Alpha Rules

THE ALPHA RULES
By CARLOS XUMA & DEAN CORTEZ
www.thealpharules.com
The Alpha Lifestyle Program

Copyright2008
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS
DeanCortezisanativeofNewYorkCitywhonow
divideshistimebetweenhishomesinLasVegasand
Asia.HestudiedfilmatNewYorkUniversityandwasa
screenwriterinHollywoodforaperiod.Heisalsothe
authorofaseriesofbooksaboutdatingandmale
empowerment,andhaswrittencolumnsondating&
seductionfornumerousnationalmagazines.
Oneofhisbooks,thebestsellingdatingmanualM.A.C.K.Tactics,went
ontospawnasuccessfulcompanythatsellsacompletelineofproducts
atwww.macktactics.com.Visitthesite,andyoucandownloadafree80
pagebook,TheS.W.A.T.Guide(SecretWeapons&AttractionTactics),
whichisfilledwithtechniquesandstrategies.
CarlosXumaisarecognizedandrespectedexperton
datingandattraction,aswellasablackbeltmartial
artsinstructorandmotivationallifecounselor.His
countlessarticlesandinterviewshaveappearedinor
on:ABCTelevision,AllenHandelmansRockTalk,
WorldTalkRadio,About.com,MaximRadio,Summum
Magazine,DavidDeAngelosInterviewswithDating
Gurus,andmanyothers.Heconductsworkshopsand
infieldtrainingsessionsaswellasgroupseminarsin
theUnitedStatesandEurope.
CarlosistheauthorofTheDatingBlackBook,TheSecretsoftheAlpha
Man,AlphaConversation&Persuasion,ApproachWomenNOW,theAlpha
ImmersionDVDcourse,theAdvancedCoachingSeries(initsfourth
year),apopularblogandpodcast,andmanyothersuccessfulprograms
thathelpmenrealizetheirfullpotentialasAlphaMen.Carlosbringsto
thetableavarietyoflifeexperiences,includingabackgroundin
relationshipskills,lifecoaching,motivationalpsychology,sales,
management,MartialArts,teachingandinstruction,technologyand
engineering,Easternphilosophy,thepsychologyofachievement,and
music.
TolearnmoreaboutCarlosXumaandhowhehelpsmenfindtheirtrue
AlphaDestiny,gotowww.datingdynamics.com.
THE ALPHA RULES
1)MasterYourEmotions.Betheisland,notthewaves.TheAlpha
Manprovidesasafehavenforthewomeninhislife.Beaprotector:
demonstratetheabilitytobeasourceofphysicalandemotional
security.Womenareattractedtostable,securemenandarerepelledby
needinessandinsecurity.Neverloseyourcool(theJamesBond
mindset).SelfcontrolisahallmarkoftheAlphaMan.Deflectthetraps
andgamesthatwomenwilloftentrytoengageyouinasameansof
testingyou.Masteringonesemotionsbeginswithconfidenceand
clarityofpurpose.
2)MastertheArtofAttraction.Elicitattraction,notaffection.
Dontjustbeafriendtowomen;besexuallydesirablefirstand
foremost.Knowhowtoescalatetherelationshipwhileyouremain
secureinyoursexualityandmasculinity.Often,thewomenwhoare
mostresistanttomenaretheoneswhowishamanwouldsweepthem
offtheirfeetandseducethem.TheAlphaManunderstandshowtodo
so,byusingtheRulesofattractiontohisadvantage.
3)BeUniqueinYourApproach,StyleandActions.Becomea
sourceoffascinationtopeoplebypresentingyourselfasanoriginal:a
uniqueindividualwhodoesntthinkandactliketheherd.Whenyou
seemtypical,womenareinclinedtofeelatypical,lukewarmemotional
reactiontowardsyou.Incorporatenewdetailsintoyourstyleand
wardrobesothatyoucommandattention.Leadandprojectalifestyle
thatisexcitingandunpredictable.Beingoriginalinthesewaysisaclear
indicatorofconfidenceandhighselfesteem.
4)WomenAreOnlyOneAspectofYourGreaterDestiny.
Actandmovetowardsyourlargergoalswithclarity,ambitionand
passion.SuccesswithwomenisanaturalbyproductofbeinganAlpha
Man.Itisnevertheendgoal,orthemissingpieceofthepuzzlethatwill
completeyou.
5)BewaretheComfortZone.Constantlypushyourselftoexplore
newexperiencesandexpandyourownboundaries.Dontmistake
comfortforpleasure;nevermistakestabilityandsafetyforfulfillment.
Youmustdosomethingnewandboldeveryday,nomatterhowsmall.
Conditionyournervoussystemforcontinualgrowth,notgradual
decline.
6)SurroundYourselfWithWinners.Socializeandform
allianceswiththosewhoareassuccessfulormoresuccessfulthan
yourself.Thiswillalsomakeyoumoreeffectiveindating,becausesolid,
successfulfriendstranslatesintosocialproofanddesirability.Createa
mastermindgroupconsistingoffriendsandallies(bothmaleand
female)whogiveyouapowerfulsocial&professionalnetwork.
7)ImproveConstantlyandContinuously.Youarethearchitect
ofyouownlife;strivetocreateanoriginalmasterpiece.Itsnevertoo
latetoreinventyourself.Dontbeafraidtodiscardtheoldyouin
favorofcreatingawholenewlook,styleandattitude.Yourprimeis
now;neverbelievethatyouaretoooldoryoungtomakedecisive
changes.Constantlyseektoexpandyourknowledgeoftheworld,
womenandyourself.
8)BetheLeaderofYourTribe.Withinanysocialstructure,the
memberwiththestrongestAlphatraitsislookedtoforleadershipand
security.Youmustbecomethisperson.Instillthegladiatorprincipleof
Strength&Honorintoyourowncharacter,andestablishyourcore
virtues.Inyourrelationshipswithwomen,setboundariesand
parameters:asanAlphaMan,youcontroltheplayingfield.
9)EstablishaPowerfulImageandElevateYourStatus.
UnderstandandutilizetheconceptofSocialProof,anduseittoelevate
yourstatus(particularlyintheeyesofwomen).Mostpeoplearenot
interestedinpeopleoflowsocialstanding;theyreattractedtothose
whoseempopularanddesirable.Beconsciousofyourimage,theaura
youproject,andwhatkindofpoweryoupossess.Ifyourenot
influencingothers,theyarelikelyinfluencingyou.Courtattentionby
beinguniqueineveryaspectofyourpersona;originality,inyour
appearanceandoutlook,conveysselfconfidence.Mavericksare
inspiring.Ifyouresimplyfollowingtheherd,whyshouldanyonewant
tofollowyou?
10)AbandontheDesiretoPossessWomen.Donotbethe
pursuer;captureherinterest,buildherdesire,andthenpromptherto
pursueyou.Dontsuccumbtothetrapthatensnarestheaverageman:
theurgetopossesstheobjectofhisaffectionsandjealouslyguardher
fromothermen.Instead,behighlydesirableandattainableonlywhen
itsunderthecircumstancesofyourchoosing.
11)BeBoldandDecisive.Thewishywashymaninviteswomen,
andtheworld,totrampleonhimanddiscardhim.Youmustappearas
thoughyouvealreadygotlifefiguredoutyetyourestillexcitedabout
theendlesspossibilities.Bedecisiveinyourwords,opinionsandactions
andwomenwillbedrawntowardsyou.
12)CarryYourselfWithAbsoluteConfidence.Actlikeaking
tobetreatedlikeone.Confidencewillwaver,buttherearemethodsto
keepyourambientconfidenceatahealthylevel.Howtoliveeveryday
walkingthewalk.Onceyouveestablishedacorelevelofconfidence
andyourinnergameissolid,youcandevelopyouroutergame:the
specifictechniquesyouusetoapproachandbuildconnectionswith
women.
13)BeSociallyAwareandAdept.Understandandcontrolsocial
dynamics.Viewothermenaspotentialallies,notasthreats.Whether
youreanglingforapromotionoronafirstdatewithawoman,social
dynamicswithinoneononeinteractions,andwithinthelarger
environmentcanalwaysbesteeredtoyouradvantage.Learntoview
theworldthroughtheeyesofothers,particularlywomen;identifytheir
individualneedsanddesires,sothatyoucanembodywhatismissingin
theirlives.
14)KeepYourOptionsOpen.Nevermakecommitmentsuntilyou
arereadytodoso.Avoidthetrapthatmostmenfallinto:rushinginto
committedrelationshipswithwomenoutofdesperationorfearofbeing
alone.Partofthegrowthprocessisdatingavarietyofwomen,inorder
todevelopyourunderstandingofthem,ofyourself,andofwhatyou
ultimatelywant.
15)EliminateDistractionsandMotivationKillers.Remove
fromyourlifethatwhichdoesnotserveyourgoalsormoveyou
towardsyourGreatDestiny.Disqualifywithoutmercy;donthesitateto
ruleawomanoutifshebehavesunacceptablyorpossessestraitsthat
areintolerabletoyou.
16)CultivateSexualPower.Besexuallyalluringandconfident,in
andoutofthebedroom.Thebestwaytokeepawomaninlovewithyou
andfaithfulistoshowheramanthatknowshowtopleaseher.This
mustoccuronmultiplelevels.
17)BeSpontaneousandUnpredictable.ThisistheXFactor
oftheAlphaMan.Hepossessestheabilitytomakelifeseeminspiring
andexcitingtoeveryoneinhisorbit.Youmustcomeacrossasan
originalinordertodistinguishyourselffromeveryotherguyout
there.Whenyouconveythesensethatyourlifeisanadventure,filled
withgrowthandnewexperiences,womenwillwanttocomealongfor
theride.Menwhoareentirelypredictableareultimatelyboring.
18)SeductionIsaSkillSet.Theaverageman,whenobservinga
seducerofwomen,typicallybelievestheseducertobeanaturalwith
theoppositesex.Hebelievesitisagiftsomemenarebornwith,andthe
vastmajoritywillneverpossess.Butintruth,seductionisaprocessthat
canbelearnedandmastered,likeanyotherskill.Onceyouvebuiltthe
properinnerfoundation,thereareprinciplesandstrategiesthatwork
effectivelywhenapproaching,dating,andbuildingrelationshipswith
women.Butyoumustnotbecomelazyoroverconfident,ordeviate
fromthegameplan;eachstepoftheprocessmustbefollowed,fromthe
openingapproachtothefourthdateandbeyond.Somewomenwillbe
resistanttoyourcharms;otherswillbewideopentoyouradvances.
Eitherway,youmusttrusttheprocessandimplementeachstep.
19)ForgeUnbreakableSocialConnections.Pursueauthentic
rapportandconnectionwithpeople,aftertheinitialattraction.While
youmustdisqualifywomenwhobringnegativityintoyourlife,thereis
plentytobegainedbyforminggenuinefriendshipswithcertainwomen
whoyouarentsexuallyinterestedin.Thisiscriticaltoexpandingyour
circleofallies,therebybuildingyoursocialstatus.
20)ProjectandRespectAmbition.Womenareattractedtomen
whoprojectasenseofpassionandpurposeinlife.Thesequalitiesare
moreengagingtowomenthanpossessingfinancialwealth.Whenaman
demonstratespassionforlifeandachievinghisgoals,heimpliesthathe
iscapableofbeingpassionateinarelationship.Andwhileyourfinances
maybemodestnow,ifyouprojectambition,womenwillbeintriguedby
yourpotential.
21)BethePrize.Humannaturedictatesthatwhensomethingisout
ofourgrasp,wewantitevenmore.TheAlphaManknowsthatbybeing
aloofandelusive,hecultivatesanairofimportanceanddesirability.But
hislimitedavailabilityisnotaphonypretense;menwhoare
intentionallyaloof,orunreliable,runtheriskofalienatingpeople.Alpha
Mencreatehealthyboundariesaroundthemselves,fillingtheirtime
withpositivepursuits,andarehighlyselectiveaboutthepeopletheylet
in.Youareaprize,whichwomenmuststrivetowin.Thisisthecoreof
theAlphamindsettheoppositeoftheaverageman,whoisoverly
concernedwithimpressingwomenandscheduleshislifearoundthem.
10
Introduction by Dean Cortez
Menarentwhattheyusedtobe.
ThisoccurredtomerecentlywhileIwassittinginfrontoftheboob
tube,channelsurfingfromonebrainnumbingprogramtothenext.
Blinddaterealityshowsfeaturecluelesschumpsfumblingandfailing
toimpressthewomenwhositinjudgmentofthem.QueerEyeForthe
StraightGuyinformsagenerationofmalesthatagangofswishy
fashionistasholdstheanswertousescapingourlonely,pathetic
doldrums.
Everysitcomseemstofeatureabumblingoafofahusband,whose
testiclesarecompletelyownedbyhissassy,levelheadedwife.Thisis
themessagebeingbroadcasttomillionsofimpressionableyoungboys
aroundtheworld:Daddyisauselessidiotwhoscrewsupeverythinghe
touchesandhastogrovelforsex.ThankGodtheresaresponsible
womantorunthehousehold.
Duringcommercialbreaks,wereinundatedwithadvertisingthaturges
ustobuymorecrapwedontneedinordertobemoreattractivetothe
oppositesex.Mostguysdonthavetheintestinalfortitudetostrikeupa
conversationwiththechickonthenextbarstoolever,yettheyre
conditionedtobelieveagasguzzlingSUV,amoreexpensivepairof
jeans,orpenisenhancementpillshawkedonlatenightinfomercials
willresuscitatetheirsexlives.
11
Anddontevengetmestartedonthemoviesthesedays.Insteadofthe
twofistediconsofgenerationspastmydadhadJohnWayne,I
worshippedatthealtarofSchwarzenegger,Stallone,ChuckNorrisand
CharlesBronsontheHollywoodassemblylinenowfeedsus
interchangeable,androgynousprettyboys.Itsthesameroutineinthe
musicindustry,whichisnowruledbymisogynistic,cartoonishrappers,
preeningfauxpunkrockers,andsensitivesingersongwriterswho
makethesoccermomsswoon.
Wenowliveinaculturethatpromotesobedience,fearand
emasculation.Theaverageguyworkshisassofftohangontoajobhe
canbarelystand,goeshometoanemptyapartmentorafamilythat
doesntrespecthim,andleadsalifeofquietdesperation.Intheprimeof
hislife,hechoosestocashinhischipsratherthanblazehisowntrail
playingitsafeandsettlingintoamundane,mediocreexistence.
Ivespentalotoftimeoverthepastfewyearscontemplatingand
writingaboutthisongoingcrisisforthemodernmale.Myfirstbook,
M.A.C.K.Tactics,taughtmenmethodsforboostingtheirselfconfidence
andbecomingmoresuccessfulinthedatingworld.Itspawnedalarge
following;thousandsofguysvisitthewebsitewww.macktactics.comto
swapinformationandposequestions.Whatstherightwaytoapproach
agirl,orinviteheronadate?IfIgetherphonenumber,howlong
shouldIwaituntilIcallher?IminlovewithagirlIveknownforyears,
buthowcanIbemorethanafriendtoher?Andsoon.
Ivemetmanyoftheseguysinperson,andtheyrenotthesocialmisfits
youmightimagine.Infact,alotofthemaregoodlooking,talentedand
successfulintheircareers.Youwouldntsuspecttheyhadsuchanxieties
aboutinteractingwithwomen.Butthemenofmygenerationare,by
andlarge,aconfusedandtrepidatiousbunch.Themessagerammed
downourcollectivethroatsisthatinordertoattractamate,wemust
becomesofter,sensitive,andmorefeminine.TheMetrosexualhas
beentrumpetedasthenewmasculineideal.Hairychestsandbulging
musclesareout;waxedchestsandcosmeticsurgeryarein.
Masculinityisunderattack.Butthisnewgenerationoffeminizedman
runscountertothousandsofyearsofbiologyandhumannature,and
12
thedismalstateofmodernrelationshipsprovidesgrimproof.Divorce
andadulterystatisticsareoffthecharts.Menarebeingropedinto
marriageforallthewrongreasons,wastingpreciousyearsoftheirlives
incaptivitylikeoncemightyjunglecatswhovebeendeclawedand
forcedintodomesticity.Eventually,manyofthesemencheatinorderto
reaffirmtheirmasculinity,toremindthemselvesthattheyvestillgota
setofballs.Orthewomancheatswithamoremasculine,virileman,the
typeofguyherhusbandwasbeforehewasbrowbeateninto
submission.
Thevastmajorityofwomen,whethertheyliveinNewYork,Los
Angeles,TelAvivorTokyo,wantmenwhoembodymasculinetraits.Im
nottalkingaboutmachotypesormeatheads,whosechiefinterestsare
watchingsportsanddrinkingbeer(inotherwords,thetypicalTV
sitcomhusband).Imreferringtomenwhoareconfident,assertive,
dependableandcapableofprotectingandprovidingfortheirfamilies.
Menwhoaresexuallypotent,knowwhattheywantoutoflifeand
relationships,andrefusetosettleorcompromisetheirgoals.Theseare
menwhoplaythegameoflifetowin,ratherthanfollowingthescript
andlivingalifeofbland,anonymousmediocrity.
Inotherwords,whatwomenwantintheirheartofheartsisan
AlphaMan.
Thisphrasecomesfrom
anthropologicalresearch.Every
speciesofsocialanimalhasanAlpha:
themalewhomtheothersfollowand
deferto.Withinmonkeycolonies,this
supremacyisdeterminedthrough
competitionamongthemales;once
thedominantmonkeyemerges,the
otherssubmittohimandlooktohim
tomaintainorderinthecolony.There
isagreatsenseofreliefoncethe
Alphahasbeenestablished.
13
Thispositioncomeswithalotofperks.Insomeanimalgroups,the
Alphaalwayseatsfirst;inothers,heistheonlyoneallowedtomateand
reproduce.
Thehumananimalfollowsasimilarhierarchy.Forsomeofus,the
reigningAlphaManinourworldisthetopjockoncampus,oritsour
hardchargingbosswiththemultimilliondollarhouseandthetrophy
wife.Inothersituations,thedominantAlphaistheguywhoscoopsup
thehottestchickatthebarandtakesherhomewhileyouwere
checkingheroutfromacrossthebar,scaredtomakeanapproach.
OursocietyhasbeenconditionedtofollowtheleadofAlphas.Theylay
outhowitsgoingberatherthanapologizingandaskingforpermission.
Humannaturedictatesthatweacceptthemasoursuperiors;biology
dictatesthatwomenwillseekthesetypesofmenasmates.
ItsanAlphaMansworld.Therestofusarejustlivinginit.
TheWeddingCrasher
WhileIvebeencontemplatingthemodern
mansplightforsometime,itwasaweddingI
recentlyattendedthatinspiredmetositdown
andturntheseinsightsintoabook.Oneofmy
palsfromcollege,Ted,wasfinallytyingthe
knotafterdatingagirlforyears.Hedheldout
aslongaspossible,tryingtostaveoffthe
ultimatecommitment,buteventuallyhe
buckledunderthepressurefromhisgirlfriend
andherparents(whowerehopingfor
grandkidssoon,andlessthanthrilledabout
themlivingtogetherwithoutbeingmarried).
Afterthevowswereexchanged,weheadedtothereception.Theband
begantoplay,theboozebegantoflow,andalotofuncoordinatedwhite
peoplemadejackassesofthemselvesonthedancefloor.Typical
weddingstuff.
14
Whatsetthiseventapartwasthatanumberofmyformercollege
classmateshadshowedup.Mostofthem,Ihadntseensincewe
graduatedadecadeago.
Itwasshockingtoseehowtheydturnedout.AndIdontjustmeanthe
beerguts,thinninghair,andwivesIwouldnthavesleptwithevenafter
tenshotsofJackDaniels.Theseguyslookeddefeated.Beatendown.
Theyusedtohaveasparkthathadnowbeenextinguishedburied
undermortgagepayments,lousymarriages,screamingkidsandmind
numbingjobs.
Backincollegetheseguyshadbeenthebigmenoncampus,more
sociallyadeptthanIeverwas:starathletes,studentcouncilleadersor
shaggyhairedrebelswhobrokealltherulesandpartiedlikerockstars.
Naturally,thechicksflockedtothem.Andnowheretheysatbeforeme,
barelyintheir30sbutcarryingthemselveslikeworldweary,middle
agedschlubs.
Well,itwasniceknowinghim,quippedmyoldfriendSethashe
watchedthenewlywedstaketothedancefloor.Weallknewnowthat
Tedstesticleslegallybelongedtohiswife,hewouldvanishfrom
contact.Theothermarriedguysnoddedknowinglyanddrankdeeply.It
wasntasifanyofthemhadbeenletoutofthehouselatelyforhappy
houratthetittybar.
Atonepoint,Ifoundmyselfchattingwithanoldbuddyofminenamed
Lance.Hehadbeenthesuperstaramongourgroupoffriends.Hedbeen
aphenomenalathlete,thenaturallygiftedtypethekindofguywho
couldrolloutofbedwithahangoverfromlastnightskegparty,then
proceedtoruncirclesaroundeveryoneelseonthefootballandlacrosse
field.
Lancewasalsoagenuinelygoodguy.Hepossessedboundlesscharisma,
andrefusedtoconstrainhimselftoanyofthesocialcliquesor
fraternitiesthatprevailedonourcollegecampus.Hemovedeasily
betweenthejocks,thestoners,andeventhenerds,sincehewasan
academicstaraswell.
15
BetweenhisAllAmericangoodlooksandcharisma,youdfigurehewas
destinedforgreatness.Yetherehestoodbesideme,nowapudgy32
yearoldpatentattorneywholookedlikehedsettledinforaverylong,
unpleasanthaul.Hetoldmehewasworkingathisdadslawfirm(I
recalledbackincollegehecouldntstandhisdad,norhisdads
insistencethathegotolawschool),andhedrecentlybeenthrougha
hellishdivorce.Hisexwifewoncustodyoftheiryoungson,whomI
knewLanceloveddearly.
Yourelucky,hetoldme.Yourewriting,doingwhatyoulovetodo,
travelingtheworld...IwishIhadyourlife.
Lancemeantitasacompliment.Butinsteadofappreciatingthe
sentiment,orfeelingsorryforhim,whatIreallyfeltwasatwingeof
anger.Angerathimforbuyingintosomeoneelsesideaofwhatwould
granthimhappiness.
Manyfriendsfrommypasthavetoldmethesamething,thatIm
lucky.Imneverquitesurehowtorespond.IsupposeIhavebeen
blessedinasense;whilemostguysIgrewupwithdealtwithexistential
strugglesintheirpostcollegeyears,sufferingthroughvarious
unfulfillingjobsandrelationshipswhiletryingtofigureouttheircalling,
mydestinywasalwayscleartome:usingmycreativetalentstosecure
lotsofcash,plentyofwomen,andlivealifewithoutregret.
Imnowinmyearly30s.Imsingle.Nokids.IliveontheVegasStripand
neverhaveanyshortageofbeautifulwomentodate.Allofmygoalsare
reachingfruition,yetIfeellikethepartyisjustgettingstarted.Iknow
themostexcitingandgratifyingchaptersofmylifestilllieahead.This
hasallbeenapreludetothereallygoodtimeswhenmycareer
reachesitspinnacleandIvegotthebuckstobuildmydreamhomeon
someexoticbeach,beholdentonoone.
WhenIencounteroldfriendslikeLance,Icanthelpthinkingofthe
openingsceneofSavingPrivateRyan,wheretheplatoonsofAmerican
soldierslandonthebeachesofNormandy.Itsameatgrinder.Manyof
themarecutdownbyenemygunfirebeforetheyevengetofftheboat.
Hundredsmoreareslaughteredonthebeach.Intheend,onlyagritty,
16
determinedhandfulmakeitpasttheenemysdefensesandlivetofight
anotherday.
Iguessthatbrilliantscene,asdirectedbyStevenSpielberg,sumsupmy
attitudetowardsthemenofmygeneration.Werefacedwithahighly
difficultandcomplexmission:togrowintoadulthood,endureallthe
accompanyinganxietiesandresponsibilities,andemergeontheother
sidewithourselfconfidenceandmasculinityintact.
Fewguysareabletopullitoff.Instead,lifebecomesaseriesof
compromises.Theygointoaparticularprofessionbecausetheirparents
andpeersdeemitrespectable.Theyendureanumberofyearsonthe
singlesscene,wheretheyareblownoffandrejectedbythewomenthey
desire.Eventually,theywindupmeetingagirlwhoprovidesthemwith
regularsexandcompanionship.Andsotheygetmarried,andhavekids,
andyetitfeelslikesomethingismissing.
Ironically,itsoftentheguyswhoweresociallyawkwardintheiryouth
whowindupblossomingandexcellingasadultsfollowingaless
conventionalcareerpath,makingseriousmoney,andfeelingmore
contentandfulfilled.Meanwhile,thehighschoolheroesandjocksthe
oneswhousedtokicktheproverbialsandinpeoplesfacesslipinto
livesofmediocrity.Theypeakat18or21.Fromthere,facedwiththe
egocrushingrejectionsoftherealworldandadulthood,itsall
downhill.
Thisconceptoftherealworld,bytheway,
isaconceptIbelieveweneedtoreassess.
Whosaysweneedtoequaterealitywitha
sexdeprivedmarriage,a9to5jobwecan
barelytolerate,andakidandastarter
homebyage30?Isitanylessrealtobea
maverick,togetrichonyourownterms,to
venturebeyondthetownyougrewupin
andestablishyourhomewhereveryour
adventuresmaytakeyou?
Fartoomanymenaresurrenderingtheir
dreamsandgoals,andleadinglivesofquiet
17
desperation.Theyworkinordertopurchasemorethingstheydont
need,andupuntilmarriagethisisallinanattempttobecomemore
desirabletowomen.Theydatewithasenseofdesperation,believing
theyneedawomantocompletethemasifagirlfriendorwifewill
lendmeaningtotheirotherwisevacuousexistence.
Itsasadstateofaffairsforthemodernguy.WhenIsatdowntowrite
thisbookwithCarlosXuma,Idecideditwouldbemorethanaguideto
reclaimingandharnessingourmasculinepower.Thiswouldbeacallto
armsforthemenofourgeneration.
Sonowletstalkaboutwhatitreallymeanstobeaman.Letstalkabout
succeeding,conquering,andthrivingonourterms,insteadoffollowing
thebullshitblueprintlaidoutbyourfriends,ourparents,andthe
womenwereouttoimpress.
Theessentialmessagebehindthisbookisthatanyguycantapintohis
innerAlphaandstartlivinglifeonhisownterms.Weallpossessthe
samebasictools;itshardwiredintoourbiology.Youcanbecomemore
independent,assertiveandsuccessfulinbusiness,inyourpersonal
relationships,andbeyond.
Andyoucandoitwhileretainingyourintegrity.BecausetheAlpha
Man,aswedefineit,isanewtypeofAlpha.Itisonewhoisequippedto
succeedoneverylevelinthemodernworld.ThinkofitastheAlpha
Male,Version2.0:amanwhoadoptscertaintraitsofhispredecessors
butisasuperior,morewellroundedversion.
TheAlphaManisntarrogant,pushyoroozingwithtestosterone.Hesa
manwholiveshislifewithintegrityandrespectforothers,buthasa
strong,unyieldinginnercorethatpropelshimtosuccessand
enrichmentinallareas.Thismancanbealovinghusbandandfather,a
muchadmiredboss,andaloyalfriend,yethemaintainshissenseof
individualismandchartshisowncourse.Hebalancestheneedsofhis
lovedoneswithhisowngoalsandpersonalgrowth.Heleadsarich,full
life,yetneverstopsgrowingspirituallyandintellectually.
18
Andwhenheencounterschallengesandobstacles,heisequippedto
handletheminAlphafashionusingMachiavellianstrategywhen
necessary,particularlyinthedogeatdogcorporateworld.
Inearliertimes,Alphasmaintainedorderwithintheirtribesandled
armiesongrandconquests.Ashumansevolved,beinganAlphabecame
lessaboutphysicalprowessandmoreaboutforceofpersonality.But
fromGenghisKahntoGeneralPatton,fromSteveMcQueentoDonald
TrumpandTonySoprano,everyAlphaMansharesfundamentaltraits.
Now,itstimeforyouunlockandmasterthosetraitsasweembarkon
thisjourney.Ifyourewillingtobethemanyouwereborntobetolive
alifewithoutlimitsorregretsreadon.Wewontbepullingany
punches.
YourWingman,
P.S.Besuretovisitmywebsite,www.macktactics.com.Mybook
M.A.C.K.Tacticsisoneoftheessentialbooksonpickupandseduction,
withaspecialemphasisonmasteringyourconversationskillswith
women.WevepackagedthebestsellingM.A.C.K.Tacticsbooktogether
withabunchofamazing,freebonusproducts,sobesuretocheckout
thiscuttingedgeprogramaswell.
19
Introduction From Carlos Xuma
EversinceIcouldremember,Ialwayswantedtobegoodwithgirls.
Thisechoesthewordsthatopenthekickass
filmGoodfellas,asspokenbyRayLiottas
character,HenryHill.Ihadmyfirstcrush
somewherearound5or6yearsold,andIve
lovedwomeneversince.
Indeed,Ivealsobeenastudentofhuman
natureeversinceIcanremember.
Overtheyears,Idevelopedagiftforperceiving
thesubtlehintsofbodylanguage,facial
expressions,andvocaltonechangesthatshowtherearethingsgoingon
inhumaninteractionsthatbelieoursuperficialwords.Icametorealize
thatwearentalwayssayingwhatwemean,andhowthisisoften
doublytrueforwomen.
IwaseagertounderstandwomenandhowIcouldbecomemore
attractivetothem.ButIfoundthatinmydealingswithwomen,Iwas
oftenseekinglogicalanswerstoemotionalpredicaments.Iwas
approachingitfromthewrongangle.
Whentryingtomeetwomenandbuildconnectionswiththem,logic
reallyhasnothingtodowithit.Yousee,therearetwowaysoflookingat
something;oneisthewaywewishittobe,andtheotheristhewayit
actuallyis.Attractionwithwomenisnevercreatedthewaywewish.We
mustletgoofourrationalthinkingtoembracetheemotionallogic
thatisfemininity.
Nowtheressomethingelseyoushouldknowaboutme,CarlosXuma.
Iamonamission.Iwanttochangeyourlife,andthelivesofallmen
whoarestrugglingwithournewfoundgendercrisis.
20
Nobleaspirations,perhaps,butIthinkitspossible.
Yousee,menareactingmorelikewomen,thinkingthatiswhatwomen
wantfromus.Womenareactingmorelikemen,becausesofewmenare
willingtomanuptotherole.
WhenIcreatedmyidealoftheAlphaMansomanyyearsago,Ihadno
ideahowmuchitwouldbeembracedbyguysallovertheworld.Ifound
anaudiencethatwasntjustinterestedtheywererabidformore
informationonthisnewversionofmasculinity.Today,thousandsof
guysattendmyseminarsandworkshops,listentomyAlphaManCD
programs,andkeepaskingmeformore.
WhenRobapproachedmetowritethisbookwithhim,Irealizeditwas
timetogiveyoutheessenceoftheAlphaManphilosophyinawaythat
youcouldmakeapartofyourlifestyle.Becauseifthisnewbeliefsystem
doesnotpermeateandsaturateyourlife,itsnotreallyapartofyou.Itll
justbeanotherfadorselfhelpsystemthatyounevertruly
implement.Andyouoweittoyourselfforittobesomuchmore.
Isaluteyouforthejourneyyoureabouttotake,andIenvythejoyof
realizationthatyouareabouttoexperience.
Carlos Xuma
SanFrancisco,CA
21
ALPHA RULE 1:
MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
Betheisland,notthewaves.TheAlphaManprovidesasafehavenforthe
womeninhislife.Beaprotector:demonstratetheabilitytobeasourceof
physicalandemotionalsecurity.Womenareattractedtostable,secure
menandarerepelledbyneedinessandinsecurity.Neverloseyourcool
(theJamesBondmindset).SelfcontrolisahallmarkoftheAlphaMan.
Deflectthetrapsandgamesthatwomenwilloftentrytoengageyouinas
ameansoftestingyou.Masteringonesemotionsbeginswithconfidence
andclarityofpurpose.
Lifeisfunny.Justwhenyouthinkyouvegotthe
22
hangofit,yougetthrownacurveball.Sometimes
thatcurveballslamsyourightinthenuts.These
unexpectedeventsinourlives,whetherpositiveor
negativeandtheyrealwayspositivetotheAlpha
Manthatknowshowtoleveragethemcan
permanentlychangethebeliefsystemsweveheld
foryears.
SomethingthatallAlphaMenlearnishowtomanage
theirownemotionalstate,sothatnoblowever
knocksthemoffcourse.Specifically,theyknowhow
tomanagetheTwinDemons:PainandFear.
