Copyright ..........................................................................................................................

3
Dedication .........................................................................................................................4
Foreword ...........................................................................................................................5

Jenny............................................................................6
The Next Day ..............................................................13
Charlie .......................................................................20
The Plane ...................................................................29
The Train ...................................................................36
The Automobile .........................................................45
Durban, Finally ..........................................................54
The Assassination ......................................................63
Invited to the Party ....................................................73
The Party ....................................................................81
Back to the Party .......................................................90
Motel Surprise ...........................................................99
The Kickass Car Chase Scene ..................................108
The Interrogation .....................................................116
Getting Down to Business ........................................125
The Assault ...............................................................133
Javier ........................................................................138
The Actual Assault ...................................................148
Now Its Personal .....................................................159
The Final Chapter ....................................................168
The Wrap-Up ...........................................................174
Epilogue ....................................................................177
Copyright

Please dont steal my shit.

Dedication

Dedicated to all my homies in the 4320.

Foreword

I wrote this book to help bring to light the ongoing struggle of the Shabli rebels in
southern Turkmenistan. In an attempt to make their involvement look innocent, The United
States government has been doing their best to keep the atrocities of the Punaki government
under-wraps. In reality, the Navy Marine Sniper Core has been laying waste to the freedom
fighters in the province, and have done nothing but propagate the interior leadership of the
war torn region. Since Turkmenistan has abundant natural resources, including but not
limited to: oil, phosphate, and sugarcane, it is plain to see why the United States would have
such an interest in the territory.

This book will not only help to shed light on the heroic actions of, Richard Powers, but
it will also give you the necessary suspicions to allow you to make informed conspiracy
theories. It is our duty as citizens of the world to question our government, to question our
news outlets, and to question whether or not you should have purchased this book. At the
end of the day, the only person you can trust is nobody.

Question Everyone. Question Everything. Question Yourself.

Chapter 1

Jenny
PJ McNutleys was my favorite watering hole. It was quiet, dark, and the only patrons
were the regulars. It was the perfect place for me to drink away the memories. Frank, the
barkeep, knew what I liked, raspberry Smirnoff with a dope ass curly straw. Every time I
came in, which was basically every night, he had a bottle waiting. Frank and I didnt talk.
We had an unspoken agreement that we didnt need to speak. I wasnt there for a
sympathetic ear. I was there to try and forget the past, forget her, forget what Id done. I sat
at the bar in the darkest end of the room. No one bothered me, and I appreciated that. I was
perfectly happy sitting there alone and drinking myself to death. Yeah I knew other people
had things much worse than I did (starving kids in Africa and shit), but it was my life, and I
was ready for it to be over. All the regulars at the bar accepted that, and then came Jenny.

It was a Thursday night in August or something, and when I got to McNutleys I

immediately could tell something was off. Like the time Frank re-upholstered the bar stools,
but this time was different, he hadnt. I walked up to the bar and sat on my regular stool.
Frank walked up and put a glass with ice in front of me and poured two fingers of Smirnoff
into it. What the hell is that? I asked Frank angrily because he had made me break our
unspoken rule by speaking.

Sorry, Dick. Some lady is here from the state liquor board, gotta use glasses. Clean
glasses even.

That was just like our government. They always think they know whats best for us, at
least when it comes to our private lives. Come war time youre expendable. Send me to the
middle of Afghanistan to assassinate Jir Hadd by myself, no big deal, want to polish off a
bottle of booze at a bar, it better come in a glass. Damn commies.

I took a sip of my drink. The ice diluted the sweet taste of raspberries and rubbing
alcohol; I nearly spit it back out. I hated this country. When I saw this state department
lady, I was gonna give her a piece of my mind, or more likely I would stare at the counter and
keep drinking quietly, internally saying all the things I wouldve liked to say to her, or our
precious president.

I retired from Black Ops Special Forces Army after my wife, Sarah, died. My son,
Harry, had refused to speak with me after her death. He even hired a surrogate to bring an
iPad to her funeral and FaceTime with other relatives, just to avoid me. When I tried to
speak with him, his surrogate kicked me in the nuts. That was life though. I was never there
for him when he was growing up, I was too busy kicking ass and taking names in the service.
I left him with his mother, only coming home to catch a little league game here or there. She
was a baker, and she was damn good, but it turned out that the flour she baked with was
laced with a preservative that caused cancer, put in by the government for farm subsidies or
some shit. It was too late when they found it; she had less than a week to live. Harry was not
only pissed off at me for not being around while he grew up, but since I had technically
worked for the government, he blamed me for Sarahs death as well. I tried to tell him I
didnt know they put that stuff in wheat, I thought it was just in corn, which is why I never let
her bake corn bread, but try telling that to a kid in their twenties, the little dickens didnt
want to hear a word I said. He even began using his mothers maiden name, Stein, instead of
the family name, that stung the most.

I motioned for Frank to pour me another drink. He came over and started pouring
just as some woman sat down next to me, Ill take a whiskey, neat, she said to him. Frank
looked confused, probably because he thought she was from the liquor board, but poured her
a drink anyways. Im, Jenny, she said looking at me like I was supposed to care. I just
nodded and looked back down at my drink. I assume you have a name too. I just kept
staring at my drink.

Dick. His name is, Dick, Frank answered her. That son of a bitch.

Well, Dick, what are you drinking? I held up my drink to show her. This, I was
drinking this. What did it look like I was drinking?

Hes drinking raspberry Smirnoff, Frank answered again. Dammit Frank. Maybe I
hadn't made our unspoken rule clear enough. Its not just him I didnt want to talk to, it was
anyone, but I guess it probably didnt help that I didnt speak to him about it.

Well his next one is on me. Frank nodded and went off to tend other parts of the
bar. So, Jenny looked at me, do you come here often?

Im not sure why a state liquor inspector wants to talk to me, but I just want to be left
alone, I replied.

Oh Im not with the state. I just say that so bartenders wont hit on me. She was a
looker, Ill give her that. She had blonde hair, perfect smile, and nice boobs, but it was still
pretty presumptuous that every bartender would want to hit on her.

Clever, I said.

We sat there in an awkward silence for a few minutes. The entire time I was hoping
she would get bored and walk away. She didnt. In fact, this is where things start to get
interesting. Look Im going to level with you, Dick. I know who you are. Ex-Green Beret,
first in his class at West Point, 87 confirmed kills in Afghanistan, friggin eight time Medal of
Honor recipient. I could go on.

I wish you wouldnt, I said. This wasnt the first time someone had figured out who
I was, and then asked for my help with some sort of cockamamie mission to save the world.
They would usually start with a lame ass plea about a family member in trouble. Almost
always something about them being used by an evil militia that wants to either take over or
destroy the world. Id hear them out for a bit, decline the request, and try to get on with my
day. Then they would make it personal. They would say something like, Do it for your son,
or, Your wife wouldve wanted you too, and thats when Id cave. Not this time though. I
was going to stand strong against her. She may have been gorgeous, and a possible love
interest, but I wasnt falling for it again.

The other lackeys at this bar might not know who you are, but I do, and I need your
help.

Just as I had thought. What was it this time? Kidnapped kid or business partner
turned evil? I bet my money on kidnapped kid. I kept my eyes on my drink and said, Im
not the helping kind. At this point she was in absolute defiance of my no speaking rule, and
it made me sick.

Jenny pulled out a picture from her purse, some dopey ass looking kid. This is my
son, Henry. Hes like the best in the world at math and science, very smart kid. He was
kidnapped by an underground syndicate. They want to use his genius to build weapons or
make new energy options, maybe even take over the world. I know you can find it in your
heart to help me. Please, Dick. She leaned over showing off a nice bit of her cleavage, but I
was going to hold strong, I wasnt getting dragged into another world saving mission.

Call the police.

Ive tried calling the police, they wont help me.

Well then, I guess I have something in common with them.

Imagine it was your son, she began, but I interrupted.

Im going to stop you right there. You dont know anything about me. If you did, you
wouldnt be speaking to me right now.

I know your wife died. I know your son blames you for it, and now he wont talk to

I interrupted again, I think Ive heard enough. Frank came back over and refilled
my drink. I held it up to her, Thanks for the drink.
 Jenny looked at me all pissed off and slammed her whiskey back. She tossed some
money on the counter and started heading for the exit but turned around after a few steps,
You may not care about your life anymore, but Im sure you would care about your
grandsons.

I rushed over and grabbed her by the arm. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked,
What did you say? She had me hooked.

You have a grandson, hes two.

Bullshit. She pulled out a picture of my son with his son and wife, I took it from her.
Whered you get this?

Hes on social media, Dick. Havent you tried looking him up?

He made it very clear the last time I saw him that he wants nothing to do with
me. (Remember the kick in the nuts?)

Saving Henry would sure go a long way in restoring your relationship with him. He
needs to see you as the hero you are, not this drunken mess of a man, she said.

I dont think that will make a difference, I said.

Even though Harrys not military, whatever this syndicate wants with Henry could
have real life consequences for him and his family, Jenny said. Just imagine if they make a
weapon that gets into the hands of terrorists.

They already have plenty of weapons, whats one more?

Dammit, Dick! Dont you want to leave the world a little safer for your son and his
family? she asked.

Harry hated me, and rightfully so, but I still loved the little scamp, and maybe Jenny
was right. If I felt like I was ready to leave this world, I could at least leave it a little safer for
him. Ive been out of the game for a long time, baby.

But youre the, Dick Powers, she said, putting her hand on my shoulder and looking
at me with her pouty blue eyes. You dont have to decide right now, but this is very time
sensitive. She handed me her card. Please call me as soon as possible. Then she turned
away and walked out of the bar. I grabbed the bottle of Smirnoff from behind the counter
and slugged it back.

I went home to find my cat, Mr. Whiskers, had puked in the corner of my study. That
little bastard. He likes to hide little piles of barf around the house. I was convinced it was
his retaliation for me taking him to the vet to have his balls removed. If he hadnt knocked
up the neighbor cat three times I wouldve let him keep his manhood, but a players gonna
play. He sat in the corner, smugly watching me as I cleaned up his regurgitated kitty food. It
almost looked like he was quietly giggling to himself. I sat down at my desk and pulled out
the picture of my sons family from my jacket. Mr. Whiskers jumped up on my lap and
started pawing at it. He was Sarahs cat but he had been Harrys best friend while growing
up. I assumed he had left him with me because he reminded him too much of his mother,
but Mr. Whiskers was also getting along in the years, so maybe he couldnt handle the
thought of him dying too.

I got up from my desk and went over to my bookcase. I pulled back on my copy of
Moby Dick, which was actually the trigger to open my secret war room (I never worried
about someone stumbling across my war room, because no one would read that garbage).
My war room was stacked to the ceiling with ammo, guns, grenades, bazookas, and all sorts
of fun spy tech stuff. I figured if there was ever a civil war I could supply my own militia, but
lately the stuff had just been gathering dust. I went to my military jacket that was hanging
on the wall. It was covered with all sorts of dope flair from the military. Purple hearts,
medals of honor, you name it I had it. I remembered what it was like to serve when I
believed in this country, when I had something to fight for. Jenny was right, I did still have
something to fight for. I picked up my phone and dialed Jennys number from the card. It
went straight to voicemail. I started to leave a message, Hey Jenny this is, Dick, from the
bar. Give me a call or whatever if you still want me to save your son and, I paused, I had an
incoming call from, Jenny. Well it looks like you're trying to call me now, so I guess talk to
you soon. I hate voicemails.

Dick, sorry I missed your call, Jenny said as I answered the phone.

Its alright, I figured you were taking a shit or something.

Uh right. Well what did you decide?

Meet me at the park street promenade at 0700.

Thank, God. Where is that? Can you give me directions?

Well I guess that depends on where youre staying.

Im at, The Hilton.

I dont know where that is.

On 3rd Ave.

Doesnt help me much.

Just past the McDonalds.

 There are like 300 in this city.

Its the nice one, with the play park. I took a deep breath, and let out a frustrated
grunting noise. You know what, dont worry. Ill just ask the concierge or google it or
something. Should I bring anything? Do you like coffee?

Just be there, I said as I hung up the phone. I went over to one of my gun cases and
pulled out my Glock 18. I held it in my hands. It felt good.
Chapter 2

The Next Day

I arrived at the promenade at precisely 0700. I scanned the crowd for Jenny but
couldnt pick her out. Traffic had been rough that morning, but that was no reason for her to
be late to our meeting. Just get up three hours early and check the traffic reports like I do,
its not that hard. I found it interesting that she was so worried about her son, but didnt
seem to be in any hurry for us to get his rescue operation underway. I thought that maybe
this was all some big scam. Maybe, her son hadnt really been kidnapped and this was just
some pathetic ruse. Maybe she was luring me into some sort of trap.

Hey, Dick. I turned around to see Jenny dressed in all black and wearing a hoodie.

Why are you dressed like that?

Im undercover. Its dangerous for me to be outside right now.

You werent dressed like that last night at the bar.

That was inside, dummy, she said. I have to admit, she had me there.

We took a seat at one of the tables. Lets get down to business. What do you know
about your sons captors? Where are they located? Who do they work for? Any specifics on
what they look like?

Theyre in Africa, she replied. I stared at her waiting for more. Somewhere in
Africa, she said, tapping her nails on the table. I looked at her like she was dumb, and she
replied to me like I was dumb, You know, big continent across the Atlantic?

Yes, a rather large continent.

Second only to Asia.

Well lets be glad they didnt take him there!

Are you getting smart with me? My son has been kidnapped by ruthless thugs and
criminals, and youre being a dick, Dick.

Well its hard to start a search for your son only knowing that he is somewhere in
Africa!

Fine, here, Jenny said, then handed me a crumpled up piece of paper. This was in
my sons room after he was taken. Its a travel itinerary.
 Huh, terrorists fly Delta then.

Look at the destination, Dick.

King Shaka International Airport.

Thats in Africa, she said smugly.

And a totally kickass airport name. I wish we named our airports something cool like
that. The closest thing we have is, King Salmon, in Alaska, and I dont think there was
actually a King Salmon, Im pretty sure thats a fish.

Jenny looked at me like I was dumb. Please, Dick, now is not the time.

Of course. I straightened up a bit. Thats in Durban, South Africa.

Yeah, but theres no telling if thats where he still is.

But its a start. So you werent home for the attack? Why do you think your son was
taken, and not just traveling to South Africa on a whim?

His room was a mess, and it wasnt just the usual skid stained undies on the floor.
His night stand was knocked over and there was a hole in the drywall. It looked like there
had been a struggle, there was blood on the carpet and Jenny began to cry.

I didnt know what to do, so I just kind of patted her on the back and said, There,
there.

She sniffled a bit. Hes never been away from me for this long. One summer I
convinced him to try camp, but after I dropped him off he called me an hour later to pick him
up. Hes a special boy.

In my mind I thought this kid was a pussy, but I figured that would be an incentive
thing to say so I just repeated, There, there.

She put her head on my shoulder and blubbered some more, You just have to find
him. He needs me.

I looked at my coat which had snot all over the sleeve, but I tried to stay cool, Youve
got to have something else for me to go here.

Henry told me the other day that he thought someone was following him.

Did he say what they looked like?

One had a scar on his face.

 Im not sure youre understanding what information I need.

The other had a thick accent.

So he talked to them?

No, he overheard them talking behind him.

About what?

I dont know, he didnt say.

What kind of accent was it?

She shrugged her shoulders, South African?

What are you not telling me? You have to know more or I have no chance of finding
your son.

My son, his backpack was missing, he must have it with him, its black.

At this point I was getting pretty irritated with the whole situation, so I stood up and
rubbed my temples to try and calm myself down. Scar face guy and accent guy in South
Africa is not much to go on.

And the backpack

That doesnt help!

Its all I have.

Well then you have nothing, I told her. I couldnt help someone with so little
information, and I needed to get my jacket dry cleaned before the snot set-in, so I turned to
walk away, but Jenny reached out and grabbed me.

Please, remember your grandson.

That doesnt change the fact that you have nothing for me to go on!

I told you where he is!

You told me where he might be!

But its a start! she yelled.

This woman was insane. How did she expect me to find her son with the information
she had given me? It was like trying to find a missing person in South Africa with nothing to
go on but a couple dudes with a scar and an accent. Oh wait, thats exactly what it was. Im
just not sure I can help you, I said.

Here, take this picture of my son. She handed me a photo. Dont you have
someone you can contact? See if his face has been picked up by a camera anywhere?

How do you know about, Charlie?

I didnt, I just assumed you had a guy. All the good mercs do. Wont you please call
him? She stared at me with big puppy dog eyes.

Son of a bitch. She was actually gonna make me call Charlie. I hated calling Charlie.
He always wanted to hang out or something after he got me intel. I didnt want to go to a
speed dating clinic at Applebees, or to his moms house for dinner, or on a blind date with his
sister. I just wanted to use him when it benefited me. I shouldnt have been surprised
though; a phone call to Charlie is usually where all of this starts, so I committed, Fine, but
Im not making any guarantees. Its a one in a billion chance that I can find your son.

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! Jenny kissed me on the cheek. It felt good.
Plus her boobs kinda squished against me when she did it, which was a bonus.

Here, take this. I handed Jenny one of the burner phones from my war room.
Only contact me with this phone. If you hear from your son, you let me know immediately.

Will do.

And if you suspect someone is following you, call this number. I handed her a card
with a number scribbled on it.

This says 9-1-1.

Well yeah, Im going to be in South Africa. I cant do much good from there.

Fair enough.

Now this is the most important part. I lowered my voice and leaned in close to her,
Dont trust anyone. Especially people who say they are my friend. I dont have any friends.

What about Jimmy at the bar? You guys seemed pretty chummy.

Jimmy is not my friend! I yelled, which attracted some attention from the others in
the promenade. I lowered my voice again, Jimmy is not my friend, he provides a service,
and he usually keeps his big mouth shut.

Alright fine, I got it. No need to blow a gasket.

 Stay at home as much as possible. Only go out for necessities.

What if the kidnappers come for me?

They wont, youre not smart.

Excuse me?

They took your son because hes a genius. You are not a genius so you're safe.

You dont talk to people often do you?

Just stay home, and stay safe. I need to go contact my guy.

Thank you again, Dick. Please keep me up to date on anything you find out about,
Henry.

I nodded and left the promenade. I could tell that Jenny kept her eyes on me the
entire time I walked away. She was totally into me. It had been some years since my wife
died, and these sorts of missions usually brought along some kind of romantic involvement
with them. Maybe she was gonna be my, Bond Girl.

It was a nice morning, so I decided to skip the cab and walk home to contact, Charlie.
I only lived a couple miles away, and I thought it would be a nice way to start reconditioning
my muscles for the upcoming battles. As I got closer to my home, I noticed that someone
was following me. I didn't recognize him, and I didnt see a scar on his face, but it still made
me uneasy. He was taking every turn I took while keeping a safe following distance. I
decided to duck into the next alley and surprise him with a friendly little karate move I was
taught by a sensei in the mountains of, Tibet. As he passed the alleyway I jumped out and
kicked him square in the nuts.

Dammit, Dick! Whatd you do that for?! the man said clutching his more than likely
shattered testicles.

How do you know my name?! I screamed at him while grabbing him by the collar.

Im your neighbor, asshole, he managed to choke out.

Thats when I realized it was Bill, from next door. Hed lost a lot of weight and was
looking very sharp. Youll have to excuse me, Bill. Cat-like reflexes and all.

Bill started puking. Its alright, Dick, he said between fits of vomit.

So do you need an ambulance or? I asked looking down at my watch. I was a little
impatient since I needed to contact Charlie right away so he could do some recon work on
Henry for me.
 I think Ill be alright. Just need a few minutes to catch my breath.

Tell Linda I said hello, I told Bill as I began walking again. Bill was a pretty good
guy. His wife had brought over banana bread after my wife had passed. I hated the stuff, so
I fed it to Mr. Whiskers, who I then found out is allergic to bananas. He started crop dusting
around the house so I locked him in the bathroom with a dish of Pepto overnight, and the
next morning, he was fit as a fiddle. Little guy was a trooper, but he did shit all over the
bathroom. I didnt understand why he couldnt just pick a corner, but in all fairness I had
accidentally poisoned him, so maybe he was anger shitting.

When I got home I went for my little black book that I stored in my desk. Mr.
Whiskers was farting around the house, a bit confused to see me mulling around so early
without a drink in my hand. I needed to call Charlie, but I also needed to figure out who
would take care of Mr. Whiskers while I was away. I couldnt just leave him alone for a week.
Plus I didnt know if I was coming back in a coach or a bodybag. I couldnt ask Charlie, he
could barely take care of himself, let alone another living creature. Bill the next door
neighbor was allergic to cats, and possibly in need of medical attention, but he was really my
only option since I didnt have any friends. I figured I would just drop Mr. Whiskers off at
his place later when I left for the airport. Besides, Bill still owed me for that one time I
watered his flowers while he was on vacation. He claimed that pissing in his pots when I got
home from the bar every night didnt count, but we had a difference of opinion when it came
to horticulture. Now I had to call, Charlie, and I hated calling, Charlie.
Chapter 3

Charlie
Any mercenary worth his or her weight (mostly his, almost always his) has a go-to guy
he can call for tech gadgets and surveillance. I was no different, but unfortunately my guy
was Charlie. I mean, he was a nice enough dude, but I liked to keep my work and personal
life separate. I wasnt looking for a buddy to hang out with, go to ball games with, or go see a
movie with. I just needed a guy who was the best at tracking down targets and who could
provide me with slick gear to be all stealth and shit; and Charlie was the best around.

I dialed up Charlie, hoping he would keep the call strictly to business. I could only
pray that I would be so lucky. Charlie picked up after one ring, Hey, Dick! How are you
man?!

Im fine, Charlie.

Thats great! Hey I was just about to hit up this little diner for some b-fast. Care to
join? We can talk shop, reminisce about old times, itd be really fun!

This is really just a business call, Charlie. I told you this guy was a piece of work.
We served in the 101st airborne together and I had to save his ass on multiple occasions. He
clung to me like a lost little kitty, and always insisted that we did everything together. Of
course back then I wasnt as jaded as I am now, and a little more likely to take Charlie up on
his offers.

Oh no shit huh? You back in the game? I haven't heard from you since the last time
you needed my help. Are you getting my email forwards?

I dont have email, Charlie. You know I hate that tech stuff. Charlie had set me up
an account some years ago, but his incessant forwarding of cute cat pics and conspiracy
theory propaganda had made me delete it.

Ive got some crazy stuff to talk to you about. Charlie started to whisper, So it turns
out that the moon landing was real, but Pearl Harbor was all left wing propaganda. Ive got a
book I could lend you, its all about

Charlie, please! I just need your help locating someone in South Africa.

Oh, I see. I guess I shouldve known. You only ever call when you need something,
Charlie said all pouty. And dont think that I dont know when youre ignoring my texts, I
can see everything in the digital world.
 Do me this solid and I promise we will hang out when I get back.

Huh, where have I heard that before?

I went to your birthday party last time!

You walked by the restaurant and waved! I wouldnt even call that making an
appearance!

You know I hate, TGI Fridays!

You couldve joined us after for drinks!

I dont have time for this! Maybe Ill just call Jeffrey, I said, knowing that it would
set Charlie off. Jeffrey was another tech guy in town, but he was shit; half the guys that used
him ended up getting caught or killed.

You wouldnt.

Hes pretty good at this stuff too.

Jeffrey is a hack!

Yeah well, I think I might just give him a call here real quick.

Fine, Ill help! But you still gotta hang out with me after this is all over.

Alright, but I choose the place.

Deal!

I need you to look up information on a Henry

Shhhhh! Not over the phone.

We always do business over the phone.

Yeah, but I think my line has been tapped this time. The Feds know that I have been
looking into the Whitewater scandal.

That was like twenty years ago.

But still unsolved.

Dammit, Charlie! I need this information!

Then come over! Ill text you my address.

 At this point I was tired of arguing, and I really didnt want to work with Jeffrey, so I
agreed. Okay, but seriously, just business.

Yeah man! Whatever you say! You take coffee with your eggs and bacon?

Just business.

Alright, alright. Im sending you the info now. See you in 20. I hung up the phone
right as I received Charlies text message, 115 N. 5th St ;) lol. Oh geez.

I have an old 67 Camaro sitting in my garage, but since I had basically totaled it
during my last mission, I relied on taxis and to get me around town. I was in no hurry to fix
up the Camaro, since PJ McNutleys was within walking distance from my house and I could
order anything I wanted directly to my home, driving just seemed unnecessary. Someday Id
get back around to fixing her up, but for now it just sat wasting away in my garage, willed to
my son when I die, if he'd even want it. I doubt hed even attend my funeral. I called up a
taxi place and when it arrived, I headed to, Charlies.

About a half hour later, I rolled up to Charlies place. I walked up to the door, and
before I even had a chance to knock, he opened the door. He looked both ways and asked,
You weren't followed were you?

Just let me in, I said as I pushed my way past him and walked inside.

Sorry, I just have to be extra careful right now. I can feel the eyes and ears of big
brother tracking my every move.

No one cares that youre looking into a 30 year old closed case.

Its not just that. He leaned in close to my ear. Ive been forging Pizza Hut
coupons. I try to spread them out between the three that deliver to me, but Tony from the
Northside Hut; I think hes on to me.

Please dont ever get that close to me again.

I make no promises, he whispered in my ear. So what can your old pal Chuck do
for you today? He led me into his command center of sorts. I would try and explain his set-
up to you, but I had no clue what I was looking at. Its got boxes with wires, a computer, a
monitor, and I think a printer buried somewhere in the corner. None of this actually
interested me. I enjoyed his workshop much more. Charlie can develop some of the most
high tech gadgets using just everyday household items. Hes one of the smartest people I
know.

I need your help locating someone, and just to be upfront, I have very little
information on the person.
 Give me a name and rough location and I got you, bro.

His name is Henry, and he is somewhere in South Africa I think.

Come on, Dick. Im good but not that good.

I also have a picture of him. I hand the picture over to Charlie.

Getting warmer here. Alright, whats his last name. It was at that point that I
realized I didnt know his last name.

I don't know.

Can you find out?

Well I guess. Can't you just do without it?

Finding a Henry in South Africa is going to be hard enough, it could take weeks if
thats all I have to go on.

Fine, Ill call Jenny.

Oooooh! Jenny, eh? Youre finally getting back out there! Good for you, its been a
long time Dick and I was starting to worry about you.

Shes just the client.

Mm hm.

I shushed him so I could call Jenny and quickly ask her what her last name was. It
went straight to voicemail. Youve got to be kidding me. Hey this is Dick. The guy from the
bar and the promenade. I need to know your last name so I can She was on call waiting.
Oh for crying out, youre calling me on the other line. I answered the call.

Hello? Dick?

Do you ever answer your phone?

Sorry! Im not used to having two phones.

I just need to know your last name.

OBrien.

Its OBrien, Henry OBrien I told Charlie.

Hey thats my last name! Charlie said. Ask her if she knows, Clint.

Im not asking if she knows, Clint.

 Yeah I know, Clint! He cuts my dads hair down on, Wabash, Jenny said loudly
enough that Charlie could hear her through the phone.

No, I dont think Clint works there. Last I heard he was working at the mall, Charlie
yelled at the phone.

He moved to his own shop about two months ago. Got tired of the corporate cronies
always coming in the store telling him to cut faster and stuff, she said.

He never was one for the corporate gig thats for sure! Charlie said.

Enough! I yelled to the both of them. Thank you for the information, Jenny, please
keep your phone on.

Will do, she replied.

Say hi to Clint from Charlie if you see him before me! Charlie yelled at her as I
snapped the phone shut.

Okay, what can you do now with the full name, rough location, and picture?

It would really help if I had his middle name as well.

I glared at Charlie. Im not calling her back.

Alright, I think I can make this work. Charlie scanned the picture of Henry into his
computer, he then added it, and the name Henry OBrien, to his search on the international
closed circuit tv database or whatever. Apparently only the leaders of the world are
supposed to have access to this site, but thats just how good Charlie was. This could take a
few minutes. Wanna grab a bite?

No.

I could order something in, my treat!

Can we please just move on?

You know what, Dick? Im getting a little tired of you asking for my help and then
leaving once you get the goods. Im not some sort of reasonably priced hooker you know.
You cant just leave the money on the dresser and not expect to see me in the morning.
Charlie looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet.

Im sorry, Charlie. I put my hand on his shoulder. Its just been tough since Sarah
died, Im not myself. He put his hand on my hand, I rolled my eyes. I promise we will
hang out once this is all over.
 You mean it?

Yes.

DING!

Looks like weve found a match! Charlie quickly hopped back on the computer and
started reading the info. It would seem that a camera caught Henry walking out of a
McDonalds in Durban, South Africa.

So he is in, Durban.

There is a guy close by him; got a nasty scar on his face. I leaned in to take a closer
look. It was definitely Henry, and that mustve been scar face guy.

Thanks for the help, Charlie. I gotta run home to grab my gear. It sounds like I gotta
find a way to get to Durban with a full bag of weapons and ammo.

Ive chartered a private plane for you. No questions asked type of thing.

Well shoot, howd you manage that?

Lets just say I called in a very high profile favor.

Please tell me you're not hacking for the Chinese government again.

Okay, I wont. Now, youre plane will be ready in four hours, which is just enough
time to take a trip to candy land.

I thought youd never ask.

I followed Charlie to his workshop, he had made some definite improvements.

Everything was clean and organized, he had giant tool chests full of the best equipment, and
his own weapon testing range now. It was almost enough to bring a man to tears.

Ive got some new gear for you to look at, some really dope shit. I rubbed my hands
together in anticipation.

Charlie handed me a black disc, about the size of a quarter. What is this? I asked.

Stun grenade; silent, smokeless, flash-less. Its a thing of beauty. I threw it at the
ground before Charlie had a chance to stop me. No dont!

REEEEEEEEEEE!

Works great! I screamed at the wall. How long does it last? I looked around for
Charlie and spotted him just in time to see him trip over a table of gear, I laughed. These
little stun grenade things Charlie had cooked up really packed a punch. About three minutes
later the ringing stopped and Charlie smacked me on the back of the head.

No testing unless youre in the testing area!

What??

NO TESTING UNLESS YOURE IN THE

Im just messing with you, I can hear fine.

I dont know why I work with you.

Ill take 20, what else you got?

Here. He handed me a canister.

Whats this? Some sort of smoke grenade or something? I reached for the pin on
the top to pull it, but Charlie stopped me.

Please dont, he said, so I pulled back. That little canister contains enough
explosives to take out a city block.

So pull the pin and chuck it?

Not unless you plan on throwing it 500 yards, (Apparently he had forgotten that I
was an all-state quarterback in high school). Its designed to hold a large amount of
explosives to be spread out around a building, not for one blown load. When you pop the
cap, youll have 15 different small chargers, and the cap will become the detonator. You set
the charges how you see fit, and then press the button when youre a safe distance.

Cool, Ill take a dozen.

Youll take one. This is a highly concentrated explosive device. If you drop it, after
you crack the seal, it will blow you to the next dimension.

Gotcha.

Obviously youll be wanting the usual ration packs and instant camp site boxes.

Of course.

And some of my mini grenades, both smoke and boom boom.

Absolutely.

The last thing I will set you up with is my pocket size grappling hook. It has 50 feet
of cable and can hold 300 pounds.
 Hey thanks man, Ill hit you up when I get back. I owe you.

Yes you do. Now, I have a few contacts down in South Africa, so if you run into any
problems, call me. Ill get you hooked up.

Will do.

Alright now, get outta here! Youve got a plane to catch! Charlie slapped me on the
ass as I left the room.

When I got home, I packed a couple duffles full of guns and ammo. I grabbed my fake
passport and about twenty grand in South African Rands. I always kept at least twenty
grand in each of the worlds currencies available at anytime. You never know where you
gotta go when shit hits the fan. I dropped off Mr. Whiskers at Bills place, who was icing his
balls on the couch, and hopped in a cab to the airport.
Chapter 4

The Plane
I arrived at the airport about thirty minutes later, only to realize that I probably
should have gone to the private air strip on the other side of town. So I got back in the cab
and in about an hour I was at the correct airport. After wandering around for another twenty
minutes looking for my private jet, I finally decided to ask someone where I was supposed to
go. Of course I didnt have any information to go on besides my name and destination, so I
ended up having to call, Charlie. The conversation we had that shouldve lasted ten seconds,
lasted ten minutes, and after Charlie had finished making reservations for our dinner after I
returned from South Africa, I made my way to hanger ten.

