The perils of mother-in-law

leadership syndrome
Upendra Chaturvedi
The real pleasure for a corporate mother-in-law leader is to
stress out others by the virtue of their authority. Negotiating
employee happiness with unrealistic and impatient demands is
at the core of their leadership. They convert an organisation into
a dungeon.

Sentimental Warning: The article does not intend to hurt the sentiments of the mother-in-laws
of the 21st century, who tend to treat everyone equally and fairly. Rather, this inference is
drawn to express thoughts on better management and leadership so that we discover and
accept reality with a tinge of humour. Thus, we back it with a sentimental warning to all
readers as well as mother-in-laws. We wish they do not to take it to heart, but accept it in the
right spirit for their learning and betterment.
The paradox of Indian marriages has always been dominated by mother-in-laws since ages.
In fact, it has also been the basis of TRP hikes for television channels.
Coming from the human resources function, I am privileged to have come across several
leaders and observe their behavioural patterns as well. In the early days of my career, my
observation was confined to using tools such as Lominger 67 and Gallup 34 themes, etc.
Indeed, such tools are scientifically tested and proven by B-schools as well as eminent
management gurus.
Surprisingly till date, none of the business schools or management gurus have touched upon
the peculiar leadership behaviour that connects the behavioural pattern of mother-in-laws with
that of the leaders. These patterns are commonly faced by the Indian workforce especially
the GenX and millennial.

Filled with the ecstasy and inquisitiveness of understanding leadership behavioural patterns,
and observing my surroundings, I have discovered the interesting style of leadership called
the 19th century mother in-law leadership.
When we talk of a mother in-law, the first and foremost things that most of us visualise are:
1. Woman control, command authority.
2. They seek perfection from their daughter-in-laws in everything they do, something that they
could not achieve in their lifetime.
I have observed that this behavioural pattern of mother-in-laws is predominantly higher in the
organizations where the average age of employees is higher, and where leaders are home
grown, all by their inward thoughts and approaches, which they have cultivated over ages.
The mother-in-law leadership behavioural pattern is always looking for errors to disqualify, or
discredit someone who they consider as a potential threat. They will often try to control the
personal matters and constantly remind their subordinates of the numerous skill gaps. They
have a tendency to flaunt their superiority. They make the other person believe that they are
the best masters to bail one out of the situation. What is even worse is that they do this in a
horrid and impatient manner.
You will always find a typical mother in-law sitting at a top position and trying to replicate
his/her mask on you so that your confidence takes a beating and you are unable to express
your creative thoughts. This is an emotionally tiring and excruciating experience.
The real pleasure for a corporate mother-in-law leader is to stress out others by the virtue of
their authority. The day starts when they step out from home and sit in the car to reach office.
They shoot texts, creepy one-liner mails, and continuously send reminders, where it is totally
unnecessary. They make a mountain out of a molehill, to re-emphasise their authority simply
not realising that they are micro-managing. Negotiating employee happiness with unrealistic
and impatient demands is at the core of their leadership.
I have enlisted their pattern for the comfort of the readers. Though the scope is unlimited, I
have tried to encapsulate:
1) Insulting you in a personal manner, often publicly
2) Invading your personal space without asking
3) Threatening you verbally or non-verbally
4) Sending email flames
5) Interrupting you rudely during meetings
6) Giving you dirty looks
7) Acting as if you are invisible when it suits them
8) Withholding praise even though you clearly deserve it
9) Second-guessing all the time or demanding perfection
10) Making sarcastic jokes or teasing you as a means to deliver a nasty message
11) Reminding you in front of everyone where you stand in the hierarchy
12) Touching you when it's clear that you don't want this
13) Making two-faced attacks you understand one thing from your boss, only to learn
later that your boss said exactly the opposite to somebody else
14) Stealing clients or accounts from other workers
15) Bad mouthing the firm's culture
16) Refusing to help or explain anything when asked (but will deny this if pressed by
anyone else, and insist it was you who didn't ask for help), etc.!

Such leaders are typical fault finders, micro-managers and bask in superiority complexion,
which is garnered through bookish knowledge. They keep flashing a mirror that only reflects
your negatives. They forget the fact that a true leader is one who appreciates your talent and
skills and leverages them to further the organizational goals and vision.
Mother-in-law leadership converts an organisation into a dungeon. These leaders are inward
thinkers and their periphery is limited to the interim activities in the organisation. They engage
in fire-fighting and this unfortunately, makes them immensely happy, even if the organization
is gradually eroding due to recurrent upheavals.
The purpose behind writing this article is to bring out the fact that the philosophies and
initiatives related to employee engagement always get defeated by such regressive
leadership behaviour pattern.
Mother-in-law leaders should not impose their superiority and typical behaviour pattern on the
younger employees or subordinates. This creates distaste in their young minds about their
leaders.
Owing to this overbearing leadership behaviour, they also hit the panic button and react in a
typically immature manner. The young should not forget that the process and the system have
been built over years of deep analysis and thinking. If they wish to introduce change it cannot
be done precipitously; it has to evolve through synergy and team work.