan already
mapped out. I will not trust in myself to do a work
without God and the Holy Spirit leading me. They
(Trinity) who already knows the plan for you and my
life, the Holy Spirit know the plan; it is to prosper
you, to bring you to a bright future. I have one
question for you; how are your plans working for
you? When you lose your focus but God will never
renege on His promise. Dont lose your focus. Keep
your eyes on the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
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Your Marriage is Your Ministry and Mission
To each and every married couple that God
established through covenant according to the
Word of God, do you not realize that your marriage
is your ministry and your mission? What is a
covenant marriage? It is between a man and a
woman as a lifelong relationship that is fruitful.
Vows are made to God and to each other (man &
woman). It is a light for the community to remain
steadfast with each other, displaying unconditional
love, demonstrating reconciliation and sexual
purity, as they continue to grow on purpose in
covenant marriage relationship.
There are many things that a marriage will
reveal about a person. A marriage will reveal if a
spouse is an adulterous, a flirt, a liar, inappropriate
behavior, deceitfulness, good, bad, supportive,
aggressiveness, jealousy, envious, backbiting, if
they are godly, if they are seekers of God, self-
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conscious, if they have low self-esteem, high self-
esteem, it uncovers selfishness, and many other
ways that a person has. Marriage will show you
personalities of an individual that you would not
otherwise have seen during the courtship. Each
person knows their hang-ups, they know their
flaws, they will conceal what is wrong about them
until honeymoon night, during the courtship period,
and people hide many things. We are good at
hiding them because we have hid those bad things
most of their lives.
Courtship is the time of concealing important
information (child abuser, unacceptable Jezebel
spirits man or woman, husband beater, wife beater,
alcoholism, drug addiction, and verbal and mental
abuser, etc.). All of this does not come out during a
courtship. It does not matter how long you have
dated a person, all of the stuff does not come until
during or after the honeymoon. This is why as a
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counselor; I stress that before you take that leap of
covenant marriage visit a Christian marriage
counselor. I prefer an individual that is nonbiased.
Dont go to one of your parents for premarital
counseling, I dont care how long her mother and
father have been married, they may favor her side.
Go to someone that the both of you can get the
most out of the sessions. Your pastors are good but
even with pastors there could possibly be bias or
another underline motive that is going on with
them also. This is not to say that your pastor is not
a good preacher, the only thing I can say is, know
your pastor. If you know that he/she will favor your
side in the sessions, dont go to them. This is a time
that a lot of good, bad, and ugly things will come
out. All I can say is to be choosey about your pre-
marital counselor.
Marriage is such a major and relevant part of
Christ and the church. Marriage was a symbol of
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Christ and His church, so much so until He gave his
very life for it. Through the marriage relationship,
God is attempting to teach His people what it takes
to reach the Kingdom of God. Scripture supports
this in Ephesians 5:25-27,
Husbands, loves your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he
might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of
water by the word, That he might present it to
himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should behold
and without blemish.
How Christ treats and presents the church is the
same as a husband should treat and present his
wife. Christ loved us so even in our sin, when we
denied Him, even to when we murdered Him on the
Cross. I said we because it was church folks who
gave the ultimate decision to crucify Him. The ones
who were considered non-Christians were the ones
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who did not want to see this innocent Jesus
crucified; it was the church that wanted to see Him
dead on the Cross. So, what this displays is a
hatred that the church had not only for Gods
people but for God Himself. Butwhen Christ
came, His purpose was to teach love for our fellow
man, spouses, children, and our neighbor. This does
not just mean someone next door that we know,
our loved ones, and those who we know love us;
this also includes those who are different from us,
who look different, act different, different county,
different background, different religion, and also
includes those who hate us.
God taught us to love each other as husband
and wives, endure each other through good and
bad times. This means when things or up or when
they are down, when you are sick, when you are
well, and even when our faults get the best of us.
We should ask for forgiveness and forgive one
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other. There are several instance that I have come
across in which a spouse has done wrong and
refuse to ask for forgiveness. Marriages can be
rectified, restored to newness, and begin a better
chapter if the spouse could have just said, I am so
sorry, please forgive me. But there are some with
such hearts of stone that what God want to see
come together and restored there are times when it
cannot happen because of the hardness of either
spouses heart.
If one spouse has wronged the other in
whatever way, and that spouse ask for full
forgiveness and their spouse fully forgive them,
there is no reason why that marriage cannot
become one of the best marriages that God put
together. So, if this is your case and there has been
inappropriate thing that has gone on in that
marriage, seek counseling and if that person chose
to forgive, I believe that all of heaven is rejoicing in
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reconciliation of Gods children. This is truly part of
marriage mission and ministry.
In marriages there is also spiritual warfare
going on. Jealousy, resentful, not agreeing, etc. It
is not trying to have a leash on that spouse, but
loving them enough to pray for them and let them
go, leaving them to make that final decision.
God does not hold us on a leash, God does not
dictate to us what to do, He does not say, I will
damn you to hell if you dont follow my guidelines
and request. This is not the mind of God. God lay
out the options and give you the freedom to choose
and if we tackled our situations any other way it
was not of God. Manipulating someone to stay with
you is not God, it is witchcraft. Manipulation and
deception is the two most powerful forms of
witchcraft and millions of husbands and wives (and
people) use it daily. But I come to tell you, this is
not the way a godly marriage is won. The godly
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marriage mission is to love, respect, honor, and
forgive. If you are doing anything else to keep
your marriage other than these attributes your
marriage is being held together by another source
other than God. It is under hostage by the enemy.
God expects for us to live in freedom and in peace,
not in bondage, and not to keep others in bondage.
