Professional Documents
Culture Documents
If knowledge is power, then after reading these stories of What I Wish I'd
Known Before The Wedding, you are certain to feel more powerful in
preparing yourself for that "one perfect day" and for all the days to follow. The
personal experiences shared by these writers are told with humor and candor
but are rich with insight, information, and inspiration.
We are honored to be able to share our own unique glimpses into the past but
with a focus on new beginnings…from this day forward. ♥
A Picture is Worth 1000 Words and countless wedding magazines, so I don't
by Kricia Morris expect many make that same mistake.
However, one mistake that is commonly made
On April 30, 2005 I married my amazing is that brides book based on price, not on
husband Matthew after months of planning, connection.
phone calls, vendor meetings and scouring
online sources. I remember the downpour of I took my experience as a bride and have
rain that cascaded down on me and my subsequently turned it into a career in wedding
bridesmaids as we left the hair salon. I and lifestyle portrait photography. I pride
remember the red clay that caked the tires of myself on the fact that I connect with my
our guests as they parked outside our backyard clients. Living in Hawaii, I work in a
gathering. I remember that my wedding cake predominantly destination environment and I
was not the flavor that I ordered. What I don't know that face to face meetings aren't typically
remember about my wedding day however, feasible. However, with options such as
was anything else! If there is anything that I Facebook, IM, Skype and good old telephone
can express to upcoming brides and grooms it conversations I see no reason why my brides
would absolutely be the importance of finding a can't enter their wedding days comfortable and
wedding photographer who will capture not secure in the fact that I know them, I know
only your family portraits, but your details, your what they want in their images, and they're
memories and your personality to remember confident that I will be able to deliver on their
for a lifetime. expectations. Brides please take a lesson from
a former bride who has learned from her
I don't think any bride truly realizes how mistakes; PLEASE find a vendor that you love.
quickly their wedding day flies by. They plan a A vendor that by the end of the night feels more
beautiful fairytale day that has been in their like a member of the family than the hired help,
minds since they were little girls, and all of a someone who you're going to shoot an email to
sudden, the bubbles are flying and the getaway when you and your husband find out you're
car is sweeping you away to your honeymoon. having your first child. That kind of connection
Where did those moments go? That is where a will bring you nothing but happiness with your
wedding photographer can save the day. images, which in turn will provide beautiful and
Weeks after the flowers have wilted and the tangible memories of the most monumental
dress has been packed away a bride can turn day of your life. A picture is worth 1000 words;
back to their wedding album and relive the please ensure that your words are happy ones
memories of their wedding day in full, colorful now and always.
and dramatic detail. That is, IF they selected
Kricia Morris is a wedding and lifestyle portrait
the correct photographer for them in the
photographer serving the Hawaiian Islands.
beginning.
Kricia Morris Photography
When I look back at my personal wedding
http://www.Kriciamorris.com
photos I see a collection of technically sound
kricia@kriciamorris.com
shots that are unfortunately entirely lacking in
850.419.2266
emotion. The standards are there with the
family shots, the obligatory first kiss and the
clinking glasses of the first toast. Beyond that,
my photos are lacking in creativity, originality
and most importantly the life that was such an
integral part of my wedding day. I truly feel that
the outcome of my photos is nobody's fault but
my own however. I was on a very strict budget
(who isn't these days!?) and I settled. I located
the first photographer who would do what I
asked and booked them without even asking to
see a wedding portfolio. Today's bride is
definitely more educated with online resources
For the Love of Men and a Free Spirit life as a wife.
by Anna Coker
It wasn’t until a couple months into our marriage did
I fully grasp the unnecessary stress I’d put myself
through. Another nightmare of my father dying woke
me out of a deep sleep and like the hundred times
before; I sat up shaking and sobbing. As was
routine to then call my dad, grabbing my phone I
snuck out of bed and headed for the door. Standing
alone on our back porch surrounded by the
darkness of the morning, I cried on the phone to my
dad; he was used to this. On the other hand, my
new husband had never seen me this way. Dan
appeared at the back door and embarrassment
overshadowed my emotions. Now annoyed at
Tripping over his foot was hardly the way I’d myself, I shooed him away. He didn't leave. He
dreamed of my first encounter with my future stood waiting patiently; seemingly comfortable with
husband, “Hi, my name is Clumsy, nice to meet my range of emotions.
