Off in the distance

A collection of poetry and thoughts, about writing,

changing, love, life, and beyond
by Jason Leach

Off in the distance 2016 Jason Leach

artwork on cover and title page 2016 Jason Leach
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any
information storage and retrieval system without the knowledge and
written permission of the author (with the exception of excerpts for review,
research, and academic or scholarly purposes).

Table of Contents
Prologue 10/23/2015 an awakening
CHAPTER 1: - Years before the awakening - About the early years - Poetry, prose and taking my first
steps.
April 1991
Story Line Poem #1
May 1991
Story Line Poem #2
March 9, 1992 1:15 am
Too Deep
September 14, 1994
Mother Nature
October 24, 1994
Psyche
October 24, 1994
The Souls of The Wishful
October 24, 1994
Trials
October 31, 1994
Terror Beneath
October 31, 1994
There She Is
October 31, 1994
Cody
November 2, 1994
The End of Homelessness
November 2, 1994
The Fight
1995
Uncovered
1995
Our Time
1995
Her Feeling
Untitled
Untitled
December 1998
Untitled
2001
My Family Three
11/24/09
Of Memories...
CHAPTER 2:
About friends, society, individuals.

August 15, 2011

An Old Friend
9/6/15
9/28/15
10/22/15
Trimming the fat My Business Plan
Blame the Individual
What if?
No words to write 3/1/11
No Poetry
March 1, 2011 at 10:11pm
Where is Story
CHAPTER 3:
About the journey within, and slipping into writing.
9/19/15
9/22/15
Moments, Memory, and Writing
When My Eyes Closed
10/8/15
10/19/15
10/20/15
May 29, 2013
1/24/16
Cat in a Hat
March 1, 2011
Untitled
11/24/15
The Scribe Inside
2015
The Voice in Your Head
9/23/2016
Embrace
CHAPTER 4:
About love.
5/8/12
Thoughts on how I hope to be loved...
10/11/15
Your Wish
10/31/15 6:30am
11-6-15
My Promise to you
1/23/16
1/24/16
2016
Wrinkles

CHAPTER 5:
About the heavens and me.
The Heavens and Me
The Reveal
The Way Of Rapture
Epilogue -

Prologue My name is Jason Leach and I have always enjoyed writing. Throughout these pages, I
hope you and I become absorbed, even entangled, in thought and emotion. I have no
pictures or artwork except for the cover and on the title page, which is a self portrait I
did many years ago using india ink on canvas, a small mirror for frame and reflection,
and a lamp to create shadow. I believe in the majesty of the written word and its
connection to who we are; to our hearts, our minds, and our souls. I hope you will feel
what I am going to share with you. I had no intentions to one day share my work...my
writings and thoughts in this way. I had always believed I would cultivate my writing
skill to one day be able to write an amazing story; a book, and become an author. That
is and always will be a dream of mine, to be published. And my hope is that if my
words or my story touches just one person in a way they have never been touched
before, then I have fulfilled what it is I believe was given to me, and that is a gift of
creativity and expression through the art of the written word. And not only those gifts,
but of a voice and a recognition of that voice, that each of us hold within, letting it grow
in its own time. This is my journey towards understanding my voice, my gifts, and
allowing them to become what you will read in the following pages, and hopefully
beyond. As I write these words even now, this introduction, I have no clue as to how to
lay out my writing to share with you. I have dated some poems and writings, though not
all. At times I was not thinking about that aspect of it, the date and the time having any
kind of importance or consequence. I have some writing that quite frankly I am
embarrassed about, in that its at an infancy level of where I feel I have ended up now. I
have poems, if you can even call them poems, from the early 1990's, and a long pause of
nothing here and there, until most recently of writings over the past couple of years. I
felt I have grown within, and that time afforded me this extended moment in my life to
be able to sit and think, and grow, and genuinely allow thinking and thought and that
kind of freedom to take place. You may or may not agree with me that I have even
reached a transcendent approach to writing and to expression. But I have enjoyed the
process deeply. In turn, I hope to be able to refine my capabilities and in fact write a
novel, and fulfill my dreams of becoming an author.
I hope you enjoy what you read, as I have enjoyed writing it, feeling it, experiencing it,

and its acceptance. I move forward now and hope to remain on this journey and I hope
you will remain on this journey of discovery with me!
Thank you very much for your time and I wish you all the best! Take care, Jason

An Awakening -

10/23/2015 an awakening
....this is a thought to share, more of a rambling, very raw, jagged, just came out this
night
Have you have been awakened!?
awakening adjective
1.rousing; quickening:
an awakening interest in music...
noun
2.the act of awaking from sleep.
3.a revival of interest or attention.
4.a recognition, realization, or coming into awareness of something:
a rude awakening to the disagreeable facts.
5.a renewal of interest in religion, especially in a community; a revival.
I am at 3....and 2... I will go back to sleep for a little while, after having been awake for
too long for the past couple of days...
It's a treasure, a comfort to awaken... To feel those walls come down and who you are
begins to breath again, and you remember what it was that you enjoyed doing, that
inspired you, that was the catalyst for everything good in your life!
Can you remember, back to those days when you were at this same place, a pause in life,
or a branch, two roads diverged and your instincts lead you there, where you were at
peace within and in harmony with the world around you? Where your thoughts
crystallized, and you understood who you are, you could hear that voice within that was
silent for years, that was dormant, almost guarded protecting itself, alive, never dead,
just alive yet still, waiting...like a long night, the light blackened, cloaked and breathing
- even happy, just content to wait it out.... Can you remember...when it was that you
awakened? And is this the final awakening? As long lasting, and as big as a drop of
water in the oceans....in the moment at this moment, this branch of your life you reach
out to grab to gather up and and reclaim, your course in the flowing living river that is
your life, you come together again with yourself, and all things make sense, though

trouble is never far, its just as well so to can you use trouble and difficulty as a life raft, a
mechanism to embattle your will, and force yourself to.....stay awake!!! Where you are
no longer diverged from peach within...and in harmony without, but just the opposite,
and living your life as crystal and clear as the voice no longer concealed, not dormant in
spark and fire whose hours lost sleep, now the beast is within and you are inspired!!!
...and speaking of sleep...I am...zzzzzz. May your dreams keep you awake...for in
dreams realized we live!!

CHAPTER 1: - Years before the awakening - About the early years - Poetry,
prose and taking my first steps.

April 1991
Story Line Poem #1
.I sit here thinking of the many things I could see myself doing and yet I stay here
wondering what to do and how things might turn out. I am so confused. Running over
the same old ground year after year is a very sad line of any sad songs Ive known. But
you know sad songs say so much. In this case its telling me to break away and beat
down a new path, one that will lead me towards my own field of dreams. A field as big
as the sky and space itself. As flourished as the oceansand of thought.

Believe It You May

Touch It You Can
Strike Down
Strike Down
Show Thyself Such Inner Strengths
Believe In Such Myths
Myths Created By Such Ravenous Energy
To Thwart All Feelings of Despair
For Fulfillment Must Indeed Be Our Goal
Awaken and Seek the Path
That So Powerfully Beckons Thee

I felt lyric for an instant. I am moved by so many things, I dont know where

to begin. Lets see.

May 1991
Story Line Poem #2
.Its so hard to be in touch with yourself in regards to what you are and what you
want in life. More and more each day I intrinsically deal with myself in a struggle. This
internal struggle that constantly forces me to focus on rapidly changing ideas and views
makes me aware that I need to try to incorporate these changes into my actions. I
believe to experience is to understand. Knowledge may be the spark, but action is the
flame. To burn endlessly may very well be the one thing life might be about.

