Process

Paulina Martin
English 1101-164

Draft #1
11/17/2014
Problem with title.

ItsPunctuation

error.

Writing an essay and not die trying

2:00 a.m.Run-on

sentence.

and you are sitting in front of your

computer, praying God to literally drop you??? the first draft of your English class
essay. Even though you had two or three ideas in mind, you did not start the paper
before because you were extremely busy studying for the deadly
error

Biology test and doing the annoying

Capitalization error

Capitalization

Calculus homework. "I knew I

was supposed to finish this essayRun-on sentence. you blame yourself,Comma splice. Why
did I waste my time chatting on Facebook and watching The Voice?" Every 5
minutesRun-on sentence. you look at the clock, feeling anxious and pressured; however,
the worst part of this nightmare is that none of the sentences you have written is good
enough to get a passing grade on the assignment. This horror story illustrates my life
as a college student, but I would bet that there are other students with the same
problem. After living this nightmare for three months, I have finally designed a
method to write successful 5-paragraph essays. My writing strategy can help you
write clear sentences and achieve an organized structure, the most important
characteristics of a successful essay (a piece of writing that convinces the audience
because the evidence effectively supports the thesis.)Punctuation error. Authority?
The first thing I do is choose an interesting topic. One effective method to
generate ideas is brainstormingMust be cited., a process in which I write all the thoughts,
words, and topics that cross my mind. Once I have three or four ideas for the essay, I
select the topic taking into account the breadth??? and my enjoyment of that subject.
For exampleExamples should be specific., it is important to enjoy writing about the selected

topic, therefore, the readers can feel and understand my passion about that subject,
and it is easier for me to convince them.

General statements; you can be more specific here

The

more I know and enjoy about the subject in matter???, the better I express my ideas to
support my opinion or thesis.

You can be more specific here.

Furthermore, the extent of the

topic is another concern when choosing the subject of the essay.Evidence or support? Source?
If the topic is too narrow, there will not be enough evidence and experiences available
to support the thesis and to convince my audience; in contrast, if the idea is relatively
broad, I will not be able to cover the whole subject, and it would be extremely
difficult to write an organized essay.Yes- good point 1 Personal experience/ observation missing.
The next step is to think about my audience and the knowledge they have
about my topic. If I know my audience, I will be able to develop the tools such as a
specific claim or meaningful evidence to convince them, and adding details to my
essay is always a good strategy to clarify misgivings and inform the readers. In some
cases, I add tons of details in order to give an adequate background for the audience.
For example, if I am writing about the effect of the pH on diatoms, Good specific detail(s)! it
would be a great idea to explain that diatoms are sensible, aquatic algae. Must be cited.
Additionally, I try not to add an immense amount of details if the essay is not a
narrative or a descriptive one.2 Personal experience/ observation missing.
Then, it is time to start drafting an outline by using the convenient free-writing
technique, which involves writing a rough draft of the essay using any thoughts that
comesSubject-verb agreement error. to mind. Free-writing is useful to explore and clarify my
thoughts because it helps me define the thesis statement and identify the main ideas
(arguments)3 that support that thesis.

You have not supported this statement.

Note that both the

thesis and the main ideas are working statements because they change during the

writing process.Evidence or support? Source? Personal experience/ observation missing. General statements;
you can be more specific here

Writing an outline is the most important step because it is very helpful to unify
and organize the ideas of a manuscript; it also facilitates discovering unclear
sentences, commasSingular/

plural error.

misuses, and chaotic, disordered paragraphs.

Usually, an outline is composed of the key terms or the main sentences of every
section of the essay.Evidence or support? Source? Clarifying the main ideas of the text and
defining a relation between the thesis statement and topic sentences that support it are
vital features that determine whether or not the essay will convince the readers.
Authority? You have not supported this statement.

For instance, my essay would be pointless if

there is not sufficient evidence that supports my claim, and consequentlyRun-on sentence.
I would not be able to prove my thesis.Yes-

good point Personal experience/ observation missing.

Now, proofread and edit the remainder of your essay while keeping in mind the marked errors and comments above.

As the author of the essay, it is my job to tell the readers what the relationship
is between the sentences and the paragraphs, so that they can follow my logic and
understand my arguments. To accomplish this task, I use specific cohesive devices or
linking words depending on the relationship I want to express. For example, for
opposite ideas the best choice is contrast words like however; on the other hand, I
connect two sentences using coordinating conjunctions (for, and, but, etc) and
subordinating conjunctions (because, in order to, etc.).
Once I finish the outline, I am ready to start writing the first draft of the essay.
In this step, I try to be as organized and clear as possible in order to make the reader
understand the thesis and the evidence. If readers understand, they can relate to my
thesis and hopefully agree with it. A basic, simple structure for a five-paragraph essay
is composed of an introduction with a thesis statement, three pieces of evidence or

