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Christian Torres
12/22/16

FAMILY ORGANIZATION
My family is composed of my mother who is fifty-two years of age. My father who is
fifty-three years old. My younger brother Jason who is eighteen years old. My grandmother who
is seventy years of age and myself a twenty eight year old man. Within my family we all play
various roles. While I am seen as the responsible one and the good son, my brother Jason is seen
as very irresponsible. Jason is also seen as being very rebellious as he has many tattoos and
piercings that my parents do not approve of. My fathers role is that of a family man and he and
my mother always make sure that the bills are paid and that there is always food at the table.
Unfortunately since my father works at night as a custodian for an office building he sleeps
during the day. This hectic schedule did not allow him the time or energy to be involved with us
on a daily basis over the years.
My mother would normally play the role as mediator between Jason and me when we
would argue. She would normally take this role after coming home from her job as a preschool
teacher. My grandmother would be there as the moral support and she is seen as the glue that
keeps us all together. My grandmother keeps us together by teaching us about how family is
important. Over the years I have had to play a role that was inappropriate to my age and position
in the family. I had to act as a leader and father figure to my younger brother. This was because
my father does not usually have the time throughout the work week to teach my brother about
responsibility and how to properly function as a mature adult.

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The subsystems within my family include: the parenting subsystem, the intimate
subsystem, and the sibling subsystem. The intimate couple within my family is the loving
relationship between my father and mother. The sibling subsystem is the at times problematic
relationship between my brother and me. The parenting subsystem includes: my mother, father,
grandmother and I. While the sibling and parenting subsystem in my family can be very diffuse
to permeable, the intimate could subsystem is closer to being rigid for obvious reasons. As stated
before when I have a disagreement with my brother I tend to have my mother and grandmother
mediate this shows a very diffuse boundary between the parent and sibling subsystem.
My family is very involved in our local church. My mother and father tend to seek
counsel from time to time form our local pastor. My parents involvement within the church has
increased over the years because of various struggles within my household, such as when my
mother was diagnosed with cancer. The consultation given to my parents form my pastor as well
as my parents disclosing such a tragic and private situation in our lives shows how permeable the
boundaries are between family and our religious institution.
My father and mother tend to have the most power within the family hierarchy. This is
because they are the main bread winners in the household. As I stated before the power however,
tends to shift frequently since my father is not too involved with the family during the work
week. His power tends to shift over to me since my brother becomes my responsibility along
with everything else within my home. When my father is able to be involved he tends to take his
power back within the hierarchy by frequently reminding me of who pays the bills within the
family.
Within my family my mother is very close to my grandmother since that is her mother.
My mother is also very close to my father. I am close to my father since he tells me how to

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handle situations in his absence and making me into the responsible leader I am today. My
brother is very close to my grandmother, mother, and I because we accept all his decisions no
matter what happens. My brother seems to be very distant from my father since my father can be
overly critical of his decisions. The closeness I feel towards my father has increased over time
because when I was younger I did not fully understand why I was given so much responsibility
within the household. As I became older however, I began to understand that I needed to be there
for my brother, grandmother, and mother. Although my mother and father tend to be very close
she gets very annoyed when my father goes on fishing trips with his close friends because she
feels that he should be spending more of his free time with her.
One triangle that I can think of within my family is the one between my father, brother,
and mother. I say this because over the years whenever my mother and father would have marital
issues my brother would act out in various ways. In one instance my brother ran away from
home for the weekend and did not tell anyone where he went. Jason then name home the
following Monday evening with his first tattoo to which both of my parents were not too happy.
My brother also failed a math class that he was taking and also stopped attending his other
classes in school.
FAMILY CULTURE
The ethnic makeup of my family is Puerto Rican on my fathers side and Dominican on
my mothers side. Since my mother and grandmother are first generation they have had a
significantly harder time adapting to the language and culture of this country. While my mother
was able to learn English and graduate college, my grandmothers ability to speak English is
very minimal. Since the culture that they come from is more community based than the

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individualistic culture of the United States they are less differentiated than my father who grew
up in this country.
Since my father is second generation Puerto Rican he learned both English and Spanish at
a very young age. This allowed him to help teach my mother English which later aided her in
succeeding in college. He also helped my grandmother learn the little English that she does
know. My father teaching my grandmother was very important because since she is Dominican
and he is Puerto Rican they did not get along at first. But as time went along they noticed that
there cultures were not so different after all. They became much closer because of this.
Identity has always played a huge role in my family because we would always get
together with our cousins, aunts, and uncles over the holidays play music and dance to Spanish
music. Although we have many fond memories from expressing our heritage, we have also had
many negative experiences. I remember one instance in which my mother was talked down to by
a parent of one of the children that she teaches because of her accent. My mother came home
crying and my brother at first did not understand why my mother was so upset. My brother even
asked me why she does not just learn better English to which I explained to him how it is very
difficult for a person to just completely let go of their culture.
One family ritual that we participate in every Sunday is we all go to church then we go to
a restaurant and have a big dinner. This ritual is very meaningful to us because it not only allows
us to get in touch with our spirituality it also creates a stronger feeling of closeness between all
of us. Another ritual we all take part in is a daily family dinner in which my mother and
grandmother cook different kinds of Latin dishes. These dishes usually include: fried plantains,
paella, chicken, and beans. What makes all these dinners so special is not only that it reinforces