Theseevilbrothersworktogethertoholdyoubackfromachievingyour
fullmasculinepotential.Theycanalsowreakhavoconyourgamewith
women.First,yourownheightenedsensitivitytopotentialpainmakes
youmorewaryandalertwithfear.Andthenafterawhile,youeven
begintofearthepossibilityoffeelingfear.Talkaboutdebilitatingand
crippling!Youavoidthethingsinlifethatcouldbringyouthemost
happinessandsatisfactionjustbecauseoftheperceivedpenaltiesofrisk
yourecarryingaroundinyourhead.
Heresanexampleofthisdistortedmentalstate:
Youresittinginthebarwithyourbeerinhand,andyouseetwowomen
talking.Youreprettysureyouhaventseenanyotherguysnearthem,
andyoufindoneofthemabsolutelystunning.
Rightnowyouareimmersedinyourcomfortzone.Thiszoneisabubble
ofprotectionthatyoucreatearoundyourselfthatallowsyouto
experiencelifewithaminimallevelofanxiety.
Weregoingtoteachyouhowtograduallyexpandyourcomfortzone,to
allowyoutoexperiencelifecompletelyandfully.Mostpeopleare
desperatelytryingtokeeptheirsmallbubbleofcomfortintact,not
23
realizingthatcomfortisreallyjustaneutralstatebetweenpainand
pleasure.
PAINCOMFORTPLEASURE
Byprotectingandholdingyourselfinthisimaginedcomfortbubble
(whichisanillusion,sinceallemotionalstatesarecreatedfromwithin
yourmind,notoutside),youaredeprivingyourselfoftheexperiences
thatwillgiveyoutruehappinessandfulfillment.Stayingwithinthe
comfortzonemayfeellikeasafewaytogothroughlife,butyourenot
goingtoexperiencethehighsthattrulymakeitworthliving.
Theresasayingwewantyoutowritedownonacardandlookatevery
dayforthenext4weeks:
AnythingworthdoinginlifewillNOTbeeasy.
Thisisoneofthosetruthsthatthelazytrytocircumvent,throughget
richquickschemesordelusionsoffastseductions.Imremindedof
anothersayingthatisrelatedtothisone:
EveryonewantstogotoHeaven,butnobodywantstodie.
Again,wewanttherewards,withouthavingtopaytheprice.
Menwhohaveaccomplishedanythingworthwhileinlifeunderstand
thatNOTHINGofanyrealvaluecomesquicklyandeasily.Ifitdoes,
thatsthefirstindicationthatitsnotwhatyouarereallylookingforor
whatyoureallyneed.Whenyouobtainit,youllfeelthatsameaching
senseofemptinessinside.YouwillbeabandoningyourAlphadestiny
foraquickvalidationofyourego,withnolastingbenefits.
Theneedtobechallenged,andworkforwhatwedesire,isaninherent
partofbeingaman.Itswhatdrivesustoachieveandexcel,ratherthan
justtakewhatsgiventous.Thisiswhymanyguysfindthemselvesina
strangefunkwhentheyhookupwithagirlthatisbelowtheirlevelof
taste.Shemaybethesweetestgirlaround,buthellsoonfindhiseye
wanderingforthenextconquest.Thebestwomanforanymanisone
24
thatprovideschallenges.Nottosayshesconstantlymakingdemandson
you,orneedingtobepleased;itsimplymeanssheinspiresyouto
achievemoreinyourlifeandbetteryourself.
Rememberthatkidinhighschoolwhoseparentsgavehimasportscar
forhisbirthday?Doyourememberhowhetreatedit?Heprobably
didntcareforitproperly,andeventuallyhewoundupwreckingit.
Thisisbecausehehadnoinvestmentinit.Thecarwasgiventohim,so
heneverlearnedhowtoappreciateit.
Bychallengingourselves,weimplementthisinvestmentprinciple.
Withouthavingtorisetochallenges,youwillwindupleadingalifeof
constantwanderinganddisillusionment.
Nowthatyouunderstandthiskeymotivationalrule,letsexplaina
conceptthatwewantyoutoimplementinyourdailylifefromthispoint
forward.
TheLawofIncrementalGrowth
Everythinggrowsbestinsteady,
smallincrements.Atopfighter
pilotwillreachacertainpoint
wherehemayonlygaina.04%
increaseinhisabilitieseachyear
thathetrainsinsimulatorsand
learnscomplicatedaerial
maneuvers.Butthatminiscule
amountofimprovementisworth
theeffort,ifhewantstoachieverealdominanceinhisfield.Arnold
Schwarzeneggeroncesaiditwastheextraoneortworepetitionsheput
intoeachsetthatenabledhimtostayontopofthebodybuildingworld.
Rightnow,yourincrementalimprovementswillbemuchmore
significantwhenyouventureoutsideyourcomfortzoneandexpand
yourexperienceoflife.Pushtheenvelope!
25
Howaliveareyouwillingtobe?
Sohowdoyoustartexpandingyourcomfortzone?Hereswhatwe
advise:startdoingonethingeverydaythatsoutsideyourcurrentlevel
ofcomfort.Forexample,makeeyecontactwithabeautifulwomanon
thestreetforjustalittlebitlongerthanyounormallywould.Smile,and
seeifyoucangetasmileinreturn.Orstartaconversationwithagirl
youvehadyoureyeonforawhile.Itcouldbeatyourworkplace,atthe
gym,orperhapsshesawaitressatarestaurantyouvebeento.
Dontburdenyourselfwithloftyexpectations.Ifyoureashypersonby
nature,dontworryabouttryingtogetphonenumbersorlineupdates.
Allyourelookingtodoisintroduceyourselftosomenewwomen,and
havesomebrief,friendlyconversations.Thatsall.
Rememberthatyourgrowthisaverypersonalexperience.Your
comfortzoneasitpertainstowomen,yourfinances,yourcareer,and
everyotherareainwhichyoudliketogrowdiffersfromeveryother
guyoutthere.Dontgetcaughtinthecomparisongame,whereyoustart
tounfairlyandunrealisticallyrateyourselfagainstguyswhoareata
differentplaceontheirpathofgrowth.Youonlyhavetotakecareof
yourownsituationatthispoint.
(Andwhenitcomestomeetingwomen,youshyguysshouldtakeheart:
theguyswhoareapproachmachines,fearlesslystrikingup
conversationswithanywomanwhocatchestheireye,usuallyhave
otherareasoftheirlivesinwhichtheyaretotalchickens.)
Thinkaboutit:everythingwasonceoutsideyourcomfortzone.Theact
ofwalkingwasonceaverydifficultskillforyoutoacquire.Butwhen
youwereababy,youhadnoconceptoffailureorpeerpressureor
walkinganxiety.Youjustknewthatthecoolstuffuponthecoffee
tablewasworththeefforttostanduptoreach,andthenyourealized
thatwalkingmadeaheckofalotmoresensethancrawlingaroundon
allfours.Youpersisted,andbeforeyouknewitPresto!Youwerea
walker,notacrawler.Andlateron,youlearnedhowtorun.
26
TheMarineshaveasaying:
Painisthesensationofweaknessleavingyourbody.
Thisisaverypowerfulreframingofabeliefthatisdesignedtohelp
Marinespushforwarddespitepain.Youmustbecomeyourownspin
doctor.Ifyouveheldcertainbeliefsaboutyourself,theworldand
womenthathavebeenholdingyouback,itstimeforyoutoreengineer
thosebeliefssothattheysuityourgoalsinsteadoflimitingyou.When
youlearnhowtochangelimitingbeliefsinthisway,andtransformthem
intorocketfuelforgrowthandpower,youllhaveembracedtheessence
oftheAlphaLifestyle.
PushingtheBoundaries
Whatyouredoinghereisconditioningyour
nervoussystemforgrowth.Youmustlearn
tomaketheuncomfortablecomfortable.
Acceptthattheonlywaytoliveyourlife
fullyistoventureoutintotheunknown.
Thereisnosuchthingasabsolutesecurity
inthisworld,andthereneverhasbeen;youcouldbehitbyatruck
tomorrow,orfallvictimtoathousandotherfreakaccidents,butyou
stillleaveyourhouseeachdayinacocoonofyourownimagined
comfort.Securityissimplyastateofmind.
Expandingyourcomfortzoneisgoingtofeeluncomfortableatfirst,but
intimeitwillbecomeyournewstateofnormalcy.Ifyouveevermade
thecommitmenttogetintoshape,youremembertheachesandpains
youfeltatfirstbutafterseveralweeksofworkingout,itfelt
uncomfortabletonotadheretoyourworkoutschedule.Youdfeellousy
anddisappointedinyourselfifyouskippedafewworkouts.Thesame
appliestointeractingwithwomen.Onceyouvereachedthepoint
whereyoulovethechallengeofmeetingwomen,flirting,andwinning
themover,itsnolongergoingtofeelcomfortableforyoutositthere
drinkingwithyourbuddies,watchingthegirlsfromadistance.
27
Asyouexpandyourcomfortzone,situationsthatoncefeltintensely
uncomfortabletoyoubegintofeelnaturalandunthreatening.Thisis
key,becauseyoumustalwaysprojectthesensethatyouare
comfortablewithyourself,thatyouaresecureinwhoyouareandwhat
youhavetoofferwomen.Thisauraofpersonalcomfortislikeaforce
fieldthatsurroundsyou.Ifyoureedgyandanxious,womenwillbe
repelledbyit;ifyoureemotionallysecure,womenwillwanttostay
behindyourforcefieldandenjoyitsprotection.
Remember,anyfearyouconfrontwilldiminishyourdreadofit.Thisis
guaranteed.Andtheeffectisexponentialovertime;themorefearsthat
youattackheadon,theeasiertheybecometodestroy.Untilyoudo,
you'llbestuckonthewrongsideofthedreadbarrier,andthatforce
fieldwejustmentionedwillrepelwomenratherthanattractthem.You
mustalwaysfeelINyourowncomfortzonewhenyourewithawoman.
Youcontrolyourworld,andsheneedstofeelsafeandsecurearound
you.
*****
CarlosSays
Istartedonthispathalongtimeagobylisteningtosales
motivationtapes,whichintroducedtosomeofthesuccess
principlesthatyouwillfindhere.Idistinctlyrememberthefeeling
offacingcertainfearsofmine,andtheincrediblystrong
temptationtogiveupandretreatbackintomycomfortzone.
Afterall,itssoverycomfortableinthere.
Thekey,forme,wastoforcemyselftogetoffmyassandstart
takingaction.Ialsoconstantlyremindedmyselfofthepenalties
thatwouldcomewithnottakingaction.Ihadtolookinsideof
myselfandrealizethatstayingthesame,notchanging,not
growing,wasreallynotcomfortableatall.
Onceyourealizethatyourlevelofcomfortrightnowisreallyan
illusion,youllfinditeasiertoact,asIdid.Thiswasthekeytomy
28
decisiontoneverquit.(Andbelieveme,whenIbeganthis
process,Ithoughtaboutquittingatthestartofeveryday.)
Kieran,astudentofmine,toldmeofasimilarstory.Hehadspent
thousandsofdollarsontrendytherapiesandNewagesolutions
toresolvethemostcommonproblemofmen:lowselfconfidence
andselfesteem.Whatheendeduprealizingwasthatitwasnt
reallyconfidencethathelackeditwasthepersistencetokeep
takingaction.Hefoundthathewashappiestandmostsuccessful
whenhewaschippingawayathisgoals.Itwassimplyamatterof
keepinguptheforwardmomentum.
Ithitmelikeaboltoutoftheblue,hetoldme.Iwaswaitingfor
happinessandpeacetojusthappen,butitwassomethingI
createdthroughmyownforwardmotion.IfoundIcouldnolonger
behappybeingaquitteranddoingnothing,andthatswhenI
startedgettingthewomenandthesuccessIwanted.Igot
motivatedandIgotthehappinessIwaslookingfor.

*****
LimitedTime,MaximumFulfillment
There'saquoteontheshow"TheSopranos"thatstuckwithus.Itwent
somethinglikethis:"Amanhasgoodtimesandsomereallybadtimesin
hislife.Andintheend,hejusttriestofindhispleasureswherehecan."
Theultimatecommondenominatoramonghumanbeingsisthatweve
onlygotafixednumberofyearshereonthisplanet.Asforhowmuch
timeyouvegotleft,youwon'tknowforsureuntiltheGrimReaper
comestopayyourcheckandhailyourEternalCab.Inreality,noone
reallyknowshowmuchtimeyoullgethere,orwhathappens
afterwards.
Forthesakeofourdiscussion,weregoingtoguessyou'resomewhere
between20and40yearsofage.Assumingyourefairlyhealthy,that
meansyouhaveabout40to60yearslefttogo.So,knowingthatyouve
onlygotafixedamountoftimehere,andyou'lleventuallydiejustlike
29
everyoneelse,thequestionbecomes:Howwillyouchoosetospend
yourtime?
Makenomistake:thisisachoice,andintheend,itstheonlyonethat
counts.YoumustallownoonetodictatehowYOUaregoingtospend
yourlimitedtimeonthisearth.
Theproblemis,mostofusdon'tconsciouslyacknowledgethatthereis
thisfinal,ultimatedeadlineloominginthedistance.Itsjusttooscary
anddepressingtoconsider.Yetitstheinevitabilityofdeaththatgives
lifeitsmeaning.Reframeyourbeliefsaboutyourownmortality,andit
shouldempoweryouwiththeultimatemotivationtomaximizeyour
daysonthisearth.
TheDreadFactor
Ashumanbeings,unlikeanyothercreatureonearth,wehavethegift
(andcurse)ofbeingabletocontemplateourownmortality.Ifwedo
spendanytimeconsideringtheideaofdeath,theresonethingwedo
know:whentheGrimReapercomes,wewanthimtogetitoverwith
quickly.
"Wedreadanythingthatposesagreaterriskforcancermorethanthe
thingsthat[might]injureusinatraditionalway,likeanautocrash,"
saysPaulSlovic,professorofpsychologyattheUniversityofOregon.
"That'sthedreadfactor."
Thedreadfactormeansthemorewedreadsomething,themore
anxiousweget.Andthemoreanxiousweget,thelesspreciselywe
calculatetheoddsofaparticulareventactuallyhappeningtous.The
termforthisis"ProbabilityNeglect."
Nowletstiethisconceptintodating.Foralotofguys,theanxietyand
dreadintheirlivesmanifestsitselfinthewaytheyinteractorfailto
interactwithwomen.Whydosomanymenstandtherewiththeir
handsintheirpockets,paralyzedwithindecision,whenalltheyreally
wanttodoiswalkupthatblondeandstartaconversation?
30
Whatwouldtheworstpossibleoutcomebe?Thatshegivesyoua
dismissiveglance,andignoresyou?Sure,thisisapossibility,butitsnot
likely.Yetthemoreanxiousyouareabouttheapproach,andthemore
youdreadthatoutcome,themorelikelyyoubelieveitistohappen.The
trueoddsofthisrandomgirlbeingcompletelystuckup,andblowing
youoffinhumiliatingfashion,mightbe1in10.Butbecauseofthedread
factor,youmightbetellingyourselfyouveonlygota5050chanceof
evengettingahellooutofher.
Whycantwejustletgoofthisfearandgetpastit?
Therearetworeasonsforthis.Thefirstreasonisbecauseof
uncertainty.Thereisasenseofuncertaintyineveryinteractionwitha
woman,andanelementofrisk.Whentheaverageguyapproachesa
woman,hefeelslikehesputtinghisselfworthontheline.Hes
presentinghimselftobeevaluated,andsheseithergoingtoaccepthim
orrejecthim.Mostguysnevergetusedtotheriskofgettingtheiregos
bruised.They'vebuiltupanincredibleamountofDREADaroundthis
oneeventtheapproacheventhoughinreality,thisactionhasnoreal
consequencesbeyondthatwhichweimagine.
Thesenseofriskanduncertaintywefeelisdue,inlargepart,tothefact
thatmostguysdon'tfigureoutA)acomfortablewaytostartthe
conversation,andB)acomfortablewaytoendit.Ifyouweretohave
bothofthesefactorsalreadymappedoutinyourmind(wecallthem
bookends),youwouldntdreadrunningoutofsteaminmid
conversation.Youdhaveacomfortableexitstrategy.Youwouldntfear
makingtheapproachnearlyasmuch,becauseitwouldpresenta
minimallevelofriskanduncertainty.
Inlaterchapters,weregoingtoshowyouhowtodoawholelotmore
thanjustgenerateandendaconversation.Wereexplainstrategiesand
techniquesforeverystepinbetween.Fornow,justplantthisseedin
yourmind:
YoucanhandleANYsituationifyoucanmanagetheuncertaintyof
ittoaminimallevel.
31
Now,backtoourpointaboutlifeandhowtemporaryitallis.Thereality
isthis:you'reprobablynotgoingtodieanytimesoon.Theoddsjust
aren'tthere.Soitsverylikelyyouvegotagoodchunkoftimeonyour
hands.
Soifyouliveforeven30moreyears,doyouwanttospendthemnot
knowinghowtoapproachandattractwomen?
Ifyoudon'tmeetwomen,youcan'tdatethem.It'ssimplelogic.Doyou
wanttocontinueasyouare?Blindedbyego?Crippledbyyourmental
blindspots?Tellingyourselfthatyoudonthavewhatittakes?
Or,areyoupreparedtomakethenext4060yearsofyourlifeinto
somethingincredibleandinspiringtoothers?Areyoupreparedtofill
theseyearswithawesomememoriesandexperienceswithwomen,
ratherthanregrets?
Maketheresolutionrightnowthatyouwillnotmissoutonthe
opportunitytoliveyourlifethewayyouchooseto.Ifyourlovelifehas
beenlackinguptothispoint,thenlearninghowtosucceedwithwomen,
andbeingwiththecaliberofwomenyoudeserve,isgoingtobeahuge
partofhisresolution.TheAlphaRulesaregoingtoshowyouhowto
turnthisresolutionintoreality.
Wecanguaranteeyou'rebeenruledbyfearinafewareasofyourown
life.Youmightnotthinkofitas"choosing"toliveinfear,butbynot
takingactiontoreframeyourlimitingbeliefsandexpandyourcomfort
zone,youvechosenthissettingbydefault.
BeTheIsland,NottheWaves
Oneofthehallmarksofmaturityistheabilitytounderstandandcontrol
onesemotions.Infact,inrecentyears,onesE.Q.Emotional
Quotient(likeyourI.Q.,onlyitmeasuresyouremotionalintelligence)
hasbeenrecognizedasamuchmorelikelypredictorofyoursuccessin
life.Inscientificresearch,theyvediscoveredthatyourabilitytomanage
anddirectyouremotionsisoneofthecriticaldeterminantsofyour
overallsatisfactionwithlife.Thisiswhymostmenexperiencethemost
32
financialsuccessandhappinessaftertheageoffifty,becausebythis
pointtheyvelearnedtomastertheirimpulses.Thisleadsthemtomake
smarterdecisions.
BrainPower
Yourbrainismadeupofthreedistinctlayers:
hypothalamus,mammalianlimbicsystem,and
theneocortex.
ThehypothalamusorReptilianbrainisthe
partofyouthatrespondsinalltheprimal,
animalisticways:fightorflight,eating,sexual
drive,selfpreservation,etc.Themammalian
limbicsystemistheonethathousesyouremotionalelements,suchas
love,fear,anger,etc.Andtheneocortex,thebiggestlumpofyourbrain,
isinchargeofthehigherthinking,philosophyandrationalthought.
Itsthisneocortexthatisresponsibleformakingtheotherpartsplay
niceinyourskull,andexercisingabitofcontroloveryourbaserurges.
Unfortunately,notmanyofushavebeeneducatedinthefineartofself
control.Welearnalotofhigherbrainfunctions,butmostofusdont
properlymanagethegrayareasofourgraymatter(emotions,primal
urges,andtheothernastystuff).Welackemotionalcontrol.
Havingthiscontrolisessentialtobeingsuccessfulinyourromanticlife,
becausewomenwillrelyonyouforit.Mostwomen,bynature,simply
donothaveit.Otherwomenonlyacquireemotionalcontrolaftermany
yearsofexperiencewithmenandeventhen,itsabithazyasto
whethertheyreeververysuccessfulatit.
Youmustbethesteadyshorelinetoherturbulentwavesofemotion.
Mostguysmakethemistakeofgettingcaughtupinawomansemotions
ratherthanlearninghowtosurfthemwhenshesstormy,andbethe
firmresistanceagainstherlesseremotionalcycles.
AsanAlphaMan,therearetwoskillsyoumustmasterinregardsto
emotionalcontrol:beingtheSurfer,andbeingtheShoreline.
33
TobetheSurferofawomansstate,youmustrecognizethatitdoesnt
serveyoutogetcaughtupinheremotionalturbulence.Awomanwill
doherbesttopullyouintoheremotionalstate,becausethatsallshe
cansee.Heremotionsblindhertotherealityofastressfulorupsetting
situation.WerenotjusttalkingPMShere.Shemaygetextremely
agitatedoveranissueyouseeasbeingtrivial,andshewilldoher
damndesttogetyouinvolved.
Considerthefollowingconversation:
LITA:Ijustheardmyuncleisinthehospital.Itsoundslikehes
reallysick.
JOHN:Imsorrytohearaboutthat,honey.Howsyouraunt
handlingit?Youshouldcallher.
LITA:Didntyouhearme?Ijustsaidhewassick.Itsgotnothing
todowithher.MyGod,hecoulddiesoon!(Thetearsstart
flowing.)
JOHN:Donttakeitoutonme!Imjusttryingtohelp,thatsall.
LITA:Oh,nevermind.WhydoIbother
Now,heresthemoreemotionallyintelligentAlphamethodofhandling
thesituation:
LITA:Ijustheardthatmyuncleisinthehospital.Itsoundslike
hesreallysick.
ALPHA:Imsorrytohearaboutthat,honey.HowsyourAunt
handlingit?
LITA:Didntyouhearme?Ijustsaidhewassick.Itsgotnothing
todowithher.MyGod,hecoulddiesoon!(Cuethetears.)
ALPHA:(Nodswithsympathy)Imsosorry.Hehugsher.How
areyoudoing?
LITA:Imreallyupset,butIllbeokay.IsupposeIshouldcallmy
aunttoseehowshesdoing
ALPHA:Thatsagoodidea.Illbehereifyouneedme.
Doyouseethesubtlebuthugedifferenceinhowthesesituationswere
handled?
34
Thebigruleaboutemotionsisthis:NEVERreacttoawomansemotions
withyourownemotions.
Reactionisaplaceofweaknessandnoselfcontrol.Womenpickupon
thisandsenseit.Whenyoustartreacting,shestartsactingmore
emotionalbecauseshesnotgettingwhatshereallyneedsfromaman:
consistency.Youmustbesomeonethatshecanfeelsafeexpressing
herselfaround,whomsheknowswillprovideastablepointofreference
forherownfeelings.WhentheAlphaMankepthiscoolinthesecond
example,LitawasabletoreachthesameconclusionthatJohntriedto
gethertorealize.Hesurfedheremotionswithoutreactingtothem.
TobetheShoreline,thatsteadyplaceforheremotionalwavesto
break,youmustbeconfident.Onceyouunderstandhowawoman
works,andyourbeststrategiestomanagethesituationsshewillthrow
atyou,youwillfindnewlevelsconfidenceandresolve.Youwillnotgive
intoawomansemotionalpressure,nomatterhowinexplicableher
behaviormightseem.
Heresanotherexample:
LITA:Imightbealittlelategettingtothemovietonight.Ivegotanail
appointmentat6:00.
JOHN:Well,itstartsat7:00.Thatscuttingitkindofclose.Doyouwant
togoseealatershow?
LITA:Yeah,sure.Thatmightbebetter.Whatelseisplaying?
JOHN:TheresthatnewmoviewithBruceWillis
LITA:Isawthecommercial,itlookskindastupid.
JOHN:Well,theresthatnewcomedywithJackBlack
LITA:(Lookingdecidedlyuninterested)Yeah,Iguess
Comparethatscenariowiththisone:
LITA:Imightbealittlelategettingtothemovietonight.Ivegotanail
appointmentat6:00.
ALPHA:Well,theshowstartsat7:00.Thatscuttingitkindofclose.
(Hewaitsoutthesilence.)
LITA:Iknow,butIdontthinkIcanmakeitanyearlier.
35
ALPHA:Imreallysetonseeingthatmovie,soitwouldprobablybea
goodideatorescheduleyournailappointment.Wevehadthismovie
nightplannedsincetheweekend.
LITA:YeahIsupposeIcould.(Hertoneisalittlepoutyandbummed
out.)
ALPHA:IdonthaveanothernightthisweekthatIcangoseethis,but
ifyoudratherspendtheeveningwithyourmanicurist,Illfindsomeone
elsetocomealong.
LITA:No,dontdothat.Icanrescheduletheappointment.There
shouldbeslotsopenonFriday.
ALPHA:Goodcall.Illseeyouat6:30.
Doyouseethedifferencehere?
GiveLitaaninchofstring,andshelltakeayard.Inthefirstexample,the
factthatJohndidntputupanyresistancetohersuddenchangeofplans
iswhattriggeredheremotionalreactionandputherinalousymood.
Hethoughthewasjustbeingaccommodatingtoherschedule,butLisas
femaleinstinctsweretellingher:Whyishelettingmegetawaywith
this?Iwishhewouldshowsomebackbone.
Awomanneedstoknowthathermancanmakeadecisionandhasthe
strengthtostickwithit.Howsafecanawomanreallyfeelina
relationship,ifshethinksheremotionalcurrentsaregoingtoruleevery
decision?
NotethattheAlphaManwasnotmovedbyLitasemotionalwaves.He
wassteadfastinhisresolve,whichtoldLitashecouldnowfeelbetter
aboutchangingherappointmentratherthanlosingoutonthe
opportunityofbeingwithhim.Litaalsorecognizedthefactthatshewas
dealingwithamanwhorefusedtoplaythepushover.Asaresult,her
attractiontohimwasincreased.
WhatitallboilsdowntoinanAlphaManslifeisonething:
CERTAINTY.
AnAlphaManknowswherehesgoing.Heknowswhathewantsfrom
life.Heknowswhathisgoalsare.Heknowswhathewillandwillnot
acceptfromwomen.Heknowsthatheisaforcetobereckonedwith.
36
Thisattitudesetshimapartfrommostotherguys,whorarelyhaveany
plansbeyondnextweekend.
Sohowdoesamangoaboutgainingthatcertaintyheneeds?
Werecommendthis:
Takeoutasheetofpaper,orfireupyourwordprocessingprogram
(yes,rightnow),andwritedownyour10corevalues.Thesecanbe
anythingfromIamakind,compassionateperson,toIwillnever
betraymyfriends,toIwillneverbewithawomanwhomistreatsor
disrespectsme.Treattheseasrulesasyourpersonalcodeofconduct
fromnowon,anddonotdeviatefromthem.Thiswillhelpcreatea
senseofcertaintyaboutwhoyouareandwhatyoustandfor.
Feelfreetotakethislistpast10ifyouneedto.(Infact,agreatdealof
selfdiscoverywilloftenoccuronceyougopastthefirsttenvaluesyou
canthinkof.Pushyourselfintodiscomfortandyoullfindmore
realizationanddiscovery.)
Whenyouredonewiththislist,makeasecondlistoftheessentialtraits
forthewomanyouwantinyourlife.Dontjustlistthephysicaltraits,
becausethehonesttruthisthatin30or40years,mostwomenwilllook
aboutthesame.Whatwillkeepyouwithawomanisherpersonalityand
herdisposition.Whatarehervalues?Willshebeflexible,orwillshe
giveyougriefovereverylittlepointofcontention?
Whenyouvecompletedthesetwoexercisesyoullhavedonesomething
thatlessthan2%ofallmeneverdo:youllhavestatedWHOYOUARE
andWHATYOUWANT.Youllhavedrawnalineinthesandbetween
theoldBetaGuyyouoncewere,andtheawesomeAlphaManyouare
abouttobecome.Youllfindthatapowerfulsideeffectwillhappenasa
result:bysettingthesevaluesdowninwriting,andusingthemasyour
personalguidelinesfromnowon,youllmakeyourselfalotmore
attractive.Maybenottoeverywoman,buttotheonesthatcount.
37
DOITNOW:
Createyourlistofvalues
Begintoobserveyourownlevelsoffearanddread,andmanage
them
Observeconversationsbetweenmenandwomen,andseewhere
guysarereactiveratherthanconsistentandcertain
Acceptthatyouvegotalimitedamountoftimehere,andallyou
haveisyourselftoworkon
Createalistof10thingsthatyoudrathernotdealwith,even
thoughyouknowshould.(Askingagirlout,goingtothegym,
startinganewproject,repairingyourhouse,etc.)Tackleoneitem
onthelisteachdayfortherestoftheweek.
38
ALPHA RULE 2:
MASTER THE ART

OF
ATTRACTION
Elicitattraction,notaffection;dontjustbeafriendtowomen,be
sexuallydesirablefirstandforemost.Thisrelatestoknowinghowto
escalatetherelationship,whileyouremainsecureinyoursexualityand
masculinity.Often,thewomenwhoaremostresistanttomenaretheones
whowishamanwouldsweepthemofftheirfeetandseducethem.The
AlphaManunderstandshowtodoso,byusingtheRulesofAttractionto
hisadvantage.
39
Werecentlysawajokenewsstory
headlinethatsaid:ChicagoManmay
haveliedinonlineprofileabout
likingsunsetsandlongwalksonthe
beach.
Thiswasfunnytousonseverallevels,
butmostlybecauseitsayssomuch
abouthowmenmisunderstandthe
rulesofattraction.Mosteveryguy
thinksthatifhesaysthethingsawoman
wantstohear,shellbeattractedtohim.Browseanonlinedatingsite
andreadsomeoftheguysprofiles,andyoullseewhatwemean.Or,the
nexttimeyoureatabaroranightclub,justeavesdroponsome
conversationsbetweenmenandthewomentheyretryingtoconnect
with.
Foralotofguys,theirgameconsistsofsayingthingstheybelievewill
makethemmoreattractiveintheeyesofwomen.Buttheyre
conversingonallthewrongsubjects,andmakingtheirattractiontothe
womanalltooobvious.Then,ifshegrantshimtheopportunitytospend
timewithhersomeotherday,hepicksuprightwhereheleftoff.
Hollywoodromanticcomedieshaveledustobelievethatifamanjust
trieshardenough,humiliateshimselfenough,andjumpsthroughevery
hoopawomanputsinfrontofhim,thathellwinherheartintheend.
Wereshownthatthebiggestdorkinhighschoolcanwindupwiththe
cheerleaderifheperseveresandbendsoverbackwardstoprovehis
adoration.Butiftheresonerulewewantyoutounderstandfromthis
bookitsthis:
Thereisnodemonstrationofyourfeelingsthatwillcreatethe
samefeelingsinanotherperson.
Inotherwords,womendontcareabouthowyoufeeluntiltheyfeelthe
samewayaboutyou.Yourattractionandeagershowsofinterestdonot
createattractioninher.Infact,itsquitetheopposite.
40
Haveyoueverhadawomanthatyouthoughtwasntveryattractive
showhowmuchshelikedyou,andthennottakethehintthatyoure
clearlynotintoher?Itsawkwardanduncomfortable,anditactually
makesyouwanttoavoidher.Thatwomansinterestinyoudidnot
makeyouwanther,nomorethanyourdemonstratinginterest(through
gifts,cuteemails,compliments,etc.)willmakeanotherwomanwant
you.
Oneofthemostimportantskillsyouwillneedtoacquireinorderto
attractwomenandoneofthecrucialstepsalongyourpathto
becominganAlphaManisunderstandinghowattractionandsexual
desirereallyworkwithwomen.
Itsacommonmisconceptionamongagreatmanymentodaythatthe
followingingredientsareneededtoattractawoman:
Romanticgestures,suchasgivinggifts,leavingmessagesand
notesofaffection,etc.(tryingtomeetthemediaimageofthe
romanticguy)
Demonstrationsofprovidercapacity(displayingorbragging
aboutyourwealth)
Frequentcomplimentsaboutherappearance
Spendingasmuchtimeaspossiblewithhersothatshebecomes
yourbestfriend
Thefactis,anyeffortyoumaketoimpressawomanwithyourinterest
mayflatterher.Shemaythinkitssweet.Butitwillnotcreatethe
feelingsofattractionwithinherthatarenecessarytoseduceher.
Theothergreatmythaboutattractionisthatwomenareeitherinstantly
attractedornotattractedtomenbasedsolelyontheirlooks.Letsbe
honest:ifaguyisadeadringerforBradPitt,alotofwomenaregoingto
lowertheirdefenses.Duringthefirstconversation,theymightforgive
himforbeingshallowordullorselfcentered.Theyllgivehimmore
leewaythantheywouldgiveanaveragelookingguy.