arguments (one paragraph for every main idea supporting the thesis), and a
conclusion. Even though the introduction is the beginning, I prefer to write the body
of the essay first, followed by the conclusion, and then the introduction.
Writing the body paragraphs is a crucial step because I expose the evidence to
prove the thesis. This section of the essay contains three paragraphs, each one with a
general topic sentence or argument that directly supports and addresses the thesis
statement. When writing the body paragraphs, I occasionally put the main idea at the
beginning of the paragraph to make the reader aware of what that passage will be
about, and then, I add three or four detail sentences that support that main idea. On the
other hand, I sometimes write the detailed sentences first and place the topic sentence
at the final part of the paragraph so as to summarize the information. Because the
body paragraphs should demonstrate the thesis, I tried to show the readers how and
why the information in these paragraphs proves that thesis. To do this, I use personal
experiences and incorporate credible data and information. When I support my
arguments in the body paragraphs, the readers can accept my thesis and probably they
will agree with me.
Located at the end of the paper, the conclusion summarizes and concentrates
all the exposed information. In this section, I remind the reader of the key points or
arguments mentioned throughout the essay, and then, I restate my thesis with similar
words. Moreover, I emphasize why my claim is important and conclude my essay by
recalling the opening or by leaving a thought question for the reader. I believe that the
concluding paragraph of an essay is the final blow to convince the audience that the
thesis is demonstrated by the evidence exhibited.
Ironically, it is time to write the introduction, the section where I set up the
tone (my writing style) and the voice (my attitude towards the subject) of the writing.

In the introductory paragraph, I announce the topic by telling an attractive story,

asking a thought question that I will answer throughout the essay, or giving necessary
background so that the reader can forecast what the essay will be about. The
introduction is an important section because I can establish a connection with the
reader, and also because I name the thesis, which includes an implicit claim of the
selected topic.
Once I finish writing the first draft, I try to consciously proofread the
manuscript. Proofreading is more than fixing errors or re-ordering sentences;
proofreading increases the clarity and improves the organization of an essay. To
proofread my essay, I read out loud and highlight the grammatical errors, the poorlyorganized sentences, and the ambiguous words. The worst errors are vague words,
run-on sentences, incorrect verb tenses, fragments, etc. By following and applying
grammar rules, I correct my errors; nevertheless, in order to organize and improve
paragraph structure, I think of new ways to restate the ideas and re-order the sentences
and paragraphs. Because sometimes my corrections are worse than the mistakes, I
double-check if the correction sounds good. Next, I carefully verify that every
paragraph has a clear, well-developed main idea sentence that always addresses the
topic of the essay. For instance, in the introductory paragraph, I hunt for a strong
thesis; for the body paragraphs I look for a main idea that addresses the thesis, and in
the concluding paragraph I seek a restated thesis.

To end the proofreading stage, I

read my essay again and modify the abnormalities still present in the text.
Finally, if there is available time, I ask a writing tutor or a family member to
read my essay. Hearing their opinions is pretty helpful not only because I realize if my
thesis is correctly supported throughout the essay, but also because I understand my
strengths and weaknesses as a writer, and thus I improve my writing abilities.

Learning and developing writing skills is a matter of life and death not only
for students like me, but also for every human being who attempts to communicate in
writing. There is a huge list of essential features of an essay, but I believe that the
most important characteristics are clarity and organization. If the essay has clear,
concise sentences, it would be easier for the audience to identify the message of that
sentence. Similarly, an organized structure makes readers understand the ideas and the
logic of the text. If the audience comprehends how a process works, they can accept it
and possibly, they will agree with it. As I describe in the previously paragraphs, there
are steps than can improve the clarity and the organization of an essay such as freewriting, outlining, using linking words, and proofreading.

Outline
Introduction
a) Thesis: My writing strategy may not be the best, but it can help you
writing clear sentences and achieving an organized structure, the most
important characteristics of a successful essay (that is the essay that
convinces the audience because the evidence effectively supports the
thesis).
Body
a) Find and choose a topic: It is important for me to enjoy writing about the
selected topic, therefore, the readers can feel and understand my passion
about that subject, and it would be easier to convince them.
b) Know the audience: If I know my audience, I will be able to develop the
tools such as a specific claim or meaningful evidence to convince them,
and adding details to my essay is always a good strategy to clarify
misgivings and inform the readers.

c) Free-writing is useful to clarify my thoughts because it helps me defining

the thesis statement and identifying the main ideas (arguments) that
support that thesis.
d) Clarifying main ideas: In my opinion, clarifying the main ideas of the
text and defining a relation between the thesis statement and topic
sentences that support it are vital features that determine whether or not the
essay will convince the readers.
e) Relationship between sentences and paragraphs: As the author of the
essay, it is my job to tell the readers what the relationship is between the
sentences and the paragraphs, so that they can follow my logic and
understand my arguments.
f) Writing the essay: I try to be as organized and clear as possible in order
to make the reader understand the thesis and the evidence. If readers
understand, they may relate to my thesis and hopefully agree with it.
g) Proofreading is more than fixing errors or re-ordering sentences;
proofreading increases the clarity and improves the organization of an
essay
Conclusion
a) Restate of the thesis: There is a huge list of essential features of an essay,
but I believe that the most important characteristics are clarity and
organization.
b) Key points: As I describe in the previously paragraphs, there are steps
than can improve the clarity and the organization of an essay such as freewriting, outlining, using linking words, and proofreading.

