The Great Game

Chapter One
MINSK, BELARUS
(MAN SHOUTS COMMANDS)
SHERLOCK:@Just tell me what happened from the beginning.
B.BERWICK:@We had been to the bar, nice place, and, er, I got
chatting with one of the waitresses, and Karen werenft happy with
that, socwhen we get back to the hotel, we end up having a bit of a
ding-dong, donft we?
SHERLOCK:@(SIGHS)
B.BERWICK:@Shefs always getting at me, saying I werenft a real
man.
SHERLOCK:@Wasnft a real man.
B.BERWICK:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs not gwerenfth, itfs gwasnfth.
B.BERWICK:@Oh.
SHERLOCK:@Go on.
B.BERWICK:@Wellcthen I donft know how it happened but,
suddenly therefs a knife in my handscand you know me old man was
a butcher, so I know how to handle knives. He learned us how to cut up
a beast.
SHERLOCK:@Taught.
B.BERWICK:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Taught you how to cut up a beast.
B.BERWICK:@Yeah, well, then I done it.
SHERLOCK:@Did it.
B.BERWICK:@(SHOUTS) Did it! Stabbed her! Over and over and over,
and I looked down, and she werenftc Wasnftcmoving no more. Any
more. God help me. I dunno how it happened, but it was an accident, I
swear. Eh, youfve gotta help me, Mr Holmes! Everyone says youfre
the best. Without you...Ifll get hunged for this.
SHERLOCK:@No, no, Mr Berwick, not at all. Hanged, yes.

221B BAKER STREET

(GUN SHOTS)
JOHN:@What the hell are you doing?!
SHERLOCK:@Bored.
JOHN:@What?!

SHERLOCK:@Bored!
JOHN:@Noc
(GUN SHOT)
SHERLOCK:@Bored! (GUN SHOT) Bored! Donft know whatfs got
into the criminal classes. Good job Ifm not one of them.
JOHN:@So you take it out on the wall?
SHERLOCK:@Oh, the wall had it coming.
JOHN:@What about the Russian case?
SHERLOCK:@Belarus? Open and shut domestic murder. Not worth my
time.
JOHN:@Oh, shame. Anything in? Ifm starving. Oh, fc Itfs a head. A
severed head!
SHERLOCK:@Just tea for me, thanks.
JOHN:@No, therefs a head in the fridge.
SHERLOCK:@Yesc?
JOHN:@A bloody head!
SHERLOCK:@Where else was I supposed to put it? You donft mind,
do you?
JOHN:@Wellc
SHERLOCK:@Got it from Bartfs Morgue. Ifm measuring the
coagulation of saliva after death. See youfve written up the taxi driver
case.
JOHN:@Ercyes.
SHERLOCK:@A Study In Pink. Nice.
JOHN:@Well, you know. Pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There was a
lot of pink. Did you like it?
SHERLOCK:@Umcno.
JOHN:@Why not? I thought youfd be flattered.
SHERLOCK:@Flattered? gSherlock sees through everything and
everyone in seconds. Whatfs incredible though, is how spectacularly
ignorant he is about some things.h
JOHN:@Hang on a minute, I didnft mean that inc
SHERLOCK:@Oh, you meant gspectacularly ignoranth in a nice
way! Look, it doesnft matter to me whofs Prime Minister orc
JOHN:@Yeah, I know.
SHERLOCK:@Whofs sleeping with whoc
JOHN:@Whether the earth goes around the sun.
SHERLOCK:@Oh, God. That again. Itfs not important!
JOHN:@Not imporc? Itfs primary school stuff. How can you not
know that?
SHERLOCK:@Well, if I ever did, Ifve deleted it.
JOHN:@Deleted it?
SHERLOCK:@Listen. This is my hard drive, and it only makes sense to
put things in there that are useful. Really useful. Ordinary people fill
their heads with all kinds of rubbish. That makes it hard to get at the

stuff that matters. Do you see?

JOHN:@(PAUSE) But itfs the solar system!
SHERLOCK:@Oh, hell! What does that matter?! So, we go around this
sun. If we went around the moon, or round and round the garden like a
teddy bear, it wouldnft make any difference! All that matters to me is
the work! Without that, my brain rots. Put that in your blog. Or better
still, stop inflicting your opinions on the world. (JOHN LEAVES) Where
are you going?
JOHN:@Out! I need some air.
MRS HUDSON:@Oh! Sorry, love! (CHUCKLES) Woo-hoo! Have you
two had a little domestic? Ooh, itfs a bit nippy out there. He
shouldfve wrapped himself up a bit more.
SHERLOCK:@Look at that, Mrs Hudson. Quiet. Calm. Peaceful.
(SIGHS) Isnft it hateful?
MRS HUDSON:@Oh, Ifm sure something will turn up, Sherlock. A
nice murder. Thatfll cheer you up.
SHERLOCK:@Mmm. Canft come too soon.
MRS HUDSON:@Hey! What have you done to my bloody wall?! Ifm
putting this on your rent, young man.
(EXPLOSION BOOMS)

SARAHfS HOUSE
SARAH:@Morning.
JOHN:@Oh, mcmorning.
SARAH:@See, told you you should have gone with the Lilo.
JOHN:@No, no, no, itfs fine, I slept fine. Itfs very kind of you.
SARAH:@Well, maybe next time Ifll let you kip at the end of my bed,
you know.
TV NEWSREADER:@...which was discovered quietly moulderingc
JOHN:@What about the time after that?
TV NEWSREADER:@...18 months ago. Experts are hailing it as the
artistic find of the century and no-onec (THE LOST VERMEER)
SARAH:@So, do you want some breakfast?
JOHN:@Love some.
SARAH:@Yeah, well youfd better make it yourself because Ifm
going to have a shower.
TV NEWSREADER:@...it fetched over 20 million. This one is
anticipated to do even better. Back now to our main story. There has
been a massive explosion in central London. As yet there are no reports
of any casualties, and the police are unable to say if therefs any
suspicion of terrorist involvement. (News Live: House destroyed in
Baker Street)
JOHN:@Sarah!

TV NEWSREADER:@Police have issued an emergency numberc

JOHN:@Sarah!
TV NEWSREADER:@...for friends and relatives.
JOHN:@Sorry! Ifve got to run!

BAKER STREET
JOHN:@Excuse me, can I get through? Excuse me, can I get through?
I live over there. Sherlock! Sherlock!
SHERLOCK:@John.
JOHN:@I saw it on the telly. Are you OK?
SHERLOCK:@Me? What? Oh, yeah, fine. Gas leak, apparently.
(PLUCKS NOTE) I canft.
MYCROFT:@Canft?
SHERLOCK:@Stuff Ifve got on is just too big. I canft spare the time.
MYCROFT:@Never mind your usual trivia. This is of national
importance.
SHERLOCK:@Howfs the diet?
MYCROFT:@Fine. Perhaps you can get through to him, John?
JOHN:@What?
MYCROFT:@Ifm afraid my brother can be very intransigent.
SHERLOCK:@If youfre so keen, why donft you investigate it?
MYCROFT:@No, no, no, no, no. I canft possibly be away from the
office for any length of time. Not with the Korean elections soc Well,
you donft need to know about that, do you? Besides, a case like this, it
requiresclegwork.
SHERLOCK:@Howfs Sarah, John? How was the Lilo?
MYCROFT:@Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
SHERLOCK:@Oh, yes, of course.
JOHN:@Howc? Oh, never mind.
MYCROFT:@Sherlockfs business seems to be booming since you and
he becamecpals. Whatfs he like to live with? Hellish, I imagine.
JOHN:@Ifm never bored.
MYCROFT:@Good. Thatfs good, isnft it? Andrew West, known as
Westie to his friends. Civil servant. Found dead on the tracks at
Battersea station this morning with his head smashed in.
JOHN:@Jumped in front of a train?
MYCROFT:@Seems the logical assumption.
JOHN:@But?
MYCROFT:@But?
JOHN:@Well, you wouldnft be here if it was just an accident.
SHERLOCK:@Huh!
MYCROFT:@The MoD is working on a new missile defence system, the

Bruce-Partington Program, itfs called. The plans for it were on a

memory stick.
JOHN:@(CHUCKLES) That wasnft very clever.
MYCROFT:@Itfs not the only copy.
JOHN:@Oh.
MYCROFT:@But it is secret. And missing.
JOHN:@Top secret?
MYCROFT:@Very. We think West must have taken the memory stick.
We canft possibly risk it falling into the wrong hands. Youfve got to
find those plans, Sherlock. Donft make me order you.
SHERLOCK:@Ifd like to see you try.
MYCROFT:@Think it over. Goodbye, John.
JOHN:@Mm.
MYCROFT:@See you very soon.
JOHN:@Why did you lie? Youfve got nothing on. Not a single case.
Thatfs why the wall took a pounding. Why did you tell your brother
you were busy?
SHERLOCK:@Why shouldnft I?
JOHN:@Oh. Nice. Sibling rivalry. Now wefre getting somewhere.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
SHERLOCK:@Sherlock Holmes. Of course. How can I refuse?
Lestrade, Ifve been summoned. Coming?
JOHN:@If you want me to.
SHERLOCK:@Of course. Ifd be lost without my blogger.

Chapter Two

SCOTLAND YARD
DI LESTRADE:@You like the funny cases, donft you? The surprising
ones.
SHERLOCK:@Obviously.
DI LESTRADE:@Youfll love this. That explosion.
SHERLOCK:@Gas leak, yes?
DI LESTRADE:@No.
SHERLOCK:@No?
DI LESTRADE:@No. Made to look like one.
JOHN:@What?
DI LESTRADE:@Hardly anything left of the place, except a strongbox.
A very strong box, and inside it was this.

SHERLOCK:@You havenft opened it?

DI LESTRADE:@Itfs addressed to you, isnft it? Wefve X-rayed it.
Itfs not booby-trapped.
SHERLOCK:@How reassuring. Nice stationery. Bohemian.
DI LESTRADE:@What?
SHERLOCK:@From the Czech Republic. No fingerprints?
DI LESTRADE:@No.
SHERLOCK:@She used a fountain pen. Parker Duofold, Meridian nib.
JOHN:@She?
SHERLOCK:@Obviously.
JOHN:@Obviously.
(SHERLOCK OPENS THE ENVELOPE)
JOHN:@Thatfsc Thatfs the phone. The pink phone.
DI LESTRADE:@What, from The Study In Pink?
SHERLOCK:@Well, obviously, itfs not the same phone, but itfs
supposed to look likec Study In Pink, you read his blog?
DI LESTRADE:@Of course I read his blog. We all do. Do you really not
know that the Earth goes round the sun?
(DONOVAN SNIGGERS)
SHERLOCK:@Isnft the same phone. This onefs brand new.
Someonefs gone a lot of trouble to make it look like the same phone.
Which means your blog has a far wider readership.
(MESSAGE) You have one new message. (FIVE GREENWICH TIME
SIGNAL PIPS)
JOHN:@Was that it?
SHERLOCK:@No, thatfs not it.
DI LESTRADE:@What in the hell are we supposed to make of that? An
estate agentfs photo and the bloody Greenwich pips?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs a warning.
JOHN:@A warning?
SHERLOCK:@Some secret societies used to send dried melon seeds,
orange pips, things like that, five pips. Theyfre warning us itfs going
to happen again. Ifve seen this place before.
JOHN:@Hang on. Whatfs going to happen again?
SHERLOCK:@Boom!
BAKER STREET 221C
SHERLOCK:@Mrs Hudson!
MRS HUDSON:@You had a look, didnft you, Sherlock, when you first came

to see about your flat?

