Professional Documents
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LAURA HINTON
BLAZEVOX[BOOKS]
Buffalo, New York
BlazeVOX [ books ]
blazevox.org
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1
The sun dropped its leaf like a sun diary
turning its page to shadow . . . death closing in.
Barbara Guest, "Nighthawk"
bland
equipment
floats
body
lacking . . .
(any kind of
proper
suction . . .)
extra / ordinary
system . . .
counting . . .
liquids
Robert Thurman, trans., Tibetan Book of the Dead (New York: Bantam Books, 1993); from "a prayer for
the reality in-between.
15
in a rhythm like
mathematics . . .
wavering . . .
rivulets
greens
seem
appear . . .
night dreams
spreading
day dreams
wet basins . . .
leaking . . .
white
channel
fluids
"scene"
amplitude
or . . .
luminance
dissolve/ing
No humming, no camera
stops for the seeded glitter
a silver parole
via word stream, arrives
le rayol
calls for a sea screen
Typology of the bottom?
like lumire
voiceless
lumineuse
fluids to be female
So the feminine undertow might have sound not speech
I am the flesh of a cheek
moist I am
ing
Flotsam
debris
scandalizes
16
sink-
le littoral
we are
watching
water breasts
heaving . . .
I fancy it
a frog perpetuates
as if by shock
People on the beach
glow from here
appear / ing
float / ing
all say:
17
to fall in to
18
bermtter's Message
At 9:39 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time on August 9, a NYPD detective called my American cell
phone. That is, I believe a NYPD detective called my American cell phone. I didnt answer
my phone. I didn't recognize the 718 Brooklyn, New York, telephone prefix.
I was in Nice, France.
At 9:39 a.m. EDT, I was in a doctor's office in Nice, France. I was admiring a young woman's
newborn baby in a doctors office in Nice, France. I was talking and talking in Nice, France,
with this young woman in the doctors office. I was taking pictures of her newborn baby.
The young woman was about the age of my adult son. I was recalling my own son and
talking about him to this young woman with her newborn baby. I was talking about my
adult son not as a man but as a newborn baby like her own. I was remembering with
startling presence the emotion of loving my newborn sonas if my son, an adult, had just
been born.
All time collapses in the love of my son, at the time that a NYPD detective is calling me.
*
Actually, I do not know if a NYPD detective ever called me. Later, I did, in fact, call a NYPD
detective. He told me that he was very sorry that my son was dead.
When at 9:39 a.m. EDT on August 9, 2010, a strange Brooklyn number flashed on my
cellular phone screen, I assumed it was a mistake. I was in Nice, France.
A message was left on my cell phone.
The message is still on my cell phone. I do not erase it.
It has been a year now. I will not listen to the message. I will not erase it.
I have never listened to any message.
All time collapses . . . remains suspendedin another time.
*
Two days later, on August 10, 2010, my son's girlfriend told me via a different telephone that
my son was found in his room, in Brooklyn, New York, "not breathing."
19
20
21
ff
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Coroners Report
A boy who had a mother now is Case No. 431.
A boy who grew to be a beautiful man now is Body No. K10-3964 in the Brooklyn Morgue.
The Coroner's laboratory will take at least 6 weeks to process the toxicology report.
It will be at least 2 months before the Coroner's Report can be issued by City Hall.
I have to make 3 phone calls, visit 1 Police Precinct, and swear before 2 judges to get my
son's keys and wallet back. This takes nearly 2 months.
The mortician demands: How many copies of the Death Certificate do I want?
The chairman of the Graveyard Association wants to know: Will I buy 1 burial plot, or 2?
I wonder if we should keep the numbers down at graveside.
I wonder if 100 people can fit into 1 small room.
I wonder if 2 girlfriends1 current, 1 formercan fit into 1 small room.
I wonder if 8 beers over 10 hours can kill an adult male aged 32.
*
I am given a primer book on grief, in which a bereaved mother asks:
How many children do I now have3, or 2?
My son, my only child, is dead. Am I supposed to wonder:
am I still a mother?
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singing
Sleep tight my someone, sleep tight my love . . .
my love
my love
drift . . .
to sleep . . .
Phrases from "Goodnight, My Someone" (lyrics by Alan J. Lerner, copyright 1966); and Om Mani
Padme Hum, a Hindu mantra, meaning, in the words of Ram Dass, "God in unmanifest form is like a
jewel in the middle of a lotus, manifest in my heart." (See Ram Dass, The Only Dance There Is [New
York: Double Day, 1970]).
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higher
amplifier
25
Not / Night
First wedding night.
But first mourning night?
not falling asleep not falling into anything not real not
him not you not "person" / not "subject" just not
resting on this newly bought
french mattress au latex naturel raided from
some tree in the Amazonian jungle colonized by terrible terrible "au naturel"
stupid thoughtsson's childhood shrink said when i rejected
at night
had him
this night, my night dark dark
night previously was
reading he was still alive
i was
reading
mattress built for
comfort shell my body ononly
last night, poor Katherine of Aquitaine her prison her nunnery her loss
of inherited lands but it was Richard
Lion de Coeur her son, her heart-son, dead son, "Lyon," my darling, my darling
darkling
heart-boy
1
Roland
Barthes,
Mourning
Diary,
Richard
Howard,
trans.
(New
York:
Hill
and
Wang,
2012),
entry
born
on a mattressme, both
we all
disappear
or changebook
left my hand
on a French beach
me, swimming late rays
days, lounging
life story
huge
too huge
American
volume
in English
in this barricaderiches
swim-way
beach-comber's passage-ways
no no je ne sais pas
27
HURRY
disappear
the air . . .
moi . . .
like that
the water fountains
misted tourists
lived against
leads deepening
open
by words
not / night
over
*
night before nights
i weep over context
someone else's fate
to lose a boy
mon coeur
28
assuages
my own
HEART
doesn't
beat
he was
born
of my
chest
BEAT BEAT
the rhythm of the wail
the Reality of "3D"
newness
for him
of heart
(beat beat)
is this why i watched that man in the glasses on the floating mattress
29
in this ocean?
no compromise with Real (fake) song
not one even a Frenchman would throw
book a hefty weight
(i knew it could be found)
and you, in bed, dead weigh, sleeping, deep, usual, not your night
laying herei am a sunny Sunday, this son's day, i am not therei am
my nighttime, on a mattress, nightmare, reading about
an ancient queen's silent ancient
pain, crying
i am not
sleeping
i am not
gaining
anything awake
weeping is not altogether
this terrible terrible night of
deepest abject beautiful doorway opening so wide
in the dream that i feel the breeze yet i can't
even taste a tepid glass
of mother's milk
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