ASongforLya

ThecitiesoftheShkeenareold,olderfarthanman's,andthegreatrustredmetropolisthat
rosefromtheirsacredhillcountryhadprovedtobetheoldestofthemall.TheShkeencityhad
noname.Itneedednone.Thoughtheybuiltcitiesandtownsbythehundredsandthe
thousands,thehillcityhadnorivals.Itwasthelargestinsizeandpopulation,anditwasalone
inthesacredhills.ItwastheirRome,Mecca,Jerusalemallinone.Itwas
the
city,andall
Shkeencametoitatlast,inthefinaldaysbeforeUnion.

ThatcityhadbeenancientinthedaysbeforeRomefell,hadbeenhugeandsprawlingwhen
Babylonwasstilladream.Buttherewasnofeelofagetoit.Thehumaneyesawonlymiles
andmilesoflow,
redbrickdomessmallhummocksofdriedmudthatcoveredtherollinghillslikearash.Inside
theyweredimandnearlyairless.Theroomsweresmallandthefurniturecrude.
Yetitwasnotagrimcity.Dayafterdayitsquattedinthosescrubbyhills,broilingunderahot
sunthatsatintheskylikeawearyorangemelonbutthecityteemedwithlife:smellsof
cooking,thesoundsoflaughterandtalkandchildrenrunning,thebustleandsweatof
brickmenrepairingthedomes,thebellsoftheJoinedringinginthestreets.TheShkeenwerea
lustyandexuberantpeople,almostchildlike.
Certainlytherewasnothingaboutthemthattoldofgreatageorancientwisdom.Thisisa
youngrace,saidthesigns,thisisacultureinitsinfancy.
Butthatinfancyhadlastedmorethanfourteenthousandyears.
Thehumancitywastherealinfant,lessthantenEarthyearsold.Itwasbuiltontheedgeofthe
hills,betweentheShkeenmetropolisandthedustybrownplainswherethespaceporthad
goneup.Inhumanterms,itwasabeautifulcity:openandairy,fullofgracefularchwaysand
glisteningfountainsandwideboulevardslinedbytrees.Thebuildingswerewroughtofmetal
andcoloredplasticandnativewoods,andmostofthemwerelowindeferencetoShkeen
architecture.MostofthemtheAdministrationTowerwastheexception,apolishedbluesteel
needlethatsplitacrystalsky.

Youcouldseeitformilesinalldirections.Lyannaspieditevenbeforewelanded,andwe
admireditfromtheair.ThegauntskyscrapersofOldEarthandBaldurweretaller,andthe
fantasticwebbedcitiesofArachnewerefarmorebeautifulbutthatslimblueTowerwasstill
imposingenoughasitroseunrivaledtoitslonelydominanceabovethesacredhills.
ThespaceportwasintheshadowoftheTower,easywalkingdistance.Buttheymetus
anyway.Alowslungscarletaircarsatpurringatthebaseoftherampaswedisembarked,with
adriverloungingagainstthestick.DinoValcarenghistoodnexttoit,leaningonthedoorand
talkingtoanaide.
Valcarenghiwastheplanetaryadministrator,theboywonderofthesector.Young,ofcourse,
butI'dknownthat.Short,andgoodlooking,inadark,intenseway,withblackhairthatcurled
thicklyagainsthisheadandaneasy,genialsmile.
Heflashedusthatsmilethen,whenwesteppedofftheramp,andreachedtoshakehands.
"Hi,"hebegan,"I'mgladtoseeyou."Therewasnononsensewithformalintroductions.He
knewwhowewere,andweknewwhohewas,andValcarenghiwasn'tthekindofmanwho
putmuchstockinritual.
Lyannatookhishandlightlyinhers,andgavehimhervampirelook:big,darkeyesopened
wideandstaring,thinmouthliftedinatinyfaintsmile.She'sasmallgirl,almostwaiflike,with
shortbrownhairandachild'sfigure.Shecanlookveryfragile,veryhelpless.Whenshewants
to.Butsherattlespeoplewiththatlook.IftheyknowLya'satelepath,theyfigureshe'spoking
aroundamidtheirinnermostsecrets.
Actuallyshe'splayingwiththem.WhenLyannais
really
reading,herwholebodygoesstiffand
youcanalmostseehertremble.Andthosebig,soulsuckingeyesgetnarrowandhardand
opaque.
Butnotmanypeopleknowthat,sotheysquirmunderhervampireeyesandlooktheotherway
andhurrytoreleaseherhand.NotValcarenghi,though.Hejustsmiledandstaredback,then
movedontome.
I
was
readingwhenItookhishandmystandardoperatingprocedure.Alsoabadhabit,I

guess,sinceit'sputsomepromisingfriendshipsintoanearlygrave.Mytalentisn'tequalto
Lya's.Butit'snotasdemanding,either.Ireademotions.Valcarenghi'sgenialitycamethrough

strongandgenuine.Withnothingbehindit,oratleastnothingthatwascloseenoughtothe
surfaceformetocatch.
Wealsoshookhandswiththeaide,amiddleagedblondstorknamedNelsonGourlay.Then
Valcarenghiusheredeverybodyintotheaircarandwetookoff."Iimagineyou'retired,"hesaid
afterwewereairborne,"sowe'llsavethetourofthecityandheadstraightfortheTower.Nelse
willshowyouyourquarters,thenyoucanjoinusforadrink,andwe'lltalkovertheproblem.
You'vereadthematerialsIsent?"
"Yes,"Isaid.Lyanodded."Interestingbackground,butI'mnotsurewhywe'rehere."
"We'llgettothatsoonenough,"Valcarenghireplied."Ioughttobelettingyouenjoythe
scenery."Hegesturedtowardthewindow,smiled,andfellsilent.
SoLyaandIenjoyedthescenery,orasmuchaswecouldenjoyduringthefiveminuteflight
fromspaceporttotower.Theaircarwaswhiskingdownthemainstreetattreetoplevel,stirring
upabreezethatwhippedthethinbranchesaswewentby.Itwascoolanddarkintheinterior
ofthecar,butoutsidetheShkeensunwasridingtowardnoon,andyoucouldseetheheat
wavesshimmeringfromthepavement.Thepopulationmusthavebeeninsidehuddledaround
theirairconditioners,becausewesawverylittletraffic.
WegotoutnearthemainentrancetotheTowerandwalkedthroughahuge,sparklingclean
lobby.Valcarenghileftusthentotalktosomeunderlings.Gourlayledusintooneofthetubes
andweshotupfiftyfloors.Thenwewaltzedpastasecretaryintoanother,privatetube,and
climbedsomemore.
Ourroomswerelovely,carpetedincoolgreen,andpaneledwithwood.Therewasacomplete
librarythere,mostlyEarthclassicsboundinsynthaleather,withafewnovelsfromBaldur,our
homeworld.Somebodyhadbeenresearchingourtastes.Oneofthewallsofthebedroomwas
tintedglass,givingapanoramicviewofthecityfarbelowus,withacontrolthatcoulddarkenit
forsleeping.
Gourlayshowedittousdutifully,likeadourbellhop.Ireadhimbrieflythough,andfoundno
resentment.Hewasnervous,butonlyslightly.Therewashonestaffectionthereforsomeone.
Us?Valcarenghi?
Lyasatdownononeofthetwinbeds."Issomeonebringingourluggage?"sheasked.Gourlay
nodded."You'llbewelltakencareof,"hesaid."Anythingyouwant,ask."

"Don'tworry,wewill,"Isaid.Idroppedtothesecondbed,andgesturedGourlaytoachair.
"Howlongyoubeenhere?"
"Sixyears,"hesaid,takingthechairgratefullyandsprawlingoutalloverit."I'moneofthe
veterans.I'veworkedunderfouradministratorsnow.Dino,andStuartbeforehim,and
Gustaffsonbefore
him
.IwasevenunderRockwoodafewmonths."
Lyaperkedup,crossingherlegsunderherandleaningforward."ThatwasallRockwood
lasted,wasn'tit?"
"Right,"Gourlaysaid."Hedidn'tliketheplanet,tookaquickdemotiontoassistant
administratorsomeplaceelse.Ididn'tcaremuch,totellthetruth.Hewasthenervoustype,
alwaysgivingorderstoprovewhowasboss."
"AndValcarenghi?"Iasked.
Gourlaymadeasmilelooklikeayawn."Dino?Dino'sOK,thebestofthelot.He'sgood,knows
he'sgood.He'sonlybeenheretwomonths,buthe'sgottenalotdone,andhe'smadealotof
friends.Hetreatsthestafflikepeople,callseverybodybyhisfirstname,allthatstuff.People
likethat."
Iwasreading,andIreadsincerity.ItwasValcarenghithatGourlaywasaffectionatetoward,
then.
Hebelievedwhathewassaying.
Ihadmorequestions,butIdidn'tgettoaskthem.Gourlaygotupsuddenly."Ireallyshouldn't
stay,"hesaid."Youwanttorest,right?Comeuptothetopinabouttwohoursandwe'llgo
overthingswithyou.Youknowwherethetubeis?"
Wenodded,andGourlayleft.IturnedtoLyanna."Whatdoyouthink?"
Shelaybackonthebedandconsideredtheceiling."Idon'tknow,"shesaid."Iwasn'treading.
Iwonderwhythey'vehadsomanyadministrators.Andwhytheywantedus."
"We'reTalented,"Isaid,smiling.Withthecapital,yes.LyannaandIhavebeentestedand
registeredaspsiTalents,andwehavethelicensestoproveit.

"Uhhuh,"shesaid,turningonhersideandsmilingbackatme.Nothervampirehalfsmilethis
time.
Hersexylittlegirlsmile.
"Valcarenghiwantsustogetsomerest,"Isaid."It'sprobablynotabadidea."Lyabouncedout
ofbed."OK,"shesaid,"butthesetwinshavegottogo.""Wecouldpushthemtogether."
Shesmiledagain.Wepushedthemtogether.Andwe
did
getsomesleep.Eventually.
Ourluggagewasoutsidethedoorwhenwewoke.Wechangedintofreshclothes,oldcasual
stuff,countingonValcarenghi'snotoriouslackofpomp.Thetubetookustothetopofthe
Tower.
Theofficeoftheplanetaryadministratorwashardlyanoffice.Therewasnodesk,noneofthe
usualtrappings.Justabarandlushbluecarpetsthatswallowedusanklehigh,andsixor
sevenscatteredchairs.Pluslotsofspaceandsunlight,withShkealaidoutatourfeetbeyond
thetintedglass.Allfourwallsthistime.
ValcarenghiandGourlaywerewaitingforus,andValcarenghididthebartendingchores
personally.Ididn'trecognizethebeverage,butitwascoolandspicyandaromatic,withareal
stingtoit.Isippeditgratefully.ForsomereasonIfeltIneededalift.
"Shkeenwine,"Valcarenghisaid,smiling,inanswertoanunaskedquestion."They'vegota
nameforit,butIcan'tpronounceityet.Butgivemetime.I'veonlybeenheretwomonths,and
thelanguageisrough."
"You'relearningShkeen?"Lyaasked,surprised.Iknewwhy.Shkeenisroughonhuman
tongues,butthenativeslearnedTerranwithstunningease.Mostpeopleacceptedthathappily,
andjustforgotaboutthedifficultiesofcrackingthealienlanguage.
"Itgivesmeaninsightintothewaytheythink,"Valcarenghisaid."Atleastthat'sthetheory."He
smiled.
Ireadhimagain,althoughitwasmoredifficult.Physicalcontactmakesthingssharper.Again,I
gotasimpleemotion,closetothesurfacepridethistime.Withpleasuremixedin.Ichalked
thatuptothewine.Nothingbeneath.
"Howeveryoupronouncethedrink,Ilikeit,"Isaid.

"TheShkeenproduceawidevarietyofliquorsandfoodstuffs,"Gourlayputin."We'vecleared
manyforexportalready,andwe'recheckingothers.Marketshouldbegood."
"You'llhaveachancetosamplemoreofthelocalproducethisevening,"Valcarenghisaid."I've
setupatourofthecity,withastoportwoinShkeentown.Forasettlementofoursize,our
nightlifeisfairlyinteresting.I'llbeyourguide."
"Soundsgood,"Isaid.Lyawassmilingtoo.Atourwasunusuallyconsiderate.MostNormals
feeluneasyaroundTalents,sotheyrushusintodowhatevertheywantdone,thenrushusout
againasquicklyaspossible.Theycertainlydon'tsocializewithus.
"Nowtheproblem,"Valcarenghisaid,loweringhisdrinkandleaningforwardinthechair.
"YoureadabouttheCultoftheUnion?"
"AShkeenreligion,"Lyasaid.
"
The
Shkeenreligion,"correctedValcarenghi."Everyoneofthemisabeliever.Thisisaplanet
withoutheretics."

"Wereadthematerialsyousentonit,"Lyasaid."Alongwitheverythingelse.""Whatdoyou
think?"
Ishrugged."Grim.Primitive.ButnomorethananynumberofothersI'vereadabout.The
Shkeenaren'tveryadvanced,afterall.TherewerereligionsonOldEarththatincludedhuman
sacrifice."
Valcarenghishookhishead,andlookedtowardGourlay.
"No,youdon'tunderstand,"Gourlaystarted,puttinghisdrinkdownonthecarpet."I'vebeen
studyingtheirreligionforsixyears.It'slikenootherinhistory.NothingonOldEarthlikeit,no
sir.Norinanyotherracewe'veencountered.
"AndUnion,well,it'swrongtocompareittohumansacrifice,justwrong.TheOldEarth
religionssacrificedoneortwounwillingvictimstoappeasetheirgods.Killedahandfultoget
mercyforthemillions.Andthehandfulgenerallyprotested.TheShkeendon'tworkitthatway.
TheGreeshkatakes
everyone
.Andtheygowillingly.Likelemmingstheymarchofftothe

cavestobeeatenalivebythoseparasites.
Every
ShkeenisJoinedatforty,andgoestoFinal
Unionbeforehe'sfifty."

Iwasconfused."Allright,"Isaid."Iseethedistinction,Iguess.Butsowhat?Isthisthe
problem?IimaginethatUnionisroughontheShkeen,butthat'stheirbusiness.Theirreligion
isnoworsethantheritualcannibalismoftheHrangans,isit?"
Valcarenghifinishedhisdrinkandgotup,headingforthebar.Ashepouredhimselfarefill,he
said,almostcasually,"AsfarasIknow,Hrangancannibalismhasclaimednohuman
converts."
Lyalookedstartled.Ifeltstartled.Isatupandstared."What?"
Valcarenghiheadedbacktohisseat,glassinhand."Humanconvertshavebeenjoiningthe
CultoftheUnion.DozensofthemarealreadyJoined.NoneofthemhaveachievedfullUnion
yet,butthat'sonlyaquestionoftime."Hesatdown,andlookedatGourlay.Sodidwe.
Theganglingblondaidepickedupthenarrative."Thefirstconvertwasaboutsevenyearsago.
NearlyayearbeforeIgothere,twoandahalfafterShkeawasdiscoveredandthesettlement
built.GuynamedMagly.Psipsych,workedcloselywiththeShkeen.Hewasitfortwoyears.
Thenanotherin'08,morethannextyear.Andtherate'sbeenclimbingeverysince.Therewas
onebigone.PhilGustaffson."
Lyablinked."Theplanetaryadministrator?"
"Thesame,"saidGourlay."We'vehadalotofadministrators.Gustaffsoncameinafter
Rockwoodcouldn'tstandit.Hewasabig,gruffoldguy.Everybodylovedhim.He'dlosthis
wifeandkidsonhislastassignment,butyou'dneverhaveknownit.Hewasalwayshearty,full
offun.Well,hegotinterestedintheShkeenreligion,startedtalkingtothem.TalkedtoMagly
andsomeoftheotherconvertstoo.EvenwenttoseeaGreeshka.Thatshookhimuprealbad
forawhile.Butfinallyhegotoverit,wentbacktohisresearches.Iworkedwithhim,butInever
guessedwhathehadinmind.Alittleoverayearago,heconverted.He'sJoinednow.
Nobody'severbeenacceptedthatfast.IheartalkinShkeentownthathemayevenbe
admittedtoFinalUnion,rushedrightin.Well,Philwasadministratorherelongerthananybody
else.Peoplelikedhim,andwhenhewentover,alotofhisfriendsfollowed.Therate'swayup
now."
"Notquiteonepercent,andrising,"Valcarenghisaid."Thatseemslow,butrememberwhatit
means.Onepercentofthepeopleinmysettlementarechoosingareligionthatincludesavery
unpleasantformofsuicide."

LyalookedfromhimtoGourlayandbackagain."Whyhasn'tthisbeenreported?"
"Itshouldhavebeen,"Valcarenghisaid."ButStuartsucceededGustaffson,andhewasscared
stiffofascandal.There'snolawagainsthumansadoptinganalienreligion,soStuartdefinedit
asanonproblem.Hereportedtheconversionrateroutinely,andnobodyhigherupever
botheredtomakethecorrelationandrememberjustwhatallthesepeoplewereconverting
to
."
Ifinishedmydrink,setitdown."Goon,"IsaidtoValcarenghi.
"Idefinethesituationasaproblem,"hesaid."Idon'tcarehowfewpeopleareinvolved,the
ideathathumanbeingswouldallowtheGreeshkatoconsumethemalarmsme.I'vehada
teamofpsychsonitsinceItookover,butthey'regettingnowhere.IneededTalent.Iwantyou
twotofindout
why
thesepeopleareconverting.ThenI'llbeabletodealwiththesituation."
Theproblemwasstrange,buttheassignmentseemedstraightforwardenough.Iread
Valcarenghitobesure.Hisemotionswereabitmorecomplexthistime,butnotmuch.
Confidenceaboveall:hewassurewecouldhandletheproblem.Therewashonestconcern
there,butnofear,andnotevenahintofdeception.Again,Icouldn'tCatchanythingbelowthe
surface.Valcarenghikepthishiddenturmoilwellhidden,ifhehadany.
IglancedatLyanna.Shewassittingawkwardlyinherchair,andherfingerswerewrapped
verytightlyaroundherwineglass.Reading.Thensheloosenedupandlookedmywayand
nodded.
"Allright,"Isaid."Ithinkwecandoit."
Valcarenghismiled."ThatIneverdoubted,"hesaid."Itwasonlyaquestionofwhetheryou
would
.Butenoughofbusinessfortonight.I'vepromisedyouanightonthetown,andIalways
trytodeliveronmypromises.I'llmeetyoudownstairsinthelobbyinahalfhour."

