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TheAvenger'sHandbook
PlD.Ekran
October11,1999

``Ohpeople,knowthatyouhavecommittedgreatsins.IfyouaskmewhatproofIhave
forthesewords,IsayitisbecauseIamthepunishmentofGod.Ifyouhadnotcommitted
greatsins,Godwouldnothavesentapunishmentlikemeuponyou.''

GenghisKahn,Bukhara1220

Copyrightandinformation
TheAvenger'sHandbook
Copyright199399PlD.Ekran
PublishedbyEkranDesign1999
EkranDesign
ISBN8299521505

Distributionterms
Youmaycopyanddistributeverbatimcopiesofthistextasyoureceiveit,inany
medium,providedthatyouconspicuouslyandappropriatelypublishitcompletelyand
withoutanymodificationseitherincontentorformat,includingtheintroductionand
thiscopyrightnotice.Thusfollowsthatyoubringforwardthesesame,limitedrights
asyouareherebygranted,toanyfurtherrecipientsofthisdocument.
Youmaychargeanominalfeeforthephysicalactoftransferringacopyofthis
document,howeverthisfeemustnotextendbeyondthecostofthephysicalmedium
andtransportationofit.Youmaynotchargeanythingforwiredorairedtransmissions
ofthistext.

Disclaimer
Theauthorassumesnoresponsibilityfortheuseormisuseoftheideasdescribed.
Theauthorspecificallydisclaimsanypersonalliability,lossorriskincurredasa
consequenceoftheuse,eitherdirectlyorindirectly,ofanyinformationpresented
herein.Asthisbookismadefreelyavailableitcomeswithabsolutelynowarranty,in
particularregardingtheauthenticityoraccuracyofanyactiondescribedherein.
Someoftheschemesdescribedinthisbookareillegaltoperform,andmostofthem
willmakeyourtargetsufferinonewayoranother.Youshouldconsiderthistextasa
sourceofamusement,notasamanualofhowtocreatehavocandgetyourselfinto
trouble.

Aboutthisbook
Thisentirebookwaswrittenusingtheeditor.Inthebeginningthehardware
consistedofanAmiga600,andattheend,aIBMThinkpad600runningRedhat
Linux.
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Thebook'sfinallayoutandtypesettingwasdonewithLATEX2e.

Contents
Copyrightandinformation
Contents
Introduction
Safetyandplanning
Afewtingstoalwayskeepinmind
Longdistancerevenge
Dangerofdetection
Telephoneprecautions
Themailsystem
Thepowerofemptymessages
Unpaidpost
Forgedletters
Junkmail
Thetelephone
Precautionsadteidium
Basics
Phoneterrorism
Making``appointments''
Pagers
Faxmachines
Handlingtelemarketingandpranksters
Handlingpranksters
TheInternet
Regardinglogging
Basics
Internetrevengeideas
DealingwithInternetharassment
Spammers
Destructivepayback
Thecar
Paintjobs
Atthewindshield
Tirehavoc
Underthehood
Thegastank
Othercaraction
Thegarden
Thelawn
Thegarage
Themailbox
Walls,fountainsandbugs
Protectingyourgarden
Theresidence
Dormsandsimilarplaces
Doorsingeneral
Tellyterrorism
Loudmusic
Thebathroom
Thebedroom
Thekitchen
Theworkplace
Introduction
Friendsandfoes
Thefriendly
Thehostile
Attheoffice
Grocerystores
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Thecomputer
Messingwithsoftware
Messingwithhardware
Theinstitutional
Thegovernment
Thepolice
Gotaparkingticket?
Politicians
Hospitals
Military
Taxcollectorsareyourfriends
Thecompany
Thebank
Thegoodcause
Restaurants
Laundries
Doctorsanddentists
Theschool
Teachers
Fellowstudents
Theschoolbuilding
Miscellaneous
Stickystuff
Glue
Insulation
Theannoyingandirritating
Annoyingroommates
Embarrassment
Thingsthatgoboom!
Wreakingweddings
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Index

Introduction
``Themarkisanyonewhohasdonesomethingunpleasant,foul,unforgivable,orfatalto
you,yourfamily,yourpropertyoryourfriends.Neverthinkofamarkasavictimofdirty
tricks.Thinkofthemarkasaverydeservingtargetofrevenge.''

GeorgeHayduke,Make'emPay!
Itisdifficulttositdownafterworkingonaprojectfor6years,andwritean
introductiontoitsfinalstate.Ifthereisstillanydoubt,thisisthefinalreleaseofthe
Avenger'sHandbook.Youmaystopsendingmeallideasonhowtogetevenwith
someone,theywillnotbeincludedinanyfuturerelease.
ItallstartedinthelateyoungdaysoftheInternet,aroundseptember1993andjusta
few``hours''beforethathorriblemomentwhensomeonecameupwiththetragicidea
thateveryoneshouldhaveaccesstothenet.ItwasfallandIhadjustattendedmy
firstclassattheUniversityofTroms,inNorway.ItwasalsojustweeksafterIhad
beenintroducedto,and.Inaninstant
(actuallyittookthreenewgroupmessages)thenewsgrouphadbeen
createdandstartedtobringmessagestothefeed.ThankstoJensStark,thecreator
of.
Afterbeingoneoftheactiveparticipantsinthegroupforawhile,Itookituponmyself
thetaskofcollectingallofthebestideasintoatextfile.Thistextfilebecamethe
Avenger'sHandbook,andithasbeenavailableonthenetsince1994.Withtheweb
cametheAvenger'sFrontPage,whichhasactedasafrontendfortheAvenger's
Handbookandvariousothertextsfollowingthesametopic.
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In1997theAvenger'sFrontPagewasoneofthemostsuccessfulrevengepageson
thenet,andduringthistimeIstartedtoplanacompleterewriteoftheAvenger's
Handbook.Throughoutaweekwithsevensleeplessnights(andsleepfulldays)I
managedtocrankdownabout90KBofrawtext,usingmaterialfromtheold
Avenger'sHandbook.Ispentmostofthetimeselectingfromtheoldtextand
removingtheideasthatweren'tsuitable.Muchrewritingwasrequiredtomakethe
newtextlookmorelikearealbook,evenifIsometimeswroteafewwords,itnever
leadtoanyrealprogress.
Thenin1999Ireopenedmyfileandstartedtoworkonthetextagain.ThroughMay,
JuneandJulyIsentthetexttosomevoluntaryproofreaderswhodidgreat
improvementsonit.AfterwardsIfinalizedthelayoutandreleasedit.
ThefrequentreaderoftheAvenger'sFrontPagewillfindthatmostofthematerialin
thisbookaretakenfromtheAvenger'sHandbook,fromthe andfrom
myownexperiencein.Ihavetriedtomakethisdocumentdifferentfrom
theoldAvenger'sHandbook,andIhavetriedtokeepitshortandinterestingenough
tomakeagoodonlinebooksuitableforanyonetoread.I'llletyoubethejudgeof
whetherIsucceededornot.

Safetyandplanning
``Oursenseofrevengeisasexactasourmathematicalfaculty,anduntilbothtermsof
theequationsaresatisfiedwecannotgetoverthesenseofsomethingleftundone.''

InazoNitobe,Bushido
Thetypicallifecycleofarevengeschemeoftenstartswithsomeone,apersonora
memberofanorganization,doingsomethingwrongtoyou,orsomeoneclosetoyou.
Atthatmomentyou,thevictim,wouldmostlikelybeinastateofanger,hateor
sadness.Atleastyoushouldbeinastatewhereyouwishtogetevenattheone,or
theones,whowrongedyou.Theworstthingthatcouldhappenatthismomentisthat
yousharpenyourswordsofvengeanceandgoonrightatit.
Revengedoneinhasteissuchawaste,andtheSiciliansdidreallyknowwhatthey
weretalkingaboutwhentheyweresaying,``Revengeisadishbestservedcold.''It
istimetositback,healyourwoundsandstartplottingyourpayback.Thiscouldtake
months,andevenyears,dependingonhowseveretheoffensewasandhowsevere
thepaybackshouldbe.
Itwouldn'tsurprisemeif50%oftheavengerswhogetcaughtarepeoplewhostart
theirmissionofvengeanceatatimethatistooclosetothecrime.Iwouldalsoguess
that40%oftheoneswhogetcaught,didnotactoutofaplan.Ortheyplannedit
badlywithoutthoughtorskill.Thererest10%aretheoneswhosimplygetunlucky,
wheretheunknownplaysafactorthatisnotcalculable.
Thelifespanofageneralrevengeschemeshouldthereforestartwiththeoffense,
continuewithagreatdealofpatience,evolvethroughthoroughplanningand
reconnaissance,reconsidered,andifnecessarilysomemorepatience,untilyouone
daydeployyourplan.Afterthatyouhavehopefullygottenyourvengeance,then
everythingrelatedtothisshouldbeburiedandforgotten.Youmightalsodecideto
forgetit,thatit'snotworththeeffortorrisk.
Onedifferentwayofhandlingthisistomakealistofallyourmarks.Thislistcouldbe
somethingasdirectasalittledatabasewithnames,addresses,theircrimeandany
otherrelevantandirrelevantpiecesofinformation.Everynowandthenyougetyour
list,fillinsomegapsanddeleteobsoletedata.Whentherighttimecomesyouseem
tostrikeoutofnowhere,andbeforethemarkknowswhathithim,youaregone
again.Anadvantageofthisapproachisthatyoucanplayseveralmarksagainst
eachother,andyoucouldsitonyourlistforyears,makingyourmarksless
suspiciousandunaware.
Theremightalsobetimeswhenyoureallywantyourmarktoknowwhoyouare.This
wouldbeinsituationswhereyou'reparticipatinginadirectrevenge,orprankwar.
Thisisasituationwherenobodywinsandshouldbeavoided.Still,ifyouentangle
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yourselfintothiskindofsituation,makesurethatyourmarkcan'tdocumentany
threatsoractionsdonebyyou,asthesecasestendtoendupinacourthouse.
Electronicevidenceandplansshouldbecarefullyencrypted,oritmightgetused
againstyou.Alsobeawareofthefactthatthesetypesofwarshavethetendencyof
escalatingtoapointwherethingsreallygetoutofhand.Thebestwayisthesafe
way,withoutmuchchanceofretaliationanddetection.Patience,persistence,
planningandthenfinallytherealization.
Afterthepatiencecomesplanning,andwithplanningcomessurveillance.Everyfact
andeverydetailaboutyourmarkshouldbegatheredandorganized.Themoreyou
knowaboutyourmark,thebetter.Thisinvolvesinformationabouthishomeandwork
address,telephonenumber,emailaddress,habits,bankaccounts,hissocialsecurity
number,wife,lovers,children,hisfear,whathelikes,dislikes,carlicenseplate,daily
andweeklyroutines,hobbies,religion,etc.
Whenallthepiecesaregathered,you'llhaveaconceptofwhoyourmarkis,andyou
maydeterminewhichwaytogetbackathimwouldbethemostefficient.Thisis
whereyourplanformsanditshouldincludeallthe``what,whenandhow's''thatyou
cancomeupwith.Theplanshouldalsohavecontingencyplansthatdescribehowto
actifyou'reexposed,andhowtoactifyourmarkortheauthoritiesconfrontsyou
laterwithyourdeeds.
Still,nomatterhowwellyouhaveplannedandexecutedyourrevengescheme,
there'salwaysthechancethatyou'llendupamongthe10%unluckyones.One
ofmineoncesaid,``Bepreparedtodothetimeforthecrime,''andindeed,
ifyoucan'taffordgettingcaught,thenyoushouldn'tdoanythingatall.Allaroundthe
worldtherearepeopleinprison,peoplewhothoughttheywouldnevergetcaught,
someofwhichareverysmart.

Afewtingstoalwayskeepinmind
Hereareafewthingstoalwayskeepinmind:
Neveruseyourowntelephone.Why?Becauseyourtargetcanthentrackyouwith
ease.Itreallyonlytakesacalleridandanincreasingnumberofpeoplearegettingit.
Also,thetelephonecompaniescouldbeloggingallthecallsthatwemake.Usea
phoneboothawayfromyourvicinityandthepathwhereyouusuallytravel.
Neverdrivetoyourmark'shousewithyourowncar.Peopleyouknowmightsee
it,andlaterwhenyourmarkasksquestions,itmaysurfaceagain.
Neverworkwithyourbarehandsuncovered.Evenifyouhaveneverbeen
fingerprintedinthepast,suchasforamilitaryservice,thereisnoguaranteethatthis
luxurywillcontinue.Wearglovesinstead,butdon'tthrowthemawayatthecrime
sceneoryoumaybeforcedtotrythemoutinacourtroom.
Neverletanyoneseeyou.Thismightsoundobvious,butwearingblackclothesat
nightmightbeagoodidea.Justdon'tstandouttoomuchfromyoursurroundings.
Sometimesdressingcasualmightbebetterthandressingdark,andcamouflagegear
isdefinitelyoutofthequestion.
Nevertalktoanyoneaboutwhatyouhavedone.Ifsomeoneconfrontsyouwith
theissue,actignorant.Thisiswheremanypeoplefailandgetcaught.Theyhavea
trustedfriend,whohasatrustedfriend,whohasatrustedfriend,etc.
Neverstealanything,unlessyouplantothrowitintoariverbeforeyougethome.It
wouldberealhardtoexplainifsomeonefoundanobjectbelongingtoyourmarkat
yourplaceafterhehashadabreakin.
Neveruseyourownhandwritingoryourownprinter.Evenifyoutrytoforgethe
handwritingitispossiblethattheymighttraceitbacktoyou.Aprinteroratypewriter
willalsohaveitsowncharacteristics,oftenthereisacharacterwithcertaindistinction
duetowearandtear.Thebestthingistouseoneatauniversity,aschoolorone
thatisotherwisepubliclyaccessible.
Neverusesalivaonstampsandenvelopes.DNAanalysisisnowafactoflife.
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Peoplehavebeenconvictedbecausetheydidthis.Waterfromthespringwilldojust
fine.
Neverinvolveanaccomplice,unlessitisabsolutelynecessary.Thefewerwho
knowaboutyourwork,thebetteritis.Evenifthatotherpersonissomeoneyoutrust
withyourlife,itstillincreasestheriskwhenmorepeopleknowaboutit.
Neverthreatenyourmark.Ifyouthreatenyourmarkthenheknowsyou'llbeupto
something.He'llalsoknowwheretostartlookingwhensomethinghashappenedand
whatnamestofillundersuspiciouspersonsintheentryboxofapolicereport.
Nevermailaletterfromornearyourhomecity/town,workplace,etc.Useare
mailerserviceinstead,oratrustedfriendfromoutoftown.
Neverbuysuppliesfromalocaldealer,andneveruseyourcreditcardorcheckin
thepurchase.Theseareobvious,butunfortunatelyeasytoforgetwhenyoudon't
planthingsthoroughly.
Neverleavewrittendocumentation,likename,address,etc.ataplacewhereit
maybefound.Ifyouarestoringsuchinformationonyourcomputer,thenmakesure
toencryptitfirst.
Theseprecautionsmightseemabitparanoid,butIbetthatabout90%ofeveryone
whoevergetcaughtdidn'tpayenoughattentiontoplanningoroneofthe
precautionsabove.Someofthetacticsinthisbookmightbreaksomeoftherules
above,butthenagainyouareallowedtouseyourownheadtoevaluatetherisk.
Afterall,youaretheonewhowillpaythepenaltyforfailure.

Longdistancerevenge
``IfIwhetmyglitteringsword,andminehandtakeholdonjudgmentIwillrender
vengeancetomineenemies,andwillrewardthemthathateme.''

Deuteronomy,Ch.32,V.41
Whenyourmarkdoesn'tliveinyourvicinity,therearetwochannelsforyoutouse.
Thefirstistheoldclassicalpostalsystem.Theotherisanyelectronicwire,likea
telephoneoracomputernetwork.

