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Equanimity by J.

Whitfield Larrabee
To the extent that we are not in control of
our psyches or our souls, we pass through life
aimlessly, like an aircraft without a pilot. We
are then subject to the control of other people,
conditions and events. This can lead us to
exist in a state of imbalance and instability,
where we are disturbed by the constantly
changing forces in our environment. As the
pilot of an aircraft adjusts to wind and
weather, we can be attentive to our
environment and dynamic in adjusting to
changing conditions. If a pilot is not attentive
to conditions, and fails to frequently adjust the
course of an aircraft, a crash is likely.
Likewise, we can expect difficulty and
disaster if we are inattentive to circumstances
we encounter and if we fail to appropriately
adjust to changing conditions.

changing the events or conditions that we


experience to regulate our emotions is
ineffective in those instances when we cannot
avoid unpleasant experiences or are
unsuccessful in finding pleasing ones.
Because we are largely in control of our own
judgments, changing our judgments about
events or conditions is a tool that we can
always use to regulate our emotions. Because
this tool is always readily accessible and need
not be subject to external influences, it is the
more reliable means by which we can achieve
emotional equilibrium or equanimity.
If we change our belief, our attitude, our
expectation or our opinion about an
occurrence, the emotion that we experience
tends to change. Consider the how our views
of sound effect the emotions that we
experience. If we believe a particular sound is
music, we may be uplifted. If we believe it is
nothing but noise, we may be annoyed. The
same sound can cause different emotions
depending on our judgments about the event.
Because we can choose our beliefs, attitudes,
expectations and opinions, we have a great
deal of control over the emotions we
experience in response to events that we
experience.

Just as it is nearly impossible to construct


a great city if it is besieged by a powerful
army, it is difficult or impossible to
experience equanimity when we are besieged
with anxiety, depression, anger or other
unpleasant emotions. A good first step to
achieve a more stable and balanced state of
mind is to make ourselves calm so that our
thoughts are clear, we are at peace, and we are
able to enjoy some degree of contentment,
even under difficult circumstances. When we
are in a state of equanimity, we are better able
to satisfy our desires for positive emotions and
beneficial mental or physical states, such as
joy, hope, confidence, freedom, worthiness,
trust, vitality, gratitude, appreciation,
awareness and a sense of purpose.

We can have great control over our


emotional experiences even in conditions of
extreme adversity. People confronted with
terminal illness often experience extraordinary
love in their final days. They choose
connection over separation. Some prisoners
adapt to their environment and engage in
socially constructive and purposeful activity.
They choose kindness over indifference or
even hatred. Even concentration camp
prisoners in Nazi Germany sometimes found

We can regulate our emotions by changing


the events or conditions that we experience or
by changing the judgments that we have about
events or conditions. Relying exclusively on
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joy or hope notwithstanding the dire


circumstances they faced. They chose hope
over despair. While captive on southern
plantations, American slaves created work
songs, field hollers and spiritual music. They
chose inspiration over defeat. On the other
hand, with sufficient adversity, even the
sturdiest people will suffer mental injury.
Captives, who are subjected to severe
psychological or physical torture, or people
caught in life threatening conditions in war
zones, often suffer mental degradation and
lasting injury. Nonetheless, even under
extremely harsh conditions, many peoples
minds, at their core, are quite powerful. If we
have a sufficiently strong mind, it is ultimately
subject only to our own dominion, and cannot
be permanently or completely defeated except
by death, irreparable injury or severe disease.

Although we may have physical reflexes, as


when a physician taps the front of our knee,
virtually every other action is necessarily
preceded by a decision. An insult cannot pass
from our lips unless we decide to speak. Our
fist cannot swing unless we decide to move it.
Except for people who have a mental disease
or defect, or who are intoxicated with certain
drugs or alcohol, we inherently have
willpower or volition, and we are never
compelled by anger or any other emotion to
act.
While our actions are always preceded by
a decision, our decision making capacity
operates better when we are not under the
immediate sway of intense anger. Anger, like
all other emotions, is temporary. By simply
delaying our response to offensive, annoying
or frustrating circumstances, we can expect
that our anger, no matter how intense, will
naturally subside.
Once an event has
concluded, the only means by which it can
cause anger or other mental disturbance is if
we remember and think about it. The nature
of our environment, which is constantly
changing, results in our thoughts being drawn
to new and different things. When we are
distracted with activities and thoughts
unrelated a disturbing event, we cannot
simultaneously think of the disturbing event,
and the troublesome nature of the event at
least temporarily disappears from our
consciousness.
So long as we avoid
ruminating upon an offensive or frustrating
event, we can expect that anger will eventually
diminish. Delay, inaction and distraction are
powerful means by which we can avoid acting
rashly in response to anger, rage, irritation,
insult, injury and frustration.