LyaandIchangedintosomethingmoreformalbackinourroom.Ipickedadarkbluetunic,
with
whiteslacksandamatchingmeshscarf.Nottheheightoffashion,butIwashopingthatShkea
wouldbeseveralmonthsbehindthetimes.Lyaslippedintoasilkywhiteskintightwithatracery
ofthinbluelinesthatflowedoverherinsensuouspatternsinresponsetoherbodyheat.The
linesweredefinitelylecherous,accentuatingherthinfigurewithasinglemindeddetermination.
Ablueraincapecompletedtheoutfit.

"Valcarenghi'sfunny,"shesaidasshefastenedit.
"Oh?"Iwasstrugglingwiththesealseamonmytunic,whichrefusedtoseal."Youcatch
somethingwhenyoureadhim?"
"No,"shesaid.Shefinishedattachingthecapeandadmiredherselfinthemirror.Thenshe
spuntowardme,thecapeswirlingbehindher."That'sit.Hewasthinkingwhathewassaying.
Oh,variationsinthewording,ofcourse,butnothingimportant.Hismindwasonwhatwewere
discussing,andbehindthattherewasonlyawall."Shesmiled."Didn'tgetasingleoneofhis
deepdarksecrets."
Ifinallyconqueredthesealseam."Tsk,"Isaid."Well,yougetanotherchancetonight."
Thatgotmeagrimace."ThehellIdo.Idon'treadpeopleonofftime.Itisn'tfair.Besides,it's
suchastrain.IwishIcouldcatchthoughtsaseasilyasyoudofeelings."
"ThepriceofTalent,"Isaid."You'remoreTalented,yourpriceishigher."Irummagedinour
luggageforaraincape,butIdidn'tfindanythingthatwentwell,soIdecidednottowearone.
Capeswereout,anyway."Ididn'tgetmuchonValcarenghieither.Youcouldhavetoldas
muchbywatchinghisface.Hemustbeaverydisciplinedmind.ButI'llforgivehim.Heserves
goodwine."
Lyanodded."Right!Thatstuffdidmegood.GotridoftheheadacheIwokeupwith.""The
altitude,"Isuggested.Weheadedforthedoor.
Thelobbywasdeserted,butValcarenghididn'tkeepuswaitinglong.Thistimehedrovehis
ownaircar,abatteredblackjobthathadevidentlybeenwithhimforawhile.Gourlaywasn't
thesociabletype,butValcarenghihadawomanwithhim,astunningauburnhairedvision
namedLaurieBlackburn.ShewasevenyoungerthanValcarenghimidtwenties,bythelook
ofher.
Itwassunsetwhenwetookoff.Thewholefarhorizonwasagorgeoustapestryinredand
orange,andacoolbreezewasblowinginfromtheplains.Valcarenghileftthecoolersoffand
openedthecarwindows,andwewatchedthecitydarkenintotwilightaswedrove.
DinnerwasataplushrestaurantwithBalduriandecortomakeusfeelcomfortable,I
guessed.Thefood,however,wasverycosmopolitan.Thespices,theherbs,the
style
of

cookingwereallBaldur.Themeatsandvegetableswerenative.Itmadeforaninteresting

combination.Valcarenghiorderedforallfourofus,andwewoundupsamplingaboutadozen
differentdishes.MyfavoritewasatinyShkeenbirdthattheycookedinsourtangsauce.There
wasn'tverymuchofit,butwhattherewastastedgreat.Wealsopolishedoffthreebottlesof
wineduringthemeal:moreoftheShkeenstuffwe'dsampledthatafternoon,aflaskofchilled
VeltaarfromBaldur,andsomerealOldEarthBurgundy.
ThetalkwarmedupquicklyValcarenghiwasabornstorytellerandanequallygoodlistener.
Eventually,ofcourse,theconversationgotaroundtoShkeaandtheShkeen.Laurieledit
there.She'dbeenonShkeaforaboutsixmonths,workingtowardanadvanceddegreein
exteeanthropology.ShewastryingtodiscoverwhytheShkeencivilizationhadremained
frozenforsomanymillennia.
"They'reolderthanweare,youknow,"shetoldus."Theyhadcitiesbeforemenwereusing
tools.ItshouldhavebeenspacetravelingShkeenthatstumbledonprimitivemen,notthe
otherwayaround."
"Aren'ttheretheoriesonthatalready?"Iasked.
"Yes,butnoneofthemisuniversallyaccepted,"shesaid."Cullencitesalackofheavymetals,
forexample.Afactor,butisitthe
whole
answer?VonHamrinclaimstheShkeendidn'tget
enoughcompetition.Nobigcarnivoresontheplanet,sotherewasnothingtobreed

aggressivenessintotherace.Buthe'scomeunderalotoffire.Shkeaisn'tall
that
idyllicifit

were,theShkeenneverwouldhavereachedtheirpresentlevel.Besides,what'stheGreeshka
ifnotacarnivore?It
eats
them,doesn'tit?"
"Whatdoyouthink?"Lyaasked.
"Ithinkithadsomethingtodowiththereligion,butIhaven'tworkeditalloutyet.Dino'shelping
metalktopeopleandtheShkeenareopenenough,butresearchisn'teasy."Shestopped
suddenlyandlookedatLyahard."Forme,anyway.Iimagineit'dbeeasierforyou."
We'dheardthatbefore.NormalsoftenfigurethatTalentshaveunfairadvantages,whichis
perfectlyunderstandable.Wedo.ButLauriewasn'tresentful.Shedeliveredherstatementina
wistful,speculativetone,insteadofetchingitinverbalacid.
Valcarenghileanedoverandputanarmaroundher."Hey,"hesaid."Enoughshoptalk.Robb
andLyashouldn'tbeworryingabouttheShkeenuntiltomorrow."

Laurielookedathim,andsmiledtentatively."OK,"shesaidlightly."Igetcarriedaway.Sorry."
"That'sOK,"Itoldher."It'saninterestingsubject.Giveusadayandwe'llprobablybegetting
enthusiastictoo."
Lyanoddedagreement,andaddedthatLauriewouldbethefirsttoknowifourworkturnedup
anythingthatwouldsupporthertheory.Iwashardlylistening.Iknowit'snotpolitetoread
Normalswhenyou'reoutwiththemsocially,buttherearetimesIcan'tresist.Valcarenghihad
hisarmaroundLaurieandhadpulledhertowardhimgently.Iwascurious.
SoItookaquick,guiltyreading.Hewasveryhighslightlydrunk,Iguess,andfeelingvery
confidentandprotective.Themasterofthesituation.ButLauriewasajumbleuncertainty,
repressedanger,avaguefadinghintoffright.Andlove,confusedbutverystrong.Idoubted
thatitwasformeorLya.ShelovedValcarenghi.
Ireachedunderthetable,searchingforLya'shand,andfoundherknee.Isqueezeditgently
andshelookedatmeandsmiled.Shewasn'treading,whichwasgood.Itbotheredmethat
LaurielovedValcarenghi,thoughIdidn'tknowwhy,andIwasjustasgladthatLyadidn'tsee
mydiscontent.
Wefinishedoffthelastofthewineinshortorder,andValcarenghitookcareofthewholebill.
Thenherose."Onward!"heannounced."Thenightisfresh,andwe'vegotvisitstomake."
Sowemadevisits.Noholoshowsoranythingthatdrab,althoughthecityhaditsshareof
theaters.Acasinowasnextonthelist.GamblingwaslegalonShkea,ofcourse,and
Valcarenghiwouldhavelegalizeditifitweren't.HesuppliedthechipsandIlostsomeforhim,
asdidLaurie.LyawasbarredfromplayingherTalentwastoostrong.Valcarenghiwonbighe
wasasuperbmindspinplayer,andprettygoodatthetraditionalgamestoo.
Thencameabar.Moredrinks,pluslocalentertainmentwhichwasbetterthanIwouldhave
expected.
Itwaspitchblackwhenwegotout,andIassumedthattheexpeditionwasnearingitsend.
Valcarenghisurprisedus.Whenwegotbacktothecar,hereachedunderthecontrols,pulled
outaboxofsoberups,andpassedthemaround.
"Hey,"Isaid."You'redriving.WhydoIneedthis?Ijustbarelygotuphere."

"I'mabouttotakeyoutoagenuineShkeenculturalevent,Robb,"hesaid."Idon'twantyou
makingrudecommentsorthrowinguponthenatives.Takeyourpill."
Itookmypill,andthebuzzinmyheadbegantofade.Valcarenghialreadyhadthecar
airborne.IleanedbackandputmyarmaroundLya,andsherestedherheadonmyshoulder.
"Wherearewegoing?"Iasked.
"Shkeentown,"hereplied,neverlookingback,"totheirGreatHall.There'saGatheringtonight,
andIfiguredyou'dbeinterested."
"ItwillbeinShkeen,ofcourse,"Lauriesaid,"butDinocantranslateforyou.Iknowalittleof
thelanguagetoo,andI'llfillinwhateverhemisses."
Lyalookedexcited.We'dreadaboutGatherings,ofcourse,butwehardlyexpectedtogosee
oneonourfirstdayofShkea.TheGatheringswereaspeciesofreligiousriteamass
confessionalofsortsforpilgrimswhowereabouttobeadmittedtotheranksoftheJoined.
Pilgrimsswelledthehillcitydaily,butGatheringswereconductedonlythreeorfourtimesa
yearwhenthenumbersof
thoseabouttobeJoinedclimbedhighenough.
Theaircarstreakedalmostsoundlesslythroughthebrightlylitsettlement,passinghuge
fountainsthatdancedwithadozencolorsandprettyornamentalarchesthatflowedlikeliquid
fire.Afewothercarswereairborne,andhereandthereweflewabovepedestriansstrollingthe
city'sbroadmalls.Butmostpeoplewereinside,andlightandmusicfloodedfrommanyofthe
homeswepassed.
Then,abruptly,thecharacterofthecitybegantochange.Thelevelgroundbegantorolland
heave,
hillsrosebeforeusandthenbehindus,andthelightsvanished.Below,themallsgavewayto
unlitroadsofcrushedstoneanddust,andthedomesofglassandmetaldoneinfashionable
mockShkeenyieldedtotheirolderbrickbrothers.TheShkeencitywasquieterthanitshuman
counterpartmostofthehousesweredarklysilent.
Then,aheadofus,ahummockappearedthatwaslargerthantheothersalmostahillinitself,
withabigarcheddoorandaseriesofslitlikewindows.Andlightleakedfromthisone,and
noise,andtherewereShkeenoutside.

Isuddenlyrealizedthat,althoughI'dbeenonShkeafornearlyaday,thiswasthefirstsightI'd
caughtoftheShkeen.NotthatIcouldseethemallthatclearlyfromanaircaratnight.ButIdid
seethem.Theyweresmallerthanmenthetallestwasaroundfivefeetwithbigeyesand
longarms.ThatwasallIcouldtellfromabove.
ValcarenghiputthecardownalongsidetheGreatHall,andwepiledout.Shkeenweretrickling
throughthearchfromseveraldirections,butmostofthemwerealreadyinside.Wejoinedthe
trickle,andnobodyevenlookedtwiceatus,exceptforonecharacterwhohailedValcarenghiin
athin,squeakyvoiceandcalledhimDino.Hehadfriendsevenhere.
Theinteriorwasonehugeroom,withagreatcrudeplatformbuiltinthecenterandanimmense
crowdofShkeencirclingit.Theonlylightwasfromtorchesthatwerestuckingroovesalong
thewalls,andonhighpolessurroundingtheplatform.Someonewasspeaking,andeveryone
ofthosegreat,bulgingeyeswasturnedhisway.WefourweretheonlyhumansintheHall.
Thespeaker,outlinedbrightlybythetorches,wasafat,middleagedShkeenwhomovedhis
armsslowly,almosthypnotically,ashetalked.Hisspeechwasaseriesofwhistles,wheezes,
andgrunts,soIdidn'tlistenveryclosely.Hewasmuchtoofarawaytoread.Iwasreducedto
studyinghisappearance,andthatofotherShkeennearme.Allofthemwerehairless,asfar
asIcouldsee,withsoftishlookingorangeskinthatwascreasedbyathousandtinywrinkles.
Theyworesimpleshiftsofcrude,multicoloredcloth,andIhaddifficultytellingmalefrom
female.
Valcarenghileanedovertowardmeandwhispered,carefultokeephisvoicelow."Thespeaker
isafanner,"hesaid."He'stellingthecrowdhowfarhe'scome,andsomeofthehardshipsof
hislife."
Ilookedaround.Valcarenghi'swhisperwastheonlysoundintheplace.Everyoneelsewas
deadquiet,eyesrivetedontheplatform,scarcelybreathing."He'ssayingthathehasfour
brothers,"Valcarenghitoldme."TwohavegoneontoFinalUnion,oneisamongtheJoined.
Theotherisyoungerthanhimself,andnowownsthefarm."Hefrowned."Thespeakerwill
neverseehisfarmagain,"hesaid,moreloudly,"buthe'shappyaboutit."
"Badcrops?"askedLya,smilingirreverently.She'dbeenlisteningtothesamewhisper.Igave
herasternlook.

TheShkeenwenton.Valcarenghistumbledafterhim."Nowhe'stellinghiscrimes,allthe
thingshe'sdonethathe'sashamedof,hisblackestsoulsecrets.He'shadasharptongueat
times,he'svain,onceheactuallystruckhisyoungerbrother.Nowhespeaksofhiswife,and
theotherwomenhehasknown.Hehasbetrayedhermanytimes,copulatingwithothers.Asa
boy,hematedwithanimalsforhefearedfemales.Inrecentyearshehasgrownincapable,and
hisbrotherhasservicedhiswife."
Onandonandonitwent,inincredibledetail,detailthatwasbothstartlingandfrightening.No
intimacywentuntold,nosecretwasleftundisturbed.IstoodandlistenedtoValcarenghi's
whispers,shockedatfirst,finallygrowingboredwiththesqualorofitall.Ibegantogetrestless.
IwonderedbrieflyifIknewanyhumanhalfsowellasInowknewthisgreatfatShkeen.ThenI
wonderedwhetherLyanna,withherTalent,knewanyonehalfsowell.Itwasalmostasifthe
speakerwantedallofustolivethroughhisliferighthereandnow.
Hisspeechlastedforwhatseemedhours,butfinallyitbegantowindup."Hespeaksnowof
Union,"Valcarenghiwhispered."HewillbeJoined,heisjoyfulaboutit,hehascraveditforso
long.Hismiseryisatanend,hisalonenesswillcease,soonheshallwalkthestreetsofthe
sacredcityandpealhisjoywiththebells.AndthenFinalUnion,intheyearstocome.Hewill
bewithhisbrothersintheafterlife."
"No,Dino."ThiswhisperwasLaurie."Quitwrappinghumanphrasesaroundwhathesays.He
willbehisbrothers,hesays.Thephrasealsoimpliestheywillbehim."
Valcarenghismiled."OK,Laurie.Ifyousayso"
Suddenlythefatfarmerwasgonefromtheplatform.Thecrowdrustled,andanotherfigure
tookhisplace:muchshorter,wrinkledexcessively,oneeyeagreatgapinghole.Hebeganto
speak,haltinglyatfirst,thenwithgreaterskill.
"Thisoneisabrickman,hehasworkedmanydomes,helivesinthesacredcity.Hiseyewas
lostmanyyearsago,whenhefellfromadomeandasharpstickpokedintohim.Thepainwas
verygreat,buthereturnedtoworkwithinayear,hedidnotbegforprematureUnion,hewas
verybrave,heisproudofhiscourage.Hehasawife,buttheyneverhadoffspring,heissadof
that,hecannottalktohiswifeeasily,theyareapartevenwhentogetherandsheweepsat
night,heissadofthattoo,buthehasneverhurtherand"

Itwentonforhoursagain.Myrestlessnessstirredagain,butIcrackeddownonitthiswas
tooimportant.IletmyselfgetlostinValcarenghi'snarration,andthestoryoftheoneeyed
Shkeen.Beforelong,Iwasrivetedascloselytothetaleasthealiensaroundme.Itwashot
andstuffyandallbutairlessinthedome,andmytunicwasgettingsootyandsoakedbysweat,
someofitfromthecreatureswhopressedaroundme.ButIhardlynoticed.
Thesecondspeakerendedashadthefirst,withalongpraiseofthejoyofbeingJoinedand
thecomingofFinalUnion.Towardtheend,IhardlyevenneededValcarenghi'stranslationI
couldhearthehappinessinthevoiceoftheShkeen,andseeitinhistremblingfigure.Or
maybeIwasreading,unconsciously.ButIcan'treadatthatdistanceunlessthetargetis
emotingveryhard.
Athirdspeakerascendedtheplatform,andspokeinavoicelouderthantheothers.
Valcarenghikeptpace."Awomanthistime,"hesaid."Shehascarriedeightchildrenforher
man,shehasfoursistersandthreebrothers,shehasfarmedallherlife,she..."
Suddenlyherspeechseemedtopeak,andsheendedalongsequencewithseveralsharp,
highwhistles.Thenshefellsilent.Thecrowd,asone,begantorespondwithwhistlesoftheir
own.Aneerie,echoingmusicfilledtheGreatHall,andtheShkeenaroundusallbeganto
swayandwhistle.Thewomanlookedoutatthescenefromabentandbrokenposition.
Valcarenghistartedtotranslate,buthestumbledoversomething.Lauriecutinbeforehecould
backtrack."Shehasnowtoldthemofgreattragedy,"shewhispered."Theywhistletoshow
theirgrief,theironenesswithherpain."
"Sympathy,yes,"saidValcarenghi,takingoveragain."Whenshewasyoung,herbrothergrew
ill,andseemedtobedying.Herparentstoldhertotakehimtothesacredhills,fortheycould
notleavetheyoungerchildren.Butsheshatteredawheelonhercartthroughcarelessdriving,
andherbrotherdiedupontheplains.HeperishedwithoutUnion.Sheblamesherself."
TheShkeenhadbegunagain.Lauriebegantotranslate,leaningclosetousandusingasoft
whisper."Herbrotherdied,sheissayingagain.Shefaultedhim,deniedhimUnion,nowheis
sunderedandaloneandgonewithoutwithout"
"Afterlife,"saidValcarenghi."Withoutafterlife."
"I'mnotsurethat'sentirelyright,"Lauriesaid."Thatconceptis"Valcarenghiwavedher
silent."Listen,"hesaid.Hecontinuedtotranslate.