A Nice Place -

Never Forget That You Have Choices

Interest Me with Enchanting Voices
Get On Your Feet and Do As Told
Your Voices Do Speak So Strongly Bold

Understand Them Now and Dont Sit Back

Show Forth Your Rights Within Intact
Express and Live Throughout Ones Life
Remember Birth to Death May Be In Strife

Challenge Soon What Has Not Been Yours

Seek Forever Uncharted Shores
Ending Life May Be So Considered
Living Life Should Be So Glittered

Reach Out and Touch Lifes Ever-Changing Face

You Might Just Find So Nice A Place!

.I definitely need something different in my life right now. Everything is so

boring and its probably causing me to fade away. I cant and will not forget lifes
pleasures. There is so much life has to offer, I want to do it all, but havent ignited yet. I
do feel a burning inside. How big I let my flames become and how hot my fire shall
burn remains to be seen.

March 9, 1992 1:15 am

Too Deep
.Scriptures of my soul so far untold. My mind wonders steadily searching the front.
I know of the calm only allowed by time. Death is not the end of time and sunshines
happy glow desperately reaches for us all if only we leave our shaded thoughts and
reach for the warmth.Love?
Counsel me now forevers chart. Character driven and soul forsaken? The plight of us
all bends into the realm of obscurity. But we see not the righteous, for righteous is
wrought from the hands of reckoning. If so boldly we do obtain forgetting not hands do
change. Straighten these fears and conquest frightens thee, of course it does we seek to
be.Life?

Insured by faith?
Forgiven?
What is?

.I cant write anymore tonight.

September 14, 1994

Mother Nature
Her Light Shines From Far And Wide.
Ive Dreamed of Her Echoes The Tide

Its Been Many Years Lost Generations Chide.

They Could Not See Their Ways They Tried.

We Live Without Her Now On Our Side.

Our Lives Forever In Doubt Without Stride.

Those Faces Covered Who Did Not Abide.

So Did They As We Once Strong But Died.

October 24, 1994

Psyche
Fight Uttered Secrets From The Wells Distressed Walls
Spread Wicked Singes Tearing Open Will
Behold Honors Massive Tentacles
For To Indeed Dictate Prescience Shall Effortlessly Channel Pestilence

October 24, 1994

The Souls of The Wishful
So Hopeful Are Those To See Their Dreams
Endlessly Coursing From Beyond and Before
They Travel These Seas In Search Of.
but can it be - to be loved
the challenge not seen or maybe too clean
its face too familiar and battered and withered
only to sparkle to live upon discovery
then strengthened, and bound, to glory
Our Wishes Will Be Unto Thee
Who Ends Not The Right For Me.

October 24, 1994

Trials
Believe It Not For Raptures Fury Dwells Within
Us All. Strike It Not For Powerless Change
Chides The Unforsaken. Understand It For
The Impoverished Shall Reap The Glory.

Enchanted Hell Holes Yield What Measures Of Fortune.

Fortunes Hand Reaches Unchallenged Those Wishful Minds.
Indefinite Failure Deemed Necessarily Poignant.

Transcended Figures Melancholy Driven

Peaceful Natures Souls Forgiven
Turbulent Terror Undoubtedly Masked

October 31, 1994

Terror Beneath
Enchanted Forests beneath the Waves
Peaceful Currents Taking No Slaves
Colors A-flash In the Dancing Waters
Flowing Forever Under Boats and Charters

But Then It Happened From a Steel Contraption

My Brightness Turned Dark From Devastating Reaction
I Darted To Escape To Take No Chances
Yet Couldnt Remain Away Due To Circumstances

I Had No Place To Go
No Way Of Knowing
My World Of Water
Soon It Will Be Over..

October 31, 1994

There She Is
From Across The Room Our Gaze Penetrated
Weaving Through The Air
Drifting Towards Her Enchanting Beauty
I Sat Unforced Admitting Nothing
Accepting Her Glory Forever In Story.

Ive Seen Her Before From Time To Time

Her Eyes On Fire With Emotions My Desire
She Walks Through The Air Seemingly Afloat
To Reach Her Indeed Would Be My Dream
Expressions From Within Almost A Sin

Terribly Lost And Hopeful Am I

For My Pursuits Shall Begin Again

I See Her Now Walking

I Turn I feel And What To Say
Approach Her Soon But Wait No More
Our Paths Soon Joined If Action Taken
Just Hope And Pray That One Day

Her Dream And MineTogether.

October 31, 1994

Cody
His Fathers Owner What A Friend He Was
Codys Eyes Once Told

My Friends Mother Cared Though In Sorrow

Codys Eyes Do Show

My Friends Father Bleeds From Within

Codys Eyes So Bold

His Brothers Owner Hurts, It Tears His Heart

Codys Eyes Softly Open

It Can Be Said From Codys Eyes

That He Lives In Us All
His Memory Keeps This So
And For That I Love Him So
Cody

November 2, 1994
The End of Homelessness
Sorrow, anguish, desperation fills my heart
To struggle I do but not for the rest
Inside my fate burns hope and desire
My love for them reaches to aspire

In action not shown but only in words

Emotions betwixt should and should not
Iron forces forged from molten undoings
Brethren for support in my darkness

Places I travel only begin to unravel

I feel the pressure closing around me
Insightful answers lost in whirling loneliness
My pride and will with mysterious power

A whisper and a scar mold my mountainous grip

Ancient winds of purity blow through my mind
Accept not I say to me
Once said convictions, forever's only trance

With angelic tongue but revel in none

Mindful prosecution should all be mine
Harmful appetite pulls me away
Wrong and weary I step in dismay

Apathys sight set for my light

It blocks my choices sometimes I fear
Universal fever to those undaunted
But not so evil just scorned survival

I cannot shake however I try

So try I must before I die
Let me sing my hearts content
And then to end my lifes forgot

Painful memory will peek at my heart

But blinding fury darkens the view
Forgetting that life forever untouched
Ill grow to heaven for below is too much

And powerless hands do fall to the side

But powerful visions to open will rise
To hold again my passions in stride
I walk on a better road itself alive

November 2, 1994
The Fight
Enchanted isles of forgotten refuge
Bedeviled faces in desperate places
Measured fortune none to bold
For empowered races challenged forgone

Inlets of thought isolated and distraught

Those wayward thinkers tempered by violence
Choking on humanities hate
Freezing coasts of unaware consciousness

Such changes seek the evil among us

Yet it will foreshadow a dying source
Our beliefs and morals ending in sorrow
Devastation to those most unwilling

Angered forever our souls afloat

Directly soaring to heavens answer
Of glowing light and peaceful sight
Let our voices be heard before the fight

1995
Uncovered
Enters Silence Dreaded Fury
For Long and Waited Energies Arise
Destined to Bear Our Weakest Thoughts
Of Not to Right But of to Wrong

Forevers Light Dims in Our Dreams

As Treasured Glory from Distant Places
Will Challenge the Stream Within Us
Beginning as We Did to End Not Within

We Spread Our Careless Actions To All

From Thought Do We Endure The Wrath
For in Our Minds is the Peace We Seek
Uncovered at Once Then Uncovered For All

To Open Our Minds and Use the Power

Is to Behold Such Treasures Meant to Help
A Peaceful Strength From Me Unto Thee
Uncovered from Within for All to See

1995
Our Time
It is fortunate how little time there is
Oh but not forever but just our time

We can only see what there is left

But cant see what destroys it from our time

The passing moments but a twitch or an itch

Many more moments scratched from our time

Can we preserve it so from our injustice

I wouldnt think so we think because its our time
Endangered are we from ourselves you see
We spend all that is and soon there wont be.

