Last night my husband & I went for grocery shopping and we bought not-so-glamorous stuffs for the house

like
floor cleaner, cooking oil & rice; and then it struck me that were so married! Hehe... Alhamdulillah It got me
thinking of the things that I would do instead last night if I was still single; and it reminds me of my single
friends who (I assume) like me once waiting, hoping & looking for Mr. Right. Yes, I was all that, waiting, hoping
& looking, and now when Allah sends my husband to me,for me, it happened so quickly, so fast, we were
married within two-and-a-half months after the first day we laid eyes on each other! How did it happen? Its
Allahs decree, no doubt. Alhamdulillah..
Before I deep-dive further into my marriage, I feel that I need to do my part to share with you bits and pieces of
advice on the journey of finding the one. Please take this from my own experience and observation and it is
not anyway to be treated like 'the checklist', but I think it will help insyaAllah.
#1 Be Fair
A friend of mine told me that well get who we deserve, and many years later I realized and come to my
wisdom that its true; and to me, its even written in the Quran that: women of purity are for men of purity,
and men of purity is for women of purity Quran 24:26. So ladies, before we list down our criteria in a man
that were looking for, like Dia mestilah seorang yang bertanggung jawab, beriman & menghormati orang tua
etc., do reflect again are we all that in the first place? Are we responsible? Are we pious? Are we respectful to
the elders?
#2 Hook Up with Allah & Allah will Hook You Up
We are Muslims. And we know that Allah is the Creator and He holds our future, our life. And only from Him we
could be guided to find the one, the right one, the good one. So do check out this great article on the
explanation of Hook Up with Allah & Allah will Hook you Up. I hold this concept true to my heart during my
single days and hopefully you'll find it beneficial too insyaAllah.
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/hook-up-with-allah-allah-will-hook-you-up/
#3 Be Proactive
When I and a few other friends were single, we are inspired by the story of our Mother of the Believers, Khadijah
Binti Khuwailid r.a. There is an article on it, which is Just Because Khadijah Ask and one of the excerpts in the
article says:
Khadijah asked. Khadijah, may Allahs Mercy be upon her, asked about Prophet Muhammad for marriage. She
initiated the communication. She sent someone on her behalf to find out if he was available for marriage. And it
was because she asked, that she got that blessed answer. And with that answer, was the beginning of the of
the greatest stories of love for all times, and also one of the greatest examples of a true muhsina and mumina.
A woman older than him, previously married with children, was inquiring about a younger bachelor, from one of
the best tribes in town. The honor of his acceptance wasnt just hers alone. It was his too. He was going to
marry one of the most beautiful hearts in all of Mecca. A woman whos heart would sacrifice everything she had
to support him, and Islam. Khadijah asked.
Check out this website for the article:
http://muslimmatters.org/2010/08/02/because-khadijah-asked-an-alternative-path-to-meeting-mr-right/
Im not saying just get out there and ask any male passers-by if theyre single and looking; but be truthful to
begin with. The next time your aunts asking you when youre getting married?; instead of replying I just want
to focus on my career for now, please remove your ego and say I have not found one, why not you introduce
me to someone Aunty? I am ready to settle down. They will usually quickly think of someone for you, or the at
least they will think of you when the next time any of her friends start asking for any single girls to marry their
bachelor sons, and if that doesn't happen too, the very least they will stop asking you when and that will lift
unnecessary pressure.
Besides that, be active in community service, environmental projects, language classes, or any halal activities
of your interest. Youd tend to meet more people outside your regular circle of friends, and raise the possibilities
of meeting the one; and best of all he will share the same interest as you. Sharing the same interest is always a
good thing to begin with.
#4 He will be the Father of Your Children
I went for a talk by Yunus Kathrada, he told us a story of a man who went to see a Syeikh to seek advice on his
newborn child. Which is good to always seek advice, but the Syeikh responded to the man Its too late. Why?

The Syeikh said that the process of raising an excellent child begins even before we get married - by selecting a
good spouse to begin with. I have heard stories about girl meets boy at Hard Rock Caf, at Zouk nightclub and
what else have we. I cannot say that couples met at all these places would be heading to a crappy marriage,
but think about it. Ainatul Mardhiah Mohd Dont we all want a good beginning for our union that would bear us
pious and righteous kids in the future?
For a very good lecture on this, please YouTube search this: "mufti menk parent~child relationship"
Maybe what I'm trying to say is, all human are born with a fitrah, an innate feeling of returning to the Almighty
Allah. No matter how naughty we are at a point of our lives, at the back of our heads I'm sure we'll be thinking
"I will repent and return to Allah one day". But, if girl meets boy at nightclub, and then they get married, years
later the girl feels like she wants to get closer to Allah while the boy still would like to party; then we'll see a
problem when the girl and her kids starts going to religious classes and want to go for Umrah, while her
husband refuse to even pray his solat. Tricky right? Let's think far, and choose wisely.
