Th e Best of

Ju l y 2016
I n Vi r t u al Real i t y! *

* n ot r eal l y

Char les River Cr eative Ar ts Pr ogr am pr esents

The Best of the Daily Double
Volum e 47A, July 2016

M asthead by Photojournalism Class

Contr ibutor s:
Walker ?Wugar ? Adam s
Julia ?Never -a-Typo? M ar tin
Hazel ?M ir iam ?s Sidekick? Bar zilay
M ichelle ?Waning Gibbous? M oon
M ir iam ?Hazel?s Sidekick? Ber ger on
Isabel ?Tw enty Quan Pilots? M one
Ram sey ?Gir affe Calf ? Br eslau
Cian ?No M oss? M oss
Lily ?Secr et Pr oject? Br inkm an
Ciar an ?Big Papi? M ur phy
Kailey ?Baler ?s Shadow ? Chen
Hannah ?Hoppy Hoopy? Nam ini
Casey ?Gr and Slam ? Cor cor an
Nicholas ?Alley-Oop? Nam ini
Chloe ?Pia? Cr able
Lilly ?W hat is Life? Page
Benjam in ?Nico Di Angelo? Fogler
Sar ah ?New Room ? Par r ish
Roxanne ?Your Obedient Ser vant, R. Glass? Glassenber g
Jake ?Gyakuten Saiban? Rast
Alyssa ?Ther esa?s Inter n? Gondelm an
Lita ?Bier sack? Ribner
Alexandr a ?M ad Libs? Gr illo
Joshua ?Tw isty Str aw ? Rosenber g
Thom as ?Slam Dunk? Hicks
Or ly ?Br occoli? Shiner
Zach ?Zooboom afoo? Jaffe
M addie ?Inter ior Decor ator ? Vanech
Nina ?Head of the Kather ine M cPhee Fan Club? Kahn
M ichael ?Last Page? Weiskopf
Echo ?Jean-Paul Sar tr e? Lar sen
Nicholas ?SW ISH? Weylm an-Far w ell
Gabe ?Gopher ? Levine
Em ily ?Chautauqua?s Best Pal? Zhang

Photojour nalism Class:

Abby ?Doodlebug? Desalvo
Adele ?Them e Queen? Fegley
Allison ?Team Player ? Lee
Audr ey ?The Gr eat? Gar land
Ciar an ?Big Papi? M ur phy
Hannah ?Shutter bug? Ir eland
Lucia ?Catch ?em All? Saenz
Rem i ?Taper ? Tr estan

Editor s:
Walker ?M an-Gnom e? Ander son VII
Ben ?Big Bad? Boyd
Anna ?Zine Queen? Oehlker s
Chautauqua ?Evil Gazetter ? Or dw ay
Rashana ?The Ram sey W hisper er ? Reid
Ther esa ?W her e?s the iPad?? Selva
Natalie ?The Explor er ? Ter eshchenko

Advice Colum ns
Seriously ... there were so many advice columns this session ...

Th e M agi cal Al paca

1) During camp I miss my school friends. W hat
are some good ways to stay in touch?
A: Tr y to set up som e tim e to play or sw im . If
your fr iends ar e at sleepaw ay cam p, w r ite
them letter s.
2) W hat is the first priority: Going to Lunch or
to the Nurse?
A: All the counselor s say go to the nur se, but
I?m hungr y all the tim e so? ? EAT LUNCH.
3) If you were to grant someone one wish with
your magical wool, would you? W hat would
you be able to do, and what are your powers?
A: I w ould and I could gr ant them
anything? Like flying, invisibility,
m anipulation, detachable lim bs, extr em e
luck, tim e pause, telepor tation, im m or tality,
heat vision, pain infliction,
super intelligence, w ater br eathing, x-r ay
vision, telekinesis, super speed, under stand
all languages, unstoppable m om entum , heal
other s, contr ol gr avity, and ever ything else.
4) W hat is your favorite food?
A: DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) Did you make mac-and-cheese tomorrow?
A: Yes, I did, and it w as delicious.
6) W hat's the Alpaca?s name?
A: The alpaca?s nam e is ice cr eam .
7) Are Alpacas related to Llamas?
A: I am par t of the cam el fam ily and so ar e
cam els and llam as.
8) Do you like Peppa Pig?
A: I DESPISE Peppa Pig.

9) In one of my classes there is a kid that is

annoying and acts like the teacher. W hat do I do?
A: Show the kid that anyone can be the teacher 's
pet. Take over her r ole.
10) W hat?s your favorite color?
A: Neon Blue!
11) Can you Fly?
A: I can fly to the m oon, and I am not taking
anyone w ith m e EVER!!!
12) W hat is your favorite tv show?
A: M oder n Fam ily in the language that donuts
speak .
13) I?m tired all the time, what will wake me up?
A: Donuts w ill w ake you up, DONUTS!!!
14) How do Alpaca?s sleep?
A: We sleep upside dow n hanging fr om the
Golden Gate Br idge.
15) Should I watch season 3 of Peppa Pig?
A: NO, NEVER, Peppa Pig is the w or st/m ost
hor r ible pig IN THE WORLD.
16) Do Alpacas eat toxic waste when you feed it to
them?
A: Yes, I eat ever ything.
17) I have a friend and I?m not sure if she likes me
or not? How do I tell?
A: If you can?t tell, tr y keeping som e distance. If
she com es up to you and asks to say, eat lunch
w ith you, then she likes you.
18)I feel like my friend is getting sick of me.
Everytime I talk she seems annoyed?
A: M aybe you'r e over thinking it. M aybe she likes
you a lot and she thinks you ar e getting sick of
her. Tr y doing fun activities w ith her at festival
per iod. M aybe that w ould help you bond.

Nam e M ast er
By M ichelle M oon

Ou r Seven t h Adv i ce
By Kang And Kodos

Red Gi r af f e Adv i ce
By A Red Gir affe

Hey guys! By the w ay, if you

guys for got, w hen you w r ite
the nam es dow n, I w ill tell
you the m eaning of the
nam e, okay, let?s get star ted!

Fun Fact: In the

Sim psons it?s called
?Pokem on Do?h?

Hi! I have an advice colum n

sign in the Old Building. I
have a lot of questions to
answ er. Thank you for the
questions.
Fr om ,
A Red Gir affe

Liam : Valiant Pr otector

Sydney: Well-Water ed land
Bianca: Fair and Pur e
Lily: Innocent
Luca: Br inger of Light
Hazel: Know ledge
Bob: Shining Glor y
Alana: Dar ling Child and
Beautiful Offer ing
Sophia: W isdom
Chr is: Chr ist Bear er
Sar a: Pr incess
Roxanne: Daw n
Okay, that?s all for now ! Bye!

SUPERI OR BEI NG ADVI CE

By Super ior Being
Q: Trump or Hillary?? Table
Scribbles
A: I don't car e as long as it's
not Tr um p.
Q: Air conditioners are going
to get me! Help!
A: Once again, I don't car e
Q: How do you eat
potatoes?? Potato M an
A: As potato m an, you should
know this stuff.
Q: There's a giant squid in the
pond! Help!? Panicking
A: Politely ask it to m ove.
Q: Face or tush?? Face and
Tush
A: ? * NO COM M ENT*
Q: On a scale of one to ten,
what's your favorite letter in
the alphabet?
A: YO FACE!!

Q: W hat type of
carbon-based life form
are you?? GUY #1 (Ben
Crable)
A: KODOS: Uh, silicon!
KANG: How r ude!
Q: Isn't it annoying how
there are so many advice
columns these
days?? M eh #3
A: KANG: Well, um ,
som eone tor e our s
dow n? I don?t know ?
KODOS: * Into Phone*
Yes, yes. Sur e, I?ll hold?
NO NOT A CHICAGO
DEEP DISH! NO!
ERRRRR! NO I DO NOT
HAVE A PIN NUM BER!
FINE! * Slam s The
Phone*
Q: You are rude! And I
want advice.? M eh #4
A: KANG: Rude! I?LL
SHOW YOU RUDE!!!
KODOS: Yes. This w ould
be a per fect tim e to test
our Go Go Ray!
Q: Doughnuts are
imposters of bagels,
right?? Stupid Fool #1
NEVER! BAGELS ARE
TERRIBLE RIP OFFS OF
DONUTS!
Q: W hat is your favorite
color?? M eh #5
A: KODOS: DEATH!
KANG: Black ?
HOM ER: DUFF!
M m m m m m m ? Duff ?

Q: W hat would happen if I

dyed you blue?
A: I w ould be a blue gir affe.
Please keep m e a r ed gir affe.
Q: I know your secret.
A: W hat secr et?
Q: Are you secretly purple?
A: No.
Q: Should I watch Saw?
A: No.
Q: Are you a returning
camper?
A: Yes, I am .
Q: I like your name.
A: Thank you!
Q: I like your column!!!
A: Thanks!

Ou r Secon d Qu est i on s
By Kang and Kodos

Ou r Fi f t h Qu est i on s
Kang And Kodos

Q: M onster are scary. Help.? HUM AN #7 (Cheese

Lover)
A: KODOS: This is for questions! Not idiot
scum bags that can?t spell!
KANG: Ynehheh ?
KODOS: Um m m m ? Yeah.

Q: W hat?s the hokey pokey all

about?? DUM BO #1 (P. Hokey)
A: KODOS: Your destr uction.

Q: Have you ever tasted a hamburger?? HUM AN #8

(A. Person)
A: KODOS: Oh, yes. I eat M any-Bur ger s all the
tim e.
KANG: He said Ham bur ger , you idiot!
KODOS: You hear d nothing, ear thlings.
Q: Can you eat Kang And Kodos topped with toxic
waste?? HUM AN #9
KANG: Wow. Just w ow.
KODOS: I know ! The only good thing hum ans have
ever even slightly been good at is m aking
inter esting soap oper as. The Young And The
Restless is the sole achievem ent of hum an
civilization.
KANG: Agr eed.
Q: Should I eat doughnuts or Peppa Pig?? HUM AN
#10
A: KODOS: TO HELL W ITH DOUGHNUTS. PEPPA
PIG IS DELICIOUS.
KANG: I know. I w as at this diner on Zer gon 6 and
I or der ed Peppa Pig. I w as in Heaven for the next
tw o days.
Q: W hat should I do when I?m bored?? HUM AN
#11
A: KANG: Stay bor ed for all I car e.
KODOS: I know. This is bor ing m e, too. ?TRY TO
FLY, BUT REALLY TRY?
Q: W hat am I doing right now?? HUM AN #12
A: KODOS: Wasting your tim e.
Q: Do you like pie?? HUM AN #13
A: KODOS: * Br itish Accent* W hat?s that? A lovely
pie? But you?r e gonna end up sad inside.
KANG: * Br itish Accent* Ew w. Sad Inside. You?r e
gonna m ake m e sick!
Q: W ho are you?? HUM AN #14 (Stupid Sady)
A: KANG: M y r eal nam e is?
KODOS: ? SHUT UP!
Q: W hat makes CRCAP so fun?? Tasty Human
A: We ar e going to be honest her e and now and
say the am azing food. #M AN-BURGERS

Q: I want advice.? HUM AN #23

A: KANG: I have advice for you: stop asking
stupid things.
KODOS: Yes. You cam e to the w r ong place.
Q: The colour purple is scared of me. Help. I
just wanted to be friends.? HUM AN #25
(Orange)
A: KANG: Talk to blue.
KODOS: No, talk to r ed. He?s in the m iddle
of both of them !
Q: Do you love me?? HUM AN #26 (You)
KANG: I love you as food.
KODOS: M m m m m ? hum an ?
Q: I am from Texas. M y favorite food is
pomegranates. Do you like cows?? HUM AN
#27 (Cactus)
A: KODOS: Yes! Cow s ar e delicious!
KANG: R+E! They taste so good!

Ar ts & Enter tainm ent

Surprisingly, not just Ham ilton articles

W hy I Wou l d Not Wan t t o be a Pr i n cess

By Alyssa Gondelm an

I n spi r at i on al Qu ot es
By M ichelle M oon

It m ust get bor ing being a pr incess, because you

alw ays have som eone to do ever ything for you. So,
if one day you w er e not a pr incess, then you w ould
not know w hat to do or how to do it. It w ould not be
good, so that is not good. Also, w hen you ar e a
pr incess it is bor ing because you alw ays have to
dr ess so pr etty. It has to get bor ing at som e pont in
a pr incess?s life and that is a r eason I w ould not
w ant to be a pr incess. I don't think you should ever
w ish to be a pr incess and if you do you should have
a w ish to undo the w ish you m ade to tur n into a
pr incess. Good luck to all of the pr incesses out
ther e. Thank you for r eading my Daily Double
ar ticle.

I think that som etim es, people need to hear

funny or sad or even m ad quotes. I decided
that m aybe, I?ll just do Inspir ational Quotes.
I?ll give out ten good, no, gr eat quotes. (I
looked them up on the inter net in im ages)
1. F.E.A.R. has tw o m eanings: For get
ever ything and r un, or face ever ything and
r ise. The choice is your s. -Anonym ous
2. W hen it r ains, look for r ainbow s. W hen
it?s dar k, look for star s. -Anonym ous
3. Life is like r iding a bicycle. To keep your
balance, you m ust keep m oving. -Alber t
Einstein
4. Be-You-Tiful -Lisa M . How ar d
5. Ever ytim e you think you ar e being
r ejected fr om som ething good, you w er e
actually being r edir ected to som ething
better. -Anonym ous
6. Do som ething ever yday that scar es you.
-Anonym ous
7. If oppor tunity doesn?t knock, build a door
-M ilton Ber le
8. M istakes ar e pr oof you ar e tr ying.
-Anonym ous
9. W hat hur ts today, m akes you str onger
tom or r ow. -Anonym ous
10. A com for t zone is a beautiful place, but
nothing ever gr ow s ther e. -Anonym ous

Pan cak es vs. Waf f l es

By M ir iam
VOTES FOR PANCAKES:
* ? M or e fun to m ake them ,? says Walker
* ?Because they ar e just delicious, aw esom e, and
w ar m !? says Hazel
* ?Because I only like one kind of w affle, and
only my fam ily know s how to m ake them ,? says
M addie
* ?I r eally like hom em ade pancakes,? says
Chautauqua
* ?Because they ar e fluffy, flaky, and light? says
Anonym ous

VOTES FOR WAFFLES:

* ?I love pancakes, but w ith the gr ooves in
the w affles, you can add extr a syr up and
butter ,? says a CIT
* ?I hate pancakes, but I w ill only eat my
m om ?s w affles,? says Roxanne
* ?I don?t like pancakes, and I r eally like the
holes in the w affles,? says M ichelle
* ?Because you can put syr up in the holes,?
says a Double Repor ter

And the winner is ? w ait a second! Pancakes w er e going to w in because they have m or e votes ? but I
for got to vote, and I vote for w affles ? so it?s a tie!