Welistenedtoherstory,toldinValcarenghi'sincreasinglyhoarsewhisper.Shespokelongest
ofall,andherstorywasthegrimmestofthethree.Whenshefinished,shetoowasreplaced.
ButValcarenghiputahandonmyshoulderandbeckonedtowardtheexit.
Thecoolnightairhitlikeicewater,andIsuddenlyrealizedthatIwasdrenchedwithsweat.
Valcarenghiwalkedquicklytowardthecar.Behindus,thespeakingwasstillinprogress,and
theShkeenshowednosignsoftiring.
"Gatheringsgoonfordays,sometimesweeks,"Laurietoldusasweclimbedinsidetheaircar.
"TheShkeenlisteninshifts,moreorlesstheytryterriblytoheareveryword,butexhaustion
getstothemsoonerorlaterandtheyretireforbriefrests,thenreturnformore.Itisagreat
honortolastthroughanentireGatheringwithoutsleep."
Valcarenghishotusaloft."I'mgoingtotrythatsomeday,"hesaid."I'veneverattendedfor
morethanacoupleofhours,butIthinkIcouldmakeitifIfortifiedmyselfwithdrugs.We'llget
moreunderstandingbetweenhumanandShkeenifweparticipatemorefullyintheirrituals."
"Oh,"Isaid."MaybeGustaffsonfeltthesameway."
Valcarenghilaughedlightly."Yes,well,Idon'tintendtoparticipate
that
fully."
Thetriphomewasatiredsilence.I'dlosttrackoftimebutmybodyinsistedthatitwasalmost
dawn.
Lya,curledupundermyarm,lookeddrainedandemptyandonlyhalfawake.Ifeltthesame
way.
WelefttheaircarinfrontoftheTower,andtookthetubesup.Iwaspastthinking.Sleepcame
very,veryquickly.
Idreamedthatnight.Agooddream,Ithink,butitfadedwiththecomingofthelight,leavingme
emptyandfeelingcheated.Ilaythere,afterwaking,withmyarmaroundLyaandmyeyeson
theceiling,tryingtorecallwhatthedreamhadbeenabout.Butnothingcame.
Instead,IfoundmyselfthinkingabouttheGathering,runningitthroughagaininmyhead.
FinallyIdisentangledmyselfandclimbedoutofbed.We'ddarkenedtheglass,sotheroom
wasstillpitchblack.ButIfoundthecontrolseasilyenough,andletthroughatrickleoflate
morninglight.

Lyamumbledsomesortofsleepyprotestandrolledover,butmadenoefforttogetup.Ileft
heraloneinthebedroomandwentouttoourlibrary,lookingforabookonthe
Shkeensomethingwithalittlemoredetailthanthematerialwe'dbeensent.Noluck.The
librarywasmeantforrecreation,notresearch.
IfoundaviewscreenandpuncheduptoValcarenghi'soffice.Gourlayanswered."Hello,"he
said."Dinofiguredyou'dbecalling.He'snothererightnow.He'soutarbitratingatrade
contract.Whatdoyouneed?"
"Books,"Isaid,myvoicestillalittlesleepy."SomethingontheShkeen."
"ThatIcan'tdo,"Gourlaysaid."Arenone,really.Lotsofpapersandstudiesandmonographs,
butnofullfledgedbooks.I'mgoingtowriteone,butIhaven'tgottentoityet.DinofiguredI
couldbeyourresource,Iguess."
"Oh."
"Gotanyquestions?"
Isearchedforaquestion,foundnone."Notreally,"Isaid,shrugging."Ijustwantedgeneral
background,maybesomemoreinformationonGatherings."
"Icantalktoyouaboutthatlater,"Gourlaysaid."Dinofiguredyou'dwanttogettoworktoday.
WecanbringpeopletotheTower,ifyou'dlike,oryoucangetouttothem."
"We'llgoout,"Isaidquickly.Bringingsubjectsinforinterviewsfoulsupeverything.Theygetall
anxious,andthatcoversupanyemotionsImightwanttoread,andthey
think
ondifferent
things,too,soLyannahastrouble.

"Fine,"saidGourlay."Dinoputanaircaratyourdisposal.Pickitupdowninthelobby.Also,
they'llhavesomekeysforyou,soyoucancomestraightupheretotheofficewithoutbothering
withthesecretariesandall."
"Thanks,"Isaid."Talktoyoulater."Iflickedofftheviewscreenandwalkedbacktothe
bedroom.Lyawassittingup,thecoversaroundherwaist.Isatdownnexttoherandkissed
her.Shesmiled,
butdidn'trespond."Hey,"Isaid."What'swrong?"

"Headache,"shereplied."Ithoughtsoberupsweresupposedtogetridofhangovers."
"That'sthetheory.Mineworkedprettywell."Iwenttotheclosetandbeganlookingfor
somethingtowear."Weshouldhaveheadachepillsaroundheresomeplace.I'msureDino
wouldn'tforgetanythingthatobvious."
"Umpf.Yes.Throwmesomeclothes."
Igrabbedoneofhercoverallsandtosseditacrosstheroom.Lyastoodupandslippedintoit
whileIdressed,thenwentofftothewashroom.
"Better,"shesaid."You'reright,hedidn'tforgetmedicines.""He'sthethoroughsort."
Shesmiled."Iguess.Laurieknowsthelanguagebetter,though.Ireadher.Dinomadea
coupleofmistakesinthattranslationlastnight."
I'dguessedatsomethinglikethat.NodiscredittoValcarenghihewasworkingona
fourmonth
handicap,fromwhatthey'dsaid.Inodded."Readanythingelse?"
"No.Itriedtogetthosespeakers,butthedistancewastoomuch."Shecameupandtookmy
hand."Wherearewegoingtoday?"
"Shkeentown,"Isaid."Let'strytofindsomeoftheseJoined.Ididn'tnoticeanyatthe
Gathering.""No.ThosethingsareforShkeenabouttobeJoined."
"SoIhear.Let'sgo."
Wewent.WestoppedatthefourthlevelforalatebreakfastintheTowercafeteria,thengotour
aircarpointedouttousbyamaninthelobby.Asportygreenfourseater,verycommon,very
inconspicuous.
Ididn'ttaketheaircarallthewayintotheShkeencity,figuringwe'dgetmoreofthefeelofthe
placeifwewentthroughonfoot.SoIdroppeddownjustbeyondthefirstrangeofhills,andwe
walked.
Thehumancityhadseemedalmostempty,butShkeentownlived.Thecrushedrockstreets
werefullofaliens,hustlingbackandforthbusily,carryingloadsofbricksandbasketsoffruit

andclothing.Therewerechildreneverywhere,mostofthemnaked:fatballsoforangeenergy
thatranaroundusincircles,whistlingandgruntingandgrinning,tuggingatuseveryonceina
while.Thekidslookeddifferentfromtheadults.Theyhadafewpatchesofreddishhair,forone
thing,andtheirskinswerestillsmoothandunwrinkled.Theyweretheonlyoneswhoreally
paidanyattentiontous.TheadultShkeenjustwentabouttheirbusiness,andgaveusan
occasionalfriendlysmile.Humanswereobviouslynotallthatuncommoninthestreetsof
Shkeentown.
Mostofthetrafficwasonfoot,butsmallwoodencartswerealsocommon.TheShkeendraft
animallookedlikeabiggreendogthatwasabouttobesick.Theywerestrappedtothecarts
inpairs,andtheywhinedconstantlyastheypulled.So,naturally,mencalledthemwhiners.In
additiontowhining,theyalsodefecatedconstantly.That,withodorsfromthefoodpeddledin
basketsandtheShkeenthemselves,gavethecityadefinitepungency.
Therewasnoisetoo,aconstantclamor.Kidswhistling,Shkeentalkingloudlywithgruntsand
whimpersandsqueaks,whinerswhiningandtheircartsrattlingovertherocks.LyaandI
walkedthroughitallsilently,handinhand,watchingandlisteningandsmellingandreading.
IwaswideopenwhenIenteredShkeentown,lettingeverythingwashovermeasIwalked,
unfocusedbutreceptive.Iwasthecenterofasmallbubbleofemotionfeelingsrushedupat
measShkeenapproached,fadedastheywalkedaway,circledaroundandaroundwiththe
dancingchildren.Iswaminaseaofimpressions.Anditstartledme.
Itstartledmebecauseitwasallsofamiliar.I'dreadaliensbefore.Sometimesitwasdifficult,
sometimesitwaseasy,butitwasneverpleasant.TheHranganshavesourminds,rankwith
hateandbitterness,andIfeeluncleanwhenIcomeout.TheFyndiifeelemotionssopalely
thatIcanscarcelyreadthematall.TheDamooshare
different
.Ireadthemstrongly,butI
can'tfindnamesforthefeelingsIread.

ButtheShkeenitwaslikewalkingdownastreetonBaldur.Nowaitmorelikeoneofthe
LostColonies,whenahumansettlementhasfallenbackintobarbarismandforgottenits
origins.Humanemotionsragethere,primalandstrongandreal,butlesssophisticatedthanon
OldEarthorBaldur.TheShkeenwerelikethat:primitive,maybe,butveryunderstandable.I
readjoyandsorrow,envy,anger,whimsy,bitterness,yearning,pain.Thesameheadymixture
thatengulfsmeeverywhere,whenIopenmyselftoit.
Lyawasreading,too.Ifeltherhandtenseinmine.Afterawhile,itsoftenedagain.Iturnedto
her,andshesawthequestioninmyeyes.

"They'repeople,"shesaid."They'relikeus."
Inodded."Parallelevolution,maybe.ShkeamightbeanolderEarth,withafewminor
differences.
Butyou'reright.They'remorehumanthananyotherracewe'veencounteredinspace."I
consideredthat."DoesthatanswerDino'squestion?Ifthey'relikeus,itfollowsthattheir
religionwouldbemoreappealingthana
really
alienone."
"No,Robb,"Lyasaid."Idon'tthinkso.Justthereverse.Ifthey'relikeus,itdoesn'tmakesense
that
they'd
gooffsowillinglytodie.See?"
Shewasright,ofcourse.TherewasnothingsuicidalintheemotionsI'dread,nothingunstable,
nothingreallyabnormal.YeteveryoneoftheShkeenwentofftoFinalUnionintheend.
"Weshouldfocusonsomebody,"Isaid."Thisblendofthoughtisn'tgettingusanywhere."I
lookedaroundtofindasubject,butjustthenIheardthebellsbegin.
Theywereofftotheleftsomewhere,nearlylostinthecity'sgentleroar.ItuggedLyabythe
hand,andwerandownthestreettofindthem,turningleftatthefirstgapintheorderlyrowof
domes.
Thebellswerestillahead,andwekeptrunning,cuttingthroughwhatmusthavebeen
somebody'syard,andclimbingoveralowbushfencethatbristledwithsweethorns.Beyond
thatwasanotheryard,adungpit,moredomes,andfinallyastreet.Itwastherewefoundthe
bellringers.
Therewerefourofthem,allJoined,wearinglonggownsofbrightredfabricthattrailedinthe
dust,withgreatbronzebellsineitherhand.Theyrangthebellsconstantly,theirlongarms
swingingbackandforth,thesharp,clangingnotesfillingthestreet.Allfourwereelderly,as
Shkeengohairlessandpinchedupwithamilliontinywrinkles.Buttheysmiledverywidely,
andtheyoungerShkeenthatpassedsmiledatthem.
OntheirheadsrodetheGreeshka.
I'dexpectedtofindthesighthideous.Ididn't.Itwasfaintlydisquieting,butonlybecauseIknew
whatitmeant.Theparasiteswerebrightblobsofcrimsongoo,ranginginsizefromapulsing

wartonthebackofoneShkeenskulltoagreatsheetofdripping,movingredthatcoveredthe
headandshouldersofthesmallestlikealivingcowl.TheGreeshkalivedbysharingthe
nutrientsintheShkeenbloodstream,Iknew.
Andalsobyslowlyohsoslowlyconsumingitshost.
LyaandIstoppedafewyardsfromthem,andwatchedthemring.Herfacewassolemn,andI
thinkminewas.Alloftheothersweresmiling,andthesongsthatthebellssangweresongsof
joy.IsqueezedLyanna'shandtightly."Read,"Iwhispered.
Weread.
Me:Ireadbells.Notthesoundofbells,no,no,butthe
feel
ofbells,the
emotion
ofbells,the
brightclangingjoy,thehootingshoutingringingloudness,thesongoftheJoined,the

togethernessandthesharingofitall.IreadwhattheJoinedfeltastheypealedtheirbells,their
happinessandanticipation,theirecstasyintellingothersoftheirclamorouscontentment.AndI
readlove,comingfromthemingreathotwaves,passionatepossessiveloveofamanand
womantogether,nottheweakwateryaffectionofthehumanwho"loves"hisbrothers.This
wasrealandferventanditburnedalmostasitwashedovermeandsurroundedme.They
lovedthemselves,andtheylovedallShkeen,andtheylovedtheGreeshka,andtheyloved
eachother,andtheylovedus.Theylovedus.Theyloved
me
,ashotlyandwildlyasLyaloved
me.AndwithloveIreadbelonging,andsharing.Theyfourwereallapart,alldistinct,butthey
thoughtasonealmost,andtheybelongedtotheGreeshka,andtheywereall
together
and
linkedalthougheachwasstillhimselfandnonecouldreadtheothersasIreadthem.

AndLyanna?Ireeledbackfromthem,andshutmyselfoff,andlookedatLya.Shewas
whitefaced,butsmiling."They'rebeautiful,"shesaid,hervoiceverysmallandsoftand
wondering.Drenchedinlove,IstillrememberedhowmuchIloved
her,
andhowIwaspartof
herandherofme.

"Whatwhatdidyouread?"Iasked,myvoicefightingthecontinuedclangorofthebells.
Sheshookherhead,asiftoclearit."Theyloveus,"shesaid."Youmustknowthat,butoh,I
feltit,they
do
loveus.Andit'sso
deep
.Belowthatlovethere'smorelove,andbelowthat

more,andonandonforever.Theirmindsaresodeep,soopen.Idon'tthinkI'veeverreada
humanthatdeeply.

Everythingisrightatthesurface,rightthere,theirwholelivesandalltheirdreamsandfeelings
andmemoriesandohIjusttookitin,sweptitupwithareading,aglance.Withmen,with
humans,it'ssomuchwork.Ihavetodig,Ihavetofight,andeventhenIdon'tgetdownvery
far.Youknow,Robb,youknow.Oh,
Robb!
"Andshecametomeandpressedtightagainst

me,andIheldherinmyarms.Thetorrentoffeelingthathadwashedovermemusthavebeen
atidalwaveforher.HerTalentwasbroaderanddeeperthanmine,andnowshewasshaken.I
readherassheclutchedme,andIreadlove,greatlove,andwonderandhappiness,butalso
fear,nervousfearswirlingthroughitall.
Aroundus,theringingsuddenlystopped.Thebells,onebyone,ceasedtoswing,andthefour
Joinedstoodinsilenceforabriefsecond.OneoftheotherShkeennearbycameuptothem
withahuge,clothcoveredbasket.ThesmallestoftheJoinedthrewbackthecloth,andthe
aromaofhotmeatrollsroseinthestreet.EachoftheJoinedtookseveralfromthebasket,and
beforelongtheywereallcrunchingawayhappily,andtheowneroftherollswasgrinningat
them.AnotherShkeen,asmallnudegirl,ranupandofferedthemaflaskofwater,andthey
passeditaroundwithoutcomment.
"What'sgoingon?"IaskedLya.Then,evenbeforeshetoldme,Iremembered.Something
fromtheliteraturethatValcarenghihadsent.TheJoineddidnowork.FortyEarthyearsthey
livedandtoiled,butfromFirstJoiningtoFinalUniontherewasonlyjoyandmusic,andthey
wanderedthestreetsandrangtheirbellsandtalkedandsang,andotherShkeengavethem
foodanddrink.ItwasanhonortofeedaJoined,andtheShkeenwhohadgivenuphis
meatrollswasradiatingprideandpleasure."Lya,"Iwhispered,"canyoureadthemnow?"
ShenoddedagainstmychestandpulledawayandstaredattheJoined,hereyesgoinghard
andthensofteningagain.Shelookedbackatme."It'sdifferent,"shesaid,curious.
"How?"
Shesquintedinpuzzlement."Idon'tknow.Imean,theystillloveus,andall.Butnowtheir
thoughtsare,well,sortofmorehuman.Therearelevels,youknow,anddiggingisn'teasy,and
therearehiddenthings,thingstheyhideevenfromthemselves.It'snotallopenlikeitwas.
They'rethinkingaboutthefoodnowandhowgoodittastes.It'sallveryvivid.Icouldtastethe
rollsmyself.Butit'snotthesame."
Ihadaninspiration."Howmanymindsarethere?"

"Four,"shesaid."Linkedsomehow,Ithink.Butnotreally."Shestopped,confused,andshook
herhead."Imean,theysortoffeeleachother'semotions,likeyoudo,Iguess.Butnot
thoughts,notthedetail.Icanreadthem,buttheydon'treadeachother.Eachoneisdistinct.
Theywerecloserbefore,whentheywereringing,buttheywerealwaysindividuals."
Iwasslightlydisappointed."Fourmindsthen,notone?""Umpf,yes.Four."
"AndtheGreeshka?"Myotherbrightidea.IftheGreeshkahadmindsoftheirown"Nothing,"
Lyasaid."Likereadingaplant,orapieceofclothing.NotevenyesIlive."
Thatwasdisturbing.Evenloweranimalshadsomevagueconsciousnessoflifethefeeling
TalentscalledyesIliveusuallyonlyadimsparkthatittookamajorTalenttosee.ButLya
was
amajorTalent.
"Let'stalktothem,"Isaid.Shenodded,andwewalkeduptowheretheJoinedweremunching
theirmeatrolls."Hello,"Isaidawkwardly,wonderinghowtoaddressthem."Canyouspeak
Terran?"
Threeofthemlookedatmewithoutcomprehension.Butthefourthone,thelittleonewhose
Greeshkawasaripplingredcape,bobbedhisheadupanddown."Yesh,"hesaid,ina
pipingthinvoice.
IsuddenlyforgotwhatIwasgoingtoask,butLyannacametomyrescue."Doyouknowof
humanJoined?"shesaid.
Hegrinned."AllJoinedareone,"hesaid.
"Oh,"Isaid."Well,yes,butdoyouknowanywholooklikeus?Tall,youknow,withhairand
skinthat'spinkorbrownorsomething?"Icametoanotherawkwardhalt,wonderingjusthow
much
TerrantheoldShkeenknew,andeyeinghisGreeshkaalittleapprehensively.
Hisheadbobbledfromsidetoside."Joinedarealldifferent,butallareone,allareshame.
Shomelookashyou.WouldyouJoin?"
"No,thanks,"Isaid."WherecanIfindahumanJoined?"
Hebobbledhisheadsomemore."Joinedshingandringandwalktheshacredcity."