Okay, well, we can't say I did not warn you about the treacherousness of this topic. :( See
notes.
Some paragraphs lack underlined main idea sentences. I believe that the main problem here
is that you have used additional unsupported ideas to support unsupported ideas. I do not see
any details that give actual examples of your claims. Personal experience appears to
disappear in the introductory paragraph, and you become a compostion lecturer whose word
we must take on trust only. Because you are giving instructions that were developed through
academic research by others, many of the statements you make should be cited (the result of
no citation being plagiarism). I hope that you will consider a different topic for 2nd draft! See
notes.
6.5
1. Good point, but where did it come from? Academic essays are assumed to be presenting
orginal ideas unless they are attributed to a source. Here we have no idea what your
expertise is or where it came from apart from trial and error. Named strategies like
"brainstorming," however, are suggested in textbooks with writers that want credit for their
suggestions. Your intro establishes that your knowledge comes from personal experience,

but then we have seen no evidence of that experience so far in the middle of the essay-only unsupported general statements.
2. Details in narratives and descriptions all have an important part to play in supporting the
thesis. Details in other types of essays have an equally important part-- there are not really
any rhetorical modes that require more or fewer details than any other.
3. The argument is the whole package: thesis plus major and minor supporting details. Every
main idea sentence is an supporting idea, but not necessarily an argument unto itself.
Instances
Annotation
Explanation
2
Capitalization error
Capitalization error
1
Comma splice.
Comma splice: do not separate two independent clauses with a comma only. This is one of
the more serious punctuation errors for which your goal should be complete elimination!
2
General statements; you can be more specific here
General statement: specific details and/or examples are needed. These can come from
personal experience, observation, or research. The only general statements you should make
in an essay are ones for which you have provided specific support. Do not make other
general statements that are not accompanied by specific support, even in a conclusion. Every
general statement must be matched by at least one item of specific support. Every specific
detail must support a general statement (main idea or thesis).
4
Personal experience/ observation missing.
Where is your own personal experience and observation? Most of the details in your essay
should be from your life. Avoid hypothetical details, vague or general statements, common
wisdom and sermonizing.
2
Punctuation error.
Punctuation error.
4
Run-on sentence.
Run-on sentences are most commonly caused by missing commas. Each of the four comma
rules also represents a different type of run-on sentence. The most common places where
students forget commas are 1) between introductory words and the subject of a sentence,
and before a coordinating conjunction that connects two independent clauses/ sentences. If
you are not sure which kind of run on you are creating most often, please ask Mr. Davis for
help.
1
Singular/ plural error.
Singular/plural error.
1
Subject-verb agreement error.
Subject-verb agreement error are caused when the verb does not match the subject, usually
in number. For example, "We is here" should be "We are here."
1
You can be more specific here.
Go directly to the specific details. It is not necessary to introduce every specific detail with a
general statement. The reader can infer ideas (other than the thesis and main idea sentence)
from the details themselves.
UNNECESSARY: "There were many kinds of fruit. For example, there were bananas,
strawberries, and kiwis."

BETTER: "There were bananas, strawberries and kiwis."

2
You have not supported this statement.
You have not provided evidence for this statement.
1
Problem with title.
Missing title or some other problem with title. Does it reflect both the topic and the thesis of
your essay? Is it too broad? Does it help or hinder the reader's understanding and interest in
your thesis? Is it underlined, capitalized or bolded? It should not be. Are the main words in the
title capitalized? They should be. Is there a period at the end of it? There should not be.
3
???
??? Incomprehensible or confusing text. This distracts from the meaning of your sentence.
2
Authority?
Authority. If you are making statements as if you are an authority on a topic, that authority
must clearly come from somewhere. Did you get your information from research or personal
experience/ observation? You must make that clear to the reader.
2
Must be cited.
An in-text citation is required to give credit to the source of this information item. See the
Research and Citations module.
3
Evidence or support? Source?
You are making a statement that is not general knowledge without backing it up with evidence
from an outside source or your own personal experience and observation.
1
Examples should be specific.
Writing the words "for example" does not necessarily make for a good example. Examples
should be vivid to the reader. Poor example: "For example, people like dogs." Better example:
"My uncle Joe has grown so attached to his pet aussie Spot that they are never more than a
few feet apart."
1
Now, proofread and edit the remainder of your essay while keeping in mind the marked errors
and comments above.
"Now, proofread..." I have marked only some representative errors in the first part of your
essay. You should find and correct the rest, especially in the parts that I did not mark. If you
have any trouble, you should get help as soon as possible. These errors may make it difficult
for you to receive a passing grade on your next draft and/or the final essay. Please review
and address comments as well.
1
Good specific detail(s)!
Good specific detail(s)!
2
Yes- good point
Yes- good point