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CHEMISTRYANDBIOCHEMISTRY
TherearetwoclassesofnucleotidesinDNA:pyrimidineandpurine,andfournucleotides:cytosine,thymine,adenine,guanine.Easiestwayto
remembertowhichclasstheybelongisthatallpyramidines(cytosineandthymine)containthelettery.
Aswell,adenineandguanineareninesidedmolecules,andthepyramidinesaresixsidedmolecules.Seetheanimationshowinghowasix
sidedmoleculebecomesapyramid.

SeparatingDNA/RNA
AlthoughDNAandRNAarebothnucleicacids,theydodifferentjobsinthecell.Justremember:
DNADeliverstheblueprint,RNAReadsit.
RNAusesRibosesugar.
RNAusesuRacilinplaceofthymine.

SUGARS
SimplifiedSugars
Therearetwosimplesugars(monosaccharides)fructoseandglucosewhichcombineinaspecificwaytoformsucrose.Rememberthe
moleculeofFructosehasFivecarbons(letterFstartsbothwords)andhexaGonistheshapeoftheGlucosemolecule(letterGinbothwords).
Remembertoo,iffructoseandglucoseattachthewrongway,youendupwithanundigestiblefibreinsteadofsucrosesugar.

IntoInsulin
Insulingetssugarintocells.Withoutinsulin,apersoncanhaveexcesssugarinhisbloodyetdieoflackofsugar.Excesssugarisremoved
viaurine.Romansnoticedbeesattractedtotheurineofdiabeticsandcoinedtheterm"diabetes"todescribetheoverflowofsugar.(literally,
diabetes="acrossthesugar").Medicalstudentsneedtodistinguishbetweenthetwotypesofdiabetes:mellitusandinsipidus.Bothcause
increasedurineflow,butfordifferentreasonsaltogether.D.mellitusischaracterizedbyexcessivesugarpresentintheurineduetolackof
insulin.D.insipidusisrecognizedbyhighvolumesofwateryurineduetolackofantidiuretichormone(ADH),usuallycausedbyadamaged
hypothalamusgland.Intheolddays,aphysicianwouldtastetheurinetodeterminewhichformofdiabeteshispatienthad.

WATER
CapilliaryAction
WaterrisestothetopsofplantsbyCapilliaryAction(CA),whichdependsuponCohesiveandAdhesive(C+A)propertiesofH2O.

HydrolysisandMonomers
Hydrolysisisthewaywatercanbreakmolecules(hydro=water,lysis=cut).Certainmoleculescalledmonomers(mono=one,mer=water*)have
ahydroxideandahydrogenattachedtotheside.Whenamonomerbondstoanothermonomerorpolymer,theHOandHatomsbreakoffand
combinetoformasinglewatermolecule.
Youcanseetheeffectsofhydrogenbondsinreallifewheneveryouironcottonfabric.CottonisalongcellulosechainwithHbonds
attachingittoothercellulosechains.Whenthesebondslinkoutofparallel,wegetwrinkledclothes.Heatandmoisture(i.e.,steamiron)
breakandreformthesebondstoamoreparallelshape.Woolhascovalentandelectrovalentdisulfidebondswhichcanbepermanently
set(permanentlypleated)bybreakingandreformingthesebondswithcertainsulfurchemicals.Nylon,polyester,acetate,andtriacetate
arethermosensitiveandtheirshapescanbeheatset.
*~meractuallymeans"piece"inGreekand"sea"inFrench,butIfoundthiswaymakesiteasiertoremember.

OsmosisSucks
Torememberhowosmosisworks,rememberthat"Particlessuck."Thus,tonicity(hypertonic,hypotonic)referstoconcentrationofparticles,
andwateralwaysgoestowardtheareaofmoreparticles.
(from:HallieRay,ScienceDepartment,RappahannockCommunityCollege,Warsaw,VA)

TwoEasyBonds
Twoeasybondanglesarealsotwoofthemorecommononesweneedtomemorize.Sure,itishardtorememberwhichmoleculeshavewhat
angles,butitisimportantifyouwanttomakeanymoneyasachemistofanynote.
TheH2Omoleculeisbentbecausetheextraelectroncloudstickingoutoftheoxygenatompushesthetwohydrogenatomsaway,thus
makinganangleof105degreesinsteadofastraightline.SimilarthingwithNH3,excepttheelectroncloudpushesagainstthethree
hydrogenstomodifytheregulartetrahedralshapeabit.Tobeprecise,theanglebetweenthehydrogensandthecentralnitrogenis107
degrees.HowdoIknowthis?BecauseIcountthelettersinWATERandAMMONIAandcomeupwith5and7respectively(to
correspondwith105and107degreesrespectively).