In our marriage mission and ministry, there
are many times that we have re-evaluated who we
are in our marriage. There are some questions that
we should ask ourselves often, (1) what are my
motive for this marriage? (2) What are the goals for
our marriage? (3) What is our purpose? (4) Are we
weathering the storms appropriately? And the
furious question, (5) what are we learning (fruit of
the spirit) in our marriage?
There are questions throughout the months
and years that we must ask ourselves to ensure
that the marital path has a vision and a goal. There
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are new levels, stages, and transition throughout
each marriage. With that comes new enemies, I
always say, New levels new devils. This is one
thing that you can be sure of. If you want to move
forward in your marriage, there will be new
challenges. Sometimes we said, Here come the
devil, although this may be true, but we must also
ask ourselves if we are being tested? Marriages
have to go through tests and challenges to keep it
strong; tough that helps to weather storms and its
aftermath. The scripture proves that we are tested,
when we feel that the devil is doing it. In James
1:12 it states, Blessed is the man who perseveres
under trial, because when he has stood the test, he
will receive the victors crown, the life God has
promised to those who love him. Now, there are
scriptures that describe three types of trouble
that the believer may face; (1) discipline, judgment,
or rebuke from the Lord; (2) test, trials,
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persecutions, suffering; and (3) temptations or
attacks from Satan. 1 Peter 4:12-13, informs us to
not be surprised at suffering and trials that we face
or will face as it is something that is strange, its
not. Although we may cannot understand it when
we go through these suffering it says to rejoice
when we participate in suffering of Christ, that
there is some glory to be revealed in this suffering.
There are people who have faced situations that I
have not faced and there are situations that I have
faced that others have not faced. Nevertheless,
never think that your trials and suffering were
greater/superior or less/insignificant than someone
else. God says that he will not put no more on you
than He knows that you can handle. We do not
know exactly how much that is, however, in order
to reign with Jesus we must also suffer like Jesus.
In order to receive the crown of bless on
judgment day, we must be broken, pride must be
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broken, selfishness must be broken, controlling
spirits must be broken, sin must be broken, and
your hand must be off the situation. It is according
to each one of us individually what we must go
through. There are some people who will not ask
forgiveness from anyone, there are some who will
do things and never feel remorse about their
actions. Then on the other hand there are some
who are ready and willing to obey God, their
suffering is different because they know that there
is a higher purpose than what is seen.
There are those of Gods people who have
learned through challenges and tests that God
means business. Its like having your own children,
there are the good ones, the one in between, and
then you have the stubborn ones. The good child
will face opposition, however, she/he will face it
with humility and meekness, then there is the one
in the middle who will toll on what to do for a while,
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and then you have the stubborn child who will go
the entire opposite direction regardless of who it
hurts. So, I do believe that there are different test
and challenges for different mind and spirit sets.
Therefore, God has to deal with each of us as
individual.
Trust the Foundation
Our Foundation is God who is our Creator;
believing that He sent His Son Jesus as our Savior,
by shedding His innocent blood for our sins. If you
believe this you are on your way to trusting the
Foundation in life and marriage. All of us have gone
through some sort of trial and tribulation, none of
us will escape it. It is part of the punishment of the
sin in the Garden of Eden. You can do all that you
can to avoid all types of trouble, but the trouble will
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find you, you dont have to look for it. It searches
you out. Even in the garden, Eve did not go looking
for the serpent, the serpent sought her out and
found her and not only had it touched and deceived
her, but through her it also touched Adam and all of
creation.
I believe that it is important for the man to
pay attention to what goes on in his home, ask
questions, and be knowledgeable of what has
happen while he was away, as well as be vigilant of
his family. When our husbands are away many
things can happen and we the wife must explain
how we handled the situation which appears to be
right or seems to be right. But, it seems as though
God put an extra sense inside of the man to sense
trouble before it happens and also to the woman, in
certain situations. Sometimes it seems as though
men are complacent or unconcerned, however,
males dont react the way that females react and
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they oftentimes appear to be complacent. By
nature, women react with more emotions than men
and women are more conversational than men, the
brain neurons are connected differently in the man
than the woman. The women neurons are
connected to the part of the brain that regulates
the internal parts of the body that focus on
hormones, respiration, and blood pressure. In men
the focus is on his vision and body movements,
these are the difference in the behavior of man and
woman.
Imagine Eve responding to the serpent with
all of those emotional hormones as he twist Gods
Word around about the tree of good and evil. Can
you imagine Eve, looking at the serpent, now the
bible says that, Now the serpent was craftier than
any of the wild animals the LORD God had made,
He said to the woman, Did God really say, You
must not eat from any tree in the garden?
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Genesis 3: 1. Can you imagine this conversation,
Eve saying, I believe youre right, surely that is not
what God meant, maybe Adam got it wrong. Now
imagine Adam coming on the scene there after the
fact and Eve presenting this delicious fruit to Adam
and he have not seen her in a while, and she is
presenting the delicious (to the eyes) fruit to him
and she is naked with the most beautiful body and
most beautiful creature that he had ever seen. No
man will say no to that. Just imagine your
husband being away from you two week, a month
or two off working or on a business trip (Adam been
away tending to the animals for a while). And when
your husband comes home you have gotten
everything ready, house beautiful, delicious food
prepared and then you serve it to him with a
beautiful teddy from Victoria Secret, see through
outfit. I can guarantee you that your husband does
not care where you bought it from. All he knows is
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that it is what it inside of that teddy belongs to him.
He doesnt care about where the food was
purchased from either.
Just picture some of the decisions we make
without asking question because of how it is
presented. This is not to say that the wife cannot
make decision while her husband is off working, on
a business trip, or whatever reason he is away (I