Lyahadbeenreading."Hedoesn'tknow,"shetoldme."TheJoinedjustwanderandplaytheir
bells.
There'snopatterntoit,nobodykeepstrack.It'sallrandom.Sometravelingroups,some
alone,andnewgroupsformeverytimetwobunchesmeet."
"We'llhavetosearch,"Isaid.
"Eat,"theShkeentoldus.Hereachedintothebasketonthegroundandhishandscameout
withtwosteamingmeatrolls.Hepressedoneintomyhand,oneinLya's.
Ilookedatitdubiously."Thankyou,"Itoldhim.IpulledatLyawithmyfreehandandwe
walkedofftogether.TheJoinedgrinnedatusasweleft,andstartedringingoncemorebefore
wewerehalfwaydownthestreet.
Themeatrollwasstillinmyhand,itscrustburningmyfingers."ShouldIeatthis?"IaskedLya.
Shetookabiteoutofhers."Whynot?Wehadthemlastnightintherestaurant,right?AndI'm
sureValcarenghiwould'vewarnedusifthenativefoodwaspoisonous."
Thatmadesense,soIliftedtherolltomymouthandtookabiteasIwalked.Itwashot,and
also
hot
,anditwasn'tabitlikethemeatrollswe'dsampledthepreviousnight.Thosehadbeen
golden,flakythings,seasonedgentlywithorangespicefromBaldur.TheShkeenversionwas

crunchy,andthemeatinsidedrippedgreaseandburnedmymouth.Butitwasgood,andIwas
hungry,andtherolldidn'tlastlong.
"Getanythingelsewhenyoureadthesmallguy?"IaskedLyaaroundamouthfulofhotroll.
Sheswallowed,andnodded."Yes,Idid.Hewashappy,evenmorethantherest.He'solder.
He'snearFinalUnion,andhe'sverythrilledaboutit."Shespokewithheroldeasymannerthe
aftereffectsofreadingtheJoinedseemedtohavefaded.
"Why?"Iwasmusingoutloud."He'sgoingto
die.
Whyishesohappyaboutit?"Lyashrugged.
"Hewasn'tthinkinginanygreatanalyticaldetail,I'mafraid."

Ilickedmyfingerstogetridofthelastofthegrease.Wewereatacrossroads,withShkeen
bustlingbyusinalldirections,andnowwecouldhearmorebellsonthewind."MoreJoined,"I
said."Wanttolookthemup?"

"Whatwouldwefindout?Thatwedon'talreadyknow?Weneeda
human
Joined.""Maybe
oneofthisbatch
will
behuman."

IgotLya'switheringlook,"Ha.Whataretheodds?"
"Allright,"Iconceded.Itwasnowlateafternoon."Maybewe'dbetterheadback.Getanearlier
starttomorrow.Besides,Dinoisprobablyexpectingusfordinner."
Dinner,thistime,wasservedinValcarenghi'soffice,afteralittleadditionalfurniturehadbeen
draggedin.Hisquarters,itturnedout,wereonthelevelbelow,buthepreferredtoentertain
upstairswherehisguestscouldenjoythespectacularTowerview.
Therewerefiveofus,alltold:meandLya,ValcarenghiandLaurie,plusGourlay.Lauriedid
thecooking,supervisedbymasterchefValcarenghi.Wehadbeefsteaks,bredonShkeafrom
OldEarthstock,plusafascinatingblendofvegetablesthatincludedmushroomsfromOld
Earth,groundpipsfromBaldur,andShkeensweethorns.Dinolikedtoexperimentandthedish
wasoneofhisinventions.
LyaandIgaveafullreportontheday'sadventures,interruptedonlybyValcarenghi'ssharp,
perceptivequestioning.Afterdinner,wegotridoftablesanddishesandsatarounddrinking
Veltaarandtalking.ThistimeLyaandIaskedthequestions,withGourlaysupplyingthe
biggestchunkoftheanswers.Valcarenghilistenedfromacushiononthefloor,onearm
aroundLaurie,theotherholdinghiswineglass.WewerenotthefirstTalentstovisitShkea,he
toldus.NorthefirsttoclaimtheShkeenweremanlike.
"Supposethatmeanssomething,"hesaid."ButIdon'tknow.They're
not
men,youknow.No,
sir.

They'remuchmoresocial,foronething.Greatlittlecitybuildersfromwayback,alwaysin
towns,alwayssurroundingthemselveswithothers.Andthey'remorecommunalthanman,too.
Cooperateinallsortsofthings,andthey'rebigonsharing.Trade,forinstancetheyseethat
asmutualsharing."
Valcarenghilaughed."Youcansaythatagain.Ijustspentthewholedaytryingtoworkouta
tradecontractwithagroupoffarmerswhohadn'tdealtwithusbefore.It'snoteasy,believe
me.Theygiveusasmuchoftheirstuffasweaskfor,iftheydon'tneeditthemselvesandno
oneelsehasaskedforitearlier.Butthentheywanttogetwhatever
they
askforinthefuture.

Theyexpectit,infact.Soeverytimewedealwe'vegotachoicehandthemablankcheck,or
gothroughanincredibleroundoftalksthatendswiththemconvincedthatwe'retotallyselfish."
Lyawasn'tsatisfied."Whataboutsex?"shedemanded."Fromthestuffyouweretranslating
lastnight,Igottheimpressionthey'remonogamous."
"They'reconfusedaboutsexrelationships,"Gourlaysaid."It'sverystrange.Sexissharing,you
see,andit'sgoodtosharewitheveryone.Butthesharinghastoberealandmeaningful.That
createsproblems."
Lauriesatup,attentive."I'vestudiedthepoint,"shesaidquickly."Shkeenmoralityinsiststhey
love
everybody
.Buttheycan'tdoit,they'retoohuman,toopossessive.Theywindupin

monogamousrelationships,becauseareallydeepsexsharingwithonepersonisbetterthana
millionshallowphysicalthings,intheirculture.TheidealShkeenwouldsexsharewith
everyone,witheachoftheunionsbeingjustasdeep,buttheycan'tachievethatideal."
Ifrowned."Wasn'tsomebodyguiltylastnightoverbetrayinghiswife?"
Laurienoddedeagerly."Yes,buttheguiltwasbecausehisotherrelationshipscausedhis
sharingwithhiswifetodiminish.
That
wasthebetrayal.Ifhe'dbeenabletomanageitwithout
hurtinghisolderrelationship,thesexwouldhavebeenmeaningless.And,ifallofthe
relationshipshavebeenreal
lovesharing,itwouldhavebeenaplus.Hiswifewouldhavebeenproudofhim.It'squitean
achievementforaShkeentobeinamultipleunionthatworks."
"AndoneofthegreatestShkeencrimesistoleaveanotheralone,"Gourlaysaid."Emotionally
alone.
Withoutsharing."
Imulledoverthat,whileGourlaywenton.TheShkeenhadlittlecrime,hetoldus.Especiallyno
violentcrime.Nomurders,nobeatings,noprisons,nowarsintheirlong,emptyhistory.
"They'rearacewithoutmurderers,"Valcarenghisaid."Whichmayexplainsomething.OnOld
Earth,thesameculturesthathadthehighestsuicideratesoftenhadthelowestmurderrates,
too.AndtheShkeensuiciderateisonehundredpercent."
"Theykillanimals,"Isaid.

"NotpartoftheUnion,"Gourlayreplied."TheUnionembracesallthatthinks,anditscreatures
maynotbekilled.TheydonotkillShkeen,orhumans,orGreeshka."
Lyalookedatme,thenatGourlay."TheGreeshkadon'tthink,"shesaid."Itriedtoreadthem
thismorningandgotnothingbutthemindsoftheShkeentheyrode.NotevenayesIlive."
"We'veknownthat,butthepoint'salwayspuzzledme,"Valcarenghisaid,climbingtohisfeet.
Hewenttothebarformorewine,broughtoutabottle,andfilledourglasses."Atrulymindless
parasite,butanintelligentraceliketheShkeenareenslavedbyit.Why?"
Thenewwinewasgoodandchilled,acoldtraildownmythroat.Idrankit,andnodded,
rememberingthefloodofeuphoriathathadsweptoverusearlierthatday."Drugs,"Isaid,
speculatively."TheGreeshkamustproduceanorganicpleasuredrug.TheShkeensubmittoit
willinglyanddiehappy.Thejoyisreal,believeme.Wefeltit."
Lyannalookeddoubtful,though,andGourlayshookhisheadadamantly."No,Robb.Notso.
We'veexperimentedontheGreeshka,and"
Hemusthavenoticedmyraisedeyebrows.Hestopped."HowdidtheShkeenfeelaboutthat?"
Iasked.
"Didn'ttellthem.Theywouldn'thavelikedit,notatall.Greeshka'sjustananimal,butit'stheir
God.Don'tfoolaroundwithGod,youknow.Werefrainedforalongtime,butwhenGustaffson
wentover,oldStuarthadtoknow.Hisorders.Wedidn'tgetanywhere,though.Noextracts
thatmightbeadrug,nosecretions,nothing.Infact,theShkeenarethe
only
nativelifethat

submitssoeasily.Wecaughtawhiner,yousee,andstrapped
it
down,andletaGreeshkalink
up.Then,couplehourslater,weyankedthestraps.Damnwhinerwasfurious,screechingand
yelping,attackingthethingonitshead.Nearlyclaweditsownskulltoribbonsbeforeitgotit
off."
"MaybeonlytheShkeenaresusceptible?"Isaid.Afeeblerescueattempt."Notquite,"said
Valcarenghi,withasmall,thinsmile."There'sus."
Lyawasstrangelysilentinthetube,almostwithdrawn.Iassumedshewasthinkingaboutthe
conversation.Butthedoortooursuitehadbarelyslidshutbehinduswhensheturnedtoward
meandwrappedherarmsaroundme.

Ireachedupandstrokedhersoftbrownhair,slightlystartledbythehug."Hey,"Imuttered,
"what'swrong?"
Shegavemehervampirelook,bigeyedandfragile."Makelovetome,Robb,"shesaidwitha
softsuddenurgency."Please.Makelovetomenow."
Ismiled,butitwasapuzzledsmile,notmyusuallecherousbedroomgrin.Lyagenerally
comesonimpishandwickedwhenshe'shorny,butnowshewasalltroubledandvulnerable.I
didn'tquitegetit.
Butitwasn'tatimeforquestions,andIdidn'taskany.Ijustpulledhertomewordlesslyand
kissedherhard,andwewalkedtogethertothebedroom.
Andwemadelove,
really
madelove,morethanpoorNormalscando.Wejoinedourbodiesas
one,andIfeltLyastiffenashermindreachedouttomine.AndaswemovedtogetherIwas

openingmyselftoher,drowningmyselfinthefloodofloveandneedandfearthatwaspouring
fromher.
Then,quicklyasithadbegun,itended.Herpleasurewashedovermeinarawredwave.AndI
joinedheronthecrest,andLyaclutchedmetightly,hereyesshrunkupsmallasshedrankit
allin.
Afterwards,welaythereinthedarknessandletthestarsofShkeapourtheirradiancethrough
thewindow.Lyahuddledagainstme,herheadonmychest,whileIstrokedher.
"Thatwasgood,"Isaidinadrowsydreamyvoice,smilinginthestarfilleddarkness.
"Yes,"shereplied.Hervoicewassoftandsmall,sosmallIbarelyheardit."Iloveyou,Robb,"
shewhispered.
"Uhhuh,"Isaid."AndIloveyou."
Shepulledlooseofmyarmandrolledover,proppingherheadonahandtostareatmeand
smile."Youdo,"shesaid."Ireadit.Iknowit.AndyouknowhowmuchIloveyou,too,don't
you?"
Inodded,smiling."Sure."

"We'relucky,youknow.TheNormalshaveonlywords.PoorlittleNormals.Howcanthey
tell
,
withjustwords?Howcanthey
know?
They'realwaysapartfromeachother,tryingtoreach

eachotherandfailing.Evenwhentheymakelove,evenwhentheycome,they'realwaysapart.
Theymustbeverylonely."
Therewassomethingdisturbinginthat.IlookedatLya,intoherbrighthappyeyes,and
thoughtaboutit."Maybe,"Isaid,finally."Butit'snotthatbadforthem.Theydon'tknowany
otherway.Andtheytry,theylovetoo.Theybridgethegapsometimes."
"Onlyalookandavoice,thendarknessagainandasilence."Lyaquoted,hervoicesadand
tender."We'reluckier,aren'twe?Wehavesomuchmore."
"We'reluckier,"Iechoed.AndIreachedouttoreadhertoo.Hermindwasahazeof
satisfaction,withagentlescentofwistful,lonelylonging.Buttherewassomethingelse,way
down,almostgonenow,butstillfaintlydetectable.
Isatupslowly."Hey,"Isaid."You'reworriedaboutsomething.Andbefore,whenwecamein,
youwerescared.What'sthematter?"
"Idon'tknow,really,"shesaid.Shesoundedpuzzledandshe
was
puzzledIreaditthere."I
was
scared,butIdon'tknowwhy.TheJoined,Ithink.Ikeptthinkingabouthowmuchthey

lovedme.Theydidn'teven
know
me,buttheylovedmesomuch,andtheyunderstooditwas
almostlikewhatwehave.ItIdon'tknow.Itbotheredme.Imean,Ididn'tthinkIcouldeverbe
lovedthatway,exceptbyyou.Andtheywereso
close
,sotogether.Ifeltkindoflonely,just
holdinghandsandtalking.Iwantedtobecloseto
you
thatway.Afterthewaytheywereall
sharingandeverything,beingalonejustseemedempty.Andfrightening.Youknow?"
"Iknow,"Isaid,touchingherlightlyagain,withhandandmind."Iunderstand.Wedo
understandeachother.We'retogetheralmostastheyare,asNormalscan'teverbe."
Lyanodded,andsmiled,andhuggedme.Wewenttosleepineachother'sarms.
Dreamsagain.Butagain,atdawn,thememorystoleawayfromme.Itwasallveryannoying.
Thedreamhadbeenpleasant,comfortable.Iwanteditback,andIcouldn'tevenremember
whatitwas.Ourbedroom,washedbyharshdaylight,seemeddrabcomparedtothesplendors
ofmylostvision.

Lyawokeafterme,withanotherheadache.Thistimeshehadthepillsonhand,bythe
bedstand.Shegrimacedandtookone.
"ItmustbetheShkeenwine,"Itoldher."Somethingaboutittakesadimviewofyour
metabolism."Shepulledonafreshcoverallandscowledatme."Ha.WeweredrinkingVeltaar
lastnight,
remember?MyfathergavememyfirstglassofVeltaarwhenIwasnine.Itnevergaveme
headachesbefore."
"Afirst!"Isaid,smiling.
"It'snotfunny,"shesaid."Ithurts."
Iquitkidding,andtriedtoreadher.Shewasright.It
did
hurt.Herwholeforeheadthrobbedwith
pain.IwithdrewquicklybeforeIcaughtittoo.

"Allright,"Isaid."I'msorry.Thepillswilltakecareofit,though.Meanwhile,we'vegotworkto
do."Lyanodded.She'dneverletanythinginterferewithworkyet.
Theseconddaywasadayofmanhunt.Wegotofftoamuchearlierstart,hadaquick
breakfastwithGourlay,thenpickedupouraircaroutsidetheTower.Thistimewedidn'tdrop
downwhenwehitShkeentown.WewantedahumanJoined,whichmeantwehadtocovera
lotofground.ThecitywasthebiggestI'deverseen,inareaatanyrate,andthethousandodd
humancultistswerelostamongmillionsofShkeen.And,ofthosehumans,onlyabouthalf
wereactuallyJoinedyet.
Sowekepttheaircarlow,andbuzzedupanddownthedomedottedhillslikeafloating
rollercoaster,causingquiteastirinthestreetsbelowus.TheShkeenhadseenaircarsbefore,
ofcourse,butitstillhadsomenoveltyvalue,particularlytothekids,whotriedtorunafterus
wheneverweflashedby.Wealsopanickedawhiner,causinghimtoupsetthecartfulloffruit
hewasdragging.Ifeltguiltyaboutthat,soIkeptthecarhigherafterwards.
WespottedJoinedalloverthecity,singing,eating,walkingandringingthosebells,those
eternalbronzebells.Butforthefirstthreehours,allwefoundwereShkeenJoined.LyaandI
tookturnsdrivingandwatching.Aftertheexcitementofthepreviousday,thesearchwas
tediousandtiring.

Finally,however,wefoundsomething:alargegroupofJoined,tenofthem,clusteredarounda
breadcartbehindoneofthesteeperhills.Twoweretallerthantherest.
Welandedontheothersideofthehillandwalkedaroundtomeetthem,leavingouraircar
surroundedbyacrowdofShkeenchildren.TheJoinedwerestilleatingwhenwearrived.Eight
ofthemwereShkeenofvarioussizesandhues,Greeshkapulsingatoptheirskulls.Theother
twowerehuman.
TheyworethesamelongredgownsastheShkeen,andtheycarriedthesamebells.Oneof
themwasabigman,withlooseskinthathunginflaps,asifhe'dlostalotofweightrecently.
Hishairwaswhiteandcurly,hisfacemarkedbyabroadsmileandlaughwrinklesaroundhis
eyes.Theotherwasathin,darkweaselofamanwithabighookednose.
BothofthemhadGreeshkasuckingattheirskulls.Theparasiteridingtheweaselwasbarelya
pimple,buttheoldermanhadalordlyspecimenthatdrippeddownbeyondhisshouldersand
intothebackofthegown.
Somehow,thistime,it
did
lookhideous.
LyannaandIwalkeduptothem,tryinghardtosmile,notreadingatleastatfirst.Theysmiled
atusasweapproached.Thentheywaved.
"Hello,"theweaselsaidcheerilywhenwegotthere."I'veneverseenyou.Areyounewon
Shkea?"
Thattookmeslightlybysurprise.I'dbeenexpectingsomesortofgarbledmysticgreeting,or
maybenogreetingatall.Iwasassumingthatsomehowthehumanconvertswouldhave
abandonedtheirhumanitytobecomemockShkeen.Iwaswrong.
"Moreorless,"Ireplied.AndIreadtheweasel.Hewasgenuinelypleasedtoseeus,andjust
bubbledwithcontentmentandgoodcheer."We'vebeenhiredtotalktopeoplelikeyou."I'd
decidedtobehonestaboutit.
TheweaselstretchedhisgrinfartherthanIthoughtitwouldgo."IamJoined,andhappy,"he
said."I'llbegladtotalktoyou.MynameisLesterKamenz.Whatdoyouwanttoknow,
brother?"