1995
Her Feeling
Ive felt it once or twice in my life
A warmth from within unknown until then
I challenged its glory for I didnt know her story
But understand it not so far in my life

Ive felt it once or twice in my life

Her love for me I carry soon to marry
My dream untold so I thought too bold
But understand it not so far in my life

Ive felt in once or twice in my life

Shes left my heart for a new start
Yet I hold her dear never losing never fear
But understand it not so far in my life

Ive felt it once or twice in my life

The answer did show and I did know
It happened one day but no more to my dismay
But understand it not so far in my life

Ive felt it once or twice in my life

Let it happen again one day I pray

I miss her now and then somehow

But understand it not so far in my life

Untitled
For in dreams realized we live!!

Untitled
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow

December 1998
I strive and I seek for all the glories from within I speak
Engaged in war through joy and laughter
Peace is my free forever after.

Untitled
Suspended in life cuts like a knife.

2001
My Family Three
You mean to me, my family three,
From all that was and all that will be.

From light to dark through changes of season,

Of within I speak of, I held on, youre the reason.

For wherever I go in time and space,

It does not matter the distance or place.

Ill cross the oceans from sea to sea,

For you are the best part of me.

And carry you I shall through my history,

As if you have a choice, cmon its destiny.

Yes you, Tom and Mindy and Jenny,

My family three gettin Jiggy!

But enough for now, Ill see it through,

I carry on with my strength, my strength is you.

So throughout our lives thank you for you.

Through joy and sorrow, My Family Three,

You are my tomorrow.

Love,
Jason

Memories 11/24/09
Of Memories...
Of memories you speak of from the corners of your mind, of thoughts lost and found in time
No matters of time or place distance or space, will bring you closer to the answer you seek for I feel
that is one truth - of growth, we find it from time to time, it comes cloaked as youth, cloaked as a
strange fleeting dream, that if only we reach out and catch it, we will know the who, what, why, and
how, but of the when, that question offers up no answer, but it can be asked as if time were relevant - of
such affairs of youth time is not...
I see past lives of my life, as the sweet and sour layers peeled away as if time had no end
That is why those moments are cloaked and guarded, by our fallen child within, we had at once held so
tight now uncharted and lost in the wind...
I dare say to let it ride to understand it for yourself
In songs of the past to help us in our future
In all ways we share in this we hold closer
In happenings and musings real or unreal in the long line that is our past and at this instant is our
future!
Lay down what may hurt you if hurt has not followed you
Lay down what may guide you let it not away from you!

CHAPTER 2:
About friends, society, individuals.

August 15, 2011

An Old Friend
Just had a long visit with an old friend. Uneasy as it was at first, our talk gained speed, just as the
memory of journey's past enlightened my mind, the comfort returned. Our visit felt good. My grip
subsided, letting go I decided to enjoy the ride. And all at once we both knew then, that this we must do
again and again.... my friend and I, amongst the trees and birds, the stream and sand, the calming wind
keeping up our sound, along the path. With water in hand, and gliding along, I regained a feeling of
times past, that this we will do much more often at last - a reminder for me to visit again soon, take
away my state, take time to linger, along the wooded, sandy banks, to put on my shoes once again, to
run or ride, but to take the time to say hello, each day if I can. This friend will always be there, tried
and true, I will always be able to count on you, my friend the road, the path, the way to go, whether
running shoes or on two wheels too, I'll visit again, just me and you!

9/6/15
I may not be well educated but I'm smart, I may not be rich but I'm wealthy, I may not be of one race,
but I am of one race as well, I am human, I may not say that much but I have a voice, I may not know
where you're coming from but I know where we can go together if we try, I may not look like you but I
bleed like you, I may not wish for peace in the same way that you do but I do wish for peace, and we
may not know it, but we are family, and family fights, has disagreements, and sometimes hates each
other, but when it matters, we come together in unity and embrace each other like we've never been
apart! How can we live side by side and wait for the chance to disagree and fight and kill, instead of
accept the opportunity to find a common thread, understand we are different and that is ok, and accept
our given rights to live and let live so long as we don't harm each other; and should our paths cross with
those different than ourselves, with those whom we do not understand, we just exchange greetings, say
hello, nod with acknowledgement, and continue, or have a constructive conversation with the intention
to try and understand, and if we don't understand, we live and let live as long as we don't harm each
other...why can't we do this? There is nothing more or less we can do. We live here together and we will
die here together.... In the end, when death comes for you, I hope you are thinking of the ones you love
and the life you lived, and you are happy! What is your alternative?

9/28/15
Stress is a killer!! It makes you chronically sick even if you're pretty healthy and active...or used to be!
It can change everything if you allow it to. I don't like admitting I'm weak and a bit lost at times frustrated, but admitting your weakness and struggle is being strong, is understanding that about
yourself. And understanding your present state and realizing how your life and your wellness, is being
affected by stress, by surviving on unemployment, by applying to jobs knowing you will never hear
from them, and the cycle continues, takes a lot out of you! Your days and nights get flip-flopped and
you are awake at night, you sleep during the day, and your internal clock is a mess! Earaches, stomach
issues, weight gain, loss of energy, constant focus on any ailment and how to make yourself
comfortable again, takes a lot out of you! Symptoms like these, are just that symptoms, they are cause
and affect...they are manageable! It's about re-focusing! And its about staying strong! It's about being
self-aware and despite your current state, you are in control, you always have been! With even the
smallest, minute detail in your life, is where change can take place. And you can set the pinball of
activity in motion and by virtue of universal law, one thing leads to another! Even with thought, of just
having better thoughts, more positive thoughts, can create positive change! As I've heard often,
thoughts lead to things, choose the good ones! And good things can happen! It may not be immediately
apparent, but change will take place! I choose to accept my stress and use it as a catalyst for change!
By allowing myself to be weak, by accepting my faults, my mistakes, and learning, and moving on, and
to control how I feel, how I perceive myself, and my situation, is gaining a better understanding of all
the roads that led me here, and all of the roads that have opened up for me now, right now! I can see
this as life shutting down on me, or I can see this as life opening up for me. Unemployed, or down on
your luck, or "lost", or whatever your "dark side" can conceive it to be, is only a perception not a
permanent state, and you can choose to perceive it in a different way! You can think about it, and if you
do, if you accept...it you realize the state or the place you're in, you begin to see more! You can see
everything that has opened up for you, as opposed to before when it was not clear, and this opportunity
you have now, is not as bad as you think! Whether you're an optimist or pessimist, it makes no
difference, change is inevitable, and generally, for good people, change is

good! It may not be something you can see now as something good, but life is change, change is living,
and living is moving forward....and to remember any so called "stress" that you once thought was so
awful, is now or will be, a positive turning point in your life! So no worries, as I, as we, accept this, and
know this is not my final resting place, my final state of being! And stress, as much of a killer it can be,
can kill itself just as well as me, and I am in control because I choose not to let it be free living inside
of me, I choose to set it free, to become something else, to change itself, to motivate, to inspire, to
become desire, to want more than this, to find true bliss, to achieve my thoughts, to make believe....to
live inside my dreams! I choose to kill stress and not let it kill me, I believe....I am free...