am a woman), but before a solid decision is to be
made the husband should be in on the decision
making at all times if you want it to come out well.
Now, this is to all women who are married with
husbands, not single parents. Even when you are a
single parent it is good to seek advice from a
father, grandfather, or someone you trust to tell
you the truth about any situation before making a
decision. The only reason that I am saying this is
because; first of all consulting your husband before
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making a decision is relevant to the success of the
outcome.
Giving thanks always for all things in the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father,
subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of
Christ. Wives, be in subjection unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the
head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the
Church, being himself the Savior of the body. But
as the church, is subjected to Christ, so let the
wives also be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself up for it, to
make her hold, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word. Ephesian 5:20-26.
It is important that we understand what this
means. It does not mean that a man has the right
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to abuse the wife and to the wife it does not mean
that he is taking over every aspect of your life. It
also means that each wife respect her husband.
This also includes that neither are to manipulate
the other in anyway, do not take advantage of the
other, and not sabotage each other to get your way
in anyway.
However, what it does means is that, if you
want to see the fullness of blessings in your
marriage, God has laid it out on what should take
place. If we refuse the Word, then we have refused
to have a godly successful marriage. According to
Titus 2: 3-5, Likewise, teach the older women to
be reverent in the way they live, not to be
slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach
what is good. Then they can train the younger
women to love their husbands and children, to be
self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be
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kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that
no one will malign the word of God.
God does not leave anyone out even the
older women. Most little girls model their mother,
however, most little boys observe their mothers
also. Eyes are always on the mother to observe
their response. More than we know it is important
that we learn how to have self-control in our home.
By doing this, you teach your children endurance,
perseverance, self-control, love, and many other
things that is pertinent to their adult experience in
living and marriage. If they see that it was
accepted with older mother behaving in a non-self-
controlled manner, we feel that it is acceptable in
our own marriages.
In Titus it says, to love the husband and the
children. There are many wives, who switch this
role and love the children more than the husband
or just let the fathers fend for themselves. It
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doesnt matter how you twist it and switch it and
how you try to explain that your children are your
heartbeat, God has a divine order. So, it is true to
say that when this when you place child or
anything or anyone ahead of your husband. This is
why there is so much unsettling in the families and
households. It is impossible for a wife to teach her
daughter the order of the family when the
wife/mother is out of order in the home herself.
Dont expect for things to go well for you when you
place your children, family member, church, or
friends before their father, your husband. This is
like placing Adam and Eve before God or Jesus
before his Father.
Titus continues to explain that the wife
should be sober. In other words, know what you
are doing according to the Word. Love your
husband; love your children..so that the Word of
God is not blasphemed. When we have
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blasphemed, it means that we have insulted God
and we do not reverence His Deity, and lack
respect to Gods Word. Wives and mothers, if you
are going to get upset, you will have to talk to God
about it. When husbands and wives fail to honor
each other as God has instructed we are guilty for
presenting this type of behavior to our children.
When you dont love and respect each other at
home in front of your children, dont get angry with
your children when they take that same spirit in
their homes and with their spouse. This spirit will
go through each generation until someone has the
courage to begin to honor the Word of God and
break the curse.
Each of us have trusted God to a certain
extent and then we back off when it becomes to
seriously affect our emotions and when we arrive at
a brick wall where we have no idea how to get over
it or under it, then things become too rough we
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begin to prepare for retaliation. If we are in our
comfortable relationships, Christian comfort, and at
ease as they are, there will be times when God
present us with a challenge. Whether it is a
marriage, job or family challenge; we desire better
marriage, better jobs better children, we want
higher education, but we want it without the
struggle that comes along with it.
I remember enrolling into college in my mid-
thirties. I decided to go back after a divorce and
physical injury that crippled me and a new
marriage with three additional children. My
husband, Bobby, would keep my daughter from a
previous marriage by night while I worked. I
attended college during the day. I struggled to get a
satisfactory GPA that will allow me just to graduate,
not with honors or any kind of recognitions, I was
just glad when they said I have made enough to
graduate. This was the most achievable moment in
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my life because it was such a struggle to complete
it. I was grateful to God for a husband that allows
me to attend college and assisted me in every way
possible for me to achieve my goal.
Achieving this goal was not only for me but
also for my husband and our children as well. He
was so gracious in allowing me to set goals and
accomplish them. I make sure that I let it be known
that, Bobby, and I are in this together. We have had
many struggles, many setbacks, but I never stop
setting goals (Hope) and we never stopped
believing (Faith) in God. These following scriptures
will assist in keeping unity between the husband
and the wife.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you
to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to
which you have been called, with all humility
and gentleness, with patience, bearing with
one another in love, eager to maintain the
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unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Eph.
4:1-3
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and
clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice. Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God
in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:31-32.
Complete my joy by being of the same mind,
having the same love, being in full accord
and of one mind. Philippians 2:2.
And it is my prayer that your love may
abound more and more, with knowledge and
all discernment, so that you may approve