you.” Yet, it is this theme I continue to see
throughout our marriage; free spirit meets strong After I hung up, Dan inquired about what happened
and stable. Dan’s strength of character had my with genuine concern. Through my blubbering and
heart before I fell in love with him as a man. Saying nose-blowing, I attempted to explain. While making
‘yes’ on the night of our engagement was not an effort to decipher the words through my tears, he
because I felt butterflies, but knowing when the gently led me back to the bedroom where we
butterflies were gone, he’d still be there. climbed into our blanketed cocoon of a bed. As Dan
drew me into his arms, I could almost feel those
Not long after our engagement did the realization of tears crawling back up my cheeks. Perhaps words
what I was looking for in this future husband of mine were no longer necessary. Cozily ensconced in his
was what I’d had in my father for the last twenty- embrace, I fell peacefully and soundly asleep.
nine years; a rock, loyalty, kindness, strength of
mind, wisdom and a survivor’s spirit. Mom left us What do I wish I’d known before my wedding day?
when I was eighteen months old and he stayed to That driving myself crazy planning our wedding
raise me and my brother, provide for us, and love us offered not one thing toward a successful marriage.
the only way he knew; he didn’t leave. Growing up, That no dollar amount, no flower arrangement, and
shopping and spa days were replaced by dirtying no dress offered me the security I find in my marital
my knees laying tile and playing baseball with the relationship. Most importantly, the engagement
boys. I adore my dad for that. period is meant to be a time to plan the marriage,
not the wedding. It was within moments of waking
It didn’t take long to lose sight of my original that morning, I sensed no sign of the bitter-
instincts, as for the entirety of the year from ‘yes’ to sweetness I’d felt walking down the aisle. The dirty
‘dress’, I didn’t just plan our wedding. I attended kneed little girl turned free-spirited and independent
grad school, completed an 8 month internship, woman unreservedly made her rite of passage as a
worked part-time, moved twice and mourned with wife through the love of the two men in her life.
Dan the death of his father. Yet, ‘bound and
determined’ would be my mantra. This bride-to-be Anna Coker LPC, LCAS-P (licensed counselor and
was going to do it all despite driving herself into a th
addictions specialist)– Married October, 6 , 2007
crazed state of mind and maybe her fiancé, too. I www.thecurrentwife.blogspot.com
spent money I didn’t have, time I couldn’t spare and Twitter: @pixography
energy that was clearly being stolen from various
caffeine products. Working full-time at assessing
this future husband of mine was also on my to-do
list. The standard of measurement was my dad, of
course and while it may not seem fair, this was the
only process worthy of my trust. By the time I stood
still long enough to take a deep breath, I was
standing at the opposite end of the aisle as Dan. It
was then, with my hand wrapped securely in place
around Dad’s arm, the bitter-sweet awareness
came that I was leaving Dad behind to start my new
Handmade + DIY Wedding Love (and beyond). Where to buy? Search in
by Emma Arendoski Google for handmade wedding items. Check
out sites like Etsy or Artfire. Visit Twitter and
Facebook and look up handmade vendors.
One day while I was planning my wedding, I
Handmade is everywhere! And, remember,
went to the store to look at wedding day
handmade does not mean second hand. In
accessories. I began sorting through their
fact, I’ve found handmade to be of higher
‘Wedding Accessories’ – a collection of plastic,
quality standards than anything I’ve ever found
over-priced stacks of junk, dusty and piled up
in a store! There is a whole world out there
in ugly-looking boxes. I remember thinking to
filled with talented artisans who would be
myself, is this it? This is the beautiful wedding
absolutely delighted to help you create the
section? They were poor quality, painted in dull
wedding of your dreams! Enjoy!
colors, and lacked any type of individuality. I
knew there had to be something better out
After her wedding, Emma wanted to help
there.
spread the love for handmade weddings. She
launched http://Emmalinebride.com, the
If I could give advice to a bride-to-be, it would
handmade wedding marketplace and blog. It
be simple: buy handmade. It wasn’t until I was
promotes unique wedding accessories and
further into my wedding planning that I
bridal couture – handmade by indie artists –
discovered the wonderful world of handmade:
and incorporates DIY wedding ideas, tips,
unique, personalized, high-quality wedding
trends, and real wedding features. Check it out
accessories, handcrafted with love by indie
or tell a friend!
artists from across the globe!
