The Burden of Mix Marriage

A final paper of CCU class submitted to

Drs. A. Herujiyanto, M. A., Ph.D.

by
Christina Sudyasjayanti
071214088

English Language Education Study Program

Faculty of Teachers and Training
Sanata Dharma University
May 2010

The Burden of Mix Marriage

1. Introduction
CCU stands for Cross Culture Understanding, here, we learn about our culture and
the other culture. Culture has various things to learn because it is dealing with a big thing
that contains a lot of subdivision. Moreover, it is about cross culture. So, we have to deal
with many cultures to study.
Based on the understanding of cross culture, weve discuss about the meaning of
understanding. The word understanding in CCU is based on our view that all culture is
good. If all culture is good and we have to deal with many cultures we should understand
each other. In my opinion if we understand each other, our way of thinking will be change
into the different one. I mean if we try to understand others and deal with the commitment
to appreciate other cultures, well get the core of diversity. So, if we realize the meaning of
understanding itself, we can study the culture honestly. Then, the implementation of
learning CCU will be reached, because it is going to introduce us into the diversity of
culture in the world. Because of the diversity of the culture in the world we have to open
minded to study the other cultures. Whether the other culture is bad according to our view,
but it is should be good according to the CCU views. Thats the reason why
understanding is important in CCU.
Nowadays, mix marriage becomes the life style of human being. People try to make
something different on their life by doing mix marriage. Mix marriage means the marriage
between two different ethnics, religion, races, culture, belief system, politics, and etc.
Those different things are related to the country around the world. Actually these different
things can not merge easily. Actually the mix marriage brings many impacts for the doer.
We can imagine that suddenly two different things mixed together. There will be some
clash or conflict around the two things. As a friend for example, we need a chemistry to
build the friendship. Later we need to understand each other to be a close friend. Moreover
in the mix marriage, it just not about mixed two different person but also the different
family, culture, habit, and belief system.
For example the mix marriage that happens in Indonesia, it will bring the difficult
problem not only for the couple but also for the government. According to some sources

that the writer found the problems are their way of thinking and their point of view. An
American will choose something instant than the complex one. The second is the political
system problem, if the couple comes from the different country they have to obey one of
the acts. The third is the family problem, as we know that a marriage not only unites the
two couples but two families. It means that not only blind the two lives but the two worlds.
Actually, in the mix marriage case there are two things appear, melting pot and
mosaic. It can be a melting pot, where the different ethnics groups assimilated and
become one group (Adelman & Levine, 1993, p. 6). I mean that, the two persons from the
different culture got marriage and they made their own dealing. For example, the wife
usually has breakfast with bread and the husband with rice then they made a deal to have
breakfast with cereal. Its just a simple example. Otherwise, there was a mosaic, each
group was seen as separate and distinct, but contributing its own color, shape, and design
toward the attraction of an attractive mosaic (Adelman & Levine, 1993, p. 8). The
example was Mexican-American, Asian-American, Arab-American and others. The distinct
groups contributed an American as a big group that has many different cultures.
The aim of this study is to examine the Angelinas brother and an UK man cases
about their failure on the mix marriage.

2. Discussion
2.1. Angelinas Brother Case
The real case that happens in Indonesia is occurred in Angelina family, Jakarta. She
has a brother who married a Japanese woman, now they have two children. The problem
happens when the woman force the husband to running a business. The husband has tried
the best but the income still not satisfied the wife. Moreover, the wife pressured her
husband to live in an apartment. The problems became bigger when the wife blamed her
parents in law about the husband failure; she said that her parents in law can not educate
their son. Now, the husband never went home. In this paper, the writer is going to discuss
this case and give the explanation about the things found.
Based on the story, the eastern values implemented are the discipline of Japanese,
the uncomfortable or worried of the woman, and the different habit and culture of society.
For the wife who was Japanese, they were educated strictly. They were doing something
which is planned. They will always force their self hard to accomplish their needs.
Although the husband has done the best to accomplish their needs, in her views her