Lya,nexttome,wasgoingtense.IdecidedI'dletherreadindepthwhileIaskedquestions.
"WhendidyouconverttotheCult?"
"Cult?"Kamenzsaid."TheUnion."
Henodded,andIwasstruckbythegrotesquesimilarityofhisbobbingheadandthatofthe
elderlyShkeenwe'dseenyesterday."IhavealwaysbeenintheUnion.YouareintheUnion.
AllthatthinksisintheUnion."
"Someofusweren'ttold,"Isaid."Howaboutyou?Whendidyourealizeyouwereinthe
Union?""Ayearago,OldEarthtime.IwasadmittedtotheranksoftheJoinedonlyafew
weeksago.The
FirstJoiningisajoyfultime.Iamjoyful.NowIwillwalkthestreetsandringmybellsuntilthe
FinalUnion."
"Whatdidyoudobefore?"
"Before?"Ashortvaguelook."Iranmachinesonce.Irancomputers,intheTower.Butmylife
wasempty,brother.IdidnotknowIwasintheUnion,andIwasalone.Ihadonlymachines,
coldmachines.NowIamJoined.NowIam"againhesearched"notalone."
Ireachedintohim,andfoundthehappinessstillthere,withlove.Butnowtherewasanache
too,avaguerecollectionofpastpain,thestinkofunwelcomememories.Didthesefade?
MaybethegifttheGreeshkagaveitsvictimswasoblivion,sweetmindlessrestandendof
struggle.Maybe.
Idecidedtotrysomething."Thatthingonyourhead,"Isaid,sharply."It'saparasite.It's
drinkingyourbloodrightnow,feedingonit.Asitgrows,itwilltakemoreandmoreofthethings
you
needtolive.Finallyitwillstarttoeatyourtissue.Understand?Itwill
eat
you.Idon'tknow
howpainfulitwillbe,buthoweveritfeels,attheendyou'llbe
dead.
Unlessyoucomebackto

theTowernow,andhavethesurgeonsremoveit.Ormaybeyoucouldremoveityourself.Why
don'tyoutry?Justreachupandpullitoff.Goahead."
I'dexpectedwhat?Rage?Horror?Disgust?Igotnoneofthese.Kamenzjuststuffedbreadin
hismouthandsmiledatme,andallIreadwashisloveandjoyandalittlepity.

"TheGreeshkadoesnotkill,"hesaidfinally."TheGreeshkagivesjoyandhappyUnion.Only
thosewhohavenoGreeshkadie.Theyarealone.Oh,foreveralone."Somethinginhismind
trembledwithsuddenfear,butitfadedquickly.
IglancedatLya.Shewasstiffandhardeyed,stillreading.Ilookedbackandbegantophrase
anotherquestion.ButsuddenlytheJoinedbegantoring.OneoftheShkeenstarteditoff,
swinginghisbellupanddowntoproduceasinglesharpclang.Thenhisotherhandswung,
thenthefirstagain,thenthesecond,thenanotherJoinedbegantoring,thenstillanother,and
thentheywereallswingingandclangingandthenoiseoftheirbellswassmashingagainstmy
earsasthejoyandtheloveandthefeelofthebellsassaultedmymindonceagain.
Ilingeredtosavorit.Thelovetherewasbreathtaking,awesome,almostfrighteninginitsheat
andintensity,andtherewassomuchsharingtofrolicinandwonderat,sucha
soothingcalmingexhilaratingtapestryofgoodfeelings.SomethinghappenedtotheJoined
whentheyrang,somethingtouchedthemandliftedthemandgavethemaglow,something
strangeandgloriousthatmereNormalscouldnothearintheirharshclangingmusic.Iwasno
Normal,though.Icouldhearit.
Iwithdrewreluctantly,slowly.Kamenzandtheotherhumanwerebothringingvigorouslynow,
withbroadsmilesandglowingtwinklingeyesthattransfiguredtheirfaces.Lyannawasstill
tense,stillreading.Hermouthwasslightlyopen,andshetrembledwhereshestood.
Iputanarmaroundherandwaited,listeningtothemusic,patient.Lyacontinuedtoread.
Finally,afterminutes,Ishookhergently.Sheturnedandstudiedmewithhard,distanteyes.
Thenblinked.Andhereyeswidenedandshecameback,shakingherheadandfrowning.
Puzzled,Ilookedintoherhead.Strangeandstranger.Itwasaswirlingfogofemotion,adense
movingblendofmorefeelingsthanI'dcaretoputanameto.NosoonerhadIenteredthanI
waslost,lostanduneasy.Somewhereinthefogtherewasabottomlessabysslurkingto
engulfme.Atleastitfeltthatway.
"Lya,"Isaid."What'swrong?"
Sheshookherheadagain,andlookedattheJoinedwithalookthatwasequalpartsfearand
longing.Irepeatedmyquestion.
"IIdon'tknow,"shesaid."Robb,let'snottalknow.Let'sgo.Iwanttimetothink."

"OK,"Isaid.Whatwasgoingonhere?Itookherhandandwewalkedslowlyaroundthehillto
theslopewherewe'dleftthecar.Shkeenkidswereclimbingalloverit.Ichasedthem,
laughing.Lyajuststoodthere,hereyesgoneallfarawayonme.Iwantedtoreadheragain,
butsomehowIfeltitwouldbeaninvasionofprivacy.
Airborne,westreakedbacktowardtheTower,ridinghigherandfasterthistime.Idrove,while
Lyasatbesidemeandstaredoutintothedistance.
"Didyougetanythinguseful?"Iaskedher,tryingtogethermindbackontheassignment.
"Yes.No.Maybe."Hervoicesoundeddistracted,asifonlypartofherwastalkingtome."I
readtheirlives,bothofthem.Kamenzwasacomputerprogrammer,ashesaid.Buthewasn't
verygood.Anuglylittlemanwithanuglylittlepersonality,nofriends,nosex,nonothing.Lived
byhimself,avoidedtheShkeen,didn'tlikethematall.Didn'tevenlikepeople,really.But
Gustaffsongotthroughtohim,somehow.HeignoredKamenz'coldness,hisbitterlittlecuts,
hiscrueljokes.Hedidn'tretaliate,youknow?Afterawhile,KamenzcametolikeGustaffson,
toadmirehim.Theywereneverreallyfriendsinanynormalsense,butstillGustaffsonwasthe
nearestthingtoafriendthatKamenzhad."
Shestoppedsuddenly."SohewentoverwithGustaffson?"Iprompted,glancingatherquickly.
Hereyesstillwandered.
"No,notatfirst.Hewasstillafraid,stillscaredoftheShkeenandterrifiedoftheGreeshka.But
later,withGustaffsongone,hebegantorealizehowemptyhislifewas.Heworkedalldaywith
peoplewhodespisedhimandmachinesthatdidn'tcare,thensataloneatnightreadingand
watchingholoshows.Notlife,really.Hehardlytouchedthepeoplearoundhim.Finallyhewent
tofindGustaffson,andwoundupconverted.Now"
"Now?"
Shehesitated."He'shappy,Robb,"shesaid."Hereallyis.Forthefirsttimeinhislife,he's
happy.
He'dneverknownlovebefore.Nowitfillshim.""Yougotalot,"Isaid.
"Yes."Stillthedistractedvoice,thelosteyes."Hewasopen,sortof.Therewerelevels,but
diggingwasn'tashardasitusuallyisasifhisbarrierswereweakening,comingdown
almost"

"Howabouttheotherguy?"
Shestrokedtheinstrumentpanel,staringonlyatherhand."Him?ThatwasGustaffson"
Andthat,suddenly,seemedtowakeher,torestorehertotheLyaIknewandloved.Sheshook
herheadandlookedatme,andtheaimlessvoicebecameananimatedtorrentofwords.
"Robb,listen,thatwas
Gustaffson
,he'sbeenJoinedoverayearnow,andhe'sgoingonto

FinalUnionwithinaweek.TheGreeshkahasacceptedhim,andhewantsit,youknow?He
reallydoes,andandohRobb,he's
dying!
"
"Withinaweek,accordingtowhatyoujustsaid."
"No.Imeanyes,butthat'snotwhatImean.FinalUnionisn'tdeath,tohim.Hebelievesit,allof
it,thewholereligion.TheGreeshkaishisgod,andhe'sgoingtojoinit.Butbefore,andnow,
hewasdying.He'sgottheSlowPlague,Robb.Aterminalcase.It'sbeeneatingathimfrom
insideforfifteenyearsnow.HegotitbackonNightmare,intheswamps,whenhisfamilydied.
That'snoworldforpeople,buthewasthere,theadministratoroveraresearchbase,a
shorttermthing.TheylivedonThoritwasonlyavisit,buttheshipcrashed.Gustaffsongotall
wildandtriedtoreachthembeforetheend,buthegrabbedafaultypairofskinthins,andthe
sporesgotthrough.Andtheywerealldeadwhenhegotthere.Hehadanawfullotofpain,
Robb.FromtheSlowPlague,butmorefromtheloss.Hereallylovedthem,anditwasnever
thesameafter.TheygavehimShkeaasareward,kindof,totakehismindoffthecrash,but
hestillthoughtofitallthetime.Icouldseethepicture,Robb.Itwasvivid.Hecouldn'tforgetit.
Thekidswereinsidetheship,safebehindthewalls,butthelifesystemfailedandchokedthem
todeath.Buthiswifeoh,Robbshetooksomeskinthinsandtriedtogoforhelp,andoutside
those
things
,thosebigwrigglerstheyhaveonNightmare?"
Iswallowedhard,feelingalittlesick."Theeaterworms,"Isaid,dully.I'dreadaboutthem,and
seenholos.IcouldimaginethepicturethatLya'dseeninGustaffson'smemory,anditwasn'tat
allpretty.IwasgladIdidn'thaveherTalent.
"TheywerestillstillwhenGustaffsongotthere.Youknow.Hekilledthemallwithascreech
gun."
Ishookmyhead,"Ididn'tthinkthingslikethatreallywenton."
"No,"Lyasaid."NeitherdidGustaffson.They'dbeensoso
happy
beforethat,beforethe

thingonNightmare.Helovedher,andtheywerereallyclose,andhiscareerhadbeenalmost

charmed.Hedidn'thavetogotoNightmare,youknow.Hetookitbecauseitwasachallenge,
becausenobodyelsecouldhandleit.Thatgnawsathim,too.Andheremembersallthetime.
Hethey"Hervoicefaltered."Theythoughttheywere
lucky
,"shesaid,beforefallinginto
silence.

Therewasnothingtosaytothat.Ijustkeptquietanddrove,thinking,feelingablurred,
watereddownversionofwhatGustaffson'spainmusthavebeenlike.Afterawhile,Lyabegan
tospeakagain.
"Itwasallthere,Robb,"shesaid,hervoicesofterandslowerandmorethoughtfulonceagain.
"Buthewasatpeace.Hestillremembereditall,andthewayithadhurt,butitdidn'tbotherhim
asithad.
Onlynowhewassorrytheyweren'twithhim.HewassorrythattheydiedwithoutFinalUnion.
AlmostliketheShkeenwoman,remember?TheoneattheGathering?Withherbrother?"
"Iremember,"Isaid.
"Likethat.Andhismindwasopen,too.MorethanKamenz,muchmore.Whenherang,the
levelsallvanished,andeverythingwasrightatthesurface,alltheloveandpainand
everything.Hiswholelife,Robb.Isharedhiswholelifewithhim,inaninstant.Andallhis
thoughts,toohe'sseenthecavesofUnionhewentdownonce,beforeheconverted.I"
Moresilence,settlingoverusanddarkeningthecar.WewereclosetotheendofShkeentown.
TheTowerslashedtheskyaheadofus,shininginthesun.Andthelowerdomesand
archwaysoftheglitteringhumancitywerecomingintoview.
"Robb,"Lyasaid."Landhere.Ihavetothinkawhile,youknow?Gobackwithoutme.Iwantto
walkamongtheShkeenalittle."
Iglancedather,frowning."Walk?It'salongwaybacktotheTower,Lya.""I'llbeallright.
Please.Justletmethinkabit."
Ireadher.Thethoughtfoghadreturned,denserthanever,lacedthroughwiththecolorsof
fear."Areyousure?"Isaid."You'rescared,Lyanna.Why?What'swrong?Theeaterworms
arealongwayoff."

Shejustlookedatme,troubled."Please,Robb,"sherepeated.Ididn'tknowwhatelsetodo,
soIlanded.
AndI,too,thought,asIguidedtheaircarhome.OfwhatLyannahadsaid,andreadof
KamenzandGustaffson.Ikeptmymindontheproblemwe'dbeenassignedtocrack.Itriedto
keepitoffLya,andwhateverwasbotheringher.Thatwouldsolveitself,Ithought.
BackattheTower,Iwastednotime.IwentstraightuptoValcarenghi'soffice.Hewasthere,
alone,dictatingintoamachine.HeshutitoffwhenIentered.
"Hi,Robb,"hebegan."Where'sLya?"
"Outwalking.Shewantedtothink.I'vebeenthinking,too.AndIbelieveI'vegotyouranswer."
Heraisedhiseyebrows,waiting.
Isatdown."WefoundGustaffsonthisafternoon,andLyareadhim.Ithinkit'sclearwhyhe
wentover.Hewasabrokenman,inside,howevermuchhesmiled.TheGreeshkagavehiman
endtohispain.Andtherewasanotherconvertwithhim,aLesterKamenz.He'dbeen
miserable,too,apatheticlonelymanwithnothingto
live
for.Why
shouldn'th
econvert?Check

outtheotherconverts,andIbetyou'llfindapattern.Themostlostandvulnerable,thefailures,
theisolatedthosewillbetheonesthatturnedtoUnion."
Valcarenghinodded."OK,I'llbuythat,"hesaid."Butourpsychsguessedthatlongago,Robb.
Onlyit'snoanswer,notreally.Sure,theconvertsonthewholehavebeenamessedupcrew,I
won'tdisputethat.ButwhyturntotheCultoftheUnion?Thepsychscan'tanswerthat.Take
Gustaffsonnow.Hewasastrongman,believeme.Ineverknewhimpersonally,butIknewhis
career.Hetooksomeroughassignments,generallyforthehellofit,andbeatthem.Hecould
havehadthecushyjobs,buthewasn'tinterested.I'veheardabouttheincidentonNightmare.
It'sfamous,inawarpedsortofway.ButPhilGustaffsonwasn'tthesortofmantobebeaten,
evenbysomethinglikethat.Hesnappedoutofitveryquickly,fromwhatNelsetellsme.He
cametoShkeaandreallysettheplaceinorder,cleaningupthemessthatRockwoodhadleft.
Hepushedthroughthefirstrealtradecontractweevergot,
andh
emadetheShkeen
understandwhatitmeant,whichisn'teasy.

"Sohereheis,thiscompetent,talentedman,who'smadeacareerofbeatingtoughjobsand
handlingmen.He'sgonethroughapersonalnightmare,butithasn'tdestroyedhim.He'sas
toughasever.AndsuddenlyheturnstotheCultoftheUnion,signsupforagrotesquesuicide.

Why?Foranendtohispain,yousay?Aninterestingtheory,butthereareotherwaystoend
pain.GustaffsonhadyearsbetweenNightmareandtheGreeshka.Heneverranawayfrom
painthen.Hedidn'tturntodrink,ordrugs,oranyoftheusualouts.Hedidn'theadbacktoOld
Earthtohaveapsipsychcleanuphismemoriesandbelieveme,hecould'vegottenitpaid
for,ifhe'dwantedit.Thecolonialofficewouldhavedoneanythingforhim,afterNightmare.He
wenton,swallowedhispain,rebuilt.Untilsuddenlyheconverts.
"Hispainmadehimmorevulnerable,yes,nodoubtofit.Butsomethingelsebroughthim
oversomethingthatUnionoffered,somethinghecouldn'tgetfromwineormemorywipe.The
same'strueofKamenz,andtheothers.Theyhadotherouts,otherwaystovotenoonlife.
Theypassedthemup.ButtheychoseUnion.YouseewhatI'mgettingat?"
Idid,ofcourse.Myanswerwasnoansweratall,andIrealizedit.ButValcarenghiwaswrong
too,inparts.
"Yes,"Isaid."Iguesswe'vestillgotsomereadingtodo."Ismiledwanly."Onething,though.
Gustaffsonhadn'treallybeatenhispain,notever.Lyawasveryclearonthat.Itwasinsidehim
allthetime,tormentinghim.Hejustneverletitcomeout."
"That'svictory,isn'tit?"Valcarenghisaid."Ifyouburyyourhurtssodeepthatnoonecantell
youhavethem?"
"Idon'tknow.Idon'tthinkso.Butanyway,therewasmore.GustaffsonhastheSlowPlague.
He'sdying.He'sbeendyingforyears."
Valcarenghi'sexpressionflickeredbriefly."ThatIdidn'tknow,butitjustbolstersmypoint.I've
readthatsomeeightypercentofSlowPlaguevictimsoptforeuthanasia,iftheyhappentobe
onaplanetwhereit'slegal.Gustaffsonwasaplanetaryadministrator.Hecouldhave
made
it
legal.Ifhepassedupsuicideforallthoseyears,whychooseitnow?"

