Professional Documents
Culture Documents
as Style
Exercises in Creativity
Virginia Tufte
and
Garrett Stewart
Preface
Libraries
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a soiJa and ~wodld trade, which gnes
a Mba. 1be artist is first a worker. He must roll up
.... dd get to wort like a bricklayer.
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11M : wllo are ready to roll up their sleeves may turn now to Chapa I 1kle ~ have tried to elaborate on what this workingbook's appi is and why we think it is useful. After that, we offer fifteen sets of
eurcises. In the classroom, these can be compressed into a few weeks or
fitted comfortably into an academic quarter or a semester, depending on
what additional texts are used.
Ready, all you workingmen and workingwomen. May you mingle your
joys sometimes with your earnest occupation.
Virginia Tufte
Garrett Stewart
Contents
Preface
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
Chapter
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
1()
Q.oted
143
ix
Chapter
How to Use
This Book
This exercise book, designed as a companion to Grammar as Style, is
meant to stand next to it but to stand on its own, too. It grew from the
parent volume as a practical aid to the would-be writer-student, teacher,
anyone-in learning to fashion responsive and versatile sentences, sentences
that say what the author means and say it attractively. If the book performs
this service, it will make good its promise as a useful volume in its own
right.
First, the reader must recognize a basic limitation and be warned by
it: Style is not any one thing but is the simultaneous functioning of many
features of language. At its base are the words the author chooses and the
patterns he finds for arranging them into phrases, sentences, paragraphs,
and larger units. Anyone who starts out to analyze the style of a particular author, or who plans to improve his own style by consciously imitating
professional writers, though he can afford to ignore nothing in the long
run, cannot hope to give attention to everything at once. He necessarily
looks about for a focus, a starting point. Each chapter in this book centers
on a grammatical structure or topic that may serve as such a point of
departure, and the discussion then pulls in as well certain subtopics, important variations on the basic one. Each chapter begins with explanations
and moves on to examples and exercises.
As in Grammar as Style, syntax is the focus. A preliminary word is
in order to explain why. Also needed is a word about those other important aspects of style brushed to the periphery by our centering on grammatical matters. And there is a third problem that also demands space; we
need to justify the book's entire method and to explain its practical virtues,
answering objections to the very idea of learning style or anything else
creative by imitation.
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*This matter is discussed at some length in Grammar as Style, in the introductory essay, "The Relation of Grammar to Style."
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wish to emulate it. This is why good parody is such an art: we must master
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before we can exaggerate.
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The italicized verb form in our last sentence, as a noun, is one half
'
' of an age-old educational paradigm-master and apprentice. The method
implied in this kind of instructional formula is, of course, imitation, and
it has tradition firmly on its side. Blacksmiths could never have learned
their trade out of books and manuals; they were required to watch diligently at the forge, month after month, year after year, trying their own
hand at it now and then. Apprentice shoemakers learn to cobble only by
watching shoemakers who know how. Skills die out, we know, when there
are no more skilled artisans left to be studied and imitated. This sort of
education operates at every level, in ways that are often automatic and
unnoticed. The baby shapes his mouth the way his father does, makes
noise and soon makes speech, listens to new words at home or next door,
on television and at school, imitates them, and comes into proud possession of a vocabulary. The child observes his parents, his brothers and sisters,
persons outside the household, and models his actions on theirs. Few of
111
.------._
us could learn to play the piano without the 9;eekly lesson, where we watd
how the tough fingering goes, the difficult chords and runs, and then try i
for ourselves. Art students learn a whole range of media and techniques.
various strokes and washes, tricks of foreshortening, of light, shade, anc!
shadow by imitating their instructors in the studio, long before they develop
their own unique "styles."
Here we come to the sense of style as an original and private signature, the sense that seemingly drives it, drenched in glamour and shrouded
in mystery, far beyond the reach of imitation. Style, in this final, special
sense, is indeed the stamp of individual personality, but its components
are shared in different degrees and combinations by many, and it is the
manipulation of these separate elements, not their fusion under the creative
pressures of personality and genius, that can be taught. The great artist,
the genius, the inimitable stylist in any art form is perhaps born and not
made, but both he and the merely competent stylist do learn, and learn by
practice, by imitation. This is not a theory of education so much as a fact
Consciously or not, we all learn by imitation, to tie a shoelace, to drive
a car, to write-why not to write better?
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your words themselves can foster in the ideas they join with syntax to
na- present.
led
All this you should practice while you practice syntax. For the next
:ial fifteen chapters now you will practice both by imitation. Alerted to the
nts grammatical feature you are to concentrate on, you will see how a prothe fessional writer in full command of his diction arranges his words with the
1ve aid of the particular syntactic feature under study. With your own words,
ist, then, words selected thoughtfully by you to furnish a sentence on a sugtot gested topic, you will model the grammar of your sentence on the proven
by syntax before you. This will be the usual format. We hope it will help you
ct. to develop a store of sentence patterns, patterns like those of the profesve sionals, that should increase the expressive yield of your writing.
Imitation of this kind hardly stifles creativity-rather it primes origi. nality by giving it a slight head start and a clear destination. It trains while
it taxes inventiveness. And, of course, any time you want to write on an
unoffered topic that interests you, you should do so. The suggested topics
ke are no more than that-topics of varying complexity chosen for their comh- patibility with the grammatical pattern that is to arrange and transmit them,
of and themselves often suggested by the content or title of the model passage.
Jk Structure is the given; content is the variable.
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T h e Choice of Models
But what are you to imitate? And why? Exposition, narration, description, polemic, interrogation are used almost indiscriminately in
Grammar as Style to illustrate and examine modern professional usage.
But samples are one thing; examples for imitation are another. Should the
strategy be revised, with types of writing studiously respected and kept
separate? What author should a beginning writer with certain rather definite
goals in mind bother to emulate? What author is a good model for a senior
in high school submitting an autobiographical essay as part of a college
application? Or a first-semester college freshman facing a term paper on
the Thirty Years' War or a take-home exam on Macbeth? Or an architect
drawing up specifications for a new building, an industrialist drafting a
report to his stockholders? What can any of these writers stand to gain,
practically speaking, from a familiarity with the polished and involved
sentences of important contemporary novelists?
Or what does an entrant in the school short-story contest, a business-
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Chapter
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Kernel Sentences
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Business is business.
Knowledge is power.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty.
Virtue is her own reward.
The child is the father of the man.
Every couple is not a pair.
Liberty is not license.
Honesty is the best policy.
A subclass of these equative clauses is what we call metaphor, in its
simplest form: the equation of apparently unlike things, where a forced
synonymy brings some new insight. Here are some proverbial metaphors:
lS . . "
To get the feel of sentences with linking verbs, rewrite the last set of
proverbs as linking clauses, replacing is with feels, looks, appears, seems,
continues, gets, grows, stays, keeps, and so on.
The lntramitive
The third basic sentence pattern, the intransitive, is illustrated below:
Time flies.
Accidents will happen.
Charity begins at home.
Murder will out.
The stream cannot rise above its source.
The beggar may sing before the thief.
The fool wanders, the wise man travels.
Loving comes by looking.
Pride goeth before destruction.
The tide stays for no man.
The Transitive
And now, here are examples of the fourth basic pattern, the transitive, with its subject, verb, and direct object :
Words bind men.
The sea refuses no river.
Manners know distance.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Mercy surpasses justice.
Many drops make a shower.
The end justifies the means.
Might makes right.
Silence gives consent.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
One lie makes many.
Misery loves company.
Clothes make the man.
Pardon makes offenders.
Beauty draws more than oxen.
Death pays all debts.
Nature passes nurture.
Failure teaches success.
Her pulse beats matrimony.
History repeats itself.
Fortune favors fools.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A stitch in time saves nine.
Some Transformations
Several of the examples quoted thus far display a few of the many
transformations by which kernels are changed or expanded. In the last two
sentences of the preceding list, we see, for example, a negative, an -ing
verb preceding the subject, and a prepositional phrase following the subject. In this book, we are not using the term kernel at all rigorously, but
rather as a handy term for a short, unadorned statement in the basic
patterns.
EXERCISE 3.
See if you can recall proverbs not included above that are in kernel
or near-kernel form. Write down half a dozen or so and notice which of
the four basic patterns they follow. Then frame a few observations or generalizations of your own in short sentences. Try each of the basic patterns.
Examples: Custom is consolation. Some rules of etiquette are silly. Hemlines seem capricious. Certain human values endure. Wits write aphorisms;
fools believe them.
EXERCISE 4.
EXERCISE 5.
Now try altering some of the proverbs in the preceding lists by substituting verbs or adjectives for the nouns. For example: Fortune favors
the foolish. Dying pays all debts. Think of some proverbs that have infinitives in the noun slots (To err is human ... ) and write some of your
own.
one a stretch of energetic narration. The first relies on the be-pattern, the
second on transitive and intransitive patterns:
'
It was dreary. There was danger, but it was remote; there was
diversion, but it was rare. For the most part it was work, and work
of the most distasteful character, work which was mean and long.
-Norman Mailer, Advertisements for Myself, p. 133.
He cried out loud. He swore at the top of his voice. He fired off a gun
and made the people listen. He roared and he boasted and made
himself known. He blew back into the wind and stamped on the
rolling earth and swore up and down he could make it all stop with
his invention. He got up into the teeth of the storm and made a loud
speech which everybody heard.
-Thomas Merton, The Behavior of Titans, p. 31.
EXERCISE 6.
Study the preceding example from Norman Mailer for its repetition
of be-patterns. Imitate its form in describing a dull job, a boring class, a
gray landscape, a wearisome flight.
EXERCISE 7.
Now imitate the Merton example above. Blend transitive and intransitive kernels in single and compound sentences for a description of vigorous
behavior-an angry father, a mob leader, a baseball manager, a tennis
champion,
a rodeo rider.
.
EXERCISE 8.
Working with what you produced for the last two exercises, break the
prevailing mode of your kernels by introducing at the close a pattern from
the other end of the scale of activity, a transitive into your static passage,
for instance, or an intransitive, as in these two examples:
He looked up and perceived a great lady standing by a doorway in
a wall. It was not Jane, not like Jane. It was larger, almost gigantic.
It was not human though it was like a human divinely tall, part
naked, part wrapped in a flame-colored robe. Light came from it.
-C. S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength, p. 382.
EXERCISE 9.
Charles Dickens belongs to all the world. He is a titan of literature, and his own moving life-story, with its radiances of laughter,
its conquests of genius, and its dark and fateful drift toward disillusion even in the midst of universal acclaim, epitomizes hardly less
powerfully than his works the mingled comedy and tragedy of the
human struggle. This book is therefore addressed not only to literary
scholars, but to all who find compelling the color and fullness and
travail of life itself.
- Edgar Johnson , Charles Dickens: His Tragedy and Triumph,
p. vii.
In the sample that follows, three kernel sentences stand as a kind of
focus and pivot at the center of a paragraph:
No other natural phenomenon on the planet-not even mountains
five miles high, rivers spilling over cliffs, or redwood forests--.:.evokes
such reverence. Yet this same "all-powerful" ocean now proves as
slavishly subservient to natural laws as a moth caught by candlelight
or a rose seed blown into the the Atlantic. The ocean obeys. It heeds.
e,
It complies. It has its tolerances and its stresses. When these are surpassed, the ocean falters. Fish stocks can be depleted. The nurseries
of marine life can be varied.
-Wesley Marx, The Frail Ocean, pp. 2-3.
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Mr. Frank is very skillful, but his novel remains airless, claustrophobic, locked into a ruthlessness of perception. In real life Bartholemew might indeed be a hopeless case, but in a novel there has
got to be some contingency, some surprise, some variation. Even if
you don't believe the human lot has more to offer than this prospect
of wretchedness, you must write as if you do. Otherwise, liquor is
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quicker.
-Irving Howe, "First Novels: Sweet and Sour," Harper's, May
1968, p. 84.
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EXERCISE 10.
EXERCISE 11.
T ake as your models the two sentences below that have italicized
clauses:
He is the puritan, holding to the tradition of Socrates' cheerful indifference to bodily pleasures, but disposed to mistake this indifference for a rather grim and graceless asceticism. He can see . no
distinction between trust in providence and submission to fate.
He marches, in the filthy rags of righteousness, with face set towards
a peak of infallible wisdom and virtue, which even the small company of the elect have little or no hope to climb.
-F. M. Cornford, Before and After Socrates, p. 108.
As base clauses, take one from each of the following lists, and add
modification to it in the manner demonstrated by Cornford's sentences.
He
He
He
He
is
is
is
is
a
a
a
a
conservative . . .
liberal . . .
conformist . . .
nonconformist . . .
He
He
He
He
marches ...
talks .. .
listens .. .
waits .. .
If you wish, substitute some other noun in the first column, and some
other verb in the second. Choose a topic you know something about. Build
details into the modification.
In later chapters there will be plenty of opportunity to practice deploying a variety of modifiers around the kernel as base clause.
Chapter
Noun Phrases
EXERCISE I .
Shift gears again. Work in reverse this time by dropping noun fragments into place after their context has been prepared by fuller statement.