BVB Br i n gs Back Rock An d Rol l

By Lita

W h at Em oj i Ar e You ?
By Wugar

(All of the facts and info in this ar ticle ar e tr ue,

W hat do you like to do in your fr ee tim e?
besides the obvious opinions)
A: Go to the Bathr oom
Black Veil Br ides is a r ock band that
B: Cr y in your Bedr oom
for m ed in 2006. The founder of the band, Andy
C: Sleep on a Rug
Bier sack (singer / songw r iter ) w as 15 w hen the
D: PARTY
band w as cr eated. He enr olled in a high school
E: Rage
based on theatr e, m usic, and the visual ar ts.
But, w hen Andy w as younger , he w as m ade fun
W hat is your favor ite color ?
of for listening to a differ ent style of m usic,
A: Br ow n
including Kiss, Alice Cooper , and, M otley Cr ue.
B: Blue
All of this teasing and bullying didn't stop
C: W hite and Br ow n
Bier sack fr om fulfilling his dr eam s.
D: Rainbow
?Stand up for w hat you believe in, even
E: Blood Red
if you end up standing alone.?
?I've alw ays liked the ar ts. Including,
Nam e one thing you hate.
visual ar t, and theater , and of cour se, m usic,?
A: Toilet paper
Bier sack stated in an inter view
w ith
B: Tissues
Alter native Pr ess.
C: Cats
Or , in other w or ds: ?I'm a ser ious ar tist.
D: Par ty Pooper s
And I like to m ake ar t. I like to m ake ARTY, ar t
E: People
ar t? quoted fr om Andy, fr om an inter view w ith
Br yan Star s. Black Veil Br ides r eally puts tim e
Nam e one thing you love?
and effor t into the lyr ics of their songs, if you
A: Toilets
listen closely to the lyr ics. You m ay find a ver y
B: Water
valuable lesson. Not only ar e these m usicians
C: Bones
talented, but they all have ver y ? unique
D: Confetti
per sonalities, w hich m akes them even m or e
E: Nothing
?lovable.?
CC is super funny, and can m ake anyone
W hat kind of hat do you have?
laugh. He star ted playing dr um s w hen he w as
A: Top hat
ver y young. He adm its that his dr um s m ight
B: Cap
actually be his best fr iend. W hen Jake (the
C: Pizza
guitar ist) w as younger , his guitar WAS his only
D: Rainbow Hat
fr iend. He didn't have m any fr iends, but his
E: No Hat
guitar kept him com pany. Jake is kind, and
sw eet, but he also has a sassy side. Jinxx plays
M ostly choose A = Poop em oji
the violin, the guitar , and he does the backup
M ostly choose B = Cr y em oji
vocals. He?s m ulti-talented, and r eally w eir d (in
M ostly choose C = Dog em oji
the best w ay possible). He w ill w ear liter ally
M ostly choose D = Par ty em oji
anything that could be used as a piece of
M ostly choose E = Rage em oji
jew elr y. Liter ally, anything. But Jinxx also w as
teased in school. The kids in his class thought only gir ls should play violin. You can tell that Black Veil
Br ides definitely has a big r ange of differ ent styles of m usic they play. Ever ything fr om head-banging
guitar m usic to em otional m usic w ith violins. Ashley is the bassist of the band. He is a guy, but his
fem inine nam e usually gets in the w ay of this. And he, too got teased, m ostly for his nam e and his
inter ests. He does love Hello Kitty, and he also has his ow n fashion line. He is ver y talented though.
How do I know that he's actually a guy? He's pr actically aller gic to his shir t, m eaning he never w ear s it.
And then ther e's Andy. He's the singer of the band. He's a ver y cr eative kind of guy. He?s also ver y good
at dr aw ing. He's obsessed w ith Batm an, so he dr aw s him a lot. He loves m eeting his fans. Andy (and
Black Veil Br ides) plan on br inging back r ock and r oll and inspir ing other s to be w ho they w ant to be,
no m atter w hat other people think . Listen to them . Keep r ock and r oll alive. Stay connected w ith the
band thr ough Instagr am : Andy: andyblack; Ashley: apfashioninc; CC:ceesceepiecies; Jake: jakepittsbvb;
and Jinxx: jinxxed4life. And if you w ant to follow Andy?s dog (w ho has his ow n instagr am ) Dar edevil:
dar edevilthedog. Stay connected, and r ock on!

Ran k i n g t h e Wor st Ace At t or n ey Vi l l ai n s f r om

Each Gam e #6 an d #5
By Jake Rast
#6: (Phoenix Wr ight: Justice for All) Richar d
Wellington
Speaking of m ediocr e fir st villains, let m e tell
you a tale: the tale of the far -and-aw ay w or st fir st
villain in Ace Attor ney histor y! Richar d
Wellington w as w or king as a par t-tim e con ar tist
and a full-tim e idiot. One day, Richar d decided to
equip his phone w ith all the best secur ity featur es
available including, but not lim ited to: no
passw or d, a full list of w ell-know n con ar tists he
w as associated w ith, so m any finger pr ints that
only an incr edible fool could be foolish enough to
clean them off, and an incr edibly m enacing
r ingtone that no one else but Richar d w ould ever
be cr eepy enough to dow nload. Confident that no
one w ould ever be able to cr eate an expos on
him w ith this level of pr otection, Richar d decided
that the sm ar test cour se of action w ould be to
take a str oll thr ough Expos Par k and
im m ediately lose his phone. After r unning
ar ound in cir cles for hour s instead of going back
to r etr ieve the phone, Richar d decided that the
safest cour se of action w ould be to call the phone
and hope that som eone had alr eady picked it up.
Sur e enough, a w om an nam ed M aggie and a m an
nam ed Dustin had just picked the phone up and
agr eed to give it back to Richar d. W hen Richar d
w ent back to the par k to r eclaim his phone at the
par k, he panicked w hen he saw a gir l holding a
phone next to a m ale police officer. Even though
he knew ther e w as both a gir l and a boy holding
the phone for him , and that the police officer had
no r eason to sear ch the phone since they alr eady
knew w ho it belonged to, Richar d decided,
w ithout sim ply asking, that the police officer had
sear ched his phone and knew all about his list of
con-ar tist fr iends. Richar d later found the police
officer and pushed him off a balcony, w hile
som ehow m anaging to also dr op his glasses. After
sear ching for fifteen m inutes, yet som ehow not
checking ar ound the body of the m an he just
killed, Richar d gave up and decided to sim ply
fr am e M aggey for the cr im e and call the police, as
opposed to leaving and letting anybody else
w itness the body. Befor e M aggie's tr ial began,
Richar d decided to unsuspiciously hit her defense
attor ney over the head w ith a fir e hydr ant and
tr y to steal back his phone and delete the list of
con ar tists. Am azingly, he stole the w r ong phone,
and m anaged to delete it?s entir e contact list
w ithout ever noticing that he didn?t know a single
per son on it. A shor t tim e later , w hen he w as on
the testifying about the m ur der stand, he pr oved
to be such an incom petent w itness that he quickly
found HIM SELF convicted as the police officer ?s
killer , as opposed to M aggey, and got him self
placed in pr ison, as w ell as the bottom of lists like
this, for a ver y, ver y long tim e.

#5: (Gyakuten Kenji 2/Ace Attor ney Investigations: M iles

Edgew or th: Pr osecutor ?s Path) S?ta Sar ushir o
Yeah, that?s r ight, I?m using the Japanese nam e!
Extr a spoiler pr otection! Sar ushir o is the Big Bad of
Gyakuten Kenji 2, and I find him to be near ly the m ost
disappointing villain in Ace Attor ney histor y (beaten only
by #1, but w e?ll get to that w hen w e get to that). Like
Godot, Sar ushir o is m ar r ed by the other villains of
Gyakuten Kenji 2 being over all pr etty good, but unlike
Godot, Sar ushir o is far w eaker than his counter par ts,
and it?s a r eal sham e too. I w ould ar gue that Sar ushir o
has the best villain r eveal of any villain in the ser ies (my
jaw pr actically dr opped w hen I figur ed it out), I love his
char acter design (aside fr om his lazy sw eating spr ite),
and I think the idea of a m aster m anipulator w ho is also
an anim al tam er is br illiant (he fakes a br eakdow n, it?s
gr eat). All these gr eat qualities, it?s such a sham e that
ever ything else about this char acter fell flat on it?s face.
For star ter s, I get that Ace Attor ney is now know n for
having gr eat over ar ching plots, but this this is the laziest
one I?ve yet seen. The r evelation that Sar ushir o is the son
of Yutaka Kazam i, the villain of the thir d case, feels
com pletely for ced and m eaningless. It doesn?t contr ibute
to either case in any significant w ay, and feels included
pur ely to give Sar ushir o a flim sy-at-best m otive to kill
M anosuke Nait?. I also just didn?t buy the villainous tr io
of M ar ? M iw a, Bansai Ichiyanagi, and the Teikun ? body
double. None of these char acter s have per sonalities that
m esh w hatsoever , and it is com pletely obvious that they
w er e gr ouped just to tr y to give Sar ushir o a tr agic
backstor y. Additionally, the events of the actual m ur der
of the Teikun ? body double ar e painfully stupid.
Sar ushir o?s w hole per sona is being a m anipulative
con-ar tist w ho m anipulates other s into doing his dir ty
w or k for him , w hy w ould he feel the need to dr op a
hot-air balloon on the body double out of now her e?! The
final insult of Sar ushir o, how ever , is the actual
cr oss-exam ination you battle him in. The gam e
pr actically for gets about the m ajor char acter s of
Yum ihiko Ichiyanagi and Hakar i M ikagam i, as both ar e
com pletely absent fr om the final confr ontation and plot
thr eads of the gam e. Fur ther m or e, the Logic and Logic
Chess m odes ar e also com pletely absent fr om the final
battle. Annoyingly, this leaves the par ticular ly annoying
section w her e you keep Yum ihiko fr om having a m ental
br eakdow n as the final ver sion of the new Logic Chess
m ode. In the end, the biggest pr oblem w ith Sar ushir o is
that, w hile I w ould ar gue that Sar ushir o is a better villain
over all than the above Ted Tonate and Richar d
Wellington, both ar e villains of their r espective gam es?
fir st case. As he is the final boss of Gyakuten Kenji 2, as
w ell as the over ar ching villain of the gam e as a w hole, I
find myself w ith bad m em or ies w hen r ecalling GK2 than
I do JFA or DD. Ah w ell, at least I can still r ew atch
Sar ushir o am azing br eakdow n for ever m or e!

Th i n gs I Recom m en d f r om St ar bu ck s
By Tw enty Quan Pilots
I LOVE Star bucks; I go ther e w henever I
can, but som e of their tr eats ar e either bad or
not good for you. Even so, I?m a ?sugar -holic,?
so I?m still going to w r ite things I r ecom m end
fr om ther e and som e r eview s.
Fir st of all, I think that their r efr esher s
ar e delicious. The ones that I have seen ar e
str aw ber r y lem onade, ?ver y ber r y? (or
som ething
like
that),
and
r aspber r y
pom egr anate. The r aspber r y pom is new , I
assum e, because I just saw that this m or ning
for the fir st tim e. They do have caffeine in
them , (spar kling gr een tea) but if you dr ink it
ear ly in the m or ning once in aw hile, you?ll
pr obably be fine. The dow nside is that the
r efr esher s have about 20 gr am s of sugar in
them ? w hich is a lot. So I consider it desser t.
Each can contains 355 m l of dr ink .
Her e is a r eview of the str aw lem onade one:
* The can is pink and says ?Str aw ber r y
Lem onade Star bucks r efr esher s.?
* Each can (12 FL OZ or 355 m l) has 90 calor ies.
* It has gr een tea in it
* Pr etty natur al ingr edients (but of cour se, it?s
pr obably not all natur al.)
* 20 gr am s of sugar
It tasted m or e like sw eet str aw ber r ies than
lem ons, but it still tasted am azing and is r eally
good for a hot day w hen you need a little
ener gy and a little SUGAAAA. I r ate it 9/10, so
an A m inus!!!
Second of all, I r ecom m end the cake
pops? they ar e BETTER THAN M Y LIFE. The
cur r ent flavor s ar e chocolate chip cookie
dough, bir thday cake, and chocolate. Sadly,
these ar e also ver y sugar y.
The cookie dough cake pop is basically a ball of
cookie dough w ith har dened, tan, delicious
fr osting ar ound it and a few chocolate chips. It
tastes r eally good and I r ate it 8.75/10.
The second one I m entioned w as
bir thday cake. This one is even better than
cookie dough. It?s just vanilla cake w ith
har dened pink fr osting ar ound it and a few
spr inkles. (By the w ay, cake pops ar e just
spher es of cake on a stick .) It is my favor ite
one? 10/10.
Finally, the chocolate one. This is good,
but it is the one I have had least of all. I just
find it m or e dense than the other ones and not
as tasty, but it?s still tastes gr eat. I?m pr etty sur e
the fr osting ar ound it is br ow n and ther e ar e a

few spr inkles on it. 8/10. Also, dur ing the W inter ,
they have a pepper m int br ow nie cake pop,
w hich is my favor ite ever.
Thir d of all, zee coffee cake!!!
Review of the sw ir led coffee cake:
* It w as differ ent shades of br ow n
* Tasted r eally good, but I could tell it w as
loaded w ith sugar
* It tasted a tiny bit like coffee, and like
cinnam on? the per fect com bo
* This coffee cake had cool sw ir ls on it of dar ker
br ow n
* On the outside ther e w as cooked sugar ? YUM
Over all, this w as so yum my, but not per fect.
8.5/10.
I had a str aw ber r y sm oothie and it w asn?t
am azing? but it w as fine. I also had a passion
tea thingy-ishy-thingy; it w as ok, but ver y
w eir d-tasting.
Finally, I r ecom m end the fr appuccinos. I
have tr ied vanilla bean, chocolate, double
chocolatey chip and java chip. Java chip w as
easily the best, but has a lot of coffee in it, so I
only have been allow ed to get it once ever y
tw o-thr ee m onths. (I had it once at 4:00pm and
stayed up all night cleaning my r oom and doing
jum ping jacks and car tw heels, m aking a r acket. I
had no chill. LOL)
Java Chip: 100,000/10
Vanilla bean: 9/10
Double Chocolatey Chip: 8/10
Chocolate: eh 7.5/10
NOTE: pr obably the w or st thing you can get at
Star bucks in ter m s of health. But the best things
ther e, of cour se.
I r eally w ant to tr y the s?m or es one! I hope you
tr y these things!

Del i ci ou s Nest l Ch ocol at e Ch i p Cook i e Reci pe

By Tw enty Quan Pilots
I?m r eally hungr y r ight now , so I decided to w r ite dow n my favor ite
cookie r ecipe so you can tr y it! I know the r ecipe by hear t, but I
looked it up just in case because I?m pr etty tir ed.
Notes:
Pr ep tim e: 15 m inutes
Cook tim e: 9+ m inutes
Ready in: 39 m inutes
M akes: about 5 dozen cookies or m or e, depending on size
Tips:
* Wash your hands befor e you handle the ingr edients
* Lay out the ingr edients befor e you star t anything, and let the eggs
and butter get w ar m /soft
* Pr eheat the oven as soon as you star t
* Use an electr ic m ixer
* Wear an oven m it!!!
Ingr edients:
* 2 cups all-pur pose flour
* 1 teaspoon of baking soda
* 1 teaspoon of salt
* 1 cup of butter *
* cup gr anulated sugar
* cup br ow n sugar * *
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extr act
* 2 lar ge eggs
* 2 cup chocolate chips* * *
* 1 cup chopped nuts (optional, but I HATE nuts. They taste w ay
better just w ith chips.)
* butter m ust be softened
* * br ow n sugar m ust be packed
* * * I r ecom m end Nestl chocolate chips
Pr epar ation:
1. Pr eheat the oven to 375? .
2. Com bine the flour , baking soda and salt in a sm all bow l. Beat the
butter , gr anulated sugar , br ow n sugar and vanilla extr act in lar ge
m ixer bow l until cr eamy. Add the eggs, one at a tim e, beating w ell
after each addition. Gr adually beat in the flour m ixtur e. Stir in the
chips (and the nuts if you?r e using them ). Roll bits of dough into
sm all spher es and place them far apar t fr om each other on an
ungr eased baking sheet.
3. Bake for 9-11 m inutes or until golden br ow n. Cool on baking
sheets for 2 m inutes; r em ove to w ir e r acks to cool com pletely.
These delicious cookies m ay be stor ed in a fr idge for up to 1 w eek or
in a fr eezer for up to 8 w eeks. I r ecom m end baking one batch of
dough fir st, eating those, and then once they?r e gone, baking the
leftover dough. I hope you enjoy these tr eats if you m ake them , and
hopefully you w ill. I am ver y sor r y if you have an aller gy? all of the
ingr edients ar e up ther e, so if you have an aller gy to one of them , DO
NOT EAT THE COOKIES. I did not m ake up the r ecipe; cr edits to
Nestl! Happy baking!