SHERLOCK:@The doorfs been opened. Recently.
MRS HUDSON:@No, canft be. Thatfs the only key. I canft get anyone
interested in this flat. Itfs the damp, I expect, thatfs the curse of basements.
Ifd a place once when I was first married. Black mould all up the wallc Oh.
Dear me.

JOHN:@Shoesc
DI LESTRADE:@Hefs a bomber, remember.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)@NUMBER BLOCKED
SHERLOCK:@Hello.
WOMAN:@H-Hellocsexy.
SHERLOCK:@Whofs this?
WOMAN:@(SOBS) Ifvecsent youca little puzzle. Just to say hi.
SHERLOCK:@Whofs talking? Why are you crying?
WOMAN:@Ic Ifm not crying. Ifm typing. And thiscstupid bitch is reading
it out.
SHERLOCK:@The curtain rises.
JOHN:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Nothing.
JOHN:@No, what did you mean?
SHERLOCK:@Ifve been expecting this for some time.
WOMAN:@12 hours to solvecmy puzzle, Sherlockc Or Ifm going to
becsocnaughty.

BARTSf LAB
JOHN:@So, who do you suppose it was?
SHERLOCK:@Hmm?
JOHN:@Woman on the phone, the crying woman.
SHERLOCK:@Oh, she doesnft matter, shefs just a hostage. No lead there.
JOHN:@For Godfs sake, I wasnft thinking about leads.
SHERLOCK:@Youfre not going to be much use to her.
JOHN:@Are they trying to trace it, trace the call?
SHERLOCK:@The bomberfs too smart for that. (MOBILE BEEPS) Pass me
my phone.
JOHN:@Where is it?
SHERLOCK:@Jacket. Careful!

JOHN:@Text from your brother.

SHERLOCK:@Delete it.
JOHN:@Delete it?
SHERLOCK:@Missile plans are out of the country now. Nothing we can do
about it.
(TEXT MESSAGE)@RE: BRUSE-PARTINGTON PLANS
Any progress on Andrew Westfs death?@Mycroft

JOHN:@Well, Mycroft thinks there is. Hefs texted you eight times. Must be
important.
SHERLOCK:@Then why didnft he cancel his dental appointment?
JOHN:@His what?
SHERLOCK:@Mycroft never texts if he can talk. Look, Andrew West stole the
missile plans, tried to sell them, got his head smashed in for his pains, end of
story. The only mystery is this, whyfs my brother so determined to bore me
when somebody else is being so delightfully interesting?
JOHN:@Try and remember therefs a woman who might die.
SHERLOCK:@What for? Therefs hospitals full of people dying, Doctor. Why
donft you go and cry by their bedside and see what good it does them?
(COMPUTER BEEPS) Ah!
MOLLY:@Any luck?
SHERLOCK:@Oh, yes.
JIM:@Oh, sorry. I didnftc
MOLLY:@Jim, hi! Come in! Come in! Jim, this is Sherlock Holmes.
JIM:@Ah.
MOLLY:@And, erc Sorry.
JOHN:@John Watson. Hi.
JIM:@Hi. So, youfre Sherlock Holmes. Mollyfs told me all about you. You
on one of your cases?
MOLLY:@Jim works in IT, upstairs. Thatfs how we met. Office romance.
SHERLOCK:@Gay.
MOLLY:@Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK:@Nothing. Um, hey.
JIM:@Hi. (CLATTERING) Sorry. Sorry! Well, Ifd better be off. Ifll see you at
the fox. About sixish?
MOLLY:@Yeah.
JIM:@Bye.
MOLLY:@Bye.
JIM:@It was nice to meet you.
JOHN:@You too.
MOLLY:@What do you mean, gay? Wefre together.
SHERLOCK:@And domestic bliss must suit you, Molly. Youfve put on three

pounds since I last saw you.

MOLLY:@Two-and-a-half.
SHERLOCK:@No, three.
JOHN:@Sherlock.
MOLLY:@Hefs not gay! Why do you have to spoilc? Hefs not!
SHERLOCK:@With that level of personal grooming?
JOHN:@Because he puts a bit of product in his hair? I put product in my hair.
SHERLOCK:@You wash your hair, therefs a difference. No, no, tinted
eyelashes, clear signs of taurine cream around the frown lines. Those tired
clubberfs eyes. Then therefs his underwear.
MOLLY:@His underwear?
SHERLOCK:@Visible above the waistline. Very visible. Very particular brand.
And that was the extremely suggestive fact that he just left his number under
this dish here. And Ifd say youfd better break it off now and save yourself
the pain.
JOHN:@Charming, well done.
SHERLOCK:@Just, saving her time. Isnft that kinder?
JOHN:@Kinder? No, no. Sherlock, that wasnft kind.
SHERLOCK:@Go on, then.
JOHN:@Hm?
SHERLOCK:@You know what I do. Off you go.
JOHN:@Ohc No.
SHERLOCK:@Go on.
JOHN:@Ifm not going to stand here so you can humiliate me while I try and
disseminatec
SHERLOCK:@An outside eye, a second opinion. Itfs very useful to me.
JOHN:@Yeah, right.
SHERLOCK:@Really.
JOHN:@Fine. (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, theyfre just a pair of shoes. Trainers.
SHERLOCK:@Good.
JOHN:@Umc Theyfre in good nick. Ifd say they were pretty new, except
the sole has been well worn, so the owner must have had them for a while. Er,
very e80s. Probably one of those retro designs.
SHERLOCK:@Youfre on sparkling form. What else?
JOHN:@Theyfre quite big. So, a manfs. Butc But therefs traces of a
name inside in felt-tip. Adults donft write their names inside their shoes, so
these belong to a kid.
SHERLOCK:@Excellent. What else?
JOHN:@Erc Thasfs it.
SHERLOCK:@Thatfs it.
JOHN:@How did I do?
SHERLOCK:@Well, John. Really well. I mean, you missed almost everything
of importance, but, you knowc The owner loved these. Scrubbed them clean.

Whitened them where they got discoloured. Changed the laces threecno, four
times. Even so, they are traces of his flaky skin where his fingers have come
into contact with them, so he suffered from eczema. The shoes are well worn,
more so on the inner side, which means the owner had weak arches. Britishmade, 20 years old.
JOHN:@20 years?
SHERLOCK:@Theyfre not retro, theyfre original. Limited edition, two blue
stripes, 1989.
JOHN:@Therefs still mud on them. They look new.
SHERLOCK:@Someonefs kept them that way. Quite a bit of mud caked on
the soles. Analysis shows itfs from Sussex with London mud overlaying it.
JOHN:@How do you know?
SHERLOCK:@Pollen. Clear as a map reference to me. South of the river, too.
So, the kid who owned these trainers came to London from Sussex 20 years
ago and left them behind.
JOHN:@So, what happened to him?
SHERLOCK:@Something bad. He loved those shoes, remember. Hefd never
leave them filthy. Wouldnft let them go unless he had to. So, a child with big
feet getsc Oh!
JOHN:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Carl Powers.
JOHN:@Sorry, who?
SHERLOCK:@Carl Powers, John.
JOHN:@What is it?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs where I began.

Chapter Three

CAB
SHERLOCK:@1987, young kid, champion swimmer, came up from
Brighton for a school sports tournament, drowned in the pool. Tragic
accident. You wouldnft remember it. Why should you?
JOHN:@ But you remember.
SHERLOCK:@Yes.
JOHN:@Something fishy about it?
SHERLOCK:@Nobody thought so. Nobody except me. I was only kid
myself. I read about it in the papers.
JOHN:@You started young, didnft you?
SHERLOCK:@The boy, Carl Powers, had some kind of fit in the water,
but by the time they got him out, it was too late. There was something
wrong somewhere and I couldnft get it out of my head.

JOHN:@What?
SHERLOCK:@His shoes.
JOHN:@What about them?
SHERLOCK:@They werenft there. I made a fuss. I tried to get the
police interested but nobody seemed to think it was important. Hefd
left all the rest of his clothes in his locker. But there was no sign of his
shoes. Until now.

221B BAKER STREET

JOHN:@Can I help? I want to help. Therefs only five hours left.
(MOBILE BEEPS)@Any developments?@Mycroft Holmes
JOHN:@Itfs your brother. Hefs texting me now. How does he know
my number?
SHERLOCK:@Must be a root canal.
JOHN:@Look, he did saycnational importance.
SHERLOCK:@Hmm! How quaint.
JOHN:@What is?
SHERLOCK:@You are. Queen and country.
JOHN:@You canft just ignore it.
SHERLOCK:@Ifm not ignoring it. Putting my best man onto it right
now.
JOHN:@Right, good. (CLEARS THROAT) Whofs that?

MYCROFTfS OFFICE
MYCROFT:@John, how nice! I was hoping it wouldnft be long. How
can I help you?
JOHN:@Thank you. Um, I was wanting toc Your brother sent me to
collect more facts about the stolen plans, the missile plans.
MYCROFT:@Did he?
JOHN:@Yes. Hefs investigating now. Hefs, ercinvestigating away.
Um, I just wondered what else you could tell me about the dead man.
MYCROFT:@Er, 27. Clerk at Vauxhall Cross. MI6. He was involved in

the Bruce-Parington Program in a minor capacity. Security checks AOK. No known terrorist affiliations or sympathies. Last seen by his
fiance 10.30 yesterday evening.
A.WEST:@Lucy, love, Ifve got to go out. Ifve got to see someone.
LUCY:@Westie!
JOHN:@He was found at Battersea, yes. So he got on the train?
MYCROFT:@No.
JOHN:@What?
MYCROFT:@He had an Oyster cardcbut it hadnft been used.
JOHN:@He must have bought a ticket.
MYCROFT:@Hm. There was no ticket on the body.
JOHN:@Thenc
MYCROFT:@Then how did he end up with a bashed-in brain on the
tracks at Battersea? That is the question, the one I was rather hoping
Sherlock would provide an answer to. Howfs he getting on?
JOHN:@Hefs fine. And it is goingcvery well. Hefs, umc Hefs
completely focused on it.

221B BAKER STREET

SHERLOCK:@Poison!
MRS HUDSON:@What are you going on about?
SHERLOCK:@Clostridium botulinum. Itfs one of the deadliest
poisons on the planet. Carl Powers!
JOHN:@Whac Are you saying he was murdered?
SHERLOCK:@Remember the shoelaces.
JOHN:@Mmm.
SHERLOCK:@The boy suffered from eczema. It would be the easiest
thing in the world to introduce the poison into his medication. Two
hours later he comes up to London, the poison takes effect, paralyses
the muscles and he drowns.
JOHN:@How come the autopsy didnft pick that up?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs virtually undetectable. Nobody would have been
looking for it. Therefs still tiny traces of it left inside the trainers from
where he put the cream on his feet.

(THE SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION POST)@ FOUND. Pair of trainers belonging

to Carl Powers (1978-1989)
Botulinum toxin still present. Apply 221b Baker St. (SUBMIT)

SHERLOCK:@Thatfs why they had to go.