41
Butyoudbesurprisedhowmanymenwhovebeenblessedwithgood
looksareunabletostimulatedeepattractioninwomen.Theywindup
strugglingjustlikemostotherguys.Theyreimpressivetowomenat
firstglance,andtheirlookscombinedwithalittlebitofgamemight
getthemphonenumbersoronenightstands.Butnomatterhowhota
guyis,ifhescluelessabouttheRulesofAttraction,oneoftwothingsis
goingtoconsistentlyhappentohim:
Womeneventuallyloseinterestinhim,becausetheir
subconscioustellsthemthatheisnotanAlphaMan.Hemightbe
goodforashorttermfling,butheisnotasuitablelongterm
partner.Sotheyleavehimandcontinueontheirsearchforaguy
whoexhibitstrueAlphaqualities,whomakesthemfeelthatdeep,
undeniableattractionwevebeentalkingabout.
Hewindsupgettingagirlfriendorwife,butsheisallwrongfor
him.BecauseheisnotanAlphaMan,hedoesnthavetheinsight
intowomenandhimselfthatwouldenablehimtofind,attract
andbuildarelationshipwiththerightwoman.
Ontheotherhand,weveallknownaguywhomwomenseemtofind
irresistible,eventhoughheisntsuperhandsome.HesaNatural,asif
hesprangoutofthewombknowingexactlyhowtoseducethepantsoff
offemales.
Thereasonhesucceedsisthatheappliescertainrulesofattraction.If
youweretoaskthisNaturalwhathissecretis,heprobablycouldnt
articulateanyparticularstrategy.Hedsay,Ijustbemyself!He
interactswithwomenonanintuitivelevel;figuringoutafewthingsthat
work(usuallysomethingtodowithbeingexceptionallyconfidentand
cocky),andheexploitsthattothemaxoffendingafewwomeninthe
process,butmanagingtogetlaid.
Nowitstimeforthegoodnews:Youcanlearntherulesofattraction
andbecomethatNaturaltheonethatmakesyourfriendswonder,
howthehelldoeshedoit?ExceptasanAlphaMan,youregoingto
succeedwithwomenonamuchhigherlevel,andwithoutalienatingor
offendinganyone.BecausewhiletheNaturalshavefiguredoutafew
42
tricksthatworkwithsomewomen,theAlphaManunderstandsthe
completepicture.Hedoesntrelyoncannedapproaches,orusea
cockyattitudeoneverygirl;headaptshisapproachandstrategy
basedonthetypeofgirlhesinteractingwith,andthesituationhesin.
Healsoradiatesasinceritythatothermenlack.
ThereisnoshortageofwomenwillingtosleepwithanAlphaMan.But
moreimportantly,womenaredeeplyattractedtohimandinterestedin
pursuinglongtermrelationshipswithhim.
Beingattractivetowomen,intheAlphasenseoftheword,isaprocess
thatinvolvescertainsteps.Theyare:
1) Identifyaworthycandidateforyourattention.
Thisiswhereyoufindawomanthatyoumaybeinterestedin,
basedonpreviouslydeterminedcriteria.Itisnotsimplyawoman
yousawwithacuteassthatyouwanttomeetforquicksex.The
AlphaManhasamorespecificagenda,whichwelldiscussshortly.
2) Approachher.
Yes,youmustactuallywalkuptoherandinitiateconversation.
No,shewillnotdoitherself(unlessyourethatguythat
constantlygetsmistakenforBradPitt).Thisisatestofyour
manhood.Ifyousitbackandtalkyourselfoutofmeetingherjust
becauseyoureafraidofrejection,youwillbeunabletopassyour
geneticlegacyontoyourchildrenwithher.Youreautomatically
filteredoutoftheprocessofevolution.Soundharsh?Youbetitis.
Thatswhyyoumustgetpastyourfearsandtakethechanceto
approachandintroduceyourselftoher.Wellteachyousome
specificapproachmethodsinlaterchapters.
3) Buildattraction.
Oneskillthatmanyguysneveracquireistheabilitytogeta
womaninterestedinthem,mostlybecausetheyhavefallenprey
tothefalsebeliefthatwomenareinterestedprimarilyinlooks.
(Theybelievethisbecausetheythinkthatwomenthinklikemen.
Guesswhat?Theydont.)Attractionisnotachoiceforher.Her
43
attractioniskickstartedbyspecific,learnabledemonstrationsthat
youpresenttoher,throughyourbehavior.
4) Qualifyher.
Mostwomenareusedtomenwhoareindiscriminate.Theseare
theguysthatchatherupfornoapparentreasonotherthanthe
factthatshehasapulseandboobs(thattheycantstopstaring
at).Whenyoushowthatyouhavestandardsthatshehasto
actuallyqualifyandproveherselftobeapartofyourlifeyou
haveimmediatelyseparatedyourselffromthepack.TheAlphaof
anygroupdoesnotacceptwhatevercomeshisway.Hechooses
thewomanhewants.Andbyvirtueofthisattitude,hewill
probablygether.
5) Buildrapport.
Awomanmustfeelasenseofconnectionwithyou.Itsabsolutely
criticalifyouwanttoobtainhertrust,whichisthenimperativeif
youwanttoforgearelationshipofanykindwithher,whetherits
strictlysexualorlongterm.Rapportisbuiltchieflythrough
conversationalskills.Theresnoneoftheclichchitchat(i.e.So
doyoucomehereoften?).Yourepromptinghertotalkabout
herselfandshareinformation,andyoureguidingthe
conversationalongtowardscertaintopicswhileavoidingtopics
thatcouldbursttheromanticbubbleyouarecreating.
6) EscalateappropriatelyorCLOSEforthenextescalation.
Thislaststepisopenended,anditswhereyouwillfindthemost
opportunityforgrowth.Escalationmeansyoutaketheinitiative
andstartmakingthisrelationshipmoveforwardtowardssex.The
womanneedstofeelthatyouwilltaketheresponsibilityforthis
role.Ifshefeelslikeshestheonemakingthingsmoveforward,
shewillfreakherselfoutbyworryingthatshesaslut.Remember,
youareeitherescalatingthesituation(whichalsoinvolvesthe
riskofoccasionalsetbacksneverviewitasrejection),or
youresettingupthenexttimeyouwillmeetwithher(otherwise
knownasclosing,suchaswhenyoucloseforherphonenumber,
orlineupadate).
44
Now,letsdiscusseachofthesestepsindetail,soyoullknowexactly
whattodoandwhen.
Identifyaworthycandidateforyourattention.
Thisiswhereattractionbegins.Ifyouhaventdeterminedbeforehand
whatyouwantanddontwantandwhatyouwillaccept,andwont
acceptyouregoingtobealotlessattractivetowomen.
Thefemaleradarisafinelytunedinstrument.Theycansensewhen
youarentpickyandarejusthopingtofindsomeonetohookupwith.If
so,theyllbeunlikelytoconnectwithyouonanylevel.TheAlphaMan
projectsanauraofknowingwhathewants,andnotsettlingforless.
So,firstthingsfirst.Sitdownwithapenandpaperorfingersand
keyboardandgetcracking.Makealistof10MustHaves(qualitiesyou
insistoninawoman),10NicetoHaves(qualitiesthatyouappreciate,
butarentabsolutelynecessary),and10DealBreakers(qualitiesyou
willnottolerate.Maybeshecanbeafriendtoyou,butshesnotadating
prospect).
Ifyourgoalrightnowistoplaythefield,andfindingawomantosettle
downwithisntyourintention,putthosethoughtsasideforamoment.
Inyourmind,whatarethespecificqualitiesthatyourdreamgirl
wouldpossess?IffiveoftheitemsonyourMustHavelistaregoingto
bephysicalattributes,basetheotherfiveonqualitiesotherthanlooks.
Bymakingthesequalitiesabsolutelyclearinyoursubconsciousmind,
yourereprogrammingyourselfsothatwhenyoumeetawomanor
begindatingher,youllknowwhethershesaworthycandidateforyour
timeandeffort.(Ifyoudontknowwhatyouwant,howareyougoingto
knowwhenyouvefoundher?)
Onceyouvemadetheselists,youmustnowacceptthatinalllikelihood,
thebestyoullfindissomeonewith8085%ofyourcriteria.Butifyou
choosetherightqualities,thatsallyoullneed.
Thenextthingyoumustdoisfindprospectivecandidatesyouwantto
approachortalkto.Thisisntverydifficult,butweknowtherearealot
45
ofguysouttherewholiketosay,Icantfindanygoodwomen!Wheredo
Igotomeetthem?
Thisisntreallywhattheymean.Underneaththosewords,theyre
actuallysaying:Iseewomenallaroundmealldaylong,butIconsider
themimpossibletomeetbecausethatmeansIhavetoriskwalkingupand
sayingsomethingtothem.Iwantyoutopointmetoariskfreelocation
whereallthesewomenareherdedtogetherandwaitingtomeetaguylike
me.
Thereareendlessenvironmentsthatofferlimitlessopportunitiesto
meetwomen.Themostimportantthingtorememberfornowisthat
everyapproachwhetheritssendinganemailthroughanonline
datingservice,orsteppingtoagirlatanightclubinvolvesrisk.
TheAlphaManconditionshimselftoenjoyrisk,becausewithriskcomes
thepossibilityofgreatrewards.Healsobelievesthatwhenitcomesto
meetingwomen,thereisnosuchthingasrejection.Banishthatword
fromyourvocabulary.Invirtuallyeveryinstanceinwhichyou
approachedawomanandfailedtoachievethedesiredresult,therewas
abettercourseofactionthatyoucouldhavetakenaswellasalesson
youcouldhavelearned.Youjustwerentpayingcloseenoughattention
totheinteractiontorecognizethatlesson.
Afterreadingthisbookandapplyingitslessonsinthefield,youllstop
fearingrejectionandseeeveryinteractionwithawomanasan
opportunityeithertoscore,ortogainanewnuggetofinsightor
experiencethatwillonlymakeyourgamestronger.
TheApproach
Nosingleactionsparksmore
fearintheheartofmenthan
46
thisone.Inreality,itsnotthattoughtoapproachwomen.Yetsome
guyswouldratherlistentothevoiceintheirheadyouknow,theone
thatfeedsyouallthoseconvenientexcuseslike,Shesprobablyonly
intorichguys.Shemusthaveaboyfriend.Sheprobablydoesntwant
tobebothered.Ihavetoleavesoon,anyway.Etc.
Hereareafewstrategiesthatwillhelpyou:
1) Waitonly3secondstoapproach,nomore.Ifyouwaitany
longer,youregivingyourselfanexcusenottodoit.Therefore,
youprobablywont.Youmustreprogramyournervoussystemto
ignoretheanxietyandactinspiteofit.Thismayfeel
uncomfortableandunnaturalatfirst,butsodidswimmingor
ridingabikethefirsttimeyoutriedit.Withpracticeandsome
positiveresultsgoingintoapproachmodewillbecomesecond
naturetoyou.Thattingleofadrenalineyoufeelwhenyouspotan
attractivewoman,andknowyouregoingtoapproachherand
openaconversation,issomethingyoullbegintothriveon,rather
thanfear.
Alsobearinmind,thelastthingyouwanttodoishavehernotice
thatyourecheckingherout,andthenyoukeepglancingather
withoutmakingamove.Nowomanisgoingtofeelcomfortable
withsomeguylurkingonherperimeter;itcreepsthemout.
Whenyourelookingatawomanandshelooksoverandmakes
eyecontactwithyou,andshesnotgivingoffanyobvioussignals
thatshedoesNOTwanttobeapproached(i.e.shelooksupset,
angry,etc.),thenitstimetomanupandgostarttheinteraction.
2) Walkuptoherandjustsayonething:Hi,Ijusthadtoletyou
knowthatyouhaveagreatenergyaboutyou.Whatsyourname?
Thereareallkindsofopenerstouse,andwellgointomoredetail
later.Thisisanexampleofasimple,directone.Dontgettoo
clever.Pickuplinesareacrutch,andtheydontwork.Eventhe
indirectlinesthatguysuse,likeHey,doyouhavethetime?often
failmiserablybecausethewomanknowswhatyouredoing.
Thesetypesoflinearenotonlyineffective,theyrecompletely
unoriginal.Aswellexplain,simplybeingoriginalisoneofthe
47
mosteffectivewaystostartaconversationandengageawomans
attention.
Thedirectopenerwementionedabovedoesntsoundcorny,
cheesyorphony.Itsoundsauthentic.Abeautifulwomanisgoing
totuneoutifyoutrytotellherhowgorgeoussheis,butwhat
womandoesntwanttobetoldshehasagreatenergy?When
youconveythesensethatyoureanauthenticperson,shelllower
thebarriersthatshutout9outof10menwhoapproachher,
exudingdesperationoranxiety.Now,onceyouveopenedthe
conversation,weregoingtoshowyouhowtocreatearapid,
genuineconnection.
BuildAttraction
Okay,nowwereatacriticaljuncture.If
youstarttryingtomakefriendswithher
afteryoumeether,youreprobablygoing
toloseherinterest,orshelljust
categorizeyouasafriendandnothing
more.(Thistranslatesintoguyshewill
neversleepwith,evenifyougether
drunk.)
Whatyouneedtodonowisraisethe
energyleveloftheinteractiontoapoint
thatwillgethermoreinvestedintheconversation,andexperiencinga
maximumamountoffun.
Thisiswhatitsallabout.YourememberthatCyndiLaupersong,Girls
JustWanttoHaveFun?Wrappedupinthatthreeminutepoptune
fromthe80sisatruththatmostguyswillnevergrasp.Iftheresone
thingyoumustfocusoninthefirstfewminutesofmeetingawoman,
itsthatsheistunedintoonecorearea:howmuchfunwouldthisguybe
ifIwentoutonadatewithhim?
IfyoupasstheFunTest,yourein.Ifyoudontfeellikefun,shell:
48
Giveyouafakenumber
Giveyouarealnumber,butneveransweritwhenitrings
Giveyouarealnumber,butsheneverreturnsyourcalls,hoping
youllgetthehint
Answerthephone,talktoyou,agreetoanotherdate,andthen
flakeout.
WhatshewillNOTdoistellyouthatshedoesntfindyoufun,and
thereforedoesntwanttohangoutwithyou.Soletsstopwiththe
whiningandlamentingaboutwhydontwomenjusttellyouwhen
theyrenotinterested?Youwouldntdothattoawoman,sowhyexpect
hertobethatbluntwithyou?Thisisagamewomenplay,atleastthe
somewhatgraciousones:lettheguysavefaceandretainsomedignity,
whilesheshopingyouaresociallyawareenoughtotakethehint.Dont
holditagainsther.Shesactuallytryingtobeniceandspareyourego
fromfurtherbruising.
Shesalsosendingyouanimportanthint:inthefuture,youneedtobe
moretunedintoraisingtheenergylevel,makingherhavefun,and
buildingattraction.
Sohowdoyouaccomplishthesethreethings?
First,teaseher.Notethatwedidnotsaymakefunofherorinsult
her.Youmustbeawareofthedifference.
Teasingisgoodspiritedfun,andhasnomaliciousedgetoit.
Examples:
Oh,youreprobablyoneofthosewomenwhocanhitthesnoozebar
onanalarmclockwithdeadlyaccuracy,huh?
Well,Ilikeyournewpurse,butitssodarnsmallImwonderingif
youcouldfitanythingmorethanyourcellphoneandasingleAltoid
init.
Ifyoutakethoseshoesoff,Ibetyourelikefourfeettall,huh?
49
Thoseexampleswouldallbedeliveredinawaythatsays,Imjust
kiddingaroundwithyou.
NegsVs.Teases
Negsareharsherstatementsthataredesignedtoknockagirldowna
pegespeciallyachickwhoishot,andknowsitandmakeherthink
you'renotimpressedbyher.Atonepointthenegbecameextremely
popularwithintheseductioncommunity(consistingofnumerousself
proclaimedgurus,withtheirownfollowingsontheInternet),with
wouldbeseducerspostingonmessageboardsaboutthevariousnegs
theyveusedonwomen.
OneInternetposterboastedhowhewalkeduptoa10andsaid,"Hey,
Ilikeyouroutfit.Ifyourshoesmatched,itwouldbeperfect."(Another
variationonthisline,abitmoresubtle:checkoutherclothesandsay,
Hey,thatsfunnyIjustsawagirlherewearingtheexactsameoutfit.)
Notsurprisingly,thesestoriesalmostneverendwell.Theseguyssimply
getoffonthefactthattheywereabletowalkuptoahotgirl,throwout
aninsult,andletherknowshesnotallthat.Butifitresultsinher
thinkingyoureanobnoxiousdweeborhurlingadrinkinyourface
whostheonelookingfoolish?
Theideabehindtheneghasmerit;itsthesamereasonwhyteasing
works.Ifyoudemonstratethatyouredifficulttoimpressandmakeher
feelslightlyselfconsciouswithoutbeingoffensiveyoullmakeher
moreopentoyouradvances.Butnegshavebeenmisusedandoverused
byguys.Thesocialfinesserequiredtopullitoffisveryhardtocalibrate
whenyoufirstwalkuptoagirl.
Somenegsweveheardguysusethatmetwithdisastrousresults:
YourdresslookslikesomethingIfoundintheSalvationArmy
dumpsterlastweek.
Youhaveanicesmile,butIthinkyoushouldlookintothosenew
clearbracesforyourfrontteeth.
Didyoufart?
50
Yes,weveactuallyheardthesethingssaidtowomen.
Thesearetooabrasiveandharshtouseintheearlypartofmeeting
someone.Youmightgetawaywithslightlyharsherteaseslateron,if
youareattunedtoherandherstate(andsheenjoysyoursenseof
humor),butatfirstyoushouldsticktolightteasingtojackupthe
energyoftheconversation.
Asubtle,welltimedteaseisalwaysmoreeffectivethananabruptneg.
Forinstance,ifyoumentionsomecoolbaryoulike,oramovieoraband
youreintoandshehasnoideaaboutitactsurprisedandsay,"Wow,
Ican'tbelieveyoudon'tknowaboutthat.Youhavetokeepuponthese
thingsifyouregoingtohangoutwithaguylikeme."
Or,youmightsay(teasingly),"OhmyGod.You'veneverseen
Goodfellas?It'soneofthegreatestfilmsofalltime.Ihavetobehonest,
Lisa,I'mhavingsecondthoughts...Idon'tknowifthisrelationshipis
goingtoworkout."
Ofcourse,yousmilewhenyousaythis...andthenyouhavetomovethe
conversationtoafunsubjectthatgetsherfeelinggood.An
effectiveteasewillmakeherwanttoimpressyoutodemonstratethat
shesgoodenoughforyou.Ifyoumakeherfeelalittleselfconscious
aboutthefactthatshe'scluelessaboutsomething(movies,music,
currentevents),she'llwanttoprovethatshedoesknowthings.Thiscan
beespeciallyeffectivewithhotwomen,whobelievemostguystake
themforbimbos.
Butheresthecriticalpoint.Shewillonlycareaboutprovingthistoyou
ifyouveestablishedyourselfasapersonworthimpressing.Aneg,onits
own,isn'tenough.Themainproblemwithmostguysusing"negs"is
thattheythinkit'sawaytobreaktheice.Instead,theyresendinga
contentiousmessageatherbeforetheyvehadachancetoestablishany
attraction.Whyshouldshecarewhatsomestrangeratthebarthinks
aboutherinthefirstplace?Youhavetobeasourceofcredibilityforher
tocare,andthatrequiresthatshemustplacesomevalueonyour
opinionofherfirst.
Oneteasethatcanbequiteeffective,onceyouvebegunthe
51
conversationandestablishedattraction:rightafteryoustrikeupa
conversationwithahotgirl,lookathernose(likeyourenoticing
somethingstrange).Rubyourownnoseandsaytoher,youvegot
somethingrighthere.Shewillreflexivelyrubherownnosetogetridof
whateveryouvenoticed.Thensay,Okay,itsgone.
Thisputsthetwoofyouonthesamelevel.Yourebothhuman.Weall
haveourlittleimperfectionsandthingsthatneedtobecorrected.
MakingaHighStatusFemalefeelslightlyselfconscious,andlettingher
knowthatshesnotaflawlessgoddessinyoureyeswhileNOTbeing
offensivecanbeeffective.
Anotheroneyoucanuse:Whenshecracksacornyjoke,oradmitsto
somethingdorky(shelikesacornymovieorband,oradmitstosome
funnypersonalquirk),laughalongwithherandsayWow,youare
SUCHadork.Itskindacutethough.Letshearitfordorkshighfive!
Now,youveevengotsomephysicaltouchandestablishedalittle
connection.
Itsallabouttiming,theinflectionofyourvoice,andkeepingthings
movingalongtofunsubjectsafteryouthrowinatease.Thisshouldall
beintuitiveandsociallycalibrated.Ifyousaysomethingcanned,be
preparedtogetcanned.
Afteryouvegainedsomeexperienceinthefieldwithusingteases,and
youknowhowtodeliverteasesthatworkeffectively,youwillstill
occasionallyencounterwomenwhoareoffendedbythem.Thisisan
indicatorthatyouredealingwitharigidpersonwhoprobablytakes
herselftooseriously.Justbreatheasighofrelief;bynotgraspingthe
humorofwhatyousaid,sheejectedherselfoutofyourlifebeforeyou
hadtowasteanymoretimeonher.
Fromthispoint,youcanemployawholearsenalofmethodstokickher
attractionintohighergearfromvariousconversationalstrategies,to
techniquessuchascoldreadingorreadingherpalm.Welldiscuss
someofthesemethodsinAlphaRule#18,SeductionIsASkillSet.
QualifyHer
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Okay,nowthatshesrespondingtoyoubasedonyourenergylevel,
yourenthusiasm,andperhapsaslightteaseortwoitstimetodrive
theattractionupevenfurther(aswellasdeterminewhereyoustandin
hermind)bymakingsuresheunderstandsyouhavestandards.You
mustqualifyherinterest.
Howdoyoudothis?Simple:Useeitherqualifyingstatementsor
questionstotestherattractionlevel.
Jenny,beforewegoanyfurtherwiththisconversation,Ishouldtell
you:theresnowayIcouldevermarryawomanwhodoesntknowhow
tocook.(Ordoesntrollerblade,doesntski,doesnthaveasenseof
humor,etc.)
Notethatwhenyousaythis,youhavenoideawhethershepossesses
thisqualityornotyourejustthrowingoutsomebaittoseewhatshe
doeswithit,andsayingitwithasmile.Thefactthatyouretalkingabout
whethershesqualifiedtobeyourwife,onlyashorttimeaftermeeting
her,ismeanttobehumorous.Butallwomenwanttobelievetheyhave
therightstuff,andarethereforegoingtohaveareaction.Thisinjectsan
instantsparkintotheconversation,liftingitabovetheusualboring
smalltalk.Youvethrowndownachallenge.Howwillsherespondto
yourqualifyingstatement?
Shewillmostlikely:
a) Qualifyherselfback:Icook!Youshouldtastemylasagna
Thisisgood;itshowsthatshewantstoimpressyou.
b) Qualifyyouback:Oh,Ihavetocook,huh?Well,Ineedaguythat
canchangemycarsoil.Canyoudothat?Shessavvytoyour
game,andwantstokeepplaying.Therecouldbeattractionhere,
sokeepworking.
c) Flunkherself:Icantcooktosavemylife.Hereshemakesno
attempttosellyouonher.Shesprobablynotattracted,oris
challengingyouback.
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d) Ignoreyou:Shesprobablynotthatattractedyet.Resumeteasing
andchallengingher.
Aqualifyingquestionissimplyphrasingthesamebait,onlyintheform
ofaquestion,andstillexpressinginterestatthesametime.Jenny,
yourecuteandall,butIcantgoanyfurtherinourrelationshipuntilI
knowsomething:Canyoucook?
Theresultisthesame:yourechallenginghertoproveherself.Ifshe
does,shesinterested.Ifshedoesnt,dontsweatit:itjustmeansyou
needtobacktrack,andbuildthatattraction.
BuildRapport
Whenyouveestablishedthatawomanis
interested,andshesintotheconversation,you
needtoestablishtrustandrapportwithher.
Awomanhasconflictingforcesatworkwithin
heratalltimes,andoneoftheseforcescannotbe
ignoredifyouaretosucceedinseduction.This
forceistrust.Yousee,awomanwillnotallow
herselftobeseducedbyyouifshedoesnottrust
you.Shehastoovercomeherbuiltinnaturalmistrustofmen(and
strangers)inorderforyoutocompleteyourseductionandgotobed
withher.Butshewontovercomethisonherown.Sheneedsyourhelp.
Womenhavebeenconditionedsincebirth(andinevolutionaryterms)
tomistrustmensintentions.Theirmotherstoldthemwewereonly
afteronething,andtheirfriendsreinforcedthisbelief.Themost
importantthingtoayoungwomanistheopinionofherpeers,andif
theythoughtshewasbeingsleazyorsluttish,thiswasenoughto
completelycontrolhersocialbehavior.Thisischangingassocialand
culturalshiftsoccur,butitisstillapartofawomanswiring.
Itsalsoapartofhergeneticdispositiontobeselectiveaboutwhoshe
hassexwith,becausesleepingwithaguyhasalwaysmeantthe
possibilityofatwentyyearobligationraisingachildifshegotpregnant.
Weveonlyhadreliablebirthcontrolforaboutthelast150years,sothis
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willtakesometimeforhergeneticmemorytoforget.
Alotofguysthrowtheirhandsupatthethoughtofhavingtogaina
womanstrust,knowingthatthetrustmechanismofawomantakesa
longtimetobuilduptosufficientlevels.
Thankfully,thereareshortcuts.Youdontneedtospendmonths(or
evenweeks)courtingawomantogainhertrust.Infact,theonething
youshouldnotdoisworktoohardtotryandgainhertrust,because
thiswillappearphonyandinsinceretoher,anditwillactuallylower
notraiseherfeelingsoftrust.(Thinkaboutit:theonlypeoplewhotry
reallyhardtogetotherpeopletotrustthemarethepeopleyou
shouldnttrust!)Theprimaryshortcutissimplyshowingherthatyou
areattunedtoher.
Herearethebasicstepstowardsmakingherfeelattunedandtrusting:
1) Activelistening.Nodandmaintaineyecontactwithher.Shehas
tofeelthatyoureallyhearher.Askherquestionsaboutwhatshe
said.Ifyoureinanoisyenvironment,leaninclosesothatyou
dontmissaword.(Thisalsoclosesthephysicalgapbetweenthe
twoofyou.)Useshortphrasestoencouragehertokeeptalking
andsharing:Hmm,thatsreallyinteresting.Icanseewhyyou
feelthatway.Itsinterestingthatyouwouldsaythat.Tellme
more.)
2) Relaxandbreatheatthesamerateshedoes.Thiswillhelpyou
fallintomirroringherbodylanguagenaturally.(Note:Donottry
toohardtomirrorherbodylanguage,asthisalsolooksphonyand
contrived.Justletithappennaturally;noticehergroove,and
settleintoit.)
3) Findcommonalities.Itgoeswithoutsayingthatwetrustand
wanttobearoundpeoplethatarelikeus.Whenyoudiscoverthat
youhavesomethingincommon,youshouldmakesureyou
expandonitandletherknowthatitssomethingthatyoutwo
bothshare,suchastravelingabroad,orcertaintypesofbooks,or
longdistancerunning.Themoreyouexplorethiscommon
experience,thebetterbutdontramble.Sheistheonewho
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shouldbedoingmostofthetalkingandsharing.
4) Gethertorealizesomethingonanemotionallevel.Avery
effectivewaytobuildrapportwithwomen,andgaintheir
confidence,ishelpingthemcometoadecisionandmotivatethem
todosomethingtheymaybescaredof.Thisisintenselyarousing
toawomanbecauseitdemonstratesleadershipability.Ifshedoes
starttakingactionasaresultofyourmotivation,itwillbondher
toyou.
Onceyoureinvolvedwithawoman,youmaybeabletomotivateherto
makesignificantchangesandimprovementsinherlife.Intheearly
stages,somesimpleencouragementisenoughtodemonstratethatA)
youvalueherandbelieveinherabilities,andB)ifshedoesgetinvolved
withyou,youllbeapositiveinfluenceinherlife.
Jenny,Ithinkitsadmirablethatyourethinkingaboutstartingyour
ownbusiness.IdontthinkyoushouldwaitIthinkyoushouldgofor
it.Ihaveafeelingyoudbeverysuccessfulatit.
Whenshesharesoneofhergoalsorambitionswithyou,promptherto
keeptalkingandsharing,andencourageher.Everywomanhas
somethingshedratherbedoingwithherlife,orwantstoachieve
someday.Helphertocrystallizeitinhermindandencourageherto
takeaction.Wheneveryouspendtimewithherfromthispointforward,
thisisasubjectyoucanalwaystalkabout,andonethatputsherina
positiveframeofmind.
Next,youmust
Escalateappropriatelyorcloseforthenextopportunityto
escalate.
Youmustmakethismeetinggosomewhere.Everyencounterwitha
woman,ordate,mustresultinmeasurableprogress.Alwayshaveagoal
inmindforyournextstep.
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Ifyouvejustmetthiswomanforthefirsttime,yourgoalisalwaystoat
leastgetcontactinformation:aphonenumberoranemailaddress.
Havehercallyourphonerighttheresoyoucanbesureshegaveyoua
legitimatenumber,andhaveherprogramyournameintoherphoneso
shewillseeyournamewhenyoucall.
Ifyoureoutonadate,makesureyoureprogressingtowardsthenext
level,whetherthatshandholdingorkissing.Rememberthatattraction
isalotliketryingtowalkupthedownescalator.Youllhavetoput
energyintogainanyground.Whenyoustopandwait,youreactually
backsliding.
AwomanisalwaysaskingherselfWhereisthisgoing?inherhead.
SheneedsyoutodotheAlphaMansjobofleadingherforwardthrough
herownemotionalinsecurityandindecision.
Yes,escalationdoesopenyouupforthedreadedrejection,whichis
whyagreatmanyguyswillgettoacertainpointandstopescalating.
Theyfeelgoodatwhateverstagetheyreat,anddontwanttorisk
ruiningitforthemselves.Soinstead,theyjustlosebydefault.
Ithappensamilliontimeseverynight,atbarsacrossthecountry(and
theworld).Aguy(callhimMike)meetsgirl.Hebuysheradrinkand
theytalk.Hefeelscomfortable;inhismind,hesinthedooranditcan
onlyleadtogoodthings.Buttheendresultiseither:
A) Mikedoesntwanttoseemtooforward,sohedoesntgether
phonenumber.Hefigureshellseeheragainsoonatthesamebar.
Heneverdoes.
B) Mikegetsherphonenumber,butwhenhecallsthenextdayand
leavesheramessage,shenevercallsback.Why?Because12or16
hoursaftertheirinitialmeeting,sheisinatotallydifferent
emotionalstate.Lastnightshewasoutatthebar,havingdrinks,
inasocialmood.ThatwasMikesopportunitytobuildgenuine
attractionandeitherhookupwithherthatnight,ormakesure
thatwhenhecalledher,shedbeexcitedtohearfromhim.
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Butatthebar,Mikeneverwentbeyondsmalltalkwithher.Itwas
average,forgettablechitchat.Whensheheardhismessageonher
voicemail,shedidntthinkohcool,itsMike,Imgladhecalled.Itwas
ohitsthatguyfromthebar.Nothanks.
Ifshesagoodlookinggirl,andshewasnttooimpressedwithMike,
theresnoreasonforhertocallhimbackandendureanawkward
conversationinwhichhesprobablygoingtoaskherout.Shecan
alwaysmeetadifferentguytonight.
TheAlphaManistheoneshewillcallback.Remembertoescalate.Drive
upherattractionlevel.Ifshesbeentothisbaradozentimesandhad
conversationswithadozenguys,makesureyouaretheoneshefeelsa
genuineconnectionwith.Yourphonecallistheoneshellreturn.
CreateAttraction,NotAffection
Thereisahugedifferencebetweenawomanwhofeelsattractedtoyou,
andonewhofeelsaffectionforyou.Alotofguysmakethemistakeof
thinkingaffectionleadstoattraction.Hefiguresthatbybecomingher
closefriendandconfidant,eventuallyshellrealizeherfeelingsforhim
andtheirfriendshipwithblossomintoromance.
Theproblemis,thisalmostneverhappens.Itsmorelikelythathell
windupbeinghershouldertocryonasshehassexandbad
relationshipswithotherguys.Eventually,shemeetsMr.Rightandno
longerhasanyneedforhisfriendshipandsupport.
Wehearthisfromguyseverytimewedoaseminar:theyrefrustrated
becausewomenlovehangingoutwiththemandsharingtheirproblems
withthem,buttheyrenotgettinganysex.
WeveknownguyswhohavelanguishedintheFriendZoneforyears.
Hedoesntwanttobehershouldertocryoneverytimesomeotherguy
doesherwronghewantstohookupwithher!Butmentally,shehas
decidedhebelongsintheFriendZone.
Atthispoint,anypossibilitiesofhookingupwiththisguyhavebeen
extinguishedinhermind.Ifhesummonsuphiscourageonedayand
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goesforakiss,orconfesseshisfeelings,shepullsawayandrejectshim.