10/22/15
Trimming the fat ...of releasing those that in one way or another are dragging you down, and you may not even realize
it!! So, from time to time I will delete those that I have no idea why I am connected with - people that
have no business being in my life, and I in theirs! And over the span of my life also, I have separated
myself from people who bring me down, who are negative, even who are arrogant, who have hurt me
and I allowed it, who are friends with everyone they can be friends just so they can build a network or
to say they have lots of "friends", people who were at one point close friends but who revealed
themselves to be something else, someone else, and that is ok, people grow and change, myself
included, and that can affect friendships and interactions, and even can lead to some taking advantage
of others, in all ways, and its good to release dead weight!!!! To be free of falsity, false fake people, to
be free of those that can offer advice but can't look in the mirror, which are usually the same people that
don't know how or can't ask for advice, its beneath them, to rid yourself of those who are not kind,
caring, loving, who can't understand who they are, and take it out on you and others around them, and
those who are malevolent and at heart who are evil, to others and to animals, and the world around
them, and those who have never grown up, who live in the past, and those who absolutely know what is
right for others, who know all they need to know, and those who think you are a friend just because
they are friends with a friend of yours - time to drop that ridiculousness quickly lol, and whose
association was only because of school, and at some point the realization is, its not friendship, just
association, and this absolutely can translate with family relationships, that just because you are family
does not mean you are just and true and decent, that blood does not make us united, it makes us related,
which has nothing to do with goodness, or even the understanding that we are friends, that you if not
for the blood in our veins, are not someone I would be friends with, and so taking the time to lighten
the weight of unwanted and meaningless connections will enlighten you as well!! This can be another
facet of being happy, of growing and moving through life....with less weight...you can move easier and
think easier, simplify your life!

My Business Plan
Executive Summary: A fully integrated self service platform hard wired into all phases of
operations promoting self reliance and true happiness!
Value Proposition: 1) Marketing to focus on one demographic. 2)pricing scale fixed- proposal:
100% markup -margin of joy directly correlates bottom line hard work to be distributed in
penalty free early withdrawals or back end earnings at end of life cycle, 3)minimal risk
providing immeasurable return on investment, 100% profit!
Financial Plan: 1)Sales (laughter) & Revenue (contentment) Goals incremental monthly
moments of bliss to be doubled and tripled to meet quarterly marks by the additions of qualified
personnel to the sales force both inside sales outside sales (you figure it out), as the need arises.
2)Profit (being happy) & Loss (being sad) Forecast 99% gain in overall profit with
percentages of the 1% left decreasing rapidly! And the Loss margin consumed by nightly
deposits of dont worry about it and itll all workout. 3)Key assumptions- will be to control
the market!
Proposed Governance: 1)Company Structure standard manufacturing outline. To follow all
departments (physical, emotional, and spiritual), maintaining best practices for all components
of life manufactured
R&D and Engineering: physical remaining healthy and fit.
Operations and Production: emotional eating right as to promote mental and physical stability,
keep production up!
Sales and Accounting: spiritual Promoting good will thus providing outside interest, and
making self improvements in accounts receivables such as helping others when you can and
doing a good job, and in accounts payables such as having fun and offering good advice or
offering condolences when needed
Board of Directors God, as defined as whatever you conceive Him to be, as defined however
you conceive your true way; as your directors may include free will, belief in a cause or in
something or a way of life, in living by a code set by others or set by you, in living by feeling
and instinct, in living just and true towards your own true meaning!
Staffing Plan To have and held great friendships and your one true love if youre so lucky that remain and reflect in you! And in self belief and self worth!

Investment Requirements: Experience and wisdom as foundation obtained through the years
and not a sum obtainable otherwise; love and sharing as your cash flow. Initial and inherent
intelligence a possible alternative but not recommended.

 Exit Strategy: Mechanism in place to allow for immediate re-allocation of worth. Full exit not
plausible only reinvestment or reinvention opportunities exist. Only unforeseen circumstances
and the unknown will account for a fully operational and complete exit mechanism! (which is
out of your control so dont worry about failing, its not an option, trying and moving forward is
the only option! So you cannot fail! Its just not possible...)
Success is being happy; that is the business of life!

Blame the Individual

I see and feel your pain although I can't stand
To sit and believe that you don't care man!
About when a black man shoots another man,
Not black but just a man, not white but just a man!
How can you spit illiterate and blame no man,
But yourself, as the individual, and also grandstand,
On your preacher's box, without lending a helping hand,
To the issues within your own communities, yet always blaming the man!

It's the whose who, who believes you, how dare you talk that smack,
When your neighbor is on crack, and a boy gets shot while on the attack!
One shot was enough, and 15 more was too much, 16 too much to be exact.
When a taser gun over a real gun could have done the trick, that's a fact!
Yet the fact is, a grown man with a boy's mind, got some dope, or crack,
From his neighbor or friend inside your land, your turf, at the corner shack.
No outrage over that, blacks killing blacks, self inflicted wounds and all that!
No blame upon oneself, upon the community itself, confused on the attack!

With corruption and the media and the hate and anger, never surrendered!
No wonder you point your finger at the man unlike you, the truth is censored!
Fanning the flames by those on fire, devil inspired, we can't move forward,
We cant see through the hate and fear, or even calling yourself a coward.
It's never as bad as when a man killed by a white man, is white, you cowards
Can't see that, that if a white man gets shot by a black cop its justified.
No protests about that, no marching, not even when a baby of a preacher,
Is killed by you did you think twice, police your own, care at all just laughter.

In your eyes you can do no wrong its not your fault, never is, how can it be?
You are disrespectful to those protecting you, those teaching you, please.
Can't you see, even to yourselves disrespectful completely, and freely!
I say all this in peace though I know it will be perceived wrongfully!
I ask you to look at yourselves, we have as well, accept that it is changing.
And if you do no wrong, then you have nothing to worry about, gracefully!
And without grace and understanding and humility, you will fall quickly!
Be equal with respect, we all accept it except for you, who keep killing yourselves painfully!

What if?
What if I had the power to turn your fears into love,
Upon seeing your enemy all understanding and truth
Was all that it took more than this love even from above,
Upon believing and loss and the feelings of hurting you?

What if I had the power to turn your fears into hate,

Upon seeing your friend all understanding and truth
Was all that it took and more, much more would you hesitate,
Upon believing and loss and the feelings of hurting you?

What if I had the power to turn you into family,

Upon seeing your neighbor all understanding and truth
Was all that it took for you to believe forever in me,
Upon believing and loss and the feelings of hurting you?

What if I had the power to turn you into me,

Upon seeing your face all understanding and truth
Was all that it took to change your disgrace into me freely,
Upon believing and loss and the feelings of hurting you?

Would all the what if's, and upon seeing this, was all that upon changing and believing?
In love, truth, what is above and in you, into hate yet truth, what in you hesitates, what hurts you?
Into family understanding and truth forever hurting you, as with me, and my truth, I'm changing?
Upon this change, this hate to understanding, this fear into love, this family into forever your truth?

Could all this power to turn you around, become something that you could believe in profoundly?

Upon changing hate to understanding and family into your neighbor to face them forever face to face?
Does this not change your fear into love, understanding and truth from above into you heavenly?
You exist because what if upon seeing all that it took to change, was believing in both love and hate!

