10 Steps to Access Your Goodness and

Change Your Life

By Adi Redzic

Goodness is the only investment that never fails. ~Henry David Thoreau
A few years ago I found myself on the floor of my apartment with a bottle of Jack Daniels,
feeling miserable.
In fact, I had felt that way for a while. My four-year relationship had collapsed, work was
losing its meaning, and I felt deeply misunderstood, unloved, and lonely. Money was tight; I
was overweight, lethargic, and confused; and my future seemed blurry.
But then, something changed.
I decided to shift my perspective and see what my life would be like if I stopped beating
myself up over not being good enough and accepted who I was.
I made a decision that I am good and committed to testing this theory out. And it
worked!

Since years of self-rejection didnt do much for me, I had nothing to lose. My decision to
accept my own goodness transformed the way I saw and lived life. People were no longer
threatening and challenges became opportunities.
For example, when I didnt get into the grad school of my choice, instead of thinking of
myself as unworthy, I decided to view it as a sign that I was meant to do something slightly
different. (Years later this proved to be true, and I am so glad that things did not pan out as
expected.)
I also moved away from victimization to acceptance. I focused on taking care of myself.
Instead of beating myself up over missed deadlines or unachieved goals, I intentionally paid
attention to all that I didachieve every day.
I meditated and gave myself enough sleep, quality food, and exercise. I stopped watching a
lot of TV and read more. I also expressed gratitude and shared company with people who
enriched my life and reinforced my goodness.
Since then, my life has transformed and happiness has prevailed. As a result, I have become
a better partner, friend, and leader, and a more thoughtful human being.
I also began wondering what the world would look like if we all had an opportunity to
accept, embrace, and live out our own goodness. Can we all get there? The answer is
a resoundingyes! And here are some steps to do it.

1. Choose goodness.
Make a decision that you are fundamentally good, and commit to it. This sounds hard,
especially if you spent most of your life feeing the opposite. Start by saying several times out
loud I am good.
The voice inside your head may disagree, but remember: the voice you hear is not you; the
being that hears the voice is you. So, quiet the voice by asking, Why not? Then, play a
movie of your life and see if you can find a single example of your goodness.
Even if your emotions dont agree, use your intellect and then practice this exercise daily.
Your emotions will catch up. Just like with building muscles, it takes time, but this exercise
does work.

2. Understand goodness.

Being fundamentally good does not mean we wont make mistakes. I make plenty, all the
time. Being good means that we deserve good things in life, and we deserve love. With selflove, anything is possible.
If you have a hard time with this, think of your younger, innocent self. Does that being
deserve love? Or, think about yourself through the lens of someone who loves you. Why
would they love you so if you werent worthy?

3. Practice, practice, practice.

Deciding that you are good is hard, but acting on that awareness is even harder. Commit to
practice your goodness every single day. Catch yourself when you think negatively about
yourself. Make a plan to get yourself out of unhealthy relationships or break bad habits. Treat
yourself well, and demand that others do the same.

4. Develop rituals.
Take the time to journal, meditate, read inspirational books, pray, paint, volunteer, recite
poetry, or regularly engage in any activity that will remind you and reinforce your goodness.

5. Set up reminders.
Soon after I made my decision, I changed my license plates to read I AM GOOD. I knew I
would see it at least twice a day and be reminded of my newfound truth. Even on those
extraordinarily busy days when you miss your rituals, these small reminders will keep you on
track.

6. Talk to people.
Tell people about the concept of fundamental goodness. They will reaffirm its truth, or you
will change their life too. In either case, the right people will support you in your quest for
goodness.

7. Live boldly.
Give generously, love unconditionally, laugh loudly, and communicate openly. Whatever you
do, give it your all. Living in such a way will reinforce your goodness.
The paradox is that you cannot really live fully unless you believe in your own goodness. If
you dont believe in your fundamental goodness, you will constantly question your decisions,
your worthiness, the quality of your contribution, and other people too.

You are also likely to live with a lot of anxiety, which will consume you from time to time.
By actually doing more of giving, loving, laughing, communicating, and so on, you will be
reinforcing your own goodness and growing your belief in it.

8. Dream big and dare greatly.

When we focus on our struggles, we lose sight of the truly important things in life. On the
other hand, when we dream big and dare greatly, we have no choice but to trust our
goodness as we find ways to achieve our dreams and take risks.
Now, keep in mind that taking risks and daring greatly does not mean we pursue things that
might gain us approval of others; it means we seek out those things that matter the most to
us.
A lot of traditionally successful people are miserable and full of self-loathing. On the other
hand, a lot of obscure people are fully content and accomplished. Dreaming big means we
dream our own dreams, not those imposed by the society, our family, or someone else.

9. Stop questioning and get busy.

I love asking a why question. But dont ask a why that is harmful; ask a why that is
helpful. Dont ask, Why would I be good? Ask, Why wouldnt I be? And if you cant stop
questioning, make a decision and move on. Stop revisiting it.
Weve been conditioned to doubt ourselves. Doubt something else, but not your goodness.

10. Be mindful.
People often ask How are you? without waiting for a reply. Regardless, I love responding: I
am good! Its not so much for their benefit as it is for my own. The more I repeat it, the more
I believe in it.
Additionally, how I respond to this question is a good indicator of how I feel that day. My
response gives me a chance to catch myself. If I say, Im okay or Not too bad, thats a
sign something isnt quite right and I need to evaluate whats really happening.
That said, being fundamentally good and accepting this goodness does not mean that we
sometimes wont feel bad, get annoyed or angry, or even lash out. Just today, I got into an
argument with a good friend. We each said some hurtful things and I feel bad about it, but
that doesnt change the fact that we are both good.

Once upon a time, a Native American elder was telling his grandson a story of two wolves
that live in each one of us and wage a daily struggle for dominance in our lives.
One wolf is filled with love, joy, hope, peace, gratitude, optimism, generosity, understanding,
humility, kindness, truth, faith, and compassion. The other is a reflection of bitterness, envy,
anger, sorrow, guilt, greed, arrogance, self-pity, inferiority, lies, ego, selfishness, and
judgment.
Their struggle is constant, their determination to win unwavering.
So, which wolf wins? asked the grandson.
The grandfather responded, The one you feed.
We all have a choice to accept our own goodness and nurture it every day. We can all
embrace the best within us and choose happiness over sadness. Which wolf will you feed
today?