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Consumer Tuesday, August 23, 2005
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By Tony Norman

Elvis Costello once asked, "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and
understanding?" Well, you'd almost have to be there to see for yourself.

Last Friday, Tim Bodine, 24, led a procession of four sign-wielding

young men through several blocks of Downtown Pittsburgh. When they
began their march from the Allegheny County Courthouse to the United
Way Building, the name tags that three of them wore over their mouths
held firm in the afternoon heat.

All four marchers carried signs with the letters "CAUC" emblazoned on
them. They wore sunglasses and matching white shirts, and their
literature identified them as the Caucasian American Understanding
Coalition.

Bodine read aloud from a one-page manifesto at the United Way

Building, captured on video by an unidentified associate of the group
who looked uncomfortable being involved in any way.

"Can you hear me in the back?" Bodine asked, even though no crowd
had formed. That's how it is at lunch hour in Pittsburgh. Protesters will
get the same cold shoulder aggressive beggars occupying the identical Today: Only in Print
piece of real estate are entitled to.

"Those of you who brought bagged lunches, if you hold off until I've
finished, that would be great," he said to indifferent passers-by.
Gesturing to his three compatriots, Bodine said, "It's really inspiring to
see so many people willing to put themselves on the line, to walk several Business / Private
blocks to change the world. You are all, if I may [say], thee bomb!" Sector: Pittsburgh's
continuing energy
If there were any doubts about whether the protest was an ironic put-on, focus could save it
a la "Da Ali G Show," they evaporated when Bodine cheekily pretended Sports
that their numbers exceeded the digits on one hand. The Grove City commentary: An
athlete's questionable
College student's fellow demonstrators were Jason Lancaster, 25, of conduct can quickly
Shadyside, and Doug Crissman and Peter Newton, 24, both of the North

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Takin' it to the streets, tongues firmly in cheeks http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05235/558229.stm

Hills. become a bore

Magazine: 'Rescue
"When Peter and I formed CAUC, some people said we were too Me's' Thorne shocks
idealistic. Work within the system, they said. They wanted us to temper even herself
our drive, our passion for change," Bodine said.
For more information:
"They said given enough time and empty, symbolic gestures, the world Subscribe today
will change itself. Well, I'm not about empty symbolism. And I know Buy a copy near you
you aren't either. That's why we're here today. This may be a small step, See today's front page
but as they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins ..." At that point,
he paused to ask where page two was.

"I apologize for forgetting the Scroll of Tolerance, but I know that each
of you carries that scroll in his or her Caucasian heart," he said. "I want
to leave you with this thought. It was either Voltaire or Stalin that said
idealism is the last vice of youth. If being an idealist is wrong, then I
don't want to be right." Bodine then added "applause break,"
unnecessary stage directions for a non-existent crowd.

Later, Bodine said, "Some say we can never understand what it's like to
struggle in America. No matter how much rap music we listen to, they
say we will never understand. Well, I've listened to rap music. My father
worked two jobs to support my family. He worked as a stockbroker and
an investment banker, sometimes more than nine hours a day, to put food
on our table. Don't think I don't know suffering. Suffering is the
humanity we all share."

After quoting the black Muslim activist he called "Malcolm Ten,"

Bodine, who claims his heart is heavy with the "burden of
responsibility" for ending white privilege, led his trio in a slow march
back to Grant Street.

By the time they returned from their seven-block march, the tags over
their mouths with the slogan "Ask me about my shame" had curled from
perspiration and exertion. They all looked demoralized, but in a fake
way.

Without breaking character, Bodine admitted to a reporter he was

disappointed by the turnout. "Some people thought we had a mixed
message," he said disingenuously.

There was some muttering among them, with Bodine hinting that the
CAUC member responsible for ensuring that there were enough fliers to
hand out had dropped the ball. "Yeah, somebody's probably going to get
fired," Bodine said about the lack of literature to hand to the few curious
people who inquired.

Eventually a clean-cut white guy wearing a crisp blue shirt and tie who
had listened patiently from the sidelines stepped forward with a question
about the group's purpose.

"We're trying to apologize for years of white oppression," Bodine said.

"I know it doesn't make a nice sound bite, but ..."

The young man shook his head and walked away before he was stopped
by a columnist who wanted to quote him in a story. "Um," he said,
deciding whether to give his name. "Mike Jones," he said finally,

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Takin' it to the streets, tongues firmly in cheeks http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05235/558229.stm

claiming to be 19, a Shadyside resident and unemployed despite his

button-down appearance on a hot summer day.

It could have been a perfect "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"
moment, but CAUC and their likely "ringer" were too aware of the
double and triple ironies of the moment to make good foils for the likes
of Ed Helms or Rob Corddry. The first rule of being interviewed on
Comedy Central is a sufficient but transparent cluelessness. Alas, the
boys on Grant Street were dripping insincerity like underarm sweat.

"That's what I dislike about the mainstream media," Bodine said when a
columnist laughed at the protest's fundamental lack of seriousness.
"There's this overwhelming cynicism," he sighed.

During the 2004 election season, Billionaires for Bush, a left-wing

performance troupe, made "pro-capitalist" arguments for George W.
Bush's re-election based on self-interest, but the satire was apparent from
start to finish.

With CAUC, it's hard to tell what's being satirized: political correctness
run amok or its opposite corollary. While Bodine's speech was funny, it
lacked any hint of his true convictions regarding racial reconciliation.

On the positive side, a march ostensibly staged in "honor" of the 55th

anniversary of Edith Sampson's selection as the first African-American
delegate to the United Nations forced a formerly oblivious columnist to
find out all he could about the Peabody High School graduate who
became America's first elected black female judge.

Friday afternoon's fake protest was in stark contrast to the sincere

anti-war sentiment on display in Oakland the next day, when a
68-year-old female marcher was bitten by a K-9 dog while police used a
Taser on another protester. Pepper spray dispersed up to 50
demonstrators. There were five arrests. When it was over, everyone
knew which side was which.

There's something to be said about bringing moral clarity to a protest

march. Folks have a right to know whether to laugh or cry.

(Tony Norman can be reached at 412-263-1631 or

tnorman@post-gazette.com.)

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