PARENTING 678

Written by DR. THOMAS S.Y. HOOI

Founder of GeniusBrain International

Get closer to your kids by knowing how to communicate

with them better

GENIUSBRAIN WORLDWIDE SDN. BHD.

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PARENTING 678

Its every parents dream to be able to have a good relationship

with their kids during their growing up years, from the day our
kids are born till theyve achieved adulthoods, which means 21
years old. Why 21 years old? Power technology in researching
into human brain has shown that teenagers brains are still
developing.

The teenagers brain works

differently from both a child's and an
adult's. It displayed a transition from
dependence to independence in a
youth's life, therefore the teenagers
brain doesnt look like that of an adult until the early 20s. When
they reach 21 years of age, their brains are more developed and
the executive brain part will be in control, hence theyre more
matured and will be able to make rational decisions because
the executive functions of the brain will be regulated by the
prefrontal regions of the frontal lobes.

PARENTING 678

And as parents, we will be more comfortable when our children

can be more independent as to know that they can take care of
themselves, we have done our part as parents.

The question now is, while they are in our

care, directly or indirectly, for the 21 years,
what is the best way for us to establish an
intimate parenting relationship with them? I
think the most common rules of the thumb
will be imitating what their parents has done
for them such as following their parents footsteps, buying
parenting books or even discussing with other parents on the
effective way to communicate with children even though they
know very well that every child is different. Hence, I introduce this
simple and straightforward article to enable parents to have a
lasting and efficacious relationship with their children.
Welcome to PARENTING 678. Its not six hundred seventy eight.
Its Parenting Six, Seven, Eight. What does that mean? Well, when
you add 6 plus 7 plus 8, youll get the total number of 21, therefore
this represents the first 21 years of our kids' life from the day
they are born until they reach 21 years old where theyve achieved
adulthood.
I would like to express my gratitude to Madam Nadya Dawood
from Bahrain for sharing some of the parenting ideas with me
during our meet up a few months back.
The Parenting 678 principle is to guide us on how to communicate
and raise our kids by executing different type of communication
methods of different ages. I break the age group into 3 categories:

PARENTING 678

PARENTING 678

We often heard that when a

child is in primary school,
they tend to listen and obey
their school teachers more
than their parents. But this
trend change once they
entered secondary school as
they will be more influenced
by their friends/schoolmates
more
than
their
teachers/parents. Most of
the time, parents will noticed
these behavioural changes.
However, parents continue
to play the same role similarly
as when their kids were born
without realizing that those
behavioural changes is
actually occurring in their
child's life.
Parents may have a challenging time trying to communicate with
their kids if they do not make any changes in the
relationship/communication methods. This will incite the kids to
evade from their parents, especially if they are influenced by the
negative elements from their friends or the environment theyre in.
Therefore, this will create a rift between parents and child, and as
a result it will be more difficult for the parents to restore the
once-loving and intimate relationship with their kids. Its just like a
sail moving further away from the port without the navigation
system.

PARENTING 678

With the realization of the

above scenario, it shows us
that as parents, we should
and must play our roles well.
We
cannot
use
the
communication method with
6 years old and continue to
use it with 12 years old or 18
years old kid. It simply will
not work and can result with
a sour relationship between
the kids and their parents.
Long term effects can create
negative outcome for the
family bond. I have seen how
a mother and daughter
relationship
deteriorates
because the mother is
reluctant to play her role as
advised in Parenting 678 as
she insisted that her
daughter who is a teenager
should always adapt to her
style.

This reminded me of a book

written by Dale Carnegie, which I have read more than 25 years ago about
building friendship. One of the subjects is about when talking to children. We
should talk about things that interest them, not talking about the parents
interest. Unless, of course, if we would like to bore them with our subject.

PARENTING 678

SUCCESSFUL
TEACHERS
Successful teachers are those
who are fond by their
students
because
the
teachers show interest in
their students. And in return,
students reflect their interest
of the particular subjects that
was taught by the teachers
whom they are fond of.
And now, the question is how
we can apply Parenting 678
into your life as parents.
Inside Parenting 678, I already mentioned the first 6 years, follow by the next
7 years and continue with the 8 years. Humans are flexible and should not be
rigid. Parenting 678 will serve as a general guidelines for concerned parents.
Apply methods that you believe will work for you and your kids.

