ROSWELL & STEVE 01x01 - "ROSWELL"

By
Vincent Pavey

INT. ROSWELLS BEDROOM - SPACESHIP - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

Roswell is fast asleep in his bed.
Outside, there are noises of someone running quickly
towards the room. Their feet are making tiny clangs on the
floor as they approach. They are short of breath.
STEVE
RO.. R.. ROSWELL!
We hear STEVE bounce off the door with a WHUMP and a THUD.
STEVE
Stupid not-always-automatic
doors... ROSWELL!
STEVE presses the button. The panel emits a "BEE-BOOP" as
he lets himself in. In his hand is a large translucent
purple floppy disk.
STEVE
ROSWELL IGODDATREASUREMAP
ROSWELL
Eurgh... What? What time is it?
STEVE
IGOTTATREASUREMAP!
ROSWELL
Calm down. Use your words.
STEVE
ROSWELL! I GOT. A TREASURE. MAP!
ROSWELL
From where?
STEVE
Ten minutes ago - I was playing
grakthar with Treasure DaveROSWELL
Treasure Dave? Gets drunk and
hides his treasure because he
thinks space pirates are real
Treasure Dave?
STEVE
Thats the one!
ROSWELL (EXCITEDLY)
Steve! STEVE!

2.

STEVE (EXCITEDLY)
I know. I KNOW!
ROSWELL scrambles for the door so fast that he runs into
it before it can automatically open.
He bounces off and falls backwards.
CUT TO. TITLE CARD
2

INT. BRIDGE - SPACESHIP - EARLY MORNING

ROSWELL is sat at the flight console in the center of the
room. He has a plaster under his right eye.
STEVE is leaning on another seat nearby with a plaster
over his nose. He itches his chin.
STEVE
We really need to fix the doors.
ROSWELL (EXCITEDLY)
Screw that! Well pay someone to
do it when were TREASURE RICH!
ROSWELL loads the disk from earlier into a drive.
ROSWELL
Coordinates locked and loaded.
Warp drive in 3. 2.
STEVE
Who are you doing this for? Were
the only ones here.
ROSWELL
WILL YOU JUST LET ME HAVE THIS,
STEVE?
STEVE rolls his eyes and then does a small nod.
ROSWELL
3. 2. 1!
ROSWELL presses a button. The console lets out a beep.

EXT. SPACESHIP - EARLY MORNING

Outside of the ship is a beautiful cyan nebula, in which
alien creatures that look like a combination of a manta
ray and a jellyfish are swimming.
The ship jumps to warp.
Within seconds, its gone.

3.

INT. BRIDGE - EARLY MORNING

STEVE
Computer. ETA?
COMPUTER
You will arrive in 45 minutes.
STEVE
Im gonna go nap or something.
ROSWELL
What? No! Steve! Were
adventuring!
STEVE
YOU can adventure. Im going to
go sleep and be back to adventure
again in 45 minutes.
ROSWELL
Why do I have to drive while you
get to sleep?
STEVE
Because IM still drunk - and
lets be honest, are you
"driving" or "watching a computer
drive"?
ROSWELL rolls his eyes.
ROSWELL
Go..
STEVE leaves the cockpit.
ROSWELL sits in his seat, looking determined and Captain
Kirk-esque for a minute.
...and then slouches, bored.

VFX: TIME TRANSITION

A black matte. On it are the words "45 MINUTES LATER" in
white letters.

EXT. SPACESHIP - MORNING

The spaceship arrives at its destination. Theres a gap
where the planet should be, surrounded by a ring of
asteroids. The ship goes into orbit around it.

4.
ROSWELL (O.S)
Roswells Log. Date... April 5th.
There is no planet. It appears,
to put it bluntly that... Steve
was full of crap.
STEVE (O.S)
HEY! Steves Log. April 5th.
Roswell DOESNT SEEM TO REALISE
THAT HIS WORDS CAN HURT THE
FEELINGS OF OTHERS!
ROSWELL (O.S.)
STEVE, IM TRYING TO DO A LOG
HERE!
STEVE (O.S.)
FOR WHO?!?!
7

INT. SPACESHIP - MORNING

ROSWELL gets up in STEVEs face and grabs him by the
collar.
ROSWELL
Hold up. Before you pick fault
with me. STEVE. WHERE THE HELLS
THE TREASURE PLANET?!
STEVE pushes ROSWELL off of him.
STEVE
Hey, back off man!

