The Love of Three Oranges 2B Scene 2 (The hypochondriacal prince's bedchamber. PRINCE TARTA- GLIA himself is carried onto the stage, frozen mid-sneeze. There is an IV. with two bags on a stand attached to his arm. Next to the chair is a table piled with medicine bottles, ointments, salves, pills, spittoons, hot water bottles, and other medical paraphernalia. The NARRATOR, who has turned the page during the set-up, walks across the stage.) NARRATOR. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the castle, unaware of the plots against him, Prince Tartaglia was in misery. Though whether it was from the potions of Morgana or his own outlook, I leave you to decide. (Claps.) (TARTAGLIA unfreezes into a big sneeze. Sad music plays. Elab- orate show of blowing his nose. He is covered by a too large blanket pulled up to his neck, with an ice pack on his head and a huge ther- mometer in his mouth which he takes out and checks occasionally during the scene.) PRINCE TARTAGLIA. Poor me! (He coughs.) What a fate! I've tried everything. Acupuncture, herbal remedies, even TV evangelists. (Ala faith healer’) | felt the power! I have my crystals and magnets. I even tried that drinking my own pee business. Yet I'm always weak, always sick, and always (He coughs pathetically.) ...sad. (Sad music {fades out. His watch beeps.) Ohi It’s time for my medicine, (He lovingly takes a spoonful of something out of one of the bottles and savors it like a connoisseur.) Mmmm... It tastes like crap and it probably isn’t even working. My head still hurts. I get fainting spells and dizzy spells and Speak N’ spells. I always have a fever and my joints hurt. I also get hot flashes and sometimes hot flushes—one rises from the feet and the other goes down from the head. I need an enema at least once a week to keep my bowels regular. Otherwise, I'm blocked up for days. And I want you to take a look at this thing on my butt. Just let me know if it looks weird to you... (Moves as if to moon audience but is frozen in horror as TRUFFALDINO bursts in.) (TRUFFALDINO enters like the announcer in a boxing match. He acts out the boxing match, playing all of the parts himself with the boxers on either side and the announcer in the center.) TRUFFALDINO. (As announcer:) Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to welcome you to the bout of the century! In the left corner we have the pure bulk and destructive power of the returning champion! (As Champ:) UNG! I'm the champ! Watch out! I'm gonna eat your children! (Announcer: And in the right corner we have an elderly British woman. (Terrified British woman:) Oh please gov'ner, take care!