Slowing down to the speed of life:

Book Notes
January 28, 2013 Venkata Sreekanth Sampath
We all have within us the capacity for mental health. The entry point into this mental
health is living in the moment.Our psychological experience of life, the experience of
our reality, comes from our thinking combined with consciousness.
There are two distinct modes of thinking:

Processing/analytical mode to deal with situations where all the variables are
known and relies on memory

Free-flowing/reflective mode with the unknown, with change and evolution

and relies on insight

Learning these principles raises our level of understanding, and we gain insights into
life. Our thinking, feeling and perceptions then change automatically.Thought
recognition helps us to shift gears between the two modes of thinking and helps us
function in mental health.
Feelings are mirrors of our thinking. Feelings can be comfortable or uncomfortable. If
our feelings are uncomfortable, we are thinking in an unhealthy way. Once we recognise
these thoughts, if we slow down to the speed of life we will be peaceful and happy.
The four keys to getting back in the moment are:
1. Listening without interpreting or agreeing/disagreeing
2. Seeing the wisdom in not-knowing
3. Having faith in the free-flowing mode
4. Putting your problems on the back-burner
The pitfalls to avoid are:
1. Analyzing your problems and your life
2. Judging yourself every time you realize you are out of the moment
3. Living in the past
The seven essential steps for reducing stress are:
1. Knowing that inner peace is possible.

2. Admitting that getting what you want isnt the ultimate answer
3. Learning not to deal head-on with or to struggle with problems
4. Understanding that stress originates in your thinking.
5. Learning not to allow passing thoughts turn into thought attacks.
6. Avoiding the temptation to get caught up in the details.
7. Lowering your tolerance for stress.
Understanding our moods, separate realities and thought recognition leads to heart-heart
effective communication. Being truly present, letting go of expectations, talking from
the heart and listening with nothing on our mind leads to effective communication.
The effects of speed-ed up parenting are:
1. You become habitually reactive instead of responsive
2. You take negative behaviour personally and not seeing the innocence.
3. Little events become front-page news.
4. You miss the good times.
5. You lose sight of your compassion.
6. You expect too much from your children.
There are seven primary benefits for slowing down while parenting:
1. Your day-to-day experience will be heightened. Ordinary moments will become
quite beautiful.
2. Youll become less reactive and more responsive
3. Your loving feelings and your appreciation for the gift of being a parent will
increase.
4. You will model peaceful slowed-down behaviour.
5. You will drop potential regrets about not having been there for your kids.
6. Your wisdom will surface and you will know what actions to take and what
decisions to make to raise your kids to their full potential.
7. You will stop thinking that parenting is so hard.
Strategies for being a slowing down as a parent are:

1. Become more oriented to the present moment.

2. Learn to accept each moment as it arises.
3. Keep your thought attacks to a minimum.
4. Practice early thought recognition.
5. See moods with compassion.
6. Practice doing one thing at a time.
7. Live in the free-flowing mode as much as possible.
Slowing down at work:
1. Self-motivated, dynamic and visionary methods of working.
2. Tortoise approach to time management by pacing: never doing too much at a
time.
3. Having rapport and being oriented to the present moment.
Satisfaction in the present moment is the key to enjoying life. When your mind has
drifted away from the present moment:
1. You feel bored as if something else would be much more interesting.
2. You get overly absorbed in planning future moments
3. You are unusually tired, even though you thought you were relaxing.
4. You are frustrated, even though youre(supposedly) out enjoying yourself.
You enjoy yourself when you are in the present moment, lose yourself in something,
have a quiet and clear mind and learn to relax.

A Simple Way Of Learning To Live In

The Present Moment
December 21, 2014 Venkata Sreekanth Sampath
From the moment we are born till the moment we die we all breathe. In most people, if
there is no breathing, it means the person is dead. There are some exceptions, like yogis
who have achieved the breathless state. But, at this moment we are not talking about
such things.

We breathe in. We breathe out. This happens constantly.

When we breathe in, the in-coming air moves in through the nostrils.
When we breathe out, the out-coming air moves out through the nostrils.
As this breathing happens, the air touches somewhere in or near the nostrils.
If we put our awareness near the nostrils( being aware of the place near the nostrils)
and focus on the touch sensation, we can sense that the air touches somewhere near the
nostrils.
Become aware of the touch sensation somewhere near the nostrils as you breathe in and
out. Do not do anything else. Just become aware of the touch.
Your mind will wander. That is natural. That does not mean you are doing something
wrong. That just means that your awareness is not deep enough.
Once you become aware of the wandering, bring the awareness back to the touch
sensation of the air near the nostrils.
You cannot know the touch of air before it actually occurs. After it has gone, you cannot
know it any more.Only while the air moves in or out can you feel the sensation of touch.
This we call the present moment.
When our awareness is thus established constantly being aware of the touch sensation
of the air moving into and out of the nostrils , we are living in the present moment.
This is a simple method of becoming mindful. This is what we can call as awareness
meditation. Do this for as long as you can every day( 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 1 hour, any
amount of time)
This will bring peace, joy and calm to our lives.