W h i ch ?Secr et Li f e of
Pet s? Ch ar act er ar e
You ?
By Em ily Zhang
1. You are ?
A. sm all
B. tiny
C. m edium
D. huge
E. aver age
F. lar ge
2. Your favorite color is
?
A. pink
B. or ange
C. aqua
D. br ow n
E. silver
F. lavender
3. Your guilty pleasure
is ...
A.
binge
w atching
telenovelas
B. w or ld dom ination
C. I don?t have a guilty
pleasur e
D. hogging the bed
E. peanut butter
F. eating ever ything in
the fr idge
4. You like/love ...
A. TV
B. car r ots
C. fr iends
D. bananas
E. IDK
F. your self
M ostly As: you ar e
Gidget
M ostly Bs: you ar e
Snow ball
M ostly Cs: you ar e M ax
M ostly Ds: you ar e
Duke
M ostly Es: you ar e M el
M ostly Fs: you ar e
Chloe

Pokem on GO
Either the most fun or dangerous game ever created, depending on whom you ask

Pok em on GO an d t h e Hype Su r r ou n di n g I t
By Nicholas Weylm an-Far w ell

W hy Pok em on Go i s Addi ct i n g
By Lily Br inkm an
Pokem on Go is the m ost
addicting gam e I have ever
played. I have the ur ge to r un
ar ound the par k and find
Pokem on. Finally w e have a
gam e that focuses on being
active. Ever y single other video
gam e has you sitting on your
couch building stuff (not that it?s
bad). Pokem on Go has a bad side
too. If you?r e dr iving and your
phone buzzes, w hat do you
choose: To catch the Pokem on
and possibly get into a car cr ash
or ignor e the gam e. People have
been getting hit by car s and
m any people have been getting
r obbed due to playing on team
m ode. Pokem on Go also doesn?t
have m any ser ver s so if you live
in a city (like m e) ther e is little to
no chance that you ar e going to
catch a Pokem on in m id-daylight.
If you?r e playing at night it?s a
totally differ ent stor y. Not as
m any people finding Pokem on,
m eans that you?ll end up finding
cool/r ar e Pokem on. This gam e
w as a gr eat idea and I can?t w ait
for them to m ake a new update.

By now , m ost of you have at least hear d of Pokem on GO. If

you haven?t, I?ll give a quick descr iption. Pokem on GO takes
the fictional cr eatur es of the ser ies and br ings them to our
w or ld? quite liter ally. The gam e uses augm ented r eality
technology to allow player s using their cam er a to w alk ar ound
and catch these ?Pokem on?. Player s ar e also allow ed to fight
?gym s?, w hich contain Pokem on fr om other player s in the
ar ea. Another featur e ar e lur es, w hich w hen used, attr act the
cr eatur es to your ar ea for cer tain am ount of tim e. The
fr ee-to-play IOS and Andr oid app has taken the inter net by
stor m since the its r elease on Thur sday. Go on any social
m edia site, and you?ll see hundr eds of posts just about the
gam e. Well, you m ay ask, ?W hy?? That?s a good question,
consider ing that the m ost r ecent Pokem on gam es such as
Om ega Ruby and Alpha Sapphir e (11.84 m illion units) have
not sold w ell com par ed to older gener ation gam es such as
Diam ond and Pear l (17.63). If the Pokem on fanbase is
?shr inking?, then w hat explains the success of Go?
Pokem on GO has been so successful over the last few days
because of a few r easons. Fir st, it is a fr ee-to-play gam e on
m obile devices, w hich applies to a bigger fanbase than the
Nintendo handheld system s (3DS, DS, etc? ) that older
Pokem on gam es could exclusively play on in the past. Second,
Go?s augm ented r eality gam eplay is alm ost r evolutionar y, w ith
it being the one of the fir st m obile gam es to apply that
technology. The fir st is Ingr ess, a m ap based (sim ilar to Go)
M M O also m ade by the sam e com pany as Pokem on GO
(Niantic). Last, this gam e is r eceiving so m uch attention
because of M illennial nostalgia. Teens and young adults that
w er e bor n in the 90?s and late 80?s (M illennials) ar e loving this
gam e because it br ings them back to m em or ies of their
childhood w hen they w ould play the older Pokem on gam es
such as Red, Gr een and Blue.
Despite all the hype, cr itics ar e saying that Pokem on GO
m ight be danger ous. And they?r e som ew hat cor r ect. In
M issour i, four teenager s used the ?lur e? featur e to tr ap people
at a ?Pokestop?, and r obbed them at gunpoint. Also, Go has
caused contr over sy because of the potential pr ivacy leaks that
com e w ith it.
Pokem on GO is tr uly a social m edia phenom enon r ight
now , but the hype w ill be gone in a few w eeks, I pr om ise.
Per sonally, I don?t love the gam e or hate it, as I haven?t played
it that m uch.

W hy Pok em on GO I s Dan ger ou s

By Nico Di Angelo
Pokem on GO is one of the m ost danger ous gam es ever !
Not only can you suffer ser ious injur ies, but the gam e is
constantly saying stuff like ?hey, give us your phone
num ber , w e?ll give you a legendar y!? And then anyone
w ho plays it m ight say ?w ell, they fixed that,? but you
could still get killed playing it! One gir l w ho played
Pokem on GO fell off a br idge! If you ask m e, w hich you
pr obably w on?t, I?d say that Pokem on GO is going to get
you killed! You could also get hit by a car playing
Pokem on GO. Her e: visualise this. You ar e w alking dow n
a sidew alk w ith iPhone in hands playing Pokem on GO.
You don't notice that the car s ar e m oving. Suddenly, ?hey
I see a Pokem on!? r ings out into the m any voices of car s
m oving. You w alk out into the str eet to get closer. You see
the Pokem on. A voice r ings out again. ?Hey, I caught a? ?
Wee-BAM M ! A car has hit you! You ar e r ushed to a
hospital w her e you die of your injur ies. And m ar k my
w or ds, som ething like that is going to happen eventually
if you keep on playing this gam e. If you don't think that's
enough detail for you to delete this app then I have one
last thing to tr y and m ake you stop playing. If this w on?t
w or k then m ay the gods see I tr ied. Her e goes. PEOPLE
AT THIS CAM P HAVE ALREADY SUFFERED FROM
POKEM ON GO! No r eally. It?s tr ue. Som e people I know at
cam p have fallen over benches and alm ost gotten hit by
car s! You need to stop playing!!!

---BREAKI NG NEW S---------Ju l y 17, 2016------Ben Boyd Def eat s Om ar !

By Walker Adam s and
M ur phy

Ciar an

We got in touch w ith Om ar :

Q: Did Ben Boyd really defeat your
Pokemon?
A: Afr aid So.
Q: Are you going to defeat Ben?s
Character to gain control of the gym
again?
A: Absolutely
Q: W hat Pokemon did you have when
Ben committed the crime?
A: I can?t r em em ber.
Q: Did you know that Ben would
attack and take over the Gym?
A: I w as suspicious
Q: Do you think Ben Boyd is secret
pokemon murderer?
A: M aybe
Q: W hat level did your pokemon have
when he defeated you?
A: Level 5

Pok em on GO
By Kailey Chen
Have you hear d of the app gam e Pokem on GO? Well,
now lots of people have it and ther e have been som e
incidents. People have been falling off cliffs or ocean
bluffs playing Pokem on GO. Pokem on GO has been

We also r eached out to Ben Boyd.

putting
people?s
lives in danger. I
know it m ight be
addicting but I do
not think this is a
ver y good gam e to
play. Som e people
get sever ely injur ed
or killed by just
playing this gam e. I
just w ant to w ar n
player s
how
danger ous it is to
play.
I
w ould
r ecom m end
being
ver y cautious on
w her e
you
play
Pokem on GO.

Q: Are you a experienced fighter?

A: No

Q: Are you happy with your victory?

A: yes

Q: Do you think Omar is a pokemon

Psycho killer?
A: I?ve been suspecting this w hen it
w as launched
Q: W hat pokemon did you have when
you defeated Omar?
A: I for get. It m ay of been my slow br o
Q: W hat level did your pokemon have
when you defeated him?
A: Level 9
Q: W hat team are you on?
A: Blue

Th e Ha milton Debat e
W hy Ha milton i s t h e M u si cal t o En d Al l
M u si cal s: I , Too W i l l Fi gh t
By Roxanne Glassenber g (W ho is Right!!!)
So, som e people says that ther e ar e other
m usicals that can hold their ow n against
Ham ilton. I say, no, absolutely not! In this
ar ticle I?m going to pr ove Nina w r ong by
listing 5 r easons ther e can never , ever , ever ,
ever , ever , ever be a m usical better than
Ham ilton, and w hy ther e has never been a
m usical as good!
1. Ham ilton is Innovative
Has ther e ever a hip-hop them ed m usical that
has histor ical figur es in it? No, ther e?s not.
Ser iously, ther e?s not! Br oadw ay (and the
w or ld) have never seen anything like it.
Ther e?s a r eason ever yone loves it, and it?s
unique! Som e people say that 1776 is the sam e
thing ? it?s not. It?s ? w ow. ?Bor ing? com es to
m ind. And also ? * snor es* ? sor r y, it?s just
har d to w atch not-as-good actor s tr ying to be
Ham ilton befor e Ham ilton, and w ithout
r apping. Ew w.
2. Ham ilton is funny
Go, r ight now , and listen to ?Obedient Ser vant?
and ?Guns and Ships?. Okay, fir st of all, the
songs ar e catchy and they ar e hyster ical! I
m ean, the idea of Lafayette being the
suave/aw esom e dude is just am azing! It?s all I
can say.
3. Ham ilton is cr itically acclaim ed
It w on 11 Tonys. They called them the
Ham il-Tonys. IT BROKE A RECORD, DUDE! Oh
w ait: A Daily Doubler w ho is on the other side
of this ar gum ent says that The Pr oducer s w on
12 w hile Ham ilton w on 11. Still, Lin
M anuel-M ir anda (the guy w ho w as the
or iginal Ham ilton and w r ote Ham ilton) w on a
Pulitzer pr ize. Now , ther e ar e those w ho claim
that he w on it for his other m usical In the
Heights and Ham ilton but I say, ?W hy didn?t
he w in it for In the Heights until Ham ilton??
The pr ize is for Ham ilton. Give it up on that
one, okay? And by the w ay, I w ant to m ake it
clear that other m usicals ar e good, even gr eat,
but my per sonal opinion is that Ham ilton is
the gr eatest of the gr eat and epitom e of all
br oadw ay. How do you not see this????????
* stands up and star ts r apping* ? ?How do you

not get it? / If w e?r e aggr essive and com petitive /

The union gets a boost. / You?d r ather give it a
sedative??
4. Ham ilton is (m usically) w ell-w r itten
W hat do I even say beside the fact that I?ve had
a song fr om Ham ilton stuck in my head since I
fir st finished listening to the cast r ecor ding six
m onths ago?! And, by the w ay, if you have
listened to it yet, do it now. Ser iously. Put the
Daily Double dow n and listen to Ham ilton. (You
can get it on Youtube; I?m listening to it w hile
w r iting this ar ticle.)
5. It is the clim ax of all Br oadw ay
So, her e?s a sum m ar y of som e people?s
ar gum ent: ?Ham ilton is good, but other stuff on
Br oadw ay? m atter s. And they?r e w r ong. They
should be saying ?Ham ilton is gr eat, and for
now , it is THE thing that m atter s on Br oadw ay.?
I?m not saying that nothing else w ill ever m atter ,
but for now ? Ham ilton! It is the clim ax of
Br oadw ay: funny, innovative, and m usically
ver y pleasing. Plus, it?s hip-hop and per for m ed
by all Hispanic and Afr ican Am er ican Actor s
(m inus King Geor ge). How can it possibly get
better ? Ever y m usical ever has just been leading
up to Ham ilton. No m atter how m any m usicals
you r attle off, no m atter how good they ar e (I?m
not saying that those m usicals ar en?t) nothing
can beat Ham ilton.

I ?M READY TO FI GHT ABOUT SOM E

M USI CALS
By Nina Kahn
It has r ecently com e to my attention that
a colleague of m ine believes that ?Ham ilton?is
the only m usical that m atter s on Br oadw ay, and
that all of Br oadw ay histor y has been leading up
to it. Said individual also thinks that ther e w ill
never be a m usical better than it ever , w hich is
childish w ishful thinking. We can?t see into the
futur e, and w ho know s, m aybe som ething w ill
be better. It?s all due to per sonal pr efer ence,
though. I too ador e ?Ham ilton?, but my
colleague is clear ly delusional and fails to
r ecognize the har d w or k other show s put in.
Yes, ?Ham ilton?is fantastically w r itten and
per fom ed. It is setting all kinds of r ecor ds and

incor por ates a diver se cast, w hich is aw esom e!

HOW EVER, IT IS NOT THE BE-ALL-END-ALL OF
BROADWAY. AND I?M READY TO FIGHT ABOUT
IT.

of that album and still claim it isn?t half as good

as ?Ham ilton?. At least give other m usicals a
chance befor e r attling them off as ?not good
enough?just because they?r e not the sam e.

* NOTE: This is in no way bashing ?Hamilton?or

saying every other musical is better. It?s
innovative, unique, and one of my favorite
musicals ever. This is just to show that other
musicals exist and deserve recognition too. If this
comes off as roasting ?Hamilton?, I apologize. It is
not meant to be that.

-The Tonys w er e not dedicated to ?Ham ilton?.

Did you actually w atch the w hole thing or just
skip to the par ts you w anted to see? ?Shuffle
Along?, ?Spr ing Aw akening?, ?The Color Pur ple?,
and ?Waitr ess?per for m ed too and w er e
am azing, as w as ?Ham ilton?. Br oadw ay is a
com m unity, not a place to put things higher up
than other s.

-M y colleague is under the im pr ession that

?Ham ilton?w on the highest num ber of Tonys,
w hen in fact, ?The Pr oudcer s?w on 12 w hile
Ham ilton w on 11. How ever , ?Ham ilton?br oke
the r ecor d for m ost nom inations, r eeling in a
w hopping 16 Tony nods. That?s pr etty cool.
-Saying that no m usical w ill ever top ?Ham ilton?
is ser iously r idiculous. Ther e m ay not be
another like ?Ham ilton?. Lin-M anuel M ir anda
has cr eated a m aster fully beautiful show that
couldn?t be pulled off by another per son. That
said, fir m ly believing that nothing w ill be as
good is insulting to other cr eator s and devalues
the scor es of gr eat pr oductions befor e
?Ham ilton?. Ever hear d of ?Chicago?, ?RENT?, ?In
the Heights?, ?The Last 5 Year s?, ?A Chor us Line?,
?A Gentlem an?s Guide to Love and M ur der ?,
?Spr ing Aw akening?, ?Heather s?, ?West Side
Stor y?, ?Les M iser ables?, ?The Color Pur ple?,
?Fiddler on the Roof ?, ?Som ething Rotten?, ?Into
the Woods?, ?Natasha, Pier r e, and the Gr eat
Com et of 1812?, ?Sw eeney Todd?, ?W icked?, or
?Anything Goes?? All incr edible, all differ ent
styles, all beautiful in their ow n w ay, all the
show s my Colleague sees as m er e tr ial r uns for
?the clim ax of all Br oadw ay?. Ar e you saying
that the theatr e fr om now on is going dow nhill?
You say that ?Ever y m usical ever has been
leading up to ?Ham ilton?.? Ever y m usical ever ,
eh? That?s hundr eds, even thousands of
pr oductions you?r e digging gr aves for. Honestly,
it?s extr em ely disr espectful.
-?Your Obedient Ser vant?isn?t supposed to be a
funny song. People ar en?t laughing hyster ically
in the audience. It?s sealing Ham ilton?s fate and
show ing the disocur se betw een him and Aar on
Bur r befor e the duel. It?s not too differ ent fr om
w hat?s happening betw een us now. Though
their sassiness is hum or ous, an actual joke song
w ould be like ?It?s Har d to be the Bar d?fr om
?Som ething Rotten?. You w ouldn?t know though,
because you only listened to appr oxim ately ?