JOHN:@So, how do we let the bomber know?
SHERLOCK:@Get his attention, stop the clock.
JOHN:@The killer kept the shoes all these years.
SHERLOCK:@Yes. Meaningc
JOHN:@Hefs our bomber.
(PHONE RINGS)
WOMAN:@(SOBS) Well done, you. Come and get me.
SHERLOCK:@Where are you? Tell us where you are.

SCOTLAND YARD
DI LESTRADE:@She lives in Cornwall. Two men broke in wearing
masks, forced her to drive to the car park and decked her out in enough
explosives to take down a house. Told her to phone you. Check the readout from this, pager.
SHERLOCK:@If she deviated by one word, the sniper would set her
off.
JOHN:@Or if you hadnft solved the case.
SHERLOCK:@Ohc Elegant.
JOHN:@Elegant?
DI LESTRADE:@What was the point? Why would anyone do this?
SHERLOCK:@Ohc I canft be the only person in the world that gets
bored.
(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS) You have one new message. (FOUR
GREENWICH TIME SIGNAL PIPS)
JOHN:@Four pips.
SHERLOCK:@First test passed, it would seem. Herefs the second.
Itfs abandoned, wouldnft you say?
DI LESTRADE :@Ifll see if itfs been reported.
SGT DONOVAN:@Freak, itfs for you.
SHERLOCK:@Hello.

MAN:@Itfs OK that youfve gone to the police.

SHERLOCK:@Who is this? Is this you again?
MAN:@But donft rely on them. Clever you. Guessing about Carl
Powers. I never liked him. Carl laughed at me so I stopped him
laughing.
SHERLOCK:@Youfve stolen another voice, I presume.
MAN:@This is about you and me.
SHERLOCK:@Who are you? Whatfs that noise?
MAN:@Itfs the sound of life, Sherlock. But donft worry. I can soon
fix that. You solved my last puzzle in nine hours. This time, you have
eight.
DI LESTRADE:@Great. Wefve found it.

DI LESTRADE:@The car was hired yesterday morning by an Ian

Monkford. Banker of some kind. City boy. Paid in cash. Told his wife he
was going away on a business trip and he never arrived.
SGT DONOVAN:@Youfre still hanging round him.
JOHN:@Yeah, wellc
SGT DONOVAN:@Opposites attract, I sfpose.
JOHN:@No, wefre notc
SGT DONOVAN:@You should get yourself a hobby. Stamps, maybe.
Model trains. Safer.
DI LESTRADE:@Before you ask, yes, itfs Monkfordfs Blood. DNA
checks out.
SHERLOCK:@No body.
SGT DONOVAN:@Not yet.
SHERLOCK:@Get a sample sent to the lab.
SGT DONOVAN:@Ohc
SHERLOCK:@Mrs Monkford.
MRS MONKFORD:@Yes. Sorry, but Ifve already spoken with two
policemen.
JOHN:@Wefre not from the police, wefrec
SHERLOCK:@(TEARFULLY) Sherlock Holmes. Very old friend of your
husbandfs. We, umc We grew up together.
MRS MONKFORD:@Ifm sorry. Who? I donft think he ever
mentioned you.

SHERLOCK:@Oh, he must have done. This isc This is horrible, isnft

it? I mean, I just canft believe it. I only saw him the other day. Same
old Ian. Not a care in the world.
MRS MONKFORD:@Sorryc My husband has been depressed for
months. Who are you?
SHERLOCK:@Really strange that he hired a car. Why would he do
that? Itfs a bit suspicious, isnft it?
MRS MONKFORD:@No, it isnft. He forgot to renew the tax on the
car, thatfs all.
SHERLOCK:@Ah, well! That was Ian. That was Ian all over.
MRS MONKFORD:@No, it wasnft.
SHERLOCK:@(NORMAL VOICE) Wasnft it? Interesting.
MRS MONKFORD:@Who was I talking to?
JOHN:@Why did you lie to her?
SHERLOCK:@People donft like telling you things. They love to
contradict you. Past tense, did you notice?
JOHN:@Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK:@I referred to her husband in the past tense. She joined
in. Bit premature. Theyfve only just found the car.
JOHN:@You think she murdered her husband?
SHERLOCK:@Definitely not. Thatfs not a mistake a murderer would
make.
JOHN:@I seec No, I donft. What am I seeing?
SGT DONOVAN:@Fishing. Try fishing.
JOHN:@Yeah. Where now?
SHERLOCK:@Janus Cars. Just found this in the glove compartment.

JANUS CARS
MR EWART:@Canft see how I can help you gentlemen.
JOHN:@Mr Monkford hired the car from you yesterday.
MR EWART:@Yeah, lovely motor. Mazda RX8. Wouldnft mind one of
them myself.
SHERLOCK:@Is that one?
MR EWART:@No, theyfre all jags. I can see youfre not a car man,
eh!
SHERLOCK:@But surely you can afford one, a Mazda, I mean.
MR EWART:@Yeah, thatfs a fair point. You know how it is. Itfs like

working in a sweet shop. Once you start picking up the Liquorice

Allsorts, when does it all stop, eh?
JOHN:@You didnft know Mr Monkford.
MR EWART:@No, he was just a client. He came in here and hired one
of my cars. No idea what happened to him. Poor sod.
SHERLOCK:@Nice holiday, Mr Ewart?
MR EWART:@Eh?
SHERLOCK:@You have been away, havenft you?
MR EWART:@Oh, thec No, itfs sunbeds, Ifm afraid, yeah. Too busy
to get away. My wife would love it, though, bit of sun.
SHERLOCK:@Have you got any change for the cigarette machine?
MR EWART:@What?
SHERLOCK:@I noticed one on the way in and I havenft got any
change. Ifm gasping.
MR EWART:@Um, ohc No, sorry.
SHERLOCK:@Oh, well. Thank you very much for your time, Mr Ewart.
Youfve been very helpful. Come on, John.
JOHN:@Ifve got change, if you still want toc
SHERLOCK:@Nicotine patches. Remember? Ifm doing well.
JOHN:@So, what was that all about?
SHERLOCK:@I needed to look inside his wallet.
JOHN:@Why?
SHERLOCK:@Mr Ewartfs a liar.

BARTSf LAB
(PHONE RINGS)
SHERLOCK:@Hello.
MAN:@The cluefs in the name, Janus Cars.
SHERLOCK:@Why would you be giving me a clue?
MAN:@Why does anyone do anything? Because Ifm bored. We were
made for each other, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK:@Then talk to me in your own voice.
MAN:@Patience.
Chapter Four

SHERLOCK:@How much blood was on that seat, would you say?

DI LESTRADE:@How much? About a pint.
SHERLOCK:@Not about. Exactly a pint. That was their first mistake.
The bloodfs definitely Ian Monkfordfs but itfs been frozen.
DI LESTRADE:@Frozen?
SHERLOCK:@There are clear signs. I think Ian Monkford gave a pint
of his blood some time ago and thatfs what they spread on the seat.
JOHN:@Who did?
SHERLOCK:@Janus Cars. The cluefs in the name.
JOHN:@The god with two faces?
SHERLOCK:@Exactly. They provide a very special service. If youfve
got any kind of a problem, money troubles, bad marriage, whatever,
Janus Cars will help you disappear. Ian Monkford was up to his eyes in
some kind of trouble, financial at a guess, hefs a banker, couldnft see
a way out. But if he were to vanish, if the car he hired was found
abandoned with his blood all over the driverfs seatc
JOHN:@So where is he?
SHERLOCK:@Colombia.
DI LESTRADE:@Colombia?
SHERLOCK:@Mr Ewart, of Janus Cars, had a 20,000 Colombian peso
note in his wallet. Quite a bit of change, too. He told us he hadnft been
abroad recently, but when I asked him about the cars, I could see his
tan line clearly. No-one wears a shirt on a sunbed. That, plus his arm.
DI LESTARDE:@His arm?
SHERLOCK:@He kept scratching it. Obviously irritating him, and
bleeding. Why? Because hefd recently had a booster jab. Hep-B
probably. Difficult to tell at that distance. Conclusion, hefd just come
back from settling Ian Monkford into his new life in Colombia. Mrs
Monkford cashes in the life insurance, and she splits it with Janus Cars.
JOHN:@Mrs Monkford?
SHERLOCK:@Oh, yes. Shefs in on it too. Now, go and arrest them,
Inspector, thatfs what you do best. We need to let our friendly bomber
know that the case is solved. I am on fire!

221B BAKER STREET

(THE SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION POST)@Congratulations to Ian Monkford on

his relocation to Colombia. (SUBMIT)

(MOBILE RINGS)
MAN:@He sayscyou can come and fetch me. Help. Help me, please!

RESTAURANT
SHERLOCK:@Feeling better?
JOHN:@To be honest, wefve hardly stopped for breath since this
thing started. Has it occurred to youc?
SHERLOCK:@Probably.
JOHN:@No, has it occurred to you that the bomberfs playing a game
with you? The envelope, breaking into the other flat, the dead kidfs
shoes, itfs all meant for you.
SHERLOCK :@Yes, I know.
JOHN:@Is it him, then? Moriarty?
SHERLOCK :@Perhaps.
(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS) (THREE PIPS)
SHERLOCK :@That could be anybody.
JOHN:@Well, it could be, yeah. Lucky for you, Ifve been more than a
little unemployed.
SHERLOCK:@How dfyou mean?
JOHN:@Lucky for you, Mrs Hudson and I watch far too much telly.
TV C.PRINCE:@...Thank you, Tyra! Doesnft she look lovely,
everybody, now?
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
TV C.PRINCE:@Anywayc Speaking of silk pursesc
SHERLOCK:@Hello?
WOMAN:@This onecis a bitcdefective. Sorry. Shefs blind. This
isca funny one. Ifll give youc12 hours.
SHERLOCK:@Why are you doing this?
WOMAN:@I likecto watch youcdance. (GASPS)
TV C.PRINCE:@And I see youfre back to your bad habits.
TV REPORTER:@...continuing into the sudden death of the popular TV
personality Connie Prince. Miss Prince, famous for her makeover

programmes, was found dead two days ago by her brother in the house
they shared in Hamc(Make-over Queen Connie Prince dead at 48)

BARTSf MORGUE
DI LESTRADE:@Connie Prince, 54, she had one of those makeover
shows on the telly. Did you see it?
SHERLOCK:@No.
DI LESTRADE:@Very popular, she was going places.
SHERLOCK:@Not any more. So, dead two days. According one of her
staff, Raoul de Santos, she cut her hand on a rusty nail in the garden.
Nasty wound. Tetanus bacteria enters the bloodstream...good night,
Vienna.
JOHN:@I sfpose.
SHERLOCK:@Somethingfs wrong with this picture.
DI LESTRADE:@Eh?
SHERLOCK:@Canft be as simple as it seems, otherwise the bomber
wouldnft be directing us towards it. Somethingfs wrong. John?
JOHN:@Mm.
SHERLOCK :@Cut on her hand, itfs deep. Would have bled a lot,
right?
JOHN:@Yeah.
SHERLOCK:@But the woundfs clean. Very clean, and fresh. How
long would the bacteria have been incubating inside her?
JOHN:@Ooh, eight, ten days. The cut was made later.
DI LESTRADE:@After she was dead?
SHERLOCK:@Must have been. The only question is, how did the
tetanus enter the dead womanfs system? You want to help, right?
JOHN:@Of course.
SHERLOCK:@Connie Princefs background, family history,
everything, give me data.
JOHN:@Right.
DI LESTRADE:@Therefs something else that we havenft thought of.
SHERLOCK:@Is there?
DI LESTRADE:@Yes. Why is he doing this, the bomber? If this
womanfs death was suspicious, why point it up?
SHERLOCK:@Good Samaritan.

