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PEERREVIEWTEMPLATE

WritersName:DazhanaBauerJackson
ReviewersName:MarlonSevilla
1.CHOOSEASCORE
Foreachtraitoftherubric,clicktoputanXintheboxthatyouthinkbestdescribeswherethedraftisrightnow.
Above=Choosethisifthedraftisaboveandbeyondtheminimumrequirement.
Meets=Choosethisifthedraftmeetstheminimumrequirements.
Below=Choosethisifthedraftisnotyetmeetingtherequirementsfortheassignment.

2.EXPLAINANDPROVIDERECOMMENDATIONS
Intheboxbeloweachtrait,writesomesentencesthatprovide:
(1)Areasonfortheevaluationscoreyougaveforthistraitand
(2)Asuggestionforrevisionthatcouldimprovethisparticularaspectoftheessayusetheexpertiseyouvegainedthroughyourown
researchtosuggestspecificwaystorevisetheessayscontent.
Trait
Purpose:Review
ofLiterature

MinimumRequirements
Thepurposeoftheessay(areviewofscientificliteratureonthetopic)isclearly
signaledintheintroduction.Asareader,youaresureveryearlyonthatyouare
abouttoreadareviewoftheliterature.

Above

Meets

Below

Comments:Inthisparticularessay,youclearlyassertthatyouwillbereviewingarticlessurroundingtheoriginsofwolf
domesticationintothemoderndomesticatedwolf.Toimprovetheclarityofthepurposeofthisarticle,youshouldconsider
addingorremovingwordsinandsurroundingthesentenceassertingthatthisisareviewessay.
Thesis
(ControllingIdea)

Thereviewisheldtogetherbyacontrollingidea(itmaybeimplied)thatclearly
summarizesthescholarlydiscussiononthistopic.Thecontrollingideaisnarrowed
enoughthatthereviewcanofferacomprehensivepictureofthehistoryofthis
scientificconversation.Thetopicisnotadvocatingortakingastandonanissue,but
israthersettingupascientificfoundationforadvocacy.Thecontrollingideaisthe
mainideathatcomesacrossasaresultofthestudiesthatarereviewed.

Comments:Intheintroduction,thereweretwostatementsthatassertedwhatwouldbereviewedinthisessay.Ifoundthis
difficulttopinpointtheoverarchingthesisoftheessay.THiscanberesolvedbypinpointingthemainfocusyouwantthis
essaytofocusonandthenidentifyingappropriatetopicsentencesthroughouteachsectionoftheessaytoenforcethe
overarchingcontrollingidea.
Historical
Dimensions

Theessayprovidesdetailsaboutthehistoryoftheresearchonthetopicbeing
reviewedafterreading,youknowwhenthistopicwasfirstresearched(andby
whom)andalittleaboutthehistoryofthistypeofresearchsincethen.

Comments:Youdoprovidemorethanadequatehistoricaldimensionssurroundingeachresearcharticlediscussed,butalack
ofcoherence(i.e.havingtoomanydetails)detractsfromtheoverallpointsIbelieveyouweretryingtomake.Thismadeismore
difficultformeasareadertofollowpointsbeingmadewhilekeepingthecontrollingideainmind.
Development

Thereviewoftheliterature(bodyparagraphs)summarizesscientificresearchonthe
topic.Thestudiesreviewedarerelated.Theauthormakesconnectionsbetweenthe
studiestoshowtheaspectsofthisconversation

Comments:Thereisadequateamountofdevelopmentinthisdraft.ThebestthingIcanrecommendtoimprovethesepoints
addressedwouldbetofocusyourwordchoicetowordsthatemphasizethepointbeingaddressedaswellastheoverarching,
controllingideawhileremainingtruetothesummary/conversationfocusofthisessay.
Multimodal
Element(s)

Theessayincludesatleastonemultimodalelement(imageorvideo)that
strengthensand/ordeepenstheideabeingdiscussedinthatsection.Theelementis
addedintotheessayusingMLAformatwithanappropriatecaption.