Simply:
Notice how much modification can attach to one unattached noun, texturing it as a developed noun phrase and pointing back to the complete sentences that give it context. Conceive your own contexts for some dramatic
noun fragments to depend on. Borrowing suggestions from the titles of the
last three excerpts, write an opening to a brief chronicle or adventure, a
memoir or other story, using noun phrases as fragments in company with
complete sentences.
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EXERCISE 4.
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machine. Or write an attack on a public figure you don't like. Use nouns
and noun compounds as prenominal modifiers. Try to create some interesting compounds. Do you find any nouns that cannot be used in this
:iS way? Try always for variety and interest, and for nouns that seem especially
suited to this task of modification.
But beware. Notice how easy it is to slip into jargon with some of
these noun compounds and noun modifiers. Make sure you do not overr- work them.
~Scientists, perhaps, have more occasion than other writers to use
tc structures of this sort. They are efficient:
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The most promising candidates for the oscillator now include such
lasers as the helium-neon gas laser, the carbon dioxide gas laser and
the neodymium-doped yttrium-aluminum-garnet crystal laser.
-Donald F. Nelson, "The Modulation of Laser Light," Scientific American, June I968, p. 17.
Nouns in Series
Different from either the free-floating nouns as fragments or the freelancing nouns in adjective territory is the special use of nouns en masse,
their premeditated jam-up in a single syntactic groove:
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EXERCISE 5.
Define yourself in this way, combining all of your roles into one. If
they will make you or your sentence more interesting, make them up, as if
you were a character in fiction.
I
EXERCISE 6.
EXERCISE 7.
Next, notice the amount of deftly varied modification that can accompany each item of such a noun series:
He was a Northerner who resembled the Southerners: in his insolence,
'his independence, his readiness to accept a challenge, his recklessness and ineptitude in practical matters, his romantic and chivalrom
view of the world in which he was living.
-Edmund Wilson, Patriotic Gore, p. 537.
Expand on this model a catalogue built for the last exercise, using
phrasal additions and compounding to add new information, and striving
for interest, variety, rhythm.
Nouns as Appositives
Study one more noun catalogue containing the bulk of information
in the sentence it expands:
He was unpredictable, at times a sly mischief-maker, at other times a
cruel tyrant, a rascal playing with dangerous arrows, and a beatific
divinity, a dispenser as well as a healer of wounds.
- Louis Untermeyer, An Uninhibited Treasury of Erotic Poetry,
p. 1.
----- -Again a noun slot is densely packed. Here, however, it is not a basic
slot in the sentence opened out for extensive modification, but rather an
adjacent niche for free modification-an appositive slot. Practice and
further description is held for Chapter 11.
EXERCISE 8.
slot in the sentence opened out for extensive modification, but rather an
adjacent niche for free modification- an appositive slot. Practice and
further description is held for Chapter 11.
EXERCISE 8.
Notice that if you inserted " was" or "were" in each of the italicized
structures above, you would be restoring the nominative absolute to a form
in which it could stand as a separate sentence. Each of the followi.Qg
nominative absolutes also is a reduced sentence, part of its predicate having
been deleted:
He laughed quietly, his sunken, shrewd eyes sparkling perceptively
with a cynical and wanton enjoyment.
-Joseph Heller, Catch-22, p. 249.
She leaned closer to him, her brown eyes popping and her blond hair,
in the heat, in the gloom, forming a damp fringe about her brow.
-James Baldwin, Another Country, p. 71.
Peace threw the bone down on the ground, his lips drawn back in
grimace.
-John Hersey, White Lotus, p. 263.
Now, the fighting done and peace restored between them, or what
ever state it was that was restored, they played together.
- William Golding, The Inheritors, p. 176.
Then these melodies turn to ice as real night music takes over,
pianos and vibes erecting clusters in the high brittle octaves and a
clarinet wandering across like a crack on a pond.
-John Updike, Rabbit, Run, p. 31.
A boat glides by like a shadow, the moon going down behind her
tall sails. The boat sails on, through the very slowly lightening night,
through moonlight and music, the soft sea speaking against her side,
and is gone again.
-Dylan Thomas, The Beach of Falesa, p. 5.
Can you reconstruct each of the nominative absolutes above into a
complete sentence? Is it possible to do so in each instance by inserting
"was" or "were"? Why do you suppose the authors did not write these
as separate sentences?
Change the italicized sentence below to a nominative absolute. At
how many different points would it be possible to attach it to the preceding sentence? Which do you prefer?
I sat before the fire, musing, till it grew late. A volume of Dickem
was on my knee.
Here is the sentence as Stephen Leacock wrote it:
So I sat before the fire, a volume of Dickens upon my knee, musing,
till it grew late.
--Stephen Leacock, "Fiction and Reality," The Bodley Head
Leacock, p. 305.
EXERCISE 9. A DESCRIPTION
Describe yourself before a fire. Use a nominative absolute or two
and some other free modification.
Remembering the discrete "noun-ness" of the fragments worked
with earlier, do you think that this isolated nominal force is carried over
into absolute constructions in any way? What effect does the freewheeling
nature of the absolute, its independence as a modifier of the whole main
clause, contribute to the feel of a sentence as it goes by?
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EXERCISE 10.
- . ., ....
So too:
'
But the last sentence was not really executed this way by its author. In
this description of a kind of bondage, the author in fact loosened her central noun phrase "a few families" from a thirty-four-word bound modifier
headed by "bound," making this over into a freely attached verb phrase
and releasing a hidden kernel as her base clause:
A few families had survived, a few farmers, bound by the simple
refusal to leave the grass, the lean growth coming slowly out of the
raw soil, the trees, rock and hill--all that the ravaging waters hod
left behind.
--Sue Grafton, Keziah Dane, p. 3.
And notice the problem created here, too, in this next hypothetical
rewrite:
Chapter
Verb Phrases
The skillful writer makes effective use of verb phrases in many
positions other than the predicate of the kernel sentence. He maneuvers
participles, gerunds, and infinitives into different positions within the kernel
-into noun, adjective, and adverb slots--and he introduces verb phrases
often as free modifiers.
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EXERCISE I.
EXERCISE 2.
Here are two participles, one past and one present, wedged into a
position between two adjectives, in another sentence about style:
The prose style of Swift is unique, an irrefrangible instrument of
clear, animated, animating and effective thought.
- Herbert Read, English Prose Style, p. xiii.
This sentence is itself animated, largely by the interesting and useful
contrast between the past and present participles, the latter suggesting the
power to infuse vitality and animation rather than just to receive or exhibit it.
Contrive a sentence of your own along these lines, perhaps pairing
excited and exciting, agitated and agitating, controlled and controlling, or
any other past participle with any present one. Write about a rock
concert or a performance of Hamlet. Notice how participles enliven your
adjectival repertoire.
A remarkable faith in the market value of participles, in their commercial drawing power, is shown by the creator of the following advertisement for a major Cinerama release, as be deliberately edits, and animates,
his copy right before our eyes:
KRAKATOA
is erupting
AGAIN!
EXERCISE 3.
EXERCISE 4.
In the next example, we see a series of past participles closely following a noun:
Seduction withheld, deferred, foiled-at any rate never accomplished
-produced many interesting and complex characters.
-Angus Wilson, "The Heroes and Heroines of Dickens/'
Dickens and the Twentieth Century, ed. by John Gross and
Gabriel Pearson, p. 5.
Can you fashion as interesting a sentence using past participles in this
way, capitalizing on their passive force to suggest action not activatedaction, as the example has it, "withheld, deferred, foiled ... never accomplished"? Imagine some frustrated or blocked hope appropriate to such
a description, and try to match the professional with your own set of
past participles.
EXERCISE 5.
Perhaps you may wish to introduce into your last sentence, or into
a new one, a similar effect with a past participle as part of a nominative
absolute, again blocking or suspending action:
Insoluble, unsolvable, the chord suspended- was it never to find
resolution?
-Conrad Aiken, Ushant: An Essay, p. 60.
If you are at a loss for a topic, try a sentence about a mediator's lack of
success in a management-labor dispute, a tired mountain climber, or a
student unable to adapt his touch to an electric typewriter.
EXERCISE 6.
Now try a gradual transition from the passive to the active state, as
accomplished with a mixture of past and present participles in the following
example:
Something dim and far removed-buried in the dcptbs from immemorial time--stirring beneath the surface-coming to lifecoming up at last-well, I know where I am now.
-C. S. Lewis, They Asked for a Paper, p. 135.
This is about a surfacing and a rising to life. You niight write about a
coming awake after an involuntary afternoon nap, for instance. You could
even use Lewis' main clause, "I know where I am now," and distribute
your participles to the left of it, all modifying yourself as subject. If you
do this, your verb phrases will be in free modification, as they obviously
were in their isolation by dashes in the sample .
Participial Modifiers in
a Right-Branching Sentence
It is usually more convenient and effective, however, to put participial
free modifiers after the base clause instead of in front of it. Right-branching
sentences allow room for elaborate modification. Brace yourself, and look
at the example on the next page.
You see there the complete sentence from Joyce in right-branching
diagram. Modification of this size and density succeeds only when separated
from the main trunk of the sentence into free-branching limbs. It succeeds,
that is, when it is not bound too tightly to a noun phrase.
EXERCISE 7.
THEY CAME
KerTUJl Base
After such a long wait for a stab at this kind of sentence, you deKa ve
free play with its many possibilities. Make some real experiments. While
you work, keep in mind some of the special features of our samples, their
unmistakable parallels and calculated successions. Notice the different
kinds of repetitions and alternations in the Condon and Cozzens excerpts:
Condon works with synonymous participles describing in different ways
actions going on at almost the same time; Cozzens records contrasting
motions, a real cycle of action. We see simultaneous action in the first
against successive action in the second. Work with each in your practice
sentences, but don't let the term "action" limit you. Think of it only as a
metaphor for syntactic motion, for grammatical sequence. Write not simply
about movements through space and time. Indeed, the "action" described
in the Condon sample is the action of remembering, and in the Cozzens sample, the sight of a stationary pattern of arches. If you are stuck for
a subject, write about prophecy, the act of looking forward, or about a
slow scanning view of an architectural skyline, with its peaks and caverns,
a sweep across Manhattan's silhouette, for instance.
Geru,ds
Gerund is the label often given to the -ing verb when it occupies a
noun position. Anywhere a noun can go, it can go.
Stealing watermelons on dark and rainy nights was a pious duty
when I was a boy.
-Donald Day, Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh, p. 5.
A GERUND SERIES AS AN
APPOSITIVE
Try gerunds not only as subjects and objects, but as predicate nouns
and appositives, even in series as gerund catalogues like this:
We also devised ordeals, which we suffered, as tests of courage,
walking bare-legged through stinging nettles, climbing high and difficult trees, signing our names in blood and so forth.
- Evelyn Waugh, A Little Learning: An Autobiography, p. 59.
You might wish to follow the professional in taking your own autobiography as subject for a sentence modeled on Waugh's.
-..,...........
_..,
-.-
Infinitives
To say this is not to condemn the age, but to discern its fate.
-Jacques Barzun, Classic, Romantic and Modem, p. 150.
To mention the name of Bert Lahr is to think of a number of enchanting words.
-Brooks Atkinson, Brief Chronicles, p. 148.
To review the concept of identity means to sketch its history.
-Erik H. Erikson, Identity: Youth and Crisis, p. 15.
EXERCISE 9.
See what you can do for some noun slots by relieving them with
infinitive phrases. Let the three nouns in our last title suggest a theme. Using
the sentences above as models, write a sentence on each of these topics:
identity, youth, crisis. Expand each to a paragraph, if you wish. One such
sentence as those above is probably enough in a paragraph. You will find
that you can easily overdo this very particular effect.
EXERCISE 10.
EXERCISE 11.
INFINITIVES OF PURPOSE
Chapter
Adjectives and
Adverbs
In the last two chapters, we have studied noun phrases and verb
phrases. Now we shall look at adjectives and adverbs, modifiers that exercise a kind of leverage on their nouns and verbs, pressing them into specification. Pushing at them from a new angle, nudging them around to show
some undisclosed facet, overturning them completely for a real surprise
or paradox-adjectives and adverbs, in effect, offer answers to questions
that may arise when we are faced with a noun or a verb.
Nouns and verbs themselves should, of course, be chosen to dispel
as much doubt as they can on their own. When there is a residue of uncertainty about them, something waiting description, a demand for more
information, adjectives and adverbs are enlisted to answer such questions
as "which?" "what sort?" "when?" "where?" "how?" "to what extent?"
Sometimes these queries are far from urgent; to address your writing to
them is to be redundant, to cheapen your sentences with unwanted modification. At other times you will find that the important new information
that the sentence is to bring can best be transported in adjectives and
adverbs.
Adjective
Mark Twain did not extend a very warm welcome to adjectives. In
Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar, he tersely advised: "As to the adjective:
when in doubt, strike it out." More recently, and with more reservation,
author Shirley Jackson warns against excess in the use of adjectives and
adverbs, calling them "coloring words." Gertrude Stein has these hard
words to say:
33
EXERCISE I.
she
put
can
use
EXERCISE 2.
- - --------------~- ---~--- ~----These two kernels, and most like them, fuse into a single transformed
whole:
Wisdom flew over his hard head.