what is excellent and so be pure and
blameless for the day of Christ. Philippians
1:9-10.
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Gods Word for the husband and wife through
Scripture and Prayer is vital and relevant to each
household. At the beginning of marital relationships
things start out good. Both husband and wife have
great vision for the future together and for the
children that they want to have. Things are going
well, careers, advancing, and the children are doing
well, however, as the years go by, there is
something that has been lost and chipped off along
the way. There are other things that have come into
focus, prestige, career, and pride began to rise up.
Other little gods has begun to form, how good I
look, my car, my house, my children, my
education, and my career.
Over the years, the spirit of narcissism has
sprung up. Its now all about what I want for me
and my happiness. This behavior draws my
attention again to Hosea, the prophet, God said to
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him, I gave this same scenario in, Steps for a
Healthy Marriage: Connecting with the Foundation.
Because it is the best example of how we are and
how God loves us in spite of ourselves. Go, and
take unto these a wife of whoredom and children of
whoredom; for the land doth commit great
whoredom, departing from Jehovah. Hosea 1: 2.
I will go after my lovers, that give me my bread
and my water, my wool, my flax, my oil, and
my drink. Hosea 2:5. But God says, Therefore,
behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and I
will build a wall against her, that she shall not find
her paths. And she follows after her lovers, but she
shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them,
but shall not find them: then shall she say I will go
and return to my first husband; for then was it
better with me than now. Hosea 2:6-7.
What we see happening in our relationships,
we are sure that it will not happen to us until we
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find ourselves in this position. Hosea is breaking
every covenant imaginable, she is going around
and around in circles. But what she does not realize
is that she will be as Jehovah says in Hosea seventh
verse, she will seek and will not find it. This
behavior will cause a person to chase their tail and
never be able to touch it because it is a selfish
chase.
When deception takes root in a persons life
they have lost their purpose. We will do well for a
while until we allow the serpent to come in and
feast with us instead of letting the Holy Spirit feed
and minister to our pain. The first thing that the
enemy wants to subject Gods people to is the spirit
of pride. Pride is defined as an inward emotion that
carries two antithetical meaning. With the negative
connotation pride is defined to as foolish and
irrational corrupt sense of ones personal value,
status or accomplishments. This type of pride is all
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about the person and there is nothing that is able
to touch who you are. This is a terrible thought, this
is the ones in which the devil has control over. The
number one evil in the bible is pride, developed by
Satan. It has two types of interpretation;
1. It is personal gratification for a job well done, or
2. It can be a dreadful deadly sin of, the
competitive and excessive belief in ones own
ability that interferes with the individuals
recognition of the grace of God. It includes, anger,
sin, envy, and sloth. Pride is the one thing that
shook the heavenly realm that altered Gods plans
and introduced a sure way to hell and many of us
possess this behavior.
In order to eliminate some influences, it is
important that we are mindful of what and who we
allow in our space. If they are not building you up in
Christ, let them go, if they are not assisting in
bringing godly peace to your situation, let them go
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(I am talking about other people not your spouse).
If those that you are talking to are not assisting in
godly reconciliation, let them go. We are in a life or
death fight with the enemy who is a smooth
convincing talker and stalker. We should pay
attention that we dont let him in our life. If we do,
he will completely take it over and you will not have
a clue when it started. It starts with planting one
small seed of doubt or pride in the mind and if you
dont use the Word to fight it off it will consume
you. Dont allow the cares of the world to consume
you and destroy your relationship with your spouse.
In the world in which we live today and
although it has its chaos, people enjoy the glamour
as well as the chaos of life. Most people, including
Christians, prefer titles, accolades, and prestige and
will go through any lengths to get it. This type of
mindset always causes the Christian to lose their
focus. As a Christian, our main focus should be
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purpose, ministry, and mission. Christians believe
that the only way to get noticed is to do something
incredible. This may be true to a certain extent, and
however, attempting to become noticed in your
own power is destructive. When you are trying to
make yourself famous, you lose very important
people, relationships, and stuff along the way.
God says in, Matthew 6:6, But when you
pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to
your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father who
sees what is done in secret, will reward you
openly. Now, just because you pray in secret does
not mean that whatever you asking for are going to
be automatically provided. We want the stuff but
we dont want to go through the process to earn
the stuff. He sees the heart and the motive. He
sees your lifestyle and how you are handling those
around you, your spouse, your children, your
parents, siblings, church family, and co-workers. If
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our hearts and minds are not ready to receive what
He has for us, there is a process that God takes us
through to get to that point. We cannot ask God to
freely give us all the blessings that we ask for and
we are holding your spouse hostage or in jail for
what you feel that they havent done or should
have done. Before God can fully release blessings,
you must be able to allow others to prosper and be
free as well. If God is to freely give to you, you
must freely give to others. If you want Go to bless
you, you must bless others, dont be a taker all of
the time and refuse to be a giver, you hold yourself
in contempt. Freely we have received the grace and
mercy of God; freely you should give it also.
In the same that Jesus had done for us as
sinners, selfish, and full of faults, we must also
forgive (we give pardon and mercy). Likewise, we
should also do this to those who have hurt us. If we
are unable to do this there is a need for purging
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and cleansing by the Holy Spirit. If you are working
out your salvation with fear and trembling, learning
to forgive those who have used you, abused you,
hated you, and deceived you is part of the process.
If we are unwilling to show mercy and forgiveness
we have not shown a certain level of Christian
maturity.
Everyone has not made it to this point and it
is not to condemn those who have not, we are all a
work in progress. However, this is a struggle that
we must conquer at some level in our Christian
walk. If you desire to see the glory of the Lord
