Human existence regarding to memories in Trilobite

Existentialism and literature have been working together to reflect on the

ideas of human existence for a long amount of time. Existentialism is the idea
that describe human existence and nature in the philosophical method. It was
formed around the late 19th and 20th century by various philosophers, such as
Soren Kierkegaard, Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Albert Camus.
Many artists and writers in this day still apply the idea of existentialism their
works. One of the great examples which represent the idea of existentialism is
Trilobite, the short story by Breece DJ Pancake in 1977. Trilobite was written
through the view of a teenager named Colly who recently lost his father and was
forced to sell his fathers farm by his mother. In the Trilobite, Colly has to find
the reason of his existence in the worst moment of his life. Pancake showed his
aspects about existentialism many times in Trilobite through the stream of
consciousness which flashed-back to the background of the story, dialogue
between Colly and other characters, and symbols that appeared in this short
story.
Numerous times in Trilobite, Breece DJ Pancake showed his stream of
consciousness through the visual, auditory, physical, associative, and subliminal
of the scene. From the Trilobite, Pancake uses the stream of consciousness to

swap between the present and the past through Collys aspect. The part that
flashed back to the past is crucial because the reason that caused Colly to be like
who he was in the story. As Colly described I blink and breathe. My father is a
khaki cloud in the canebrakes, and Ginny is no more to me than the bitter smell
in the blackberry briers up on the ridge (B. Pancake, 1979). At this point of the
story, Collys father, and Ginny were nothing more than an old memory for Colly.
But these memories haunted him because he obsesses too much with the past.
Colly couldnt move on with his life because he scare of losing the memories that
he has.
The dialogue was one of the important parts that driven the Trilobite to
its finest. By the time that the event in the story occurred, Colly was already in
the state of confusion on finding himself and the meaning of his existence. Colly
lose his father, girlfriend, and the next thing that he was going to lose was his
fathers farm. At this point, Colly was really angry but he cant do anything with
the situation because Colly was not able to take care of the farm like his father
did. He has no choice but to accept the fate and move to somewhere else. The
expression that Colly thought about the situation was shown in the dialogue
between Colly and his mother about the situation of the farm after Mr. Trent
left. In this scene, Collys mother indirectly convinced Colly to let his past with
the farm and his father go and move to Akron to live their new life. Colly knew

that his mother was going to talk to him about life in Akron, but he did not seem
to care about what she said. Colly described it I know she has to say it. I just
keep my mouth shut. Colly thought that his mother did not understand that he
wants to live on with the memory of the farm. He learned about the reason of
human existence through the death of his father. At this point of the story,
Collys idea about his existence was still fuzzy but it became clear after he talked
to Ginny about his life. Colly went out with Ginny after he has a conversation
with his mother. At the mere end of the story, Colly said to Ginny as he thought
that Ginny could be a person who able to understand and talk to him "When I
was a young punk, I tried to run away from home. I was walking through this
meadow on the other side of the Hill, and this shadow passed over me. I honest to
god thought it was a pterodactyl. It was a damned airplane. I was so damn mad,
I came home (B.J. Pancake, Trilobite). Colly told Ginny that he obsesses with
the past too much that he was haunted by it. Colly scared to move on with his life
because all the past that he has been holding him back. He waited for Ginny to
response, but she did not. Instead, Ginny leaned down to Colly and started
having sex with him. What Ginny did to Colly was not making love. It was
meaningless to Colly because it was not what he wanted. By this point, Colly
understood that Ginny was not someone he knew anymore. He saw Ginny as a
Tinkers sister, a coffee shop girl who Colly only care about her appearance.

The symbolism that appeared in the Trilobite was one of the literature
devices that Breece DJ Pancake used to express his idea of existentialism. It
appeared frequently in the story that Colly was trying to find a Trilobite. As
Colly described It took over a million years to make that smooth little hill, and
I've looked all over it for trilobites. I think how it has always been there and
always will be, least for as long as it matters (B. Pancake, 1979). This passage
showed that the Trilobite represented the purpose of human existence. According
to Britannica encyclopedia, Trilobite is any member of a group of extinct fossil
arthropods which appeared at the beginning of the Cambrian Period, about 542
million years ago. It always remains in the same location as it was before the
fossilization. As same as the purpose of human existence, Trilobite meant
nothing until someone decide to seek for it. Colly was one of the people who seek
for Trilobite without any expectation. As Colly described Some tankers wait on
the spur. Their wheels are rusting to the tracks. I wonder what to hell I ever
wanted with trilobites. Colly didnt know what he wanted with the Trilobite, but
he felt that he has to find it. As Colly took the longer time to find the Trilobite, it
became harder because crust of the earth piles up a little bit more in every year.
In the philosopher view, the purpose of life will get harder to find as human ages
because of the conformity that society built up always bends people from the
thought of human existence. However, human can adapt their memory from the

past to understand and remind their purpose of existence. For Colly, he reminded
himself about his existence in the present by the memories that he has with his
father. As Colly describe Just like the cups give me the creeps. I look at the cups
hanging on pegs by the storefront. They're decal-named and covered with grease
and dust. There's four of them, and one is Pop's, but that isn't what gives me the
creeps. The cleanest one is Jim's. It's clean because he still uses it, but it hangs
there with the rest (B. Pancake, 1979). Colly found that it is disgusting to have a
cup of his father hanged with the other cups. He thought that the belonging of a
dead person should not be among the living. The cup of Collys father also shown
him that nothing can last for eternity, even the memory or the life that he knows.
It can be concluded that the cup of Collys father represented the memory that
remind human of their existence in this world and reminded him that everything
in this world has to pass out in one day.
In conclusion, Breece DJ Pancake showed his aspect about the
existentialism in Trilobite through the stream of consciousness, dialogue, and
symbols. For the stream of consciousness, Pancake swapped between present and
past of the story to show the background and relation between Colly and other
characters in the Trilobite. Pancake also showed the ideas of characters in
Trilobite by the dialogue between Colly and other characters in the story.
Another literature device that Pancake used in Trilobite was symbolism. It can

be concluded that Trilobite was written to make the reader realize their
purpose of life and existence because people are bended away from the fact that
they have to die by the conformity in the society and the media.

Reference
1.) Trilobite fossil subphylum. (n.d.). Retrieved from
http://www.britannica.com/animal/trilobite
2.) Pancake, B. (1977, November 30). Trilobites. Retrieved from
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1977/12/trilobites/376288/
3.) Crowell, S. (2004, August 23). Existentialism. Retrieved from
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/existentialism/