As I entered the hanger my suspicions were confirmed, it was the Chinese. Its not
that I have anything against the people of the fine nation of China, its just that Charlie didnt
exactly have the best track record when it came to working with Asian governments, or
European governments, or South American governments, or any governments really.
(Remind me to tell you the story about how he got to the number one spot on the Canadian
most wanted list.)

I was greeted by a pair of lovely stewardesses who attempted to take my belongings

and stow them, but I wasn't having it. After a bit of a struggle, the pilot finally came over and
told the ladies to let me keep my stuff. I think he could tell from my physique that I was a
fourth degree black belt in jiu jitsu, and in order to get my gear, he wouldve had to pry it
from my cold dead hands.

I boarded the plane and took my seat. A well-dressed man came up to me and
introduced himself, N ho, w jio zhng wi. Which roughly translated to, Hello, my
name is Zhang Wei.

Now before I continue on with my story, I want to take a minute to explain something
to you. I have let you in on a lot of my personal life, which makes me uncomfortable. Its not
you, its just that I always feel that the less people know about me, the better; but in order for
you to follow along with the rest of my heroic tale, youve got to know a few more things
about me. I speak some twenty-seven different languages. I won't tell you all of them, I
mean I gotta play a bit of this close to the chest, but I will tell you I speak Mandarin, the
official language of, China. So as I tell you about the conversations I had with the Chinese
people on this plane, most of it was originally in Mandarin; and since I assume that you were
raised in the public school system, and dont speak any languages other than English, I am
going to skip the translating and write what was said in English. Trust me, I dont want to
waste my time writing it all out, and I dont want you to waste your time having to fumble
through a copy and paste scenario with Google Translate. Youre welcome.

So the guy came up to me and said, Hello, my name is Zhang Wei.

Hello, Im Dick.

Of course. We were chartered by your handsome friend, Charlie, specifically for

you.

Hes not my friend.

He told us that you were his best friend.

We know each other from the army.

Oh! But he is handsome?

I guess, if youre into that sort of thing.

I think he looks very soft. Is he soft?

I wouldnt know.

So you two are not

Please, can we just move on.

Of course. Forgive me. Its just the way he talks about you made me think

No. Hes just my tech guy.

Okay, good good. We made awkward eye contact for a few seconds until Zhang Wei
continued, So, I am your concierge for your journey to South Africa. If you need something
you can ask me, or either of the stewardesses.

Thanks.

May I ask why you are traveling to, Durban?

No.

Im sorry. Im just trying to make some polite conversation.

And Im just looking for a ride.

 Well we are more than happy to accommodate for a friend of, handsome Charlies.
We will be taking off shortly. I will have a stewardess bring by a hot towel and a whiskey for
you.

Raspberry Smirnoff. No ice.

Very well, sir. The guy bowed and walked off.

The stewardess brought me over my drink, without a little umbrella, but I choked it
down anyways. As the plane took off, I took out my notebook and started to plan some of the
more specific details of my mission.

Back in the Navy I had flown missions over South Africa dozens of times, but the only
time I had spent on the ground there was a weekend of shore leave in 95, and to be perfectly
honest, I dont remember much about that, if you know what I mean. I got terrible food
poisoning from the local Dennys and was in bed all weekend with horrible diarrhea and very
graphic hallucinations. Anyways, during my time in the military I had become comfortable
visiting places that I had never been before. It was partly due to my outgoing nature and
partly due to me knowing some thirty-seven different languages. If I had one piece of advice
for people visiting a foreign country it would be to learn the language beforehand. It will
make it much easier to communicate with the locals and it can also be fun to act like you
dont know and listen in on their conversations about you.

I figured the best place to start would be that restaurant where Henry and scar face
guy were picked up on the closed circuit camera thing. That photo was only a few days old so
they might be close by. Unless they picked up and moved their operation completely, which
in that case, I would be screwed. But if I know one thing about mercenaries, and trust me I
know a lot about mercenaries, they hate moving. I mean dont even bother asking if they will
help you move out of your studio apartment into your girlfriends place. They always say
they are sick or have an assassination to attempt. Typical mercs. Thats why they always
have one super secret base that would cost a fortune to move. They never keep things in like
a roaming trailer, some easy to take down party tents, or anything that would keep them
more mobile. Thats a good thing, for me anyways. It makes my job easier and even
somewhat realistic. If they were moving around every 24 hours or something I would never
have a chance to catch them, and it would make for an awfully lousy book.

The flight time to Durban would be around eighteen hours, and since this was a G555
or something, we wouldnt need to make any pit stops for gas or snacks. I mean it wouldve
been nice if they had stocked some Flaming Hot Cheetos, but what did I expect really? They
couldnt possibly pack every delicious Frito Lay snack product onboard this aircraft. The
good people at Frito Lay make too many fantastic products, they simply wouldnt fit. Plus
they already had a Subway Express in the back, which I took full advantage of with a
delicious Spicy Italian, deluxe style so theyd add fifty percent more meat. It was amazing.
Anyways, this bad boy was fueled up and ready to fly 10,000 plus miles, and after I had done
a few hours of preliminary planning, and ate three or four Subway sandwiches, I decided to
get a bit more comfortable and to try and get some rest. We were about eight hours from our
destination, and it was going to be a busy next few days for me. I needed to make sure that I
would be bright eyed and bushy tailed. So I unbuttoned my pants, pounded another bottle of
Raspberry Smirnoff, leaned back, and closed my eyes.

About four hours later or so, I started to hear whispers from the flight crew.
Fortunately for me I had trained myself to sleep with my eyes closed but my ears open, so I
could rest, but still hear the conversations going on around me. Some guys like to sleep with
one eye open, but that always left me tired. Plus you would need to sleep twice as long as you
normally would, mathematically speaking of course, so it made very little sense to me.
Zhang Wei was whispering something to the stewardesses like they couldn't wait any longer,
and if they were going to do it, then they needed to act now. This had obviously caught my
attention, because it seemed pretty clear that they were planning something against me.
That, or he was suggesting some sort of mile high crub with the ladies, which they would
need to do that before I woke back up. That seemed highly unlikely, since I figured with all
the handsome Charlie talk that Zhang was a dude that liked dudes. So they mustve be
talking about taking me out.

I sat in my seat, laid back, not moving a muscle. I needed them to think I was still
asleep so I would have the element of surprise working for me. Dumbass little shits.
Wouldnt they be surprised when they came over to snuff me out and I pounced on them like
a tiger. The chatter from the crew stopped, and I heard a screen coming down from the
ceiling. Like a projector screen type of thing, I mean, thats what it sounded like. Then I
heard Zhang order one of the flight attendants to call up Charlie on the big screen. After
about two rings I heard Charlie pick up the call, Hello? Who is this?

Well, well, well. Mr. Handsome Charlie.

Wei, is that you?

Ha! You wish this was Wei. In fact I am Riku, of the Japanese mafia. Or as you
might say, Yakuza!

Riku, you son of a bitch. What the hell are you doing calling me? How did you even
get this number?

All in good time Mr. Charlie. Riku laughed a bit under his breath. I sneaked a peek
and saw Charlie up on the big screen. The stewardess had the camera on Riku then swung
towards me. I quickly shut my eyes. We have your best friend, Dick, here. All comfy cozy
taking a nap. Completely helpless.

I swear, Riku, if you lay one finger on him I will

Will what, Mr. Charlie? Sell us out to the Chinese again? This time you hold all of
the cards, and I am ready to say, Uno.

What do you want?

I want the Chinese military secrets you promised us last time, before you handed
over my best men into a slaughter.

It was all Wei! I didnt want to do it!

But you did. And for what? Some chump change? We couldve had a great
partnership Mr. Charlie.

Ill get the Chinese military secrets! Just give me a couple days!

Pathetic, Charlie. You had your chance, and you failed me. Now you will watch your
friend die.

Please, no, I will do anything you want!

Riku started walking towards me, I could hear his footsteps getting closer. I want my
men back! I want my military secrets! And since you cannot provide those for me, I will take
what is precious from you. Your little boyfriend, Dick.

What? Hes not my boyfriend. I mean, did he say something about me? I always
considered us best friends, but maybe this is why he never hangs out with me. Maybe he is
too scared of his feelings for me

Enough! Now watch as your friend dies!

I heard Riku pull out a knife from its sheath, then bring it close to my neck. All while
Charlie was screaming, No, no! I love him!

It was time for me to put an end to this. I opened my eyes, Riku shit himself, and I
grabbed his arm and sliced his neck open. Blood came pouring out as he gasped for air.
You shouldve let me nap, I quipped. Not my finest one liner Ill admit, but blood was
getting all over my new jacket and I was still in a bit of shock.

Dick! You magnificent bastard! Charlie yelled over the video call.
 The stewardess dropped the camera and lunged towards me. I blocked four or five of
her first attempts to kick me in the face before I gave her a nice right hook to the jaw. She
stumbled back, but came at me for more. We exchanged some blows, but I took her down
relatively quickly with one of those nose up into the brain moves, since I wanted to make the
next couple crew members I fought a little more dramatic.

The second stewardess banged on the cockpit door to alert the pilots to my badassery.
I ran towards her, but tripped when my pants slipped around my ankles. Dammit! I yelled.
I had forgotten to button my pants up, this was going to be interesting. She saw me on the
ground and took the opportunity to kick me a few times in the ribs. She backed up for one
swift kick to my noggin but I raised my legs and her kick hit my drawers. I quickly spun
around, trapping her feet in my pants, and proceeded to stomp on her head until I saw the
life leave her eyes.

When people are trying to kill me, I dont hold anything back. I aint about to be
knocking people out, just to have them get back up and come after me again. You wanna
dance with me? You better make sure you are right by God before you do.

The cockpit door burst open and both the pilot and the co-pilot rushed out, each with
a pair of katanas. Oh this will be fun, I said as I grabbed the two highball glasses my drinks
came in and flung them at my attackers nuts; both were direct hits. They dropped to their
knees in pain. I grabbed the knife out of Riku and came down on the co-pilots head with it.
He screamed in pain as blood spurt out of the knife wound in his head. He wouldnt be a
problem anymore.

Now I was onto the pilot. He looked me in the eyes, dropped his swords, pissed
himself, and begged for his life. I was more than a little miffed about this. I had specifically
saved him for last, because I assumed he would be the most badass, but he turned out to be a
little wimp. Thats never how I like a fight to end, with a whimper. I grabbed the knife out of
the co-pilots head and stabbed him in the eye.

Now I know that may seem harsh to you, but I dont take any chances. Maybe he was
just playing bitch, and the second I let my guard down he was gonna slice my head off. He
knew what he was getting into with the Yakuza, so dont feel bad for him. I didnt.

I picked up the camera and spoke to Charlie, What the hell man?

Im so sorry! It was a deal gone wrong, I didn't think they would ever intercept you.

You might want to think a bit about the company you keep.

I will, I will. So about that whole I love you thing

 I hung up the call. This was not the time to be having any weird conversations with
my tech guy. I had just killed the entire crew of this aircraft and needed to land this beast. I
walked into the cockpit and put on the head gear. I looked at the GPS and we were about
300 miles outside of Durban. Thats cake. A couple more hours and I would be landing this
bad boy and getting on my way. I checked the dials and stuff, everything seemed to be in
order, but thats when I started thinking. What was going to happen when I landed this
thing and got out all bloodied up? I had no other choice but to bail.

I grabbed all of my gear, put on a parachute, and opened the emergency door. I was
immediately sucked out of the plane, cabin pressure and all, along with the recently deceased
crew. That was when I thought that maybe I shouldve put them in their seats or something.
It was going to be quite frightening if one of their bodies ended up falling through someones
roof or something. That was also when I thought that maybe I shouldve waited until I was
closer to Durban to jump out of the plane, instead of 300 miles out with no ride for the rest
of the way, but hindsight is 20/20.
Chapter 5

The Train
As I hung in the tree I landed in, dripping Asian blood, I sipped on the bottle of
Smirnoff that I snagged from the plane and thought about what exactly had led me here.
Without any vetting, I had accepted a mission from a woman based on her telling me that I
have a grandson, well that, and she was pretty hot. I had trusted Charlie with my travel
accommodations, not knowing that he was involved in some of beef with the Yakuza. And I
had misjudged my landing trajectory and ended up in a tree. All in all though, I felt like
things had gone pretty smoothly. The parachute harness was pretty comfy, and I would
eventually cut my self down from the tree and continue on my way, but for now I was happy
relaxing for a minute.

I thought maybe I should call Charlie to let him know that I was okay, and to see if he
had any connections to travel near my location, but after that plane flight I figured he might
not be the best option for a travel agent. I wondered what a cab would cost from here to
Durban. Didnt matter at the moment, though. I needed to focus on getting out of this tree
and figuring out where I was.

Based on when I had exited the plane, I figured I was somewhere in Botswana; and
based on the feral dogs pecking at my gear bag on the ground, I figured I was in the game
reserve. Most people dont understand that animals are far more scared of you than you are
of them, so I knew it was safe to cut myself down. I was only about ten feet in the air, an
insignificant fall for a man of my physique, and my fall/landing would more than likely scare
the stupid wild dogs away. What I didnt expect, and couldnt predict, was that I would land
on one of the dogs, and that would make the other dogs fairly angry with me. I screamed at
the little bastards, assuming they would be more scared of me than I was of them (see
above), but that did little to curb their growling and attack stances. I mustve landed on their
pack leader or something because he kind of limped off a bit then barked some orders at
them. That was when they attacked.

The first one came at me and I kicked it in the face. It looked at me, pissed, spit out a
tooth, and came at me again. This time I swept its legs and gave it a few punches in the gut.
That pretty well took the spring out of its step, and it hobbled off into the wilderness.

The other two dogs looked at each other, barking, probably doing some sort of dog
rock-paper-scissors to decide who would take a run at me next. Eventually the one on the
right started coming for me. As it lunged at me I swiftly jumped over it, grabbed it by the
tail, and flung it into a nearby tree. It definitely had the wind knocked out of it, and maybe a
minor concussion, so it kind of just wandered off aimlessly.

The final dog gave me a look, pissed itself, and ran away. I accepted its surrender.
Unlike the Yakuza pilot, this dog didnt choose to run with the wrong crowd, and if Im being
honest with myself, I was kind of being the dick here. I was the one who fell out of the tree
and landed on their boss. Realizing this, I grabbed some rations out of my bag and put them
in front of the pack leader, as some sort of an apology I guess. He got up, ate them, and gave
me a little head nod before he walked back out into the wild. Not a bad fella.

I grabbed the compass out of my bag and started heading south. I figured that, even
thought I didnt know where I was, heading south made sense. I mean, I was going to
SOUTH Africa, so worst case I would end up farther south than I needed to be and then just
head north. Looking back, and knowing where I had landed, I wish I would've went east,
since their was a train station about a three miles from my tree. I also wish I had paid more
attention on my decent, since I shouldve seen the station from the air, and possibly avoided
the tree a little better, but I have a bad habit of daydreaming when I get bored. Since I had
been a paratrooper in the Air Force for five years, skydiving was more of a chore than a thrill.
I was going to give Charlie a quick call, but I remembered that I was in the middle of
nowhere and didnt have cell service. Plus I couldnt imagine what the roaming chargers
would be if I did get a signal.

I had hoped to make it to some sort of civilization before dark, but as the sun began to
set, those hopes quickly diminished. I decided to make camp for the night. I was an Eagle
Scout back in the day, and an avid camper, so this shit was cake for me. I made a fire,
pitched a tent, and crafted a makeshift bar out of mud and some stumps to use for stools. It
was pretty slick. I poured myself some raspberry Smirnoff in a collapsable cup, and took a
seat on my stump stool.

It had been a long day, and I really just wanted to relax. I pounded down three or four
drinks while staring into the darkness. I thought about the small amount of time I had spent
with my son while he was growing up, which didnt take long, and how I hoped that word of
me saving the world might actually get around to him this time. Maybe if he heard that I was
a hero, he might at least want to send me their Christmas card every year or something.

I didnt want to get shit tanked that night, because I knew there would be a long day of
walking tomorrow, so after one more drink I crawled into my tent and went to sleep.

I woke up promptly at 4AM. My internal clock even adjusted itself for time zone
differences. I dug in my pack for some rations and, after lighting another fire, whipped up a
modest breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns. Like an idiot I had forgot to
pack maple syrup, so making pancakes would be more than pointless, but otherwise it was
pretty decent.

After breakfast I packed up all my gear and started off towards the south again. I had
no idea how far away I was from civilization, but I knew I had to find a better way of
transportation, other than my feet. After a couple of hours I got bored. I pulled out one of
my guns and started shooting at random tree branches. Busting the branch was ten points,
or twenty-five points if there was a small animal chilling on it. I scored 100 with my right
arm, and 50 with my left. In all fairness to ol lefty, there were far fewer critters on branches
when I shot with it. So I think I am equally talented at shooting with my left and my right.

After another hour or so of walking, I started to think that maybe I should take a left
or something. At some point of just walking south I would run into something, but maybe
mixing in a little east wouldnt be so bad, so I went with more of a south east angle for a
couple hours.

Nothing really exciting happened between heading east and me getting to a train
station so I think I might just skip to that. If you want me to describe the next six hours in
some sort of pussy artistic detail like, The sun skirted through the trees as the leaves cast a
green glow across the forest floor, then you are out of luck. This story is all substance.
Youre welcome.

I arrived at a train station just at dusk. It was there that I found out I was in
Botswana, and I was indeed in a game reserve. Proving that I am the human compass. Or
the human map I guess, since I had still used a compass to ensure I was going in the correct
direction. I bought a ticket for Durban, and boarded the train.

This train was pretty fancy, it had a whole car dedicated to a bar, and another two for
a dining area. I had also booked myself my own cabin, so I didnt have to make any small
talk with anyone else (you know how I feel about talking). After checking out my cabin, and
stowing my gear, except for a piece or two, I headed to the bar.

The bartender spoke english, so I thankfully didnt have to speak whatever language
the native Botswanians spoke. Hey, can I get a raspberry Smirnoff, with no ice, eight
fingers, and a straw? I asked him.

Yes, sir, he replied.

I sat and drank by myself. No one on the train bothered me, which was awesome. It
was probably because I had forgotten to change my clothes, and they still had blood on them.
Also, I hadnt showered in a couple days, and looked like complete shit. This was alright by
me, though. You know by now that I dont like interacting with people. The train ride would
tie up most of the day tomorrow, and since I wouldnt be walking as much, I decided to order
another drink. I lifted up my empty cup. Can I get another? The bartender nodded his
head. He was a man of few words, I liked this guy.

His drink is on me, a young woman said as he took the stool next to me. She looked
like one of the locals. A shade darker, black hair pulled back in a bun, and medium boobs.
Not bad. Im Monique, she said. I just kind of nodded my head. Whats your name? I
was a little annoyed by her line of questioning. I mean cant a guy go to a bar and just relax
without being hit on and having women buy him drinks?

Dick, I replied. The bartender dropped off my drink. I picked it up, told her,
Thanks for the drink, and walked over to an empty booth. She followed. Dammit.

So thats it huh? I buy you a drink and youre just going to ignore me?

Uh, yeah? I kind of thought I had made that clear when I got up and left the bar, for
this booth, without inviting her.

Thats not how this works, Dick. You gotta give me more than a name.

Well you only asked for my name.

Now Im asking for more.

Look, Ill pay for the drink, I said. She looked pissed. No offense, youre definitely
one of the prettiest sluts Ive ever met, I added. She looked more pissed. And one of the
most generous. I held up my drink.

Im not a prostitute! she yelled.

I didnt say you were.

You said I was a whore.

I said you were a slut. Not all sluts are whores.

But all whores are sluts.

Huh, you might have a point there. I should be more clear with my words, I said.
She looked royally pissed.

Im just a woman looking for some company.

Thats fine. Im just a dude looking to get tanked and pass out in my cabin in about
an hour or so.

She took a deep breath, Lets start this over.

 Do we have to?

She reached out her hand. Hi Im, Monique.

I begrudgingly shook her hand. Im, Dick.

What brings you to Africa, Dick? And why are you covered in dry blood?

I had forgotten about that. Its top secret.

Oooh, my favorite kind of secret, she said while she started playing with my foot
under the table. I pulled it back a bit. You can tell me, Dick. I wont say a word.

I was starting to get a bit suspicious. First, women have usually thrown at least one
drink in my face by now; and second, she seemed very curious about my mission. I decided
it was best to keep my guard up. I was just messing around. Im here on business, I said.

Then why are you covered in blood?

Im not.

Yes you clearly are.

I accidentally put a red shirt in with the whites.

How dumb do you think I am? she asked. I kept my mouth shut, which I thought
would be better than answering, but she still looked pissed. I can tell the whole sexy woman
at the bar act isnt going to get you, so Ill level with you if you level with me, Dick.

Im not sure what you mean, I said breaking eye contact and looking around the
room.

Im a spy, and youre a merc.

Bullshit.

Im here on a mission to execute one of the world leaders at a conference in Durban.

It was hard for me not to chuckle a bit at the idea, but I held it back. I know youre
not a spy.

And hows that?

Well, youre a chick. And there are only three lady spies that I know and none of
them are you.

There are more than three female spies, Dick.

 Yeah, okay. I laughed, unable to hold it back any longer. She looked pissed again.
She grabbed the little umbrella out of my drink, without asking I might add, and threw it
across the train car and right into the ass of some fat businessman.

Ow! he exclaimed. There seems to be some sort of some small parasol protruding
from my buttocks!

Oh calm down Fred. Let me see if I can get it, his wife, I assumed, chimed in.

I looked back at Monique, she had a smirk on her face. Alright, that was pretty cool,
but Im still not admitting to anything, I said.

Oh come on, Dick. Do you want me to throw another umbrella in that guys ass?

Yes, but that wont make a difference.

Then what will? She started rubbing my foot again.

I pulled my foot back, Not that.

What are you gay or something? Is that why you enjoyed the umbrella in the ass gag
so much?

Nah, I just feel like this story already has a love interest for me.

You have a girlfriend.

A client. But the way things usually go, Ill probably end up with her.

Client huh? So you are a mercenary! I knew it. The blood all over your clothes
means youre not a spy, its far too sloppy, the two guns youve got kiestered make it obvious
youre worried someone will attack you at any minute, and youve got a client, meaning
youve been paid by a specific person and not youre on government payroll.

Wrong, wrong, and wrong.

Oh yeah? Monique grabbed a knife off of the table and jammed it straight into my
hand.

Holy shit fuck! Whatd you do that for!? I yelled. It didnt hurt, I mean it stung, but
I played it up to help keep my cover.

I thought youd have the reflexes to stop me!

Why would you think that?

Because youre a merc!

 I told you I wasnt! I yelled. At this point the entire bar was staring at us.

Come on you big baby stop making a scene. Ive got some stuff to fix you right up in
my cabin. She pulled the knife from the table, with it still through my hand, and took me
into the other car where her cabin was. I couldnt believe I had made it this far in my
journey, with hardly a scratch on my body, and then this crazy chick just randomly stabs me
in the hand.

We entered her cabin and I sat down while she went to the bathroom and grabbed her
first aid kit. She came back in wearing a a sexy little nightie and holding some gauze and
alcohol. Take off your shirt.

What? No.

I need a sanitary environment to work in.

Its my hand.

But youre shirt is covered in blood.

But its not on my hand.

Just take it off!

Fine. I took off my shirt and revealed my rock hard body with all the scars and
stitch marks from my years of military and mercenary service.

Oh my. You either fell into a wood chipper in your twenties, or youre in my kind of
work.

Ex-military.

You dont get looking like that from doing a couple tours. She pulled the knife out of
my hand. I didnt even flinch, like a badass. Huh, so all that back there in the bar was just
for show then. She grabbed a cloth and started cleaning my wound with some alcohol.

I make it a point not to talk to people, let alone tell them all about my life and the
work I do.

Well it will take me a couple minutes to stitch you up. What do you do?

The nerve of this woman. I had seriously just told her that I made it a point to not talk
to people, and now she wanted to get all chatty? No thank you. Im retired.

My ass.
 Can we just finish this up so I can go back to my cabin? Its been a long day and I just
want to relax and try to get some sleep.

Are you sure I cant interest you in a little rest here?

Nah, Im good.

She looked at me, dumfounded that I had declined sharing a single mattress with her,
and she was silent the rest of the time she dressed up my hand. Come see me tomorrow.
Well need to redress that. I nodded. Have a good night, she said and gave me a little kiss
on the cheek.

Thanks, I said, then left her cabin and headed back to mine, stopping on the way to
grab another quick drink for that lights out kind of sleep. I walked into my cabin, hopped
on into bed, and once my head hit my pillow, I was snoozin'.

I woke up in a cold sweat at 2AM. I never wake up before my internal clock unless
there is a threat in the vicinity. I looked around the room, but there was nothing there
besides my gear bag. Now I am not a superstitious man, but I had a feeling my subconscious
was trying to tell me something. Maybe that Monique lady was sent to kill me, and she was
just like a cat playing with its kill. I quickly grabbed my bag and left my room. I looked both
ways down the hall, there was no one around. It was too early for people to be up and
moving about. I headed to the bar and asked the bartender when the next stop was.

Not for a couple of hours. Were just outside of, Lesotho.

Thanks, I said, and left the bar. At that point I didnt have a choice. I had to get off
that train. I found the nearest door and busted my ass out of it. Tuck and roll baby.
Chapter 6

The Automobile
As I laid in a bush, that I rolled into after jumping of the train, my phone went off like
a hundred times. I assumed that I had finally gotten cell service and had received the swarm
of texts that Charlie had been sending me. I pulled out my phone to see that only 87 of the
messages were from Charlie, nothing too urgent, just him apologizing about the Yakuza and
asking if I was okay, generously sprinkled with random smiley faces, or sad faces, depending
on the content of the text. I also had a few missed calls from Jenny. She didnt leave any
voicemails, so it was probably no big deal, but I figured since it was sometime in the
afternoon back in the states, I would give her a quick call just to make sure everything was
alright.

The phone went straight to voicemail. Normally this type of thing would be suspect to
me. I would assume that they didnt answer the call because they were under duress or
something, but Jenny never answered my calls until I was halfway through my message so I
wasnt worried. I started to leave a voicemail, Hey Jenny this is, Dick, the guy from the bar.
Im here in South Africa, getting closer to where I think youre son is, and I was interrupted
by an incoming call from Jenny. I shouldve known. I picked up the other line, Hello?

Dick! Where have you been? Ive been trying to reach you!

Cell service is spotty at best, Im in the middle of nowhere.

Why dont you have your voicemail set up?

Because I hate voicemail.

Then why do you always leave me one?

Because I Why does it matter? I cant even hear my voicemail if I dont have cell
service.
You can always find a bit of wifi somewhere, Dick. Then you can check.

But I will already see you called and call you back.

But what if its urgent.

You should only call me if its urgent.

This is urgent.
 Well stop lecturing me about voicemail and tell me!

I think Im being followed.

Followed? I thought I told you to call the police.

I think its the police who are following me.

I also told you not to leave your apartment.

You said to only go out for necessities.

For crying out, I took a deep breath and continued, why do you think the police are
following you?

Well, I went out to grab some lunch with a friend.

I said only necessities!

A girls gotta eat doesnt she?

I just, this was a losing battle, youre right, go on.

Thats what I thought. So, Im out with my friend, and I see these cops like watching
us while we are eating.

Okay.

Then, after lunch, Melissa and I are doing some window shopping

Necessities, Jenny! Necessities!

My son has been kidnapped! I need to find things to take my mind off it while I wait
for you to do your job!

You are really testing my patience right now.

Are you going to let me finish?

I took another deep breath, Please.

So, I was looking at this purse inside Nordstroms and I look out the window, and I
see the same two cops.

Did they follow you home?

No.

So why do you think they were following you?

 Because the next day when I went to the gym (At this point I figured my
necessities comments were falling on deaf ears, so I just let her continue) I saw one of
the same cops outside.

Is your gym near the restaurant and Nordstroms?

Yes.

You figure that maybe, just maybe, its a beat cop for the local area? Someone who
might just be doing their job by patrolling the same places every day?

Dont mock me, Dick. My son is missing.

I just dont think you have anything to worry about here, besides your missing son
and all.

Dick I dont know what to do anymore! Im so stressed about my son, I cant talk to
anyone about it, and then you dont answer your phone for two days, she rambled as she
started to cry over the phone.

Look, its going to be okay. Just stay home, lock the doors and dont let anyone in
until I contact you.

Thank you, Dick, she said and sniffled a bit.

Im going to find your son and bring him home.

I know you will.

I should have better cell reception from now on. So dont hesitate to call me. What
was I saying? I didnt want to be interrupted by Jenny every twenty minutes for some
hysteria; I had work to do.

I will.

Get some rest. Ill call you when I have your son.

Okay. Please hurry.

I hung up the phone and laid in the bush for another thirty minutes or so. I sent
Charlie a quick text telling him that I was alright and I should be arriving in Durban
sometime today. At least I hoped I would. I was probably fifty miles from the nearest town,
and still a little drunk from last night. Fifty miles in one day was cake for me, I had to do
twice that with a hundred pounds of gear on back in the Marines, but since I didnt know
exactly where I was going, it was going to be a little more difficult. I really had no time to
waste though. So I got up from the bush, made sure I hadnt lost any of my gear from the
train tumble, and headed south-ish.

About two hours into walking the sun started to rise, and off in the distance I saw
what I thought was building. As I got closer I could see that it was a building. Then when I
got even closer, I could see that is was a gas station, which is a type of building. Excited, I
hurried towards it and went inside.

It felt nice to be out of the elements for a while, plus I was really hankering for a Slim
Jim. They didnt have any Slim Jims, which was unfortunate and kind of a poor business
practice if Im being honest, but I was able to find an off-brand beef stick to at least hold me
over. I walked to the counter to pay for my meat and ask for some directions. I put the beef
on the counter and said, Just the beef, and where am I?

Ladysmith. Fifteen rand, he replied.

How far to Durban?

About 250 kilometers.

Well I wont be walking that in one day, I said as I handed him the money. Any bus
stops around here?

No.

I like this guy, straight to the point. Of course it wouldve been nice if he maybe
suggested something, but I get it, he probably has a no talking type policy as well. There
were a few people in line behind me so I grabbed my change and headed out the door.

Outside I took a seat on a bench and started eating my meat. I thought that maybe I
should call Charlie to see if he had any connections where I was. Not that I really trusted
him after the airplane debacle, but I was kind of in a pinch here. I needed to travel some 150
miles, and quickly. I had already wasted enough time with travel and, quite frankly, I had
very little to go on when I actually got to Durban. It could take me days to find out where
these people had taken Henry, or even if he had been taken against his will. Then it occurred
to me that I never actually went to Jennys house myself to take a look around the crime
scene, or at the very least verify that there had been a struggle. Maybe Henry had gone off
with these guys on his own. I really needed to remember to vet these missions more
carefully. I mean someday I could end up on the wrong side of the gun in an unforgiving
country. I quickly shut those thoughts out of my head. I was the gruff vet with a chip on his
soldier, who wont admit that he misses his days in combat. I was the handsome hero who
just needed a little prodding to get him to help yet another damsel in distress or whatever.
Yeah, I was the good guy, I dont make mistakes.
 I finished my beef just as one of the other customers at the gas station exited. Hey, I
heard you in there. Looking to go to Durban? he asked.

Yeah, I replied.

Well thats where Im headed, he said and pointed to a truck at one of the gas
pumps. Wanna lift?

This guy was my age and gruff looking, so I was a bit wary of accepting a ride with
him, but I guess I am pretty gruff looking, and my age, so maybe I shouldnt judge a book by
its cover. Normally I dont accept rides with strangers, its not safe. Ive seen enough
movies to see how hitching rides turns out, but I sized this dude up and figured if he tried to
put anything in my butt I could take him out. Sure, I said.

Right on man. We walked to his truck and got in. Im, Ken.

Im, Dick.

Im not much of a talker, Dick. So youll excuse me if we just drive in silence for the
next few hours.

Fine by me.

This was my kind of guy. It seemed like I was finally going to be able to relax. I sat
back in the seat and stared at the horizon. We were traveling on a dirt road, that didnt get
much traffic, so it was peaceful. This was probably going to be the last time I was able to just
sit and not worry about someone trying to kill me for a while. Once I reached Durban, and
started asking around town for a missing kid and a guy with a scar, I was sure I would end up
on someones hit list.

That was usually the first line of defense of many. Before I even located the head
quarters, or found the right guy to torture information out of, they would send some of their
lowest ranking men to take me out. A lot of times they would even hire a third party group,
like a local gang or something, to try and take care of me. It wouldnt be until they saw how
kickass I was, and realized that they underestimated me, that they would send out someone
of any higher rank within the group. It did get tiresome going through the same old tropes
every single mission, but at the end of the day, it came with the job.