Should all that I believe in all that I lived, become lost and broken for what yet I have to transcend?
In love upon changing into family and understanding, upon this change, from hate, this color of hate,
Into the color of my skin, this hate within, I carry it from generation to generation through any means,
Of necessity, carry what this I've learned, carry this burn, this cross lost in darkness and hurt, I debate!

Never shall this power to turn you around, become more or less than the power inside of you!
Upon changing the way you see me, in this mirror I say to you, allow me the floor, I implore!
Into color into family, I will not hate thee, I will love and change me, and love and change you!
I wrote this, I am white and I am human, yet still I see you truly, I love you, you're me and I am you!

No words to write 3/1/11

No Poetry
There's time for no poetry
When the words have left
When like thunder from too long a distance,
You hear it but give it no due attention.
Its there never fear always inside you

Just waiting for breath to at once prepare you

For the storm on the horizon from too long a distance...

March 1, 2011 at 10:11pm

Where is Story
Where is story to tell, how does it unfold
It starts from nothing sitting in silence
As one by one they begin their ascent
From the pit of your stomach, or the heart of your heart, or the
Breathing of longing for a better start
Upwards they rise ever so cautious
For each so hopeful to gain your attention
Just as these words you read came this way
Through the gauntlet of fear and love with something to say
Story lives and breathes and resides within
...It's there where story begins....yet,
Unopened, unviewed, a good beginning...anew...
Where is story to tell, but in what you do!

CHAPTER 3:
About the journey within, and slipping into writing.
9/19/15
What is the difference between poems, poetry, prose - ordinary form, without metrical structure, and
the written word and the spoken word? What is it that makes you decide on what to write or what to
say? Is it a different process or is it the same process but with a different outcome? Or different
processes because you have a different outcome? Can you pin down your thoughts on how you decide
to write down your thoughts as opposed to how you decide to say your thoughts? I am not talking about
simple, everyday conversation, but we'll call it discussion, intelligent, thought provoking discussions....
A talk with someone or a debate with someone, or even telling a story, how do the words travel from
your mind, your thoughts to your hand or out of your mouth? It changes doesn't it...the distance that it
travels can seemingly be thousands of millions of miles, and it can go through a number of changes or
it can evolve or devolve before its final form can it not? Have you tried, really tried to "track" your
thought, from its beginning until its final resting place? And I realize there may never be a "final" state
of a thought, but in terms of this line of questioning, we will consider it "final" if its written or if its
said. For me personally, I generally find it easier to explain or express, in most cases, if I can write, I
express myself better in writing as opposed to talking. I have never liked public speaking, or open
debate, or involved, lengthy discussions, where it is expected that an opinion is given or that an
argument is made. Maybe that is because I am an introvert with the idea of sharing in such a public,
open way, although if I can be given a chance to write about it, I feel more comfortable and more at
ease, and I feel I can give a more ahh, a more "me" answer. Whereas if I am pressed I may not say
exactly what I mean to say. So the process leading up to what I said as opposed to what I wrote is
different. Or perhaps its the same up until a point, where I am influenced by one thing or another, and I
am either more clear or less clear, more comfortable or less comfortable, or even alone or not alone.
Writing and speaking are both internal things but one is much more public and how its affected, how
you are affected can change what is written and what is spoken. This may sound like a bunch of
babbling to some, a bunch of nonsensical, circular talk, but I find it interesting. That in debates, if a
person is given 10 minutes, give or take, to write down their thoughts on any particular subject or
question, how much more intelligent or sensible will their answers be? And back to my original
questions on the difference between the written word and the spoken word, and if you've ever tried to
"track" your thought, from its beginning until its final resting place? How all this influences great
debaters or orators as opposed to poor debaters and orators. And does it make the person who can speak
more comfortably in public, that they speak more intelligently and more authoritatively in public, in
front of others, does that make them smarter, more trustworthy, more appealing even? To some extent
yes and to some extent no! So...that is my rambling for this brief amount of time on this Sat night. I'll

move on and probably forget all about these thoughts later....its a movie kind of night and a few cold
ones are in the fridge just waiting to be cracked open!

9/22/15
Moments, Memory, and Writing
Writing is frustrating and illuminating! Writing is all of your experiences minus the moment! And in
those moments of your life is when you were unaware of what was happening and its significance, and
when you write, you are writing from memory because obviously you remember, but its the moment
that gives you this memory, its the moment that was seared into your fiber of being and that propelled
you forward, and was a receptor of any and every impulse! You learned and you experienced. And the
collision of time and presence at that very moment; delivered by expectation and everything you knew
up until then, was a defining point in your life, and so you autonomously remembered that moment! Yet
in writing, you are creating a story or a thought influenced by experiences, and can clearly be "thought"
about, because you are not in the moment. You are free of it, you can think instead of react now as you
write about it! And I think good writers can re-live that moment as if it just happened, but can be more
open to its interpretations! And can even use it, as a focal point on shifting perspectives! Even as I write
this, I feel, visualize flashes in my mind's eye of scenes in my life, of experiences not as a story but
now at this moment, as a perspective...an idea on which direction to go, whose voice, the what, when,
where, how, and why all encapsulated in a thought, that if I allow it to grow on its own in my mind, if I
allow myself to trust my own instinct and to let words create what is inside me, a new life is born,
characters are born and created, voices are created and heard, landscapes magically appear, atmosphere,
of mood and of light, wind, and nature....colors flash, faces and eyes that smile, and smiles that can
almost be heard as if a breath of life between those lips was felt - the rise and fall of a heart beat and
breathing, and of everything in between and you believe it... In writing as in life and dying, it is both
frustrating and illuminating..

When My Eyes Closed

I live inside happier and content, where my dreams survive.
No broken promises.
No lost chances.
No self doubt to fill the moments between barely living and happiness.
Inside when I close my eyes I reach out and find myself.
No heartache to mend.
No sorrow to comprehend.
No hurt and pain to contend with, no lost faith in oneself.
With eyes closed to the world outside I have dreams not nightmares.
No deep sweats.
No lost breath.
No feeling of having lost yourself and being lost in despair.
When I sleep I am free and happy, I have all that I need.
No stress.
No worry.
No heartache, or misery, only asleep now, and believing that when I wake what I dreamed, I slipped
through time and the dream is real and the nightmare I felt when I woke, was a changed life, and
now...when I dream, I dream I'm alive and every moment with my eyes open is the dream I had when
my eyes were closed

10/8/15
I see and understand the evolution of maturity in writing, in how writing as an art for the individual is
at first too structured, too creative within the bounds of structure. It is a creative soul that focuses more
on creativity than on meaning. The evolution of the creative mind is to grow into a voice all your own,
to hear your voice clearly and to write what you feel, and see and that allows you to create something
new and to give it meaning and life! To understand that creativity is not the same as creative meaning
or creating meaning. My evolution and maturity I hope, is that at first I would write and let it just come
out and it almost always came out in some sort of rhythm or rhyme. And I would allow that to be more
of a focus than the meaning I was working with; that I would find more satisfaction with the word play
than with the search for meaning. As this leads me to my evolution and maturity I think, that in line
with life, the search for meaning in writing as well, is the pursuit of good creative writing! The growth
of a life, of my life, and the experiences, and learning, and becoming, and of always growing, and
changing, is the creative force also in a creative life, in the design of a life in the words written.
Creatively speaking, whether its paint, music, words, ink, graphics and electronics and computing,
dance, or even in some ways in business, you create life or re-create life with your medium, with your
chosen tools. Or in most cases you don't choose it, it chooses you! But my point is, for how I see it, for
myself, but I think this can translate well with creative writing in general, that the creative journey is
only as good as your own journey, and your own understanding of yourself and of your journey, and of
your perception of how the world works, and of how you can understand how others perceive the world
as well! And to live what you do in what you create! That my words one day will be alive! That I write
the sunset, and the words as a breath of wind, and create emotion from the use and beautiful
combination of words; breathe life into your life with my words, create life from nothing but the stroke
of my hand on the fabric of time in the cascade of words, alive in your mind... I see the story in the life
of my life, in the life of your life, and in the life of words living in the creative world, the beautiful
world, the fantasy, and resonance that is creative writing!!