-One of your ar gum ents is that ?Ham ilton?is

cr itically acclaim ed. This is obvious; it?s one of
the m ost hyped-up show s in histor y and
deser ves its positive r eview s. But do you know
that other show s ar e cr itically acclaim ed too?
?Chicago?, ?The Phantom of the Oper a?, and ?Les
M iser ables?have been r unning for decades and
ar e consider ed m aster pieces and classics. Just
because one show gets r aved about doesn?t
m ean it?s the ONLY one that has been. Open
your eyes. I think that ever y song in ?Ham ilton?
gr eat! It?s br illiant, no doubt, and LM M is a
genius, but it?s not single in that aspect. Saying
that som ething is w ell-w r itten isn?t r eally an
ar gum ent, Colleague, it?s a fact. Ther e?s a
m ultitude of other pr oductions that ar e just as
clever , and pitting them against each other is
pr actically pointless. It?s like saying gr een M &
M s ar e better than blue M & M ?s even though
they?r e on the sam e level.
-You seem to have for gotten about Phillipa Soo
and Kar la Gar cia, both Asian actr esses, w hen
you say the show is ?per for m ed by all Hispanic
actor s/Afr ican Am er ican actor s (m inus King
Geor ge)? Not to be nitpicky, but you gotta
include ever yone in the show. Of cour se,
Phillipa r ecently left the show (* sobbing* ), but
you get my point.
-On the flip, side, I do agr ee w ith M y Colleague
that ?Ham ilton?is beyond fantastic. Diver se,
br illiant, and r evolutionar y (eeyyy), it deser ves
its pr aise. It r epr esents Am er ica then using
Am er ica now , as they say. Incr edible m usic,
incr edible cast; it?s w onder ful, and definitely
one of my all-tim e faves. I?m super excited to
see it next w eek and ther e?s no doubt that it has
changed the Br oadw ay scene. I love it! A LOT!
But my love for it doesn?t m ake m e put it on a
pedestal above ever ything else and disr egar d
all the other gr eat things in theatr e.

Rebu t t i n g Ni n a?s Rebu t t al

By Roxanne Glassenber g

A Respon se t o Th e Rebu t t al
By Nina Kahn

M any of you m ay have r ead a cer tain

ar ticle by a cer tain ?colleague? of m ine
about my ideas/my bizar r e love for
Ham ilton. (By the w ay, it w as actually a
good ar ticle). After r eading it, I have a
couple of points that I have to concede
to. For one thing, ther e m ay be m usicals
in the futur e that w ill be better than
Ham ilton. Tw o, ther e is a ver y, ver y,
ver y, ver y, ver y slim possibility ther e
have been
m usicals better
than
Ham ilton. Thr ee, Ham ilton is not the
clim ax of all Br oadw ay, but it is
pr obably one of the best things on
Br oadw ay r ight now. M y per sonal
opinion is that it is the best, but that?s
just my opinion. Second of all, I w as
VERY offended by the subtle digs at my
per sonality/ser iousness in r egar ds to
Ham ilton in the ar ticle my ?colleague?
w r ote. So, m aybe I?m a sadistic w eir do,
but for som e r eason ?Obedient Ser vant?
is funny to m e. How ever r , saying that
I?m m isinter pr eting Ham ilton is just not
okay! I under stand the pr em ise of the
song; I?m just choosing to laugh at it! So
don?t tell m e I?m m isinter pr eting the
m usical I love, okay? Just...no. Thir dly,
my apologies to Phillipa Soo and other
Asian cast m em ber s. Four th, saying that
I?m not allow ed to judge Som ething
Rotten and other m usicals is not okay.
I?m entitled to my opinion, and w hile
you m ay have seen m or e m usicals than
m e, m ocking my am ateur inter est is not
appr eciated. Fifthly, none of the
com m ents ar e at all dir ected tow ar ds my
?colleague? as she is a nice and
intelligent per son w hom I look up to.
Sixth, I still love Ham ilton? and I know
my colleague does! So that?s w hy I?m
conceding to these points: to expr ess my
view s w hile under standing her s. So, in
conclusion, I w ould NOT like to m ocked
for my lim ited know ledge of m usical
theater , my age (I?m 3-4 year s younger
than the other w r iter ), or my view s! I
WOULD
like
to
continue
my
appr eciation/obsession w ith Ham ilton. I
WOULD like it to be know n that sever al
of my view s on this subject have
changed. So, yeah. I r eally needed to get
that out of my system .

Colleague, I apologize for possibly getting a little too

into w r iting my pr evious ar ticle. I had m any feelings to
get out, and in no w ay aim ed to hate on other s?love for
the m usical. I r espect that you love it and that it?s your
favor ite thing cur r ently on Br oadw ay. I love it too.
Ever yone is allow ed to have their favor ites, but putting
dow n other m usicals and plays isn?t okay. I w ouldn?t
per sonally say that it?s the peak of Br oadw ay or that
ever ything befor e it w as building up to it. You ARE
allow ed to have opinions on other show s, as ever yone
has their ow n per sonal tastes in things! How ever ,
m aybe don?t be so quick to judge because they?r e
differ ent. Take ?1776? for exam ple. Sur e, it?s not the
gr eatest show , but it?s fun (also, my m om w as in it in
6th gr ade as John Adam s). I adm it, getting into other
m usicals after ?Ham ilton? w as difficult. I had gotten
used to the r ap sound by then and w as hesitant to shift
back into the m or e ?classic?theatr e tunes. Despite this, I
discover ed one of my new all-tim e faves, ?Natasha,
Pier r e, and the Gr eat Com et of 1812?. You should listen
to it! I suggest listening to Lin-M anuel M ir anda?s fir st
m usical, ?In the Heights?, because it has a sim ilar
atm ospher e to ?Ham ilton?. Also, I r ecom m end tr ying to
listen to ?Som ething Rotten? again. You don?t have to
like it, but m aybe give it a second chance. Getting into
other m usicals takes a lot of tim e; you just gotta keep
on listening! You ar e 100% allow ed to expr ess your
feelings about ?Ham ilton? and I r espect your opinion.
Over the year s, you?ll find m any m or e m usicals you
love. I r em em ber thinking I w ould never like anything
m or e than ?W icked?a few year s ago, but that?s changed.
I am no exper t on m usical theatr e, so no one should be
taking my w or d as gospel. I just think other show s
should be just as appr eciated. We m ight not have the
sam e view s, but w e can agr ee that ?Ham ilton? is gr eat,
and I guess that?s w hat r eally m atter s.

Th an k f u l l y, t h i s
di sagr eem en t
di dn 't en d i n a
du el .

Fiction & Poetr y

From beautiful to disturbing

Th e Br occol i W h o Su r v i ved
By Or ly Shiner

Th e Hi ppo
By Alexandr a Gr illo
Once, ther e w as a hippo nam ed
Bob. Bob loved to sur f. He sur fed ever y
day on his hom e planet: Oool.
But Oool?s w ater s w er e not m ade
of w ater , they w er e m ade of ice cr eam !
One day, Bob saw som ething in the
w ater ? it w as a giant hot dog! The
people of Oool had never seen a hot dog
befor e. Bob w atched the hot dog float
ashor e. He w alked up to it ver y slow ly.
He poked it, pr odded it, sm elled it,
exam ined it, and finally tasted it. It w as
delicious!
He br ought it hom e and show ed
it to his fr iends. They backed aw ay fr om
it, ter r ified. He encour aged them to tr y
it. Finally, after lots of encour agem ent,
they tr ied it. Now , food on Oool w as
bland and black, kind of like a blob of
black m uck . They had never actually
tasted anything delicious befor e; they
didn't even know w hat ?delicious?
m eant. Anyw ay, his fr iends tr ied it and
they w er e am azed by how delicious it
tasted. They ate and ate and w hen they
r eached a deep enough point, they
r ealized that it w as hollow ! Inside ther e
w as a m essage inside it.
It said: ?We gave you this gift so
that w e could ask for a w or ldly
fr iendship. Our planet is ver y cool? you
can com e and live her e. Fr om , Ear th?.
Ear th? they had never even know n that
ther e w er e other planets! So, he packed
his bags and headed for Ear th. He used
his futur istic UFO to get to ear th. W hen
he got ther e, he w as am azed by how
m any good foods ther e w er e! He ate so
m uch he got devolved and becam e the
fir st hippo to w alk the ear th. That?s how
hippos cam e to be.

I w oke up one m or ning. I w as sitting a cold

cham ber for vegetables. Som eone once told m e
that this cham ber w as called a fr idge. I haven?t
been in one of these cham ber s in a couple of days.
The day befor e, I had been in a gr ocer y stor e. I
w as sad at the gr ocer y stor e. Nobody w ould ever
buy m e. An annoying cauliflow er told m e I w as
too ugly. I cr ied until a few m inutes later w hen a
w om an w alked up to m e and picked m e up and
bought m e. Well, actually, she bought my w hole
fam ily. One bushel of br occoli is one fam ily.
Now I?m her e, in the fr idge. I had to go get r eady
for school. The pr oblem is that since I?m liter ally
connected to my fam ily, they have to com e to
school w ith m e.
School is only tw enty
m inutes long. The r est of the day flies by in a jiffy.
W hen the w om an?s husband ar r ives hom e, fr om
w or k I?m assum ing, she announces that they ar e
having stir fr y for dinner. Oooh, I think . Stir fr y
sounds good r ight now. I am shocked out of my
star vation w hen I r ealize that alm ost ever ybody
in the w or ld puts br occoli in their stir fr y. I?m
about to die, I keep r epeating in my head. The
w om an opens the fr idge and picks up my fam ily.
Then she pr oceeds to br eak us off into our ow n
little pieces. I am no longer connected to my
fam ily. She star ts the oil in the pan. A few m inutes
later my butt is bur nt. I star t to scr eam . To
hum ans, w e sound aw fully quiet, but I think she
hear d m e because she looks dow n, confused. I
keep scr eam ing. The w om an dum ps the contents
of the stir fr y into a dish. Thankfully, for som e
w onder ful r eason, she leaves m e in the pan. Then
I see my older sister ?s hands latch onto the r im of
the pan. M y uncle follow s, holding a bandage.
They w r ap m e up and I dr ift off to sleep.
The next m or ning I decide to escape. I
clim b out of the fr idge and m ake it to the door.
I?m about to m ake it out but then som ething bites
m e. Not too har d, but har d enough to notice. I
look up. Ther e is a big fluffy dog tow er ing over
m e. I w as about to die for the second tim e w ithin
24 hour s. All I could do w as close my eyes. I hope
that the dog likes br occoli.
The End

The End

Poet r y Cor n er : Th e Far m h ou se

By M addie Vanech
The paper thin fly?s w ing glints in the dusty sunlight, m aking the hum m ing cr eatur e appear alm ost
beautiful.
The alm ost beautiful hum m ing cr eatur e m eander s ar ound the cr eaking r oom , jostling the air , finally
finding peace on the thick r im of a shallow fr osty glass.
The shallow fr osty glass holds thr ee ice cubes that dr ift and clink as if per suaded by a soft sum m er
br eeze.
A soft sum m er br eeze is a pipe dr eam for the paint peeling, ter m ite r idden, far m house.
The paint peeling, ter m ite r idden far m house has gr ow n into the hill on w hich it stands. The r oots of
near by tr ees entw ine w ith its bones and sunny dandelions r each thr ough the cr acks in the cellar.
The cr acks in the cellar had spr outed just outside the boundar ies of anyone?s m em or y.
Ever yone?s m em or y clung to the r ainbow s after each flood, the feasts after each fam ine, the sheets of
r ain after each dr ought.
Each dr ought had been fier cer than the last, w ither ing the gr ass, br ow ning r ow s of vegetables,
shr iveling flow er s and sucking the liquid and fer vor fr om life.
Life clung to the w eather -beaten house w ith w hite knuckles and yellow ing nails.
Yellow ing nails held up the dr y, aching clapboar ds, leaving r ings of r ust on the incor r igible, w ear y
fr am e.
The w ear y fr am e hung cr ooked in the hallw ay, captur ing pained sm iles and eyes br ightened only by
flash, in fr ont of a backgr ound too beautiful for its pur poses.
The backgr ound of soft gr een sea and the r ow s of cr ops it suppor ted w er e too beautiful to be blocked
by br oken and boar ded up w indow s.
The boar ded up w indow s in the kitchen had begun to unhinge and r ays of dusty sunlight pour ed
thr ough the cr acks.
The cr acks in the oak table spanned its length, catching the condensation fr om a stout fr osty glass.
The stout fr osty glass held thr ee dissolving cubes that danced w ith the pr ospect of a sum m er br eeze.
The sum m er br eeze w afted thr ough w ith the sun and shooed aw ay the hum of a pesky fly.
The hum of the pesky fly echos thr ough the em pty halls one last tim e, then the cr eaking and shifting
r etur n to their usual sym phony, aching to w oo the gentle sum m er br eeze.

Th e Tal e Of A Gu r gl i n g Ost r i ch
By Lilly Page

How Wou l d Ch au t au qu a Tak e Over Dai l y Dou bl e

By Em ily Zhang

Once upon a tim e, ther e w as an

ostr ich, and it r an ar ound
gur r r r gling all day. It m ade a
sound like this: ?Gur gle Gur gle
Gur gle Gur r r r gle Gur gle Gur gle
Gur gle Gur r r r gle.? Then, a bug
hopped and put on a RED
POLKA-DOTTED
BUTTON-DOW N SHIRT. Well, the
ostr ich
hated
RED
POLKA-DOTTED
BUTTON-DOW N SHIRTS, so his
nose gr ew. Then, an apple ate
the ostr ich and r an into the
w oods. He w as a ticklish
disgr ace to the WORLD ...

For a few w eeks now , jealous Chautauqua has been

tr ying to take over the Daily Double and change its nam e
to ?The Chautauqua Gazette.? Chautauqua is a ver y vain
per son and w anted his ow n fashion new spaper.
Even though he know s that the Daily Double is not a
fashion gazette, Chautauqua could not star t his ow n. Fir st,
he br ibed all the new sstands in Dover to stop selling the
Daily Double. That ended w hen so m any pr otester s
pr otested against it. The m ayor of Dover for ced all
new sstands in Dover to sell the Daily Double; he loves it so
m uch. The defeated Chautauqua r etr eated, m or e fur ious
than ever. He sm ashed the Daily Doubles? com puter s. But
luckily, the Daily Double had r eplacem ents. The fur ious
Chautauqua disguised him self as a CRCAP counselor. He?s
still seeking r evenge on the Daily Double to this day.

Gam es & Quizzes

Discover your true(?) identity

How To M ak e An Or i gam i Du ck
By Hazel Bar zilay

W h at Ch eese Ar e You ?
By Ram sey
W hat is your favorite color?
A. Blue
B. Yellow
C. W hite
D. Gr een
W here would you like to
live?
A. Italy
B. Am er ica
C. Sw itzer land
D. Fr ance

1. Fold your paper in half to m ake a cr ease dow n the m iddle

2. Then, open your paper
3. Take each end of the paper and fold into the cr ease
4. Then, fold that piece into a r ectangle
5. Open it so one sheet of paper is on one side and tw o on the
other
6. Then, fold in the cor ner s on the on the top and bottom
7. Fold that into a boat shape
8. Then, m ake a little r ip in the m iddle
9. Now fold dow n the edges
10. Then, fold it in car efully
1.

2.

W hat is your favorite style of

house?
A. Br ick/Stone
B. Wood/Log
C. Color ful/Tr ees
D. Stone/Wood
How do you usually smell?
A. Okay
B. Cheesy
C. Good
D. Ter r ible
M ostly A?s You?r e Blue
Cheese! You?r e
unpr edictable and quir ky!
M ostly B?s You?r e Am er ican
Cheese! You?r e super ficial!
M ostly C?s You?r e Sw iss
Cheese! You?r e authentic!
M ostly D?s You?r e Old
Gr een Cheese! You?r e
indulgent!

3.

4.

5.

W h at You Tu ber Ar e You ?

By Wugar

Qu i z: W h at An i m al Ar e You ?
By M ir iam

W hat videos do you make?

A: Vlogs
B: Gam ing Videos/Vlogs
C: Gam ing Videos
D: Roleplay

1. W hat do you like to do in your free time?

A. Play outside
B. Read a book
C. Sw im

W hat do you hate more?

A: Bar r els
B: Bad Com m ents
C: Lfor Leeee
D: Googlies
W ho Is your best friend?
A: Pie
B: Dr. Tr ayaur us
C: Stam py
D: Squid
W hat do you do in your free time?
A: Idk
B: Play W ith Ellie and Dar cie
C: Play Video Gam es
D: Play M inecr aft
If
If
If
If

you
you
you
you

chose m ostly
chose m ostly
chose m ostly
chose m ostly

A?s You got Pew diepie

B?s You got TheDiam ondM inecar t
C?s You got IBallisticSquid
D?s You got Stam pylonghead

2. You like movies that are:

A. Adventur ous
B. Dr eamy
C. Funny
3. You like your friends because they are:
A. Funny
B. Sm ar t
C. Car ing
M ostly As: You ar e a dog. You car e for
your fr iends. You ar e ver y adventur ous
and alw ays up for a new adventur e. But
tr y to keep in your ener gy w hen it is not
needed.
M ostly Bs: You ar e a cat. You like books,
r eading, and w atching m ovies that ar e
science fiction. But m ake sur e that you go
out of your com for t zone and tr y other
things instead of r eading, tr y hanging out
w ith fr iends, or go do som ething fun!
M ostly Cs: You ar e a dolphin. You ar e
playful and love w ater ! You like your
fr iends because they ar e car ing.

