Issue 15
Editor: Sara Hadfield
Editor-In-Chief: Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008
FREE
Surrey Students’ Union Seeks to
Maintain Charity Status
T
he University of Surrey
In this issue: Students’ Union has proposed
a new core constitution in a
response to significant requirements
Union Elections: listed in the Charities Act 2006.
Students’ unions listed as a charity
What you need to have previously remained exempt
know! from registering their status, but
the latest Act has removed this
exemption and given students’
unions until June 2011 to register
Learn about Go with the Charities Commission.
Green Week! Surrey Union’s proposed new
constitution is part of the decision
to create a new union as a limited
company named ‘The University of
WIN! Beach Break Surrey Students’ Union Ltd’.
Live Memberships Services Director
tickets in the next of the Students’ Union Alan Roy
spoke to The Stag and described
edition! the situation: “From the moment
that registrations are open, every
charity has exactly a year to get
The Science of their registration in. If you don’t
register, then you’re no longer
Listening to your a charity – your charity status is
effectively removed. So we don’t
Mother have to register, but if we don’t we
cease to be a charity.”
Let’s Talk about the Students’ unions have formerly been
regulated by their parent university
Oscars and were therefore exempt from
registering since the first Charities
Act was introduced in 1960. “The
Join the Guildford Students’ Union exists because the
University exists... and because the
Mavericks University is of charitable status,
so too is the Students’ Union”,
Alan Roy explains. However, the
Check out The Stag’s Charities Act 2006 now states
that all charities, aside from those
NEW website: that remain exempt, must prove
its public benefit. The charitable
thestagsurrey.co.uk identify of students’ unions are no
longer protected by their parent
institution or the Education Act
And much more... 1994, and all students’ unions with
an income in excess of £100,000
are required to register.
Recycle Charities benefit from tax
exemptions, VAT reductions and
Your Stag! donations, to name a few, but many
institutions have faced scrutiny in a
Issue 15 I 22nd February 2010 I www.thestagsurrey.co.uk
time when the government is short
of money and the public are asking
why certain charities deserve such
benefits. Students’ unions hoping
to maintain their status as a charity
will have to justify these benefits
and the NUS have provided three
charitable objects for every union
in an effort to prove their benefit to
the public.
“The objects of the union are
the advancement of education
of students...by promoting
interest and welfare of students,
representing and supporting
them being the recognised
representative charitable between
the students and the university,
and providing social, cultural,
sporting and recreational activities
for the personal development of its
students”, Alan Roy clarified.
“These are generic objects for
every students’ union. We could
write our own, but these are the
ones that NUS have come up with,
gone through a lawyer, gone to the
Charities Commission, [who has
said] if they are the reason you
exist, you can be a charity”.
The new constitution will have
a considerable impact on the
structure of the University of Surrey
Students’ Union. Currently, the
Union is governed by sabbatical
officers and partly overseen by
the University. Alan Roy suggested
how “students can be reassured”
that the new constitution states
the union will be governed by two
additional bodies “You’ve got the
Charities Commission overseeing
what the union does, plus the
Companies Act 2006.”
Every registered charity must have
trustees who are responsible for
managing the institution. However,
a trustee paid by a charity may
cause a conflict of interest because
the trustee could make decisions
which are not in the best interest of
the charity. The Charity Commission
has therefore stated only a minority
of trustees can be paid. This is a
critical component in the union’s
new constitution, which states
there will be five officer trustees
(sabbaticals), one student officer
trustee (union chairperson), one
university trustee and five external
trustees.
The proposed new union, named
‘The University of Surrey Students’
Union Ltd’, is an attempt to attract
quality external trustees. Currently,
the union has unlimited liability and
the individuals responsible for the
institution, the trustees, are liable
for everything. “The only way that
you are going to get good quality
trustees is to be able to limit the
liability. So that’s when we try to
incorporate as a company” Alan
Roy explains.
“What happens is we create a new
union...it sits in the background,
and then we constitute that with
rules and at an appointed date we
transfer everything from the old
union to the new union and close
the old union. So that’s why this
year’s AGM will be the last AGM and
hopefully if the constitution gets
filtered through and we don’t have
any problems between now and
August, the Students’ Union will
swap over to a new organisation...
and that means if it does go bust,
then the liability is limited to a £1
per student. And I can’t see many
people trying to chase 14,000
students for a £1 each.”
The new constitution is available at
www.ussu.co.uk and will be voted
at the AGM. This is an incredibly
important opportunity to have your
questions answered and find out
more about the Union’s decision
to adopt a new constitution and
create a new organisation. The
AGM is taking place on Thursday
25th February.
by Ben Pook
 Editor’s Letter
Hi Everyone,

Welcome back to another jam-

packed edition of The Stag. We
have once again been inundated In this issue...
with articles and adverts to include
in this edition. Thank you so much!
If we haven’t included your articles News Pages 3 - 7
for any reason we apologise but we
may have run out of space! How-
ever, we will definitely include you
in the next edition so please bear Features Pages 8 - 21
with us!
Fashion I Page 11
There’s a lot of talk about The Os- Science I Pages 14 - 15
cars in this edition; from fashion
to nominations so make sure you Health I Page 19
check that out! If you have any com-
ments please feel to leave them on our website at www.thestagsurrey.co.uk!

This week it’s Go Green Week and Islamic Awareness Week so go along and sup-
Societies Pages 24 - 27
port your fellow students with the events they have planned!

It’s the time of year when the new Sabbaticals are elected for the fourth-coming Arts Pages 28 - 37
year. If you would like to nominate yourself for a position make sure you get your
nomination form in my March 1st and make a difference to your University next Music I Pages 28 - 29
year!
Dance & Theatre I Pages 30 - 31
The Societies section is over-flowing with information for you this fortnight! Make Film I Pages 32 - 35
sure you check out the new societies that have been ratified and new ideas that
societies are having for the next few weeks! No doubt, it’ll probably involve a Literature I Pages 36 - 37
great line up of events at some stage!

Once again, we have some great science features for you, which I’m sure you’ll
enjoy and all your regulars including Campus Boy, This Week in Welfare and The
Sports Pages 38 - 41
Mishaps of Jennifer Lee. If you have a regular feature that you’d like to write for
us, please let us know at ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk.

Sara x
I hope you enjoy this edition and feel free to get in touch with any ideas that you
may have!

Have a fantastic fortnight!

Editor I Sara Hadfield : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk

Deputy Editor (Design) I Position Currently Available : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
Deputy Editor (Marketing) I Jack McWaters : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
News I Ben Pook : newsdeskstag@gmail.com
Features I Mariam Nasir : featuresdeskstag@gmail.com
Science I David Pugh : sciencedeskstag@gmail.com
Societies I Bakita Kasadha : societiesdeskstag@gmail.com
Music I Mark Allen : musicdeskstag@gmail.com
Dance & Theatre I Rachel Gildea : dancedeskstag@gmail.com
Literature I Eunice Njagi : literaturedeskstag@gmail.com
Film I Ollie Sim : filmdeskstag@gmail.com
Sports I David Holt : sportsdeskstag@gmail.com
Copy Editor I Ankur Banerjee
The Stag is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by
the University of Surrey Students’ Union.

The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily
represent the views of the editorial team, the Students’ Union or the University of Surrey.

Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited

Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions.

Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.
3
Surreybucks: Ben Pook’s Response
Surreybucks: the discussion continued
The objective of our students’ union newspaper, in particular the news
section, is to increase visibility of activities and developments on our campus.
Meanwhile, opinions are an essential feature in The Stag and represent a
core value in the paper’s personality. While there is an understandable need
to report in an unbiased manner, a factor which The Stag editors strive
to maintain, attitudes will inevitably surface because of the nature of our
newspaper; content which is written by students, for students.
Furthermore, the objective of the article in the last edition of The Stag (Issue
13) headlined ‘Surreybucks opens second coffee store on campus’, was
not to needlessly instigate negative connotations. Rather, the purpose of
this article in question was partly to invoke a discussion about the quality
of the University of Surrey’s management of hospitality and catering on
our campus. With this in mind, The Stag would personally like to thank the
University for contacting its editorial team and fulfilling the article’s objective.
My response is an effort to continue this valuable discussion.
The Stag is in no dispute that the University has no records of my attempt
to contact the Hospitality Catering Services. However, what this statement
fails to indicate is that I did attempt to contact the department; record or no
record. This process began with a referral to the Hospitality Catering Services
from our Students’ Union; via twitter. And as an adopter of anything web-
based, I completed the comments form on the HCS site. Sadly, no record
has been found of my submission. I couldn’t agree more to the notion
that solid communication between both parties would have led to a more
balanced article and improved credibility. Unfortunately, I’m not responsible
for managing the process of submitting online comments to the HCS.
It’s important to clarify that the article does not criticise the single presence
of Starbucks on our campus. The sole presence of a ‘corporate brand’
doesn’t necessarily pose a threat to student welfare. However, the article is
critical of the growing partnership between Starbucks and the University; a
partnership which has led not only to the announcement of one additional
Starbucks coffee store on university property, but a third, which is due to
open at the new Surrey Sports Park, hence:
“a second Starbucks store [is] completely unnecessary” and “The partnership
between the University and Starbucks has led to the announcement of plans
for yet another Starbucks coffee store. This third store, which will be located
at the new Surrey Sports Park...”
With the growing evidence of a corporate partnership on our campus, it
seems perfectly understandable to question, and attempt to conclude, the
impact this will have on the life of students. Within the article in question,
this conclusion referenced the negative impact on competition. However, it
seems this conclusion requires further clarification.
The opening of a second store within a few hundred yards of the first is
detrimental to competition on campus. Competition has declined due to a
failure to capitalise on an ideal opportunity, now lost. This lost opportunity
comes in the form of introducing different products and services. Additionally,
there is a lost opportunity to support a local business, or possibly even sustain
a student business - young, adventurous and personal. This support holds
unprecedented value considering the current torrid economical situation for
small to medium sized businesses. These are simply suggestions.
“Ben’s argument that choice has been reduced since the introduction of
Starbucks is simply wrong.”
Also, this clarification doesn’t even consider the opening of a third Starbucks
coffee store, consideration which should seem superfluous. The term
‘unnecessary’, used in the article in question, relates to the geographic
proximity of the first and second Starbucks coffee stores, as well as this
lost opportunity. The University of Surrey have kindly identified the extent of
differentiation in coffee services on campus; however this still ignores the
loss in opportunity.
Importantly, there appears to be evidence of neglect from not only the
University, but also from our own Students’ Union, which leads me to
respond to another point.
“[the Students’ Union] was involved in the creation of a campus wide retail
strategy that aims to increase choice of all retail and catering services on
campus”
As mentioned earlier, it’s disappointing that communication between both
parties wasn’t established. The article in question was reported on facts
realistically available at the time. And as such, the above information wasn’t
taken into consideration. However, information that the Students’ Union
has a distinct involvement in retail and catering services on campus forms
equally balanced questions on why an opportunity to improve competition
was lost. This leads to another topic, thankfully picked up by the University
in their response to the article in question, which is the ‘student voice’ of
the University of Surrey. Are students being heard? It’s encouraging that the
first Starbucks is passing ‘student tests’ - but this was never in dispute and
is directly linked to the impact of our ‘student voice’. Also, it seems these
tests are not related to the disputes surrounding the opening of the second
store; which was the topic of the article in question.
Finally, the University of Surrey pose a very interesting enquiry about the
placement of the article in question. This enquiry is precisely relevant to one
of the objectives of the article - improving discussions and reader feedback.
While I remain adamant that the article in question is newsworthy, due to its
nature as an announcement of campus developments, and that a balanced
approach to the news was maintained which considers both arguments,
I’m also aware that a ‘comments’ section in the paper represents an very
interesting proposition. The critical advantage of a comments section is
the distinction between news and disputed biased articles; thus improving
visibility to the reader.
I would like to take this opportunity to again thank the University for contacting
The Stag and disputing the content of the article in question. I hope this
discussion will continue and consequently provide the student community
with a reliable representation of this debate.
Are you interested in joining the discussion? Add The Stag on Twitter by
searching for thestagnews and let us know what you think.

Surreybucks: Reader Response

Dear Ben,
I just wanted to express my support of your article
about the new Starbucks in the Stag before
Christmas.
I decided to write this email after reading the
‘University response’ to your article in the most
recent copy of the Stag. I think this response is
clearly not addressing the issue at hand: not a
single one of the alternative providers of coffee on
campus it lists actually is a ‘cafe’ that could offer a Best,
comparable atmosphere to the one in Starbucks.
The author has the audacity to include the library Johannes
(with a coffee machine) and the Varsity Centre
(clearly not on campus). Want to join the debate? Do you agree or disagree
with Ben Pook’s comments about the partnership
Anyways, enough of the moaning for you are between the university and Starbucks? Send your
probably long aware of all of this. Just keep up thoughts to newsdeskstag@gmail.com
the resistance against the taste and politics of
Starbucks coffee. I know of quite a few people out
there who support this kind of thinking!

An interview with the President of the Students’ Union
by Ben Pook
Ahead of next month’s union elections, News
Editor Ben Pook caught up with Elizabeth Simos,
President of the University of Surrey Students’
Union, to discuss how it feels to represent the
voice of our student community. Listen to the full
interview at www.thestagsurrey.co.uk, including the
President’s opinions on higher education funding
and student media at Surrey.
[Ben] Thank you for agreeing to talk to The Stag.
Firstly, would you mind introducing yourself and
what your responsibilities are as President of the
Students’ Union.
[Elizabeth] I’m Elizabeth Simos, I’m President of
the Students’ Union and my responsibilities are
very varied. The most important one is that I’m the
presiding officer of the union, which means I’m the
senior representative for students on campus. That
will include being the main point of contact with the
university and running all the day-to-day activities
of the union. So, that means overseeing all the
societies, all the sports clubs, union support, all the
events and all the commercial activities as well.
[Ben] And with union elections due to take place
throughout March, what advice can you give to
candidates running for President of the Students’
Union?
[Elizabeth] What’s great is there has been a lot
of interest in the upcoming elections and I think
that is because we have an extended nomination
period and we’ve tried our best to make it public
that these elections are coming up. In terms of
advice to people who want to run for president,
is for them to be massively passionate about the
representation of students and have an interest in
wanting to help students and enhance the student
experience throughout their time at Surrey.
[Ben] So what have been your favourite experiences
since being elected president?
[Elizabeth] There have been many. I would that
say my favourite ones are the opportunities I have
4
to really engage with students on a one to one
because it’s very often the case that through this
role you will be in the office, there will be so much
to do and so many meetings to attend with the
university, and often that student engagement can
be slightly lost. But, then you have events such as
Freshers’ Fayre and ReFreshers’ Fayre, when you
have lots of active, passionate students, and it’s
so fantastic to get to talk to those students as well.
But, the other experience that I would say would
be top of this list would be this interview with you
Ben.
[Ben] Ha, I would like to believe it was so. What
lasting impression would you like to leave as
President of the Students’ Union?
[Elizabeth] I’ve been in this role now for two years
and I am the second president who has done it in a
history of 50 years of this union. What I would like
to be remembered for is that I have done my best
in terms of student democracy, that I have been
a good representative on a wide range of issues
and that I have engaged to the best of my ability
with Surrey students. But, I haven’t done this to
leave a legacy, at all, and I think the best thing I that I do that. If I had control over university policies,
could leave behind is a union that is structurally I would try my best to ensure that students were
and operationally is in a position to allow the getting the best possible circumstances in terms of
next sabbatical team, the future of this union, to fees, higher education funding, and as the university
come into the role and be very confident and very I would put the pressure on the government in
comfortable with all the available resources. And I terms of the higher education funding cuts, which
say that particularly in terms of the constitutional frankly are completely and utterly unacceptable.
reform that is currently taking place - that we’re
registering now as a charity, and so the form of [Ben] So lastly, do you have any regrets so far since
the union is changing. The form of the union that being president?
we know of it today will be dead in a few months
time, and hopefully reborn as a phoenix for the new [Elizabeth] I really want to say no – no I don’t regret
team to come in and do fantastically well for our anything. I think the reality is, that being in a role
students. like this for two years, while I’ve fully been myself
and I’ve fully enjoyed aspects of it, and I have been
[Ben] Moving on to another topic, if you also had very vocal about many issues – I think there are
control over university policies, what would be the times when I could have been more expressive in
first thing you would change? terms of particular operational issues within the
union.
[Elizabeth] Well, currently I have the opportunity to
influence decisions, and I think I do quite well in Don’t forget to listen to the full interview at www.
representing students. I give students a very strong thestagsurrey.co.uk and leave your comments
voice within the university and I’m very confident about this interview.

How much would you pay?

by Ben Pook
Responses to a student survey on university
tuition fees have highlighted significant variations
in willingness to pay on subject areas, types of
institution and social background. The largest
variation in willingness to pay is on subject areas,
with 40% of Medicine and Dentistry students
indicating they would reject their course if tuition
cost £6,000, compared with 60% of students
looking to study education-based degrees, including
teaching.
The survey, conducted by Opinionpanel Research,
collected responses from 37,000 university
students and asked what price would be considered
so cheap that they would doubt the quality of the
course, and what price would be so expensive
that they wouldn’t consider paying it at all for the
course.
Importantly, 54% of students from state schools
would reject their degree if tuition cost £6,000,
compared with 44% of students from fee-paying
schools. This poses a serious risk to the government’s
scrutinised higher education strategy to persuade
half of school leavers to attend university, while
simultaneously agreeing to increase tuition fees to
between £5,000 and £7,000.
Students from less privileged backgrounds with
equal rights to attend university will be priced out
unless sufficient financial assistance is available.
The recent announcement of higher education
funding cuts by Business Secretary Lord Mandelson
contradicts the government’s long-term goal to
open opportunities to as many school leavers as
possible and the results from this survey support
this argument.
Perceived value is another factor for students. At
£5,000, “35% of Russell Group universities would
reject their degree, compared with 48% of students
at Alliance universities” the report suggests. An
increase in tuition fees could therefore force
some universities out of business. Established
universities with a superior reputation and image
are considered more valuable, while less reputable
universities might not be able to attract a sufficient
number of students.
 5
It seems inevitable that the higher education sector
will soon go through a capitalist skimming process
where underperforming institutions will collapse,
while the demand for established institutions will
remain unchanged. Aside from an increase in tuition
fees, funding cuts will provide another immovable
obstacle for underperforming universities.
This process could be perceived to benefit the
higher education sector by increasing the average
quality in standards. However, this contradicts
the government’s policy to increase the number
of students attending university. If this policy is
still the long term objective of the government,
then the focus should not be on weeding out
underperforming universities. Instead, the sector is
crying out for an improvement in management and
direction; set by the Higher Education Minister.
The government must make a choice - either
continue to encourage as many young people
as possible to attend university and invest in number of opportunities for young people and cut
improving the standards of universities across the out underperforming universities. It’s incapable of
country, or restructure the sector by reducing the doing both.