10/19/15
Did you ever feel pain, and then feel something else that was more important, and the pain immediately
stopped? So, was it pain or something else? Even bodily pain, that somehow eluded your awareness of
it, just stopped. Can you feel and understand your own presence within, like a part of you as real as
your blood, that can flow to any part of your body, controlled by your thoughts, but not physically real;
rather more of a harnessing of emotion, and memory, feeling, those kinds of senses, as real as the air
you breath, its something felt, and something unseen at the same time. Can you feel it? Can you control
it? Can you move it to any part of your body as easy as changing your mind? As easy as realizing you
can control your pain. Take the time to place yourself, your mind's awareness OF any point on your
body inside and out...to place yourself with your mind's awareness AT any point of your body inside
and out, and that level of concentration and focus is all you need to conquer fear and pain, and will give
you a singularity...it's that palpable...you are a part of time - woven into time, you are of infinite
value...and any pain, can be replaced by something else that is much more valuable and much more
important....your own awareness of the power of change that you posses...within you and all around
you...

10/20/15
Excerpt from a previous thought...
Creatively speaking, whether its paint, music, words, ink, graphics and electronics and computing,
dance, or even in some ways in business, you create life or re-create life with your medium, with your
chosen tools. Or in most cases you don't choose it, it chooses you! But my point is, for how I see it, for
myself, but I think this can translate well with creative writing in general, that the creative journey is
only as good as your own journey, and your own understanding of yourself and of your journey, and of
your perception of how the world works, and of how you can understand how others perceive the world
as well! And to live what you do in what you create! That my words one day will be alive! That I write
the sunset, and the words as a breath of wind, and create emotion from the use and beautiful
combination of words; breathe life into your life with my words, create life from nothing but the stroke
of my hand on the fabric of time in the cascade of words, alive in your mind... I see the story in the life
of my life, in the life of your life, and in the life of words living in the creative world, the beautiful
world, the fantasy, and resonance that is creative writing!!

A moment to reflect on youth, and a vision forward May 29, 2013

I have things in my gut, my heart and soul, my mind, in my future and in my past, with child like
reverence I try to remember how it feels to lose all control, to let my imagination run free and become a
part of what is real as if I have a choice, its as real as I want it to be, that part of life... past when we
were young, younger than before living reckless, or wild, in the early years when energy was only to be
understood years from now, when youth as a child whose horizon upon horizon and limitless wonder
and amazement set us free to just be, careless and impulsive we had no clue.of being constricted and
bound by the trials of growing older, growing into someone, becoming something, earning that right to
grow older each and every day, as respect comes full circle, that part of life now, younger than what is
to come, before living old, living in quiet confidence and quiet joy, in loud and gracious strides we
walk, in these early years when energy is now understood, and once again- begin to see horizon upon
horizon and limitless wonder and amazement setting us free to just be, losing all control and letting my
imagination run free and become a part of what is real what can be real, as real as I want it to be.

1/24/16
What is your definition of poetry? My answer is this if this makes any sense A few thoughts about poetry in poetry, feeling, expression
like the words as a breath of wind as I write the sunset, and paint you the landscape of my thoughts,
like the sky falling only in your mind, the weight of night,
the height of light in daytime,
the meaning of all this as the rhythm of true bliss or the pain of hurt within
the use of words to express all this, the use of words only to become what lives, the use of words from
what is barely known yourself, to what is known from heaven to hell...known by all and lived by all,
yet only a poet calls and can create as...Poetry

Cat in a Hat
A fat cat that sat
A bat in the hat
A chat with the cat
A slow fat cat
A cat in a hat with a bat
A cat that scat
And that is that

March 1, 2011
Untitled
A cricket's chorus sounding off the breeze
In gathering of memories with greatest of ease
For warmth like her love
Completely surrounds what sounds
But joy the chorus does sing!

11/24/15
The Scribe Inside
Ever wonder about that glimpse, that moment you stop and it all makes sense.
You could see back into your life with such clarity, and into the future so freely.
Like it was in you all along, this stream of loving and living long, believing is seeing
That with your eyes, you see what is real but with your other eye you see completely.

It was a moment like this, right now right here, like frozen in time nothing more to do than think.
It stopped you in your tracks and within you was real and outside was nothing, and less to feel.
As if you could exist in two places at once, the present undone and your future like all of space blank.
Because what was the past and at this moment is instantly the future, there is no appeal.

You can't argue deja vu, believe it untrue, live again, hoping to change the view, or can you?
What purpose is it that we experience this, what reason is given what reason in all the heavens?
It happens and we can't explain it, it happens so we can change it, give pause to ask what is true?
In your life and what really is you, in your mind your actions, reactions all this upon reflection?

That glimpse you have been given, is one way of knowing this, what pain there is in happiness.
It's not the easy way out, it never was, it could not have been, not you not especially you.
You have a gift, and amazing sight, you're the one to see beyond the steps of hate and misery.
Much more than distance in sight you have, much more than that, you've been given whats true.

You have the power to bend all the hours, in all the days, of a lifetime not yet lived in one moment
It's this, you have been given true bliss and forever in one second one glance and that you noticed it.
In your eternity is where you can believe me, you'll see me as present and past tense, in amazement.
The future of what you experienced was just now, just then, and a memory now, isn't that a glimpse?

You stopped and it all made sense, like frozen in time nothing more to do than think.
Believing it untrue, living again hoping to change the view as if you can argue deja vu.
One way of knowing this, where pain there is happiness, only joy not sorrow, only love not hate
You have the power to bend all the hours in all the days into one second and one glance its you.

And having read this, in this time spent, did you experience this as a glimpse was there deja vu?
Tell me this, as you sit there your mind focused with the words you read, what thoughts you conceived?
Did you have a feeling of something, did you see me, of feelings you had once lost yet already knew?
Did the me inside of you become true, at one we live, yes you is all that you had, to believe in me?

It's all that is needed, all that is required for you to scribe, for me looking back from these pages.
One in the same, me and you, in this instance, in this myriad of seeing and believing, we write alive.
I have no more deja vu, than what is inside of you, and I have no more glimpse than you have changes.
Just as in opposites where you are now will never remain, the future becomes past, its always goodbye.