M ad Li bs f ai r yt al e n ew s i n t er v i ew
By Alexandr a Gr illo
Reporter: Hello and w elcom e to __________ new s w her e w e ar e going to inter view Hansel and
(noun)
Gr etel. So, Hansel, how did the ______ w itch captur e you?
(adj)
Hansel: So, w hile w e w er e ____________________, the w itch snuck in thr ough the ___________and
(ver b ending in "ing")
(noun)
tied us up so w e couldn?t _______ for help. Then she took us on her br oom stick and w e flew
(ver b)
aw ay into the ______________. The r ide w as so long, m e and my sister fell asleep. We w oke up still
(noun)
tied up and in a ____________ ____________ . The r ope the w itch tied us in w as ver y ____________,
(noun)
(noun)
(adj)
so _____________ in fact that w ith a little ______________________, I could slide out. I helped my sister
(sam e adj)
(ver b ending in "ing")
out of the r opes and w e escaped the house.
Reporter: Thanks for telling us your stor y, Hansel! Next tim e w e talk about if Pr ince Char m ing
is dating ___________________ . This is ______________ New s, signing out.
(celebr ity)
(fir st noun)

W h at Fu l l Hou se Ch ar act er Ar e
You ?
By Julia M ar tin
1. W hat do you like to do in your free
time?
a. Clean my house
b. Study
c. Go to the m all w ith my fr iends
d. Raid the kitchen for candy
2. Your teacher gives you a bad grade.
How do you react?
a. Eh, it's not that big of a deal
b. Go hom e and cr y. You studied so
har d for that test!
c. Wor r y that your par ents w ill be
m ad
d. Convince the teacher to give m e
another gr ade using my cuteness
3. W hat is your life goal?
a. For my fr iends to think I?m cool
b. To becom e valedictor ian
c. To becom e a fam ous baller ina
d. To be just like my sister
4. W hat does your bedroom look like?
a. Ver y tidy, w ith ever ything
or ganized
b. All of my A?s lined up on the w all
c. Lots of pink!
d. I shar e a r oom
5. People don?t understand?
a. That I am cooler than I look
b. That I am r esponsible enough to
take car e of myself
c. W hat is feels like to be the m iddle
child
d. That all I w ant is to be like my
sister s
6. W hat do you hate most in the
world?
a. M ess
b. Being told no
c. W hen people ignor e m e
d. People w ho ar e cuter than m e
7. Your home alone! W hat do you do
first?
a. Clean the kitchen
b. Get a head star t on my hom ew or k
c. Video chat w ith all of my fr iends
d. Eat all of the candy in the house

Bor edom I deas

By Hazel Bar zilay
If you?r e bor ed, then I have som e ideas for you! W hat? No,
I am not going to talk about the election! Her e they ar e:
1. Call a fr iend w ho lives far aw ay and talk about your
sum m er s!
2. Dr aw ! If you don't know w hat to dr aw , then just
scr ibble w ith color s that go together. Even I?ve tr ied it!
3. Read! Don't w atch T.V. Just r ead! Her e ar e a couple book
ideas:
* Sm ile
* The W hite Gir affe
* Cr enshaw
4. Do a lem onade stand! It?s bur ning hot outside. People
m ight even pay extr a for a nice cold glass of lem onade!
5. Read the Daily Double if you haven?t alr eady! M ake a
pile of Daily Doubles you haven't r ead yet and r ead them .
6. Test out all your m ar ker s! W hat? It's fun! If you need
m or e, then go to a stor e and get som e!
7. M ake up a song! Invite a fr iend over to help you m ake it
then per for m it at the Noontim e show !
8. Watch Noontim e show s online. If you w er e in one, then
w atch it!
9. Wr ite! If you don't know w hat to w r ite about, then w r ite
about not know ing w hat to w r ite!
10. Invite a fr iend over if you don't know w hat to w r ite,
then just talk!

8. W hat would you do with one million dollars?

a. Buy a m otor cycle
b. Donate it to char ity
c. Go on a shopping spr ee
d. Buy a ton of candy
9. Did you like this quiz?
a. Yes! I love the show !
b. It w as okay
c. I didn?t like it
d. W hat?s Full House?
Answ er s:
M ostly As: You ar e Danny Tanner ! W hile you tr y to act
cool and tough in fr ont of your fr iends, your r eally a kind
per son. You also have the tendency to be a neat fr eak
som etim es!
M ostly Bs: You ar e DJ Tanner ! You ar e ver y r esponsible,
although som e people tend to under estim ate you. You'r e a
ver y good student and alw ays on top of your school w or k .
M ostly Cs: You ar e Stephanie Tanner ! You ar e a gir ly gir l
w ithout a doubt, but you also long for attention and hate
being the m iddle kid in the fam ily.
M ostly Ds: You ar e M ichelle Tanner ! You'r e the youngest
m em ber of your fam ily and you ar e ador able and funny.
You also have a ver y str ong sw eet tooth!

W h at Col or Ar e You ?
By Sar ah Par r ish
1. W hat do you like to do after
school?
A. Chill out and w atch TV
B. Get all of my hom ew or k
done
C. Anything, as long as you'r e
having fun
D. Clim b the tallest tr ee in my
yar d
E. Going to spor ts pr actice
F. Watch a m ovie and r ead
G. Sleep until dinner
2. Your teacher gives you a
bad grade, how do you react?
A. You don?t car e, you didn?t
even look at it
B. You feel like exploding
w ith anger , your r epor t car d
is r uined because that NEVER
happens!
C. You say ?oh w ell, I?ll do
better next tim e?
D. You expr ess your anger by
jum ping off your chair
E. You just can't w ait for
r ecess
F. You don't r eact even though
you'r e ver y upset, you keep it
to your self
G. You sleep it off
3. W hat is hanging on the
walls of your bedroom?
A. Pictur es of the places I
dr eam of going
B. M y test scor es and m ath
facts
C. M e and my fr iends
D. M y favor ite her os
E. Spor ts ever ything
F. Inspir ing quotes
G. Nothing at all, just the w all
4. Your dream job would be?
A. Stay at hom e par ent
B. A scientist
C. A kinder gar ten teacher
D. A stunt m an
E. An olym pic athlete
F. An accountant
G. I don't w ant to think about
the futur e

W h at Bi t m oj i Ar e You ?
By Echo Lar sen
5. W hat pet would you like the
most?
A. A par r ot
B. A sloth
C. A cat
D. A dr agon or unicor n
E. A dog
F. A goldfish
G. I don?t like anim als
6. W hat would your dream
vacation place be?
A. The for est
B. The center of the ear th and
the w or ld's deepest oceans
C. Haw aii
D. Afr ica
E. Rio for the Olym pics
F. I don?t r eally like to tr avel
G. M y bed
7. If you had a million dollars
what would be the first thing
you would do?
A. Buy an self r ocking
ham m ock
B. Save for college
C. Donate it to a char ity
D. Buy an Am er ican Ninja
War r ior Cour se
E. A tr ack for my backyar d
F. Buy fr iends
G. An EXTRA fluffy bed
8. W ho is your ideal friend?
A. Som eone that doesn't judge
m e for w atching TV all day
B. Som eone like no other
C. Som eone w ho is car ing,
fun, and has a sense of hum or
D. I don?t have tim e for
fr iends
E. People w ho love spor ts
F. Any fr iend at all
G. I pr efer to be sleeping
9. How did you like this quiz?
A. Ehh, it w as okay
B. It w asn?t for m e
C. I LOVED IT!!!
D. It w as pr etty bor ing
E. Basketball is better
F. It w as exciting
G. I didn?t car e

W hat are you feeling right

now?
A. Excited
B. Aw esom e
C. Happy
W hat is your favorite
color?
A. Yellow
B. M or e then one
C. Pink
W hat is your favorite
food/drink?
A. Apple
B. M onster dr ink
C. Cupcake
M ostly A: You ar e the
?high five?Bitm oji.
M ostly B: You ar e the
?dab?Bitm oji.
M ostly C: You ar e the ?oh,
happy day?Bitm oji.

M ostly A?s - Your color is

gr een. You love r elaxing
and ar e a ver y chilled
back per son.
M ostly B?s - Your color is
pur ple. You love lear ning
and ar e SO sm ar t!
M ostly C?s - Your color is
yellow. You ar e so fun,
car ing, and super nice
M ostly D?s - Your color is
r ed. You love doing dar es
and
you
ar e
so
adventur ous.
M ostly E?s - You color is
or ange. Anything spor ts
you LOVE.
M ostly F?s - Your color is
blue. You usually pr efer to
be alone but can still have
a good tim e.
M ostly G?s - Your color is
black . You don't r eally
enjoy
explor ing
the
w or ld, your bed is better.

En d Of Th e Sessi on
By Sar ah Par r ish

Th e Fi r st Day of Cam p
By Alyssa Gondelm an

How t o Cal m Dow n

Ch au t au qu a
By Chloe Cr abe
If Chautauqua is your
counselor READ THIS
ARTICLE (Or if you just
w ant to)
Since Chautauqua
didn?t get to tur n the
Daily Double into The
Chautauqua Gazette,
W E NEED TO CALM
HIM DOW N!!! So
Her e?s A Nor m al
Calm -Dow n
Chautauqua Plan:
STEP 1: Find
Chautauqua (He m ay
be your counselor !)
STEP 2: Pat him on the
back and say ?Calm
Dow n You?ll Never Get
The Daily Double
Though?
STEP 3: Run, because
he w ants the
Chautauqua Gazette,
NOT The Daily Double
This is for a
Chautauqua
Em er gency Plan:
STEP 1: Just Run And
Panic No Plan
Chautauqua Is Alr eady
In A Rage
ENJOY CALM ING
DOW N CHAUTAUQUA

The fir st day of cam p w as aw esom e,

I had the best tim e of my life! I got to
m ake cupcakes in Exper im ental
Baking, and I got to do fair y face
paint, and I got to do Paper
Sculptur e and I get to do Par ade and
I get to do Electr onic Ar t and I get to
do the Daily Double. W hat I like
about Exper im ental Baking is that
you get to bake things and w hat I
like abou Paper Sculptur e is that you
can m ake things out of paper and it
is a lot of fun. W hat I like about
Par ade is that you get to choose
w hat you w ant as a float and on the
fir st day of cam p I w as the only kid
in Par ade. W hat I like about
Electr onic Ar t is that on the fir st day
of cam p w e got to go ar ound and put
a light in som e places and w hat I
like about Daily Double is that I get
to w r ite a new spaper for the cam p
and it is r eally cool because som e
people hand the new spaper s out
and if you w r ite in it you get to be in
the new spaper it is r eally fun and
aw esom e and ever yone in cam p w ill
get one if they w ant cam p is
aw esom e cool and fun and am azing.

Th e Ar t Of Ch au t au qu a
By Chautauqua (AKA Chloe Cr able)
I, Chautauqua am a Tr ue Ar tist.
I?m a Chautauqua, I w ant to take
over the Daily Double r un by Walker
* gr unts* . Again, Walker only likes to
be a Walker because he r uns the
Daily Double! * gr unts again*

This session has gone

by SOOOO fast!! I feel like
just yester day w as the fir st
day of cam p. Fr om
Festival Day LAST year it
has seem ed like such a
shor t year. The w hole year
Julia and I w er e w aiting
for the fir st day of cam p.
To see the counselor s,
fr iends and to be at our
favor ite place in the
w or ld. We w er e dr iving to
a field tr ip at school and
dr ove past cam p. Then w e
r em inded each other how
excited w e w er e to go
back to cam p. On the fir st
day of cam p Julia cam e
into my house
continuously saying I AM
SO EXCITED. This w as the
day w e w er e going to
cam p. And now , its over !
Another w hole year of
w aiting and w aiting for
the fir st day of cam p.
Cam p is aw esom e but the
only bad par t is that it
goes by so fast and then its
Festival Day and all 19
days of cam p ar e over. 346
days to go befor e w e ar e
back at cam p. This session
w as so fun!! We had an
aw esom e Ice Cr eam
Social, 17 successful Daily
Doubles and a
Chautauqua Gazette. Also,
the best par t hasn?t even
happened yet! Festival
Day. For fir st year
cam per s Festival Day is
am azing. Ther e ar e
displays, show s, plays and
m or e. I cant w ait. Cam p
m ay have seem ed shor t
and gone by fast but the
m em or ies w ith last
for ever. Hope you have an
aw esom e last w eek of
Session 1. See you in 364
days CRCAP!

HOW SCA RED

The Photo jour nalism class did a sur vey of 2 classes about how scar ed they w er e w hen the fir e
alar m s w ent off on w ednesday. We asked w er e you ver y scar ed, scar ed, a little scar ed, or not
scar ed. 2 people said ver y scar ed, 4 people said they w er e scar ed, 3 poeple said they w er e a
little scar ed, and 1 ver y un - scar ed kid said not scar ed
Pictur es of the r eenactm ents of the faces that br oke out w hen the ?electr onic ducks? w ent off.

W ERE YOU?

Rev i ew of t h e Fi r e Dr i l l
By Joshua Rosenber g
I thought that the fir e dr ill
w ent ver y w ell. The r eason
Stop M otion Go did not show
up is because the alar m didn't
go off in the Anim ation
Building, so Aar on needs to
get that fixed.
Tw o people next to m e w er e
playing
chopsticks
and
talking, though.

W h at Cam p Cou n sel or /CI T ar e you ?

By Walker Adam s and Lilly Page
W hat do you like to do for fun?
A: Sauter
B: Wr ite
C: Im pr ovise
D: Ar t
E: M usical theater
W hat is your favorite game on the app
store?
A: Pokem on Go
B: Google Keep
C: Gar ageband
D: iCam er a
E: Snapchat
How smelly are you?
A: I don't sm ell at all
B: Extr em ely
C: I sm ell like a taco
D: I like paint
E: Um m ...
Have you ever gone to jail?
A: Never
B: Only to visit
C: How do you know !!
D: I w as a guar d
E: M aybe
W hat is your favorite type of ice cream?
A: Chocolate
B: Black Raspber r y
C: Vanilla
D: M int Or eo
E: Peanut butter cookie dough cr eam
W hat kind of music do you like?
A: Heavy M etal
B: M ow tow n
C: Sw ing
D: Apple m usic
E: Pop m usic
If you chose m ostly
If you chose m ostly
If you chose m ostly
Chautauqua O.
If you chose m ostly
If you chose m ostly

As you got Kelsey T.

Bs you got Walker A.
Cs you got
Ds you got M olly A.
Es you got Anna O.

--- BREAKI NG NEW S!

Hot Sau ce Cr i m i n al
an d Ran som ! ! !
By Ciar an M ur phy,
Chloe Cr able, and
Em ily Zhang
Walker , Gus, and the
Daily Double need
help! Bar r ett the
Counselor posted a
pictur e of the hot
sauce bottle being cut
on the neck w ith a
quote ?$50 if you w ant
him back alive.? This is
enough: Walker ,
Ciar an, Chloe, Em ily,
Lily, Anna, W illiam ,
Nicholas, and
hopefully m any other s
believe Bar r ett stole
the Hot Sauce. Please
help us in this m ass
m ovem ent ?Ransom :
cr im inal-hot-sauce-taker ?
to expose Bar r ett.
W hen w e inter view ed
her she had a guilty
face on and said that
Walker is busted for
show ing cam per s
social m edia. Also she
said that she needs a
law yer. W hy? Bar r ett
also tr ied to stay off
topic, and said she w as
too busy to talk . We
alr eady know that she
has the hot sauce, but
w e need her to adm it:
We NEED evidence.
Bar r ett is r efusing to
adm it it! If you have
any evidence, see
Ciar an on the
bleacher s near the
castle, Chloe at the
bleacher s, or Em ily at
the bor der betw een
the tent and
playgr ound tom or r ow
at lunch. We?ll w r ite it
dow n quietly. See you
in a little w hile!