Perhaps more than any other emotions,


anger and rage are incompatible with
contentment, mental control and equanimity.
When our minds are occupied by anger, our
propensity to reason is diminished. If we
allow the emotion to pass, without
over-reaction, it is not necessarily
troublesome. It is when we dwell on a
perceived offense or injustice that gives rise to
anger, it can escalate into rage. When we are
enraged, our instinct to fight, or even to kill, is
aroused, and we can do violence in word and
action. We can become willing to harm not
only our enemies, but also those who are our
friends or loved ones. By wisely restraining
our anger and preventing it from escalating,
we avoid destroying the people and things that
we love, and we also avoid harming or
destroying ourselves in the process.
Our capacity to subdue anger and rage
illustrates the dominion of our minds over our
emotions. The ability to restrain anger exists
because there is a point of decision between
an event that provokes anger and our actions
in reacting to this turbulent emotion.

The belief that we are justified in


mistreating or abusing people who act against
our wishes, or who seem to be obstacles to the
satisfaction of our desires, tends to feed anger,
frustration and hatred. It is based on the
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unreasonable expectation that our interactions


with other people can or should be free of
conflict. Just as it is natural and inevitable to
occasionally bump into one another, it is
natural to have conflict. When we resort to
violence or aggression because of our
frustration and anger, the results are often
disastrous. We see these disastrous outcomes
at every level of society and civilization, from
domestic violence and abuse to political and
religious persecution. Terrorism, human rights
abuses and international warfare can often be
traced to a lack of tolerance for conflict with
others. Like the mutual destruction that occurs
in warfare between countries, in cases of
interpersonal combat, everyone involved often
loses. By increasing our tolerance for conflict
and our skill in responding to it in a
productive manner, we can improve our peace
of mind and frequently avoid unnecessary
aggression and violence.

and the case eventually turned out well.


Responding with anger or aggression to the
offensive behavior of our opponent may have
escalated the level of conflict and prolonged
the negative experience to everyones
detriment. By doing our best to ignore the
aggression, we suffered no lasting harm. Due
to this hostile lawyer's actions, I made a firm
commitment that I would never act like that
myself; not just in my work, but outside of
work as well. By inspiring in me a desire to
be a better person, my opponent conferred a
great benefit upon me.
In some extreme circumstances, we may
want to forcefully defend ourselves. When we
choose to defend ourselves from intolerable
abuse, for example, we can remain most stable
if we refrain from inflicting more pain or
injury than is necessary to end the offensive
behavior. When we are able to take a
measured response to unbearable aggression,
we can be satisfied that we have attempted to
end an untenable circumstance in the least
harmful manner possible.
A measured
response can be instructive to the aggressor as
it aims to make the best of unfortunate events.
When we respond to aggression with
excessive force, we exacerbate the injustice in
need of remedy, making circumstances worse
and more unstable for ourselves and others.
When we strive to use reasonable means of
self defense, we wisely make ourselves and
conditions more stable than might otherwise
be the case.

It can sometimes help to think of our


enemies as teachers because we often learn
how to bear difficulty and overcome adversity
from them. The lessons we learn from our
enemies are often far more valuable than those
we learn from our kindest friends. Seemingly
negative events that we associate with our
enemies often have positive features
because they provide opportunities: for
learning, to practice compassion, to be patient
or to provide service to others. So for
example, even if we are abused or mistreated,
we can often choose not to respond in an
aggressive manner. In a civil lawsuit a had
filed in my work as a lawyer, the opposing
lawyer harassed and abused my client and me
over a period of several days during the course
of a deposition. We were forced to attend the
deposition as part of the lawsuit, and the
lawyer consistently berated both of us in the
course of questioning my client. We endured
the hostility without any aggressive response,

We can diminish our desire to excessively


or unwisely retaliate against other people who
are engaged in offensive conduct by
remembering that our enemies believe, even if
their beliefs are based on ignorance, that their
actions are justified and correct. Instead of
excessively dwelling on the motivations or
intentions of our enemies, which are difficult
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or impossible to understand, we can most


effectively respond to offensive conduct when
we concern ourselves with responding in a
manner that maximizes our opportunities to
achieve the most favorable outcome. For
example, blood feuds, where people murder
others in revenge for the killing of friend or
family, can lead to cycles of retaliation.
Private acts of violent revenge, often
motivated by hatred and based on assumptions
about the bad motivations of our enemies, will
normally make circumstances worse than if
public systems of civil or criminal justice are
used to impose any appropriate punishment.