After an hour of driving, Ken had kept good on his word of no talking. It was a
fantastic change of pace from my previous two travel methods. He did break the silence
eventually though, Gotta piss. Gonna pull over here, he said. I just nodded my head in
agreement. I didn't have to piss. During my basic training for the Air Force, the hazing part,
they made me sit in a chair four 48 hours without any breaks. You learn a lot about yourself
in those two days. Like just how far you can push your bladder before you piss yourself.
Mine was 47 hours. Dammit I had been so close.

Ken pulled over at the next convenience store that we passed. I waited in the car
while he went inside. I reached back into my bag and grabbed a Clif Bar, I had to keep my
strength up, and the sponsors happy. It was a delicious white chocolate macadamia nut bar.
Perfect amount of sugar, carbs, and other stuff to keep me going.

It had been about fifteen minutes since Ken had gone inside the store. At five minutes
I had figured he felt guilty about just using the bathroom so he was in line buying something.
At ten minutes I figured he actually had to take a shit, and was giving that toilet all he had.
At fifteen minutes I honestly didnt know what to think. I had heard about people dying on
the toilet. I think Elvis did. Of course I dont think he died from shitting, I think he died
while shitting because of the massive amounts of drugs he had taken. Anyways, I was trying
to decide whether or not I should go into the store and look for Ken, but then I started to
doze off. You could hardly blame me, I hadnt gotten any real sleep in 72 hours, but I did
hear Ken get back in the car, and start off down the road again, so I figured we were good.

After about a half an hour I woke up to the sound of Ken singing. At least I thought it
was Ken singing, since the radio was off and he was supposed to be the only other person in
the truck. I opened my eyes and looked over to see Ken wearing lipstick, a wig, and a fancy
new dress. Hmmm, I thought to myself. Do I just ignore this and go back to sleep, or do I
make sure that Ken is still taking me to Durban and not to a hole in his basement.
Fortunately the decision was made for me because Ken looked over and saw my eyes open.
Hey there soldier, he said. Getting a little shut eye?

Hey, Ken, I said nervously.

Oh come on now, Dick. You know Im Kendra.

What happened to, Ken?

Dont you worry about Ken there darlin. Kendras gonna take care of you now.

Were still going to Durban yeah?

Yep! Ive got a nice little place there. Im going to fix you up a delicious dinner and
put you in the guest room for the night. You look almost starved, and no offense, but you
smell like you havent showered in a week, Ken, I mean, Kendra said and giggled.

Oh that is very generous, Kendra, I said reaching for my bag and the door handle,
but I really should get back to work.
 Dont you even think about opening that door, Kendra glared at me. I pulled my
hand back. Thats better. She smiled.

Im not trying to be rude, but I have a very important job to complete and its time
sensitive to say the least.

You have time for a little dinner and rest there, sugar. You wont be any good to
anyone all tired and stinky.

I really need to

You have time for a little dinner and rest! Kendra yelled.

Time to go! I opened the door and, you guessed it, tucked and rolled. I have to
admit that jumping out of a moving vehicle, car or train, is not very comfortable, especially
when you have a fifty pound bag full of guns and gear rolling with you.

SCREEEEEE!

Kendra slammed on the breaks and popped the truck in reverse. I tried to get out of
the way but she backed right into me and knocked me over. She got out of the truck, wig half
on, dress all bunched up, and dragging a baseball bat.

You have time for a little dinner and rest, she said as she walked towards me.

I got up and prepared myself to take it to the house. You dont want any of this Ken,
I said.

Its Kendra! he screamed, or I guess she screamed. At this point Ken was still
Kendra.

Im an equal opportunity fighter, Kendra. Im not afraid to kick your teeth in just
because youre pretending to be a chick right now.

I AM a woman, Dick! Kendra lunged at me with the bat and took a swing at me, but
I ducked and kicked her square in the balls. She fell to the ground coughing.

Apparently not their eh, Ken? I laughed. Damn Im was so witty. Kendra laughed
too, at least she appreciated humor.

Youve got some fight in ya. I like that, Kendra said. She stood up and ripped off
her wig.

Okay, Im I talking to Ken or to Kendra?

I heard you disrespected my sister. No one disrespects my sister.

 So Ken then? Ken lunged at me with the bat again. I jumped over the attack this
time, but dammit if Ken didnt have a powerful back hand, and swung back around hitting
me square in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. You play baseball, Ken? I wheezed.

All American, Dick.

Can I have Kendra back please.

Oh you had your chance with Kendra, Dick.

Would you please stop saying my name like that?

Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick, Ken said. He circled around me dragging the bat in
the dirt. You couldnt have just made time for a little dinner and rest. Thats just like you
big city boys. Ken kicked me in the stomach. Always in a rush to the next job, the next big
wall street deal.

What are you talking about?

Please dont kill him, Ken! Ken screamed as Kendra.

Shut up! He had his chance! Ken screamed as Ken.

Oh I cant watch! Ken screamed as Kendra, and then turned his head away from me.

What the hell?

Dont worry sis, this will be all over very soon. Ken swung the bat down at my head,
but I grabbed it like a badass.

Alright Ive had enough of this, I said. I took the bat from Ken and stood up.

Ken started backing away from me. You wouldnt hit a woman, again, would you,
Dick? Kendra was back. She backed up, picked up her wig, and tried to put it back on. A
defenseless woman I might add. I swung the bat into her side, cracking at least three of her
ribs. Kendra fell to the ground and spit up blood.

What the shit, Dick? Ken was back.

Ive had enough of this. I took a powerhouse swing to Kennydras head. Its eyeballs
popped out of its head, and its jaw literally fell to the floor. Blood gushed from every hole in
its head. I took another half dozen swings to its head. I wanted to make sure this piece of
human garbage was dead dead. It was. Rest in piece, both of you. I picked the keys to the
truck from Kens pocket, grabbed my bag, and hopped in the truck. I was a half hour outside
of Durban, and ready to be done traveling.
Chapter 7

Durban, Finally
I arrived in Durban in the early evening, and it was something else. The places I
normally go on these types of missions are dark and sordid. Durban was just the opposite, it
was like a resort town. I wouldnt have been surprised if the guy with the scar on his face had
put Henry up in like a five star hotel on the beach. Lucky bastard. If I found out that he had
been getting massages all day while stewing in a mud bath; I was gonna be pissed. I mean,
thats not my kind of thing, Im a total man and all, but given the choice, I would rather be
soaking in wet dirt than getting my ass kicked by the Yakuza, or a dude in drag. Of course,
seeing how the photo I had of Henry shows him exiting a McDonalds, maybe he wasnt being
treated like a prince. He had probably been restricted the to value menu. Poor bastard.
Anyways, I figured that was the place for me to start my search, and maybe grab a McFlurry.

I drove right to the McDonalds from the photo. Even though I had lost the photo
somewhere along the way (I mean cut me some slack, I did have some very strange
encounters on my way here), it was easy to find since I have an eidetic memory. I walked up
to the counter and asked the guy for a Reeses McFlurry. While I waited for him to blend the
delicious peanut butter cups into the smooth and creamy soft serve, I decided I would ask
him a few questions about Henry and the guy with the scar. So you seen a guy with a scar
on his face around here lately?

Excuse me?

Guy with a scar, nerdy kid in tow?

You realize we serve like a billion burgers a day right?

Yeah, but not at this location alone.

No, I aint seen no guy with a scar on his face.

Would this help refresh your memory? I said, slipping the guy a fiver. He put it in
his pocket, and handed me my McFlurry.

Yeah I seen him. Came in here about four days ago or something. They were talking
about some secret plan.

Anything else that might help Ahhhhhhhh! Brain freeze! I yelled. Son of a
bitch. I had been a little too ambitious with my McFlurry bites. Any more information? I
asked between teeth chatters.
 Thats all I know. I slipped him another fiver. I really dont know anything else. I
slipped him another. Seriously. I slipped him another, damn this guy was greedy. Stop.
Please.

Alright I got you, I said and gave him one last fiver. Id been around the block a few
times to know how to grease the wheels of a McDonalds employee.

He looked around the room and leaned in real close, You didnt hear this from me,
but they ordered two Big Mac meals, to go.

Nice, I said, then nodded my head to the guy and left.

It was getting late, so I decided to find a hotel and get myself a room. There was a
little motel not far from the McDonalds that took cash, and aliases. I dropped off my gear in
the room and headed out to try and dig up some more information. If the dude from
McDonalds had remembered scar face and the nerd, then maybe a couple of the other local
establishments might have some information for me as well. There was a bar about two
blocks away, and since I hadnt had a drink in a couple hours, I decided to check there first.

I didnt like the looks of the first bar, there were far too many young people, so I didnt
even bother staying after pounding three drinks and dancing a bit. The place I needed to
look for was somewhere with less energy, a place where people hear things, have their ear to
the ground. So I went down a few alleyways and around a couple dark corners until I found
a little hole-in-the-wall dive bar. It reminded me of home.

I walked in and was welcomed by the smell of cheap beer and smoke. A bunch of gruff
looking dudes, some with eye patches, others covered in tattoos, and some with both, were
all chilling around the bar. This was definitely the place I was looking for. I walked up to the
bar and ordered a drink, Raspberry Smirnoff, leave the bottle. The whole bar started to
laugh.

We aint serve that pussy drink here, boy, replied the bartender. This dude must
have weighed 300 pounds and was covered in hair from head to toe.

Any flavored vodka will do, then.

I dont think you understand me, we aint serve none of that. He pulled back his
jacket showing off his piece. I think you best try The Brass Rail down the street. The
whole bar laughed again.

I took a quick look around the bar, probably twenty dudes all packing heat. I usually
dont let assholes like this get the best of me, but it had been a long couple days, and I was in
no mood for this. I grabbed the bartender by the hair and smashed his head on the counter,
grabbing my gun at the same time. The entire bar stood up and pointed their guns at me.
Come on boys, we dont have to do this.

CHICK, CHICK. (I tried to write the cocking noise.)

Alright, lets get ready to dance

Not so fast, some suit said as he walked in the room. He looked like the big cheese,
all dressed up, smoking a fat cigar, and oddly enough he had a southern accent. Now I dont
want to have my bar shot up over some little misunderstanding. He walked over to me and
lowered my gun. Now the rest of you, put away your armaments. The bartender got up
from the ground rubbing his head. Mack, the next round is on me.

Now I hate to interrupt the story again, but I feel that I must. You were all expecting
some totally dope fight scene just a couple seconds ago, and then some fat southern man
came in and stopped it before it even started. Dont you worry, there are plenty of kickass
scenes coming up very shortly, but I want to stay true to what happened. I promise by the
end of this book you will have had your fill of blood, guts, and violence. Back to the story.

The man took a seat next to me. Mick, a bottle of the finest scotch we have back
there if you will, and two glasses, he said to the bartender, Mick, I had just learned. Mick
came back with some fancy bottle of hooch and a couple glasses. Im, Cornelius, the man
continued as he poured two glasses and slid one in front of me.

Im, Dick. I took a sip, and hated it, but at least it was booze. It all starts to taste the
same after a while.

Dick, what a strong name, Cornelius said. He puffed on his cigar and sipped on his
fifty-dollar-a-glass horse piss.

Thanks. I finished the glass quickly.

You know, Dick, you gotta take the time to enjoy some of the finer things in life. He
poured me another glass. So, are your services for hire?

My services? Oh geez. He must think Im some sort of prostitute. I mean I was

definitely the best looking guy in the bar, but I didnt think I put that kind of vibe out.

Yes. I have a job that needs to be done, and I need it done quickly. He leaned back
a bit and put one of his hands halfway down his pants, the kind of way that those rich
southern folks do after a big meal, or a big deal.

Im not that kinda guy, Cornelius.

 Not a mercenary, eh? Couldve fooled me by the way you dressed. Shit. I still
hadnt changed out of my bloody clothes, and my boots had little bits of Kens hair on them
too. I need someone to take care of a little competition, if you know what I mean.

Ive got my own problems.

I know, and I think I can help you. A little quid pro quo.

How do you know anything about me?

Word travels fast, Dick. Youve been leaving a trail of dead bodies in your wake, and
an airliner that went down somewhere in Botswana. Huh, I hadn't given any thought to
that plane after I had jumped out. Out of sight out of mind ya know.

Still not interested. I finished my drink and stood up to leave. Thanks for the
drink, Cornelius. I got about tow steps away before he stopped me.

So I guess Ill just let the cops finish searching your truck, or should I say, Kens
truck? He took another sip of drink and a drag on his cigar, smiling like a little shit.

Thats fine, I dont need it.

Well, maybe they would be interested to know who mightve been the last person to
see Ken alive. The person who just happened to end up with his truck.

I slammed my hand on the bar and grabbed Cornelius by the collar, Now you listen
here you piece of Everyone in the bar stood up and pulled their guns again. I let go of
Cornelius (I promise there is a dope ass fight scene in the next chapter).

Now, shall I have my boys take care of you, or do you want to do me a little favor?

Why do you need me? Get one of your lackeys to do it.

These men lack the tact to complete a job like this one. Theyre good for runnin and
gunnin, but not so subtle.

An assassination is hardly subtle.

Look you help me and I might have some information to help you on your little
mission.

What do you know about my mission?

I know everything that goes on in our little town, but all in good time my dear boy.
You gotta scratch my back first. He took a slow drink and licked his lips. I was getting a
little uncomfortable with the homoerotic vibe coming off this dude, but he had me in a
corner; with twenty guns drawn on me, and information on Henry.

Whats the job?

Thats right. Cornelius motioned for the men to put their guns down. You see
Dick, Im in a certain, sordid, business, he said twirling his curly mustache.

I dont need the details, just no kids.

Oh my, Dick. Certainly not. I am a simple arms agent for the South African militia.
Of course he was an arms dealer. I hated arms dealers.

So you want me to off the competition.

Yes. He is a very bad man dont you see. He needs to be eliminated so that my
operation can continue, uninterrupted. He swirled his drink and looked at me with a little
smirk.

Please, God, just tell me who and where.

Oh its just all business with you isnt it, Dick? Well have it your way. Cornelius
handed me a photo with an address.

So I kill this guy, then youll tell me about, Henry? Consider it done. I got up to
leave.

Just one thing there, Dick. I would like you to be discrete as possible. Hes home
now, with only a few guards, now is the time.

Then let me go. I have work to do.

Feel free to check out my gun room on your way out.

Ive got my own, thanks.

Oh please do hurry! Cornelius waved his handkerchief at me. Hurry, hurry!

I got out of their as soon as possible. That Cornelius guy was really starting to creep
me out, and I didnt want to spend any more time with him than I had to. Hopefully after I
killed this dude he would be a little more forward with the information on my mission. I
normally wouldnt trust someone who was so vague, but dammit if this guy wasnt intriguing.
Plus he was too good of a character to not play an integral part to my story. It really wouldnt
hurt for me to call Charlie and vet this guy out a little bit, and since I had about a twenty
minute walk back to my motel anyways, I dialed him up.
 Charlie picked up in two rings, highly unusual, Hey there bud! How you doin in the
land down under?

Im in South Africa Charlie, and its humid.

Ah yes, Durban. A couple of my colleagues like to vacation there. Not for me though,
I prefer this little place in the Rockies, great skiing, hot tubbin, I just love it.

Thats great Charlie I just

You know we could go sometime! I know a guy who owes me a favor, has a beautiful
little chateau

Charlie!

Yes, Dick?

I need you to look up some information on a gun runner down here. Real odd guy.
His name is, Cornelius.

Hmm, I see. Charlie sounded all butt-hurt.

I really need this info, the guy wants me to take out the competition for information
on, Henry.

So just dance monkey dance eh? Apparently all Im good for is information. What
was all that best friend talk on the plane all about?

That was you, Charlie!

Doesnt make it any less true! he yelled.

I could hear a female voice off in the distance ask, Who is that?

Its, Dick, Charlie replied to the off phone woman.

Dick! Ask him if he has any information on, Henry, she said.

Is that, Jenny? I asked.

Yeah hold on, she wants to talk to you, Charlie said.

Dont put her on the phone I

Dick! Jenny got on the phone.

Hey, Jenny.

Any luck finding my Henry yet?

 I thought I told you to stay home?

Im with Charlie, its safe here Im sure.

Charlie currently has the Yakuza breathing down his neck, and I think they might
amp up their search after what happened on the plane.

Oh yeah, Charlie told me all about that.

Charlie shouldn't be telling you anything.

Well at least someone does! Im all cooped up in my house with nothing to do! Its
enough to drive a woman mad!

Cooped up? From what youve told me it sounds like youre hardly there!

There you go mocking me again, Dick.

She has to be able to live, Dick! Charlie yelled in the background.

Charlie, not now!

You should take a minute and just listen sometime, Dick. It can go a long way,
Charlie continued from the background.

What is this, gang up on Dick day? I asked.

Are you any closer to finding Henry? Jenny asked.

Im working on it, thats why I need to talk to, Charlie. Its very important and time
sensitive.

You know you shouldnt take him for granted. All he wants is to be your friend, and
from what I can tell you dont have many of those.

Please put Charlie on the phone.

As long as you promise to at least have a beer or something with him when you get
back.

Do you want me to find your son, or do you want to continue playing match maker
with me and Charlie?

Yes of course, find Henry, but I worry about you too, Dick. You need a little variety
in your life.

You dont even know me.

 Oh Charlie has told me all about you.

Im gonna kill him.

As long as you do it over dinner, then I will be happy. Jenny handed the phone over
to Charlie, finally.

So, what did you guys talk about?

Charlie focus. I need you to look up a guy for me.

Cornelius? No need. He is definitely the guy down there with all the information. If
anything happens in the bottom half of Africa, he knows.

Thanks.

Shes single you know.

What?

Jenny, shes single. Husband died when Henry was real young. Tragic story really,
he

Not now, I have to go kill a guy.

Dont you care that she is single, and looking I might add.

They always are.

They sure are you dog you.

Goodbye, Charlie. I hung up the phone before Charlie could continue rambling
about some nonsensical horse shit. I needed to get back to my hotel, gear up, and get ready
for an assassination. One that I had hoped would go smoothly. Yeah, get ready for a
firefight, baby.
Chapter 8

The Assassination
It had been a long time since I had an assassination mission. The last one had to have
been in Kuwait, back when I was a Marine. That place was hotter than hell, and every night,
when you got back to your bunk, you had to wash the sand out of your crack for thirty
minutes.

Kuwait was also the place where I had been left high and dry by our precious
government. Mr. President had ordered the assassination of some head honcho in the
middle east. It was supposed to be a clean job, but little did I know, I was walking into a
trap. Son of a bitch wanted to use me as a scape goat, a sacrificial lamb, a bartering chip if
you will. I was set to be his excuse for ending the conflict. He thought he could broker a
peace deal if they could negotiate for my release. He had wanted to make a dirty deal
with Kuwait ever since he had gotten into office, and this way it would paint him as a hero
saving one of our own. I broke into the consulate and was a ambushed by like fifty guys or
something. Unfortunately for our Bone-Head-In-Chief, he was not properly briefed on my
particular set of skills. I took out every man in that consulate, including the target. It was
totally badass. But thats a story for a different time.

So this guys name was Roldolpho and, as we learned in the last chapter, he was a
competing arms dealer here in South Africa. Normally I wouldnt get involved with arms
dealers. I hated them. I thought what they did was despicable. But, like Cornelius said, I
had to scratch his back first. I needed to get information on Henry, assuming he actually had
any, and taking at least one arms dealer out of the picture couldnt be a bad thing. Its a
losing battle trying to rid the world of arms dealers though, they are like sand in your ass,
you think you got the last grain and then another one starts grinding in your crack.

I used to believe that I could make a difference in the world, but now all I saw are
corrupted world powers all fighting over the same dollar. Roldolpho and Cornelius are really
just puppets at the end of the day. The United Nations needs guys like this to start the wars
that they dont want to get their dainty little hands dirty with. Its pathetic really. They sit
up their in their ivory towers, acting like agents of peace, all the while dipping their hands in
every evil cookie jar.

I got to Roldolphos house around midnight or so. By then he shouldve sent most of
his guards home and be fast asleep. I find very little honor in capping a guy while he sleeps, I
normally wake them up so its a fair fight, but I was on a strict schedule, and needed to get
this done as quickly as possible. I surveyed the grounds. He had one of those high security
steel fences around his entire complex. It looked like the only guards he had were two
stationed at the entrance. I figured one of Charlies patented stun grenades would confuse
them long enough for me to take them out and then lift the key to the gate off one of them. I
couldve climbed the fence, but I dont like leaving loose ends. A couple guards out front, can
quickly become a couple guards inside, then you will wish you wouldve taken them out as a
warm up, not as reinforcements. All the lights were off inside the house. So either there
were no guards inside, or they were sleeping too.

I snuck as close to the front guards as possible, trying to not alert them, and tossed a
grenade at them. It was a dud. Charles was known for his tech genius, but not so much for
his manufacturing skills. Unfortunately for me, it made enough noise to get the attention of
the guards. I had to act quick, before they had time to alert the others inside, if there were
any. I ran up to them and began hand-to-hand combat. I needed to take them out as quietly
as possible, as to not alert the other guards, so at this point using guns was out of the
question.

I grabbed the first guards gun, which had a little strap thing around his neck, and
used the butt end to knock him in the head. I quickly spun around in time to stop the second
dude from pulling the trigger and punched him in the face, breaking his nose in several
places. Oh shib! My nobes! he yelled. The guy acted like he never had his nose broke
before, he mustve be new to this. I dink its broden! he sputtered with blood pouring
around his fingers. Unfortunately for this guy, he was making far too much noise, so I
needed to neutralize him. I kicked him the nuts, he dropped to his knees, and I snapped his
neck. It mightve be the first time he broke his nose, but it was for sure his last.

The other guard had regained his composure and pointed his SMG at me. I grabbed it
with lighting speed and ripped it off his neck. They really should use some better material to
make the straps for these things. Its never a good idea to skimp on the accessories, they can
be the most important part sometimes. I tossed the gun aside and said, Lets do this, but
quietly please, I dont want to wake your boss. For some reason this pissed off the guard
even more. I didnt understand, since I had been so polite, but he filled with rage and
screamed as he came at me. I easily dodged his first attack, but he was quick on his feet and
swung around with a roundhouse kick to my face. I did that totally badass thing you know,
when you look at the guy, touch your lip a bit, look at the blood on your fingers, give him a
little nod and then the hand gesture for, I want some more.

The guard came at me with fists of fury this time and we had a good back and forth. It
was dark, so it was hard to tell, but his karate skills made me think he must be Chinese or
something, so I asked, You Chinese or something? All he did was scream and come at me
harder. I assumed he didnt know the drill, and thought that he might have a chance against
me, but I was the hero of this story, so he was out of luck. I blocked a few more of his moves,
then swept his legs. He fell to his knees, I punched him square in the temple, and he went
down. I took a good look at his face, he was South African, which was surprising since he
was so good at karate, but I had been taking lessons since I was like six, so he wasnt much of
a challenge for me.

I found the keys to the gate, and the house, in the guards pocket. I also picked up one
of their SMGs, and a few clips of their ammo. I never understood why more heroes didnt
utilize fallen enemies weapons. Like its free stuff. Why should I waste my ammo, when I
can burn through theirs? Plus I didn't have an SMG with me, only a couple pistols and some
grenades and shit, so I though it might come in handy. I didnt take both, because I didnt
want to weigh myself down, but I made a mental note to come back for it after the
assassination.

I unlocked the gate and walked towards the front door, it was also locked, but I had
the key, so I unlocked it as well. This dude had a pretty nice set up, I mean, it was hard to see
in the dark, but with the little bit of light from the door I could see art and stuff on the walls.
Art was always a sign of extreme wealth. If you had enough money to waste on old paintings
and stuff that youll never look at, then youve got money to burn for sure. I slipped down my
night vision goggles and started to search the house.

The master bedroom was not on the first floor, but the kitchen was, so I helped myself
to a bottle of water from the fridge. Its important to stay hydrated during an assassination.
I lifted my goggles back up, leaned on the counter, and took a good pull from it. The [insert
product placement here, no more freebies] quenched my thirst perfectly. It was cool, crisp,
and refreshing. Easily the best water I had ever had.

The lights kicked on and some Spanish looking dude in his PJs was standing there
looking at me, I stopped mid chug. We both stared at each other for a second then I asked,
Roldolpho?

I am his brother, Geraldo. Who are you?

Dick.

Why are you in my brothers home, Dick?

Well this is a little awkward, but Cornelius sent me here to kill him. You dont know
where he is do you?

Cornelius?

No, Roldolpho. I know where Cornelius is.

 You were sent here by, Cornelius?

Yeah, to kill your brother. Do you know where he is?

That son of a bitch!

Who? Your brother?

No, Cornelius!

So you dont know where your brother is.

Im going to kill him!

If you want, I mean, Im already hired to do that so

No! Cornelius! That scumbag! This guy really had a thing for Cornelius, he just
couldnt stop talking about him.

I cant let you do that, he has information I need.

Are you, are you the, Dick Powers?

How do you know my name?

Word has spread my friend. The infamous, Dick Powers, is in town and looking for
someone.
Too bad your guards were unaware of who I am, maybe they wouldve been a little
more cooperative.

You killed my guards?

It was self defense.

Well, there are always more guards. How much is Cornelius paying you? I will
double it.

Hes paying me in information.

I can promise you, I know far more than that old bastard.

Give me a taste, and maybe Ill listen.

Henry.

Tastes good.
 You help me take out Cornelius, and I promise you, I will tell you everything you
need to know. At this point I kind of felt like six of one half dozen of another, but Roldolpho
wasnt here and Geraldo was willing to help me, so I went with him.

You got a deal.

I gave Geraldo a few minutes to change out of his jammies, and poured myself a drink.
Roldolpho had some pretty tasty booze, so I looked around for a thermos to fill up for the
road. Geraldo came back downstairs and caught me poking around. Do you need
something? he asked me.

Im looking for a thermos or something for a little road drink.

Just take the bottle.

Oh I couldnt.

No, I insist.

Why thank you. This Geraldo guy wasnt too bad.

We hopped in his car and headed for the bar where Cornelius was hold up. We
werent too far, so we didnt have much time to discuss our plan of attack, but I tried to catch
him up to speed a bit. There were like twenty dudes in the bar all packing. I assume
Cornelius will be in his office, like he was when I first got there, so we will have to take out
his goons first.

Not a problem.

You bring a gun?

I thought I would use that SMG you got there.

But this is mine.

Technically its my brothers. You took it from one of the guards you murdered.

Alright, well turn around so I can get the other one.

What, you dont have your own gun?

I do, but I was planning on using this one.

Too bad, we dont have time to be running errands right now. Dammit, he was
right. If I wouldve known that Geraldo was gonna steal my piece I wouldve grabbed that
other SMG before we left his house. Too little too late now though.
 Well Cornelius was going to pay me with information and a gun. I lied a little, but I
really wanted this SMG.

Fine, you can have it after.

You did say that you would double his offer though.

Can we just get this done?! You can rifle through my brothers armory after this.

Sweet. I handed him the SMG.

We pulled up to the bar and got out of the car. Well, I did. Geraldo stayed inside the
car saying a prayer or something while crossing his chest and kissing some beads. Whatever
floats your boat, guy. I figured long ago that God couldnt forgive me for the things that I
had done. I do try to go to church on the major holidays though, just in case. Geraldo
finished up and got out of the car. So whats the plan? he asked.

The element of surprise, I said, and he nodded his head in agreement. On the
count of three. One. Two. Three! I kicked down the door, but the room was empty.

Just kidding! There were like thirty dudes in there.

You don't mess with the Ortega brothers! Geraldo screamed as he opened fire. I
pulled out my guns and started shooting as well, but far more accurately. It was probably a
good thing that Geraldo had the SMG, he needed something with more of a spray and pray
effect.

My first five shots were all headshots, all before any of the men had a chance to grab
their guns. The second five shots were a little more tricky, since I was now being shot at as
well. I kicked over a table to use as cover for me and Geraldo. Ive got five down, three
injured, I said.

Ive taken down at least a dozen, he claimed.

In your dreams! I think you winged one guy.

I usually pay guys to do this.

It shows! We both laughed. Look, you lay down some cover, Im going to try and
make it to the bar. I handed Geraldo the other two SMG clips I had.

No problem.

Please dont shoot me.

No promises.
 We both stood up and Geraldo began firing wildly. Surprisingly, he was hitting a few
targets this time. I ran towards the bar and slid on my knees to avoid some shots. One of the
bar goers ran at me firing. I fired a shot at his gut and his leg. He fell short of me and I put
one in his head. Two other guys ran out of ammo and came at me. I emptied lead into their
hearts and did the double tap in their heads to make sure they were done.

I flipped over the bar and found the bartender, Mitch I believe, reloading his shotgun.
He cocked and pointed it at me, I pushed it out of the way just as he fired. I hit the butt end
up into his mouth, knocking out his two front teeth. Thit! he yelled. He picked me up and
slammed me down on the bar, then ran my body across the top breaking several glasses. He
reached down and grabbed a corkscrew and plunged it into my shoulder. I punched him in
the face with my good hand, and I could feel his eye socket cracking around my fist. Mitch
pulled back and held his eye, I pulled the corkscrew out of my shoulder. I took it and
stabbed Mitch in the stomach several times, then one final time up through his jaw. I could
see it between his missing front teeth.

I felt a few bullets whiz right past my head, so I took Mitchs body, turned around, and
used him as a human shield. I held his body up with one arm and used my free hand to
shoot another four of the goons in the bar. I tossed Mitch aside and quickly reloaded. A
couple guys popped up from behind overturned tables and fired shots at me. I hit the deck
for some cover. Geraldo was behind the table reloading so I picked up a chair and chucked it
towards the guys firing at me. It caught them by surprise a bit so I picked up another chair
and smashed it on one of their heads. I finished him of with a quick tap to the head and the
other with a couple to the chest, and thats when I felt it. Its a feeling you never forget.
Searing hot lead piercing the skin then melting its way through your muscle. I fell to my
knees. I had been hit in the calf. It stung, but it was not life threatening.

Sorry! Geraldo yelled.

That was you!? I yelled back.

Yeah, I didn't know you had those guys! he yelled as gunfire was still flying around
the room.

Thats alright, just keep shooting people. Other than me please. Geraldo started
firing again taking out another bunch of guys. It seemed like he was actually getting the
hang of this. I wished he had found his stride a few seconds ago, before he shot me in the
leg, but you know, better late than never I guess.

Im out! Geraldo yelled.

Dont tell them that! I yelled back.

 Im not out!

Hes not out guys! I tried to back him up, but I didnt think the goons bought it,
since they stood up and started for Geraldo. There were only two of them left so I fired shots
at both of them, unfortunately the bullet hole in my leg affected my accuracy and I could only
wing them, and now I was out of ammo too. They turned around and looked at me, Im not
out? I said, trying to lie, but failing. They both started shooting at me so I dove behind the
bar. They just kept coming and firing, apparently they werent running out of bullets. I
found a bottle of some high proof liquor and quickly made a make-shift molotov cocktail. I
lit it and tossed it towards them. It hit one of them directly and he ran around screaming
while burning to death.

The other guy was hit by some of the fire, but patted himself out quickly. I jumped
over the bar and ran towards him. My leg throbbed with every step, but I had only moments
before he regained composure and started firing again. I ran up on him and punched him in
the throat. He choked for breath as I took shots to his chest. I could feel the ribs cracking
around my knuckles with every hit. He began coughing up blood and fell to his knees. I took
him by the hair and said, Never mess with, Dick.

Or the Ortega brothers, Geraldo shouted from behind the table.

Or the Ortega brothers, I repeated as I cracked his skull on the corner of a table. His
head split like an egg and his body fell to the floor. I looked around at the carnage. Bullet
holes everywhere, blood splattered on the walls, and bodies all around.

Geraldo walked up to me, and put his hand on my shoulder. Hell of a show, Dick.
Now we find, Cornelius.

We walked to the door that Cornelius had come out of earlier today, figuring he had
heard the gunfire and was cowering in the corner like a little bitch. I tried to kick down the
door, but I forgot that I was shot in the leg and didnt even make a dent. Let me try,
Geraldo offered. He did, and also couldnt kick down the door.

He tried several more times before I stopped him, Lets try the handle.

I opened the door and was immediately hit with loud trance type music. The room
must have been soundproofed or something because the music was definitely turned up to
party mode. Geraldo and I looked in the room and were shocked.

Roldolpho? Geraldo yelled.

Cornelius? I yelled.

Cornelius looked over and yelled, Dick?

 Roldolpho looked over and yelled, Geraldo?

What are you doing here? Geraldo yelled.