revealed in your life and the life of your family, I
challenge you today to sincerely forgive those who
have abused you, even if you have to confront
them. If they deny or refuse to acknowledge their
guilt, move on as long as you have forgiven them in
your heart. You will be able to move into a newness
of life in Christ Jesus.
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When we say that we trust God, who is the
Creator of everything and Foundation of the world,
it is important how we react when brought before a
challenge. Challenges in our lives shows and
identify who we are. They are meant to reveal who
we are, challenges are meant to disrupt our normal
or our routine. They are meant for us to make
corrections in our lives (not to sit around and blame
others), challenges are meant for us to take a
closer review of ourselves, but often times we take
a closer look at the other person and forget to seek
out our shortcomings. Dont take it person when
God choses to challenge us or when our faith is
challenged. Dont think that challenges come to
break you down; it is there to strength you, to
stretch you to our fullest potential. This is why Paul
says in, 2 Corinthians 1: 2-8, Grace to you and
peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus
Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord
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Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all
comfort; who comforted us in our entire affliction
that we may be able to comfort wherewith we
ourselves are comforted of God. For as the
sufferings of Christ about unto us, even so our
comfort also aboundeth through Christ. But
whether we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and
salvation; or whether we are comforted, it is for
your comfort, which worketh in patience enduring
of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and
our hope for you is steadfast; knowing that, as ye
are partakers of the sufferings, so also are ye of
the comfort. This is to say, if Jesus suffered so
shall we suffer also, but it also says affliction is for
our comfort and our salvation. It teaches us how to
weather a storm without complaining, it teaches us
that hopes and loves still abound with us even
during our suffering. Never lose the hope of Christ
Jesus that is in us.
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When we trust the Foundation in which we
stand on, there is nothing impossible for us to
accomplish. When we are put to the ultimate test it
is with purpose, ask Job. If we think that we are
struggling, ask Job about his struggle and then ask
Jesus about His Cross. It does not matter if you are
old or young; we all have had our share of
challenges. Yours may not have been what mine
has been and vice versa, but they were challenges
nonetheless. We must believe without doubting
that God has the plan for each of our lives and that
we trust Him fully to see us through.
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In this last section of this series of, Steps for
a Healthy Marriage: Holding On Step 2; I want to
end with on the topic of tithing. During my many
years as being a Christian and worshiper of Jesus
the Christ and my husband and I many failures, I
am convinced that we are not full worshiper of a
God at all. We do not trust and obey God with
everything that we have. Whether you believe this
or not, its truly up to you. However, the bible
supports it. Personally, I believe that our lives are
hindered when we dont obey the Word of God. Let
us view the scripture about tithing, in the book of
Malachi 3:6-18, this is a profound Old Testament
Scriptures,
I the Lord do not change. So you, O
descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since
the time of your forefathers you have turned away
from my decrees and have not kept them. Return
to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord
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Almighty. But you ask, how are we to return?
Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask,
How do we rob you? In tithes and offerings, you
are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because
you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the
storehouse, that there may be food in my house.
Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see
if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven
and pour out so much blessing that you will not
have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from
devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields
will not cast their fruit, says the Lord Almighty.
Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours
will be a delightful land, says the Lord Almighty.
You have said, It is futile to serve God. What did
we gain by carrying out his requirements and going
about like mourners before the Lord Almighty? But
now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the
evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge
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God escape. Then those who feared the Lord
talked with each other, and the Lord listened and
heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his
presence concerning those who feared the Lord
and honored his name. They will be mine, says
the LORD Almighty, in the day when I make up my
treasured possession, I will spare them, just as in
compassion a man spares his son who serves him.
And you will again see the distinction between the
righteous and the wicked, between those who
serve God and those who do not.
These Scriptures are marvelous to me, the
first few Words that resonate with me are, I the
Lord do not change. Most people would like to
say, This is an Old Testament saying, and if they
want to this is their right (God does not push any
beliefs on us. He let us decide), however, then you
have the New Testament that supports the Old
Testament, the Trinity (Father, Son, & Holy Spirit)
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are ONE and they are ALL on ONE ACCORD. They
will not change because of how you or I feel about
it or what you or I think it should be. Either you will
obey it or you wont. The people in the Old
Testament were looking at those who did not serve
God and was doing better than they were without
tithing. But, they (those who followed God) were
bringing their tithes to the church and were barely
making ends meet and they were suffering.
However, at this time they did not
understand what the tithing meant even though
they were obeying. It is no different today when it
comes to money, giving to the church is the last
thing on most people minds they are concerned
about their bills, what they are going to eat, drink,
what will we do if we give this money and have
nothing for our families? But the thing is, most of
them were not willing to trust God at His Word fully.
He went further with them and said, Test me
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and see if I wont bless you. Most of us are so afraid
of a test and we stay in financial trouble more than
anyone, because we do not fully trust the God that
we serve. Our families suffer financially because of
our unbelief; our children suffer because of the
unbelief of the parents and this same behavior
spills over into them. We rather hold on to the
$200.00, because this is all we have for two weeks.
All God is asking for is $20 of it. Most of us will
spend $20 on nothing than to give it for something
