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GeoffreyKlempner
'Menbecomewhattheydream.
Youhavedreamedwell.'
(GreyOwl,1999)
Sphinxofblackquartz
Iam
Iamnotsomeone
Iammyself
Iamperfectineveryway
Everythingthathashappenedinmylife
Isforareason
ThatIshouldbecome
ThepersonthatIam
Formysake
Wastheworldcreated
...Thequickbrownfoxjumpsoverthelazydog.
Fill my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Sphinx of
blackquartzjudgemyvow.Fivequackingzephyrs
jolt my wax bed. Few quips galvanized the mock
jurybox.MyfaxedjokewonapagerinthecableTV
quizshow.
(AtleastIrememberwherethekeysare.)
Atleastit'squiet.Allplastic,runsonbatteries.
Nicesmell,too.Rubberandozone.
Ah,the80s.
Ah,paper.Whatwillwedowhenallthetrees
havegone?Astupidquestion.We'llallbedead,of
course.
Anexcellentidea.Let'sbanwritingandgiveall
authorsandwouldbeauthorsabrainwipe!
Now,wherewasI?...
Tortured teenage mothers regurgitate scalded
foetuses. Abyssinian rogue traders teach philosophy
to injured scorpions. Crushed peppermint toy boys
selfimmolateinemptyfootballarenas.Lobotomized
authorsdanceonrollerskateswithcrazedveterinary
surgeons.
...That'sbetter.
Wordsdisgustmemorethanwordscansay.
I'd rather play my penny whistle. Or sing.
Wordlessly.
'Jaffacake?'
'No,I'mOK,thanks.'
'CanIhelpyouwiththat,darling?'
'Icannevergetthesedamnthingstowork!'
Sheturnstomewithanervoussmile.
'Canyou...?'
Ijumpup,gladofthedistraction.It'stoodarkto
see here. I carry the stand over to a large double
window overlooking a magnificent view of
HampsteadHeath.Thisapartmentmusthavecosta
packet.
From the other end of the room, I can hear
husbandandwifewhispering.
'Vickyrecommendedhim.Hemustbegood.'
'Wecouldbuyhimone.'
'Doneit!'
'Sorry,Idon'tknowwherethisgoes.'
'BernieandIwerediscussingyourhairstyle.We
saw someone just like you on Top of the Pops. He
wasacolouredgentleman.'
'ThatwouldhavebeenJimiHendrix.'
'Aahh!'
ThefeelingisconfirmedwhenIstartreadingthe
lyricsonthemusicsheetBerniehandsme:
IfIonlyhadgreenfingers
Iwouldplantmearoose
...From nonsense, comes sense, and from
sense, nonsense. Incidents from my life laid out
likepostagestamps.
Intheirmusicandlyricwriting,theBeatles
kicked against every convention. And yet, the
nonsenselyricsof'IamaWalrus'havealogic,they
saysomething.
Try putting words together at random and
seeinghowfarshortthisfallsofanythingremotely
resembling John Lennon's precisely engineered
lyric. This is painting with words, like Rothko, or
Pollock.
ButIdigress.
Logic.
Ifthatisthecasethenmylifeshouldmake
sense, shouldn't it? It should add up. Is there
something wrong with me? Then that, too, was
necessary.
Iamawake
That's not a philosophical question but a
scientificone,aquestionabouthumanpsychology
and physiology an invitation to put forward a
theory.
HereIamagain.
Anotherdayawaits.
didmorestuff,Iaged.Then,finally,deathtookme.
Thebigsleep.
Forsomepeople,theproblemismusteringthe
physical effort, willing the muscles to move. Then
there are those who find their beds too
comfortable, they recoil at the thought of cold air
caressingtheskin.Othershaveagenuinereasonto
notwanttogetup,theyalreadyknowthattheday
is going to be a gruelling one. Maybe that is the
waythingsareforthemeverydayasweatshop
workeroraconvictdoinghardlabour,say.Atleast
there is one thing you can look forward to: going
backtosleep!
Whydoesn'tthatfearalwaysoccur?Whydon't
I have the same worry about getting dressed,
making breakfast, checking my email, leaving the
house, going to the shops? All these actions take
place in the normal flow of time. I am already
movingthroughtheday.