Dangerofdetection
Thedangerofbeingdetectedwhileusingoneofthesechannelsincreaseswithhow
advancedthetechnologyis.Thisbasicallymeansthattheoldpostalsystemisthe
safestandeasiesttouse,andthateverythingthatisbeingdoneonacomputer
network,liketheInternet,isbeinglogfiledandunlessyou'reawizard,you'remost
likelytobedetected,trackedandcaught.

Telephoneprecautions
Usingthetelephonemightseemlikeasafechannel,asyoucouldbesittingonthe
othersideoftheplanet,plotting,preparingandexecutingyourrevenge.Donotbe
fooledbythisdistanceasittakesnomorethanacalleridtogiveawayyouridentity.
Thefirstruleoflongdistancetelephonerevengeisthereforetouseapayphone
whichisn'tlocatedtooclosetowhereyoulive,workortravel.
Youshouldnevercallthemarkdirectly,atleastifhewasaclosefriendorsomeone
youhaveseenortalkedtoooften.Changingyourvoicewithapieceofcloth,avoice
scrambleroranymachinemanipulationhelpslittletheconversationmightbe
recordedanditisoftenpossibletoreversethatmanipulation.Theonlygoodsolution
tothisistoinvolveathirdparty,preferablyasecondarymarkwhoyoucancall,
posingastheprimarymark.Youmightalsouseatrustedfriendtomakethecallto
yourmark.
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Themailsystem
Oneofthemostclassic,noncreative,waysofgettingeventhroughthemailsystem
isbyusingthoseripoutorderformsfoundincommercialcataloguesandmagazines.
Pulloutthecardandaskforinformation,orderaproductorsubscribetothe
magazine.
Allyouneedtoknowisthemark'snameandaddressandwithinafewminutesof
workyou'llbeabletohelphimreceivetonsofannoyingpaper.Youcouldalsouse
thismethodtohelphimbuy``billmelater''goods.Thisisn'tconsideredrevengeart
butstilloneschemethathasworkedforthousandsovertheyears.

Thepowerofemptymessages
Adifferentapproach,onewhichhasapsychologicaltouch,istosendyourmark
emptyenvelopes.Makethemarrivefromdifferentlocationswithdifferenthandwriting
overaperiodof,say,235years.
Therearemanyvariationstothistactic.Youcould,forinstance,sendtheenvelope
opened,indicatingthatsomeoneisstealinghismail.Youcouldincludeasinglepiece
ofpaperwithwordslike``DEATH!'',``LIAR!'',``THIEF!''orwhateverseems
appropriate.Theideahereisnottothreatenthemarkdirectly,buttoremindhimof
whatheis.Justdon'twriteanythingthatmightexposeyouastheoriginatorofthe
messages.
Annoyingnonsmokers.Onethingthatyoucandoifyouaresendingaletterto
someonewhoisn'tasmoker,istoincludecigaretteashesintheenvelope.Thisfuels
thefirecausedbyanyrudeorannoyingletter.

Unpaidpost
Eachcountryandstatehasdifferentroutineswhenitcomestohandlingunpaidpost.
InNorway,forinstance,itisquitepossibletosendunpaidmail,andifthathappens,
thepostofficesendsthebilltotherecipient.Thiscaneasilybeexploited.Getsome
preprintedlabelsofyourmark'snameandaddress,thenputthemontoarandom
numberofenvelopesandpostthemoverarandomperiodoftime.
Youmaywanttocheckthisschemeonyourselftoseeifitworks.Itisvitalthatyou
don'tputtoomanyenvelopesintothefirstmailbox,becausethatwilljusttriggerthe
postoffice'ssuspicion.
Onenicevariation,ifyouhaveasecondarymark,istoputtheprimarymarkasthe
senderandthenthesecondarymarkastherecipientontheenvelope,orviceversa.
Ifyouhatethewholetownthatyoulivein,findatelephonedictionaryandmake
everycitizentherecipient,i.e.oneoneachenvelope,andthentheprimarymarkthe
senderofalltheenvelopes.

Forgedletters
Forginglettersinotherpeople'snameisillegal,butaslongasyounevergetcaught,
istherereallyanythingtoworryabout?
Nowforsomeexamplesusingforgedmarksnames.
Sendalettertoyournation'scustomdepartment,askingforapermittoimport
narcotics.Yououghttowritethisoutwithinformationsayingthatyouhavebeena
drugaddictforalongtime,andthatyoucan'taffordbuyingitonthestreetanymore.
Writethatitisforpersonaluseonly.Itwouldevenbebetterifyourmarkreallyisa
drugabuser.
Sendalettertothelocalchurch,whereyouaskabouttheChristianviewonsex
withchildren.Tellthemthatyou'vereadthebible,butthatyoucouldn'tfindanything
therestatingthatitiswrong.Alsostatethatyou'retryingtoquit,butthatthe
temptationsarehardtohandle.
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Sendalettertohislandlord,sayingthatyou'llbemovingshortly.Givethelandlord
aspecificdate,andtellhimthathe'llbeonvacationuntilthedaysbeforethemove.If
you'relucky,thelandlordmightstartlookingfornewtenantswithoutevenconfronting
yourmark.Thisisalsoagreatschemeifthelandlordisasecondarymark.
Browsethejobmarket,andapplyforpositionsinyourmark'sname.Givehisnew
employerallsortsofpeculiar,suspiciousorincrediblereferences,asifhehasbeen
workinginyourcountry'sleadingpositionsandattendingatthebestUniversities.The
objecthereistohavetheemployergocheckingthosereferences,asifthese
referencesdon'taddup,thentheremostcertainlycouldbelegalproblemsforyour
mark.
Applyformembershipincertaingroups,suchasKKK,Jehovah'sWitnesses,
NAMBLA(NorthAmericanMenandBoyLoveAssociation),oranythingcontroversial.
OrsubscribethemtoannoyingbookclubsliketheReader'sDigest.Findsomething
themarkreallyhatesorfearsandsignhimupthere.
Applyforcreditcards,etc.Youwillprobablyneedyourmark'ssocialsecurity
numbertodothis.Youwillnotbeabletousethem,it'sjustthatitwillreallymakehim
wonderwhenhehasn'tappliedforthecreditcardsandtheystartarrivinginthemail.
Itmightevenmakehimthinkthatsomeoneisworkingaschemetoabusethem,but
thatitissomehowfailing.
Getanaddresschangeform,foundatthepostoffice.Makehisnewaddress
somewhereisolated,orhaveitforwardedtoanyknowncriminal.
Writealettertothereader'ssectionofhislocalnewspaper,ortheuniversity
newspaper.You'llhavetocustomizethelettertofitthecrime,butyoucoulddo
anythingfromcomplainingabouthisboss/companytowritesomethingthatwouldbe
consideredinappropriatewithhisfriends.
Sendingletterstoyourmarkfromasecondarymarkmightalsoworknicely.A
computerandascannerareallyouneedtocopyoffandmakefakeletterheads.The
originalletterheadcanoftenberetrievedbysendingthesecondarymarkasimple
inquiryaboutsomethingtrivial,andthenscantheletterheadfromthereplynote.Use
aworkorcampuscomputertoprintouttheletter.
Writealetterfromyourmark'sbanktoyourmark,sayingthathiswholeloanis
dueandthathehastopayitbackimmediately,ortheywillgotocourt.Yououghtto
comeupwithsomecleverreason,forinstancethatanothercompanyhasboughtthe
bank,andthatthey'renowintheprocessofclosingthebusiness.Datethelettera
fewweeksbackbeforesendingit,andtimeittoarriveonaSaturday.
Writealetterfromthelocalhospital,askingyourmarktocomeinforacheckup.
ExplainthataclientwithAIDShasnamedhimasapastsexualpartner.Namea
doctoratthehospital,whichshouldbeasecondarymark,andtellyourmainmark
thatheshouldjustcomeoverassoonaspossible.
SendhimaletterfrommagazineslikePlayboyorPlaygirl,thankinghimforthe
photographshesentthemtothereader'sHusbands/Wivessection.Thisisagood
schemetoplayoutonanex,whereyoualsocouldsendtheletterfromamagazine
that'snoteasytofindinyourarea.
Sendaletterfromhisteachertohisparents,describinghimasahopeless
problemchild.Thiscouldbeimplementednicelyiftheteacherisasecondarymark,
whereyouwouldwritethatyou,theteacher,wouldliketheirboytobeatschoolafter
schooltime,becauseyoufeelthatyouaresoclosetohim,andthatyoufeelthatyou
cancommunicatereallywellwithhim.Theteacherwouldbesoundinglikeareally
strangeone,andthekidwouldbeleftwithcouncilors.
Writealetterfromthelocaltaxcollector,whereyouquestionhisabilitytobuya
newcabincruiserwithaslittleasheearns.Demandthatheexplainthis,andwhythe
samecabincruiserisn'tonhistaxreport.Writethattheremostlikelywillbean
investigation,andaskhimtocomeovertotheofficeataspecificdate.
WritealetterfromthelocalTVstation,tellingyourmarkthathehaswona
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$12,000car.TellhimtomeetattheTVstationataspecifictime,likealateSaturday
evening,foraninterview.

Junkmail
Junkmailcanbeprettyannoying.It'sagoodthingthatthere'splentyofstufftodo
withthereplyenvelope,though.Justremembertoremoveanyreferenceslikeyour
name,addressandcustomeridentificationbeforeyoudoanything.Abuseof
businessreplyenvelopesisaviolationofpostalserviceregulationsinsome
countries.
Junkmailandglue.Gluesomepiecesofpapertogether.Putthemintothereply
envelopeandgluetheentireenvelopetogether.Thissoundsprettyharmless,but
imaginethepoorfellowtryingtopullthatsuckeropenwithouttearingit.
Crossmailyourjunkmail.JusttakecompanyA'sorderformandswapitwith
companyB'sjunkmail.Thismakesgreatfunwhenyouswaptheporncataloguewith
thelocalchurch'srequestfordonations.
Junkmailasbugtransportation.Youcansendcockroachesandotherbugsback
tothejunkmailer.
Justputsugarinthereplyenvelopeandglueitrealwellsotherecipient'lllosehis
patienceandripitopen.
Handlingjunkmail
Personally,whenthejunkmailhasmyaddressonit,Iusuallyjustusetheirpostage
prepaidenvelopesandwritea``nice''statement,sayingthatIdon'tcaremuchfor
theirbusiness.Norwegianlawclearlystatesthatifacustomerwishestobetakenoff
ofamailinglist,theycansimplybyaskingtoberemovedfromthedatabase.Thisis
notreallyrevenge,butstillagoodsolutionasIgetalmostnoaddressedjunkmail.I
don'tgetmuchunaddressedjunkmaileither,thereasonforthisisthatonecan
reserveoneselffromgettingit.Allyouneedtodoistoputastickeronyourmailbox.
Mailrevengewarning
Beforewemoveontothetelephonesection,Imusturgeyoutopleasekeepinmind
thatmostofthemailscenariosareillegalinseveralcountries.Infact,they'rea
federaloffenseinsomecases,punishablebystifffinesandjailsentences.Ifyou
choosetodoitanyway,useamailboxlocatedfarawayfromyourhouse,perhapsin
aneighboringcityortownthathasadifferentpostofficeandstamp.Thelargerthe
cityortown,andthefurtherfromyourownresidence,thebetter.Alsokeepinmind
nottouseyourownsalivatolickthestamps,andnottogetfingerprintsonlettersor
envelopes.Concealyourhandwritingaswell.Readtheprecautionssectioncarefully
beforecommencingrevengebymail.

Thetelephone
Therearecertainlyseveralcriticalaspectsaboutusingthetelephoneinrevenge
schemes.Ihavealreadymentionedtheseintheprevioussafetysection,butsinceI
feeltheseareimportantissues,I'llkeepnaggingaboutthem,likeIdidinthelast
paragraphinthepreviouschapter.

Precautionsadteidium
Firstissueistoneverforgetthattherearemanypeoplewhohavecalleridontheir
telephone,thatthere'salwaysariskofbeingrecognizedbythepersonontheother
side,andthathecouldberecordingyourconversation.Ifyou'recallingfromapay
phoneusingaslightlydifferentaccentthantheoneyouuseeveryday,talking
throughadevicethatchangesyourvoiceanduseglovesoracoverwhentouching
thepayphone,thenyoushouldbefairlysafe.Thatis,unlesssomeoneseesyouuse
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thepayphoneatthatspecificmoment,usingallthatgear,causingthemtowonder
whatlunaticisonthephone.Whenthemarkknowsyourvoice,itwouldbesaferto
haveatrustedfriendlendyouhisvoice,orinvolveasecondarymarkwhodoesn't
knowyourvoice.

Basics
Themostbasicwayofgettingevenbyusingthephonesystemistocallabusiness
andpretendyou'rethemark,thenordersomethingfromthem.Thiscouldbeapizza
restaurant,anymagazine(subscription),hotel(orderrooms),travelagency(order
tickets)orsomeonewhocouldbedeliveringgravelatyourmark'shouse,preferably
whenyourmarkisonavacation.Thedownsideaboutthesetacticsisthatyou'llbe
involvingathirdparty,andsinceyourmarkcouldjustdenyorderingapizza,theloss
wouldbeontheshouldersofthatinnocentpersonorcompanyandnotyourmark.
Still,ifyouhaveanysecondarymarks,likeifyouwerewrongedbyatravelagency,
thiskindoftacticcouldbeappropriate.Therearevariationsofthistacticthatmight
bemoreeffective.
Stoppingsupplies
Youcouldcallthecompanythatsuppliesgasorelectricitytoyourmarkandtellthem
toshutdownthegas/electricitysupply.ThebesttimetodothisisataFridaymorning
ornoon.Whenyourmarkreturnsfromworkthateveninghe'llbegreetedwitha
housewithoutelectricpower,andthebestpartisthathewon'thaveanyuntilthe
electricworkersreturntoworkaftertheweekend.
Tocompletethislastone,callthephonecompanyandhavehisphoneshutdown,tell
themheismoving.AlsocallhisISP(InternetServiceProvider)andtellthemthatyou
won'tneedtheirservicesanymore.
Cancelallhismagazine/newspapersubscriptionsandthencallhiscreditcardissuer
andtellthemthathiscardwasstolen,impersonatinghim.Youmaygetquestions
aboutbirthdate,addressandsuch,sobepreparedbeforeyoumakethecall.

Phoneterrorism
Thenextlevelofpaybackbyusingthephoneismuchsimilartotheoldtelephone
harassment.Therearestillwaystoexertthisinacreativewaywithoutbecomingas
boringasthecallyourmarkandhangupschemes.Onewayofdoingthisisto
simplycallyourmark.Letitringonceortwiceandthenhangup.Dothisrandomly,
dayornightforincreasedeffect.Whenthemarkisasleephe'llwakeupjustlong
enoughtonotgetastablegoodnightssleep.Atdayshemightevengetannoyed
enoughtocallthephonecompany,thinkingthatsomethingiswrongwithhisphone.
Adifferentapproachistocallyourmarkinthemiddleofnight,about5AMand
pretendtobeahyperactivetelemarketerwhoissellingencyclopedias.Pretendthat
you'recallingfromadifferenttimezone,andifheconfrontsyouwiththetimeinhis
zonethenjustcarryonwiththesale.Ifhewantsthenumbertoyourboss,eithergive
himthenumbertoasecondarymarkorthenumbertoapolicechiefinthe
appropriatetimezone.Thisworksgreatwhenyourmarkisasalesmanwhohas
somehowwrongedyou.
Wakeupcalls
Wakeupcallsareoftenusedbypranksters,buttheyalsomakegooduseinlight
revengeschemes.Theproblemisjusthowtomaketheordercallassomeofthe
servicesrequirethatyoucallfromthesomephoneyouwantawakeupat.Atpresent,
intheUS,youcangotoawebpage,andorderawakeupcall.This
webpagemaybedownwhenyoureadthis,buttherearealwaysotheralternatives.
ThesamegoesforfaxbackservicesfoundatandIamsure
variousotherwebpages.JustrememberthattheservicesprovidedmaylogyourIP
andtracktherequestbacktoyou,moreofthisinsection2.4.
Collectcalls
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Anotherwayofdealingwithreallongdistancerevengeistocallyourmarkcollect,
pretendingtobehisfather.Givetheoperatorhisfather'snameandwhenyou're
connected,coughandgrumbleorjusttrytonotexposewhoyouareuntilsometime
haspassed.Thisoneisabittricky,butitmighthavethedoubleeffectthatithurtsthe
mark'sphonebillinadditiontomakinghimworryaboutwhetherhisfatherisalright
ornot.
Obscurecalls
It'salsoreallyfuntojustcallyourmarkinthemiddleofthenight,pretendingthatitis
hewhoiscallingyou.Actconfused,acttired,actannoyedandcranky.Threatento
reporthimtothepoliceandfinallyslamthephonedown.Spontaneityisakeyfactor
here.