An I n t er v i ew W i t h
Dave B
By Kailey Chen
Q: W hat is your favorite
sport?
A: (Am er ican) Football
Q: W hat is your favorite
animal?
A: Panther
Q: W ho is your best
friend?
A: Stuffed hippo (Bibbo
the hippo)
Q: W hat is your favorite
movie?
A: The Blues Br other s
Q: W hat was the last
time you made a positive
impact on someone?s
life?
A: Walked the
neighbor ?s dog last
night
Q: Do you have any
pets?
A: No
Q: W hat in life are you
most proud of?
A: His seven kids and
ten gr andkids
Q: If you were trapped
on a deserted island and
could only bring one
thing, what would if be?
A: Unlim ited w ishes
Q: Have you ever cried
in your life?
A: Yes
Q: If you were a fruit,
what fruit would you
be?
A: Apr icot

W hy CRCAP i s So Aw esom e
By Zach and Cian

I n t er v i ew W i t h Hazel
By M ir iam

~ Unlike som e cam ps you have differ ent classes

each hour.
~ But they ar e not educational subjects they ar e
subjects like Baking, Spor ts, Acting, Singing,
M usic, Ar t, Fashion and m any m or e.
~ You?r e pr obably w or r ied if you ar e not in any
classes w ith your fr iends, but your 4th per iod is
called festival per iod and in this per iod you can
just chill out and do som e of their fun offer ings.
~ If you ar e like m e you pr obably get sick of
w hat your give par ents you for lunch but in
CRCAP they give you a var iety of differ ent kinds
of food each day and they also give you a var iety
of desser ts.
~ After lunch they also have a thing called the
Noontim e show w her e classes and people
per for m acts and things they have been w or king
on in their classes.
~ Ther e ar e tw o sessions so if you do not like
fir st session (hopefully that does not happen)
you can just skip the second session.

Q: W hat is your favorite animal?

A: ?Cat?
Q: W hat town do you live in?
A: ?Needham ?
Q: How long have you been at camp?
A: ?This is my fir st year ?
Q: W hat is your favorite class at CRCAP?
A: ?M aking Dances?
Q: W ho is one of your best friends at
CRCAP?
A: ?YOU!!!?
Q: How old are you?
A: ?10?
Q: W hat school do you go to?
A: ?Br oadm eadow ?

I n t er v i ew w i t h Sar ah Par r i sh
By Julia M ar tin

Q: Do you have any siblings?

A: ?Yes. One younger br other , and a
younger sister ?

Q: W hat is your favorite class at CRCAP?

A: ?All of them .?

Q: W hat is your favorite color?

A: ?Blue?

Q: W hat is your favorite color?

A: ?Light blue.?

Q: Do you have any pets?

A: ?No?

Q: How long have you been going to camp?

A: ?Six year s.?
Q: W hat is your biggest pet peeve?
A: ?The w or d ?ointm ent?because it?s has a w eir d
tone to it.?
Q: W hat is your favorite song at the moment?
A: ?I can?t pick one, I love all songs.?
Q: W hat is your favorite event in gymnastics?
A: ?Floor and vault.?
Q: W hat is your favorite food?
A: ?Raspber r ies and steak .?
Q: W ho is your favorite Olympic gymnast?
A: ?Sim one Biles.?
Q: ?Did you enjoy this questionnaire??
A: ?I did.?

A I n t er v i ew of Wal k er
By Alyssa
Do you like cats or dogs more?
He likes cats m or e.
Do you like to have a bloody eye?
Yes, it gives him m or e per sonality and he
can scar e people.
Do you like to do the Daily Double?
Yes it is his favor ite thing to do.
Do you like to be a counselor?
Yes! It is the best job in the w or ld.
Do you like to work at CRCAP?
Yes! He does a lot.

A Day i n t h e Li f e

I n t er v i ew w i t h Ex per i m en t al
Bak i n g
Q:W hat is the easiest thing to
make?
A: Popover s.

I n t er v i ew w i t h t h e
Cost u m es Cl ass
Q: W hat are you currently
working on?
A: M onk costum es.

Q: W hat ingredient do you use

the most?
A: Salt.

Q: W hat is the hardest part

of making a costume?
A: M aking sur e it fits
pr oper ly.
Q: W hat is your favorite
costume you've made?
A: The Four th of July
costum e.

I n t er v i ew w i t h 3D
pr i n t i n g
Q: How does 3D printing
work?
A: Pr inter squir ts m elted
plastic, then har dens.
Q: W hat do you mostly
print?
A: Boxes and things.
Q: W hat is the easiest thing
to print?
A: A house.
Q: W hat are you currently
working on?
A: Boxes and chains.

Q: W hat makes baking so

experimental?
A: The r isk-taking. For exam ple,
w hen w e m ade fr osting, it
cur dled.
Q: W hat type of baking is it?
A: Cooking and baking.

of Secon d Per i od

Reporting and Photos by the

Photo Journalism Class:
Abby Desalvo
Adele Fegley
Allison Lee
Audr ey Gar land
Ciar an M ur phy
Hannah Ir eland
Lucia Saenz
Rem i Tr estan

I n t er v i ew w i t h Soapst on e
Q: W hat are you working on
now?
A: Sur fboar d
Q: W hat are you doing?
A: Sanding
Q: W hy do you think there are so
many moths?
A: Because it is shady
Q: How many things have you
made?
A: 3 things in a w eek
Q: Is there usually a theme for
what you make?
A: Not r eally
Q: W hat tools do you use?
A: Sandpaper , saw s, files, foam
box, r ubby thing, and a dr ill.
Q: How do you think of ideas for
your projects?
A: In my head

I n t er v i ew w i t h Acr obat i cs
Cl u b
Q: W hat do you do in class?
A: Wor k on Tr icks
A: Solo r outines, gr oup
r outines, and skills
Q: W hat is the hardest move
that you have learned?
A: Back w alkover
A: I have done gym nastics
befor e so, nothing m uch
Q: W hat is the difference
between acrobatics and
gymnastics?
A: About the sam e
A: Acr obatics is m or e
tum bling and skill-based

Best Sh ow Ever
I n t er v i ew
Q: W hat is this class all
about?
A: M aking a r andom show.
Q: How do you get your
ideas?
A: TV Show s, including
House, E.R., Scr ubs and
other s.
Q: W hat are you currently
working on?
A: Or ganizing differ ent
things.

?Bl ack Li ves M at t er ? vs. ?Al l Li ves M at t er ?

By M addie Vanech
This article was written on July 8, 2016.

I s Th i s Al l a Dr eam ?
By Lilly Page
Have you ever w onder ed if life is all a
dr eam ? Well, you'r e not alone? I do too.
M aybe I am an alien and ther e's no such
thing as hum ans, or a bir d that lives in the
m iddle of the ocean. If you hate your life,
you m ight like the pr ospect that life's a
dr eam , but I feel kind of cr eeped out about
it because I m ight be in a dr eam but I m ight
not. It feels so r eal, but dr eam s do feel r eal!
So I guess the conclusion is: Is life a dr eam ?

As our countr y slow ly discover s new r ock

bottom s I w ould like to tackle one of the
num er ous issues w e face: ?All Lives M atter.?
The ?All Lives M atter ? ?m ovem ent? is a
m ethod of com batting the ?Black Lives M atter ?
m ovem ent. It basically says that the lives of black
people m atter equally to the lives of w hite people.
(Not to discount other r aces, I?m just speaking on
tw o.) On paper , ?All Lives M atter ? sounds like a
gr eat m anifesto, but w e m ust not be tr icked by its
allur e. ?All Lives M atter ? is a ploy used pr im ar ily
by w hite people w ho r efuse to believe that w e
live in a r acist society. The slogan is basically
saying that black lives m atter just as m uch as
w hite lives. ?Black Lives M atter ? says that black
lives should m atter just as m uch as w hite lives.
?Black Lives M atter ? is a m ovem ent for change
w hile ?All Lives M atter ? is a catchphr ase that
states that ther e is no need for a change? that
black lives alr eady do m atter as m uch as w hite
ones. Sadly, this is not a r eality as r ace-based
police br utality plagues the new s and our
com m unities ever y single day.
1. Yes, all lives do m atter
2. Because of this, black lives m atter
3. ?W hite Lives M atter ? is the default in our r acist
society
4. Ther efor e, saying that ?All Lives M atter ? is not
only r epetitive, but it takes the attention aw ay
fr om the fact that our society constantly needs to
be r em inded of: Black Lives M atter.

Th e M i n d
By Nico Di Angelo
The m ind is som ething m any should and do w onder about. Som e feel as though the m ind is just the
br ain doing its w or k . Som e think that your m ind is your br ain and that you don?t have a m ind, only a
br ain. W hat I think is that your m ind is not the br ain, but uses the br ain. The br ain is the m ind's
sour ce and the m ind cannot sur vive w ithout the br ain, just as the br ain cannot sur vive w ithout the
m ind. The m ind is a useful tool in m any w ays, but also can be confused and toyed w ith to the br eaking
point. The m ind is like a infinite libr ar y w ith huge am ounts of know ledge that is constantly expanding.
The com puter s in the libr ar y of the m ind ar e like m em or y, alw ays looking for infor m ation stor ed
w ithin the libr ar y. Ever y single m om ent of your life, even the ones spent doing ever yday things like
br ushing your teeth, cooking, and eating your m om 's disgusting potato salad, ar e stor ed w ithin those
com puter s. Som e ar e sear ched for m or e often, but ever y single one is alw ays ther e. In m any w ays, the
m ind is w hat m akes you you. Thank you for r eading.

M y Obsessi on
By M ichelle M oon

U-166
By Joshua Rosenber g

M y obsession is pr obably my dog, Coconut. How I got him

w as a big sur pr ise. One day, I got off the bus r ight after
school and my dad w as ther e, w hich r eally sur pr ised m e
because he w as supposed to be at w or k! He said he w as
taking the day off because he w as sick? and I believed him .
The m inute I stepped thr ough the door , my m om said, ?I
w asn?t r eady!? and suddenly a cute, w hite dog cam e bolting
tow ar d m e. I w as star str uck . M y dad had alw ays said w e
w ouldn?t get a dog. I w as so happy and ecstatic and
appar ently my dad thought I w as going to star t scr eam ing
w ith joy, but I w as w ay too astonished to even think about
scr eam ing and I just w ouldn?t stop asking if he w as my dog
or not. Ever since then, I?ve been happy ever y day. W hat?s
your obsession?

Fir st, I am going thr ough a shor t

histor y and explanation of u-boats.
?U-boat? is shor t for ?under sea
boat? and the Ger m ans developed
and built these m achines in the
Wor ld War Tw o er a. U-boats ar e
sor t of like hybr id car s: they use a
com bination of a diesel and
batter y pow er to r un and w er e
equipped w ith four tor pedo tubes
in the bow and ster n of the ship.
This ar ticle is about one u-boat in
par ticular , U-166. U-166 w as a type
nine long r ange u-boat and w as
dispatched to the Battle of the
Atlantic. U-166 w as sunk by a
destr oyer know n as pc335. Her e?s
the stor y: the U.S.S. Rober t E. Lee
w as a passenger and car go ship
sailing in the Atlantic w hen U-166
saw it and fir ed a tor pedo at it. It
str uck and the Rober t E. Lee sunk .
W hat the captain and cr ew of
U-166 didn?t know w as that the
Rober t E. Lee had a naval escor t, a
pc335. Now the captain of the
pc335 saw the u-boat per iscope
and decided to appr oach it fr om its
blind side. U-boat per iscopes had a
ver y nar r ow r ange and could only
see in a slim str aight line. As the
pc335 w as m oving at full speed
tow ar ds the u-166, the captain of
the destr oyer estim ated the depth
of the u-boat and pr epar ed to
launch depth char ges (under w ater
bom bs). Depth char ges w er e not
designed to destr oy u-boats, only
to cr ack ther e pr essur e hull and let
thousands of tons of seaw ater take
car e of the r est. U-boats usually
stor e extr a tor pedoes in the hull.
Now , w hen explor er s saw the
w r eckage of u-166, they knew a
depth char ge could not cause the
bow to br eak off (because they
found it like that). They cam e to
the conclusion that a depth char ge
landed on the r oof of the extr a
tor pedo bay and w hen the depth
char ge r eached the set depth to
explode, it caused a chain r eaction
igniting the spar e tor pedoes.

Fact s Abou t Spi der s

By Echo Lar sen
1. Ther e ar e spider s in ever y continent except Antar ctica.
2. All of them have eight legs.
3. Som e spider s live in w ater !
4. Ther e ar e at least 38,000 kinds of spider s in the w or ld.
Ther e m ight also be m or e!
5. Black W idow fem ales eat m ales w hen they m eet.
6. Only Black W idow fem ales ar e poisonous.
7. Spider s do not have any bones. Instead, they have a
ar m or type thing ar ound thier bodies.
8. A Black W idow is 15 tim es m or e poisonous than a
r attlesnake.
Thank you.

W hy Cat s Ar e Bet t er Th an Dogs

By Hazel Bar zilay
Hi, cam per s! You m ay like dogs now , but after you r ead this
you'll LOVE cats, so get r eady!
Reason One w hy cats ar e better than dogs: they don't
go cr azy w hen the door bell r ings! Dogs go cr azy and
pr actically bar k their heads off, but cats just calm ly w alk
aw ay so they don't inter r upt the per son com ing in.
Reason Tw o: cats ar e not loud, but dogs pr actically r ip your
ear s out! W hen a kid star ts chasing a dog, the dog star ts
chasing the kid back! But cats just r un aw ay and hide.
Reason Thr ee: WALKER AGREES W ITH ALL OF THIS
ARTICLE!

Br ex i t , or ?Eu r opocal ypse?

By M ichael Weiskopf

Obsessed
By Kailey Chen

In a 52% to 48% vote Thur sday, June 23, Gr eat Br itain

voted to w ithdr aw fr om the Eur opean Union, a decision
sur e to dr astically alter not only Br itain?s futur e, but the
w or ld?s futur e as w ell. The ?Leave? cam paign, led by
Par liam ent m em ber and UK Independence Par ty (UKIP)
leader Nigel Far age and for m er London m ayor Bor is
Johnson, w as alm ost solely r esponsible for the Br exit
cam paign. PM David Cam er on, a staunch cam paigner for
the ?Rem ain? m ovem ent, announced his plans for
r esignation follow ing the vote.
The vote w as extr em ely divisive in ter m s of Br itain?s
geogr aphy. London, Scotland, Nor ther n Ir eland and
Gibr altar over w helm ingly voted to r em ain, w hile
Yor kshir e, Wales, and the M idlands over w helm ingly voted
to leave. M any analysts have pr edicted that another
independence r efer endum w ill com e up for vote in
Scotland soon, consider ing the r esults of the vote.
M any Am er icans ar e now concer ned that Br itain?s
vote m ay be for eshadow ing a Donald Tr um p pr esidency.
Tr um p, w ho becam e the Republican Par ty?s pr esum ptive
nom inee for pr esident in M ay, happened to be in Scotland
dur ing the Br exit vote. Tr um p him self r ecognized a
par allel betw een Br exit and his cam paign. The pr im ar y
sentim ent of the Br exit w as extr em ely anti-im m igr ant.
Tr um p and the Br exit m ostly appeal to the sam e
dem ogr aphic. How ever , w hen Tr um p gave a speech in
Scotland pr aising the Br exit, people becam e outr aged at
his ignor ance tow ar ds Scotland?s over w helm ing vote to
r em ain. Angr y Scots took to Tw itter to coin cr eative insults
dir ected at Tr um p. One of the m or e m em or able Tw eets
r ead, ?Scotland voted to stay, you tanger ine-faced loon!?
A day after the vote, the fr ont page of CNN?s w ebsite
r ead, ?And now som e Regr exit.? Polls and inter view s w er e
conducted, and m ost found that if another vote took place
today, the outcom e w ould be ver y differ ent. An English
w om an at the M anchester Air por t said to cam er as that she
voted to leave, but just because of peer -pr essur e. She did
not under stand the full im pact of her vote and, accor ding
to her self, only r ealized w hat leaving the EU tr uly m eant
w hen she w oke up the next m or ning to the r esults.
Lastly, my opinion. I w ould fir st like to ask, ?Br itain,
w hat w er e you thinking?!? The Br exit w ill not only hur t
Br itain but the w or ld economy as w ell. Stocks all over the
w or ld plunged the day after the vote. The Br exit has also
fueled som e m or e EU exit m ovem ents ar ound Eur ope. For
exam ple, gr oups in Fr ance, Ger m any, and Italy ar e calling
for a vote. This m ay not only be the end of the UK as w e
know it, it could be the end of the EU as w e know it too. On
the M onday episode of ?The Daily Show ,? com edian Tr evor
Noah stated, ?Br itain, if you ar e r eally going to leave the
EU, please do it befor e Novem ber so Am er ica can lear n
fr om your m istakes.? I agr ee 100%.