Notice of AGM
The Students’ Union Annual General Meeting shall be held at 6pm
on Thursday 25th February in Rubix. The agenda is as follows:
1 Minutes of Previous AGM
2 Matters Arising
3 Presentation of Students’ Union Annual Report
4 Presentation and Approval of the Students’ Union Audited Ac-
counts
5 Approval of Traded Services budget
6 Approval of Membership Services budget
7 Approval of Trustees Report
8 Notification of External Affiliations
9 Motions
10 Amendments to Constitution, Rules & Appendices
Item 10 has one resolution which is as follows:
1. That the Union currently constituted as an unincorporated as-
sociation may set up a company limited by guarantee called Univer-
sity of Surrey Students’ Union (“NewCo”) for the purpose of acquir-
ing the business (including all the assets and liabilities) of the Union.
2. That the Memorandum and Articles of Association of NewCo be in the
same or similar form as placed before the meeting, subject to any amend-
ments requested by the Charity Commission or the University of Surrey.
3. That pursuant to the powers of amendment in Clause 21 of the Un-
ion’s constitution a new Clause 7.7 shall be added to the Union’s constitu-
tion as follows:
7.7 The Trustees of the Union have the power, which can be exer-
cised after the passing of a members’ resolution at a general meeting in
accordance with Clause 21.3 and upon completion of all legal formali-
ties, to transfer the Union’s assets and liabilities, which it is in the pow-
er of the Union to transfer, to a charitable company limited by guaran-
tee (“NewCo”). The Trustees can delegate the execution of the transfer
agreements and arrangements to two nominated Trustees. If a trans-
fer takes place, NewCo shall become the sole corporate trustee of the
Union and can, by resolution of the Board of NewCo, once the transfer
has been properly effected, dissolve the Union so that it ceases to exist.
4. Pursuant to Clause 7.7 set out in Resolution [3] above, provided
that the Trustees are satisfied that all legal formalities have been complied
with, the Union acting under delegated power by two of its Trustees under
Clause 7.7 of its constitution, may transfer on such date as is agreed by
the two delegated Trustees and before December 2010, all of the assets
and undertaking of the Union (subject to its liabilities) on such terms as
the two delegated Trustees reasonably see fit to NewCo (“the Transfer”).
5. That the Union acting by its two delegated Trustees may execute a
transfer deed and such other documents as are necessary to give effect to
the Transfer.
6. That the trustees of NewCo may take all decisions and action
necessary to give effect to the Transfer and to take such action sub-
sequent to the Transfer as may be strictly necessary or consequential.
7. That in accordance with Clause 7.7 of its constitution, the Union can
dissolve after the Transfer and upon a resolution of NewCo cease to exist.
8. The Bye-Laws of NewCo shall be brought in on a phased basis.
9. The elections for the Officer Trustees, the Student Officer Trustee and
the Part-Time Officers for the academic year 2010/11 shall take place in
March 2010. The Appointments Committee shall be set up to appoint the
External Trustees (whose appointments will be ratified by the Student Parlia-
ment) and to ratify the appointment of the University Trustee who shall be
appointed by the Council of the University of Surrey.
10. If the Transfer takes place on 1 August 2010, the trustees shall take
office as the trustees of NewCo and their appointment shall take effect on
the date of the Transfer (or on such date on which the appointments are
actually made if the appointments are made after the date of the Transfer).
If the Transfer has not taken place by 1 August 2010, the trustees shall take
office on that date as trustees of the Union and shall not become trustees of
NewCo until such time as the Transfer takes place.
11. Subject to Resolution [13] below, depending on when the Trans-
fer takes place, where new bodies or positions exist which have not been
elected or selected identified old bodies or persons should assume relevant
responsibilities and powers until such time that an election or selection as
appropriate can be held in the normal course of business.
12. All matters not covered by Resolutions 1 to [11] above and/or pend-
ing the adoption of the Bye-Laws shall be resolved by the President of the
Union for the time being.
This resolution effectively gives the current sabbatical team, plus the Union
chair the authority to create a new Students’ Union with the constitution that
is published on www.ussu.co.uk/agm, transfer all the assets, liabilities and
staff from the current Union over to the new Union and then abolish the old
Union.
The Union Executive committee ask you to support this resolution.

newsdeskstag@gmail.com
It’s Election Time 6

NOMINATE
YOURSELF
NOW
Nominations close
on Monday 1st March

www.ussu.co.uk/elections
 77
Union Elections: What you need to know!
Nominations for union elections opened this month as hopeful candidates
began submitting their entries for a variety of positions at the University of
Surrey Students’ Union. Students have until Monday 1st March at 12:00 noon
to enter the race and begin the stressful period of convincing the ruthless
student community why they deserve to be the voice of students at our
university.

Any student can run for the positions of President, Vice President for
Education, Vice President for Welfare, Vice President for Societies and
Individual Development, and Vice President for Sport and Recreation. In
a recent interview with The Stag, current union President Elizabeth Simos
offered advice to potential presidents, identifying a need to be ‘massively
passionate’ and a desire to ‘enhance the student experience’ at Surrey.

Online voting will take place between 15th and 26th March, with announcements
being held on 26th. Visit www.ussu.co.uk/elections for more information and
pick up your nomination forms from the Union reception.

The Best Graduate Job in the World?

There is only a week left now until nominations
close for the 2010 Sabbatical elections. If you
have not considered standing for election, now is
the time to think about it.
Campaigning for an election is a unique experi-
ence, and will give you valuable skills that you will
need in later life. Think of an election campaign like
a job interview where there are 14,000 members
on the interview panel. Campaigning can also be a
stressful experience, you are in essence entering
in a popularity contest, and you must be prepared
for the fact that some people are not going find
you popular; you will also find out who your friends
really are ...
Becoming a member of the Union Executive is a
big commitment, and a full time sabbatical officer
even more so not just in terms of time, but physi-
cally and emotionally as well. Nomination forms
must be returned to the Students’ Union reception
by 12 noon on Monday 1st March 2010. It is a
good idea to return them beforehand if you can in
case there is a mistake.
Of course, with five positions to be filled, and more
than five candidates standing in the election there
are going to be winners and losers; however the
experience of campaigning in an election itself can
give you a new found confidence in your abilities
that you never knew you had. You don’t have to be
very ‘political’ you just have to care.
In order to nominate yourself you will need to com-
plete a nomination form. This will require some to
nominate, second you and four proposers. The per-
son who will nominate you should be a close friend
who will support you through the campaign.
To find out more, pick up a nomination pack from
the Students’ Union reception of download one
from www.ussu.co.uk/elections
If you want to talk about any of the positions come
and speak to any of this year’s sabb team.

NUS Delegation
The University of Surrey Students’ Union is affiliated to the National Union of
Students, and we pay an affiliation fee towards the National Union. As an af-
filiated Union, we have an entitlement to send a number of delegates to the
annual National Conference (NUS Conference) each year. This year we will
have 4 delegates, 3 of which will be elected by University of Surrey students.
About NUS National Conference
2010 will be the first year of the new format for NUS Conference, where there
have already been a number of policy discussions earlier in the year, and the
amount of delegates will be smaller than in previous years.
NUS Conference is a hotbed of political debate, and can be a lot of fun, but
remember you are representing Surrey Students while you are there.

National Conference is the sovereign body of NUS which takes place each If you want to be one of our delegates to the NUS Conference, then you have
spring and runs for three days. Every constituent member is entitled to send until Monday 22nd Feb to get your nomination form submitted. Forms can be
at least one representative to participate in Conference, passing policy that found in the Students’ Union reception or downloaded from www.ussu.co.uk/
sets the priorities of the national union for the coming year. nusconference.

Beauty is Only
Skin Deep
My older brother used to be a DJ and he also
produced a few tracks of his own. I remember
there was one song I really liked and it was on
a really cool CD (the front was nice). So one
night I was in my parent’s room and I wanted to
listen to the song. So I started looking for the
CD, there was one CD on the hi-fi, but I went
straight for the CD case. Now all these are burnt
and they did not have any labels on them, so I
had to play each CD to find out which was the
right one. Most of them looked the same so I
went through quite a bit of them. Then it hit me
- it’s like looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, wife
or husband. You have an idea of what he/she
looks like, tall or short, fair or dark, light skinned
etc, but you also know how he/she should be
on the inside - smart, funny, confident etc. But
the first thing that draws you to the person is
how that person looks and then afterwards you
may discover that the person is or is not what
you are looking for. With the CD, I selected all
the CDs that looked like the one I was looking
for and then listened to them and then decided
if that was it or not. Looks are generic and it
goes to show that what differentiates us from
each other is beyond our looks, it's what's inside
that matters most. (Don't get me wrong though,
looks do count.) But what I also realised is that
when I was going through them; I found a lot
of songs that I actually liked. Which shows that
sometimes on your quest to find 'The One', you
meet other people, date other people and you
enjoy it, who knows? you might even find that
you no longer want what you were looking for
initially. Or you might just be more appreciative
when you do find that person. On that note,
don’t be involved in situations that just bring
about spent emotions on a person that you do
not see yourself being with in the long term.
Funny enough, I found the CD on the hi-fi. I ig-
nored it earlier because I thought it couldn't be,
it's too easy. Well who said it has to be hard?
Maybe the one for you is right in front of you,
you just don't want to believe it. Beauty is only
skin deep. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/decap88
by Don Decaprivano
featuresdeskstag@gmail.com
8
"You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?..” :
Off-Campus Accommodation
Yes people it’s that time of year again when the University is about to kick you out of halls or your off-
campus accommodation contract is coming to an end and you don’t wish to renew it because whatever
attracted you to the house in the first place is now driving you mad, or…you don’t really like your house-
mates anymore and therefore wish to forget that you ever lived with them in the first place!
Although this article could address an unlimited number of issues, this “Grind My Gears” special, will focus
on one - prospective landlords/ladies. How is it that they do not have the common sense to tell you when
the house you are planning to see, say tomorrow, has already been snapped up, say today? Instead they
let you trek around Guildford getting confused with a map which takes you the long way around because
a certain search engine hasn’t figured out the short cuts yet. I mean it’s only been around since like the
beginning of time (well maybe not quite), but it should have realised something was up with its directions
by now!
But alas no, after getting soaked, you end up at your destination with a perplexed resident wondering
why you’ve come to the door today. “Didn’t you know another group signed the contract yesterday? The
landlady said she’d rung around.” No, I didn’t, and no she didn’t. Grrr.
I swear I’m not a moany mare all the time; it just really “Grinds My Gears”.
For more useful advice about off-campus accommodation rather than these rants, go to the Accommoda-
tion Office.
by Bakita Kasadha
Girl Power on the Pitch
Last month Amy Fearn became the first female to
referee a league match, during a game between
Coventry and Nottingham Forest. As assistant to the
original referee Tony Bates, Fearn was called to step
into uncharted territory when Bates collapsed with a
strained calf injury. It is a remarkable achievement.
And yet— as soon as I heard, I was reminded of
that Alexandra Burke song ‘Broken Heels’ that is
currently doing its run in the charts. For those of
you who have not yet seen the video clip, it involves
Burke and her backup dancers donning tight Ameri-
can Football-style outfits before shimmying down
the playing field to the girl-power refrain of ,“All the
gender stereotyping—just take her last hit ‘Bad
ladies tell the fellas we can do what they can do /
Boys’ for example. But what about in the outside
We can do it even better in broken heels.” Burke’s
world? Why is it so remarkable for a woman to con-
central message falls a little flat when none of the
duct a Championship game? Amy Fearn officiated
singers actually approach anything like a ball, and
the last twenty minutes of the Coventry-Nottingham
one wonders what exactly they are at ‘doing bet-
Forest game without incident. I wonder how much
ter.’
easier it would have been in broken heels...
In the world of pop music it is standard, unques-
by Stephanie Davies
tioned and utterly uncontroversial for a medium to
assume there is a necessary antagonism between
the sexes. Burke herself is no stranger to a little
9
Travel
This month the crazy hype has been about Boston. It is the
largest city in New England and it’s one of the oldest cities of
the United States. Boston was the location for many historical
events of the American Revolution in the 18th century, such as
the Boston Tea Party where a group of colonialists boarded Brit-
ish ships importing tea, and dumped it into the Boston Harbor.
Boston’s cobbled streets and antique cafes are examples of the
fact that the old colonial Boston has still been preserved. Unlike
many places in America, it has that old antique charm mixed
into this modern world. But I know we are all students and most
of us are not going to go to Boston to learn about the American
Revolution or the Embargo Act of 1807, but to go out and get
the student-life perspective of Bean Town.
Boston is home to over 35 universities including Harvard, Bos-
ton College, North Eastern, Berkley and Boston University.
These are just a few of many truly amazing universities there.
This means that about 1 out of 5 people in Boston is a stu-
dent or involved in some way with higher education. So in other
words, Boston is the student city. This month a really good
friend of mine got accepted in Harvard University to work for his
placement year. I am very jealous and very proud. This is what
inspired me to write about Boston this week. So now its time for
some facts that you need to know about Bean Town wehey…
1. The BEST street hot dogs are NOT in New York, but are
in fact in Boston Common Park. This little Indian guy serves
them to you hot and full of unbelievably fattening and delicious
toppings.
2. You HAVE to go to a university house party. Yea, they
pretty much are like the ones in the movies. The red plastic
cups, the beer kegs and funnels, the crazy girls and the big
football guys with baseball caps shouting “WOO! FUCK YEA!”
You must play beer pong, you must shot gun beers, and you
must strawberry short cake someone in the face.a
3. On December 12, 1996, a dessert created in the 19th
century known as the Boston Cream Pie, became the official
dessert of Massachusetts. And it is effin' good. So eat it.
4. The best night clubs are the ones you need fake IDs
for.
5. Boston is obsessed with lobsters. I’m not even kidding.
Everywhere you go there’s a frickin' stuff toy lobster or picture
of a lobster or a restaurant serving lobster. I hope you like lob-
sters.
6. GO TO A FOOTBALL GAME. I know everyone doesn’t like
American Football and says it’s for pansies, but you have to go.
The atmosphere is incredible; everyone is just there to have a
good time. The people are friendly and crazy and it’s just so
exciting. You meet some real weirdos but they’re pretty memo-
rable.
Boston is one of my favourite cities in the world and I highly
encourage everyone to go there. Check out flights for summer
or Easter and just spend a couple of weeks there and head up
to New York after. Boston is so artsy, so full of life and colour.
The people are so friendly and the city is always buzzing. No
one can get bored there. If you’re not into the whole partying
aspect, there are so many jazz bars, music cafes, art galleries,
low-key theatres and amazing shopping. There’s a restaurant
for about every different type of cuisine and boat tours/boat

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parties around the harbor. There is so much to do and you only
live once. So go do it.
What The Buzz: Glee
Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few months you will have heard of the
new hit TV show ‘Glee’. It is, of course, the new TV series that has hit Channel 4 in a flurry
of musical numbers, teenage dramas and sequins. Set in the fictional William McKinley
high school in Ohio, it follows the haphazard adventures of the school choir, also known as
the Glee club, hence the title of the show. Facing an onslaught of adversity from the foot-
ball team, the cheerleaders’ coach Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch), the fear inducing slushie
machine, the money grubbing head teacher (Iqbal Theba) and individual crises along the
way, the Glee club must overcome all the odds to use their talent and do what makes them
happy regardless of what other people think. (With such a sugary underlying message, it
comes as no surprise that Glee has been hailed as ‘High School Musical with an edge’.)
Whether you hate it, love it or are still wondering why Jane Lynch seems to have her ‘c’s
mixed up with her ‘e’s Glee has, undeniably, made an impression in Britain. More over-
whelmingly, it appears to not have simply infected youthful pre-teens who are easily per-
suaded to jump onto the all-singing, all-dancing band wagon but has also managed to win
over most of the critics and capture the attention of an older audience. A little closer to
home, perhaps, is the news that students at the University of Surrey are already attempt-
ing to start a Glee club as a new society and, with a Facebook group of over 180 members,
it seems that there is certainly enough support amongst the student body for the formation
of a choral, vocal group.
It is obvious that, up and down the country, young and old adults alike have been bitten
by the Glee bug. What is less obvious is whether this craze is a fleeting passion or whether
tunes from the TV series will continue to crawl up the music charts for months to come
to accompany the Glee version of ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ in the top 10. Having already won
a 2010 Golden Globe Award for Best Comedy Series, everything points to Glee being the
‘Next Big Thing’ like the iPhone in 2008 or the wheel in the 5th millennium BC. Despite
the current high flying status of the show, the question has to be asked; how much longer
can it stay up in the air? Critics have claimed that the characters are too stereotypical, that
doing cover songs can only hold an audience’s attention for so long and even that it may
just be a ‘one-hit wonder’. These criticisms are largely unheard if the size of the fan base
is anything to go by and, with rumours that stars like Idina Menzel, Olivia Newton-John and
Taylor Swift are vying for guest roles in the second half of the first season, Glee seems to
have firmly found its feet on the popular stage and will, almost certainly, be the talk of the
town, or at least Twitter, for the rest of the season.
by Amy Johnson
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Oh Baby won’t you cry?
Why’d you need to kill to feel alive?
BANG! And then the light bulb came on... Alright
so I’ve been having a little trouble coming up with
a topic for the enlightening discussion of this fort-
night. Yet then, as previously mentioned the light
comes on. Since when did I have to stick to some
kind of script with what I’m preaching to my read-
ers? F**k for all I know I don’t have any readers,
everyone buys this paper for the Sports section and
I’m throwing myself against a brick wall of crippling
frustration for the sake of my own ego. All I really
know is I’ll be here until I’m not anymore.
Thankfully this occurred about the same time as
a friend reminding me The Stag is looking for the
average joes to send in book reviews to the paper.
Ten minutes later and I’m going on about ‘Level 26:
Dark Origins’ by Anthony Zuiker (the guy who di-
rects the CSIs) and as much as I futilely try to steer
the conversation away from it, we ended up on Twi-
light. Now before I fly off the metaphorical handle
and yell about how I’m on neither ‘Team’ I need to
you all to know I think the Twilight Saga of books
are great. Stephanie Meyer is a brilliant author who
manages can capture the point blank shock of teen
angst, the depths of unrequited love, the inevita-
ble despair that accompanies it and the unspoken
strength of family ties with a feeling of understand-
ing that I admire. And although I don’t agree with
the fact that her vampires..... sparkle *shudder* I
can see how it fits with the writing so it’s okay. That
being said this is where my understanding ends,
because if I have to look at one more poster with
Rob Pattinson’s face on it I swear to Lucifer I am
going to hurt someone. I suppose though it was
to be expected, when the media get a hold of a
great story and start whoring it out to the masses.
Suddenly you’re faced with these die hard fanatics
with the Cullen family crest etched onto their skin
in areas unmentionable. I read that Pattinson was
actually hit by a taxi trying to get away from hordes
of screaming girls begging him to bite them! Then
of course following these come their polar oppo-
sites, the people that despise the series with what
Tickets to Beach Break Live...
Only in the next editon of The Stag out on the 8th March!
10
can only be referred to as a brutal passion. And the
odd thing is half those who hate it haven’t even
read the books. They’re just sick of having to hear
about it over and over from their best friend, their
girlfriend or their mother for the love of god. Un-
til it gets to the point a guy can’t even admit he
actually likes the story any more without getting
odd looks. To recap Mrs Meyer made good with the
romance and the monsters. But when you try and
translate that onto the big screen we end up with
surly looks and far too much topless guy action for
my liking. So it may be difficult trying to compress
the raw emotion themes into a couple of two or so
hour long films. But is it really worth the cost of the
integrity that gets lost in translation? I remember
I guess what really gets under my skin is the effect
when I first heard about the series when Eclipse
on other literature. On my last trip to Waterstones
(third book) was still in the works and thinking what
I found they are already recovering some of the
a waste of time, some writer making a poor at-
classics (Wuthering Heights & Jane Eyre) with what
tempt to combine vampires, werewolves and teen-
is now commonly known as a distinctly ‘Twi-shite’
age romance, but she made it work. This however
look. Reading is one of my favourite passtimes and
all came before the concepts of ‘Team Edward’ and
it bugs the crap out of me that publishers are buy-
‘Team Jacob’. Let’s be honest, who cares?! I’m
ing into this. Fine if it helps sell more copies for the
sure I don’t recall a precedent for quite so many
stores but it’d be nicer to have people read books
giggling schoolgirls over some fictional characters.
because of their own merit and not because they
I don’t remember hearing about Anne Rice setting
look like the latest replication of another generic
up Team Louis versus Team Lestat.
boy meets girl/girl meets boy, significant other turns
out to be a supernatural yaaaaawn. In that respect
And if you’re wondering exactly what I mean by
perhaps it would be better if some of the greats
‘whoring out’ I’m talking about the over 50 different
stayed on paper.
types of Twilight-related t shirts currently in distri-
bution, there are these ridiculous products rang-
So I urge you go lose yourself in a book, or anything
ing from Bella and Edward cookbooks with sappy
for that matter. And if you’ve got the time scribble it
sounding titles for lasagne to vibrators with you
down and send it to the staff at The Stag, because
know who’s face on them, on which the instructions
let’s face it they’ve only got a pair of eyes each and
include leaving said object in the fridge! I mean
even they’ll run out of their favourite books to write
seriously WTF!!! Are all girls now after the socially
about at some point.
stunted, probably unhinged sociopath who’s as
close to killing you as he is kissing you? Because
Now if you’ll excuse me these pancakes aren’t go-
there are plenty of guys who’ve had the whole ro-
ing to burn themselves to the pan
mantically retarded loners thing down a lot longer
than this imaginary undead Adonis and I’m pretty
Campus Boy
sure we don’t get mobbed on campus too often.
WIN!
11
Hi! Hope everyone has settled back into enjoying Uni. life
as we bring you our third issue! It’s an amazing time of
If you would like to make
any comments or have any
Top Looks of the Week
year for fashion as awards season is well under way views on this issue please Day wear: Miranda Kerr- Prada
providing us with many fashionable treats and New York contact us by e – mail. We
 is happening as we speak! Make sure to
fashion week would also really appreciate Australian Victoria’s Secret model Miranda
check out our awards season section for our favourite any suggestions for future Kerr demonstrates effortless but
 sensational street style. Her stylish
looks and stars to watch on the red carpet! We also have issues.
our “We’re loving” section where we bring you our favourite ensemble is taken from the Prada Resort
 Thank you Nisha and 2010 collection. Miranda has been 
student buy of the week as well as our top looks of the
week! Christie xx catching the eye of fashionistas

everywhere lately by upping the fashion
On a sadder note- this month we say goodbye to legendary cc00206@surrey.ac.uk stakes with knockout after knockout. Her
British Fashion designer Alexander McQueen who sadly outfit is perfect for day wear as it is not
passed away  recently. A true innovator at the forefront of too fussy but still provides a fashionable
Fashion note: Sonia Rykiel
style and fashion, the fashion world has suffered a great focal point with the skirt, the perfect print
 pour H&M
loss in the demise of an amazing British talent. He will be for transition into Spring. Miranda’s co-
sorely missed so we commemorate him with our tribute French fashion designer Sonia ordinated outfit proves she doesn’t need a

section: “God save McQueen.” As always we welcome any Rykiel will be launching her runway to look good!
feedback or requests that you might have, so please get in second collection for H&M
touch! Hope you enjoy reading our first issue of 2010! after creating an underwear Evening wear: Camilla Belle- Marchesa
 collection for the clothing giant
Love Christie and Nisha xxx Beautiful brunette actress Camilla Belle is always
last year. The collection
 one of our favourites on the red carpet. Camilla
comprises mainly of knitwear
rarely makes a mistake as she seems to have an
 and accessories perfect for the
innate understanding on what she looks good in and
The Joshua Foundation – Miss University GB end of winter and beginning of
what suits her. She is never one for letting the
 spring. The much awaited
The Joshua Foundation is a charity that raises money and clothes wear her! This breath- taking chiffon dress by
collection debuts in stores on
dedicates it’s time to ‘making life an experience for children Marchesa is the perfect red carpet choice by
with terminal cancer’. In order to raise money I am February 20th 2010 but you
embodying the on trend styles of being one
representing  our University and taking part in an event can see the collection now on
shouldered and it is in a highlighter/ neon tone both
called ‘Miss University GB’ which is taking place on March the H&M website. Rykiel is a
of which are style hits for Spring/ Summer. The
1st. If you would like to help me and do your bit for this celebrated designer and her
intricate detailing at the bust stops this dress from
cause you can donate as much or as little as you wish on collection for H&M enables us
my just giving page,(www.justgiving.com/christie-campbell) being plain and the fabulous colour is great on
all to have some Parisian
or you can call 0901 293 7950 (contestant number 01) or Camilla’s skin tone.
fashion in our wardrobes from
text Christie Campbell to 81118 ( texts donate £1). For
more information on this event: www.missuniversitygb.co.uk sophisticated stripes to cute Like Camilla, we would expect nothing less than
bow detailing, tres chic! Expect perfection from Marchesa, which we get, as their
Thank you, a fashion frenzy! creations are always chic and feminine! Camilla and
Christie x Marchesa truly make an unbeatable pair.