DI LESTRADE:@Who press-gangs suicide bombers?

SHERLOCK:@Bad Samaritan.
DI LESTRADE:@Ifmc Ifm serious, Sherlock. Listen, Ifm cutting
you slack here, Ifm trusting you, but out there somewhere, some poor
bastardfs covered in Semtex and hefs just waiting for you to solve the
puzzle, so just tell me, what are we dealing with?
SHERLOCK:@Something new.

221B BAKER STREET

SHERLOCK:@Connection, connection, connection. There must be a
connection. Carl Powers, killed 20 years ago. The bomber knew him,
admitted that he knew him. The bomberfs iPhone was in the stationery
from the Czech Republic. The first hostage from Cornwall, the second
from London, the third from Yorkshire, judging by her accent. Whatfs
he doing? Working his way round the world, showing off?
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)@NUMBER BLOCKED
WOMAN:@Youfre enjoying this, arenft you? Joining thecdots.
Three hours. Boomcboom.

THE PRINCEfS
K.PRINCE:@Wefre devastated, of course we are.
RAOUL:@Can I get you anything, sir?
JOHN:@Er, no. No, thanks.
K.PRINCE:@Raoul is my rock. I donft think I could have managed.
We didnft always see eye to eyecbut my sister was very dear to me.
JOHN:@And to the, er, public, Mr Prince.
K.PRINCE:@Oh, she was adored. Ifve seen her take girls who looked
like the back end of Routemasters and turn them into princesses. Still,
itfs a relief, in a way, to know that shefs beyond this veil of tears.
(CAT PURRS)
JOHN:@Absolutely.

221B BAKER STREET

SHERLOCK:@Great. Thank you. Thanks again.
MRS HUDSON:@Itfs a real shame. I liked her. She taught how to do
your colours.
DI LESTRADE:@Colours?
MRS HUDSON:@You know, what goes best with what. I should never
wear cerise, apparently. Drains me.
DI LESTRADE:@Whofs that?
SHERLOCK:@Home Office.
DI LESTRADE:@Home Office?
SHERLOCK:@Well, Home Secretary, actually. Owes me a favour.
MRS HUDSON:@She was a pretty girl, but she messed about with
herself too much. They all do these days. People can hardly move their
faces. Itfs silly, isnft it? (LAUGHS) Did you ever see her show?
SHERLOCK:@Not until now.
C.PRINCE:@You look pasty, love.
K.PRINCE:@Ah, rained every day but onec
MRS HUDSON:@Thatfs the brother. No love lost there, if you can
believe the papers.
SHERLOCK:@So I gather. Ifve just been having a very fruitful chat
with people who love this show. The fan sitefs indispensable for gossip.
C.PRINCE:@...really only one thing we can do with that ensemble,
donft you think, girls? Off, off, off, off, off, off, off!

THE PRINCE'S
JOHN:@Yeah, itfs more common than people think. The tetanus is in
the soil, people cut themselves on rose bushes, garden forks, that sort
of thing, if left unctreatedc
K.PRINCE:@I donft know what Ifm going to do now.
JOHN:@Right.
K.PRINCE:@I mean, shefs left me this placecwhich is lovelycbut
itfs not the same without her.
JOHN:@Thatfs whycmy paper wanted to get the, ermcthe full story
straight from the horsefs mouth. Are you sure itfs not too soon?

K.PRINCE:@No.
JOHN:@Right.
K.PRINCE:@You fire away.

221B BAKER STREET

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
SHERLOCK:@John.
JOHN:@Hi. Look, get over here quickly. I think Ifm onto something.
Youfll need to pick up some stuff first. Have you got a pen?
SHERLOCK:@Ifll remember.

THE PRINCE'S
JOHN:@Thatfll be him.
K.PRINCE:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Ah, Mr Prince, isnft it?
K.PRINCE:@Yes.
SHERLOCK:@Very good to meet you.
K.PRINCE:@Yes, thank you.
SHERLOCK:@So sorry to hear aboutc
K.PRINCE:@Yes, yes, very kind.
JOHN:@Shall we, erc? (CLEARS THROAT) You were right, the
bacteria got into her another way.
SHERLOCK:@Oh, yes?
JOHN:@Yes.
K.PRINCE:@Right, are we all set?
JOHN:@Er, yes. Shall we, ermc?
K.PRINCE:@Er, not too close. Ifm raw from crying.
(CAT MIAOWS)
SHERLOCK:@Oh, whofs this?
K.PRINCE:@Sekhmet. Named after the Egyptian goddess.
SHERLOCK:@How nice. Was she Conniefs?
K.PRINCE:@Yes, a little present from yours truly.
JOHN:@Sherlock, light reading?

SHERLOCK:@Oh, erc
K.PRINCE:@Bloody hell! What are you playing at?
JOHN:@Sorry!
K.PRINCE:@Youfre like Laurel and bloody Hardy, you two! Whatfs
going on?
JOHN:@Actually, I think wefve got what we came for. Excuse us.
K.PRINCE:@What?
JOHN:@Sherlock.
SHERLOCK:@What?
JOHN:@Wefve got deadlines.
K.PRINCE:@But youfve not taken anything!
JOHN:@(LAUGHS) Yes! Ooh, yes!
SHERLOCK:@You think it was the cat, it wasnft the cat.
JOHN:@What? Yes. Yeah, it is. It must be. Itfs how he got the tetanus
into her system. Its paws stink of disinfectant.
SHERLOCK:@Lovely idea.
JOHN:@No, he coated it onto the claws of her cat. Itfs a new pet,
bound to be a bit jumpy around her. A scratch is almost inevitable. She
wouldnftc
SHERLOCK:@I thought of it the minute I saw the scratches on her
arm, but itfs too random and too clever for the brother.
JOHN:@He murdered his sister for her money.
SHERLOCK:@Did he?
JOHN:@Didnft he?
SHERLOCK:@Nope. It was revenge.
JOHN:@Revc? Who wanted revenge?
SHERLOCK:@Raoul, the houseboy. Kenny Prince was the butt of his
sisterfs jokes week in, week out. Virtual bullying campaign. Finally, he
had enough, fell out with her badly. Itfs all on the website. She
threatened to disinherit Kenny, Raoul had grown accustomed to a
certain lifestylec
JOHN:@Wait. Wait! Wait a second. What about the disinfectant, then,
on the catfs claws?
SHERLOCK:@Raoul keeps a very clean house. You came through the
kitchen door, saw the state of that floor, scrubbed within an inch of its
life. You smell of disinfectant. I know the cat doesnft come into it.
Raoulfs internet records do, though. I hope we can get a cab from
here.

Chapter Five
SCOTLAND YARD
SHERLOCK:@Raoul de Santos is your killer. Kenny Princefs
houseboy. Second autopsy shows it wasnft tetanus that poisoned
Connie Prince, it was botulinum toxin. Wefve been here before. Carl
Powers. Tut-tut. Our bomberfs repeated himself.
DI LESTRADE:@So howfd he do it?
SHERLOCK:@Botox injection.
DI LESTRADE:@Botox?
SHERLOCK:@Botox is a diluted form of botulinum. Among other
things, Raoul de Santos was employed to give Connie her regular facial
injections. My contact at the Home Office gave me the complete records
of Raoulfs internet purchases. Hefs been bulk ordering Botox for
months. Bided his time, then upped the strength to a fatal dose.
DI LESTRADE:@Are you sure about this?
SHERLOCK:@Ifm sure.
DI LESTRADE:@All right, my office.
JOHN:@Hey, Sherlock, how long?
SHERLOCK:@What?
JOHN:@How long have you known?
SHERLOCK:@Well, this one was quite simple. And actually like I said,
the bomber repeated himself. That was a mistake.
JOHN:@No, but, Sherlock, the hostage, the old woman, shefs been
there all this time!
SHERLOCK:@I knew I could save her. I also knew that the bomber
had given us 12 hours. I solved the case quickly, that gave me time to
get on with other things. Donft you see? Wefre one up on him!
(THE SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION POST)@Raoul de Santos, the house-boy,
botox. (SUBMIT)

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

SHERLOCK:@Hello.
WOMAN:@Help me!
SHERLOCK:@Tell us where you are. Address.
WOMAN:@He was soc His voicec
SHERLOCK:@No, no, no, no! Tell me nothing about him, nothing.
WOMAN:@He sounded so soft...
(DIALLING TONE)
SHERLOCK:@Hello?
DI LESTRADE:@Sherlock?
JOHN:@Whatfs happened?

221B BAKER STREET

TV REPORTER:@The explosion, which ripped through several floors,
killing 12 peoplec (12 dead in gas explosion)
JOHN:@Old block of flats.
TV REPORTER:@...caused by a faulty gas main. A spokesman from the
utility companyc
JOHN:@He certainly gets about.
SHERLOCK:@Well, obviously I lost that round. Although technically, I
did solve the case. He killed the old lady because she started to
describe him. Just once, he put himself in the firing line.
JOHN:@What dfyou mean?
SHERLOCK:@Well, usually, hecmust stay above it all. He organises
these things, but no-one ever has direct contact.
JOHN:@What, like the Connie Prince murder, he arranged that? So,
people come to him wanting their crimes fixed up, like booking a
holiday?
SHERLOCK:@Novel.
JOHN:@Huh!
SHERLOCK:@Taking his time this time.
JOHN:@Anything on the Carl Powers case?
SHERLOCK:@Nothing. All the living classmates check out spotless, no
connection.
JOHN:@Maybe the killer was older than Carl?
SHERLOCK:@The thought had occurred.
JOHN:@So why is he doing this, then? Playing this game with you. Do
you think he wants to be caught?
SHERLOCK:@I think he wants to be distracted.
JOHN:@Ohc I hope youfll be very happy together.
SHERLOCK:@Sorry, what?
JOHN:@There are lives at stake, Sherlock! Actual human lives! Just so
I know, do you care about that at all?
SHERLOCK:@Will caring about them help save them?
JOHN:@Nope.
SHERLOCK:@Then Ifll continue not to make that mistake.
JOHN:@And you find that easy, do you?
SHERLOCK:@Yes, very. Is that news to you?
JOHN:@No, no.
SHERLOCK:@Ifve disappointed you.
JOHN:@Thatfs good, thatfs a good deduction, yeah.
SHERLOCK:@Donft make peoples in to heroes, John. Heroes donft
exist, and if they did, I wouldnft be one of them.
(MOBILE PHONE BEEPS)

SHERLOCK:@Excellent. A view of the Thames. South Bank,

somewhere between Southwark Bridge and Waterloo. You check the
papers, Ifll look online. Oh, youfre angry with me, so you wonft help.
Not much cop, this caring lark.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Search: Thames + High Tide + Riverside
Local News: Waterloo

JOHN:@Archway suicidec
SHERLOCK:@Ten-a-penny.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Local News: Battersea@No new reports
JOHN:@Two kids stabbed in Stoke Newington.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Thames Police Reports: Duty Log@No report
JOHN:@Ah, man found on the train line, Andrew West.
SHERLOCK:@Nothing! (ON PHONE) Itfs me. Have you found
anything on the South Bank between Waterloo Bridge and Southwark
Bridge?