Ididn'thaveananswerforthat.Lyannahadn'tgivenmeone,ifshehadone.Ididn'tknow
wherewecouldfindone,eitherunless
"Thecaves,"Isaidsuddenly."ThecavesofUnion.We'vegottowitnessaFinalUnion.There
mustbesomethingaboutit,somethingthataccountsfortheconversions.Giveusachanceto
findoutwhatitis."

Valcarenghismiled."Allright,"hesaid."Icanarrangeit.Iexpecteditwouldcometothat.It's
notpleasant,though,I'llwarnyou.I'vegonedownmyself,soIknowwhatI'mtalkingabout."
"That'sOK,"Itoldhim."IfyouthinkreadingGustaffsonwasanyfun,youshouldhaveseenLya
whenshewasthrough.She'soutnowtryingtowalkitoff."That,I'ddecided,musthavebeen
whatwasbotheringher."FinalUnionwon'tbeanyworsethanthosememoriesofNightmare,
I'msure."
"Fine,then.I'llsetitupfortomorrow.I'mgoingwithyou,ofcourse.Idon'twanttotakeany
chancesonanythinghappeningtoyou."
Inodded.Valcarenghirose."Goodenough,"hesaid."Meanwhile,let'sthinkaboutmore
interestingthings.Youhaveanyplansfordinner?"
WewoundupeatingatamockShkeenrestaurantrunbyhumans,inthecompanyofGourlay
andLaurieBlackburn.Thetalkwasmostlysocialnoisessports,politics,art,oldjokes,that
sortofthing.Idon'tthinktherewasamentionoftheShkeenortheGreeshkaallevening.
Afterwards,whenIgotbacktooursuite,IfoundLyannawaitingforme.Shewasinbed,
readingoneofthehandsomevolumesfromourlibrary,abookofOldEarthpoetry.Shelooked
upwhenIentered.
"Hi,"Isaid."Howwasyourwalk?"
"Long."Asmilecreasedherpale,smallface,thenfaded."ButIhadtimetothink.Aboutthis
afternoon,andyesterday,andabouttheJoined.Andus."
"Us?"
"Robb,doyouloveme?"Thequestionwasdeliveredalmostmatteroffactly,inavoicefullof
question.Asifshedidn'tknow.Asifshereallydidn'tknow.
Isatdownonthebedandtookherhandandtriedtosmile."Sure,"Isaid."Youknowthat,
Lya."
"Idid.Ido.Youloveme,Robb,reallyyoudo.Asmuchasahumancanlove.But"She
stopped.

Sheshookherheadandclosedherbookandsighed."Butwe'restillapart,Robb.We'restill
apart."
"What
are
youtalkingabout?"
"Thisafternoon.Iwassoconfusedafterwards,andscared.Iwasn'tsurewhy,butI'vethought
aboutit.WhenIwasreading,RobbIwasinthere,withtheJoined,sharingthemandtheir
love.Ireallywas.AndIdidn'twanttocomeout.Ididn'twanttoleavethem,Robb.WhenIdid,I
feltsoisolated,socutoff."
"That'syourfault,"Isaid."Itriedtotalktoyou.Youweretoobusythinking."
"Talking?Whatgoodistalking?It'scommunication,Iguess,butisit
really?
Iusedtothinkso,
beforetheytrainedmyTalent.Afterthat,readingseemedtobetherealcommunication,the
realwaytoreachsomebodyelse,somebodylikeyou.ButnowIdon'tknow.The
Joinedwhentheyringthey'reso
together,
Robb.Alllinked.Likeuswhenwemakelove,

almost.Andtheyloveeachother,too.Andtheyloveus,sointensely.IfeltIdon'tknow.But
Gustaffsonlovesmeasmuchasyoudo.No.Helovesmemore."
Herfacewaswhiteasshesaidthat,hereyeswide,lost,lonely.Andme,Ifeltasuddenchill,
likeacoldwindblowingthroughmysoul.Ididn'tsayanything.Ionlylookedather,andwetmy
lips.Andbled.
Shesawthehurtinmyeyes,Iguess.Orreadit.Herhandpulledatmine,caressedit."Oh,
Robb.
Please.Idon'tmeantohurtyou.It'snotyou.It'sallofus.Whatdo
we
have,comparedto

them
?""Idon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout,Lya."Halfofmesuddenlywantedtocry.The
otherhalf

wantedtoshout.Istifledbothhalves,andkeptmyvoicesteady.ButinsideIwasn'tsteady,I
wasn'tsteadyatall.
"Doyouloveme,Robb?"Again.Wondering."Yes!"Fiercely.Achallenge.
"Whatdoesthatmean?"shesaid.
"Youknowwhatitmeans,"Isaid."Dammit,Lya,
think
!Rememberallwe'vehad,allwe've
sharedtogether.
That's
love,Lya.Itis.We'retheluckyones,remember?Yousaidthat

yourself.TheNormalshaveonlyatouchandavoice,thenbacktotheirdarkness.Theycan
barelyfindeachother.They'realone.Always.Groping.Trying,overandover,toclimboutof
theirisolationbooths,andfailing,overandover.Butnotus,wefoundtheway,weknoweach
otherasmuchasanyhumanbeingsevercan.There'snothingIwouldn'ttellyou,orsharewith
you.I'vesaidthatbefore,andyouknowit'strue,youcanreaditinme.
That'slove,
dammit.
Isn'tit
?"

"Idon'tknow,"shesaid,inavoicesosadlybaffled.Soundlessly,withoutevenasob,she
begantocry.Andwhilethetearsraninlonelypathsdownhercheeks,shetalked."Maybe
that'slove.Ialwaysthoughtitwas.ButnowIdon'tknow.Ifwhatwehaveislove,whatwasitI
feltthisafternoon,whatwasitItouchedandsharedin?Oh,Robb,Iloveyoutoo.Youknow
that.Itrytosharewithyou.IwanttosharewhatIread,whatitwaslike.ButIcan't.We'recut
off.Ican'tmakeyouunderstand.I'mhereandyou'rethereandwecantouchandmakelove
andtalk,butwe'restillapart.Yousee?Yousee?I'malone.Andthisafternoon,I
wasn't.
"
"You'renotalone,dammit,"Isaidsuddenly."I'mhere."Iclutchedherhandtightly."Feel?
Hear?You'renotalone!"
Sheshookherhead,andthetearsflowedon."Youdon'tunderstand,see?Andthere'snoway
Icanmakeyou.Yousaidweknoweachotherasmuchasanyhumanbeingsevercan.You're
right.Buthowmuchcanhumanbeingsknoweachother?Aren'tallofthemcutoff,really?
Eachaloneinabig,dark,emptyuniverse?Weonlytrickourselveswhenwethinkthat
someoneelseisthere.Intheend,inthecoldlonelyend,it'sonlyus,byourselves,inthe
blackness.Areyouthere,Robb?HowdoIknow?Willyoudiewithme,Robb?Willwebe
togetherthen?Arewetogether
now
?Yousaywe'reluckierthantheNormals.I'vesaidittoo.

Theyhaveonlyatouchandvoice,right?HowmanytimeshaveIquotedthat?Butwhatdo
we
have?Atouchandtwovoices,maybe.It'snotenoughanymore.I'mscared.SuddenlyI'm
scared."
Shebegantosob.InstinctivelyIreachedouttoher,wrappedherinmyarms,strokedher.We
laybacktogether,andsheweptagainstmychest.Ireadher,briefly,andIreadherpain,her
suddenloneliness,herhunger,allaswirlinadarkeningmindstormoffear.And,thoughI
touchedherandcaressedherandwhisperedoverandoverthatitwouldbeallright,thatI
washere,thatshewasn'talone,Iknewthatitwouldnotbeenough.Suddenlytherewasagulf
betweenus,agreatdarkyawningtilingthatgrewandgrew,andIdidn'tknowhowtobridgeit.
AndLya,myLya,wascrying,andsheneededme.AndIneededher,butIcouldn'tgettoher.

ThenIrealizedthatIwascryingtoo.
Weheldeachother,insilenttears,forwhatmusthavebeenanhour.Butfinallythetearsran
out.LyaclutchedherbodytomesotightlyIcouldhardlybreathe,andIheldherjustastightly.
"Robb,"shewhispered."Yousaidyousaidwereallyknoweachother.Allthosetimesyou've
saidit.Andyousay,sometimes,thatI'm
right
foryou,thatI'mperfect."
Inodded,wantingtobelieve."Yes.Youare."
"No,"shesaid,chokingouttheword,forcingitintotheair,fightingherselftosayit."It'snot
so
.

Ireadyou,yes.Icanhearthewordsrattlingaroundinyourheadasyoufitasentencetogether
beforesayingit.AndIlistentoyouscoldyourselfwhenyou'vedonesomethingstupid.AndI
seememories,somememories,andlivethroughthemwithyou.Butit'sallonthesurface,
Robb,allonthetop.Belowit,there'smore,moreof
you.
DriftinghalfthoughtsIdon'tquite
catch.FeelingsIcan'tputanameto.

Passionsyousuppress,andmemoriesevenyoudon'tknowyouhave.SometimesIcangetto
thatlevel.Sometimes.IfIreallyfight,ifIdrainmyselftoexhaustion.ButwhenIgetthere,I
knowI
know
thatthere'sanotherlevelbelow
that
.Andmoreandmore,onandon,down

anddown.Ican'treachthem,Robb,thoughthey'repartofyou.Idon'tknowyou.Ican'tknow
you.Youdon'tevenknowyourself,see?Andme,doyouknowme?No.Evenless.Youknow
whatItellyou,andItellyouthetruth,butmaybenotall.Andyoureadmyfeelings,mysurface
feelingsthepainofastubbedtoe,aquickflashofannoyance,thepleasureIgetwhenyou're
inme.Doesthatmeanyouknowme?Whatof
my
levels,andlevels?WhataboutthethingsI
don'tevenknowmyself?Do
you
knowthem?How,Robb,how?"

Sheshookherheadagain,withthatfunnylittlegestureshehadwhenevershewasconfused.
"AndyousayI'mperfect,andthatyouloveme.I'msorightforyou.But
am
I?Robb,I
read

yourthoughts
.Iknowwhenyouwantmetobesexy,soI'msexy.Iseewhatturnsyouon,soI

doit.Iknowwhenyouwantmetobeserious,andwhenyouwantmetojoke.Iknowwhatkind
ofjokestotell,too.Neverthecuttingkind,youdon'tlikethat,tohurtorseepeoplehurt.You
laugh
with
peoplenot
at
them,andIlaughwithyou,andloveyouforyourtastes.Iknowwhen
youwantmetotalk,andwhentokeepquiet.Iknowwhenyouwantmetobeyourproud

tigress,yourtawnytelepath,andwhenyouwantalittlegirltoshelterinyourarms.AndI
am
thosethings,Robb,becauseyouwantmetobe,becauseIloveyou,becauseIcanfeeljoyin
yourmindatevery
right
thingthatIdo.Ineversetouttodoitthatway,butithappened.Ididn't

mind,Idon'tmind.Mostofthetimeitwasn'tevenconscious.Youdothesamething,too.I
readitinyou.Youcan'treadasIdo,sosometimesyouguesswrongyoucomeonwitty
whenIwantsilentunderstanding,oryouactthestrongmanwhenIneedaboytomother.But
yougetitrightsometimes,too.Andyou
try
,youalwaystry.
"Butisitreally
you
?Isitreally
me
?WhatifIwasn'tperfect,yousee,ifIwasjustmyself,with
allmyfaultsandthethingsyoudon'tlikeoutintheopen?Wouldyouloveme
then?
Idon't
know.ButGustaffsonwould,andKamenz.Iknowthat,Robb.Isawit.Iknow
them.
Their

levelsvanished.I
KNOW
them,andifIwentbackIcouldsharewiththem,morethanwith

you.Andtheyknowme,therealme,allofme,Ithink.Andtheyloveme.Yousee?
Yousee
?"
DidIsee?Idon'tknow.Iwasconfused.WouldIloveLyaifshewas"herself"?Butwhatwas
"herself"?HowwasitdifferentfromtheLyaIknew?IthoughtIlovedLyaandwouldalways
loveLyabutwhatiftherealLyawasn'tlikemyLya?
What
didIlove?Thestrangeabstract
conceptofahumanbeing,orthefleshandvoiceandpersonalitythatIthoughtofasLya?I

didn'tknow.Ididn'tknowwhoLyawas,orwhoIwas,orwhatthehellitallmeant.AndIwas
scared.MaybeIcouldn'tfeelwhatshehadfeltthatafternoon.ButIknewwhatshewasfeeling
then.Iwasalone,andIneededsomeone.
"Lya,"Icalled."Lya,let'stry.Wedon'thavetogiveup.Wecanreacheachother.There'sa
way,ourway.We'vedoneitbefore.Come,Lya,comewithme,cometome."
AsIspoke,Iundressedher,andsherespondedandherhandsjoinedmine.Whenwewere
nude,Ibegantostrokeher,slowly,andsheme.Ourmindsreachedouttoeachother.
Reachedandprobedasneverbefore.Icouldfeelher,insidemyhead,digging.Deeperand
deeper.Down.AndIopenedmyselftoher,Isurrendered,allthepettylittlesecretsIhadkept
evenfromher,ortriedto,nowIyieldeduptohereverythingIcouldremember,mytriumphs
andshames,thegoodmomentsandthepain,thetimesI'dhurtsomeone,thetimesI'dbeen
hurt,thelongcryingsessionsbymyself,thefearsIwouldn'tadmit,theprejudicesIfought,the
vanitiesIbattledwhenthetimestruck,thesillyboyishsins.All.Everything.Iburiednothing.I
hidnothing.Igavemyselftoher,toLya,to
my
Lya.Shehadtoknowme.
Andso,too,sheyielded.HermindwasaforestthroughwhichIroamed,huntingdownwispsof
emotion,thefearandtheneedandtheloveatthetop,thefainterthingsbeneath,the
halfformedwhimsandpassionsstilldeeperintothewoods.Idon'thaveLya'sTalent,Iread
onlyfeelings,neverthoughts.ButIreadthoughtsthen,forthefirstandonlytime,thoughtsshe
threwatmebecauseI'dneverseenthembefore.Icouldn'treachmuch,butsomeIgot.

Andashermindopenedtomine,sodidherbody.Ienteredher,andwemovedtogether,
bodiesone,mindsentwined,ascloseashumanbeingscanjoin.Ifeltpleasurewashingover
meingreatgloriouswaves,mypleasure,herpleasure,bothtogetherbuildingoneachother,
andIrodethecrestforaneternityasitapproachedafardistantshore.Andfinallyasit
smashedintothatbeach,wecametogether,andforasecondforatiny,fleetingsecondI
couldnottellwhichorgasmwasmine,andwhichwashers.
Butthenitpassed.Welay,bodieslockedtogether,onthebed.Inthestarlight.Butitwasnota
bed.Itwasthebeach,theflatblackbeach,andtherewerenostarsabove.Athoughttouched
me,avagrantthoughtthatwasnotmine.Lya'sthought.Wewereonaplain,shewasthinking,
andIsawthatshewasright.Thewatersthathadcarriedushereweregone,receded.There
wasonlyavastflatblacknessstretchingawayinalldirections,withdimominousshapes
movingoneitherhorizon.
Wearehereasonadarklingplain,
Lyathought.AndsuddenlyI
knewwhatthoseshapeswere,andwhatpoemshehadbeenreading.
Weslept.
Iwoke,alone.
Theroomwasdark.Lyalayontheothersideofthebed,curledup,stillasleep.Itwaslate,
neardawnIthought.ButIwasn'tsure.Iwasrestless.
Igotupanddressedinsilence.Ineededtowalksomewhere,tothink,toworkthingsout.
Where,though?
Therewasakeyinmypocket.ItoucheditwhenIpulledonmytunic,andremembered.
Valcarenghi'soffice.Itwouldbelockedanddesertedatthistimeofnight.Andtheviewmight
helpmethink.
Ileft,foundthetubes,andshotup,up,uptotheapexoftheTower,thetopofman'ssteel
challengetotheShkeen.Theofficewasunlit,thefurnituredarkshapesintheshadows.There
wasonlythestarlight.ShkeaisclosertothegalacticcenterthanOldEarth,orBaldur.The
starsareafierycanopyacrossthenightsky.Someofthemareveryclose,andtheyburnlike
redandbluewhitefiresintheawesomeblacknessabove.InValcarenghi'soffice,allthewalls
areglass.Iwenttoone,andlookedout.Iwasn'tthinking.Justfeeling.AndIfeltcoldandlost
andlittle.