Besides that, observe his temperament & his reaction towards children the last thing you would want when
youre married with 3 kids crying in your arms, you ask for his help with the kids and he says.. You know right
honey, me and kids just dont gel
#5 Eliminate, Banish Your Baggage
I believe there is wisdom for free-mixing and dating is haraam in Islam. We all know that GF-BF concept is
superficial; we will never get to know the true color of someone until we live with them day in, day out. And
the uglier side of this dating relationship is, it does not always have the happy ending. I have heard stories of
a bride crying on her wedding day when her ex-boyfriend called her up for a last good bye, some still cant get
over their exes even after having children; some still secretly get in touch with their exes just to ask How
have you been? subhanAllah May Allah protect us from this.
If you still have issues or still cannot get over an ex, deal with it now. It will fog-up your path to find the one,
and you will always have the shadow of your ex over your decision on moving on with another man. You would
only want to have a vision of you and your husband and your kids in the future, and not the thought of How
would it be if I marry him instead? Wise up, girls!
#6 Be Selective, Not Picky
I believe there is a fine line between being selective and picky. To me, if you decline a proposal from a guy that
is pleasing to the eyes, well mannered and has a stable income; but he smokes & you realized that he seldom
attends Friday prayers, then yes you're being selective. But if you decline a proposal from a guy that is pleasing
to the eyes, well mannered, has stable income, doesn't smoke, and is Allah-fearing, but he is a mommy's boy
(or he's balding, or he has an interesting hobby of collecting dried leaves) then you're being picky.
Key thing to remember here Deal Breaker. If he has or lacks of certain pivotal quality/characteristic that you
cannot live with/without then it is big reason not to marry him. For example, if you know you're a career driven
person and have major career ambitions but your potential husband wants you to eventually quit your job to
look after the kids then that's the Deal Breaker. But please do not confuse deal breaker with differences. For
example, if you like to eat Japanese and hates Italian food but he cannot bear the thought of eating raw fish but
loves pasta, this is not deal breaker. Both of your can still work around differences and it is silly to have a big
fight over which restaurant to go have dinner. But Deal Breakers are something that could most likely put a
strain in a marriage in which failing to manage could lead to divorce. See the significance?
However, please try not to overanalyze and being hypercritical. Another key thing to remember is: Nobody Is
Perfect, and no sayang, not even you.
#7 Be Ready to Give (Up)
Marriage is not all about sex. It's not all about him showering you with endless love and affection. It's not all
about cuddling & curling up together in the bed every night. Yes, it is all that, but it is not all and everything
about that. It's not all about you! Marriage needs sustenance, and it does not come for free, you need to work
for it. You need to give. Just like how we expect our men to know manly stuffs like how to change the car tyre
when it punctures or know to repair a leaking pipe or how to assemble a DIY baby cot; I'm sure men would also
expect the wives to know womanly stuffs like how to cook, how to do laundry properly and perhaps iron man's
work clothes.
Of course most of us could say that it's the modern world now, women don't need to know how to cook and
clean and that we can get a maid to do all that. But would you really want to get a maid to cook your husband's

meals & iron your husband's work shirts? I know it's easier said than done, but who say that to maintain a
happy marriage is effortless & easy?
Ready to give, includes being ready to give up. Do you have male friends who you often hang with, or who to
you we're just friends? or we've been friends for so long he's like a brother to me? Guess what? After you're
married, I would need to advice you to give them up like a bad habit. I know along the years we have made so
many friends including guy friends, but once we're married we CANNOT hang out with them anymore. I am not
saying we cannot be friends anymore, but it is with a lot of limitation. I trust that you would use your wisdom on
how to draw the line. Even though you future husband is the coolest guy on earth (and Allah forbids) he
allows you hang out with any of your guys friends, once you're being seen by other people hanging out with
another guy other than your husband, you've lit a spark for fitnah and speculation which will spread like
wildfire. Imagine a neighbour saw you walking with your male friend at a mall, and she tells your mother in-law.
High voltage drama huh?
Trust. Could take years to build, but only a minute to destroy.
#8 - It's Him Not His Money
So, he drives a BMW and earns RM20k a month? OR. So, he drives his father's first car and don't really have a
proper job? BUT I say So what?
Often times girls will look for a man that is wealthy and rich - that's completely common. Its a biological and
psychological thing. We need look for men that can "hunt & gather" to provide security, shelter and food to take
care of us and our young. It's a survival thing.
However, either he is rich or broke; he is actually rich or broke NOW. Who are we to say that their wealth will be
there forever, or that they will earn very little money for lifetime? The key point to stress, is his deen (iman) &
character. Does he have the right knowledge and iman to guide you and your young. Does he have maturity
and good character to endure the challenges of the world and maried life? I am not saying, go into marriage
blindly but please use your wisdom and not your desire. He may not have much today, but if you see that he
has the willpower to work hard to earn a better living and you believe with all your heart that Allah is All
Provider, insyaAllah you'll be fine.