DI LESTRADE:@Do you reckon this is connected then, the bomber?

SHERLOCK:@Must be. Odd, though, he hasnft been in touch.
DI LESTRADE:@Then we must assume that some poor buggerfs
primed to explode, yeah?
SHERLOCK:@Yes.
DI LESTRADE:@Any ideas?
SHERLOCK:@Seven, so far.
DI LESTRADE:@Seven?
JOHN:@Hefs dead about 24 hours. Maybe a bit longer. Did he
drown?
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Interpol: Regional Activities
DI LESTRADE:@Apparently not. Not enough of the Thames in his
lungs, asphyxiated.
JOHN:@Yes, Ifd agree.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Czech Republic: Most Wanted
JOHN:@Therefs quite a bit of bruising around the nose and mouth.
More bruiseschere and here.

SHERLOCK:@Fingertips.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Missing Persons
JOHN:@Hefs late 30s, Ifd say, not in the best condition.
SHERLOCK:@Hefs been in the river a long while the waterfs
destroyed most of the data. But Ifll tell you one thing, that lost
Vermeer paintingfs a fake.
DI LESTRADE:@What?
SHERLOCK:@We need to identify the corpse, find out about his
friends andc
DI LESTRADE:@Wait, wait, wait, wait. What painting? What are you
on about?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs all over the place, havenft you seen the posters?
Dutch old master, supposed to have been destroyed centuries ago. Now
itfs turned up, worth 30 million.
DI LESTRADE:@OK, so what has that got to do with the stiff?
SHERLOCK:@Everything. Have you ever heard of the Golem?
DI LESTRADE:@Golem?
JOHN:@Itfs a horror story, isnft it? What are you saying?
SHERLOCK:@Jewish folk story, a gigantic man made of clay, itfs also
the name of an assassin. Real name, Oskar Dzundza. One of the
deadliest assassins in the world. That is his trademark style.
DI LESTRADE:@So this is a hit?
SHERLOCK:@Definitely. The Golem squeezes the life out of his victims
with his bare hands.
DI LESTRADE:@But what has this got to do with painting? I donft
seec
SHERLOCK:@You do see, you just donft observe!
JOHN:@Yes, all right, all right, girls. Calm down. Sherlock, do you
want to take us through it?
SHERLOCK:@What do we know about this corpse? The killerfs not
left us with much, just the shirt and the trousers. Theyfre pretty
formal, maybe he was going out for the night. The trousers are heavy
duty. Polyester, nasty, same as the shirt, cheap. Theyfre both too big
for him. So some kind of standard-issue uniform. Dressed for work,
then. What kind of work? Therefs a hook on this beltcfor a walkietalkie.
DI LESTRADE:@Tube driver?
JOHN:@Security guard?
SHERLOCK:@More likely. Thatfll be borne out by his backside.
DI LESTRADE:@Backside?!
SHERLOCK:@Flabby, youfd think he led a sedentary life. Yet the
soles of his feet and the nascent varicose veins in his legs show
otherwise. So, a lot of walking and a lot of sitting around. Security

guardfs looking good. The watch helps too. The alarm shows he did
regular night shifts.
DI LESTRADE:@Why regular? Maybe he set his alarm like that the
night before he died?
SHERLOCK:@No, no, no. The buttons are stiff, hardly touched. He set
his alarm like that a long time ago, his routine never varied. But
therefs something else. The killer must have been interrupted,
otherwise he would have stripped the corpse completely. There was
some kind of badge or insignia on the shirt front that he tore off,
suggesting the dead man works somewhere recognisable, some kind of
institution. I found this inside his trouser pockets. Sodden by the river,
but still recognisablyc
JOHN:@Tickets?
SHERLOCK:@Ticket stubs. He worked in a museum or gallery. Did a
quick check. The Hickman Gallery has reported one of its attendants as
missing, Alex Woodbridge. Tonight, they unveil the rediscovered
masterpiece. Now, why would anyone want to pay the Golem to
suffocate a perfectly ordinary gallery attendant? Inference, the dead
man knew something about it, something that would stop the owner
getting paid 30 million. The pictures are fake.
JOHN:@Fantastic.
SHERLOCK:@Meretricious.
DI LESTRADE:@And a Happy New Year.
JOHN:@Poor sod.
DI LESTRADE:@Ifd better get my feelers out for this Golem
character.
SHERLOCK:@Pointless, youfll never find him, but I know a man who
can.
DI LESTRADE:@Who?
SHERLOCK:@Me.

CAB
SHERLOCK:@Why hasnft he phoned? Hefs broken his pattern.
Why? Waterloo Bridge.
JOHN:@Where now, the gallery?
SHERLOCK:@In a bit.
JOHN:@The Hickmanfs contemporary art, isnft it? Why have they
got hold of an old master?
SHERLOCK:@Donft know. Dangerous to jump to conclusions. Need
datac Stop! Can you wait here? I wonft be a moment.
JOHN:@Sherlock?
WOMAN:@Change? Any change?

SHERLOCK:@What for?
WOMAN:@Cup of tea, of course.
SHERLOCK:@Here you go, a 50.
WOMAN:@Thanks.
JOHN:@What are you doing?
SHERLOCK:@Investing. Now we go to the gallery. Have you got any
cash?
SHERLOCK:@No, I need you to find out all you can about the gallery
attendant. Lestrade will give you the address.
JOHN:@OK.
Chapter Six

A.WOODBRIDGEfS FLAT
WOMAN:@Wefd been sharing about a year. Just sharing.
JOHN:@Mmm. May I?
WOMAN:@Yeah.
JOHN:@Sorry. Stargazer, was he?
WOMAN:@God, yeah. Mad about it. Itfs all he ever did in his spare
time. He was a nice guy, Alex. I liked him. He was, ercnever much of a
one for hoovering.
JOHN:@What about art? Did he know anything about that?
WOMAN:@It was just a job, you know?
JOHN:@Mmm. Has anyone else been round asking about Alex?
WOMAN:@No. We had a break-in, though.
JOHN:@When?
WOMAN:@Last night. There was nothing taken. Oh, there was a
message left for Alex on the land line.
JOHN:@Who was it from?
WOMAN:@Oh, I can play it for you, if you like. Ifll get the phone.
JOHN:@Please.
(PHONE BEEPS)
WOMAN ON PHONE:@Oh, should I speak now? Alex? Love, itfs
professor Cairns. Listen, you were right. You were bloody right. Give us
a call whenc
JOHN:@Professor Cairns?
WOMAN:@No idea, sorry.
JOHN:@Mmm. Can I try and ring back?

WOMAN:@No good. Ifve had other calls since. Sympathy ones, you
know.
(PHONE RINGS)@RE: BRUCE-PARTINGTON PLANS
Have you spoken to Westfs fiance yet?@Mycroft Holmes

HICKMAN GALLERY
MISS WENCESLAS:@Donft you have something to do?
SHERLOCK:@Just admiring the view.
MISS WENCESLAS:@Yes. Lovely. Now get back to work, we open
tonight.
SHERLOCK:@Doesnft it bother you?
MISS WENCESLAS:@What?
SHERLOCK:@That the painting is a fake.
MISS WENCESLAS:@What?
SHERLOCK:@Itfs a fake. It has to be. Itfs the only possible
explanation. You are in charge, arenft you, Miss Wenceslas?
MISS WENCESLAS:@Who are you?
SHERLOCK:@Alex Woodbridge knew that the painting was a fake, so
somebody sent the Golem to take care of him. Was it you?
MISS WENCESLAS:@Golem? What the hell are you talking about?
SHERLOCK:@Are you working for someone else? Did you fake it for
them?
MISS WENCESLAS:@Itfs not a fake.
SHERLOCK:@It is a fake. I donft know why. But therefs something
wrong with it, there has to be.
MISS WENCESLAS:@What the hell are you on about? You know I
could have you sacked on the spot.
SHERLOCK:@Not a problem.
MISS WENCESLAS:@No?
SHERLOCK:@No, I donft work here, you see. Just popped in to give
you a bit of friendly advice.
MISS WENCESLAS:@How did you get in?
SHERLOCK:@Please.
MISS WENCESLAS:@I want to know.
SHERLOCK:@The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight.
MISS WENCESLAS:@Who are you?

SHERLOCK:@Sherlock Holmes.
MISS WENCESLAS:@Am I supposed to be impressed?
SHERLOCK:@You should be. Have a nice day.

WESTfS FIANCEfS FLAT

LUCY:@He wouldnft. He just wouldnft.
JOHN:@Stranger things have happened.
LUCY:@Westie wasnft a traitor. Itfs a horrible thing to say!
JOHN:@Ifm sorry. But you must understandc
LUCY:@Thatfs what they think, isnft it, his bosses?
JOHN:@He was a young man, about to get married, he had debts.
LUCY:@Everyonefs got debts, and Westie wouldnft want to clear
them by selling out his country.
JOHN:@Can you, ermc Can you tell me exactly what happened that
night?
LUCY:@We were having a night in. Justcwatching a DVD. He
normally falls asleep, you know, but he sat through this one. He was
quiet. Out of the blue he said he just had to go and see someone.
JOHN:@And youfve no idea who?

JOE:@Hi, Liz. You OK, love?

LUCY:@Yeah.
JOE:@Whofs this?
JOHN:@John Watson, hi.
LUCY:@This is my brother, Joe. Johnfs trying to find out what
happened to Westie, Joe.
JOE:@You with the police?
JOHN:@Sort of, yeah.
JOE:@Tell them to get off their arses, will you? Itfs bloody ridiculous.
JOHN:@Ifll do my best. Well, er, thanks very much for your help.
Again, Ifm very, very sorry.
LUCY:@He didnft steal those things, Mr Watson. I knew Westie, he
was a good man. He was my good man.

BAKER STREET
WOMAN:@Spare change?
WOMAN2:@No.
WOMAN:@Any spare change?
JOHN:@Alex Woodbridge didnft know anything special about art.
SHERLOCK:@And?
JOHN:@Andc
SHERLOCK:@Is that it? No habits, hobbies, personality?
JOHN:@Give us a chance. He was an amateur astronomer.
SHERLOCK:@Hold that cab.
WOMAN:@Spare change, sir?
SHERLOCK:@Donft mind if I do.
JOHN:@Can you wait here?
(NOTE)@VAUXHALL ARCHES
SHERLOCK:@Fortunately, I havenft been idle. Come on.

VAUXHALL ARCHES
SHERLOCK:@Beautiful, isnft it?
JOHN:@I thought you didnft care aboutc
SHERLOCK:@Doesnft mean I canft appreciate it.
JOHN:@Listen, Alex Woodbridge had a message on the answerphone
at his flat. A professor Cairns.
SHERLOCK:@This way.
JOHN:@Nice. Nice part of town. Any time you want to explain?
SHERLOCK:@Homeless network. Really is indispensable.
JOHN:@Homeless network?
SHERLOCK:@My eyes and ears, all over the city.
JOHN:@Ah, thatfscclever. So you scratch their backs, andc?
SHERLOCK:@Yes, then disinfect myself.
JOHN:@Sherlock! Come on! Whatfs he doing sleeping rough?
SHERLOCK:@Well, he has a very distinctive look. He has to hide
somewhere where tongues wonft wagcmuch.
JOHN:@Oh, sh...

