Marriages

Kanyadaan, Agni and Saptapadi

Arun Naik
Vastusindhu
7500 years ago the foundation of a happy marriage was spelt out by Yudhishtrir in Mahabharat.
When Yaksha asked him, ? Who is the friend of the householder? Yudhishthira
answered, ' The wife is the friend of the householder.

During my overseas travel I was invited to attend a wedding in a chapel. And it found it a rather
cold affar. Unlike the glittering Indian brides, here the bride wore white, the groom had a Best
Man, the bride was presented a wedding ring by the groom, and when the married couple left
the chapel and drove away in a car, I noticed some shoes tied behind the car.
I was told that the ring ceremony and the shoes tied behind the car were custome born out of
certain traditions. Here is what I learnt.
The tradition of white dress was popularized by the Ann of Britain in the 15th century.
The tradition of Best Man came from Germany when the groom used to kidnap the bride from a
neighboring village and needed his strongest friend not just to help, but also to be his side at the
wedding ceremony to fight off the brides relatives that might try to take her back
And in 860 A.D. Pope Nicholas had proclaimed that a gold ring was necessary to seal the
agreement of marriage to prove that the groom was willing to make a financial sacrifice for his
bride!
Finally, the tied shoes behind the car. During the Tudor period it was customary for the wedding
party to throw old shoes at the bride and grooms carriage. It was believed that all struck shoes
brought in good fortune to the newly wed.
In contrast, the Indian marriages are a lavish affair, famous all over the world for their glitter,
bandbaja, and countless colourful ceremonies. But behind the bonhomie of a marriage lies
somber and sacrosanct rituals of Puja, Kanyadan and Saptapadi. These rituals have been
handed down by generations of Purohits throughout India without much change. Isnt it
interesting that, for example, the social customs of Punjabi, Bhojpuri and Gujarati weddings are
very different, but their pujas are identical way with same mantras?
Let us examine the meaning of these ceremonies.

The Puja
The act of performing a puja is elegant and beautiful. When understood and performed the right
way, puja always changes the ambience and one does experience a divine presence in the
area.
Cologne Digital Sanskrit Dictionary explains puja as honour, worship, respect, reverence,
veneration, homage to superiors or adoration of the gods. In Sanskrit pu means to purify
oneself, to enlighten the understanding, to become clear or bright, and ja means caused by,
born. Puja, therefore, is an act which causes personal purification, brightens ones
perspective, and enlightens our understanding. Puja invokes the gods, welcoming them to
grace the occasion, to be a witness of the marriage and to bless the couple.
Performing a puja is similar to attending to an important guest. The priest invokes the deities,
offers them a place to sit, washes their feet, gives them a bath, offers them clothes and
garlands, offers them food, paan (betel leaf) and some offering as a mark of respect, and so on.
Once the ceremonies are over, he requests them to return to their abode.

Kanyadan
There is a widespread perception, albeit wrong, that Kanyadan means donating or giving away
of the daughter by her parents to the groom daan of their daughter. And because an
unbaptised hindu one who does not wear the sacred thread of Yagyopavit - cannot accept a
daan, often we see the grooms undergoing the sacred thread ceremony a few days before the
wedding.
One can give away only that which belongs to one. For instance, one can give away his own
money, his own car, his own house in daan . But one cannot give away to which one is a
custodian. Parents do not own the daughter, she is not a property, because right of parenthood
does not give the parents right of ownership of the daughter. So she cannot be given away.
The act of Kanyadan, therefore, would imply change of parental responsibility, or change of
familial responsibility. It is for this reason that after the ceremony of Kanyadan the parental
responsibility of the daughter is with her in-laws, and her upkeep and care becomes the
responsibility of the husband.

Saptapadi
The actual act of Saptapadi is an act of pure poetic beauty. The couple circumambulates the
fire, going around it seven times, clockwise, with the priest presiding over the ceremony. With
each cirambulation they vow to share their lives, remain truthful to each other, stay healthy, trust
each other, raise good children and have a happy family, share their prosperity, joys and
sorrows, and remain loyal lifelong partners.

Why go around fire, or Agni, one may wonder. Because Agni is a unique god. Agni is the
Light, the Knowledge which assumes the form of force. He is the only visible god, and one of
the three supreme deities of the Rig Veda, represented as a young man with golden hair and
riding a blue ram. Agni has a dual role - on one hand he is the purohit of the devatas and
carries our offerings to them, and on the other hand he is the devata of the Purohits and is thus
worshipped by the mortals. Agni is fire of Life, the fire that prepares, purifies and perfects.
Rigveda calls Agni Vaishvanar - the Universal Person who is present in all, and also as
Jaataveda - the Knower of all.
There is another symbolic connection too. Marriage is also seen as an important step in life,
which is ultimately aimed at achieving spiritual perfection. And Agni is the spiritual Fire, a force
which compels the human beings upwards - like its own ascent - towards spiritual progress.
And Agni is also the Cosmic fire which maintains the Universe.
Such a powerful god is invoked for the Saptapadi. Agni commands our highest respect when
he appears to grace the occasion with his presence, spreading light, radiating purity and his
warmth, dancing in rhapsody at our offerings, accepting them on behalf of other gods, and bless
the newlyweds before returning.
Invocation of Agni is done on a square vedi made on the ground by placing bricks and putting a
layer of clean filtered river sand over them. After the ceremony is over, the priest gracefully
asks Agni to return to his abode, and lets the fire burn out.
In earlier times, till the invaders had not caused damage to the Indian society and our social
fabric was intact, the priest had the authority to stop the wedding if he sensed that the girl was
being married under coercion of force or greed. But even his authority was only till the sixth
round of the Saptapadi. After the seventh step, even he had no right to interfere, the sole
authority to interfere rested with the king. Such is the bond and sanctity of Saptapadi.
Indian weddings are not just colourful, their rituals are beautiful and meaningful too.
End