This month Lee McQueen, founder and designer of Al- modelled by Kate Moss; now many may find it difficult ander McQueen liked to push boundaries, for example
exander McQueen, was sadly found dead at his home to believe these never existed before 1996! His designs he was the first London designer to use Indian models.

God Save McQueen

after committing suicide. Condolences and messages
of grief have flooded in from designers, celebrities and
fans. He was an admired and respected designer and
his death comes at a great loss to both his family and
the fashion world. His innovative and somewhat con-
troversial designs have been an inspiration to many
and we hope he will influence many other designers in
the future.
Lee McQueen was always keen to shock, for example
with the introduction of ‘bumster’ trousers which were
are renowned for being impeccably tailored due to the
fact he was an apprentice for Savile Row tailors Ander-
son & Sheppard. He would later enrol in the famed Cen-
tral Saint Martins College of Art and Design and contro-
versially succeeded John Galliano as head designer for
Givenchy. Since then we have seen breath-taking col-
lections inspired by death and destruction and another
featuring reptilian prints. One of the best loved British
designers; McQueen’s creations were rebellious, lavish
and quickly became coveted in the fashion world. Alex-
McQueen was named ‘Best British Designer’ in 1996,
1997, 2001 and 2003; he won the Fashion Directors
Award in 2007 and even received a CBE in 2003. It is
truly tragic that we have lost such a talented and crea-
tive British designer who was at the top of his game
and could have contributed so much more. It’s sad to
think that we will never know what amazing designs
this fashion genius would have created in the future;
we hope he rests in peace...

Awards Season
Awards season is upon us! Fashionistas everywhere will be taking inspiration from Our Favourites
awards season to get rid of the January blues! Awards season always provides
Alexander McQueen: How could any red carpet event
delectable treats and promises to showcase the amazing creations of world class
be complete without the legendary Mr. McQueen? (From
designers on our favourite celebrities. From the sophistication of The Golden Globe
left to right) From Anna Paquin’s intricate Spring 2010
Awards and the SAG Awards to the outlandish outfits at the Grammys, there is
printed mini dress, to Sandra Bullock’s classic LBD with

definitely something for everyone’s taste. In this section we bring you a few examples a twist, to Cameron Diaz’s striking red gown, McQueen
of our favourite designers at this year’s awards so far, a collection of our favourite displays an array of perfectly tailored dresses that show
looks and four stars to keep your eye on for future red carpet events! Don’t forget to his vast talents!
look out for the Oscar awards coming soon where the outfits will be nothing short of
sensational! Elie Saab: Elie Saab is definitely one of the go to
designers for luxurious gowns on the red carpet. The
A collection of our favourite looks Lebanese designer always creates dreamy designs
There have been a huge variety of using sumptuous material, elegant cuts and finishing
dresses at the awards so far, from details like the exquisite detail on Fergie’s lilac gown.
long to short hemlines and some Anna Kendrick’s knitted LBD shows the classic side of
amazing cuts and colours. Here are Elie Saab while Rihanna’s white dress adorned with
just a few of our favourites: feathers show the designer’s edgy twist on feminine
that suits Rihanna’s personality. Truly something for
M
 ale Fashion: Not to be everyone!
outdone the men were also
Dolce and Gabanna: Dolce and Gabanna is always seen on the
looking slick and stylish! From
red carpet and is one of the most well known design houses in
the classic tuxedo to modern
the world. Both Emily Blunt and Keri Hilson opted for nude
twists on male suits, the men
gowns and although the styles are different both women look
were looking very dapper:
stunning!

UNIVERSITY OF SURREY
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13
Students’ Union Elections are Cancelled
Ignore the posters. It’s not happening. This year
they aren’t bothering with elections, no need for
them. Just let me run the whole thing. I’m talking
President, VP Welfare, VP Societies, VP Sports and
VP Education. I’ll even take permanent staff jobs
too. Leave it to me Surrey, I’ve got the whole thing
covered. Here’s a minor sample of my policies:
- Lecturer cancelled a meeting with you? You
get to skip one of their essay deadlines.
- Did your department recently get funding
cuts at a crucial time in your degree? Then you get
free membership to the £35 million Sports Park.
- Grungers & Sluts night at the Union. You
get to dress up as a grunger. Or a slut.
- All DJs must play at least one wrestling
theme a night.
- Ever used the computer shop? I haven’t ei-
ther. Let’s turn it into a bakery.
- Get drunk and chunder at the Union? Then
you must do two hours unpaid work there before
you’re allowed back again.
- Summer. Lake. Slide.
- Lego tables in Chancellors
- Moan about the shit music/events at the
Union but still turn up every week? Your fault, not
mine.
- Buses are for losers. I propose an under-
ground Mine-cart track from Manor Park to cam-
pus. Like the one in Donkey Kong Country.
- Your student loan fluctuates with the
number of themed costume nights at the Union.
- Once a term I will provide you with a map of
Guildford’s pubs and bars. I will give you a date and
suggest a route. I will call up any that charge entry
and get you in free. Never again will you pay to go
on a pub crawl around the main bars of a town that
you live in.
- Rammstein at the Cathedral, a lá opening
scene of XXX.
- Sod the University email. Just get them to
do it on Facebook.
- Your TV License just gets added to your
course fees, it cuts out those annoying adverts
and unless I told you I was doing it right now you
wouldn’t notice anyway.
- This year’s EOYS line-up will be Sting, Slip-
knot and Hayseed Dixie.
- Turn the union into a maze. Fill that maze
with white dots floating from the ceiling. 1 Pac-Man
and 4 ghosts, winner gets to share £1 billion.
Nothing to worry about Surrey, I’ll be at the helm
and it’ll be an era of prosperity, success and ex-
tortionate improvement in every aspect of student
life. I will also do this job for free providing that
the Union plug me relentlessly with Kopparberg and
Chicken Chimichanga’s. I am your man.
None of this is really happening. But if you don’t do
anything then an idiot such as the one above might
just end up running the place. If you think you can
do better then why not run for one of the five po-
sitions available? This year the Union have given
ample time for nominations, campaigning and vot-
ing so that at every stage of the elections you have
time to make an informed decision about who will
be representing you next year.
You have until the 1st of March if you would like
to be run for one of the positions, you can pick up
a form from the reception desk at the Students
Union. Here are the criteria for anyone wishing to
run:
- ANY Surrey student can run for any posi-
tion
- You do not have to have to work at the un-
ion
- You do not have to be a final year
- You do not have to be someone who hangs
around the Union all the time
- You do not have to have to be a member of
a society
- You do not have to have any experience
anywhere in the Union
- You do not have to be a Rubix Monkey
- You do not have to be doing well on your
degree course
- You have to be passionate about doing your
absolute best for the students of Surrey via your
chosen position
- You have to be alive
Voting will begin on the 15th of March and the re-
sults will be announced at Chancellors on the 26th
of March. Best of luck to all involved and sorry if
you thought that any of the above policies were
going to come true.
by Andy Vale (No, I’m not going for any of them)
 David Pugh, your friendly neighbourhood Science Editor, is currently in training to run six miles (approximately
10km). Further than he has ever run in his whole life put together! He is braving the cold, moist, dark, horrible
conditions of the Guildford roads every morning to train and raise money for Sport Relief, helping some of the
most needy people in the UK and Africa. He will be running on March 21st, from Surrey Sports Park, please
sponsor him and brighten up his day at mysportrelief.com/davidpugh your donation will give a dangerously
unfit individual a bit more motivation in his daily battle with the carbs! Thank you!
Are We Running Out of (Outer) Space?
by David Pugh
What do Sat Navs, TV, the weather and the Moon
all have in common? They are all satellites, orbiting
earth at crazy speeds, whizzing information to and
from Earth.
The first ever satellite was called Sputnik 1,
launched from Russia in 1957, it was about 9 ft tall
and transmitted a radio pulse every 3 seconds, so
it didn’t really do a lot, but that’s besides the point!
Man was throwing things out to space. There are
now over 5000 satellites in orbit, clogging up the
atmosphere with their shiny bits and radio waves.
So how do they do it? Well in the broadest sense
of the term there are two types of satellites;
geosynchronous satellites, like the ones produced
here on campus, orbit above a single point, at about
22000 miles above sea level. They do a complete
rotation once every 24 hours. These are used
largely for weather predictions. Then you have your
Eccentricity satellites, and these go at whichever
speed the people that make them decide, and go
around in a circle.
In a really short time, satellites have become an
essential for global communication. In 1960, the
first TV satellite, Echo, was launched. It wasn’t
much more than a mirror, which bounced the TV
signals it received from earth. Two years later Telstar
followed, which was the first “active” TV satellite.
Instead of only reflecting the incoming signals, it
converted the signals in order to stop interference
between the incoming and outgoing signals.
Telstar had a rotational speed which was different
from the rotational velocity of the earth, so it had
to be followed very accurately by both transmission
and in 1964, this problem was solved, when the
first geosynchronous satellite, Syncom reception
stations, was launched. Many others have gone up
since. The most well known is Intelsat I, which was
launched in 1965. By 1969 the satellite net had
expanded to a worldwide communication and TV
network.
In December 1982, the Astra I satellite was
launched, which generated new interest in satellites
from the general public in Europe. With its coming
it has become possible for people in Europe to
receive TV and radio transmissions with a small
dish antenna.
A small dish can only be used to receive satellites
in orbit not too far away from the equator. Outside
that the distance to the satellites soon gets much
sciencedeskstag@gmail.com
bigger and therefore the reception quality gets a bit
rubbish. This is why small dishes are always fixed
and are only go round the earth once a day.
A large dish antenna (like the ones that give you
Sky TV) has a larger focus which can be aimed
much more accurately at a cluster of satellites
that orbit closely together, and therefore is more
selective than a small dish. Consequently, a large
dish will be less troubled than a small antenna by
interference problems of the various signals. On
the other hand, a mini-dish is comparatively cheap
and can always be replaced by a larger dish. Such
a small dish can be installed easily, if need be on a
windowsill, and copes better with disruptions, such
as weather conditions.
As more and more information is being handled in
digital format, the future for satellite is also digital.
In the near future, transmissions will probably
take place in digital format and this offers some
pretty big advantages. The prime reason for digital
broadcasting is that with analogue broadcasting only
one channel per receiver (or transponder) can be
transmitted, whereas with digital broadcasting this
can be 10 channels per transponder. This means
a whopping cost reduction per channel. Because
you can make really tiny chips (micro-chips, if you
will), more information can be put on the same
channel bandwidth currently being used, which
allows more flexibility. For example, the sender can
go for higher resolution, or for a lower resolution
but more channels. In general, digital broadcasting
will bring an increase of choices to you, me and
everyone at home. Besides a likely increase of the
number of programs, the same programs will also
be broadcast several times per hour or day, to give
us more flexibility in when to watch a program.
We can already see that channels are becoming
increasingly focused on specific subjects, such as
documentaries, movies and sports.
14
The one big drawback of satellite technology is
space, outer space is pretty big, but the satellites
we can build only work relatively close to us on
earth, as a result were cluttering up the sky, and it
doesn’t look set to stop any time soon.
Since 1991, there have been 8 major satellite
collisions, the most recent in January 2009 when
a Russian space forces satellite and an American
mobile phone satellite crashed 490 miles above
Siberia, the satellites were travelling at 17,000
mph relative to Earth. As well as the huge costs
involved with losing a satellite (some satellites cost
up to $100 million) satellite collisions create even
more debris in an already cramped environment.
As you can see from the picture, we are completely
surrounded by junk; those green dots represent
satellites going about their daily business, bringing
us our favourite episodes of Glee, Lost and the like.
Those red dots you see are what’s been left behind
after collisions with satellites.
With more and more satellites being sent into
orbit, the potential for debris issues is becoming
recognized. In a press release from the Union of
Concerned Scientists, issued shortly after the most
recent satellite collision, it was pointed out that
a many countries have developed a set of debris
mitigation guidelines that have since been adopted
by the UN. One important issue was that countries
remove old and useless satellites, such as Kosmos
2251, from overcrowded orbital areas. The paper
also suggested that, as “space becomes more and
more crowded, the international community must
begin to develop and put in place measures for
space traffic management, similar to what we now
have with air traffic control around busy airports.”
You can learn more about satellites and the Surrey
Space Centre in an upcoming episode from MAD
TV, coming to a computer near you soon!!
 15
The Science of Listening to your Mother
by Sophie Bryant
As a foolish and naive young person, you have
no doubt had a plethora of advice imparted to
you from older, wiser folks who’ve seen it all. But
as your mum, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles,
friends, older sisters and the old man next door tell
you all the things you must and mustn’t do, have
you ever stopped to wonder how they know these
things, and if they’re even true? Let’s have a look
at some of the classics, science style!
“You can’t freeze it, thaw it, and freeze it again!”
By freezing food the movement of the molecules
inside it are slowed, so bacteria become dormant
and cannot ‘rot’ the food as they normally would if
it was in a warmer environment. If food is thawed
out by leaving on the kitchen counter, chances are
it will be left for longer than needed in a bacteria-
friendly temperature. This will give the bacteria
a chance to start multiplying. If the food is then
refrozen, the larger numbers of bacteria are then
frozen in with it, and will remain in the product when
you eventually eat it. The safest way to defrost is
in the microwave, so you can then cook the food
immediately.
Mum: 1 You: 0
“Don’t sit close to the TV, you’ll go blind!”
In normal life your eyes refocus all the time, as
you look at objects which are different distances
away. By watching TV or being on a computer for
long lengths of time, you cause the muscles which
refocus your eyes to stay in one position for long
periods of time. Over time, this can cause short
sightedness. However, there are no recorded
instances of loss of sight from prolonged screen
use.
Mum: 1 You: 1
“Wrap up warm – you’ll catch a cold!”
Experiments into this theory have shown that
people exposed to colder temperatures have a 3x
higher incidence of subsequently developing colds
– but why? Two possible answers have been touted
– the first is that vasoconstriction (blood vessels
becoming smaller to reduce heat loss) results in
less blood going to certain areas, therefore less
white blood cells – the main immune response to
germs. The second idea is that by exposing your
body to cold temperatures, it immediately devotes
its energy to keeping warm, instead of immune
system activities, as this is a more immediate
threat. Either way, the statistics show that this
advice probably is one to listen to.
Mum: 2 You: 1
“If the wind changes, your face will stay like that!”
The familiar end to all manner of inventive
face pulling, which fortunately holds little truth.
However, it could be argued that repeated use of
certain muscles (in the case of a face you pull a
lot) will strengthen them, and so cause the natural
balance between agonist and antagonist muscles
to change. This can be seen in your arms – since
you use the bicep more than the tricep, your relaxed
arm by your side will be slightly bent at the elbow,
rather than perfectly straight. This effect would only
be seen over a long period of time, in the case of
one motion repeated again and again. The original
argument is still false, as wind direction has no
effect on this whatsoever.
Mum: 2 You: 2
“You can’t go in the water yet, you’ve just eaten!”
After eating the blood flow to your gut is increased
to help with digestive activity. If you get back in
the sea and start swimming, you will encourage
blood flow away from the gut, and towards arm and
leg muscles instead. The reduced oxygen to the
digestive tract can then cause cramps. Although
this will undoubtedly be unpleasant, there are no
recorded instances of drowning because of this.
But since Mum will have to be the one nursing your
poorly tummy, you can see why she’d stop you in
the first place.
Mum: 3 You: 2
“Eat your vegetables; they’ll make you big and
strong!”
We all know that vegetables are beneficial for their
antioxidants, vitamins and fibre, but what about the
“big and strong” argument? In terms of calorific
content, it’s unlikely that weight gain could be
seen from vegetable consumption, so in this sense
the “big” argument is somewhat flawed. “Strong”
however, could be right. It has been shown that
vegetables can improve amino acid uptake – the
molecules needed for building protein in muscles.
Furthermore, some vegetables contain significant
amounts of proteins themselves (notably peas and
spinach), so I think we’ll have to let Mum have this
one.
Mum: 4 You: 2
After weighing up the evidence on some of the
most common motherly nags, we can see that
although some were completely false, on others
she did have a point. So perhaps you should listen
to her next time... or maybe look it up first to test
the integrity of her claims.