Making``appointments''
Insituationswhereyouhaveatrustedfriendatyourside,thenumberofplays
increases,especiallyifyourfriendisoftheoppositesexfromyourmark,andthat
friendhasagoodimaginationandgreatskillsinacting.
Adate?
Onethingafriendcouldhelpyoudoiscallyourmark,tellhimthatshehadseenhim
somewhereandthatshe(orhe)wouldliketodatehim.Ofcourseyourfriendwould
nevermeetatthedate,butifyoumanagetoplaythemark,thenhewill.
Impliedadultery
Whenthemarkliveswithaspouseoragirlfriendyou,oryourtrustedaccomplice,
couldcallherupwhenyouknowhewon'tbethere.Whenthespousepicksupthe
phone,presentyourself.Whenshehasgivenhername,youproceedbytellingher
thatyou'rehis(themark's)girlfriend/fianceandthatshemustbehissister.Continue
withoutlettingherinterruptbysayingthatthemarkissuchagoodguywhotakes
careofher.Actsurprisedwhenshetellsyouwhosheis.Explainthatitmustbea
misunderstanding,thatyou'vedatedhimforquitesometime.
Thisrequiresthatyouhavesometimeandlocationswhereyouweresupposedtobe
togetherwithhim,andthatyou'llhavetosurveyhimabitinadvance.Alsobeready
toanswertrickyquestions,suchaspersonalquestionsaboutthemark.Justdon't
givehisnewloveyourrealname.
Theideaistomakeyourmark'sspousesuspectthatsomethingisgoingonbetween
youandyourmark.Toincreasetheparanoiathatthisschemecouldcause,start
callingthematrandomtimes,andjusthangupthephoneifitisanswered.
Variations
Youcouldalsoposeasthemark'sformergaylover,actuallytherearealotofways
todothissincethesetacticsworksinbothdirections.Italldependsabitonhow
muchyouknowthepersonyou'resupposedtobewith,andhowwellyourmark
knowsyouoryourfriend'svoice.

Pagers
Pagersarealsofuntoplaywith.Justpageyourmarkandleaveanotherpager
number.Leavehisowntelephonenumberorleavethephonenumberofhisboss,a
localdrugdealer,thelocalpolicechieforsome800numberphonesexline.Page
secondarymarksandhavethemcallyourprimarymarkandviceversa.

Faxmachines
Therearealsothingsthatyoucandowithafaxmachine.Justremembermostfax
machinesprinttheirtelephonenumbersonthetoppageofthepagethey'resending.
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Iadvisetoyoucheckonthisfirst,unlessyou'reinasituationwhereyouwantthe
marktoknowwhoaresendinghimthegarbage,oryouareborrowingthefaxatan
officewheretheydon'tknowyou.
Infinitefaxes
Oneknownwaytoexploitfaxesistomakeaneternalloopbygluingtheendofthe
faxpapertothestartofit.Callthemark'scompanyandletthefaxrunforawhole
weekend.Youcanalsocreateasinglepieceofpaperwiththetext


thenmakeanotherpaperwiththetext


Sendbothpages,orloopthem,onalateFridayafternoonandhopethatthey'llgofor
it.
Bigcompanies
Whenyourmarkworksatabigcompanythenitislikelythatsomeonewillreadorat
leasthavealookatthefaxforsortingpurposes.Sendyourmarkapagewithabig
heartfromhisloveroftheoppositeofhissexualpreference.
Blackmagic
Anoldfaxtrickistoloopcompletelyblackpagestoyourmark'sfax.Thistrickis
particularlynastytoplayonoldthermalpaperfaxes,whichmightevenberuinedby
theheatcausedbyonlyprintingblack.Otherfaxeswillspitoutpaperandinkworth
dollars.

Handlingtelemarketingandpranksters
IthinkthatI'llspendthelastpartsofthistelephonerevengechapterbygivingyoua
fewideasaboutwhattodowithtelemarketersandotherphonepranksters.Now,
sinceIdon'tknowwhichcountryyouwillbereadingthisbookin,Iwouldhaveno
clueaboutwhatlegalaspectsofthisthatyoushouldbecarefulabout.Just
rememberthatthetelemarketerwillknowwhoyouarewhentheycall.
Shockingthetelemarketer
Onewayofbehavingisbygivingthetelemarketertheimpressionthathehasdialed
someS&Mfreak.Whenyouhearthatitisatelemarketerontheothersideoftheline,
goaheadbyyelling,``Getbackintothecageyabitch!''asifyouwereinthemidstof
somethingwhenhecalledyou.Youcouldalsohitthecouchacoupleoftimesand
haveafriendscreaminthebackground.Endtheconversationwith,``Igottago,my
dog/cat/girlfriend/boyfriendisbeingdisobedient.''
Askingquestions
Whenatelemarketercallsyou,andyouarebored,trystartingallkindsofdumb
questionsabouttheproduct,likeasifyou'reabitretarded.Afterawhilewhenthey
hanguponyou,callthemback.Eitherdoa*69(ifyouliveinUSA)oruseacallerid,
anddemandthatyoutalktotheirboss.Complainabouttheirrudetreatment.
Beingrude
Whenthetelemarketerisoftheoppositesex,actuallysamesexalsoworks,start
askingabouther/hisunderwear,whattypeofsexualpositionsshe/helikesandso
forth.
Sometimesthetelemarketersmightaskforaspecificperson,e.g.theladyofthe
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house.Whentheydo,beginsobbingandexplainthatshe/hewaskilledinan
automobileaccidenttheprecedingday,andaskifthisissomesortofsickjoke.
Callingback
Tellthemthatyou'reveryinterestedintheiroffer,butthatyouareverybusyatthe
moment.Askfortheirhomenumberandtellthemyouwillcallthemtherelater.If
theysay``No,sorry,etc.,''thenrespondsternly,``Oh,soyoudon'twantanyone
botheringyouathome,huh?''thenhangup.Iftheygiveyouthenumber,thenuseit
astoiletgraffitiorsomething.
Beinggross
Tellthemsomethinglike,``Holdon.Iamgoingtogetthecordlessphone,soIcan
continuethisconversationwhileIusetherestroom.''Pauseforasecondortwoand
thencontinue.Iftheydidn'thangup,makegruntingsoundsploppingandmakesure
youflushthetoiletafewtimes.Iftheydon'thangupbynow,makecommentslike``I
don'tremembereatingcorn?''and``cansomeonegetmesometoiletpaper.''Ifthat
doesn'tgetthem,thentellthemtocallbacklaterbecausethetoiletoverflowedand
youneedtocleanitup.
Aquickie
Aquickwayofendingaconversationwithatelemarketeristojustsaysomething
like,``Iamnotallowedtotalktoanyoneuntilmyassaultcasehasbeenheard.''Then
justhangup.
Obscurepayment
Whenyou'renotinarealhurryandthere'satelemarketercalling,pretendtobereally
firedupabouttheirproduct.Whenthetimecomestoclosethepurchase,trytouse
yourSearscardorZellerscardsomethingthatisnotviablecurrency,theninsistthat
thecompanyisatfaultfornottakingthatcard.

Handlingpranksters
Peoplealwaysseemhelplesswhenthey'refacingtelephonepranksters.Iguessone
methodoffindingthemiseitherusingacallback(knownas*69intheUS)oryoucan
haveanoperationalcallerid.Stillneitherwilldoyouanygoodiftheprankstersare
callingfromapayphone.
Onewayistodothegoodoldwhispersilentlyinthebeginningthensuddenlymakea
horriblescreamoryoucouldblowinawhistle.Youcanalsobluffthembysayingthat
youhaveacallerid,andthatyounowknowwhotheyare,andthatyouwillvisitthem
tonight.Alsoadvisethemtostayawayfromthewindowsbecauseyou'llhavea
shotgunwithyou,oryourkillerdog,Jaws.
Boringmusic
Onewayofdealingwithbothtelemarketersandprankcallersistohavesomeutterly
boringmusictapedoneitheryouransweringmachineoryourtaperecorder.Justtell
themtowaitasecondthenplaythemusicforabout10minutes,they'llsurelyhang
up.
Equaltreatment
Telephoneharassmentcanalsobemetwiththesameattitudeback.Ifasickman
callsyouinthemiddleofthenight,talkingaboutyourunderwear,thensteerthe
conversationovertohislittlepenis.Saythatyoucan'tpossiblyfallforsomeonewho
ain'ttallerthan6'5",andthatsomeonewithsuchatinylittlepeniscouldprobably
neversatisfyyou.Thismightbeabitdangerousasyoumightmanagetogetthe
personcomingovertoyourhousetoshowyouhisrealpenis,butusuallythisshould
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stopthem,asthey'reprobablynotusedtobeingtalkedtothatway.
Anotherwayofreactingisbyactingcalm,talkinginafirm,unaffectedvoicesaying,
``Oh,no.Iamsoooafraid.IthinkIamgoingtocallthepoliceandtellthemthatthe
badmanatXXXXXXXonmycalleridisharassingme.''Thenhangup.

TheInternet
``newbien.:(OriginallyfromBritishpublicschoolandmilitaryslangvariantof'newboy')A
USENETneophyte.Criteriaforbeingconsideredanewbievarywildlyapersoncanbe
calledanewbieinonenewsgroupwhileremainingarespectedregularinanother.''

TheHacker'sDictionary
TheInternetisoneofthemostdifficultarenastocarryoutsafelongdistance
revenge.Thereasonforthisisthateverythingthatisbeingdoneisbeinglogfiled.

Regardinglogging
Ifyouloginonyournetaccount,thenthere'saprogramthatwritesinformationabout
whoyouareandwhenyoulogin,intoafile.Whenyouaccessawebpage,thenthe
webserverlogsthetimeandyourcomputer'saddress.Thesamegoesforevery
kindofInternetservice,theyallkeepalog.Thisisdonesothattheycantraceany
connectionbacktotheoriginator.

Basics
Onesecurewayofgettingeventhroughthenet,isbyusingacomputerwhereyou
don'thavetogiveawayyourloginnameandpassword,andwherenobodycan
confirmthatyouwereattheterminal,behindthatkeyboardatthatspecifictime.This
situationbecomesrealwhenyou'reatapublicterminalatalibrary,orinanInternet
cafwherenobodyknowsyouorcanprovethatyou'reattheterminalatthespecific
time.
Therearealsosomelimitationsoncarryingoutyourrevengefromalibrarycomputer.
Oneisthatyoucan'taccessprogramsthatyounormallywouldhaveonyoursystem,
unlessthelibrarygivesaccesstodisks,whichtheyrarelydoforsecurityreasons.If
youtrytograbsomethingoutofyourownaccountorwebpage,thenitwillbelogged
andthingscouldbetracedbacktoyou.Thetoolsthatyoumostoftenarelimitedto
arethereforeaWWWclient,TelnetandFTP.Knowledgeinusingandunderstanding
howthesetoolsworkisessential.
Anotherproblemwiththenetisthatthingschangeatanincrediblepace.Thingsthat
seemobviousandeasytodaywillmostlikelychangeevenbeforethisbookis
released.ThisisreallywhyIwouldnotrecommendnewbiestotrytogeteven
throughthenet.Nowforafewideas.

Internetrevengeideas
Thefirstthingyouneedtodo,assaid,isgettingaccesstoapubliclyavailable
computerwithoutgivingawayyouridentity.Whenthisisdone,youmayenterthe
webbrowserconfiguration,changingthenameandemailtotheoneofyourmark.
Thiswillleadnewbiestobelievethatitisyourmarkwhoisattheconsole,themore
advancedInternetuserswillrecognizethedifference.
Thenextthingtodomightbetoputoutafewcontactadswithyourmark'sname,
addressandphonenumberson.Useeverysourceavailablelikeand
ontheUsenet.Onthewebtherearemanycontactadsites.You
shouldsavetimebyfindingthesesitesandothersinadvance,andwritingthemonto
apieceofpaper.Whenforgingcontactadsinhisnamebecomesboring,tryselling
stuffinthemarketgroupsorthroughappropriatewebwalls.
TherearemanyplacesonthenetwhereyoucanleavehisnameandEmailaddress
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forsubscriptionsonthingslikemagazinesandwebpageupdates.Searchthenetfor
alittlewhileandyouwilleasilyfindsuchservices.Thenicethingaboutmailinglists
isthatthemarkwouldhavetogosearchingthroughalotoftexttofindouthowto
unsubscribefromthem.
Onewaytogiveyourmarkalotofnegativeattentionistojustbeobnoxiousonthe
net.Youcanstartspamming(postingcommercialadsormakemoneyfastschemes)
tovariousnewsgroupsoryoucanbehavelikearealobnoxiousasshole(flaming).
Thereisstillachancethatthismightnothaveanyeffect,astherearemanyidiots
outtherealready.Adifferentapproachmightbeneeded.
Sendanemailtohissystemadministratorwhereyouwritethathewillnotbe
needinghisInternetaccountanymore.Don'tforgettomentionthebadserviceyou've
beengettingandthataslowfeedismainlythereasonforchangingISP.Email
requeststovariousotherISP'srequestingprices,askforasubscription.

DealingwithInternetharassment
TherearemanypeoplewhohaveexperiencedbeingharassedontheInternet.This
oftenbecomesveryfrustrating,especiallyifyou'reanewbieanddon'tknowhow
thingswork.Oldtimersdon'twanttoteachyouanythingtheyjustwantyoutogo
away,sothatyoucan'tbotherthemwithyoursimplequestions.Thisis,ofcourse,
dependentonwhatenvironmentyouoperatein,butingeneral,you'llexperienceitas
somethingreallytoughtofight,becauseyou'llneverseeorheartheoffender.Allthat
youwillseeisacrypticmessageheader,whichdoesn'treallysaymuchtosomeone
whohasn'tgotaclue.So,whatdoyoudo?Whenyoureceiveanabusivemessage,
beingthroughelectronicmailorinanyUsenetgroup,thefirstthingyoushoulddois
totrytofigureoutasmuchasyoucanaboutthesender.Savethemessage,withthe
completeheader,orprintitoutifnecessary.Ifyouthinkthattheoriginofthe
messageisclear,thenyoucouldforwardthewholemessage(withallheadersintact)
totheoffender'ssystemadministrator.Thesystemadministratorhasemail
addresseslikeabuse@(domain),postmaster@(domain)andsupport@(domain).
Reportingtheabuse
Youshouldalsoreporttheabusetothepoliceifyoufinditseriousenough,andifitis
astudentyoushouldreporthimtotheDeanofStudentAffairs.Ifitmakesreferences
toyourrace,ethnicity,orsexualorientation,youmayalsowanttocontactThe
AmericanCivilLibertiesUnionoroneofvariousgrouporientedcivilrightgroupslike
theNAACP,JDL,ADL,AmericanswithDisabilitiesorACTUUP,orsimilargroupsin
yourcountry.