Thentherewasasoftvoicebehindmesayinghello.Ibarelyheardit.
Iturnedawayfromthewindow,butotherstarsleapedatmefromthefarwalls.Laurie
Blackburnsatinoneofthelowchairs,concealedbythedarkness.
"Hello,"Isaid."Ididn'tmeantointrude.Ithoughtnoonewouldbehere."
Shesmiled.Aradiantsmileinaradiantface,buttherewasnohumorinit.Herhairfellin
sweepingauburnwavespasthershoulders,andshewasdressedinsomethinglongand
gauzy.Icouldseehergentlecurvesthroughitsfolds,andshemadenoefforttohideherself.
"Icomeupherealot,"shesaid."Atnight,usually.WhenDino'sasleep.It'sagoodplaceto
think.""Yes,"Isaid,smiling."Mythoughts,too."
"Thestarsarepretty,aren'tthey?""Yes."
"Ithinkso.I"Hesitation.Thensheroseandcametome."DoyouloveLya?"shesaid.
Ahammerofaquestion.Timedterribly.ButIhandleditwell,Ithink.Mymindwasstillonmy
talkwithLya."Yes,"Isaid."Verymuch.Why?"
Shewasstandingclosetome,lookingatmyface,andpastme,outtothestars."Idon'tknow.
Iwonderaboutlove,sometimes.IloveDino,youknow.Hecameheretwomonthsago,sowe
haven'tknowneachotherlong.ButIlovehimalready.I'veneverknownanybodylikehim.He's
kind,andconsiderate,andhedoeseverythingwell.I'veneverseenhimfailatanythinghe
tried.Yethedoesn'tseemdriven,likesomemen.Hewinssoeasily.Hebelievesinhimselfa
lot,andthat'sattractive.He'sgivenmeanythingIcouldaskfor,everything."
Ireadher,caughtherloveandworryandguessed."Excepthimself,"Isaid.
Shelookedatme,startled.Thenshesmiled."Iforgot.You'reaTalent.Ofcourseyouknow.
You'reright.Idon'tknowwhatIworryabout,butIdoworry.Dinoissoperfect,youknow.I've
toldhimwell,everything.Allaboutmeandmylife.Andhelistensandunderstands.He's
alwaysreceptive,he'stherewhenIneedhim.But"
"It'salloneway,"Isaid.Itwasastatement.Iknew.
Shenodded."It'snotthathekeepssecrets.Hedoesn't.He'llansweranyquestionIask.But
theanswersmeannothing.Iaskhimwhathefears,andhesaysnothing,andmakesme

believeit.He'sveryrational,verycalm.Henevergetsangry,heneverhas.Iaskedhim.He
doesn'thatepeople,hethinkshateisbad.He'sneverfeltpain,either,orhe
says
hehasn't.
Emotionalpain,Imean.YetheunderstandsmewhenItalkaboutmylife.Oncehesaidhis

biggestfaultwaslaziness.Buthe'snotlazyatall,Iknowthat.Ishereallythatperfect?Hetells
mehe'salwayssureofhimself,becausehe
knowsh
e'sgood,buthesmileswhenhesaysit,

soIcan'tevenaccusehimofbeingvain.HesayshebelievesinGod,buthenevertalksabout
it.Ifyoutrytotalkseriously,he'lllistenpatiently,orjokewithyou,orleadtheconversation
away.Hesayshelovesme,but"
Inodded.Iknewwhatwascoming.
Itcame.Shelookedatme,eyesbegging."You'reaTalent,"shesaid."You'vereadhim,
haven'tyou?
Youknowhim?Tellme.Pleasetellme."
Iwasreadingher.Icouldseehowmuchsheneededtoknow,howmuchsheworriedand
feared,howmuchsheloved.Icouldn'tlietoher.YetitwashardtogivehertheanswerIhad
to.
"I'vereadhim,"Isaid.Slowly.Carefully.Measuringoutmywordslikepreciousfluids."Andyou,
youtoo.Isawyourlove,onthatfirstnight,whenweatetogether."
"AndDino?"
Mywordscaughtinmythroat."He'sfunny,Lyasaidonce.Icanreadhissurfaceemotions
easilyenough.Belowthat,nothing.He'sveryselfcontained,walledoff.Almostasifhisonly
emotionsaretheones
heallowsh
imselftofeel.I'vefelthisconfidence,hispleasure.I'vefelt
worrytoo,butneverrealfear.He'sveryaffectionatetowardyou,veryprotective.Heenjoys
feelingprotective."
"Isthatall?"Sohopeful.Ithurt.
"I'mafraiditis.He'swalledoff,Laurie.Heneedshimself,onlyhimself.Ifthere'sloveinhim,it's
behindthatwall,hidden.Ican'treadit.Hethinksalotofyou,Laurie.Butlovewell,it's
different.It'sstrongerandmoreunreasoninganditcomesincrashingfloods.AndDino'snot
likethat,atleastnotoutwhereIcanread."

"Closed,"shesaid."He'sclosedtome.Iopenedmyselftohim,totally.Buthedidn't.Iwas
alwaysafraidevenwhenhewaswithme,Ifeltsometimesthathewasn'tthereatall"
Shesighed.Ireadherdespair,herwellingloneliness.Ididn'tknowwhattodo."Cryifyoulike,"
Itoldher,inanely."Sometimesithelps.Iknow.I'vecriedenoughinmytime."
Shedidn'tcry.Shelookedup,andlaughedlightly."No,"shesaid."Ican't.Dinotaughtme
nevertocry.Hesaidtearsneversolveanything."
Asadphilosophy.Tearsdon'tsolveanything,maybe,butthey'repartofbeinghuman.Iwanted
totellherso,butinsteadIjustsmiledather.
Shesmiledback,andcockedherhead."Youcry,"shesaidsuddenly,inavoicestrangely
delighted."That'sfunny.That'smoreofanadmissionthanIeverheardfromDino,inaway.
Thankyou,Robb.
Thankyou."
AndLauriestoodonhertoesandlookedup,expectant.AndIcouldreadwhatsheexpected.
SoItookherandkissedher,andshepressedherbodyhardagainstmine.AndallthewhileI
thoughtofLya,tellingmyselfthatshewouldn'tmind,thatshe'dbeproudofme,thatshe'd
understand.
Afterwards,Istayedupintheofficealonetowatchthedawncomeup.Iwasdrained,but
somehowcontent.Thelightthatcreptoverthehorizonwaschasingtheshadowsbeforeit,and
suddenlyallthefearsthathadseemedsothreateninginthenightweresilly,unreasoning.
We'dbridgedit,IthoughtLyaandI.Whateveritwas,we'dhandledit,andtodaywe'dhandle
theGreeshkawiththesameease,together.
WhenIgotbacktoourroom,Lyawasgone.
"WefoundtheaircarinthemiddleofShkeentown,"Valcarenghiwassaying.Hewascool,
precise,reassuring.Hisvoicetoldme,withoutwords,thattherewasnothingtoworryabout.
"I'vegotmenoutlookingforher.ButShkeentown'sabigplace.Doyouhaveanyideawhere
shemighthavegone?"
"No,"Isaid,dully."Notreally.MaybetoseesomemoreJoined.Sheseemedwell,almost
obsessedbythem.Idon'tknow."

"Well,we'vegotagoodpoliceforce.We'llfindher,I'mcertainofthat.Butitmaytakeawhile.
Didyoutwohaveafight?"
"Yes.No.Sortof,butitwasn'tarealfight.Itwasstrange."
"Isee,"hesaid.Buthedidn't."Laurietellsmeyoucameupherelastnight,alone.""Yes.I
neededtothink."
"Allright,"saidValcarenghi."Solet'ssayLyawokeup,decidedshewantedtothinktoo.You
cameuphere.Shetookaride.MaybeshejustwantsadayofftowanderaroundShkeentown.
Shedidsomethinglikethatyesterday,didn'tshe?"
"Yes."
"Soshe'sdoingitagain.Noproblem.She'llprobablybebackwellbeforedinner."Hesmiled.
"Whydidshegowithouttellingme,then?Orleavinganote,or
something?
"
"Idon'tknow.It'snotimportant."
Wasn'tit,though?
Wasn'tit
?Isatinthechair,headinmyhandsandascowlonmyface,andI
wassweating.SuddenlyIwasverymuchafraid,ofwhatIdidn'tknow.Ishouldneverhaveleft
heralone,Iwastellingmyself.WhileIwasupherewithLaurie,Lyannawokealoneina
darkenedroom,andandand
what
?Andleft.
"Meanwhile,though,"Valcarenghisaid,"we'vegotworktodo.Thetriptothecavesisallset."I
lookedup,disbelieving."Thecaves?Ican'tgothere,notnow,notalone."
Hegaveasighofexasperation,exaggeratedforeffect."Oh,comenow,Robb.It'snottheend
oftheworld.Lyawillbeallright.Sheseemedtobeaperfectlysensiblegirl,andI'msureshe
cantakecareofherself.Right?"
Inodded.
"Meanwhile,we'llcoverthecaves.Istillwanttogettothebottomofthis."
"Itwon'tdoanygood,"Iprotested."NotwithoutLya.She'sthemajorTalent.IIjustread
emotions.Ican'tgetdowndeep,asshecan.Iwon'tsolveanythingforyou."

Heshrugged."Maybenot.Butthetripison,andwe'vegotnothingtolose.Wecanalways
makeasecondrunafterLyacomesback.Besides,thisshoulddoyougood,getyourmindoff
thisotherbusiness.There'snothingyoucandoforLyanow.I'vegoteveryavailablemanout
searchingforher,andiftheydon'tfindheryoucertainlywon't.Sothere'snosensedwellingon
it.Justgetbackintoaction,keepbusy."Heturned,headedforthetube."Come.There'san
aircarwaitingforus.Nelsewillgotoo."
Reluctantly,Istood.IwasinnomoodtoconsidertheproblemsoftheShkeen,but
Valcarenghi'sargumentsmadeacertainamountofsense.Besideswhich,he'dhiredLyanna
andme,andwestillhadobligationstohim.Icouldtryanyway,Ithought.
Ontherideout,Valcarenghisatinthefrontwiththedriver,ahulkingpolicesergeantwitha
facechiseledoutofgranite.He'dselectedapolicecarthistimesowecouldkeeppostedon
thesearchforLya.GourlayandIwereinthebackseattogether.Gourlayhadcoveredourlaps
withabigmap,andhewastellingmeaboutthecavesofFinalUnion.
"TheoryisthecavesaretheoriginalhomeoftheGreeshka,"hesaid."Probablytrue,makes
sense.Greeshkaarealotbiggerthere.You'llsee.Thecavesareallthroughthehills,away
fromourpartofShkeentown,wherethecountrygetswilder.Aregularlittlehoneycomb.
Greeshkaineveryone,too.OrsoI'veheard.Beeninafewmyself,Greeshkainallof
them.
So
Ibelievewhattheysayabouttherest.Thecity,thesacredcity,well,itwasprobablybuilt
because
ofthecaves.Shkeencomeherefromalloverthecontinent,youknow,forFinal

Union.Here,thisisthecaveregion."Hetookoutapen,andmadeabigcircleinrednearthe
centerofthemap.Itwasmeaninglesstome.Themapwasgettingmedown.Ihadn'trealized
thattheShkeencitywasso
huge.
Howthehellcouldtheyfindanyonewhodidn'twanttobe
found?

Valcarenghilookedbackfromthefrontseat."Thecavewe'regoingtoisabigone,asthese
placesgo.I'vebeentherebefore.There'snoformalityaboutFinalUnion,youunderstand.The
Shkeenjustpickacave,andwalkin,andliedownontopoftheGreeshka.They'lluse
whateverentranceismostconvenient.Someofthemarenobiggerthansewerpipes,butif
youwentinfarenough,theorysaysyou'drunintoaGreeshka,settingbackinthedarkand
pulsingaway.Thebiggestcavesarelightedwithtorches,liketheGreatHall,butthat'sjusta
frill.Itdoesn'tplayanyrealpartintheUnion."
"Itakeitwe'regoingtooneofthem?"Isaid.

Valcarenghinodded."Right.Ifiguredyou'dwanttoseewhatamatureGreeshkaislike.It'snot
pretty,butit'seducational.Soweneedlighting."
Gourlayresumedhisnarrativethen,butItunedhimout.IfeltIknewquiteenoughaboutthe
ShkeenandtheGreeshka,andIwasstillworriedaboutLyanna.Afterawhilehewounddown,
andtherestofthetripwasinsilence.Wecoveredmoregroundthanweeverhadbefore.Even
theTowerourshiningsteellandmarkhadbeenswallowedbythehillsbehindus.
Theterraingotrougher,rockier,andmoreovergrown,andthehillsrosehigherandwilder.But
thedomeswentonandonandon,andtherewereShkeeneverywhere.Lyacouldbedown
there.Ithought,lostamongthoseteemingmillions.Lookingforwhat?Thinkingwhat?
Finallywelanded,inawoodedvalleybetweentwomassive,rockstuddedhills.Evenhere
therewereShkeen,theredbrickdomesrisingfromtheundergrowthamongthestubbytrees.I
hadnotroublespottingthecave.Itwashalfwayuponeoftheslopes,adarkyawnintherock
face,withadustyroadwindinguptoit.
Wesetdowninthevalleyandclimbedthatroad.Gourlayateupthedistancewithlong,gawky
strides,whileValcarenghimovedwithaneasy,untiringgrace,andthepolicemanploddedon
stolidly.Iwasthestraggler.Idraggedmyselfup,andIwashalfwindedbythetimewegotto
thecavemouth.
IfI'dexpectedcavepaintings,oranaltar,orsomekindofnaturetemple,Iwassadly
disappointed.Itwasanordinarycave,withdampstonewallsandlowceilingsandcold,wetair.
CoolerthanmostofShkea,andlessdusty,butthatwasaboutit.Therewasonelong,winding
passagethroughtherock,wideenoughforthefourofustowalkabreastyetlowenoughso
Gourlayhadtostoop.Torchesweresetalongthewallsatregularintervals,butonlyevery
fourthoneorsowaslit.Theyburnedwithanoilysmokethatseemedtoclingtothetopofthe
caveanddriftdownintothedepthsbeforeus.Iwonderedwhatwassuckingitin.
Afterabouttenminutesofwalking,mostofitdownabarelyperceptibleincline,thepassageled
usoutintoahigh,brightlylitroom,withavaultingstoneroofthatwasstainedsootybytorch
smoke.Intheroom,theGreeshka.
Itscolorwasadullbrownishred,likeoldblood,notthebrightneartranslucentcrimsonofthe
smallcreaturesthatclungtotheskullsoftheJoined.Therewerespotsofblack,too,likeburns
orsootstainsonthevastybody.IcouldbarelyseethefarsideofthecavetheGreeshkawas

toohuge,ittoweredaboveussothattherewasonlyathincrackbetweenitandtheroof.Butit
slopeddownabruptlyhalfwayacrossthechamber,likeanimmensejelliedhill,andendeda
goodtwentyfeetfromwherewestood.
BetweenusandthegreatbulkoftheGreeshkawasaforestofhanging,danglingredstrands,
alivingcobwebofGreeshkatissuethatcamealmosttoourfaces.
Anditpulsed.Asoneorganism.Eventhestrandskepttime,wideningandthencontracting
again,movingtoasilentbeatthatwasonewiththegreatGreeshkabehindthem.
Mystomachchurned,butmycompanionsseemedunmoved.They'dseenthisbefore."Come,"
Valcarenghisaid,switchingonaflashlighthe'dbroughttoaugmentthetorchlight.Thelight,
twistingaroundthepulsingweb,gavetheillusionofsomeweirdhauntedforest.Valcarenghi
steppedintothatforest.Lightly.SwingingthelightandbrushingasidetheGreeshka.
Gourlayfollowedhim,butIrecoiled.Valcarenghilookedbackandsmiled."Don'tworry,"he
said."TheGreeshkatakeshourstoattachitself,andit'seasilyremoved.Itwon'tgrabyouif
youstumbleagainstit."
Iscrewedupmycourage,reachedout,andtouchedoneofthelivingstrands.Itwassoftand
wet,andtherewasaslimyfeeltoit.Butthatwasall.Itbrokeeasilyenough.Iwalkedthrough
it,reachingbeforemeandbendingandbreakingthewebtoclearmypath.Thepoliceman
walkedsilentlybehindme.
Thenwestoodonthefarsideoftheweb,atthefootofthegreatGreeshka.Valcarenghi
studieditforasecond,thenpointedwithhisflashlight."Look,"hesaid."FinalUnion."
Ilooked.Hisbeamhadthrownapooloflightaroundoneofthedarkspots,ablemishonthe
reddishhulk.Ilookedcloser.Therewasaheadintheblemish.Centeredinthedarkspot,with
justthefaceshowing,andeventhatcoveredbyathinreddishfilm.Butthefeatureswere
unmistakable.AnelderlyShkeen,wrinkledandbigeyed,hiseyesclosednow.Butsmiling.
Smiling.
Imovedcloser.Alittlelowerandtotheright,afewfingertipshungoutofthemass.Butthat
wasall.Mostofthebodywasalreadygone,sunkenintotheGreeshka,dissolvedordissolving.
TheoldShkeenwasdead,andtheparasitewasdigestinghiscorpse.

"EveryoneofthedarkspotsisarecentUnion,"Valcarenghiwassaying,movinghislight
aroundlikeapointer."Thespotsfadeintime,ofcourse.TheGreeshkaisgrowingsteadily.In
anotherhundredyearsitwillfillthischamber,andstartupthepassageway."
Thentherewasarustleofmovementbehindus.Ilookedback.Someoneelsewascoming
throughtheweb.
Shereachedussoon,andsmiled.AShkeenwoman,old,naked,breastshangingpasther
waist.
Joined,ofcourse.HerGreeshkacoveredmostofherheadandhunglowerthanherbreasts.It
wasstillbrightandtranslucentfromitstimeinthesun.Youcouldseethroughit,towhereit
waseatingtheskinoffherback.
"AcandidateforFinalUnion,"Gourlaysaid.
"Thisisapopularcave,"Valcarenghiaddedinalow,sardonicvoice.
Thewomandidnotspeaktous,norwetoher.Smiling,shewalkedpastus.Andlaydownon
theGreeshka.
ThelittleGreeshka,theonethatrodeherback,seemedalmosttodissolveoncontact,melting
awayintothegreatcavecreature,sotheShkeenwomanandthegreatGreeshkawerejoined
asone.Afterthat,nothing.Shejustclosedhereyes,andlaypeacefully,seeminglyasleep.
"What'shappening?"Iasked.
"Union,"saidValcarenghi."It'llbeanhourbeforeyou'dnoticeanything,buttheGreeshkais
closingoverherevennow,swallowingher.Aresponsetoherbodyheat,I'mtold.Inaday
she'llbeburiedinit.Intwo,likehim"Theflashfoundthehalfdissolvedfaceaboveus.
"Canyoureadher?"Gourlaysuggested."Maybethat'dtellussomething."
"Allright,"Isaid,repelledbutcurious.Iopenedmyself.Andthemindstormhit.
Butit'swrongtocallitamindstorm.Itwasimmenseandawesomeandintense,searingand
blindingandchoking.Butitwaspeacefultoo,andgentlewithagentlenessthatwasmore
violentthanhumanhate.Itshriekedsoftshrieksandsirencallsandpulledatmeseductively,
anditwashedovermeincrimsonwavesofpassion,anddrewmetoit.Itfilledmeandemptied

meallatonce.AndIheardthebellssomewhere,clangingaharshbronzesong,asongoflove
andsurrenderandtogetherness,ofjoiningandunionandneverbeingalone.
Storm,mindstorm,yes,itwasthat.Butitwastoanordinarymindstormasasupernovaistoa
hurricane,anditsviolencewastheviolenceoflove.Itlovedme,thatmindstorm,anditwanted
me,anditsbellscalledtome,andsangitslove,andIreachedtoitandtouched,wantingtobe
withit,wantingtolink,wantingnevertobealoneagain.AndsuddenlyIwasonthecrestofa
greatwaveonceagain,awaveoffirethatwashedacrossthestarsforever,andthistimeI
knewthewavewouldneverend,thistimeIwouldnotbealoneafterwardsuponmydarkling
plain.
ButwiththatphraseIthoughtofLya.
AndsuddenlyIwasstruggling,fightingit,battlingbackagainsttheseaofsuckinglove.Iran,
ran,
ran,RAN
andclosedmyminddoorandhammeredshutthelatchandletthestormflail
andhowlagainstitwhileIhelditwithallmystrength,resisting.Yetthedoorbegantobuckle
andcrack.
Iscreamed.Thedoorsmashedopen,andthestormwhippedinandclutchedatme,whirled
meoutandaroundandaround.Isaileduptothecoldstarsbuttheywerecoldnolonger,andI
grewbiggerandbiggeruntilI
was
thestarsandtheywereme,andIwasUnion,andfora
singlesolitaryglitteringinstantIwastheuniverse.
Thennothing.
Iwokeupbackinmyroom,withaheadachethatwastryingtotearmyskullapart.Gourlay
wassittingohachairreadingoneofourbooks.HelookedupwhenIgroaned.
Lya'sheadachepillswerestillonthebedstand.Itookonehastily,thenstruggledtositupin
bed."Youallright?"Gourlayasked.
"Headache,"Isaid,rubbingmyforehead.It
throbbed
,asifitwasabouttoburst.Worsethan
thetimeI'dpeeredintoLya'spain."Whathappened?"