Students’ Union Environment Officer’s Report
Hello, I’m Trung the current Students’ Union Envi-
ronment Officer. Have a read about what’s going
on at the University and feel free to email me if you
have any environmental concerns, issues or sug-
gestions at ussu.environment@surrey.ac.uk. I shall
do my best to resolve them.
I have been primarily working with the Estates &
Facilities Sustainability & Environment team to help
cut our carbon emission and to voice student opin-
ions.
Okay now the report.
Progress Made:
• First big news is that we are now part of
the 10:10 initiative. This means we are aiming to
reduce our carbon emissions by 10% this year
2010.
• Recycling in Millennium and International
House. I spoke with Estates & Facilities about the
lack of recycling in these halls of residence. What
I found out was that these accommodation blocks
are not run by Estates & Facilities. The main reason
to why they do not currently have recycling services.
The University is pursuing this student concern.
• More recycling stations are being placed
around campus. You may have seen them appear-
ing in the Austin Pierce and Management School
buildings. They will slowly appear all across campus
as we are aiming to eventually eliminate all outdoor
bins with recycling stations
• The railway bridge by Millennium House. I
have reported the poor condition of the bridge’s
surface to Estates & Facilities. I was told that it
belonged to British Rail and the University are cur-
rently on the case to get it repaired.
• Hot water and heating issues on campus
accommodation. Estates & Facilities are currently
looking into this student issue.
• Rubix. Our Students’ Union already recy-
cles glass bottles and cardboard. I have raised the
concern for recycling the paper cloakroom tickets,
cans and plastic bottles. We have just received the
paper recycling bin for the cloakroom but are still
awaiting bins for cans and plastic bottles.
• Chancellors. Our Students’ Union has been
recycling its food waste since the start of the aca-
demic year, the food is then sent to be turned into
renewable energy. Other food outlets on campus
such as Hillside, Wates House and lakeside also
recycle its food waste.
• The University has secured funding to up-
grade lighting in the Library. Lighting in Splash floor
was the trial run and had been replaced over sum-
mer. Lighting in Splash now consumes 80% less
energy, contributing in huge annual savings.
• Twyford Court. We have just started a trial to
feedback the energy usage back to each house.
• There is a proposal for food waste recycling
in accommodation. Food is already being recycled
from commercial outlets such as Chancellors, Hill-
side and Wates house.
Projects done through summer 2009:
• Battersea, Surrey and Cathedral Court fin-
ished its refurbishment of windows and infrastruc-
ture for better insulation.
• AD Block was the last of the larger aca-
demic blocks to have their single glazed windows
replaced for double glazed.
• Lecture Theatre Block had finished phase
3 of its refurbishment, including new lighting, re-
roofing and improvements to controls and power
distribution.
• 18 halogen spotlights in Hillside (formerly
Seasons) have been replaced with LED spotlights.
They use 93% less energy and have been fitted
with timer controls to further reduce energy con-
sumption. This small project saves £1500 a year
in electricity.
• 159 halogen fittings have been replaced
with LED down lights in the Austin Pearce Lecture
Theatres. This has given a saving of approximately
£9000 a year. The high output of the LEDs has re-
moved the need for fluorescent lighting which give
an actual saving of 90% of the total energy the
theatres used before.
• The University currently recycles approxi-
mately 35% of its waste from the campus.
Line-up of future projects:
The University has many projects, big and small,
lined up for throughout the year. They are mainly
in terms of lighting, insulation, heating and hot wa-
ter distribution improvements. This makes our uni-
versity more energy efficient and environmentally
friendly. These will be implementing all across the
university including places like:
• The whole Students’ Union building (includ-
ing Rubix).
• The University’s on and off campus accom-
modation
• Most of the academic buildings and the Li-
brary
• Other buildings such as Senate House,
Wates House, Hillside, The Oaks Suite, Phillip
Marchant and others.
16
• The University has a proposal for having
wind turbines in the years to come.
Funding?
You may think that University’s money is being
pumped into all these projects. In fact we are part
of the ‘Salix Energy Efficiency Loan Scheme’. This
loan scheme allows public sector bodies, including
schools and universities, to borrow funds interest
free for four years in order to fund projects which
will reduce both carbon emissions and energy bills.
This means that the savings made from the energy
bills will cover the cost of each of its projects.
Useful tip for lowering your carbon footprint!
Many of you may be looking for accommodation
next year and the rest of us are well already living
off-campus. Let these following tips become habit!
It will not only help our environment but also cut
your bill money!!
• Recycle as much as you can, paper, plastic
bottles, glass, cans and tins. Doing this has a prac-
tical use as well, you won’t have take out the black
bins bags as often from all that you've recycled.
• Use less space by unscrewing bottle caps a
little, squeeze to reduce the amount of air and seal
it back again. Squash drinks cans. Avoid scrunch-
ing up paper.
• Switch off or unplug your electrical appli-
ances and phone charges from the mains. Most
mobile phone chargers continue to draw electricity
even when the phone isn’t plugged into it.
• Remember to turn off lights when you’re
not in the room/kitchen, change them to energy
saving ones if you can.
• Use a timer for central heating and hot wa-
ter rather than leaving them on 24/7. Trust me it
saves you loads of money!
• Lower your central heating by just 1 de-
gree. You won’t feel the difference but you’ll use a
lot less energy.
• Only fill your kettle with enough water for
the number of cups you are pouring, you will save
energy, water and time
• Use your own bags when going to super-
markets if you can, re-use the ones you have col-
lected.
• Think about your water usage, and remem-
ber to turn off the tap while brushing your teeth.
• Keep your windows closed when heating is
on.
 Monday to Friday
10.00am – 6.00pm
(Subject to change)

The biggest brands.

The widest choice.
The cheapest prices.

New offers every

month. Make sure
you pop in.

We also sell
a wide range of
International food
and drinks!

This Week in Welfare...
Urban dictionary describes pre drinking as “the act
of drinking alcohol before you go out to the club to
maximize your fun at the club while spending the
least amount on extremely overpriced alcoholic
beverages...”.
We’ve all seen pre drinking happening. Maybe you’ve
been sat at a kitchen table, a deck of cards strewn
before you in the distinctive ‘ring of fire’. Maybe
you’ve just been caught out by an unexpected “Does
he?” causing you to ask rather reaching questions
about a ducks private life. Or maybe you’ve just been
on your way to a Friday night library session only to
be greeted by a group of bottle wielding maniacs
whose vocabulary seems to consist largely of the
word ‘wheeeyyyyyyy’.
Like it or not, pre drinking has become an ever greater
part of student life in the last few years. And for many
itĐs seen as a great way to save a couple of quid on couldn’t choose between them!
a Friday night. After all, you might say, why spend £2
on a quality glass of whisky and coke when you could
instead sample such delights as ‘Tesco Value Vodka’
– a drink manufactured by a highly trained team of
professionals, working tirelessly to ensure their drink
has that totally authentic toilet cleaner tang.
For many pre drinking is a good opportunity for some
house bonding and friendly chit chat.
But unfortunately we’ve all seen the ugly side of pre
drinking too. The birthday boy who never made it out,
2010 has been dubbed the “Year for Change” by the
Year for Change
Conservatives and by the public at large. Students
across the country are gearing up for the General
Election and want to know more about the different
parties’ and what they are proposing for Government.
For many students this will be their first time voting
and in this election students issues will be at the fore-
front. The Conservatives have policies on every issue
affecting the country locally, nationally and interna-
tionally, but what exactly are they and how will they
help students and graduates?
The Conservative Party has promised to create an ad-
ditional 10,000 University places if they win the next
election, currently Labour are capping the number
of places. Conservatives have also promised to in-
troduce an early repayment bonus on student loans.
David Willets MP, Shadow Minister for Universities has
said that “We recognise that higher fees have brought
benefits to universities, but we need to ensure that
they are providing a better student experience in re-
turn. We have called for the Government’s ongoing
review of higher education funding to consider doing
much more to help people from disadvantaged back-
grounds get to university.” Good news for students
in the present and the future with greater access for
all to higher education. But what of the parties other
policies?
The Conservatives will:
• Introduce a Bill of Rights to protect all Citi-
zens rights
• Restoration of national control from the EU Guildford Member of Parliament, Anne Milton has
the girl in the queue desperately trying to convince the
bouncer of her sobriety despite stumbling about like
a disorientated giraffe, or even the friend who spent
the night in A&E getting their stomach pumped...
Just this year a girl collapsed on the dance floor
a mere 30 minutes after entering Rubix. She’d
consumed half a bottle of vodka during the 300
metre walk to the venue from Battersea court.
So whether you’ve had good or bad experiences with
pre drinking in the past just take a moment to work
out whether that last half bottle of wine, that last 2
inches of Vodka or that last triple strength cocktail is
really worth it...
In other news, it’s the Students’ Union AGM this
Thursday evening in Rubix (you may have seen the
Union UNLimited flyers dotted around campus)!
Every 5 or so years the Union has a mahoosive
review of all its structures, aims, objectives and so
on, allowing it to stay up to date, hip (yes, I said ‘hip’)
and relevant to the student population. The process
starts with the executive team (all those people
you elected in) being locked away in rooms with
flip charts, arguing about how they think the Union
should be run. After some time they emerge battered
and bruised with a nice shiny new constitution (the
thing which says how the Union runs) for the world
to see. Then at the AGM all students are invited to
come along and see if they like what they see and
over social and employment legislation.
• Greater protection against EU encroachment
into the UK's Criminal Justice System.
• Freeze Council Tax for 2 years saving families
money
• Improve the national rail network, faster trains
and greater reliability
• Achieve the UN target of spending 0.7% of
national income on aid by 2013.
• Ensure speedy delivery of Military equipment
to those on the front line
• Tackle the gender gap pay inequality
• Strengthen public support for aid by giving
British people a vote over where and how some of
their aid is spent.
• Scrap NHS Target and let hospitals and Doc-
tors decide what is best for patients, not Govern-
ment.
• Sustainable water management to protect was even praised in the National Media over her ex-
our future.
• Protecting the fragile environment for our claimed anything incorrectly and also Anne had not
Children.
This is only a little of what the party is going to achieve
if elected at the next election. Conservative policy
goes much further and deeper in to areas that have
been neglected by the current Government. Other
parties may promise the Earth to try and encourage
votes, but their promises are unrealistic and impos-
sible to implement; Conservative proposals are fair
and deliverable.
18
vote on whether to accept the document or not.
It promises to be a massive day for the Students’
Union so turn up and get involved! I’ll see you
there!
Until next week...
Malcolm Hunt
VP Welfare
Tip of the week – Sabbatical nominations close at
the end of this month! Interested in running the
Union? Pick up a nomination pack now!
Moment of the week – It’s pretty hard to pick a
specific moment this week. Credit has to go to the
guys and girls of RAG for organising a really awesome
RAG week! There were so many excellent days I just
If you have any questions or comments about the
AGM, Sabb nominations, alcohol, RAG or anything
else to do with University life just drop me an email
at ussu.welfare@surrey.ac.uk!
Disclaimer: All comments about Tesco Value Vodka
are only the writer’s opinion and should not be taken
as anything more than this. In fact Value Vodka
tastes nothing like toilet cleaner, it’s far far worse.
been fighting to protect students throughout her time
in Westminster and even long before. Anne was in-
strumental in the campaign to save the Royal Surrey
from closure and is now the Conservatives Shadow
Minister for Health. Anne has a spotless record and
penses in which she was called a “saint” not having
claimed for a second home. Anne is a Guildford resi-
dent and visits’ the University regularly to meet with
students and follows up on their concerns holding
regular surgeries in Chancellors: the next one is due
to be held on 26th February at 1pm.
More students than ever before are supporting the
Conservatives as it is clear that the other political par-
ties do not represent realistic options for the future.
This is the Year for Change and you can find out more
at www.Conservatives.com.
by Rowan Cole
 19
19
What is Self harm and why do people do it?
Self-harm is hurting yourself as a method of expressing or coping with painful emotions. Most
Greek Chicken Pasta
people agree that the majority of what is commonly thought of as self-harming behaviour is a Serves 4
coping strategy - a symptom of distress. However, each individual’s motivation for self harming
is unique, and any response should be based on an understanding of why it’s occurring. Ingredients
Self-harming is, for many people, a way of expressing or coping with difficult emotions. Very
distressed people often deliberately cut or burn themselves in order to try and cope with their
8 ounces wholemeal pasta or mixed 50/ 50 with white.
feelings of pain or despair. Many young people who harm themselves say they didn’t actually 1½ tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
want to die, they just didn’t know how to carry on living and this is the only way they know of 4 boneless chicken fillets (4 oz each)
coping. ¼ teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
½ cup chicken stock
Self-harming behaviour can range from cutting or burning yourself deliberately to taking an 1 teaspoon dried oregano
overdose and more complicated methods. Suicide attempts are also included in the defini- 1 teaspoon crushed garlic
tion of self-harm and in the broadest sense heavy drug/alcohol use/smoking and also eating 1 large tin tomatoes
disorders. 4 oz low fat feta cheese
½ cup pitted black olives
What is the extent of the problem? ¼ cup finely chopped onions
Research commissioned by Samaritans, carried out by the Centre for Suicide Research in
2002 is the first and largest-scale quantitative survey into the extent of self-harm in the UK
to date amongst 15 – 16 year olds. It showed that one in 10 adolescents had self-harmed at
some point in their lives. Self-harm accounts for approximately 170,000 admissions to A&E Cooking Instructions
departments each year, but this is only a fraction of the total number who self-harm because
many people don’t go to hospital following an episode. Women are around four times as likely 1. Cook the pasta, drain and add 1 table spoon of olive
to self-harm as men – men, conversely, are between two and three times as likely as women oil.
to take their own lives. People who have self-harmed are at a much higher risk of killing them- 2. Sprinkle the chicken with the black pepper both
selves than the average person. The full results of the research are available on our web site: sides.
www samaritans.org 3. Put ½ spoon of olive oil into a large pan and cook the
chicken for 2 mins either side (browned).
Is self-harm increasing? 4. Mix ¼ cup of stock with the oregano and garlic in a
So far, there isn’t enough statistical information from research to know whether more people
bowl, and mix well before pouring around chicken. Cover
are self harming than before. It has been recognised that self-harm has been on the increase
since the 1960’s with more young people than older people saying that they have ever self-
and cook on medium heat for ten minutes.
harmed. However, there are difficulties in collecting data on people who self-harm but don’t 5. Remove the chicken Add the tomatoes and the re-
seek medical help, so tracking changes in self-harm rates is hard. maining broth and cook for 5 minutes.
6. Add the pasta and toss for 2 mins or until heated through.
There is a greater awareness of self harm today than ever before, which may contribute not
only to a perception of increased self harm, but also an actual increase in numbers of people
Serve and sprinkle the onion, feta and olives over each
self harming
plate.
What happens when someone who is self-harming, or has self-harmed,
contacts Samaritans?
When someone who self-harms contacts us, we try to explore the reasons for their self-harm
with them, and encourage them to use words to describe the feelings that have caused them
Look out for the signs!
to inflict pain on themselves. In beginning to talk about the difficulties they face, it can often
help them to see that there are other ways of coping with their distress than self-harming and There may be a change in behaviour that is associated
to feel confident about exploring or trying them. with self-harm or emotional distress such as:

Samaritans believes that being given emotional support, in confidence, without judgement, • Changes in eating/sleeping habits
can help people to begin to express difficult feelings verbally, and come to a point where they • Increased isolation from friends/family
can separate physical pain from emotional distress and find another way of coping. • Changes in activity and mood e.g. more aggressive
than usual
Samaritans is there to offer confidential, non-judgemental emotional support to anyone ex- • Talking about self-harm and suicide
periencing distress, you can contact us by phone on 08457 909090 (GB), or 1850 609090
• Becoming socially withdrawn
(ROI), email at jo@samaritans.org or face to face, visit www.samaritans.org to find your near-
est branch. • Expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or loss
Contact details for Guildford Samaritans are: address: 69 Woodbridge Road, Guildford GU1 of hope
4RD Tel: 01483 505555.

Chat Health!
Trouble sleeping? Anxious about exams? Worried about STIs? Want to know how alcohol can be affecting your mood?
Want to know more about Cannabis? Want to lose weight? Need nutrition information? Then mail in your questions all in
confidence to studenthealthcare@surrey.ac.uk to CHAT HEALTH for your reply in each edition of The Stag.
 21
Ask Angelique Anything.....
Dear Readers,
I haven’t been with you for long but you have all
opened my eyes to the wide range of issues among
our student body. Good and bad, and its nothing
to be ashamed of. I feel I must thank you for al-
lowing me into your lives, allowing me to be your
‘shoulder to cry on’ and don’t worry I’m not going
anywhere so please don’t be afraid to continue to
write into me. Being an agony aunt is a hard job,
but I like helping people and I have been doing
so for years now. In a way, your messages help
to shape the person that I am, by being aware of
others you learn to be aware of your self. Thanks
again, and don’t stop writing.
Always Here
Angelique x
I want to become a writer..
Hey Angelique,
Finding a house is stressful!!
Hi Angelique,
There are six of us and I feel like
our house searching isn’t going
too well. We’ve seen a few hous-
es that we like but whenever we
decide to put an offer in the land-
lord says its already been taken.
We’re a bit lost at the moment.
What shall we do?
Danny
20
Get it off your chest
Hey Danny,
Don’t be discouraged, finding a house
can be stressful but try to remember
that there are many people that feel the
same way that you do at this moment
in time. If you feel you need some ad-
vice on searching for housing you can
always visit the accommodation office
located just around the corner from Hill-
side. They are always happy to answer
your accommodation questions. Have
you tried searching on other websites
for houses? There are many on offer but
remember to be careful and safe when
picking your house. I hope everything
works out for you.

I’ve been writing poems for years, and it’s all I’ve Angelique x
ever loved doing. What advice can you give me in
terms of pursuing my dream?

Poet
Hey Poet,
I’m going to quote one of my favourite movies.
‘If you wake up in the morning and all you can
think about is writing, then you should be a writ-
er’, Writing is a great art, and I’m sure the world
can do with more inspirational writers. There are
lots of courses you can take to aid you in reach-
ing your dream. Try visiting the careers service at
the Uni; I’m sure they can point you in the right
direction. Other than that, you could write for The
Stag which is student media and no previous ex-
perience is required. Just drop an email to litera-
turedeskstag@gmail.com for more information.
Let me know how you get on, I would love to read
some of your stuff.
Angelique x
Need someone to talk to? Get it off your chest
Just a general Rant…
Dear Angelique,
Those cleaners are getting on my nerves! All they do is moan and shout about how dirty our
kitchens are. I bet if they could get into our rooms they’d have a go at us about that to. I
can’t help but hide in my room every otaher morning to try and avoid them. I wasn’t really
looking for any advice I just felt like having a general rant. Anyway. Thanks for reading this
:D
The Cleaner
Hey Cleaner,
I know you weren’t really asking for a reply but I think this needs to be said. I totally under-
stand where you’re coming from, but would you prefer it if the cleaners weren’t there at all?
Annoy them enough and they will just refuse to clean up after you. Try to remember that they
are people too and if I was them I wouldn’t particularly like cleaning up after hundreds of
teenagers everyday. So cut them some slack, they are just doing their job. A smile and some
kind words go a long way, try to remember that.
Angelique x
Useful Websites:

Ask Angelique Anything.....

www.connexions-direct.com
General advice
www.talktofrank.com
Drug advice
www.childline.org.uk
Self harm and Abuse advice
Email: askangeliqueanything@gmail.com www.sextalk.org
Sexual health advice
 National Student Volunteering Week
20th-28th Feb

Woodland Maintenance
Saturday 20th Feb - email ussu.dom
ore@surrey.ac.uk
Arson Prevention
Tuesday 23rd Feb - email ussu.dom
ore@surrey.ac.uk

Garden Clearance
Wednesday 24th Feb - email ussu.domore@surrey.ac.uk
Pond Clearance
Saturday 27th Feb 9.30-1.30pm - email h.knapp@surrey.ac.uk

Social
Friday 26th Feb - email ussu.domore@ Drop in session
surrey.ac.uk m in the Students’ Union Offices
Monday 22nd/Friday 26th Feb 2-4p
email e.beauclair@surrey.ac.uk

www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
sv wk a3.indd 1 16/02/2010 12:51:29

Societies Standing Update
The last Societies Standing (Monday 8th February) saw the ratification of the
Surrey Glee Club and Chinese Christian Fellowship Societies. These new so-
cieties aim to, respectively, bring singing and dancing openly to people at the
University and unite the Chinese students regardless of denominations.
The Debating Society was also ratified at this Standing. They were initially part
of the Political Society but have chosen to become independent so that they
may advertise to a “broader spectrum” and become more appealing to every-
one at the University of Surrey, not only Politics students.
'The Stag’ welcomes these new societies and hopes to hear more from them
in the future.
Bakita Kasadha
Societies Editor
22
ZOMBIE SOCIETY:
If you’re not with us, you soon will be!
One of the more recent society ratifications comes in the form of the
University of Surrey Zombie Society. You may have seen or heard us at
ReFreshers’ fayre shamelessly promoting ourselves as the last hope in the
impending zombie apocalypse. There was one question on a lot of minds,
however. What exactly IS the Zombie Society, and what on earth do they
do?
Well, firstly the Zombie Society is not made up of actual zombies (sorry
to disappoint). In fact, they actually take active steps against such crea-
tures. The Zombie Society is working on an official defence plan for the
university through a variety of means. Watching as many zombie related
movies educates us on the various types of zombies, as well as effective
and ineffective methods for defence. Hosting lectures on how to defend
one’s self from a zombie will provide students with initial vital training in a
zombie attack.

Of course, there is lots of fun and games too. In fact, to help model
the outbreak of a zombie infection, the Zombie Society has planned a
widespread game across campus. Initially everyone will start as a human
(marked by some form of ribbon or bandana). One person will begin as a
zombie (again marked out by a ribbon or bandana of a different colour),
and must infect the rest of the humans by stealing their marker. The hu-
man will then become infected, turning into a zombie over 24 hours, and
will join the zombies in their attack on the humans. You’d be surprised how
quickly the infection can spread.

Future plans for raising awareness including massing students dressed up

ISLAM
like zombies in the town centre, and walking/crawling/stumbling up the
&YIJCJUJPO
*OTJEF
*TMBN high street. Anyone not prepared for such an event will likely panic, and
7FOVF
"VTUJO
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feel our positive influence on campus.