For me, during the ta'aruff (introduction meeting) with my then-not-yet-husband, I asked him about his
education. To me and maybe to a lot of parents education is key. Personally, I don't mind if he is a burger flipper
at Ramly Burger (he's not by the way), but if he has a qualification, or a degree or something, insyaAllah he has
something to fall back on. I didn't ask him about how much he's earning or anything like that, because it's not
important to me. Have faith in Allah that He is The All Provider.
From Umar ibn Al-Khattab from the Prophet (sas) who said:
"If only you relied on Allah a true reliance, He would provide sustenance for you just as He does the birds: They
fly out in the morning empty and return in the afternoon with full stomachs."
Ahmad, An-NasaaI, Ibn Majah, Al-Hakim and At-Tirmidhi who said: "Hassan sahih"
#9 Know the Rights of Husband & Obligations of Wife, Vice Versa.
A lot of us dreams of getting married one day to wear nice dress on the wedding day. But after the wedding day
is over a whole new world of responsibilities await you and him. Both husband and wife has a list of
responsibilities within the Islamic guidelines. Read them up, study them. By abiding to this guidelines, almost
certainly we can maintain a happy marriage by the will of Allah.
But often, during tense and trying times the husband and wife would usually accuse each other of not full filling
his/her rights. For example the husband would say You should beautify yourself for me and not look like a mess
at home!; and the wife would say something like You're supposed to provide a home for us, but we been living
with your housemate for months now!
A key guideline to this is to prioritize your obligations as a wife and to respect the rights of the husband. And
vice versa of course. Know your obligations, what you should do, your responsibilities BEFORE thinking about
your rights, his obligations, what he should do and his responsibilities.
So now.. can you manage to fulfill all your obligations? Are you such a strong-headed person that would be able
to listen to your husbands advice? Do you have the right attitude to be kind to your husband? Do you still think
that after you're married you can do whatever you want and allow anybody into your house without your
husband's permission? What would you do if you have a long tiring day at work but you need to fulfill your
husband's physical desire? Do you have the right motivation to beautify yourself (at home) to be pleasing to his

eyes with your appearance? Basically, do we have the right mindset to strive to be a good wife? Or do we still
think it's all about me, me, me?
Please ponder on this hadith:
Qays ibn Sa'd Narrated: I went to al-Hirah and saw them (the people) prostrating themselves before a satrap
(governor of a province in ancient Persia) of theirs, so I said: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) has
most right to have prostration made before him. When I came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him), I said: I
went to al-Hirah and saw them prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, but you have most right,
Apostle of Allah, to have (people) prostrating themselves before you. He said: Tell me , if you were to pass my
grave, would you prostrate yourself before it? I said: No. He then said: Do not do so. If I were to command
anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their
husbands, because of the special right over them given to husbands by Allah. [Hadith: Sunan Abu Dawud,
11:2135]
Heavy. I know... :(
But marriage is such a pure & beautiful thing that if we fulfill every obligations for the sake of Allah, we shall be
rewarded for every effort insyaAllah.
Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, If a woman prayed five prayers, fasted
in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment):
enter Paradise from any of its(eight) doors.
insyaAllah...Yeay!! :D
#10 It is the Marriage, Not the Wedding
I think we heard countless times that engaged couples are putting off marriage because they do not have
enough money to hold the wedding. If you're imagining a wedding with rotating wedding cake, nasi minyak
lobster menu, tents decorated with thousands of tulips from Amsterdam, and haute couture wedding dress then no wonder why you need to put off your wedding.
But my dears, it's really not all about the wedding. Some of my friends asked me whether it was the happiest
day of my life; I had a little trouble answering that because leading after the wedding is what matters more to
me. The whole lifetime with this person that you should treat him as part of you; and build a family with
children whom are the coolness of our eyes. InsyaAllah.. and that thought itself could make one very happy.
It's not about the wedding stuffs. I remember people who attended my wedding and the precious moments.
How I was overwhelmed with emotions when my dad hug me tightly before the akad nikah & my mom
whispered "you'll always be my baby" during the akad nikah ceremony. And the happiest thing I could
remember on my wedding day was holding his hand for the very first time. That was surreal, I loved it so much.
See? I don't remember much about the wedding stuffs; although they're really nice - the dress, the pelamin, the
bunga telur, Alhamdulillah, but I don't remember that time and again. I always have this theory, the longer it
takes to prepare a wedding the harder it gets to let the wedding itself go... After 1 year (or even more) of
preparing, it will all be over in 2 days, and you'd go.. "That's it? That's The wedding?" So please, once you have
met the right person to marry, go ahead with it quickly.
So there you go. A little note of love from the quite newly married me to all my single sisters. I always make
du'a for Allah to hasten the jodoh for all my single sisters with a pious and great men who will be the coolness
of their eyes. Please make loads of du'a for yourselves too. Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Hook up
with Allah and Allah will hook you up, remember? :)
A wife is like a gift to a man. And there is a hadith that goes like this:
"This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is righteous women. - Sahih
Muslim 10/56.
So prepare yourself to be a gift (and not a test) to your future husband, so that one day he will hold you and
look lovingly in your eyes and say Alhamdulillah.