SHERLOCK:@What?
JOHN:@I wish Ic
SHERLOCK:@Donft mention it.
(GOLEM RUNS OFF)
SHERLOCK:@No! No! No! No! Itfll take us weeks to find him again!
JOHN:@Or not. I have an idea where he might be going.
SHERLOCK:@What?
JOHN:@I told you, someone left Alex Woodbridge a message. There
canft be that many Professor Cairns in the book. Come on.

NARRATOR:@Jupiter, the fifth planet in our solar system, and the

largest. Jupiter is a gas giant. Planet Earth would fit into it 11 times.
PROF CAIRNS:@Yes, we know that.
NARRATOR:@Titan is the largest moonc
PROF CAIRNS:@Come on, Neptune.
NARRATOR:@Many are actually long deadc
PROF CAIRNS:@Tom, is that you?
NARRATOR:@...exploded into supernovas. Discovered by Urbain Le
Verrier in 1846ccomposed mainly of hydrogen. Their light takes so
long to reach usc
SHERLOCK:@Golem!
NARRATOR:@...many are actually long dead, exploded intoc
SHERLOCK:@I canft see him.
JOHN:@Ifll go round.
SHERLOCK:@Who are you working for, this time Dzundza?
NARRATOR:@A star begins as a collapsing ball of material composed
mainly ofc
JOHN:@Golem! (COCKS GUN) Let him gocor I will kill you.
NARRATOR:@The fourth planet of the solar system, named after the
Roman God of War. cit is a gas giantc ctakes so long to reach usc
(TAPE SPOOLS) ...into supernovasc
(GUN SHOTS)
NARRATOR:@...exploded into supernovasc
Chapter Seven

HICKMAN GALLERY
SHERLOCK:@Itfs a fake. It has to be.
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Canvas degradation/ Vermeer brush strokes/ UV Light
damage/ Pigment analysis/ Delft Skyline, 1600/ Vermeer influences

MISS WENCESLAS:@That painting has been subjected to every test

known to science.
SHERLOCK:@Itfs a very good fake, then. You know about this, donft
you? This is you, isnft it?
MISS WENCESLAS:@Inspector, my time is being wasted. Would you
mind showing yourself and your friends out?
(PHONE RINGS)
SHERLOCK:@The painting is a fake. Itfs a fake, thatfs why
Woodbridge and Cairns were killed. Oh, come on, proving itfs just a
detail. The painting is a fake. Ifve solved it, Ifve figured it out. Itfs a
fake, thatfs the answer, thatfs why they were killed. OK, Ifll prove it.
Give me time. Will you give me time?
BOY:@10c
DI LESTRADE:@Itfs a kid. Oh God, itfs a kid!
JOHN:@What did he say?
SHERLOCK:@10.
BOY:@9.
SHERLOCK:@Hefs giving me time.
DI LESTRADE:@Jesusc
SHERLOCK:@Itfs a fake, but how can I prove it? How? How?
BOY:@8.
SHERLOCK:@This kid will die. Tell me why the painting is a fake. Tell
me!
BOY:@7.
SHERLOCK:@No, shut up. Donft say anything. It only works if I
figure it out. It must be possible. It must be staring me in the face.
BOY:@6.
SHERLOCK:@How? Woodbridge knew, but how?!
BOY:@5.
DI LESTRADE:@Itfs speeding up!
JOHN:@Sherlock!
BOY:@4.
SHERLOCK:@Oh! In the Planetarium, you heard it too. Oh, that is
brilliant, that is gorgeous!
BOY:@3.
DI LESTRADE:@What is brilliant? What is?
(MOBILE ONLINE)@Astronomers/ Supernova
SHERLOCK:@This is beautiful. I love this.

BOY:@2.
DI LESTRADE:@Sherlock!
SHERLOCK:@The Van Buren Supernova!
(TICKING STOPS)
BOY:@Please, is somebody there? Somebody help me.
SHERLOCK:@There you go. Go and find out where he is and pick him
up. Van Buren Supernova, so-called. Exploding star. Only appeared in
the sky in 1858.
JOHN:@So how could it have beencpainted in the 1640s? (PHONE
BEEPS) Ohc Oh. Oh, Sherlc
(TEXT MESSAGE)@My patience is wearing thin.@Mycroft Holmes.

SHERLOCK:@You know itfs interesting. Bohemian stationery, an

assassin named after a Prague legend, and you, Miss Wenceslas. This
whole case has a distinctly Czech feeling about it. Is that where this
leads? What are we looking at, Inspector?
DI LESTRADE:@Well, criminal conspiracy, fraud, accessory after the
fact, at the very least. The murder of the old woman, all the people in
the flatc
MISS WENCESLAS:@I didnft know anything about that! All those
things, please, believe me. I just wanted my share. The 30 million.
(SIGHS) I found a little old man in Argentina. A genius, I mean, really.
Brushwork, immaculate. Could fool anyone.
SHERLOCK:@Mmm.
MISS WENCESLAS:@Well, nearly anyone. But I didnft know how to
go about convincing the world the picture was genuine. It was just an
idea. A spark which he blew into a flame.
SHERLOCK:@Who?
MISS WENCESLAS:@I donft know.
DI LESTRADE:@(LAUGHS)
MISS WENCESLAS:@Itfs true! It took a long time, but eventually I
wascput in touch with people. His peoplec Well, there was never any
real contact. Just messagescwhispers.
SHERLOCK:@And did those whispers have a name?
MISS WENCESLAS:@(NODS) Moriarty.

BATTERSEA STATION
JOHN:@So this is where West was found?
MAN:@Yeah. Are you going to be long?

JOHN:@Might be.
MAN:@Are you the police, then?
JOHN:@Sort of.
MAN:@I hate eem.
JOHN:@The police?
MAN:@No, jumpers. People who chuck eemselves in front of trains.
Selfish bastards.
JOHN:@Well, thatfs one way of looking at it.
MAN:@I mean it. Itfs all right for them. Itfs over in a split second,
strawberry jam all over the lines. What about the drivers, eh? Theyfve
got to live with it, havenft they?
JOHN:@Yeah, speaking of strawberry jam, therefs no blood on the
line. Has it been cleaned off?
MAN:@No, there wasnft that much.
JOHN:@You said his head was smashed in.
MAN:@It was, but there wasnft much blood.
JOHN:@OK.
MAN:@Well, Ifll leave you to it, then. Just give us a shout when
youfre off.
JOHN:@Right. Right, so, Andrew Westcgot on the train somewhere.
Or did he? There was no ticket on the body. How did he end up here?
SHERLOCK:@The points.
JOHN:@Yes!
SHERLOCK:@I knew youfd get there eventually. West wasnft killed
here, thatfs why there was so little blood.
JOHN:@How long have you been following me?
SHERLOCK:@Since the start. You donft think Ifd give up on a case
like this just to spite my brother, do you? Come on, wefve got a bit of
burglary to do.

SHERLOCK:@Missile defence plans havenft left the country,

otherwise Mycroftfs people would have heard about it. Despite what
people think, we do still have a secret service.
JOHN:@Yeah, I know, Ifve met them.
SHERLOCK:@Which means whoever stole the memory stick canft
sell it or doesnft know what to do with it. My moneyfs on the latter.
Wefre here.
JOHN:@Where? Sherlock! What if therefs someone in?
SHERLOCK:@There isnft.
JOHN:@Jesusc Where are we?
SHERLOCK:@Oh, sorry, didnft I say? Joe Harrisonfs flat.
JOHN:@Joec?
SHERLOCK:@Brother of Westfs fiance. He stole the memory stick,

killed his prospective brother-in-law.

JOHN:@Then why did he do it?
SHERLOCK:@Letfs ask him.
JOHN:@(POINTING THE GUN) Donft, donft.
JOE:@He wasnft meant toc Whatfs Lucy gonna say? Jesus.
JOHN:@Why did you kill him?
JOE:@It was an accident. I swear it was.
SHERLOCK:@But stealing the plans for the missile defence program
wasnft an accident, was it?
JOE:@I started dealing drugs. I mean, the bike thingfs a great cover,
right? I donft know how it started. I just got out of my depth. I owed
people thousands. Serious people. Then at Westiefs engagement do, he
starts talking about his job. I mean, usually, hefs so careful. But that
night, after a few pints, he really opened up. He told me about these
missile plans. Beyond top secret. He showed me the memory stick, he
waved it in front of me. You hear about these things getting lost, ending
up on rubbish tips and whatnot. And there it was. And I thoughtc Well,
I thought it could be worth a fortune. It was pretty easy to get the thing
off him, he was so plastered. Next time I saw him, I could tell by the
look on his face that he knew.
JOE:@What are you doing here?
WEST:@What have you done with the plans?
JOE:@What are you talkingc?
JOHN:@What happened?
JOE:@I was going to call an ambulance, but it was too late. I just
didnft have a clue what to do. So I dragged him in eere. I just sat in
the dark, thinking.
SHERLOCK:@When a neat little idea popped into your head. Carrying
Andrew West way away from here. His body would have gone on for
ages if the train hadnft hit a stretch of track with curves.
JOHN:@And points.
SHERLOCK:@Exactly.
JOHN:@Do you still have it, then, the memory stick?
SHERLOCK:@Fetch it for me, if you wouldnft mind. Distraction over,
the game continues.
JOHN:@Maybe thatfs over, too. Wefve heard nothing from the
bomber.
SHERLOCK:@Five pips, remember, John. Itfs a countdown. Wefve
only had four.

221B BAKER STREET

SHERLOCK:@No, no, no! Course hefs not the boyfs father! Look at
the turn-ups on his jeans!
JOHN:@I knew it was dangerous.
SHERLOCK:@Hm?
JOHN:@Getting you into crap telly.
SHERLOCK:@Not a patch on Connie Prince.
JOHN:@Have you given Mycroft the memory stick yet?
SHERLOCK:@Yep. He was over the moon. Threatened me with a
knighthoodcagain.
JOHN:@You know, Ifm still waiting.
SHERLOCK:@Hm?
JOHN:@For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar system
and youfd cleared up the fake painting a lot quicker.
SHERLOCK:@It didnft do you any good, did it?
JOHN:@No, but Ifm not the worldfs only consulting detective.
SHERLOCK:@True.
JOHN:@I wonft be in for tea. Ifm going to Sarahfs. Therefs still
some of that risotto left in the fridge.
SHERLOCK:@Mm!
JOHN:@Milk, we need milk.
SHERLOCK:@Ifll get some.
JOHN:@Really?
SHERLOCK:@Really.
JOHN:@And some beans, then?
SHERLOCK:@Mm.
(THE SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION POST)@FOUND. The Bruce-Partington
plans. Please collect.
The pool. Midnight. (SUBMIT)

Chapter Eight
THE POOL
SHERLOCK:@Bought you a little getting-to-know-you present. Thatfs
what itfs all been for, isnft it? All your little puzzles, making me
dance. All to distract me from this.
JOHN:@Evening. This is a turn-up, isnft it, Sherlock?
SHERLOCK:@John! What the hellc?
JOHN:@Bet you never saw this coming. Whatcwould you like me to
make him saycnext? Gottle ofgear, gottle ofgear, gottle ofgear.
SHERLOCK:@Stop it.
JOHN:@Nice touch, this. The pool, where little Carl dies. I stopped

him. I can stop John Watson, too. Stop his heart.