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$BMMJHSBQIZ
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this will realise the potential risk and want to protect themselves. Joining
the Facebook group ‘Surrey University Zombie Society’ is a start, but you
$POUBDU
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really should join the society officially by emailing jc00173@surrey.ac.uk

Laser Chicken VII
The University’s Sci-Fi & Fantasy Society invites you to an intense Laser Quest
tournament followed by food on Wednesday March 10th. 4 teams of 15 will
battle it out in the town's Laser Quest arena followed by a trip to Nando's. Tick-
ets now being sold at the bookshop for £8 or £10 on the door.
Meeting place: 18:00 in LTD
Zombie defence training begins 10th March with a Resident Evil mara-
thon, with the location TBC.
So you may laugh, and you may scorn, but in the end when the zombies
inevitably rise, we know you’ll come crawling back to us...most likely as a
zombie.

For more information please refer to www.laserchicken.tk or contact ussffs@ by Brian Fraser
googlemail.com

Sean Griffin
USFFS treasurer

Gospel Choir
Whether you’re a pro or just want We meet every Monday in TB10, 6
to try something new... - 8pm

Then we’d love you to be part of If you’re interested, send your

creating a wonderfully uplifting
sound by singing in the University
of Surrey Gospel Choir. Experience
in singing is not necessary, we’d
love for you to join us in learning
some incredible songs!
name in an email to ussu.gospel-
choir@surrey.ac.uk and we’ll add
you to the email list.
Grab a friend and come along!
23

Several members of the Photography Society

are currently displaying a small selection of their
work as part of the University's 'Under a Bushel'
staff and student exhibition. The exhibition is
being held in the Lewis Elton gallery (near the
Bookshop) until the 25th of February. Prints of
some of the photographs are available through
the Arts

Office, with substantial discounts being offered

to University staff and students.

University of Surrey Go Green Week 2010
-The scientific evidence for man-made climate
change IS STILL far more comprehensive than the
case against.
-It WILL happen in our lifetime.
-There IS something you can do to stop it!
I don’t want to sound like an angry, scary doom
monger, but we have until 2015 at the very latest
to curb soaring global greenhouse gas emissions.
If we don’t, we can expect to experience natural
disaster after natural disaster, widespread famine
and food shortage, disease, millions of displaced
people, and as a result of the social, economic
and planetary breakdown, a lot of war over the
few resources left. Some sources claim that al-
ready 300,000 people a year die as a result of
climate change, while others estimate the figure
to be 600,000.
The world’s leaders demonstrated at the UN Cli-
mate Conference in December their reluctance to
halt the destruction. We don’t have time to wait
for them to half-heartedly stumble over more ne-
gotiations- we need to take the fate of the planet
in our own hands, and GO GREEN!
GO GREEN WEEK, from Monday 22nd to Friday
26th February, is a week packed full of workshops,
discussions, debates, fun and games! The vast
majority of university emissions come not from the
institution itself, but from the people within it. As a
community, we can all come together and reduce
our environmental impact - GO GREEN WEEK will
hopefully provide you with the know-how to do it!
On the Monday evening, we are holding our much
anticipated Hippy Night (!) in Rubix, complete with
alternative music from reggae and ska to drum ‘n’
bass and hip hop. Tickets are priced at a student
friendly £2 advance, £3 on door.
On the Tuesday evening, the Politics society are
hosting another screening of the award-winning,
fascinating, dramatic epic that is The Age of Stu-
pid, at 6.30pm in the Griffiths Theatre, Lecture
30
24
Theatre Block.
On Wednesday evening at 6.30pm, the Griffiths
theatre will play host to Guildford’s parliamentary
candidates, for an exciting debate on ‘The Gen-
eral Election and the Environment’, with a chance
to quiz your prospective representatives on their
green policies.
On Thursday, join in with the campus-wide Carbon
Treasure Hunt game! The university has released
loads of carbon emissions - it is your job to fol-
low the clues, retrieve the carbon and get some
treasure!
In addition to these events, there will be free food
at the lunchtime workshops and discussions from
1-2 in room 81 MS 02, every day (except Thurs-
day!).
See you there!
People and Planet Society
 25
How Creative is The University of Surrey?
The Creative Writing Society (CW Soc) de-
cided to look into this question during Re-
freshers’ Fayre, held on Friday the 11th of
February. CW Soc asked people to contrib-
ute to a collaborative story, which to say the
least is the most interesting story around.
Packed with zombies, racoons, horses and
speeding police cars, the collective story
had quite a few twists to it. It’s not even
possible to see the link between some of
the sentences. But, as promised, here is
the Surrey Story.
Life in Snapshots.
Gordon knew he was in trouble. Her blood
shot eyes were fixed on his pupils and there
was no way he could break eye contact.
Silence echoed around the room; the calm
before the storm. His wife towered above
him, as if ready to pounce like a tiger ob-
serves its prey. Suddenly she realised ‘The
Stag’ was better than sex! But not quite as
good as a cup of tea! She narrowed her
eyes, and, tight lipped, demanded, “Where
are the digestive biscuits?”
The crumbs lingered incriminatingly from
his lips. “Well, there was a racoon...” he
started... “and it was soooo cute, I just had
to invite him in and have a cup of tea and
some biscuits with him”
Gordon’s wife was not amused, seeing that
he had a mental illness and he was pulling
stunts like this.
And then the perfume boy walked in, with
low batties and a cheeky smile on his face
because he had a very big...range of per-
fume that he wanted to show Gordon’s wife.
But now was not the time. An argument
involving a racoon, biscuits and teas was
about to unfold. The argument was point-
less – they continued to have these point-
less arguments for the next three months
until Gordon’s wife fell ill. Bad times! She
blamed it on his being northern. But he
was just frustrated because of her constant
headaches. In order to get better, Gordon
started playing badminton. She hated it
when he played badminton. She needed his
help yet he would just leave when it suited
him. She had four children, she couldn’t
just leave when it suited her, she hated that
she was the responsible one.
But nobody had mentioned the existen-
tial elevators so far, for that is the wont of
modern society. Gordon has a deep secret
– a secret so-not-dark that is mentioned in
the following lines. And then the galloping
horse had to stop for water and then the
Irish Leprechaun jumped out of the tree
and sang the British National Anthem. The
pair was distracted by this, but then out
popped the Signal Wizard from their oscil-
loscope and bewitched them.
Separate to this, Gordon’s sister found
out she has Chlamydia...but from whom
she thought? Was it the Racoon? The tea
and biscuit thieving, Chlamydia ridden Ra-
coon that all these problems arose from?
Or maybe it was the sex crazy monkey that
had...like a Wally, managed to get sperm all
over his face, but missed the vagina.
On the other side of town, Bob was racing
down the street in his BWM followed by a
juggernaut police car, with sirens so loud,
pedestrian ear splitting became the most
common complaint in hospital. The second
most common complaint being zombie re-
lated diseases. Suspected to be caused by
the Zombie Soc. Why the zombies were in
Sparta, was anyone’s guess. Far in the dis-
tance a very loud man was killing them into
a bottomless pit!
Meanwhile, back in Communist Russia,
there was trouble at’ mill... and the Ger-
mans came in to destroy the ice caps, only
to find the Kiwi’s had beaten them to it. And
then she went ice skating and had frost bite
on her bum because she refused to get up
once she had fallen down.
So is the University of Surrey creative? Yes.
But coherent... well that’s questionable! If
anyone is interested in joining the Creative
Writing Society, please email mk00112@
surrey.ac.uk; alternatively, find us on Face-
book under 'Surrey CW Soc'.
ASSASSIN'S GUILD RECRUITING
by Brian Fraser
Assassins: masters of stealth, subtlety and disguise. We’ve seen
them in games, in films and on TV. They’re as deadly as they look,
and you can’t help but think it must take a special kind of per-
son to become an assassin. Someone skilful, someone clever...
maybe someone like you?
You may have heard of the game ‘Assassin's Guild’, sometimes
referred to as simply ‘Assassin’. The game has managed high
levels of popularity in both Cambridge and Imperial universities,
recently spreading further to Durham and Leeds. There are sev-
eral universities across the UK running games of assassins guild,
all with great success. So what exactly IS this ‘Assassin's Guild’?
Some people become your ‘targets’ and it is your responsibility to
assassinate with a mock weapon; a water pistol, a cardboard cut
out knife, even some balled up socks acting as a grenade. Once
you have successfully taken out a target, you are assigned a new
one, and the game continues until one player is left. Sounds sim-
ple right? However, while you may be searching for three people
across the university (based on simply a name and one or two
other details), there are three people out there searching for you.
Suddenly you become very aware of what, or who, is around you.
Perhaps someone’s paying too much attention to you, or maybe
a stranger seems a little too close to you, or you see someone
running toward you and have mere seconds to decide whether
they’re after you, or merely late for a lecture. Eventually the para-
noia sinks in; you’re constantly on your toes searching the area
for any threats, whilst always on the lookout for your target. You
carry your mock weapon everywhere just in case, you’re afraid of
the walk home because they might be waiting for you. It is then
you know you’ve become an assassin.
Of course, the game has certain rules implemented not only for
the safety of all involved, but also to prevent inconvenience to
anyone not in the game. In fact, when done correctly, the entire
game may carry out without anyone knowing it has taken place.
Certain areas are banned (university buildings can be generally
regarded as forbidden), and any item that may look threatening
or potentially cause harm in any way is forbidden. There is a strict
element of safety carried around in the game. After all, it’s all
about having fun.
So, why is this relevant to you? Well, as part of GameSoc, I am
personally planning on starting a game of Assassin’s Guild at the
University of Surrey, and I want as many people to join as pos-
sible. You don’t have to be a member of the society to join, after
all, the bigger the game, the better it will be. Anyone interested
should send an e-mail to surreyassassinsguild@googlemail.com,
and you will receive a reply with the full rules for the game. You
should also join the Facebook group ‘Surrey Assassins guild’. De-
cide whether you want to take part, and sign up via e-mail if you
think it’s for you. The game is intended to start on the 1st of
march, and will continue until a winner is declared.
As for the rest of you, life will go on. Nothing will have changed
and you shouldn’t notice a thing. There is the possibility you will
see someone lurking with a water pistol, or you’ll see a student
turn and flee suddenly, without any sign of why. These could eas-
ily be everyday happenings, but maybe, just maybe, you’ve just
seen an assassin.
 26

Music The Candle Thieves

‘Sunshine and other Misfortunes’ (Apr. 2010)
The Candle Thieves are a fairly new
two-piece indie-pop band from Pe-
terborough, Cambridgeshire. Both
band members (Scott McEwan and
his old sixth-form school friend sim-
ply known as ‘Glock’) were in other
world touring bands prior to forming
The Candle Thieves, but say they
wanted to make more thought pro-
voking music, and to express them-
selves in a different way and so they
created ‘The Candle Thieves’.
The bands name comes from
Glock’s taking of candles from wed-
dings the two performed at. They
use a wide variety of instruments
to create a unique sound which in-
tertwines with the vocals and lyrical
content greatly, some of the instru-
ments being, acoustic guitar, and
piano, a Glockenspiel, Harmonica
and Shakers.
Their first full length album Sun-
shine and other Misfortunes will be
released on the 5th of April. The
Candle Thieves had a unique way of
promoting themselves in the early
days of their band; they performed
at peoples houses, with their Garden
gigs and their Living Room gig tour.
They have a handful of these Living
Room gigs in March and April. The
fee for these gigs includes a ‘Were
All Gonna Diary’ which is a special
personalised diary of the night in-
cluding written messages, pictures,
stickers and more! Which is a nice
personalised touch, to what I’m
sure would be a great gig.
In their songs they sing and touch
upon issues that few people sing
about, all of their songs are heart-
felt, with beautiful lyrics though
Editor's Track of the Week
The Little Hands Of Asphalt – Blue & Green
I was sent this track by a PR guy who mainly represents Norwe-
gian bands. The Little Hands Of Asphalt are a lovely country folk
outfit, with some beautifully written tracks and great vocals. The
EP was free to download, making it even sweeter.
some of their songs have sinister
undertones like in ‘The Sunshine
Song’.
The Sunshine Song is a nice little
song with an uplifting rhythm. It’s
mainly love themed, “I would buy
you a rainbow”, whilst also talking
about the negative side of love. The
cleverly made video for this song
invites you into a magical world
of flowers and sunshine, which is
a theme of the band, as they are
known for handing out chocolates
and having blow-up sharks and
teddy bears on stage when they
perform, generally creating a happy
vibe at their gigs.
‘Sharks and Bears’ is an interest-
ing song about dreams and some
of life’s ponderings “Sometimes the
easiest things are hard to find”. It’s
a deep thinking song, questioning
some of life’s issues. ‘Lonely, Lone-
ly, Lonely’ is a very beautiful song,
heartfelt and with poet-like lyrics.
‘Bright Lights’ is a nice song, with a
pleasant catchy guitar riff through-
out, and with a beautiful piano solo
in the middle.
At their gigs, they talk to their audi-
ence and engage with them. McE-
wen seems to be a very humourous
guy, and it appears that they want
the audience to enjoy the music as
much as the band enjoys perform-
ing it. They say their shows are ‘ex-
ecuted with a firm slice of happy’!
The Candle Thieves are great song-
writers and musicians and a definite
band to look out for!
by Mary D'Ambrosio
Music News
• Rage Against The Machine and Aerosmith to head-
line Download festival in June
• Abbey Road studio is being put up for sale by its
owners, EMI, in a bid to reduce debt
• The Wombles are in talks with organisers at Glas-
tonbury Festival about the possibility of playing the festi-
val in the summer
Gil Scott-Heron - I’m New Here
It's been 16 years since Gil last re-
leased an album of original material,
so it's surprising that this album is only
about 29 minutes long. In the last 16
years I've built up a lot of things to say
(but very little worth saying) and if I
were to put it on an album you'd need
a bigger iPod.
But the lyrical content here feels deep,
humble and considered. A lot of the al-
bum is spoken word which suits Gil's
rich and timeless voice. It's no longer
the younthful rasp that preached the
seminal 'The Revolution Will Not Be
Televised' but it has a mature earthy
quality that multiplies the meanings
of the words. The minimal electro lay-
ers somehow add an even more back-
woods atmosphere despite being a
Shy Child – Liquid Love
I’ve seen Shy Child live and to be quite
honest they were SICK. So I had high
expectations before I’d even given this
album a bash. Liquid Love fuses groovy
riffs, cute lyrics and catchy hooks to
make the perfect fusion of electro-pop.
The multi-talented duo make good
use of the new romantics 80’s sound
blended with neat modern synths - the
result is a polished cross between the
Klaxons and MGMT… there’s a bit of
Calvin Harris in there somewhere too…
saying that, if you like any of the above,
you’ll LOVE Shy Child. You will.
The title track is so delightfully catchy,
it works as a great opener to the al-
bum. Shy Child do a good job of varying
their sounds, and tracks such as Criss
Cross show that they are not afraid of
shifting from one extreme to another.
relatively new addition to Gil's sound.
There are places where this album does
feel a little disjointed, one or two of the
tracks don't necessarily stand up well
to repeated listens. But that aside I
would still put money on this being one
of the best albums of 2010, in fact it's
a joy to see Radio 1 and 6Music both
giving it the ample respect it deserves
despite the fact that Gil is nearly thrice
the age of the average Radio 1 listener.
There's also a Robert Johnson cover,
that is always a good thing.
Recommended Tracks: Running, On
Coming From A Broken Home (Part 1
& 2) and Me & The Devil
by Andy Vale
Go on, have a listen - you’ll see what
I mean.
My personal favourite track on this
album would have to be The Beatles.
It’s an uplifting mid-tempo dance tune
that can at the same time be enjoyed
as the soundtrack for those laborious
hours of research that I know you’re all
going to do after you’ve put down this
month’s issue.
Whether you use this album as trendy
background music for a gathering in
your flat, or perhaps you’re looking for
something to dance to pre-night out,
give Liquid Love a listen and you shan’t
be disappointed. Otherwise you can
hold me responsible.
by Daisha Ferdinand

musicdeskstag@gmail.com
27
Phoenix
‘Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix’
Owl City – Ocean Eyes
These days, technology has allowed us to share and distribute music pretty easily, anywhere in the
world. So it came as a bit of a shock to me that the Owl City album was released in July 2009 over in
Phoenix is an alternative indie rock band consisting the States, yet it is only in the past month that most of us have even heard of them. Their huge single
of four French guys, formed in 1995. Phoenix’s fifth Fireflies has dominated the charts, staying at number one for 5 weeks since entering, keeping those
album ‘Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix’ was released in 'superstars' Jedward at bay from getting a number 1. Yes people, these are the charts, and people do
May of last year and won a Grammy Award this year give up their hard-earned cash on two Irish people who can't sing.
for Best Alternative Music Album.
Owl City is the brainchild of Adam Young, and his blend of Synth-pop electronica with dance may make
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is packed full of listena- some people weep and pray for change, but there is no way in denying it isn't catchy. Having been
ble songs. ‘1901’ is a great catchy indie synth. track, compared and criticised heavily for sounding like The Postal Service, I actually thought it was the lead
about love ‘and I'll be anything you ask and more’, with singer to begin with. The album opens with Cave In, starting with an embarrassingly cheesy synth line,
the lyrics in the song being poetic and very clever. leading into his 'trademark' pitch perfect auto-tuned voice, which can be a bit scary sometimes. Hello
Seattle is another pop number, with blippy, intricate synth parts and glitchy, well thought out drum
The tracks ‘1901’ and ‘Lisztomania’ were used in programming.
the films ‘New York, I Love You’ and ‘Where the Wild
things are’ respectively, and have featured in adverts The album ranges from really uptempo dance numbers such as Umbrella Beach to much more chilled
and some T.V programmes. Another of their songs was tracks like The Saltwater Room, which has child-like qualities to it, with some great female double
harmonies and guitar work. Dental Care reminds me of something bands like Alphabeat would do, and
also featured in ‘Lost in Translation’s’ soundtrack.
is the kind of track you put on when you're about 12. The lyrics are also about, yep you guessed it,
dental care, and I think it lets the album down slightly.
‘Love Like a Sunset’ is a great (mostly) instrumental
track, using a synthesiser, keyboard, guitar and other This album is a good mix of what Young is capable of, ranging from the emotional slow numbers, to
instruments. The track gives a feeling of leading up to big dance numbers, to pure and simple pop tracks like the single. If you like synth-pop with a huge
something, like lyrics being sung, then the lyrics seem slice of cheesy gorgonzola on it, then this stuff is for you. I think it might be a bit of a guilty pleasure
to come out of nowhere at the last minute (the track for some people...
is nearly 8 minutes long). The next track on the album
‘Love Like a Sunset Part 2’ is a more chilled out con- 3/5
tinuation of the first part. Combined, the tracks are
great to listen to, they’re both clever and Part 2 is a by Mark Allen
beautiful song. If you’ve ever heard of the band Bat-
tles you may hear the similarities between ‘Love Like that may just steal the title. Following
a Sunset’ and their instrumental pieces. the commercial success of Made in the Marcel Legane – Battle E.P (2010)
Dark, Hot Chip set out to produce an al-
If you’re a Paramore fan then check their cover of bum that would evolve over time, whilst Free music through legal means is a rare and beautiful
Phoenix’s track ‘Long Distance Call’ which is definitely pioneers Alexis Taylor and Joe Goddard occurrence these days, but every now and again some
worth a listen. have also admitted to deciding against comes along. Finishing his last year as a Tonnie at
the same collaborative efforts present our very own Surrey University, this is Marcel Legane's
Phoenix have a jam packed schedule of gigs this year, on the previous album. This makes debut EP, and if you like catchy songwriting, tight per-
and are touring worldwide with a few sold out London One Life Stand not only slower in pace formances and great lyrics, then give this little puppy a
gigs in March. But will be headlining the Field Day but also a far more personal record for
download. Go on, support a fellow student.
the two front men, a move that works
Festival in London on July the 31st.
to great advantage on tracks Alley Cat
and Keep Quiet. Here, chilling melodic 'Battle' opens things up with a taste of some of Marcel's
Check out their website www.wearephoenix.com or great vocal work and songwriting ability. These are well
vocals are filtered between dreamy at-
Facebook page for more information and news about mospheric synths, showing Hot Chip crafted pop songs, and they are a hell of a lot better
the band! have reached new levels above the dis- than most of the stuff knocking about in the charts to-
co-stompers that many of their contem- day. Epic uplifting choruses flow seamlessly into verses
by Mary D'Ambrosio poraries still insist on recreating. with hidden elements jumping in and out without you
even noticing, like looped vocals and subtle harmonies
One Life Stand - This is not to say One Life Stand is de- which I only really noticed after a couple of listens.
void of the original electro-spark that catapulted
Hot Chip Hot Chip into the mainstream spotlight: album-
opener Thieves in the Night proves to be a six-
'First One To Fall' is a more folky number to begin with,
minute hum-along, the rising synths assured to but soon falls back into the realm of pop-rock. Another
Electronic-indie: an infectious blend of synthetic blinding chorus that you can sing along to in seconds,
pop, disco-driven beats and alternative rock that send the most resilient statue bounding on to
a packed indie dancefloor. Elsewhere, the ti- and even some cheesy organ comes in at times. 'Cut-
few people knew existed when Hot Chip first
formed a decade ago. Flick over to any music tle track echoes a sinister Violator-era Depecheting Time' has to be one of my favourites, with some
channel, and it becomes apparent that this is no great rhyming lyrics and a soft but effective break down
Mode, a lead single that roots itself permanently
longer the case; the charts are now heaving with within the head. towards the end. This is what happens when you have
foot-stomping futurism: Alphabeat, Calvin Har- music students writing songs. You (sometimes) get
ris, Phoenix, Little Boots, La Roux – even former Hot Chip has succeeded in creating some of great songwriting and carefully thought out tracks, and
drum & bass staple Pendulum – have all plugged their best work here, and with a world tour now it seems to be the case here.
in the keytars in order to produce the definitive scheduled, shows their prominence within this
synthetic masterpiece of their generation. expanding genre can only escalate further.
http://marcellegane.bandcamp.com/
Hot Chip prove they are number one contend- by Tom Goulding
by Mark Allen
ers in this field with their fourth studio album
One Life Stand, the London outfit’s latest album
 28
38
Dance and Theatre......
WOKING DANCE FESTIVAL IS BACK!
Woking Dance Festival takes placed this year between 19th February and 6th at his show who are working on a short routine with Jo Read, who is studying MA
March. Dance Cultures at University.