EXT. SPACESHIP - MORNING

The ship in orbit.
ROSWELL (O.S.)
Or WHAT?!
STEVE (O.S.)
Or Ill MAKE you back off!
ROSWELL
Id like to see you TRY!
We hear the sounds of a struggle as the two of them start
fighting. We also hear beeps and boops as they hit and
bounce off of various bridge controls.
The ship is drifting to where the planet should be, pulled
in by its gravity.
As the ship hits the atmosphere there is a shimmer and the
planet appears. The planet was cloaked.

5.

The ship crash lands.

9

INT. SPACESHIP - MID-DAY

ROSWELL wakes up, face down on the deck of the bridge. He
sits up to see STEVE sat in the command chair looking at a
readout.
Two wires are hanging down from overhead. One is sparking.
A roof panel has been propped up against the wall.
ROSWELL (PAINED)
Did you get the registry number
of the ship that hit us?
STEVE
It wasnt a ship Roswell, it was
the planet. I think Im going to
call it "Planet Steve Was Right".
ROSWELL
Were not calling it that.
STEVE
But I was right Roswell. SAY I
WAS RIGHT!
ROSWELL
Okay. Okay. You were right.
STEVE
...AND?
ROSWELL
..and youre stretching this out
now and being an ass!
STEVE
Yeah I was probably reaching.
ROSWELL
So the planet was just invisible?
That seems kinda half-baked.
STEVE
Worked on us.
ROSWELL
Yeah but when do we ever give it
100%?
STEVE
Like.. 50% of the time?
ROSWELL nods.

6.

ROSWELL
Honestly? Sounds about right.
10

EXT. PLANET STEVE WAS RIGHT - DAY

Everything on this planet has a rock-like quality to it.
All of the plant life is purple. Roswell and Steves ship
is lodged in the side of the base of a mountain.
A silver lake shimmers in the distance, gooey and thick
like mercury.
ROSWELL
Silicon planets are weird.
STEVE
Dont do that.
ROSWELL
What?
STEVE
Dont step outside of the ship
and pretend like you know what
the planets made of! Nerd.
ROSWELL
Look around you Steve! EVERYTHING
IS WEIRD AND MINERAL-LIKE!
STEVE
Conjecture.
ROSWELL
Oh yeah? Do a scan.
STEVE
FINE! I will! I have an app for
that.
STEVE pulls out his communicator. It makes some radar
scan-a-like noises. His face narrows.
ROSWELL
Well?
STEVE
Lets just forget about it.
ROSWELL
HA! I KNEW IT!
ROSWELL starts to dance. Theres a lot of finger jabbing
in STEVEs direction. He is not impressed.

7.
ROSWELL (SINGING)
SILICON PLANET! SILL-I-CON
PLANET, SILLLLLLICON, PLA-NETTTT!
ROSWELL
(beat) HEY! What is THAT thing?
ROSWELL is pointing at a critter native to the planet. It
is essentially a blocky squirrel made of rock with a tube
coming out of the back of its neck. The tube seemingly
goes into the ground.
ROSWELL
HEY LITTLE GUY!
STEVE
Roswell, dont play with the
wildlife! It could be dangerous!
ROSWELL
I think Ive proven I know a
little something something about
this planet Steve. You think THIS
thing is dangerous?
ROSWELL pats the creature on the head. The creatures eyes
start to glow and it starts to shriek. He tries to remove
his hand but cant.
STEVE (SMUG)
Yes. I think it could be VERY
dangerous.
ROSWELL
NOT THE TIME, STEVE!
A large shrimp-like worm with a ring of serrated teeth
launches out from under the ground. The squirrel is in
its mouth, like a lure. It latches on to ROSWELLs arm at
the shoulder.
ROSWELL
STEVE. STEVE!
STEVE
Are you in danger yet?
ROSWELL waves his worm-arm.
ROSWELL
YES! HELP!
STEVE aims his blaster.
STEVE
Well, okay...
He shoots.