What are YOU doing here? Roldolpho yelled.

Someone turn that shit off! I yelled. There was just too much yelling, and it was
already hard to hear after all the gunfire. Cornelius reached over and turned off the stereo.
He and Roldolpho were sitting on the couch together, very closely I might add. Someone
better start explaining here real quick, or Im just going to kill all of you and figure shit out
myself.

Cornelius and my brother used to be business associates. They recently had a falling
out, which is why Cornelius hired you to kill him, Im sure, Geraldo said.

You hired him to kill me? Roldolpho said. He looked over at Cornelius and slapped
him. How could you?

I just couldn't imagine you becoming partners with someone else. It broke my
southern heart, Cornelius replied.

So you have me killed? If you cant have me, then no one can? Roldolpho said.

I tried to call it off, I swear! Dick! You didnt answer your phone, Cornelius said.

I had it on silent, you know, assassination and all, I said.

You couldve at least checked your messages, Cornelius said.

I was busy, you know, assassination and all, I said.

That is no excuse, my boy, Cornelius said.

This is no excuse! Roldolpho said. You cannot just have me killed because you are
upset. You need to learn how to work things out, you have to talk to me.

I will next time. I swear. No more assassination attempts. Cornelius gave

Roldolpho puppy dog eyes.

For crying out, Ive had enough of this, I said. I pointed my guns at Cornelius and
Roldolpho. Someone better tell me where Henry is in the next five seconds or Im blowing
your brains on the wall.

Youre out of bullets, Dick, Geraldo chimed in.

I was bluffing dammit, I said.

 Oh please, Cornelius began, he got up and walked towards me, then lowered my
guns. There is no reason for all of this. A simple misunderstanding has occurred and I
believe both parties have reached an amicable agreement here. He looked past me and
Geraldo to see all his men dead, but he just shrugged and said, Well, there are always more
guards. All these scumbags were the same. Come, sit, we will tell you everything you need
to know about your missing child.
Chapter 9

Invited to the Party

Since Cornelius and the Ortega brothers had patched things up, I figured I was about
to get a lot of information about Henrys location, who took him, and what they wanted with
him. We all gathered around a table in the middle of the office, and Roldolpho poured us
some drinks. He was definitely better than that bartender, Mitch, and made me something
called an Irish Trashcan. It was loaded with booze and an energy drink to top it off, just
what I needed. As I pounded my drink back, no one was really saying anything. The whole
room felt awkward, and I couldnt quite put my finger on it. It mightve had something to do
with Cornelius calling a hit on one of the brothers at the table, or maybe it was because one
of the brothers at the table had called a hit on, Cornelius. Whatever it was, I was getting a
tired of waiting around, and needed the information that was promised to me, so I said, One
of you better start talking, or Im going to put a bullet in each of your heads.

Oh please my boy, you can stop it with the tough guy routine now. Youre amongst
friends, Cornelius replied.

I need to find, Henry.

You need to take a break, Cornelius said.

No time for breaks in my line of work, Im sure you can appreciate that.

I appreciate a lot of things, Cornelius said, eyeballing Roldolpho. But I promise

you, you aint ever gonna rescue that boy without a good nights sleep.

Thanks for the advice, now tell me how to find him.

Its not the how that is the problem, it is the where.

Then tell me where to find him.

Its not that simple my boy. Cornelius leaned back and lit up a stogie, then stuck his
hand halfway down his pants again.

Im getting real tired of your shit here, Colonel Sanders.

Name calling wont get you anywhere.

 Then maybe this will. I pulled out my knife and put it to Roldolphos neck. I
pressed the metal into his skin just enough so that a faint red line of blood started to show.
I can kill the three of you before your fat ass even draws a gun.

Geraldo pulled out his gun and pointed at me. Dont you dare, Dick, he said.

Remove your knife from that mans neck, my boy. Its like I said, youre amongst
friends now, Cornelius said.

Friends dont try to murder each other then have drinks after. I dont know what
kind of relationship you all have, but it makes me sick.

Sit down, Dick. We will tell you everything you need to know, Cornelius said.

I want straight answers, I said. Cornelius nodded and motioned for me to take a
seat. Geraldo lowered his weapon. I removed my knife from Roldolphos neck. He turned
around and slapped me.

Dont you ever blemish my perfect skin again. Thousands of hours moisturizing, for
naught! Roldolpho yelled as he went behind the bar to clean himself up.

His skin was silky smooth, I could tell he took pride in his appearance. Most of the
top brass in the crime world do. Every once in a while youd run into a man who had been
rode hard and put away wet, but most of the time they were so rich they paid others for the
real dirty work and would sit in their office drinking expensive booze all day. Ill tell you
though, in spite of all their faults, they were true entrepreneurs, and besides a few of the
legacy type families, most had started from the bottom to run successful, albeit illegal,
multibillion dollar companies.

Personally I didnt see the difference between what these men did and what the major
multi-national corporations do. They all build their wealth off the backs of slave labor,
murder anyone who gets in their way, and help topple governments just to benefit their
bottom line. The only difference I can see is that you cant trade a company like Cornelius
on the New York Stock Exchange.

I took a seat and started to question Cornelius, First I want to know how you all knew
about me, and second, I want to know where Henry is.

Its quite simple really. Rumors that Teflacon had taken a math and science prodigy
from the states was abuzz all around town you see. We knew it wouldnt be long before
someone came looking for him, be it the FBI, the CIA, or some merc. Now, weve all heard of
you at one time or another, your reputation precedes you, and when the body count started
to add up in our direction, we knew it was just a matter of time before you rolled into town.
Cornelius took another drag on his cigar, then continued, You see Dick, you dont know this,
but we are all working towards the same goal. Our path may not have included saving
Henry, but if yours does thats fine, as long as you can get the job done.

But I dont work for you, I am here for Henry.

Geraldo leaned in and continued for Cornelius, We all want to bring down Teflacon.
They have been a thorn in the side of our operations for quite some time, and now that they
have Henry, they can complete their master plan, the Photon Proton Gamma Gun, or The
Wave as marketed to their buyers.

I dont care. I'm here to find, Henry.

Roldolpho came back from the bar to continue, Its undetectable by any detector. It
can break down and fit into your ass with ease.

Henry. Where is, Henry?

Roldolpho ignored me and continued, Now that Teflacon has, the Henry, his
mathematical and scientist skills can be used to fix the only problem with the weapon, the
ammo capacity.

Back to Cornelius, Why wouldnt we want this you might ask? A brand new and
expensive weapon? It must be Christmas for us! Its far from it, my dear boy. They refuse to
sell to us. Teflacon is looking to run all of the competition out of town.

And Geraldo again, They could become the sole arms dealers for the entire world.
With headquarters in each of the major cities.

Are you done yet? I asked.

Now weve tried being reasonable with them, Cornelius said. taking the reins again.
We offered a fair price and all of our selling channels, but they laughed in our faces, and we
hate being made the fool.

Which is why when you came into town, we figured you could be of assistance to us,
Roldolpho added.

The infamous, Dick Powers. The man who can take out 100 men with a pair of
chopsticks. It was a dream come true, Cornelius said.

We want the entire operation destroyed. All the prototypes, all the back-ups, all the
men, we want them all dead and destroyed, Geraldo said.

For the last time, where is Henry?

 We dont know exactly where their headquarters are, but we do know that they are
throwing a giant gala at the CEOs estate up north a bit. His name is, Javier Wanton, and it
is there that you can hack into the computers and find out where they are holding, Henry,
Cornelius said.

Thank you Cornelius! Finally! I said, then stood up and began walking to the door.

Now to get in youre going to need a Roldolpho began talking about how I should
infiltrate the complex, but I was getting a little tired of hearing these yokels talk about what I
needed to do. Apparently they knew about my particular set of skills, but they didnt know
anything about how I work. Cornelius was right about one thing though, I needed a few
minutes of rest. My voice was hoarse from talking more in the last three days than I had all
year. Like most mercs, I am a machine, I can run on three minutes of sleep for days, but
even the best, me, need to recharge a little bit. I decided to leave this little pow wow of
despicable people and get back to my room to dress my wounds and catch a few zs.

I left the bar and on my way out I could hear them still talking around the table about
how I was supposed to sneak into the gala at Javiers estate. It was like they were
preprogrammed with lines they needed to deliver and didnt even care if they weren't
speaking to anyone anymore. These conversations could last for hours and I didnt care to
hear their take on my approach. Between just the three of them I had been hired. and fired,
to assassinate two of them on the same night. Not to mention the fact that I had killed some
twenty men that night as well. These jokers were nothing but trouble in my opinion, and I
didnt need them around mucking up my strategy. I had Charlie, and he would let me know
how to get in. Besides, after the plane flight, he owed me.

I got to my motel room about a half hour later, and it was not a comfortable walk, Ive
walked away from much worse, but taking a few slugs always slows you down a bit. I got into
my bag and took out some first aid type stuff. I removed my shirt, revealing my rock hard
body. Blood trickled down my washboard abs and around every curve of my muscular
physique. Beads of sweat ran alongside the scars on my back, left from the time I spent as
POW in Afghanistan.

I dug the bullet out of my leg. My calves were so dense with muscle and stuff that it
didnt pass through. I dumped a bunch of anti-septic in the hole, it stung, but you gotta
clean that out. Infection is the number two enemy, second only to the main enemy. I did the
same to the corkscrew wound, it also stung. These were minor wounds compared to what I
would have to deal with during the final confrontation with the boss man. You could expect
to take a few slugs, a few scraps, and a few bruises along the way, but never anything that
would really hinder you from completing the mission.
 One of the things I always brought with me is this instant-stitch stuff that Charlie
worked up. It would basically clog up any non-biological holes in your body to stop loss of
blood. It was really great for small wounds like gun shots, knife stabs, and corkscrew jabs,
but not so much for larger injuries. Like if I had a leg blown off, it wouldnt do a damn thing
to stop the bleeding from my stump. I dumped the bottle into both of my new wounds and
watched as the liquid coagulated, sealing up the holes nice and tight.

I took the bandage off of my hand, from the Monique stabbing, to check on the
healing process. It was pretty well healed up, so I pulled out the stitches and dumped some
antiseptic on it just to be safe, it didnt really sting. My body heals incredibly fast, and I dont
really know why, but it definitely helped in my line of work.

With all of my wounds cleaned and dressed, I turned on some sensual music and
jumped in the shower. I closed my eyes and did that totally sexy thing where you just lean
with one hand against the wall and let the hot water pour down your face. The dried blood
and dirt streaked down my totally ripped and shredded body then circled the drain. The
music continued to play as I slowly loofahd my body. I gently circled around my nipples and
they got all hard and stuff. I also made sure to clean my crack real good, enemy number
three is swamp ass. I scrubbed the rest of my body, just as sensually, then turned off the
shower and dried myself off. The whole thing was super sexy and stuff, its too bad you
werent there to see it.

After my shower, I changed into my only spare clothes and laid down. It had been a
grueling few days, and since I didnt have to be anywhere until the next evening, I set my
alarm for a few hours and fell asleep.

I was sleeping soundly until my phone rang. I looked over and saw that it was Charlie
buzzing me. I needed to call him anyways, but I had hoped to doze a few REMs before I
needed to deal with him. I answered the phone groggily, Hello?

Oh good youre awake, Charlie said.

I need you to do a little research for me.

Yeah I know, but thats not why I called.

Javier Wanton, I need the address to his estate, and a way in.

Dammit, Dick! Listen for one second. I know what you need, and I also know that
youve gotten all buddy-buddy with Cornelius and the Ortega brothers.

You call me trying to kill all of them at one point or another getting all buddy-buddy
with them?
 And drinks, Dick! Drinks and light conversation! Dick! I cant believe you! Ive
been begging you for years to grab dinner, or a beer, or anything, and youre down there for
half a day and practically having sleepovers with these guys! I could hear him starting to
hyperventilate on the other end of the phone.

Calm down, Charlie. Breath. Breath. I could hear the crinkling of a paper bag while
his breathing slowed. Youre gonna be okay, bud.

Its just I dont have a lot of friends, Dick. I hate seeing movies alone, tables for one,
and solo mani pedis.

Those guys arent my friends, Charlie. Youre my buddy, my go-to guy.

Youre just saying that.

Promise, dawg. Me and you, were gonna paint the town red when I get back.

You mean it?

Absolutely. Well go out, have some drink, maybe even find you a lady. Ill wingman
for you.

I could hear Charlie sniffle a little on the other end. Thanks, friend.

There was an awkward silence on the phone for a few seconds, but I still needed that
information, so I asked, So, can I get that info?

Dammit, Dick!

What?

Still the same old, Dick. Just tapping Charlie for information, never wanna tap
Charlie for pleasure.

Oh come on, what do you want me to do? I still need you to hook me up with some
info. Charlie was silent on the other end, probably pouting. The faster you help me, the
faster I can get home. Still silence. Beers and girls

And karaoke?

I covered the phone with my hand and grit my teeth. I hated karaoke. Actually, I
hated all of the things that I told Charlie we would do, but I needed him, I needed this
information. If theres time, yeah.

You make time, Dick.

Fine, I said grinding my teeth.

 Good! Ive emailed you the address and arranged for a car to be delivered to your
hotel. There will be a tux in the car as well as an invitation to the party. The suit is bullet
proof up to thirty caliber. You will also be provided with the proper documentation in case
they do ask for an ID or whatever. Your name is, David Duke, and you own a multinational
corporation. All of the details will be in the folder.

You already had this planned, Charlie? Why the interrogation?

I needed to know whos side you were on, Dick. Those men you mingled with this
evening are very slick. They have a way of talking people into doing their bidding.

You know I dont get fooled like that.

Not unless they have blonde hair and a nice rack, eh?

This is for Henry, and the future of my kid.

Keep telling that to yourself there, slick Dick. You dog you.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Wait! One more thing, Dick. The Wave that Teflacon is developing, it packs a
wallop. It isnt complete yet, it can only fire four shots before its toast, but now that they
have Henry, well, hes the key to quantum mechanical vortex capacitor. Thing could have
damn near unlimited ammo by the time its done.

Thanks for the heads up.

Its not just a heads up, its a warning, Dick. These things send a supersonic
shockwave at thermodynamic speeds. It can blow a hole through someone, even someone as
muscular and toned as you.

I need to go.

Just be careful. Youre my best friend, Dick.

I really need to go.

Sweet dreams, Dick.

I laid back in my bed and I thought about, Charlie. He was a good guy, and I figured
that I really should hang out with him at some point, but I hated mixing work and pleasure.
Then again, maybe it was time that I paid Charlie back for all the stuff he had done for me.
Shit. What was this mission doing to me? I couldnt afford to be getting all soft now. I
needed to keep my edge. Eye of the tiger, balls of a rhino. Tomorrow night could get messy.
Real messy.
Chapter 10

The Party
I dont want to bore you with all the random stuff that I did before I went to Javier
Wantons house. I figure you would rather hear about how badass I was at the party rather
than the Frappuccino I had and the eight hours of daytime TV I watched. Usually Im not
one to lie about the house all day while on-the-clock so to speak, but dammit if Steve Harvey
doesn't host the hell out of some Family Feud.

Anyways, Charlie had been as good as his word. Around 6 oclock a dope ass ride
showed up. It was like a Lamborghini Ferrari or whatever. It was murdered out, with tinted
windows, and a slick sound system. Im not one for flash, but I needed to look the part of a
wealthy gun dealer, so I approved of all the modifications. Inside the car was the suit Charlie
had promised, tailored to my specifications exactly. This isnt an off-the-rack type of suit
from Sears, this bad boy is made of carbon fibers and kevlar, not sheep fur. While it did add
extra protection, it weighed you down a bit and made the sweat drip down your balls.

The necessary documentation was also in the car, plus a little box with a bow on it, the
note read, From Your Best Pal, Charlie. Inside was a watch, but not just any watch, this
watch was a Charlie Special. It was preloaded with six poisoned tipped darts that could be
fired by pressing down on the face. It wasnt enough poison to kill someone, but it would
knock them out for a day or two, depending on their BMI.

Wealthy billionaire parties are something you have to get use to in my line of work.
Almost every mission I had ever been on in the private sector had required me to attend one
of these ridiculous functions. It was always a bunch of snobs all dressed up, eating expensive
food that tastes like shit, and enjoying the smell of their own farts. I hated going to these
parties for that reason alone, but add in the fact that its hard to bring any weapons in, and
there always ends up being a fight, then you got a recipe for disaster.

Charlie always figured out a way for me to sneak something in to at least take out a
few people before I had time to loot a gun, hence the watch, but it still was never a cake walk.
He did make a line of little Whopper sized grenades that you could kiester, but if Id told him
once Id told him a thousand times, I aint shoving anything up my ass that a doctor hasnt
prescribed. Plus could you imagine trying to find a little corner while bullets were flying by
your head, dropping your drawers, and crapping out explosives? It was definitely not for me.

I changed into my suit and put on the watch that Charlie had given me. I looked like a
mix between the Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig Bonds, but definitely more buff. I walked
out of my room and got in the car. There were like a million buttons all across the
dashboard, and if I knew Charlie like I thought I knew Charlie, then this car had been tricked
out with all sorts of dope weapons and stuff. Those would need to be saved for the inevitable
car chase scene after the party. Charlie was really good with the labels and stuff too. None of
that stupid, Oops I pressed a button and a rocket fired out the back, dur. I am a
professional, I dont make those kind of rookie mistakes. I turned on the car and the radio
started blasting DMX. Charlie also knew how I liked to roll up to the party. I put the top
down and sped off to the gala.

It was only like an hour drive to this guys place, and damn if it wasnt the nicest
property I had ever seen. The driveway was a mile long, so his place was nice and secluded,
and he had a fountain every hundred feet the whole way up with bikini clad models in each
one splashing each other. I pulled up to the house and gave the valet my keys. I made sure
to watch out of the corner of my eye where he parked it, incase I needed to make a quick
getaway.

Each one of the steps leading to the front door had a lady painted in gold standing on
it. They were holding cigars, assorted boozes, and little finger foods. I declined the cigars
but downed a few different cocktails before reaching the top. I figured now was the time to
get a good buzz going, since later they may discover my true identity and try to spike my
drink with something. For now, as far as they knew, I was David Duke, wealthy gun dealer.
When I got to the front door I gave the doorman my ticket to the event. He looked at it,
looked at me, then looked at it again. Is there a problem? I asked.

No sir, have a good evening, he said with a slight smile.

I walked into the house and, unsurprisingly, a ton more half naked chicks were all
walking around with drinks and appetizers on shiny gold plates. This guy definitely had a
type. Skinny, nice boobs, and only blondes or brunettes. Im not sure what he had against
red haired gals, I personally love me a little splash of color up there, but apparently he didnt,
so he didnt employ any of them. I scanned the room to locate any of the immediate threats.
There were two guards on almost every doorway, and a bunch just walking around with
SMGs. When youre in this line of business, even your friends are suspect, so it was no
surprise that this place was crawling with security.

I knew at some point I would need to secure a weapon, so I looked around for my
target. Over by a bedroom door was this gangly looking guard picking his nose. Bingo. It
looked like it was his first day, and unfortunately for him, I was going to make it his last.
First I would need to mingle around the party a bit, as to not alert the guards, but I didnt see
anyone I recognized. That was at least until I saw Roldolpho and Cornelius come walking
through the front door. I walked up to them and asked, What are you doing here?
 Oh so good to see you, Mr. Dick! Roldolpho said while kissing me on both cheeks
like those dopey French people do.

Shh! My name is, David Duke, here.

Dont be silly, Dick. Everyone here knows who you are, Roldolpho said.

No, I used a fake name and ID to get in. Im, David Duke.

Son, you aint foolin nobody. They all know its you, Cornelius said.

You even have a name tag on the table over there, Roldolpho said, then pointed at a
table by the entrance, with a name tag for Richard Powers on it.

Shit. Seriously? I said as I walked over and looked at the tag.

If we knew who you were, then of course these people know who you are, Cornelius
said.

I picked up the tag and stuck it on my jacket. Well no use in hiding it I guess.

Thats why we told you to come in from the roof, into the second floor bedroom
where Javier has his personal computer, Roldolpho said.

When did you tell me that?

After we explained Teflacons evil plan to you, Cornelius said.

Huh, I guess I shouldve stuck around to hear what you guys had to say.

You didnt? Cornelius asked.

But why would Charlie send me in like this? He mustve known that I had been made
down here.

Charlie is a sweet boy, but sometimes he lets his emotions get the best of him,
Cornelius said.

He called us early this morning and chewed our ears off about how we were stealing
his best friend, Dick. He even threatened to send an assassin. It was too cute, Roldolpho
said.

Well how the hell am I supposed to access this dudes computer now that he knows
Im here?

I would suggest that you just go up there and get it, Cornelius said. Javier is like a
cat, he likes to play with his kill a little before he takes its life.
 Then why wouldnt you guys tell me to do that in the first place? Why come down
from the roof?

It wouldve been beneficial if Javier had not seen you at the party. He may have
second guessed himself as to whether or not you had discovered their secret base, Cornelius
said.

But now that you have ruined the surprise, you might as well wave to him,
Roldolpho said as he pointed to a man up on the balcony. It was, Javier. He looked over at
us and waved. We all waved back as he descended the stairs and walked towards us.

We best be going now, Roldolpho, Cornelius began. It would appear that Mr.
Wanton would like a minute with, Mr. Powers.

Cornelius and Roldolpho walked off towards other guests at the party. Javier walked
right up to me and reached out his hand and said, Javier Wanton. It is a pleasure to meet
you, David Duke, or should I say, Dick Powers?

I reached out my hand and shook his, I see word of my arrival has traveled fast.

Of course, Mr. Powers. Weve been keeping close tabs on Jenny ever since her son
came with us. I have the local police around her home updating me on her every move, he
said. Well Ill be damned, Jenny was right, those cops were following her.

I know, thats why I told her to stay home, out of sight.

Last I checked she was out seeing a movie with some friends.

Dammit, Jenny. I grit my teeth and forced a smile. Good, I said. It will give her
something to take her mind off of her missing son. I was pretty pissed at Jenny at this
point. I thought about having Charlie lock her in his safe room until this mission was
finished, but she would probably just throw a temper tantrum until soft Charlie let her out.

Dick, there is no need for you to go around hunting for, Henry. He is safe with us,
and once he has done the necessary calibrations to The Wave, he will be free to return to
home, and he will be paid quite handsomely.

What? So a little money makes this all better? You cant just go around kidnapping
people, Javier. Its wrong dammit!

Kidnap? Who said I kidnapped Henry? Jenny? Oh my boy, you have been fooled by
the blue eyed temptress herself.

What are you talking about?

 Henry joined us of his own free will. He wanted to make some money to help
support his mother. Really a very generous young man.

Jenny said you took him. Wrecked his room all up and stuff too.

Im sure she did. Did she also wear that top that makes her boobs all stick out and
stuff when she approached you?

No, I said. I lied. Well Im not sure if it was the specific top that Javier was
referring to, so maybe I wasnt lying, but she had worn a sexy little number that made her
boobs stick out. Shit.

Oh come on now, Dick. This cant be the first time youve been played the fool. All of
us succumb to a nice pair boobs at one time or another. Why do you think I surround myself
with so many boobs? Its to dull the senses. I see boobs every day. So some lady coming up
to me with a sob story and cleavage like a French hooker in the 1820s doesn't get to me.

But why would she send me after him?

We used to date, shes pissed.

You used to date, Jenny?

Yes, back in my younger years. I was her first lover after her husband died, but she
got all naggy and shit so I left. Started earning my fortune.

No. No way this is true. I am, Dick Powers, I dont get fooled.

Why do you think she is out farting around with her friends while youre here looking
for her son? Doesnt it seem a little odd that she is so calm about the situation?

Ive heard her voice, Ive seen the tears in her eyes, I know she wants him back.

Javier grabbed an appetizer off a tray and started munching on it. You, see munch
munch, Oh, Dick. You must try these little pastries with mini German aged bougetta
sausage in them.

Pigs in a blanket?

Call them what you like, I call them delicious. He grabbed four more off the tray.
Jenny is a drama major, Dick. Shes an actress. Havent you seen those commercials with
her in them?

I knew I had recognized her. She was the Charmin lady. The one that interacts with
those stupid ass-wiping cartoon bears. Shit.
 You see, Dick, Javier continued with a mouthful of food, you got played by the best.
Its nothing to be ashamed of. Come by my secret compound tomorrow. Ill have the valet
put the coordinates into your cars GPS. You can meet Henry, get a tour, and Ill even throw
in a commemorative gift bag for your visit.

I stared down at my feet for a moment. I couldnt believed that I had been had. Was I
so easily susceptible to a nice rack and some little baby face blinking horse shit? No. I was,
Dick Powers. I knew what I was doing. I could read people better than anyone, and this
Javier Wanton was spewing more than just little bits of sausage at my face right then.
Screw you, Javier. Im here for, Henry. So I only have one question. You wanna do this the
easy way, or the hard way?

Whatever you like, Dick. The smug little bastard was still chowing down on snacks.
I have plenty of men at my disposal.

That's when the man with the scar walked up to Javier. He said into Javiers ear, Sir,
you have other guests to attend to.

Thank you, Blaine, Javier said. Blaine looked at me while he walked off to another
dude. That was, Blaine, hes a good man. Should you choose the hard way, then I suspect
you will meet him personally at some point. The other man there is Boris, another one of my
men you will meet if you choose the hard way. Hes from Scandinavia, very thick accent, but
just the nicest guy. Of course he can rip your head off with his bare hands if you provoke
him.

Im up for the challenge.

I suppose you are, Javier said, looking me up and down. Please, enjoy the rest of
the party. Javier walked off towards Boris and Blaine. They must be his personal body
guards. I wont lie, they looked like tough customers, but I was sure I could handle them.

I grabbed a few more drinks, slugged them back, and left the party. I really didnt
know what to think at this point. Had I been duped by some woman? Was this all for
nothing? I tried to get these thoughts out of my mind as I waited for the valet to bring my
car around. This was the first time I had questioned what I was doing since I had been
betrayed by my own government in, Kuwait.

The valet pulled my car up and handed me the keys. I have put the address to the
secret base into your cars GPS per the request of, Mr. Wanton. Have a good evening, sir.

I got into the car and started to drive off of the property. About halfway down I got a
call from Cornelius. I pulled over and answered the phone, What?

Whered you go my boy? The party has barely even started, Cornelius said.
 I dont need anything there, Javier gave me the address to the secret base, he invited
me to come see it.

Oh come on now, you dont believe that he would just give that information to you do
you?

You said he likes to play with his kill.

Hes a cocky son of a bitch, but not that cocky. Not with this much riding.

Is that Dick? Let me talk to him, Roldolpho said in the background, giggling.

Be quiet, Cornelius said back to Roldolpho.

Oh come on, let me talk to, the Dick, Roldolpho said, with more giggling.

Not now, be quiet! Cornelius yelled. I could practically hear Roldolpho pouting in
the background. Im sorry, Dick. Champagne goes straight to that boys head.

I need to go.

Stop, Dick! You must come back and hack the computer.

I told you, I have the address.

This is not the Dick Powers that I know.

You dont know me.

I know plenty about you. Dick Powers wouldnt let some slick talking Javier asshole
play him like this. Let me guess, he said something about Henry coming of his own free will.
Jenny is just angry about him leaving their relationship.

Damn. Well yeah. Thats almost exactly it.

Thats non-sense! This man is pure evil. And coming from me, a man of evil myself,
that is really saying something.

Goodbye, Cornelius.

Let me talk to him, I want to tell him I love him, Roldolpho said while trying to get
on the phone again.

Let go of my phone you drunken buffoon! I could hear Roldolpho and Cornelius
arguing so I just hung up.

I kept driving off of the property. This whole mission had become some ridiculous
dog and pony show. I needed to get back to basics. I needed to put all of the conflicting
information out of mind and get back to what I do best, saving good guys and killing bad
guys. This proton photon neutron gun thing sounded like it could change the face of global
terrorism, and even if Jenny was lying to me, I couldnt forget the real reason I was doing
this. I was doing this for my son and his family. It was for their safety above all else. Jenny
mightve betrayed me, I mean it is fairly common in the evil corporation playbook, but if I
thought for even a second that Javier was feeding me bullshit, I needed to go back and get
the location from his computer myself. I parked the car a couple miles down the road,
grabbed some guns from the trunk, some repelling gear, and started walking back to the
compound. I was going back to the party, but this time, I was gonna crash it.
Chapter 11

Back to the Party

It was a rough walk back to the party, not just because it was like a three mile trek, but
I found it exceedingly difficult to not stop on the way and stare at the scantily clad ladies in
the fountains. I was able to make it back to the house, without alerting the guards, and with
only two stops at fountains to ogle the bikini babes. Since I had already been identified as
Dick Powers at the party, and word of my presence had been spread around all of South
Africa, I had to be extra careful when trying to break into the compound. If I was detected by
any of the security, I wouldnt be able to deploy my usual tactics of acting like a lost party-
goer or a landscaper that was working late.

I had already been inside, so I had a general idea of the security and I had seen that
the party was confined to the main floor, which would leave the upstairs with little to no
security. Using this information, I decided the roof was my best plan of attack. I hadnt seen
any guards on the roof while I worked my way back to the house, so without much tact, I
used my grappling hook to scale the side of the house and gain access to the roof.

Javier had a really nice roof. Back when I was younger I worked summers with my
dad and his roofing company, so I knew a good roof when I saw one. Homes in this climate
typically used metal or tile roofing, depending on the value of the home, but this dude had
straight slate roofing. It was impeccably laid and really added to the overall value and look
of the home. It was dark, but I did try and snap a couple pictures to add to my collection.
When I was at least somewhat satisfied with the quality of my photos, I started to survey the
roof for access inside.

I looked specifically for access into Javiers bedroom, where I was told he kept his
computer. He had multiple skylights, so I went to each and looked down into them to see if I
could see a bed or something that might indicate a bedroom. They all had beds. That idea
was a bust, but it didnt really matter, since I leaned a bit too much on the last skylight and
broke through. Luckily for me, there was a bed right underneath, unluckily for me, I was still
covered in glass and had made a considerable amount of noise. Oddly enough the bullet
proof suit didnt really protect much from glass; it cut right through. I had several cuts on
my arms but no major bleeding, I have thick skin that goes with my rock hard body. I
quickly rolled off the bed and hid in a corner to see if I had alerted any of the guards. I
hadnt, so I searched around the room for a computer.
 This room was obviously Javiers. My first clue was when I had fallen on the bed and
the sheets were Egyptian cotton. It was very smooth between the broken pieces of glass. My
second clue was the giant attached bathroom, which led me to believe that this was the
master bedroom. The third was the fact that Javier had walked in while I was snooping
around. I quickly hid behind the door as he opened it, then as he closed it I made my way to
a dark corner to stay out of his line of sight. He mustve been a bit tipsy, because he ignored
the glass on the floor and went straight to the bathroom.

When he closed the door to the bathroom, I crawled underneath his bed. I hate
hiding under beds. Im not sixteen and hiding from some shortys dad. It makes you look
dumb and you lose the ability to get the drop on fools. At least with closets you can hear
them open the door and jump out on them or something. When youre under a bed, they just
pull up the dust cover and then you have to do this ridiculous scoot shuffle across the floor to
get out from underneath. I was hoping Javier wouldnt notice anything that would lead him
to investigate under the bed where I laid silently while he did his business.

It had been about fifteen minutes since Javier had entered the bathroom, and I was
nervous that he might exit in drag as, Javierena. Those nerves calmed though, as I heard
him start to take the most despicable toilet busting shit I have heard. These types of things
rarely grossed me out. I once had to hide in a porta potty for six hours while on a mission in
Turkmenistan, so I had grown a tolerance to feces, but as the thunder ass-claps continued,
and the smell started to creep from under the door and into the room, it was all that I could
do to stop myself from vomiting.

Javier continued to punish the toilet with shotgun-sharts that were so loud I expected
the UN to call for a ceasefire based on the Geneva Conventions. That poor toilet was an
unwilling participant in the hostilities spewing from Javiers ass. Thankfully after a sobering
five minutes, I heard a flush. The bathroom door opened and Javier left his bedroom to
return to the party. When I didnt hear him wash his hands, I knew that my suspicions about
him being despicable were correct, and I had made the right choice in coming back here to
get the location of the secret base myself.