We interviewed Nick Chapman, Executive Director of Woking Dance Festival to find
out more about what’s in store this time…
What's Woking Dance Festival about in a nutshell?
The festival is a 16-day celebration of UK and International dance featuring artists
from Brazil, France, Norway, Spain, the Middle East and the UK.
Who's it for?
For anyone and everyone who takes an interest in new, interesting, exciting dance
and theatre. There’s something for everyone to enjoy!
There are currently dance festivals taking place all over the UK, and all
over the world…so what’s distinctive about Woking?
Woking offers something different. In particular it celebrates the new, with 8 world
premieres and 3 brand new dance works which have been commissioned espe-
cially by, and for Woking. These performances and some of these artists have
never been seen in the UK before. The first week features artists from the Middle
East and the second focuses on women choreographers and celebrates Interna-
tional Women’s Day on the 8th March. It’s diverse and fresh!
Which events/shows are you most excited about this year?
I couldn’t say! We’re excited to be commissioning new dances from Yael Flexer
(of Bedlam), Laila Diallo and Angela Woodhouse. The Maven commission is very
exciting; it’s a collaboration between choreographer Angela Woodhouse and tex-
tile artist Caroline Broadhead who are creating a short dance in response to the
exhibition by US conceptual artist, Jenny Holzer, at the Lightbox gallery in Woking.
Maven opens the festival from 19 to 21 Feb.
Also, I'm looking forward to City Maquette. The production is led by internation-
ally renown choreographer Mathilde Monnier and her company from France. They
have been working with 60 local people from Woking and Guildford to create a
large scale dance spectacle. Again, this is another UK premiere. The show has
only been performed in Paris, Berlin, Montpelier and now Woking!
Brahim Bouchelaghem (Cie Zarhbat, Algeria/France) is a really interesting dancer
who fuses different techniques into his hip hop and urban dance. He was a hit at
Breakin’ Conventions last year. We’re also featuring some young Surrey dancers
And of course, we can’t wait to come to the University for the Dance Dialogues
day on Saturday 27th February, which we’re presenting in partnership with the
Department for Dance, Film and Theatre. This is part of our presentation of dance
from the Middle East. The day features an open workshop for dance students
from Omar Rajeh; a performance by Radhouane El Meddeb and ‘The Occupied
Space’, a talk being chaired by Rachel Fensham, Head of the Dept, which will
explore dance and cultural difference with a panel of international speakers.
'How did the collaboration with Surrey University come about and what can
students expect if they attend on the 27th?'
We have had a long tradition of working with the dance department of the Univer-
sity and it was always our intention to come up with something special for our fes-
tival this year. The 27th came about because we needed to find a suitable venue
for Radhouane's performance. We wanted to present his performance during the
day but were struggling to find a venue that was sympathetic and that could offer
a good potential audience. Once the University expressed an interest in hosting
the performance we decided to make our visit a full day so we added the work-
shop and debate. The day also ends our mini-programme of contemporary dance
from the Middle East. It should be fun and interesting day. Dance students can
participate in the workshop from Omar Rajeh, audience members can pop in and
out of Radhouane's performance - it is a quirky, very relaxed show, and we hope
the talk will offer stimulating debate on dance making, artistic migration and cul-
tural difference.
What does the future hold for Woking Dance Festival?
Well, the recession is having a big impact on our ability to plan ahead with confi-
dence, but we are determined to keep developing Woking Dance Festival in new
and exciting ways. We remain devoted to bringing new, exceptional international
dance to as many people as we can.
Woking Dance Festival is set to be a huge success, we recommend you go see
as much as you can. Don’t forget it will be coming to campus on Saturday 27th
February for the UK premiere of Dance Dialogues – Je danse et je vous en donne
a bouffer (I dance and I feed you). You are welcome to eat the food cooked during
the performance at the end!
To find out more about Woking dance festival:

WOKING DANCE FESTIVAL Website: www.wokingdancefestival.co.uk

COMPETITION
You could win TWO FREE TICKETS to see Laila Diallo performance
on Friday 5 March! Venue: Rhoda McGaw Theatre, Woking, Tickets
normally £13 each!
Courtesy of Woking Dance Festival 2010.
It’s so easy! To enter, just send an email to info@wokingdancefes-
tival.co.uk with 'UNIS student union' in the subject line and include
a daytime contact number in the email.
All entries must be sent by midnight, Friday 26th February. Winners
will be announced on Monday 1 March.
One winner, two free tickets. They will be left on the door for the
winner. Entrants emailing for the competition will be placed auto-
matically on our electronic database unless they state that do not
want to be on the list.
Good Luck!
Facebook Group: ‘Woking Dance Festival’
Look out for leaflets in PATS foyer!
Don’t read it, see it!
Review of A Midsummer Night’s Dream
By William Shakespeare
Directed by Peter Hall
9th February 2010 – 20th March 2010,
Rose theatre Kingston
by Lexi Sutton
The majority of people who have studied
Shakespeare at school, that I have ever
spoken to, have hated it. They find it te-
dious and boring sitting in a classroom,
reading a play. However that is the point,
Shakespeare never wrote his plays to be
read; he wrote them so they could be per-
formed on stage and enjoyed by an audi-
ence. Surely Shakespeare didn’t intend
for every word to be over analysed, criti-
cised and compared to his own life, es-
pecially not in a classroom. Unfortunately
this has often meant that his genius is
lost in the tediousness of the education
system with school pupils being dragged
to the theatre to see bad over acting and
boring repetitive characters. Some would
say, there was not a single point in our
education when they found Shakespeare
fun, entertaining, hilarious or even just
moving. Have audiences changed that
much in four hundred years, that plays
that inspired and mesmerized people
then, bore us now? Does it take a celeb-
rity guest actor to get us to go and Shake-
speare or even just a play?
 29
Continued...
Well I’m not going to lie; I probably wouldn’t have
gone and seen ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ at the
Rose Theatre in Kingston if Dame Judi Dench, who
happens to be one of my favourite actors, wasn’t in
the play. I have seen my fair share of ‘A Midsummer
Night’s Dream’, some performances brilliant and in-
spired, but the majorities have bored me and I have
sat in theatre asking myself, ‘when will this perform-
ance end?’ This was certainly not the case in this
production.
Dame Judi Dench, or as the majority of people rec-
ognise her, M from James Bond, was absolutely fan-
tastic, not on stage for very long, she echoed her
In Conversation: Review of Surrey’s Choreographers and Composers weekend
by Rachel Gildea
'An intelligent, engaging and innovative evenings work.
There was a near full house, and a very enthusiastic
whooping audience’
Karen Dasilva, BA Performance Studies Co-coordina-
tor, Department of Dance, Film and Theatre.
The last weekend in January saw the University of
Surrey’s 22nd annual Choreographers and Compos-
ers weekend held in PATS theatre on campus. After
an intense weekend of students from the dance and
music departments joining together for non-stop in-
venting, creating and devising, four works were shown
on Sunday evening for all to be amazed by.
A Tickle in the Throat was a brilliant example of a
‘collaboration’ in its truest sense, whereby the mu-
sicians and dancers didn’t just communicate, they
interacted. The boundaries between musicians and
dancers blurred as the dancers made noise and the
musicians moved around the stage with the dancers.
The composer (Jeff Morgan) and choreographer (Silje
Review of Confluence, Akram Khan and Nitin Sawh-
ney
Sadler’s Wells, Thursday 26th November 2009
by Lucy Al-Zoghbi
The word confluence, with its geographical roots, is
associated to the gathering of people. For the world
premiere of Akram Khan’s latest work entitled Con-
fluence, creative identity and influence are high on
its agenda. Here Khan combines these meanings
through his exploration of Chinese, Korean and Brit-
ish Indian ethnicities within the performance.
Khan and Sawhney, both of British Indian ethnicity,
explore the identity of the ethnic body. They facilitate
theatrical components within this work, highlighting
the power of the spoken word, comic timing, and
imagery. Conversation flows freely between them,
enabling a gateway into movement opportunities as
a narrative for the piece. Sawhney: ‘I was walking
through the desert...’ to which Khan traces the path-
way in that desert, visually representative of Sawh-
ney’s story.
Notably, two female dancers perform an incredibly
fluid floor work section; they are fast, continuous,
melting by way of juxtaposing Khan’s powerful, bold
performance in Shakespeare in Love and stole every
scene that she was in. Her acting was impeccable
and there isn’t a moment during the play when you
think, ‘That’s Judi Dench’, because she is so believ-
able. As the part of the fairy queen Titania, Dench
was graceful, she glided around the stage, yet at the
same time instead over shadowing her co stars, she
managed to highlight their talent. All the actors in
this play were superb, whilst still using the original
language, they were fresh, new and inspirational. No
typical ‘Shakespeare overacting’, the play was easy
to understand and the characters were clear. Anyone,
whether they are interested in theatre or not, should
see this play because it is fun, and a great night out.
The question remains…nowadays in out media satu-
Norheim) had explored noises people make through
improvisation: the percussiveness of a cough, the
decrescendo of a sigh. Seemingly mundane human
movement was transformed into dance and music.
There was a strong sense that this piece had been
created very naturally.
Other performances included Divided Togetherness,
Afterlife and The Atom where choreographer Naomi
Morgan and composer Arran Price explored the differ-
ent properties and characteristics of each particle in
an atom (protons, neutrons and electrons) and how
they relate together. Performed by 15 dancers and
5 musicians, all made up of billions of atoms them-
selves: the result was electrifying. The music and
dance were discordant, working with and against one
another and illustrating magnificently the frantic, un-
expected, exciting and unstable nature of the atom. A
visual and aural wonder.
Let’s hear what the performers thought…
‘Working with the musicians was great. I've not really
done that so far, so it was a completely different ex-
Confluence
movement. An immigration scene later prevails, con-
tributing to Khan’s climactic section in which he sym-
bolises the iconic cultural image of the Whirling Der-
vish. A plausibly vivid representation: outstanding.
I could continue to divulge the brilliance of Khan’s
choreographic work but it is the selection of the ac-
companying vocalist that I would like to discuss.
Behind a screen and upon a brighter lighting cue,
an ensemble of musicians play their classical Indian
instruments with native skill. Tonight’s vocalist, Nicki
Wells is all that her name suggests: a white, British
woman. Or is she?
This young vocalist performs with such integrity that,
upon hearing her sing, one might believe she was of
Indian ethnicity. The tone of her vocal is clear, bright,
passionate; her intonation and diction near perfect.
She sounds Indian and yet she is not.
So how is this possible? As one will discover upon
reading the programme note, Wells is no stranger to
Indian culture, in fact she has been surrounded by it
at first hand. Through her training in Indian classical
music, she is susceptible to developing her natural
talent but perhaps her having lived in India is what
allows her to connect so well not only to the perform-
rated world, does there have to be a celebrity face
in the programme to persuade people to attend the
theatre? Are we that obsessed with fame? Fans of
David Tennant, whether they liked Hamlet or not,
flocked to see him on stage. Suddenly people loved
the play; was that because David Tennant is a brilliant
actor and bought the play alive, or was it because he
was just in it? Hamlet was that successful that it was
taken to the BBC and performed in primetimes. Is
this purely Tennant’s influence or a resurge in popu-
larity of Shakespeare’s plays? I hope it’s the latter.
His plays are timeless, epic, universal and some of
the best in the world in my opinion. Give Shakespeare
another chance, but don’t read it, go and SEE it!
perience. We tended to work quite separately at the
beginning, and came together later. We weren't quite
sure how that would work out, but actually it seemed
to work really well.’ Naomi Morgan (final year dance
student)
‘The pressure was on, trying to create a piece with
fifteen dancers and to have it at performance ready
within 24 hours. It was fantastic to work with such a
variety of talent. I would definitely do it again.’ Nathan
Coakley (first year dance student)
‘As a musician, we worked to develop various charac-
ter motifs and thematic material to accompany the
dancers. One of the most challenging, yet education-
al aspects of the whole process was successfully syn-
chronizing the dancing with our live soundtrack; this
was eventually achieved by a combination of sideways
glances and some serious counting on our behalf! A
really enjoyable and enlightening weekend which I
would instantly recommend to anyone who is interest-
ed in dancing, choreographing, composing or playing!’
Elliot Seeds (first year music student)
ance, but the audience and context of the piece.
Indian music and dance are rich in cultural heritage,
something that I can appreciate through my Kathak
dance training here at the University of Surrey. His-
tory, religion and geography determine the aesthetics
and meaning of the Indian classical arts.
Therefore, firsthand experience of a culture will in-
crease ones awareness of a creative art form. An
applied sensitivity of cultural aspects will inform the
delivery and conduct of the artist. By means of ex-
ample, Wells challenges the expected ethnicity of a
vocalist within a traditional Indian setting, her wealth
of knowledge for Indian culture feeding her virtuosic
technique.
So let us consider whether an Indian musician is in-
tegral to an Indian performance, if a British musician
can take to the role, perhaps just as successfully?
Will a new ethnic body maintain the traditionalist as-
pects of the performance style? Essentially interpre-
tation will differ between ethnic identities but Nicki
Wells exemplifies how a new ethnic body can recreate
a culture with informed resonance. Surely an exciting
indication as to what is to come for future works in
the creative arts.

Film Get the popcorn ready......
Top Film Picks
1. A Prophet (18, *****)
A riveting crime drama that follows a young per-
sonthrough his conflicted years in prison. It is
refreshing and nail-bitingly tense. It is one of
the nominees for the Foreign Language Oscar
and a potential frontrunner. Its two and a half
hour running time flies past and all the more
intelligent for it.
2. Ponyo (U, *****)
Miyazaki’s latest animated treat that is a pleas-
ure to watch throughout the various age groups.
A young boy finds a fish with a girl’s head. Once
he nurtures the fish it grows to be a little girl,
who longs to be human. The animation is won-
derful, and the story is just as appealing.
3. A Single Man (15, *****)
A film with a polished surface and a dark core.
The performances are top notch and if there is
any particular credit, it goes to Colin Firth with
his solemn performance as a professor reacting
to the death of his secret gay lover. a
4. The Princess and the Frog (U, *****)
Simple, but nonetheless a gentle hand-drawn
animated return to Disney’s roots. The charac-
ters are full of wisdom and the American South
is a comforting backdrop. Once again, 2D re-
mains supreme in the face of adversity.
5. Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sap-
phire (15, *****)
Sounds like a baiting award-pleader, but its
tougher than you may think. The performances
are uncompromising and some are even un-
recognisable (Mariah Carey and Lenny Kravitz
remove any traces of superficiality). Mo’Nique
is incredibly frightening as the abusive mother.
30
The Age of Stupid
FREE SCREENING AS PART OF GO GREEN WEEK
Lecture Theatre: GRIFFITHS
Tuesday 6:15pm 23rd Feb 2010
“Why didn’t we save ourselves when we had the chance?”
The film was released in 2009 and became one of the most talked-about films of the
year. It also spawned the hugely-successful 10:10 campaign.
Review
I hope this film/documentary will be as enlightening, provocative and moving for you
as it was for me. Admittedly this film chanced my perspective of the environment. I
have always believed that our natural environment is important. Being environmen-
tally friendly even by doing simple things such as recycling, reducing are energy con-
sumption and so on is the way forward and well it’s just damn careless to waste things
in general.
Pete Postletwaite plays the last man living on earth, reminiscing TV footage from the
first decade of the millennium. It features many clips of a variety of problems such as
natural disasters and how climate change is effecting many different people across
the world. He contemplates how we failed, as a human race, to tackle global warm-
ing. This slight warming pushed the planet beyond the 'critical point' in 2015, where
Earth’s climate enters a vicious spiral to eventually destroy all living things on the
planet.
During the screening hosted by People & Planet Society (back in November 2009),
a tear came to my eye as I was imagining the scenario in the film, 50 years in from
now. What I thought about was my future children, who do not even exist yet! They
would die, they wouldn’t grow old, they might not even have children themselves, they
just wouldn’t exist! Sure we’ll die someday but that didn’t strike me as hard as this
thought.
Evaluation
Looking at the bigger picture, if we do not look after our environment and work to
change our (as well as other people’s) perspectives about it, then parts of our lives will
be in vain. The environment concerns everybody not just corporate businesses! If you
say “Oh well what use is it to use unplug/switch off phone chargers and electrical ap-
pliances when not in use?” or any other energy saving means. Well it would save you
money as well as help the environment and living things. A common perception is that
one person cannot help the environment that much you are! Collectively if everybody
does so, it saves so much to the extent that you can see the difference it makes.
Take this for example. I am a student ambassador for the charity ‘Right to Play’, and
on our training day last November, we were told “Even if you raise £50 at your univer-
sity on one of your events, but then all of our student ambassadors raise the same
amount, that’s like a 100 times £50, which is £5000, see how it builds up and how
many more children are helped?”
So even by the little things you and others do, collectively it amounts to a huge saving
in all senses!
If you have any thoughts from what I said or have suggestions, ideas or environmental
issues, feel free to email me, Trung at ussu.environment@surrey.ac.uk
by Trung Nguyen
 31
Let’s talk about the Oscars
This year there is a line-up of ten Best Picture nom-
inations. It could be because of two things: one, to
widen up the playing field, or the other, which is to
include the mainstream Hollywood films that would
otherwise be neglected. I am inclined to believe
that the Hollywood film industry wants its part in
this. So, we are doing a rundown of the list of films,
other nominees and my final predictions for who
or what is going to win. Place you bets, ladies and
gentlemen.
BEST PICTURE
AVATAR (Ollie’s rating: *****)
The front-runner out to ruin the party for everyone.
In a way, the Hollywood film industry depends on
Avatar winning the big prize. The visuals make up
for a lot of the film that the trite story does not. I
just pray to god that James Cameron is not going
to speak in Na’vi (or Naff Talk).
THE BLIND SIDE (Ollie’s rating: N/A)
The Blind Side will not be out in the UK until the
12th March, which is after the Oscars. I should not
worry though, because the odds are highly against
the film winning. It is sure to win its actress favours
though (see Best Actress). It is pretty much Sandra
Bullock’s film and its success in the US retains her
position as a powerful actress (when she is not do-
ing All About Steve).
DISTRICT 9 (Ollie’s rating: *****)
An interesting choice and quite an appealing one
in many ways. This feels like the film that was in-
cluded purely for versatility. District 9 is quite a so-
phisticated, if not highly original, premise. Again, it
will not win much at the Oscars, but me, I would
have liked to see Star Trek take up the ranks.
AN EDUCATION (Ollie’s rating: *****)
Waving the British flag and by far, the most cathar-
tic selection. I would love to see An Education win,
not least of all for Carey Mulligan. It is a fine adap-
tation that is rife with intellect and acting master
class. It might just make my evening if it won, but
this is the Oscars, it won’t.
THE HURT LOCKER (Ollie’s rating: *****)
The Hurt Locker was one of my favourite films of
last year, which is at odds with Avatar. Obviously, I
lobby for this film to win and hopefully the Academy
voters will see sense. It is more visually stunning,
hardboiled, politically astute, and more breathtak-
ing than Avatar. It is a film about masculinity and
inside there is the best American war film since
M*A*S*H.
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (Ollie’s rating: *****)
Quentin Tarantino has never quite achieved the
success he had with his best film, Jackie Brown.
If only the film consisted with that great opening
act (‘Once Upon a Time in Nazi-occupied France’),
it could have been a return to form. Unfortunately,
Quentin has to wander off the radar and give us a
fanboy lesson in the work of Leni Riefenstahl. It is
this self-indulgence that has kept him back and if
only he had an editor handy, it might have been
Oscar-worthy.
PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL ‘PUSH’ BY SAP-
PHIRE (Ollie’s rating: *****)
A tough-going film that is hard to recommend to
anyone wishing for a good night out. The emotional
power is one to attract the Academy voters also is
the backing of high-powered media moguls such
as Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey. The acting is the
real deal of this film and even the monstrosities
that are portrayed show a certain horrific skill by
its director.
A SERIOUS MAN (Ollie’s rating: *****)
Although it is nowhere near the Coen’s best, it is
still satisfying to see their small project at least
nominated. Provided they already swept the Oscars
back in 2008 for No Country For Old Men (deserv-
edly), it is most likely to be left behind with just the
honourable mention. A Serious Man is certainly the
most cynical choice on the list.
UP (Ollie’s rating: *****)
In my opinion, Up is the best Pixar animation since
Toy Story. It is not quite perfect, but then again,
one cannot ignore how lovely the film is. It is also
the second animated film to be nominated in the
Best Picture category (the other being Beauty and
the Beast in 1991). Aside from Avatar and The
Hurt Locker, I can imagine Up being the possible
outside winner.
UP IN THE AIR (Ollie’s rating: *****)
The most overrated film in the Best Picture catego-
ry this year. It is the ideal choice for voters, but too
superficial to be taken seriously or indeed, lightly.
The acting is fine and George Clooney is still do-
ing is frothy, likable screen persona (cappuccino,
anyone?). It was obvious from the moment it was
released that the critical circle were going to have a
fondness for this film. Me? I just do not buy it.
FINAL VERDICT
The race is pretty much between Avatar and The
Hurt Locker. The most cynical and the wisest pre-
diction would be to say that Avatar would win the
big prize. The 3D industry does depend on the suc-
cess story of Avatar. However, I am still holding out
for The Hurt Locker. It would be a huge triumph
over the over-whelming self-indulgence of Avatar
and James Cameron.
BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
JEFF BRIDGES for CRAZY HEART
GEORGE CLOONEY for UP IN THE AIR
COLIN FIRTH for A SINGLE MAN
MORGAN FREEMAN for INVICTUS
JEREMY RENNER for THE HURT LOCKER
FINAL VERDICT
This is Jeff Bridges’ long-overdue year and his role
as an aging country musician is just the perfect role
for him. Jeff is going to win. Personally, if anyone
deserves the Best Actor prize, it is Colin Firth. His
performance is tender, plaintive and reaffirms him
as a versatile actor hidden beneath the Mr. Darcy
icon that has held him back many years. A special
mention also has to go to Jeremy Renner with an
understated performance filled with testosterone
and just a slight hint of professionalism.
BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
SANDRA BULLOCK for THE BLIND SIDE
HELEN MIRREN for THE LAST STATION
CAREY MULLIGAN for AN EDUCATION
GABOUREY SIDIBE for PUSH: BASED ON THE
NOVEL ‘PUSH’ BY SAPPHIRE
MERYL STREEP for JULIE AND JULIA
FINAL VERDICT
It is a tie between Sandra Bullock and Carey Mul-
ligan. I would love to see Carey Mulligan walk away
with the accolades - and there is every chance that
she can. Sandra Bullock, though, probably has bet-
ter odds among the American voters. Meryl Streep
has a small chance, but then again she has enough
awards stacked in her bathroom.
BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
MATT DAMON for INVICTUS
WOODY HARRELSON for THE MESSENGER
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMMER for THE LAST STATION
STANLEY TUCCI for THE LOVELY BONES
CHRISTOPH WALTZ for INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
FINAL VERDICT
It is the easiest category to predict at this year’s
Oscars. It will be Christoph Waltz. It would take a
wrecking ball to change that outcome because he
is by far the thing that makes Inglourious Basterds
work for most of the time. Stanley Tucci has a chill-
ing role, but surprisingly, Matt Damon is the most
daring performance in the category. His role is a
thankless one in Invictus, but he does it convinc-
ingly. If anyone is a betting man, you can bet your
money on Christoph Waltz.
BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
PENELOPE CRUZ in NINE
VERA FARMIGA for UP IN THE AIR
MAGGIE GYLLENHALL for CRAZY HEART
ANNA KENDRICK for UP IN THE AIR
MO’NIQUE for PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL
‘PUSH’ BY SAPPHIRE
FINAL VERDICT
There are two Best Supporting Actress nomina-
tions for Up In The Air, both, which trounce George
Clooney’s “lonely man” (yeah, say what you want,
it is George Clooney). The one actress that will win
and deservedly so is Mo’Nique in a barnstorming
performance as an abusive mother. The role is such
an unlovable one, but portray is incredibly frighten-
ing and even more so than the typical monster in
a horror film.

