Do Opposites Attract?

Opposites attract, and likes repel. When it comes to magnetism, this natural principle is
axiomatic. But does it also hold true forromantic relationships?
New research suggests that when it comes to matters of the heart...well, it's complicated.

Studies have found that people are more likely to be attracted to and pursue romantic
relationships with individuals who are more like themselves across a broad range of
personal characteristics, including age, religion, political orientation, and certain aspects
of intelligence. Consider the 2014 research paper in which an international team of
economists found that better-educated people tend to marry other better-educated people
while individuals with less formal schooling tend to partner with people of comparable
educational levels.
Generally speaking, it appears, birds of a feather romantically flock together. But are
theyhappier in their relationships? It is a curious questionand one that was investigated
in a new study conducted by researchers Nathan Hudson and Chris Fraley. Specifically,
they wanted to examine whether couples that are more similar in terms of personality are
more satisfied than those who are more dissimilar.
Here's what the researchers did:
They recruited couples in romantic relationships and gave them a battery of tests five
times over the course of a year (approximately once every two months). The study began
with 174 couplesincluding one gay couple and one lesbian couple. Seventy-four percent
of the sample was white, and their ages ranged from 18 to 25 years. They were a relatively
committed group, as 93 percent were in exclusive relationships and 3.3 percent of the
couples were engaged. The slim remainder of the sample characterized their relationships
as casual. Relationship length at the start of the study varied, ranging from less than one
month to seven years, with an average of almost 17 months.
To assess similarity, Hudson and Fraley referred to the Big Five Personality traits.
Participants rated themselves and their partners
for extraversion, agreeableness,conscientiousness, emotional stability (the opposite
of neuroticism), and openness to experience. They also completed a measure of

relationship satisfaction.
The researchers crunched the numbers and uncovered some fascinating results. Partners
who were similar to each other in terms of agreeableness and moderately similar in terms
of emotional stability were more satisfied in their relationships. By contrast, sharing the
traits of extraversion, conscientiousness, and openness did not predict relationship
satisfaction. Thus, sharing similar personality traits doesn't necessarily mean a relationship
will be more satisfyingthat is, unless you perceive that you are similar. Hudson and
Fraley found that partners who see themselves as similar have more satisfying
relationships, regardless of whether or not they actually are very similar.
But Hudson and Fraley took their investigation an intriguing step further. Given
thatattachment fundamentally shapes how people function in romantic relationships, they
wanted to test whether adult attachment style influences the association between partner
similarity and relationship satisfaction. (The participants also completed an attachment
questionnaire.)
Attachment develops from the relationship between infants and their caregiver, with
particular respect to responsiveness and availability. The effects of early attachment are
far-reaching, establishing how we perceive ourselves and others as we grow into adults. In
broad terms, individuals who experience loving and consistent
early caregiving developsecure attachment, while those who receive harsh and/or
inconsistent treatment from their early caregivers develop insecure attachment.
Insecure attachment breaks down into two types:
Those who are high on attachment avoidance believe that others will not respond to
their needs, and correspondingly have a negative view of others. They tend to avoid
intimacy, and are ill at ease when they feel their partner is too close.
Those who are high on attachment anxiety are preoccupied with how available
others are, and have a negative view of themselves. They seek out intimacy and
contact with others, and can often be cloying or needy in their relationships.
(Securely attached people are low on attachment avoidance and anxiety, and demonstrate
higher levels of adjustment in their relationships.)
The results were striking. Highly avoidant people seemed to be most satisfied with their

relationships when the personalities of the partners were moderately similar. The
researchers interpret this finding as possibly reflecting a level of counter-dependence
with which avoidant people are comfortable. Put another way, an optimal balance of
similarities and differences may help avoidant people keep intimacy at bay.
But for highly anxious people, it was a different story. They experience greater levels of
relationship satisfaction with partners who are either highly similar or dissimilar to them.
Hudson and Fraley speculate that similarity offers anxious people the feeling of oneness
that they crave with their significant others, while dissimilarity may encourage reliant
dependence on their partners. For the anxiously attached, having a dissimilar partner may
be a way to compensate for one's own shortcoming, say the researchers.
So, do opposites attract?
Again, it's complicated. But here's a thought: It has been said that the happiest couples
never have the same characterthey just have the best understanding of their
differences.