Spammers
Thereisone,ratherannoyingpresenceonthenet.Thenameofthemenaceis
spammers.SpammersaretheInternet'sversionofjunkmailers,postingbothto
Usenetgroupsandyourpersonalmailbox.Theyareeithertryingtosellyou
something,ormakeyouinterestedinsomepyramidscheme.Youmightavoidthem
bypostinganonymously,i.e.postingontheUsenetwithoutusingyourrealemail
address,butinsomewayoranothertheyalwaysseemtofindyourmailbox.
Itdoesn'thelpmuchtosendoutmailbombs(logicalmailbombs,whichiseitherto
sendinhundredsofduplicatesorafewhugemessages),threatsdon'tworkeither,
simplybecausetheseindividualsareexpertsinhidingtheiridentityandmostoften
theirreplyaddressisbogus.However,tobeabletosellyouaproduct,theyneeda
wayforcustomerstoreachthem.Thiscouldeitherbeawebpageoratelephone
number.
Ifan800numberismentionedinthemessage,thendon'thesitatetocallthemup
andcomplainaboutthespam.Oneguywhowantedtogetevenwithaspammerwho
lefthis800numberinthespam,wrotehisownsexspamandpostedittothe
alt.sex.*groups.Itsoundedsomewhatlike,``Hotsextalk,absolutelyfree,nohidden
charges,no900numbercallback,nocreditcardsrequiredcall(spammer's
telephonenumber)andtalktoawetbabe!''onemightwanttoadd,``foralimited
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testingtimeonly.''Thisisjustanexampleonhowonecanhandlespam.Another
wayistowriteacomplainttotheproducerofaproduct,fromwhomtheoriginatorof
thespamisthedealer.
Reportingtotheauthorities
Youshouldalsoknowthatthereareagenciesthatyoucanreportpyramidschemes
to,likeintheUSyouhavethefrauddepartmentofIRS,NationalFraudInformation
CenterandBureauofConsumerProtection.Youalsohave
whichistheInternetFraudwatch.
Howdotheydoit?
SpammersarepickingupyouremailaddressatboththeUsenet(news)andweb
pages.Ifyoudon'twanttobebotheredbythesejunkmailers,Isuggestyoudon't
leaveyouremailaddressaroundonthenet.Ifyouhaveagoodnewsreader,you
canalteryouremailaddressslightly,to,oryoucansetupan
autoresponderwithyourrealemailaddress,trysendingamailto,
andyou'llseewhatIamtalkingabout.Therearemanydecentnewsclientsthathave
akillfilesystem.IrecommendthatyoudonotuseMicrosoftInternetExploreror
NetscapeCommunicator,butthatyoufindprogramslikeknews,tinorslrnforUnixor
ForteFreeAgentforWindows.

Destructivepayback
``Aman'sgreatestworkistobreakhisenemies,todrivethembeforehim,totakefrom
themallthethingsthathavebeentheirs,toheartheweepingofthosethatcherished
them,totaketheirhorsesbetweenhiskneesandpressinhisarmsthemostdesirableof
theirwomen.''

GenghisKahn
Somecautionarynotes
Destructivepaybackhasbothitsadvantagesanddisadvantages.Onethingin
particularthatyoushouldconsideristhefactthatmanypeoplehavetheirproperty
insured,andalthoughyoumaymomentarilyputthemarkintoagony,therealcost
areoftencarriedbytheinnocentinsurancecompanies.Theremightbeafixedprice
thattheownermustcoverbeforetheinsurancecompanystartspayinganydamage.
Youbettercheckthisoutinanycase.
Anotherproblemwithdestructivepaybackisthatyouwillbemovingalotmorecloser
tothemarkand/orhisproperty.Thisautomaticallyputyouinjeopardyofbeing
exposed,andthisispaticularybadasyouaswellcouldinconflictwiththelaw.This
iswhytheseschemesaretheonesthatshouldbemostcarefullyplannedbefore
beingcarriedout.Itisimportantthattheseplansincludethedailyroutineofyour
mark,eventhoughhemightbreakthisroutineatanytime.
Whenyouhavehisroutineyoualsohaveabetterknowledgeonhowandwhentohit
him.Abackupplaniscertainlynotthelastthingyoushouldthinkofhere,asyou
shouldknowwhattodouponbeingdetected.

Thecar
Ifitweren'tforcaralarmsandlockedgarages,carswouldbetheeasiestofall
targets.Itstillmightbethatyourmarkhashiscarinhisdriveway,justlocked,butstill
prettymuchaccessible.Yourresearchshouldalreadyhavegivenyouideasonhow
accessibleyourmark'scaris.Eventhoughhiscarhasacaralarm,therearestilla
fewschemesavailableforyoutoimplement.
There'splentyofwaystoruinacarwithoutusingtheoldnoncreative``sliceacar
tire''scheme.
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Paintjobs
Getsomespraypaintandspraypaintsometextontothesideofhiscar.Apparently
somefeministgroupusedthistrickinOslo/Norway,duringthemid70'tieswhenthey
wentalongandsprayed``whorecustomer!''onthesideofwhorecustomer'scars.
Otherthingsthatcouldbewrittenincludes,``DRUGDEALER!'',``Icheatedonmy
wife'',``Registeredsexoffender'',``Paroledrapist'',``Childmolester''orsimply``I
lovetokillcats!''
Customizedpaintjobs.AwhitecareasilyturnsintoaDalmatiandoglookalikeby
sprayingblackdotsontoit.Cutacircleinapieceofcardboardifyouwanttodoa
neatjob.Othersymbolsmightalsobeappropriate,dependingonwhoyourmarkis,
likeNazisymbols,invertedcrosses,Satanicsymbols,orjustanythingthatwould
reallyscareyourmark.
Paintstripper.Atasupplystoreyoucangetacanofpaintstripper.indexcar!paint
stripperGlovesarerecommendedasthisstripperisstronglyacidic.Itonlytakesa
coupleofsecondstowalkbyacarwiththis.Siliconesprayedontocarsalsodoes
wonderswiththepaint.Youmightevenchecksomethingcalledliquidscratch.These
schemesworkgreatifthecarisparkedoutsideyourmark'sapartment,andyouonly
needthegutstodoalittlewalkby.
Bologna.Bolognaissaidtohavethemostastonishingeffectoncarpaint.Justplace
someslicesonthehoodofthecarwhenitisabitdewyoutsideandletitdryinwith
themorningsunthenextday.TheresultisPolkadotpaint!
Attachments.Smallplasticlizardorothercutelittlekidtoysmakenicehood
ornaments.Applysuperglueofanysortandplacethematthefrontofthehood
wheresomecarshavetheircompanyshield.Youcanalsobuyacorrosiveoran
oxidizingagentfromyourlocalhardwarestore,pouritonyourmark'sexhaustor
anywhereelsewhereitwouldhaveaneffect.

Atthewindshield
Nextisthewindshield,whichyoucantotallyruinbygettingoneofthosegluesticks
thatisusedinhotglueguns.Warmthestickinyourhandalittleandsmearitout
ontoyourmark'swindshield.Youcanalsouseconcretesealantwhichisanasty,
stickyliquidusedtowatersealconcreteafteritispoured.Whenyou'vespreaditon
thewindshielditwillappearlikealovelycloudy,yellowcoating.
Wipers.Adifferentwaytoruinawindshieldistofirstputsomeglueontothe
whindshieldwipers,andthenaddsomesandontotheglue.Justmakesurethe
wipersdon'tgetclosetothewindshieldbeforethegluehasdried.Nexttimeyour
markisusingthewipers,he'llscratchuphisownwindshield.Othersubstancesthat
donicelyonyourmark'swindshieldincludecornoil,vaseline,tarorpaint.Ifyouwant
tobesubtleaboutit,youcanpouritintoanopenplasticbagandjustthrowitonto
thewindshield.
Theheaterintakevent.Whenyou'redoneplayingwiththewindshield,poura
coupleofeggsdowntheheaterintakeventonthecar.Wipeoffanythingthatdoesn't
gointheventsothemarkdoesn'tknowit'sinthere.Theymaynoticeastrangesmell
atfirst,butnothingcomparedtohowitwillsmellinafewdays.Ifyouareoutofeggs,
tryfoxurinelurefromyourlocalhuntingsupplystore.Youcanuseasyringeto
retrieveanddeploythefoxurinefromtheoriginalbottle.Thiswayyoucansave
yourselffromthefoulstenchandatthesametimeitwillmakeiteasiertospraythe
urineontotherubbergasketsorthecoatingthatsealsthewindowsanddoors.
Othersubstancesthatfitnicelyintotheventaremilk,urine,strongacidsorliquid
rust.Youcanalsomakeyourowncocktailbyputtingsomeshrimpshellsintoabottle
ofwater,thenletitrestinthesunforaweekortwo,oryoucouldtakeapotato,slice
adeepcutinitandscrubitwithdirt.Putitintoanairtightcontainerfilledwithwater
andcloseit.Bacteriafromthemudwillconsumethepotato,creatingafoulstench,
grantedthere'snoaccesstoair.

Tirehavoc
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Aneasywaytofixthetiresistoremoveoraddthebalancingweightsfromthe
wheels.Thetireswillbeoutofbalanceanddrivingwillnotbegoodforeitherthetires
orthesuspension.Themarkwillhavetospendsometimeandmoneyonhavinga
garagerebalancethetires.
Thisnextonerequiressomework,butifyougetsometrustedfriendswithyou,then
youcanputyourmark'scaronblocksandtakeoffallthenutsonthewheels.Put
superglueonthethreadsoftheboltsandscrewonthenutsastightlyaspossible.
Filetheedgesofthenutssoawrenchcannoteasilygripthem.Punctureallfourtires.
Hismechanicwillneedliterallyweekstogetitbackontheroad.Redloctiteisbetter
whenusedonfasteners.Heatupthelugnutsuntilthey'reredhot.Thiswillsurely
playhavoconaluminumrimsandpossiblywarpbrakerotors.

Underthehood
Theengineisusuallytheleastaccessiblepartofyourmark'scar.Stilltherearelots
ofthingsyoucandoifyou'reluckyenoughtogetintoit,orunderit.Forinstance,get
twoorthreecansofshavingfoam.Openthehoodofyourmark'scarandsetthem
ontheexhaustmanifold(thatplacewillbehot).Youmayneedsomeducttapeto
keeptheminplace.Whentheenginewarmsup,thecansexplode,coveringthe
enginewithshavingfoam.IfyouuseWD40(oil)ordeodorant,thenthecanwill
explodeandthecarmightcatchfire.Thisisnotrecommendedasitmightinjureyour
markoreveninnocentbystanders.
Underthehoodthereistonsofstufftodo.Ifyoucomeprepared(asyoushould),you
candropabolt(about3/4inch)intothesparkplugholes,andthecylinderswill
fractureandtotaltheengine.
Atahardwarestoreyoucanbuyasmallcanofbutane,thekindyouusetorefilla
lighter.Drillasmallholeinyourmark'sdistributorcap.Squirtasmallamountof
butaneinandquicklycovertheholewithducttape.Whenthecarstartsup,the
sparkinginthedistributorwillsetoffthebutane,blowingthedistributorcaprightoff
theengine.Stealingthedistributorwillpreventyourmarkfromstartingthecar.Take
thedistributorcapoutandrunagraphitepencilovertherotorblades/brushes,this
willmaketheenginesputterandmisfire.
There'sasolutionavailablefromForceTenthatcanturnoilintoJello.Youcanalso
introduceStyrofoam,naphthaortideintotheengineoil.Theeasiestwayistoget
underthecar,withacontainerandawrench,thenopentheoilscrewbeneaththe
carandlettheoilrunintothecontainer.Tightenthescrewandgetyourselfoutofthe
area.Oftentheoilwarninglampwillmalfunctionandtheenginewillbetotally
inoperable.Antifreezeaddedtotheoilturnsitintoabrown,milkyfoam.Evenifno
directdamageisdone,themarkand/ormechanicwillthinkthereisablownhead
gasketoracrackedheadorblock,leadingtoveryexpensiverepairs.
MoveonintothebatterycompartmentandputthreeorfourAlkaSeltzersintoit,or
someothersubstancelikeoilorsoap.Next,slideinunderthefrontofthecar,and
pokeaholeinthelowerradiatorhosebyusingasharpicepick.Thepuncturewould
closeitselfandeverythingwouldbejustfineuntiltheenginegetsuptoacritical
temperatureandthenthecoolantwillblowoutthehole.

Thegastank
Thegastankisalsoapopularplacetostuffthingsinto.Themostcommonbeing
sugar,butpingpongballsslithalfwaythrough,filledwithcrystalDranoalsodoesthe
job.Useaballoonwithatinyholeorsomethingsimilar,whenyouliveinthestates
wheretheholeain'tbigenoughforpingpongballs.CrystalDranoisachemicalused
tounclogpipes.TapethepingpongballtogetheragainafterapplyingtheDrano.The
pingpongballwilldissolveinthegasoline,andwhentheDranogetsintouchwith
thefuelaviolentchemicalreactionwilloccur.Rumorhasitthatit'llevenstandavan
onit'snose.Mysuggestionisthatyouleavethisatthethought.
Otherthingstoputintothefueltankcouldbecrushedcork,siliconecarbideoricing
sugar.Dissolvesomemothballsingasandaddittoyourmark'stank.Thiswillmake
theenginerunhot.Theengineoilbreaksdown,andthentheengineseizes.Itishard
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totraceanddamageisalreadydonewhenpersonrealizestheengineishot.
Sabotagingthefuellinecouldbedonebymakingaholeinthefueltank.Afterwards
youmaycallthefiredepartmentandthey'llcometowthecarawayandgivethe
ownerastifffine.

Othercaraction
Onewayofgettingbackatyourmarkistotiehiscartosomethingonhishouse.A
frontbalconymightbejustfine,orattachittothedoorknobonagardeninghouse
door.Useasolidropeorachain,about2030yardsismorethanenough.Coverit
withsandorsomething.Thelongertheropeis,themorespeedhewillhavegained
beforeanythinghappens.
Youcanhavealotoffunwithbumperstickers.Getsomesortofraciallyoffensive
bumperstickerandputthemontohiscar.Surveythelocalareaandfindoutwhat
ethnicgroupisthemostmilitant,andusesomethingthatgoesagainstthatgroupin
yourscheme.Otherwise,usegeneric``White/BlackPower'',orwhatever.Ifthecaris
parkednexttoahandicappedspace,somepushingmightbeallthatisneededto
moveitintothehandicappedspace.Putanantipolicebumperstickeronitsbumper
andcallthepolice.Youcouldenhancethisbyputtingalittlebagofpotpastthe
doorframewhereitcanbeseen.
Attimesyourmarkmightbeaneighborwhohasacheapcaralarmthatconstantly
goesoff.Thisisaproblemthatmightbesolvedeasily.Irecommendyouwriteanice
messageonapieceofpaper,wrapitaroundabrickandplacethebrickontopofthe
hoodoftheoffendingcarwhosealarmconstantlygoesoff.Themessageshouldsay
somethinglike,``Nexttimeyouralarmgoesoff,thisbrickwillgothroughyourwindow
prick.''Thisismoreasolutionthanasevererevengescheme.
Otherschemesmightincludetotallysaranwrappingthemark'scar(coatitwithblank
plasticusedtopackfood),tuckingitintobandaids,ordolikesomestudentsinOhio
whogottheirhandsonalargeamountofplasterbandages,thekindwrappedaround
splintswhichhardenandformacast.Ittookfourofthemtenminutestocompletely
mummifythecar,thentheyranahoseoveritandhardeneditsolid.
Oncoldnightsyoumayputalawnsprinkleronthetopofyourmark'scar.Letthe
sprinklerrunwithjustalittlebitofwaterthroughallthenight.Bymorningthere
shouldbeathicklayeroficecoatingthewholecar.