TABLEOFELEMENTS
Althoughreportshavesurfacedofpeoplecommittingthenaturallyoccurringelementstomemorysimplybyrecitingthesymbolsasacrazy
sentencethatstarts"Hy!Helibebcnofnenamgalsipsclarkcasativcrmnfeconicuzngageassebrkrrbstyzrnbmotcrurhpdag..."wewill
refrainfromattemptingsomethingsodangerous.Instead,Ipresentthefollowing:

2ndPeriodElements
LikeBeingBareCuzNakedOrgasmsFeelNeatforlithium,beryllium,boron,carbon,nitrogen,oxygen,fluorine,neon.Orthemorerisque
LithesomeBerylBlowsCharlieNightlyOnFloorNeeling.

3rdPeriodElements
Onceyouseethiswordpatterninthethirdperiod(Na,Mg,Al,Si,P,S,Cl,andAr)you'llalwaysrememberthatNaggingMaggieAlways
SiPSClAret.

4thPeriodElements
PoKeyCaptainScansTightVirginCrewMembersFerColdNightCuddles.ZanyGrayGermsAreSoldByKremlin,orinreverseorder:
KryBrother!SeAsofGermanyandGaulSinkCoppershipsNiceandColdfromManxtoCrimea,VancouvertoTimor,and
ScandinaviatotheCaliforniaKoast.

5thPeriodElements
RubStrongYoungZulus.NubileMonaTouchesRuth'sRectum.PallidAgentsCouldInfiltrateTinyStubbornTelephoneIndustry
Xecutives.

6thPeriod
ThisrowontheleftlowerportionofthetablecontainsCesium,Barium,Lutetium,HafniumTantalum,Wolfram(tungsten)andRhenium.Just
remember:Cheapbeerslurehalftankedwolfandrhino.TherestofthemmightgoOsir:prettyawfulhagthrowsprettybadpolkasall
rightforosmium,iridium,platinum,gold,mercury,thorium,lead,bismuth,polonium,astatine,radon.Another:Osir,platinumblondeAudrey
hogsThor,plumbsBill,andpolosatrandom.

TheLanthanides
Elements#5771havetwocutemnemonics:LittleCutePeopleNeedPlentySexEveryGivenTimeDespitehavingEnoughThrough
YoungLoveandCurrentlyPartiesNeverProvideSexyEnglishGirlsThatDrinkHeavily,EvenThoughYouLook.

Actinides
Berkelium,Californium,Einsteinium,Fermium,andMendeleviumareasnapwhenyourecite:BlocKheadsCan'tFindElementSFroM
MnemonicDevices

Earth'sAbundantElements
OnlySillyAssesInCollegeStudyPastMidnighttellsmethatthemostcommonelementsoftheplanet'scrustare,indescendingorder:
oxygen,silicon,aluminum,iron,calcium,sodium,potassium,andmagnesium.
HONCifyoulikeLife!
Ofcourse,HONCarethefourelementsthatmakelife'sbuildingblockshydrogen,oxygen,nitrogen,andcarbon.

AllthePeriodicGroups
All18groups(columns)oftheperiodictablearemnenomicizedhereinorder:

1.HeLikesNakedKissesandRubsCuzhe'sFrenchorHeLickedSonja'sKrotch,RubbedCassy'sFront,orHiLiNa:KaretoRuband
CopulateliketheFrenchdo?