I scooted out from underneath the bed and walked over to the desk. Javiers
computer was sitting on it, a MacBook pro, you know because they are basically un-hackable.
Unfortunately for Javier, Charlie had included a little flash drive thing in my watch that
would allow me to break through his security. I wont bore you with the details, but all I had
to do was plug it in and let the Java Script run itself. Within seconds I had breached his
iCloud security and had access to all the files on his computer. I located the folder labeled
Secret Base, and quickly copied it over to my watch. The USB thing on my watch also had
a like a teraflop of storage, so I poked around a bit to see if there was anything else that
would interest me on the computer. Javier had quite the music library, so I helped myself to
the Eminem discography and then put the computer back into sleep mode. A good spy
leaves no evidence that he had been at the scene; leaving evidence is enemy number four.

As I closed the lid to the laptop, a couple burst through the door getting all frisky.
Before I had the chance to knock them out with a couple darts from my watch gun, the
woman saw me and screamed, which alerted the guards. I hate when the guards are alerted.

Two big looking dudes bust in the room brandishing more friggin SMGs, which were
apparently the go-to choice of weapon down here. Now that the security had been alerted to
my presence, there was no need for stealth, or mercy. I pulled out a couple of handguns and
started to go to town on these fools. They sprayed bullets around me like they had never
actually fired their weapons before and I quickly dropped them with a couple shots to their
heads. Their brains splattered across the back wall and their blood speckled all over the
horny couple.

I usually dont like to leave loose ends, and I probably shouldve capped the lovers, but
I felt that the damage had already been done since the guards were already alerted, so I let
them go. I cant blame the guy for trying to score with a hottie at some dudes party, and the
woman was just startled by a strange man in the corner of the room, so it wasnt their fault. I
mean can you imagine that you're about to get lucky and out of the corner of your eye you see
some guy in the corner looking at you? Not my idea of a good time. She of course ran out of
the room screaming, which only alerted the guards further, and more kept running to the
room.

These dumb morons didnt know the first thing about tactical combat. They kept
running up to the door and I kept shooting them in the head. One after another they came
rushing through the door just to have their brains blown out. Youd think if you saw your
buddy rush in, then heard a couple shots and a thud on the floor, you might try a different
approach to your attack, but henchmen are notoriously stupid. After I had dropped about
eight of those morons, I got kind of bored, and decided that if I was gonna kill twenty or so
dudes I might as well put on a little show.

I got up from the desk and left the room. In the hallway there were like ten more
guards all lined up ready to run into the room and get capped in the head just like their
associates. Finally, it was time for me to party. All these jokers had their little SMGs out,
and ready to fire, but I wasnt having it. I screamed like a madman and charged at the first
guy in line. I stabbed him in the heart with my knife and twisted it a few times. I wanted to
send a message to these dopes that I was crazy, and theyd better be scared. Id hoped they
would all piss themselves, turn around, and run, but of course that wouldve been to easy. It
never got through their thick skulls that I was there to destroy them, and they didnt stand a
chance. Each one of these fart-knockers thought that, even though I had killed a dozen of
their friends, they would be the one to finally get me.

Three men charged towards me. I tore through the first guy by slicing from his belly
button up to his neck, gutting him like, knife-ah-goes-in-guts-ah-come-out. I quickly pulled
out my second knife and threw it at the next man. It penetrated deep into his skull. He tried
to pull it out, but he was basically dead already and had very little motor function left, so he
just looked like a dumbass. I slid to the next guy and stabbed him in the thigh. As he fell to
the ground I pulled the knife out of the other mans head and forced it through his neck. I
had done this so quickly that it was only then that the other men had finally been able to
start firing off a few rounds.

I picked up a body to use as a human shield and put two bullets in his eyes. Guts blew
out from the back of his head and got on the guards in front of me, which made their aim
even worse, but it didnt matter. I was fully behind my shield now and all I had to do was
look through the empty eye sockets of my victim like goggles. I didnt even need to poke my
head around to see them. I fired six shots and dropped the rest of the guards.

I started walking to the end of the hallway but slipped on some of the guts and landed
flat on my ass. Even the best mercs have their slapstick moments. When I stood up I felt a
sharp pain in my left butt-cheek. I had fallen on a shell casing and it was lodged deep in my
buttocks. I didnt have any of the sealing compound to close it up, and I didnt need two
buttholes right now, so I left it in. For a normal person, this would be a night-ending type
situation, but I had work to do, and bad guys to kill.

As I walked around the corner I was able to look over the balcony. On the main floor
the guests had all escaped and there were at least twenty guards spread out ready for war.
The second they saw me, they started firing. I ran down towards the stairs, with bullets
passing all around me. You really need to imagine this in slow-mo, cause it was slick.
Bullets hit the carpet and kicked up dust. Bullets hit the walls and sent splinters of wood
flying all around me. Bullets whizzed right by my head, just inches from penetrating my
skull.

I was able to turn slightly while running and fire off a dozen or so shots towards the
enemies, hitting a few of them in various body parts, and killing two with totally badass
headshots. As I dove behind a piece of furniture for cover at the top of the stairs, I heard a
chink. Believe it or not, one of those chuckleheads had actually hit me on the shell casing
in my left butt cheek. Just two inches to the right, and I wouldve had to crap out a bullet
later that night. I stayed behind the furniture thing for a minute to reload, and hopefully
figure out a plan of attack on the rest of these yokels.
 Luckily I had packed a grenade, the kind that goes boom, so I pulled the pin and
tossed it down to the main floor. While the enemy ran for cover I hopped on the railing and
slid down. I fired shots at any piece of flesh I could find poking out from behind cover. It
would also be good to imagine this in slow-mo, cause it was equally as slick. As I slid down
the railing I could feel the shell casing scraping against the rose wood banister, scratching
the hell out of it. The damage would cost Javier thousands to repair, but I didnt give a
damn. I fired my shots and was able to clip three guys in the legs and two in the head. A few
stray bullets hit some of the artwork and busted up the chandelier. I was usually much more
accurate than that, but cut me some slack, I was sliding down a railing with metal in my
cheek. Nobody is perfect under those circumstances. Just before the grenade exploded I
turned my head slightly and saw Javier open the door from the basement, What the fu

BOOM!

The grenade went off, sending pieces of the Italian marble tile flying around the room.

Javiers jaw dropped to the floor. He yelled, Stop! Stop! Desperately trying to call
for a ceasefire. A few shots echoed like the last few popcorn kernels in the bag, but otherwise
it was fairly immediate. I sat on the bannister, looking at Javier, and his men stood up doing
the same. What the hell, Dick?

They started it, I replied.

Nuh uh! some random henchmen began. He came out here all guns out, killed
Mikey and Tommy and

I dont want to hear it! Javier interrupted. You should all be ashamed of
yourselves! The guards all looked down at their feet and shuffled imaginary dirt. Javier
walked into the main area to survey the damage. One particular piece of art set him off. My
Mona Lisa, My Mona Lisa, he cried, as he walked towards a painting with tears in his eyes.
I didnt see what the big deal was, you can always buy more paintings, he has the money. I
want to know who shot my, Mona Lisa! Javier yelled.

I was pretty sure that I had, but in my defense it was a picture of a person, so I had
shot it in the head. The guards all looked around at each other. Who shot her!? he yelled
again. The guards shrugged and pointed at the new guy (the one picking his nose from
earlier). Javier walked over to Boris, who had also come up from the basement with him,
took his gun, and pointed it at the nose pickers head.

Please no, senior. It wasnt me, I swear, the nose picker mumbled out between
tears.

Then who was it? Javier said, as he pressed the gun to the nose pickers head.
 I couldnt let this go any further, the nose picker hadn't fired any shots at me. He had
stood in the corner and pissed himself. I tried to speak up, It was

BANG!

Javier shot the dude in the head before I could finish. He turned towards me. What
was that, Dick? he asked.

Oh nothing, I replied. There was no use in saying anything now, the pant-pissing
nose picker was already dead. Poor guy. He was probably just doing this job as a way to put
himself through vocational school or something. It really was a shame.

Now, Dick, Javier said while he walked towards me. Why did you feel it necessary
to come back to my home, shoot it up, kill my guards, and ruin my party?

I needed the location to your secret base, scumbag.

Dick! I already gave that to you! Did the valet not program it as I told him too?
Boris, go kill that valet. Boris nodded and started towards the front door.

Stop! It was there, but I don't trust you, Javier.

Oh for crying out, Dick, I am not the bad guy. I mean, yes I am a bad guy, but I didn't
kidnap, Henry.

I see right through you, Javier. Ive put down a dozen scumbags just like you. You
wont fool me.

Dammit, Dick! Javier rubbed his head with his gun and paced around the room,
then he suddenly stopped. Wait, was it you that killed my Mona?

I looked around the room a bit. All the guards were mean-mugging me. Well, there
is no way to be certain but

Dammit, Dick! I killed that guy! You saw that right? I just killed that guy like a
minute ago.

I tried to stop you.

Javier put his fingers on his temples and started rubbing. Leave, Dick. Please just
leave.

You havent seen the last of me, Javier.

I know, just leave.

 I hopped off the banister and walked towards the door, stepping over dead bodies,
pieces of chandelier and other bits of debris on my way. When I got to the door, I turned
around to give Javier a final warning. I wont let you finish that photon phaser laser gun.
Youre a madman.

Im just an arms manufacturer, Dick. If I dont make this gun, someone else will. Its
all supply and demand.

Youve got some sort of evil world domination plan. You dont fool me for one
second.

There is no plan! Javier yelled. I make guns. There are plenty of others who do the
same. This isnt some stupid movie or whatever.

Oh yeah? Why should I trust you?

For crying out loud. Listen, Dick. Match the GPS coordinates in your car to the ones
in your dumb little USB watch. I hope you feel really stupid when you see they are the
same.

I wont.

You wont check or you wont feel stupid?

I wont feel stupid.

Because you dont think they will match?

No, because Im, Dick Powers.

Alright then. Javier sighed, and I walked out the door. He called after me, When
the coordinates match, maybe youll realize you can trust me.

Fat chance! I yelled back without turning around.

See you tomorrow, Dick, Javier yelled after me.

Javier had a bunch of dirt bikes outside, and I thought it would be pretty kickass to
burn out with one of those and off of his property. So I did. I could see Javier at the door in
my side mirror, shaking his head while I did some totally tits broadies on his lawn. I always
get the last word.

Now I know what youre thinking. Youre thinking, Why didnt Dick just kill Javier
right there? Or at least kill Boris and Blaine. What you have to understand is there is an art
to my line of work. Henchmen are a dime a dozen. You can plow through those numbskulls
however you like, but when it comes to the top brass, you gotta save them for the end,
otherwise it wouldnt be a good story. How would you like it if James Bond just capped the
bad guy the first time he saw him? You would probably feel a little cheated if you were being
honest with yourself. I am no different. While I am Dick Powers, and I dont like to play by
the rules, I do play by some of the rules.

I got back to my car and ditched the dirt bike. Not really my style anyways. I hopped
in my car and pulled up the GPS. I went to my watch to grab the coordinates I had retrieved
from Javiers computer so I could input those instead. I didnt care what Javier had said, I
wasnt going to let him fool me into a trap. Of course if he was setting a trap for me, then
why wouldnt he have just killed me back at his house? Even with my tremendous abilities I
was still outgunned, and on his home field. I probably couldve taken out all of the guards,
but also having to take out Boris, Blaine, and then Javier? That mightve even pushed my
limits. Maybe he too was saving me for the final battle, or maybe he didn't really want me
dead. I finished entering the location from my watch. They were a match to the ones in the
car already. Shit.
Chapter 12

Motel Surprise
The GPS coordinates matched, I couldnt believe it. Here Id been all gun ho saving
some kid from his evil kidnappers, when it appeared that hed been willingly working for
them all along. Jenny had some serious explaining to do at this point, but I knew I still had
to finish the mission. I understood the overall plan had its ramifications, even if Javier
wasnt some evil mastermind, and I wanted to protect my family. On the other hand, Javier
was right, if it wasnt Teflacon now, it would be some other arms manufacturer later. Who
was I to stand in the way of technological progress? Hell, it could even be our own United
States government that comes out with a gun similar to this one, should I have to stop them
too?

It wouldnt be the first time the government took it upon themselves to create the
most earth shattering weapon before anyone else did. Quickest thing that comes to the
minds of most is the nuke, but the American people are blissfully unaware of the dozens of
other super weapons that the US has stockpiled over there at area 51. I cant go into too
many specifics here, because big brother is guaranteed to be reading this right now, but Ill
leave you with one word, albeit a hyphenated word, tsunami-megastorm. Now if that
doesnt make you pucker in your britches, then I dont know what will.

I had to blow off some steam before I got back to my motel. I rolled down my
windows, cranked the system, and yelled so many profanities that even some person who
was famous for swearing a lot would blush. I pulled over about a half mile away from my
motel into an empty Burger King parking lot and just started pulling the sickest broadies you
ever did see. Smoke was billowing around my car as DMX blared through the sound system.
It felt good.

When I arrived back at my motel I realized that I hadnt picked up any booze to help
purge the feeling of betrayal and stupidity from my brain. Fortunately, while Charlie does in
no way condone drinking and driving, he always packs some booze in the car somewhere for
me. I searched the car and found a half-gal of raspberry Smirnoff under the passenger seat.
That boy knew me too well. Plus he had taped a sweet ass crazy straw to the side for me to
drink with. That would do me well as I paced around my hotel room cursing Jenny and
punching the walls, but for now I needed full pulls. I stepped out of the car, took down a
solid quarter of the bottle and headed into my room.
 I opened the door, took another pull, and then sat on the edge of the bed. I had gotten
a lot of my frustration out in that Burger King parking lot, but I was still so angry for having
been fooled. I laid back and stared up at the ceiling. I watched the ceiling fan spin. It was
very soothing. My eyelids felt heavy and it was getting harder and harder to keep them open.
They would slowly weigh down then I would snap back, slowly weigh down then snap back.
On the third or so of these little dips, I snapped back and was looking right into the face of,
Monique. You remember the self-proclaimed spy from the train a couple days ago. I
immediately jumped out of bed and reached for my gun. I pulled it from the holster and
pointed it at her face. What the hell are you doing here? I yelled.

Put the gun down, Dick, Monique said. She was probably packing heat somewhere,
so I didnt trust her.

I pulled back the cocking thing on my gun and said, Ill ask one more time before I
pull this trigger. What the hell are you doing here?

Ive been following you the whole time dummy. By the way, hell of a show youve
been putting on. What is your total body count up to now? A hundred?

I have to admit I was a little flattered, plus she was super hot, so I blushed a bit and
answered, Probably a buck ten at least.

Impressive.

I cracked a little smile, its nice every once in a while for someone to pay you a
compliment, but then I snapped back out of it. Last chance sweetheart! What are you doing
here?

Dick, you've come a long way on this journey. Gotten past everything we have
thrown at you so far. Youre a tough customer. I guess I shouldve killed you when I had the
chance back on the train.

Pfff. Like you ever had a chance.

I did stab you in the hand with a knife.

I let you. I couldnt let you know I was a merc.

Oh please, Dick, sweetie. I knew who you were the whole time. Everyone does. You
act like youre some mythical creature that creeps slowly in the night, but youve totally lost
track of the technology that allows anyone to be followed anywhere. Ive even been posting
pics of you to my [insert stupid social media of choice, or whoever pays more] the entire
time. See? She held out her phone and I inched closer to her to see what was on it. Damn,
she had hundreds of pictures of me. Everything from the car ride with the tranny to the gala
this evening. How could I have been so careless?

But why dammit!? I shouted, then backed away couple steps. Im going to ask you
one last time. I steadied my firearm. What the hell are you doing here?

Please, thats the third last time youve threatened me with. I know you arent
gonna kill me. Put the gun down.

But maybe that was the last last time, I said. Monique didnt say anything, she just
gave me that we-both-know-you-aint-gonna-shoot-me look. Fine. I lowered my gun.
But seriously, why have you been following me?

My employers requested it of me. You didnt really think you were gonna get away
with it did you, Dick?

Away with what?

The plane, Dick. You murdered several of my associates. One of them just happened
to be a very close friend of mine as well.

Youre Yakuza?! I quickly drew my weapon again.

Dick, enough with the gun! We have you surrounded anyways. If you kill me then
there are a dozen highly trained Yakuza guys outside just itching for payback.

Ill take them all.

Youre half drunk.

But full badass.

Stop! Youre lucky we've let you get this far! We were hoping you were going to cap
Javier at his party, but you didnt, so now you have a choice, work for us, or die.

Id never work for you.

Do you still want to save, Henry?

After tonight, Im not so sure anymore.

Let me guess, Javier spit some bullshit about how Henry really wanted to go work for
him, Jenny is just a crazy ex or whatever, and he invited you to see their operation.

Damn. Well yeah. Thats almost exactly it.

 Javier is full of shit. Every word that comes out of that mans mouth is pure
unadulterated garbage.

So Jenny didn't really date him?

No, that parts true.

So its not all garbage.

Focus, Dick. The point is that he did kidnap, Henry, and he is holding him against
his will until he finishes The Wave.

Well now Im not sure who to believe. I mean for cryin out loud here, you work for
the Yakuza, Cornelius runs guns, and Jenny is a pseudo liar!

One thing remains constant throughout, Dick. The Wave. Its the most
groundbreaking thing since the revolver.

And let me guess, you want me to destroy it and everyone associated with it, blah,
blah, blah. Ive gotten the same plea from plenty of others already.

Destroy it, no, destroy everyone associated with it, yes.

Excuse me?

We want the gun you moron. We want the blueprints, the prototypes, and the
science behind it. But we want to be the only ones who have that.

Oh so youre like trying to hire me now to steal gun stuff for you then? Thats not
how I work, doll.

Im not hiring you for anything. Im offering you a bartering chip for your life. You
killed a lot of good men on that plane, that cant go unpunished. You help us steal what we
want, we let you live. You dont, you die.

You think Im scared of you and a dozen ninjas or whatever? If you really have been
following me you would know that I just killed like forty dudes over at Javiers place and
walked out with hardly a scratch.

Just a shell casing in your ass.

Damn, you are good.

Dick you need to understand, I think you are a hell of a merc, and damn sexy too.
Trust me, if I wasnt sent in here to negotiate with you we would be doing some crazy
horizontal mambo right now.
 Nice.

But, you really dont have a choice. If you choose not to help us, not only will you die,
cause Ill kill you myself, but everyone associated with The Wave program will too, including
your little damsel in distress, Henry.

So I do have a choice though.

What?

Like if I choose not to help you, then I am still making a choice. Same way if I choose
to help you, I have also made a choice.

But if you choose not to help us, Henry will die.

Yes, but I still have made a choice.

What I meant was you dont have a choice in whether or not we get The Wave. We
will do that with or without you.

Well in all fairness thats not really my decision to make. Thats up to your boss and I
assume there is some type of board of directors for the Yakuza as well.

Dammit, Dick, this is serious!

Im just saying, it would help this situation if you were more clear with your words.

Enough talk, whats it gonna be? You and Henry dead, or you and Henry alive?

Well of course me and Henry alive.

Good, so you will help us.

No.

But thats your only option.

Now see here we go again. You are presenting me with two options, but I do have
more options. I can do whatever I want. Like Burger King says, I can have it my way.

And what way is that?

Dont get mad. I promise I haven't come to this decision lightly, but I think I want
you dead, the Yakuza dead, and me and Henry alive. Unless youd rather turn on some R.
Kelly and do the mambo? Monique got super pissed at this point. She reached down into
her shoes, and pulled out some ninja star looking things. So thats a no then? She threw
them at me, but I dodged them like Spiderman from Spiderman the movie. I dove into the
bathroom and fired a few shots off at her. I didnt really just want to shoot her dead, she
seemed like a worthy adversary, so I purposefully missed just to get her off her guard. From
the bathroom I yelled, You wanna fight like men?

What? She yelled back.

Do you wanna fight like men?

How do you mean?

I dunno, like karate or some shit? What are you good at?

Been taking Judo since I was eight.

I tried to do the math quickly in my head. I had been doing karate since the first
grade, so I was like six, and now Im like forty something so How old are you?

Excuse me?

How old are you? Like, Ive been doing karate since I was six and now Im like forty
or something. I just want to make sure we are evenly matched. A fist came blasting
through the wall into the bathroom. Good enough answer I guess. I grabbed the fist and
pulled the rest of her body through. We were going at it mano a mano pretty good for a
minute. She would throw some punches, kicks, and knees, hitting about twenty percent.
Then I would do the same. It was definitely a good little sparring match. Then she kicked
me in the nuts. I dropped to the floor and she kneed me in the head. I was shook up a bit,
but thanks to my thick skull, I wasnt out.

I could see her winding up for a roundhouse kick to my face so I quickly grabbed the
bathroom rug, caught her foot, and twirled her around with it. I got on top of her and started
pounding her in the face. I got a few good licks in before she completely manhandled me and
threw me up against the wall of the tub. I shattered the tile with my back. My head hit the
shower head, breaking it, and water started gushing out. Monique hopped in the tub, pulled
me up, and head butted me. She leaned back, dazed. I dont think she had accounted for my
super thick skull. I ripped down the shower curtain and put it around her head.

At this point we were both soaking wet. I was still in my bullet proof tux from earlier,
so I really just looked like a wet penguin, but dudes you shouldve been there. I mean,
Monique was a hottie with a naughty body and her skimpy little assassin outfit clung to every
curve of her body. It was enough of a distraction for me to let my guard down for a second
and she reverse kicked me in the nuts. Apparently the mambo was completely off the table
for tonight, since I didnt think my junk would be up to the challenge now, all swollen and
stuff.
 We both stumbled out of the bathroom and regained our composure. Now that I
could get a full view of her. I was like, dayum, seriously. Maybe I shouldve teamed up with
her and we couldve had a celebratory romp after we stole the gun stuff from, Javier. Of
course, me thinking about that only made my swollen genitalia worse, and distracted me
again so she could grab the coffee pot and smash it over my head. It did little to daze me, but
I could feel blood starting to trickle down the back of my neck so I new I had some sort of cut
up there or something. I tapped the top of my head and looked at my fingers, I was definitely
bleeding. This, also distracted me for a second so she took the opportunity to kick me square
in the nuts, again. Seriously? Come on now! I yelled as I fell back onto the bed.

Alls fair in love and war, she replied.

When do we get to the love part?

Oh sweetie, you couldnt handle me. Plus I think you might be out of commission for
a couple weeks. She jumped on top of me and tried to punch me in the face, but I quickly
blocked her and gave her some rapid fire hits to her boobs. It felt pretty good too! She got
off me holding her knockers. Damn, Dick! Not cool!

Alls fair in love and war, I said.

That's it, this ends now! Monique screamed as she jumped over me with her knee
poised to hit my boys.

Not this time, nutcracker princess. I swung at her head with my left arm, not even
my dominate arm, and cracked her one right in the temple. It sent her flying into the wall,
leaving a perfect form of her body in crushed drywall. She fell to the floor and spit up blood.
Im no doctor, but I could tell she had some serious internal injuries. I stood over her body,
she was barely breathing. I guess you shouldve chose love, huh? Now I didnt use my
finishing move here because I assumed she was going to die very soon, but I also think that
in the back of mind I thought it would be kind of cool if she did recover so we could hook up
later.

I left her there and sat on the bed, trying to catch my breath. Unfortunately I had
forgotten about the dozen Yakuza dudes waiting outside for me, and now that the
commotion inside had stopped, they kicked down the door and burst in my room. I held a
finger up to them, still trying to catch my breath. Can I just have like sixty seconds fellas?

Where is Monique? their commander asked.

I pointed to her body next to the bed. Right there.

Big mistake, Mr. Dick! the commander yelled. Men! Kill him!
 Just before they opened fire I reached down to grab Monique and use her as a human
shield, but fortunately for her, and our possible love life, a giant frickin Humvee looking
thing came crashing through the front door and knocked them all down. The room was filled
with dust and smoke so I couldnt see anything besides the headlights, but I did hear a
familiar voice, Get in loser, we've got a job to do. It was Charlie!

I stumbled over the bodies on the ground and got in the passenger side. Damn, son.
That was quite the entrance!

Youre welcome, Dick.

What are you even doing here?

Saving your dumbass from the Yakuza.

In all fairness these clowns are only after me because of you.

Blah, blah, blah, Dick. Now lets ride.

Shouldnt we mow over these guys first? A double-tap so to speak?

Nah, let em come. It will make for a kickass car chase scene.

Sweet.
Chapter 13

The Kickass Car Chase Scene

So Charlie had just shown up in a big Humvee looking thing, which I said last chapter,
but I forgot to mention that this thing was tricked out to the max. It had a fifty-cal looking
machine gun strapped to the top, bullet proof all around, and a back seat full of ammo and
weapons. It was straight murdered out, with killer sound system, and a case of Smirnoff for
later. It looked like he had gone on a raid at a nearby military bass and made a quick pass
through a Car Toys to get it tricked out with subs and shit. The ride was surprisingly smooth
considering we were basically riding in a tank and not necessarily driving like we were on our
way to church.

I had to give it to Charlie, every once in a while he was real good in a pinch, but I did
worry about what would happen after we had outran the Yakuza. Charlie was all well and
good for a quick hop-in, or to stay back and man the technical side of things, but put him in
any sort of combat and youre basically doing an escort mission. He would get lucky here
and there with a grenade toss or some stray fire, but most of the time you would have to
protect him from enemies and pray that he didnt get kidnapped. If I had a nickel for every
time I had to save Charlies ass back in the Congo, Id be drinking some sort of flavored Grey
Goose. In his defense, it wasnt just him, it was anytime someone decided to tag along. A
companion on a mission is more of a burden than a blessing, and it always seemed like they
got themselves into a sticky situation.

We had probably made it about a three or four miles down the road when I first
noticed the headlights starting to gain on us. I knew it wouldnt take long for them to come
after us, but damn. Of course, being the Yakuza, they probably drove some sort of crazy
import ricers or something, and for all the benefits of a tactical Humvee, it wasn't exactly
gonna win the Daytona 600. I looked through the back windshield and said, Charlie, it
looks like the Yakuza are gaining on us.

You sure its not the cops? he replied. I turned back to Charlie, who had a dumb
looking grin on his face, but dammit if it wasnt contagious. We both had a good laugh. Cops
don't get involved in this type of stuff. I mean, look how far Id made it and how much
destruction I had left in my wake, not once having seen the fuzz. This aint a knock against
our boys in blue, its just that this wasnt a cop story, this was a merc story.

I looked down the road and saw a turn off to an abandoned factory of some sort. As
we got closer I saw it was old warehouses. There would be leftover chemicals, machinery,
and space to do some pretty rad car maneuvers. Charlie pull into there, its perfect for some
killer action sequences.

Oooh, Im so excited! Charlie said as he cranked the system. Lets get ready to
party!

He swung the car into the abandoned warehouse area and gunned it. I turned around
to see three different vehicles chasing us. The first one was a totally slick Honda Civic
looking thing. It came through, ignoring the actual entrance to the facility, hit a downed
barrier, and launched several feet in the air. It landed on the pavement and sparks flew out
from underneath. It looked totally badass. The second car was like a Mitsubishi looking
thing. It was lowered, and had to slow down to make it up the slight incline of the entrances
to the abandoned area. In my humble opinion, it was not a practical car for a chase, but
these fools probably didnt think they were gonna be in a totally wicked car chase firefight
tonight. The third car, was sleek, like a really nice Toyota Camry. Not the newest year, but it
definitely had less than 20,000 miles on it. It was probably Moniques car. It wasnt the
flashiest looking thing, since spies need to be able to stay in stealth mode when appropriate,
but I imagine it was a nice comfortable ride. I was right in my assumption, because not but a
couple seconds later did Moniques pretty little top half come popping out through the
sunroof. She looked pretty bloody and bashed, but definitely still doable.

Alright Charlie, we got three on our six, gonna need to drop em one by one.

Ten four good buddy.

Punch it and take this bad boy to sixty.

Yeah! Lets eight-six these suckas!

We need to make sure to take out the Camry last, its Moniques, and will make for
the most dramatic ending.

You do know how to put on a show!

Charlie slammed on the accelerator and headed for one of the abandoned buildings.
The cars behind us were in the smallest flying-v formation you can make, so we needed to
break the vehicles apart. That thing work up there, bud? I asked Charlie pointing to the
giant machine gun on the roof.

Only one way to find out!

I got up on the gun. Wait, why dont you know?

Dude I dont know what half the shit on this car does!
 What?!

Its got a million buttons, and none of them are labeled like I always do.

Well dont press any of them I said, but I was interrupted by a rocket blasting out
from the back of the Humvee. It hit Moniques car and blew it up in a spectacular fashion.
Dammit Charlie! I yelled. Moniques body was thrown from the vehicle, and it landed hard
on the pavement, exploding.

So much for saving her for last, eh Dick? Charlie laughed.

There is a method to my madness, Charlie!

Oh please, ninety percent of the time you just run and gun. I have never known you
to make a calculated move.

I do all the time.

Come off it, Dick! You rely solely on your totally buffed out bod, Charlie said as he
looked me up and down. So buffed out. Charlie took too long of a look at me and ran
straight into an old chemical barrel. It exploded and sent flames all around the car, and on
me a bit, as I was still hanging out the top.

Watch the road! I yelled as I patted out the small embers on my hair.

Be cool baby, damn!

I hopped back up on the machine gun to separate the last two cars. Bullets skipped
off the ground around the cars and I landed multiple hits on the hoods of each vehicle. I
struck the tire of the Civic with one of the bullets and it spun out of control. Bingo. I had
just isolated the stupid lowrider. Charlie turned into one of the empty warehouses and the
lowrider followed.

This bad boy was filled with all sort of heavy machinery and tons of barrels of what
appeared to be diesel fuel. It was a large building though, so it had plenty of room for
Charlie to do sweet maneuvers and not run into a piece of equipment. I continued my fire
with the machine gun at the Civic, but wasnt having much luck hitting it. If youve never
fired a high caliber gun, like this one, then you dont know how hard they are to handle.
Even someone who is as buff and experienced as myself doesnt always hit the target. Mix
that with a little erratic driving from my boy Charlie, and it can become quiet the mess. I
leaned down to Charlie and said, Try to get this bozo closer to some of those drums of
diesel. I wanna blow him sky high.

I dont think thats diesel, partner.

 Whatever, Im sure if I hit it with this gun theyll explode.

Nah man, thats Charlie was cutoff by the sound of my machine gun while I
hammered the trigger and shot at the barrels, putting dozens of holes in each of them. A
yellowish liquid started pouring out of them, but no wicked explosions yet. The Civic
following behind us hit some of the liquid and started spinning around like a car that just hit
black ice. Thats vegetable oil, dumbass. This is an old Canola bottling plant.

How was I supposed to know that? Dumbass.

The giant sign on the warehouse didnt tip you off?

I was too busy putting out flaming embers on my head from you crashing through an
exploding barrel, which apparently wasnt vegetable oil.

Nah, that was diesel.

Why would there be a barrel of diesel just laying around? I fired a few shots at the
Civic which was still spinning out of control.

This plant only closed a month ago, they probably havent picked up all their
remaining assets.

How do you know that?

Cornelius told me. Apparently its hit the area pretty hard. Laid off like a thousand
workers. Times are tough for everyone down here.

So what youre all buddy-buddy with Cornelius now? Is that who you got this car
from?
Sounds like someone is getting a bit jealous. Charlie looked back at me with a
stupid little grin on his face.

What are you, an eight year old girl? Focus on driving. The Civic had regained
traction and was coming for us again. We had reached the end of the warehouse, it was a
damn big warehouse, so Charlie did a dope brake 180 and started heading straight for the
Civic. I kept firing the machine gun, and was getting really close to tapping the driver in the
head, but luckily for them the gun jammed. Gun jammed, Charlie!

Well grab another, we have plenty! Charlie said. I reached down and shuffled
through some of the weapons. There were a ton to look through, and all of them were top of
the line. I picked up a nice little Berettta Model 38 and started to drool. It had a quick eject
large drum mag, silencer, and was topped off with a nice matte finish. I really shouldve
taken Cornelius up on his offer earlier to rummage through his armory. If this was any
indicator of the quality of weapons that he was running, I might have to start buying from
him. While I was admiring the fine piece of weaponry in my hands, one of the passengers in
the Civic had began shooting at our vehicle. Dammit Dick its not an engagement ring! Get
your head out of the clouds!

Right! I snapped out of it and poked my head back up by the machine gun. I fired
at the passenger who was shooting at us. It was so friggin crisp and so friggin clean. On the
first burst of rounds I nailed the dope in his head, leaving his body hanging out of the
window half way. I ducked back down to Charlie and said, I think Im in love!

Im so happy for you, Dick, but we aint out of the woods yet!

Charlie dodged the Civic as it came right at us. It slammed on the brakes, did a less
dope 180, and burned out coming back at us. The car was gaining on us, Nowd be a good
time to finish them off, Dick, Charlie said as he turned his head back to talk to me. This
slight distraction made Charlie forget about the vegetable oil slick on the ground in front of
us, so as I began to fire, we started to do our own 360s around the warehouse.