One of the reasons why I’m always talking Needless to say, I’m still pretty heartbroken
about the importance of quality photography is about my lack of knowledge when I chose my
because I made a mistake that I hope to photographer. I wish I had known about so
prevent other brides from making. I took the many things when I was planning my wedding.
cheap photographer route. I attribute this to the Now that I look at amazing work from
fact that when I was planning my wedding, I photographers every day, I know that my
had no clue. The only resources I used were photos could have been so much better. But
[two very popular wedding resource sites] you live and you learn, right? There’s always
because that’s all I knew about. However, our vow renewal to make up for it!
when using their budget recommendations
(which was all I had to go off of), their [Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong when I say
recommended photography percentage was "cheap photographer". I paid more than what
way below what I was realistically seeing for would normally be considered "cheap". But
photographer pricing. I didn’t have anyone to when you consider what was included in the
tell me what the “norm” pricing was for a good price (my 12 hour wedding day, engagement
photographer. I was counting on those session, bridal session, album and prints), and
resources to help me, and they didn’t. So, while then when you see the pretty much unedited
we wait for these resources to catch up to images, then yes, it was indeed cheap.]
2010, this is my warning!
If you have any questions about choosing your
I’m in no way a photographer, but I want to photographer, please ask! I don’t want anyone
pass along some tidbits that I wish I had known else to feel the way that I do, and this is one of
as a bride. One of the first things that I tell new the many reasons why I write my blog and why
brides is the normal cost for decent I entered the wedding industry. I want to help
photography, because I myself had no idea. everyone have the absolute best wedding
Here in Florida, photography packages usually possible!
start at $2000, and that’s that bare minimum. It
varies everywhere, and of course it also varies Lauren Grove
with the photographers and their experience. lauren@everylastdetailblog.com
Keep in mind that photographers are not just Every Last Detail Blog
taking photos of you on your wedding day. http://EveryLastDetailBlog.com
They also have to edit the photos (which can
take up to 30 hours), design the album, answer
your emails and phone calls, and carry out all
of the other administrative duties that owning a
business entails. (There is so much more, but
I’ll leave that to the photographers to explain!)
Most of all, bottom line: you get what you pay
for. It really can’t be said any differently.
My Mother-In-Law, My Friend
I wish I had applied the 7th spiritual law of
by Sally Shields
success, which is, the quickest way to get
what you want is to help others get what
they want. And by that I mean, be a loving,
kind-hearted, sensitive, open person, and
that the world will reflect that back to you,
even in the form of your mother-in-law.
I wish I had known that if I had just done all
these things, that she would have
eventually turned out to be an ally and a
friend.
Speaking of the ER, I'd have used up all my • Live debt free. You never know when
sick time. I scrimped on half days and worked your circumstances might change.
through lunches to avoid burning my days on Kate Washington is a creative woman on a
the emergency room, the ensuing mission to invest in herself, her marriage, her
appointments and the blood work. But as it home and her friendships. She was raised in a
was, when I got fired, I lost all that sick time large family, is drawn to earthy pursuits and
anyway. happily resides it the beautiful Pacific
I would not have invited coworkers to my Northwest with her husband Gary. Join her at
wedding. For months, they heard all the www.newlywedandunemployed.blogspot.com
wedding drama and I felt it would be a little as she navigates life after the honeymoon.
anti-climactic to return to work with a few
The Wedding Is a Day, the Marriage Is a learned to trust myself, and to trust others. So
Lifetime on my wedding day, I didn’t worry or even think
By Sandy Philpott about the details. I had planned carefully and
chosen vendors that I trusted, so I let them
deal with any problems that arose and I just
enjoyed my day. One of the best pieces of
advice I received before my wedding was to
take moments throughout the day to pause and
take in what was happening. When the doors
at the back of the church opened and I made
my entrance, I stopped for a moment to lock
eyes with my beaming groom and admire how
When I got married, I had several advantages handsome he looked. I gazed around the
in terms of wedding planning. church at the family and friends who had
First, I was nearly 40 years old, and second, gathered to celebrate with us. When we first
my wedding was only three months after I got went into the reception hall, I paused to admire
engaged. the glorious results of all my careful planning,
from the linens to the centerpieces to the
Having a short engagement made wedding
seating arrangements. I wasn’t checking to see
planning much easier because I didn’t have
if the vendors had followed my orders to the
time to second-guess my decisions. If we’d had
letter, I was merely admiring and enjoying their
a year or more to plan our wedding, we’d
hard work – and my own.
probably have visited a dozen venues and then
been torn between the one with the most
And yet, no wedding goes perfectly according
photogenic grounds, the one with the best
to plan. So when our limo broke down on the
food, the one that provided the loveliest cake,
way to pick up the groom and best man, no-
the one closest to the ceremony, etc. Instead,
one panicked; the men just drove themselves
we visited two, picked the one we liked better,
and when the limo finally did arrive, my two
and never looked back. When I shopped for my
young nieces got to enjoy their first limo ride.
gown, I found one I loved and bought it the
Don’t view those little glitches as disasters, just
same day. I didn’t drive myself crazy waiting to
accept them and look for the silver lining. And
find something better. I saved myself so much
there always is one – at the end of the day, as
stress by having to make decisions quickly and
long as you’re now married to the love of your
live with them instead of wavering back and
life, the wedding was a success!
forth for months.