Meanwhile,lyinghere,Icanindulgemyselfin
the illusion that, somehow, time stands still. The
patch of sunlight on the wall is moving, but too
slowlytonotice.Mythoughtsaremovingtoo,but
thoughthasthepeculiarpropertyofnotappearing
totakeplaceintimeatleastnotwhileyouarein
theveryactofthinking.
(Is that true of all thinking? Say, you are in a
quiz show attempting to solve a maths puzzle as
the clock clicks down. That seems to be the
exception.)
...Iamup.
Gulliver
IamGulliver
IntheLandofLilliput
AndyouaretheLittlePeople
Yoursqueaky
Boosandcheers
Arelikethebuzzing
Andchirping
Ofinsects
...Whatkindofbookisthis?Whoisitfor?
Howaboutmeinanalternativeuniverse
attheendof1974.MyfatherhadgivenmeRobert
Pirsig'sZenandtheArtofMotorcycleMaintenance
asaChristmaspresent.I'daskedforthebookafter
seeinganarticleinoneoftheSundaynewspapers,
illustratedwithadrawingofameanlookingHarley
Davidson. (Pirsig rode a modest Honda.) I gulped
the green and orange volume down in greedy
delight.
MaybeI'vegotitallwrong.Thelastthingone
should do is aim to please what Plato called
'pandering'. He crinkled his nose up at that. No, a
philosophy book should aim to make you better
thanyouwerebeforemorallyorintellectually.It
shouldimproveyou.
Whenyouhaveanallconsuminginterestyouwant
otherstoshareittoo.Whynot?)
Meanwhile...
AdaptingArchbishopTertullian'sremarkabout
HeavenandHell(gleefullyquotedinafootnoteby
Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil, I seem to
recall)thepleasureenjoyedbyareaderofthefirst
kind is immeasurably increased by that reader's
knowledge of the torment suffered by a reader of
thesecondkind.
Ifwordscouldkill!
(Whichkindofreaderareyou?Well,ifyougot
thisfar...)
CallitcatharsisagoodGreekword.
Thisexerciseiscatharticforme.Ineedthis.
Yes,that'swhatthisis.I'vegotitnow.
Asurvivaltale.
Butitisalsosomethingmore.
Call this my demonstration piece. Belated, to
be sure. Up until a relatively short time ago, like
any sophist you could have found my contact
detailsonthewebandhiredme.Youcan'tdothat
now because I'm retired. (So you can put your
walletaway!)
Inwhatfollows,IwillonlysaywhatIthinkand
believe,becausethat'swhataphilosopherdoes.
Ihavenothingtoadvertise,nothingtosell.
I'vedabbledinironyanditdoesn'tworkfor
me.
Thetruthisallthatmattersnow...
Thedeepmysteryofthings
SometimeswhenI'mdrivingmyoldFordEscort
I wonder about its former owners. In all, according
tothelogbook,therewerenolessthanelevenbefore
me.Initstime,Isuppose,thecarhasbeenthemute
witnesstoallkindsofincidentsanddramas,and,on
atleastoneoccasionjudgingbytheweldingand
illfitting body panels suffered serious crash
damage. If I had the time to investigate, I'm sure I
couldfindoutquitealot.Perhapsit'sbetterformy
peaceofmindifIdidn't.OfallthequestionsIcould
think to ask, however, many cannot ever be
answered, by me or anyone else. When I think
about that fact, it sends me into a swoon. The car
feels haunted, resonating with the heavy weight of
itshistory.Somanyfacts:wherearetheyallnow?
Ilikeoldthings.
Allmycomputersareold.Theyhaveahistory
whichIknownothingabout.Theydidn'tarrivein
shiny boxes with photos of yuppies surfing the
Internetwithinanegrinsontheirfaces.Theyhave
a meaning which goes beyond their practical
ThekeysthatIamtypingonnowhaveknown
other hands before mine. As have all the other
keyboardsattachedtocomputersscatteredaround
myatticstudy.Ghosts.Thethingsaroundme,my
tools and decorations and playthings, carry the
weightofthepast.Theyresonatewithmeaning.
Objectlove is one of the most profound facts
about our human relation to the world. That is
somethingFreudsaw.
Thereisapersistentmemoryfrommychildhood
I could not have been more than six or seven
holding my head in my hands on the stairs, in a
swoon.IdatethisasthetimeIfirstbecameawareof
the world around me as a world. Our house, the
street, the suburbs of London, the Earth and sky
spreadendlesslyouttothestars.