M y dad is too obsessed w ith his

phone to talk to m e and my m om . I
need to fix this befor e he is going to
m ar r y his phone. His phone is like
the love of his life and he w on?t
even tr ust m e w ith it. W hen I do
som ething he w on?t even pay
attention to m e. I think he?s
obsessed w ith it because he can
text all his fr iends. I hope I don?t
gr ow up to becom e obsessed w ith
my phone.

Gi r af f es
By Ram sey
Do you know w hat a gir affe is?
They ar e ver y tall anim als that can
r un 37 m ph. Their necks ar e ver y
long, so they can r each tall tr ees.
They live in the Afr ican savanna. A
long tim e ago, som e gir affes had
shor t necks. The gir affes w ith shor t
necks could not r each tr ees, so they
died out. Gir affes eat leaves or fr uit
that fell out of tr ees. Lions,
leopar ds or hyenas eat gir affes.
Gir affes have long legs. I fed a
gir affe at the zoo. They ar e
inter esting. The gir affe I fed w as
ver y big. It w as 5 year s old. I hoped
you like lear ning about gir affes.

STRAW S
By Joshua Rosenber g
Str aw s ar e so cool. They pr event
the need to m anually dr ink the
w ater fr om the glass. But, you know
w hat is SUPER cool? Tw isty
str aw s!!! They ar e so fun and cool! I
have a cat w ho likes to dr ink w ater
out of a glass. Unfor tunately, she
does not know how to use str aw s ?
my other cat just looks at my other
cat like she is w eir d.

I NCENSE
By Lilly Page

W hy Tr u m p Cal l s Cl i n t on ?Cr ook ed Hi l l ar y?

By Nico Di Angelo

On the Four th of July, my fam ily and

I w er e setting off fir ew or ks. M y
Uncle Aar on ?set off ? (w ell, tr ied to
set off ) the spar kler s w ith a m atch.
Fir st of all: m atches do not w or k
ver y w ell for setting off spar kler s.
Second of all: they did not light, they
sm oked. You ar e pr obably thinking
?w hat ar e these things?? That?s w hat
w e w er e thinking until ? It sm elled
good! The fir st thing I thought w as,
?is that tr ue?? So, later , I sm elled
the sm oke. It did sm ell good. Then
w e figur ed out that it w as incense.
We checked the box and it said:
?Spar kler s. War ning: Em its show er s
of spar ks.? So, it w as either my
fam ily or the com pany that did it.

M any w ho don't know have w onder ed w hy the fam ous

Donald Tr um p calls Hillar y Clinton ?cr ooked Hillar y.?
Well, as m any of you m ight have thought, Hillar y Clinton
is not a good per son. Hillar y Clinton lied to the FBI for
pete's sake! Let m e explain. As m any know , Hillar y
Clinton w as the Secr etar y of State and ser ved under
Obam a fr om 2009 to 2013. No one suspected anything of
her at all. Then later in 2015 it becam e publicly know n
that Hillar y Clinton w as using her per sonal em ail account
to stor e classified infor m ation. This w as a ver y danger ous
idea because a per sonal em ail account is not har d to
br eak into and som e of the em ails in the account
contained pr ivate things in ther e that only the
gover nm ent w as supposed to know. Som e of the things in
the em ails consist of ter r or ists acts and locations to
ter r or ists bases. Ther e w er e also ser ver secur ity and
hacking attem pts in the files m aking them ver y danger ous
if they fell into the w r ong hands. Hillar y w as later
questioned for this and lied dur ing her questioning saying
that she hadn?t looked thr ough any of the em ails. The last
8 w or ds w er e the lie. They later asked the FBI to look
thr ough the em ails. The FBI looked them thr ough and
found out som e shocking new s. Hillar y had looked
thr ough the em ails and even w r ote things dow n in them
including schedules and other things about her daughter 's
w edding. They also found som e of the em ails w er e gone,
m eaning that Hillar y had deleted them , pr obably tr ying to
er ase evidence. She later w as asked about this again and
said she didn?t know they w er e classified w hich w as
near ly im possible consider ing they said classified at the
top. The FBI thought about it for a bit then decided not to
char ge her w ith cr im e because they had pr oof but not
enough and still didn?t know for sur e that she w as guilty.
The case r ested ther e. M any people have disliked Hillar y
since (though it pr obably w as her haw kish appear ance
and annoying attitude). M any think that Hillar y's actions
w as based on the fact that Hillar y?s w or k account, (w hich
is a w hole lot har der to hack into, I m ight add) w as
pr obably not functioning pr oper ly, so Hillar y used her
per sonal account instead. Other s think Hillar y m ight have
been tr ying to m ake them fall into the w r ong hands, an
action that could have destr oyed the gover nm ent. She is
thought to be not entir ely innocent but still not com pletely
guilty. She is not r ight to be pr esident and neither is
Tr um p. Liter ally no per son r unning for pr esident seem s to
be good, kind, sm ar t and fair. We need differ ent
candidates! Thank you for r eading and good luck finding
your favor ite pr esident.

I s Br azi l Real l y Wor t hy t o Host t h e

Ol ym pi cs?
By Ciar an M ur phy
As of 2008, the per fect location for
the upcom ing Olym pics w as Rio de
Janeir o.
Not
anym or e.
Br azil?s
economy, social, and political facing
Br azil have m ade ever yone w onder
?Is Rio r eally the r ight place?? It got
w or se w hen a m ajor outbr eak of the
Zika vir us has detr acted fans and
athletes fr om the gam es. And w or se
w hen a M AJOR cor r uption case br oke
out involving the countr y?s giant oil
com pany, Petr obr as. If w e go into
details of the economy, you find
distur bing details. The gr oss dom estic
pr oduct dr opping 3.8 per cent in 2015
alone. Ever yone is affected by the
cr isis? teacher s,
policem en
and
w om en, attendees to m uch-needed
social classes ar e cut fr om the
pr ogr am s! The lar gest w or r y is cr im e:
just days ago, ar m ed m en attacked a
m ajor hospital in Br azil, fr eeing a
dr ug kingpin. All this com es together
to m ake a ver y scar y num ber : w hen
the olym pics ar e over , Br azil w ill be
in ser ious debt cur r ent debt is 4.5
billion, and the olym pics w ill cost
about 20 Billion dollar s! These facts
show that Br azil is NOT w or thy.

(This is only fr om my point of view. Please do not feel

offended if you like Hillar y. I have nothing against you
and w ill not tr y to alter your opinion. Thank you for
under standing.)

I n M em or y of El i e W i esel
By M ichael Weiskopf
Holocaust sur vivor , author , pr ofessor , hum an r ights activist, and
Nobel laur eate Eliezer (Elie) W iesel passed aw ay Satur day at the age of
87 in New Yor k City. A spokesm an for the Yad VaShem Holocaust
m em or ial in Jer usalem stated that he died ?peacefully of natur al
causes.? In keeping w ith the Jew ish tr adition of bur ying the dead as
soon as possible after death, W iesel?s funer al w as held a day after his
death.
Bor n in Sighet, Hungar y, w hich today is in Rom ania, W iesel and
his fam ily w er e depor ted to the Auschw itz concentr ation cam p in
Poland in 1944. He w as only 15 year s old. His m other and one of his
sister s w er e killed im m ediately upon ar r ival at Auschw itz, but Elie
and his father lived. The tw o of them w er e for ced on sever al ?Death
M ar ches,? w hen som etim es thousands of pr isoner s w er e for ced to r un
for extr em ely long distances fr om one cam p to another. In 1945, Elie
and his father w er e m oved to Buchenw ald, a slightly sm aller
concentr ation cam p in Ger m any. Elie?s father w as killed a few days
later. Buchenw ald w as liber ated by the Allied For ces later that year
and he w as r eunited w ith tw o of his sister s, his only r em aining fam ily.
W iesel m oved to Fr ance w her e, in 1958, he published Night, a
collection of his m em or ies fr om the Holocaust. As of today, Night has
been tr anslated fr om Fr ench into over 30 differ ent languages. Night is
often cr edited w ith r aising aw ar eness in Am er ica for the Holocaust.
Nam ed the m ost influential Jew ish-Am er ican thr ee tim es by the
Los Angeles Tim es, W iesel w on the Nobel Peace Pr ize in 1986. In
intr oducing W iesel, the chair m an of the Nobel Com m ittee said, ?Fr om
the abyss of the death cam ps he has com e as a m essenger to m ankind,
not w ith a m essage of hate and r evenge, but w ith one of br other hood
and atonem ent.? As W iesel accepted the aw ar d, he stated that he
w ould do so on behalf of the six m illion Jew s w ho w er e m ur der ed in
the Holocaust, as w ell as the sur vivor s. W iesel becam e a pr ofessor at
Boston Univer sity and r em ained ther e until his r etir em ent in 2011.
W iesel had a passion for hum an r ights for his w hole life, advocating
on behalf of Jew s fleeing the USSR, Ethiopian Jew s, and other
per secuted gr oups in Nicar agua, Cam bodia, Ar gentina, Rw anda, South
Afr ica, and for m er Yugoslavia. He w as also a leader in the fight
against Holocaust Denial, incr easing aw ar eness ar ound the w or ld.
I had the oppor tunity to r ead Night a few m onths ago for school.
Being fr om a fam ily of Holocaust sur vivor s, the stor y w as especially
m oving. M y gr eat-gr andpar ents sur vived Auschw itz, Buchenw ald, and
Ther eisenstadt am ong other s. One of my gr eat-gr andfather s even hid
in the w oods of Poland w ith his br other s. W iesel?s w or k against
Holocaust Denial w as also inspir ing. The Holocaust r eally happened,
and my gr eat-gr andm other , w ho at 91 still lives a happy and healthy
life in Chicago, is living pr oof of that fact. Lastly, Elie W iesel taught us
that w e should alw ays put love, toler ance, and for giveness above all.
And that is exactly w hat the w or ld needs r ight now.

How To Be You r sel f

By Lita
Have you ever looked in a fashion
m agazine? Have you ever com e acr oss those
pictur es that m ake you quickly flip past the page
and close your eyes, and cr inge? I w as looking
thr ough the m agazines, w hen I cam e acr oss a
pictur e of a w om an. I w on't go into detail, but she
w as lacking clothing. I thought to myself. Isn?t
this a FASHION m agazine? W her e ar e the
CLOTHES? M aybe I w as m istaken and DKNY
actually m akes bed sheets. These days, in m ost
fashion m agazines, the people w ho take
photogr aphs of w om en leave them looking quite
vulner able. This r eally upset m e.
W hy do they do this to these m odels in
these m agazines? This is quite offensive in my
opinion. People seem to for get that w om en ar e
NOT objects. We deser ve as m uch r espect as
ever yone else.
Have you noticed how all the m odels in
the m agazines look like they'r e acting? They
don't do this to show that they ar e str ong. And
equal. They pose like this. For show. For m oney.
W hy? Society. Society has br ainw ashed all of us
Am er icans to think that it's per fectly nor m al, to
tr eat a w om an as a household object. And, if a
w om an w ants to be a constr uction w or ker ? Nah.
she's a GIRL. Get her back in the kitchen. But its
totally fine for a w om an to be a fashion m odel,
and be a THING. Do you ever see pictur es of M EN
in absolutely nothing? Pr obably. But do they look
vulner able? Ar e they lying dow n? No. they ar e
put next to another w om an, w ho is also w ear ing
nothing. Dr aped over the m an. The fashion
industr y m akes the m en look str ong and
confident. And, pow er ful. And the w om en? They
m ake them look w eak and vulner able, as I said
befor e. It r eally upsets m e, that w hat I have to
say her e in this ar ticle is? tr ue.
W hen other teenaged gir ls look at these
photos, and feel bad about their ow n bodies?
Once again. SOCIETY! W hy? These gir ls star t to
think that they'r e ugly. They think that they have
to look tall. And skinny. They star ve them selves,
they judge them selves, and put pounds of
m akeup on their faces, JUST to ?Fit in.? They go
on diets, and exer cise till they can't m ove.
Listen. Don't star ve your self. If you ar e
hungr y. EAT. People don't seem to under stand,
that w e need to eat w hen w e ar e hungr y. I'm not
telling you that you should eat a cheesebur ger
fr om M cdonalds w henever you'r e hungr y. You
w on't get fat, as long as you'r e eating healthy
food.

If you feel like you need food, have a

glass of w ater and a sm all snack, to keep your
body r unning. Take car e of your self. Dr inking
w ater helps you concentr ate. And w ater keeps
you in a good m ood,and keeps you feeling
healthy. Str etch m ar ks ar e totally nor m al. You
know , the sm all lines that m ay be on the back
of your legs? Or m aybe on your thighs and
hips? Don't w or r y, you ar e not dying.
Ever ybody gets them . This is w hat happens
w hen you gr ow. If you feel em bar r assed by
them , ther e's m any things you can do to m ake
them fade. Tr y vitam in E oil. You can find it at
CVS. This is nothing to sw eat over. Do you have
blem ishes? Easy. M ake sur e to use facial scr ub
ever y night, you can also find this at CVS or
your local dr ugstor e. We've all had at least one
pim ple. Right? Don't pop them , it w ill r uin
your skin, and leave scar s. The next tim e you
have a pim ple, dab a little honey on it. It r eally
helps. Once again, NOBODY is per fect.
Photoshop w as invented. How do I know w hen
a photo is m essed w ith on the fr ont of a
m agazine? I know how to use photoshop
myself. THIS is another r eason w hy I get m ad
at these pictur es. The next tim e you see a
pictur e of a gir l w ith a per fect cur vy w aist,
r em em ber , that the people w ho designed these
photos, used the er aser tool, and then they
used the blur tool. Okay? Hey, you. YES YOU.
The one w ho has been r eading this. YOU ar e
beautiful. Okay? You ar e YOU. Em br ace that.
Don't look in the m agazines, and cr y, because
you don't look like a per son that a gr aphic
designer w ent photoshop CRAZY on.
Please, look in the m ir r or , and say to
your self: ?I am M E, I LOOK like m e, I TALK like
m e, I even WALK like m e.? Don't get
br ainw ashed by the m edia. You ar e per fect. To
tell you the tr uth, not as m any people judge
you as you think . Well, w hen I look at a
per son, I look at w hat they m ight be w ear ing.
How they ar e expr essing them selves. Do they
like the sam e band as m e? Body language is
im por tant as w ell. Look confident. Sm ile.
Really, it helps! It m akes you look m or e
appr oachable. You m ay not look like a m odel,
but your sm ile m eans the WORLD. Rem em ber ,
sm iles ar e contagious. Show off those cool
br aces! You ar e ADORABLE! Okay? Now ,
SM ILE! Go on, I?m gonna look ar ound at w ho's
r eading this, and how m any people ar e
sm iling. Ther e's that nice sm ile! Keep it up!
You ar e you. You ar e the best at being you. So
be that. THANK you. Okay. I?m done.

Red Sox Acqu i r e Dr ew Pom er an z Fr om Padr es

By Nicholas Weylm an-Far w ell

Spor ts!
W ho won the sport-game to-day?
M essi M ov i n g f r om FC Bar cel on a
an d Ar gen t i n a
By Cian M oss and Zach Jaffe
Recently, the fam ous soccer player
Lionel M essi took a ?500 m illion deal
to m ove fr om FC Bar celona to Real
M adr id. This deal shocked the soccer
w or ld seeing that the w or ld's m ost
fam ous soccer player w ill be m oving
to FC Bar celona's r ival. Now , m ost of
you m ight not know this, but another
ver y good player nam ed Cr istiano
Ronaldo plays for Real M adr id so this
gives Real M adr id a ver y high chance
of w inning the Liga cham pionship,
w hich is a com petition w her e all the
clubs in Eur ope face off against each
other to see w ho is the best. Real
M adr id also has a good soccer player
nam ed Gar eth Bale w hich r aises the
stakes of them w inning the Liga
cham pionship. I think this tr ade is a
lot like the tr ade w ith Kevin Dur ant
and the War r ior s. It is com par able
because the War r ior s have a r eally
good player nam ed Steph Cur r y and
they ar e getting a r eally good player
nam ed Kevin Dur ant, so this w ill also
im pr ove the stakes of them w inning
the cham pionship a few tim es
because of the com bination of the
player s. Recently, Ar gentina lost M essi
w hen Chile beat them in the Copa
Am er ica final it w as a big blow to
Ar gentina because he car r ied the
team on his back . He is thinking
about m oving to Spain, w hich w ill
m ake spain O.P. fr om all the other
player s.

