Dear Dr.

Romance: What is being a therapist

like?
Q & A with a Dr. Romance reader:
Q: I would like your advice and input. I have been working in business for 12 years
as a CPA and have recently been quite frustrated with it. Recently I did some
career/interests/aptitude testing and found that the work I do now is pretty much
what I am LEAST suited for! Lots of psychic energy spent being successful in this
career.
A: Yes, I was an accountant for 15 years, so I understand. It didn't make me happy,
either.
Q: One of the recommended areas for me was to become a therapist. I have asked
for some input from my current therapist and wondered if you could share some
ideas on the following also:
What do you like most about what you do?
A: I love people, and helping them change their lives. I also love the writing aspect
of my career, which helps balance out the people contact. For example, in my book
It Ends With You; Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction

I show readers the therapy process involved in healing from past dysfunction,

including exercises that work well with my clients. Every therapist has to be
creative on the spot, to come up with exercises, homework and explanations for
struggling clients. After doing this for a number of years, and finding out what
works best for my clients, I can then put my best ideas and solutions in a book, to
help more people than I can reach one on one.
I enjoy being self-employed, and having control over my schedule. Working out of
my home is also great. My life feels all one piece, everything related, and I like
that.
Q: What are the frustrations with it?
A: Dealing with Insurance!!! I refuse to do it now. Instead, I give my clients a
"super bill" receipt, which they can turn in for reimbursement. People who persist
in self-destructive patterns, no matter what I tell them about change. No perks, no
paid vacations, I pay for my own benefits.
Q: Where would you recommend training (I am on the west coast and have been
looking into an M.A. at Pacifica in Santa Barbara)?
A: I have been licensed since 1978, so I'm out of touch with current schools. The
school I went to for my MA, The Lindenwood Colleges, is excellent, but it no longer
has a branch in Southern California. Check with the BBSE (see below) for their
guidelines.
Q: How is it different from what you expected?
A: I thought I'd want to work with colleagues, but the staff meetings and other
wastes of my time drove me crazy, not to mention worrying about others' ethics.
So, I wound up working alone, and I love it.
Q: how do you deal with boundaries (i.e. being able to walk away at the end of the
day and not take everyone's problems home with you)?

A: I think of each client's issues as attached to them. When they walk in the door,
they bring their history with them, and it also leaves with them. If something
bothers me, I talk to one of several colleagues for support and guidance.
Q: What else do you think I should know before jumping in?
A: You won't learn much you need to know from school. You'll need a good cram
course for state licensing test, and you need to choose your internship very
carefully, because that's where you'll actually learn counseling. Start your internship
ASAP, even if you have to do some sort of assistant or secretarial work for them.
Get your feet wet counseling as soon as you can, and get into a clinician's training
course. I learned so much from Rev. Denton Roberts, MFT. Watching him work, and
working under his supervision was the greatest part of my training. Pick a modality
(such as: Gestalt, Client-Centered, Cognitive/behavioral, NLP, RET, Couples
Therapy,) as soon as you can. You'll need to be grounded in one mode, and you can
branch out from there. It's a lifelong learning process, and in California, we're
required to take 18 units of Continuing Education per year, as mandated by our
licensing board, the California Board of Behavioral Science Examiners.
You'll also need somewhere to learn the business skills of running a practice, if you
want to be self-employed. College doesn't teach you much of that, but you may
already know it (as I did) from being an accountant.
Also, I strongly belive all therapists should be in their own individual therapy before
getting licensed. It's important to heal your own wounds and dysfunction for two
reasons: First, if you don't become aware of your own issues, they may cause you
to make mistakes (therapists with unresolved grief have trouble helping grieving
clients; unresolved dependency, sexual or money issues may lead a therapist to
unethical behavior; of course, addiction of any kind is a disaster for a therapist.)
Second, it gives you an experience of what your client is going through at a given
moment. You get first hand how terrifying a major change in belief system can be;
how much pain is involved in early memory, and how unbelievably liberating it is to
resolve and heal old issues. This is invaluable when working with clients, and is the
root of empathy, which every good therapist needs.

Best of luck to you.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30
years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17
languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide
to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin
Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your
Differences. She writes the Dr. Romance blog, and the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to
strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship
with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, shes known as Dr.
Romance Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as Oprah, Larry
King Live and ABC News.