How To Improve Your

Emotional Intelligence?
February 16, 2014 Venkata Sreekanth Sampath
The physical pathway for emotional intelligence is shown below:

This means that everything you see, hear, smell, touch enters your brain through the
spinal cord and triggers emotions before it triggers thoughts. The communication
between the emotional and rational part of your brain is the physical source of
emotional intelligence.
All emotions that we have fall into the following categories: happy, sad, angry, afraid
and ashamed.
We have no control over our emotions but we have control over our thoughts. So if can
become aware of our emotions, we can control the way we react to it.
Emotional intelligence is our ability to recognise emotions in ourselves and others,
and the ability to use this awareness to manage your behaviour and relationships.
As a person we have intelligence( which is difficult to change), our personality( which
is again difficult to change) and emotional intelligence( which we can change) and it has
been shown that this emotional intelligence can contribute to a lot of success in our jobs
and lives.
This emotional intelligence has four components:
1. Self-awareness
2. Self-management
3. Social awareness
4. Relationship management.
Self awareness consists of two abilities:

Accurately see your own emotions in the moment.

Understand your tendencies across various situations.

How to become more self-aware?

The first thing to do is think about what is really important to you in life your
core values and beliefs. These are different for everyone but it is necessary to take
some time and jot them down somewhere. They should not be a lot; probably 3-7 core
values and beliefs that you consider important. They will act as guideposts to help you
act in a certain way when life presents you with various options to choose from.
The second thing to do is to not react immediately to any of your feelings. If you
feel in a very good mood and have the impulse to do something, then do not rush to do
it. If you feel in a bad mood and have the impulse to do something, then do not rush to
do it. Step back. Give yourself some space between stimulus and response. Use this
space to become aware of yourself.
The third thing to do is to become aware of what your feelings are. Just be aware.
Do not judge them as good or bad. Just check yourself from time to time and be aware
of what feelings are there. Feelings often express itself as physical reactions, so look at
how your body is reacting physically, your breath, your muscles, etc. Look at what may
have caused the feeling to come about: whether it is a person or situation.
The fourth thing to do is to become aware of what happens when you express your
feelings. How you are affected? How others are affected? What is the ripple effect as a
result of expressing your emotions?
The fifth thing to do is to reflect. You can do this by writing about your feelings and
how you responded to them in a journal. This crystallizes your thoughts and helps you
become more aware of yourself. You should also reflect upon how books, movies,
music and other events in your life trigger emotions and what they are. This will give
you insight into your personality and understand yourself.
Self management consists of two abilities:

Using awareness of your emotions to stay flexible.

Using awareness of your emotions to direct your behaviour positively.

How to manage yourself?

The first thing to do is to change certain physical habits. The physical habits to
change are the way we breathe, the way we sleep, to smile and laugh more and to do
physical exercise:

The correct way to breathe is to breathe diaphragmatically. To do this

correctly is simple. Place one hand on the middle of your chest and another hand
on the your stomach. When you breathe the hand on your stomach should move

more than the hand on your chest. This will give a good amount of oxygen to
your lungs and this makes us calmer and more relaxed.

To get a good quality sleep, do the following: Keep your bed for sleeping
alone; do not work or watch TV in your bed. Avoid caffeine completely, or if
you cannot do that, do not take caffeine after noon. Turn off the computer at
least 2 hours before bed time. Getting twenty minutes of morning sunlight that is
not filtered by windows or sun glasses resets your inner clock and makes it
easier to fall asleep in the evening.

Smiling and laughing more makes you feel more happy and can counteract a
bad mood.

Exercise, yoga, walking are all relaxing ways to give your mind some rest.
These activities release chemicals like serotonin and endorphins and help you to
be alert and happy.

The second thing to do is to do certain physical actions that will decrease stress:

Count to ten. When you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry, stop yourself
by taking a deep breath and saying the number one to yourself as you exhale.
Keep breathing and counting until you reach the number ten.

Sleep on it. This means be patient and allow yourself extra time( day, week or
month) to digest the situation before moving forward. Wait for the dust to settle
before you make a move.

Be aware your body-language. If emotions are getting the better of you, then
your body language will change. Being aware of this can help you find this
change and calm your emotions before things get out of hand.

The third thing to do is to do certain mental actions that will help us succeed:

Visualise yourself succeeding in challenging situations, small and big.

Replace negative self-talk with positive ones. Turn I always or I never into just
this time or sometimes. Replace judgmental statements like Im an idiot with
factual ones like I made a mistake. Accept responsibility for your actions and no
one elses.

Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations.

Remember you always have a choice in how you respond to whats before
you.Act in your circle of influence.

Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter. Approaching everyone

you encounter as though they will have something valuable to teach you
something that you will benefit from is the best way to remain flexible, openminded, and much less stressed.

Remember that change is constant. Accept that change is right around the
corner. Set aside a small amount of time either every week or every other week
to create a list of important changes that you think could possibly happen.

The fourth thing to do is to adopt certain tactical methods.

Make your goals public. This will help you to meet deadlines.