It looks like tr ade season is just about to kick off as

the Red Sox just acquir ed star ter Dr ew Pom er anz fr om
the Padr es for top pitching pr ospect Ander son Espinoza
(no. 34 on M LB.com ?s Top 100). I?m glad that Dom br ow ski
dealt for a star ter , but I?m pr etty m ixed on this tr ade in
gener al. Lets br eak dow n bothh sides of the tr ansaction.
I w ouldn?t exactly call Dr ew Pom er anz an ace, but
he?s having a solid season so far (8-7, 2.47 ERA). Good
star ting pitching is exactly w hat w e need, so pr ops to
Dom br ow ski for that. But, par t of m e still feels unsatisfied
w ith this tr ade. I?m concer ed about his consistency. Sur e,
he?s had an am azing season, but w ho know s if he?ll
continue that for m for the r est of the season and for the
year s to com e. He?s never had a season that even cam e
close to this this year ?s. W ho know s if he?s just having a
fluky season. Hopefully that?s not the case. Either w ay,
Pom er anz is a solid addition, but for the w r ong pr ice,
w hich br ings m e into my next point.
I?m super angr y that w e had to give up Espinoza. I
know it?s bad to cling on to pr ospects, but I thought
Espinoza w as ?untouchable? and shouldn?t be dealt. This
kid possesses the skillset and fr am e to becom e som ething
special. In fact, m any scouts have hailed him as the next
Pedr o M ar tinez. Com par isons ar en?t alw ays cor r ect, and
m ost of the tim e, they?r e pr etty inaccur ate, but they
should still hold som e w eight. I w ould?ve been fine w ith
dealing a pr ospect like Rafael Dever s (w hich is ir onic
because he?s r anked higher than Espinoza), because w e
alr eady have a logjam of top position player pr ospects
like Yoan M oncada (2B), Andr ew Benintendi (OF), and
Dever s (3B). The ?w ell? for pitching pr ospect on the other
hand, is pr etty dr y. Our top pitching pr ospect, M ichael
Kopech isn?t even r anked on M LB.com ?s list. But w e do
have r einfor cem ents on the w ay, as LHP Jason Gr oom e
w as just given a signing bonus. Gr oom e w as consider ed a
top 5 pr ospect, but fell to us at 13. The Padr es ar e
r eceiving an am azing pr ospect.
In the tim e being until Espinoza r eaches the M ajor s,
w e can only hope that Pom er anz continues his excellent
for m .
Gol den St at e Al r eady Won t h e Ti t l e
By Tom Hicks
Now that all-star Dur ant has chosen to go to the War r ior s,
w ho br oke a r ecor d for the best r egular season, w e know
that the War r ior s w ill w in the title. This signing tur ns an
alr eady thr eatening r oster into a full on death squad.
W ith tw o-tim e M VP Steph Cur r y, 3 point contest w inner
Klay Thom pson, Dur ant, defensive star Andr e Iguodala,
and Dr aym ond Gr een, this team w ill be unstoppable. M y
only r eal question is: w ill the War r ior s lose a single gam e
this season?

Gol den St at e War r i or s: Ch am pi on s Al r eady?

By Casey Cor cor an

Qu est i on : I s Th e NBA Fi x ed?

By Nicholas Nam ini

OK, so Kevin Dur ant says he?s going to the

Golden State War r ior s. The War r ior s w ill not only
have Kevin Dur ant and tw o-tim e M VP, Stephen
Cur r y, but they?ll also have Klay Thom pson (a
tw o-tim e All-NBA Team player ), Andr e Iguodala
(a r ecipient of the Bill Russell NBA Finals M ost
Valuable Player Aw ar d), and Dr aym ond Gr een (a
tw o-tim e NBA All-Defensive player ). Adding a
scor er like Dur ant to these player s and a 73-w in
team w ill cer tainly m ean a cham pionship r ight
aw ay, r ight? Not necessar ily. Fir st off, ther e have
been other gr eat team s that people thought w ould
w in a cham pionship in a season but didn?t. Let?s
take the 2003-2004 Los Angeles Laker s. Not only
did they have Shaquille O?Neal and Kobe Br yant,
but they had futur e Hall of Fam er s Gar y Payton
and Kar l M alone. They w ent on to have 56 w ins in
the r egular season, and they m ade it to the NBA
Finals. How ever , they lost to the Detr oit Pistons in
five gam es in the NBA Finals. Another exam ple of
a gr eat team that failed to w in a cham pionship
the season that they w er e ?destined? to w in w as
the 2010-2011 M iam i Heat. Chr is Bosh, LeBr on
Jam es, and Dw yane Wade didn?t lead the Heat to
a ver y good star t (they star ted 9-8). They
eventually m ade it to the NBA Finals, but they lost
in six gam es to the Dallas M aver icks. Finally, the
2015-2016 War r ior s even show ed that gr eat team s
don?t alw ays w in NBA Cham pionships in a season
that a lot of people pr edicted them to w in w hen
they lost to the Cleveland Cavalier s r ecently in the
2016 NBA Finals. They br oke the single-season
NBA r ecor d for the w inningest team (w ith 73
w ins), they had good player s, and they still didn?t
w in the NBA Cham pionship this year. So now
w e?ve looked at team s that haven?t gone all the
w ay. How ever , w hen w e?r e looking on the br ight
side for the War r ior s, all of the team s that I have
talked about have m ade it to the NBA Finals in the
season that people thought they w ould w in, even
if they didn?t w in. And even they have good
player s that ar en?t only good at one thing. This
could m ean not having ?too m uch? offense and
being able to pass and spr ead the ball out. They
m ight be able to pull this off if they stay healthy.
Keep in m ind the ?if they stay healthy? par t. Since
Golden State spent a lot of m oney on Dur ant,
they?ll pr obably not have the m oney to spend on
other decent/good player s, and ther efor e not have
a lot of depth.
So w ith all of this infor m ation, do you
think the Golden State War r ior s ar e going to be
NBA Cham pions in the 2016-2017 season?

This question is im possible to answ er ,

but her e ar e m any theor ies for this question.
The 1985 NBA Dr aft: The 1985 Dr aft w as
ver y questionable. Fir st of all, Patr ick Ew ing
w as the No. 1 over all pick . Her e is the
contr over sy, David Ster n w anted Ew ing to go
to the Knicks. The NBA used envelopes in a
spinner thing to decide w ho gets the fir st
pick . Ster n has a m an to put the envelopes
inside the spinning thing. Ster n takes a deep
br eath. Not suspicious (sar casm ). The m an
putting the envelopes in w or ks for the sam e
com pany that ow ns the Knicks. Totally not
suspicious (m or e sar casm ). As he puts the
envelopes inside, he hits the cor ner of the
Knicks envelope against the m etal, leaving a
bent cor ner on the Knicks envelope. He did
not com e close to hitting the m etal w ith the
other envelopes. Definitely not suspicious
(SARCASM !!!!). As Ster n picks the envelopes,
he flips over a few envelopes to pick up the
one w ith the bent cor ner. Suspicious?
Anyw ay, The Knicks picked Patr ick Ew ing.
The 2002 Wester n Confer ence Final
Gam e 6: The Nets w er e in The NBA Finals.
The Laker s played the Kings. Listen to this,
the NBA?s com m issioner , David Ster n,
thought that it w as m or e inter esting for the
Laker s to Play the Nets than the Kings. Ther e
is not m uch to say but the r efs called ter r ible
calls on the Kings. The Laker s had 27 fr ee
thr ow s in 12 m inutes! Obviously, the Laker s
w on the gam e and the ser ies? So, w hat do
you think? Is the NBA fixed?

Ti m Du n can ?s Ret i r em en t
By Tom my Hicks
After 19 seasons in this league, Tim Duncan
announced his r etir em ent fr om the NBA. He
spent his entir e car eer in San Antonio
playing for the Spur s and w ill definitely be a
Hall of Fam er. He announced his r etir em ent
in the m ost quiet w ay he could, letting other s
talk for him . He had one of the gr eatest
legacies, m aking the playoffs in all 19 year s
of
his
car eer ,
and
w inning
five
cham pionships for San Antonio. Nobody
know s w hat San Antonio w ill do w ithout
Duncan, w hich m ight m ake this the fir st
season in 19 year s that they don?t m ake the
playoffs.

W h at Foot bal l Pl ayer Ar e You ?

By Zach Jaffe and Cian M oss

Cel t i cs t ak e Jayl en Br ow n w i t h t h e 3r d Pi ck
By Nicholas Weylm an-Far w ell

How big are you?

A. lar ge
B. m edium
C. extr a lar ge
D. sm all

On Thur sday night, the 2016 NBA dr aft took

place at the Bar clays Center in Br ooklyn. The
Philadelphia 76er s, w ho held the fir st pick that night,
took for w ar d Ben Sim m ons out of LSU. W ith the 2nd
pick, the Los Angeles Laker s took Duke for w ar d
Br andon Ingr am . Finally, our Celtics took for w ar d
Jaylen Br ow n out of Califor nia. Let m e tell you w hy
that w as an am azing pick .
Fir st, Jaylen Br ow n has explosive athleticism ,
and can finish at the r im ver y easily. He can go coast
to coast sim ilar to Russell Westbr ook .
Even though stats say that Br ow n had a poor
shooting season, w hich he did by the w ay (30
per cent fr om deep), you can?t blam e all of that on
him . Cal, his team last year , w as notor iously know n
for being hor r ible at cr eating space. Shooter s need
space to get high per centage looks. Also, shooting is a
skill that can be lear ned and im pr oved m uch m or e
easily than a skill like defense. It seem s like he?s
been w or king ver y har d on that since the end of the
season, as he hit 76 out of 100 3s in a w or kout befor e
the dr aft, a num ber sim ilar to the likes of
shar pshooter s Jam al M ur r ay and Buddy Hield, w ho
hit 79 and 85 r espectively in the sam e dr ill. W hen
asked about his shooting, a 76er s executive said that
his for m is m uch better than his stats fr om his
fr eshm an year show.
Another positive attr ibute of Br ow n?s is his
lock-dow n defense. As I stated ear lier , defense is a
skill that can?t be taught easily, unlike shooting. Now ,
the Celtics have a ver y gr itty and defensive m inded
team w ith the likes of Jae Cr ow der , Aver y Br adley,
M ar cus Sm ar t and Br ow n.
Another attr ibute that m ade Danny Ainge dr aft
Br ow n, is his m entality and IQ. His tough m entality
m akes him per fect for the valiant Celtics. Br ow n?s IQ
m ay not seem that im por tant, but it actually is. This
tr ait allow s Br ow n to figur e out his m istakes and fix
them easily.
In conclusion, I think that Br ow n w as an
am azing pick even though ther e w er e a plethor a of
other player s available at 3 (M ur r ay, Hield, Bender ,
Chr iss, etc? ). In fact, he r em inds m e of Kaw hi
Leonar d w hen he cam e out of college (str ong
defender , lack of shooting, and sim ilar physical
char acter istics like height and w ingspan). And look
w her e Leonar d is now ! He finished second in the
M VP voting to Cur r y this year ! And to think that
Br ow n is alm ost identical to him is just am azing, and
it m ake m e excited to w atch him next season (and
even sooner , as the NBA Sum m er League for
incom ing r ookies like Br ow n and last year ?s r ookies
star ts in a few w eeks).

How fast are you?

A. slow
B. fast
C. ver y slow
D. speed of light (not r eally but
close enough)
How hard can you hit?
A. super har d
B. har d
C. tr uck
D. feather
How well can you catch?
A. okay
B. w ell
C. poor ly
D. super b
How well can you throw?
A. m ediocr e
B. aw esom e
C. ter r ible
D. nice
M ostly
M ostly
M ostly
M ostly

As: you ar e J.J. Watt

Bs: you ar e Cam New ton
Cs: you ar e Vince W ilfor k
Ds: you ar e Chr is Johnson

Th e New Spor t s Col u m n !

By The Spor ts Guys (also know n as Ciar an, Casey, and
Nicholas)
The 2016 M LB Regular Season
By Ciar an M ur phy
This year has been a heck of a year so far , w ith the
Cubs, a team that hasn?t w on a w or ld ser ies in 100+
year s leading the NL Centr al by near ly 10 gam es, and
the Yankees Falling into the cellar w ith ar guably the
w or st team in the AL, the Tam pa Bay Rays!
Two American Athletes W ho Aren?t Competing in the
2016 Summer Olympic Games
By Casey Cor cor an
Alr ight, so the Olym pics ar e a tim e w hen the best
athletes fr om ar ound the w or ld com pete to take hom e
m edals. But w hat if athletes choose not to com pete in
the Olym pics. Her e ar e som e athletes w ho ar en?t
com peting in the gam es and their r eason(s):
Stephen Cur r y, Golden State War r ior s, NBA
Cur r y isn?t going to com pete in the Gam es this year.
Accor ding to CNN, Stephen said: ?How ever , due to
sever al factor s -- including r ecent knee and ankle
injur ies -- I believe this is the best decision for m e at
this stage of my car eer. It?s an incr edible honor to
r epr esent your countr y and w ear ?USA?on your chest,
but my pr im ar y basketball-r elated objective this
sum m er needs to focus on my body and getting r eady
for the 2016-17 NBA season." So m aybe Cur r y is also
concer ned about his health, but he did have som e
injur ies.
Dustin Johnson, Am er ican Golfer , PGA
Accor ding to ESPN, Dustin Johnson said: ?This w as not
an easy decision for m e, but my concer ns about the
Zika vir us cannot be ignor ed," "Paulina and I plan to
have m or e childr en in the near futur e and I feel it
w ould be ir r esponsible to put myself, her or our
fam ily at r isk . I believe I am m aking the r ight decision
for m e and m ost im por tantly my fam ily.? Since he
plans to have m or e kids, this is a good decision. Safety
fir st!
Lists Lists and LISTS: Top 5 biggest Upsets
By Nicholas Nam ini
No 5: M id. Tennessee: 90, M ichigan St.: 81 C.
basketball
No 4: Iceland: 2, England: 1 soccer
No 3: Pir ates: 4, Yankees: 3 in gam es, Baseball
No 2: Pats: 20, Ram s: 17 Football
No 1: Cham inade: 77, Vir ginia: 72 C. basketball

Cel t i cs Fr ee Agen cy
By Casey Cor cor an
Our hom etow n team , the Boston
Celtics, w anted to tr ade their #3 dr aft
pick for a m or e exper ienced player ,
but that didn?t happen. The Celtics
m ay be able to pull their dr aft pick
decision off, but they m ight need to
sign a m or e exper ienced player in fr ee
agency. For exam ple, Kevin Dur ant of
the Oklahom a City Thunder m ight be a
good option. He can add m ajor scor ing
and shooting to the Celtics. He?ll also
take pr essur e off of other player s to
scor e, and these other player s can do
w ell w ith Dur ant. The Celtics m ight
also w ant Al Hor for d of the Atlanta
Haw ks, Ryan Ander son of the New
Or leans Pelicans, and Har r ison Bar nes
of the Golden State War r ior s. The
Haw ks? Hor for d did only have 14.4
points per gam e (w hich is his low est
since his second season in the NBA),
but he?s pr etty good at scor ing and
defense. Ryan Ander son fr om the
Pelicans is a big guy w ho m ight be
able to add som e shooting to the
Celtics. 7-footer Kelly Olynk didn?t
exactly do this job. Finally, Har r ison
Bar nes fr om the 2015 NBA Cham pions,
the Golden State War r ior s, m ight not
be com pletely r eady for a differ ent
team and r ole, but he could be flexible
and consistent w ith the Celtics.

Fi r e Dr i l l
By Echo Lar sen
On June 29, 2016, ther e w as a fir e dr ill.
I didn?t feel like anything.