-Bernard Malamud, The Assistant, p. 18.
This, theoretically, is the way adjectives get into sentences before nouns.
Sometimes a whole cluster at a time enters in this way, laying on its
"color" in large doses. Here are some of these, with adjectives piled relentlessly into the standard prenominal slot:
Everything he writes is written as an angry, passionate, generous,
fumbling, rebellious, bewildered and bewildering man.
-Sean O'Faolain, The Vanishing Hero, p. 108.
.Whereas the truth was, as he alone knew, that the heavens were a
glorious blazing golden limitless cathedral of unending and eternal
light.
-John Knowles, Indian Summer, p. 27.
During his four years in the Army Air Force the American people
had been represented by the other enlisted men around him, and a
more foul-mouthed, lazy, suspicious, malingering, pessimistic,
anemic, low-down bunch of cruds it would be hard to picture.
-John Knowles, I ndian Summer, p. 8.
A planned impact is the obvious result of these mammoth modifications. Try for it yourself. Again, if you choose, keep the author's given
frame and fill it up with your own adjectives.
But notice how soon you would tire of these effects, how soon you
would go with Gertrude Stein for the pruning away of adjectives. In
general, the trick is to use only the ones you need, to edit only after you
have made some very careful choices in the first place. But equally important is the arrangement of what remains, the flair with which you can
parcel out your adjectives beside each other and around their nouns.
EXERCISE 3.
Extract the essential descriptive information from the separate sentences in the following sets of data. Remodel it into one sentence each,
with one main clause-and thus, heavily adjectival. Place some adjectives
before the nouns; set others off by commas after the nouns. Pay particular
attention to the smoothness and rhythm of modification. Then compare
it with the authors' own structuring of the material, given in a key at the
---,---.--
--- -- ------
EXERCISE 4.
Now jot down a string of sentences, giving one new piece of information each to our growing knowledge of some person or some gadget, for
instance, or an abstract idea, like "hate" or "laughter." Try to make each
new snippet of information interesting in itself. Then assemble them in one
long and interesting sentence, again with one main clause strongly
adjectival.
EXERCISE 5.
ISOLATED ADJECTIVES
EXERCISE 6.
Participles, with their latent verbal force, are especially useful for
suggestive modification. In the first sample, below, the present participle
interrupts the sentence just as the described building interrupts the scene.
In the second sample, the past participle has, in a sense, "transfixed" the
sentence itself at its own close:
Our living room looked out across a small back yard to a rough
stone wall to an apartment building which, towering above, caught
every passing thoroughfare sound and rifled it straight down to me.
-Ralph Ellison, Shadow and Act, p. 187.
Onlookers young and old line the curb, transfixed.
-Sidney Petrie in association with Robert B. Stone, What
Modern Hypnotism Can Do for You, p. 11.
See if you can fit your adjective and its chosen spot as closely to the
matter you write about. Try making things easy for yourself at the start;
pick an adjective or a participle that cries out for this kind of dramatic
isolation: like isolated, or alone, separate, peripheral, finished, dead.
Adverbs
The other "coloring words," the adverbs, can submit themselves to
the same kind of spotlighted detachment. Their position in the kernel, you
will remember, is the optional fourth slot in all four patterns. But by the
simplest of transformations, their unequaled syntactic mobility shifts them
into almost any position. Like these:
From mind the impetus came and through mind my course was set,
and therefore nothing on earth could really surprise me, utterly.
-Saul Bellow, Henderson the Rain King, p. 156.
And the fact remains, mortifyingly, that we can issue no book of
this sort without ransacking the whole house.
- John Crowe Ransom, The Kenyon Critics, p. vii.
We have a variety of answers, most of them probably right for some
god, somewhere.
-Mary Barnard, The Mythmakers, p. 90.
She held the paper bag containing two bottles close to her side, a
little furtively.
-William Van O'Connor, Campus on the R iver, p. 54.
This is not how Dostoevsky meant, intellectually, for the history of
Myshkin to come out, but it is how, imaginatively, it had to come out.
-R. P. Blackmur, Eleven Essays in the European Novel,
p. 142.
Perhaps they reminded me, distantly, of myself, long ago. Perhaps
they reminded me, dimly, of something we had lost.
-lames Baldwin, Tell Me How Long the Train's Been Gone,
p. 480.
The mobility of adverbs also sends them into adjective territory to
modify those other coloring words:
He was fatally vulgar!
-Norman Mailer, The Armies of the Night, p. 44.
It was very bot and bright and the houses looked sharply white.
-Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises, last page.
We were rather priggishly high-minded.
- Evelyn Waugh, A Little Learning: An Autobiography, p. 59.
EXERCISE 7.
EXERCISE 8.
Do not stick with single adverbs. Investigate the variety and effect of
adverbial phrases. Notice in Aiken's sentence above how a parallelism of
such phrases ties the sentence together. This cohesive effect is one owed
often to adverbs, as they direct us through large verbal spaces:
Lightning spit all around him; rain cut in at his face; thunder
crashed against his eardrums. Another bolt of lightning, closer. Then
another, closer still.
Clay looked up, straight, right up into the sky.
-William Goldman, Soldier in the Rain, p. 308.
Their way led through a wide, thick forest, in which there was a
narrow defile; this was a notorious haunt of bandits, whose habit it
was to lie in wait for prey among the thick bushes that fringed the
track. Here Belisarius prepared an ambush. On one side of the track
he hid Trajan's troop, on the other Thurimuth's; and behind them,
lining the steep sides of the defile, his army of "spectators," as he
called his stake-armed infantry.
-Robert Graves, Count Belisarius, pp. 396-397.
Direct us with your adverbial phrases across such a space, while at
the same time incorporating other types of single-word adverbs, clustered
around a verb or set aside. Do not use an unreasonable number of adverbs,
though. Weigh results for yourself, strike your own balance. You might
EXERCISE 10.
you don't need unnecessary adverbs to glamorize them. And then use only
those adjectives and adverbs that will be a credit to your nouns and verbs
-to their meaning and to their rhythm. Be very careful with the tempo of
your modification, the ease with which it passes and completes. Use free
modification, putting many of your nouns and verbs into major appositives
and absolutes. Use verbs also in free participial phrases, and employ
gerunds and infinitives on behalf of nouns. Try a catalogue of nouns or
adjectives, and don't forget to spotlight by isolation an adjective or an
adverb here and there.
KEY TO EXERCISE 3.
'
a. He had a momentary, scared glimpse of their faces, thin and unnaturally long, with long, drooping noses and drooping mouths of
half-spectral, half-idiotic solemnity.
-C. S. Lewis, Out of the Silent Planet, p. 44.
b. Father Urban, fifty-four, tall and handsome but a trifle loose in
the jowls and red of eye, smiled and put out his hand.
-1. F. Powers, Morte d'Urban, p. 17.
c. As she talked of her girlhood, the sad-eyed, embittered, courageous but snobbish Kensington woman gave way to a curiously
gauche, yet flirtatious and, above all extraordinarily adventurous,
hopeful person.
-Angus Wilson, The Wild Garden, p. 63.
Chapter
Prepositions
The preposition contributes to style not just as a structural word,
designed to rivet a noun phrase to some other part of the sentence, but
often as the carrier of unique "content," in that it is the namer of some
very particular relation.
...
She was alone again in the darkness behind her lids, and the wish
struggled in her body like a child .
-p. 304.
She had denied just now that she felt any bitterness, but a little more 1
of it drained out now like tears from exhausted ducts.
-p. 306.
EXERCISE 1.
You say you love me, and yet you'll do this to me-rob me of you
for ever.
- p. 289.
EXERCISE 2.
REPETITION OF PREPOSITIONS IN
SEQUENCE
Use this stylistic and thematic echo from The Heart of the Matter
as your guide in writing your own pair of sentences. Write a sentence
with a sequence of prepositional phrases. Then write a related sentence
with the same sequence of prepositions, your own significant parallel.
Human love admits of many relationships, grammatical and otherwise.
Choose some Matter of the Heart for your subject, and experiment in
rough imitation of Greene. Use more prepositions than he did, even, for
practice in their various directions and effects.
EXERCISE 3.
This is adroit grammar. Notice how the alternation of "within" and "outside," cleverly varied, captures the shifting subjective focus of the scene,
and how the last sequence of prepositional phrases guides and builds the
sentence to its climax in the statement of personal need.
See what you can do along these lines, placing prepositions for
alternation and contrast or for progressive specification. Here are some
less dramatic samples:
The intellectuals can no longer be said to live beyond the margins
or within the crevices of society.
- Irving Howe, "Radical Questions and the American Intellectual," Partisan Review, Spring 1966, p. 180.
Faulkner rued as the culture which sustained him was also dying,
died in history, that is to say, rather than against it.
-Leslie A . Fiedler, Waiting for the End, p. 11.
Our immediate experiences come to us, so to say, through the refracting medium of the art we like.
-Aldous Huxley, Literature and Science, p. 71.
Imitate one of each, one sentence that turns on a contrast of prepositions,
one that moves through a sequence of them. Write about anti-intellectuals,
squirrels, Northerners, ballet.
EXERCISE 4.
Before him, the river and to the right, the long grey bridges spanning
it- Henry Roth, Call It Sleep, p. 257.
EXERCISE 5.
On your own now, assign and situate some noun phrases, implying
predication, perhaps, but using only prepositions. Write about home, winter,
discontent, or sleep.
The sense of predication was much stronger, of course, in the baby's
Up!, its anxious attempt at a sentence, than in the above samples. Closer
to that verbal force are the prepositions in the examples collected below.
The condensation of an understood action into a single prepositional phrase
is common enough in poetry. Shakespeare, in The Tempest, had bis char-
acter say "I shall no more to sea!" and a modern novelist has the sanw:
privilege:
But what could he do about that? To the sea! To the sea!- What sea?
-Saul Bellow, Herzog, p. 34.
EXERCISE 6.
All the way home in the taxi and in the lift up to her flat on the
seventh floor Mrs. Liebig kept on talking.
-Angus Wilson, "After the Show," A Bit off the Map and
Other Stories, p. 110.
Chapter
Conjunctions and
Coordination
Like prepositions, conjunctions are structural words. And coordination is a structural principle, a method of sentence-building. But again,
conjunctions and coordination are more than mere structural devices. They
involve meaning, or content, as well as structure. It is axiomatic in all
writing about style that meaning can be jeopardized or abetted by structure, and nowhere more clearly than in the case of coordination.
Par ata%U
xzv.
She must rush, she must hurry, before it was too late.
-John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent, p. 198.
so
Tben be was up again, running faster than ever, then the dogs were
gaining on him again.
--George Orwell, Animal Farm, p. 58.
Footsteps outside the door jar me from my reverie, I hear white
men's voices.
- William Styron, The Confessions of Nat Turner, p. 426.
They snipped the ribbon in 1915, they popped the cork, Miami
Beach was born.
-Norman Mailer, Miami and the Siege of Chicago, p. 11.
You may have unwittingly tried out one or two of these at one
time or another; perhaps you were accused of a "run-on" or a "commasplice" and cruelly downgraded. But if you build into the semantic structure of your sentences a good enough case for these abutting clauses, you
may now practice a few with impunity.
EXERCISE I.
ABUTTING CLAUSES
Study the preceding samples, and pick as your models those that
interest you and that fit syntax to sense most effectively. Abruptness or
hurry, for instance, seems a subject to justify abrupt or hurried connection, a paratactic grammar. Automatic links in thought often deserve
them in syntax. Notice, too, bow often kernels are spliced or abutted in
this way. There is something about minimal utterance that encourages
minimal connection. Begin with kernels, a good review in itself. Compose a set of abutting clauses for each of the four types- be-patterns,
linking, intransitive, and transitive--and then set one type harshly against
another. Do certain types seem to lend themselves more easily to this
sort of connection? In your practice, work with temporal, spatial, and
logical sequences. Write about the rapidity with which a certain couple
met, went steady, and became engaged; the wind-up, pitch, and batting
slam of a perfect base hit; the sure speed of public justice in catching,
convicting, sentencing, and confining an extortionist. Many other subjects
can be made just right for this kind of coordination. Try in your sentences for the aptness achieved by the following authors, in clauses that
slide automatically forward, pause and repeat, go doggedly on--each as a
grammatical replica of meaning. (See Chapter 16--"Syntactic Symbolism:
Grammar as Analogue.")
The last screw carne out, the whole lock case slid down, freeing the
bolt.
- David Wagoner, The Escape Artist, p. 244.
Suffering, weakness, death are not, in themselves, tragic; this is common knowledge.
-Elizabeth Sewell, The Human Metaphor, p. 138.
And from these tight paratactic clusters we turn to the expanded series
with a conjunction between each item and the next, drawing out the series
and relaxing the connections even more.
String
of "And."
Here are some of these easy, singsong listings, one and two and
three and four, and so on:
In the kitchen they had grits and grease and side meat and coffee for
breakfast.
-Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, p. 204.
EXERCISE 3.
EXERCISE 4.
A BLEND OF CONJUNCTIONS
Now notice, for imitation, the various rhythms that a blend of different conjunctions can produce:
But during his son's time it fell less and less into use, and slowly
and imperceptively it lost its jovial but stately masculinity.
