Cover Letter

For my practicum project, I wrote eight poems concerned with the contemporary,
controversial topic of homosexuality and Christianity, and specifically, individuals who have to
wrestle with an identity rooted in both. I chose this topic since it is such a contemporary issue,
and because I have has several close interactions within my own life with people fighting this
battle (one of them I formally interviewed for the project). Despite mine or any others moral
conclusions on the subject, it is an issue, which needs to be recognized and discussed, within,
and outside of the church. People suffering with identities rooted within their sexuality and faith
suffer from another mans ignorance and malice, people who are not educated on the subject, and
in some cases, fail to express the love of God, despite the individual and their affiliations.
Though I do not have the ultimate authority or conclusion on this topic, or any other, I hope my
poems inspire the heart and humanity to the interiority of men and women living with these
challenges presented within the culturally imposed dichotomy of faith and sexuality.
In my collection of poems, the subject-to-change-title is A Gay Faith. In these poems, I
take on the perspective of one teen boy, raised in a conservative Christian background, while
struggling with his sexual identity. These poems take on the complexity of sexuality and faith in
the development of an identity, within the present culture. From the voice of this one teen boy
growing up, being baptized in the church, falling in love, and then failing to hear God as he
struggles, I wished to show one narrative in the struggle to attain and solidify an identity. One
poem in particular, catalyzes this complexity, which is seen through the collection as a whole: It
Was Not Sex, a poem modeled after Tom Gunns The Hug; it shows the complexity of
religion, of love, and how homosexuality is not restricted through homoeroticism, rather, can be
a relationship centered in emotion and love. In the first version I wrote, I sought to solidify the

content, pinpointing small, specific attributes that a love would remember and recognize when
falling in love. These, in the first draft, were Nicks, the lover in the collection, chest hair,
stubbornness, manifested through devious sparkles in his eyes, and tickling. Inspired from this
was my initial draft in which I tried to embody the same spirit as Gunn, and integrate an image
that superseded just a sexual relationship. In this first draft, I tried to focus on minor details
found by a lover. In todays writing, the quirks are often seen to magnify the emotion and
affection as a whole. I tried to use weird, commonplace items to show the originality of their
love, and reinforce the knowing and the affection. Though there are the images of the sparkling
eye, the tickling, and the reference to their arguing, it reads as a rough draft still. This draft
became more focused on the idea or content, rather than an overall, strong piece.
The poem in the next two revisions majorly changed. In the next revision, I attempted to
use a new form to the poem to provoke inspiration, and I added and cut different parts of the
poem, aiming to make it more original to me: in this draft, I experimented, and I am choosing to
highlight this stage in showing the evolution of the poem. I tried to give emphasis to the
individual words in this form, unifying the content with the form in the hope of emphasizing.
The spaces force the reader to linger on the phrase or words, giving them more power; further,
the starkness of the poem makes it seem rawer, giving with it, its own tension. I had tried to
make it readable in the varying columns, but I was unsuccessful, I believe, as the poem does not
hold the same strength in every way that it might be read, column by column. Though this form
could have held up possibly in a different poem and context, for this poem, I found that it would
serve to make the poem to shallow. This draft, however, show the experimentation I took in
trying new things, and helped me isolate some images that I wanted to carry over to the final
draft.