Charlie tried desperately to regain control of the vehicle while I sprayed bullets all
around the factory. Bullets went everywhere. They punctured barrels of veggie oil and really
making quite a mess of things. The Civic hit another slick patch and started doing 360s
again with us. So both of the cars were spinning out of control and I was still firing rounds
from the SMG. Dont ask me why I kept hold of the trigger, I guess I had panicked and forgot
to let go, cut me some slack. One of my stray bullets hit the main gas line and started a fire
that ran through the piping. It would be only a matter of seconds before this building
exploded in an astounding fashion. Hit the gas Charlie!

Shit, Dick! Were still spinning out of control!

Turn into it!

Its oil, Dick!

Then turn away from it!

It doesnt matter what I do, dummy! We are out of control!

I ducked back in to the car and we both screamed as we kept spinning towers the exit
of the warehouse. The fire in the gas line had reached the source and an explosion started
chasing us from the back of the warehouse. All sorts of stuff started exploding in the
building, and as we reached the exit, the flames were licking at our bumper. The Civic, still
spinning, had become totally engulfed in the flames, but it wasnt too far behind us. We
spun out of the building just as the whole damn thing went up and sent a fireball hundreds of
feet into the sky. We hit some dry pavement, gained back some traction, and stopped, facing
the building.
 The Civic spun out of the entrance just after the explosion, on fire, and faced us once
they had regained traction. Charlie kicked the car in reverse and the Civic began coming after
us again. I guess they figured that maybe the wind would put out the fire, but at this point
that car was so lit it would put the band Lit to shame. I popped back out of the roof and
started firing at them.

In reverse, with the flaming Civic chasing us, we passed the lowrider with the blown
out tire. There was one of the Yakuza on the ground trying to put on the spare and three
others standing around smoking cigarettes. When they saw us come barreling by they threw
their smokes down and helped the dude finish with the tire.

I landed a few shots on one of the tires on the Civic, and it spun to a stop. Three men
jumped out of the car, on fire, shooting weapons randomly trying to hit us. These guys really
didnt give up. It was kind of sad really. They continued to fire wildly and fell to the ground
rolling around, desperately trying to put the flames out. Charlie swung the car around and
stopped to laugh at them. I decided the best thing to do was just to put the poor bastards out
of their misery, so I capped each of them with a headshot. Charlie was laughing in the front
seat like a madman. That was hilarious! You see them, Dick? Rolling around, shooting
their guns and shit! Im dying up here!

I have to admit I was laughing a little too, I guess you had to be there, but the laughter
quickly stopped as the lowrider came at us out of the shadows with a vengeance. Heads up,
Charlie!

Oh I see em! Let me press few buttons and make some magic happen!

No more buttons, Charlie! Of course my orders went in one ear and out the other,
as Charlie slammed his hand down on a chunk of buttons. He had probably hoped to get
lucky with one of his five selections. Oil slick sprayed from the back of the car, the wipers
came on, and an odd beeping noise started. I fired at the oncoming lowrider, hitting the
driver, but apparently his foot stayed on the gas pedal because the car kept coming at us, and
the beeping was getting faster.

What do you think that beeping is? Charlie asked.

I fired more rounds at the car as the passengers tried to pull the driver off the pedal.
Kind of busy, bud!

Its getting faster.

I kept firing at the lowrider as the passengers abandoned the vehicle coming right for
us, Get us out of here, Charlie!
 Oh shit! Bail! I guess this was when Charlie realized that the beeping noise was the
vehicles self-destruct sequence that he had activated with his random button smashing.
Charlie got out of the front seat and sprinted away from the car.

Dammit, Charlie! I screamed as I hopped out of the roof just in time for the lowrider
to hit the Humvee, and the Humvee to explode. The blast launched me like fifteen feet away
from the car and singed the back of my tux. I landed on the ground, in a fog, with the wind
knocked out of me. I was still somewhat aware of the situation, but I did have to have
Charlie fill in the gaps a bit. He told me he was totally badass. He saw me hit the ground
and ran for my gun while the Yakuza from the other car were coming after me.

He told me that he screamed, Not today you dirty bastards! Youre not gonna take
my best friend from me! as he fired at them. Killing each of them each with a swift shot to
the head. His story was quite impressive, and he did kill the Yakuza, but his claim of being
totally badass didnt quite fit since at some point he had pissed himself. He claimed he had
spilled he drink on his lap when he jumped out of the car, but I didnt remember him
drinking anything. Anyways, I did regain full cognitive function within minutes, to find
Charlie holding me with my head on his lap, softly stroking my hair.

I tried to sit up. Thats enough of that there, buddy, I said.

Charlie shushed me. Slow down, Dick, you were in an explosion.

I know, an explosion you caused.

He shushed me again. Quiet now, Dick. Charlie is here to help.

Get off me. I pushed Charlie off and stood up.

Youre welcome, Charlie said all defensively.

I looked back at the carnage that we had left behind us. Damn, son.

Yeah, that was totally kickass.

Totally.

After a few minutes of admiring our handiwork Charlie broke the silence, So whats
next, partner?

I need a stiff drink!

We both threw our heads back and laughed. I put my arm around him and we walked
away from the destruction.
Chapter 14

The Interrogation
Charlie and I hot-wired a car and headed back to hotel. I knew we wouldn't be
staying there that night, but I wanted to get my stuff out of what was left of my room.
Unfortunately the police and firetrucks had arrived and were trying to play detective on what
had happened that evening. I couldnt blame them, we had made quite the mess, but I didnt
have time to try and explain all of the stuff that happened that night.

I pulled up about a block away, and got out of the car. I told Charlie to stay put. I
didnt need him coming with me since he was no good when it came to dealing with the
police. You either got one of two Charlies: the one that screamed at them that they were pigs
and they were running a police state, or he would start sweating bullets the second they
started questioning him. I always acted cool as a cucumber, I had mad respect for what
these fellas did and I knew how to talk to them. All I needed to do was drop in real quick-like
and grab my stuff.

I didnt have anything to worry about since I was the victim in this case, so I walked
up to the yellow tape, went underneath it, and walked towards my room. Of course I didnt
have the proper paper work for a lot of what was in my bag, but most the time you slip these
guys a fifty and they look the other way. I didnt get but two steps away from the tape when
one of the officers approached me and said, Excuse me sir, this is an active crime scene, Im
going to have to ask you to leave.

Its all good, thats where Im staying. Well not anymore obviously! I said, then
slapped the officer on the shoulder and laughed.

So youre the one responsible for this mess? he asked. A couple other officers
started to crowd around us.

Not me, the Yakuza. They brutally attacked me this evening. Unwarranted I might
add. I made sure to add that last part, I didnt want them asking too many questions.

Sir Id like you to come with us to answer a few questions.

Oh, Im good. Ive had a hell of a night.

Its not optional, sir.

Well the way you worded it definitely sounded like it was optional.
 Thats not the point, sir.

You see, I was having a conversation like this not but an hour ago. I really dont
understand why you people arent more clear with your words.

Im gonna ask you one last time politely, sir.

Im on a very tight schedule, how about you just ask me here real quick.

No, you need to come with us.

This guy was really starting to piss me off, apparently everyone in town had heard
about the infamous Dick Powers who had strolled into town, except for him, and the other
officers on the midnight duty. But as they began to surround me, I figured it was best I just
do what he says as to not get the police involved in my mission. Fine, but at least get me get
my bag out of there before I go.

Excuse me?

My bag, black duffle, I left it inside the room when I had to make a quick escape.

You mean that bag?! He pointed over to my bag, which was being approached by a
little bomb disposal robot.

Thats the one! You can have little R2D2 over there grab it for me if you wish. It
wasnt but a split second later that I had my head slammed against one of the police cruisers
and they were putting cuffs on me. What? Im not allowed to grab my things? My personal
belongings?

Shut up! The officer yelled then kicked me in the back of the legs. I fell to my knees.

Im not resisting, pal. Cut me some slack here!

Youre being arrested for the possession of illegal firearms and explosives. You have
the right to remain silent.

Technically Im not in possession of anything, its little Johnny-5 over there thats got
his hands all over my stuff.

Whack! The officer hit me in the head with the butt end of his weapon. I advise you
to keep your mouth shut!

Although I didnt appreciate the manner in which he was reading me my rights, I did
take his advice and keep my mouth shut. He patted me down and grabbed at my junk a bit,
well more than a bit, I really wanted to tell him to be careful, since my boys were still tender
from the kicking they received earlier, but he had told me to keep my mouth shut, so I did.
From a distance I could hear Charlie start screaming about pigs. Dammit. He mustve
gotten out of the car when he saw things weren't going exactly as we had planned. A
different officer drug him over and asked me, This guy with you, hot shot? I kept my
mouth shut, as per the original officers order, but I shook my head no.

Answer him! my arresting officer yelled and hit me again in the head with his rifle.

You told me not to talk! I yelled.

Its okay, Dick! Dont tell these pigs anything! Charlie yelled.

Well great! Now they know we are together, dumbass! I said.

My officer hit me in the head again. No talking!

They were gonna figure it out anyways, dumbass! Charlie yelled back at me, then
proceeded to get clocked in the noggin by his officer. Police brutality! Someone call the
embassy!

Just shut up, Charlie! I yelled, only to receive another blow to the head.

What part of no talking dont you understand? my officer asked.

Hey Im on your side here! I want him to shut up too! Another hit to the head.

Screw you, Dick! Dont you turn states on me! Charlie yelled, then his officer hit
him again. Charlie, unlike myself, had a normal skull, so this second blow left him woozy as
a drunk on Labor Day. He fell to his knees slurring out, Im sorry, Dick. Me and you buddy.
I aint saying nothing. He tried to spit on his officer but ended up just drooling on himself.
We were both put into the back of one of the cruisers and taken off to the station. On the
way, Charlie passed out, pissed himself again, and drooled all over my shoulder. It was an
uncomfortable ride to say the least.

The officers woke Charlie up when we arrived at the station and led us both into the
same interrogation room. We sat and waited for who I assumed would be the detective on
duty that night. It had been a rough night for me, explosions, nut kicks, and head bashing,
but I think I had held together pretty well. Charlie, on the other hand, looked like a mess.
He had dried blood on his face from the multiple blows by the arresting officer and hadnt
had a chance for his pants to dry yet. I felt sorry for the guy, he had saved my life, but if he
had waited in the car like I told him too, he could be out getting Cornelius or the Ortega
brothers to spring me. Instead, we both just sat in silence and waited for the detective on
duty to come and interrogate us.

After about a half an hour a man entered the room and sat across from us. He didnt
say anything at first, just lit a cigarette and looked down at some folder. After about thirty
seconds of silence, he took a long drag on his cigarette and asked, Whats youre business
down here in Durban, boys?

Charlie opened his mouth but I put my hand on his shoulder and gestured for him to
stay quiet. Just here on a little vacation, officer, I said.

Dante, you can call me, Dante. Now why do I find that hard to believe?

I dont know, is it because Charlie is so pale? Weve only just got here so he hasnt
had a chance to get his tan on.

Funny. You think youre a comedian?

No, he's a merc, Dante, Charlie chimed in. I shot him a dirty look. I mean, hes a
Mercury salesman back in our home state of Alabama. Top salesman of the year even! Im
so proud. Charlie put his arm around me but I quickly shook it off.

Got a couple jokers here huh? Well let me tell you whats no joke, my guys finding a
duffle bag full of weapons and explosives inside your destroyed hotel room. Which just
coincidentally, is only five miles away from an old Canola factory that exploded this evening.
Dead bodies, wrecked cars, burning guns and ammunition, but let me guess, you two had
nothing to do with that either?

Oh man, an explosion? Damn. I guess the club we were at had the music so loud we
didnt hear it, I said.

We do love to salsa! Charlie said, then tried to put his arm around me again. I
quickly batted it away.

So you went to a club after the Yakuza attacked you in your hotel? Which was totally
unwarranted.

Yes, I said.

Why do I find that hard to believe?

Everyone has different ways of dealing with stress, Dante, Charlie began. Me and
my Dick like to salsa to just forget about all our problems and dance. Charlie, again, tried to
put his arm around me.

So you didnt bother calling the police?

We figured the motel owner would, I said.

But you didnt stick around for us to ask a few questions? Dante asked.
 We came back didnt we? I said.

Now why do I find all this hard to believe? Dante asked.

You seem to have a hard time believing anything we tell you, so I would assume trust
issues, probably starting at childhood. Does this affect you in your personal life as well?
Charlie asked.

Im not the one being interrogated here, Dante said.

Well maybe you should open up a little bit, Dante. Did you have problems as a
child? Charlie started, then leaned in real close. Did someone, Charlie looked around the
room, did someone touch you?

Ive had just about enough of this! Dante yelled at, Charlie.

Thats a yes, Charlie said.

Do you two think this is a joke? Ive got at least twenty dead bodies, a blown up
factory, a hotel room destroyed, and all the evidence is pointing right at you two
chuckleheads! Dante yelled.

Evidence!? Ha! Youve got nothing on us, pig! Charlie yelled back.

Dante started tossing pictures of me and Charlie on the table in front of us. Closed
circuit TV stuff of him crashing through the hotel room, the two of us speeding away, and us
walking away from the burning wreckage of the Canola factory. Any of these ringing a bell,
huh?

Can I get a copy of that last one before we go? Charlie asked. I elbowed him in the
side. Ow! What? I just think it looks kind of bad ass.

Before you go? Before you go!? Ive got everything I need to make sure you two
dont ever see the light of day again!

We are American citizens, dumbass. We have diplomatic immunity, Charlie scoffs

at Dante.

I leaned over to Charlie, That only works for ambassadors, dumbass.

I know, Charlie began, Ive got fake paperwork in my wallet, dumbass.

Well I dont think it covers us from this type of crime, dumbass.

Like this guy is gonna know. He's so stupid. One look at those documents and hes
gonna salute us and let us walk out of here scot free, dumbass.
 You know I can hear both of you right now, dumbasses, Dante interrupted us.

Look, we are ambassadors from the United States of America, Dante, and we demand
to speak directly with the President, Charlie said, then stood up and put his hand across his
chest.

How about I let you two spend the night in jail and we try this again in the morning?
We just picked up, Pedro, the fattest male prostitute in Durban, maybe you two could get
comfortable with him in the holding cell.

Look, Dante, excuse my friend over here, he doesnt do well with the police. This
Pedro guy sounds like a really nice fella, but we really must be going, I said.

When are you two gonna get it through your thick skulls that you arent going
anywhere? For a long time, Dante said.

Let me tell you whats going to happen here, pal, I started. In about thirty seconds,
a man is going to come through that door, and tell you to release us, without charges. Youll
argue with him for a second, but then hell pull rank and youll back down like a scared little
puppy. So why dont we just save you the embarrassment and you let us go. How about
that?

Alright, Im done with you two The door opened to the interrogation room and a
military looking dude walked in. Dante immediately stood up and saluted him. The man
walked over to Dante and whispered something into his ear. Dante looked defeated and
tried to argue, But, sir! Then the man whispered more in his ear, and Dante relinquished,
Yes, sir.

Charlie stuck his tongue out at, Dante, Told you, dumbass.

You boys are being transferred to a maximum security facility, dumbass, Dante
replied. Apparently the damage you two have caused is above my pay grade.

Youre coming with me, the military guy said to us.

Charlie shot up from his seat and tried to run out the door, hands still cuffed behind
his back, yelling, Fat chance, pig! Of course he ran right into the outstretched arm of the
military guy and hit the floor. Get him, Dick, Charlie said gasping for air.

You boys play nice with, Major General Scott, now, Dante said. He laughed smugly
as he exited the room.

Screw you, pig, Charlie wheezed out.

 Charlie and I were escorted by multiple military bros out to an armored truck. They
put us in the back with two military police and chained us to the cold metal bench. Charlie
started sobbing. Pull yourself together, Charlie, I said to him.

You dont understand, Dick. I wont do well in the clank. Please, please, make sure
Im your bitch!

Calm down, jeez. Youre going to be fine.

No, no, Dick. Promise me. He looked me dead in the eyes. Promise I will be your
bitch.

The officers in the back with us started laughing. Dammit, Charlie. Youre making
us look weak in front of these officers.

I dont care, Dick. I am weak! You know Im the tech guy. Im not meant to leave my
comfortable little house!

Charlie continued to ball as we drove on. If Im being honest, I was getting a little bit
scared too. I mean, this definitely wasnt how things were supposed to go down. I cant save
good guys from evil guys while rotting away in a South African prison cell. But, unlike
Charlie, I knew it was a unwise to show any weakness in front of the guards, so I kept a stone
cold face, while Charlie blew his nose on my sleeve.

We had been driving for about a half an hour and Charlie had fallen asleep. Poor little
feller was all tuckered out from the days events. Plus he must've arrived in Durban only a
half hour before he had rescued me from the Yakuza. The jet lag mustve been awful for him.
I didnt get jet lag, since I didnt require sleep to function, even at the highest levels, but
Charlie was soft. He lived on a steady diet of Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets back home,
and his only real exercise was when his fingers rapidly tapped against the keyboard. I

knew I would have to protect him in prison, at first, but Charlie was more resourceful
than he knew. It wouldnt be long before he was running that prison from the inside. Hed
be the guy with the flat screen TV in his cell. Hed be the guy everyone came to who wanted
to get something. Id be the guy that ended up fighting other inmates for the guards
amusement. They would tip me well for wins, booze and smokes or whatever, and I would
also get a tricked out cell to match Charlies. Frankly the more I thought about being locked
up for the rest of my life, the more it didnt sound too bad. No one would bother me, I would
get regular booze, plus three hots and a cot. It actually started to become kind of a pleasant
idea.

After another half hour of driving, the vehicle stopped. I woke up Charlie and
prepared myself to see my new home for the next twenty-to-life. Charlie blubbered a bit as
he woke, and mumbled something about the pigs and how he was going to have their badges
or whatever, but he was pretty sleepy still, so it was a little incomprehensible. The guards in
the back unlocked us from the bench and then opened the back doors. The sun was coming
up so the light hurt my eyes, but I did hear a familiar voice as I stepped out, How are you,
my boys? Was it a comfortable ride? It was Cornelius! That son of a bitch had sprung us
from the clank!

Charlie, didnt recognize the voice though, so when the doors opened he screamed,
Hug the police! (Charlie had only ever heard the Kids Bop version of the song) and started
to run away, with his hands still cuffed behind his back. About ten yards away he tripped
and fell flat on his face.

The guards took my cuffs off and I went right up to Cornelius and shook his hand.
Hey. Thanks, I said.

Twas nothing at all my dear boy! But you do owe me a Humvee! He said, then
slapped my back and we both had a good laugh.

Charlie was still on the ground. Who is that? Where are we? he said. A guard went
over and helped Charlie to his feet, he looked over at Cornelius. Cornelius! I knew you
would save us! Charlie ran over to him, dragging the guard with him who was trying to un-
cuff him.

Charlie gave Cornelius a big hug. Oh, well its good to see you too, partner,
Cornelius said as Charlie lingered on the hug a little too long.

Im so glad you saved us. Dick wasnt going to let me be his bitch, I was going to be
eaten alive in prison.

Well, son, you dont have to worry about that now, Cornelius said laughing. Now,
what can I do for you boys?

I need a stiff drink! I said. The three of us threw our heads back and laughed as we
went into Cornelius club to plan the attack.
Chapter 15

Getting Down to Business

I downed half a bottle of Smirnoff and bit down on a leather paddle that Cornelius
had laying around his office. Charlie was going to try and dig the brass out of my ass, so he
said that I should bite on something to distract me from the pain. I told him I didnt need it,
I have a very high tolerance for pain, but he rambled on about some neurological garbage
that I didn't understand. I caved, of course, to shut him up, but now that I think about it, I
shouldve just made him bite down on it instead.

The booze was my idea. I needed something to help distract me from the idea of
Charlie tinkering around down by my giblets. As you know, I typically handle my own
wounds, but Charlie insisted that he help me with the shell casing removal. Since I couldnt
get a good look at the wound without a mirror, and I am terrible with mirrors, I allowed him
to assist me in the retrieval under two conditions: 1. He had one minute, no lallygagging, 2.
He only had access to a strict one inch diameter around the casing. As long as Charlie
followed those two simple rules, he was allowed to operate on my ass.

So there I was, half naked on Cornelius desk. I never thought I would be in this
position, especially not in a room with only two other dudes, but I couldnt exactly go to a
hospital for this type of injury, and I figured that Cornelius desk would be more sanitary
than his couch. Charlie gloved up and started poking around the casing. My entire left
cheek was one big bruise, and it was sore enough without him pressing around the wound.
I dont like the looks of this, he said. He put the pliers in and dug around. I don't like the
looks of this one bit.

I removed the paddle from my mouth. Clocks ticking, buddy. Just grab it and rip it
out, I told him.

Its not gonna be that simple, Dick, Charlie replied. Hey Cornelius come take a
look at this.

Cornelius walked over. Oh my, he said.

Yeah, thats what Im saying, Charlie said.

What the hell are you two on about? I said.

Its deep in there, partner, Cornelius answered. Hey Roldolpho, come take a look
at this will ya?
 One sec, baby, Roldolpho said from outside the room.

I appreciate you all trying to assemble a crack team on this, but seriously just dig it
out and lets be done with it, I said.

Dick Im tellin ya, its not good, Charlie said.

Roldolpho walked in the room. Half naked man on the desk, looks like a typical
night in the office, he said, giggling.

Okay, Im moving to the couch, I said.

Trust me, hun. Thats no better, Roldolpho said. I took another pull off the bottle.

You gotta see this, Charlie said to him.

Roldolpho came over and took a look. Oh my. Mr. Dick, this is no good, he said.

What? Is this some sort of joke? Hey Dick theres a big crack down the middle. Hur
hur. Come on you guys, Im getting pretty frustrated here, I said.

First, that joke will never get old, and second, that is not why I have gathered my
esteemed associates around me, Charlie replied.

Then what is it?! I yelled.

Its gone deep impact, pal, Charlie said.

What do you mean? I asked.

I mean your ass swallowed it up, he said.

So what? Just dig it out of there dammit! I yelled.

I dont think you understand my boy, Cornelius began. You sitting on this thing for
the last six hours has caused it to travel far into the cheek.

The pliers, they cannot reach, Roldolpho said.

Get longer pliers then! You know what, Im just gonna do this myself. Someone grab
me a mirror. I stood up and the pliers fell out of the hole. Dammit, Charlie! You leave
those things in?

Just as a reference for the others, he said.

Clean them off so I can get to work!

 Charlie grabbed the pliers off the ground and went to sterilize them again. Cornelius
had a full length mirror in the office so I waddled over there to take a look myself. The hole
in my butt that the casing had punctured was dark, and you couldnt see the shine of the
brass inside. I poked my finger in the hole, I couldnt feel the shell casing until I was almost
knuckle deep. Damn, I said. This isnt good.

Charlie returned with the pliers. See! I told you! he said.

How are we gonna get this thing out? I asked.

I think we gotta cut the cheek, champ, Cornelius said.

Surgery? Are you insane? I have to be at Teflacon headquarters in just a few hours
to save Henry! I cant have two ass cracks!

Well what do you suggest then? Cornelius asked.

Hand me those pliers, I said. Charlie handed me the pliers and I stuck them in. The
pain was excruciating, even for someone with such a high tolerance for pain like myself, but I
kept digging. Blood started to pour from the hole as I jammed the pliers in as far as I could.
Charlie ran to the garbage and puked his guts out. Roldolpho fainted and Cornelius went to
him to help. I opened the pliers, got a good grip on the casing, and ripped the damned thing
out. Ha! I yelled triumphantly as I held the casing high in the air. Not today you piece of
shit! Not today!

The janitor walked by the office just in time to see me hoisting the bloodied pliers with
my pants around my ankles. I see nothing, he said as he quickly passed the door.

I dropped the pliers and yelled to Charlie, I got it, buddy! Its all over. He let out
another heave and gave me a thumbs up. I turned to look in the mirror and assess the
damage. Unfortunately all the digging had widened the hole significantly, but hopefully
Charlies instant-stitch stuff could keep it together. That stuff was really only meant for
small holes and incisions. It could seal up bullet holes, corkscrew wounds, and small knife
cuts, but the amount of digging I had done, and the size of the casing, made the its
effectiveness questionable. Cornelius, you got my bag back from the police guys too yeah?

Certainly my boy, its right over there, Cornelius said, then pointed to my bag while
waking Roldolpho from his fainting. I went over and grabbed some instant-stitch from my
bag. I doused the wound with plenty of alcohol, which stung, and then poured in a gob of the
instant-stitch. I watched in the mirror as it coagulated and hardened. After about thirty
seconds it seemed to be good to go. I did some stretches and twists to make sure that the
stuff wouldnt break loose. It was solid.
 Perfect, now we can get down to business, fellas, I said as I sat down at the table to
discuss the plan. This time I would make sure to hear out Cornelius and Roldolpho, so I
didnt make any silly mistakes like at the gala.

Charlie finished puking and joined me. He rolled out a map of the compound across
the table. This is the overhead view of the coordinates that you got from, Javier, he said.

Howd you get these? I asked.

Anything you download to that watch gets sent directly to me as well.

Well Ill be damned. This thing is pretty slick, I said looking at my watch.

Yeah, well, it appears to be a pretty simple compound. All we can see from the
satellite is the building itself. It doesnt pick up and guards or cameras in the area. You will
need to get in closer for that so I can run a scan of the perimeter.

No problem.

Ill stay back in the command vehicle about four hundred yards a away from the
compound, as to not alert any of the guards.

Good. I hate alerting the guards.

I know. We will also need someone to remain back here, this will be our base of
operations.

We can do that, Cornelius said as he helped Roldolpho up to the table. Also, Ill
make sure that we have Geraldo with us, he is the best in the world at hacking and stuff.

Kind of my area of expertise there, Cornelius, Charlie said, chuckling as he rolled his
eyes at me.

But, If Dick gets into a high speed chase through the city, he can change the traffic
lights and divert traffic, Cornelius said.

I was doing that in the third grade, Charlie said, again while chuckling and rolling
his eyes at me.

I just think he can be of service to us. It is his expertise, Cornelius said.

I just told you its my expertise. Im probably way better than Geraldo at it! Charlie
yelled as he stood up and slammed his fists on the table.

Its not a contest, my boy, Cornelius said.

Yeah calm down, Charlie, I said.

 Just remember your loyalties, Dick. Where is Geraldo anyways? He didnt even
bother to be here to help us. I don't think we can count on him for anything.

Just after the words left Charlies mouth, Geraldo entered the office. Hello! How are
we all doing tonight? he asked.

So nice of you to show up, Geraldo, Charlie said sarcastically.

Sorry Im tardy to the party. I had to dump off all the dead henchmen that Dick had
piled up between my home and here. Took two trips, Geraldo said.

Maybe you shouldve changed the traffic lights so there wouldve been less of a
drive, Charlie said, with more chuckling and eye rolling at me.

Give it a rest, Charlie, I said.

Im just saying, I couldve done it in half the time, easily, Charlie said.

What is the tub going on about? Geraldo asked.

Tub!? Charlie stood up and faced Geraldo eye to eye. This tub just killed four
Yakuza this evening, and he wouldnt mind adding you to his body count.

Geraldo grit his teeth and stared down Charlie. Bring it, tubby.

Both of you, cool it! I yelled. I stood up, which sent a sharp shooting pain down my
buttocks. They continued to stare each other down. Both of you sit. We need to work
together on this. They both took a seat while keeping each others gaze. Now, Charlie will
run the scan of the perimeter once I get close enough for the equipment to reach.

Oh that wont be necessary, I already have full scans of the perimeter ready to print,
Geraldo said, grinning and Charlie.

Long range scans wont pick up the necessary biological figures and biomechanics
surrounding the facility, dumbass, Charlie said to Geraldo.

Maybe not with your equipment, dumbass, but mine is the latest tech. Designed by
myself I might add, Geraldo said to Charlie.

They continued to argue, and frankly, the amount of technobabble flying between the
two of them was putting me to sleep. I got up from the table and went out to the bar area
while they slung big fancy tech words back and forth at each other. I took a seat at the bar
and poured myself a drink. I could still hear faint, processor, multi-carbonation, core
rendering, garbage coming from the office, along with the snoring of Cornelius who had
obviously fallen asleep. I pride myself on my ability to work alone in the field, but I do
accept the fact that I need help when it comes to the more technical aspect of things. Charlie
is, and probably will always be my tech guy, so I figured it would be best to let him hash that
stuff out in the office while I tried to dull the pain of a half functioning ass.

This whole thing had become more complicated than I had ever imagined, but it did
seem to be a running trope in all of my missions. I always ended up working with more
people than I wanted to, fighting more people than I wanted to, and talking to more people
than I wanted to. Like I said at the beginning of this story, I have a strict no talking policy,
and I guess part of the reason for that was the fact that I do more than my fair share of
conversing during these damned things. Thats when I decided that this would be my last
mission. No amount of sob story would change my mind again. No pretty lady with a short
skirt and heels would bend me. No please save the world speech would break me. It was
time for someone else to deal with all this rigamarole. I just wanted to be left alone.

Charlie walked over to the bar after about a half an hour of me peacefully drinking at
the bar. He there, big guy. Get a little too tense for ya in there? he asked.

Nah, just needed a minute. I figured you were the best at that techie nonsense
anyways, so Id let you handle it, I replied.

Charlie got all teary eyed. You really think Im the best?

Yeah, the best needs the best, I humble bragged while giving Charlie a much
deserved compliment.

Charlie hugged me. Thank you, Dick. You have no idea what that means to me.
Charlie had tears rolling down his plump little cheeks.

Im usually not one for this emotional garbage, but he liked that kind of stuff, so I
indulged him in a nice little hug-sesh. Youre a good guy, Charlie. Youve been a good
friend. Shit. I was getting all sophomore-college-kid-drunk. I was blabbering on about
friendship and emotions or whatever. I needed to snap out of this. I had work to do. We all
had work to do. I pushed Charlie away. Now, whats the plan?

Same as before, that numb-nuts Geraldo didnt have the goods. He is a wannabe
hacker with a cheap suit, Charlie said.

Okay, but are they still helping us?

As much as they can. Theyre staying back here while we go out and do the real work.
The man-shit in the field.

Alright, lets get going.

First we need to gear up.

 Ill grab my bag.

Yes, and maybe ask Cornelius if we can borrow some of his stuff again.

Why didnt you ask him?

Hes asleep, I didnt want to wake him up.

So you want me to?

I asked him the first time, and it all got destroyed.

Good point. I walked back the office and grabbed my bag. Cornelius, Roldolpho,
and Geraldo were all asleep on the couch. I nudged Cornelius on the shoulder. Hey,
Cornelius, can I borrow some gear?

Fine, just bring it back this time, he replied, still half asleep and drooling.

I went back out to Charlie and he lead me down to the armory. It was in the
basement, and damn this thing was stacked. It definitely put my little cache to shame, but
then again, Im not an arms dealer, just a gun toting American patriot. There were rows of
decked out military style vehicles and racks upon racks of guns and ammunition. I had to try
and calm myself down a bit, since my member was still pretty sore from the multiple kicks
last night. This is a thing of beauty, I said to Charlie.

Yep, he replied. Ill pick the car, you pick the guns.

Deal.

Charlie ran off like a giddy little school girl towards the armored vehicles and I
grabbed a cart. Yes, Cornelius had carts, for people to stack weapons and ammo on. It was
like the Costco for mercs, and I definitely wanted a membership. I picked out a nice little
selection of smaller weapons, to add to my little duffle bag, but I also picked some select
larger scale weapons. Im talking about, surface to air stuff, machine guns, friggin rocket
launchers. It was like letting a kid loose in a video game store.

I picked out a full camo get-up, put it on, and pushed my cart of goodies over to the
car that Charlie had picked out. It was a tactical looking Humvee thing, but instead of a dope
fifty cal machine gun up top, it had a satellite dish. In the back there was a nice little techie
commander center with big ol' monitors and a flashy looking computer. I put my stuff in the
back and hopped in the passenger seat. Charlie was in the driver seat, acting like a child fake
driving the car, but he quickly sharpened up when I entered.

This is gonna be so badass, Dick, Charlie said.

I really dont want to leave this place, I said.

 Its more fun to use this stuff than to just look at it.

Good point. Lets roll.

Hold on, we need to figure out what all these buttons do first.

No pressing buttons, Charlie. You almost blew me up last time you were tinkering
around with this stuff.

But this time we are in a safe environment to check them out, I wont just randomly
smash down the buttons.

No, Charlie.

