A tab. A soda tab.

And then I realized my mistake mistakes. And I need to redo it all over again.

Will you marry me?

Will you marry me?

He sees a light coming from his window, he wishes it isnt the sun but the rays have won the
battle because Chanyeol is sure he is back to his dreadful reality.
Welcome to his 1825th nightmare.
Most people will probably tell a broken hearted person to move on, let go or youll meet another
one. These are supposed to be connoted and perceived as encouraging words and positive
statements that can lift up ones spirit. But the meaning of the words differs when they are
offered and uttered to the persons who have lost their most precious ones. Words are almost
the same but they reveal a more considerate attitude those who have lost their loved ones
would hear the words in a more compassionate manner like Time heals all wounds; he will
guide you from up there and all other words when combined would offer concern and affection.
But when the words are uttered in laymans term, it will still mean move on.
No feeling is the same; no loss is of the same and equivalent emotion. Yes, the experience may
be identical but each person views it differently thus the feelings are not of the same.
Subsequently, how one treats a loss is uniquely based on his perception and the level of pain
one is experiencing.
Thats why, maybe, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are similar yet different at the same time.
Kyungsoo made a barrier, his protection from the immense grief. Chanyeol, on the other hand,
could not protect his heart from grieving so he created a mask.
Love is the total self-giving of the lover to his beloved.
When people love genuinely, the love that comes from the deepest part of the heart is the one
they are offering, they tend to give their all to offer everything they have, or even try to give
what they dont have.
Chanyeol gave his all but he wants Baekhyun to receive more but unexpectedly fate toyed with
them and he can never see Baekhyun again.

Every waking moment feels like a nightmare, if he can only prolong his dreams and forever stay
in a state of slumber, then he will, as long as Chanyeol can stay with Baekhyun. As long as
Chanyeol can be with Baekhyun --- because thats all that he ever wanted and will ever want.

*****
Happy Anniversary
Chanyeol stares at the ceiling, yes, today is the 27th of October --- how convenient, how
memorable, how romantic --- and yes, its sarcastic.
Today, Chanyeol needs his mask once again, he will be forced to exert twice the effort he has
been showing for the past years. He needs to be a little bit livelier, more jolly and talkative. He
needs to be Chanyeol, the happy virus. He doesnt want anyone to know he isnt happy
anymore he stopped being happy because being burden to anyone is the last thing on his list.
He would not want anyone to take care of him. He refuses to entertain pity because by doing so,
the more unhappy he will be. He stopped being happy 5 years ago.
Will you marry me?
He hears it again. Over and over again, its getting louder. Honestly, all he wants to do is to
sleep and dream because in his dreams, there is Baekhyun. And all he wants is Baekhyun. But
today is his day, their supposed to be happy day. And everyone expects him to be there
because he is Chanyeol, the one who stays, the one who remembers, the one who is in pain.
After a couple of minutes of calming his heart from his yet another, dream, though he didnt get
any good result from it because he still wishes he would not wake up from it ; he stands up and
starts to prepare - he needs to pay a visit to Baekhyun because everyone will.
He drags himself out of the room and the next thing he knew, he is fighting to run away from
Baekhyuns grave and just lock himself in his apartment. But today is the day.
Hyung!
Chanyeol could win an award if he decides to be an actor because boy! Hes great at
pretending, he can be the liveliest person on the room without anyone noticing hes faking it all.
Chanyeol looks up at the clear, blue sky and he refuses to acknowledge the one calling him
because he really needs an alone moment with him, but he really cant prevent Oh Sehun from
visiting this place, Sehun in his own way, has his own right to visit, to relive memories, to
remember and give respect and its not like Chanyeol owned the place, its not like he is the
only one permitted to visit Baekhyuns grave; besides, Jongins just beside his brother, ultimately
Sehun has every right because Sehun is Jongins best friend.

Ayo, Sehun, whats up Chanyeol says cheerfully.

Youre always early. Baekhyun hyung must be so happy Sehun says the moment he reaches
the spot next to Chanyeol. But Kyungsoo hyung is always late. He adds.

Chanyeol refuses to answer because theres nothing to reply. He nods and fakes a laugh. To
add to his predicament, he is still isnt fully recovered from the dream.
"It's a dream... This is just a dream." Chanyeol repeats word per word, chanting every line over
and over again.
"Chanyeol..." It's almost a whisper as if begging Chanyeol to come to his senses.
Or not---"What the fuck Chanyeol? Are you using drugs?" And then Baekhyun starts to nag, his voice
ringing in Chanyeol's ear clearly. And it feels so real, like it is not a dream.
and it really isn't a dream because suddenly everyone is here too- Kyunsoo.... And Jongin.