2015
The Voice in Your Head
Can you hear me?
Please.
Listen to me,
A voice you know, A voice in which you grow.
In the testament of old age, on this to you I bestow
Please,
Listen to me,
If at first in your dreams, if awake or asleep, in your dreams I leave you believing,
Through sounds of youth, through the sounds of laughter and rustling leaves,
Please hear me.
Does that voice in your head challenge you to listen, to take notice while running free?
In body and mind throughout all time, this voice is boundless energy full of sympathy,
Please listen to me.
For I know you well and have held you close in my ways, though clouded, it's me,
It may seem impossible, when you realize how well you know me, take pause, just breathe
Please show me,
In the slow lapse of time in the moments between faith and adventure, between grace and youth,
In the moments in split seconds, is where I last and you can grasp all knowing and truth.
Please believe in me,
Believe me, that time is eternal, and time has a door, a portal, a way to live again,
In the voices of experience in the physical way we experience this, in youth we live again.
Please see me,
Not as a person right in front of you, but as a change of mind as when your hand moves
And you have no control, it moves set upon its course, by the will of something you can't choose.

Please live free,

And in this light that is life, this ride, this journey of which you have only just begun,
Never hide, your instincts are alive, listen to me, I am older than you but I am your son.
Please,
Can you hear me?
Listen to me,
A voice you know
A voice in which you grow.
I came back to talk to you, to explain the truth,
I came back.because you asked me too...

Embracing your life, acceptance, and the end -

9/23/2016
Embrace
To look up into the night sky and realize nothing is ever permanent can be comforting. Even love and
hate, they grow and change. Love transforms itself into peace. Hate transforms itself into sorrow. And
existence transforms into time and we stick around to skin our knees on eternity, falling over the
meaning of life, and get up having figured that out while falling. We live our lives in the darkness of
the unknown, thrilled to ride this beam of light called life, destined for revelation to either close our
eyes forever and losing every memory or to close our eyes forever having those memories save us and
guide us along the bumpy roads of discovery. Make your moments experiences, make your experiences
worthy of growth, every time you realized it was never going to be the same! And reach out to grab
onto time as it flies by at the speed of your life flashing before you....and the speed of light slows, there
only to illuminate...

CHAPTER 4:
About love.
5/8/12
Thoughts on how I hope to be loved...
through the mist and clouded memory Im drawn there, by your side. Bound together to never be
apart is our fate, and altogether hopeless until I see you clearly and at peace. The years go by like
moments, when I was there with you taking your every glance to heart and your every sound too far as
if it could be the last. In the twilight of life I am right there with you though you can only see me now
in the slow lapse of time in-between awake and asleep. In those moments when your dreams are real
and your day slips away; Im there, Im there. Ill always be there, waiting, reaching out, soothing and
caring for you with every step you take- Im there. Until the day when the light breaks free and youll
come to me once again in the end. So I wait, Im there, by your side. My strength is you, though
others beckon me onward, I stay in the mist and clouded memories we share. To help you in your final
hours, to guide you.safely to me..then onward we go together again our memories full and alive
and clear, we move on to that next place to share a journey again..Ive waited for you I say, and we
see each other now in a different way; no eyes for seeing, no form to know, no words for sharing, only
the touch of the soul.(this is a thought from her point of view, of how I hope to be viewed and
cared for in the end, of a hope of love from the one, from my girl should I stay and she goes.as she
waits for me and is by my side in that next place, whomever she is..may she see me this way too, for
I can wait)

10/11/15
Your Wish
I wish...I wish I was a musician who could bring you the emotion to light up your life!
I wish I was a teacher who could be the catalyst to ignite your joy!
I wish I was an artist who could paint your every moment in a flash before its gone!
I wish I was a poet who could share with you all that you never knew you were sharing with others!
I wish I was more than a lover, so much more that simply making love killed me and lasted forever!
I wish I was an author who could say all this and more, all this and much more worth living and dying
a lifetime for!!
I wish I was the embodiment of you, whoever you are, that if you understand this, we're in the light, all
alone and always and forever we're together because you wished this, that I wish

10/31/15 6:30am
I cannot speak these words of mine, in the hours when my heart bleeds and my eyes
sting and fill with tears. It is too much for me, this angel beneath me whose heartbeat
makes my heartbeat, whose every breath lets me breath and release my fears.
In the hours when all points of light follow the energy of love into my eyes, and all that I
see is you living and asleep, and what I see sets me free and could kill me, let the end
come and let me close my eyes happily. All the hours, every time I was awake and you
were asleep I could not speak, all those moments in time were enough for a lifetime and
more than a life of mine, in this I believe is the only way I'm happy.
Never a pain more than pure joy of love so much so it hurts and never a pain more than
this life of my life next to me, whose words are her breathing, her heart beating and her
everlasting meaning.
In this moment I cannot speak but I know you hear me, I know our bodies see, as words
are the touch of the skin, the heat of your breath, a fragrance of peace when I breath you
in, is spoken for all that was, is, not to begin and never ending.For I cannot speak
these words of mine, because its meaningless over the expression of the heart beat, over
breathing, over time in the hours in every minute, second, before time is relevant, before
time could mean more to me than you, its why my heart bleeds and my eyes sting and
fill with tears that what I see and have and hold is simply eternity laying right next me,
in you as an angel you sleep....in me as a guardian I speak, that's it...gracefully.

11-6-15
My Promise to you
Stream of consciousness kind of thing, I set myself lose, and I wrote what came out, this is what I
wrote, and this very sentence you're reading is after the fact, I had to let you know this is not me
thinking, this is me writing without thinking, to see what happened I yearn to know a woman better than any other, more than living for each other, I yearn to live only for
her more than this love in her, for me. I yearn to capture that look in her eyes when she sees me, but
that love she sees is the same love she bleeds, the kind of love she can only believe if she loves herself
freely and completely. I yearn to live my life in the glow of her eyes, that I may never be without sight
because I see what she sees, with eyes open wide. I live to breathe her and walk with steps only
towards her, feel her, cherish her without knowing her, until the day alive....when life did not exist
before, before dying alive and crying inside it did not mean a thing, this life of mine, until the day when
to yearn to love fell silent and above it all, this life divine meant more to me more than a love to share,
more than a yearning and bleeding, more completely than just breathing, more than alive, in her eyes I
died and was born again, and yearning to have known a woman better than any other, how did I live
this life of mine in her eyes, whose love for me I loved her seeing without her bleeding for me, and me
without desperately loving her achingly, this I say is a yearning...did you read this and believe this, its
power undoubtedly, is a yearning spoken from all time of lovers lost in memories, in the stories of
living and loving, and yearning desperately for the life and love of another who has faith in me.

1/23/16
Every time I breath, every time I lose my breath I make room for you, as with lovers to lovers spanning
the void within, as with mother nature and earth and father time and the universe, begins in the moment
but lasts forever

1/24/16
I miss your touch like crazy...my wayward lady, the mist of love I've yearned for lately, and felt for
many days in mysterious ways...
that sounds crazy I know, we've never touched, but I yearn for your touch as if the heavens was too
much but too much is just enough...and I miss the heat of your breath, the light in your eyes that shine
light into mine and the feeling that only you can provide...is how much I miss you every day I'm
alive

2016
Wrinkles
Her beauty, the lines on her face, the subtle wrinkles of memories forgotten and of thoughts lost,
The clouded, milky glaze in her eyes that hide the light, the spark and happy glint that I miss most,
Pale skin, thin and spotted and dying, across her hands that I touch and across her forehead I kiss,
The brittle walk in her stride now lost in time, lost with every happy misguided fall and mistaken bliss,

In my own mind I see what has become, in my mind I see what I have done, the choices I've made,
I see for every laugh and smile came a fold in her skin and mine, in the many ways we misbehaved,
In the light that burned when we looked for too long in each others eyes, sparkling and happy,
In the sun burnt skin, too many drinks with friends, bodies and minds we misused to find our way,

I stand confused not at what I see or what I feel, but in what I understand that somehow was granted,
I walked with her along this path no one dared, that only we shared in a long life someone else planted,
A life's end that became clear as soon as it started, as if believing is destiny and just living in simplicity,
Despite every broken chain of custody in time from before birth until after death living indefinitely,

This moment right now, this split second in the expanse throughout all time, of what life is about,
In her I stand next to, in her nothing compares to...her battered, withered ageless beauty profound,
In her I was defined and in me she survived, we are wrinkled, glazed, thin and dying, but happy,
That love in a world of hate and despair, what age takes away fades and bleeds into when we die free,

In her beauty as in the stars at night, within her I reside as every beginning and end, in me she sets free
amazement and wonder, strength and caring, and only her and I were destined to live and die, together.