Thegarden
Underthecoverofadarknight,youcouldeasilygetanopportunitytosneakinto
yourmark'sgarden,dosomedamageandthengetoutwithoutgettingcaught.
Duringthedayyouwoulddobetterbynotsneakingin,asitwouldlookstrange.
Insteadyoushouldpretendtobeagardener,apoolcaretaker,acableguyoreven
someonefromtheelectriccompany.Dressingupinstealthyclothingusuallybrings
moreattentionthanwanted.Dresscasual,avoidsharpcoloursandyoushouldbe
fine.
Thelawn
Saltworksgreatforkillinglawnspermanently.Usearelativelylargequantityofsea
saltandspreaditaroundthewholelawn.Similareffectscanbeachievedbyusing
lime,weedseedsorevendieselfuel.FortheartisticavengerIrecommendwriting
anythingfrom``bitch!''to``asshole!''Anysimplewordwoulddoaslongsentences
andwordsarehardertoread.Also,unlessyou'redoingthisatnight,youshouldnot
setthefuelonfireasitwillmakethegrassdie,whereapplied,andhavethewanted
effectinlesstime.Theoppositeeffectisachievedbyspreadingfertilizerontothe
lawn.Itwillcausethegrasstogrowtwiceasfastontheplaceswhereyou'vespread
it.Ifyouusetoomuchfertilizer,thenthegrasswillchangecolour.
Frostedflakesalsolookniceonalawn.Gotothemark'shouselateatnightand
spreadtheflakesoutallovertheirlawn.Themorningdewwillmoistentheflakes
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slightly,thenthesuncomesoutandbakesthemintoonehugefrostedflake.Later,
whentheantscome,itcouldgetreallyentertaining.
Seagullslovebread,andoneawesomewaytofeedthemistothrowbitsofoldbread
intoyourmark'sgardenatnight.Atdawnthebirdswilldiscoverthefoodandtheywill
havealittlepartyonthemark'slawn.Thegreatthingaboutbirdsisthattheyjust
can'tshutupwhilepartying,sotheywillmostlikelywakeyourmarkupinthemidstof
theirfeast,andthey'llnotleaveeasilyeither.
Itisnotanicethingtodo,buttherehavebeensomecaseswherepeoplehave
extendedthepreviousschemebyaddingalcoholtothebread.Youcanprobably
imagineforyourselfwhateffectthatmighthaveonthepoorbirds,especiallyif
someoneshouldcallthepolicefromaphonebooth,claimingthattheysawthemark
feedtheseagullswithalcoholicbread.
Plasticforksaregreat.Youcangethugequantitiesofthemforalowprice,andwith
fellowavengersyoucanplantthemintoyourmark'sgardenatnight,preferablywhen
he'sonavacation.Thisschememightbemild,butfuntoimplementandgivesquite
anannoyanceforthemark.
Trees
Destroyingatreeiseasy.Makeasaltsolutionbyaddingwatertosalt,stirandthen
pouritatthebaseofthetree.Anotherway,onemoreobvious,istostripaboutsix
inchesofbarkroundthetree.Thiswillpreventthenutrientsproducedbytheleaves
togettotherootsforstorageandviceversa.Youcanalsoruinyourmark'streeby
applyingcoppertacksornails.Putthemintotherootsandclipofftheirheads,and
they'llbeasgoodasinvisible.OnemethodthatIlearnedasanenvironmentalist(it
wasalsofeaturedinanXfilesepisode)wastoputhugesteelnailsintothetree.
Whenthemark,inthiscaseatimberingcompany,cametocutitdown,theygottheir
equipmentruinedbytheheavydutynail.Youshouldthinkcarefullybefore
implementingthisschemeasthechainsawchaincouldsnapandseriouslyinjurethe
logger,andyoudon'twanttohurtaninnocentperson.

Thegarage
Yourmarkmightnothavesuchabiggarden,butitcouldbethatheownsagarage.
Therearelimitstowhatyoucandowithlockedgarage,butpaintingstuff,likelarge
dots,onthesideofthegarageisreallysomethingtoconsider.Yourmarkwillhaveto
spendbothtimeandmoneyremovingit.
Insidehisgaragetherearecertainlyseveralthingsthatcouldbedone,butthis
dependsabitonwhoyourmarkisandwhathehasinsidehisgarage.Puttingnails,
thesharponeswithbigflatbackswhichareoftenusedtohangupposters,ontothe
garagefloorisusuallyagoodstart.

Themailbox
Anotherannoyingschemecanbeassimpleasputtingrocksintoyourmark'smailbox
eachmorning.Thiscouldbedonebeforeyourmarkgoesofftowork,orwhenhehas
left.Justrememberwhatwassaidearlierabouttamperingwithmailandmailboxes,
whichinmostcasesareconsideredfederaloffences.Forthemoreadvanced
avengerIsuggestbuildingapyramidofrocksonyourmark'slawn.Mostthingscan
bethrownintoyourmark'slawn,thingslikegarbage,cod,pasta,paint,paper,eggs,
defecation,imagesofMao,rocks,pornmagazines,tombstonesandyourmark's
neighbor'sthingsareallpopular.
Oneeasywaytogetbackatyourmarkistogotoahardwarestoreandbuyagood
lock.Youmighthaveanoldlockyourself,onethatneedstobechangedduetorust
orgeneralwearandtear.Inthesesituationsyoucouldjustusethenewoneyourself
andthenputtheoldlockontoyourmark'smailbox.Hemighteventuallymanageto
cutitoff,butit'llcausequiteanannoyance.
Antsandotherinsectslovehoney.Poursomehoneyintohismailbox,orfillthe
wholemailboxwithcement.Alsoifthemailboxhasaflag,youcanglueitupwards
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usingsuperglue.

Walls,fountainsandbugs
Concretewallsmakegoodarenasforwalls.Don'tjusttagthewallwithrandom
profanities,beartisticaboutitasthatwillgiveitmoreattention.Thereisaspecial
kindofgraffitithatreallysticksaround.Getabigsheetofpaperandwriteyour
messageonitwithliquidAjaxorComet
(DependingonwhetheryouliveinEuropeonintheUSA).Takethepaperwherethe
wallis,douseitinlighterfluid,stickittothewall,makealighterfluidtrailawayfrom
thewallandlightit.Thewholethingburnsinaboutonesecond,sothereisnofire
danger(unlessyouappliedittoamaterialthateasilyburn),butyourmessagegets
stucktothewallbyachemicalprocess,anditisalmostimpossibletogetitoff
withoutpaintingoverit.
Cricketscouldbecomenicepetsforyourmark.Theyarecheap,noisyandusually
availableatyourlocalpetshop.Releasethemintheevening,oratnightthrough
yourmark'swindoworintothemailslot.Thisissomethingyoushouldtimetobe
donethenightbeforehisexam,orsomeotherbigevent.Donotdothisifyourmark
livesinyourneighborhood,asthesecrittersmovearound.
ForthemarkwithafountainIrecommendgettingsomecolouringdye,orifyouwish
tobemoreadvancedKodakandotherchemicalcompaniessellcertainclassesof
chemicalscalledsurfactants.Theseessentiallymakewatermoreslippery.Ina
fountainwithlowtolerance,waterhits1inchfromtheedge.Agoodsurfactantcan
sendthewatersplashing3inchesbeyondthefountainpool.Thisdrainsthefountain
inshortorder,andburnsoutthepump.Therearecertainlymanyotherthingsthat
whichyoucanapplytothepoollikeoil,bubblebath,soap,cement,coloureddye,
deadanimals,defecation,mothballs,deadorlivefish,stuffboughtatTacoBell,etc.

Protectingyourgarden
Sometimespeoplehaveproblemswithassholesdrivingbytheirmailbox,beatingit
downwithabat,orplowingitdownwithasnowplow.Aworkingsolutionistogettwo
mailboxes,onelarge,oneabitsmaller.Putthesmallermailboxintothelargerand
pourcementinbetween.Now,justletthemailboxbasherscomeandbreaktheir
arms.Thisdoesn'thelpmuchagainstsnowplowsthough.Ifyouareupagainst
somethingheavier,driveaheavypipeintothegroundnexttoyourmailbox.Just
makesureitreachesthetopofyourmailbox.Paintthepipeblackasadarknight.In
extremesituations,gotoascrapyardandgeta56feetlongIBeam.Digahole,
pourconcreteintoitandthenplanttheIBeam.Thisshouldworkwellagainst
snowplowerwhocan'tseethedifferencebetweentheroadandyourmailbox.Italso
worksnicelyasprotectionagainsttheoccasionalyoungsterswhowishtodrivedown
yourmailbox.
Therearesomeassholeswhojustcan'tleaveyourleafpilealone.Itcouldbethat
they'reeitherdrivingthroughit,orkickingitallout.Inanycase,yourhardwork
collectingthepilewouldbefornothingwhenthishappens,unlessyouputtheleaf
pileoveracinderblockorsomethingelsethatishardandheavy.Theprickhead
mightrunoveritagain,butwillprobablynotrepeatitafterdoingitoncewithaniron
blockstuffedinsideit.

Theresidence
Themark'shomeishispersonalground.Itisclosetohim,theplacewherehe
usuallyshouldfeelsafeandprivate.Violatingthisgroundisoftendifficult,yet
rewardingatthesametime.
Securityandsurveillanceshouldbepaidmuchattentioninthesecases.Youdon't
havetobetechnicalaboutit,actuallyitmightbeaseasyassneakingintoaparty
whichyourmarkishaving.Youcouldalsogetyourselfsomelockpickingequipment
(andexperience)butthenwewouldbetalkingaboutbreakingin,andlasttimeI
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checkeditwasastillillegaltodoso.Dormroomsaremoreeasilyaccessible,butyou
wouldstillbebreakingin.TherearepagesontheInternettalkingaboutlockpicking,
onewellknownoriginatingfromMITiseasilyobtainableontheInternet.

Dormsandsimilarplaces
Collegedormshaveallonethingincommon,shoddyworkmanship.Duetothe
designofthedoors,itispossibletowedgeanumberofpenniesbetweenthe
doorframeandthedoorwhenthedoorislocked.Pushthedoorasfarinasyoucan
whileitislocked,thenwedgepenniesbetweentheframeandthecatch.Thisis
knownaspennyingadoor.Itmightbethatasomeonehasalreadyplayedthison
you,andifyouwanttoescapethroughsuchatrap,simplypullthedoortowardsyou
ashardasyoucan,kickthedoorinthecornerbelowthecatch.Thisshoulddislodge
thepennies.
Dormdoorsarealsoeasytargetsforsignssaying,``Donotdisturb!Masturbating
intensely!''Theyshouldbeaseasytomakeastearingthemdown.Themoreyougo
hangingthemupafteryourmarkhastornthemdown,themoreannoyingtheyget.
Youcouldalsoapplytheold,glass'n'gluetricktothisone.Takeabucketofwallpaper
glueandthoroughlycrushsomeglassintoit.Putsomeglueontothedoor,hangup
theposter,andthenputglueontotheposter.Thistrickwaswidelyusedbypolitical
leftwingersinthe70tieswhentheirpostersoftenweretorndownbytheir
opponents.Ifyouwanttomakecertainthatnobodygetspermanentinjuries,I
suggestyouleavetheglassout.
Oneprankishwayofgettingbackatyourmarkinadorm,istogetafewhundred
plasticcups.Whenthemarkisawayfortheweekend,orthewholeday,pickhisdoor
lockandgetintohisroom.Fillthecupswithwaterandplacethemonebyoneto
covertheentirefloorinhisroom.Isuggestyoufindsomefriendstohelpyouwiththis
one.
OnedifferentprankthathasbeenplayedatseveraldormsintheUS,whereco
studentshadcoveredthedormdoorwithabrickwall(makeingtheroomdisappear)
whilethemarkwasonaweekendholiday.Youcanprobablyfindreferencesand
picturesofthisonthenet.

Doorsingeneral
Doorsarenicetargetsforsubstancesthathaveafoulstench.Scramblesomeeggs.
Addsomegreenfooddyeandalittlebitofgarlicsalt.Pouritalloveryourmark's
doorordoormat.Letitsoakinforagoodwhile,whileyourmarkisawayforthe
weekend.Otherthingsthatyoucansmearontodoorsareanimaldefecation,tar,
chlorineorsomethingfoulsmellingmentionedearlierinthecarsectionofthisbook.
Anygardenhosecarryingwaterisanicetoolfortheonesseekingtogeteven.Hook
upthehose,pushitthroughthemailslotonthefrontdoorandthensimplyturniton.
Afunnyvariationhereistouseyourmark'sneighbor'sgardenhose.Youshouldalso
spraysomekindofsealeratthebottomofthedoortomakethehouseholdmore
water.Ifyouuseagoodwindowinsulator,youmightevenbeabletosealthewhole
doorshut.Checkaroundyourlocalhardwarestoretofindthebestsuitableinsulator.

Tellyterrorism
Let'ssaythatyourmarkislivinginanareawheretheyhavecableTV.Onthe
outsideyouwillfindoneoftheboxestheyusetoconnectthemainwiretothe
differenthouses.Openthebox,unhookwires,flipswitchesanddowhateverseems
good.Closetheboxandgettoapayphone,callandtellthecablecompanythatyou
sawyourmarkmessingaroundwiththebox.Thisworksgreatifyourmarkdoesn't
havecable.Youcouldalsodragawirefromtheboxtohishouse.
Anotherthingyoucandoistofindwherethecableisburied.Digitup,cutitanduse
someblacktapetocoverthecutting.Thecablecompanywillmostlikelyneedafew
daystofindtheerror.UsethistacticduringtheOlympicsoranyotherbigevent.If
yourmarkisthecablecompanythendothisatseveralplaces.Youcanalsoshort
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circuitthecablebyputtingametalpieceintoin,e.g.useaneedleoranythingsimilar
toconnectthegroundtothemainsignal.

Loudmusic
Quiteafewofourpreviousreadershaveexperiencedsituationswheretheirnext
doorapartmentneighborisplayingloudmusicatnight,andwherereasoningwith
himdoesn'thelp.Itmightbefrustrating,buttherearewaystofightthiskindof
neighbor.Getacheappluginradioandalargecardboardbox.Openoneendofthe
box,puttheradioinandtapetheopenendfirmlyagainstthewallnexttotheir
bedroom.Keeptheboxoffthefloor,noreasontodisturbtheonesdownstairs.Tune
theradiotoastationwithanymusicthatyourmarkdoesn'tlike.Theradiodoesn't
havetobeveryloud,theboxactsasanacousticcouplertothewall.Thebiggerthe
boxthebetter.Turntheradioonwhenyougetup.Offwhenyougotosleep.Dothis
everyday.Ifanybodyaskswhyjustsayyou'reafraidofburglars.Whentheasshole
nextdoorstopsbytocomplain,usethesameargumentsthatheusedwhenyou
complainedtohimaboutloudmusic.
Adifferentapproachtothesameproblemcouldbetojustgetyourselfalarge
bowlingball.Holditupintheairanddropdownonthefloor.Dothisatrandom
intervalsthroughouttheday.Thisnaturallyonlyworksifitistheneighbor's
downstairswhocausesyoutrouble.Avariationofthisistogetabigweightlifting
plate.Puttheplateonthefloorandspinitaroundlikeyouwouldwithaquarterona
tabletop.Jumpontheweightwhenit'sjustabouttosettle.

Thebathroom
Nowlet'smoveintothebathroom.Theseschemeswouldbeexecutedatapartyor
atapublictoilet.Saranwrapisfun.Youcanalsowrapitoverthetopofthetoilet
bowlonyourmark'stoiletandthenputtheseatdown.Thisworksespeciallywellif
yourmarkisawoman.Poursyruponthetoiletseat.Youcan'treadilyseeit,butyour
markwillsticktotheseat.Sometoiletshaveblacktoiletseats.Tarworksnicelyon
these.Atnight,oratleastatatimewhenyoususpectnobodywouldusethetoiletfor
afewhours,pouralargeamountofjellopowderintothebowlorthetank.Cement
mixalsoworksnicely.Also,theketchuppacketsyougetatjunkfoodrestaurantscan
beplacedbetweenthelidandthebowl.Makesuretomakeatinyholeinthepacket
first.Nowwhenyourmarksitsdown,hewillgetaredsurprisealloverthebacksof
hisknees.
Whileyouareinthebathroom,andintheclosereachofyourmark'sshower:Takea
pillcapsule,preferablyonemadeofgelatin.Openitandfillwithmethyleneblue,
whichcomesinpowderformusedmainlyfordye,andcanbeboughtindrugstores
oraquariumrelatedstores(asitisusedasaremedyforsomefishdiseases.)Itis
nontoxicbutstillverygoodatmakingstains.Fillthecapsulewiththepowder.Smear
thecapsuleinwithsomeVaseline.Insertitintoshowerhead.Whenthemarkuses
theshower,thebluedyewillleakoutandstainhim.
Youcanalsoputabouilloncubeortwointotheshowerhead.Withthehotwater,the
bouilloncubewillmeltandthemarkwillprobablynotnoticeuntilitistoolate.Ifyou
areoutofbouillon,useKoolAid,preferablythevioletgrapeone,asitmakesreally
goodstains.
Nairoranyotherhairremovalisanastyreplacementforshampoo.ApplyingNairto
ashampoobottlemightappearabitcomplex.TheproblemisthatNairhasadistinct
smellandifyouusetoomuchofit,themarkwillnotice.Onewayoffightingthisisto
poursomeoftheshampoointoacup.AddalittleNairatatimeuntilyoucansmellit
intheshampoobottle,thenaddalittlebitofshampoo.Theresultmayvaryfromyour
marklosingallhishairtohimlosingjustbigchunksofhishair.Ifyoususpectthatthe
markwillhavetheshampoointhehairforjusttooshortofatime,thenputNairinto
theconditionerinstead.