to the church. And if you find yourself in trouble
financially most times, check how you tithe. If you
find yourself in trouble and you are a tither, just
remembers Gods Word, He is going to do just what
He said, I will prevent pests from devouring your
crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their
fruit, says the Lord Almighty. Then all the nations
will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful
land, says the Almighty God.
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In the day when I make up my treasured
possession, I will spare them, just as in compassion
a man spares his son who serves him. And you will
again see the distinction between the righteous
and the wicked, between those who serve God and
those who do not. For those of us who have
honored God and obeyed, you have nothing to
worry about when that day of trouble comes. For
those who did not obey they will suffer. So, dont
think because you see evil men and women
prospering that it is unfair. God is not fair, He is
just, and when He call down His justicewhere
will you stand? As believer we are looking ahead,
not at the now. We look at the now and say, Lord,
why me? instead of saying, Lord, thank you for
choosing me. You would rather suffer a short time
now, than a long time later.
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Lets now go to, Mark 12:14-17, in the New
Testament, and dont take Jesus few Words that He
gave to be less than the Malachi verses. This is a
new time. Jesus is straight and to the point not
leaving any minds to wonder about His Fathers
requirements. In these scriptures they are back
talking about tithing. But now, the religious leaders
are trying to trick Jesus and cause Him to lie. This is
because Jesus had called them (The Pharisees) out
in the parable of the tenants that were caring for
the owners vineyard. And they conspired to get rid
of the son of the owner of the vineyard so that they
could have it all to themselves. The Pharisees begin
conspire at this time to get rid of Jesus. We will also
try to come up with a scheme to not do what we
are commanded to do even when we know that it is
what God says to do.
The Pharisees were Old Testament scholars,
they knew what Jesus said was true, but they
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conspired anyway and so, Jesus knew what they
were doing. This is how they conspired in, Mark
12:12-17:
Then they looked for a way to arrest him (Jesus)
because they knew he had spoken the parable
against them (they were OT scholar and knew that
Jesus was telling the truth). But they were afraid of
the crowd; so they left him and went away. (They
had been taken the people money for their own use
this is why the Pharisees were afraid of the crowd).
Later they sent some of the Pharisees and
Herodiass (different ones) to Jesus to catch him in
his words (trying to catch Jesus in a lie). They came
to him and said, Teacher we know you are a man
of integrity. You arent swayed by men, because
you pay no attention to who they are, but you
teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.
Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not? Should we
pay or shouldnt we? But Jesus knew their
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hypocrisy. Why are you trying to trap me? he
asked. Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.
They brought the coin, and he asks them, Whose
portrait is this? And whose inscription? Caesars,
they replied. Then Jesus said to them, Give to
Caesar what is Caesars and to God what is
Gods. And they were amazed
(stunned/shocked/startled). Why all the confusion?
Was this statement not clear?
It is amazing how people will give to Caesar
(federal, state, and local taxes), but they will not
give what belongs to God. Jesus said it in His own
Words, Give to Caesar what is Caesars, but he
also added, and to God what is Gods. I tell you
the truth, this isnt rocket science. It is the smallest
most minor things that keep us away from
receiving from God, give your tithes, dont do that
(sin), do this (honor God). God leaves no room for
doubting, however, because of sin nature and
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disobedience, doubt resonate in our spirit. Like the
serpent to Eve in the garden, Did God really say,
not to eat of the tree of Knowledge?
The flesh and the sin nature of our mind
keep us far from God, He does not make anything
hard or difficult, it is so simple just to obey Him and
let Him do the work. If we would obey and sit back,
God said that, I planted the seed in your hearts,
and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it
grow. If we would water the seed that Jesus has
planted in us (Prayer, Tithe, Bible Study, Obey), He
will give the increase. Wait on it. We have our
bibles that we dont read, God is forever before us
and we dont talk to Him, and we are forever in
need and we dont ask of God because we refuse to
get to know Him in a personal way. This is nothing
strange; I see it in my own family. Family members
can talk a good game about God which let me
know, you know the Word, because God said, just a
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few lines up that it is planted. We can talk it we
know it but what we refuse to do is water it and
then we want to complain about what we dont
have. I might be struggling now but I will continue
to glorify God and He will bring me out. He said to,
Bring your tithes, I hear, I hear it repeated over
and over, well you know, how are we going to
eat, we need gas for the car, we serve in the
church, we do this or we do that, and.your point
is? The point is there is still a lack of faith covered
in fear that you are going to miss a meal. Some of
us need to miss a meal and do some fasting to
understand what it means to pray and go before
the Lord. However, our faith can be so shallow until,
I cant risk not having food for the kids. Trust me
the children will be better off than you or me. In
this day and time, there is something in the
refrigerator or the pantry, our son loves the .35
cent packs romaine noodles and grateful.
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I want to take some radical steps for God, I
want to believe even when I cannot see my way, I
want to trust Him even when I cant trace Him, I
want a faith that is crazy to believe that my prayer
will be answered regardless of how it looks today.
This is the kind of faith that I long for and this is the
kind of faith I want my children to have. In the
household of saved parents and children, it looks
like you are worth a million dollars and barely
surviving, but you are doing great, because our
trust is in the Almighty God and not what the bank
account says, not what the doctor says, and not
what the teachers believe about our child/children
at the school. We are raising warriors for God. We
want to raise children who know how to trust God
through adversities and troubles. We want our
children to know what it means to tithe and give to
God out of obedience of His Word not because you
think you are paying the pastors salary. We should
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want our children to believe God at all cost because
there is going to come a time that God is all that
will be there for them and they will need to know
that God is all that they need.
As Christians, dont limit God to mediocre.
You may not see it right now, but never limit a
limitless God. Listen to the spirit of God that is in
you, not to a miserable person that has a negative