Shesrepulsedinhermind,itslikeherownbrotherjustmadeamove
onher!
WhenweadviseguyswhoaretrappedintheFriendZone,they
invariablygivethesameexcusefornotmakingamove:"Idon'twantto
riskhurtingourfriendship."
Letscutthebullshithere.It'snotherfriendshipthatyoufearlosing.
Whatyoufearisthebigrejectiongettingofficiallyshotdownand
knowingitsalostcause,afterallthetimeandemotionyouhave
invested.Itseasiertoentertainthefantasythatwillnevercometrue,
thanfacetherealitythatshedoesntwantyou.
AfundamentalRuleofAttractionistoneverletitgettothispoint.
Gainingawomanstrustandmakingherfeelcomfortableopeningupto
youisimportant.Butyoumustsustainforwardmomentum.Itsallabout
escalation.Rememberwhatwesaidbefore,aboutattractionbeinglike
walkingupadownescalator:youreeithermovingthingsforward,or
youareslidingbackwardseitherintotheFriendZone,orintototal
irrelevance.
Youdontaccomplishthisbytellingherhowyoufeelabouther.(As
Aristotlesaid,Hewhoconfessesfirst,loses.)Youmakeyourself
sexuallyattractivebysayinganddoingthethingsthatstimulateher
romanticinterest.TheAlphaManunderstandshowtotriggerthese
emotionsinwomenwithoutevermakinghisintentionsobvious.
Alsoremember,themostpreciouscommodityofallistime.Itstheone
thingnoneofusevergetanymoreof.AsanAlphaMan,withaworldof
sexualopportunitiesinfrontofyou,youmustmaintainthemindsetthat
yourtimeisextremelyvaluable.Andthereisnogreaterwasteoftime
thanspendingweeksormonthsplayingthefriendroletoawoman
yourenotclosingthedealwith.
Herearesomecriticalpointsyoumustrememberinordertomaintain
forwardmomentumawayfromtheFriendZoneandtowardsthe
bedroom.
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TheFriendZoneVs.TheAlphaZone
TheFriendZoneGuyisalwaysavailable.If
shecallshimatthreeinthemorning,sobbing
becauseherlatestboyfriendcheatedonher,he
hangsonthephoneforanhour.Ifshecallshim
onaSaturdaynighttoseeifhewantstocome
outtoabar,hesreadytoheadthereata
momentsnotice.Ifsheaskshimtohelpher
paintherapartmentnextSunday,noproblem!
Anythingtospendtimewithher,evenifitleads
nowhere.
TheAlphaManhasnotimeforconversations
aboutothermenshesbeenromanticallyinvolved
with.(Forstarters,shewouldnevercallhimat
threeinthemorning,becausesheknowsheisan
extremelybusypersonandneedshissleep.)Ifshe
everstartstalkingaboutsomejerkwhocheated
onherorbrokeherheart,hisresponseis
empathetic,butbrief:Itsoundslikethatguy
reallyblewitwithyou,Jessica.Butitsagood
thingthatyourefreeandunattachednow,
becauseImenjoyinggettingtoknowyou.
Then,hemovestheconversationtoamorepleasanttopicandtakesher
mindoffherex.Heasksheraquestionaboutsomethingthatwillput
herinapositivemindset:somethinggoingoninherlifethatsheis
excitedabout.Thehiddenimplicationofthistopicswitchisthatherex
iscompletelyirrelevantandnotevenworthdiscussing.
NOTE:Donotmakeanycommentsthatdisparageherex.Dont
saywhataloser,orIcantbelieveyouwoulddateacreeplike
that.Bearinmind,shehad(orhas)strongfeelingsforhim.By
insultingherex,youreinsultingherjudgmentandmaycause
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hertogetdefensive.
Onthesamenote,nevermakenegativecommentsaboutyour
ownexgirlfriends.ThismakesyoulookA)likeacallousjerk,or
B)likeyourexisstillweighingonyourmindandyouhavent
gottenoverher.Ifsheasksyouwhyyouendedyourprevious
relationship,nomatterhowmuchofacrazybitchyourexwas,
putapositivespinonit:ShesagreatpersonIguesswejust
werentmeanttoendupwitheachother.
WhenawomancallstheAlphaMantomakeplanswithhim,hewill
rarelyagreetoitimmediatelyespeciallyifitsonshortnotice.Theres
nowayshesgoingtocallhimandcatchhimhomealoneonaSaturday
night,withnothingbettertodo,eagertoacceptherinvite.
TheresnothingwrongnecessarilywithchillingathomeonaSaturday
night,butnevergivetheimpressionthatyourewaitingbythephone.
Ifshecallstoinviteyoutojoinheratabar,say,Thatsoundslikealotof
fun.Ivegotsomedifferentoptionsfortonight,butletmeseeifIcan
makeitovertherealittlelateron.Illcallyou,sokeepaneyeonyour
phone.
IfshecallstoseeifyoucanjoinherfordinnernextThursday,maintain
thisauraoflimitedavailability:Ivegotabusyweek,butletmecheck
myschedulebecausethatsoundslikeagreattime.Illringyouback.
Ideally,asanAlphaMan,youtrulyaresobusythatyoullneedtocheck
yourscheduleandpossiblyshiftsomeappointmentsaround(perhaps
appointmentswithothergirls).Eitherway,nevergivewomenthe
impressionthatyouvegotnothingelsegoingon.Thisapproachhas
anotherimportantbenefit:whenyoudograntheryourtimeandhang
outwithher,itwillfeelspecialtoher.Shewonttakeyourtimefor
granted.ForaguyintheFriendZone,itscommonforwomentoshow
uplate,cancelplansorflakeoutonhimbecausetheydontrespecthis
time.
TheFriendZoneGuyeventuallymakesthebigconfession.Aftera
periodofbeingagoodfriend(anotherwayofsaying,sexually
frustrated),hecantendurethetortureanylongeranddecidestospill
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hisheartout.Hethinkshesmakingabraveromanticgesture,buthe
windsuptentimesmoredepressedwhenshetellshim,ButIlikeyou
asafriendorIdontwanttomessupourfriendship.(Thisisjust
anotherwayofhersaying,Ihavezerointerestinsleepingwithyou,so
forgetaboutit.)
The"heartfeltconfession"isalwaysarecipeforhumiliation.Sheseither
goingto:
Pityyou,andinstantlyloserespectforyou.Howcanawoman
respectamanwhohasbeenhidinghisfeelingsoutoffear?
Thinkyoureseriouslyweird.Shesthinking,thisguyhasbeen
hangingoutwithmeallthistime,pretendingtobemyclose
friend,andallalonghesbeendyingtogetinmypants?Creepy.
Onlyinthemoviesdotwopeoplesimultaneouslyconfesstheirpentup
lustforeachotherandthenmakewild,passionatelove.Youcanbethe
mostloyalfriendintheworldtoher,butifyourenotstimulatingheron
asexuallevel,shesnevergoingtoviewyouasanythingbutafriend.We
dontcarewhatHollywoodsays.
TheAlphaManneverconfesseshisownattraction.Ifshefeelstheurge
totellhimhowattractedsheistohim,heplaysitcoy:Imreally
enjoyinggettingtoknowyou.Letskeephavingfuntogetherandsee
wherethisgoes.Nopressure,noexpectations,Ithinkthatsthebest
waytobeginarelationship.
TheFriendZoneGuyiseasilyrattled.Hesnevertrulyateasearound
theobjectofhisdesire,becausehescarryingaroundpentupemotions
thatarethreateningtoburstoutofhim.Thismanifestsitselfinhislack
ofpoisewhenhesaroundher.Becausehesalwayshopingtoimpress
her,hegetsfrustratedwhenthingsdontgoexactlyhisway.
TheAlphaMandemonstratespoiseatalltimes.Poiseisthekeythat
willgetyouthroughmanydoorswithwomen.Whetheryouvejust
struckupaconversationwithher,oryoureoutonaseconddatewith
her,knowthatyouareconstantlybeingevaluated.Butthisshouldnt
makeyounervous.Instead,youshouldalwaysbeonthelookoutfor
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opportunitiestodemonstratewhatacalm,coolandcollectedguyyou
are.Whiletheaverageguyfumblesandfalterswheneverthingsdontgo
exactlyaccordingtoplan,theAlphaManalwaysshowspoise.
Forinstance,weveallbeeninsituationswherewevehadtowaitinline
forsomething.Noonelikestowaitinline.Itseasytostartbitchingand
complaining.Someguys,iftheyrewaitingtogetintoanightclubor
restaurant,willstarthasslingthestaffandcauseascene.Theymight
thinktheyrebeingassertive,thattheyreshowingtheyretoo
importanttobotherwithalongwait.Butalltheyrereallydoingis
callingattentiontothefactthattheyreimpatientandrude.And
impatienceisamajorturnofftowomen.
Nexttimeyoufindyourselfwaitinginlinewithadate,dontcomplainto
herandcreatenegativeenergy.Spinitintoapositive.Tellher,
Normally,Imightgetimpatientathavingtowaitinthisline.Butwith
youkeepingmecompany,Iminnohurry.
Watchthatputasmileonherface.Insteadofshowingweakness(inthe
formofimpatience),youshowedAlphaPower.
Everytimeyourewithawoman,youarefacedwithsituationswhere
youcaneithercreatenegativeenergyorshowposture.Awaitress
messesupyourorderandbringsyouthewrongdish,oryoursteakis
cookedthewrongway.Yourcarbreaksdown.Yourewithheratabar,
andsomerandomguystartstryingtohitonher.Allofthesesituations
shouldbehandledwithpoiseandconfidence.Lookatthesesituations
astests,andknowthatshesgoingtonoticehowyouhandleyourself.
Saytothewaitresswhomessedupyourorder,Iknowitmustnotbe
easy,keepingtrackofalltheseorders,butIactuallyorderedthe
mediumraresteak.Whensheapologizes,smileandactlikeitsnobig
deal.Icompletelyunderstand,itsbusyheretonight.Notaproblem.
Whensomeotherguystartstryingtochatwithyourdate,mostguysin
thissituationwilltrytoasserttheirmasculinitybyactingaggressively,
orbybeingoverprotectiveandputtinganarmaroundher.Thisonly
makesyoulookinsecure,likeyoureactuallyworriedthatsomerandom
guyisgoingtosnatchherawayfromyou.
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Taketheoppositeapproach.Introduceyourselftotheguyandmakeita
groupconversation.Ifherefusestotakethehintandwontleavethe
twoofyoualone,politelyexcuseyourselfandyourdate.Infact,weve
beenknowntopushawomantowardsaguyinthissituation,aslongas
sheisntlookingcreepedoutbyhim.Wellwhispertoher,Hey,hes
prettycute.Goforit!Ifyoudothiswithoutlookinginsecureorangry,
weguaranteeyoushellbeevenmoreintoyou.Shellbechallengedby
yourselfcontrolandcalmconfidence.
TheFriendZoneGuyshareshisowndisappointmentsandfrustrations
withwomen.Whiletryingtobuildhisfriendshipbondwithherand
listeningtoherproblems,hetalksabouthisown.Justasheisoverly
sympatheticwhenshetalksaboutthecrapinherlife,hewantshertobe
sympathetictohisplight.Whenshetalksabouthowbadlymenhave
treatedher,hetalksabouthowbadlywomenhavetreatedhim.He
mistakenlythinksthattheseshareddisappointmentsarebuildingthe
bondbetweenthemwheninreality,itjustmakeshimlookeven
weakerandmoreunattractive.
TheAlphaMankeepsthingsonapositivenote,andtherebykeeps
womeninarelaxed,carefreemindset.Theyassociatehimwithfeeling
goodaboutthemselves.Ifshehashadastressfulday,orisgoing
throughadifficultperiodintheirlife,sheknowsthatwhenshespends
timewithhimherproblemsaregoingtobetemporarilyforgotten.She
looksforwardtospendingtimewiththeAlphaManbecauseheoffersan
escapefromhertroubles,orfromhermundanedailyroutine.
Wheneveragirlstartstalkingaboutanegativesubject,youshould
listenforafewminutes(youneverwanttoseemunsympathetic)and
thensteertheconversationinanotherdirection.Putherfocusbackon
thepresentmomentandthetimesheisspendingwithyou.Wellit
soundslikeyouredealingwithalotrightnow,Lisa,soImgladwere
outtonightenjoyingthisamazing
restaurant/concert/nightclub/etcNowyoucanjustforgetaboutallof
thatandfocusonhavingagoodtime.
Onceyouvedevelopedaromanticrelationshipwithagirl,itsperfectly
okayforyoutolistenatlengthaboutherdifficultiesandhelpherwork
64
throughthem.Maybesheshavingfinancialproblems.Maybeshehates
hermother.Maybeshehadahorriblechildhood.Thesearethingsyou
sharewithsomeoneyoucareaboutovertime,anditsallpartofbeing
inalovingrelationship.Buttheyhavenoplaceintheearlystages.When
thesetopicscomeout,besympatheticbutbebrief,andthenmovethe
conversationintopositiveterritory.
Remember,friendsarewillingtolistentotheirfriendsventabouttheir
problemsallnightlong.Lovers,ontheotherhand,stayfocusedoneach
otherandfuturepossibilities.Keepyourselfinthelattercategory.
TheFriendZoneGuyissocaughtupinhispassionforher,thathes
passionateaboutlittleelseinhislife.Anyothergoalshehas(orhad)
dontseemnearlyasimportantasmakingherhisgirlfriend.
TheAlphaManispassionateabouthislife,andthispassionishugely
attractivetowomen.Heconveysthesensethatheisincontrolofhis
destinyandexcitedaboutit.Anymistakesorfalsestepsinhispastwere
learningexperiencesthathelpedhimreachthispointinhislife.This
combinationofpassion,confidenceandcontrolisintoxicatingtothe
womenwhogettoknowhim.
Insomecases,youllbepassionateaboutsomethingthatsheisnt
particularlyinterestedin.Themerefactthatamaniscapableofbeing
incrediblypassionateaboutsomethingcancreateanattraction.Women
willoftenreasonthatifhecanbegenuinelypassionateaboutahobbyor
acareergoal,thenhehasthecapacitytobepassionatetowardsherand
theirrelationship.Shesalwaysinterpreting.
ThisisthepremiseofthemovieFeverPitch,inwhichJimmyFallon
playsadweebwhoscompletelyobsessedwiththeBostonRedSoxand
DrewBarrymoreplayshisfrustratedgirlfriend.Atonepointinthe
movie,Barrymoregetsfedupwithhowhesbeenignoringhertowatch
histeam.Rightbeforebreakingupwithhim,shetellshimthathislove
fortheRedSoxisoneofthethingsthatmadeherinterestedinhim,
becauseshefiguredshecouldgethimtoredirectthatpassiontowards
her.Ofcourse,beingthatthisisaHollywoodromanticcomedy,he
eventuallyrealizeswhatacompletejackasshesbeenandhewindsup
renouncingtheRedSoxforher.
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Thepointofthestoryisthatpassioniswhatwecallamassive
attractionquality.Notobsessionwhereyouresoconsumedwith
somethingthatyouwindupalienatingthepeopleclosetoyou.Passion.
Whetheryoulovemusic,orsnowboarding,ortravel,itscooltobereally
intosomethingandbeanexpertonthesubject.Ideally,itssomething
thatyoucansharewithwomen.Maybeitstakinghertoseeabandyou
love,showingheraroundyourfavoriteartgallery,takinghertoyour
favoritemountainbikingtrail,orturningherontoabookbyanauthor
youadmire.
Dontthinkyouneedtoappearinvincibleandinvulnerabletowomenin
ordertocreateattraction.Displayingavulnerabilitysuchasjoking
abouthowyouretheworldsworstskiercanbeendearing.(Ifyou
seemtooperfectandgreatateverything,womenmightstartwondering,
Whatsthecatch?Andwhytheheckisthisperfectguystillsingle?)
Theideaistoalwaysmaintainafun,outgoing,positivemindset;dont
bringupsubjectsthatyoucantputapositivespinon,orjokeabout.
Dontgetintoyourpersonalfrustrationsorfailures.
TheFriendZoneGuydeferstoheropinionsanddecisions.Whenhe
callshertoplanagettogether,itsoundssomethinglikethis:
HIM:Iwasthinkingifyourefreetonight,maybewecoulddo
something...
HER:Whatdoyouhaveinmind?
HIM:Oh,Idontknow.Maybeseeamovie?
HER:Arethereanygoodmoviesplaying?
HIM:Idontknow,IcouldchecktheInternet...whatkindsofmoviesdo
youlike?
HER:Ilovescarymovies.Whataboutyou?
HIM:Ilikeallkinds...scarymovies,action,comedies,whatever.
HER:Imactuallyprettyhungry.Doyouwanttogetsomethingtoeat?
HIM:Sure.Wheredoyouwanttogo?
HER:Whatkindoffooddoyoulike?
HIM:Allkinds.Whatdoyoulike?
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Yaddayaddayadda.Thisconversationcouldgoonforahalfhour
withoutanytypeofgameplanbeingformulated.Doesthissoundlikea
guywhoiscapableofmakingawomanfeelsafe,secureandprotected?
Beingindecisiveaboutpickingarestaurantoramoviemightseem
trivial.Butwhenawomanisevaluatingyouasapotentialmate,sheis
searchingforAlphaqualities.ShewantsanAlphaMan,andanAlpha
Manisonewholeads.
TheAlphaMan,alwayskeepinghimselfoutoftheFriendZone,laysout
thegameplanandmakesithappen:
HIM:SoyoumentionedyouwerefreeonFridaynight.Theresaplace
ImgoingtotakeyoutoeatthatIknowyouregoingtolove.
HER:Ohreally?Whichrestaurant?
HIM:Trustme,thefoodisincredible.Thisplaceisahiddengem,nottoo
manypeopleknowaboutityet.Illpickyouupatseven.
HER:Soundsgreat.
TheAlphaManisdecisive,neverwishywashyaboutanything.He
knowswhathelikes,anddoesnotlike.Hehashisownbeliefsand
opinionsandisnotafraidtosharethem,eveniftheygoagainstthe
grain.Andwhenitstimetomakeplanswithawoman,hedoesntbeat
aroundthebushandtrytotakethesafestpossibleroute.Helaysoutthe
planandmakesherwanttocomealongfortheride.(Ifitturnsoutthat
shesextremelypickyorisntreceptivetotryingnewthings,thenshes
probablynotawomanyoullwanttodateinthefirstplace.)
TheFriendZoneGuyisnervousaboutmakingcommitments.Sure,
hedcommittoherinaheartbeatifheknewshefeltthesamewayabout
him,butinotherareasofhislifeheisunabletomakedecisions.He
dislikeshisjobandcomplainsabouthisboss,butisntcommittedto
findingabetterjob.Hecantstandhisroommate,butwontcommitto
findingabetterlivingsituation.Hetalksabouthowhewantsthings,but
lacksthedrive,theselfconfidence,andthecommitmenttomakeit
happen.Thisisincrediblyunattractivetoawoman.Howisshe
supposedtoimaginearelationshipwiththisguy,whenhehasno
authorityoverhisownlife?
67
TheAlphaMandemonstratesthathebelievesincommitmentto
goals,andtootherpeople.Hedemonstratesthisthroughhisactionsas
wellashisstatements.Byemphasizingwhatacommittedpersonyou
are,womenwillknowyouarecapableofcommittingtothemandwill
wanttoearnthisprivilege.
Herearejustafewexamplesofseedsyoucanplantduring
conversation:
Ivebeenworkingonthisnewprojectthatsbeenreallychallenging.
ButImgoingtoseeitthrough.OnceIstartsomething,Ialwaysstay
committedtoit.
Oneofmygoalsrightnowistogetinbettershapeandeathealthier.
Imreallycommittedtoit.
Icantunderstandthesecelebrities,gettingmarriedandsplittingupa
fewweekslater.Ithinktheydoitmainlyforthepublicity,theyhaveno
ideawhatrealcommitmentis.
WhatIrespectmostaboutmyparentsistheircommitmenttoeach
other.Theyvehadalotofupanddownsbuttheyvealwaysstayed
committedtotheirmarriage.
Ivebeenbusylatelyhelpingoneofmyfriendsgethisnewbusinessoff
theground.Ivealwaysverybeencommittedtothepeopleinmyinner
circleItrytoalwaysbethereforthem.
Establishyourselfasaguywhobelievesincommitment,andwomen
willwanttocommitthemselvestoyou.(Butifyoudontwant
commitment,youneedtoberealaboutthisandnotpretendasifyou
are.)
TheSixWordsNoManWantsToHear
Ilikeyouasafriend.Weveallheardthesedreadedsixwordsfroma
womanbefore,anditsworsethanakickinthegroin.Butunderstand
whatshesreallytellingyou.Whenyoutrytomakeamoveonagirland
shedeniesyou,sayingshejustwantstobefriends,whatshessaying
68
isthatsheisnotsexuallyattractedtoyou.Thiscouldhappenattheend
ofthefirstdate,orafteryouveknownherforyearsandfinallyworkup
thecouragetoaskherout.
Whateverthecasemaybe,whenawomantellsyouthis,youmightas
wellchalkitupasalessonlearnedandmoveon.Letsberealistic:after
youvemadeitclearthatyoureintoher,andgottenshotdownwith
thosesixwords,hangingoutwithherinthefutureasafriendisgoing
tobeunpleasant.Chancesaresheisgoingtodistanceherselffromyou.
Thereisalwaysgoingtobeacertainlevelofawkwardnessandsexual
tensionbetweenthetwoofyou:sheknowsyouwanther,andyouknow
youstillwanther,butunfortunatelyitaintgonnahappen.
Ifyougetsmackedwiththosedreadedsixwords,justplayitcool:If
youfeelthatway,Irespectthat.Ofcoursewecanbefriends.Donttry
toconvinceherotherwise,thatyoureagreatcatchorwouldmakean
awesomeboyfriend.Anddontsayanythingobnoxious.(Fine,
whatever,itsnotlikeIdonthaveothergirlsIcouldbewith.)Just
verballyagreetotheletsbefriendsscenarioandknowinthebackof
yourheadthatthissituationisgoingnowhere,anditstimeforyouto
cutyourlossesandmoveontothenextprospect.
Learnfromthemistakesyouvemadeinthepast,andvowtoneverget
trappedintheFriendZoneagainwithawomanyouwanttoscorewith.
IfyoufollowthepathoftheAlphaMan,yourenotgoingtoeverhear
thosewords.Youregoingtoknowhowtostimulateawomansinterest
inyouandpresentyourselfasaromanticoptionsothatyounevergetin
theFriendZoneinthefirstplace.
Whenawomanagreestogoonadatewithyou,sheknowsthedeal.You
didntaskheroutbecauseyourelookingtomakenewfriends.Andshe
didntspendtwohourschoosingheroutfit,anddoingherhairand
makeup,becauseshewantsaguyshecanunloadherproblemsonand
neversleepwith.SheslookingforanAlphaManwhowillsweepheroff
herfeet.Whetherornotyoufulfillthisroleisuptoyou.
69
ALPHA RULE 3:
BE UNIQUE IN YOUR
APPROACH, STYLE
&
ACTIONS
Becomeasourceoffascinationtopeoplebypresentingyourselfasan
original:auniqueindividualwhodoesntthinkandactliketheherd.
Whenyouseemtypical,womenareinclinedtofeelatypical,lukewarm
emotionalreactiontowardsyou.Incorporatenewdetailsintoyourstyle
andwardrobesothatyoucommandattention.Leadandprojectalifestyle
thatisexcitingandunpredictable.Beingoriginalinthesewaysisclear
indicatorofconfidenceandhighselfesteem.
EachAlphaManisuniquelypowerfulinhisownright.Hedoesnt
70
slouchhiswaythroughlifewiththerestoftheherd.Heisntlimitedby
thesamefearsandcripplingbeliefsystemsthatkeepotherguysstuckin
mediocrejobsandmarryingmediocrewomen.
TotheAlphaMan,theworldisajungleinwhichheisamongthebiggest,
baddestlions.Meanwhile,thesuckerswatchtheworldgobylikede
clawedhousecatslookingoutthelivingroomwindowataworldthey
arentequippedtosurvivein.
Abigpartoftranscendingtheherdisbeingoriginalinyourstyleand
actions.Ifthereareahundreddudesinthenextbaryougoto,youmust
betheonewhowalksinlikeyouownthejoint,elevatetheenergylevel
wheneveryouenteraninteraction,andmakeanimmediate,positive
impressiononpeoplewithyourcharismaandconfidence.Itcouldbea
guy,itcouldbeagroupofgirls,itcouldbethebartender.Theyallget
yourAgame,becauseeveryinteractionmattersandisachanceforyou
toshine.
Doesthissoundlikeatallmountaintoclimb?Itreallyisnt.Justobserve
alltheotherguysthenexttimeyouwalkintoabar.(Thewordbarcan
substituteforamanyothersocialenvironments:parties,business
functions,restaurants,etc.)Observethewaysinwhichmencompensate
fornothavinganygame.Theyregettingdrunkandloud;theyre
huddlingwiththeirbuddies,wallingthemselvesofffromwomen;
theyresittingalone,silentlycursingtheircompleteinabilitytogeta
girl;ortheyretalkingtoachickbutifyoulistenclosely,theyresaying
anddoingallthewrongthings.
Allofthisbehavior,boileddowntoasingleword,isunoriginal.Weseeit
everytimewegoout.Sodowomen.Boy,dotheyevernotice.Andwhen
oneoftheseguysapproachoneofthesegirls,sheisarmedandreadyto
blowhimoutwithafastrejection.Hescommonandeasilyforgotten.
HerearesomeofthewaysinwhichAlphaMenareoriginal,andhow
thesecharacteristicsaregoingtohelpdetermineyoursuccesswith
women.
71
Alphashavestyle.Werenotgoingtoofferspecifictipsonyourlook
oryourwardrobe,becausewerenotfamiliarwithyouasanindividual.
Anoutfitthatlookssharpononeguymightlookstrangeorridiculous
onanother.TherocknrolldrummerandtheWallStreetCEOcanboth
beAlphas,whilesportingcompletelydifferentlooks.Theoutfitthat
MickJaggerwearsonstageisntgoingtoworkforTonySopranobut
youcanbetyourasstheyrebothAlphas.
Whatisimportantisthatyoudevelopyourownsenseofstyle,onethat
makesyoufeelconfident,comfortableanddifferentfromtheaverage
guywhoputslittlethoughtintowhatheputsoninthemorning.If
youvebeenrotatingbetweenthesamecollectionofshirtsandpantsfor
alongtime,itstimeforyoutodosomeclosetcleaningandshopfor
somenewthreads.
Tryaddingacoupleofeyecatchingdetailstoyourlook:acoolring,
necklace,bracelets.Thesecanalsobegreatconversationpieces.
Youdontneedtospendalotofmoney.Whateverstyleofclothingor
jewelryyouwanttotry,thereareimitationbrands,soldatyourlocal
mall,thatbasicallylookjustasgoodastherealthing.Youjustneedto
figureoutthelookyouwanttogofor.
Or,ifyoudontmindspendingsomebucksonthenewyou,pickup
somejeansandshirtsbyhighenddesigners.Spendingmoneyon
clothesandaccessoriesonyourselfisneverabadinvestment.Itll
paydividends.
AlphaTip:Goingshoppingforclothesisalsoasmooth
waytomeetwomen.Mallsareusuallyfilledwithcute
salesgirlswhoarepaidtobefriendlyandassistyou.If
youstartchattingandwanttofindoutwhethershes
single,holdupanitemofclothingandsay,Wouldyou
wantyourboyfriendtowearsomethinglikethis?
*****
DeanSays
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Ifyouvesportedfacialhairforalongtime,shaveit.Dontthink
twiceaboutit.Doit.Awhileback,Iattendedaverypowerful
weeklongmotivationalworkshop,andattheendofthefirstday
allthemenwithfacialhairwereinstructedtoreturnthenextday
cleanshaven.Itwasamazingtoseethedifferenceinguyswhod
suddenlyshavedoffthegoateesorbeardstheydwornforyears.
Withoutexception,thewomenintheworkshopcommentedthat
theyalllookedyoungerandmoreattractive.Italsomadea
noticeabledifferenceintheirpersonalities;guyswhohadbeen
shyandreservedweresuddenlymoreexpressiveandwillingto
participateinthegroupexercises.
Nottogetallpsychoanalytical,butfacialhairisquiteliterallya
shieldthatalotofguyshidebehind.Whyelsewouldsomany
guysmasktheirfeaturesinawaythatweknowwomendontfind
attractive?Doyouthinkanygirlisturnedonbytheideaof
nuzzlingupagainstagoateeoraweeksworthofstubble?Have
youeverheardawomansaysheprefersfacialhairtoasmooth,
cleanshavencheek?Wehavent.
Thisisntthe1970s.ItsbeenalongasstimesinceBurtReynolds
wasasexsymbol.Thisgoesforbodyhair,too.Removingallof
yourbodyhair,oryourupperbodyhair,isgoingtoofar;its
borderlinegay.Butkeepitundercontrol.Theresaproductcalled
theMangroomer(www.mangroomer.com)thatistheultimate
methodforgroomingyourtorsowithouthavingtospendabundle
atasalon.Wereallforbeingamansman,buthavingthickhair
onyourbackandshouldersisoneaspectofprimitiveman(or
discoeraman)thatdoesntcutitintodaysworld.Itgrossesgirls
out(andfrankly,itgrossesusout).
Makeafreshstart,andwhileyoureatit,gotoahairsalonand
investinagood,professionalhaircutfromastylistwhokeepsup
withtrends.Maybeaddsomecoloring.Youllwalkoutfeelinglike
anewman.
*****
73
TheAlphamakesauniqueapproach.Everyattractivewomanhas
multiplemenapproachingheronadailybasisandtryingtothrowgame
ather.Ifshesoutataclub,shecouldeasilygetapproachedadozen
timesanightandsendadozenguysscurryingbacktotheirposses
withtheirtailsbetweentheirlegs.Naturally,thesewomenaregoingto
developstrongdefensemechanismstocopewiththeconstantparadeof
menmanyofthemboring,overeagerorjustplainobnoxiouswho
comeatthem.
Alotofwomenhavetheirrejectionlinesalreadyplannedandreadyto
usethemomentalameassdudeapproaches.
HIM:Hey,whatsyourname?
HER:Ihaveaboyfriend.
HIM:CanIbuyyouadrink?
HER:Thanks,butImnotinterested.
Or,thetimelessclassic
HIM:Doyoucomehereoften?
HER:Ineedtogofindmyfriends.
Whenyouuseaclichopener,youreinvitingastandardrejection.This
iswhyitscriticalforyoutocomeatherwithoriginalhookstocapture
herattention,andthendropanchorstokeepherinterestedandwanting
toknowmoreaboutyou.Youonlyneedhertogiveyoutheopportunityto
engageher.Onceshelowersherdefenses,evenforthirtyseconds,thats
whenyoucanbuildaconnectionwithherandguideittowardsyour
desiredoutcome.
ConversationwithanAlphaisamemorableexperience.Whenever
yourecarryingonaconversationwithagirlyouvejustmet,oneofyour
goalsistoraisetheenergylevelandputherinamorepositiveframeof
mindthanshewaspriortomeetingyou.
Inanygettingtoknoweachotherconversationoronafirstdate
youregoingtowanttoasksomequestionsthatcoverthebasics:what
shedoesforaliving,whatshedoesinherfreetime,whethershehas
74
siblings,whereshesfrom,etc.Youshouldgatherthisinformation
becauseitsgoingtohelpyoumakecertaindeterminationsabouther,
andpartofmakingpoliteconversationisalsoaskingthesetypesof
things.Butyoucandoitinanoriginalway.Onewaytodothisisto
phrasequestionsintheformofstatements.
InsteadofaskingSodoyouhavebrothersandsisters?say
Ibetyouretheoldestoutofyourbrothersandsisters.Youseem
likethetypeofpersonwhostheleaderofyourcircleoffriends,
theonetheyalwayswanttotalktoabouttheirproblems.
Or
Ihaveahunchthatyouretheyoungestoutofyoursiblings.Ican
tellyoureanindependentpersonandyoudoyourownthing,but
youalsorelyalotonyourfriendsforsupport.
Or
Ibetyourethemiddlechildinyourfamily.Icantellyourea
prettyorganized,responsibleperson,butyouvealsogotthiswild
partysidethatyoulovetoletloosesometimes.AmIright?
Itmakesnodifferenceifyourguessorhunchturnsouttobeoff
target,inregardstoherrankamonghersiblings(ifshehasany).Youre
nottryingtoplaypsychichere.Youreusinganengagingmethodof
conversationthatpromptshertoopenupandshare.Andnotice,your
predictionappliestoalmostallwomenorthewaywomenwantusto
perceivethem.
Whatgirldoesntwanttothinkofherselfasafun,freespirited
independentleaderwhomherfriendsrelyon?Theyalldo!(Andifyour
guessturnsouttoberight,andshereallyistheoldest,youngestor
middlechild,youvejustscoredpointsbyseemingtoinstantlyread
her.)