PARENTING 678

THE FIRST SIX YEARS 0 MONTHS TO 6 YEARS OLD

In the first 6 years of your kids life, you are the one who spent most of
their time with them till they enter preschool/kindergarten. The most
important role as a parent, we should shower our kids with CARE and LOVE.
This action will help to
stabilize their emotions. Let
them enjoy their early
childhood without pressure so
that they will enjoy learning
things happily and freely and
continue to do so when they
entered kindergarten. Always
remember that at this age, our
kids just started to explore
life, hence everything is new
and exciting to them.
HINT : The first six years is
LOVE and CARE

THE 2
YEARS TO 13 YEARS OLD
This is the 2
and caring parents. But of course, there will always be exceptional case
when we heard of parents who abused their kids. This happen because
sometimes the parents themselves are unable to control their emotion or
their own life like providing a stable and comfortable living for themselves
and their family, hence this may resulted to child abuse. If the parents are
good provider and have stable emotion, child abuse might not happen.

PARENTING 678

At this stage, to create a better and

closer bond with their kids, parents
should spend more time to PLAY and
TEACH their kids. Since most of the
new generation of parents are
educated, hence most of them will
be able to teach/guide their kids on
primary school subjects. I am not
suggesting parents should be their full time teacher but do spend
some time by PLAYING AND TEACHING them.
As a parent, we should fulfil this basic need of our kids as kids need
guidance at this level. And we too should PLAY with them by bringing
them out for a walk, enjoy some simple exercise with them or play
some toys together with them. I still remember the time, on the
weekend, when my kids were in primary school, I will fill up a small
pool with water and enjoy myself in the small pool with my 2
daughters. I can see the joy on their faces and the family happiness
that was created with this simple PLAY session. They are teenagers
now by the time this article is published and when we recall the
experience together, they will always remember it with laughter.
HINT : The second seven years is

PARENTING 678

THE 3
OLD TO 21 YEARS OLD
These are critical years in a kid's
life. Teenagers presume they
know everything and they are the
focus of the world (for example,
they like to think that everyone
is looking/scrutinizing them). As a parent, the old methods like
PLAYING and TEACHING may not be effective at this level. Teenagers
tend to listen more to their peers as they begin to build friendship and
trust among the peers.
Hence, at this level, bad influence is dangerously seeping in because
this is the time where most teenagers are duped to join gangs and
become a gangster. They want to feel a sense of belonging and loyal
to their group.
As parent, whether we like it or not, we need to become their FRIEND
and change our communication method with them. At this level, we
must walk back to the time when we ourselves are teenagers. Ask
questions like what type of friends that we like and what we dislike
about our parents when we were teenagers. We must be our kids
FRIEND. For this age group, PLAYING and TEACHING communication
will not work effectively for them. CARE and LOVE at this level is
secondary. This is because as I mentioned earlier in this article, a
parents CARE and LOVE for their kids is forever. So, be their best and
closest friend. Be someone who they can confide in and provide them
a shoulder to cry/lean on when they needed it.
Kindly read back to the introduction part that mentioned about
teenagers brain. The development levels of their brain at these age
play a great role in their behaviour changes.
HINT : The third eight years is
10

PARENTING 678

IN A NUTSHELL
As a parent, we will always love our kids and will try our best to
provide them with the best things we can afford to them. The
bond between a parent and their kid should always be strong and
shouldn't weaken over time. Some parents play their role wrongly
by using the wrong type of communication methods with their
kids, hence they ended up asking themselves whats wrong with
their kids instead of how they should communicate with their kids
with the right communication methods.
I hope PARENTING 678 has provided you with simple guidelines to
foster a greater relationship bond with your kids until they reached
adulthood. Lets fill up the following page columns and find out how
much you understand you kids! I would like to invite you to login to
http://geniusbrain.com for more information on how GeniusBrains
Children Enrichment Programmes can help kids to better
themselves.
Thanks for reading.
The author can be contacted through email at
thomashooi@geniusbrain.com

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PARENTING 678

Parenting checklist for you. Something to think about.,

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Fill up the space below without
asking your kid/kids for the answers.
2. After filling up the space, ask your
kid/kids for the answers.
3. Each right answer carries 10 points.
Kids Names

Do You Know.
1. Your kids favourite colour?

_________________ _________________

2. Your kids favourite singer?

_________________ _________________

3. Your kids favourite cartoon?

_________________ _________________

4. Your kids favourite food?

_________________ _________________

5. Your kids favourite drinks?

_________________ _________________

6. Your kids favourite shirt?

_________________ _________________

7. Your kids best friend?

_________________ _________________

8. Your kids hobby?

_________________ _________________

9. Your kids favourite TV shows?

_________________ _________________

10. Your kids ambition?

_________________ _________________

Total score

_________________ _________________

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