Create an emotion vs reason list. On one side write what your emotions are
telling you do. On another side write what your reasons are telling you to do.
This will allow you to decide whether you should allow the emotional or rational
sides of your thinking to have more say in your decision.

Set aside some time in your day for problem-solving. A 15 minute period
where you get away from your phone and computer and just think can ensure
that your decisions are not muddled by emotions.

The fifth thing to do is to take the help of others.

Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem. This will
help you gain new perspectives, see things differently and expand your options.

Talk to a skilled self-manager and get tips from him or her.

Social awareness consists of two abilities:

Recognise the emotions of others.

Understand the emotions of others.

You can use the following strategies to increase your social awareness:

Greet people by name. Practice saying, Hello, ( Ram) rather than saying Hello.
Keep using names throughout the conversation.

Watch body language. Watch the persons head and face. Look at their eyecontact. Look at a persons smile. Look at their shoulders, torso and limbs and
look for whether they are slouched and fidgety or calm and upright.

Timing is everything. Your goal is to ask questions at the right time and right
frame of mind both for yourself and the person or audience you are asking the
question to.

Develop a back-pocket question. A back-pocket question is one you use just in

case to bail you out of any awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. This
buys you time and helps you to get to know the other person better. Avoid
politics, religion or other sensitive areas.

Dont take notes at meetings. At meetings you want to recognise and

understand how others are thinking and feeling. Observe others at meetings but
do not take notes, unless it is essential.

Plan ahead for social gatherings. List who is going to be at that event and list
any talking points or to dos. This will help you enjoy the event more because
you will be less stressed and more present while you are there.

Clear away the clutter in your head. The clutter you will have to clear are the
conversations and chatter that is going on in our heads constantly and to stop
forming responses to the other person while they are still talking. To do this, do
not interrupt the other person until he or she is completely finished and become
aware of when you interrupt others and make that effort to listen to them fully.

Live in the moment. Remember planning the future and reflecting on the past
are valuable exercises, but doing this throughout the day interferes with what is
in front of you your present.

Tour your workplace 15 minutes twice a week for a month. Do not make
assumptions or conclusions. Just simply observe. Observe things and moods.

Watch movies for emotional intelligence. Observe character interactions,

relationships and conflicts. Look at body language. It is an entertaining way to
build your social awareness skills for the real world.

Practice the art of listening. When someone is talking to you, stop everything
else and listen fully till the other person is finished speaking. Dont do anything
else but listen.

Go people watching. Just sit down and watch people, their body language, the
way they talk and converse, their moods. Easy and very effective.

Understand the rules of the culture of the organisation where you are.
Listen and watch for a longer period of time. Ask specific questions. Get to
know the culture and follow it.

Test for accuracy. If you are in doubt, ask. Dont make a judgment. But, state
what you think you see, then clarify and ask whether it is right.

Step into their shoes. Ask yourself: If I were in his shoes, how would I
respond?

Seek the whole picture. Ask everybody for their views as to what they think
and feel.

Read the mood of the room; whether people are alone or in groups, whether
there is energy or quiet and look for how the mood in the room is.

Relationship management consists of two abilities:

Use the awareness of your own emotions to manage interactions successfully

Use the awareness of others emotions to manage interactions successfully

You can use the following strategies to improve your relationship management:

Be open and be curious. Be open by sharing information about yourself with

others. Show interest and learn about the other person.

Enhance your natural communication style. Think about how you

communicate. Look at what are the positive aspects and what are the negative
aspects. See if you can enhance the positive aspects and get rid of the negative
aspects.

Avoid giving mixed signals. Match your tone and body language to what you
are really trying to say.

Remember the little things. Im sorry. Please. Thank you. Use them more
often.

Take feedback well. Consider that the person has something valuable to say.
Listen, hear and clarify what the person is really saying. Then take time to
ponder. Then act based on what you think is right for you in the long run.

Build trust.

Have an open door policy, so that anyone can come and talk to you about what
they want.

Use anger with a purpose when it is really needed and in a proper manner.

Sometimes you have to work with people who you do not like. Try to do it as
best as you can.

Acknowledge the other persons feelings.

Complement the persons emotions or situation. This means listening, being

present, putting yourself in the shoes of the other person, identifying where
someone is emotionally, and choosing an appropriate and complementary
response.

When you care, show it. A simple meaningful thing, like a card or a kind word
can work wonders.

Explain your decisions, dont just make them. Instead of making a change
and expecting others to just accept it, take time to explain the why behind the

decision, including the alternatives, and why the final choice makes most sense.
If you can ask for ideas and input ahead of time, its even better. Finally,
acknowledge how the decision will affect everyone. Be transparent and open.

Make your feedback direct and constructive. Share your opinion and offer
solutions for change. Then allow the other person to talk, thank the person for
his willingness to consider your suggestions.

Align your intentions with what you actually say. Do not slight somebody.

Offer a fix-it statement during a broken conversation. Rather than trying

to be right, try to find a solution that is acceptable to all.

Tackle a tough conversation by doing the following: Start with agreement.

Ask the person to help you understand his or her side. Resist the urge to plan a
rebuttal. Help the other person to understand your side, too. Move the
conversation forward. Keep in touch.