75
Tomakeitmoreinteresting,throwinaquickstoryaboutafriendof
yours.Hereareotherstandardquestionsturnedintointeresting
statements/stories:
Insteadofasking,Sowhatkindofmusicareyouinto?say
Iranintoanoldfriendofminetodayfromhighschool.Wewere
laughingabouthowinthetenthgrade,wewenttoaMilliVanilliconcert
withthesetwogirlswhowantedustotakethem.MilliVanillicanyou
believethat?Andthereallysadthingis,Iknewallthewordsbackthen.
Sonowyouneedtotellme:Whatsthecheesiestconcertyoueverwent
to?
ConcertsWhenWeWereYoungisalwaysafuntopic.Alotofgirlswill
laughastheyrecallthetimetheycoercedtheirdadtobringthemtosee
NewKidsOntheBlock,theSpiceGirls,orsomeothercheeseball1980s
or1990sband.(IftheyadmittheyvestillgotNSyncpostersontheir
bedroomwalls,runintheotherdirection.)
AlphaMendontfallintotraps.Whiletheconversationmightseem
perfectlyharmlessandcomfortabletoyou,neverforgetthatshes
processingyourwordsandactionsthroughhermentalcomputer.At
somepointintheconversation,thiscomputerisgoingcrunchallofthis
informationandarriveataconclusion:eitherthatyoureacoolguyand
sheshouldgowiththeflow,orthatsheshouldfindawaytopolitely
excuseherselfsoon.
Sometimesawomanwilldeliberatelyaskyouaquestionthatis
designedtotestyou.Thiscanhappensubconsciously:sheasksyoua
question,orbringsupatopic,simplytomakeconversation.Butifyou
reactthewrongway,hershieldisgoingtoraiseupandshewill
disqualifyyou.
Thesubjectofexes,particularlyyours,isaconversationalminefield.
Womenlovebringingitup,andmostguysarealltoowillingtotakethe
baitandstartblabbing.Butthisisaconversationyoucannotwin.The
bestyoucanachieveinthissituationisadraw:deflectthequestionand
steertheconversationintobetterterritory.
76
Forexample,shebringsupthesubjectofpastrelationships.Sheasks
youifyouveeverhadaseriousgirlfriend,beeninlove,etc.Yousayyes.
Thenshesays
Sohowlongwereyoutwotogether?
YOUSAY:Sixyears.
SHETHINKS:Thatsalongtime.Hesprobablystilltryingtogetover
her.Idontwanttogetinvolvedwithsomeguywhosstillpiningforhis
exgirlfriend.
Or
YOUSAY:Afewmonths.
SHETHINKS:Thisguysideaofaseriousrelationshipisafewmonths?
Hemusthaveissues.Probablyacheater.
Nowherestheevenmoreproblematicquestion:Sowhydidyoubreak
upwithher?
YOUSAY:Shewasajealouspsycho.
SHETHINKS:Idoubtitwasallherfault.Hemusthavedonesomething
reallyfuckedupyeah,heprobablycheated.
Or.
YOUSAY:Shewantedaseriouscommitment,andIjustwasntready.
SHETHINKS:Heslikealltheotherguys.Insteadofacommitment,he
wantstorunaroundandscrewabunchofdifferentgirls.
Or
YOUSAY:Wewanteddifferentthings.
SHETHINKS:Hewantedtoscrewdifferentgirls.
77
Thesolution,then,istodeflectthequestionandredirectthe
conversation.Aswesaidbefore,neversayanythingnegativeaboutyour
ex.Sheisreflectiononyou.Ifyouimplyshewasabitchfromhell,itcould
makeyoulookA)insensitiveandmean,andB)cluelesstohaveever
datedachicklikethatinthefirstplace.Ontheotherhand,ifyou
mentionhowamazingandgorgeousyourexwas,butthingsjustdidnt
workoutandyourestillfriends,itmakesyoulookasifyourestill
clingingtoheremotionallyandwanttogetbackwithher.Thisisnt
attractiveeither.
Now,ifshementionsherexboyfriend,orcurrentboyfriend,youneed
toaskyourselfwhy.Itisusuallynotarbitrary;shehasamotiveanda
reason.
If,rightoffthebat,shetellsyouIhaveaboyfriend,thensheseitherA)
tellingthetruthandnotopentomeetingnewmen,orB)shewasnot
impressedbyyourapproachandhasautomaticallyputyouinthesame
categoryasalltheotherunoriginal,intrusivemenwhohaveapproached
herbefore.AssumeitsB,andworkonyourgamesothatyournext
approachisstrongerandmoreengaging.
Or,atsomepointintheconversation,shemightcasuallymentionthe
factthatshehasaboyfriend.Letssayyouretalkingaboutsomenew
movie,andshesays,Oh,myboyfriendsaidhewantstoseethat.
Whenthishappens,dontletitknockyouforaloop.Shehasbeen
conversingandconnectingwithyouupuntilnow.Shewouldnthave
investedherselfintheconversation,andkeptJoeBoyfriendasecret,
unlessshewassomewhatopentothepossibilityofhookingupwith
you.Themessageshessendingtoyouis:Youremakingitalittletoo
obviousthatyoureinterestedinme,andImnotcomfortablewiththat
idea(yet),soImgoingtomentionmyotherguy.Illatleastseewhat
youreallabout,dependingonhowyouhandleit.
Actuninterestedandunfazed.Thisboyfriendmaynotactuallyexist.
Shemightthinknothingofcheatingonhimiftherightguy(you)comes
along.Or,shemightbelookingforanexcusetobreakupwiththefool.
Youneverknow.
78
Justremember,shementionedhimforareason.Ifshementionsa
currentboyfriend,youregoingtohavetoreallymakesureyoubuild
herattractionlevelandovercomethebarriershetriedtothrowup.If
sheswillingtogoonwiththeconversation,makenomistake:herdoor
isopentoyouandahookupispossible.Butifyoumakeafalsemove,
thatotherguywillbecomeherjustificationforblowingyouoff.
Weakmenwilltakethementionofaboyfriendasadealkiller,asign
thattheyshouldquitandretreat.AnAlphaManrealizesthereisa
motivebehindhermentioningherboyfriendduringanotherwisecool
conversation.(Shedoesntmentionitfornoreason.)Itprobablymeans
heneedstobacktrackafewstepsandworkonrebuildingher
attractiontowardshim.
Ontheotherhand,shemightaskyouaboutyourpastrelationship
becauseshesinterestedinyou,andwantstobesureyouare
unattached.Or,shementionsthatsherecentlygotoutofarelationship;
thisisalsoagoodsign.Recognizethatthereisamotivebehindthis.She
istelegraphingthatsheisavailable,andthatyouhavetheopportunity
tomakeithappenwithherifyoumaketherightmovesandkeep
buildingupherattractionlevel.
Alphasplayitcool.Ifyoueverfindyourselftryingtoconvincewomen
ofsomething,youvealreadylost.Inanargument,mentendtorelyon
logictostatetheircase.Womenaredrivenbyemotionandwhena
personisinanemotionallychargedstate,logicandrationalthinkinggo
outthewindow.
Makeitapolicyfromthispointforwardtoneverloseyourcoolwitha
woman,andnevertrytoconvinceagirlthatyoureworthy.Ifyoucall
hertoplanadateandshesoundsreluctant,oritsoundslikeshes
makinganexcusenottoseeyou,theresnosenseintryingtoconvince
herthatyoureagoodguyandthatitwillbeagreattime.Thissimply
doesntwork.Redflagsaregoingoffinherbrainforsomereason,and
herdecisionhasbeenmade.
Takeitasalearningexperience.Hereshowtodrawknowledgefromit:
thinkbackonthetimeyouspentwithhermaybeyoumetherlast
79
nightatabar,hada30minuteconversationwithher,andgother
phonenumberandifyougiveyourselfanhonestcritique,
rememberingthedifferentphasesoftheconversation,werewillingto
betthatyoumademistakesthatresultedinherreluctancetoseeyou
again.
Usually,itsnotamatterofussayingordoingthewrongthings,or
screwingupinsomeothermanner.Itsaboutfailingtodotheright
thingsnotbuildingthefoundationthatwillmakeherfeelinvestedand
connected.Whenyoucallheradayortwolater,thatfoundationcan
meanthedifferencebetweenyoubeingtheguysheshopingtoget
togetherwith,versusbeingthatguyfromthebarwhoshenever
expected(orreallywants)toseeagain.
Womenarealsonotoriousforbreakingorchangingplanswithmen.
(Trydatingastripper,andyoullreallyseewhatwemean.)Ifsheflakes
outonadate,yougainnothingbychastisingher.Ifsheshowsuplate,
youreonlygoingtosetthetoneforanawkwardeveningbymakinga
commentaboutherlackofpunctuality.Justplayitcool,likenothingin
theworldcanfazeyou.Ofcourse,whatyourenottellingheristhat
yourtime,asanAlphaMan,isvaluableandifsheflakesoutonyou
again,orhabituallyshowsuplate,youregoingtokickhertothecurb.
Playingitcoolalsomeanscontrollingyoursexualimpulseswheneasy
opportunitiesarise.Mostofushavehaddrunkennightsatbarsor
partieswherewewindupdancingandmakingoutwithsomegirl.
Sometimesthisgirlisahottiewhoweddefinitelyliketoseeagainin
thefuture,undersobercircumstances.Buthowmanyofthesealcohol
fueledPDAs(PublicDisplaysofAffection)leadtoanactualdate?It
practicallyneverhappens.Youcouldhavebeensuckingfacewithherat
thenightclublessthan24hoursago,butwhenyoucallhertoplana
date,shetreatsyoulikeatelemarketerinterruptingherdinner.
Thisisbecausesheisinatotallydifferentemotionalstatethanwhen
youfirstmether.YourenotJoeCool,thefunguyshehititoffwith;
youretheguyfromthebarwhoencouragedhersluttyside,thepart
ofeverywomanspersonalitythatshewantstodenyexists.
80
Ittakesmajordiscipline,butyouvegottoplayitcoolwhenyoumeeta
girlinadrunkenenvironmentandstartplayingtonsilhockey.The
Alphamoveistokissforalittlewhile(findaquietcornerneverget
physicalinfrontoffriends)andtheneaseback,takeherhand,andsay
Cmon,weshouldgetbackourfriends.
Itcouldbeyourfriendsorherfriends,whatever.Youveestablishedthe
physicalconnectionwithher;resumingthatmakeoutsessionatthe
endofyourfirstofficialdateisntgoingtobeanissue.Andyouvealso
demonstratedthatyourenotatypicalguywhocantcontrolhisraging
hormones.
Ofcourse,youvegotanulteriormotive.Yourelookingaheadtomany
nightsofhotsexwiththisgirlinthefuture,ratherthanasingle,sloppy
makeoutsessionthatshesgoingtoregrettomorrow.
81
ALPHA RULE 4:
WOMEN ARE ONE ASPECT

OF YOUR GREATER
DESTINY
Actandmovetowardsyourlargergoalswithclarity,ambitionand
passion.SuccesswithwomenisanaturalbyproductofbeinganAlpha
Man.Itisnevertheendgoalorthepieceofthepuzzlethatwillcomplete
you.
82
AsanAlphawarrior,theworldisyour
matingground.Wewantyoutogoout
thereandenjoyasmanyexhilarating
experiences,andasmuchgreatsex,as
possible.
ThekeyiscontinuegrowingasanAlpha
Manregardlessofthewomenthatstart
cominginto(orleave)yourlife.Many
times,weveseenstudentsofoursgetpumpedupfromlearningour
strategiesandtools.Theyreturntothebattlefieldwithanewsetof
skillsandanewattitude.Iftheirgoalistofindagirlfriend,itsusually
notlongbeforetheystartgettingseriouswithababethetypeofhot,
downtoearthchicktheyvebeenhopingtofindallalong.Thisiswhere
amancanchooseoneoftwopaths:
Path#1:Hefiguresheswonthegame.Hesgottheawesomechick:
possiblewifeandmotherofmybabiesmaterial.Hethinkshecancoast
atthispoint.Othergoalshehadbefore,areasofhislifehewasworking
onupgrading,ceasetobeaconcern.Hisgirlfrienddoesntcarewhether
hewindsupmakingalotofmoney,ordevelopsabroadersocial
network.Shelikeshimasis.HespsychedthatTheAlphaRulesgothim
thedreamgirl,butatthispoint,theresnoneedforhimtocontinueon
thepathwelaidout.Herelaxesandabandonsalltheskillsheusedto
attracther.
Path#2:Hespsychedtobeinthisrelationship,butheunderstands
thatnowomanisgoingtodefinehisdestiny.Sheisapieceofagrander
puzzle.Whateverhedoesforalivingrightnowmaybeacceptableto
her,buthemaintainsgranderambitions.Hecontinuestoworktowards
theothergoalshemappedoutforhimself.Shemightcomplainthatthey
dontspendenoughtimetogether,becausehesworkingonfurthering
83
hiscareerandpursuingotherinterestsbuthehashispriorities.
Meanwhile,hecontinuestobuildnewmenandwomenintohissocial
network.Evenifhescommittedtothewomanheswith,hesalways
meetingnewpeoplebecauseitkeepshisgamesharpandcouldyield
importantbusinesscontacts.
Whichpathwouldyouchoose?Clearly,thesecondpathistheoneyou
needtofollow.Andifyourenotinterestedinaseriousrelationshipat
thisstage,butTheAlphaRulesgetyoulaid,youneedtobeequally
carefulaboutstayingontherightpath.Onceyouregettingsexfrom
variouswomenonaregularbasis,itseasytoslackoffinotherareas.
Meetingtherightgirlshouldneverbeyourultimategoal.Iffinding
Mrs.Rightisoneofyourobjectives,thenviewitisoneelementofyour
masterplan.Wewouldalsoadviseyoutoplaythefieldforatleastsix
monthsbeforeyoueverthinkaboutseriouslycommittingtoanyone.
Youneedtherightframeofreferencebeforeyoumakeanydecisions
aboutsettlingwithonewoman.
Thevastmajorityofwomenyoumeetanddatewillcomeandgofrom
yourlife.Nofemaleshouldeverdefineyou,orwhatyouaimto
accomplish.Yourpersonalgrowthandsenseofpurposemustremaina
constant.AlargepartofgettingoutthereandbecominganAlphaManis
datingavarietyofdifferentgirls,andasyoudosoyoumustneverlose
sightofthebiggerpicture,theultimateplan.Andwhenyouare
constantlygrowingandimprovingyourphysicalfitness,yourcareer,
broadeningyoursocialnetwork,makingmoremoneythisputsyouin
positionofgreaterpowerwithwhateverwomanyoureinvolvedwith.
Youreonlygettingbetter.Ifyouredatingsomeone,asanAlphaMan
youroptionsareincreasingeverymonththatsheiswithyou.Ifthe
relationshipdoesntworkout,youllbeabletomoveontothenext
withoutfeelingthatyouvelostanythingbecauseduringthecourseof
thatrelationship,youdidntgetlazyandslidebackwards.Youstayedon
theAlphatrack.
Mostwomeninyourlifeareameanstoanend,nottheendgoal.
84
Ifyouredriventoachieveinlife,womencanprovidesupportand
balanceinalotofways.FortheAlphaMan,muchofthissupportand
balancecomesintheformofsex.
Thefactis,menfunctionbetterwhentheyregettinglaidregularly.
Wereabletoconcentratebetter.Wereinabettermood.Itboostsour
confidencelevel.Itmakesalltheproblemsandpettybullshitseemless
important.
Haveyoueverbrokenoutofadryspellandstartedgettingsexfroma
girl,andsuddenlyitseemsallkindsofothergirlsareexpressing
interestinyou?Thisisnocoincidence.Youvegotaglowaboutyouan
aurathatspellsCONFIDENCE.Anditcreatesasnowballeffect.Once
youreatthelevelwhereyouvegotfourorfivegirlsinyourstable
girlsyouresleepingwithregularlyyoustarttakingonanauraof
invincibilitywithwomen.Thismakesnewgirlsmucheasiertoapproach
andscorewith.Itsalmostasiftheycansmellitonyou:youreanAlpha
Manwhoisindemand.Femalesarewiredtosensethis.
Withthisinmind,youcanstartdevelopingsexualrelationshipswith
womenthatdontrequireanycommitmentfromyou.Theresnothing
wrongwiththisaslongasyoudontmisleadanyone.Mostguysthink
theyvegottopretendthattheyreinterestedinaseriousrelationshipin
ordertogetlaid.Thisisnotthecase.Aslongasyoumakeawomanslife
morefuneverytimeyouhangout,youllbeabletofindplentyofwomen
whowanttobewithyou.Savetheheavyrelationshipandcommitment
stuffforlater.Likewesaid,amajorpartofyourAlphagrowthisgoing
tobedatingavarietyofwomen.
Themalesexdrivecanbesopowerful,soallconsuming,thatthe
averageguywillsettleforthewrongchickjustbecauseshessatiating
thoseneeds.TheAlphaManrecognizesthatwhilesexisnecessary,it
doesntneedtoinvolvecommitment,complications,oranysacrificeon
hispart.
Youllgetthewomen.Butdontstopgrowing.
Rememberwhatwesaidbeforeaboutyour
growthprocessbeinglikewalkingupadown
85
escalator;itmightfeellikeyourestandingstill,butyoureactually
slidingbackwards.Thisiswhyguyswhovejustgottenoutofmarriages
orlongtermrelationshipsareoftentwiceasdesperateandcluelessas
guyswhoveremainedsingleallalong.Theycametorelyontheir
womenforeverything;shekepthimcompany,emotionallysupported
him,andeliminatedhisdesiretocontinuegrowing.Withhergone,the
guygoesintoacompletetailspin.Youneverwanttofindyourselfinthis
situation.
Onlyyoucancompleteyourself,andthisprocesstakestimenot
awife.
Theresanotherreasonwhyplungingintoacommitmentonethat
leadstomarriagecanbeamistake.Look,werenotantimarriage,but
theharshrealityisthateverymanwhoseverproposedmarriagedidso
believinghedfoundtheoneyetaround60%ofthesemarriagesend
upindivorce.(Thatsnoteventakingintoaccountallofthemarriages
thatlast,eventhoughthetwopeoplecanbarelytolerateeachother.)
Mostmarriagescrumblewithinafewyears,withwomeninitiating
about75%ofdivorces.AndthewaytheAmericancourtsystemisset
up,thiscanbeablowsodevastatingthatitcanknockeventhe
strongestAlphaMantohisknees.Thesystemissetuptofinancially
destroymen.Factorinthetraumaoflosingcustodyofyourkids,andits
tantamounttolegalizedcastration.Womenwinincourteverytime,and
thisisonearenawhereallthetoolsandtacticsintheworldwontdo
youanygood.
Bearinmind,theideathatallhumanbeingsneedtofindtheonein
ordertocompletetheirlivesisafemaleinvention.Thefemaleneedto
settledowninamonogamousrelationshipisdrivenbybiology,andthe
conceptofwomenhavingabiologicalclockisentirelyreal.Theyare
compelledtofindamantosiretheirchildrenbeforeitstoolate,and
marriageisbasicallyameansofensuringthattheywillbeableto
procreatewithinasecure,protectedfamilyunit.
Compoundingthissenseoffemaleurgencyisthefactthataswomen
age,theirwindowofopportunitytofindtherightguybeginstoclose.
86
Yes,itsucksforwomen,butweliveinaculturethatworshipsyouth
particularlyfemaleyouth.Asmen,wedontneedtoworryaboutthisso
much.Weusuallydontreachourprimeuntilourlate30sor40s,anage
whenwomensdatingoptionsbecomeseverelylimited.Butifyourea
successfulAlphaMan,havingreachedthestagewhereyourcareergoals
arebeingrealizedandyourconfidenceisatanalltimehigh,your
optionsarelimitless.
Celebratebeingabachelor.
Oneofthegreatestmythsthatmenareforcefedbythemediaisthat
livingwithoutmarriage,orraisingkids,willmeananemptyexistence.
Thesisterhooddesperatelywantsustobelievethis,becauseitis
essentialtothemgettingwhattheywantfromus.
WhentheOprahcrowdseesasinglemaninhislatethirtiesorforties
datinghotyoungchicksandkeepingallofhismoneytospendashe
pleases,ratherthanforkingitovertoafamilyunit,theyviewhimasa
threat.Theysayhisbehaviorissleazyandimmature.Theyassumehis
lifemustbesadandempty.
Womenhavetokeepproppingupthismythbecauseifmenactually
wokeuptothefactthatmarriageandmonogamyisnttheonly
acceptablepath,theywouldneverbeabletofindqualitymentomarry.
We,theauthorsofthisbook,arebothsuccessfulbachelors.Wedont
knowanyguywhogotmarriedinhisearly20swhowouldnttrade
placeswithusrightnow.Thisisnotcockiness;itssimplythetruth.We
hearitallthetimefrommarriedguys,howluckywearetobefreeand
datinghotchicksofallcolorsandcreeds.Butluckhasnothingtodo
withit.Wewereallbornwiththesamebiologicalwiring.Thedifference
isthatwechosetoembraceourinnerAlphaandstaytruetoit.
Weveseenwaytoomanysituationswheregoodmenmarrymediocre
womenandsurrendercontroloftheirsalaryandtheirsexlife.She
decideshowthemoneyshouldbespent,andshedecideswhenhegets
tousehispenisforanythingotherthanmasturbation.
87
ToallyousingleguysreadingTheAlphaRules,treasureyourfreedom.
Donttakeitforgranted.Thisisnottosaytherearentalotof
spectacular,wonderfulwomenouttherewhoareworthcommittingto.
Thecompletepackagethechickwhosgotbeautyandbrainsand
willhelpyouachieveeverygoalyoueversetforyourselfdoesexist.
Butthesekindsofwomenareexceedinglyrare,andtheresa99.7%
chanceitsnotgoingtobethegirlyoustartdatingtwoweeksafter
readingthisbook.
However,whenyoureturntotheworldarmedwithanAlphamindset
andourtactics,yourchancesofeventuallyfindingandhookingupwith
oneofthesewomenisdrasticallyimproved.
Thenagain,onceyouredatingAlphastyle,youmayneverwantto
surrenderyourbachelorstatus.Thereareworsethingsthanhavinga
constantsupplyofhot,willingyoungbabesonspeeddial
88
ALPHA RULE 5:
BEWARE THE COMFORT

ZONE
Constantlypushyourselftoexplorenewexperiencesandexpandyourown
boundaries.Dontmistakecomfortforpleasure;nevermistakestability
andsafetyforfulfillment.Youmustdosomethingnewandboldeveryday,
nomatterhowsmall.Conditionyournervoussystemforcontinualgrowth,
notgradualdecline.
89
Itaintabouthowhardyouhit.Itsabouthowhardyoucan
GEThitandkeepmovingforward.
RockyBalboa
Itstimetodeliveranotherchapterpacked
fullofmentalViagra.ThisAlphaRuleis
aboutbustingthroughthebarriersthatkeep
theaveragemanlockedintoalifeof
complacencyandregret.Onlybydoingso
canyoucreateatrueAlphaLifestyle.
Everymanhasasetofselfimposedbarriersthatwerefertoasthe
comfortzone.Mostguysnotonlycreateaverylimitedcomfortzone
forthemselves;theyreconstantlyfindingwaystoreinforceit,and
reasonstostayinsideofit.Thismayallowthemtoliveanexistencethat
containsminimalpainandrejection,butitalsopreventsthemfrom
achievingtotalsuccess,pleasureandfulfillment.(Intheend,doesany
guyreallywanttolieonhisdeathbedthinking,Well,atleastIplayedit
safe?)
Rightnow,yourcomfortzoneisyoursafeplace.Letssayyouvegota
decentplacetolive.Yourjobpaysyouenough.Youmaybedatinga
prettycoolchick,oryouvegotafairlyactivesociallifeandyoumeet
girlshereandthere.
Or,yourcomfortzonemightbenarrower.Yourjobisboringashell,but
itpaystherent.Youwishyouweregettinglaid,butwatchingthathot
girlfromadistanceissaferthanwalkinguptoherandgettingrejected.
Youtellyourselfyououghttogotothegymmoreoften,butitsahassle
andyouremorecomfortablekickingbackinfrontoftheTV.Thereare
allkindsofthingsyouknowyouprobablyshoulddo,butallofthem
90
involvemakingextraeffortortakingrisks,andthatsoutsideyourzone
ofcomfort.
Withoutrealizingit,overtimeyourcomfortzonewillbegintoshrink.
Youactuallybegintoregress,becauselifeisnotstatic;ifyouarenot
makingforwardprogressandexpandingyourhorizons,youreactually
slidingbackwardsandnarrowingyourworldview.Youbecomelocked
intoyourjobbecauseyouretakingongreaterfinancialresponsibilities
thatprohibityoufromleavingit.(Amoreexpensivehouseor
apartment,carpayments,moredebt,etc.)Yoursocialcirclenarrows
andyoustartgoingoutless,becauseyourfriendsareallinrelationships
orgettingmarried.
OneofthebiggestchallengesinbecominganAlphaManyetitsthe
challengethatyieldsthemostrewardsisrecognizinghowlimitedyour
comfortzonereallyis,andexpandingit.Pushthosebarriersoutward.If
youtakeanaggressiveapproachtowardsthis,youwillfindyourself
leadingalifeyouwouldnthaveimaginedayearago.
Ittakesastrongsenseofselftoredefineyourcomfortzone,because
thatswheremostofyourfriendscurrentlyreside,rightalongsideyou.
Peoplelikeyourcoworkers,whobitchaboutthejobbutwould
completelyfreakoutiftheyevergotfired.Peoplelikeyourbuddies,
whocomplainabouttheirlackofsuccesswithwomenbutrepeatthe
samepatternoffailureeverytimetheygoout.Thereissafetyin
numbers,andoneofthemostcompellingreasonstostayinsideyour
comfortzoneisthatyourpeersaretherewithyou.Ifnoneofyouare
gettingahead,youcanallfeelthatyoursituationisnormalyeah,life
kindasucks,butitcouldbeworse.(Aclassicrationalizationthatwill
keepyoulosingfortherestofyourlife.)
Meanwhile,peoplelovetospoutclichmaximsaboutlivinglife.
BrowsesomeMyspace.comprofilesoronlinedatingprofilesandyoure
boundtoreadabunchofsayingssuchas,liveeachdayasifitwasyour
last.Lifeisshort.Youonlyliveonce.Itrytolivelifetothefullest!
Buthowmanypeopleactuallypracticethisphilosophy?Chancesare,
thesepeoplearetypingtheseemptyslogansontheircomputeraftera
longdayofgrindingawayattheirthanklessjob,lookingaheadtoFriday
91
sotheycangoout,partyandgetdrunk,andtrytoescapetheirmundane
existenceforafewhours.
Ourcomfortzonesfullysetandhardenaswereach
adulthood.Formostmen,bytheageof30theyreina
shellofselflimitingbeliefsthatwillessentiallyremain
thesameuntiltheydie.Theyveformedanopinionof
themselves,women,andtheworldthatwillnot
change.
ThisisnotthewaywewereborntoliveasAlphaMen.
Whenwewerekids,nothingcouldholdusback.Our
parentshadtokeepaneyeonusaroundthe
swimmingpool,becausewewerentafraidtoleapinto
thedeependwithoutevenknowinghowtoswim.Wewouldclimbthe
tallesttree.Ifwefelldownandscrapedourknee,wedhowlfora
minuteandthengetbacktoplaying.Andwhenwewantedsomething,
wedscreamourheadsoffandthrowtantrumsuntilwegotourway.We
wouldnotbedenied!Theworldwasourplaygroundandwealways
wantedtoexplorenewthings.
Thenwelearnthatlifecanactuallybeprettytough.Itcanbeabitch,
actually.Webegintoexperiencerejectionanddisappointment.Puberty
turnsourworldupsidedown;werescaredandfascinatedbygirlsbut
wecantfindawaytosatisfyourragingurges.Women,andourlustfor
them,becomesasourceofturmoilandpain.
AninterestingcommondenominatoramongnaturalbornAlphaMenis
thatmostofthemhadsexforthefirsttimeataveryearlyage.Whenwe
interviewNaturalswhoveseducedandsleptwithhundredsof
women,weoftenfindthattheylosttheirvirginityatage13oreven
younger.Obviously,thishadahugeeffectontheirfuturesuccesswith
women.Whilemostguysspendtheirteenyearsdesperatelytryingto
endtheirvirginstatusconfused,frustratedandbeingconstantly
rejectedtheNaturalsweregettingsexthroughouttheirteenyearsand
viewingthehuntasafun,excitingexperience.
92
Eitherway,thoseearlyyearsshapeusandhaveacumulativeeffect.The
Naturalsbecamefearlessaroundwomenandkeptaddingmorenotches
totheirbedposts;theirsexualexperienceandconfidencewasenticing
togirls,whichonlymadeiteasierforthemtogetlaid.Fortherestofus,
theeffectwastheopposite.Ourlackofsuccesswithgirlsdamagedour
selfconfidenceandselfimage.Wecametoequateapproachingwomen
withpainfulrejection.Naturally,wewantedtoexperienceaslittlepain
aspossible,soweretreatedintoourshells.
Aswegrowolder,thisshellbecomesthebasisofamanscomfortzone.
Hewillonlytalktocertainwomenundercertaincircumstances.(Often
meaning,hesatabaroraparty,anddrinking.)Hedoesntflirtwiththe
10s;hegravitatestowardsthegirlsthatareinhisleague.Heputs
thedreamsofhisyouthasideandgetsadecentjobthathispeersthink
isrespectable.Itseemslikehemustbeontherighttrack,sinceallofhis
friendsarebasicallyinthesameboat.Hemightevenbedoingslightly
betterthantheyare.
Lifetakesonasafe,predictableroutine,butheliveseverydaywiththe
sensethatsomethingismissingfromhislife.Hecomestobelievethat
thisvoidwillbefilledbyawoman.IfonlyIcanfindtherightgirl,hetells
himself,allthepieceswillfallintoplace.
Butlifeisntthatsimple.Mostguyseventuallydofindthegirlthatthey
believewillfillthevoid.Buttheresstillsomethingmissing,andthis
senseofbeingincompleteisonlygoingtokeepgnawingawayathim.
Well,heresthesecret:Thepiecesweneedtocompletethispuzzle
calledlifeareneverfoundwithinouroriginalcomfortzone.Inorderto
fulfillyourmasculinedestiny,youvegottoexpandthoseboundaries.
Youvegottostartdoingthingsthatarenotcomfortable:pushing
hardertowardsyourgoals,settingnew,loftiergoals,andgoingafterthe
girlsyoudesirethemost.
Then,afunny(andawesome)thingbeginstohappen.Youbeginto
developamuchwidercomfortzone.Youvestillgotyourbarriers;for
example,youwontletnegativewomenintoyourlife,andyouwont
workfor(orwith)anyonewhodoesntrespectyouandcompensateyou
properly.Youarenotcomfortablewiththosethings,soyoushutthem
93
out.Butyourcomfortzoneisnowwideenoughforyoutoexperiencea
tonofexcitement,funandprogress.Notwodaysareexactlythesame.
Yourenotrepeatingacomfortabledailyroutine;youreallyareout
therelivinglifeonawholenewlevel:MaximumAlphaOverdrive.
HerearesomeAlphapointersforexpandingyourcomfortzoneinthe
rightdirections:
Reexamineyourworksituation.Ifoneofyourgoalsinthislifeisto
makealotofmoney,rememberthatveryfewpeopleevergetrich
workingforsomeoneelse.Mostofusspendourdaysworkingtoenrich
thetopdog.Ifyouworkforalargecorporation,youprobablyhaveno
ideawhotherealbossactuallyis.Thatsbecausehewasaggressiveand
shrewdenoughtoelevatehimselfabovethegrind.
AlphaMen,byandlarge,haveanentrepreneurialstreak.Ifyoure
currentlyworkingajobbecauseitpaythebills,usethatasyoursafety
netfornowandthenuseyourdowntimetopursuean
entrepreneurialbusinessidea.Ifyouvegotamoneymakingidea,make
ithappen.Theresnoexcuseforcominghomefromyourjobandzoning
outinfrontoftheTVorsurfingtheweballnight.
Starttraveling.Werememberreadingaquoteoncethatsaid:Lifeisa
book,andthosewhodonttravelreadonlyapage.Ifyourean
American,youhaveanentireworldofadventureandopportunitylying
beyondthebordersoftheUSandinalotofcountriestheresan
outrageousamountoffuntobehadatafractionofthepriceyoupay
here.AsanAmerican,youholdalotofswaywithforeignwomen.In
theireyes,youaretheexoticone.Plus,gettingsomeforeignadventure
underyourbeltisgoingtogiveyouinterestingconversationaltopics
whenyourechattingwithchicksbackhome.Aguywhohasseenthe
worldisaguywhocantakeherplaces.(Everywomanhasasecretneed
totravel.)