After all, the wedding is only a day, but the
Also, being an older bride who has been to
marriage is a lifetime. More than just planning
(and in) many other weddings, I already knew
our wedding, my fiancé and I spent our
what I liked and what I didn’t. I had seen every
engagement planning our marriage. We talked
style of ceremony, from ultra-formal Catholic
about how we would handle our finances,
masses to ceremonies on the beach with a J.P.
where we would live, how we would handle job
to multi-denominational weddings with a rabbi
changes, whether we wanted children and how
and a pastor sharing officiate duties. I had seen
many, our parenting styles, our religious
every kind of reception, from elaborate sit-
practices, how we would divide up chores –
down dinners with toast after toast to a pig
everything we could think of that could have an
roast in the churchyard with guests changing
impact on our relationship as husband and
into shorts and T-shirts to play horseshoes. I
wife. And two years later, there isn’t a thing I
had seen what worked and what didn’t, I had
would change about our wedding – or our
recalled the details (good and bad) that stuck
marriage.
out in my mind even years later, and I had seen
what I loved and what was not quite to my Sandy Philpott
taste. Sandy@Philpott.org
http://www.SandysMotherhoodBlog.blogspot.com
Another advantage of my age was that I had
Mother of the Bride this particular day but of the ones she had
by Denée King for her new home and life as a married
woman. How I was amazed at discovering
the extent of the organizational gene she
inherited from her grandfather (which, as
he said, skipped a generation!). And just
how crazy I was that I almost let the
exaggerated media influence my thinking.
♣Vendor’s gratuity
If gratuity isn’t included in your contract with a
wedding vendor, it’s considered courtesy to tip
a wedding vendor. For the groom’s side of the
wedding, this would include caterers at the
rehearsal dinner, the limo driver, and a DJ or
band. Tipping the Wedding Officiant isn’t
necessary, but it’s nice to present them with a
donation to the church.
♣Fathers’ Tuxes
If you’re renting tuxes, another common
courtesy is to pick up the tab for the father-of-
the-groom and father-of-the-bride. A lot of tux
shops will give you a free rental if you book a
certain number of tuxedos. Many grooms just
pass the free rental on to one of the fathers.
Ignored. That is, until Stavros announced to his Wedding day arrived. His family filled the church
family that we were engaged. Of course I was given while my family huddled together in their corner.
a big fat diamond that was a family heirloom, a few And then, my moment arrived. At the reception I sat
other pieces of gold from the family jewels, and an in a chair in front of all the wedding guests. The
engagement party that would have topped most dress was pulled up around my thighs for my garter
American weddings. Jewels were admired; I was to be removed from my leg; and in that moment in
ignored. which I stole completely for myself, the room was
filled with gasps and whispers.
My friends told me that I needed to get one of those
‘Eyes’ that are set in a piece of jewelry, to ward off My shoes. Oh how horrid they were, much to my
the evil wishes I was sure to receive throughout this immense delight! My mother-in-law threw me an evil
entire wedding preparation. I did. I even hid a few in eye that was sure to crack the little glass blue eye I
my shoes and underwear. had pinned to my thong. I looked directly into her
face: beaming.
Well, as fate would have it, my mother-in-law to be
was a dressmaker. Not just any dressmaker but Suddenly, as my husband removed my garter, I
sought out among the who’s-who elite in the noticed many of the guests from his family, look
Washington DC social society. And, of course, she directly into my eyes and smile. They understood.
insisted on making my dress. Making it? Try And with that, I was no longer ignored, nor seized!
creating it, designing it, ordering imported Italian
lace for it (without ever asking what I might like to Robin Q. Daumit is the author of Confessions of a
wear on my day), and taking over every tiny detail of Hairdresser: Amazon.com
the wedding. My body was called upon for fittings. I Author of Beauty Shop Buzz
was ignored. What was I getting myself into? www.BeautyShopBuzz.com
When my shy, northern Indiana farm boy groom arrived in Sweden to meet my family and was
crowned an honorary Viking—which meant wearing a silvery spandex helmet with droopy
horns that my mother had fashioned from one of her old glamour tops, while being inspected
at a family dinner full of new relatives—he wished he’d looked closer at the perils of cross-
cultural courtships.