Comments:Inthisdraft,therewerenomultimodalelementsprovided.Considerfindingelementsandfiguresthathighlightand
emphasizethepointsbeingaddressed.
Arrangement,
Organization

Theessayisorganizedinalogicalwaythatcontributestothereadersunderstanding
ofthescientificliteratureonthistopic.Theauthorusestopicsentences,transitions
andsignpostwordsthroughouttheessaytoguidethereader.

Comments:Fortheparticulartopicyouhavechosentobasethisparticulararticleon,Ifeelthatyouadequatelyusetransition
wordsandsignpostwordsthroughtheessaytoguidethereader.Aspreviouslymentioned,narrowingyourwordchoicewill
greatlyimprovetheflowoftheessaybymakingstatementseasiertofollowleadingintonewstatementsbeingmadeasthe
readerprogressesintotheessay.
Research

Thesourcesthatmakeupthereviewarescientificstudies/articlesaboutthetopic.
Othersourcesareusedtohelpdevelopthebackgroundandcontextforthereview.
Allsources,eventhosethatarenotscientificstudies,arecredibleforascholarly
audience.

Comments:Fromthisdraft,Ifounditdifficulttoidentifythearticlesbeingaddressed.But,youdidprovideadequate
backgroundinformationabouttheresearcher(s)involvedthatmadesomeofthesesourcescredible.
Scholarly
Ethos

Theauthoruseswordchoiceandtonethatmakestheessayappropriatefora
scholarlyaudience.Afterreadingtheessay,youaresurethattheauthordid
adequateresearchtowriteinaknowledgeableway.

Comments:Therewereseveralusesofinformallanguagemarkedinthisdraftthatdetractedfromthescholarlyethosyoumay
havebeenpursuing.Revisionswouldneedtofocusremovingexcessingwordsandaddingthoseneededtomakestatements
clearer.
Source
Integration&
Citation

Theauthorintroducesthescholarlyauthorsofthesourcesandintegratesthe
excerptsintohis/herownwritingingrammaticallycorrectsentences.CorrectMLA
intextcitationisused.

Comments:Therewereadequatequotationsreferencesandcitedinthisdraft.However,thelengthofthesequotationsweretoo
longdetractedfromthereadersabilityfollowpointsaddressedandtheirassociatedsignificance.
WorksCited

TheessayincludesaWorksCitedofallsourcesusedthatisformattedinMLAstyle.

Comments:Theworkscitedpageneedstobeproperlyformatted.Inaddition,CarlSafinasbookwillneedtoberevised.
Languageand
Grammar

Theessayisnotriddledwithgrammaticalorlanguageerrorsitiseasytoreadand
understandwithouthavingtodecodebecauseoferror.

Comments:Therewereseveralinstanceswhereinformallanguagewasused.Thisdetractedbothfromthescholarlyethosof
theauthorofthisarticleandmadeitmoredifficulttofollowpointsbeingaddressedandtheirassociatedsignificance.
DraftLength&
Source
Requirements

Theessayisaminimumof5pageslong(wordcountapproximately12501300
words)andusesaminimumof5sources.

Comments:Thisdraftmeetsthelengthrequirement.However,morearticlesthatdefendthepoints

addressedinthisessaywillbenecessarytoproperlyenforcethesignificanceofthecontrollingargument
ofthisdraft.

