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Alyssa Gallagher
Professor Nester
Eng 105
11 April 2014
Starving Musician
I was sitting cross-legged underneath a fort constructed out of the blanket my nana made
me when I was 12 using my fingers to spoon Fluff directly out of the jar while tearfully watching
reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I decided I might need a different way to deal with
my stress. As an aspiring musician finding a healthy way to unwind is especially vital, seeing as
every facet of a performing career is characterized by long hours and high stakes. Even though I
love playing music, the endless practicing and proportionally small success already takes a toll
on my mental health, and I still have years to go.
That is why I decided to fast and meditate for three days with the intention of learning
how to deal with daily stressors in a way that is productive and healthy for both my mind and
body. Meditation is an ancient practice that has been used for thousands of years. The first
documented references to meditation appear in Indian tantras, or scriptures, written 5000 years
ago. Perhaps the most well-known advocate and practicer of meditation is Buddha, whose
teachings formed the religion of Buddhism around 500 B.C. On his road to enlightenment,
Buddha practiced asceticism, renouncing the fashions and luxuries of the world and eating only
roots, leaves, and fruit or otherwise not eating at all. He was eventually led to enlightenment, or a
state of peace and wisdom.
Meditation gained popularity in the west only around the 1960s. This is the Buddhism
that initially interested me; I loved reading about the beatniks botching the religion while

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simultaneously finding their own brand of spirituality. Although commonly associated with
hippies, meditation is gaining mainstream medical attention and legitimacy based on positive
findings from research on its benefits. Fasting has also gained popularity in modern western
culture for its health benefits.
I decided to do a juice fast in which 100% fruit and vegetable juices are permitted since it
is supposed to be easier and healthier for those new to the process. I planned on fasting for three
days: long enough to be meaningful, but short enough to not be dangerous. I bought V8
vegetable juice, a fruit and vegetable combination juice, and juice boxes, looking carefully at the
labels to make sure there were no added ingredients. I located my book, Effortless Mastery
by Kenny Werner, which is written specifically for musicians with high stress that want to start
overcoming their struggles through meditation. I was nervous, but I was ready to start on my
own road to enlightenment, or at least something close to it.

Day 1
Having stopped eating solid food after dinner the night before at around 7:00, I expected
to wake up mildly hungry. However, I woke up with a caffeine withdrawal-induced migraine and
slight nausea. I drank a box of apple juice and some water and went to my first class as usual.
Then I went down to the practice rooms, a normal part of my schedule. However, instead of
immediately taking out my instrument, I read a few chapters from Effortless Mastery. He
discusses the negative impacts of playing music out of a place of fear, something that is
definitely relatable for me. One quote in particular stuck in my mind: By not caring, you play
better. (38) This seemed so obvious to me, but also very elusive and difficult to adhere to. How
could I stop caring about my playing if so much of my future depends on it? And wont I sound

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even worse if I dont care enough to practice? I did one of the meditations that are on a CD in the
back of book, and I was amazed. I became much more aware of the huge amounts of tension in
my neck, hands, arms, and wrists, something I had never thought of as a big issue.
The rest of my day was characterized by exhaustion and migraine pain. I drank juices and
water, and I never really got that hungry. Mostly, I just wanted coffee and ibuprofen, two things I
consume far too much. I ended up going back to my room around 7:00 and falling asleep
immediately after trying to meditate.

Day 2
After sleeping for twelve hours, my headache was finally gone when I woke up on the
second day of my fast. I felt weak and tired still, but not hungry. I drank some juice and went to
class, finding it incredibly difficult to focus. Then it was time to practice again, and I read some
more from my book. Werner quoted from an archery book that you do not wait for fulfillment,
but brace yourself for failure when playing from a place of fear (40). I then meditated. When I
started playing my instrument, I noticed the way I flinched at high notes and tensed on fast
passages. When I focused on relaxing, I found it much easier to not get frustrated with my
playing.
I again found myself to be exhausted, presumably from my diet of liquids, and I went to
back to my room early again. I was very weak and mildly hungry, so I boiled carrots and
potatoes in water and drank the broth, eyeing the root vegetables with desire as I picked them out
of the bowl. By this time, I had developed a weird natural high, which surprised me. This day I
managed to stay awake until 9:00 before passing out.

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Day 3
Onthemorningofthethirdday,Iwokeupfeelingfairlyweak,butexcitedthatIcould
sooneatsolidfood.Iwenttomyclassesanddrankmorejuicesthanthepastcoupledaystohelp
getmethroughtheday.Theweaknessmademefeelcalmer,andmymindracedless.Ididnt
practiceverymuchbecauseIwasdizzy,butmymeditationsweremoreeffectivethannormal.I
readmorefromEffortlessMastery.Therewasasectionaboutconnectingselfworthtomusical
abilities.Wernerwritesthatthisisnotonlyunhealthy,butitisincongruentwiththespiritand
purposeofmusic.Hewrites:You dont need to play great. You already are great. (44) In
my semi-delirious state, I was incredibly inspired. I knew I still thought in a negative way, but
just knowing that I had the power to change that made me feel strong.
That night, I went to a senior recital of a percussionist, the culminating project of their
college career. As I watched, I reflected on my own playing and took care to not compare my
abilities to theirs, a bad habit of mine. I realized that although I have dealt with stress poorly in
the past, it doesnt mean that I have to remain that way. As long as I work hard and think
positively, I can be both successful and happy.
Aftertherecital,Iwentupstairswiththerestofthecrowdtothereception.Iwaitedin
lineforsomegloriouslysolidfood,andproceededtofillupmyplate.AsIbitintoastrawberry,I
washappyforwhatIhaddone,andhappierthatIwasntfinished.