Lena Carpelan is the author of The Adventures of the Blackberry Hill Kids,
http://www.BlackberryHillKids.com - a rollicking insider look at the life of a Swedish-American
family with three lively rapscallions who cheerfully romp through life as their rapidly aging
parents valiantly try to keep order in the midst of chaos. The kids’ further adventures are
chronicled at Musings and Mayhem at Blackberry Hill (www.blog.blackberryhillkids.com )
Where are my clothes?!?! I’ll give you the answer to the other question
by: Kenya Hegazy which is floating in your head… “what did you
end up wearing?” My outfit consisted of a
My name is Kenya and I have been married black zip-up velour jacket (no bra, no shirt),
since November 16, 2008. My husband, Yosef, black gaucho pants, and the white flip flops that
is a really cool, down to earth guy. You can say I used to wear during the reception to dance
that he was like other husbands; not as the night away with. In that outfit, we marched
involved with the wedding planning details as I downstairs to grab some breakfast. Thankfully,
was. I literally tried to take care of everything. the breakfast room wasn’t crowded!
When it came closer to the wedding I started to We went back to the room to pack up and
think about the day after the wedding. We, as leave to go home. I had no coat. I only had
many other couples, chose to stay at a hotel on my white fur short wrap that I used with my
our wedding night near our reception site. A wedding dress. Also, I realized that I did not
couple of weeks before the wedding I drove my bring the wedding dress garment bag. So,
husband insane about the items he needed to when we were leaving the hotel to check out. I
pack for the wedding night. You know, the walked around in the horrendous outfit with my
essentials such as a change of clothes, wedding dress draped over my body, my veil
toothbrush, underwear, etc. and crinoline stuffed in a laundry bag that was
provided by the hotel, and wearing short Capri
Fast forward to the day after the wedding. We pants and flip flops. It was about 42 degrees
woke up in the morning and decided that we out that morning. It was cold, even colder with
would head down to grab some breakfast. I just the black velour jacket I had on.
opened my “packed” bag and, at that moment,
realized that I had forgotten certain essential Forgetting the essential items didn’t ruin my
items. These items include: day, it just made me giggle about it. As a
• Bra matter of fact, writing this article is making me
giggle.
• Coat (it was 40 degrees!)
• Shoes and socks Blog: Newlywed Giggles
• Shirt www.FunTimesofMarriedLife.blogspot.com
• Long pants
• Garment bag for my wedding dress
♥Looking back (a few years!) to 1983, the ♥I wish I would have had the Bride Body
one thing I would have changed about my Now weight loss program to help me lose
wonderful champagne brunch wedding that 25 pounds prior to my big day, instead of
continued at our home till midnight, was not paying a trainer. But, my trainer and I later
to have immediately followed it the next became business partners to provide the
day with boarding a plane for a three-week www.BrideBodyNow.com weight loss
honeymoon to Europe! ♥ program. ~Marty Babbington
It’s easy to look back and say “If I knew then what I know now I’d have done things
differently”. Maybe, maybe not. We can’t go back….but we can learn from our past.
Regrets pull us down but choosing to share our insights from the lessons we all
learn in life allows us the privilege of helping others.
I hope you were inspired by the stories of things that went wrong (or so it seemed at
the time) that led some to launch their own careers. Some chose to just see the
humor and share those moments through stories that let us laugh at life’s more
challenging situations. And some touch our hearts and allow us to reflect and,
perhaps, rethink our own relationships.
If you were inspired, informed or just had a good laugh we’d be honored if you’d
share this with a friend.
As the publisher of this E-Book, I’d like to thank each you who participated in this
collaborative project….for your contribution through your heartfelt words and for the
time you gave to make this such a success!
I’d also like to thank my son, Kevin Blackwell of Studio French
(www.studiofrench.com) for the beautiful cover design. But most of all, I want to
thank him for putting up with my 997 changes of mind, for his tireless dedication
and the many revisions (sorry!) and for his never-ending encouragement and
support.
I ♥ you all! ~ Denée, CEO, www.SheJustGotMarried.com
If you’d like to contact me please email me at: Denee@SheJustGotMarried.com