15 / 20

Great start !!! Just need more insight into HER thoughts & feelings. WHY did
she go her? WHY stay? Did anything good / bad happen to her or others?
What were they told to expect? How to interact. We need more DETAILS . . .
Caitlin Genord
Fi1170@wayne.edu
734-834-2224
Outsider Experience
14 January 2016
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER WORLD.
YOUR VOICE HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information

Wayne State University masters student Alani Letang said she traveled on a
missionary trip to Chicago during her spring break in 20-- when she was a
freshman at the University of Detroit Mercy.

She said she and her colleagues stayed in the Little Village neighborhood, an
area predominantly inhabited : > by a Mexican-Americans neighborhood and
also known as a port of entry for many incoming Latinos (C/K). [ya got the
she said attribution]

The Little Village felt like a scary and dangerous area, said Letang. I felt
unsafe when we were driving to the church we were staying at.

Letang said she immediately felt a cultural disconnect when she was driving
through the poor community that was suffering with from urban blight.

Every morning, we made sandwiches for homeless people that were served
out of a bread truck around dinnertime, said Letang. The crew attempted
to make sandwiches as often possible so there was a lot for us to give away.

Letang said Hispanic mothers and children would arrive at the church in the
late morning to sing family songs and receive tutoring.

The mothers were taught English and other activities, such as sewing, said
Letang. My colleagues and I were responsible for tutoring the children in
various subjects, particularly English.

Letang said she experienced a cultural disconnect with a Hispanic child when
she was teaching the child how to play an activity.

The child could not understand English well enough to understand the
directions to an activity, said Letang. There was a significant language
barrier and I wasnt able to describe to the little girl how to play the game.

Letang said after lunch was served, the mothers and children left the church
to attend another school or go home.

Around dinnertime, we would load the bread truck with all of the sandwiches
we made and venture to different areas to distribute the food, she said. We
traveled to many areas that made me feel unsafe.

Letang said she spoke to many of the people she encountered and gained a
different perspective of the people she encountered. WE NEED THESE
DETAILS TO END THE STORY

MOVE THIS earlier >I experienced a culture disconnect after I participated

in a picture with some of the children, said Letang. One of the children
made an inappropriate gang sign in the picture and I couldnt understand
how a child so young knew how to do a gang sign and physically use it in a
picture.

Ends abruptly : >

Can she sum up what she learned