SHERLOCK:@Who are you?
JIM:@I gave you my number. I thought you might call. Is that a British
Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
SHERLOCK:@Both.
JIM:@Jim Moriarty. Hi. Jim? Jim from the hospital? Oh, did I really
make such a fleeting impression? But then, I suppose, that was rather
not the point. Donft be silly. Someone else is holding the rifle. I donft
like getting my hands dirty. Ifve given you a glimpse, Sherlock, just a
teensy glimpse of what Ifve got going on out there in the big bad
world. Ifm a specialist, you see. Like you.
SHERLOCK:@Dear Jimcplease will you fix it for me to get rid of my
loverfs nasty sister? Dear Jim, please will you fix it for me to disappear
to South America?
JIM:@Just so.
SHERLOCK:@Consulting criminal. Brilliant.
JIM:@Isnft it? No-one ever gets to me. And no-one ever will.
SHERLOCK:@I did.
JIM:@Youfve come the closest. Now youfre in my way.
SHERLOCK:@Thank you.
JIM:@Didnft mean it as a compliment.
SHERLOCK:@Yes, you did.
JIM:@Yeah, OK, I did. But the flirtingfs over, Sherlock. Daddyfs had
enough now! Ifve shown you what I can do. I cut loose all those
people, all those little problems, even 30 million quid, just get you to
come out and play. So take this as a friendly warningcmy dear. Back
off. Although I have loved this, this little game of ours. Playing Jim from
IT. Playing gay. Did you like the little touch with the underwear?
SHERLOCK:@People have died.
JIM:@Thatfs what people do!
SHERLOCK:@I will stop you.
JIM:@No, you wonft.
SHERLOCK:@Are you all right?
JIM:@You can talk, Johnny boy. Go ahead.
SHERLOCK:@Take it.
JIM:@Mm? Ohcthat? The missile plans... Boring! I couldfve got
them anywhere.
JOHN:@Sherlock, run!
JIM:@(LAUGHS) Oh! Good! Very good.
JOHN:@If your sniper pulls that trigger, Mr Moriarty, then we both go
up.
JIM:@Isnft it sweet? I can see why you like having him around. But
then, people do get so sentimental about their pets. Theyfre so
touchingly loyal. But oops! Youfve rather shown your hand there, Dr

Watson. Gotcha. Westwood. Do you know what happens if you donft

leave me alone, Sherlock? To you?
SHERLOCK:@Oh, let me guess. I get killed.
JIM:@Kill you? No, donft be obvious. I mean, Ifm going to kill you
anyway, some day. I donft want to rush it, though. Ifm saving it up for
something special. No, no, no, no, no. If you donft stop prying, Ill burn
you. Ifll burn the heart out of you.
SHERLOCK:@I have been reliably informed that I donft have one.
JIM:@But we both know thatfs not quite true. Well, Ifd better be off.
Well, so nice to have had a proper chat.
SHERLOCK:@What if I was to shoot you now? Right now?
JIM:@Then you could cherish the look of my surprise on my face. Cos
Ifd be surprised, Sherlock. Really, I would. And just a teensy
bitcdisappointed. And of course you wouldnft be able to cherish it for
very long. Ciao, Sherlock Holmes.
SHERLOCK:@Catch youclater.
JIM:@No, you wonft!
SHERLOCK:@All right? Are you all right?
JOHN:@Yeah, Ifm fine. Ifm fine. Sherlockc Sherlock! (GASPING)
Oh, Christ. Are you OK?
SHERLOCK:@Me? Yeah, fine. Ifm fine. Fine. That, ercthing that
youcthat you did, that, umc you offered to docthat was, umcgood.
JOHN:@Ifm glad no-one saw that.
SHERLOCK:@Mm?
JOHN:@You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool.
People might talk.
SHERLOCK:@People do little else.
JOHN:@Ohc
JIM:@Sorry, boys. Ifm so changeable! It is a weakness with me, but
to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. You canft be allowed to
continue. You just canft. I would try to convince you, but everything I
have to say has already crossed your mind.
SHERLOCK:@Probably my answer has crossed yours.

END

BBC Sherlock-The Great Game-S01E03 Script

(2012-02-11 03:48:13)
SH: Just tell me what happened from the beginning.
C: We had been to a bar, nice place, and ,er, I got chatting with one of the
waitresses. And Karen werent happy with that, so when we get back to the
hotel, we end up having a bit of a ding-dong. Dont we? Shes always getting at
me, saying I werent a real man.
SH: Wasnt a real man.
C: What?
SH: Its not Werent. Its Wasnt. Go on.
C: Well, then I dont know how it happened. But suddenly theres a knife in my
hands.. And you know me old man was a butcher. So I know how to handle
knives. He learned us how to cut up a beast.
SH: Taught.
C: What?
SH: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
C: Yean, well, then I done it.
SH: Did it.
C: Did it. Stabbed her. Over and over and over, and I looked down, and she
werent ,,, wasnt,,,move no more,,, Any more. God help me, I dunno how it
happened. But it was an accident, I swear. Er, youve gotta help me, Mr.
Holmes. Everyone says youre the best. Without you,,, Ill get hung for this.
SH: No, not at all. Mr. Bewick. Hanged, Yes.
JW: What the hell are you doing?
SH: Bored.
JW: What?
SH: Bored.
JW: No.
SH: Bored, Bored. Dont know whats got into the criminal classes. Good job Im
not one of them.

JW: So you take it out on the wall?

SH: The wall had it coming.
JW: What about that Russian case?
SH: Belarus? Open and shut domestic murder. Not worth my time.
JW: Oh, shame. Anything in? Im starving. Oh, f,,, Theres a head. A severed
head.
SH: Just tea for me, thanks.
JW: No, theres a head in the fridge.
SH: Yes?
JW; A bloody head!
SH: Well, where else was I supposed to put it? You dont mind, do you?
JW: Well,,,
SH: Got it from Barts morgue. Im measuring the coagulation of saliva after
death. I see youve written up the taxi driver case.
JW: Er, yes.
SH: A Study in Pink. Nice.
JW:: Well, you know, Pink lady, Pink case. Pink phone. There was a lot of pink.
Did you like it?
SH: Um,,, no.
JW: Why not? I thought youd be flattered.
SH: Flattered? Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds.
Whats incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some
things..
JW: Hang on a minute, I didnt mean that
SH: Oh, you meant Spectacularly ignorant in a nice way. Look, it doesnt
matter to me. Whos Prime Minister or..
JW: Yean, I know.
SH: Whos sleeping with who,,, Whether the earth goes round the sun. Not that
again. Its not important.

JW: Not impor..? Its primary school stuff. How can you not know that?
SH: Well, if I ever did. Ive deleted it.
JW: Deleted it?
SH: Listen, This is my hard drive. And it only makes sense to put things in there
that are useful. Really useful. Ordinary people fill their heads with all kinds of
rubbish. That makes it hard to get at the stuff that matters. Do you see?
JW: But its the solar system.
SH: Oh, hell, What does that matter? So we go round the sun. if we went round
the moon or round and round the garden like a teddy bear. It wouldnt make
any difference. All that matters to me is the work. Without that, my brain rots.
Put that in your blog. Or, better still, stop inflicting your opinions on the world.
Where are you going?
JW: Out. I need some air.
H: Oh, sorry love. Woo. Have you two had a little domestic? Oh, its a bit nippy
out there. He should have wrapped himself up a bit more.
SH: Look at that, Mrs. Hudson. Quiet. Calm. Peaceful. Isnt it hateful?
H: Oh, Im sure something will turn up. Sherlock. A nice murder. Thatll cheer
you up.
SH: Cant come too soon.
H: Hey, what have you done to my bloody wall? Im putting this on your rent.
Young man.
SA: Morning.
JW: Oh,, m-morning.
SA : See, told you, you should have gone with the Lilo.
JW: No. no. no. its fine. I slept fine. Its very kind of you.
SA: Well, maybe next time Ill let you kip at the end of my bed, you know.
JW: What about the time after that?
SA: So, do you want some breakfast?
JW: Love some.

SA: Yeah, well, youd better make it yourself because Im going to have a
shower.
[NEWS. Which was discovered quietly mouldering 18 months ago. Experts are
hailing it as the artistic find of the century and no-one it fetched over $20
million. This one is anticipated to do even better. Back now to our main story .
There has been a massive explosion in central London. As yet, there are no
reports of any casualties and the police are unable to say if theres any
suspicion of terrorist involvement. Police have issued an emergency number for
friends and relatives. ]
JW: Sarah. Sorry, Ive got to run.
JW: Excuse me, can I get through? Excuse me. Can I get through? I live over
there. Sherlock. .
SH: John.
JW: I saw it on the telly. Are you OK?
SH: Me? What? Oh, yeah, fine. Gas leak, apparently.
I cant.
MH: Cant?
SH: Stuff. Ive got on is just too big. I cant spare the time.
MH: Never mind your usual trivia. This is of national importance.
SH: Hows the diet?
MH: Fine. Perhaps you can get through to him, John?
JW: What?
MH: Im afraid my brother can be very intransigent.
SH: If youre so keen. Why dont you investigate it?
MH: No. no. no . I cant possibly be away from the office for any length of time.
Not with the Korean elections so,, Well, you dont need to know about that, do
you? Besides, a case like this. It requires legwork.
SH: Hows Sarah, John? How was the lilo?
MH: Sofa, Sherlock, it was the sofa.
SH: Oh, yes, of course.

JW: How? Oh, never mind.

MH: Sherlocks business seems to be booming since you and he became pals.
Whats he like to live with? Hellish, I imagine.
JW: Im never bored.
MH; Good, thats good, isnt it? Andrew West, known as Westie to his friends.
Civil servant. Found dead on the tracks at Battersea station this morning with
his head smashed in.
JW: jumped in front of a train?
MH: Seems the logical assumption.
JW: But?
MH: But?
JW: Well, you wouldnt be here if it was just an accident.
SH: Huh.
MH: The MoD is working on a new missile defense system. The BrucePartington Program. Its called. The plans for it were on a memory stick.
JW: That wasnt very clever.
MH: Its not the only copy. But it is secret. And missing..
JW: Top secret?
MH: Very. We think West must have taken the memory stick.. We cant possibly
risk it falling into the wrong hands. Youve got to find those plans, Sherlock.
Dont make me order you.
SH: Id like to see you try.
MH: Think it over. Goodbye. John. See you very soon.
JW: Why did you lie? Youve got nothing on. Not a single case. Thats why the
wall took a pounding. Why did you tell your brother you were busy?
SH: Why shouldnt I?
JW: Oh, Nice. Sibling rivalry. Now were getting somewhere.
SH: Sherlock Holmes. Of course. How can I refuse? Lestrade, Ive been
summoned. Coming?
JW: If you want me to.

SH: Of course. Id be lost without my blogger.