2.BerylMightCallStrongBarry,orBetchaMaggieCanStretchBallsRapidly(ouch!)orBeingMagnificentCanSurebeRadical.
3.ScantYLadiesActing
4.TightZipperorTitz'reaHandful
5.VixensNubileandTantalizing
6.CroMagnonWomenSagorChroMoTongue(silvertongued)
7.MenTouchingRepulsiveNuns
8.FeelRuthOscillate
9.ColdRhodaIrritatesMe
10.NipplesPullPlayfullyorNick'saPal,worthhisweightinPlatinum.
11.CumAgain,Auuuuu!
12.Zena'saColdHagorZincplatedCadillacsandMercury's
13.BoinkingAllGalsInTheatre,orBigAlGazesIntoTelephoneorBoningAlGaInsThelma
14.Carl'sSilent,GenaSnoresLoudly,orCanSillyGenaTinPlums?orCarSickGermansinTinyPub
15.NightiesandPantiesAreStillBig...NicePhurryAss,StubbyBeard...orNicePeopleAsStubbornBitchesorNightsFlossingfor
ArsholesandBigots

16.OxSellsSexToPolesorOdieSmithSellingTelephonePoles
17.FeelingClara'sBrassiere,IAttack
18.HeNeverArguesorKrieseXceptwhenitRains

BonusThemetalloidsmnemonicis:BigSizedGenitalsAssureTeasingStories.
Tip:memorizegroupsIandVIII,andoneperiodtostart.WheneverIneedtosketchoutthePeriodicTable,Iwritedownthefirstandlast
groups,addtheperiodsthatIknow,thenfillintheblanksusingwhatI'vewrittendownasaguide.

Checkoutthisautomatedperiodictable.

ATOMICTHEORY
Prostitutes&OneeyedCats
Here'saphraseforrememberingatomicproperties:ProstitutesOutnumberNiceElectioneers.Numberofprotons=atomicnumber
(PROstitutesoutNUMBER),neutronsdetermineisotope(NIce),andelectronsdetermineionization(ELECTIONeers).Also,CatLostanEyeis
goodforknowingthatcationsareatomswhichlostanelectron.

SkiingtheQuantumSkiHillwithShapelyPAM
Somestudentsfindithardrecallingthelettersdesignatingatomicenergylevels.Originally,theywerenamedafterqualitiesseenin
spectroscopyandlaterassociatedwithelectronenergylevel.Thus,thequalitiesofsharp,principle,diffuse,andfundamental(s,p,d,f)have
norelationtoelectrons.Nevertheless,mychemproftaughtustoSkiPowderDeepandFast.UsePAMtorememberthethreequantum
numbers:Principle,Azimuthal,Magneticspin.AnotheroneistothinkofanArabpublisher:AzimPrintsaMagazine.
Furthermore,PAMhasaMoreShapelySizin'whereMORE=magneticorientation,N=size,andl=shapeofelectronorbits.

AtomicMazda
Dave,aonceinawhilebrightstudent,wassittingnexttomedoinghisquantumcalculationswhichinvolvethePlanckconstant6.626x
1034.Itoldhimthenumberfrommemory,heaskedmehowIknewit.Iasked"howmanylettersareinPlanck'sname?"(6),thenIsaid
"PlanckdroveanolderMazdasedan(a626),andhis34thbirthdayhadanegativeeffectonhim."Hechuckledandgroaned.Twentyminutes
later,hesaid"John,Icanstillrememberthatnumber".

Rydberg'sColorfulEquation
EasytorememberthatRydberg'sEquationisusedtoanalyzespectra..."RYDBERG"containsmostofthecolorsoftherainbow:red,yellow,
darkblue,orange,green.Thatformulais:1/lambda=R(1/n1squaredminus1/n2squared)

ABCsofGASLAW
TheABCsofgaslawareAvogadro,Boyle,andCharles.EachcontributedavariationtothestandardPV=nRTequation(PerfectVirginsare
NotRealThings)forcalculatinggaspressure,volume,mass,andtemperature.Easytorememberwhocameupwithwhichlawtheywereall
sick!Avogadrowasugly(hisfacehadanumberofmoles)BoylehadhighbloodpressureduetodiabetesCharlesranatemperature.
Afourthscientist,GayLussac,contributedhisformulaforcalculatingvariationsintemperatureandvolumewhilstpressurewas
constant.Infact,Lussac,Boyle,andCharlesallcanberememberedbytheirindividualformulaerelatingtoGasLaw:

BOYLE.Theabsolutelyworstplaceonyourbodytogetaskineruption(boil)isonthepenis.Right?Sowhatdoesthishavetodowithchemistry?
Well,whenyouthinkofyourpenis,thinkofBoyleandthefactthatdiabeticsareconstantlypeeingtorealizePeeingVirtuallyConstantcanbewritten
asPV=C.
CHARLES.Asatelevisionsalesman,Charlesdidn'tdosowell.That'swhyhegotintochemistry.HeisbestrememberedforsayinganyTVisas
goodasanother...andexpresseditmathematicallyasT1V2=T2V1.
GAYLUSSAC.GayhadoncetriedsellingtentstonativeindiansnearQuebecCitybeforeansweringanewspaperadforachemist.Histwoforone
salespitchisstillrecitedbyIroquoisasT1P1=T2P2.