-William Faulkner, Sartoris, p. 59.
Her face was worn but her hair was black, and her eyes and lips
were pretty.
-Bernard Malamud, 'The Maid's Shoes," Idiots First, p. 153.
They were neither citadels nor churches, but frankly and beautifully
office-buildings.
-Sinclair Lewis, Babbitt, p. 5.
Anticipating your practice with balance and rhythm in Chapter 14
on Parallelism, and looking back to your exercises in the smooth deployment of adjectives in Chapter 5, produce some nicely timed, well-moving
sentences like those above. Modify and qualify, display and contrastand do it with conjunctions, and, but, or, not, and so forth. Convey in
two or three sentences like this the emotional aura against the factual
burden, style versus content, in a major political address.
Correlatives
If you matched your own syntax to the last of the preceding models,
you have the jump on this discussion of the correlative conjunctions.
Certain precoordinators, both, not, either, neither hook up with conjunctions and, but, or, nor to produce the basic correlative frames both . . .
and, not (only) . . . but (also), either . . . or, neither . . . nor. You have
seen an example of the last already. Here is another, dropping the
precoordinator the second time around:
He had neither companions nor friends, church nor creed.
- James Joyce, "A Painful Case," Dubliners, p. 109.
\
Prom now onwards Animal Farm would engage in trade with the
neighbouring farms: not, of course, for any commercial purpose, but
simply in order to obtain certain materials which were urgently
necessary.
- George Orwell, Animal Farm, p. 66.
EXERCISE 5.
Without your hand getting to feel too heavy, see how many correlative structures you can use effectively in a few sentences. Think carefully,
first, of an idea warranting this kind of measured, logical development.
This hardly restricts you to dry philosophical argument, say, or to legal
prose. Imagine yourself an editorial writer for a large metropolitan newspaper. Consider the problem of rising costs in election campaigns, and
evaluate some of 'the techniques candidates use in an effort to influence
voters. Propose some alternatives.
Indeed, everyone who knew Matt recognized it and all our friends
came to sympathize with him and with me and to see how we took
our misfortune.
-Joyce Cary, Herself Surprised, p. 56.
The hopeful attitudes are phenomena, indeed, about which we are
today somewhat embarrassed.
- R. W. B. Lewis, The American Adam, p. 195.
This heading refers to the process at its largest range, not just to a .
device for local adhesion. It refers to an entire mode of writing, applied
to narration and to exposition alike. Coordination can be either loose
and rambling or weighed, calculated, and balanced. An example of each
type follows, of planned but casual additions and of heavily plotted coordination in phrase and clause:
Slowly, ever so slowly, comprehension and compassion become possible things, and the transparent curtain is gone and faces are no
longer strange. Old tides pull at me and ancient swells sweep in from
forgotten seas and support me, and I have a lightness, and I take
my coat because these June nights can be bitter, and there is a star
in the southern sky, the most magnificent star that I have ever seen,
and I am beginning to know its name, Alpha Centauri.
-Robert Ardrey, African Genesis, closing paragraph.
The title sets the theme and tells the story. Civilization is disintegrated and meaning is disintegrated and despair and disillusion stalk
the waste land of the world. Now Eliot undertook to delineate this
distintegration of thoughts and things and processes by an analogous
disintegration of speech and technique. Chaos of the world and
the soul is set forth by the learned and calculated chaos of the
poem's method. . . . Men not ignoble have gone down before life
in other ages and wandered in waste lands and taken refuge in some
monastery or hermitage either of the soul or of the body or of both.
-Ludwig Lewisohn, Expression in America, p. 587.
EXERCISE 6.
~he
Use each of
two preceding passages as a model for an effort of I
your own, perhaps borrowing the topics of Africa and America and writing 1
about some sort of expression characteristic of each, maybe musicalAfrican tiibal music and American jazz. Divide the topics, one each, between j
the two types of coordination you are to use, the loose and the balanced,
or treat the subjects together in two different modes of grammatical ar-
....-mt, experimenting with the difference in effect. Don't restrict yourself, oecessarily, as much as the samples did to the conjunction and. Use
but, or, nor, and others when you can. Limber up for the final exercise
below.
EXERCISE 7.
PRACTICE IN COORDINATION
Chapter
Dependent Clauses
Acquaint yourself in the following samples with the different positions and patterns, the parallels and contractions that relative clauses allow:
Colleges insist on graduating students who can't write an intelligible
English sentence, who don't speak three words of a foreign language,
who have read neither Marx nor Keynes nor Freud nor Joyce, and
who never will.
- Cecelia Holland, "/ Don't Trust Anyone under 30," The
Saturday Evening Post, August 10, 1968, p. 12.
What this man does, and what he is supposed to do, are subjects
of great confusion among laymen, ministers, doctors, and even psychiatrists themselves, but in broad terms his assignment is clear.
-Richard Lemon, "Psychiatry: The Uncertain Science," The
Saturday Evening Post, August 10, 1968, p. 37.
EXERCISE I.
EXERCISE 2.
58
Winston Churchill is, beyond all doubt, that statesman who became
the greatest historian, and that historian who became the greatest
statesman in the long annals of England.
- Henry Steele Commager, "The Statesman as Historian,"
Saturday Review, May 18, 1968, p. 26.
Reflect on the greatness of an American statesman, or your own
favorite superstar in music, movies, or sports, and celebrate his or her
achievement in a sentence like that last.
EXERCISE 4.
MULTIPLE SUBJECTS IN A
RELATIVE CLAUSE
Notice the faster shuttling of the next sample, where "which" attaches
itself to four nouns in the compound subject of a single relative clause, for
a rising anticipation of the waiting verb:
The reader is invited to open any Dickens novel at random to see
which character, which landscape, which house, which room is performing its loud and distinct nature to which audience.
-Robert Garis, The Dickens Theatre, p. 69.
Before this, our last three examples came from Saturday magazines,
two from the now defunct Saturday Evening Post, a third from the Saturday Review. Use Saturday as a subject for a sentence like the one above,
with multiple subjects in a relative clause. Or take as your subject a coach
pondering his strategy, a girl dressing for a date, a couple choosing furniture.
EXERCISE 5.
Now practice with "concentric" clauses, one nested inside the other.
Find a very good reason, however, in your subject itself for this sort of
internal development, one as obvious as this series of interiors:
The inner door, which led to the passage, which in turn led to the
storm door, was beside the stove.
-John Steinbeck, The Moon Is Down, p. 122.
Tlte, wlwn ocquired, may in tum lead to general theories about the
process or products of literature, if a general theory happens to be
the bent of a critic's interest.
- Frye, p. 112.
, Below are three left-branching sentences that open on a free subordinate
clause marked off by a comma from the main clause:
SUBORDINATE CLAUSE AS
SENTENCE-OPENER
EXERCISE 7.
SUBORDINATE CLAUSE AS
SENTENCE-CONCLUDER
concluder. Perhaps you can contrive a sentence that will nicely follow die
one you wrote for Exercise 6. Try locating some sort of conclusion, or
key idea, or punch line in the final subordinate clause.
'
Chapter
Sentence Openers
and Inversion
An ecstasy of flight made radiant his eyes and wild his breath and
EXERCISE 1.
oa ,oar own,
there is
EXERCISE 2.
Notice that Tolkien's sentence is a special kind of inversion, a theretransformation. Following is another, aided by a front-shifted adverbial
cluster, prolonging our wait for a subject that only at last ''begins to
emerge":
~p.
-Frank Kermode, Continuities, p. 225.
Memoir and biography are the modes of the .first two examples above.
Perhaps you can combine them. Imagine a conversation at a funhouse, or .
somewhere in an amusement park. Describe this conversation, perhaps
with a stranger, maybe a barker at one of the attractions, as if it were
an important memory or sipi.ficant incident in someone's biography. Use
at least two different kinds of inversion in the passage, desiped to locate
an emphasis that is particularly desirable. Perhaps you may want to use
an adjectival opener at some point. Here is one inverted from the predicate,
an additional model:
Gone are the potted plants, the Christmas cheeses, the toys for the
children that were regularly issued by the old Francis Cleary.
- Mary McCarthy, Cast a Cold Eye, p. 79.
.I
EXERCISE 4.
'
I
II
~
STRATEGIC INVERSIONS
Mold some sentences of your own after these examples. Plot out
emphasis and elaboration in advance, and for the latter use as many
different types of free modification as you can. Perhaps you may wish to
let the grammatical topic itself suggest subjects to you. Write about inversions of inherited moral values, about a historical event that reversed
the course of world affairs, about drastic shifts in popular opinion,
reversals_in support of the President on some matter of foreign policy, or
rapid faddish changes in public taste, in hairstyles or in skirt lengths. Be
Another kind of tactical inversion, besides that planned to aid elaboration, is one mentioned already- inversion to assist cohesion. Again
adverbial openers often set the stage, preceding the verb "came" in both
of the next two samples. Below, the plan allows the second sentence to
follow as "close upon" its forerunner as the sense tells us:
Emily Caldwell's intellectual pretensions were the first matter of
comment and then, what seemed connected, her manner of dress.
Close upon these came Emily's self-indulgence, a certain affair of
strawberry jam bought with relief money.
- Lionel Trilling, The Middle of the Journey, p. 69.
And in the next sample, strong cohesion comes from inversion of "came"
and the subject in the excerpt's second sentence, permitting the "through"
phrase to open the sentence and to stand next to the "through" phrase in
the preceding sentence.
Light fell through the colors of the stained glass beyond the altar.
Through the windows ajar on the side aisle came the sweetness of
blossom, of bruised grass, of river mud.
-Robert Penn Warren, Flood, p. 78.
EXERCISE 5.
Pairing the last two titles as your subject, develop a short narrative
paragraph about a journey, by car or on horseback, interrupted by a flood.
Tie your separate actions and fast observations together at least once by
means of a cohesive inversion, perhaps in the center of your paragraph.
It is even possible to combine the inversion for apt emphasis with
this cohesive inversion. Below, the adverbial opener and its follow-up
inversion let "stand out" in final position, as meaning dictates, the dis-
bird
subject of the first sentence, just before its renewal at the head
of the second:
From the age of Britain's greatest internal disorder stand out the life
and work of John Milton. His life and work are, like the national
setting, disjointed.
--G. Wilson Knight, Chariot of Wrath, p. 17.
Notice how complete is the gearing of syntax to sense, how the second
sentence itself is grammatically "disjointed," jerky. And for another
double-duty inversion, scheming for emphasis and transition, here is an
excerpt in which one thing "flows from" another in a syntax calculated to
strengthen the cohesive link of the demonstrative reference ("this repudiation") :
To be cultivated is to be imitative; whereas, if one is to create, one
must be imaginatively and emotionally spontaneous. From this repudiation of imitation in favor of spontaneity have flowed innumererable consequences down to the present day, not merely in literature
but in life.
- Irving Babbitt, On Being Creative, pp. 3-4.
EXERCISE 6.
Put off your own "repudiation of imitation" awhile longer, and learn
creative grammar by imitation-the working plan of this entire volume.
Right now, devise a pair of sentences, one inverted, around some form of
the verb "flow." Add your work to the last passage you wrote about the
flood, with which it might well fit. Or write about the flow of silt and
other deposits from a glacial source down the length of a river system to a
large delta region. Or a less literal flow-of propaganda from behind the
Iron Curtain, of arms to some revolutionary leader in Africa, or an
economic movement of goods to consumers or money to manufacturers.
Evaluate what you describe, and use many details to substantiate. Use
inversion to move smoothly from one sentence to the next.
Inversion as a Mannerism
Inversion and its strategies of dislocation, its tricks for emphasis,
elaboration, linkage, cohesion, are necessary tools for an accomplished
writer, but ones that are not his workaday equipment. Remember to start
your sentences with their subjects unless there is good reason not to. Any
'
,..
II -
--
'
The baroque and absurd inversions in the left-branch above, itself part
of an elaborate delay of the subject, and later of the verb, score heavily
in this parody of biblical rhythms in modem fiction.
So, again, start with the subject unless something better suggests
itself. And remember, if the need arises, there are methods other than
inversion available to you for reordering the grammatical priorities of your
sentences, for shifting positions, fixing new emphases, regulating stress
and modification, transition and cohesion. When, for example, you want
something to enter before your subject, but do not want to deform your
main clause by inversion in order to have this, when you wish to bring
forward a dependent clause or some sort of a phrase in free modification,
the techniques you need are those you will be practicing at the beginning
of the next chapter.
Chapter
Free Modifiers:
Left-Branching, Mid-Branching,
and Right-Branching Sentences
One of the perennial subjects of philosophical discussion, being important, indeterminate, inexhaustible, and, above all, intrinsically
. interesting, style is at the present time as lively a theme as it ever was.
-W. C. Brownell, The Genius of Style, opening sentence.
EXERCISE I.
See how many different arrangements you can make of the three parts
of the sample sentence. First, put both free modifiers at the end of the
71
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O.f fl:,f'
Pe~e
"l),...
""'lll
eit:!
$q6
7f'%
'gIll)
'Po~t:.~
Of
"'~l,
P41i,
.
l.tJctet.
f'rl)] .