Asmyheadspun,Ihadafleetingmemoryimage
of a girl with blue eyes and black hair, standing in
frontofaschooldeskholdingalargesquarepieceof
redpaper.Weusedalotofcolouredpaperatschool.
Cutting it, sticking it, folding it into models. I have
never been able to discover the true connection
between the image and the feeling of a world
revolvingdizzyinglyaroundme.
...IthinkIknowwhatitisnow.Itwasn'tabout
theworld'beingmadeofcolouredstuff'asIwrote
then.Itwasabouttranscendence.Thegirlwiththe
Andwhenyoudo,itcanblowyourmind.
Knowthyself
AmIintheuniverse?
Oristheuniverseinme?
Theuniversemademe
Theuniverseleftits
Imprintonme
Thetruthoftheuniverse
Isinme
...I don't know myself, not fully. I do things
that totally surprise me. Or I feel the opposite of
what I expected to feel about some person or
incidentandcan'tgiveacoherentreasonwhy.
Memoryisthekey.Presenceofmind.
'Knowthyself'wasoriginallyoneoftheDelphic
maxims, said to have been inscribed in the
forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.
Whatdoesitmean?
Amanwhofailedtofollowthemaximof'know
thyself' might be someone who was boastful, who
hadaninflatedopinionabouthimselfcomparedto
what others thought, or rather knew. In Greek
Tragedy, overweening pride, or hubris, is a case of
falseoverestimationofone'sownpowers,afailure
to appreciate the full significance of the situation
thatonefindsoneselfin.
ThisisPlato'ssocalled'theoryofrecollection'.
When Socrates said, 'Know thyself,' he meant,
'Recallwhatyoutrulyare.'
This isn't about some particular 'theory'
whichmightormightnotbetrue.(I'llexplainlater
whyIdon'tconsidermyselftobea'Platonist'.)It's
about the idea that there is a truth to be found
abouttheuniversewhichdoesnotinvolvelooking
out onto the world, performing experiments or
puttingforwardhypotheses.Sciencedoesnothave
thelastword.
Philosophical
knowledge.
Or
maybe
'metaphysical'knowledge.(I'lltalkmoreaboutthe
difference, if any, later.) Whichever term you use,
thisisknowledgearrivedatthroughtheexerciseof
reason.
Philosophyistheartofreason.
Iamintheuniverseandtheuniverseisinme
atoneandthesametime.Iamphysicallyapart
of the physical universe, but truths about the
physicaluniversearenottheonlytruths.
Onceyouunderstandwhatnumbersare,howthey
dependuponthesimpleconceptof'thingsbeingin
an order', you will see why 2+3=5 in any possible
universe where things can be put in an order and
counted.
Theuniverse'inme'.
ThetruthsIamafterareuniversaltruths.They
applytoallplacesandalltimesandallpossible
worlds.YoucouldsaytheGreeksopenedoureyes
toaninfiniteworldofphilosophicaltruths.
Butthereisaflyintheointment.
Wheredotheseillusionscomefrom?Maybeit
has something to do with our delicate brains and
the way we have evolved, or the narrowing vision
ofourculture,orperhapstheveryfactthatweare
finite, limited in our capacity to reason or
imprisoned in our own perspective or particular
sensesorwayoflookingontheworld.
Andneithershouldyou.
Iexistthereforewhat?
Whatnext?Rightnow,Istillhaveawideworld
of choices. I can write any book, assemble the jig
saw pieces, any way I like. As for later, when the
alternatives narrow down let's not worry about
that!...
Iamthephilosopherinaglasshouse.Callitan
experiment. I don't suffer from writer's block. I can
pour out words till the cows come home. Lately,
though, the quality hasn't been terribly high.
Perhaps the presence of an audience will help me
raise the standard. I have become too proficient in
Itisaloteasiertosoundlikeaphilosopherthan
itistobeone.Veryprofound.
Thehardestthingtobetoldis,'startanywhere
youlike.'Oneneeds direction.Doyoufeelthat
you need to be directed? Why? What is so bad
aboutchance?
But that first mark... you had to hold your
breath... stifle the sense of mounting panic... and
leap.