Or,youcantravelclosertohomeandestablishanewscenefor
yourself.Thisiskeyifyouvebeguntogrowtiredorburnedoutonthe
nightlifesceneinyourarea.Ifyoualwaysfeellikeyouregoingtothe
samebarsandclubs,seeingthesamegirls,ventureoutsideofyour
regionandfindanewareatoexplore.Takeweekendtripstootherparts
94
ofyourstate(orneighboringstates)thathaveastrongnightlifescene.
Becomeanexpertonthescenethereandknowwherethehotspots
(andhotwomen)are.Itsakickassfeelingtorolloutfortheweekend
withyourbuddiesandarriveinanewtown,whereyoucanapplyyour
AlphaSkillsonawholenewcrowdofwomen.Theyveneverseenyou
before,nooneknowsyouthere,sotreatitlikeanescape.Justhavefun
andgoallout.Youllbegoinghomesoon,hopefullywithsomewild
storiestotellyoursafefriendswhoarestillsittingaroundatthelocal
bar,bitchingandmoaningaboutallthegirlstheyarentgetting.
Spendsmarter.Americaisanationofdebtors.Stopbeingapartofour
mindlessconsumerculturethemillionsofpeoplewholive
paychecktopaycheckbutareconstantlyblowingmoneyoncrapthey
dontneed.Ifyoudriveanexpensivecarbutdonthaveanyinvestments
orownanyrealestate,youreonthewrongfinancialtrack.Carsarea
noninvestmentbecausetheyonlydepreciateinvalue.(Anewcar
beginstodropinvaluethemomentyoudriveitoffthelot.)Holdoffon
thatpurchase,oranymajorpurchasesforthatmatter,untilyouvegot
real,tangibleassetssuchasrealestate.Oneofthebiggestreasonsmen
fallintoacomfortzoneisthattheirmonthlybills,includingcar
paymentsandcreditcards,keepthemfrommakingcareermoves.
Figureoutsomerealrolemodelsforyourself.Weliveinatabloid
societythatisobsessedwithcelebrity.Fameisconsideredmore
importantthanmakinganyworthycontributiontosociety,evenifit
comesbywayofsomeidioticrealityTVshow.Andofcourse,themore
patheticandscrewedupacelebrityis,themoreattentiontheyreceive.
Youknowtheressomethingseriouslywrongwithourmainstream
mediawhenBritneySpearsgoingintorehab,orthedeathofAnna
NicoleSmithreceivesahundredtimesmorepresscoveragethanthe
IraqWar.Dontbuyintothis;itsareflectionofhowdumbeddownour
societyhasbecome.
Startlearningaboutandemulatingpeoplewhomakeadifference.Go
onlineandresearchthepeoplewhoaretheverybestinthefieldsyou
areinterestedin,whetheritscomputers,sportsorsucceedingin
business.Readuponthem,anddrawinspirationfromthem;youllfind
thatmostofthemfoughtthroughalotofadversitybeforeever
achievinganything.
95
Wecouldspendhourseverydayjustreadingthebiographiesof
important,influentialpeopleonwww.wikipedia.com.Heresanexcerpt
fromtheentryonHughHefner:
Afterservinginthesubscriptiondepartmentandasacopywriterfor
Esquire,heleftinJanuary1952afterbeingdenieda$5raise.Heworked
atChildren'sActivities,thentookhisbiggestgamblein1953bylending
hisfurniturefor$600andraising$10,000from45investorsincluding
$1,000fromhismothertolaunchPlayboy.
Justthink:iftheydgivenHefthat$5raise,theremighthaveneverhave
beenaPlayboyMansionandhedefinitelywouldntbecavorting
aroundatage81withagaggleofyoung,blondebombshells.Theres
someAlphainspirationforyou.
DontallowotherstodeterminehowYOUwillbehappyinlife.
Whileyourfamilymaybelookingoutforyourbestinterests,theydont
trulyunderstandwhatsgoingoninsideyourheadandheart.Itsupto
youtodecidewhatsgoingtomakeyouhappiestandmostfulfilled.This
couldmeanpullingupstakesandleavingyourhometowntoliveina
newcityorcountry.Itcouldmeanquittingyoursafeandrespectable
jobtotrysomethingtotallydifferent.Itmightmeanendingalongterm
relationshipwithawoman.Youcantliveyourlifetryingtoconformto
otherpeoplesexpectations.Thatsarecipeforregret.
OneunavoidablesideeffectofadoptingthisnewAlphaattitudeisthat
youregoingtostartnoticinghowweaksomeofyourfriendsare.You
mayhavebuddies,goingbacktochildhood,thatyouvealwaysjust
acceptedforwhotheyare;theylivemediocrelivesandtheyrewith
mediocrewomen.Onceyougetoutthereandstartblazingyourown
trail,youmayfinditdifficulttorelatetothemthesamewayyouonce
did.Andtheymayfeelunabletorelatetoyou.Dontbesurprisedifthey
trytocoaxyoubackintotheherd.Iftheyretieddownwithlame
chicksandlackthepowertobreakoutoftheirowncomfortzones,they
mayresentyoufordoingso.
96
MoneyCANbuyhappiness.Whoeversaiditcant,
eitherneverhadany,orspentitthewrongway.
Moneybuysfreedomthefreedomtojumpoffthe
hamsterwheelthatmostworkingAmericansspend
theirentireadultliveson.Whenyouvegotmoney,
youvegotthepowertomakeyourowndealsand
walkawayfromthejobsthatarentdeservingofyour
time.Itmeansyoucanjumponaplaneanddisappear
wheneveryouwantto.Thekeyistoworksmarter,not
necessarilyharder.
Dontequatehappinesswithfindingagirlfriendorwife.Whenyou
feelaneedtofindawomantosettledownwith,youreusuallygoingto
windupwiththewrongperson.Foralotofguysinrelationships,they
settledmostlybecausetheyweresickandtiredofbeingaloneand
facingrejectiononthesinglesscene.Youwillavoidthistrapbydating
withanAlphamentalityandjudgingwomenbyyourhighpersonal
standards.Dontforget,thedivorcerateinAmericaisnowover60%
andeveryoneofthemgotmarriedwithnointentionofendingit.That
womanwhowasTheOneisnowtheexwifefromhellwhowrecked
himindivorcecourt.
Soundharsh?Yeah,formostguys,therealityisextremelyharsh.Intheir
rushtofindalifepartner,theyignoretheredflags;theydontwaituntil
theyrereadyandabletoidentifyandmarrytherightwoman.Youll
neverknowwhostrulyrightforyouuntilyouvebeenoutthere
dominatingonthedatingscene,experiencingdifferentwomenand
typesofrelationships.
Donttakelifetooseriously.Yournumberonepriorityshouldbe
enjoyingyourtimeonthisearthandfeelinggoodaboutyourself.There
isnomoreimportantadvicethatwecangive.Youreinyourprimeright
now.Capitalizeonit.Justthinkhowthelastfiveyearsofyourlifehave
flownby.Beforeyouknowit,anotherfivewillhavepassed.Theclockis
ticking,boys.Getoutthere,grablifebytheballs,andhaveablast.
97
ALPHA RULE 6:
SURROUND YOURSELF
WITH
WINNERS
Socializeandformallianceswiththosewhoareassuccessfulormore
successfulthanyourself.Thiswillalsomakeyoumoreeffectiveindating,
becausesolid,successfulfriendstranslatesintosocialproof.Createa
mastermindgroupconsistingoffriendsandallies(bothmaleand
female)whogiveyouapowerfulsocial&professionalnetwork.
98
Theassociations
youchooseto
make,andthe
peopleyoualign
yourselfwith,are
goingtobeoneof
themost
significances
sourcesofpower
inyourlifeor,
oneofthegreatest
drainsonyour
resources.
Chooseyourfriendswisely,becauseeventheAlphaMan,willnot
achievehisdestinyinlifewithoutthesupportoftherightpeople.And
hewillcertainlyneverachievehisgoalsifheassociateswiththewrong
peopleandallowsthemtoinfluencehisthinking.
Weregoingtoproposesomesocialstrategiesinthischapterthatmay
makeyouslightlyuncomfortableatfirst.Butpartofthegrowthprocess
istakingacold,hardlookatyourvariousfriendshipsandrelationships
(withbothmenandwomen)anddecidingwhethertheyarebenefiting
you,holdingyouback,ordraggingyoudown.Someofthesepeoplewill
needtoberemovedfromyourlife,oryoumayhavetoassignthema
differentroleinyourlife.Itscriticalforyoutorealizetheenormous
impactyourpeergrouphashadandwillhaveonyourselfimage,
selfconfidenceandselfesteem.
Humanbeingsareresistanttoseparatingthemselvesfrompeople
theyvehadlongassociationswith;afterall,thesurvivalofourspecies
dependsonformingsocialbonds.Yettherecomesatimewhensomeof
ourassociationscannotberesolvedorredeemed,andwehavetocutoff
peoplethatwefeelareholdingusbackfromfulfillingourgreater
destiny.
Thefirstruleofassociationsisdonttakeadvicefromthosewhohavent
beensuccessfulinthatarea.Everyonehasopinionsandsuggestions
99
aboutthings,butfewpeopleactuallywalkthewalkandcanpointto
successfulresultsintheirownlives.Toooften,weseeguyswhobase
theirdecisionsontheopinionsoffriendswhoareunqualifiedtocounsel
themonthatmatter.
Furthermore,whensomeguyssolicitadvicefromtheirfriends,they
arentactuallylookingforadviceonhowtotakethecorrectaction;what
theyrereallyhopingisthattheyllgettalkedoutoftakingaction.There
willalwaysbepeople,perhapsfriendsofyours,whoaremorethan
willingtoshootdownyourdreamssothatyouneversurpasstheir
stationinlife.
Thisisespeciallytruewhenitcomestopursuingwomen.Everyguyout
thereseemstoknowwomenandhaveatonofinsighttoshare.Theyll
giveyouanearfulabouthowyoushouldproceedorwhyyoushould
justforgetaboutacertaingirlbutjustlookattheirtrackrecord.Are
theyinahappy,healthyrelationships?Aretheyevengettinglaid?
Remember:
Donotaskoracceptadvicefromanyonewhodoesnothavea
successfultrackrecordinthatarea.
MaybeyougooutwiththesamecrewofguyseverySaturdaynight.
(Mostguys,untiltheyraisetheirgametothenextlevel,insulate
themselveswithingroupsofguysanduseitasasocialcrutch.)Ifyour
friendsarenotinthesamementalframeofselfdevelopmentand
growththatyouare,itstimetostartbroadeningyoursocialcircleand
associatingwithnewpeople.
Youdonthavetolosethoseguysasfriends,butrecognizethatgoing
outwithpeoplewhodontunderstandtheseprinciples,andarestill
attachedtotheirold,ineffectiveways,arenotgoingtohelpyouonebit.
Infact,theyllactuallyholdyoubackfromimproving.
Lookatitthisway:fromnowon,therearetwotypesofmeninyourlife.
Therearefriendsandacquaintances,andthentherearewingmen.
100
Friendsandacquaintancesareallofthemalesinyourworldthatyou
haverelationshipswith,sociallyorinbusiness.
Wingmenareadifferentcaliberoffriend.Thesearetheguysthatare
actuallyhelpingyoualongyourpathasanAlphaMan.Theyshare
similargoals,theyinspireyoubecausetheyarepursuingtheirown
goalswithpassion,andtheyareassistingyouinaccomplishingyour
goals.
Ifyouvegotamentorinyourcareer,considerhimawingman.Ifyouve
gotbuddieswhoyougooutwithsociallywhobringlotsofpositive
energy,improveyourchancesofhookingup,andwanttoseeyou
succeedwithgirls,theyarewingmen.
Ontheotherhand,youveprobablygotbuddieswhoyouenjoyhanging
outwith,eventhoughtheyvegotnogame,haveasomewhatnegative
attitudetowardswomen,anddonothingtohelpyoursituation.These
guyscanremainyourfriends,buttheyarenotwingmen.Therefore,they
shouldnotaccompanyyouwhenyoureouttomeetgirls,oronany
otherimportantmissionofyourlife.
Rundownyourlistoffriendsandmakethisdetermination.Youcanstill
maketimetohangoutwiththeguyswhoareunabletosupportyouin
life.Youcanhavecertainbuddiesthatyouenjoygoingoutforafew
beerswith.ButwhenitstimetorolloutandapplyyourAlphatacticson
women,theonlyguysyoushouldaccompanyyouareonesthathave
gameandapositiveattitude.Theirgameandtheirconfidencelevel
shouldasstrongasyours,ifnotstronger.
Ifyoudontcurrentlyhavefriendswhofitthisdescription,youregoing
toneedtofindsome.
101
CreateaMastermindGroup
Oneofthemostessentialtextsto
readforyourownselfimprovement
isNapoleonHillsclassicbookThink
andGrowRich.Originallywrittenas
astudyofthesuccesshabitsofthe
wealthbuildersoftheearly20th
century,almosteverystrategyin
thisbookcanbeappliedtodifferent
areasofyourlifetorealize
tremendousimprovements.
OneofHillscoreconceptsrelatesto
yourAlphamissiontodatebeautiful
women.ThisconceptiscalledtheMastermindGroup.Hillexplains
thisconceptas:Coordinationofknowledgeandeffort,inaspiritof
harmony,betweentwoormorepeople,fortheattainmentofadefinite
purpose.
Findatleastoneotherpersonthatsharesyourvisionforthefuture,the
skillsyouwishtodevelop,andtheresultsyouwanttoachieve.(We
personallysuggesttwoormorepeople,toinsurethatyoudontlose
momentumifonepersongetsagirlfriendorloseshismotivationand
dropsout.)EnrolltheminyourownMastermindGroup.
Youdontneedtocallitthis.(Thatmightsoundprettycornytosome.)
Justtellthefriendyouvechosen(orfriends)thatyouvebeengetting
seriouslatelyaboutmakingimprovementsinyourlife.Mentionyou
readthisbook,TheAlphaRules,andyouvedecidedtostartgoingout
thereandmeetalotofnewwomen.Tellthemyouwanttostartmeeting
uponceaweektoshareinformationandstrategies,andbewingmenfor
eachother.
Yourgroupshouldmeetonaregularbasis,atleastweekly.Makethis
meetingthemostimportantthingyoudoallweek.Itsyour
responsibilitytomakesurethesemeetingshappen.
102
Ofcourse,atnotimeshouldyourmeetingswiththisgrouptake
precedenceoveractuallymeetingwomenintherealworld.Youlllearn
moreintenminutesofinteractingwithareallivewomanthanyouwill
intenhoursofbookreadingandstudy.(Ofcourse,whenitcomesto
books,TheAlphaRulesisthebestresourceoutthere!)
Yourfirstruleisalwaysaction.Action,action,ACTION.Thisiswhyyour
meetingsshouldalwaysbeheldinapublicplacewherewomenare
around:acoffeeshop,abookstorewithacafareawhereyoucansit,or
arestaurant/bar.Everymeetingshouldbeginwithdiscussionamong
theguys,andthenmovefromtheoryintoactualpractice.Keepashort
agendaofthingstocoverineverymeeting.
IfyougrowthisMastermindGroupandmakesureeverynewmember
bringssomethingpositivetothetable,thecombinedlifeexperienceand
knowledgeofthisgrouphaslimitlesspotential.Thisgroupbecomesa
powerfulintellectualforceonethatcansolvealmostanyproblem,or
attainanythingyouwantindividuallyinlife.Aslongastheparticipants
remaininharmony,theeffectivepowerofthecreativesolutionsyoucan
manufactureislimitless.Yousee,itsnotaboutmerelyaddingtogether
thesumofyourintelligencesthisisamultiplicationofthem.
Youmayfindthatsomepersonalitiesdontmeshwellwithinthis
organization,sostartoutwithjustyouandsomeoneelseyoutrust.Try
addinganewguyortwoeachweek,butdoitonatrialbasis;youdont
havetotellthemitsaregularmeeting,justinvitethemtocomehang
out.Iftheyfitin,keepthem.Iftheydont,yousimplydontinvitethem
again.
SocialNetworking
Studieshaveshownthatthemostsuccessfulpeopleinlifearethosethat
sharecertaincommonskillsandattributes.Oneofthemostsignificant
oftheseistheabilitytoattractandgetalongwithpeoplefromavariety
ofbackgrounds.Dropthiskindofguyintoanycity,andhecouldbuilda
socialnetworkinamatterofaweekortwo.Hehastheabilitytobea
socialchameleon,withoutlosinghisidentityintheprocess.
103
TheAlphaManisabletoidentifythepeople,ortypesofpeople,thatwill
benefithimwhetheritssocially,financiallyorotherwiseandforge
relationshipswiththem.Atthesametime,heisabletoidentifypeople
whoareonlygoingtowastehistimeorbringnegativityintohislife.His
timeistoovaluableforthat,andhealsoknowsthatwhenwomenare
around,thepeoplehesseenwithareadirectreflectionofwhoheis.
Awidesocialnetworkisoneofyourmostimportantdevicesfor
meetingandattractingwomen.Thisistrueforseveralreasons.First,
womenareturnedoffbyguysthatdonthavemanyfriends,sinceitsan
obvioussignthattheylacksocialskills.
Second,thewideryournetwork,thegreaterthepossibilitythatyoure
goingtomeetgirlsasaresult.Andwhenyoumeetwomenwhoare
connectedtoyournetwork,theintroductionfeelsmorenaturalthanit
wouldifyoudmettheminsomerandomlocation(i.e.abaror
nightclub).Shesnotgoingtobeonguardthesameway,sincethetwo
ofyouknowsomeofthesamepeoplewhetheritsatabusiness
relatedevent,orapartywhereyoubothknowsomeofthesamepeople.
AnAlphaManwithastrongsocialnetworkmighthaveabirthdayparty
toattendonTuesdaynight,adinnerwithbusinesscolleagueson
Thursdaynight,drinkswithfriendsonFridaynight,andanotherparty
onSaturday.Hemightalsotakeclassesinsomething,orbeapartof
groupsthatpertaintohishobbiesandinterests.
Ateveryoneoftheseoccasions,hesnotjustsurroundinghimselfwith
thepeoplehealreadyknows.Hesusinghisexistingconnectionsto
EXPANDhissocialnetwork.Therearealwaysnewwomenatthese
events,anditseasyforhimtointroducehimself(orhavesomeone
introducehim)becausetheyrebothmembersofthesamenetwork.
Youmustgetoutthereandmeetnewpeopleconstantly,notjustto
enjoythecompanyofnewcontactsandfriends,buttoreplacethe
constantoutflowofpeoplefromyourlife.Peopledontliveinthesame
neighborhoodsfor30yearsanymore,anditsraretokeepthesame
friendsforthedurationofyourlife.Youmustworkconstantlyto
cultivateyoursocialnetwork.Youmustalsorealizethatifyourearent
whereyouwanttobeinlifeandwithwomenyouregoingtohaveto
104
bringsomenewfriendsintoyourcircle,andperhapsdowngradethe
statusofguysyouvebeenhangingoutwith,buthavebeenholdingyou
back.
Dontthinkthatmeetingnewpeoplewhenyougooutonlyappliesto
women.Onthecontrary,itsveryimportantthatyouexpandyoursocial
networkofmalefriendsandcontacts.Insomecases,thismeansmaking
connectionsthatwillfurtheryourcareerbutletstalkforamoment
aboutthesocialimportanceofhavingapowerfulguynetworkasit
pertainstomeetingnewwomen.
Anyguyyoumeetwhostrikesyouascool,confidentandgenuineisa
potentialwingmanforyoutoutilize.Dontdotheclichexchangeof
businesscards(ifyouevencarrythem.)Programhisnumberintoyour
cellphoneandgivehimyours.Then,thefollowingweek,findareason
totouchbasewithhimonthephone.Heresthekeytothis:the
automaticwaytocreateafriendshipwithaguyistoinvitehimtoa
placewherehellhavetheopportunitytointeractwithgirls.
HeywhatsupMike,thisisRob,wemettheothernightatthebar.
Listen,IdontknowifyouhaveplansforSaturdaynight,butmeand
somefriendsaregoingovertothenightclubTryst.Itsalwaysfullof
girls,itllbeagreattimeandtherearesomepeopleIwanttointroduce
youto.
Helpaguygetlaid,andyoullbehisnewbestbuddy.Simplyintroduce
himtosomeofyourattractivefemalefriends,andhellalwayswantto
beapartofyourcircle.
Ifyouknowtwentycoolguysinyourtown,thatstwentypossiblephone
callsyoumightgetnextweekendtoletyouknowaboutapartyanew
hotspotthatopenedasinglegirltheyknow,whoyoudbeinterested
inorjustacasualgettogetherwheretherewillbewomenandgood
times.Inexchange,youwillinformyourATeamofmalefriends
whenevertheresanactivityinvolvingchicksthatyouwanttoinvite
themto.
Theseneedtobecoolguyswhoareallabouthavingfun.Theresno
senseofcompetitionbetweenyou.Youknowifyouinvitetheseguysto
105
meetothermembersofyournetwork,theyrenevergoingtomakeyou
lookbad,andtheyrenevergoingtotrytooutshineyou.
*****
DeanSays
BackwhenIlivedinNewYorkCity,Iusedtobeprettyclosed
mindedwhenitcametoformingnewfriendshipswithguys.Mostof
theguysIhungoutwithwerefriendsthatIdhadsincechildhoodor
college.IfeltIdidnthaveroominmylifeforanyonenewwhowasnt
ahotchick,becausethatstheareaIwascompletelyfocusedon.The
problemwas,neithermyself,oranyofmybuddies,weregetting
muchaction.Usually,theonlyresultofourFridayandSaturday
nightswerelargebartabsandhangoversthenextday.
WhenIbeganmygrowthprocessandstartadoptinganAlpha
mindset,Icametosomerealizations.Myinnercircleofbuddies,as
muchasIlovedhangingoutwiththem,wereholdingmebackfrom
achievingmyfullpotentialwithwomen.Theywereusuallytoo
intimidatedtoapproachgirls(unlesstheyweredrunk,andacting
sloppy),soIdspendhourssittingatthebar,drinkingwiththem,
whenIshouldhavebeenworkingtheroomandmakingapproaches.
Insteadofmackingwomen,wedactuallysitthereandmakefunof
theguyswhoweretrying,intheirownawkwardways,tochatup
womenandimpressthem.Obviously,itsmucheasiertositbackand
crackjokesabouttheguywiththegoofyhairstyleandtheuglyshirt,
tryingtotalktothatblondeandherfriends,thanitistoactuallyget
offyourassandgoapproachthatblondeforyourself.
IfIdidmotivateandstarttalkingtoagirl,mybuddieswereawful
wingmen.MyfriendJoesideaofhumorwastotrytosaythingsin
frontofthegirlthatwouldembarrassme.Andhewasntevenasbad
asmybuddyTony,whohadatendencytoinserthimselfintothe
conversationandstarthittingonthegirlIwastalkingto!Forallof
Tonysmachobluster,hedidnthavetheballstomeetagirlfor
himself.ButassoonasIwasinthedoorwithagirl,hedviewitasan
opportunitytoslideinthereandtakeashot.
106
Dotheseguysremindyouofanyoneyouveeverknown?They
probablydo.Asmen,wehaveatendencytoalwayshangoutwiththe
sameguysbecauseitfeelscomfortableevenwhentheyareholding
usbackfrommakingithappenwithwomen.Andyetwemaintain
thisisolationistattitude.Wewouldntdreamofmeetingaguyata
club,gettinghisnumber,andusinghisknowledgeandsocial
networktoexpandourown.
OnceIcametounderstandtheconceptofbuildingapowerfulsocial
network,IrealizedthatIhadtobeopentomeetingallnewpeople.
Youhavenothingtoloseandeverythingtogainbydoingso.When
yougooutinasocialenvironment,whetheritsanightcluboraparty
atafriendshouse,dontjustsizeupthewomen.Sizeupthemen.If
theresaguywhostrikesyouasbeinganAlpha,oranimportant
socialfigurethekindthatthegirlsandotherguysareorbiting
aroundintroduceyourselfandcreatethatconnection.
Makehimapartofyournetwork.Allyouhavetodoishangoutwith
himonetimeinthefuture,whetheritsoneononeoratanother
event,andyourenowofficiallyfriends.Thatshowthesocialworld
works.Andthemorecoolfriendsyouhaveinyournetwork,the
moresocialstatusandpoweryoupossess.
Howdoyoustrikeupaconversationwithanotherguyandformaquick
bond?Theanswerissimple.Introduceyourself,shakehands,andthen
movetheconversationontochicks.Makeacommentabouthowthere
aresomehotwomenatthisbar/nightclub/party.Or,directhisattention
tothehottestgirlintheroomandaskifheknowsher.Or,askhimifhes
beentoaparticularbar/nightclubinyourtownthatyouvevisited,and
whereyouknowtherearealotofhotchicks,andmentionthistohim.
Itsanautomaticconversationstarter.Youdontneedtospendanhour
chattingwiththedude.Justmaketheconnection.
IcanttellyouhowimportantthisattitudehasbeenforusforCarlos
andI,inourrespectivecities.Briefconversationswiththe
doormen/bartenders/managersinthebarsandclubswevisithave
helpedustocreateoneofthemostpowerfulsocialnetworksofanyone
thearea.Whenyoutakethetimetopolitelyintroduceyourself,
107
complimentthemontheestablishment,andchatforafewmoments
alwaysmovingtheconversationontogirlsyouvejustbuilta
connectionthattheywontsoonforget.
Thenexttimeyouvisit,whentheyseeyou,theyllwelcomeyou.Itsan
awesomeboostwhenweretalkingtoagirlintheclubandthe
managerstopsbytosayhello,becauseweknoweachother.Nowthe
girlknows,thatweknowpeople.Wereasocialpresence.Itsautomatic
socialproof.IfotherAlphaMenintheenvironmentaregladtoseeus,
itsevidencethatwehaveahighersocialstandingthanmostofthe
peoplethere.
Thismeansalottoawoman,especiallywhenhermindisworkingafter
theinitialintroductionandsheistryingtodeterminethetypeofguy
youare.Andthiscertainlydoesntapplyonlytonightclubmanagers.
Anytimeanotherguyintheenvironmentrecognizesyouandstopsby
toshakeyourhandaslongashesacool,respectfuldudewhodoesnt
makeyoulookbadyouregainingpointswiththewomanyoure
standingwith,orthewomenintheareawhoarewatchingandnoticing.
Besuretointroducehimtothegirlyourechattingwith.Bydoingthis,
youresendingheramessage:youvegotalotoffriendsandalarge
network,andbyhangingaroundaguylikeyou,shesgoingtohave
accesstoallkindsofinterestingpeopleandsocialopportunities.
Takethesameapproachwithwomenyouwanttobuildintoyoursocial
network.Thereareallkindsofgirlsouttherethatyoumightnotwant
tosleepwith,butsimplyknowingthemwillelevateyoursocialstatus.It
couldbeagirlthatmanagesthecoffeeshopthatyoufrequent.Or,the
girlwhosthrowingtheawesomepartythatoneofyourfriendswho
invitesyouto.Getfriendlywiththatgirl,evenifyouhavenointerestin
hersexually,andyoureguaranteedtoexpandyoursocialnetworkby
knowingher.
Or,itcanbeassimpleasbefriendingtheserversandwaitressesatthe
barsorrestaurantsyouliketogoto.Applythesamelevelofcharmto
them,asyouwouldwithagirlyouaretryingtoscorewith.Express
interestinthem,chat,listen,gettoknowafewthingsaboutthem.When
108
youreturn,youwillberememberedandtheywillgiveyousocial
proof.
Allofthewomenyouencountershouldbeimpressedwithyourcharm,
witandsincerity.Everywomanlovestobepaidacompliment.Fromthe
waitressesatourfavoriterestaurantstothemanagersofthehottest
clubsinLasVegas,wemakesuretheyallknowus,andaregladtoseeus
whenwereturn.
*****
Writingaboutthesubjectofsocialnetworks,andtheirimportance,
remindsofaguyweusedtoknow,Daryll.Afewyearsago,heheaded
outtoHollywoodwithfewconnectionsandevenlesstalent.Hewasa
directoroflousyhiphopmusicvideoswhodreamedofbecomingthe
nextSpielberg.Noonewasabouttohandhim$50milliontogomakea
movie,butDarylldidhaveonethinggoingforhim:hewasextremely
socialandgoodwithwomen.Hewasalwaysoutatpartiesandindustry
events,networking,andwhenhewouldmeetothermenoneswho
werefarmoreadvancedintheircareersthanhewashewoulddo
somethingverysmart.Hewouldfindoutaboutthebestpartiesandcall
theseguystoinvitethem.Hedmentionthatalotofhotgirlswouldbe
there,andthathewantedtointroducethemtosome.Whenthey
showedupattheparty,Daryllwouldalwayshaveafewstunnersto
introducethemto.
PeoplearoundHollywoodbegantoassociateDaryllwithbeautiful
women.Therefore,theywantedtobeapartofhissocialnetworkas
muchashewantedtobeapartoftheirs.
Basically,Daryllbecameawingmanforalotofpowerfulmen,andasa
resulttheywelcomedhimintotheirinnercircle.Oneofthesemaleallies
woundupintroducingDarylltoamajorHollywoodstar.Daryllwound
upbecomingapartofthestarscircle,duetothefactthatyouguessed
ittheybothlovedchasingwomen,andDaryllalwaysseemedtoknow
wherethegoodpartieswere.
Fastforwardthreeyears.Weseeinamagazinethatanewmovie,
starringthatsuperstaractor,wasgoingintoproductionwithabudgetof
109
$60million.Thewriterdirectoroftheproject?Daryll.Asitturnedout,
themoviesuckedandwounduptankingattheboxoffice,butyouget
thepoint.DaryllwasabletopulloffamiracleinHollywood,gettinga
$60millionmoviemade,throughthestrengthofhisnetworkingandit
allbeganbecausehetargetedtheoneinterestthatallmenshare:the
desiretomeetwomen.
Weveformedbondswithalotofhighstatusguysthisway.Wevegot
anotherbuddynamedGarywhois47yearsold,recentlydivorced,and
hasgazillionsofdollars.Whenwemethim,hehadnogamewith
women.Hespentthelast20yearsstuckinabadmarriage.Nowthat
hessingleagain,whodoyouthinkGarywantstohangoutwith?Inhis
freetime,doeshewanttohangoutwithbusinesscolleagueshisown
ageandtalkaboutdeals?Hellno.Hewantstohangoutwithguyslike
us,whoknowaboutthecoolpartiesandmoreimportantly,know
womenthatwecanintroducehimto.
AndourfriendshipwithGaryhasalotofgreatbenefits.Wevethrown
partiesathismansion.Asanexpertinrealestate,hesgivenusadvice
onbuyingandsellingproperty.Anditallbeganbecausewestruckupa
conversationwithGaryatabarandstartedvibingwithhimonthegreat
universalsubjectthatbindsallmentogether:Women,andhowtoget
them.
Allmenregardlessoftheirpower,moneyandstatusareeternallyin
pursuitofwomen.Ifyoucanhelptoprovidethislinkforthem,you
automaticallybecomeafriendandallytothem.Withotherguys,you
donthaveanythingtogainfromthemintermsofyourcareer,butthey
arestillvaluableintermsofthesocialprooftheylendyou.Whenyougo
outtothebarsandclubsoranywhereelsewithinyoursocialscene,
peopleknowyou.Yourenevertheguystandingalone,waitingtotalkto
someone.Youarealwayswelcomed,appreciatedandrespected.Thats
howAlphaMenaretreatedbytheirpeers.
110
ALPHA RULE 7:
IMPROVE CONSTANTLY
AND CONTINUOUSLY
Youarethearchitectofyouownlife;strivetocreateanoriginal
masterpiece.Itsnevertoolatetoreinventyourself.Dontbeafraidto
discardtheoldyouinfavorofcreatingawholenewlook,styleand
attitude.Yourprimeisnow;neverbelievethatyouaretoooldoryoungto
makedecisivechanges.Constantlyseektoexpandyourknowledgeofthe
world,women,andyourself.
111
Inthecourseofreadingthisbook,youll
findyourselfquestioningassumptionsand
beliefsyouveheldaboutyourselfand
eventheworldaroundyou.Especiallythe
singlesworld.Youmightevenfindyourself
experiencingastrangemelancholyofthe
soulwhenyouverealizebeentravelingin
thewrongdirection.Butnopathisworth
continuingonifitisntleadingyoutowards
whatyoudesirewhetheritsmeetingthe
rightwomantoimproveyouralready
excitinglife,orcreatingalifestylethatwill
attractallmannerofgirls.
Yettherearesomanymenouttherethattreattheirliveslikeabad
stockthatisstartingtodropinvalue,andtheykeepthrowingmore
goodmoneyafterbadinthehopesthatitwillmiraculouslyturnaround.