'IJ)<lte:
oso
'PI;,;
eli/
'I(Je
~c
~~~llslJ'b)jf'
llss.
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Le/t-Branch e
Baae Claue
the middle of the base clause, that is, as mid-branches, between the subject
and the predicate. Do you like either arrangement as well as the one the
author himself chose? How many other possible arrangements can you
figure out for this sentence? Try having one left-branch and one rightbranch. Try having one mid-branch and one right-branch.
Left-Branching Samples
The two free modifiers in the sample consist of a noun phrase and
an -ing verb phrase. The noun phrase is a front-shifted appositive. The
verb phrase is a participle heading a string of adjectives. Here are some
additional left-branching sentences, the first another front-shifted appositive:
A woman once of some height, she is bept small, and the lingering
strands of black look dirty in her white hair.
-John Updike, Rabbit, Run, p. 111.
And here is a left-branch of "appositional" adjectives:
EXERCISE 2.
TEMPORAL SEQUENCE IN
L EFT-BRANCHES
Take the two kernels in the preceding samples and use them as
base clauses for two left-branching sentences of your own. As you keep
EXERCISE 3.
H. W. Fowler admonishes us about the use of participial leftbranches, what he cans the "sentry participle":
EXERCISE 4.
Relieved of Babbitt's bumbling and the soft grunts with which his
wife expressed the sympathy she was too experienced to feel and
much too experienced not to show, their bedroom settled instantly
into impersonality.
-Sinclair Lewis, Babbitt, p. 15.
The participle, from which a large relative clause grows, is in the past
tense, conveying a sense of completed action out of which the main clause
issues with a kind of finality and relief. This is exactly what the author
wanted, the main clause settling into view only after certain conditions
have been met.
Fashion a sentence like this about some other relief and its effect,
about the halt of papers and exams for another summer or of nine-to-five
I hours at the office for another two-week vacation. Or about finality, about
a momentous decision reached, an ordeal over, a career ruined, a task
finished, a piece of legislation passed- anything that needs left-branching,
dramatic preparation.
It is important to get enough practice with left-branching sentences
to have their services in reserve when they are the best stylistic choice.
And important, then, to use them sparingly.
For additional practice, notice the special effects gained by parallelism
in the three samples that follow. The left-branches of the first consist of
three "if'' clauses:
If "one touch of nature makes the whole world kin" does not illuminate reality, if "our little life is rounded with a sleep" does not put
life into simple perspective, if the music, the fresh phrasing and the
vigorous rhythms do not come alive, Shakespeare is a wordy bore.
-Brooks Atkinson, Brief Chronicles, p. 152.
A temporal pattern, framed by "when .. . when ... then" introduces
the first example to follow, and a temporal-causal "as ... as ... as ...
so" introduces the second. Diagrams of the two appear on p. 76. Study
them, noticing the special rhythm that parallelism gives to each:
When a writer begins to be successful, when he begins to soar, outwardly but especially inwardly, then, to save him from infatuation,
he needs to be pelted with bitter apples.
- VanWyck Brooks, A Chilmark Miscellany, p. 3;
Bale Clause
~e~
o<V"'
~e~
#~
\S>'b-\.
-.,o
e,e'.._o ~
Le/t-Branche
Base Clause
EXERCISE 5.
PARALLEL BRANCHES
Mid-Branching
Base Clause
Mid-Branches
Base Clause
This chart shows free modification-a quartet of appositives themselves expanded by phrase and clause-branching between the subject
and the predicate of the sentence.
Obviously the experiences of Negroes-slavery, the grueling and continuing fight for full citizenship since emancipation, the stigma of
color, the enforced alienation which constantly knifes into our national identification with our country-have not been those of white
Americans.
-Ralph Ellison, Shadow and Act, p. 24.
INSERTION OF EXPLANATORY
REPHRASINGS
Appositive noun phrases also interrupt the next sample, holding off
completion for the insertion of explanatory rephrasings:
Of course it was a hell of a nerve for an instructor with so little
experience in a college, an Easterner not long in the West, until
recently a stranger to most of his colleagues, to ask them to elect
him head of department.
- Bernard Malamud, A New Life, p. 289.
Enter data of your own, in midstream in this sentence or one like it:
"Of course it was a hell of a nerve for a newcomer with so little experience in politics . . . to ask them to elect him governor of the state."
EXERCISE 8.
Now scan the following mid-branching sentence and its incorporation of verb phrases, prepositional phrases, and nominative absolutes
between subject and verb:
The Grandmother, muffled down in the back seat in the corner of
the old carryall, in her worn sealskin pelisse, showing coffee-brown
at the edges, her eyes closed, her hands waving together, had been
occupied once more in losing a son.
-Katherine Anne Porter, "The Old Order," Leaning Tower
and Other Stories, p. 44.
THE GRANDMOTHER
Bae
After writing about the problems of minority groups and underprivileged citizens in question 6, now you might treat problems of the aged,
in specific terms rather than general. Use the grandmother from the
example as your subject, perhaps, and discuss another loss: "The grandmother . . . was gradually losing interest in getting out and meeting
people." This is just a suggestion, and you may vary it in any way you
choose, writing about a grandfather or, optimistically, about the gains of
age, the gift of full maturity and hindsight. Whatever your subject, use participial phrases and absolutes in the mid-branches. Follow the model.
Also, take advantage of the central branching and its postponement of
predication. Use its arrival before the verb to explain matters that naturally
condition the action recounted by the verb-the reasons, to return to the
suggested base clause, for the grandmother's gradual retirement, her retreat
from society.
R ight-B ranching
If you were to put everything you added to the preceding base
clause, the given one or your own, not in the middle but after the full
stop at the end of the clause, you would make a right-branching sentence.
F rancis Christensen has appropriately named this formulation the cumula-
success1ve,
bl c~lly when the right-branch is developed with verb
phrases, carrying us past completion into active elaboration, kinetic,
evolving. Here are participial expansions that demonstrate this:
She had left him, really, packing up suddenly in a cold quiet fury,
stabbing him with her elbows when he tried to get his arms around
her, now and again cutting him to the bone with a short sentence
expelled through her clenched teeth.
-Katherine Anne Porter, "That Tree," Flowering Judas and
Other Stories, pp. 95-96.
Their trim boots prattled as they stood on the steps of the colonnade,
talking quietly and gaily, glancing at the clouds, holding their umbrellas at cunning angles against the few last raindrops, closing them
again, holding their skirts demurely.
-James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, p. 216.
Here is the second in diagram:
I
PRATTLED AS
THEY STOOD . . .
Base
Rlght-Branchu
EXERCISE 9.
PARTICIPLES IN RIGHT-BRANCHES
EXERCISE J.O.
Below is a sentence with a short left-branch and a considerable rightbranch, the latter illustrating even more clearly an accumulation that is
also a progress or succession:
His grandfather's dry grip enveloping the end of his arm, David
walked up Wilson A venue, where men were digging for the clover-
leaf, past the house of the woman who teased, along the wall where
fearless bad boys dared run along the top, when a fall would break
their necks.
-John Updike, The Poorhouse Fair, p. 96.
In much the same way, this time with adverbial phrases and clauses
rather than participial expansions, describe a walk downtown or across
campus, or, as if in a historical novel, a carriage ride through ornate
gates and across the spacious lawn to the manor house beyond. Experiment
with the number and individual length of the expanding units, and with the
variety of possible arrangements. What effect does parallelism, pairing,
or other close grouping- such as across the street, across the mall, along
the sidewalk, up the steps, for instance- have on the sense of movement
imparted? Make your placement and tempo contribute to the implications
of your writing.
EXERCISE 11.
lzrt aJm,
,. . , witlt moortlight falling across her face, her
right arm flung back on the pillow, crooked over her head, her left
arm laid across the mounds of her breasts.
-Robert Penn Warren, The Cave, p. I I.
The nominative absolute, in its near approach to an independent
clause, is the freest of possible attachments. As a sentence modifier hooked
to no one part of the base clause but rather adding to it as a whole, this
construction does its best work in a right-branch. Put it into one of your
own, manufacturing it from the raw material found below. Synthesize the
separate data into one main clause with a manifold right extension, the
latter containing one adjective phrase and four nominative absolutes.
He went to speak to Mrs. Bean.
She was tiny among the pillows.
Her small toothless mouth was open like an "0."
Her skin was stretched thin and white over her bones.
Her huge eye-sockets and eyes were in a fixed, infant-like stare.
Her sparse white hair was short and straggling over her brow.
Now turn to the end of this chapter for this sentence as it appeared in
its own novel.
EXERCISE 12.
Follow the same procedure with the sentences below, remolding them
into a single right-branching structure-this time of very mixed ingredients, including verb and prepositional phrases, relative and subordinate
clauses.
Ben lay upon the bed below them.
He was drenched in light.
He seemed like some enormous insect on a naturalist's table.
They looked at him.
He was fighting to save with his poor wasted body the life that no one
'
could save for him.
Watch all this find its way into a single sentence (see author's version, p.
84), and notice the variety of material that can be managed in this way,
phrases headed by one subject giving way to clauses or absolutes introducing new related subjects.
EXERCISE U.
A. LONG ONE
He went to speak to Mrs. Bean, tiny among the pillows, her small I
toothless mouth open like an "0," her skin stretched thin and white 1
over her bones, her huge eye-sockets and eyes in a fixed, infant-likt 1
stare, and her sparse white hair short and straggling over her brow. 1
- Muriel Spark, Memento Mori, p. 173.
I
t
Ben lay upon the bed below them, drenched in light, like some enor
mous insect on a naturalist's table, fighting, while they looked at him,
to save with his poor wasted body the life that no one could savt
for him.
- Thomas Wolfe, Look Homeward, Angel, p. 452.
Chapter
The Appositive
v
1
r
3
The first two of the three appositives in the right-branch of that sentence stand almost as a definition of the appositive: "a working over some! thing, a direction." The appositive does rep.a me or revise, working over an
, idea, that is, and redirecting it for new emphasis. Changing perspective,
! narrowing or widening our focus, the appositive can open out an idea .or
close down on it, generalize or specify, qualify or confirm, or merely emphasize. In its common form as a free noun phrase, it often serves to break
up an otherwise loaded pattern by shearing off part of the meaning into
a separate, appositional unit. It does this work in one of two ways, in a
.pattern of (1) reiteration or (2) synonymy.
EXER CISE I.
EXERCISE 2.
T he Appositive as Synonym
The "device" Christensen used was, of course, the appositive of
reiteration. Even more common, and more likely to include the major
data of a sentence, is the appositive as synonym, the second of the types
mentioned at the start of this discussion. This appositive often arrives in
f
f
11
He lumbered into the city room, a big guy in his middle twenties,
wearing a suit too dark for the season, and the disconsolate frown
of a hunter who has seen nothing but warblers all day.
-James Thurber, "Newspaperman," The New Yorker, January 5, 1952.
The theme is that of all Robin Hood ballads, the setting of the fair,
free, honest forest life against that of the town, the law, and the
church.
-Evelyn Kendrick Wells, The Ballad Tree, p. 21.
II.
It
s.
e
l
s
l
The domestic novel offered this glorification in the child only lent by
God, the baby angel, the fading flower, the little ones too good for
the world's wickedness, the Frankies and E/fies and Charlies and
Nellies remembered by the tiny rose-bud, the golden curl, the crumbled shoe, the dented locket- gone to meet again in a happier place.
-Helen Waite Papashvily, All the Happy Endings, p. 194.
EXERCISE 3.
Milton, one of the greatest poets, draws heavily on the work of his
predecessors.
Milton, one of the least-read poets, demands that his readers know
the classics and the Bible.
AN APPOSITIVE ROMP
IJD=
and they should be employed
French haute couture, Mexican folk music, American jazz- this blend
of seemingly disparate elements is typical of the invigorating curiosity
which has led today's young creative talents to cut through the relatively provincial categorization which once designated a song as
"popular," "folk,'' "gospel," or the most esoteric type, "foreign."
-JohnS. Wilson, "Youth Will Be Heard," H ouse Beautiful,
July 1966, p. 102.
EXERCISE 5.
What is the chief difference between the grouped appositives that open
the two sentences above? Isn't it a matter of diction, a difference in levels
of generality and abstraction? T o start a sentence of your own, render the
lush Latinate catalogue of the first, its abstract and general nouns, into a
quartet of specific and concrete frontal appositives, as in the second example. Choose a subject about the American scene in an aspect other than
those discussed in the two samples. Write about the American dream of
1
striking it rich, about American painting or sculpture, about westward
' expansion, politics, divorce, or philanthropy. Choose anything you can
, make interesting, any subject for which you can come up with some eyecatching, pertinent appositives. You may even wish to write historically
about America, keeping the main clause of the first example and sharply
specifying some exact "hallmarks" for it.
to schedules and procedures, or the employer who sets and enforces them. Write a base clause, and then expand
it with right-branches that include appositives of synonymy. Do not use
inverted or frontal appositives.
1e1e
Verbs as Appositives
Up to this point we have been working mainly with nouns in apposition. Let us turn our attention to other word groups that serve as appositives. Here are some verbs in apposition to other verbs:
Between the last paragraph and this, just over two and a half months
have gone by, elapsed.