L: You like the funny cases, dont you? The surprising ones.
SH: Obviously.
L: Youll love this. That explosion.
SH: Gas leak, yes?
L: No.
SH: No?
L: No, Made to look like one.
SH: What?
L: Hardly anything left of the place. Except strongbox. A very strong box and
inside it was this.
SH: You havent opened it?
L : Its addressed to you, isnt it? Weve X-rayed it. Its not booby-trapped.
SH: How reassuring. Nice stationery. Bohemian.
JW: What?
SH: From the Czech Republic. No fingerprints?
L : No.
SH: She used a fountain pen. Parker Duofold, Merdian nib.
JW: She?
SH; Obviously
JW: Obviously. That, thats the phone. The pink phone.
L: What? From the study in pink?
SH: obviously, its not the same phone. But its supposed to look like. Study In
Pink. You read his blog?
L: Of course I read his blog. We all do. Do you really not know that the Earth
goes round the Sun?

SH: It isnt the same phone. This ones brand new. Someones gone to a lot of
trouble to make it look like the same phone which means your blog has a far
wider readership.
{ You have one new message.}
L: Was that it?
SH: No, thats not it.
L: What in the hell are we supposed to make of that? An estate agents photo
and the bloody Greenwich pips.
SH: Its a warning.
L: A warning?
SH: Some secret societies used to send dried melon seeds orange pips, things
like that- five pips. Theyre warning us its going to happen again. Ive seen this
place before.
JW: Hang on. Whats going to happen again?
SH: Boom.
SH: Mrs. Hudson?
H: You had a look, didnt you. Sherlock, when you first came to see about your
flat?
SH: The doors been opened. Recently.
H: No, cant be. Thats the only key. I cant get anyone interested in this flat. Its
the damp. I expect thats the curse of basements. Id a place once when I was
first married. Black mould all up the wall. Oh, Dear me.
JW: Shoes. Hes a bomber, remember.
SH: Hello.
W: Hello. Sexy.
SH: Whos this?
W: Ive sent you a little puzzle. Just to say hi.
SH: Whos talking? Why are you crying?
W: Im not crying. Im typing. And this stupid bitch is reading it out.
SH: The curtain rises.

JW: What?
SH: Nothing.
JW: No. What did you mean?
SH: Ive been expecting this for some time.
W: 12 hours to solve my puzzle, Sherlock. Or, Im going to be so naughty.
JW: So, who do you suppose it was? Woman on the phone, the crying woman.
SH: Oh, she doesnt matter, shes just a hostage, No lead there.
JW: For Gods sake. I wasnt thinking about leads.
SH: Youre not going to be much use to her.
JW: Are they trying to trace it, trace the call?
SH: The bombers too smart for that. Pass me my phone.
JW: Where is it?
SH: Jacket. Careful.
JW: Text from your brother.
SH: Delete it.
JW: Delete it?
SH: Missile plans are out of the country now. Nothing we can do about it. Well,
Mycroft thinks there is. Hes texted you eight times. Must be important.
SH: Then why didnt he cancel his dental appointment?
JW: His what?
SH: Mycroft never texts if he can talk. Look, Andrew West stole the missile
plans tried to sell them got his head smashed in for his pains, end of story. The
only mystery is this, whys my brother so determined to bore me when
somebody else is being so delightfully interesting?
JW: Try and remember theres a woman who might die.
SH: What for? Theres hospitals full of people dying, Doctor. Why dont you go
and cry by their bedside and see what good it does them?
M: Any luck?

SH: Oh, yes.

J: Oh, sorry, I didnt
M: Jim, hi. Come in. come in. Jim, this is Sherlock Holmes. And, er Sorry,
JW: John Watson. Hi.
J: Hi, So, youre Sherlock Holmes. Mollys told me all about you. You on one of
your cases?
M: Jim works in IT, upstairs. Thats how we met, Office romance.
SH: Gay.
M: Sorry, what?
SH: Nothing Um,hey.
J: Hi. Sorry. Sorry. Well, Id better be off. Ill see you at the Fox. About sixth?
M: Yeah. Bye.
J: Bye. It was nice to meet you.
JW: you too,
M: What do you mean, gay? Were together.
SH: And domestic bliss must suit you. Molly. Youve put on three pounds since I
last saw you.
M: Two and a half.
SH: No. three.
JW: Sherlock,
M: Hes not gay. Why do you have to spoil? Hes not.
SH: With that level of personal grooming?
JW: Because he puts a bit of product in his hair? I put product in my hair.
SH: You wash your hair, theres a difference. No, no tinted eyelashes.. clear
signs of taurine cream around the frown lines. Those tired, clubbers eyes. Then
theres his underwear.
M: His underwear?

SH: Visible above the waistline. Very visible. Very particular brand. Plus the
extremely suggestive fact that he just left his number under this dish. Id say
youd better break if off now and save yourself the pain.
JW: Charming, well done.
SH: Just saving her time. Isnt that kinder?
JW: Kinder? No, no, Sherlock, that wasnt kind.
SH: Go on, then. You know what I do, off you go.
JW: Oh, No.
SH: Go on.
JW: Im not going to stand here so you can humiliate me while I try and
disseminate.
SH: An outside eye, a second opinion. Its very useful to me.
JW: Yeah, right.
SH: Really.
JW: Fine. Oh, theyre just a pair of shoes. Trainers.
SH: Good.
JW: Theyre in good nick. Id say they were pretty new except the sole has been
well worn. So the owner must have had them for a while. Er, very 80s. Probably
one of those retro designs.
SH: Youre on sparking form. What else?
JW: Theyre quite big. A mans.
SH: But,
JW; But theres traces of a name inside in felt-tip. Adults dont write their
names inside their shoes. So these belong to a kid.
SH: Excellent, What else?
JW: Thats it.
SH: Thats it?
JW: How did I do?

SH: Well, John.. really well. I mean, you missed almost everything of
importance, but you know. The owner loved these. Scrubbed them clean.
Whitened them where they got discoloured. Changed the laces three, no four
times. Even so, there are traces of his flaky skin where his fingers have come
into contact with them. So he suffered from eczema. The shoes are well worn,
more so on the inner side which means the owner had weak arches. British
made. 20 years old.
JW: 20 years?
SH: Theyre not retro. Theyre original. Limited edition. Two blue stripes 1989.
JW; Theres still mud on them, They look new.
SH: Someones kept them that way. Quite a bit of mud caked on the soles.
Analysis shows its from Sussex with London mud overlaying it.
JW: How do you know?
SH: Pollen. Clear as a map reference to me. South of the river, too. So, the kid
who owned these trainers came to London from Sussex 20 years ago. And left
them behind.
JW: So, what happened to him?
SH: Something bad. He loved those shoes. Remember. Hed never leave them
filthy. Wouldnt let them go unless he had to. So, a child with big feet gets
JW: What?
SH: Carl Powers.
JW: Sorry, who?
SH: Carl Powers, John.
JW: What is it?
SH: Its where I began. 1989, young kid, champion swimmer came up from
Brighton for a school sports tournament, drowned in the pool. Tragic accident,
You wouldnt remember it. Why should you?
JW: But you remember.
SH: Yes.
JW: Something fishy about it?
SH: Nobody thought so. Nobody except me. I was only a kid myself. I read
about it in the papers.

JW: You started young. Didnt you?

SH: The boy, Carl Powers had some kind of fit in the water but by the time they
got him out, it was too late. There was something wrong. Somewhere and I
couldnt get it out of my head.
JW: What?
SH: His shoes.
JW: What about them?
SH: They werent there. I made a fuss. I tried to get the police interested. But
nobody seemed to think it was important. Hed left all the rest of his clothes in
his locker. But there was no sign of his shoes. Until now.
JW: Can I help? I want to help. Theres only five hours left.
[MH: Any developments?]
JW: Its your brother. Hes texting me now. How does he know my number?
SH: Must be a root canal.
JW: Look, he did say national importance.
SH: How quaint.
JW: What is?
SH: You are. Queen and country.
JW: You cant just ignore it.
SH: Im not ignoring it. Putting my best man onto it right now.
JW: Right, good. Whos that?
MH: John, how nice. I was hoping it wouldnt be long. How can I help you?
JW: Thank you.
MH: Um, I was wanting to
JW: Your brother sent me to collect more facts about the stolen plans, the
missile plans.
MH: Did he?
JW: Yes. Hes investigating now. Hes er, investigating away. Um, I just
wondered what else you could tell me about the dead man.

MH: Er, 27. Clerk at Vauxhall Cross. MI6. He was involved in the BrucePartington Program in a minor capacity. Security checks A-ok. No known
terrorist affiliations or sympathies. Last seen by his fianc 10:30 yesterday
evening.
[M: Lucy, love, Ive got to go out. Ive got to see someone. W: Westie].
JW: He was found at Battersea,
MH: yes,
JW: So he got on the train?
MH: No.
JW: What?
MH: He had an Oyster card. But it hadnt been used.
JW: He must have bought a ticket.
MH: Hm. There was no ticket on the body.
JW: Then.
MH: Then how did he end up with a bashed in brain on the tracks at Battersea?
That is the question. The one I was rather hoping Sherlock would provide an
answer to. Hows he getting on?
JW: Hes fine. And it is going very well. Hes um,, Hes completely focused on it.
SH: Poison.
H: What are you going on about?
SH: Clostridium botulinum. Its one of the deadliest poisons on the planet. Carl
Powers.
JW: oh well, Are you saying he was murdered?
SH: Remember the shoelaces. The boy suffered from eczema. It would be the
easiest thing in the world to introduce the poison into his medication. Two
hours later he comes up to London. The poison takes effect, paralyses the
muscles and he drowns.
JW: Well ,How come the autopsy didnt pick that up?
SH: Its virtually undetectable. Nobody would have been looking for it. Theres
still tiny traces of it left inside the trainers from where he put the cream on his
feet. Thats why they had to go.

[FOUND. Pair of trainers belonging to Carl Powers. Botulinum from still present.
Apply 221b]
JW: So, how do we left the bomber know?
SH: Get his attention, stop the clock.
JW: The killer kept the shoes all these years.
JW: Yes.
SH: Meaning
JW: Hes our bomber.
[W: Well done, you. Come and get me.]
SH: Where are you? Tell us where you are.
L: She lives in Cornwall. Two men broke in wearing masks forced her to drive to
the car park. And decked her out in enough explosives to take down a house.
Told her to phone you. Check the read out from this pager.
SH; If she deviated by one word, the sniper would set her off.
JW: Or, if you hadnt solved the case.
SH: Oh, Elegant.
JW: Elegant.
L: What was the point? Why would anyone do this?
SH: Oh, I cant be the only person in the world that gets bored.
{ You have one new message.}
JW: Four pips.
SH: First test passed, it would seem. Heres the second. Its abandoned,
wouldnt you say?
L: Ill see if its been reported.
W: Freak, its for you.
SH: Hello.
[M: Its ok that youve gone to the police.]
SH: Who is this? Is this you again?

[M: But dont rely on them. Clever you. Guessing about Carl Powers. I never
liked him. Carl laughed at me. So I stopped him laughing.]
SH: Youve stolen another voice. I presume.
[M: This is about you and me.]
SH: Who are you? Whats that noise?
[M: Its the sounds of life. Sherlock. But dont worry, I can soon fix that. You
solved my last puzzle in nine hours.. This time you have eight.]
L: Great. Weve found it.
L: The car was hired yesterday morning by an Ian Monkford. Banker of some
kind. City boy, Paid in cash. Told his wife he was going. Away on a business trip
and he never arrived.