I favored the final draft the most, though I think it is not a completed product. The last
stanza could use more work, but I am generally please in the development of this poem: in this
poem, I did more research, and did extensive cutting. Even in the steps between these two drafts,
I had written out a series of stanza, images, uses of alliteration and consonance, and ended up
with this poem instead of a really overly detailed, awkward baseball poem. Incorporating more
of the title, this poem is steeped in ambiguous sexual terms, and scenarios that allude to more
serious settings. In the first stanza, big head can allude to the penis; however, it can literally
allude to the head as the verb following is to learn. This ambiguity coupled with the biblical
reference of bones of my bones, which can be symbols for the phallic they both have, mirror
the scene in genesis, or imply the literal, as he is learning the anatomy of the body, following up
with other things and terms he has learned, such as oxytocin and vasopressin. In the way John
Donne uses sexual terms to describe God, I used Christian words to describe, or at least allude
to, sex. Both these hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin, are referred to and known as chemicals
in the brain when people are in love. Oxytocin is also known as the cuddling hormone; it implies
an intimate meaning, while also being released during an orgasm. As for Vasopressin, the same is
true. It is a hormone released in the brain after sex that is known for the long term commitment
stage. Both hormones incorporate sexual elements, but supersede them through deeper, intimate
association.
In the second stanza, I changed the image of ketchup into a more baseball oriented scene,
referencing the Angels team, as well as the literal. I also used consonance in the repetition of the
letter d, which, in a poem about male homosexuality, is fitting. As for the sliding into home,
there is a sexual innuendo there, as well as the image of white baseball paints being stained, or
tainted; the concept that sliding into home, will ruin his purity. There is also a joke in getting

mud tracks on his pants. And home is ambiguous as the baseball imagery, the sexual allusion, as
well as, a reference to Bed-side Table Bibles, in which the main speaker claims that Nick is his
home. In this, they symbolize, for one another, home. Stealing third also is ambiguous in the
high-school slang, the step before a home run.
In the next stanza, I use the poker imagery to show the complexity of the relationship it is
in, alluding to the culture idea that homoeroticism, rather than being full on homosexual is okay
for the fact that it is momentary, rather than engaging in an ongoing relationship; however, the
speaker realized the lie, knowing that within his hands is two kings, referencing choosing to be
with another man. In the last stanza, I tried bringing the poem together, using imagery similar to
the first draft, and asserted that though the relationship might include sex, it is not limited by
their sex. It was not sex, but all the other factors, and the meaning behind sex itself that gave
them their love. Side not, all stanzas start with I could feel, when the line I am using from The
Hug is It was not sex but I could feel your body braced to mine. I, through this poem, did the
same, using the physical to the emotional. In light of all the ambiguous sex within this poem, the
title asserts that It Was Not Sex, deconstructing the poem to mean more than just the physical
enactment between the two boys.
In closing, through this semester working on my project, a good day looked like a warm
cup of coffee, cooperation from Lasaters Wi-Fi, and the self-projected faade of being an artsy,
sophisticated writer. A bad day looked like frustration, stripping a poem down, deleting it until it
was gone, and having to press do not save changes on the document before I shut my laptop.
Through the semester, it was hard to self-facilitate a project and process the required not just
time, but ultimately, failure. If nothing else from this process, I learned you have to let yourself
fail. And is not passive, it is active, intentional. Failing becomes the basis of the humanity of the

project, the essence of the word process, as you learn what it means to be your poems, the
words, the images, and the people. I was more concerned in the beginning stages on perfection; I
compared myself and my efforts to my readings, rather than letting them inspire me. This caused
not only frustration, but it ultimately stifled the development of my project during the middle
stages; once I opened myself to trying to fail, experimenting, and letting myself have crappy
drafts, that is where I learned what I believe the essence of practicum is: it isnt about
succeeding, writing poems ready for publication, or proving your advanced creative abilities: it is
about failure, sucking at the process, asking for forgiveness from your readersand then through
revision, crafting, making something that you can have pride in. Not because its the best, not
because you succeeded. But because its your hard work, your heart, and the evidence of
support from your readers that brought you to a place of contentment in your work, in the
process.
I would like to thank Dr. Brown for red pen marks, back-and-forth emails, and couchedmeetings; you have been an inspiration and a blessing. I would like to thank my peer readers,
Robyn and Lorie, and specifically, Laura McGowan and Karissa, for positive feedback,
provoking questions, and joining me on the journey that is Practicum; I would like to thank
Professor Campbell for putting in her time, her effort, and at times, the fear of God. I thank you
for preparing us for this moment, as well as preparing us for the life of the project beyond this
class; and I would like to thank everyone on staff for taking time out of their busy weeks to hear
ungrad work, eat squishy muffins made with fear and trembling, and to continue to show the
dedication each one of you has in your students education. I cant thank you enough for your
time, your feedback, and your passion in allowing your students to prosper. Thank you.