distressing impressions of many seemingly


adverse events tend to diminish.
Being prepared for things to go wrong can
help us to avoid surprise and to remain at
peace when we are faced with adversity. Each
day, as early as possible, even before we arise,
we can imagine what could go wrong. Milk
may be spilled. We may trip and fall down.
We may forget where we left our keys, our
purse, our wallet or our eyeglasses. The
weather may be unpleasant. We may forget
our umbrella and be caught in the rain. We
may be late, or kept waiting. We may be beset
with somewhat more serious problems. Our
home may burn. We may be robbed or
attacked. We could be arrested. Relationships
may end or we may be divorced. More
serious problems may arise. A loved one may
die. We could lose our sight or hearing. We
could be hit by a truck or a bus. We might
have some other accident and be seriously
injured. We may contract a disease. We may
suffer from heart failure, a brain aneurism or
any of a million other serious illnesses. There
may be an earthquake, a tsunami, an epidemic
or some other natural disaster. War may break
out. At a minimum, there will most assuredly
be inconvenience, delay or discomfort at some
point in the day.

Preparing ourselves for the worst that can


happen can help us to be prepared for all other
unfortunate events. Our own death, and the
death of everyone we care about, is guaranteed
to us all by virtue of our being alive. We are
also guaranteed to experience aging and to
have ill health so long as we are alive. Since
we cannot change them, it is best if we
embrace the realities of death, aging and
illness. If we always keep in mind that we
inch toward death with every passing moment,
and we are not guaranteed even another day,
we can better appreciate the precious gifts that
come with being alive. We can bear aging
and illness better if we keep in mind that they
are integral part of the amazing cycle of life.
When we die, we return to the state we were
in before we were alive, a state completely
devoid of pleasure or pain. Since we have no
reason to expect suffering after death, and we
cannot prevent it, we have no reason to be
extremely fearful or unduly concerned about
our own death. When our partners, friends,
relatives or animals die, it can help to keep in
mind that they are not suffering. It does no
one any good if we suffer excessively in
grieving their loss. When we keep our own
very temporary nature, and the temporary
nature of others, in the front of our minds, the

If we expect only to meet with orderly and


amiable people in the course of the day,
people who help us to achieve our immediate
goals, we are likely to be disappointed. To
keep our expectations in line, it can help to try
to imagine some of the social challenges that
we might encounter. Some people may be
unclean or smell bad. People may rudely
interrupt our conversation, bump into us, or
they may cut in line. People may speak in a
crude, vulgar, insulting or bigoted manner.
They may be noisy. They may be intoxicated
with drugs or alcohol. They may behave
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strangely, aggressively, carelessly,


thoughtlessly or unsafely. They may be
ignorant, irrational or delusional. They may
make unreasonable demands. They may
express contrary political opinions or
unappealing religious beliefs. They may be
irritable or unfriendly. They may even be as
mean as rattlesnakes. If we live like hermits,
conflicts with people will present little
challenge. But, if we interact with the public,
with people in our families, or if we are
engaged in society, we can expect to devote
effort to managing various conflicts with other
people. Since these social challenges are an
inevitable aspect of our participation in
society, we are wise if we can find ways to
enjoy, or at least not be distressed, by these
interactions.

treated. The less offensive we are, the less


likely we will provoke offensive words and
conduct from other people. We are least
offensive when we are most wise, kind,
generous and amiable. By regularly resolving
to treat every person we meet with exceptional
kindness, generosity and good humor, we can
actively improve upon our everyday social
conditions. By being as kind as possible, we
tend to advance our self interest. When we are
more kind, generous and amiable, we often
create a virtuous cycle where other people
treat us with more understanding, appreciation
and kindness in return. In this way, we can
often convert potentially offensive people,
people who could be our enemies, into our
friends.
When we are hopeful, we are better able to
appreciate favorable or advantageous people
and events. As our belief in the possibility
and likelihood of fortunate events increases,
our motivation to be attentive for these things
also increases, as does our inclination to
persist in our efforts to obtain them. When we
are more attentive and persistent, the
likelihood that we will discern and act upon
chance opportunities rises. In this way,
hopeful beliefs support behavior that results in
good fortune, and good fortune reinforces our
inclination to have hopeful beliefs.