Hestoodup."Youscaredthehelloutofus.Afteryoubegantoread,allofasuddenyou
startedtrembling.ThenyouwalkedrightintothegoddamnGreeshka.Andyouscreamed.Dino
andthesergeanthadtodragyouout.Youweresteppingrightinthething,anditwasupto
yourknees.Twitching,too.

Weird.Dinohityou,knockedyouout."
Heshookhishead,startedforthedoor."Whereareyougoing?"Isaid.
"Tosleep,"hesaid."You'vebeenoutforeighthoursorso.Dinoaskedmetowatchyoutillyou
cameto.OK,youcameto.Nowgetsomerest,andIwilltoo.We'lltalkaboutittomorrow."
"Iwanttotalkaboutitnow."
"It'slate,"hesaid,asheclosedthebedroomdoor.Ilistenedtohisfootstepsonthewayout.
AndI'msureIheardtheouterdoorlock.SomebodywasclearlyafraidofTalentswhosteal
awayintothenight.Iwasn'tgoinganywhere.
Igotupandwentoutforadrink.TherewasVeltaarchilling.Iputawayacoupleofglasses
quick,andatealightsnack.Theheadachebegantofade.ThenIwentbacktothebedroom,
turnedoffthelightandclearedtheglass,sothestarswouldallshinethrough.Thenbackto
sleep.
ButIdidn'tsleep,notrightaway.Toomuchhadhappened.Ihadtothinkaboutit.The
headachefirst,theincredibleheadachethatrippedatmyskull.LikeLya's.ButLyahadn'tbeen
throughwhatIhad.Orhadshe?LyawasamajorTalent,muchmoresensitivethanIwas,with
agreaterrange.Couldthatmindstormhavereached
this
far,overmilesandmiles?Lateat

night,whenhumansandShkeenweresleepingandtheirthoughtsdim?Maybe.Andmaybe
myhalfremembereddreamswerepalereflectionsofwhatevershehadfeltthesamenights.
Butmydreamshadbeenpleasant.Itwaswakingthatbotheredme,wakingandnot
remembering.
Butagain,hadIhadthisheadachewhenIslept?OrwhenIwoke?
Whatthehellhadhappened?Whatwasthatthing,thatreachedmethereinthecave,and
pulledmetoit?TheGreeshka?Ithadtobe.Ihadn'teventimetofocusontheShkeenwoman,
it
had
tobetheGreeshka.ButLyannahadsaidthatGreeshkahadnominds,notevena
yesIlive

Itallswirledaroundme,questionsonquestionsonquestions,andIhadnoanswers.Ibegan
tothinkofLyathen,towonderwhereshewasandwhyshe'dleftme.Wasthiswhatshehad
beengoingthrough?Whyhadn'tIunderstood?Imissedherthen.Ineededherbesideme,and
shewasn'tthere.Iwasalone,andveryawareofit.

Islept.
Longdarknessthen,butfinallyadream,andfinallyIremembered.Iwasbackontheplain
again,theinfinitedarklingplainwithitsstarlessskyandblackshapesinthedistance,theplain
Lyahadspokenofsooften.Itwasfromoneofherfavoritepoems.Iwasalone,foreveralone,
andIknewit.Thatwasthenatureofthings.Iwastheonlyrealityintheuniverse,andIwas
coldandhungryandfrightened,andtheshapesweremovingtowardme,inhumanand
inexorable.Andtherewasnoonetocallto,noonetoturnto,noonetohearmycries.There
neverhadbeenanyone.Thereneverwouldbeanyone.
ThenLyacametome.
Shefloateddownfromthestarlesssky,paleandthinandfragile,andstoodbesidemeonthe
plain.Shebrushedherhairbackwithherhand,andlookedatmewithglowingwideeyes,and
smiled.AndIknewitwasnodream.Shewaswithme,somehow.Wetalked.
Hi,Robb.
Lya?Hi,Lya.Whereareyou?Youleftme.
I'msorry.Ihadto.Youunderstand,Robb.Youhaveto.Ididn'twanttobehereanymore,ever,
inthisplace,thisawfulplace.Iwouldhavebeen,Robb.Menarealwayshere,butforbrief
moments.
Atouchandavoice?
Yes,Robb.Thendarknessagain,andasilence.Andthedarklingplain.
You'remixingtwopoems,Lya.Butit'sOK.YouknowthembetterthanIdo.Butaren'tyou
leavingoutsomething?Theearlierpart."Ahlove,letusbetrue"
Oh,Robb.
Whereareyou?
I'meverywhere.Butmostlyinacave.Iwasready,Robb.Iwasalreadymoreopenthanthe
rest.IcouldskiptheGathering,andtheJoining.MyTalentmademeusedtosharing.Ittook
me.

FinalUnion?Yes.
Oh,Lya.
Robb.Please.Joinus,joinme.It'shappiness,youknow?Foreverandforever,andbelonging
andsharingandbeingtogether.I'minlove,Robb,I'minlovewithabillionbillionpeople,andI
knowallofthembetterthanIeverknewyou,andtheyknowme,allofme,andtheyloveme.
Anditwilllastforever.Me.Us.TheUnion.I'mstillme,butI'mthemtoo,yousee?Andthey're
me.TheJoined,thereading,openedme,andtheUnioncalledtomeeverynight,becauseit
lovedme,yousee?Oh,Robb,joinus,joinus.Iloveyou.
TheUnion.TheGreeshka,youmean.Iloveyou,Lya.Pleasecomeback.Itcan'thave
absorbedyoualready.Tellmewhereyouare.I'llcometoyou.
Yes,cometome.Comeanywhere,Robb.TheGreeshkaisallone,thecavesallconnect
underthehills,thelittleGreeshkaareallpartoftheUnion.Cometomeandjoinme.Loveme
asyousaidyoudid.Joinme.You'resofaraway,Icanhardlyreachyou,evenwiththeUnion.
Comeandbeonewithus.
No.Iwillnotbeeaten.Please,Lya,tellmewhereyouare.
PoorRobb.Don'tworry,love.Thebodyisn'timportant.TheGreeshkaneedsitfor
nourishment,andweneedtheGreeshka.But,ohRobb,theUnionisn'tjusttheGreeshka,you
see?TheGreeshkaisn'timportant,itdoesn'tevenhaveamind,it'sjustthelink,themedium,
theUnionistheShkeen.AmillionbillionbillionShkeen,alltheShkeenthathavelivedand
Joinedinfourteenthousandyears,alltogetherandlovingandbelonging,immortal.It's
beautiful,Robb,it'smorethanwehad,muchmore,andweweretheluckyones,remember?
Wewere!Butthisisbetter.
Lya.MyLya.Ilovedyou.Thisisn'tforyou,thisisn'tforhumans.Comebacktome.
Thisisn'tforhumans?Oh,itIS!It'swhathumanshavealwaysbeenlookingfor,searchingfor,
cryingforonlonelynights.It'slove,Robb,reallove,andhumanloveisonlyapaleimitation.
Yousee?
No.

Come,Robb.Join.Oryou'llbealoneforever,aloneontheplain,withonlyavoiceandatouch
tokeepyougoing.Andintheendwhenyourbodydies,youwon'tevenhavethat.Justan
eternityofemptyblackness.Theplain,Robb,foreverandever.AndIwon'tbeabletoreach
you,notever.Butitdoesn'thavetobe
No.
Oh,Robb.I'mfading.Pleasecome.
No.Lya,don'tgo.Iloveyou,Lya.Don'tleaveme.
Iloveyou,Robb.Idid.Ireallydid.
..
Andthenshewasgone.Iwasaloneontheplainagain.Awindwasblowingfromsomewhere,
anditwhippedherfadingwordsawayfromme,outintothecoldvastnessofinfinity.
Inthecheerlessmorning,theouterdoorwasunlocked.Iascendedthetowerandfound
Valcarenghialoneinhisoffice."DoyoubelieveinGod?"Iaskedhim.
Helookedup,smiled."Sure."Saidlightly.Iwasreadinghim.Itwasasubjecthe'dnever
thoughtabout.
"Idon't,"Isaid."NeitherdidLya.MostTalentsareatheists,youknow.Therewasan
experimenttriedbackonOldEarthfiftyyearsago.ItwasorganizedbyamajorTalentnamed
Linnel,whowasalsodevoutlyreligious.Hethoughtthatbyusingdrugs,andlinkingtogether
themindsoftheworld'smostpotentTalents,hecouldreachsomethinghecalledtheUniversal
YesILive.AlsoknownasGod.Theexperimentwasadismalfailure,but
something
happened.
Linnelwentmad,andtheotherscameawaywithonlyavisionofavast,dark,uncaring

nothingness,avoidwithoutreasonorformormeaning.OtherTalentshavefeltthesameway,
andNormalstoo.CenturiesagotherewasapoetnamedArnold,whowroteofadarklingplain.
Thepoem'sinoneoftheoldlanguages,butit'sworthreading.Itshowsfear,Ithink.
Somethingbasicinman,somedreadofbeingaloneinthecosmos.Maybeit'sjustfearof
death,maybeit'smore.Idon'tknow.Butit'sprimal.Allmenareforeveralone,buttheydon't
wanttobe.
They'realwayssearching,tryingtomakecontact,tryingtoreachothersacrossthevoid.Some
peopleneversucceed,somebreakthroughoccasionally.LyaandIwerelucky.Butit'snever

permanent.Intheendyou'realoneagain,backonthedarklingplain.Yousee,Dino?
Doyou
see
?"
Hesmiledanamusedlittlesmile.Notderisivethatwasn'thisstylejustsurprisedand
disbelieving."No,"hesaid.
"Lookagain,then.Alwayspeoplearereachingforsomething,forsomeone,searching.Talk,
Talent,love,sex,it'sallpartofthesamething,thesamesearch.Andgods,too.Maninvents
godsbecausehe'safraidofbeingalone,scaredofanemptyuniverse,scaredofthedarkling
plain.That'swhyyourmenareconverting,Dino,that'swhypeoplearegoingover.They've
foundGod,orasmuchofaGodasthey'reeverlikelytofind.TheUnionisamassmind,an
immortalmassmind,manyinone,alllove.TheShkeendon'tdie,dammit.Nowonderthey
don'thavetheconceptofanafterlife.They
knowt
here'saGod.
Maybeitdidn'tcreatetheuniverse,butit'slove,purelove,andtheysaythatGodislove,don't
they?OrmaybewhatwecallloveisatinypieceofGod.Idon'tcare,whateveritis,theUnion
isit.TheendofthesearchfortheShkeen,andforMantoo.We'realikeafterall,we'resoalike
ithurts."
Valcarenghigavehisexaggeratedsigh."Robb,you'reoverwrought.Yousoundlikeoneofthe
Joined."
"Maybethat'sjustwhatIshouldbe.Lyais.She'spartoftheUnionnow."Heblinked."Howdo
youknowthat?"
"Shecametomelastnightinadream.""Oh.Adream."
"Itwas
true
,dammit.It'salltrue."
Valcarenghistood,andsmiled."Ibelieveyou,"hesaid."Thatis,IbelievethattheGreeshka
usesapsilure,alovelureifyouwill,todrawinitsprey,somethingsopowerfulthatit
convincesmenevenyouthatit'sGod.Dangerous,ofcourse.I'llhavetothinkaboutthis
beforetakingaction.Wecouldguardthecavestokeephumansout,buttherearetoomany
caves.AndsealingofftheGreeshkawouldn'thelpourrelationswiththeShkeen.Butnowit's
myproblem.You'vedoneyourjob."
Iwaiteduntilhewasthrough."You'rewrong,Dino.Thisisreal,notrick,noillusion.I
felt
it,and
Lyatoo.TheGreeshkahasn'tevenayesIlive,letaloneapsilurestrongenoughtobringin
Shkeenandmen."

"YouexpectmetobelievethatGodisananimalwholivesinthecavesofShkea?""Yes."
"Robb,that'sabsurd,andyouknowit.YouthinktheShkeenhavefoundtheanswertothe
mysteriesofcreation.Butlookatthem.Theoldestcivilizedraceinknownspace,butthey've
beenstuckintheBronzeAgeforfourteenthousandyears.Wecameto
them.
Wherearetheir
spaceships?Wherearetheirtowers?"

"Whereareourbells?"Isaid."Andourjoy?They'rehappy,Dino.Arewe?Maybethey'vefound
whatwe'restilllookingfor.Whythehellismansodriven,anyway?Whyisheouttoconquer
thegalaxy,theuniverse,whatever?LookingforGod,maybe?Maybe.Hecan'tfindhim
anywhere,though,soonhegoes,onandon,alwayslooking.Butalwaysbacktothesame
darklingplainintheend."
"Comparetheaccomplishments.I'lltakehumanity'srecord.""Isitworthit?"
"Ithinkso."Hewenttothewindow,andlookedout."We'vegottheonlyTowerontheirworld,"
hesaid,smiling,ashelookeddownthroughtheclouds.
"They'vegottheonlyGodinouruniverse,"Itoldhim.Butheonlysmiled.
"Allright,Robb,"hesaid,whenhefinallyturnedfromthewindow."I'llkeepallthisinmind.And
we'llfindLyannaforyou."
Myvoicesoftened."Lyaislost,"Isaid."Iknowthatnow.Iwillbetoo,ifIwait.I'mleaving
tonight.I'llbookpassageonthefirstshipouttoBaldur."
Henodded."Ifyoulike.I'llhaveyourmoneyready."Hegrinned."Andwe'llsendLyaafteryou,
whenwefindher.Iimagineshe'llbealittlemiffed,butthat'syourworry."
Ididn'tanswer.InsteadIshrugged,andheadedforthetube.Iwasalmosttherewhenhe
stoppedme.
"Wait,"hesaid."Howaboutdinnertonight?You'vedoneagoodjobforus.We'rehavinga
farewellpartyanyway,Laurieandme.She'sleavingtoo.""I'msorry,"Isaid.
Histurntoshrug."Whatfor?Laurie'sabeautifulperson,andI'llmissher.Butit'snotragedy.
Thereareotherbeautifulpeople.IthinkshewasgettingrestlesswithShkea,anyway."

I'dalmostforgottenmyTalent,inmyheatandthepainofmyloss.Iremembereditnow.Iread
him.Therewasnosorrow,nopain,justavaguedisappointment.Andbelowthat,hiswall.
Alwaysthewall,keepinghimapart,thismanwhowasafirstnamefriendtoeveryoneandan
intimatetonone.Andonit,itwasalmostofiftherewereasignthatread,THISFARYOUGO,
ANDNOFARTHER.
"Comeup,"hesaid."Itshouldbefun."Inodded.
Iaskedmyself,whenmyshipliftedoff,whyIwasleaving.
Maybetoreturnhome.WehaveahouseonBaldur,awayfromthecities,ononeofthe
undevelopedcontinentswithonlywildernessforaneighbor.Itstandsonacliff,aboveahigh
waterfallthattumblesendlesslydownintoashadedgreenpool.LyaandIswamthereoften,in
thesunlitdaysbetweenassignments.Andafterwardswe'dliedownnudeintheshadeofthe
orangespicetrees,andmakeloveonacarpetofsilvermoss.MaybeI'mreturningtothat.Butit
won'tbethesamewithoutLya,lostLya
LyawhomIcouldstillhave.WhomIcouldhavenow.Itwouldbeeasy,soeasy.Aslowstroll
intoadarkenedcave,ashortsleep.ThenLyawithmeforeternity,inme,sharingme,being
me,andIher.
Lovingandknowingmoreofeachotherthanmencaneverdo.Unionandjoy,andnodarkness
again,ever.God.IfIbelievedthat,whatItoldValcarenghi,thenwhydidItellLyano?
MaybebecauseI'mnotsure.MaybeIstillhope,forsomethingstillgreaterandmoreloving
thantheUnion,fortheGodtheytoldmeofsolongago.MaybeI'mtakingarisk,becausepart
ofmestillbelieves.ButifI'mwrongthenthedarkness,andtheplain
Butmaybeit'ssomethingelse,somethingIsawinValcarenghi,somethingthatmademedoubt
whatIhadsaid.FormanismorethanShkeen,somehowtherearemenlikeDinoandGourlay
aswellasLyaandGustaffson,menwhofearloveandUnionasmuchastheycraveit.A
dichotomy,then.Manhastwoprimalurges,andtheShkeenonlyone?Ifso,perhapsthereisa
humananswer,toreachandjoinandnotbealone,andyettostillbemen.
IdonotenvyValcarenghi.Hecriesbehindhiswall,Ithink,andnooneknows,notevenhe.
Andnoonewilleverknow,andintheendhe'llalwaysbealoneinsmilingpain.No,Idonot
envyDino.

Yetthereissomethingofhiminme,Lya,aswellasmuchofyou.AndthatiswhyIran,though
Ilovedyou.
LaurieBlackburnwasontheshipwithme.Iatewithherafterliftoff,andwespenttheevening
talkingoverwine.Notahappyconversation,maybe,butahumanone.Bothofusneeded
someone,andwereachedout.
Afterwards,Itookherbacktomycabin,andmadelovetoherasfiercelyasIcould.Then,the
darknesssoftened,weheldeachotherandtalkedawaythenight.