8.

11

EXT. PLANET STEVE WAS RIGHT - LATER THAT DAY

ROSWELL wakes up for the third time today, face down on
the cold hard rock.
ROSWELL
Man. I feel strange.
STEVE
Thatll be the drugs. Dont freak
out.
ROSWELL
What drugs? Why would I freak
out?
STEVE points at where Roswells arm used to be.
STEVE
Dont freak out, Roswell.
ROSWELL
WHY WOULD I FREAK OUT STEVE?!
COULD IT BE BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE
ONE KRUTACKING ARM?! WHERE IS
IT?!
STEVE
I dont know. It got away.
ROSWELL throws his ...arm up in the air. His arm socket is
dripping with amber goop.
ROSWELL
IT GOT AWAY?! HOW?!
STEVE
IT WAS SAVE YOU OR SAVE THE ARM!
ROSWELL
THEN YOU PROBABLY MADE THE RIGHT
DECISION!
STEVE
YOU THINK?!
ROSWELL
Lets just. Lets go get the
treasure..
ROSWELL tries to work out how hes going to get up and is
struggling with it a bit.
STEVE (SMUG)
Oh. Ill give you a hand.

9.

ROSWELL (SEETHING)
If I had two arms... I WOULD BE
USING THEM TO STRANGLE YOU!
12

EXT. - PLANET STEVE WAS RIGHT - PURPLE JUNGLE - DAY

ROSWELL and STEVE are deep in the jungle. Near them is
basically a solid wall of purple jungle vines. STEVE
looks confused. ROSWELL looks delirious. His stump is
still dripping with amber fluid.
STEVE
I dont understand.
ROSWELL
I miss my arm.
STEVE
The treasure should be around
here somewhere.
ROSWELL
How am I going to play
videogames?
STEVE
I think were having two
different conversations.
ROSWELL
I am going to steal your arm
while you sleep and have it
attached to my body.
STEVE
What?
ROSWELL
Forget I said anything.
STEVE
Youre getting weird with just
the one arm..
ROSWELL
I just think I deserve two arms
more than you.
STEVE looks shocked, but before he has a chance to
respond, the vine wall behind them sneezes.
STEVE
Did that giant bush just sneeze?

10.

TALKING DOOR (BEHIND VINE WALL)

..NO?
STEVE pulls out a small laser knife and uses it to cut the
vines and reveal a large obsidian door with a face.
STEVE
Does that work often?
TALKING DOOR
Youre the first people Ive met.
ROSWELL
I wouldnt wish that on anyone.
STEVE
You gonna let us in?
TALKING DOOR
ONLY IF YOU CAN ANSWER THESE
THREE QUESTIONSSTEVE
Were not doing that.
TALKING DOOR
OH CMON! PLEASE?
ROSWELL
Nope. Let us in or.. Ill wipe
severed arm wound goop on you.
Itll probably stain.
STEVE
I wont clean it.
TALKING DOOR
Eurghhh...
There is a rumble as the door swings open.
STEVE
RESULT!
They rush inside.
13

INT. ALIEN TEMPLE - DAY

Within the temple is a deep blue void. ROSWELL and STEVE
stand on a transparent aluminium path in the middle of the
inky nothing.
The door they entered through has no edges on this side.
It looks like an optical illusion. Two points that clearly
shouldnt be linked. Its like magic.

11.

There is a blue column of light not too far in the

distance. Something small, brown-orange and egg shaped is
hovering inside of it.
STEVE
THE HELL IS THIS? WHERES DAVES
TREASURE?! WHAT A LOAD OF
SCHTAKO.
ROSWELL is wide eyed. He starts walking slowly towards the
column.
STEVE
Are you crazy?! Where are you
going?!
ROSWELL doesnt even look back.
STEVE
ROSWELL?!
ROSWELL is unwavering. He reaches out and touches the
floating egg. His eyes glow as he starts to float too. The
egg becomes a stone arm with ancient looking markings. It
fuses to his body where the old one used to be.
He screams out but there is no sound. His eyes close.
STEVE
ROSWELL!
END OF EPISODE 1.