Of course Charlie defied me, yet again, and pressed a button. A rocket shot out of the
back of the car and hit a rack of guns, blowing them to smithereens and leaving a smoldering
mess. Whoops, Charlie said.

Thats coming out of your paycheck, I said.

Charlie looked at me and we both threw our heads back laughing as he started the car
and drove off.
Chapter 16

The Assault
Charlie and I arrived at the secret base about an hour later. I left him in the van to
man the tech stuff, while I approached the building. This is what I had been waiting for: the
assault on Teflacon headquarters. It had been a long and bumpy road that lead me here, but
hopefully it would all be worth it once the proton photon phaser gun thing, and all the plans
or people associated with its creation, had been destroyed. Henry would be the only one
spared. It wasnt his fault that he had gotten himself mixed up in this mess, and I still
wanted to return him safely to his mother. The kid would have a bright future ahead of him,
I just hoped that the he would use his expertise in sciences and math to help the world, not
destroy it.

There wasnt a fence surround the building, so approaching would be simple. As far
as me getting in, I needed to take a closer look. So I pulled out my binoculars to survey the
building. It was massive, but it looked like there were only two guards covering the front
entrance. In fact, it looked like there was only one entrance or exit, and only two guards
defending the entree compound. Apparently they werent too worried about having
adequate fire escapes, and that was just plain reckless. If I had a secret military-style base to
create new types of weaponry, I would want to make sure that all my employees were safe in
case of an emergency, but I figured Javier didnt value the lives of his research team too
much. I mean I wouldve understood if the building was just full of henchmen, those are a
dime a dozen. He had let me slaughter like two-hundred of them making my way here, but I
assumed he had some really smart nerds in there designing his weapons, and nerds are like a
dollar a dozen, at least.

I zoomed in closer with the dope binoculars that Charlie had given me, this guy didnt
even have security cameras around the building. I knew that Javier was a cocky son of a
bitch, but damn, he had some balls. No fence, no cameras, one entrance, and only two dorks
guarding the building. Gaining access to this secret facility was going to be like shooting fish
in a barrel, or rather, getting in the barrel with the fish.

I tapped into Charlie on my headset to help with the recon. I needed to make sure
that my assumptions about the compound were correct. There is nothing worse than
walking into a trap, and Charlie would be able to do some tekkie nonsense that would scan
for hidden stuff. Back in my day as a Special Ops Navy Seal, things were much simpler. All
you had to do was keep an eye out for landmines, snipers on the roof, or tanks and stuff.
These days you never knew. They could have some cloaking system hiding the real facility or
maybe even a radio wave frequency to scramble your brains. I wasnt worried though. I was
born with an extra thick skull that I could smash through a concrete wall without damaging
my brain, so I figured it could block any waves as well, but there is a difference between
being worried, and being careful. Charlie would help me be prepared for whatever madness
was waiting for me at the bottom of this hill. I radioed him, Fox Two this is Fox One, I see
the henhouse. Im gonna need a full defibrillated scan to ensure no counter radio waves or
whatever. Over.

What are you talking about, BFF One? Charlie replied.

Its, Fox One, and you know, I need a scan of the perimeter. Over.

I thought we agreed on calling each other BFF One and BFF Two?

Thats a negative, Fox Two, how about that scan. Over.

First, a defibrillated scan makes no sense, and second, Im not doing anything for you
until you use BFF One and BFF Two as our call signs.

Now is not the time for this, Fox Two. Over.

The when is the time, Dick?

Dont use my real name, Fox Two, and Im getting real tired of having this
conversation. Over.

Im sick of it too! You think I like having to keep bringing up this conversation? At
this point we are partners, Dick, and I expect you to take my opinions and feelings into
consideration.

You used my real name again, Fox Two, and now is not the time to talk about your
wussy feelings. Over.

See! That right there! I am not a wussy for having feelings. In fact I think its wussy
for you to not acknowledge your feelings.

Just scan the building, Charlie!

Dont use my real name, Dick!

I couldnt handle Charlies weepy cry baby attitude. Normally I could tough my way
through it, and tell him everything was going to be okay, but at the moment I was decked out
in bullet proof camo in the 110 degree sun and I didnt want to try and console, Charlie.
Besides, it seemed like we were having a similar conversation to this every other chapter.
Not this time though. This time I was going to be firm. I didnt need his stupid scan
anyways. I could see just fine. I turned off my headset and started a slow crawl out of the
bushes.

It looked like I was about a quarter klick away from the secret base. The one thing it
had going for it was the lack of cover around the building. Making my approach would be
somewhat difficult, as to no alert the guards of my position. I decided to walk around the
perimeter and approach from behind. That way the guards wouldnt see me and I would be
able to slide around the corner of the building then use one of the smokeless silent no-flash
knock-out grenades that Charlie had made. I walked down the hill and to the rear of the
building. Then for some reason I could hear Charlie in my ear again, Dick? Dick?

What?

Whyd you hang up on me, Dick?

Why do you keep using my real name, Charlie? And how am I even hearing you right
now? I turned off the earpiece.

I turned it back on remotely.

Dammit, Charlie! I took the earpiece out and smashed it on the ground. I could
hear the faint Dick! Dick! coming from the speaker until I finally destroyed it. I didnt care
what Charlie had to say right now. I was only a hundred feet away from the guards at this
point so I needed to remain silent. I rounded the corner and started making my way along
the eastern side to the front of the building. I pulled out one of my flash grenades and
prepped myself to toss it around the corner at the guards. Once I had done that, I would be
able to run up and kill them both quickly, so they wouldnt have time to alert the other
guards. The only good henchmen is a dead henchmen. I never risked leaving them alive.
Its almost guaranteed that they come back to bite you in the ass in one way or another.

I poked my head around the corner. I could see the two guards much more clearly
now. Frankly I was a little surprised by their professionalism. Usually the guards in low
security areas, like this, would get bored and play on their phones or throw some rock-paper-
scissors with each other. Not these two though. They stood with perfect posture, not even
blinking. Apparently Javier pulled out out all the stops when hiring henchmen for his secret
compound, because these guys were perfect, but not too perfect to resist one of my stun
grenades. Those dumb idiots wouldnt even have half a second to try and alert the other
guards before they were both sailing The River Styx.

I tossed the grenade at them and quickly round the corner. Normally I liked to
scream at my enemies when I rushed at them, give them that last pants-shitting moment of
terror before I took their lives, but I was silent this time, as to not alert the other guards. Of
course none of that mattered once I had reached the guards. I was moments away from
stabbing them, then I noticed that they weren't moving at all. I stopped, and stared at one of
them right in the eyes. It was a decoy dummy, and a damn fine manufactured one at that.
And thats when it hit me.

THWACK!
Chapter 17

Javier
I woke up to the sound of my heavy snoring. I had no idea how long I had been
unconscious, and I also had no idea how I had been knocked out. It would more
tranquilizers to knock me out than an elephant, and simple blows to the head didnt do the
trick either, but somehow they had caught me off guard and now I was hanging upside-down
in a dark room. My hands had been tied, feet wrapped in chains, and I had blood trickling
down my face. It was basically a by-the-book torture scenario. Whoever had picked me up
outside of Javiers compound had very little imagination.

What these fools didnt know was that I had been subjected to every kind of torture
you could imagine, and some you wouldnt believe, during my time in the military. I had
been water-boarded in Afghanistan, had a friggin car battery hooked to my nips in
Indonesia, and Id been left in solitary confinement with nothing but 2gether playing
through the speakers for six days in Iraq. I never said a word. Hell, I didnt even know what
it would take to break me. These numb-nuts better have a dozen men posted on this room at
all times, because I didnt plan on hanging like a side of beef for long.

My captors had used zip ties around my hands, which mightve been able to hold a
normal man, but for someone with my strength, they were nothing. I couldve gotten out of
my predicament at any point with ease, I am a total badass, but it was always more dramatic
when there was some dummy henchmen in the room, thinking he had the jump on me, so I
waited. It was taking longer than usual for someone to enter my room and explain their
whole evil plan to me, along with how I was never going to be able to stop them, so I did
some crunches to keep the circulation going. Being upside-down for long periods of time can
make all the blood rush to your head, so it was important to keep the ole heart a pumpin
while I was in that position.

After about half an hour the door creaked open, and in walked Javier with scar face
guy and accent man. Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, he said. Did you really think I was just
gonna let you waltz right into my secret base?

Of course not, thats why I snuck into your room to get the real coordinates of your
secret base, I said.

My simple little, Dick. Did you really think I would leave the coordinates to my
secret base in a folder titled, Secret Base? Javier asked.
 Of course not, thats why I let you capture me, so you would take me to the real secret
base, I said.

Oh, Mr. Richard. Did you really think I would take you to my secret base to torture
you? Knowing full well that youd escape at some point? Javier asked.

Well, yeah actually. That time I did really think that, I said. Javier had me
cornered.

You really are as dumb as you look, Javier said as his two clownish henchmen
laughed. You see, Dick, you've played right into my master plan. I didnt want to just kill
you at my party, even though I easily could have, I wanted your death to be more symbolic,
more profound.

I prepared myself to rip apart the zips ties and take these clowns down. Well there is
one fatal flaw in your plan, Javier. I

Javier jumped back in, Please dont interrupt me, Dick. I am far from finished
explaining my secret evil plan to you.

I relaxed again, it wasnt time for me to break free yet, it was story time. Go on.

You see, Dick, youve played right into my master plan, Javier said.

Yeah, we covered that already, I said.

Dick! One more interruption and I am going to just kill you and be done with it!
Javier yelled.

Id like to see you try, I whispered under my breath.

Javier rubbed his temples, but continued, You see, Dick, this whole entire mission
was a wild goose chase. I have played you for the fool.

So there is no proton photo plasma laser gun? I asked.

No, that part is true, Javier replied.

So there is no, Henry? I asked.

No, that part is also true, Javier replied.

So it hasn't entirely been a wild goose chase then, I said.

Javier looked at his henchmen and said, Seriously, why do I even bother with the
nuance? I shouldve just killed him years ago.
 Because youre the best at nuance, Javier, Boris said.

Yeah, it makes the job so much more artistic, Blaine added.

Javier blushed a little. Yeah, I do feel the need to express myself with my evil plans
more than the others.

You have a very distinct style, Blaine said.

I agree. Best most creative boss Ive ever worked for, Boris said.

Are you guys about done with the little motivational speeches? I really dont have
time for this, I said. Both Boris and Blaine socked me in the gut, but they winced a bit, since
I had been pumping my abs for the last half hour.

Correct, Dick, Javier began. Time is something you have very little of.

Then please just continue with your little plan, I said.

You see, Dick, the planning of this ruse started years ago, after my father was killed
in the Dominican Republic. We were a poor family, just trying to make ends meet, and it
was a tough economy. My father had worked for ten years at the glue factory, but when they
moved production to China, he was laid off. With no high-paying manufacturing jobs
available, he took a job at the local Wendys, but it wasnt enough. I even picked up odd jobs
after school, to try and help my parents. You see my mother had cancer, and the medical
bills were staggering. We would go months without electricity just to help pay for her
medications. Finally, when the doctors refused to stop seeing her because of our mounting
debt, my father made a choice. Javier stopped for a moment to wipe a tear from his eye.

What did he do? I asked. I was genuinely curious. I mean this was a pretty sad
story.

He found an ad for hired help that paid very well. It offered full benefits to the
employees and their families, so he took the job, Javier said.

Hey, well good for him! Im glad your story had a happy ending, I said.

I started the story by saying my father was killed, Dick.

Oh yeah.

Now, if youll let me continue? Javier asked me, so I nodded my head. The job was
with a wealthy business man in the community known as, the Cockroach.

Bummer deal on the nickname! I said.

 They called him that because he could survive anything, Blaine interjected.

Still, they couldve called him like the Never-Die-Guy and even that wouldve been
better, I said.

The nickname is not the point! Javier yelled. The point is that he was a ruthless
arms dealer, known for starting wars with neighboring countries, and always walking away
unscathed.

Maybe call him, Invincible, I said.

The Invincible? Boris asked.

No. Just, Invincible, I said. Boris looked kind of impressed, but Blaine socked me
in the gut again.

Not one more word, Blaine said to me.

So, my father started working for him, guarding one of his factories. For months he
worked, and nothing, he never even came close to pulling the trigger. We caught up on our
bills and had my mother signed up for chemotherapy. Things were looking up, until the
whispers began, Javier said.

The whispers? I asked.

Yes, the whispers of a man known to the locals as El Silencioso Pero Mortal, or,
The

I interrupted, The Silent But Deadly. Shit.

Ah yes, youre starting to understand, Dick.

Honestly I never understood that nickname. I tend to make quite the ruckus, I
said.

You, Dick. You killed my father. You murdered hundreds without even batting an
eye. Then you just left. You went back home to wallow in your own self pity.

In all fairness, your dad was one of the bad guys. I kill bad guys.

He was my father, Dick!

Yes, but a henchmen. Even you let me murder dozens of yours so far.

I will get to that. After his death, my mother died of a broken heart.

And the cancer probably, I said.

 A broken heart, Dick. Do you know what she said to me on her death bed?

Why would I know that?

She said, Dont let you father die in vain. He was not a bad man, he did what he had
to do to provide for this family. I wept alongside her. I was only sixteen at the time, I wasnt
ready to live on my own, but you had left me with no choice.

You couldve shacked up with relatives, or gotten roommates even, I said.

Thats not the point, Dick.

Well you said I left you with no choice, and you had choices. I seem to be having this
conversation a lot lately. You really should be more clear with your words. Blaine punched
me again, this time in my boys.

Thank you, Blaine, Javier said to him. I left my mothers bedside and walked
straight to the Cockroachs old compound. The police had cleaned up your mess quite well,
but they hadnt collected all of the armaments that the Cockroach had in his inventory. I
snuck out loads and loads of the weapons, and stored them in my home. I started selling
them, it was pure profit. Then I bought more guns and sold those. As my company grew I
knew I needed to hire men to help me, but I couldnt. That was how my father was killed! I
couldnt put these men in the same situation that had been the end of my father! And thats
when Boris walked through my door and offered his services. I told him of the risks, and he
said he did not care, he wanted to join me. Thats when I realized that it was their choice to
join my cause. They knew the risks, they knew the rewards, and it was their decision to come
aboard, just like my father. Yes many would die along the way, but I have never once
coerced a man to work for me. They come to me by choice, not by force.

So, you realized your father was killed because of a choice he made, and it wasnt
really my fault, so you brought me here to tell me?

No, Dick. He was my father, and I am still going to kill you. I will kill you for all the
men you have slaughtered. I will kill you for the families you have torn apart. I will kill you
because my mother asked me to.

So why havent you just done it already?

Ive been planning this for many years. I didnt want you to just die, I wanted to
make an example of you. Word of you spreads everywhere you go. People glorify you as
some sort of unstoppable killing machine, they praise your heroism, but I am going to prove
them all wrong. I was able to lure you into a trap, I was able to capture you, I was able to kill
you. I want everyone to know that it was I, Javier, that finally disposed of the infamous Dick
Powers.
 So what, you just gonna shoot me like a pussy? Or you gonna let me down and fight
like a man.

How completely unimaginative, Dick! Im not going to kill you! Boris will! You see,
you killed his father as well, and besides, I really dont have a stomach for death. Boris
looked at me and grinned. Now, before I go, I need you to know one ore thing.

Oh yeah? Whats that?

The door opened again and in walked Jenny. Hello, Dick. How nice to see you. Is
my husband treating you well? she asked.

I shouldve known.

Yes, you should have, Dick, but apparently you were too busy staring at my wifes
gozongas to realize.

Please, they arent even that great, I lied, they were pretty damn sweet.

Come on, Dick. You havent taken your eyes off them since I walked in the bar that
night, Jenny said, and she was right. I love how you fell for the sob story about Henry, who
has been working here willfully all along.

And my grandson, was that all bullshit too?

No, that was for real. But dont worry, we wont hurt him. Jenny winked at me.

You bitch! You lay a hand on my family and I will kill you! I tried to get break free
from the zip-ties, but they were made of something much stronger than the standard plastic
that I had originally assumed.

Cobalt titanium reinforced steel, Dick. No chance of you busting out of those.
Javier laughed.

Jenny walked up to me and punched me in the nads. Ive wanted to do that since the
day I met you, she said.

Now, we really must be going, Javier said. The chopper is waiting for us. Boris, I
will send another for you once you have disposed of him, and please, take your time.

Boris cracked his knuckles. Im going to enjoy this.

Blaine, Javier, and Jenny walked out of the room and closed the door behind them.
Boris started to laugh creepily and walked over to a table covered with different torture
devices. It had everything, from pliers and saws, to friggin car batteries. I struggled with
the zip ties some more, but no luck. Javier was right, there was no way I was gonna bust out
of those things. Boris walked over to me with a baseball bat and took a home-run swing to
my gut. The bat shattered against my rock hard abs. Boris just shrugged and walked back to
the table to grab a lead pipe. He took a swing at my gut with that too, of course my abs
couldn't shatter that bad boy, but it did bend a bit if I remember correctly. He struck my
stomach four more times, then tossed the pipe aside to go grab something different. Come
on now, Boris. Dont you want to fight me like a man? I asked.

Boris grabbed a pair of pliers from the table and walked back to me. This is good, he
said.

No sport in it eh? Give me a fighting chance here.

My father had no chance, so neither will you.

Look I dont even remember your father, I said. Which apparently wasnt a good
thing to say, because he got super pissed and punched me in the face like ten times. I mean,
yeah, I remember. Also not a good choice of words since he screamed and punched me a
dozen more times. I really couldnt win there.

Boris backed up, out of breath. Im going to kill you, and I promise, I will be the first
to volunteer to kill your son and his family too, if only I am so lucky.

You son of a bitch, you lay a hand on them and

And what? You hang there and think youre coming out of this alive? Boris said and
laughed heartily. Maybe I wont even ask, Javier. Maybe I just go kill them on my own.

Ahhhh! I yelled. I used every last bit of strength in my body to try and break free
from the super strong zip ties. Boris laughed and walked to the table. He picked up a needle,
with God only knows what in it, and started towards me. I was not a fan of shots.

I grow tired, I end this now, Boris said as he walked towards me. Ill make sure to
rest up before I go after your family.

Ahhhh! I yelled. I broke free from the zip ties and swung my arms up to the chains.
I ripped them apart, surprising even myself, and landed perfectly on my feet. And he sticks
the landing! I yelled. Id even make your Russian gymnastic coaches proud, dickhead.

Boris yelled and came at me with the syringe. I easily dodged his attempts to prick me
then swept his legs. He landed on the ground, hard, and I stomped on his nuts. Not my
finest moment, but I was filled with blind rage so I just went to town. He began vomiting
then dropped the needle. I picked it up and stabbed him in the neck with it, releasing
whatever horror it was filled with into his blood stream. I backed away as he continued to
puke his guts out and tried to stand up. He turned towards me, beat red, and sweating
heavily. It had only been seconds since I had injected him, but whatever it was, it was fast
acting.

I ran over to the table and grabbed a knife, ready for round two. Boris turned towards
me, preparing to charge, but then let out the biggest fart I had ever heard. I was stunned,
and tried to remain poised for battle, but Ill admit I started giggling a little. Boris looked at
me, with pain in his eyes, and let out another earth-shattering cheek-flapping blow. At this
point I couldnt control my laughter and just let it out. Hey, Boris, is there a window around
here we can crack? I asked with tears in my eyes from laughter.

He just looked at me and said, Help me. Then he began to shit the hell out of his
pants. I mean, he blew out the back of the damned things and just couldnt stop. Round
after round after round the poor guy continued to blow sewage from his ass. Firecracker ass-
snaps filled the room like a firing range, and stunk up the place like an outhouse on the
Fourth of July.

Honestly I started to feel kind of bad for the guy, but then I remembered that he was
going to use that crap on me. Dude, you were gonna use that mess on me? I asked.

Please, help, was all Boris could mutter out.

Did Javier really develop a serum to make you shit yourself to death?

Failed laxative.

I feel sorry for the monkeys in that test lab.

Boris let out a small laugh then fell to the floor. I didnt want to go near that steaming
mess of a man, but I needed to know that he was dead, so I grabbed the longest thing on the
table I could find and poked him a bit. I still wasnt satisfied, but luckily for me, they had left
my gear bag in the room. Unluckily for me, a good amount of shit water was on it. I tried
not to gag as I dug through it grabbing the essentials. A couple pistols, various grenades, and
the picture of my son and his family. I popped Boris in the head a few times and then ran
out of the room.

I headed for the rooftop, assuming thats where the helicopter pad would be, but there
was nothing. I took a seat on the edge of the roof admiring the view. It was dawn, of which
day I didn't know, but I did know one thing, I didnt know where Javier was. A couple
minutes passed and I heard a honking noise. I looked down and dammit if it wasnt Charlie
in the command vehicle.

Hey, Dick! I came here to rescue you!

 Ill be right down! It was only a two story drop, and I was very well rested, so I
jumped down totally badass style. I got in the passenger seat. Damn its good to see you!

Dick, you smell like shit, dawg.

Long story!

You can tell me on the way to get, Javier.

You know where he is?

Charlie pressed a button on the console, I pulled back, expecting the worst, but a little
blinking light appeared on the nav system. I fired a tracking thing to the chopper before it
took off, its gonna lead us right to him, Charlie said.

I dont know what I would do without you, Charlie.

You know I got your back, bro! Charlie hit the gas and we sped away, following the
little blinking dot.
Chapter 18

The Actual Assault

Charlie stopped the car about 500 yards from the actual secret base. I pulled out the
binoculars for a better look at that bad boy. Damn, dude. I said to Charlie. This thing is
going to be one tough cookie to crack.

Let me see. Charlie grabbed the binoculars and took a peek. Shoot, son. I hope
you got a couple tricks up your sleeve there.

Fudge, bruh. I was hoping the same from you.

Nah, man. Im the tech guy, youre the run and gunner.

Dont you have some dope tech stuff that we can bust out here?

Like some sort of neuron neutralizing EMP to knock out all the guards?

Yeah! Do you have one of those?

They dont exist, Dick.

Damn. Well, were gonna have to figure something out.

I do have an EMP to take out all the security cameras.

Thats a start.

But it wont do anything to the interior security. That building is made of some sort
of titanium aluminum alloy concrete that is resistant to any sort of electronic pulse.

But it will knock out the feed from the cameras outside right?

Yeah, and any of the radio communications that the guards on the outside might be
carrying with them.

So they can't alert the other guards.

Precisely. It still doesn't help with the elimination of the henchmen, but at least no
one inside will hear them scream.

The real problem is going to be getting the guards all into some sort of group. Those
little bastards are stationed all around the base. We need something that will make them all
gather together.
 Oooh, like some hot little thing walking up to the front gate wearing a skimpy little
outfit. She could be all like, Hey there boys, any of you know where a girl can get a drink
around here?

And where do you suggest we find a woman willing to do that?

Jenny could help! According to her social media she is actually here, in South Africa.
I could give her a buzz real quick.

You do know shes helping Javier, right?

What? No way! She seemed so nice.

Yeah well that kitty got claws, my friend.

So this whole thing has been one big set-up?

From the very start.

That bitch!

Plus she punched Dick Jr. while I was hanging upside down back at the torture
compound thing.

Your boys have really taken a pounding these last fews days.

Ill say so.

Well maybe you could dress up like a lady and be the decoy, like go up there all sultry
and seductive, then bust out a machine gun from under your brazier and slaughter the sons
of bitches.

Im not dressing like a woman, Charlie.

Why not? You were great back in Albania when you had to seduce the president.

I grabbed Charlie by the collar. We do not speak of that, Charlie. Ever.

Sorry, jeez Dick. Its not a big deal. Its just like dressing up for fun on halloween or
something. Nothing happened between you two. I let go of Charlie and stared at my hands.
You said nothing happened.

And nothing did happen! Except when I slit his throat with my stilettos, I said while
flashing back to that unfortunate evening. I will spare you the details.

So if youre not gonna dress like a chick, and Jenny is playing for the wrong team,
what are we gonna do?
 I dont know, Charlie. We both sat in silence for a few moments. This was a tough
situation. There were at least fifty men surrounding the base, and no telling how many more
inside. The secret compound was as large as a warehouse, and without a proper scan, we
didnt even know if there were basement levels to the facility.

Approaching the building this time was going to be substantially more difficult as
well. This building was heavily surrounded, and much more fancy. Cameras were lined up
around the building every ten feet, and there was a military grade fence with that nasty razor
wire on top surrounding the entire thing. Charlie said he could take out the cameras and
communications, but I also didnt want to make a lot of noise that would alert the people
inside. Javier was under the assumption that I was dead, and I planned on keeping it that
way as long as possible. I figured the first thing we needed to do was to get a clear scan of the
building. Charlie, how close do I need to be to get a scan of the building?

You gotta get this transmitter about 100 yards away from the building, Charlie said,
then handed me a little ball looking thing.

And how close do you need to be to run the EMP?

About a 100 yards.

So, first things first, we should try and get 100 yards away from the base.

Yes.

Lets do that.

But theres no cover. They will see us coming.

Doesnt this thing have a cloaking device or something?

Yes, but that is one piece of our tech that I cannot shield from our own EMP blast.
The second I drop the signal, our cover will be blown.

So basically, we roll up undercover, you scan, then drop the EMP signal, leaving us
totally vulnerable to the enemy.

Yes, and youll have to act fast at that point. Theyre under an order to fire on sight.
If there is a vehicle not scheduled for a visit, they will obliterate it without hesitation.

Shit. This is a sticky situation.

Youre telling me. Ill basically be a sitting duck in the van.

Well cant you just haul ass outta there?

 The electrical system in the car will need to be rebooted after the EMP, thatll take at
least fifteen minutes; this whole car is basically one giant computer.

What about our communications and shit? Will they need to reboot?

Nah, man. I have a heavy duty lead fiberoptic titanium blanket I will put all that crap
under, it will shield the necessities from the blast.

Well I guess we just fly in there on a wing and a prayer.

Yeah, and now that Ive tried to explain away as many of the potential plot holes to
the reader as I can, I say we burn this baby up.

Good, and thanks for doing that.

No problem, Dick.

Charlie pressed the cloaking device button on the car and we immediately were
camouflaged to our environment. We didnt want to burn out too quickly, since a random
cloud of dust might also alert the guards, so we proceeded with caution. I can only speak for
myself, but my heart was racing. I assumed Charlies was also, since he was sweating
profusely, but he did keep his cool for the most part. Besides a little whimpering, he kept a
stern look about him, and drove us as close as possible to the facility.

Charlie stopped the vehicle and rolled down my window. I quickly dropped the little
ball transmitter on the ground so Charlie could run his scan. After the scan was complete, he
uploaded the information to my watch. Now you can press this button and bring up a 3D
map of the compound, Charlie said.

Damn, thats slick, son.

Yeah, it might come in handy while your creeping around the facility. I mean, you do
have an eidetic memory, but it never hurts to have a refresher right on your wrist, and you
can send back some info to me so I can help with the mission as well.

How do I do that?

Once you find, Javier, press this button and it will mark his location on the map. I
can then help you track him around the base, when he inevitably tries to escape your wrath.

Tits.

Totally.

We both sat for a moment while contemplating what we were about to do. We knew it
was the riskiest situation we had ever been in, and that we might not both survive. Well, you
know I survive, I mean, I wrote this damn book, but Charlie was still up in the air at this
point. I looked at him and gave him a little head nod. He nodded back. Its been a hell of a
ride, buddy, I said to him.

Wouldnt have it any other way, Charlie said, holding the EMP button in his hands,
tears welling up in his eyes.

On the count of three. One. Two. Th

WONNNKKKK! WONNNKKKK!

Charlie and I both looked towards the building. He pissed himself, but I held on
strong. What sounded like an alarm system was ringing around the building. Oh shit!
Theyve made us! Charlie yelled.

Wait, what? I heard an announcement coming from the speakers.

Lunch break. Please commune under the designated tent, the announcement said.

What the hell? Charlie said.

Todays menu is lobster rolls, caesar salad, and a nice merlot, the announcement
continued.

Bruh, they are taking a lunch break, dawg! All under the same tent! I said.

Christmas has come early, homie! Charlie said.

Aw yeah! We both said.

We waited while the guards gathered under the luncheon tent, and were served by
waiters coming out of the building. Alright, buddy, Im gonna gear up, and then when I give
you the signal, jam their comms.

Roger that.

I geared up, mainly bulletproof clothing and SMGs, but the most beautiful touch was
a M249 killer machine gun. Usually this bad boy is mounted on vehicles and shit, but I was
super buff, as you know, so I could handle one all on my own strength. Alright, Charlie, hit
it.

Put your watch under the leaded blanket and Ill throw the switch.

I put my arm under the blanket. Ready.

Here goes nothing, Charlie said as he pressed the button. Nothing really happened.
I mean everyone just kept eating their lunch and socializing.
 Did it work?

Yeah it worked.

How do you know for sure?

Dick, this is Grade-A stuff right here. Im positive it worked.

But nothing happened!

This isnt like the movies, Dick. No wave looking blast comes from the truck. Its just
a simple, silent, emission.

Well that was anti-climatic.

Its supposed to be.

Theyre all just eating and dicking around, I might as well wait in the van until the
last minute to start taking them out.

Why? Go kick some ass buddy!

They arent even looking up here! No one has noticed us!

Dont be all pouty, Dick. Not everything has to be some sort of big show.

I have an idea, lets fire a rocket out of the back of this thing at the tent! Big
explosion and tons of excitement.

First, the van is unusable for the next fourteen minutes, second, that will surely alert
the guards inside.

Fine, but Im at least waiting here until the van is ready to roll, for your safety.

Screw that! Just make it rain on these bitches! Charlie tried to lean over and open
the slider door, but he couldnt quite get enough force. A little help here? he asked.

Screw you! It makes no difference whether I start now or in fifteen minutes! There
is no countdown clock to a nuclear strike or something, there is very little urgency here.

Open the door, Dick.

No, Charlie.

Fine! Charlie crawled over me and opened the slider door. Get going!

No!

Hey guys! Charlie yelled over to the luncheon tent. Dick is here to kill you all!
 They didnt hear him, his voice was drowned out over the classical music playing to
aid in their digestion (the speakers were unaffected by the EMP, since their power and signal
came from inside, or whatever). Quit it, Charlie! You know how I feel about alerting the
guards!

Come off it, Dick! Charlie hoped back in the front seat and tried honking the horn.
Damn, no power.

Ha, ha, dumbass.

Oh yeah!? Charlie reached in the glove box and pulled out a flair gun. He tried to
shoot it out the passenger window, but forgot it was rolled up, and the damn thing started
bouncing around the car.

Dammit, Charlie! I yelled. The hot flare landed on my lap and I jumped out of the
car and brushed it off. You couldve killed me!

Uh oh.

What!?

I think we alerted the guards.

All the commotion, and my powerful voice, had alerted the guards to our presence.
They were all looking at the van. Well, theres the sense of urgency!

I started running towards the tent. Close the door dammit! Charlie yelled after me,
as he hopped out of the seat to close it himself.

Sorry! I yelled back to him as I began firing my machine gun. I needed to act swiftly
while they were still somewhat gathered together under the tent. We would totally lose our
lunch break advantage if I didnt start picking the little bastards off from a distance. Luckily
for me, none of them had been able to get to their weapons, which they had left on the table
just outside the tent, before I began my slaughter. My machine gun sliced a hole through the
fence, while bullets shredded through henchmen. Wine glasses and bottles, sprayed the top
of the white tent with a reddish orange mist.

A couple men made it to the munitions table, but before they had a second to fire at
me, I sent precisely placed shots though their skulls; splattering blood, bits of skull, and
brains on the weapons. I continued my firing at the bulk of the men without hesitation. It
was a massacre. These dummies mightve gone for seconds on lunch if they had known it
was their last meal, and Im sure they regretted that they had been alerted to my presence
before they had time for dessert. I made my way down to the tent and finished my clip on
the machine gun. I pulled out a pistol and picked off a couple stragglers that were running
away from the horror.

I stood and admired the carnage, while simultaneously searching for survivors. A few
of the men had been able to flip a couple tables and hide behind them for the bulk of the
bullet storm, so I needed to approach the tent with caution. I pulled out a couple of SMGs
and started in on the mess. Lobster rolls and salad were scattered the floor. I stepped on a
dry crouton and two men popped up from behind a table. They fired a couple shots, hitting
me on my kevlar, but a couple quick bursts from the SMGs and they were down. A few more
men poked their heads up from behind cover, and I quickly dispatched with them as well.