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our connection with our cultural heritage but also that everyone including my father joins in
because this dinner takes place right before he goes to work in the evening shift.
The family culture that we have affects the nature of our relationships because we get to
be in touch with our rich Latin history. This allows us to feel as though we are a part of
something bigger than ourselves. It can be hard sometimes since certain parts of American
culture seem to encourage so much individuality that it may make us feel isolated. This is why
my grandmother makes sure that as we are at the dinner table that we do not have the television
on. She instead has us all talk about how our day has been. We also take this time to discuss
family stories from the past. We also each talk about our plans and ambitions for the future. In
addition to all this we speak of how we should help each other achieve our goals. As stated
before my family is Latin American and we tend to have a very community based culture and
thus, have very permeable boundaries.
FAMILY DEVELOPMENT
With regards to the family life cycle my parents are currently in the launching adult
children stage. This is because both my parents are now currently making plans to help my
brother and I figure out how to gain independence and get good careers. I am actively working to
find said career after I graduate. My brother is also trying to gain his independence by finishing
his first year of college. My grandmother is currently in her retirement stage of the life cycle.
My family is currently struggling to reach the next stages in the life cycle because I am
still actively working to find a full time position and my brother is currently having a hard time
in school. This has caused both of us to not feel satisfied in our perspective journeys to become
independent. These struggles also make us feel very frustrated with our uncertainty in the future.
These hardships in turn has caused my parents to be stuck in there stage since it is all about my

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brother and I finally leaving the nest and moving on. This has made both of my parents feel
anxious because they feel that since I am the older brother I should have been responsible
enough to figure out how to graduate and get a career much earlier in life. My grandmother is
also not satisfied because she has felt that she could have done much more in life. She often
ruminates on how she could have learned better English and graduated college like her daughter.
The greatest blocks to my family not achieving our goals is mostly self-doubt. I
remember years ago when I remember years ago when I first started going to college I felt as
though I was not good enough and would never be able to graduate. I also became very
depressed because my mother was diagnosed with cancer and since I was away from school I
could not comfort her. I then did very badly in my first year of college and decided to come back
home to comfort my mother in her time of need. I spent the next two years working and going to
school as a part time student. Thankfully my mother went into remission as I continued to do
well in college. My brother was also allowing his grades to slip around this tragic time but we all
reminded him that this is not what our mother would want. After my mother came back from the
hospital we all decided that we should be much closer than ever before. This all actually helped
my brother see the importance of family as he began to finally see that our father was only being
critical of us because he cares.
FAMILY AFFECT AND COMMUNICATION
Communication in my family can be at times very problematic because my parents and
grandmother tend to use kitchen sinking as a communication tool. They tend to use the past
failures of my brother to guilt him into being more responsible. They also use this tactic towards
me by also reminding me of all of my past failures all at once. Communication in our household
can also be very difficult especially between my brother and grandmother. This is because my

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brother does not speak Spanish so it leaves my grandmother with no other option than to use
what little English she knows to speak to him. The communication between my brother and I can
go from empathetic when we can relate on certain issues to highly aggressive when we do not.
When we do argue and I consult my grandmother and mother they tend to help me see his point
of view and vice versa.
Whenever there is an argument in the household the adults always try to not only make
light of the situation. We all also try to find a solution to the problem and break it down into a
much more manageable issue. We also try to reframe the issue so that it feels less like a problem
for an individual and more like a problem to be handled by the entire family. When each of us do
mediate we usually reframe the argument in a much more empathetic way so that all parties
involved feel as though they can relate. With all this in mind this has caused us to be very
effective at solving family problems. Although most of my family is very emotionally expressive
my brother tends to be the most distant. I think he is this way because my father has been very
critical of him over the years. This has created some self-doubt that has gotten the better of him
in the past.
The particular emotion that seems to characterize the family climate is frustration as
everyone in my family feels that they can accomplish more but various obstacle get in the way of
reaching their goals. This frustration is a double edged sword as it is not only the feeling that
motivated them to do better. This feeling is also the thing that is holding us all back. The times
that we all do feel relieved form our daily frustrations is when we get to spend time together and
talk around the dinner table. We tend to regulate our emotional climate by simply asking about
each others day thus, creating a sense of familial cohesion.
FAMILY PROBLEMS

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The one problem that my family has struggled with is dealing with my brothers
rebellious nature. This rebellious side comes not only form my overly critical father but also
comes about from his frustration with not having fully gained his independence. Instead of
showing he can be independent by being a responsible adult. My brother instead goes out and
drinks alcohol with his friends.
As mentioned before my brother has also disappeared for days at a time worrying
everyone in the household. This always happens when my father tells my brother that he did
something wrong. Instead of realizing that he made a mistake and apologize Jason instead lashes
out at my father then runs away. So far my grandmother and mother have tried to remind him of
how my father is a good hardworking man that only wants the best for him. I also remind my
brother that we are all under similar pressures to succeed and that we should work together to
achieve our goals. This all usually calms my brother down. In contrast what makes my brother
more anxious is when my parents and grandmother mention all his past mistakes at once instead
of focusing on a solution. I have noticed that focusing on the future and seeing how our lives as a
family can get better yields much positive results in dealing with our issues.
FAMILY STRENGTHS
Although like any household we have our fair share of problems we also have many
strengths that keep us all together and sane. One strength is that no matter what happens there is
plenty of love and appreciation in my family. One instance of this is when my brother would
finally come from being with his friends we would all comfort him and let him know how
grateful we are to have him in the family. Another strength in my family is that we have plenty of
faith. This was especially evident when my mother was first diagnosed with her illness we all go
closer to our spirituality and to a higher power. This allowed us to get through one of the

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toughest times in our lives together. A strength that has been very crucial to us maintaining a
strong family dynamic is our overall adaptability and good communication skills. This is
especially evident when we are able to reframe disagreements between my brother and father so
they can both see each others points of view.