Theterroroftheblankpageorblankcanvas.It
nevergetsanyeasier,soI'mtold.
Bestnottothink.
So?...
...It'snotanuncommonfeelingthethought
that somehow I had to exist, that there is no
possibility that I could have failed to be me.
However,thetrainofthoughtdoesnotendthere.
WhenIconsidertheprospectofmydeath,itseems
impossible,forverysimilarreasons(ifonecantalk
ofreasons)thattherewillbeatimewhenIamnot.
AmIwillingtograntthesameaboutAndrew?
Not at all. I have not the slightest difficulty in
supposing that 'Andrew' (whoever he is he is a
realperson,notmade up) might not have existed.
Then I wouldn't have had Andrew's question to
answer.(Thesupplyofquestionsandquestionersis
neverending,thankstotheInternet.)
It'sgenerallyconsideredacceptabletothinkof
oneselfas'special',inthemundanesensethatone's
relationtoone'sownexistencehasauniqueflavour
which is absent from one's relation to other
persons. However, that hardly suffices to alleviate
the sense of dizzying vertigo at the paradoxical
improbabilityofone'sownexistence.
Ultimately,weareallinthesameboat.Thatis
true. The same problem applies to anyone who
stopstothinkaboutitasappliestome.Icanonly
feel the paradox in my own case, just as you can
only feel the paradox in your own case. But that's
no help. I fully empathise with your saying what
you say, because I'm motivated to say it too. The
difference is that your saying what you say has an
obvious explanation in 'my' universe. That's why
I'mnottheleastbitpuzzledbythecontingencyof
your existence. Why, then, can't I apply the same
explanationtomyself?!
Ican't.That'sjustabrutefact.Thatiswhatitis
tobethepossessorofaperspectiveontheworld,a
subjective standpoint. Yet, strangely, this
observation does seem to point to a possible
Yet,inallthis,thereremainsthestubbornfact
that I am the one asking the question. I can pose
yourquestiontomyselfasaquestionaboutmyself,
butIcan'taskyourquestionforyou.
Askyourself,don'taskme!
Philosophersandsophists
Thatshuthimup.
Boredom.Ihavespentyearsanddecadesbeing
bored by everything this wide world has to offer,
happily or unhappily enduring every variety of
boredom. One thing that doesn't bore me is the
question what it means to exist. But more on that
later.
Bythetimeheorsheisoldenoughtoread,a
human being has suffered a colossal weight of
cultural brainwashing, sufficient to render one
incapable of anything more than superficial
reflectiononthenatureofexistence.Andyet,over
the centuries, examples of rare individuals have
appeared who were able to break free. Their work
provides the essential toolkit for every wouldbe
questioner.
It is difficult to value that history too highly.
Andyet,atthesametimeIfeelchokedbythedust
of centuries, crushed by the weight of all those
worthytreatises.Maybeitisjustthesenseonehas
ataparticularpointinone'slife,thattheonlyway
toapproachthetaskistoforgeteverythingonehas
everlearnedandstartagain.
Socrates'fatalerrorwastopickafightwiththe
sophists, figures like Gorgias (we've met him),
Protagoras, Thrasymachus experts in argument
Thesophistsalsomadelotsofmoney.Gorgias
had a statue of himself cast in gold. Plato's
depiction of Protagoras and his rich followers in
the dialogue Protagoras reeks with suppressed
envy.
Today,academicphilosophyismiredinanew
ageofscholasticism.Intheuniversitytowerblocks,
professors of physics or psychology, history or
English are baffled by what it is their philosopher
colleagues do. They might as well be speaking a
differentlanguage.
Whatawasteoftalent.
Ibelieveitispossibletotalkaboutthedeepest
problems of philosophy without mystification or
gobbledygook. There is a way to do it. However,
one has to be creative. Think of this as brain
surgery, only one is doing it with words. Human
beings are born lacking a filter to protect them
from the conditioning they will receive over the
most vulnerable years of their lives. The task is to
constructanartificialfilter,reprogramandreboot
the brain. Once that's been fixed, you're a
philosopherandyou'regoodtogo.
ENDOFPREVIEW
GeoffreyKlempner2016
Allrightsreserved.
Email:klempner@fastmail.net
Web:http://www.philosophypathways.com
http://philosophizer.co.uk
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