BEST DIRECTOR
KATHRYN BIGELOW for THE HURT LOCKER
JAMES CAMERON for AVATAR
LEE DANIELS for PREIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL
‘PUSH’ BY SAPPHIRE
JASON REITMAN for UP IN THE AIR
QUENTIN TARANTINO for INGLOURIOUS
BASTERDS
FINAL VERDICT
Kathryn Bigelow was the perfect choice to make
a war film about men. She is the most masculine
action director you can think of and she thoroughly
deserves the Directing Oscar. Then again, James
Cameron was the surprise winner at the Golden
Globes and even he said in his acceptance speech,
“To be honest, I though Kathryn (James Cameron’s
ex-wife) was going to win it”. So it is Kathryn all
the way.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
CORALINE (Ollie’s rating: *****)
FANTASTIC MR. FOX (Ollie’s rating: *****)
THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG (Ollie’s rating:
*****)
THE SECRET OF KELLS (Ollie’s rating: N/A)
UP (Ollie’s rating: *****)
FINAL VERDICT
With Ponyo cruelly snubbed out, it seems quite
clear that Up will be the likely winner. However,
there is a possibility that it might be the time for
an animated film to win Best Picture. In that case,
they might give the accolade to the Smug Mr. Fox.
What is still unknown is the inclusion of The Secret
of Kells, an Irish animated film that premiered at
the Edinburgh Film Festival. Otherwise, it looks like
another year for Pixar.
BEST PICTURE IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
AJAMI (ISREAL, Ollie’s rating: N/A)
THE WHITE RIBBON (GERMANY, Ollie’s rating:
*****)
EL SECRETO DE SUS OJOS (ARGENTINA, Ollie’s
rating: N/A)
A PROPHET (FRANCE, Ollie’s rating: *****)
LA TETA ASUSTADA (PERU, Ollie’s rating: N/A)
FINAL VERDICT
The Foreign Language category is always an annoy-
ance for me, because most of the nominees will
not be released until after Oscars. Last year’s win-
ner, Departures (Japan), was released this January
32
and it was nothing that much to shout about. The
competition is between The White Ribbon and A
Prophet. Where the political voting will go is a diffi-
cult one, but I have a feeling the riveting A Prophet
might win. At the same time, however, The White
Ribbon is just that little bit better.
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
BURMA VJ: REPORTING FROM A CLOSED COUN-
TRY (Ollie’s rating: *****)
THE COVE (Ollie’s rating: *****)
FOOD INC. (Ollie’s rating: *****)
MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN AMERICA: DANIEL
ELLSBERG AND THE PENTAGON PAPERS (Ollie’s
rating: N/A)
WHICH WAY HOME (Ollie’s rating: *****)
FINAL VERDICT
So far, both The Cove and Which Way Home are
critically engaging documentaries. The Cove is the
standout, which is an exciting expose slash heist
movie. My biggest disappointment comes in the
shape of Anvil: The Story of Anvil not even being
nominated for the Best Documentary category.
Meanwhile, it is pretty safe to say that The Cove
will take the cake.

From the creator of King of the Hill, Office Space
and 'Beavis and Butthead', Mike Judge, Extract is
the story of a successful married man whose life
is shaken up when he finds his company in jeop-
ardy following a lawsuit initiated by a new-in-town
femme fatale.
Starring Jason Bateman (Smokin' Aces, Hancock,
Arrested Development) as the lead and Mila Kunis
(Family Guy) as the forbidden fruit, Extract presents
a set of scenarios which not only seem to defy logic
but also any realism.
The premise presented to us by Mike Judge, known
for his immature but altogether brilliant observa-
tions of different aspects of everyday society, is
that of a husband who in order to sleep with the
new girl, must incriminate his wife by having her
seduced by a gigolo fronting as a pool boy. Should
she, Suzie (Kristen Wiig), resist the temptations,
their marriage is solid and he has no reason to be
worried. However, should she take up the offer of
extramarital sex, Joel (Bateman) has no reason to
feel guilty for coming onto his new employee, una-
ware that her sexual advances hold an ulterior mo-
tive - she wants his money.
Extract
is the poor standard of acting from
Wiig, better known as a comedian.
Her lines lack any sincerity and she
simply doesn't play the role of a bored
housewife convincingly. That aside,
Bateman is once again solid as the
concerned and bewildered authority
figure at a loss as to how he should
tackle the various obstacles facing
him in his normally unspectacular
job, as owner of an extract factory.
Extract is a hard film to judge, for it
isn't a terrible film nor does it do any-
thing especially well. Acting for the
most part is par for the course, and
whilst it won't be winning any awards,
there are colourful exchanges which
brighten up otherwise dull and largely
unspectacular scenes. Destined to
be missed by mainstream audiences
everywhere.
*****
by James Stansfeld

This in itself is a storyline that is hard to consume.

Not only is Kunis in reality almost half the age of
Bateman, bringing into the fray an uncomfortable
age-gap but the very premise set out presents many
unrealistic complications in a film which doesn't
seem to be of a set genre. The core plot point in-
volving a lawsuit brought about through an employ-
ee losing half a testicle effectively demonstrates
the ludicrous nature of the film. The real problem
 33
Valentine’s Day (12A)
I now start to wonder if the massacre had more laughs than the film. Too many In the end, I was getting quite des-
‘chick flicks’ these days try to do a ‘Love, Actually’, but Valentine’s Day is the perate to find anything funny. Why is
latest that tries to go with the crowd by thinking that female audiences are as Anne Hathaway being a phone-sex
dumb as battery chickens in pens. Love, Actually? Vomit, actually. I will say worker appealing? Was it trying to
this with extreme confidence: you are only hurting yourself if you pay to see be quirky? Was it trying to move the
Valentine’s Day. audience? No is the answer. Seri-
ously, why can’t people do the de-
The film involves every single Hollywood star you can find as couples, friends cent thing in the name of love, and
and family over the course of (you’ll never guess) Valentine’s Day. Interlocking not see Valentine’s Day? Love Story,
and interweaving stories cross in the period of eighteen hours in Los Angeles Dirty Dancing and Steel Magnolias
(how I miss Robert Altman’s Short Cuts). Do you feel those eighteen hours in are on DVD. If you want to settle for
the cinema? Are you starting to think, did I leave my door open when I left? a heartfelt love story, rent Let The
Or are you starting to think, why couldn’t I just take her out for a meal or see Right One In. Just settle for a lovely
Ponyo next door? If the answer is yes, then you are in for a long haul. Short night together at home.
Cuts was over three hours, but does not feel as long as Valentine’s Day’s
squirm inducing two hours. *****

Even if there were parts that were stomach inducing, I could do with laughs. by Ollie Sim

Drew Barry-
Whip It (12A)
her best friend, resulting in a breakdown. It ultimately becomes apparent that
more’s directo- Bliss' happiness is the most important thing, and her roller derbying provides
rial debut pro- her with a release she has never experienced before.
vides a limp but The only real criticism here is that the roller derby aspect provides little actual
inoffensive tale appeal or interest. Whilst providing the core story catalyst in the finale and
of triumph and through Bliss’s motivations for moving things on in her life, the sport is some-
love in back-al- what unorthodox and not as simple to appreciate or acknowledge as a story
ley America. parallel as, say, football.

Stepping into
the Indie film
role once again,
Ellen Page plays
Bliss Cavendar, a small town girl whose banal life takes a turn for the better
when she discovers the world of Roller Derby, a fast-paced and aggressive
sport involving competing roller blading teams. Bliss finds that she is a roller-
blading natural and soon becomes a first team star, though keeping it from her
parents is harder than she realises and tensions arise. Meeting a young man
along the way, Bliss is forced to juggle her relationship with him and that of
That aside, the film does little wrong but also fails to sparkle. Acting for the
most part is solid – though Eve’s one liners are hard to take seriously – and
the sentiments on display are standard to that of any slushy Indie film. There
is nothing here of note and the film will undoubtedly be lost amongst the many
similar - and better - titles within the genre, as bigger and better films domi-
nate the cinema landscape.
*****
by James Stansfeld

Ponyo (U)
Ponyo could not have arrived at a more perfect time. My advice is to see both self as a human.
The Princess and the Frog and Ponyo back-to-back because as I usually do,
I must stress the importance of 2D animation, which makes computer ani- The plot seems
mation seem like an antiquated regular. So catch this small window for 2D awash in complexity,
animation while it lasts. but watching the film
is a pleasurable and
Hayao Miyazaki has stated that Ponyo is inspired by Disney’s The Little Mer- imaginative experi-
maid, although I would beg to differ. Ponyo certainly does not feel recycled ence. There are mo-
and the basic traits only faintly suggest some similarity. It really does not mat- ments of giddiness
ter because Ponyo, like many of Miyazaki’s works, is beautifully inspired. The that are funny to the
opening sequence of Ponyo as a tadpole-like baby trying to overcome draw- children in the audience and the fraught family moments (one which involves
backs seems oddly heartbreaking. I thought I was going to cry, at what seems communication using a spotlight) are expertly handled. It is Miyazaki’s ability
to me like a child to find its legs while lost in the wilderness of the ocean. not to condescend its audience and use simple childhood innocence against
adult life that makes Ponyo appeal to a lot of audiences. Even if the last sec-
Once Ponyo reaches the surface, she is saved by a boy (Sosuke) who lives in a tion of the film seems uncertain, it remains a testament to how immersive 2D
cottage at the top of a cliff. One drop of blood metamorphoses Ponyo into a lit- animation is.
tle toddler and has a profound fondness for Sosuke and his family. Meanwhile
Ponyo’s mother and father who control the ocean create a storm that subdues *****
the fishing town where Sosuke live. Both Sosuke and Ponyo are left alone to
battle the phenomenon, while at the same time Ponyo tries to establish her- by Ollie Sim

Literature Get those creative juices flowing....
A Warning from the Near-Future
Forget Lewis Carroll and his psychedelic musings
through the looking glass, years from now Surrey
residents will be strolling past ivy-green statues of
mutilated car crash victims, insomniac physicians
and middle-class fashion icons tearing each other
to pieces. Welcome to the disturbing world of JG
Ballard, Surrey’s late master of the surreal.
Having moved to Shepperton in 1960, Ballard
began a transgressive writing career that was to
shock, divide and inspire fans of post-war litera-
ture. He fronted the ‘Second Wave’ science fiction
movement – a cult genre that was popularized
by William S. Burrough’s seminal novel Naked
Lunch. Along with other giants of the scene such
as Philip K. Dick, Ballard demonstrated to read-
ers how the bizarre could co-exist and merge with
the rational; dystopias not built on the hyperbolic
satire of Orwell but darker, primitive urges that
subconsciously break through the veneer of sex-
ual and political conformity. Ballard’s satire was
acute and uncomfortably relevant, building on the
ideas of Aldous Huxley that our obsessions with
technological advancement sometimes overreach
themselves.
So why does this postmodern fascination with
excess and perversity deserve a place in our cul-
ture? In the Seventies, Ballard was panned by
mainstream critics and publishers, first for his ex-
perimental work The Atrocity Exhibition and again
The Holden Hype
On January 27th 2010, coincidentally one year
after the death of post-war literary giant John
Updike, the world’s favourite recluse J.D. Salin-
ger, passed away aged 91. Salinger, who wrote
the infamous cult novel The Catcher in the Rye,
stopped officially publishing in 1965, blocking
any public attempt to document him or his work
over an incredible forty-five year silence.
In that time, Catcher achieved legendary sta-
tus in American literature. It was banned from
schools, despite its huge popularity with staff and
students alike, it has been used to defend Mark
Chapman’s cold-blooded assassination of John
Lennon in 1980, and it still faces heavy criticism
in the United States, after many decades of en-
forced censorship on its vulgar language and poor
moral code. For all these reasons, the novel’s
teenage protagonist Holden Caulfield has be-
come the epitome of adolescent rebellion. His
transcendence from page to popular culture no
doubt affected Salinger; his themes of aliena-
tion and cynicism, as well as his brutal war on
superficiality and authority, granted him a global
audience and pushed him on to a stage he never
wished to occupy.
Yet in many ways, Holden Caulfield has surpassed
for his infamous novel Crash: a graphic metaphor
of man’s literal fetish for destruction. Many of his
short stories are equally uncompromising, lead-
ing to rejection by publishing houses who warned
that the author was “in need of psychiatric help”,
and condemning his work to cult-status.
However, Ballard is now regarded as an essential
literary figure, giving birth to the official term ‘Bal-
lardian’: a concept of psychological repercussions
regarding our incessant development in all walks
of society. Thom Yorke has openly admitted that
his music is thematically ‘Ballardian’, clearly cited
in Radiohead’s 1997 masterpiece OK Computer,
whilst the Klaxon’s Myths of the Near Future is
a title lifted straight from Ballard’s fiction. Our
headlong plunge into urbanization is also strictly
Ballardian, serving as an accurate description of
our surveillance culture and conflict with climate
change.
He may have passed away in April 2009, but the
relevance of Ballard only becomes more inherent
as we step further into the unknown. The con-
cerns of today such as class angst, sexual politics
and environmental uncertainty illustrate just how
precarious society really is. It takes the Ballardian
warning to imagine with terrifying clarity the rami-
fications, should it all come tumbling down.
by Tom Goulding
the fame of his author: he has become a fictional
monster that no one can destroy. His repetitive
phrase “god damn phony” is now a well-known
idiom, his snarling, nihilistic view of the world a
perfect excuse for any disillusioned teenager who
feels it necessary to lash out at society. Essen-
tially, we are under the iron vice of the Holden
hype.
Will his influence on western culture last eternal-
ly? Unfortunately, the 20th century has taught
us the attraction of immediate gratification, an
entitlement that has spurred us on through the
first decade of the 21st century. Celebrity culture
is driven by self-interest and neuroticism, showing
that rather than Holden Caulfield being the ar-
chetypal brat of his time he was the blueprint for
every attention-seeking moron since, from mur-
derers to models.
In his Magnus Opus, Salinger wrote: “I hope to
hell when I do die, somebody has sense enough
to just dump me in the river or something.” To his
irritation, we won’t be dumping Holden Caulfield
downstream just yet.
by Tom Goulding
34
The Mishaps of Jennifer Lee
The Conversation,
The Scheme,
The Day
Usually on Valentine's Day Jennifer Lee
took the time to reflect on her bad his-
tory regarding men – but not this year.
She convinced herself that somehow,
this year was unlike any other rose-
giving and card-reading event; instead
it was something different. This new no-
tion of Valentine’s Day began when she had overheard a
conversation...
Every day at the office Jennifer Lee had a routine that in-
cluded doing very little work so she could frequently stroll
past Matt Howard’s office, hoping that one day he would
stop glaring at his computer screen and look up. Some-
times, Jennifer would go as far as to stand near his door and
pretend to be reading a text on her phone, so she could lis-
ten to his fiercely deep and sexy voice. However, on Febru-
ary 12th she heard more than she bargained for. It seemed
that the love of her life was booking a hotel room, and din-
ner for two. "Can you come?" she heard him say down the
phone, and for a single mad moment she contemplated
jumping into the doorway and screaming "Yes!" Instead, her
heart filled with disappointment, that as usual this year she
would be alone on Valentine's Day. But by the time she had
returned to her desk, Jennifer had started to think of an
elaborate scheme.
That was how she found herself outside the Marriott Hotel
on a cold and windy Valentine’s evening, with her eyes glued
to the entrance of the Hotel Restaurant. Jennifer scanned
the room in the hope of seeing her future husband, gen-
tly pressing her cold face closer and closer to the lighted
window. She noticed women in dark red dresses sitting at
tables on their own waiting...is one of those women waiting
for Matt? Her face pushed up against the glass, she sud-
denly noticed a man walking briskly towards her, and with a
glance of shock, realised who it was - Matt!
"Pretend you haven’t seen him", Jennifer said to herself,
ducking beneath the window. She shut her eyes and started
to think of handbags and shoes as a distraction, but was too
late. "Jennifer, what are you doing here?" Matt exclaimed
walking up to her. He offered her a hand and pulled her to
her feet. "Erm...I like the view at night time?" Jennifer an-
swered in a deflated tone, wondering why she found herself
in this situation.
"Matt, are you ok?" Jennifer heard a woman’s voice coming
from the front of the building. Jennifer had dreaded this mo-
ment…the moment when she finds out that Matt already
has the woman of his dreams and it is not her! But to her
confusion, he walked across to a middle-aged looking wom-
an. "Yes I’m fine", Matt replied, "I just saw Jennifer, that’s
all". Jennifer turned to him and found the woman staring
back at her. "Jennifer, this is my mother."
by Steff Lever
35
Goodnight
“People talk about remembering things like
they were slowed down...I don’t. People talk
about being able to remember absolutely eve-
rything around them when it happened... I
don’t remember it any better than just sitting
on the couch minding my own damn business.
It was real quick... I mean really quick, yeah?
But I was flying I guess; even if only for a sec-
ond. It was weird, none of us screamed until
afterwards, when the car started filling with wa-
ter. I remember feeling like I was being sort of
crushed, you know? I couldn’t breathe. I just
got out of there; I thought I was going to die.
Anyway, so I look up and there’s Ryan, shak-
ing and yelling at me. Ellie wasn’t there though
and the car looked pretty full of water. These
guys called 999 and started yelling but I just
stood looking at the car, looking at the reflec-
tion of the moon on its roof. Then Ryan kind of
fainted but loads of people crowded round so
I didn’t go near. In fact, I started to feel dizzy
and I don’t know, I just lay down or something. I
don’t remember anything after that, until there
was this guy from the ambulance in my face
asking me if I could hear him. Then he started
asking me things about the car and if I had
seen where my daughter went. I didn’t answer;
I just… started crying, like a little girl, right
there with all these people around me. Then
they brought me here. I haven’t seen my kids
but I’ve been told Ellie’s in a really bad way.
They also told me the police are going to arrest
me. I don’t know what to say to that really, I
can hardly do anything about it.
At least, for a second, well I was flying.”
by James Castle
Recently I have been thinking about the
past, and I don’t think that I am alone in
Is It Me? Diodes
Is it me
Or has the world always been so hollow Cars put diodes in your skin,
So empty and oblivious to what’s right When the world was dark in an
before its eyes
opening,
Is it me Who will heal all your sins?
Or is this passing face just a clone of When only shocks and sparks might
every other
A commune of followers of the superfi-
move your limbs.
cial leader
The omniscient bastard who mocks me Yellow balls across the lawn,
now
Seeping through like erysimum,
Is it me Can you hear through these walls?
Or am I living for a future where sorrow Are you in?
is imminent
Where heartache churns in innocent
Does this hurt is there pain?
memories
And dreams dilapidate in Will’s powerful Could you see through blood and
plan
What he calls 'the greater good’
dirt and rain?
Was it her or was it him?
Is it me When shocks and sparks moved
Who walks this earth now
Reaching a destination for the sake of
your limbs.
reaching
Painting words of hopelessness for the But there’s no tears in yes or no,
sake of renewed hope
The introvert journey of self-discovery
And there’s no colour when the
Of identity and beyond. head scans glow,
There’s no way out for rolling
Is it me
Or are we the more deceived
stones,
Blinded like the stars when its edges are Only in.
torn
Blinded like my soul in hunger for love's
lust
Cars put diodes in my skin,
When silence speaks louder than words And there’s no getting out as it all
And words serve useless and granted pours in,
I’ll never listen to your sins,