- 1. D. Salinger, Seymour- An Introduction, p. 149.
Any one of them might be he, could be he, might be her landlady's
husband or son.
-William Golding, Free Fall, p. 80.
Maybe it didn't take even three years of freedom, immunity from it
to learn that perhaps the entire dilemma of man's condition is because
of the ceaseless gabble with which he has surrounded himself, enclosed himself, insulated himself from the penalties of his own folly.
-William Faulkner, The Mansion, p. 236.
EXERCISE 7.
PRACTICE
WITH VERBS AS APPOSITIVES
.
As the appositives pile up in the last sample, they seem to accumulate the very insulation they describe. The rhythm itself becomes thematic.
Take as a theme the idea of insulation or defense: an Infidel stronghold
during the Crusades, London during World War II, Western nations during the Cold War, or, metaphorically, a shy person at a cocktail party, or
a self-consistent philosophical system against rival understandings. Write a
sentence or two on one of these, and experiment with using verbs in apposition, taking Faulkner, Golding, or Salinger as models.
She was
and the fiery sun going down in the evening over t~ farthut hiU,
with the eternal fires of Hell.
- Baldwin, p. 152.
EXERCISE 8.
Match this movement from the general to the specific, the abstract to
the concrete, in large appositional expansions of your own, branching from
these suggested clauses:
Appo1itional Adjective
s
1
a
a
(
Such a place the Fallen Angels might have built as a spite to Heaven, f
dry and sharp, desolate and dangerous, and for me fiUed with fore-~
boding.
-John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley, p. 154.
EXERCISE 9.
:0
Under the changes of weather it may look like marble or like sea
water, black as slate in the fog, white as tufa in the sunlight.
-Saul Bellow, Seize the Day, p. 5.
Approximating such a sentence on your own will give you a concentrated review of similes and of the concrete diction that gives them life.
L Notice and imitate the like-similes in the main clause and the as-similes in
the adjectival additions. The "it" of this excerpt is left for you to specify
in your imitation, as you write about a large tree in your backyard, a love
affair, the performance of a highly tuned sports car, or tension in a com. munity and its change "under the changes of weather."
'
EXERCISE 10.
Add to the sentence devised for the last exercise another sentence
or two, this time without simile, but entering appositional adjectives in
various interesting, unexpected
. slots, singly or in pairs.
EXERCISE 11.
Let's try working with two more abstractions, moving from the abstract to the concrete. ( 1) Serenity. Write about a clear conscience or a
peaceful evening on the deck of a cruise ship, the .quiet of the backyard
at midnight or of the woods newly covered with snow. (2) Grace. Write
about grace, divine or personal, in a single manifestation, a graceful act
or gesture perhaps. Deploy appositional adjectives in more than one position. Do not limit yourself to single words in apposition, but develop each
appositive with as much free material as you can, attached modifiers,
phrases, even dependent clauses, striving for varied rhythms and successful balance.
Chapter
Interrogative,
Imperative,
Exclamatory
94
EXERCISE 1.
EXERCISE 2.
EXERCISE 3.
QUESTIONS IN SERIES
EXERCISE 4.
LEADING QUESTIONS
RHETORICAL QUESTIONS
"You'' Understood
Imperatives are characterized by their personal and unmediated appeal to "you," the reader. Five primary types can be isolated. Discussion
and samples follow, with exercises suggested for eacH type.
EXERCISE 6.
COMMANDS
Command forms, more important for fiction than for exposition, are
addressed here in internal dialogue by the narrative persona to himself:
Sometimes I thought, but this is your life. Stop fighting it. Stop fighting.
-lames Baldwin, Giovanni's Room, p. I28.
Use such commands in a passage of your own. Set your passage in
your own room, at home, at school, or in an office.
EXER CISE 7.
DIRECTI VES
Directives of the following sort are more common in essays and other
nonfiction than in stories or novels:
EXERCISE 8.
FORMULA OR RECIPE
E X ERCISE 9.
I MPERATWES OF PERMISSION,
INVITATION
Examples follow of the imperative of permission:
Put something of your own this way, about power, politics, or people,
and then turn from these first-person permissions to the more common firstperson plural imperatives, related to Latin's hortatory subjunctive and
called here the imperatives of invitation or exhortation:
Let us turn for a moment to a brief survey of the conditions of modern
society.
-Richard M. Kain, Fabulous Voyager, p. 8.
With this view of the problem, let us set beside it an analogous case
of conscience in Shakespeare's Measure for Measure.
-Dorothy Van Ghent, The English Novel: Form and Function,
p. 117.
An extremely common device in organizing an essay, this sort of imperative is often overworked. You may, in fact, be tempted to practice it all
too often.
EXERCISE 10.
RHETORICAL IMPERATIVE
Not so, probably, with the less frequent, almost purely rhetorical
imperative, an invitation in third person related also to the Latin subjunctive. It is a sort of plea in a vacuum, a pure disembodied injunction
like the biblical "Let there be light." It enters both fiction and nonfiction:
Let him look at it- his beach, perverted now to the tastes of the
tasteless.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night, p. 280.
Let the poets and their defenders, he says, refute it if they can, and J
we shall listen to them with respect.
-Northrop Frye, "Nature and Homer," Fables of Identity,
p. 41.
EXERCISE II.
thing
a quesdou
. a
"command" given in any of its forms (with ''you" or "us" stated or understood), and about an exclamation made (with the personal "I" of the
speaker, his own emotion, a felt element)-there is something about all
these structures that suggests a speaking voice immediately involved with
what is being said, a writer engaged and committed, and intending in one
way or another to engage and commit his reader.
And this calls to mind another topic, grammatical but mainly rhetorical, one that might have been discussed as a coda for the chapter on noun
phrases. This is the question of which pronouns should substitute for nouns,
and it involves primarily the question of first person singular and plural.
Students are often mistakenly taught to avoid both. It becomes an escape
from direct responsibility, from self-commitment, and a dangerous retreat
into some bad stylistic habits. Evasions of the first person singular bring
too many artificial "we's" and other less attractive forms, the whole mauling battery of "one's" and "he who's." Escapes from the first person
altogether can also become fatal excursions into the anonymous wasteland
of the impersonal passive, the realm of " It is demonstrable that ... " and
"It was asserted earlier that . ..." These evasions can bring writers afraid
to say "I" to a dead end like this, reached by an undergraduate in an English essay:
. . . but if one finds oneself rereading with weariness what one
perused with gusto a few years earlier in Joseph Andrews or Tom
Jones, and if one's inclinations are such that one found Vanity Fair
completely unconscionable the first time around, one can probably
attribute the dissatisfaction to two sources . . . .
Too many "l's," too many wallowings in the confessional or selfcongratulatory tones of the first person, quickly grow self-indulgent. But
no one is indulged or gratified by too few, any more than by the loss of
that interest that comes naturally with persons and personalities, and for
which there is no substitute. No easy answer is available, no quick and
surefire method for mastering the judicious use of first person. Good habits
in this respect form slowly. Examples are their spur. And essays, nonfictional writings of all kinds, are the real proving ground:
Literary experience heals the wound, without undermining the
privilege, of individuality. There are mass emotions which heal the
wound; but they destroy the privilege. In them our separate selves
are pooled and we sink back into sub-individuality. But in reading J
great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.
Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad eyes, but
it is still I who see. Here, as in worship, in love, in moral action, in
I do.
Study Lewis' perfect curve from third person to first person plural,
from straightforward comment to general involvement, and then on to the
striking release of the "I" at the exact moment of personal transcendence,
the rising out of plurality into personality, the escape from "sub-individuality" that literature allows.
Record a similar arc of experience for practice in the capacities of
"I." You might write of your charging ahead in a track or swimming event,
first into the lead group, then into lone domination and single victory. Or
work it backwards, in an experience of that "mass emotion" Lewis mentions. Describe a fleeting sense of identification with some performer on
stage, a ballerina or popular singer, perhaps an evangelist, followed by the
drift back into collective appreciation, with yourself as merely a part of
the audience or congregation.
This is hard-and as an exercise, a bit contrived. Just be ready to
do something like it when the occasion asks. Right now, some practice in
using the first person to avoid impersonal passives is just around the comer.
Chapter
The Passive
Transformation
EXERCISE I.
EXERCISE 2.
UNSTATED AGENT
And sometimes the agent itself is understood or unimportant, sometimes even unknown. In such cases, only the passive voice would permit an
economical treatment:
A warning should be posted, at this point, as to chronology.
- John Hersey, The Algiers Motel Incident, p. 264.
The town was occupied, the defender defeated, and the war finished.
-John Steinbeck, The Moon Is Down, p. 11.
More about this later. For now, practice a few passives with unstated
agents, with and without a phrase of instrument.
"This last emphasized word" is the first thing stressed in the following sentence, the subject from which the passive syntax itself then veers
away:
This last emphasized word was oddly veered away from, as if the
stress on it hadn't been fully intended.
-1. D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey, p. 194.
This emphasis makes good sense, and is also urged by factors of economy
-since, again, the agent is understood and any active formulation would
use it redundantly as its subject.
Next, the description of a facial emphasis or accentuation calls on
the restructured emphasis of passive transforms:
The thinness of his lips was emphasized by a narrow line of dark
moustache. . . . The general gauntness of his looks was accentuated
sadly.
--George Woodcock, The Crystal Spirit: A Study of George
Orwell, p. 3.
Next, a witty sentence is made possible by saving the punch line till
last in a passive arrangement:
, Hemingway's short stories and novels are concerned with the fundamentals of life, such as death.
-Richard Armour, American Lit Relit, p. 152.
:
EXERCISE 4.
Now take your practice sentence and elaborate part of it with a good
deal of bound or free modification, a long relative clause, for instance, or
a participial phrase.
Which end of the sentence did you find yourself enlarging, subject or
agent? We are, of course, edging into the second main use of the passive,
its ability to rearrange ideas for ease of modification. The general point is
made for us if you found it easier to modify to the right than to embed
a clause or heavy phrase after the subject. For it is usually when the agent
needs considerable expansion that the passive is used.
EXER CISE S.
Conceive an action to be depicted in which the agent is most important, at least most in need of modification. Produce a sentence about
expression in America, some particular form of it. Write about the voice
of conservatism, of Pop art, of underground movies, expressions of protest, artistic expression in rock music or campus journalism, expression as
political rhetoric or as slang, as a unifying or divisive force.
EXERCISE 6.
Now add to your last production another sentence using as its subject the last in the string of previous agents, or some clear renaming of it.
What you should notice here is the value of the passive for transition and
cohesion.
Here is a variant professional example, where the quick link is not
between some noun phrase as agent and the same noun phrase as subject,
but between the last noun in the phrase of agency and the same word as a
verb in the next sentence, itself a passive form:
And whether it be genuine disgust, joy, grief, pity, shame or desireit is accompanied by a vague sense of gratification. We are gratified
by the discovery that we are not all sham and show, that there are
elements in our inner make-up as organically our own as the color
of our eyes and the shape of our nose.
- Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind, p. 11 S.
Notice, too, the double purpose served by the second passive, as it not only
moves neatly out of the first sentence but allows its own major stretch of
dependent material to move smoothly out from its own main clause.
EXERCISE 8.
TRANSITION
But concentrate now on the passive as it fosters neat transition, writing a pair of sentences not about "gratification" this time, but about "disgust, joy, grief, pity, shame or desire" in some given situation. Tie the
agent of your first sentence, or some element further along in its modification, to the subject of your second. If your second sentence is itself passive,
with a stated agent, you can repeat this link to yet a third .
EXERCISE 9.
Write a paragraph something like this, in the third person, about some
friend, enemy, or acquaintance as if he or she were a character in a novel
or story. Try for some powerful effects. If either of you needs protecting,
disguise your "character" with a pronoun or a changed name, but keep
him or her as the subject of each of your sentences as you vary your predi-
Cldiclll as much as possible. Use the passive to do this, at least once or twice.
Identify and define your character with equative clauses; describe him with
linking patterns. Portray the character in relationship with others, acting
and being acted on, the latter via the passive. T ry some passive form s with
unstated agents, actions upon your character by unknown actors-perhaps
heightening suspense or suggesting impersonality.
EXERCISE 10.
EXERCISE 11.
With this in mind, find a topic in the contrast of Eastman's title. Compare stimulation and passive relaxation; draw a contrast between reading
and direct sense experience, for instance. Follow Brooks as a model.
EXERCISE 12.
ANOTHER CONTRAST
Also analyze in this way the effect of two different art forms, avantgarde theater against lyric poetry, maybe, or two kinds of story opposite
in tone and impact. Follow either Eastman or Brooks.
EXERCISE 13.
JUXTAPOSITION IN A SERIES
EXERCISE 14.
ACTION SELF-PERFORMED
Here is another contrast of active and passive forms- the same form,
in fact, starting as a passive and becoming reflexive as it acts on itself:
We do not know how our language will be redesigned-that is
emended or corrected; redesigned it must be, and if left to itself
it will redesign itself, however slowly.
-Joshua Whatmough, "Language and Life," Language: A
Modern Synthesis, p. 239.
