Memorandum Report

TO:
FROM:
DATE:
SUBJECT:

Professor Thompson
Josephine Stinson
November 30, 2016
Project 1

In this memo I evaluate my writing for pros style. In the sections below I
determine how concise, precise, and direct my writing is in my essay Video
Games and Adolescent Violence that I wrote for my Technical Writing course
at Montana Tech.

Writing Concisely
Writing concisely is using words to construct sentences that get straight to
the point so the audience can easily comprehend. Unnecessary phrases and
repetition, unnecessary modifiers, and dead phrase are not examples of
concise writing.
Unnecessary Phrases and Repetition. There are words and
phrases that can be omitted in my writing that wouldnt change the
meaning. In this sentence, a few phrases did not need to be included:
The man who committed the crime had played video
games, so it wasnt long before the violence that the
games he played was being blamed for causing his act of
violence on the victims.
I had already stated that he had committed the crime so I was
repeating something the audience already understood. Also, the
phrases being and that the games he played dont need to
be included. Instead I would add the word game in front of
violence to make it concise.
Repetition of a phrase or idea is not included in concise writing. I
repeat many of the same ideas throughout my paper. An
example of repetition is influence of video games:
If a child is heavily influenced by video game characters
that they play with, then they will act in result with the
video game. They will not have much control over their
actions since they are heavily influenced by the video
game.

I had already stated that the child is heavily influenced by the

video game so I didnt need to repeat the phrase twice. The
audience understands what I said the first time.
Unnecessary Modifiers. I found examples of unnecessary modifiers
in my writing that provide excessive detail. These sentences have
modifiers that dont help with the purpose of the sentence:
Video game violence does not drive adolescents to act
more aggressively or commit violent acts against other
people. Proven by many scientists through study and
research, they have found no conclusive evidence that
video games have an effect on adolescents.
The sentences would be written concisely if the modifiers are
removed because they dont provide important meaning.
Dead Phrases. An example of a dead phrase comes from my first
paragraph. The sentence didnt have anything to do with the
argument of my essay:
With advancements in technology video games look more
lifelike than ever.
This sentence didnt explain anything relevant to my paper.
Eliminating dead phrases like this would make my paper easier
to understand and flow better.

Writing Precisely
Writing precisely is using technical terminology (jargon) appropriately to the
audiences knowledge. Jargon and precise terminology are important for
making writing precise.
Jargon. There are sentences in my essay that arent precise. Jargon is
specific terminology used in a particular profession or field of study. It
is not important to use if the audience will not understand it. I could
not find any examples of Jargon in my essay.
By looking at examples of studies Fournis shows that by
taking other variables into account, such as intra-family
violence, the correlation between video games and
aggressiveness could no longer be established (2014).
The technical terminology I used is appropriate for my audience
and makes my point clear.

Precise Terminology. It is important to use precise terminology to

covey specific definitions in a given field or profession. I didnt find any
misuse of precise terminology in my writing.
Looking at examples of studies, Fournis shows that taking
other variables into account, such as intra-family violence,
the correlation between video games and aggressiveness
could no longer be established (2014).
I used the correct terms of the field. Their definitions worked well
with my writing, so the audience would understand. The
sentence has precise terminology.

Writing Directly
A direct style of writing is straightforward and uses strong nouns and verbs, a
mostly active voice, and topic and stress position.
Strong Nouns and Verbs. Strong nouns are concrete and convey
one or more of the five senses. The most common concrete nouns in
technical prose convey a visual image. Weak verbs include is, are, was,
were, etc. It is important to use strong verbs when nothing is being
defined.
Although, Ferguson, an associate professor and chair in the
department of psychology at Stetson University, argues in
his analysis that we must recognize that individual
consumers are active in selecting, processing and shaping
their media environment, not merely passive recipients
(2014).
In my writing I found I used many strong nouns. This sentence
displays a clear image for the audience. My sentence has a
direct style of writing using active verbs and nouns.
Active Voice. It is important to use an active voice in writing but a
passive voice is sometimes needed. I found an example of passive
writing in my paper:
Proven by many scientists through studies and research
they have found no conclusive evidence that video games
have any effect on adolescents.
In this case I do not need to use passive writing. Instead I should
rephrase the sentence The scientists proved in studies and

research that there is no conclusive evidence that video games

have any effect on adolescents. Active writing in this case helps
make my writing direct.
Topic and Stress Position. The beginning of a sentence or
paragraph is known as the topic position. It is important to use a topic
position because it gives the audience a sense of where the sentence
or paragraph will take them.
For many years there have been numerous studies trying
to prove if video game violence causes long-term
aggressiveness in adolescents.
My topic positions are strong throughout my whole paper. This
sentence began my second paragraph. It lets the audience know
that I will be talking about studies on correlation between longterm aggressiveness and video game violence throughout that
paragraph.
Stress position is at the end of a sentence or paragraph. The
audience will understand the point the author is trying to make.
Scientists need to focus on other variables that could be
affecting adolescents like their home life or their peers.
There are more variables in life that could cause them to
be more aggressive than video games.
The stress positions in my paper are all clear on the point Im
making. This sentence ends my second paragraph and it
explains my position on the topic. It doesnt leave the audience
wondering what I mean which is a good example of direct
writing.