REACTIONMECHANISMS
AstheMoleculeturns...SN1,SN2Reactions
TheonlywayIcouldrememberthedifferencesbetweenSN1,SN2,E1,E2reactionsweretomakeupstoriesaboutwhatIimagineis
happening.Ifyoudon'tthinkyou'llenjoythisstory,thengototheVirtualChemPageandclickonOrganicSynthesistoseeanimationsof
SN1,SN2.
Substitutionreactionscomeintwoflavours:slow(SN1)andquick(SN2).Theyproducedifferentproductsindifferingratiosaswell.Whilein
lecture,Ithoughtthenucleophilesoundedlikeaparamour,andtheleavinggroupwasaloserinthedeal,andifthosemoleculeswerepeople,
theywouldbeonasoapopera.So,Idoodledandcameupwithnamesthatrelatetothereactionandareeasytoremember.Therearemore
details,butfornow,let'sjustreadacoupleofshortstoriestogetthegeneralideaofeach.
SN1(SoapNetwork1)issufferinglowratings.Itwassupposedtobeahotshowbutitisprettyslow.Thescene:Onan
aeroplane(airplanetoAmericans)LeviandNelarehavingaboringbreakfasttogether.Nelpouredsomealcohol(apolarprotic
solvent)intohiscoffeethentoldhimtotakeahike.AsLeviwasthepilotanyway,heleft.Luke,astowaway,thencamealongto
wooNel."I'mtoocold"shesaid,butLukewaslookingatherhugebumandrealizedthattypeofhindrancewouldreallyslow
thingsdown,andthathewouldhavetohaveafewintermediatestepsalongtheway.Besides,theroomforerrorwouldmean
halfthechildrenmightbebornracemized.WhileLukewandersaroundtryingtodecideisheshouldcomeinthroughtheback
doororbeconventional,NeljustplayswiththefelineshecallsCarbocat.Whensheandthecatdoubleupandbond,Lukeis
eliminated.
SN2.Togetratingsback,SoapNetwork2waslaunched.Amoreracyscriptwithcompetentactorsanddirector,thisshowreally
socksittothem.Allthreecharactershavehadtheirapathyreplacedbythreenewpsychologicaldisorders.NelhasElectra
complex,whichisarealplusDrewisindenial,andLukesuffersprotoOedipuscomplex.Nel'semotionallybipolarher
emotionalenergyrisesasDrewgetsreadytoleavethenpeaksthemomenthewalksoutthefrontdoorandLukeentersthe
samedoordisguisedasatelevisionrepairman.Theiraffairisquickandpassionate,butalwaysinverted.Astimewenton,some
ofNel'ssonsconsumedsomeanabolichormonesandmanagedtobeatthecrapoutofLukewheneverhecamearound.Thisis
calledtheStericEffect.

Clinduction
Refertotheadjacentpictureforcluestothefivewaysofchangingacidityofamolecule.

1.Nisforthenitrogenatthetopthatismoreelectronegativethancarbon.Thusahydrogenattachetonitrogenismoreacidic.
2.Hisforthehydrogenbondbetweenoxygenandhydrogen.Hisalsoforthehybridizationofthecarbonsontheleftside.
3.3arethebondsbetweenthetwosphybridizedcarbons.
4.OH!Resonance.
5.Clinductionischlorine'sinductionforceonthestructure.(Clinduction)
ChemicalTidbits
Cislookslikelipspuckeredforakiss.
Translookslikeatrainranoverthoselips.
ConningOldPrelogmeansCahnIngoldPrelogSequenceRules,withoneruleforeachname.
NewmanandFischerProjectionsareusefulbutconfusing.IrememberNewmanprojectionsaretwosuperimposedcircles,because
MADmagazine'sAlfredE.Neumanhasaroundface.Fischerprojectionsuseacross,andsoIthinkEmilFischerwasChristian.
TheNitrogenBondingNitrilecompoundshaveNitrogeninatriplebondwithcarbon.

FromAverynicesiteofAnatomyMnemonicsbyJohnBerger