Forge a sentence or two like this about some other threatened action
finally self-performed, about punishment and correction, say, or esteem
and praise.
EXERCISE 15.
4n!aed m tbe dodw:s of a young gentleman, and when he is recaptured by the thieves they promptly strip hlm of hls new suit and give
him back his old clothes. He is active in the way that a ball batted
back and forth between opposing sides is active: he is moved through
space.
-Steven Marcus, Dickens: From Pickwick to Dombey, pp. 79-
80.
And here is Norman Mailer's analysis of men as objects, the American
astronauts as "passive bodies":
The heart pressure, the brain waves, the bowel movements of
astronauts were of national interest. They were virile men, they were
prodded, probed, tapped into, poked, flexed, tested, subjected to a
pharmacology of stimulants, depressants, diuretics, laxatives, retentives, tranquilizers, motion sickness pills, antibiotics, vitamins and
food which was designed to control the character of their feces. They
were virile, but they were done to, they were done to like no healthy
man alive.
-Norman Mailer, "Psychology of Astronauts," Life, November 14, 1969, p. 63.
In each of the preceding samples, examine the density of passive
forms, the saturation of outside agency, and then write a paragraph of
your own about such subjection, such dehumanization. Treat yourself or
someone else as a passive object, perhaps in the office of an unreasonable
employer, in the classroom of a domineering teacher, on a hospital bed
under sedation and intensive sterile care, at the mercy of the bantering
attacks of some tasteless jokester at a party.
EXERCISE 16.
ANONYMOUS AGENT
Sometimes the source or agency is properly anonymous-general, unspecified, insidious because impersonal. Below, all that is known about the
agency is negative: We are told what is not the ordering principle. Only
the second clause fills in the phrase of agency:
Whatever else it may be ordered by, it is not ordered by intensity.
-Mark Van Doren, The Noble Voice, p. 231.
This is intended, of course, and right. When agents are in fact missing or mysterious, secret or merely unrevealed, they should appear so
grammatically. Here is a statement of unspecified beneficence, the gift of
revelation :
I agree
a poem pii!Mei
off. Real ones appear unexpectedly, and always at a time when the
poet is in a so-called state of grace: which means a clear mind, tense
heart, and no worries about fame, money, or other people, but only
the excitement of a unique revelation about to be given.
-Robert Graves, "Introduction," Selected Poems of Robert
Frost, p. x.
prepositions their agents and instruments require can make for lumpy and
unattractive prose:
Her significance as a goddess was underlined by the presence of a
bunch of flax placed upon the heap of stones under which she was
preserved in the bog water when not needed for feast days.
-P. V. Glob, The Bog People, translated from the Danish by
Rupert Bruce-Mitford, p. 180.
Chapter
Parallelism
EXERCISE 1.
One of television's continental butlers may urge the viewing housewife to "set the table and the mood" with the product he is pushing; this
is for jokes, puns, and slogans. Normal deference to grammar's restraints
prevents such artless broken parallelism as "Looking quite down and out
and to his left to assure that no one was there or approaching, be ran
down the street and out of breath." Trick parallelism can be catchy, as
in the motto "Make love not war." But good writers employ it only for
special effects, usually humorous:
To get out of it, they go to the movie, or to a bar, or read a book,
or go to sleep, or turn on T.V. or a girl, or make a resolution or quit
a job.
- Arthur Miller, "The Bored and the Violent," Harper's, November 1962.
EXERCISE 2.
TRY IT AGAIN
In other words, prose rhythm results from sentences being articulated into
segments--a discovery made only in motion, only when reading a sentence
through. Parallelism is a regularization of that rhythm. When a series, for
instance, sets a definite pace, only to have it arrested by a change in
grammar, rhythm is naturally affected. So, too, rhythm is necessarily altered
when some grammatical item syncopates out altogether. This is ellipsis.
It figures here in another critic's discussion of prose rhythm, in the third
segment's omission of the understood verb:
Everything must depend on the required emphasis, and the emphasis is secured by the rhythm, and the rhythm by the necessities of
expression.
-Herbert Read, "The Sentence," English Prose Style, p. 41.
Ellipsis works only because parallelism prepares us to fill in what is
missing, or prevents us from really missing it at all. Here are some elliptical
sequences, with the element to be removed italicized where it appears:
For love is stronger than hate, and peace than war.
-Bradford Smith, A Dangerous Freedom, p. 362.
The walls of the town, which is built on a hill, are high, the streets
and lanes tortuous and broken, the roads winding.
-Malcolm Lowry, Under the Volcano, p. 3.
For all the persons with whom I have been concerned got what they
wanted: Elliott social eminence; Isabel an assured position backed
by a substantial fortune in an active and cultured community; Gray
a steady and lucrative job, with an office to go to from nine till six
every day; Suzanne Rouvier security; Sophie death; and Larry hap
pmess.
-W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge, p. 343.
EXERClSE 4.
For practice in dropping out repeating verbs like those in the samples,
write about the direction and flight of the balls as a foursome drives on
the first tee, or the pet peeves or irritating habits of members of your
family. In each assignment, write several sentences, all parallel, and then
see what variety you can achieve in phasing out reiterated units. Scrutinize
the different rhythms you begin with, and the results of your ellipses. Perhaps you may wish to read your work aloud to get a better feel for its
movement.
EXERCISE 5.
The last exercise was designed primarily to familiarize you with parallelism and its many rhythms, a first limited survey. Selective deletion has
many ramifications, for it can act as a control or timer for the rhythm of
a sentence not really elliptical. Below, for example, is a dull, thoughtlessly
parallel series of hesitant adjectives qualified by "rather." The author himself,. with rhythm in mind, did it differently. But here is the unredeemed
vers10n:
There was something rather "doggy," rather smart, rather acute,
rather shrewd, rather warm, rather contemptible about him.
Rewrite this yourself to break the monotony, sometimes repeating
more, sometimes less. Check the key at the end of the chapter to see how
D. H. Lawrence handled it.
EXERCISE 6.
Follow the same procedure with the next hulking series, trying anything to breathe some life into the bland uniformity of the rhythm :
The chief occasions were those of the investiture of an heir, of marriage, of acquisition of r~ligious powers, of demonstration of religious
powers, of mourning, of warfare, of accident.
Condense, contract, compound-wherever you can.
EXERCISE 7.
' yet
a::;utheless craves the creative contact of wife and children; be is grim,
yet he is optimistic; he is austere, yet he is fearful for his reputation;
he is petty and selfish, yet he is capable of losing himself completely
in a novel by Scott; he is aloof, yet he thrives on the simple company
and fare of humble fishermen.
EXERCISE 8.
When you have finished the preceding exercise, look at the key at the
end of the chapter to see how the author actually wrote it. The passage is
from an article on Virginia Woolf's novel To the Lighthouse. Write a passage of your own now on a character in your favorite novel, or perhaps
a thorough description of a lighthouse, as if from a novel. Or describe a
church, a store front, or a beach scene. Do this after your practice in
reshaping the example. Employ the techniques you have mastered there
for finding and keeping the rhythms you need. Call upon ellipsis, broken
series, compounding, anything else that will make itself available. But do
not simply crank out a made-to-order parallelism. Make it seem generated
by your ideas themselves- a feat not always feasible. Open a newspaper
or a book, fiction or nonfiction, looking for passages that are not ordered
by parallelism and that would be the victims rather than the beneficiaries
of any rewriting. You should be able to find some easily. What kind of
subject matter would seem to be at odds with the control, often the selfconscious clarity and precision that parallelism entails? Would a determined frame of parallelism and exact balance tend to be of more assistance
in the description of a horseshow or a stampede, for instance, a parade or
a riot?
Paired Constructiom
In retrieving some of the previous sentences from their parallel ruts,
or in writing your own original passage, you may have discovered for yourself the invaluable services of tight compounding, of pairing off your ideas
into grammatical blocks of sharp and unmistakable rhythms. Again we
tum to Herbert Read for statement as demonstration:
The danger with all long and complex sentences is that they may not
balance. . . . There is a want of proportion between the subject and
the predicate, or between either of these and the verb--not so much
a proportion of sense, which would result in humour, but a proportion of structure, the simple against the complicated, the devious
against the direct.
-Herbert Read, "The Sentence," English Prose Style, p. 46.
)oat
EXERCISE 9.
Now, having checked the key against your corrected results, try some
of the balanced rhythms on your own. Choose three or four pairs of approximate antonyms from the list of verbs and nouns and adjectives below,
letting any of them suggest others to you, and allowing yourself to move
away from straight antithesis into the more arbitrary pairs-of synonyms
maybe, or of related words. See how much you can mold into a single
continuous thought, one large rhythmic sentence on a subject growing out
d...:se peus
11 taudam, but DOtice
how some sets gravitate naturally to one given pak rather than another:
sympathy, antipathy
compensation, taxation
to strengthen, to pulverize
honorable, disreputable
insipid, pungent
enmity, amity
credit, debt
loquacious, laconic
elastic, rigid
converse, soliloquize
aggravate, soothe
firm, pliable
need, satiety
publicity, seclusion
stammering, articulate
addition, deduction
deodorized, fragrant
ascetic, intemperate
discontent, complacent
courtesy, impudence
You need not limit yourself to these forms; make nouns from verbs, for
instance, if you need them for your parallels.
EXERCISE 11.
Stepping back from these tightly drawn pairs and their rapid alternations, we begin to observe larger parallel spans- and should begin to
master them. Here is a repeating series of attacks on a supposed architectural affront to life in Manhattan :
If that approval is granted, New York will see one more capitulation to what Breuer calls "economic imperatives"; one more victory
for real estate interests to whom human beings are for burrowing,
not breathing; one more building stuffed into the midtown area
already as tight as a jammed-up file; one more blow against what
Breuer himself dismisses as "urbanistic sentimentality," but others
call intelligent, imaginative, courageous and humane city planning.
-Emily Genauer, "Skyscraper a Blockbuster of Controversy,"
L.A. Times Calendar, July 7, 1968, p. 9.
Write about the history of pollution, its present and growing dangers, its
future threat. Vary your grammar as you evaluate your theme.
Heavy Repetition
Many other parallel arrangements can be employed in putting together
a paragraph. Below a heavy repetition, for instance, sets the determined,
durable tone in meaning and grammar:
The vision of science may go unappreciated, but it is there. It
may be reduced by a plodding soul to mere dots on a photographic
plate, but it is there. It may be drained of juice and pounded into
fiat phrases, but it is there.
- Isaac Asimov, From Earth to Heaven, p. vii.
Abrupt Shift
And in the next two passages, an established parallelism is broken
at the end for an arresting fix on the climax or main point of the paragraph:
According to the Almanac, Mae West was born in 1893. According to Mae West, Mae West is 28 years old. The Almanac lies.
-Burt Prelutsky, "At Home with Mae West," West Magazine,
Los Angeles Times, July 14, 1968, p. 4.
The man who thus called upon a saint was later to repudiate
the cult of the saints. He who vowed to become a monk was later
to renounce monasticism. A loyal son of the Catholic Olurch, he
was later to shatter the structure of medieval Catholicism. A devoted
servant of the pope, he was later to identify the popes with Antichrist. For this young man was Martin Luther.
- Roland H. Bainton, Here I Stand: A Life of Martin Luther,
p. 15.
EXERCISE 12.
LARGER PATTERNS
'
EXERCISE
EXERCISE
7. Or consider Mr. Ramsay: be is a self-dramatizing domestic tyrant, yet he is also admirable as a lone watcher
at the frontiers of human ignorance. A detached and
lonely philosopher, he nevertheless craves the creative
contact of wife and children; grim, yet optimistic; austere, yet fearful for his reputation; petty and selfish, yet
capable of losing himself completely in a novel by Scott;
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EXERCISE
EXERCISE
9. b. Thus, beneath the complex of ribaldry and sentiment. blasphemy and aspiration, mockery and tenderness, so strangely compounded, there lies a deeper
purpose.
-Richard M. Kain, Fabulous Voyager, p. 241.
EXERCISE
Chapter
Cohesion
There is a sense in which all cohesion is a kind of parallelism, in the
general sense of an ordered, regular progression in which one thing reminds
us of something before and looks forward to something after. As an introduction to this chapter, then, let us look at two introductions to other
books in which obvious parallelism works together with simple repetitions
and structures of comparison and contrast to bind together separate strands
of meaning. The first is from Hemingway's introduction to Men at War,
with important cohesive items in italics, often key words, phrases, and
whole clauses to be taken up again:
This book will not tell you how to die. Some cheer-leaders of
war can always get out a pamphlet telling the best way to go through
that small but necessary business at the end ....
No. This book will not tell you how to die. This book will tell
you, though, how all men from earliest times we know have fought
and died. So when you have read it you will know that there are no
worse things to be gone through than men have been through before.
Here is our second introduction, with a sparser sort of parallelism:
Coverdale can be equated with Hawthorne in many conspicuous
ways. Both are bachelors and minor authors; they are reclusive and
believe a degree of solitude essential to them. They smoke cigars and
drink wine occasionally, read Carlyle and Fourier, and have special
fondness for fireplaces. Their routine activities are identical, as are
their responses: each takes pride in the physical labor be does but
grows weary of it, in part because it leaves no energy for literary
work. Each first expects to live permanently in the community, but
loses faith in its future and at times looks sardonically back on his
earlier hopefulness.