On many days when I arrived at the


courthouse to defend clients facing criminal
charges, I was confronted with a social
quagmire. Some clients recently had been
arrested. Others were at risk of being
sentenced to prison. I frequently needed to
deal with harried judges, distressed family
members, traumatized crime victims, reluctant
witnesses, overworked clerks, burned-out
probation officers, bored bailiffs, or
unforgiving prosecutors. From experience, I
knew that much could and would go wrong.
On these days, before I entered the courthouse,
I sometimes repeated to myself several times,
"I expect to deal with difficult people and
circumstances today." As the day went by,
and the inevitable difficulties arose, this short
meditation seemed to help me to be more
calm, patient and compassionate in my
interactions with others.

We can become more hopeful by using our


power of imagination to plan or prepare for
the future so that we are able to find reasons to
have more hopeful beliefs. When we think
about the future, we naturally formulate goals
that are composed of the results that we
desire, the physical objects we want to
acquire, or abstract things that we want to
achieve or experience like peace, joy or
happiness. As we identify the things that we
want and the means by which we can satisfy

A useful way to avoid interacting with


offensive people is to go out of our way to
treat other people better than they expect to be
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our desires, we become more hopeful.


Consider what might happen to a woman who,
unknown to anyone, is lost in a hot desert with
little food or water and who simply wants to
survive. If she views conditions as hopeless,
does nothing and awaits death, her chance of
survival is likely to quite low. Her odds of
survival might increase slightly if she wanders
aimlessly because she will at least have a
chance of finding food, water or escape. If
she formulates a rational plan to escape,
perhaps by moving in the most promising
direction, or traveling at the optimal time to
avoid excessive heat, her chances of surviving
are likely to be greater.
By acting
purposefully according to a reasonable plan,
she might achieve her goal as planned, she
might be able to take advantage of unforeseen
opportunities as she strives to achieve her
plan, or she might accidently find water, help
or other resources that can help her to survive
and escape from the desert. When we use our
imagination to identify what we want,
formulate plans to satisfy our desires, and act
on those plans, we choose a more hopeful,
stable and useful outlook.

Whether we feel hopeful when faced with


difficulty is often more based on our beliefs
and understanding than on the nature of the
difficulty. If we are injured in a life
threatening accident, for example, we can
believe that we have been very fortunate to
have survived or we can consider ourselves
very unfortunate to have been injured. We are
all granted only a limited time to live. We can
lament our impending death, or we can rejoice
in the time we have left. By focusing our
attention on what we have, rather than on
what we have lost or do not have, we
experience hope and contentment to a greater
degree. Because we have control over the
things that we attend to, we can be more
hopeful and contented by paying more
attention to the things that are presently with
us rather than being unduly concerned with
things we lost in the past or might acquire in
the future. If we pay attention to the bad
elements of things that we lack, and to the
good elements of the things that we possess,
we tend to be more stable and contented.
We more easily endure difficulty when we
recognize that things are rarely entirely good
or bad. Difficulty is often necessary to
increase strength, while favorable things can
promote weakness. Hard work can build
muscle, while leisure can cause atrophy. An
all you can eat buffet can make us fat, while
an austere diet can be quite healthy.
Companionship can lead to dependency, while
solitude can promote independence. The loss
of sight can result in the improvement of the
capacity to hear. Drugs that can cause
euphoria or relieve pain also tend to be
addictive. What might seem like a great
calamity can lead to unforeseen benefits,
while seemingly beneficial things can cause
unintended injuries. We live more fully when
we are able to take nourishment from
difficulty and moderate our consumption of

With hope and persistence, we can obtain


things that seem to be extremely scarce or
valuable. Meteorite fragments, rocks that fall
to earth from space, are more rare than
diamonds or gold and are often more valuable
by weight than gold. Yet, meteorite fragments
are frequently found by people with an
optimistic view and a persistent approach. By
identifying locations where meteorites have
been observed falling to earth, and searching
for the remnants visually and with metal
detectors or other appropriate equipment,
some collectors discover fragments with
surprising regularity. What seems to be
extremely rare can be quite common
depending on our perspective and behavior.

pleasurable things that can be harmful in


excess.

Great harm can also result when we use


wealth unwisely. So, for example, when
wealth is given to or used in support of antisocial political activities, great destruction can
result. Money used to support malignant,
tyrannical or violent individuals or groups
might fall into this category. The use of
money for harmful or destructive economic
activities, such as those involving human or
environmental exploitation, is another
potentially detrimental function of wealth.
When we think of wealth as being wholly
beneficial, we are ignorant of its potentially
detrimental effects.

