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HP972
ABIGAIL
& LEAH:
Living In A
Difficult Marriage
CONTENTS
LEAH:
Living With
A Man Who
Doesnt Love You . . . . . 2
ABIGAIL:
Living With
A Difficult Husband . . . 18
LEAH:
Living With
A Man Who
Doesnt
Love You
hen we talk
about marriage,
its good to go
back to the very beginning
where it all started:
The Lord God said, It
is not good for the man
to be alone. I will make a
helper suitable for him
(Gen. 2:18).
Once that was done, the
writer of Genesis tells us:
For this reason a man
will leave his father and
mother and be united to
his wife, and they will
become one flesh (v.24).
You remember the story.
Adam was alone, and God
said, It is not good. To
make Adam fully conscious
of his aloneness, God
brought a complete animal
parade to pass in front of
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sheep, or gold.
In Genesis 29, we meet
two womenLeah and her
sister Rachelwho are rival
co-wives locked in a
polygamous relationship.
Rachel, the younger one, is
the apple of her husbands
eye. Leah is not loved. How
does a woman live with a
man who doesnt love her?
Examining Leahs life can
help answer that question.
We first meet Leah as a
pawn in someone elses
deception. Jacob had
cheated his brother Esau
out of his birthright and had
fled from Canaan back to
the land of his ancestors.
He came to the household
of his Uncle Laban, his
mothers brother. Laban
invited him to stay with
him and work for him.
Lets look at the story as it
develops in Genesis 29:
Now Laban had two
daughters; the name of the
older was Leah, and the
name of the younger was
3
4
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6
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Simeon (v.33).
As if two sons were
not enough. Again she
conceived, and when she
gave birth to a son she said,
Now at last my husband
will become attached to me,
because I have borne him
three sons. So he was
named Levi (v.34).
Three sons. Is that
enough? Apparently not,
for verse 35 tells us, She
conceived again, and when
she gave birth to a son she
said, This time I will praise
the Lord. So she named him
Judah. Then she stopped
having children.
Four little boys all in a
row. Can you see Leah
outside her tent on a hot
Mesopotamian summer day
calling Reuben! Simeon!
Levi! Judah!? Listen to the
progression in Leahs
understanding and her faith
as you hear those names.
ReubenBehold, a
son! Leah recognized that
God had seen her misery,
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achieving it with
Mr. Wonderful #1, we
may decide to try it with
Mr. Wonderful #2 or
Mr. Wonderful #3.
In a day when we are
surrounded with media
telling us that romantic
love is the basis of strong
marriages, its hard to
hang on to the fact that a
magnificent marriage can
be built on something
other than love. In the
disappointment of feeling
less loved than youd like, is
it possible to find resources
for happiness in a less-thanperfect marriage?
Look at Leahs attitude
when her fourth son was
born. She named him
Judah, which means
praising. She explained
that name by saying, This
time I will praise the Lord.
For the first time in naming
her sons, Leah turned from
expressing her yearning for
Jacobs love to accepting and
basking in Gods love.
10
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h
The most important
step toward joy
in a loveless
marriage is to
change our focus
from what we do
not have to what
we do have.
h
focus from what we do not
have to what we do have.
Leah had four sons in a day
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h
Contentment in a
loveless marriage
will never come as
long as we cling to
the ideal of
romantic love and
lose sight of the
good gifts of God
we have already
received.
h
come as long as we cling to
the ideal of romantic love
and lose sight of the good
gifts of God we have already
received. Leah focused on
Zebulun as a precious gift
from God.
Many years had passed
since that morning when
one daughter.
As the family journeyed
west, the unthinkable
happened. Rachel, nearing
the end of the journey and
pregnant with her second
son, died in childbirth. What
she wanted more than
anything else in the world
became the cause of her
final separation from the
man who loved her. The
woman with every reason to
be happy died giving birth to
a son she named Ben-Oni,
son of my sorrow (35:18).
Its easy to look at a
woman with breathtaking
beauty and the undying love
of her man and think that
she must be the happiest
of all women. But hear
Rachels sorrow. Hear her
complaint. Things are often
not what they appear to be.
And what of Leah? God
had sovereignly removed her
rival from the family circle.
Rachel was gone. Leah was
now the number one wife.
We do not know whether
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h
We can focus
on what we lack
and be miserable,
or we can decide
to focus on what
we have and
make up our
minds to praise
the Lord.
h
How do you live with a
husband who doesnt love
you? You change your focus.
In the process, you will not
only end up exclaiming with
Leah, How happy I am!
but you will someday find
that God has worked His
miracle through your
sadness, touching the world
with blessing through you.
17
ABIGAIL:
Living With A
Difficult
Husband
18
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20
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h
Many Christian
women wrongly
accept abuse in
the name of
submission.
h
A case study in handling
an abusive man is found in
1 Samuel 25. There we meet
a man named Nabal and his
wife Abigail. Verse 3
describes Abigail as an
intelligent and beautiful
woman but Nabal as surly
and mean in his dealings.
Nabal was a hard man to
live with. The force of the
Hebrew words translated
surly and mean is that he
was harsh and overbearing,
a heavy-handed evildoer.
The servants in Nabals
household would certainly
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26
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h
A wise woman
works to turn
a bad situation
into a good one.
h
It is important to know
that a woman is not a failure
as a wife and she is not
disobedient to God if she
takes active steps to preserve
life in an abusive situation.
The second step that
women must take is to work
to turn bad situations into
good ones. A person with
cancer may undergo
radiation treatment or
chemotherapy to keep the
cancer from spreading. Thats
a way of limiting the damage.
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32
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