-Arlin Turner, "Introduction," The Blithedale Romance by
Nathaniel Hawthorne, pp. 13-14.
123
EXERCISE I.
EXERCISE 2.
We live in an era of great inventions. Television sets bring distant scenes into our living rooms. Atomic-powered submarines travel
under the polar ice cap. Manned space ships orbit the earth, and
rockets travel to the moon. These inventions, products of human
ingenuity, have transformed the character of daily life in the present,
and will determine in large measure the shape of the future.
- Irving Adler, A New Look at Arithmetic, pp. 3-4.
EXERCISE 3.
Next is a pure equative kernel as opener, then reiterated and confirmed halfway through the paragraph--each time followed by a substantial qualification, as signaled by the contrastive conjunction "but."
Science is investigation. But if it were only investigation, it would
be without fruit, and useless. Henry Cavendish investigated for the
mere fun of the thing, and left the world in ignorance of his most
important discoveries. Our admiration for his genius is tempered by
a certain disapproval; we feel that such a man is selfish and antisocial. Science is investigation; yes. But it is also, and no less essentially, communication. But all communication is literature. In one of
its aspects, then, science is a branch of literature.
-Aldous Huxley, The Olive Tree, p. 56.
EXERCISE 4.
l
j
On this same subject, add to the paragraph just created one modeled
on either of those that follow, the first telescoping its recapitulation of key
terms in series, the second contracting its repetitions to a single word:
The obligation to follow proper procedures, the acceptance of
limits, and the conviction that power was to serve desirable ends have
formed a triangular configuration of forces within which the increase
or decrease of liberty may be assessed. The ultimate criterion is the
capacity of men to act, whether through the coercive instruments of
government or otherwise. The procedures, the limits, and the ends
of their use of power are measures of the extent to which the state
expands their capabilities while still leaving them able to act, if they
wish, through other means.
-Oscar and Mary Handlin, The Dimensions of Liberty, p. 88.
Coming as it does just before the end of the volume, this chapter is
perfectly situated for a wholesale review of the topics that precede it. And
cohesion is the perfect subject for such a review, a syntactic occurrence
in which every grammatical feature studied so far can participate, and
should. You have already recruited kernels and near-kernels (Chapter 2)
for topic sentences. Noun phrases and verb phrases (Chapters 3 and 4)
often figure in parallel developments. So do adjectives (Chapter 5). And
adverbs (Chapter 5) especially, with their variety, mobility, and directional
force, are particularly useful in leading us through large portions of
material:
In front of them was the central valley. Across the valley, on the
next mountain, dark belted pines climbed toward the sky. To the
right, the clustered lights of the village spread thinner, becoming a
line along the valley floor and finally disappearing in the distance.
Beyond either end of the valley there was the faint, far glow of lights
from larger towns.
- Timothy Houghton, The First Season, pp. 75- 76.
EXERCISE 5.
beyood. See if you can miX your locational adverbs with temporal ones,
as in the sample:
But he did know that he was hearing again the arrow's thud in
the helpless flesh, and now he was bearing without pain. For death
at the hunt's end did not destroy, it was only an exchange of fleeting
flesh amid life's pennanency. And the fleeting flesh murmured in the
stewpot on the stove, filling the tent with its savory fragrance, and
the new being stirred again under Jacob's hand-this death and living, but without contradiction or negation, a warp and woof of the
same inseparable cloth. For that was the thing the gods had made.
-Fred Bodsworth, The Sparrow's Fall, p. 255.
EXERCISE 6.
WRITING A CONCLUSION
should suit your work as it draws itself neatly and sturdily to conclusion.
Use both techniques in two or three final paragraphs.
More Review
In returning to our review, we see that Chapters 8, 9, and 10, in their
treatment of dependent clauses, sentence openers and inversion, and the
branching patterns of free modification, feed into the study of cohesion
in two major ways: (1) In parallelism, as we have already seen, and
(2) in certain special types of linkage practiced already with inversions:
pivotal cohesion of quick, hingelike movements out of one sentence and
. into another. Following is a sample of inversion that brings closer together
the phrases best designed for cohesive transition between the sentences,
here to highlight the contrast between "home" and "peripheral":
But politics was now peripheral. Closer at home was an active social
life.
-Glyndon G. Van Deusen, William Henry Seward, p. 557.
The next excerpt shows a similar motive behind the choice of a leftbranching arrangement, which holds till near the end of the first sentence
the subject "joy," quickly reiterated with a demonstrative at the start of
the next sentence:
Through the vivid contrast between the flight of man down the long
corridors of time, and the eternal, timeless peace of the great mosshung oaks, joy is brought into man's suffering. This joy becomes
many times greater in Warren's most recent masterpiece ...
-William Pratt, The Fugitive Poets, p. 45.
Even closer to its renewal in a second sentence is the predicate-noun
phrase "two mighty symbols" in the passage below, carrying us immediately into their designation in the two following sentences:
In this teeming land, child of modern times, father of the future, where
mankind is hard at work changing everything within sight or sound,
there are two mighty symbols. One is a machine, the bulldozer. The
other is a word, Progress.
-Richard G. Lillard, Eden in Jeopardy, p. 13.
If the left-branches were transplanted to the right of the lead sentence
in either of the last two passages, cohesion would certainly have suffered.
Either branch, of course, could have been a dependent clause working for
the same effect.
1
1
EXERCISE 7.
EXERCISE 8.
.
To continue with our review of cohesive possibilities, appositives
(Chapter 11), like any other syntactic unit, can unify by parallelism, and
they can also be moved around like the branching patterns just studied
for fast, immediate transitions.
Inte"ogative, imperative, and exclamatory transformations (Chapter
12) can set the tone-personal, direct, committed-for an entire passage,
thus unifying it emotionally. This is not to mention their ability to work
well in parallel sequences or to focus an entire paragraph as a topic sentence, already practiced with the interrogative.
And finally, the concept of parallelism (Chapter 14) needs no further
argument as a contributor to cohesion. As you learn to build up and brace
your sentences, and buttress the natural shape of your ideas with parallel
members, in balanced alignments running from small two- and three-part
modules to major syntactic spans, as you come suddenly into real control
over the capacities of prose rhythm, its stress and counterpoise, you will
find elements of sentence structure working well for you that you had never
dreamed available-working well, and working together-for cohesion.
Chapter
Syntactic Symbolism:
Grammar as Analogue
The sentence breaks itself up to display the sort of interruptions it criticizes. Below, "rule and example" are again simultaneous. Listen to this
sentence about "bearing sentences," as we bear suddenly about suddenness:
..-
.,
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1,~
-.,.
..
-~.........
f,,,,lt.l
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-.........
.... I"'"
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mcd o:mcrosion and bn::at:ing off "not a word sooner or later" finds a
"symbolic" example, an obvious case in point, in the measured course and
finish of his own sentence:
We judge the poem by what we can take away from it-a vivid sense
of the object, a value clarified or affirmed: instead of reading it
through, of encountering all the detail of its innermost movementhow it pauses, moves again, hurries, retards, how it spreads out or 'j
narrows down, bow it offers us a sense of the unexpected, or again
of irresistibly completing something that it has begun, of ending just
as its self-appointed task is done, not a word sooner or later.
-John Holloway, "Poem as Statement, Poem as Action," The
Colours of Oarity, p. 92 .
other kind) presents human feelings as they are born, develop, gather
momentum, branch, sub-divide, coalesce, dwindle, and die away.
-Donald Davie, Articulate Energy, p. 85.
EXERCISE I.
Use syntax in this way to articulate the energy of your own sentences,
writing perhaps about a last-second victory in the hundred-yard dash, the
CHANGING SPEEDS
And if you want your reader to go faster and faster make yoar
writing go faster and faster. "The room was dark. Ibe
~ete
shaded, the furniture invisible. The door was shut and Jet ftom SOI:rewhere, some small hidden precious casket of light bmied deep
me
darkness of the room, a spark came, moving in mad colored an ks
up and down, around and in and out and over and under and lighting
up everything it saw." (Those adjectives are unspeakable in every
sense of the word, and wholly unnecessary; this is an example, not
a model.)
--Shirley Jackson, "Notes for a Young Writer," Come Along
with Me, p. 241 .
She does not herself name or analyze the devices that accelerate~ her
example; parallelism and strategic ellipsis, abutting paratactic clauses, wellplaced kernels, key participial activity, once at the end in a sprung series,
adjective piling, paired constructions, and longer and-chains are among
them. Below is another example, this time a full-fledged model, where
parataxis in clause and phrase is especially important in reproducing the
sense of abruptness, hurry, and frustration:
I
r
I
j
Study the momentum of these additional passage&., the striking accel- 1'
eration of the second:
'
Its tone changes with kaleidoscopic rapidity-from irony to pathos
to ridicule to poetry.
- Richard M . Kain, Fabulous Voyager, p . 240.
I
and swift-first slow waves, then fitful music leaping, then flames,
then racing creatures.
- Dorothy Van Ghent, The English Novel : Form and Function,
p. 273.
Notice especially the ingenious use of participles in the last example, and
be prepared to employ them in similar ways yourself.
F. L. Lucas, in his book Style, shares with Samuel Johnson a tendency
to discount the frequency, even the interest of "imitative passages," where
rhythm is "made to suit the sense." Nevertheless, in one paragraph from
the end of his book. Lucas writes a sentence whose syntactic doublings
could have no other motivation than to simulate increase and acceleration:
Uke a gigantic snowball, larger and larger, f.aster and faster, science
hurtles wilh us all into the unknown.
-F. L. Lucas, "Mt!thods of Writing, .. Sryle, p. 286.
EXERCISE 3. SPEEDING UP
Try speeding up some sentences of your own in this way. Write about
a stock-car race, the rising groan and growing speed of cars on the track,
about the rise to fame of a politician, a dictator, a superstar, about the
thunderous lift of an Apollo rocket from the launch pad and its incredible
gains in speed, about a skier getting up momentum as he goes downhill,
about the rapid growth of the United States inland from the seaboard
] colonies, about the accelerating rate of our population explosion, or the
first scattered beginnings and mounting tensions of a riot or revolution.
Mix sentences hurried along by fits and starts, in little elliptical pieces, with
, longer and smoother developments. Combine accelerations capsuled in a
single sentence with some requiring larger explanation. Use tight pairings
and longer abutting units. Vary and experiment.
Even a brief ejaculative fragment or two can symbolize the release
of pent energy into motion:
I
.
I
I,
His hands lift of their own and he feels the wind on his ears even
before, his heels hitting heavily on the pavement at first but with an
effortless gathering out of a kind of sweet panic growing lighter and
quicker and quieter, he runs. Ah: runs. Runs.
- lohn Updike, Rabbit, Run, closing lines.
EXERCISE 4.
SLOWING DOW!\
relaxa~=s:s
a hard
rake their
a Ion~-
EXERCISE 5.
INCREASING OR DECREASING
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Here it seems to me that the suggestion is not so much that of emphasis and finality, as if to imply that the fallen mooarch would never
rise again (however true that might be), but rather of the depth of
the fall from his high estate, as if the mind's eye sus him fallen, and
fallen lower, and fallen still lower, until at last be lies upon the ground
weltering in his own blood. . . . That intea.,.elalion is coofinned by
the detail that probably everyone instinctM=Iy neds tbc wouls with
a falling emphasis.
-Henry Bett, "Position and Empharis, S!l 2 Scaets of Style,
p.
153.
_.-with
The lnm came on with a clatter.... Another blast from the whistle,
a roar, a gigantic sound; and it seemed to soar into the dusk beyond
and above them forever, with a noise, perhaps, like the clatter of the
1
opening of everlasting gates and doors-passed swiftly on-toward
Richmond, the North, the oncoming night.
-William Styron, Lie Down in Darkness, p. 382.
EXERCISE 6.
DESCENT OR PASSAGE
EXERCISE 7.
EXERCISE 8.
Did you notice repetition coming to your aid in the last assignment,
as it did to set different rhythms in many of the last samples? Straight
repetith-e rhythms, with their simpler and more immediate suggestions, are
eas~ to managr and manipulate. With these additional samples behind you,
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Write about the methodical, the routine, the boring, the regular and predictable, the stable and reassuring- anything lending itself to dramatic
repetitions.
In all this practice, we are doing little more than scratch the surface
in the almost unlimited realm of imitative effects. Far more are examined
in the last chapter of Grammar as Style, still only a smattering. So far we
have watched motion or similar developments reproduced in syntax begun
and ended exactly in time with meaning, in accelerated and retarded gram[ mar, in portrayals of increase and decline, descent and rise, any of these
employing local repetitive effects. To break off abruptly and arbitrarily
enough with one last type of "symbolic" presentation, we will close with
a look at abruptness and interruption. First a rapid paratactic sequence,
fading into repetitions and recapitulation, is jolted by the sharp start of
the second sentence:
They waved, smiled, wept, they slipped backward, their faces became
indistinct, a green water flowed over them, their forms were smaller,
smaller, still waving. Abruptly a block of buildings thrust them from
VJeW.
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