Instead,theycouldhavejusttakentheirlossandtheirlesson,and
movedovertoawinningshareinacompanythatwouldreapthem
dividendsfortherestoftheirlives.
Whatyoumustdoistotreatyourlifelikeanoilpainting:avery
expensiveoilpaintingthatyouonlygettocreateonceinyourlifetime.
WhenthatpaintingdriesandishungintheMuseumofTime,willitbea
masterpieceoracautionarytale?Onlyyoucandecidethis.
Hereshowyougetonthepathtocontinuousreinventionofyourself:
Step1)Rememberthatultimately,youcannotpredictthefuture.
Youcanonlymakeyourbestdecisionsrightnowbasedonthe
informationyouhaverightnow.AsGeneralGeorgePattononcesaid,
wedrathermakeagooddecisionnowthanaperfectplannextweek.
Youcanwaityourwholelifeforallthestarstoalignandneverdareto
achieveanything,butifyoutakeactionnow,evenwhenyouhaventgot
alltheinformation,youstandtomakeamuchbetterlifeforyourself.
112
Dontwaitfortheperfectopportunityortheperfectinformationbefore
youstart.Infact,ifyoudontfeeltheneedtochangeortakeaction
RIGHTNOW,youprobablywont.Youlljustkeepmakingexcusesabout
whyitcanbeputoff.Afterall,ifnotnow,when?
Step2)Yourenotfailingaslongasyourestilllearning.
Everyperceivedfailureisactuallyanopportunityindisguise.Itsan
opportunitytolearn,togrow,tobreaknewground.Rememberthatas
longasyouhaventbetyourlifeonthenextgamble,youvealwaysgot
thechancetobeginagain.Thereisanendlesssupplyofdooversin
theuniverse.
Everythingyoudothatfailsisreallyalearningexperience.Theclichof
ThomasEdisonismoretruethanweliketothink.Youmayhaveheard
thathefailedthousandsoftimesbeforehefoundacombinationthat
wouldworkasafilamentintheelectriclightbulb.Whenaskedwhyhe
keptgoingafterthousandsandthousandsoffailures,hesimplysaid,I
didntfail.Isucceededinfindingthousandsofwaysthatwouldnot
work.Thatsapowerfulexampleofreframing,andoneyouneedto
puttoworkinyourlife.
Dowhateverittakestokeepgoingafterwhatyouwant.
Step3)Letgoofyourimageofyourselfasyouronlyidentity.
Youaremorethanwhatyouthinkyouareatthismoment.Wecan
assureyouofthis,becauseweguaranteethatyouhadnoideathatwho
youarerightnowisthepersonyouimaginedwhenyouwereaten
yearoldkid,dreamingfromyourbedaboutthefuture.Forthesame
reasons,youcantknowwhoyouwillbeafewyearsfromnow.
Alltoooftenwebecomeattachedtothisvisionofourselvesasafixed
andpermanentthing,becausetobelievetheoppositethatwemightbe
fluidandchangingsomehowmakesusfeelunstableoruncertain
aboutlife.Itslivingwiththisfluidandchangingnatureofourselvesthat
makesuspowerfulasAlphaMen.
113
Thecommonmanfearschangeanddesperatelyscramblestoholdonto
anythingtogivehimafeelingofconfidenceabouttheworldaround
him.TheAlphaManknowsthatthereisnothingintheworldthatis
trulystableorsecure,andhisbestinsuranceagainstchangeisto
embraceitquicklyandwillingly.
*****
CarlosSays
OneofmymostconsistentobservationsaboutguysthatIve
instructedinseminarsisthattheyareveryrigidandinflexible
abouttheiridentity.Theyclingtotheoutwardthingsthatdonot
matteratall,liketheclothestheywear,ortheirshoes,ortheir
facialhair,andintheprocesstheyreinforcealltheoldinnerbelief
systemsthattellthemthattheyarefixedandunchanging.By
clingingtoexternalindicators,youalsoundermineyourowntrust
inyourownjudgmentandinstincts.
WhenIgivementhedistinctionbetweenthemselvesasaphysical
personandtheirideasabouttheiridentity,theyfinditeasierto
letgoandactuallybemoretruetothemselves,ratherthan
pinningthemselvesdowntoasetofselflimitingbeliefsor
constraints.
Inoneseminar,Ihadgonethroughanentiredayofpresentation
withoneoftheguyslookingvaguelydisinterested.Whywasthis
guyhere?Iwondered.Butthen,ononeparticularslide,Isawhis
eyeswidenandalookofrealizationhit.ThephrasewasYouarea
ahighlyfluidconcept.Thishithimsmackbetweentheeyes,and
allofthepiecesfellintoplaceforhimwhenheunderstoodthat
hisowndefinitionofhimselfwasactuallygettinginthewayof
whohewastryingtogrowinto.
Whenyouletgoofarigidviewpointorstanceonyouridentity
andopenyourselfuptowhoyoucanbe,youllfindthissame
epiphanywaitingforyouaswell.
*****
114
Step4)Continueyoureducationatallcosts!
Anotherthingweverealizedovertheyearsisthatcontinuingyour
educationafterschoolisthedifferencebetweenmenwhowin,andmen
whosettle.Investinselfdevelopmentprogramsforyourself.Tapes,
CDs,books,andseminarsofeverykind.Theywillmorethanpayfor
themselvesinwhatyoureceiveinimprovementstoyourself.
Lookatitthisway:letssayyouspend$1,000togotoaseminarthat
improvesyourskills.Nowletssaythatimprovementinyourability
allowsyoutoaskfor$1.00moreperhouratyourjoborinyour
profession.Mostpeopleworkover2,000hoursperyear,ifyourethe
averageJoe,andthatdoesntincludeovertime.Injustsixmonthsyoull
haveearnedthatmoneyback,andyoullbeabetterperson.
Thisisalsotrueinthearenaofdatingandsocialskills.Byinvestingina
programthathelpsyoudealwithsituationswithconfidence,and
reducesyouranxiety,howmuchvaluewouldyouplaceonthat?You
simplycantputapriceonthefeelingofaccomplishmentand
confidencethatcomesfrombeingarealAlphaMan.Theresnothinglike
itintheworld.
Whenallissaidanddone,youcaninvestinstocksandproperty,butthe
onlythingyouvegotinthislifeisyourself,andintheend,youcanttake
anyofitwithyou.Yourestuckhereonthisplanetforaboutthesame
timeaseveryoneelse,soyoumightaswellgetbusy.Youvegotplenty
oftimetorestwhenyoureplantedinthebigDirtNap.
Whynotputyourenergyandtimeintosculptingamanthatotherswill
respect,admire,anddesire?Plantsthatarenotgrowingaredying.
Peoplethatdonotgrowarenodifferent.
Rememberthatyoumustalwaysupgradeyourselfandgrow,or
youlldieonthevine.
115
ALPHA RULE 8:
BE THE LEADER
OF YOUR TRIBE
Withinanysocialstructure,thememberwiththestrongestAlphatraitsis
lookedtoforleadershipandsecurity.Youmustbecomethisperson.Instill
thegladiatorprincipleofStrength&Honorintoyourowncharacter,
andestablishyourcorevirtues.Inyourrelationshipswithwomen,set
boundariesandparameters:asanAlphaMan,youcontroltheplaying
field.
Yourtribeconsistsof
116
themenandwomenyou
socializewithona
regularbasis.Youwant
toestablishyourselfas
theAlpha(ormost
Alpha)memberofthis
group.
Theothersshouldfeelasenseofsecuritywhentheyarearoundyou.
Centuriesago,theAlphaofthetribewaslookedtoforphysical
protectioninfact,therestoftendependedonhisskillsandintellect
forsurvival.Thewomenandtheweakermalesknewthatifanother
tribeinvadedtheirvillage,theAlphawascapableofdefendingthem.
TheothermenknewtheAlphawouldleadthecharge,ordrawupany
necessarybattleplans.Theyplacedtheircollectivefateinhishands.
Intodaysworld,youwontbecalledupontorepelanyrampaging
barbarianhordes.Youwill,however,belookedattoprovidesocial
securityforyourtribe.Thismeansthatwhenyourgroupgetstogether,
youcreateadirectionfortheeveningandsetthetempo.Youllsuggest
theplacewhereeveryoneisgoingtomeet.Youllbeproactivein
meetingwomenandkeepingtheenergylevelofthegrouphigh.
Iftheenvironmentsucks,oryouknowofabetterspot,youretheone
whoralliesthegang,namesthenextplace,andmoveson.Aslongasyou
arepresent,theeveningisnevergoingtogetstuckinarutagroupof
guyssittingaroundinthebardrinkingbeersandcomplaining,looking
atwomenthatnoneofthemhavetheballstogotalkto.
HerearesomeotherwaysinwhichtheAlphaManofthetribeasserts
himself.Ifyoustartmakingahabitoffulfillingtheseresponsibilities
withinyourgroupoffriends,youshouldnaturallyascendtotheAlpha
position.(JustbeawarethatifthereisanotherAlphaManinyour
group,itmayleadtoconflict;noAlphalikestotakeabackseat.)
Aslongasyourepartoftheeveningsplans,therewontneed
tobeanywafflingamongstthegroupaboutwhatdototonight,
117
orwheretogo.PartofbeinganAlphaleaderisstayingupon
things.Youreawareofthebest/coolestrestaurantsinyour
area,aswellasthebars,nightclubs,andanyothervenues
whereyouandyourpeoplehangout.And,asthememberof
thetribewiththestrongestsocialnetwork,youregoingtobe
awareofparties/happenings/specialeventsthattheothers
mightnotknowof.WhenyourtribecallsyouonFridaytoask
ifanythingsgoingontonight,youvealwaysgotoptionsand
ideasespeciallyaboutwheretogomeetchicks.Whenthe
weekendrollsaroundandtheboysstartcallingaroundtoget
thegangtogether,yourethefirstphonecalltheymake.
Establishahomebaseforthetribe.Whenyouenterasocial
environmentwithyourbuddies,neverstandaroundlookinglike
youdontbelong.TheAlphaofthegroupwillimmediatelylocate
anareawherethetribecansettleinandgetcomfortable.Ifitsa
bar,heselectstheareawherethegroupwillsit.TheAlphaMan
thentakestheleadinflaggingawaitresstoorderdrinks.
Controlthemoney.Ifyouveallbeeneatingdinnertogetherata
restaurantororderingdrinksatabar,whenthebillcomes,youre
theonewhoreachesforitandcollectsmoneyfromtheothersto
payit.(Orpayityourself,ifyoureinagenerousmood.)Itdraws
attentionandlooksamateurishwhenagroupofguysarestanding
aroundtryingtofigureoutabillanddebatingoverwhoowesan
extrafivedollars.Taketheleadinthissituation,getitresolved,
andmoveon.Youshouldalsoalwaysmakesureanadequatetipis
leftfortheserver.Youalwayswanttobeawelcomecustomer
whenyoureturn.
Problemsolve.Ifthereisadiscrepancywiththebilloranissue
withtheservice,youaretheonewhoresolvesthesituation.You
handleitwiththeutmostcourtesy,butyouaretheonewhocalls
overthewaitress/manager/etc.andgetsittakencareof.
Dictatethepaceandmomentum.Ifyouandyourbuddy(or
buddies)meetsomegirls,youaretheonewhokeepsthe
momentummovingforward.Youtakeittothenextstep,whether
itsgettingeveryoneontothedancefloor,findingatablefor
118
everyonetositdownat,orderingaroundofdrinks,orsuggesting
thenextlocationforeveryonetomoveonto.
Makeeveryonefeelincluded(or,geteveryoneonboardyour
train).Yourgroupshouldradiatepositiveenergy.Ifamemberof
thetribeisinalousymoodortooshytojoininwhenyoumeet
women,gethiminvolved.Winghimuntilhesgotsomeonetochat
with.
Thisprincipleisevenmoreimportantwhenitcomestomakingwomen
feelincludedinyourinteractions.Letssayyouandyourbuddymeeta
coupleofcutegirlsatthebar.Theyhaveathirdfriendwiththem,whois
quieterandlessattractive.AstheAlphaMan,youllmakeitaspecial
pointtointeractwithher,getherinagoodmood,andmakeherfeel
included.
Thisaccomplishestwothings.First,itraisestheoverallenergylevel.A
thirdwheelwhoissittingtherealone,excludedfromtheconversation
andlookingboredandsurly,isdiminishingtheenergyofthegroup
withoutevensayinganything.Second,thistacticensuresthatshesnot
goingtocockblockyoulateronbymakingthingsdifficultforyouwith
thewomanyoureinterestedin.Ifshefeelsexcluded,atsomepoint
shesgoingtotellherfriendsshestiredandwantstogohome,orwants
togotoanotherspot,orontheirnexttriptotheladiesroomshellsay
somethingdisparagingaboutyou(thoseguysaregettingkindof
annoying,weshouldgotothenextbar).Itsthequietshyoneswho
cancompletelyblowyououtofthewaterwithouteversayingawordto
you.
Whenyouinsertyourselfintotheroleofsocialleader,theotherswill
startexpectingyoutoplaythisrole.Itisalawofhumandynamicsthat
whensomeonepresentshimselfastheAlphaofthegroup,theothers
willdefertohim.Infact,theyllfeelasenseofreliefbecausepeople
prefertostaypassiveandtakedirection.Itseasierandsaferthan
puttingthemselvesonthelineinaleadershiprole.
AnotherfacetofbeingtheAlphaLeaderofthegroupisestablishingthe
factthatyouareloyal.Inordertoviewyouasaleaderinsocial
119
situations,thetribemustknowthatyouwilldefendthemwhetherthey
arepresentornot.
Whenyoureoutwithsomefriendsandamemberofyourusualgroupis
missing,mentionhiminapositivelight:ItstoobadTomcouldntmake
itouttonight,Ialwayslovehangingoutwiththatguy.
Neverengageingossipaboutatribememberwhoisntpresent.Ifthe
otherguysstartsnickeringaboutTomandhisfemaleproblems,give
Tomprops:HesacoolguywithalottoofferIknowhesgoingto
figureitout.
Chicksarenotoriousforgossipingbehindeachothersbacks.AlphaMen
dontengageinthispettybehavior.
*****
DeanSays:
WhenIwanttobringawomanintomytribe,Iknowthatestablishing
mysenseofloyaltyiskey.ImafanofthefilmmakerQuentinTarantino,
andsometimeswhenImgettingtoknowachickIllthrowina
referencetothemovieTrueRomance,whichhewrote.Itsaflickthatis
prettymuchlovedbyeveryonewhohasseenit.(Ifyouhaventseenit
yet,rentitorwatchitagain,thenexttimeyouvegotagirlatyour
place.)
Itsviolentandbloodyattimes,buttheunderlyingmessageisincredibly
romantic.ChristianSlaterplaysClarence,acomicbookgeek;Patricia
ArquetteplaysAlabama,anadorablehookerwithaheartofgold.
Thesetwoloveablemisfitsfindtheperfectpartnerineachother,wind
upontherunfromthemob,andafteraseriesofwildadventuresthey
escapetoMexicoandlivehappilyeverafter.Thecoolestthingaboutthe
movieistheunbreakablebondtheyhavewitheachother.Nomatter
what,theyvegoteachothersbackstheyreinthistogether,and
throughoutthemovie,eachpersonshowstheyreliterallywillingtodie
toprotecttheother.Itsthemagainsttheworld.
120
Thismovieisessentiallyamodernupdateonthe1967classicBonnie
andClyde,whichstarredWarrenBeattyandFayeDunaway.Basedona
truestory,thismoviesetintheDepressioneraSouthwesttellsthe
storyofBonnie,ayounggirlwhosstuckinadrearysmalltown,who
meetsahandsomeyoungdrifternamedClyde.Together,theyembark
onabankrobbingspreeandbecomefamouscriminalscraving
adventureasmuchastheycraveeachother.Intheend,thelawcatches
upwiththemandtheyrebothgunneddowninahailofmachinegun
bullets.
SoIllsaytoagirl,LastnightIwasflippingchannelsandyouknow
whatmoviewason?TrueRomance.Tellmeyouveseenthatmovie.
Whethershesseenitornot(andchancesareshehas),Inowgointoa
briefriffonloyalty.Youknowwhatwassocoolaboutthatmovie?It
wasClarenceandAlabamaagainsttheworld.Theywouldhaveliterally
takenabulletfortheotherperson.Now,ImnotsayingIwanttowind
upontherunandfleeingtoMexico,buttheideaoftwopeoplebeing
thatinlove,thatloyaltooneanotherthatstheonlytypeof
relationshipIwant.
Anotherelementofhumannatureisthatweallwanttobepartofa
group,ortribe.Themoreexclusivethegroupis,themoreeagerpeople
aretogainadmittanceandacceptance.EverytimeIgooutinLasVegas,
Iseethisprincipleillustratedatthenightclubs;thelongerthelineisto
getin,themorepeoplejointhelinebecausetheyperceivethatplaceto
becoolerandmoreexclusive.
IdontstandinlineinVegas,oranywhereforthatmatter.Iform
relationshipswiththeowners,managersanddoormensothatwhenI
showup,Igetusheredpastthevelvetrope;developingthese
connectionsisjustasimportantasmeetingwomen.IfIdonthave
connectionsatapopularnightclub,Illnevergothereifitmeanswaiting
inlinewhystandaroundlookinglikeamemberoftheherd?
*****
Everyonewantstofeelincluded,likeamemberofatribe.Youvegotto
createanauraaroundyourselfsothatpeopleparticularlywomen
121
wanttojoinyours.Onetacticweliketouseistellingwomentheyve
madethecut,thatwevedecidedtheybelonginourselectgroup.It
maysoundlikeacasualjoke,butitactuallysendsastrongmessageand
playsonthisprincipleofhumandynamics.
Forexample,astudentofoursnamedCarlhadhungoutacoupleof
timeswithagirlnamedJulia.Averysmart,togetherwomanwho
workedintherealestatebusiness.Carlwasintheprocessoftryingto
refinancehiscondo,andsheofferedtomeetupfordinnersothatshe
couldhelpexplainsomeofhisfinancialoptions.Carlappreciatedthat;
notonlywasJuliahotandfuntobearound,butshewasactuallygoing
tohelphimsavequiteabitofmoney.Agoodallytohave.
Astheyatedessert,hetoldher
CARL:YknowwhatJulia?IjustdecidedyoumademyATeam.
Congratulations,itsactuallyaprettybigdeal...alotofpeopledontmake
thecut.
HER:(laughing)YourATeam?Imhonoredwhatisitexactly?
CARL:Well,IdecidedawhileagothatIhavenotimefornegativepeople
inmylife,orpeoplewhoonlywanttakefrommeanddontwanttogive.
IactuallyhadtocutloosesomepeopleIdknownforalongtime.So
whatIhavenowismyATeam.ItsmyinnercircleofpeoplethatI
respectandenjoyspendingtimewith.Theyhelpme,Ihelpthemwere
loyaltoeachother.
(Shesmiles,flattered.Heraiseshiswineglassandtoastherappointment
tohisATeam.)
Thiswasntreallyaboutflatteringher.Itwasaboutsendingamessage:I
amanAlphaManandmytimeandavailabilityislimited.Youhave
passedmytestandIvedecidedthatyouareworthyofmoreofmytime
inthefuture.Notice,thisisa180degreeattitudeshiftfromhowthe
averageguyapproachesdating.Carlisnthopingtobuyhertimeby
takingheroutandspendingmoney.Hesentthemessagethatheruns
hisownshow,butshesawelcomeadditiontohisteam.
122
ALPHA RULE 9:
ESTABLISH A POWERFUL
IMAGE
&
SOCIAL STATUS
UnderstandandutilizetheconceptofSocialProof,anduseittoelevate
yourstatus(particularlyintheeyesofwomen).Werenotinterestedin
peopleoflowsocialstanding;wereattractedtothosewhoseempopular
anddesirable.Beconsciousofyourimage,theaurayouproject,andwhat
kindofpoweryoupossess.Ifyourenotinfluencingothers,theyare
influencingyou.Courtattentionbybeinguniqueineveryaspectofyour
persona;originality,inyourappearanceandoutlook,conveysself
confidence.Mavericksareinspiring.Ifyouresimplyfollowingtheherd,
whyshouldanyonewanttofollowyou?
123
Yourimagesayswhoyouare,whatyou
standfor,andwhereyouregoinginlife.
Youmustcreateapowerfulimageofyour
owndesign,andtweakandimprovethis
imageasyouliveouttherestofyourlife.
LetusclarifywhatimageisNOT:
ImageisNOTyourlooks
ImageisNOTyourego
ImageisNOTaboutfashion.
Now,letstalkaboutwhatyourimageDOESconsistof:
Yourbodylanguage
Yoursenseoforiginalityanduniqueness
Youroverallsenseofstyle
Yourprojectionofambitionanddirectioninlife
Yourpowerofpersuasionandinfluenceoverothers
Thepeopleyouassociatewithandbefriend.
Tobuildanattractivepersonalimage,youmustfirstdefineforyourself
whatyouareandwhatyoustandfor,whichwediscussedinaprevious
chapter.Onceyouhaveestablishedthis,youcanthendecidewhat
thingswillandwillnotworkwithinthisimage.
Thenextstepistobecomefullycomfortablewiththepersonyouare.
WerenotgoingtogetallCaliforniaNewAgeyhereonyou(even
thoughoneofus,Carlos,doeslivein
SanFrancisco).Whatweresayingisthatyoumustacquireasenseof
comfortwithyourselfinsocialsituations.Considerthefactthatwe
tolerateandmightevenadmireforceful,narcissisticpeople,aslong
astheyaretotallycomfortablewithwhotheyare,andareachievingbig
things.(DonaldTrumpcomestomindhere.Massiveego,butwhocan
124
arguewithhisresultsinlife:billionsinthebank,ayoungtrophywife,
andkidswhorespecthim.)Conversely,wearerepelledbypeoplewho
arentcomfortablewiththemselveswhoaresociallyawkward,orwho
feeltheneedtolieaboutthemselvesinordertoimpresspeople.
Personalcomfortisacquiredthroughnonjudgmentalacceptance.You
canonlybeuncomfortablewithyourselftothedegreethatyouare
fightingrealityandwantingsomethingdifferentthanwhatyouare
getting.Letgoofpastperceptions.Letgoofotherpeoplesjudgments
andexpectations.Acceptwhatis,withaneyetothefuturethatyouare
workingtowards.
Everyoneofus,atalltimes,isaworkinprogress.Weareneverfinished
growingandlearningaslongaswerealive.Anyonewhosays
differentlywhoacceptstheirstationinlife,andbelievetheyllnever
doanybetterfeelsthiswayoutofinsecurity.Mostpeoplesettlewith
themselves(andwithmediocrewomen)andstopgrowingbecause
theyreafraidtochange,orbecausetheyfearlosingtheiridentityin
someway.Becomfortablewiththeknowledgethatyoullneverbe
perfect,andthepersonyouaretodayisnotgoingtobethemanyouare
tenyearsevenoneyearfromnow.
Also,starttorecognizethesocialdynamicsthatindicateapersonwhois
aleaderandanAlphaMan.Herearesomeexamples.Weresureyoucan
thinkofothers.
AlphaMentendtosteerthecourseofconversations.Theycan
changethedirectionorsubjectwithnoresistance,becausethey
aretheonesthatarelookedtoforguidanceinsocialsituations.
Theyrenottheonlyonestalkinginfact,mostofthetimethey
arelisteningbuttheyhavethepowertotakecommandofthe
conversationanddirectit.
AlphaMenarewelcomingtoallinsocialinteractions.Theyare
confidentinthemselves,sotheydonotneedtoplaymanipulative
gamestoestablishtheirstatus.Theyarefriendstoall;theyre
socialninjas.
125
AlphaMentendtosetthenormsofaconversationby
demonstratingwhattheyfeelisappropriateandinappropriateto
discuss.Whetherthetopicissexualandracy,orpoliticaland
edgy,theydonotwaitforpermissiontoexpresssomethingthey
justspeak.Andtheydoitwithsuchapowerfulframeofbeliefand
convictionthatothersgoalongwithhimeveniftheydonotagree
withit.
StudytheTechniquesofPersuasionandInfluence
Thisisafieldthatisasbroadasitisdeep,butthereareaninfinite
numberofusefulsocialskillstobecultivatedbylearninghowtoget
peopletohelpyou.Lookatitthisway:eitheryouaregettingpeopleto
helpyouwithyourgoals,ortheyaregettingyoutohelpthemwith
theirs.Thechoiceisyours.
Itsnotaboutmanipulationordeceit.Whatweretalkingaboutis
creatingaclearideaofwhatyouwant,andthencreatingwinwin
situationswhereotherpeoplecanandwillhelpyoutowardsyourgoals,
aslongasitsintheirbestinterests.Nothingofanyvalueintheworldis
createdbyandforoneperson;itsallabouthowaleaderorganizes
peoplebehindacommongoal.
Tothatend,youmustlearnallthecommunicationandpersuasion
strategiesyoucan.Learnabout:
NeuroLinguisticprogramming(NLP)tounderstandyourmind
Negotiationstrategiestoachievewinwinsolutions
Communicationsskillstoreachpeoplewithimpact
Networkingstrategiestomeetpeopleinyourprofessionalarena
Charismaticqualitiestopresentthebestappearanceofyourselfto
others
Persuasivetechniquestogetwhatyouwantfromothers.
126
Therearemanybooksandprogramsoutthereonthistopicthatyoucan
learnfrom.Getyourselfpluggedintoanongoingscheduleoflearning
thatincorporatesthesetopics.Remember,thekeytoyourfuture
successliesinhowmuchlearningyoudoafteryougraduatefrom
school.
CreateAlliancesThatDriveUpYourValue
Abigpartofyoursocialvalueisdictatedbythepeopleyouchooseto
associatewith.AnthonyRobbinsoncesaidthatyourlifewillbea
reflectionoftheexpectationsofyourpeergroup.Thismeansthatyou
areunlikelytogroworgofurtherthanwhatyourfriendsthinkyouare
capableof.Youmustbreakfreeoftheirinfluenceandstrivetocreate
yourownreality.
Seekoutpeoplethatwillnotonlyhelpyoutogrow,butwillsupportyou
andincreaseyourbaseofpower.Weneedfriendsnotonlytoshootthe
breezewith,buttohelpusrealizeourfullpotential.
Surroundyourselfwithpeoplewhowillhelpyouadvance,nottread
water.Ifthereisanyoneinyourliferightnowthatisnothelpingyou
advancetowardsyourgoalsorincreaseyoursocialstanding,chances
aretheyareprobablyholdingyouback.
Thisisonerealitythatwillbetoughtoswallow,butwillserveyouinthe
future:youarebetteroffalonethanwiththewrongfriends.Oneguy
weknowlikestocallcertainpeopleinhislifefrenemiesbecauseof
theiruncertaininfluenceinhislife.Onthesurface,theyrelikeablebut
underneaththereisasneakysuspicionthattheyarecausingmoreharm
thangood.
Manyofushaveafrenemyinourlife,whetheritsacoworker,anold
friend,orafamilymember.Theytrytoactlikeasupportivefriend,but
theyreuncomfortablewiththeideaofussurpassingtheminlifeand
accomplishingwhattheyneverwill.Asyouembarkonthisprocessof
changeandpersonalimprovement,thefrenemiesinyourlifearegoing
tobecomeincreasinglyobviousandirritating.Youdontneedtocut
themoutofyourlifecompletely,butdonteverlettheminfluenceyour
thinkingandbeawareoftheirulteriormotive:theywanttoyoustayon
127
thesame,mediocreleveltheyrelivingon,becauseifyouriseaboveit,it
willonlyreinforcetheirownfailures.
*****
DeanSays:
Womenalwaysseemtohaveatleastonefrenemy:agirltheyhangout
with,butdontreallytrust.Oftenthisisthememberoftheirsocial
groupwhogetsthemostattentionfrommen.Theothergirlsactmight
actherbestfriendwhenshesaround,butbehindherbacktheytagher
asaslutandseriouslythinkshedfucktheirboyfriendsatthefirst
opportunity.
Forinstance,onetimeIwentouttoaMexicanrestaurantwiththisgirlI
wasdating.HerbestfriendGinacamealong,sportingherspectacular
pairoffaketits.Throughouttheevening,whenevermygirlhadtogoto
theladiesroom,shewouldalwaysaskGinatocomewithher.
Onthewayhome,Ihadthisconversationwithmygirl:
ME:Imjustcurioushowcomeeverytimeyougotothebathroom,you
makeGinagowithyou?
HER:BecauseGinahasareputation.YouknowmyfriendMarcy?Gina
sleptwithherboyfriend.
ME:ButyouknowIwouldneverdosomethinglikethattoyou.Besides,
Ginaisengaged.Youregoingtobehermaidofhonor
HER:Iknow,Iknow.Ijustdonttrustherwhenitcomestoguys.
Itsquiteamazing,really.Womenwillsharetheirmostintimatesecrets
witheachother,yettheyllfeelthreatenediftheirmanspendsfive
minutestalkingtotheirbestfriendwhentheyarenotpresent.
Ibelievethisispartlybecausewomenthriveondrama.Havinga
frenemyaspartoftheirsocialgroupalwaysmakesforthingstogossip
about,andletsthemfeelthattheyhavethemoralhighgroundover
someoneelse.Asfortheotherreason,well,alotofwomenare
128
extremelyinsecureaboutlosingtheirmantoanothergirl,especiallyone
theyperceivetobesexier/cuter/younger/sluttierthanthemselves.
Guys,letsjustkeepthisasachickthing.Weshouldntwasteourtime
andenergyincludingfrenemiesinourlives.ThewayIseeit,youre
eithermyallyorImcuttingyouloose.Ifyoueverfeelthreatenedby
oneofyourmalefriendsinthissensethatgiventhechance,hed
snatchyourgirlawayfromyouinaheartbeatthenhehasnoplacein
yourtribe.
Alphasareloyalandexpectabsoluteloyaltyinreturnfromthewomen
theycommitto,andthementheysurroundthemselveswith.
*****
LeveragethePowerofSocialProof
Socialproofisaconceptofinfluencethatisessentialforanymanwho
wantstoattractbeautifulwomenintohislife.Inanutshell,socialproof
meansthatpeoplemakesubconsciousdecisionsaboutyoubasedupon
thepeopleyouassociatewith.
Thesimplestformofthisisbestillustratedbyanexample.Haveyou
evernoticedhowwomenseemmoreinterestedinyouwhenyoure
alreadydatinganotherwoman?
Whyisthis?
Itspartiallyduetothefactthattheyfeelmorefreetoflirt,knowingthat
youreunderthereignsofanotherrelationship,butmostoftheir
heightenedinterestisduetothefactthatyoureaprovencommodity.If
someotherwomanisdatingyou,youmustbedateable.Simplelogic!
Womenwantwhatotherwomenwant.Thisfacthasbeenthesourceof
countlessShakespeareantragediesandfablesandpoliticalintriguefor
thousandsofyears.Forthesamereasonthatdiamondsareoneofthe
mostpreciousandvaluedgems(whilenotbeingthemostrare,byany
stretchoftheimagination),womenwillvalueyouhigherifyouseem
desiredbyotherwomen.
129
Thebestwayweveusedthistoouradvantageisthroughtheuseofa
wingwoman.Yes,youknowwhatawingmanis,andtheresonly
onethingbetterthanthis:awomanwhogoesoutwithyoutopickup
otherwomen.Youreimmediatelyassumedtobesafe(i.e.,nota
weirdoorpsycho),andyoualsoappearmoredesirableforhavinga
womanwithyouthatiscoolenoughtohelpyouout.Womenlowertheir
shieldsforotherwomenmuchquickerthantheywillforaguy,andthis
demonstratesalevelofsociosexualsavvythat99%oftheotherguys
outtheredonthavetheabilitytohaveawomanasafriend.
Ofcourse,dontforgettoreturnthefavorbyhelpingyourwingwoman
findafewguys,too!
StandTall,StandApart
Wereremindedofaposterwesawthatread:Yes,youarelikea
snowflake,uniqueandspecialjustlikeeverybodyelse.Thetruthofthe
matteristhatweareallprettymuchequal.Whatmakesyouuniqueis
howyoupresentyourselfto,andimpact,thepeopleinyoursphereof
influence.
Yourimageisalsodeterminedbyyourwillingnesstoleadthepack,not
beingalapdoginlifetryingtocurryapprovalandfavorabletreatment.
Tobedifferentnotforthesakeofbeingdifferent,butforbeing
yourselftakescourage.Ittakesholdingyourselftoadifferent
standardthanothers,evenwhenitsnoteasyorrecognizedbyothers.
Differentdoesnotmeancontrary,whereyouretryingtobedifferent
forthesakeofbeingdifferent.Itsastateofmindwhereyouspeakyour
mind,eventhoughtyoumightnotbeexpressingthepopularor
politicallycorrectopinion.
Itswhenyouseetwentypeoplepassbyahomelessmanonthestreet
andyoustoptowishhimbetterluckevenifyoudontchoosetogive
himmoney.