CHAPTER 5:
About the heavens and me.
The Heavens and Me
Upon the steps of the world and all around,
With twinkling stars such beauty profound
I've never seen more lasting peace,
Than the awe of discovery living deceased.

Not yet alive, thought breathing and loud,

Dead in my tracks I heard that sound,
When I opened my eyes to a peaceful breeze,
In awe before me I lost my breath I believed.

I can't explain this, I can't even see,

I blink and breath heavy indeed.
Allow me to capture these thoughts desperately,
So fleeting the moment, sometimes I hate me.

It happened some time ago, upon these feet on the edge of time
I walked towards blackness, towards the swell of salty brine,
In all that I knew, all that I shared, all that was became despair,
Me, alone.in the world, among all of you but alone, its unfair.

Across all time and place, distance and space,

I was here and I mattered, as if I could levitate.
Into the waves of what was past, instantly the future,

Into the night reflected in water, every tear felt better.

Above me it became me, the night sky was pain free,

I felt as one in its brilliance and reached up desperately,
A million miles or one, in that moment it all meant more,
A million miles more, and one more mile to settle the score.

I walked back, never looking back, in journeys of discovery,

I set my feet numbered one to a million, happy, believing, and hungry.
I had found my place amongst the stars at night, much to my delight,
I looked in darkness and what did I see, the heavens and me as one starlight.

I can't express this to you, in any other way, in any way.in any other way,
The reflection of your face upon the stars in the ocean, is heaven's gaze,
Such beauty remains like the last starlight a million miles too far, what you see
Can only be, you were destined to take that walk, at that time, a million steps to be free

The Reveal
Please pretend we were having this conversation,
Like touching the heavens again and again,
Like being the best of you without being true,
To the point of not surrendering, and losing you,
Please allow me this divergent, this height within myself I never knew,
This journey of unknown origin and altogether laying dormant though brewing,
I had this conversation over and over again, I had these thoughts in the middle of transcendence,
Of touching the skin of the body we live in, on the outside inside this presence,
Not with the hands, not with touch, not with a simple impulse of preservation and awareness,
More to the movement of a life through time in this life of mine, bumping into consciousness,
I can't all conceal yet to completely reveal, that this I hold back so evident so free,
Is the one thing that elicits the slowing of time, like words in a second between a heartbeat,
Upon this I live to live...upon this I interrupt this constant stream.upon this I believe,
Is the essence of energy and of life itself, restless like the voice within, that just might be,
The tie that binds of light we see, of happiness...of what is real and what is yet to feel,
In this conversation, in the middle of right now, stop and hear the words that are real,
The words you hear behind what's real, aloft and living without you to understand,
As if drawing you in, falling further in leaving you breathlessly trying to comprehend,
All this I ask, as I asked you please...pretend we are having this conversation from heaven,
So that you already had context, that you already said this, and we're just talking, but dead.

The Way Of Rapture

A story of a dark angel with the power of free will in hell and in heaven.
Whose free will angers Lucifer, who casts him into the pits of resurrection
There he must capture the souls of the damned, including his own should he mistake
And take free will for granted, for good and for evil, what choice will he make?

Where is freedom an illusion, when is freedom not real, when are intentions truly concealed?
Did this angel begin to ask, phrased as a thought, inside this pit, hunting souls revealed.
Exercising free will, upon the hills in hell on the chosen grounds of evil and the devils spell.
Without hesitation this darkness turned light, not so much around him, but inside his own hell.

Just as deadly is action, so too is non-action, nothing done is the same as silence and agreement.
So take action despite the gravest of circumstances, despite all power lost, this is his consequence.
Once alive in two realms at once, and asunder did evil do evil, he was careless, and loud as thunder.
When given a chance to retake that balance, Lucifer took this challenge and took this Angel under.

And step by step did this Angel believe, he had conceived this thought now revealed to make this deal.
To take that chance and upon it, I grant thee he said to himself silently...free will is on heavens heel.
He had taken that walk so many times, stepped inside such beauty divine, living free in heavens light.
Now in the dark but alive, free will as with freedom, is more than choices, its hearing voices at night.

Where the battle is fought, in dreams the landscape in hells forsaken and heavens pearly gates.
When your eyes are closed and the free will in hell and in heaven, plays out in voices of debate.
The great, and the just, the bad, and evil, all in disgust, at the wars in dreams instead of thoughts daily.
Its how Lucifer captured all of the angels who made the mistake this Angel will soon be making.

Once an Angel is caught for not realizing his gift, not living to uplift, he becomes a soul of the damned.
Wings taken for granted, his willpower gave him flight, gave him to hell to fall and to heaven traveled.
But just as God to life, so to are Angels to Angels, behind sight, and after life, will is their gift of sight.
Lucifer lost his way, his Angelic tongue known to no one, he did not hear voices of those in the light.

So this dark Angel now caught up in the good and evil in him and the pain of this all around him.
Upon this question he asked, within his thoughts, he stepped and walked, turning thinking into action.
Turning his will into an illusion not real, just to make it concealed and convince the devil of the deal.
Upon the ground he walked just as told, capturing souls, in the pits of resurrection, a darkness revealed.

One last question he asked his captor, how will you allow me the rapture, with these souls I captured?
Lucifer's evil was no surprise, his answer, those souls are damned they are not believers, he whispered.
Then said aloud, upon believing your freedom, doing what told, you are free to go, but not those souls.
The dark Angel, who lost his will, but gained the voices of the light, took flight and unto God behold

God says, what is this, what have you done, you brought me the souls of the damned and cold ones.
I gave you the power of free will, for you to use it for good or for evil, and you got lost my son.
And you returned to the light with darkness, with the souls of the damned, those souls are heartless.
To show you have no will of freedom to be good or to be evil, to take souls who are dark and painless.

Lucifer aloft with reproach, yells he did as told in resurrection, I told him go but not with those souls,
I see my dark angel, and what did you learn God asks, just as the Angel's wings fall back broken, alone.
I learned to listen to those of my kin, those fallen of which I had forgotten, of the ones died to save me
But I also learned to believe free will in goodness and evil, that if I am damned, I have also saved me.

Epilogue Allow me to express my thanks, and the hope that you enjoyed these entries; these thoughts, poems,
and musings as I traveled within and developed a broader understanding of many things. A life full of
joy, sorrow, laughter, love, anger, despair, and hope...and much more! A life just like any other life, and
beauty at every turn! And I move on now...hoping to continue this journey, to live free inside and out,
to realize and live my dreams! And to see you on this journey as well Sincerely, Jason Leach