I walked by a table with some relatively clean food on it, picked up a roll, and took a
bite. Not bad really. I mean it was your typical catering food, but still pretty decent. Javier
treated his men well. I walked past a couple bodies still breathing on the ground and put
them out of their misery with a couple head taps. It seemed like this whole mess was finally
over, and I was going to be able to focus my attention on getting inside, but then a poor
unfortunate team of cooks came out of the side door carrying a very large cake.

The first one started speaking before he saw the desecration, We heard it was
someones birthday today! Joannes, where are you? He turned his head and saw the
bloodied pile of men. Oh no.

They tried to turn around and go back inside with the cake, but it was too late for
them. I shot both the cake handlers and they fell to the ground with the cake. I walked
closer to the first man who was trying desperately to re-enter his key code into the door.
You make this roll? I asked him, holding the lobster roll I was eating towards him.

N-n-no. I only do the sweets, he said while his knees shook and he pissed himself.

Thats too bad.

P-p-please dont k-k-kill me.

I dont like to leave loose ends, I said.

Ill run, Ill run far away. I wont tell anyone what I saw today.

I reached down and took a finger full of frosting off the cake and ate it. This is good
cake.

Yes, have it, all yours, just let me go, please!

Alright, get outta here.

 Thank you! Thank you! He shouted as he ran off. I reached down for more cake, it
was damn tasty.

About ten seconds later I heard footsteps quickly approaching and heavy breathing. I
turned around just in time to see the baker running at me with a butchers knife (or is a
Bakers Knife at that point?). He stabbed me with all of his strength, but luckily for me, it
only made it about an inch or so in past my kevlar. Realizing his mistake, he backed up and
pleaded for his life, again, Please, please, I didnt mean that.

I shot him in the right leg, Thats, I shot him in the left leg, why, I shot him in the
right arm, I, I shot him in the left arm, dont, I shot him in the gut, like, I shot him in
the left knee, to, I shot him in the right knee, leave, I shot him in the gut again, loose,
he fell to the ground, I shot him in the chest, ends! I shot him in the head.

Nice! I turned around quickly to see Charlie sitting at one of the tables eating. You
showed him.

I told you to wait in the van.

No you didnt.

Well I meant to.

I just wanted to grab a quick bite, I didnt pack enough rations

BANG!

Charlie looked down at his gut. He had been shot. I desperately looked for the
shooter. One of the men on the ground wasnt dead yet and had fired a shot at Charlie. I
sprayed bullets into his brain. I ran over to Charlie, firing wildly at the all the men on the
ground to make sure they were dead. Charlie slid off the chair and fell to the ground. I ran
over to him screaming, Charlie! Charlie!

Ive been shot, Dick.

Youre gonna be okay! Youre gonna be okay!

I dunno, Dick. Is this what it feels like to be dying?

Dammit, Charlie dont talk like that!

Charlie coughed up blood and it dribbled down his chin. He was turning white, and
quickly. I put pressure on his wound, but he was fading fast. Dick, tell me about the girls.

What? What girls, Charlie? I said desperately trying to hold back my tears.
 The girls we were gonna pick up when we got home. After the beers and light
conversation, Dick.

I couldnt help it, I started blubbering like a little baby. The most beautiful girls,
Charlie.

So damn fly?

So damn fly, buddy.

Thats wicked, Charlie said, then he smiled and closed his eyes.

Charlie! Charlie! Dont you die on me dammit! I started pounding on his chest,
Youre not done yet! I was in full out sobbing mode at this point. Charlie was
unresponsive.
Chapter 19

Now Its Personal

I held Charlie in my arms while tears rolled down my face. This was the first time I
had ever cried. Well, I did cry when my wife died, but it was definitely the first time I had
cried since then. Well, I did also cry when my son was born, but that was before my wife
died so this would be like the third time total that I had cried. I hated myself for not
spending more time with Charlie when I had the chance. I was always avoiding his phone
calls and never returning his messages. I had been a real, dick. I just sat there for what
seemed like forever, holding that little chub in my arms, when I heard a faint, Dick. Dick.

I looked down at, Charlie, What is it?

His lips werent moving, but I still heard the, Dick. Dick. It was getting louder. I
looked around and saw Roldolpho running down to us, with Cornelius behind him driving
the van. Dick! Dick! Roldolpho ran up to me. What has happened to our little muffin
top? he asked.

Hes dead, Roldolpho! Hes dead! I cried.

Roldolpho leaned down close to, Charlie. Hes still breathing, Dick!

What?!

Hes still breathing!

Cornelius pulled up to the tent. Whats going on? he yelled.

Hes still breathing! Roldolpho yelled to Cornelius. We have a chance to save the,
roly poly!

What do we do? I asked.

I need a clean table to work, Cornelius began. We must get the slug out of his gut.

Done! I stood up with Charlie in my arms and ran over to the side door the cooks
had been coming out of. I kicked down the solid reinforced titanium alloy steel door, with
ease, and it flew into the kitchen.

Oh my, he is so strong and sexy, Roldolpho said.

The cooks inside were all shocked to see me. One of them hit the alarm that sealed
the doors, and sent a siren sound around the building. I put Charlie on a freshly washed
prep table then pulled out my SMGs, mercilessly slaughtering the remaining cooks in the
kitchen. It wouldnt be long before the guards in the building tried to break in and kill us, so
I slid as much heavy shit in front of the entrance to the kitchen as possible. That should
hold em a bit, I said to Roldolpho and Cornelius. What do you need from me?

I need you to head them off from the main room. Try and take the focus away from
us here, Cornelius said.

Right. You need a gun or anything? I asked.

Ill grab something form the van while my man works on your boy, Roldolpho said.
You need to get back to what you do best, and to kill these bastards.

Oh, they have no idea whats coming, I said. I walked over to Charlie who was
unconscious on the table and said, Hang in there, buddy. Just think about those fly ass
ladies back in the states. I turned to Roldolpho and Cornelius, Youve save my boy.

Dont worry about that, Dick. You worry about taking down, Javier.

I nodded my head and ran out of the kitchen. Roldolpho came with me and grabbed a
nice little automatic shotgun to defend the kitchen. You get that brass out of him and then
take him to a hospital, with or without me, I said.

Go get em, tiger, Roldolpho said, slapping my ass.

I pulled up the schematics to the building on my watch and noticed a glass skylight on
the roof. I quickly shot my grappling hook up to the roof and zipped on up there. I was
going to come in from the skylight, they wouldn't see it coming. I reloaded my SMGs and
made sure that the rest of my equipment was fully stocked and ready to go. All my clips were
full, my grenades were at the ready, and I had pissed off the side of the building (no sense in
going down there with a full bladder). I also made sure that there were no guards going to
the kitchen from the outside. I probably didnt need to worry. I had never seen Roldolpho in
a fight, but he looked like the kind of crazy mafk that could take care of business.

I looked down through the skylight and saw the enemy preparing for my arrival. Of
course those numbskulls were all pointing their weapons at the front door, like I was gonna
just try and waltz right into the building. Stupid dummies. I was coming from above, like
the angel of death. No one was going to be spared.

I hooked a line to the edge of the building, and prepared myself for the jump. This
was it. This was the culmination of everything that had happened to me up until now. I said
a little prayer for myself, and my boys down in the kitchen, then I looked down through the
glass and said, Only God can save you now. I pulled the pins on two grenades and jumped
onto the skylight. It didnt break through. I weighed some 200 pounds plus gear right then.
I shouldve shattered right through that stuff. Apparently this was some super dense gorilla
glass stuff or something. I jumped up and down a few times. Nothing. I was going to need
to use a little C-4 to get this bad boy open, but since I was still holding the plungers on two
nades, so they didnt blow prematurely, it was going to be a trick.

I took a step forward to get off the glass but slipped and fell on my ass, hard. Hard
enough to break the glass in the skylight and fall through. I dropped one of the grenades in
all the commotion, then threw the other towards some barrels, which I hoped were holding
some sort of fuel to ignite a wicked explosion. The henchmen on the warehouse floor had no
idea where that first grenade had landed so they bailed for cover, and I started firing my
SMGs.

I straightened myself up a bit, to look hella badass as I hung from the ceiling dual
wielding SMGs and spraying bullets, and went to town on these clowns. The grenade that I
dropped exploded near a group of men and a bunch of computer looking things. Not like
nice iMacs or something, but those big towers you used to see in the old movies. Bodies flew
across the room from the explosion, and the computers started blowing up like dominos.
These were some pretty potent grenades.

I continued to fire into the crowds of men as the second grenade went off. The barrels
I had thrown the grenade at were definitely full of something that goes boom, because those
sons of bitches lit up like Christmas, and sent a giant fireball to the rafters. More henchmen
went flying through the air and across the room. I finally finished the first clips of ammo,
and feeling pretty good about my kickass entrance, I lowered myself quickly down to the
floor. Men were scrambling at this point, and firing wildly around the room. There was so
much smoke that I was able to quickly find a bit of cover behind a concert support pillar
without getting shot, and I reloaded my weapons without anyone noticing where I had gone.

I listened for the firing around me to stop, which was taking longer than I wouldve
liked, but I had to guess there were still like fifty dudes out there with guns trying to kill me.
I poked my head out from around the pillar and tried to assess the situation. The room was
still filled with smoke, and a few random gunshots were still going around, so I couldn't
really plan what my next steps should be. It was entirely possible that I if came out from
behind my cover, I would just get pelted to death with bullets, and it was also possible that I
could become stranded with nowhere to hide. I decided that I wasnt doing any good just
standing there, waiting for someone to toss a grenade my way and blow me to smithereens,
so I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the pillar.

The return fire began almost immediately as I had stepped out, and I was nailed a few
times in my armor by shots, but I was on point with my aim. Every time someone poked
their head out from cover, I tapped them in the noggin. Every time someone tried to run for
cover, I tapped them in the noggin. Every time someone farted, and made me aware of their
location, I tapped them in the noggin (in all fairness that only happened one time, but still,
every time). I was fueled by the possible death of my best friend, and the betrayal of, Jenny.
After taking out about ten or twelve of those suckers, I popped behind some crates to reload.

The enemy fire was relentless, and was quickly tearing apart my cover box. I reloaded
and popped just my guns above the cover and fired a few shots, then I ran towards another
concrete pillar while firing at any piece of flesh that I saw. One of the henchmen tried to put
just his gun above his cover, like I had so efficiently done, and I shot the gun out of his
hands. He stood up, screaming and holding his shot-up hand, so I put a bullet down his
throat and ended his suffering. I reached the pillar and holstered my weapons.

I had been able to pinpoint a cluster of men in a corner of the building, so I pulled out
a couple bang balls and ripped out the pins. I threw them with Randy Johnson accuracy and
speed towards the group and watched for the explosion. I heard a very loud, Oh shit! once
they noticed the grenades but it was too late. Those bad mama jamas blew those
chowderheads sky high and set one of them on fire, who ran around screaming before
running into another stack of those barrels. The barrels blew like a Diet Dr. Pepper left in
the freezer too long and sent another fireball to the ceiling, adding more smoke into the
already clouded room.

I wasnt able to see a thing, but I remembered the dope goggles that I had on my head
that could see through smoke with ultra-infrared laser beams or whatever. I wish I had
thought of putting them on before blindly running into fire the first time, but better late than
never I suppose. I also had a little gas mask thing hanging from my jacket so I put that on as
well. All geared up for the smoke and gas, I tossed a couple teargas canisters into the middle
of the room. These stink bombs would make your eyes water until you puked, and had a
blast radius of like thirty feet. The henchmen dummies would be so busy coughing and
puking that they wouldnt be able to stand. It was gonna be like shooting the fish in the
barrel I had jumped into.

As I heard the coughing begin, I stepped out from behind the pillar and took aim at
the remaining dumbass henchmen. I took them out methodically, slowly, with purpose.
There was nowhere to hide, nowhere run, and I found each of them and murdered them. I
walked up to the last of them, gasping for air, and pulled him up by the collar, Where is
Javier?! I yelled.

I cant breath, he wheezed out.

Where is he!? I shook him violently.

I cant breath, he again wheezed out.

 I let go of him and he puked all over my sweet kicks. Dammit! I yelled. Where is
Javier!?

Control room, he blubbered.

Where is the control room? I grabbed him by the collar again.

Its Before he could finish speaking, the back of his head blew out, splattering
brains and blood all over me, but luckily not on my kicks.

What the hell? I said as I turned around. Blaine was standing at the other end of the
room holding a smoking gun. Blaine flipped a switch on the wall next to him. A giant
ventilation system fired up and cleared the room of smoke and gas. I pulled my mask off,
drew my weapons, and pointed them at him. You missed, dickhead.

I didnt miss. I shut him up.

Well that was stupid. You shouldve killed me. I mean, you obviously had the jump
on me, and a pretty clear shot.

Im going to kill you with my bare hands. I want to watch the life leave your eyes as I
choke out your last breath. Blaine cracked his knuckles. Im going to enjoy this.

Funny, thats what your pal Boris said, before I killed him.

You killed, Boris?

Well he shit himself to death, but I administered the lethal dose of laxative.

Youre one sick son of a bitch, Dick.

Hey, he was gonna jab me with it. I thought it was just Drano or something. I
chuckled to myself a bit, You know, it was kind of like Drano, huh?

Drop your guns! Fight me like a man!

Ive been doing karate since the second grade, Blaine. Im not sure you want any of
this.

Ive been doing Taekwondo since the first grade, Dick.

Well how old are you? Im like forty or something, so Ive been doing karate for some
thirty-two years or whatever.

Im fifty.

Shit, no way. You don't look a day over thirty-five.

 I take care of my body, it is a temple.

It shows.

Drop your guns.

Alright, but Im not just gonna drop them. I will set them down nicely over there, I
said while pointing to a stack of crates that hadnt been too badly damaged during the
firefight. Once I had placed my weapons down, I walked back to the center of the room, and
Blaine met me there.

You ready to die today? Blaine asked.

I could ask you the same question, I said.

Blaine and I ran towards each other screaming. We collided in the center of the room
and he took me to the ground. He was on top of me, pounding on my face while I tried to
guard with my arms. I reached up around his neck and put him in a choke hold. I squeezed
as hard as I could and his punches became slower and slower. I flipped him over and got on
top of him, slugging him in the face with several blows. He pushed me off of him and we
both backed off for a second to catch our breath.

I ran towards Blaine and tried to kick him in the ribs, he blocked quickly with his arm
and countered with a kick, which I also blocked with my arm. I took a couple quick jabs at
his head and landed a good one on his temple. He stepped back for a second, but then came
back at me with several throws. I blocked them, with ease, and punched him square in the
nose, shattering the bone around the cartilage. He took a step back, grabbing his face, and I
kicked him wicked hard in the ribs, breaking at least three. Blaine coughed up blood while I
took a few steps back to get a running start at him. He looked up at me and ran at me,
picking me up and driving me back into a bunch of stacked boxes and then onto the ground.
He pulled me up and head butted me. Unfortunately for him, he was unaware that I had an
extra thick skull, and he cracked his on mine.

He got up, all woozy, with blood streaming from his head. What the hell? he said,
stumbling around.

I stood up and knocked on my head a bit. Super thick, bruh. I can bust through
concrete with this thing.

I can tell, Blaine said. Blood started to trickle out of his mouth. He spit on the
ground, and put up his dukes. Lets finish this.

Its your funeral, I said, also putting up my dukes.

 We went blow for blow for a couple rounds, but eventually I swept his legs and he fell
hard. He got up, slowly, and readied himself again. Bring it, he said, then he swung at me,
and missed. I swept his legs again, and he fell hard, again.

Stay down, Blaine. Let me put you out of your misery.

Never, he said standing up again. Never. Blaine reached down and pulled a gun
out of his shoe. He shot me in the chest twice, and once in the arm, his aim was a little off,
seeings how he probably had a concussion, but he still made his point. I ran as fast as I could
as he kept firing, and he winged the back of my leg. I dove over the boxes where I had left
my guns, grabbed one midair while spinning around, and fired two clean shots at his head.
One shattered his teeth and blew out the back of his head, the other was dead center between
his eyes, also blowing out the back of his head.

I landed behind cover and assessed the damage. My chest was protected by my vest,
but it still stung, and my leg was just nicked. My arm was a clean shot through and through,
but there was a good amount of blood pouring out of it. I had a bit of blood clot stuff in my
jacket, so I dumped what I had in the hole. It stung. I grabbed the rest of my guns and stuff
from on top of the box, then I heard a light slow-clap starting from the other end of the
building.

Very nice, Dick. Good show. I recognized the voice of, Javier. So youve killed my
two best men now. Thank you very much. He stopped the slow clap.

Mess with the dog, youre gonna get burned, I yelled to him.

Dick, you dont understand! Javier yelled. I have hundreds of men at my disposal.
You are just one man!

Ive made it this far, asshole.

Look, Dick. Please. Just look over here. I wont kill you yet. I want you to see what
youre up against. I poked my head out from around the boxes, there were at least a
hundred men behind, Javier.

Thats nothing, I said, bluffing a bit. To be perfectly honest I was a little shaken by
what I had seen. Thats a lot of dudes, and I had already killed at least 150 that day.

Not enough for ya? Javier yelled, then he whistled. I could hear the boot-steps of
more men coming. How about now?

I poked my head around again, he had added another fifty men at least. Ha, I eat
that for breakfast. I was totally bluffing at this point.
 Oh, okay, Javier said, then he whistled again. I heard more boot-steps as Javier
added to his army. How about now?

I took another look, he had added another fifty men. Thats probably good.

Are you sure? Javier said, then he whistled a final time. More boot-steps. You see,
Dick. I have an endless supply of men at my disposal. You dont have a chance. Javier
waited for me to respond, I didnt. Why are you even still at this? Jenny is with me, Henry
was in on it all along, you have nothing left to fight for!

A faint, Dick. Dick, came through my watch.

What? I whispered back.

This is Roldolpho, were ready to go. Are you ready to get out of here?

Im not finished. Get far away from here. This ends now.

Roger that, Mr. Dick. Godspeed. I could Roldolpho getting choked up on the other
end, he knew what I meant. I hung up my watch phone and pulled out the picture of my son
and his family, I let a single tear fall, splashing on the photo. It was a really emotional scene.

Dick! Javier yelled. Its over. There is no situation where you leave here alive.

I took a deep breath, and cocked back my gun, I know.

Chapter 20

The Final Chapter

So there I was, guns cocked, ready to face my doom. I grabbed one of the few
grenades I had left and pulled the pin. I waited until the last second and tossed it into the
crowd of henchmen. Javier yelled, Dammit, Dick! then the grenade exploded. I popped up
from my cover, ready to unload on these bitches, but they were all too busy trying to run
away. The grenade I tossed had started a chain reaction with the other guards, who were all
packing nades, so one by one those dumb idiots were blowing up next to each other. I would
love to take credit for causing the carnage with a precision grenade toss, but even I will chalk
it up to luck every once in a while. Of course my good fortune couldnt last forever, so once
the explosions stopped, it was time to get down to business.

There were at least 200 men left standing after the fireworks, so I definitely had my
work cut out for me. I quickly opened fire on the lackeys who had been unfortunate enough
to not find cover. I mowed down dozens of them while they hurried around, desperately
trying to find a place to hide. These men were all wearing some of the highest grade armor
available, but I was precise with my shooting. I shot through visors and into eye sockets. I
shot through tiny cracks in armor hitting vital organs. I shot through gloves and exploded
hands. It was pure and complete domination.

Some of the men who had found cover returned fire, but they shot wildly, and landed
more shots on their own men than on me (there is such a thing as too many henchmen). My
kevlar was holding strong, but it wouldn't last long if I didnt find cover quickly to reload and
take a breath. I ran across the room, continuing to fire with deadly precision, and dove
behind some servers. During all the commotion I saw Javier run off around a corner. That
slimy little bastard had avoided the bombs and made an escape. Dont worry though, I
wasnt about to let that little shit walk out of there alive.

The henchmen continued their fire, even though I was safely behind cover, but thats
henchmen for ya. They arent the most tactical men out there, and they tend to waste tons of
ammo. I reloaded my guns with my last two clips and readied myself for the next barrage. I
took two deep breaths and stood up to return fire to these chuckleheads, but right as I was
going to pop my head out, six grenades rolled right next to me.

There is a split second decision you have to make when a grenade lands next to you.
You either kick or toss those suckers back, or you bail and hope that you can get away before
they explode. I was feeling frisky, and low on ammo, so I decided to kick about four of them
back at the henchmen then did a totally killer back flip behind some work benches. I wasnt
going to win the Olympics with my gymnastics, but it did look pretty sick with me flipping
through the air as a fireball clipped at my heels. The few grenades I kicked back at the
henchmen blew up next to groups of men and sent them flying across the room.

At this point I figured that I probably had killed about 200 of these dudes, but I didnt
know for certain. It was important for me to know what I was up against in this last stand,
and without Charlie to help with the techie scans and thermonuclear body heat registers, I
decided to do something I never did. Their return fire was non-stop so I yelled, Hey! Guys!
How many of you are left? Their fire and screams stopped, and there was silence for a few
seconds, so I figured they were trying to shore up the numbers. Just a rough estimate
would be fine, I yelled.

A couple more seconds of silence then one of them replied, About a hundred or so.

Dammit, that was more than I thought, and the longer I spent obliterating these fools,
the longer Javier had to escape. So I decided to give them an option, Alright, guys, cards on
the table here. Im going to come out and address the crowd. Dont shoot, and I wont
shoot.

A few seconds went by then the same guy from before said, Okay.

I stood up slowly, hands off my weapons and looked over the group. So, we all
know

RAT-A-TATA!

My speech was interrupted by a couple random shots. One of the henchmen had
accidentally pulled his trigger, the man next to him slapped him and called him a dumbass.

I regained my composure and began again, So we all know how this ends. Im the
good guy, youre all the bad guys, so I will eventually kill all of you. They looked around and
nodded their heads in agreement. All I really want to do is kill Javier and destroy
everything associated with The Wave gun that he is developing. So Im extending an olive
branch here. Leave now, go back to your families and live the rest of your lives. You dont
need to die for this fruit loop.

The henchmen started mumbling amongst themselves, then one spoke, Or?

Or I will kill you all.

They all started muttering random things like, Well okay, and, Sounds fair, or, I
wish he had offered that sooner, then began dropping their weapons and walking out the
front door.
 A small group of about a dozen of them stayed behind. They huddled together for a
moment, then their spokesperson came out and said, We serve our boss, Javier. If that
means death, then so be it.

Oh come on you guys. Your friends are all going. Call it a day. Youll find another
ruthless arms dealer to work for! Im sure of it, I said.

No. We will remain, and we will fight, he replied.

Fine, but I wont be sending flowers to your widow, I said. I quickly drew my
weapons and fired a shot directly into his brain. He fell to his knees, blood pouring from his
mouth as the back of his head sprayed all over his comrades behind him. The rest of the men
ran for cover, but I clipped a few of them in the legs and then tapped them in the head before
they had a chance to find some. I also dove behind some cover and prepared myself for a
much more personal battle than the killing floor I had just been a part of.

One of the men tried to get the jump on me by running as fast as he could towards my
position while firing a SMG. When he got close enough to me, I reached behind my head and
grabbed him, flipping him over the crate so he was right in front of me. I slapped both my
hands on his ears and blew out his eardrums. He screamed bloody murder, which was quite
loud, since I still had most of my hearing, so I shot him in the head to shut him up. I picked
up his body and used it as a shield to approach the rest of the men who were still firing at me.
I pulled out my 45 magnum and shot another four of them directly in their heads. Their
domes exploded, and left their headless bodies to drop to the floor.

The three men left fired their last rounds then threw their weapons down. Two of
them screamed and ran at me, hoping for a fistfight, while the third tired to grab a working
gun off of one of his dead buddies. I dropped my human shield and grabbed the first
henchmen that came after me. I slit his throat and blood started gushing out like a broken
slushy machine. The other man ran up to me, still screaming, so I grabbed him by the hair
and put his mouth over his associates slit throat. I held them together tightly. I watched the
life drain from their eyes as one of them lost all the blood in his body, and the other choked
on it. I dropped them both, dead, and focused my attention on the last guy. He had found a
gun with ammo and pulled the trigger at me. It was jammed. I walked up to him as he
backed away pleading for his life, Please, no, please.

You had your chance, I said.

I shot both of his thighs and he fell to the floor, still begging for his life, Please, oh
shit, please dont kill me.

I pulled him up by his collar, Where did Javier go?

 Over there. Thats the main control room. Please let me go.

No dice, home slice. I popped him in the head. His body went limp as I let go of his
collar and he hit the floor. A sharp pain ran up my right leg. My body had been so full of
adrenaline that I didnt realize I had been pretty banged up during all the commotion. I
limped towards the room the henchmen had pointed me towards and started calling out
Javiers name. Javier. Javier! I yelled. Get out here and face me like a man. There was
no response. I walked to the control room, it was blocked by a giant safe looking door with a
keypad. Maybe I shouldve asked the henchmen for the code before I killed him, but
hindsight is 20/20, so I didnt beat myself up for it. I hit the door with my fist, Javier! Get
your dumbass out here. Im just gonna blow this place up anyways. I banged on the door a
few more times yelling, Javier!

KABOOM!

A giant chunk of the door blew off and sent me flying against the back wall, knocking
the wind out of me. As the dust settled I saw Javier walking towards me. Jenny, Henry, and
a bunch of nerds were standing in the control room looking at me all smug-like. Javier had a
shiny looking future style gun, The Wave, Dick. How do you like my masterpiece?

It sure does pack a wallop, I said trying to catch my breath.

Yes, it does, and now that Henry has completed the new lithium ion core cell battery,
it has nearly an infinite ammo supply.

And you want to put that into the hands of the enemy? Youre a crazy son of a bitch,
Javier.

The enemy? Whos the enemy? The freedom fighters in Qatar? The Mongolian
rebels in South Sudan? Maybe its the United States government carpet bombing Malaysia,
or maybe its the British testing nukes in Antartica. You see, Dick, there is no difference.
Everyone wants to appear like they are fighting a righteous fight, but in reality, they only do
things for their own self interests. Oil, gold, silver, salt, its a about making that paper. Its a
selfish world, Dick, and I too want my piece of the pie.

So what, you arm everyone and the entire world is destroyed? What is your precious
piece of pie worth then?

Dont be so naive, Dick. The new world will still need arms and arms dealers. In
fact, we will become the rulers, and I their king! Nations will bow before me!

You go, baby! Jenny yelled from the control room.

Good on you, papa! Henry chimed in as well.

 Youre all a bunch of psychotic dessert craving narcissists, I yelled back. Youll
never get way with this!

Oh but I already have, Dick! The Wave is complete and ready for its first auction to
the highest bidder. I have killed everyone who has gotten in my way! There is no one left to
stop me!

I reached down for my last grenade all stealthily and looked Javier directly in the eyes.
You forgot one thing.

Javier laughed to himself, And what might that be, Mr. Richard Powers?

I aint dead yet. I pulled the pin on my last grenade and chucked it into the control
room.

Javier turned around just in time to see the grenade go off, blowing up the nerds,
Henry, and that bitch, Jenny. Nooooo! he yelled. Javier fired supersonic pulsating beams
wildly around the room, demolishing the pillars and support beams holding this place
together. I tried to stand up but he shot at me with The Wave, blowing me through the
concrete wall behind me and into another room.

He continued to fire as the building began to crumble around him. I got to my feet,
but could barely stand after the beating I had taken. Javier stopped firing and fell to his
knees. Tears streamed down his face. Jenny! he yelled in an overdramatic fashion. Then
he turned to me, stood up and walked towards me. You son of a bitch, Dick. She was my
wife. He was my son. Those were my nerds! I tried to stand up but couldnt. Neither of us
are leaving here alive, Dick.

I coughed up blood. It would seem that way.

Javier came close and stood right in front of me. Why? Why do you fight when you
have nothing to fight for, Dick?

I looked up and smiled at him with blood stained teeth. Players gonna play, dick.
Javiers faced filled with rage as he screamed and pointed The Wave at me. A split second
before he could pull the trigger, I kicked him square in the nuts. He fell to his knees. I
pulled out my Glock 18 and emptied the clip into his head. His body fell back and with one
little subconscious twitch of his finger, he fired The Wave. It blew me through the final
concrete wall as the building fell down on top of him. I flew back far away from the building,
and watched as it was consumed by massive fireballs, destroying anything that was left
inside. I landed on the grass outside the security fence, and as the building continued to
erupt, I just stared up at the sky and let the ash fall on my face. I laid in the grass, looking up
at the sun, completely immobile.
 My mind drifted to little daydreams in my head of me playing with my grandson. I
was pushing him in a swing on a beautiful sunny day, while my son, Harry, watched from a
park bench. Harrys wife, walked up to the bench with treats from the ice cream truck, so I
picked up my grandson and we headed over for some refreshments. She had gotten me a
fudge bar, which I hated, and had told her multiple times in the past that I liked rocket pops,
but I let it slide because the ice cream truck had already driven away and there wasnt a way
for me to exchange it anyways. We all sat on the bench, just enjoying each others company,
and watching the sunset in the distance. My grandson would lick his ice cream cone too
strongly and the scoop would fall to the ground. As tears welled up in his eyes I would offer
him my fudge pop, since I didnt like them anyways, and he would hug me and say, I love
you, grandpa Dick.

I closed my eyes and focused on that thought. My entire body was in pain, I mustve
broken every bone in my body, and my breathing continued to get more and more labored,
until finally, I drew my last breath.
Chapter 21

The Wrap-Up
Psych, you stupid idiots! I woke up in a hospital bed like a month later or whatever.
A burly looking Charlie was sitting in a chair next to my bed. He had a long patchy beard,
and I was glad to see that he had made it. He was playing around on his phone, but when he
noticed I was awake, he jumped quickly to my side. Dick! Youre awake! Charlie gave me
a big hug, but then quickly backed away. Oh, sorry! Youre probably still so sore! He
started rubbing my head softly.

I actually feel fine.

Well thats surprising, considering you did break every bone in your body.

Thats when I noticed that I was in a full body cast, and was unable to move any of my
limbs. Well Ill be a monkeys uncle. A doctor walked into my room holding my chart.
Hey, doc. When can I get out of this stupid thing? I asked.

He dropped his clipboard and stared at me. Cheese and crackers! Youre awake.
He ran over with his stethoscope and started looking me over. Can you feel this? he asked,
then poked my toes with a pin thing. I nodded my head. How about this? He poked my
fingers. I nodded again. Its a miracle.

Yeah I am pretty badass.

You dont understand, Richard.

Please, call me, Dick.

Dick. Your friends here basically brought in a dead body. I mean your BPM was one
for cryin out loud. There is no way that you should have feeling in your extremities, let
alone ever have woken up.

Yeah I know, doc. Im a total stud. When can I get outta this thing?

Probably not for a few more months. Every bone in your body were not only broken,
but they were shattered. You had no structure, you were just a pile of a man.

I think now is good. I proceeded to break out of the casts and stuff. Pulling pins or
whatever out of my bones and giving myself a good stretch. The doctor just looked on in
amazement as I cracked my back and sat straight up.
 My, God.

I told you to call me, Dick. (Hur hur)

Geraldo, Roldolpho and Cornelius all walked into the room and let out a collective,
Dick!

Roldolpho ran up to me and gave me a big hug. Youre my hero, Dick Powers.

Well done, my boy. Javier is defeated and you not only saved America, but the whole
world, Cornelius said.

We owe you a debt, Mr. Powers, Geraldo said.

Its just what I do, fellas, I said to them.

Well if you ever need anything from us, please dont hesitate to ask, Cornelius said
as he shook my hand.

We all stood around for a few seconds, then Charlie asked, So whats next for you,
Dick?

I need a stiff drink! I said, then we all threw our heads back and laughed as we
walked out of the hospital room.
Epilogue
Hello,

I found this book while going through my fathers belongings in his home. My father,
Richard Powers, died three weeks after returning to the states. While out with his best
friend, Charlie, he choked on a chicken finger at Hooters and the paramedics were unable to
resuscitate him.

I didnt know my father. He was never around while I was growing up, and I never
forgave him for that, but after reading this manuscript I felt that it was necessary to publish
to help conserve his legacy.

I find comfort in the fact that he spent his life trying to protect not only myself, but all
of the people of the United States of America. Much of his life and deeds will go unknown,
because they are classified at the highest levels, but his heroic actions to protect the world
will be at least in part known by the publication of this book. Richard Powers was a good
man, and his legacy will live on.

I write this from my fathers desk, in his home, while I gather the last of his things
that will not go to auction. As I look over his wall of literature, I cant help but laugh to
myself that he has a copy of Moby Dick. I know very little about my father, but I do know
that was his most hated book. Maybe I will take it with me as well.

Sincerely,

Harry Powers