Thebedroom
Afterthebathroom,getintothekitchenandpickupsomesugar.Usethissugar
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afterwardsinyourmark'sbedroom.Justspreaditoutonhisbed,underhisbed
sheets.Athinlayerofplasticbetweenthebedsheetsandthebedwouldcausethe
bodytoheatupthesugarwhichyouwouldputontheplastic.Whenyourmark
wakesuphe'lllookandfeellikeaglazeddonut.Replacethesugarwithmilkpowder
togetunbelievableresults.Whenthemilkpowdergetsintothepores,itstaysthere
andturnssour.Yourmarkwillsmellofsourmilkforalmostaweek.Chocolatebarsin
thebedsheetscanalsobeapain,eventhoughitismoreobviousandeasierto
detectbeforeanydamageisdone.
Oneschemethatworkswellinmilitaryquartersistowaituntilyourmarkisonleave.
Thensneakintohisroomandsewalfalfaintohisbed.Addalittlebitofwaterandin
aweekorsoitwillgrowupandmakeanicebedwhenyourmarkreturns.

Thekitchen
Thekitchenisthelastplaceonthistour.Thisisaplacewhereyoucouldreallygo
berserk,becausetherearesomanysmallitemsaroundinthisroom.Mixthe
differentspicesorjustswapsaltandsugar.Dothesamewithcorn,wheat,oatmeal,
orwhateverhe'sgot.Pourthemilkoutandreplaceitwithwater.Moveroundthe
differentkitchenappliances.PutaSnickersbarintohismicrowaveovenandletin
runforawhile.Thiswillgenerateafoulstench,anditlooksnastytoo.
Putgreaseonthetopofthestove,ifitiselectric.Therearethingsyoucandotoa
gasstovethatIshouldprobablynotmentionhere.Let'sjustleavethistothemovies
andourfantasy,explodinggasisnofun.
Greaseandsoyaoilisapaintowashaway.Exploitthisbypouringitaround
randomly.Topitbyspreadingwhatevercombinationsofwheat,flour,oatmeal,corn,
bakingsodaandspiceyoucanfind,ontothefloor.

Theworkplace
``Itisnotjusticeweseek,itsrevenge!''

Dilbert,inBringmetheheadofWilliethemailboy!

Introduction
FromworkingatquiteafewplacesIhavefoundthatonecanalwaysdividethe
workforceintothreegroups.Thefriendly,thehostileandthehostilewhohavesome
kindofleaderposition.Thefirstgroupwouldbeyourrandomworkbuddywhichin
mostcaseswouldbealmostalloftheworkforce.Youdon'twanttomesswithyour
buddiestoomuchorthey'llperceiveyouasbeingoneoftheidiotsinthehostile
group.Stillafewshenanigansamongfriendsarecommonandinmostcases
bonding.Justmakesureyoudon'tpickonthesamefriendlytargeteachtime.Iwill
onlycoverthisbrieflyhereasthisbookisnotaboutpranks.

Friendsandfoes
Thestrangethingaboutthetwoothergroupsarethattheyoftenseemtocollaborate.
Thehostileinaleaderpositionwouldactuallyfinditveryhandytohavesomekindof
informantinthegroupof``common''workers.Slanderandmischiefexpressedinthis
groupwouldthengetbacktohimandhewouldknowexactlywhotofireorwatchout
for.Thetraitorwouldbenefitfromthisbybeingthefirstinlinewhentheword
promotionismentioned.
Onethingyoushouldbeawareofisthattherearealwaysaleaderwhoisaboveyour
leader,eitheramajorCEO,aministerinparliamentoreventhecustomersofthe
business.

Thefriendly
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Anoldtrickthathasprovidedprankstershoursofentertainmentistowaitforyour
marktotakealittlecoffeebreak.Whenyourmarkisaway,grabhistelephoneand
tapedown(usingclearscotchtape)thelittlebuttonwherethereceiversits.When
yourmarkreturns,givehimalittlecallandwatchtheconfusion.Avariationofthis
oneistoplacesmallpiecesoftapeovertheholestothespeaker.
Createastupidruleorregulation.Ifpossible,makeitseemlikearulethatwouldbe
underyourmark'sareaofresponsibility.Printitonthecompanyprinter,andhangit
uponadisplayboard.Writeyourmark'snameatthebottomofthenoteandstart
complaining(toeveryonebuthim).Onesimilarideainvolvesputtingupapolice
wantedposterwithyourmark'snameandpictureonit.
Sendingmessagesfromoneemployertoanotherisanotherwonderfulprank.This
couldalsobeconsideredsevere,butifyouhideyourtracksyouneednotworry.

Thehostile
Youmightwantbecarefulwiththehostilecoworker.Thisistypicallythemarkwho
goesbehindyourback,makingquiteanefforttobringyoutrouble.Whateveryoudo,
goundetectedanduntraceable,becauseiftheseindividualsfindoutthatyou're
somehowontothemthey'llincreasetheireffortandmakeyourworkingdayeven
morelikealivinghell.

Attheoffice
Copymachinescanbeusefultoolsforyourrevengepurpose,thesamegoesfor
FAXmachines.Inventsomethingthatlooksconspicuous,putthepaperintothe
photocopierandleaveitthere.Otherswillfindit,wonderwhatisandhavealookat
it.Finallytheyfindyourmarksnameonitandmaybeconfronthimwithit.Naturally
he'lldenyitandmakeeverythinglookevenmoreconspicuous.Themesthatcouldbe
appliedhereareindustrialespionage,orevenaschemeforanewsystemtomonitor
theworkforce,supposedtobehiddenoratleastnotsomethingthatwouldbe
detectedbyyourcoworkers.
Anotherpopularschemeinvolveshavingafloristdeliverflowerstoyourmark.Takea
lookintheyellowpagesandfindafloristwhodeliverssingingtelegramsora
theatricaldelivery.Thekickerhereistohavetheflowerssentfromsomeoneofthe
oppositegenderofyourmark'sattraction.Youcanalsoplaytwomarksupagainst
eachotheronthis.
Thisschemecouldbebroughtabitfurther.Searchyouryellowpagesoradsin
newspapersforadultorescortservices.Callthemupandleavethephonenumber
andmark'snameinthevoicemailorontheirbeepers.Thisworksbestifsomeone
elseislikelytoansweryourmark'sphone.

Grocerystores
Grocerystoresopenupawholenewarenawhenitcomestorevengetactics.Take
somethingasinnocentasabottleofbleach.Unscrewthecapandmakesmall
punctureinthebottomofthebottle,leaveitsittinginthetopofacartorsomething.
Waituntilthemanagerorthecoworkermarkcomeswanderingbylookingatthe
bleachdrippingathisfloor,grabsthebottleandturnsitaround,onlytogettherestof
itoverhimself.
Gotothedeliandorderabout3poundsoffish.Justsayit'sforacustomer.Now
whennobody'slookingstickitwayupunderacashregisterorfarbehindanaisle.In
about2daystheplacewillsmelllikesomebodydied.Ifyourstorehasradiatorsor
heatsources,takeacartonofcreamandopenitupandputintheradiator.Itwill
smelllikesomebodyshitanditwillblowitalloverthestore.
Getsomemaggotsanddropthemintotheirmeatcasejustbeforeclosing.Tryto
hidearubbersnakeintheshrimp.Whentheclerkgrabsahandfulofshrimpand
pullsoutthesnake,itshouldgeneratesomesortofreaction.Findthecontrolpanels
forthefreezersandcoolers,randomlyturnthemupanddown.
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Thesegrocerystoresschemesarebestimplementedifyouareworkingattheplace
andknowhowthesurveillancesystemworks.Remembermoststoreshavea
thoroughworkingsurveillancesystem,soIdon'trecommenddoinganythingifyou
arejustacustomeranddon'tknowthesystem.

Thecomputer
Anycomputersthataren'tbehindlockeddoorsorsecuredwithapasswordareeasy
targetsforthecomputerliterateavenger.Thegreatthingaboutcomputersisthatyou
candoanythingfromprankishstufflikechangingthecolourconfigurationofyour
mark'sPCtoreallyruiningmonthsorevenyearsofworkbykillingtheharddisk.

Messingwithsoftware
Attheworkplace,oneniceschemeinvolvesinstallinggraphicimagesinthe
backgroundonyourmark'sworkstation.Thisisaseasyaschangingthecolours.
EitherhavetheimagereadyinBMPformatonadisketteordownloaditanonymously
fromalocationontheInternet.Onevariationofthisoneinvolvesmanipulating
imagesofasecondmarkemployee(byscanningthepictureandmergingitwith
anotherpicturefromthesaidlocationontheInternet.)Thiscouldleadtoan
interestingdiscussionsbetweenthetwomarks.
Alteringthedesktopconfigurationisalsoeasy.Ihavealreadymentionedchanging
colours,butyoushouldnotstopthere.Forinstance,removealltheiconsfromthe
desktop(andthemenus)andchangethescreenformattothelowestpossible
resolutionwithaminimumofcolours.Thisistrulyannoyingandatworstitwilltake
yourmarkanhourtofixeverything.

Gettingserious
Asthecrimegetsmoresevere,soshouldthepunishment.Consideranyasshole
whohasbeenworkingonaprojectformonthsandhasallhisworkonhisPC.Your
markcouldbeanythingfromacorporateofficeworkertoastudent.Aslongashe
doesn'thaveabackupofhiswork,heisgoingtogetscrewed.
Therearecertainlydifferentwaystokilldata,onebeingjusttoerasethembytyping
erase/deleteorusingsomekindofdirectorybrowser.InUNIXlikeoperatingsystems
onecanerasewholedirectoriesbyusingthe``rmrf(dir)''command.Oneproblem
thatyoustillwillfaceisthefactthatsomeoperatingsystemsdon'tdeletethewhole
file,butrathertheinternalentrysayingwherethefileislocatedandthenameofit,or
partsofthatinformation.Thismeansthatthedatacanstillberestoredwithspecial
undeleteprograms.
Tomakeitharderforyourmarktorestoredata,youcouldmakeyourselfabootdisk
thatcontainstheprogramfdiskandformat.ThebootdiskthatWindows98supplies
issufficientforthispurpose.Usefdisktodeleteandrecreatethewholeharddisk,
andthenuseformattophysicallydeletethedataafterwards.Youcanalsolowlevel
formatthedisk,ifitisaSCSIdisk.
Viralplagues
VirusesareconsideredtobequiteamenaceandIwouldn'tadviseusingoneevenif
youknowwhatyouaredoing.Therearemanyvirussitesonthenet,andsomeof
themhaveliveviruses.Downloadatyourownrisk.Therearealsoprogramsaround
thatdonotreplicatethemselvesanddolessdamagethesearemostlyjustannoying
andthereforesuitableforthemoremildrevengeschemes.
TheBIOS
AnothereasywaytomessupacomputeristoplayaroundinthecomputerBIOS.
TheBIOSmenusareaccessedatstartuptime,whenthecomputerrunscheckson
theRAMandthedisks.Usuallyyougetamessageonthescreensayingthatyou
canhite.g.DELfortheBIOSsetupmenu.Dothisandstartplayingaround.Ifthe
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computerhasanunsetBIOSpassword,setitandthemarkwillhavetoopenthe
computercasingandresettheBIOScompletely.

Messingwithhardware
Avengerswhodon'twanttomessaroundwiththesoftwarecouldstilldoalotof
damagetothehardware.Openthecomputer,usuallybyjustusingascrewdriver,
andhavealookattheinventory.YouwillfindthattherearebanksofRAM,cables,
mainboard,drivesandoneormoreCPUs.IfyoutakealookattheCPUyouwillfind
thatitusuallyhasaheatsinkattachedtoit.Removeit,andtheCPUwillgethotand
eventuallyitwillmalfunctionoritmightevengetcookedwithpermanentdamage.
RemovingoneormoreRAMbankscouldbeuseful,butyoushouldleaveatleast
oneorthecomputerwillnotstart,unlessthatwasyourideainthefirstplace.
Thesubtleavenger
Moresubtleavengerswouldsimplyputascrewdriverintothefan,causingitto
deformandmakealotofnoisewhileinoperation.Atworstitcouldmalfunction
causingheattobuildupinthecomputer.RemovingtheCPUfanisevenbetter,but
youwouldhavetoopenthecasingtodothis.
Theberserker
Wheneverythingaboveseemsliketoomuchtrouble,useahammerrandomlyinside
thecasingwilldefinitelydopermanentdamage.Ifeventhatistoomuchtrouble,grab
thewholePC,afterdisconnectingallthecables,anddropitoffinanearbygarbage
container.

Theinstitutional
``FollowmeifIadvance,killmeifIretreat,avengemeifIdie.''

MaryMatalin
Institutionssuchasthegovernment,thepolice,companies,schoolsorthemilitary
areoftenactinginawaythatmakesthemjustifiablemarks.Thearrogance
occasionallydisplayedbyindividualsintheseinstitutionssometimesreflectsonly
theirapparentstatusasbeinguntouchable.
Thisisbackedupwiththeenormousresourcesthattheinstitutionhas.Itisbecoming
moreandmorerarethesedaysthattheaveragemaninthestreetwinscourtcases
againsteitherthegovernmentorthepolice,evenincaseswheretheguiltofthe
institutionisprovenanddocumentedbeyonddoubt.

Thegovernment
Iamgoingtousethegovernmentalcontextforawidevarietyofserviceshere,just
asIamusedto,livinginNorwaymostofmylife.

Thepolice
Thepolicearesometimestargetedforunjustifiedrevenge.This,becausethepublic
oftenfeelbadlytreatedwhentheygetticketsforillegalparking,speedingorsimilar
pettyincidents.Thefactisthatthepolicehaveanobligationtofollowandcan'tbe
blamedforfollowingtherules(laws)setbypoliticiansorlawmakers.Ifthelawiswhat
youhaveaproblemwith,targetthepoliticianandmakeyourprotestsoutloud.
Ireallydonotrecommenddoinganythingonlocationasfarasrevengeagainstthe
policegoes.Historyshowsthanthebestwaytotangleyourwayoutofthese
situationsistoplayalongandeitheracceptorrejectthefine,dependingonthe
situationyouarein.Acceptingitevenifyoudidnothingwrongmightseemidiotic,but
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ifthefineislow,youwouldhavetoaskyourselfitisworththetroubleofgoing
throughatrialornot.Inanycaseifyoubrokethelaw,youshouldacceptthefineand
forgetaboutrevenge.Youwouldnaturallygetthenameoftheofficersandperform
somelongdistancerevengescheme,ifyoudecidedtoactuponthewrongedaction.
Itisaloteasierifyourwrathisaimeddirectlytowardsthepolicestationitself.

