Eigo Enshu Ted Talk: February 23, 2017

Name: Arisa Horikiri

Topic: Gender difference

Scoring out of 5= 5: Excellent 4:Very Good 3:Good 2:OK 1:Needs Improvement

CRITERIA SCORE

Opener (first 30 seconds): Grabs audiences attention with a story, question, etc. (topic is not clear) 2 /5
You made your topic clear immediatelytake more time to catch the audience
before that

Body (middle 60 seconds): Information is clear, focused, and interesting 4 /5

You gave some good details about gender difference, but your topic was not
clearly defined
Closer (last 30 seconds): wrap up and state your main idea clearly and inspirationally 3 /5
**give us something to think about or some action to take
Dont discriminate? Give a clearer explanation for why we should do this
whats the reason?
Vocabulary Usage: Simple, natural, easy to understand. If difficult words are used, the speaker explains them 2 /5
Very tough academic words! If you use such words, youll lose your audience.
Simplifyy/explain new words
Grammar: Grammar is correct, simple & clear 3 /5
Too many Complex sentences. This is a speech not an essay. Use sentences with
fewer than 10 words each
Voice Inflection: clear emotion, strong intonation, charisma 3 /5
Your voice was clear with some inflection, but you need to add more pauses in
your sentences. Every 5-7 word phrase, pause so the audience can catch up
with you

Gestures/Eye Contact/Posture: connecting to audience 3 /5

Your focus was too much on memoryso your engagement was somewhat
limited

ELI5: Speakers speech is easy to understand, speaking slowly, small pauses between phrases 2 /5
Too complicated! Simplify!
Memorized: Speaker doesn't use notes, speaks with confidence and memorization is complete 7 /10
If you spend a bit more time practicing, your engagement with the audience
would be more intenseyour energy was spent on trying to remember a lot of
difficult sentences, so the audience couldn't understand so clearly

Time: 2:40 Total speaking score: 29 /50

Total writing score: 50 /50

Notes:
You chose a rich and interesting topic, but your speech sounded too much like an
essaylong sentences, complex grammar, and in depth explanation. With essays, we
can reread to understand fully. In a speech, you need more simplicity, and more
stories and examples to keep your audience engaged. In your next speech, truly
consider the ELI5 concept and don't try to be too academic. Your ideas are good and
worth hearing. Don't alienate your audience by speaking about too complicated
things!