husband hasnt do all he can. The second thing appears about the woman pressure, she was
worried about herself, and moreover she was alone in Indonesia without anyone with the
same culture or custom. Its such a feeling of a loneliness person who lived far away from
her safety zone. As we knew that a citizen must be protected by the countrys law, here the
woman felt unsafe. So she worried about everything, such as their financial problems.
Then, the problems are getting bigger when she blamed her parents in law about her
anxiousness. On the other hand, the different habit brought the bad impact for this kind
situation. It showed from the apartment that the wife wanted and the touch on the
husbands education. Actually, for Japanese lived at an apartment was a symbolism of
maturity. As said in this case, the woman demanded to live at an apartment and try to life
by their selves. The different family background also bring the bad impact, according to the
wife the parents should educated their child discipline. So, the children will be accustomed
to do something in disciplinary.
The western values implemented in this case are the symbol of maturity used and
the disciplinary. In America, the symbolism of maturity also showed by their autonomous
to live by them selves. The American showed by the apartment ownership, a good carrier,
and free from parents since they were 18. It almost same with the symbolism of maturity in
Japan, which was the ownership of an apartment and the autonomous live from the parents.
Second was about the disciplinary, American called it time is money. Means that they
always use time preciously, they didnt want to loose their time and didnt get something
(money).
In my opinion, all these problems wouldnt appear if both of them understand each
other. As I stated in the previous chapter, a mix marriage not only unite two people but
their culture too. It was the risk for an individual who decided to marry someone from the
different culture. There was also need cooperation from the family to understand the
diversity happened between the couple. So, they will feel comfort to endure the marriage.
The couple needed a support from the family, not only the family but also the government
too. The political system of a mix marriage and the made the strict acts related to this
problem.
2.2. An UK Man Case
The second case, happen into an UK man who have married an Indonesian woman
for 12 years. It caused by the wife was going to work and the husband due to the global

crisis, so, the wife wanted to divorce. The problem began since the wife retaining the house
in her name, keeping the children monetary assets, and taking steps under the Indonesian
law to restrain him as a foreigner or tourist. His wife also paid the maid to make an untrue
allegation to the police of sexual molestation and reported him to immigration for wanting
to kidnap his son (actually theres not enough evidences). She also arranged for a family
clan to turn up and family members to duff him up in his own home in front of the
neighbors. He wanted to come back to Indonesia to visit his son and to settle his property
rights to assets, and also solve his divorce problem.
The western value appear were express anger openly and directly, talk openly and
candidly about politics/ government, and fight for his/her own rights. The man was showed
his angry openly; it proved with this article which was shared to everyone because he
wrote it on his blog. He wrote it on his blog aimed to share his story, like a diary, means he
directly express his feeling without any anxious about something in the future. He also
stated his personal problems openly to public in order to get a comment to solve his
problem, shown very expressively. Second thing appeared was about the open talk about
the politics, in this case was about the divorce act. He also complained about the
Indonesian law, when he was notified by his wife to the police about the sexual
molestation. Actually, he tried to show how the Indonesian police solve that notification
without any evidence. He showed it off on public, he didnt worry about the effect for
himself and he talked freely about his feeling. The last was about his struggle to fight his
rights, house, son, and dignity. He tried many ways only for met his son, moreover he tried
the law way to get his property back. He also stroke for his dignity by wrested his house
back.
In my opinion it was related to the understanding of the culture. For a western
person telling the truth of his feeling was important. Otherwise for Indonesian person set
back the fact was more interesting than telling the truth. And also an Indonesian should
follow his way to talk freely about the government policy, so there will no gossip behind
the policy.

3. Final Remarks
From those two mix marriage cases, understanding each other was the most
important thing. It will help them to solve the diversity appear on their family. Moreover,
to prevent the divorce cases between them. Then, a mix marriage not only united two

different egos, person or family, bigger than that it aimed to unite two different cultures.
For the diversity happen, understanding each other will reduce the clash and make a
comfortable atmosphere for the family.

References
www.ehow.comabout_5369857_problems-mixed-marriages.html
www.punmalaysia.wordpress