answer for everything. Now, if this is the type of
person you prefer to follow, than by all means you
follow that nagging and negative spirit or human
being. This section is for those who want to move
beyond negative living, beyond negative
comments, beyond negative spirits that has been
whispering in your ear for years.
Now is the time to test God, He said in
Malachi 3:10, Test me in this, says the Lord
Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the
floodgates of heaven and pour out so much
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blessing that you will not have room enough for it.
Then hundreds of years later, Jesus confirmed what
His Father said in Mark 12:17, Give to Caesar what
is Caesars and to God what is Gods. Beloved, it
cannot get any clearer than this, why the people
were so amazed at Jesus response, maybe because
they already knew the answer and were surely
looking for Jesus to incriminate himself. The Father,
Son, and the Holy Spirit have One Mind. Jesus knew
this answer before the foundation of the earth was
created.
Jesus came down to teach and demonstrate
obedience to his Father and love on to another. He
has always been with his Father; he is His Fathers
Son. The same as with our children, our children
know what we know because of what they are
taught and what they observe in the home and in
the community with their parents. A child knows
when a mother and father are saved, they know if
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they are true believers, a child knows because they
are their parents children. My children know my
spirit of what I have presented before them and
likewise, with their earthly father, they know his
spirit. As husband and wives, we should train our
children to believe everything that the bible tells
them. They need to understand that the bible is
veritable, absolute, and factual. It is the most
accurate book that has ever been written and that
will ever be written.
In order to minister to our children regarding
tithing, husbands and wives must get on one
accord, the same as the Father, Son, and the Holy
Spirit. We are made to complement each other; we
are to be perfectly matched in harmony with each
other. When the wife believe that tithes should be
paid on time and the first thing that should be
done, and the husband want to wait and lag around
with tithes waiting for a bill to come around, or to
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see what we are going to eat for the week, and so
on and so forth is a partnership with a void. This
type of marriage doesnt move, it remains
stagnated, it sits and waits to see what the spouse
is going to do, the waiting spouse just waits,
waiting for a break through when just willing to pay
the families tithes is all the breakthrough that the
family need to receive the abundance in which God
is waiting to give.
In each marital relationship (not all) you have
two different minded people, you have one that sits
and wait and then you have one that is a mover
and a shaker and then there are times when both
are sitting and waiting and or both are movers and
shakers. Lets look at the difference in the two
types of personalities. Lets begin with the sitting
and waiting spouse, the spouses that sits and waits
for something to happen is doing what they do
best, its not that they dont work and dont know
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how to make money, however, when there is a
growing family and the familys needs increases the
spouse must be open to new and better ideas.
What I am attempting to say to husbands
and wives and that is to move forward and do
more, God want to give you more, but you cannot
sit down and expect for God to shower you with
blessings that you did not earn. Being humble is
good, being liked is fine, however, having faith with
no works the bible says, its dead. You can have all
the faith you want but until you get up and act on
that faith it will get you no more blessing. God want
us to test what He says, He is not afraid of flunking
His test because he said, I the Lord change
not. You can test God and not fully trust Him,
however, when He proves to you who HE is you
cannot do anything but TRUST HIM. If we dont test
Him in this crucial area of tithing this means that
we dont fully trust Him. If I have $1000.00 and
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cannot give $100.00 to ministry, something is
seriously wrong with my faith, I am stagnating, in
want, and always in a financial struggle. Robbing
Peter to pay Paul, skipping this bill to eat, and
skipping this to do this or that, the yo-yo
experience. When all God has asked us to do is,
trust Him, try Him, obey Him and not only that but
to, test Him. Will it put us in further debt if we obey
the Living God or will we get out of debt? It will cost
us dearly if we dont.
God is waiting to hear from all of His married
children so that He can bless their marriages,
finances, households, and children. I have heard so
many people especially those who are in the
Christian faith say, I dont want it to seem like I am
begging. This is the mentality that most of us that
were raised in the 60s were taught, Quit begging
God or Stop bothering God. This came from
prideful people, people who thought that the only
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way to be financially blessed was to wait on God. I
had a working family; they worked for everything
that they had. They were filled with integrity and
they taught their children and family the art of
working, but not the art of long term financial
survival. Out of all of my family, there were only
two individual who seem to know how to well with
finances as it relates to saving. Put my opinion, it
was not passed down properly. With such a large
and extended family I do believe if older family
member engaged with their younger family
members, there would be more financial stability.
Not to blame them for anything that I have gone
through, but what it has caused me to do is sit back
and evaluate who am I sharing information with?
Whatever we have learned throughout the years is
not worthwhile until you have reached out to help
other, whether they receive it or not.
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The purpose of, The Counseling Corner, is
to ensure that other people receive information
that will positively help them before marriage, after
marriage, family, and their walk with God. I would
rather invest in myself and my marriage than to
divorce and spend tons of money on lawyers, on
somewhere to live, and children going from a two
parent household to a single parent household.
Addressing financial issues and how to be
blessed throughout your marriage is strictly based
on how we earn, distribute, and treat the finances
that God blesses us with. I am not saying that I
have had it good all of my married life, on the
contrary, my husband and I have struggled most of
the time. This is why it is imperative that I share
tithing, without tithing the family will suffer even
greater loss. If you find yourself in need even when
you tithe dont be dismayed, God has made His
promise to you. He will open the window of heaven
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and pour you out a blessing that you will not have
room to receive. Just trust what He says.
May God bless you and your Family.
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Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified

because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he
will never leave you nor forsake you Deut. 31:6
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Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of

it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards
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what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which
God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3: 13-14
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And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the
dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his
people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will
wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or
mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed
away. Revelation 21:3-4.
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Let us not become weary in well doing, for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
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The things which are impossible with man are possible with
God. Luke 18:27
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If God be for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
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Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all
our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the
comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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T lift up my eyes to the mountainswhere does my help

come from? My help comes from the Lord,
The Maker of heaven and earth Psalm 121:1.
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Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no

evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4.
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Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above

all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him
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Janice Jackson
be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and

ever. Amen.
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209

Holding On To The Promises of God in My Marriage

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Holding On To The Promises of God in My Marriage

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Holding on to the Promises of God in My Marriage

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed

to my mission and ministry, my wonderful husband, Bobby

Jackson, Sr., for his support in my many endeavors. You

and our children have been patient, supportive, motivating,

encouraging, and the reason why I want to share with

others my experiences of learning what a godly marriage is

really about. We have experienced previous marriage and

divorce, and have coming together with our unique blended

family. It has been different, challenging, adapting, and at

our twenty year anniversary it has been rewarding when

you follow the Words of God regarding man, woman, and

children, which results in a successful and peaceful

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

Copyright 2016 by Janice Jackson

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

Although marriage is a challenge lived between two

people, marriage is the most unique partnership that God

created. Marriage brings out the good and the worst in

people. Then at the same time, it allows us to line up our

life with the vision that God has for marriages.

Janice Jackson, M.S., M.A., BCCC

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

Letter to the Readers

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this

vision. Each vision that God bless me to write, it is to

inspire, encourage, and uplift those who are in need of a

fresh Anointing from our Heavenly Father. I do believe that

it will provide you with insight on how to move forward in

your marriage, personal life, and address other issues that

may arise. God wants each of us to experience a rich and

full life here on earth before being caught up with Him.

Dont be satisfied in spiritual poverty and mediocre living.

He desires for us to live in loving, healthy, strong, and

profitable single and married relationships, however, it is

up to each individual to make it happen. Our Heavenly

Father is not a dictator and He leaves us all to make

marriage is dead wake it up, if your relationship is not

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

moving forward seek God for answers, read your bibles,

children; He does not leave us where we cannot be useful

in careers, our own businesses, and personal lives. He has

designed each of us to prosper and be in good health. Wake

up from slumber and pray to God, wake up venture out, and

and be on a mission to do great things for yourself and for

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

Heart for Your Marriage

Steps to a Healthy Marriage, Vol. 2

When we give our lives to Jesus and pray the

prayer of Salvation, most times we fail to go

beyond that point to seek more of God. We are just,

hanging on of what we believed in the beginning

without looking for any other challenges; praying

and hoping that things will be fine from here on

out. We fail to seek the next challenge in our

spiritual walk and, subsequently, live timidly in the

shadows. This is not what God intended for His

children. God want us to pursue the next step in

our spiritual walk by asking, God, What is my

purpose from here? What have you called me to

do? This is the question that He would like to hear

us ask, without fear, and without being bashful or