3.THREEPRIORITIESFORREVISION
BasedonyourreadingofthedraftagainstthisrubricofminimumrequirementsaswellasthestandardHCPrubric,whatdoyouthinkarethe
3(three)prioritiestheauthorshouldfocusonforrevision?
NOTE:Pleasefocusyour3prioritiesonCONTENT.Atthispoint,thesearehigherorderconcerns(wevegottogetthecontentrightbeforeweworryaboutmoresuperficial
fixes).Therefore,unlesstheessayiscompletelyriddledwithlanguage/grammarerrorssomuchthatyoucantreallyunderstandwhattheauthoristryingtosay,donotmake
language,grammar,orcitationoneofthepriorities

1. Thefirstprioritythatshouldbeconsideredduringtherevisionprocessisfinalizinga
focustopicorcontrollingideafortheessayandclearlyassertingthatfocusinthe
introduction.Properlystatingthecontrollingideaofthisessayiscrucialtoensurea
readerunderstandswhattypeofessaythisisandwhatkindofresearchareadercan
expectthroughreadingthisessay.

2. Thesecondprioritythatshouldbeconsiderediswordchoice.Pinpointingwordsthat
enforcepointsaddressedwillgreatlyimproveareadersabilitytofollowandactively
understandthesignificanceofpointsaddressedthroughouttheessay.
3. Thethirdpriorityyoucouldconsiderduringtherevisionprocessistoimprovesource
integration.Imentionedinoneofthecommentsonthispagethatoneofthesourcesdid
notseemtofitthecontrollingideaofthisessay.Implementingtopicsentencesand
findingarticlesthatsupportthoseparticulartopicswillhelptoimprovethecoherenceof
thisessay.

PEERREVIEWTEMPLATE
WritersName:Dazhana
ReviewersName:Rochelle

1.CHOOSEASCORE
Foreachtraitoftherubric,clicktoputanXintheboxthatyouthinkbestdescribeswherethedraftisrightnow.
Above=Choosethisifthedraftisaboveandbeyondtheminimumrequirement.
Meets=Choosethisifthedraftmeetstheminimumrequirements.
Below=Choosethisifthedraftisnotyetmeetingtherequirementsfortheassignment.

2.EXPLAINANDPROVIDERECOMMENDATIONS
Intheboxbeloweachtrait,writesomesentencesthatprovide:
(1)Areasonfortheevaluationscoreyougaveforthistraitand
(2)Asuggestionforrevisionthatcouldimprovethisparticularaspectoftheessayusetheexpertiseyouvegainedthroughyourown
researchtosuggestspecificwaystorevisetheessayscontent.
Trait
Purpose:Review
ofLiterature

MinimumRequirements
Thepurposeoftheessay(areviewofscientificliteratureonthetopic)isclearly
signaledintheintroduction.Asareader,youaresureveryearlyonthatyouare
abouttoreadareviewoftheliterature.

Above

Meets

Below

Comments:Youexplicitlysaywhatyouregoingtobediscussing.
Thesis
(ControllingIdea)

Thereviewisheldtogetherbyacontrollingidea(itmaybeimplied)thatclearly
summarizesthescholarlydiscussiononthistopic.Thecontrollingideaisnarrowed
enoughthatthereviewcanofferacomprehensivepictureofthehistoryofthis
scientificconversation.Thetopicisnotadvocatingortakingastandonanissue,but
israthersettingupascientificfoundationforadvocacy.Thecontrollingideaisthe
mainideathatcomesacrossasaresultofthestudiesthatarereviewed.

Comments:Icanseethatyouaretalkingaboutthesamesubjectfromvariouspointsofviews.
Historical
Dimensions

Theessayprovidesdetailsaboutthehistoryoftheresearchonthetopicbeing
reviewedafterreading,youknowwhenthistopicwasfirstresearched(andby
whom)andalittleaboutthehistoryofthistypeofresearchsincethen.

Comments:Inoticehowyouwritemanysentencestoprovidehistoryofyourresearch
Development

Thereviewoftheliterature(bodyparagraphs)summarizesscientificresearchonthe
topic.Thestudiesreviewedarerelated.Theauthormakesconnectionsbetweenthe
studiestoshowtheaspectsofthisconversation

Comments:Ithinkyouneedtoaddmoreconnectionsbetweenparagraphstotiethemmoretogether,butIdidfindatsome
spotsthatyoudidtalkabouthowtwosourceswouldrelate.