Gotaparkingticket?
Itmighthappenthatyougetaparkingticketyoudon'tdeserve.Whatonedoesin
thesesituationsismaybemanufactureyourownreplicausingaPCandagood
printer.Spendacoupleofeveningswanderingthestreetsandplacethefakeparking
billsontorandomcars,whichnaturallyarelegallyparked.Youachievetwothingsby
doingthis.One,yougetquiteafewpeopletocomplainaboutthebill.Two,yougeta
fewsuckerswhoactuallypaythebill.Howthepoliceortheparkingdepartment
handlesthisdepends,buttheydonothaveanythingoutstandingonthesepeopleso
theyhavetoreturnthemoney,costingworktimeandunnecessaryadministration.
Anotherwayofcausingharmtotheoneshandlingparkingisverysimple,justputa
plasticbagovertheparkingmeter.Peoplewillprobablystillparktherewithout
paying.Forprivateparkingcompaniesthiswillworkwell,asitwilllowertheirincome.
Forthosecaseswhenyouhavetwomarks,onebeingthepolice/parkingauthorities
andtheotherisasuckerwithaparkedcar:Callthetowingcompanyandhavehis
cartowedclaimingthathewasparkinginyourslot.

Politicians
Politiciansoftenseemlikedistantrevengetargets,butyoushouldrememberthat
thesetooarepeoplewhohascars,gardens,homes,phones,etc.Oftentherearea
lotofpeoplearoundthem,whichcomplicatesthingsbutdoesn'tmakeaneat
revengeschemeimpossible.
Scandalsareonewayofgettingbackatapolitician,butaswehaveoftenseen,the
politiciansoftenhavewaysofcrawlingthemselvesoutofanysituation.Andindeed,
whoisthepublictotrustwhentheyseeoneunknowngirlclaimingtohavea
relationshipwiththeleaderofanation,whiletheleaderhimselfissayingitnevertook
place?Still,scandalscouldbeeffective,especiallyifyouknowhowtoplaythe
media.
Otherwiseitisquiteeasytohitthepoliticiandirectlyusinganyoftheothertactics
describedinthisbook.Onerathermildoneistoforgelettersfromthepoliticiantothe
mediaorasecondarymark.

Hospitals
Hospitalsmayseemlikeapparentlyeasytargets,butdokeepinmindthatyoumight
hurtorevenkillinnocentpeoplewhoreliesontheservicesprovided.Bringingdown
theparticularpersonwhohaswrongedyou,aDoctorforinstance,isbetter.Oneway
ofdoingthatistospreadnewsamongthedrugaddictsinyourcommunitythatthis
doctorprescribesdrugs,foralittleextrafee,withnoquestionsasked.Youwould
naturallybeapartofthatenvironmenttomakeitsoundright,orinasmaller
communityyoucouldgettherighteffectbytellingyourfriendaboutit.Rumorsin
smallcommunitiesareanincredibletoolandwillserveyoureffortswell,nomatter
whoyourmarkis.

Military
Youcangetbackatmilitaryairportsbysendingseveralletterstothepeopleresiding
intheirvicinity.Thelettershouldsaythatduetoexpansionofthebase,themilitary
willbebuyingtheirhouse.Givetheresidentsaridiculouslylowpricefortheir
property.Thisschemecanalsobeappliedtootherairfieldsaswell.Thepointisto
instigateatinylittlerevoltagainstthemark.
Aluminumballoonsingreatnumberswouldturnuponairportradar,causing
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confusionandinsomeinstancesprobablyalsomakethemgroundtheairplanesfora
while.Youshouldbecarefulaboutthisasyoumightdisrupttheairtrafficenoughto
downaplane.

Taxcollectorsareyourfriends
AnothergreattoolforrevengebusinessistheIRS(Taxcollectors.)Youwouldneed
themark'ssocialsecuritynumberandasmuchinformationaboutyourmarkas
possible.ContactyourlocalIRSfieldoffice.Usingthemark'snameandinformation,
advisethemthatyouhavebeenfilingfalsereturnsforyears,notdeclaringmoney
(fromillegalgambling,drugdealing,etc.makeitsoundbelievable)advisethemthat
youhaveturnedoveranewleafandwanttomakeamends.Setupanappointment
withtheIRSagenttosetthingsright.Whenthemarkdoesn'tshowupforhis
appointment,forobviousreasons,theIRSwillsendafieldagenttothemark's
address.Oddsare,themarkwillbeauditednomatterwhat.
Another,moredirectmethodinvolvesforgingataxformusingthenameand
informationonyourmark.IntheUSyoucangetthe1040EZor1040Apackage.
Typethename,address,city,state,zip,SSandfilingstatusnormally.Preparethe
restofthereturnwithantitaxandantigovernmentstatementstypedinstrategic
placesontheform.Inotherwordsuseyourowndiscretion.Preparetheofficialreturn
envelopeinthesamemanner.
Adifferentapproachtothislastoneistofilloutaformwithinformationofahigh
income.Usetheyellowpagesandgetsomeaddressesofcompanieswhoare
rumoredtodoalotofunreported(taxwise)work.Thisisaperfectschemeforthe
scumbagwhodoesn'tcareaboutdeliveringanytaxreportformatall.

Thecompany
Onegreatwaytogetbackatacompany,likeapuboragarage,istoputan
advertisementintothelocalnewspaperwhereitsaysthatthey'resellingoneoftheir
productsataridiculouslylowprice.Foragarageyoucanwritethatthey'reoffering
freechecksonpeople'scarsor$0.99oilchanges.Timingshouldbeaccurate.Do
thiswheneveryoneislookingtobuythisserviceorproduct.

Thebank
Theremightbeasituationwherethemarkisabankthathaswrongfullytakenmoney
fromyouraccount.Whenthatisthecase,gotothebankandrentasmallsafe
depositbox.Afteryou'vegottenone,bringwithyouabagoffishsubstancethatwill
reekafteracoupleofdaysatroomtemperature.Thebankwillnaturallyhaveyour
nameandnumber,andtheywillbegyoutoremoveit.Remindthemofthecashthat
wasstolenandtrytonegotiatewiththem.Eventually,theycanopentheboxwithout
yourpermission,butittakesawhile,sodon'tputanythingillegalintoit.

Thegoodcause
Youcouldalsogivemoneyinyourmark'sbusinessnametoeverycharity,religious
groupandpoliticalactionpossible.Youcouldeithergivesmallamountsofmoneyto
groupsthatyourmarkisheavilyagainst,ortogroupsthatyouknowwillcomeback
laterandharasshimformoremoney.
Haveacompanywhichproducestshirtsatalowpricemakesomeforyou.Doa
boguslogoandhisofficetelephonenumber,thendonatethetshirtstoalocal
homelessshelterunderhisname.Itwouldlookrealfunnywhenpeopleallaround
starttowearhistshirts.

Restaurants
Thenextlevelofcorporaterevengeinvolvesjunkfoodrestaurantsanddrivethrough
windows.
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Wireupaspeakerandhideitinthebushes.Ontheothersideyouconnectan
amplifierandamicrophone(useyourimaginationhere,anythingfromawalkmanto
aportablecomputermightcomeinhandy).Whensomeonepullsuptoplacetheir
order,beasrudeaspossiblewhileimpersonatingtheclerk.Thiswillhurtthe
restaurantanditmightaswellleadtoanumberofcomplaintsfromunsuspecting
customers.Youcouldalsowritealettertothemanager,sayingthatyouwereinthe
drivethroughonthatparticularnightandweresubjectedtothisverbalabuse.Ifthis
isalltoocomplicatedhanganotesaying``outoforder''onthesetbox.
Flashingcanbeacrudebuteffectivewayofgettingevenwitharestaurant.Ifyouare
shy,youcanhaveafrienddrivebytherestaurantwithhisasshangingoutthe
window.Idothinkthecustomerswouldloosetheirappetiteafteraslightglimpseof
that.

Laundries
Haveyoueverbeenrippedoffbyalaundrystoreorbeeninasituationwhereyou've
beentreatedbadlybytheowner?Gotoawasherandfillitupwithloadsof
detergent,soap,greaseorpaint.Youcouldalsopokeholesintherubberpipesthat
leadtothewashers.Anothersuggestionistojamthecoininsertpartofthemachine
withdentedcoinsorforeignobjects.Addsomesuperglueanditwilltakeaverylong
timetofixandresultinalotoflostbusinessandfrustrations.

Doctorsanddentists
Doctorsanddentistsalwaysseemtogetawaywitheverything,don'tthey?Well,not
anymore.GotoalabelprinterandhavethemprintabunchoflabelswithyourDoc's
officenameandaddress.Nextthingyoudoisvisitingoneofthoseplaceswhereyou
getpornographicmagazines.Afteryou'vereadthem,Imean,afteryou'vepurchased
them,putthelabelonthemanddropthemoffinthewaitingroomunderthepileof
magazinesthat'salreadythere.Don'twaitaroundunlessyouhaveanappointment
there.
Anotherthingyoucandofordoctorsistoadvertise.Affixstreetposterswiththe
doctors'nameonthemintheworstpartsofyourvicinity.Hereyouwillbehelpingthis
doctorsellingdrugprescriptionswithnoquestionsasked.
Youcouldalsotrytogetajobatyourmark'scompany.Wheninsideyouhaveawide
rangeoftacticsyoucanimplementandyouwillbeclosetoanything.Beingnastyto
customersisagoodone,butyoucouldalsogivethemgooddiscountsordoother
sabotage.Justdon'tgetcaught.

Theschool
Aswiththepolice,teachersarealsooftentargetsofwrongfulrevengeand
shenaniganism.Itdoesn'tnecessarilymeanthattheseteachersarebadteachers,
moreoftenitisbecausethechildrenactlikeuncivilizedsavagesandfeelbadly
treatedwhentheydon'tdotheirhomework.HarassingteachersisnotsomethingI
condone,actuallyIdon'tcondoneanythinginthisbook,exceptthecopyrightnotice.

Teachers
Analyzingtheteachercouldbeuseful.Afairlyoldteachermightgetanembarrassing
problemifyoubroughtyourpornographiccomicstoschool.Creativemindscould
certainlymaketheirownversionof,``PeterPenis,MasterDetectiveandtheCaseof
theMissingCokeBottles.''Youcouldalsohidethingslikeacondomoradildoinhis
drawer.
Theideaofputtingdisplayboardtacksontheteacher'schairisoldandquite
outdated.
Anotherwayofmakingtheworkdayofateachermiserable,isbyrubbinglipstick,tar
orpaintonthedoorstotheschool'sadministrativeofficesandtheteacher'srest
room.Donecleverlyitmightnotbenoticeduntileveryteacherisdirty.
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Intheonemeanpupilsectionwehavecopyingoffyourteacherssignatureonthe
bottomofaresignation.Leaveitintheprincipal'soffice.Makesomethingupabout
himgettinganewjob,andhecan'tcomepersonallytodiscussit.Timethistoa
periodwhenthemarkisawayfromworkforsomedays.Thiscanalsoworkinthe
oppositedirectionwhereyouposeastheprincipalfiringtheteacher.

Fellowstudents
Anothermarkthatmightdeserveyourattention,intheschoolarea,isyourfellow
studentorpupil.Mostofwhatiswrittenunderthecorporaterevengealsoapplies
here.Inaddition,duetothewayschoolworks,thereareafewgoodones.
ExLaxoranythingthatmakeyourmark'sstomachtwitch,couldeasilybeappliedto
hisdrink.Againtimingisessential,asthemarkwillbemorevulnerableatthedayof
hisfinalexamination,althoughruiningforlifemightbeexcessive,ruininghimforthe
semestermightbeabetterchoice.
Quiteafewplacesyoucancancelexamswithoutidentifyingyourself.Attheplaces
wheretheydorequireanID,trytogetafakeoneorstealyourmark'sID.
Themark'slockerisaneasytarget.Putsomeglueonatoothpickandinsertitinto
thelock.Hangpornographicimagesonthefrontsideofthelocker.Pourfoxurineor
someotherstinkysubstanceonitstoporthroughitsholes.Ifyouaregoodatpicking
locks,thenplantsomethinginthelockerandthenusetheglueandtoothpicktrickon
thelock.Writesomethingcreativeonthelockerdoor.Whenthemarkgoesawayfor
aweekortwo,pourmilkontopofit,oruseagenerousamountofcottagecheese
squeezedbetweentwoplates.Tapetheplatetogetherandhideitontopofhislocker
orpushitintothelocker.Itwillhaveanastyodorwhenhediscoversit.
Aneasywaytogetbackatschoolbuddieswhousedrugsfrequentlyistogetadrug
testingkitfromadrugstore.Sendthewholekittohisparentsalongwithaletterfrom
eithertheschooloroneofhisfriendswhofeelsthattheirsonordaughterhasa
problem.

Theschoolbuilding
Intheschoolbuildingvandalismsectionwehaveideaslikedrawingobscenitieson
pulldownmapsormoviescreens,orhidingfoulsmellingthingsabovetheceiling.
Thelattercanbedoneinsomegovernmentalbuildingswheretheyhaveceilings
restingonanirongrid,ifnot,usetheairduct.
Maggots(flylarva)canbeboughtatseveralsportsstoresinareaswheretheyuse
theseasfishbait.Getaboxofthemandhideitinaclassroom,justbeforetheschool
closesforthesummer.Openthelidslightlytoletthefliesoutandwhenthepupils
returnnextsemesteritwillbeswarmingwithfliesintheroom.
Clogthedrainsbypouringcementintothetoiletsandthesinks.Alsoalwayscarry
screwdriversandslowlydismantleeverythingyoucan.Havefriendshelpyou.Make
acompetitionwheretheobjectistogetmostscrewsout.
WithaccesstoaPCyoucanmakefalseannouncementsfromyourschool.Usethe
sameformatstyleastheyuseanddistributethemtoteacher'smailboxesandput
themondisplayboards.
Thedisplayboardscanalsobeusedagainstyourfellowstudents.Getapictureof
yourmarkandwritesomethingnastyunderit.Sexadds,Iamstupidposters,or
anythingfromyourowncreativemind.
Onyourcountry'snationalday,takedownthenationalflagandputupyourown.
Haveafriendliftyouupstandingonhisback.Tietheropeandcuteverythingthatis
below,leavingquiteadistancedowntotheground.

Miscellaneous
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``Therighteousshallrejoicewhenheseethethevengeanceheshallwashhisfeetinthe
bloodofthewicked.''

Psalms,Ch.58,V.10

Stickystuff
Twoofthemoreflexibleitemsusedinrevengeschemesaresuperglueandthe
insulationusedasfillerinbuildingwalls.

Glue
Superglueisperhapsthemostversatile``stickystuff.''Justapplyitintoanykeylock
togiveyourmarktheagonyofhislife.Cardoorlocks,carfuellocks,schoollockers,
apartmentandhousefrontdoorlocks,mailboxlocksorevengaragedoorlocks,the
variationsareendless.
Gluingornamentslikeplastictoystothecarhoodwasalreadymentioned.Thiscan
alsobeappliedtootherthings,likewindows,doors,officedeskswherepensgluedto
thedeskworksgreat.Yourimaginationisthelimit.

Insulation
Housinginsulationalsohasmanyapplications.Theseusuallycomeinlargespray
containersandwhenappliedappearasanexpandingfoam.Therealkickerhereis
thatitsoonhardens.Oneproblemhereisthatwhenappliedtoalimitedarea,the
foamwillputpressureonitswalls,thiscouldalsobepartoftherevenge.Placesto
applythisaremailboxes,throughopenwindows,intocars,throughmailslots,desk
drawers,lockersandontolawnsoruptheexhaustpipeofhiscar.

Theannoyingandirritating
Annoyingschemesshouldn'tbetooseverebecausetheyusuallywouldhavetobe
repeatedfrequentlyandthereforetheriskofdetectionishigh.Youalsoshouldn't
applyannoyingschemesuponamarkwhoispatientasarock.Insuchsituationsthe
energyyouspendontheworkwouldeasilybehigherthantheenergyandirritation
feltbyyourmark.