Once we have enough wealth to provide


for basic needs like food, shelter and clothing,
our need for more of it rapidly diminishes, and
the obtaining or retention of it is not entirely
good or bad. Greed, conceit, laziness,
coveting, gluttony, lack of ambition,
wastefulness and other excess tends to come
with wealth. Although wealth acquired
honorably can be put to good use and may
provide a social benefit, this cannot be said for
the greedy accumulation of wealth through
dishonesty, exploitation or other corruption.
When we obtain wealth in a way that
increases rather than alleviates the poverty of
others, we go against our nature and society
suffers a loss. If we accumulate a large
fortune in an antisocial manner, we cannot
benefit from much of the wealth because the
things we reasonably need to be contented and
joyful are quite limited. Consumption of more
than is needed to be contented and joyful
confers no real benefit and is harmful to the
society of which we are a part. We than are
like a cancer on society. When we spend
excessive time and effort acquiring wealth we
harm ourselves because we lose this time and
energy and we can never get it back to pursue
more enjoyable or worthwhile activities. My
pursuit of profit as a lawyer, for example, has
occasionally led me to waste time entangled in
other people's petty disputes and sometimes
pursuing unworthy causes on behalf of my
clients. The money made in these ventures
was not worth the time that I lost because of
them. We risk harming ourselves, harming
society and wasting precious time when we
expend great effort consuming, accumulating
or attending to excessive amounts of treasure.

We sometimes may fail to appreciate the


benefits that can accompany a lack of wealth.
A deficiency in money or resources can cause
us to be more thrifty, resourceful or
industrious. Of necessity, we have a tendency
to conserve our resources and work hard to
acquire more when we experience shortage.
The loss of wealth can sometimes be
liberating. If we lose our home to fire, flood,
earthquake, or other calamity, for example, we
may find that we are liberated to travel or to
relocate to a more opportune or hospitable
place. The first hand experience of shortage
can increase our humility and can help us to
have empathy for other people who suffer
from poverty. The lack of wealth is not
necessarily a bad thing.
Wealth, status, and position are poor
measures of success because they are most
often dependent upon factors outside of our
control such our class, birth family, genetics,
ethnicity, sex, early education, birthplace and
historical forces. Great wealth, in particular,
is often based on gifts, inheritance, born
advantages and other chance events, or it may
be accumulated through greed, dishonesty,
exploitation or other corruption. Little or no
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effort can be hugely rewarded, while the most


difficult labor often receives meager
compensation. Corporate executives often
live like gods and enjoy the wealth of kings,
while manual laborers may work like slaves
and still lack adequate food and shelter. Is a
tobacco executive or casino operator engaged
in more noble and necessary work than a trash
collector, farm worker or sweat shop laborer?
Are rich people who cling to their wealth and
crave more money better off than people of
modest means who are satisfied with what
they have? Because wealth is not always as
good as it appears, we often err when we rank
ourselves and others based on wealth.

Imagine a ship that is guided by a skillful


captain across the ocean. While the water is
still, it is beautiful, and the captain can enjoy
a sense of peace. If a mighty storm arises, the
captain has an opportunity to rise to the
challenge of navigating in the turbulent
conditions. The captain can strive to be like a
sturdy ship that remains undamaged even
when powerful waves crash against the bow.
The difficulty presented by the storm provides
opportunity for the captain to experience a
sense of mastery, excitement and purpose that
could not be attained in less challenging
conditions. To perform honorably, the captain
need not perform to perfection. We all are all
subject to human limitations and are prone to
error. Yet, if the captain is carefully focused
on properly navigating the ship, he or she will
perform honorably and with due care. Even if
the ship is sunk by an enormous wave or
overpowered by the wind and wrecked on the
shoreline, the proper measure of the captain is
his or her effort, intention and action, not the
outcome. We can think of ourselves as being
the captains of our souls. When we are
focused on exercising our power to wisely
choose our beliefs, our words and our actions,
we tend to experience greater equanimity and
to more fully achieve our potential as human
beings.

We are more contented when we choose to


measure our success in reference to our
intentions, efforts and actions rather than in
reference to the outcome of events. The
extent of our effort and the actions we take are
within our own power, while the outcome of
events are often dependent upon the actions of
other people or forces outside of our control.
Favorable things often happen because we
were in the right place at the right time, while
difficulty can arise simply by being in the
wrong place at the wrong time. Things that
we have no power over, like accidents, natural
disasters, warfare, recessions, crime, death and
disease can sometime be thought of as bad
results. Other chance events, like winning the
lottery, being born with good health or
escaping accidental injury, can be thought of
as good results. When we believe that we are
responsible for results or outcomes that are
brought about by forces outside of our control,
we can be excessively distressed by bad
results and we can be unjustifiably pleased by
good ones. We can escape from this false
sense of responsibility by judging ourselves
based on good effort, intention and action
instead of good or bad results.
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