Multimodal
Element(s)

Theessayincludesatleastonemultimodalelement(imageorvideo)that
strengthensand/ordeepenstheideabeingdiscussedinthatsection.Theelementis
addedintotheessayusingMLAformatwithanappropriatecaption.

Comments:Idontseeamultimodalelementthatisused.
Arrangement,
Organization

Theessayisorganizedinalogicalwaythatcontributestothereadersunderstanding
ofthescientificliteratureonthistopic.Theauthorusestopicsentences,transitions
andsignpostwordsthroughouttheessaytoguidethereader.

Comments:Iseewhoyoutalkaboutthedifferentaspectsofhowdogscametobefromwolvesandwhatdifferentresearchers
saidaboutthem.
Research

Thesourcesthatmakeupthereviewarescientificstudies/articlesaboutthetopic.
Othersourcesareusedtohelpdevelopthebackgroundandcontextforthereview.
Allsources,eventhosethatarenotscientificstudies,arecredibleforascholarly
audience.

Comments:Youprovideinformationoneachofthesources,butIthinkitwasmoreofthelanguageandgrammarthatwould
confusemeorhavemefeellostattimes.
Scholarly
Ethos

Theauthoruseswordchoiceandtonethatmakestheessayappropriatefora
scholarlyaudience.Afterreadingtheessay,youaresurethattheauthordid
adequateresearchtowriteinaknowledgeableway.

Comments:Icommentedattimesofhowyourwordchoicewasalittleinformalandthusnotappropriateforascholarly
audience.
Source
Integration&
Citation

Theauthorintroducesthescholarlyauthorsofthesourcesandintegratesthe
excerptsintohis/herownwritingingrammaticallycorrectsentences.CorrectMLA
intextcitationisused.

Comments:Icouldseethatyouweretryingtociteyoursources.However,theywerenotcitedcorrectlysoImadechangedtoa
fewthatyoucouldseeexamplesofhowtorevisetherest.Also,whenintroducingauthors,Ifoundthatyouusedalotof
AccordingtoXsoyoucouldswitchitupalittlebittoprovidevariety.
WorksCited

TheessayincludesaWorksCitedofallsourcesusedthatisformattedinMLAstyle.

Comments:YourpaperincludedaWorksCitedpagebutitwasnotformattedcorrectlysoIincludedacomment.
Languageand
Grammar

Theessayisnotriddledwithgrammaticalorlanguageerrorsitiseasytoreadand
understandwithouthavingtodecodebecauseoferror.

Comments:Ifoundyouressaytobeadifficultreadduetothelanguageandgrammaticalerrors.Ifixedsomeforyouinthe
comments.
DraftLength&
Source
Requirements

Theessayisaminimumof5pageslong(wordcountapproximately12501300
words)andusesaminimumof5sources.

Comments:Youhavetherequiredamountofeverything.

3.THREEPRIORITIESFORREVISION
BasedonyourreadingofthedraftagainstthisrubricofminimumrequirementsaswellasthestandardHCPrubric,whatdoyouthinkarethe
3(three)prioritiestheauthorshouldfocusonforrevision?
NOTE:Pleasefocusyour3prioritiesonCONTENT.Atthispoint,thesearehigherorderconcerns(wevegottogetthecontentrightbeforeweworryaboutmoresuperficial
fixes).Therefore,unlesstheessayiscompletelyriddledwithlanguage/grammarerrorssomuchthatyoucantreallyunderstandwhattheauthoristryingtosay,donotmake
language,grammar,orcitationoneofthepriorities

1. Focusmoreontyingyoursourcesandparagraphstogetherfluidlyandproofreadfor
grammaticalerrors.

2. Addamultimodalcomponent.
TherewereoftentimeswhereIgotlostinreadingyouressay,somaybealsofocuson
organizationofyourpaper.

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