Word
that. As a result I have also been look- Is it me
ing very much towards the future. Whilst Or are we living to die As long as shocks and sparks might
many first year students continue figur- And dying to live move my limbs.
The life we want

Of
ing out where they will be living come
But can't forgive
autumn, and people in Year 2 carry on Float me through from room to
thinking about work placements and the We are room,

The
opportunities available to them, those in To be heard
Year 3 are probably looking forward to To be here
Dust has settled here since we
graduating! It is most definitely a time for To be seen came true,
REFLECTION, and also a time for think- To be near Paint is dripping blue on blue,
Moment
ing about you. Do what you want to do in
life; your number one priority should be
your own happiness. I will leave you with
To belong
To be dear
It was not her nor him but you.

that thought. We are by Alan Richard Martyn

To be.
by Laura Bright by Shervin Hejazi
 37
Football Blitz Equestrian Team
The football season has been nothing but exciting, breath-taking and unpredictable so Spotted at Olympia!
far. At the top of the table Chelsea’s lead has been cut to one point by Manchester Unit- by Lauren Pitts, Equestrian Club President
ed following Wayne Rooney’s brilliant form. Arsenal were beginning to look as though
they had burn out and were falling behind following back to back defeats to Manchester Being within such easy reach of London, it would have been a
United and Chelsea respectively. However, a much needed victory over Liverpool saw wasted opportunity not to run a trip to the Olympia horse show,
them cut the gap to 5 points between themselves and Manchester United who are in being the Equestrian club after all! Olympia has a range of events
second place. The race for 4th place is far from over with Manchester City, Liverpool, to go and watch, from the Shetland Grand National to showjump-
Tottenham Hotspurs and Aston Villa being all separated by just 3 points. Places for Eu- ing competitions between world class riders. There’s also plenty of
rope are up for grabs and the latter stages of the season will showcase a grand finale. shopping for anyone interested in horses, so it’s well worth a trip
The relegation battle is still looking unclear. Portsmouth still remains bottom of the table whether you’re a regular rider or not.
on 16 points, with Burnley on 23 points just above them. 3 points separate 19th placed
Burnley and 13th placed Sunderland just to show the uncertainly of final league posi- We arrived a while before the performances were due to start so we
tions. took to the two whole floors of shopping stalls – all wearing our club/
team kit to avoid losing each other (although a couple of us did man-
The Premier League has been talking up the idea of introducing possible play-offs for the age to get lost
final Champions League position in recent weeks. Many managers are for it however, within the first
the so-called big four are against this idea. I sided with Rafael Benitez in saying there five minutes!)
already too many games and that clubs get too many injuries. He sarcastically added This matching
that if there is to be a play-off at the top of the table, there might as well be one for of clothes lead
relegation. His logic was that if the team that finished 4th was ahead of the team placed to an amusing
in 5th by 20 points, all that hard work was for nothing to lose its rightful position. Many moment when
football fans have seen this as an opportunity for clubs to squeeze some extra money we heard a voice
from them. behind us say,
‘That’s the Uni-
The Champions League is finally back. AC Milan hosted Manchester United in what versity of Sur-
seemed to be the game of the week. This tie was saw David Beckham reunited with rey Equestrian
his former club and old teammate and friends. Manchester United came back from Team!’ Never
being 1 nil down to win the game 3-2,with in-form striker Wayne Rooney grabbing mind that the
the headlines with two goals. Ronaldinho looks to have regained most of his form University of Surrey Equestrian Team (ma-
Whitakers and
that saw him World Player of The Year twice whilst at Barcelona. The return game jority of) posing by ‘the stag’ : From left:
other famous rid-
at Old Trafford should showcase nothing but entertainment for every football fan. Katie Paul, Shelley Watkinson, Alex Hill,
ers were there,
Milan 2 – 3 Man Utd Ronaldinho (3) Seedorf (85) Scholes (36) Rooney (66, 74). Lauren Pitts, Amanda Palmer. Front: Cedric
we were clearly
Dental
the main attrac-
There has been recent debate as to whether Rooney can be put in the same category tion!
as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. His form this season has been unbelievable with
25 goals in total. Has he done enough to be World Player of the Year? Must he lead The show itself was amazing. The Shetland Grand National un-
Manchester United to the Champions League final? As it is a World Cup year, will his doubtedly wins the award for the most adorable thing in the world,
performance at the tournament determine as to whether he deserves the title? (our attempt to smuggle one back as our mascot unfortunately
failed.) The showjumping was highly impressive, with Britain’s Ellen
Arsenal travelled to Portugal to play Porto. This was a free flowing game with Arsenal Whitaker winning the ‘Christmas Pudding Stakes,’ a course of scar-
gifting Porto with two goals. Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas came out to say the goals ily high jumps! My personal favourite part was a spectacular show
given were ‘school boy’ errors. Arsenal lost 2-1 on the night. With a vital away goal, will it in which one man had a group of several beautiful grey horses (and
prove to be crucial for the gunners when the two sides meet at the Emirates on Tuesday one fat chestnut…aww) which he had performing movements in
9th March? FC Porto 2 - 1 Arsenal Fabianski (og 11) Garcia (52) Campbell (18) perfect synchronization, such as lying down pretending to sleep.
The cuteness factor was heightened when a Shetland joined in the
Lyon hosted Real Madrid in France and beat them by a single Makoun goal. The Spanish fun, jumping over the other ‘sleeping’ horses.
‘galacticos’ failed to show up again, previously losing twice to Lyon in recent Champions
League encounters. Lyon 1 – 0 Real Madrid. Makoun (47). This trip was a
great day out which
Bayern Munich stretched their winning streak to 13 in all competitions when they came we plan to repeat
up against a resilient Fiorentina. Bayern took the lead from a Robben penalty kick on the next year. And who
stroke of half-time. Fiorentina came back just after the break with Koldrup scoring on 50 knows, the Uni-
minutes. The game ended controversially with Miroslav Klose scoring in the 89th minute versity of Surrey
of normal play from what was a clear cut off-side. Bayern Munich 2 - 1 Fiorentina Equestrian Club
Robben (pen 45+3) Klose (89) Kroldrup (50) could produce the
next generation of
The knock-out stages have been for the first time spread out over six three weeks ac- Olympia competi-
commodating an International break as teams have friendlies and are preparing for the tors! (Well, we can
World Cup. The likes of Chelsea, Barcelona, Inter Milan and Bordeaux are yet to play. dream !)

by Don Decaprivano ’The Christmas Pudding Stakes’ – no

puddings in sight!

Guildford Heat
Kenny Laghorne might have only joined the
Heat last summer but the American veteran
has already proven himself to be hugely popu-
lar each time he turns out at the Spectrum
for Surrey’s premier basketball team and is the
focus of this editions “Guildford Heat Spotlight
On…”
Laghorne is making the most of his first season
in England following turning professional almost
four years ago after leaving college, and seems
to be enjoying the challenge of playing for the
last basketball team to represent Britain in Eu-
rope. Standing at 6’5 the former Battle Creek
Knights star is known for his high-flying, fast
paced game which has already started bringing
fans to their feet, not that Head Coach Chad
Join the Guildford Mavericks!
The Club was formed as the Wokingham Millers
at the end of 1989. After the 1991 season, the
number of player dropped to about 7 or 8, and so
new members needed to be found. Their team was
also going to relocate to Farnborough, under the
nickname, the Angels. At the same time a team
was being formed in the Guildford area, but which
lacked experience. A merger between the two was
proposed, and the name of this new team was
adopted. This new team took the place of Wok-
ingham in the re-aligned BBF Southern Confer-
ence Division II South. The first game took place
on April 27th 1992 at Waltham Abbey, against
the Cardinals, and resulted in a 14-12 win for the
In this feature I’ll meet with people from University
sports teams to try and gain an insight into their
sport. This week I met Kye Hunter, Centre Mid-
fielder for the Surrey football team.
How many people play football at
University of Surrey?
Within University of Surrey football club, we have
five teams competing in different leagues. We have
roughly around 100 players that have represented
on of the five teams this season so far.
What ability level are you all at?
Regarding ability, there is a wide range of variety.
The first team being the highest ability level of the
five teams and play at a very competitive level.
Each of the five teams are at a decent standard
and take representing the University of Surrey very
seriously. The first tam play at the highest level
compared to the 5 teams, but all five teams will
Spotlight on....
Kenny Laghorne
McKnight is at all surprised by this.
“Kenny is an explosive player; he can get to the
basket and finish. He can knock down the 3
and can defend. I think he will be a great addi-
tion to our team.” McKnight accurately stated
after signing the Columbus, Ohio born shooting
guard at the start of the season, who led the
Heat’s scoring charts with 23 in the recent 92-
87 loss to Leicester Riders.
Scoring baskets is hardly a strange experience
for Laghorne, who led the scoring at 19.7
points per game last season for the table-
topping Battle Creek Knights in the Central Di-
vision in the States, losing only twice in the
whole season, only to lose out in the playoff
finals to the awesomely-named Rochester Ra-
Mavericks.
Through the rest of the 90’s the Mavericks en-
joyed relative success placing towards the top of
the league gaining 3rd or 4th place. In 1999 we
won the league with a perfect 16-0 season. In
2008 we decided to change grounds and relo-
cated to Broadwater School in Godalming. We are
affiliated with a youth team, the Broadwater Bob-
cats who play at the same venue.
At present we find ourselves a couple of months
into pre-season training. Our season begins the
last weekend in April and runs through until early
August. We play in a league that provides a good
Inside Sport
With David Holt
tend to swap and change their teams, based on
performance of individuals, for example it is pos-
sible to start in the 5th team and make your way
up to the first team, based on your performance,
and vice versa.
How often do you play, be it training,
matches or whatever?
Teams 1 to 3 train once a week and play twice a
week on a Saturday and a Wednesday, whereas
teams 4 and five train once a week and play once
a week on a Wednesday.
What is the social life like and how often do
you go out?
The social life is very active and many of the older
players are living with each other and organising
things for the football teams to do together. We
tend to have a football social fortnightly with such
events as granny bingo and pub golf and even quiz
38
zorsharks. Laghorne, however, still managed to
make the 2009 All-Playoff Team.
With big shoes to fill at Heat in the form of high-
scoring favourites Danny Gilbert and Keonta
Howell, Laghorne will be up against it in his
first season in the United Kingdom. But with
the Heat looking to regain the form that led
them to the 2006/07 DDL Championship they
could do a lot worse than look at the soon-to-
be fan favourite wearing 24.
You can see Guildford Heat play their next
home game against Worthing Thunder on the
14th March at the Spectrum for just £4.20 if
you book online. See www.guildfordheat.com
for more information.
level of competition but also affords us the op-
portunity to welcome new players into the club.
The hope this season is to increase the number
of adult teams in the club to two. Therefore we
are presently looking for people to join us. Games
are played every Sunday, instruction is given and
equipment to some extent provided. The club is
open to both guys and girls with ages ranging from
16-60. For further information about the Guildford
Mavericks Baseball Club, please visit our website
– www.guildfordmavericks.co.uk or join our group
page on facebook.
nights.
If anyone is interested in joining, how do they
get involved in playing football at
Surrey Uni?
The best thing to do is go on our website which
is universityofsurreyfc.co.uk and consult the news
section and see when each team is training, in
addition to this there are contact details for the
committee members of the football club as well as
the club captains. If you contact these people they
will be able to advise you how to go about getting
involved with our football community.
Would you like to be interviewed and get the im-
portant information about your sport out there?
Email David Holt at sportsdeskstag@gmail.com if
you would and we can organise an interview for
future editions.
 39
Your Comments Results
Lets take a look at what your fellow University of Surrey students are say- Well, it may not seem like it if you Old Georgians Men’s 4th 2-0 Surrey
ing about the world of sport, both on campus as well as a little further stand out in it, but the weather has Men’s 2nd (6th February)
afield. improved from last edition and the
University of Surrey sports teams are Reading Men’s 2nd 1-3 Surrey Men’s
“I just wanted to say that I fully agree with what Chris Moffat said in his back out and playing again with an- 1st (10th February)
interview about the Sports Park having to ‘prove its worth.’ However, I other set of impressive results.
do feel that for people that have a passion for competitive sport it is a Surrey Women’s 1st 7-0 Brighton
tremendous asset to the University and one that could potentially attract For future weeks I will be handing Women’s 2nd (10th February)
elite sports individuals to the University of Surrey, but for the individu- out my personal Result of the Week,
als who attend the gym for their personal health and/or for recreational with this weeks being the Surrey Surrey Men’s 2nd 5-0 Leatherhead
activities, rather than competitive sport, it is a huge leap in cost.” Stingers brilliantly grabbing their 2nd Men’s 2nd (13th February)
Anonymous, on interview with Chris Moffat in last edition win of the season after shutting out
the Holloway Bears. Contact me on Netball
"I hate how they have pushed back the date to a time where most of us sportsdeskstag@gmail.com and let Surrey 1st 23-66 University College
will be at home for Easter. When we do come back, most of us will have me know why you think your team London 1st (27th January)
too much work or exam revision to really appreciate it for what it is. I feel deserves Result of the Week for next
like I've paid more this year for literally no point, as we were told it would weeks issue. Surrey 2nd 50-40 St Mary’s 3rd (6th
open earlier" February)
Anonymous, on Surrey Sports Park’s 19th April opening date American Football
Surrey Stingers 16-0 Holloway Bears Kingston 1st 34-25 Surrey 1st (10th
“I think Capello made the right decision on John Terry. He can’t drop (11th February) February)
Bridge because he’s done nothing wrong, and people are more likely
to make their voices heard if they want him to go than if they want him Badminton Rugby
to stay. It’s not going to stop him being a leader on the pitch, so Fabio Reading 2nd 2-6 Surrey 1st (27th Surrey Women’s 1st 76-15 King’s
made the right call.” January) College Women’s 1st (27th Febru-
Mathew Heaton on the latest England football sex scandal ary)
Imperial College 2nd 5-3 Surrey 1st
“Italy certainly improved since last week- helped by England playing aver- (10th February) Surrey Men’s 1st 34-0 Portsmouth
agely but we’ve still got a long way to go before we can contest properly” Men’s 2nd (3rd February)
Italy fan Luke Vercella on their Six Nations match against England on Basketball
14th February Surrey Women’s 1st 41-49 University Kingston Men’s 1st 5-24 Surrey
of the Arts 1st (10th February) Men’s 1st (10th February)
“There is no excuse for football teams going in to administration. It’s bad
business to spend more than you make and there is no point in securing Football Squash
short term if long term you’re going to be out of business anyway.” Brighton Men’s 5th 2-1 Surrey Men’s Imperial College Men’s 2nd 1-4 Sur-
Anonymous 1st (3rd February) rey Men’s 1st (27th January)

“Diamante at West Ham should have made your Under-Rated Premier- Kingston Men’s 4th 0-3 Surrey Men’s London School of Economics 1st 3-0
ship XI first team.” 3rd (3rd February) Surrey Men’s 2nd (3rd February)
Carl Saunders
Surrey Men’s 4th 5-4 Essex Men’s Royal Holloway Men’s 2nd 0-3 Sur-
What in the world of sport is bothering you? Have you seen something in 5th (3rd February) rey Men’s 2nd (6th February)
this edition that you don’t agree with? Do you have lots to say but don’t
have the time to write a full article? Contact us on sportsdeskstag@ Canterbury Christ Church Women’s Tennis
gmail.com with a sentence or two of your thoughts, anonymous if you 1st 12-0 Surrey Women’s (3rd Feb- Surrey Women’s 1st 0-10 Essex
wish, and your thoughts can be in the next edition of The Stag. ruary) Women’s 1st (27th January)

Surrey Men’s 1st 6-0 Chichester Reading Men’s 2nd 10-0 Surrey
Surrey Rugby Storm to Semi-Final Men’s 2nd (10th February) Men’s 2nd (27th February)

by Matthew Allen
In one of the most exciting games
of the season, Surrey First XV put in
an outstanding performance against
Kingston to move into the semi-finals
of the national cup and carry on the
eight game unbeaten run! Great per-
formances were put in by all with tries
coming from James Roberts, Antho-
ny Hague, Chris Gleeson and Conor
Mansfield. A remarkable defensive
performance which surprised the
whole team was put in by Joe White-
house who was especially solid all Hockey Surrey Men’s 1st 6-4 Reading Men’s
game. Thank you to all the support- St George’s Women’s 1st 4-0 Surrey 1st (3rd February)
ers who travelled to watch the game, Women’s 1st (27th January)
as always the support is appreciated! Reading Men’s 2nd 7-3 Surrey Men’s
Surrey Women’s 1st 11-1 Guildford 2nd (3rd February)
In the league Surrey First’s beat Port- Ladies 4th (30th January)
smouth a staggering 34-0. Two tries Are we missing your team’s results?
were scored by Rob ‘Bobby J’ Jones, Surrey Men’s 2nd 0-0 NPL Bees Contact sportsdeskstag@gmail.com
one by Leon Wei Hon Sum and others (30th January) and keep us updated with how your
coming once again from James Rob- team are doing!
erts and Anthony Hague. Very excit- Surrey Women’s 1st 2-3 London Ed-
ing times lay ahead for Surrey rugby wardians Women’s 3rd (6th Febru-
with the team doing extraordinarily ary)
well in the league and the cup.
See you in a fortnight!