Annoyingroommates
Roommatesarecloseandofteneasytargetsforannoyances.Ihaveobservedthat
actingnervousorjumpyoftenmakesotherpeoplenervous.Nervousnessisoften
quitecloselyconnectedtoannoyances.Youcouldstarttheafternoonbysitting
straightlookingatthewall(makesurethereisaclockwithinyourview)everyfive
minutesgetup,walktothewindow,lookoutandmumble.Thiswouldsurelybe
annoyingfortheduration.Thenextday,mentionthatyouwonderwhatyoudid
aroundthattimethepreviousday.Ifothersask,tellthemthatyourroommatehas
beenactingstrangelately.
Ifyourroommatehasagirlfriendthenyoushouldbereallynicetoher.Givehera
littlegifteverynowandthen,smileatheroftenandlookathertitswhenhecansee
it.Commentonherasstoherboyfriendandaskifthey'reintothreesomes.Leave
pornographicmagazinesaroundyourbed.Alsotalkaboutyourselfandherwhenhe
thinksyou'resleepingandheisawake.
Haveyouralarmclockringat5AMeachmorning.Firstyouletitringforalittlewhile,
andwhenyourroommatecomplains,getupandgotothebathroom.Takeapee,or
whatever,justmakeabitofnoise,thenreturntoyourbed.Dothiseverymorningfor
awhile.
Thenexttacticinvolvesgettingsomeoldkeys.Thiscanbedoneatalocksmith,just
askforsometheydon'thaveanyusefor.Buythesamenumberofkeytags,ormake
someyourself.Writeyourmark'snameandtelephonenumberonthetagand
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mentiona$10rewardiffound.Afteryou'vedonethis,dropthemonebyonearound
thecity.Thedrawbackwiththisoneisthatyou'llinvolveinnocentthirdpersons.A
relatedtrickwouldbetowriteyourmark'snameandphonenumberondollarnotes.

Embarrassment
Thebestplacetoembarrasssomeoneistomakeitaspublicaspossible.These
tacticscouldlookprettyinnocent,buttheywillmostlyfeelliketheywereahitbelow
thebeltforyourcasualshymark.Thefirstoneworksbestifyourmarkisashy
homophobe,workinginastore.Getafriend,someoneyourmarkdoesn'tknow,to
comeintothestoreandbuyapacketofcondoms.Makehimgotothemark'sline
andsayloudly,``Ihadagreattimelastnight,(hisname)honey.Arethesethekind
youwantedmetopickupforlater?''Thisschemecannaturallybeadaptedtoother
scenarios,andinseveralversions.
Whenyourmarkisayoungerbrotherit'seveneasiertoembarrasshim.Justruinhis
reputationbyrunningaroundattheschoolcafeteriaaskingforhimsayingthathe
forgottobringhislunchwithhim.Dressgeeky,smellandmakesureyouhavea
largegrocerybagwithhisfullnamewrittenonitsside.
Adifferentwaytoembarrassyourmarkisifyou'reingymclassdoingpushups.
Haveoneofyourtrustedfriendsconvinceyourmarktoaskyouabouthowmany
pushupsyourbrotherorsistercando.Whenthemarkask,lookasangryandupset
asyoucan.Makeabigsceneoutofitandgivethemarkyourresponse,``Whotold
youaboutthis?Howcouldyou!Youknowmysisterhasnoarms!Whatkindof
personareyou?!''Atthispointyoucaneitherstormoutoftheroomorputyourhead
downinyourarmscrying.
Usingpostershasalwaysbeenoneofmyfavoritewaysofgettingeven.Withthe
latestintechnology(i.e.thecampusPC'soryourown)youcanscanapictureof
yourmark.ThenextthingyouwouldneedtodoisgoontheNetandfindsome
pornographicimages.Youmighthavetosearchalittlebittofindonethatwouldfit
nicelywithyourmark'shead,butit'swellworthit.Cutandpastefromtheoriginal
picture,andsmoothittogethersothatitlooksrealauthentic.Printitoutandhangit
onthecampusdisplayboardwiththetext,``hornychickcallXXXXXXX.''

Thingsthatgoboom!
Iamnotgoingtolectureanyoneonhowtomakehardexplosives.Onereasonisthat
thereisenoughinformationonthisaroundtheInternetalready.Anotheristhat
explosivesareoftenunstable,anddefinitelyunreliable,whichmakesthemunsuitable
forrevenge.
Therearestillthingsyoumay``blowup''withouthurtinganyone.Takeaballoon,fillit
withpaintandthrowitontoyourmark'scaratatimewhenchancesofdetectionare
lowest.Thetrickhereistofindaballoonthatwillholdtherightamountofpaint,and
whichwillbreakwhenithitsthecarorhouseifyouwanttostrikeatthat.
Funwithfrozencarbondioxide
Dryice(frozenCO2)iscoolandcanbeusedtomakeloudexplosions.Thewaythis
isdone,basically,isthatyouputagenerousamountofdryiceintoabottle,lockthe
bottleandthenhideitinthevicinityofyourmark.Plasticbottlesarerecommended
asglasswillbreakandmayseriouslyhurtsomeone.
Funwithfirecrackers
Firecrackersarealsonicetoolsthatcanbeusedforrevengepurposes.Senda
threateningnotetoyourmarksaying,``tonightat01:30AM,youdie.''Thenatnight
lightthebiggestfirecrackeryoucanfind,justoutsidehishouse.Thisispsychological
warfare.Thenextnotecouldsay,``Sorry,Imissed.''
Funwithphones
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Youreallydon'thavetoblowanythinguptostirtrouble.Onephonethreatisenough,
``Thereisabombinyourbuilding.Youhave42minutestoevacuate.''Thisisathing
youmaynotwanttoconsider,sincethisreallyissevereandthepolicewilldefinitely
trytogetyou.

Wreakingweddings
Aweddingceremonyisbothexpensiveandpainstaking,thelatterduetothe
somewhatdifficulttaskofmakingeverythinglookperfect.Now,ofcoursewhenour
markisheadingtothealtarwe'llbeusingthismomentofvulnerabilitytogetsome
seriousrevenge.
Showinguppregnant
Let'ssaythisgroomwasanexloverofyourswhoranawayabout49monthsprior
tothewedding.Afterheranawayheabruptlyfellinlovewiththislittlegirl,whohe
proposedtoandnowisgoingtomarry(yeah,right!hewascheatingonyouthe
wholetime,thisisawellknownscenario.)Youfeelthatsomethinghastobedone,
andtoruinourmark'sonedayinlifeyouwillneedsomepillows(orwhatever)tucked
underyoursweater.Aftertheceremonyyoushowupatthereceptiontelling
everybodyabouttheforthcomingchildofthegroom.Thiswouldcertainlyneedsome
goodacting,timingandrealism.Ifyoucanleavetheplacewithoutbeingexposedas
afraud(shouldn'tbetoohard),thenIamsurethegroomandbride'sweddingnight
isn'tgoingtobeveryjolly.
Speakingup
Anotherdirtytrickistogetintothechurch,watchtheceremony,waitinguntilthe
ministercometothepartabout``ifthereisanyoneinthisroomwhohasanythingto
sayaboutthismarriagetakingplace.''Okay,thisstuntwouldalsoneedquiteabitat
guts,butforsome,ifthatgroomorthebrideisanexloveryoufeelleftsomedebtin
therevengedepartment,thenmaybegettingupatthispoint,cussingoutboththe
participants,wouldn'tbetoofarfetched?Thegeniustouchhereisthatnobodywill
shutyouoff.Atthereceptionoratanytimelatertherewillbepeoplewhomightyell
backatyou,buthereinthechurchtheywon't.Anicetouchtothiswouldmaybebe
toclaimthatyouarealreadymarriedtothegroom/bride,andwithluckyoumight
preventthecouplefromgettingmarriedthatday.Thismightalsoleadtoanicenight
injailforyou,butthat'sadifferentstory.
Photographs
Awellknownurbanstorytellsaboutaweddingwherethegroom(orbride)goes
throughthewholeceremonyuntilthepartwherethecommitmentisabouttotake
place.Thegroomthenstopseveryoneandasksthemtotakealookatthepicture
undertheirchair(churchbench).Thepicturesupposedlyshowsthebrideinaction
withthebestmanthepreviousnight.Thegroomthenleavestheceremonywith
anotherwoman.

Epilogue
``Towinahundredvictoriesinahundredbattlesisnotthehighestexcellencethehighest
excellenceistosubduetheenemy'sarmywithoutfightingatall.''

SunTzu
I'vetriedtofocusontwothingsinparticularinthisbook.Theimplementationof
variousrevengeschemes,andanelaborationontheworstpitfallsandhowtosecure
yourpatharoundthemonyoumissionofvengeance.
IthasnotbeenmygoaltowritedowneveryrevengeschemeIcouldcomeupwith,
butratherdescribeafewofthemoresuccessfulones.Ihopethatyou,thereader,
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canusetheseasasourceofinspirationinyourquest,andthatyoucanbuildon
theseratherthanjustcopyingthem.Thebestrevengeschemesaretheoneswhich
fitthecrime,themarkandhisenvironmentandyoucan'tfindthatschemeinabook.
Anotherthingthatyoushouldbeawareofisthattheeffortspent,doesn'talways
yieldequalorjustifiedagonyforyourmark.Imagineapersonstrivingforhours
plottingsomethingthatmerelycausesthismarkafewmomentsofdiscomfort,a
situationthatsurelycausestheavengermoreagonythanthemark.Revengecan
alsobecomeanobsession,oftenseeninmoviesandbookswheretheavenger,
playingthebadguy,becomesobsessedwithrevengeandruinsbothhisownlifeand
thelifeofthemark.Thelinebetweenrevengeobsessionandthepsychoticisvery
indistinct.
Oftenpeoplewillfindpeaceintheirmindbyimaginingdoingsomethingtocause
theirmarkagony.Usuallythisseemstobeenough,anditisdefinitelytherapeutical.
Thefocusofacommitmentshouldbetogetasolutiontoaproblemoran
improvementofyoursituation,ratherthatjusthurtingyourmark.Thinkingrevenge
oftensolvesthepainyoumayexperienceinside,withoutcausingyourselforthe
markanyharm.
Ihopethishasbeenpleasantandentertainingreading.
PlD.Ekran
Troms,Norway,11October1999

Acknowledgements
``Whenwearestruckatwithoutareason,weshouldstrikebackagainveryhardIam
sureweshouldsohardastoteachthepersonwhostruckusnevertodoitagain.''

JaneEyre,byCharlotteBronte
Thisbookwasputtogetherandauthoredbyme,butthereweremanypeoplewho
helpedmedevelopit.
Thesocietyevenifitisconstantlychanging,thisbookwouldnothave
beenwrittenifitweren'tfortheenormousdisplayofcreativityshowninthis
newsgroups'earlydays.
TheUniversityofTromsnotjustfortryingtogivemeaneducation,butalsofor
givingmeaccesstotheInternet,hostingtheAvenger'sFrontPageduringits
developmentandforbeingmycurrentemployer.
Thequalityassuranceteamwithoutthepeoplewho'vereadthroughthisbook
correctingallmystrangeNorwegianjargon,youwouldprobablynotenjoyreading
thisbookatall.Theseskilledindividualsare:
ChipMattox,Cuda(Whoassistedmeonthelegalaspects),IanAtkin,
MichaelJ.Bennett,Napier,PerHaraldMyrvang(Agoodfriend,whoalso
didsomeheavyworkonthelayout),RinkoR.Parrot(Shadow),Robert
Berry,ShannonBuffett(Canadarulez),Sluggo,Starshipper,Stian
Morken(Maytheforcebewithyou)andYankee7.
Thetacticsinthisbookwerenotinventedbymealone,butbyhundredsofpeople
who'vecontributedtotheAvenger'sHandbookbyeitherpostingtheirideasto
orsendingthemdirectlytomebyemail.Withoutallofyou,thisbook
couldnothavebeenwritten.
Mysincerethanksgoesto:
A.J.R.,AaronCake,AlabamaBoo,AlanYoung,Albers,AlisonCole,
AlistairMacGuines,Allowed,AndrewBarg,AndrewMcCann,Arne
Sandness,Art,Batman,BadPunkGrl,BelinaJones,BenA.Ostrowsky,
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BilliePurcell,BillySoh,BjrnStenbakken,Bobbo,BrentVolden,Brian
Martinez,BrianSmithWhite,BrianN3UKG,C.H.Lund,C.Lynn
Ashworth,Cake,Cathleen,Gallagher,CharlesTrent,ChrisBurroughs,
ChrisHedemark,ChrisWilson,ChristopherG.Wakefield,Chuck,Crystal
V.Freitas,CrystalWillett,CyberKnight,DCrowder,DaleGee,Dale
Nurden,DaleWorley,DanSutton,DanD,Darren,DaveBushong,David
C.Hobbs,DavidGillies,DavidK.Bryant,DavidMorning,DavidT.
Witkowski,DavisSweeney,Deacon,DeniseLVoskuil,DerJeff,DiaBLo,
DianaBalance,Digitar,Dillotex,DonaldEQuigley,DougClayton,Drew
Patterson,DylanHayes.Eamon,EdButler,ElaineFord,Elsinepres,Emil
Rakoczy,EmilyNevermind,Evil,Flightline,FlorinCutzu,Formatc:,Frank
Reid,GenghisFloyd,George``Pinhead''Curtis,Ginnow,Gordon
Prioreschi,GregoryWiner,HaPpYKiLL,HarryConwi,Hellraiser,Hiram,
HoneyB16,Humdinger7,Iollus,IsraelSilverman,J.Kennedy,JRWinston,
JamesMartin,JamesMiles,JayC.Box,JenSue,Jennifer,Jeremy
Harrington,JeremyWinter,JimMichael,JoanTine,Joe,JoeParsons,
JodyHattersley,JohnArmstrong,JohnGentilozzi,JohnHein,JohnHong,
JohnL.Kinsella,JohnSmith,Joker,JoshJenkins,JunePeckingham,
JusticeX,KCWinstead,KarlAndersygard,Kellie,KeltonE.Ryan,
KennanFerguson,KennethMayer,Kfe,Kirby,L.A.Spangler,Lady
Gemini,LanceStahlberg,Lapierre,LarryCollins,LeeLorenz,LesterR.
WolthersJr,Loop,LoriOswald,Lyvo,MADMosher,MIT,Marian333,
MarkLanders,MarkLoop,MarkPeters,MarkW.Russell,Marko
Heiskanen,MartinHannigan,Matthew``TheRevenger'',MichaelBiddle,
MichaelLamb,MichaelP.Johnson,MichaelThomas,MikeSmith,
Morpheus,Mr.Twister,Muzz,NancyPasswater,NeilP.Montoya,
NetMonk,Obitus,OJ,Oleg,Pancho,Panhead,PatrickIBuchert,Patrick
Jost,PatrickLynch,PatrickMcAllen,Phinn,PrimeRisk,Qbranch2,
ROCO1,Rev.Etherboy,RichardPayne,RichardR.Moore,Richard
Snow,RobPeacock,RobVerzera,RobertBissett,RobertGoodwin,
RobinScott,RogerOrton,RogerSween,RoyStewart,Rugger,Samuel
Kaplin,SamuelTaradash,Scott,ScottAdams,ScottLittle,Shane,
Shivers,SimonWright,Skater4387,Skitzo,SkyRat,StephenBoursy,
SteveDavis,SteveLopez,SteveMcQueen,StevenC.Schultz,Steven
Minney,Stryk9,Stuart,StuartRansley,TapasPain,TheCheshireCat,
TheGreenJesus,TheGrinWithin,TheNovatoOnramp,TheWeekday
Warrior,ThomasGauldin,TimJ.Lavoie,Tmel,TobyLane,TomLine,
TroyHarnish,Turk,WarrenSavage,Werther,WilJamison,William
Barker,Wooly,XMan,Yankee7,tk421,andwhf2.
``Ifyouprickus,dowenotbleed?
Ifyoutickleus,dowenotlaugh?
Ifyoupoisonus,dowenotdie?
Andifyouwrongus,shallwenotrevenge?''

WilliamShakespeare,TheMerchantofVenice

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