Itswhenyouunplugyourtelevisionforaweekandgoouttomeetreal
people,insteadofwatchingfakelives.
130
ItswhenthecutegrocerycashierasksyouHowareyoudoing?
withoutlookingatyou,andyouanswer:IdbebetterifIcouldseeyour
eyesandyoursmile
Acknowledgingthatyouareuniqueandthenactinguponitisthe
ultimatefreedom.Youarebeingyou,withnofearofotherpeoples
judgment,becauseyouknowthatyouonlygetonelifeandonechance
togoafterwhatyouwant.
Justimagineyourselflyingonyourdeathbed,thinkingback,andsaying
toyourself:WhydidntIdothatwhenIhadthechance?
Nowthinkofthatgirlyousawthelasttimeyouwereatabar,butyou
didnthavethegutstoapproachherandsayhello.Theselittlefailures
withwomen,thatwebuilduptohaveactualsignificance,mean
NOTHINGinthelongterm.
Thebottomline?YourchanceisNOW.
Bedaring,bedifferent,beimpractical,beanythingthatwillassert
integrityofpurposeandimaginativevisionagainsttheplayitsafers,the
creaturesofthecommonplace,theslavesoftheordinary.
CecilBeaton
131
ALPHA RULE 10:
ABANDON THE DESIRE TO

POSSESS WOMEN
Donotbethepursuer;captureherinterest,buildherdesire,andthen
prompthertopursueyou.Dontsuccumbtothetrapthatensnaresthe
averageman:theurgetopossesstheobjectofhisaffectionsand
jealouslyguardherfromothermen.Instead,behighlydesirableand
attainableonlywhenitsunderthecircumstancesofyourchoosing.
132
Heresanemailwereceivedatwww.TheAlphaRules.com:
Istarteddatingthisgirlafewmonthsago.Ithoughtshewastheone;we
hadthisincredibleconnectionandthesexwasamazing.Butmyfriends
werealwayswarningme.Theytoldmeaboutherreputationforsleeping
withdifferentguysandcheatingonherexboyfriends.ButwhatIcansay?
Idalreadyfallenheadoverheels.
Iwantedtomakeourrelationshipexclusive,butshetoldmeitwastoo
soonandweshouldbothbeabletoseeotherpeople.Well,shewoundup
meetingsomeotherguyandchoosinghimoverme.Iwasdepressedfor
weeks.Finally,whenIthoughtIdgottenoverher,Iwenttoapartyand
thereshewas,withhernewboyfriend.NowImevenmoredepressedthan
before.
Iwanttotrytogetbackherback.Ireallythinkshemightbetheone.How
canIgethertoditchthatassholeandbewithmeforgood?
Steve
Oneofthemostpowerfulmaledesireswemust
overcomeisthedesiretopossesswomen.
Peopleoftenassumethatwomenarethemore
possessivegender,thattheyretheoneswho
wanttolockdowntheirmenandjealously
guardthemfromotherfemales.Butjustasoften
itsmenwhofeeltheneedtopossess.Thisisone
ofthemostcommonroadblocksonyourpathto
becominganAlphaMan.
Remember,youreonthisplanetforalimitedtime.Afteryouregone,
youwontbeabletotakeitwithyou,astheysay.Whenyouviewyour
lifeintheBigPicture,possessionisreallyjustafigmentofyour
imagination,anyway.
133
Weseethefollowingscenariounfoldallthetime:afteraperiodof
lonelinessandfrustration,havingfacedrejectionanddisappointment
onthedatingscene,aguymeetsagirl.Theyhookupandhavesex.
Finally,hefeelsliketheblackcloudoverhisheadhaslifted.Hethinkshe
mighthavefoundTheOne.Whentheyrespendingtimetogetherand
shesaffectionatetowardshim,hefeelseuphoric;whentheyreapart
andshesnotreturninghisphonecallsrightaway,orisunavailableto
hangoutwithhim,hefeelsdespondent.Upanddowntherollercoaster
goes.
Whenwelookbackonthoseperiodsinourlives,weusuallywonder
whatthehellwewerethinking.Buttheresareasonwhyyoubehaved
thewayyoudid,andtheanswersactuallylieinscience.Yes,thereisa
sciencebehindloveanditsanaddictionthathasbroughtmanyaman
tohisknees.
Whenyoustartdatingagirlandhavingmindblowingsexespeciallyif
youvebeenoutofthegameforawhileanintensechemicalreactionis
occurringinyourbrain.Theeffectthatanewwoman(andmore
specifically,goodsex)hasonamansbraincanbeevenmorepowerful
andhardertoshakethananaddictiontococaine.
Whenwefallinlove,dopamineandnorepinephrinelevelsrise,and
serotoninlevelsfall.Thisisactuallythesamewaythatcocaineaffects
ourbrains.HelenFisher,apsychologistatRutgersUniversity,
conductedastudyinwhichshebrokedownloveintothreestages:lust,
attraction,andattachment.Eachstageisfueledbydifferenthormones
andchemicals.
StageOne,Lust,isdrivenbythesexhormonestestosteroneand
estrogen.StageTwo,Attraction,iswhenyourelovestruckconstantly
thinkingandtalkingabouther.Scientistsbelievetherearethreemain
neurotransmittersinvolvedinthisstage:adrenaline,dopamineand
serotonin.Thesechemicalssendyourstressresponseintooverdrive.
Whenyoubumpintoherunexpectedlyorcallheronthephonetoplana
firstdate,yourheartstartsracing;youstartsweating;yourmouthgoes
dry.
Fisherstudiedanumberoflovestruckcouplesandexaminedthe
chemicalcontentoftheirbrains.Shefoundtheyallhadhighlevelsof
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dopamine.Thischemicalcreatesapowerfulrushofpleasurethatleaves
thebrainwantingmoreandmore.Surgingdopaminelevelsgiveyou
increasedenergy,diminishyourdesireforsleeporfood,andmakeyou
intenselyfocusonyourobjectofdesire.
Meanwhile,thelevelofserotonininyourbloodplummets.DrDonatella
Marazziti,apsychiatristattheUniversityofPisainItaly,conducteda
studywithtwentycoupleswho'dbeeninloveforlessthansixmonths.
Byanalyzingtheirbloodsamples,shefoundthattheirdiminished
serotoninlevelswereequivalenttothelevelsofpatientssufferingfrom
OCD(ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder).Ineffect,whenyoureinthis
lovestruckstate,youarementallyill.
Oneoftheeffectsofthischemicalcocktailisthatyoubegintoidealize
thewoman.Youfocusonherpositivesandfindwaystoexplainaway
herfaults.Youalsoromanticizetherelationshipitself,believingittobe
somethinguniqueandincrediblyspecial.Ifyourbuddiestakeadifferent
viewofherandwarnyouagainstgettinginvolved,youdontlisten.You
getdefensive.Theydontknowherthewayyoudo!
Weveallbeenthroughthisatsomepoint:wedevelopaninfatuation
withagirlthatourfriendswarnusagainst.Atthetime,werefuseto
acknowledgethewarningsignsthatshouldhavebeenobvious.Lateron,
whentherelationshipcrumbles,wefeelfoolishfornothavingrealizedit
sooner.Butatthetime,wewerepowerlesstothechemicalssurging
throughourbrains.Wewere,quiteliterally,addictedtolove.
AnotherelementofsexualchemistryisthehormoneOxytocin.Menand
womenreleasethishormoneduringorgasm,aswellasbyjustsimple
touch.Itmakesthemfeelbondedtoeachotheraftertheyvehadsex.
(Oxytocinisalsoknownasthecuddlehormone.)Wewantto
experiencethishighasfrequentlyaspossible,whichiswhyweusually
screwlikerabbitsintheearlystageofarelationship.
Whenacouplestaystogetherforaperiod,theluststageprogressesinto
theattachmentphase,andotherchemicalstakeover.Thehormone
vasopressinstartsplayingakeyrole.This,too,isreleasedaftersex.
Scientistscametounderstandvasopressinsimportanceinrelationships
bystudyingtheprairievole.Likehumans,prairievolesengageinfar
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moresexthanisnecessaryforthepurposesofprocreation,andthey
alsoformpairswiththeoppositesex.Butwhenmaleprairievoleswere
givenadrugthatsuppressedtheeffectofvasopressin,theirbondswith
theirpartnersinstantlybegantodeteriorate.Theirdevotiontotheir
partnerceased,andtheystoppedcaringaboutguardingthemfrom
otherhornymales.
Itsexactlylikeadrugaddictioninmanyotherways.Youllfindthatthe
firstdosesseemsoblissfullypure,andthehighislikenothingelse.
Lateron,ittakesmoreandmoretogetthatsamefeelingback.Butby
thispoint,youregoodandhooked.Andguesswhosyourdealer?Thats
right:her.
AccordingtoFisher,fallinginlovealsocontainsthethreemain
characteristicsofaddiction.Thefirstistolerance.Drugaddictionusually
startswithcasualuse;youreusingthedrugatparties,oronlyon
weekends,andgraduallyyourusageescalatesasyoustartcravingiton
adailybasis.Theaddictionofloveisnodifferent.Atfirst,youmight
onlybeseeingheronherSundays;thenyouwanttospendentire
weekendswithher;thenyouwanttoseeherwheneversheisavailable,
evenifitmeansditchingyourfriendsoryourwork.Thenyouwanther
tomoveinwithyou.Youwanttobearoundherallthetime,andmake
surenoothermancanpossessher.
Thesecondcharacteristicofadditioniswithdrawal.Whenyoure
hookedonadrug,beingdeprivedofitcausesintensephysical
discomfort;whenyourehookedonagirl,beingseparatedfromher
causesanxietyanddepression.Romanticloverewardsyourbrainwith
thatdelightfulfloodofpleasurablechemicals;whenitstakenaway
fromyou,youbecomeobsessedwithregainingthatfeeling.Inmost
cases,itsnotthewomanthatyoucrave.Itsthesensationyougetfrom
beingwithher,andyourdesiretoendthediscomfortofwithdrawal.
Thefinalcharacteristicisrelapse.Youquitusingthedrug,orbreakup
withthegirl,andafterweeksormonthsofdepressionyoufinallyfeel
thatthatyoureoverit.Thenyouspotheratapartymonthslater,and
thoseintensedesiresreturn.Yourerightbackinlove,obsessedwith
heralloveragain.Ifshewelcomesyouback,youllleapbackintothe
relationshipwithoutconsideringallthecrapsheputyouthrough.
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Whenawomanyoulovestopsseeingyou,andyourbrainissuddenly
deniedthosepleasurablechemicals,depressionsetsin.This,too,isa
neurochemicalstatemostlycreatedbythevacuumofreplacement
emotionalhighsforandfromthewoman.Overthelastcoupleof
decades,scientistshavefiguredoutthechemistryofdepressionand
comeupwithwaystotreatit.AntidepressantssuchasProzacandZoloft
havebeentoutedasmiraclecures.Whattheyactuallydoisquite
simple:theyraisetheserotoninlevelandsuppressdopamine,which
balancesyouout.Yourenotexperiencingthelowsofdepression,but
yourenotexperiencingthehighs,either.ThesedrugspresentaCatch
22forthebrokenhearted,becausealthoughyoumaynolongerbe
depressedoverthegirl,theymayalsopreventyoufromfallinginlove
again.Yourbrainisnolongerproducingthepleasurablechemicalsthat
makeyoufallheadoverheels.
Theresnogreaterfeelingintheworldthanfallinginloveandknowing
thefeelingismutual.Ourbrainsbehavethiswayforareason;this
exhilarationensuresthatourspecieswillcontinuetoreproduceand
survive.Thisinformationisntmeanttodiscourageyoufromfinding
theoneandlivinghappilyeverafter.Butunderstandthescience
behindit.Nexttimeyouexperiencetheseeuphoricfeelings,butyour
buddiesarepleadingwithyoutoruntheotherway,guesswhat:theyre
usuallyright.Alotofguysdontlearnthislessonuntilaftershestaken
himforhalfhisnetworth.
Alsoremember,everybrainiswireddifferently.Somepeoplecanenjoy
afewbeersonceinawhile;otherswillcompulsivelydrinkthemselves
intooblivionthemomentalcoholtouchestheirlips.Thesamegoesfor
drugsaddictsandpeoplewitheatingdisorders.Ifyourromantichistory
isfilledwithoutofcontrol,obsessiverelationships,thenthelove
chemistryinyourbrainorinthewomenyouvedatedisprobably
imbalancedorjackeduptoahigherlevelthanthenorm.Thiscanresult
insomeveryhot,passionaterelationships,butrememberthatloveis
likeaflame:itcankeepyouwarmatnight,oritcanburnyourhouse
down.
AsanAlphaMan,youmustadoptamorerelaxed,fluidmindset.The
ideaistomakewomenwanttopossessYOU.Youaretheultimateprize,
whichonewomanmightbeluckyenoughtowinsomedaybutonlyIF
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andWHENyoudecideyouwanttocommittoonewoman.Youwanther
braintobefiringoffthosepleasurechemicalswhenevershesinyour
presence,orwhenyoucallherphone.Butyoumustremaincalmand
maintainalevelofemotionaldetachment.Youcantrainyourselftokeep
yourowninternalchemistryinabalancedstate,tostayincontrolwhile
thewomenorbitingyouareovercomebylustandattraction.
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ALPHA RULE 11:
BE BOLD AND DECISIVE
Thewishywashymaninviteswomen,andtheworld,totrampleonhim
anddiscardhim.Youmustappearasthoughyouvealreadygotlife
figuredoutyetyourestillexcitedabouttheendlesspossibilities.Be
decisiveinyourwords,opinionsandactionsandwomenwillbedrawn
towardsyou.
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Mostguysthesedaysjustdontseemtoknowwhere
theyregoing.Wemeanthisinbothageneraland
specificsense.
Weoverhearconversationsliketheseallthetime
GUY#1:Dude,whatareyoudoingafterworkFriday?
GUY#2:Idunno,maybegoingout.Whataboutyou?
GUY#1:Notsure.GoingoutIguess.
GUY#2:Callme,Illletyouknowwhereweendup.
GUY#1:Cool
Sincethiswasaguytoguyconversation,thelackof
specificsisnotsuchabigdeal.Infact,itseemsfriendlieramongmen;
theresnoaggrobehaviororposturing.Theproblemcomesinto
paradisewhenguystalktowomeninthishazy,uncertainfashion
particularlywhenitcomestimetomakeadate.
HIM:Hey,wannagettogethersometime?
HER:Sure,whatdoyouhaveinmind?
HIM:Idontknow.Whatever.Justhangout.
HER:Uhhhhsure,callmeandmaybewecanhangoutsometime.
(Translation:Illbeniceandnothurthisfeelingsbysayingno.Ijust
wontanswerhiscalls.)
Womenarenotimpressedbyguyswhoarealwaystryingtobe
easygoing,flexible,andlaidback.TheywantaMANwithaPLAN.And
thenumberonewaytheyfigureoutifyourethistypeofguyiswhether
youcanmakedecisionsandbecertaininthosedecisions.
Inthebroadersenseofhavingaplan,mostguysarentdemonstrating
theforwardmomentumthatestablishesthemasgogetters,versus
beingslackers.Alotofguysfigurethatthefewerideasorsuggestions
theyputouttherewithwomen,thelessriskthereisofrejection.They
thinkiftheykeepthingsvagueandcasual,shellbemorelikelytogo
withtheflow.
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Theproblemisthatifshedoesagreetoyourvagueproposal,itleaves
herwonderingaboutthenatureofthegettogether.Isitadate?Isitjust
twofriends,hangingout?Sheneedstoknow.
Letslookatamovieexample:BacktotheFuture.Inthisfilm,Marty
McFly(MichaelJ.Fox)playsateenagerwhoissentbackintimeto1955,
whereheinadvertentlyinterfereswithhismotherandfathermeeting
andfallinginlove.Beforethetimetravelscene,whenthemovieissetin
1985,wereshownthathisdad,GeorgeMcFly,isahugewussandwe
seethefrustrationanddiscontentinthefamilyathowlittlebackbone
Georgedemonstrates.
WhenMartyissentbackintimeto1955,hehastoreengineerhis
parentsgettingtogetherandfallinginlove.ThisculminatesinGeorge
confrontingBiff,thehighschoolbullywhohasbeenmakinghislife
miserable.Georgewindsupfinallyshowingsomeballsandknocking
Biffout.HisclassmatesaresoimpressedthattheyaskGeorgeifhed
everconsideredrunningforclasspresident.Needlesstosay,this
demonstrationofmanhoodalsogetshimthegirl.
FastforwardafterMartyissentbacktohispresent1985andwesee
howeveryonesliveshavechangedbecauseGeorgewasforcedto
becomedecisiveandAlpha.Heovercamehisfearofrejection,hisfearof
beingpushedaround,andevenbecamethesciencefictionauthorhe
dreamedofbeinginhighschool.Lorraine,hiswife,isstillvisiblyturned
onbyhiscockyattitudeandmasculinity.
Here,wewitnessthetransformationofacertifiedwussintoapowerful
AlphaMan,andweseehowthepowerofcertaintyanddecisiveness
makesamanmoreattractiveintheeyesofawoman.
Youdonthavetohaveacompletelifeplanallmappedout(althoughit
wouldnthurttogetstartedonthat.)Youcanshowthiskindof
decisivenessinallkindsofsmallerways.Forexample,letssayyoure
askingawomanout.Letscontrastthetwowaysofdoingit:
WUSS:Hey,Suzie,youwannagooutanddosomethingsometime?
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Something.Sometime.Nothingconcrete,andthereforenothingfora
womansactiveimaginationtograbontoandbecomecuriousabout.
Nowtrythisoneonforsize:
ALPHAMAN:Suzie,Ilikeyoursenseofhumor.Ivegotagreatidea:Im
goingtoseeastandupcomedianonThursdaynight.Itsyourtypeof
humor,andIdlikeyoutocomewithme.Icanmeetyouthereat8:00.
Wellhaveablast.
Nowthatsmorelikeit.Definitetime,date,andevent.Andits
somethingshellbejazzedtogosee:comedy.Nottomention,heinvited
hertosomethinghewasalreadydoing,soifsheflakesout,hesstill
covered.Thewayhephrasedtheinvite,itwassomethinghewas
planningondoing,anyway.Thisstrategyisveryimportanttoyourlong
termattitudeindating.Neverleaveyourplanssubjecttoher
participation.
Letstakealookatanothersituationthatrequiresdecisiveness:
orderingfood.Timeandagain,weoverhearguysatrestaurants
handlingthefoodorderlikethis:
WUSS:Sowhatwouldyouliketogetforanappetizer?
HER:Hmm,Idontknow.Whatsgood?
WUSS:Oheverythinghereisgood.
HER:Well,Imnotsure.Thescallopslooktasty,butsodoesthatsalad.
WUSS:Hey,Illgowithwhateveryouwant.
HER:Gee
Youcanfeeltheattractionmeltingawayonthatone,cantyou?With
eachattemptfromhertogethimtotakethelead,hekeepsduckingit.
Notoutofbadintentions,mindyou,butoutofhisdesiretomakethe
patheasyforher.Littledoesheknowthatwomandontwantthepathto
beeasy.Womendistrusttheeasypath.Takealookatanyromance
storyevertold,andtheonlythingthatmakesthemcompellingisthat
thereareobstaclestotheirlovethatmustbeovercomeforthemanand
womantogettogether.Withoutthatjeopardyandtension,thereisno
heatorpassion.
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Becertainaboutyourworld,becausewhenyourelivinginthe
emotionalmaelstromthatisawomanslife,yourcertaintyiswhatwill
drawhertowardsyou.Themanthatwafflesinindecisionwillbeofno
usetoherwhenthingsgettough.
Whataboutopinions?Shouldaguybeconcernedaboutscaringa
womanoffwithhistakeonthings?Well,theironyofthisisthatmost
guyswouldattractmorewomeniftheyonlyknewHOWtospeaktheir
mind,becausesomanyarescaringwomenoffthroughboorishand
mindlessdisplaysofegopoorlydisguisedasopinion.
Thefirstruleisthatyoushouldntgointothedangerousanduncharted
terrainofpolitics,religion,oranyothercontroversialsubjectatleast,
notuntilyouvehadafewdatesandyouknowyouvegotgood
chemistryandcanrespectfullydisagreewitheachother.Alongtheway,
though,awomanwilltestyoubyseeingifyougoalongwithwhatshe
says,orifyouarecapableofindependentthought.
Letstakeonatopicthatisahotbuttoninanyconversation:marriage.
YoureoutwithSuzieonyourseconddateandshethrowsyouthis
curveball:
SUZIE:Myfamilyisveryimportanttome.Ireallyvaluetheiropinion,
andIcantimaginehavingarelationshipwheretheydidnthaveasay
aboutthemanImwith.
Now,letssaythatyoudontreallyagreewiththatapproach(asmany
menprobablywouldnot).Herearesomepossiblereplies:
WUSSRESPONSE:Oh,Iagree.Thatsverysmart.Ithinkitsimportant
tohaveyourfamilyplayalargeroleinyourlife.
Itsobvious,however,thatthisguyischokingbackwhathereally
feelsandshesensesit.(Womenusuallydo,nomatterhowgreatyour
performanceis.)Thebottomlineis,ifyoudomanagetogetthegirlby
supplicatingandgivingin,eventuallyyoulose.Shellcometorealize
yourlackofbackbone,andyoullbehistoryassoonasanAlphaMan
comesintoherlifeandshowsherhowthingsaresupposedtobedone.
Likethis:
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ALPHAMANRESPONSE:YknowSusie,thatsinteresting.Iwouldnt
takethatapproachwithmyownlifestyle,becausewhileIvaluemy
familysopinions,Itrustmyowninstinctsandjudgmentfirst.ButIcan
appreciateyoufeelingthatway.Sohowdoesyourfamilydothiswith
theguysyoudatearethereauditions?DoIneedtorehearseamusical
number?Isthereaswimsuitcompetition?etc
Here,theAlphaManhassaidhismind,andhediditwithoutmakingher
wrongintheprocess.Healsoslippedinalittleteaseattheend.The
Alphahasshownthathedoesntwaffleonhisownbeliefs,andtrustshis
owndecisionmakingabilities.AndwhoknowsmaybeSuzieputitout
therehopingtohearacontraryopiniontotheoneherfamilygaveher,
andnowthisguystandsoutfromthepack.
Shemightbelookingtotestyou,butyouneedtotesther,too.Watch
andseehowsheresponds.Doessheagreethatthewholeideaofgaining
herfamilysapprovalisabitsillyandunnecessary?Or,isthisnota
laughingmattertoher?Maybeyoudontwanttobetiedtoawoman
whoselifeisrunbyherfamily.
Eitherway,youwin.
Wevespokenbeforeaboutthefemaletendencytogetoverlyemotional,
andattimesirrational.Thesearethetimesyoumustbedecisiveand
certaintheislandthatstandsstrongasheremotionalwavescrash
againstit.
Heresanotherexample:
SUZIE:Ireallylikeyou,butImjustnotsurewhattodoIstillsorta
havefeelingsformyexboyfriendMike,andhewantstogetback
togetherwithme,butIdontwanttogethurtagain
WUSSRESPONSE:Youreseriouslythinkingaboutgettingbackwith
Mike?Why?!Youtoldmehecheatedonyou,theguysajerk.Iwould
nevertreatyoulikethat
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Withthisresponse,theWussisonlythrowingfuelontoheremotional
fire.NowhesgotherobsessingoverMike.Hemayevencauseherto
startdefendingherexboyfriend.(Remember,youneverwanttomake
negativecommentsaboutagirlsex,especiallyifyouveneverevenmet
theguy.Evenifshedescribedhimastheworldsbiggestasshole,she
hadfeelingsforhim,andbyinsultingherexyouarebasicallyinsulting
herandquestioningherjudgment.)
ALPHAMANRESPONSE:Well,Imreallyenjoyinggettingtoknowyou,
Suzie,andIthinkwemighthavesomethinghere.Whydontyoutake
sometimetosortoutyourfeelings,andthengivemeacall.
Withthisresponse,theresalwaysthechancethatshewillgobackto
herex.Butifthatswhatshesbeenthinkingaboutdoingallalong,
nothingyoucansaywilldissuadeher.Itsbettertogiveacertain,
decisiveresponse,andexitwithyourdignityintact.Theresalsoagood
chancethatshellwindupbreakingupwithMikeagaininthenear
future,andthenyouknowwhosephonenumbershewillreachfor.
Afinalwordonbeingdecisivewhenplanningdates:Whileitsalways
bettertogettheinformationyouneedtobeascertainasyoucan,there
willbetimesyoumustfakeitalittlewithawomansothatyoucan
maintainherconfidence.Thisiscritical,becauseonceawomans
confidenceinyouisshaken,youreprobablythrough.
Thismeansthatwhenitstimetoplanadate,youmustlayoutaplan
evenifyouarentexactlysurewhattypeoffoodoractivitiesshesmost
likelytoenjoy.Dontaskherwhatshefeelslikedoing,orwhatshes
inthemoodfor.Yourenotconductingasurvey;youreanAlphaMan
withaplan.Now,invitehertobeapartofthisplanthatyoualready
haveinmotion:
IveheardgreatthingsaboutthisItalianrestaurantthatjust
openedup.Iwanttocheckitoutthisweekend,whydontyoujoin
me.
AfterworkonFriday,Imgoingtovisitoneofmyfavoritebarsits
anoutofthewayspotwithgreatmusicandacoolcrowd.Iknow
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youwouldlovethisplace,whydontyoucomebyandletmeshowit
you.
Ivegottodosomeshoppingthisweekend,topickoutagiftformy
sister.Whydontyoucomejoinme,Icantellyouvegotgreattaste
andIcoulduseyouropinion.
Remembertwothings:
1. Youllnevergainawomansrespectbysacrificingyourown
beliefsandstandardsforhers.
2. Womenwanttobeled.Bealeader,andtheywillinstinctively
follow.Askthemtolead,andyoullgetleftinthedustwhenthey
inevitablyloseinterest.
Chinup,soldier.Chestout.Getmarchingtothebeatofyourown
drummer.
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ALPHA RULE 12:
CARRY YOURSELF WITH

ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE
Actlikeakingtobetreatedlikeone.Confidencewillwaver,butthereare
methodstokeepyourambientconfidenceatahealthylevel.Liveevery
daywalkingthewalk.Onceyouveestablishedacorelevelofconfidence
andyourinnergameissolid,youcandevelopyourOuterGame:the
specifictechniquesyouusetoapproachandbuildattractionandrapport
withwomen.
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Ifyoupaycloseattentiontothesubtextofallofthis
information,youregoingtonoticeacommonthread
runningthroughjustabouteveryoneoftheseRules.
EverythingaboutbecominganattractiveAlphaMan
comesdowntoCONFIDENCE:possessingit,and
projectingitsothatwomendontjustseeitthey
feelit.
ItwouldbeeasyforustosimplysayBemore
confident.Buttellingmostguysthatislikeadvising
themtobetaller,ortobeamillionaire.Sure,it
soundslikeagreatidea,buthowareyousupposedtoactuallygetthere?
Beforewebegin,aquickpeptalkisinorderforallyousingleguys
hopingtofindameaningfulrelationshipthroughthissystem.Itshould
giveyourconfidencelevelaquickboostrightoffthebat.Asasingleman
whoisabsorbingtheselessons,youhaveendlessopportunitiesinfrontof
you.
Justthinkofallthemenyouknowwhohavesettleddownalready.If
theyhadreadthisbookandappliedtheselessonsearlierinlifeifthey
wereAlphaMendoyouthinktheydhavewoundupdatingor
marryingthesamewomantheyrewith?Probablynot.Foreveryguywe
knowwhoisinahealthy,happyrelationship,weknowatleasttenwho
whethertheycaretoadmititornotwouldlovetobesingleagain
andfreetofindsomeonewhoismorecompatiblewiththem(and,lets
faceit,looksawholelotbetterinabikini).
Ifyourecurrentlysingle,thisshouldbeoneofthecornerstonesofyour
new,confidentmindset.Youroptionsreallyarelimitless.Youmight
meetthemostspectacularwomanintheworldnextweekend;she
mightcomeintoyourlifeayearfromnow.Andyouregoingtobeready
whentheopportunitiesarise.AsanAlphaMan,youaregoingtomeet
thekindsofwomenyouvebeenhopingtohookupwith.Thedifference
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betweentheoldyouandthenewyouisthatwhenyouencounter
them,youllbeabletowinthemoverinsteadoflettingthemslipaway.
Now,letsexplainwhatitmeanstobeconfident.Withoutunderstanding
thetruemeaningoftheword,yourelefttoyourowndevicestofigure
outhowtogetthere.Formostguys,thismeansnoprogressisever
goingtobemade.Infact,theirconfidencelevelisgoingtoworsenover
time.Everymonththatgoesbywithoutgettinglaidonlymakesaman
moreanxious,desperate,andunattractive.Thismeansthatifyouhave
beeninadryspell,thereisnobettertimethanrightnowtobreakout
ofthatdownwardspiral.
Therearetwoformsofconfidencethatamancanhave.Thefirstisskill
specificselfconfidence.Ifyoureparticularlygoodatsomething,youfeel
confidentwhenperformingthisactivity.Ifyouveplayedamusical
instrumentsinceyouwereakid,youreprobablyquiteconfidentin
yourabilitytotakethatinstrumentoutandplayasong.Maybeyourea
talentedwriter,oryouknowhowtocookafewgreatdishes.
Chancesare,youvegotseveraloftheseareasinyourlife.(Asyou
becomeanAlphaMan,charmingthepantsoffofwomenwillbecome
oneofyourprimaryskills;thisistheoneskilleveryguywisheshehas!)
Theotherformofconfidenceisambientselfconfidence.Thisisthekind
ofselfconfidenceyoufeelwhenyourenotdoinganythingthatinvolves
oneofyourtrainedskills.Youcouldcallthisyourtrickleover
confidencebecauseofthewayitsboostedbyalltheotherareasof
confidenceinyourlife.
Remember,confidencewillebbandflow,likethetides,andsometimes
youjustwontfeelthatgreatbecauseyoureinafunkoradownmood.
ThedistinctivedifferenceinanAlphaManisthathechoosestoNOT
takeactionwithwomenwhenhesinthatkindofmood.Justwaititout!
Thisisahallmarkofemotionalmaturity,andaskillyoumustlearnto
develop,orelseyoullwindupsayinganddoingthingsyoullregret.
Thefirststrategyfordevelopingyourselfconfidenceistotakeactive
controlofyourthinking.Thismeansthatyouarenotlongergoingtolet
yourthoughtsgetawayfromyouandshortcircuityourhealthyself
149
esteem.Thewayyoufeelalwayscomesfromwhatyouarechoosingto
focusyourthoughtson,almostwithoutexception.Thewhyrarely
matters.
Whenyourefocusedontherightstoryinyourhead,youreableto
stayconfidentandhappy.Ifyourealwaystellingyourself,Shewasnt
interestedinmebecauseImshort/fat/bald/broke/whatever,youre
lettingyourundisciplinedthoughtstakecontrolandrunamok.Events
onlyhavethemeaningthatyougivethem.
Recognizethattherewillbedayswhenyourmoodislow,andyour
confidencewillsufferasaresult.Youcansimplyrideitoutandwaitfor
yourmoodtoimprove,ortakeactionsthatwillhelpboostyour
confidencebackup.Thingslike:
Dosomethingyouareconfidentorskilledin.Reachforyour
guitar,dosomewriting,hitthetenniscourtwhateveritisyoure
goodat,doitnow.Bytheway,thisdoesnotincludeplayingvideo
games.Wedontcarehowgoodyouareatfraggingthealiens.
Practicesomethingthatinvolvesagenuinetalentyouve
developedovertheyears,ideallyatalentthatotherpeople
admireaboutyou.
Gobackandreviewajournalentryofatimeyouwereingood
spiritsandfeelingpowerful.Remembertheexperienceinasmuch
sensorydetailaspossible.Relivethatfeelingagain.
Callafriendorfamilymemberwhoshavingatoughtimeoftheir
own.Thismaysoundlikeameanthingtodo,butyoullbeamazed
athowmuchbetterthingswilllookinyourlifebycomparison.
Plus,youllprobablyfeelalotbetteraboutyourselfwhenyou
worktoraisesomeoneelsesspirits.
Havecertainbookswithinspirationalpassagesmarkedthatyou
canreferbacktoandgiveyouperspective.
Usepersonalritualstohelpyourecallemotionalstatesof
confidence.Thingslikemeditationandjustmentallyrecallingpast
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successesandvictoriescandoincrediblethingsforyourmood
andyourstate.
Theothersideofthisequationistopracticeobservingegowhenever
possible.Thisisaboutbeingabletorecognizewhensomeone,or
something,triggersanemotionalreactioninsideofyou.Itsatthese
timesthatyoumustresisttheoldBetaDogwaysthatledyoufrom
stimulusdirectlytoresponse.AsanAlphaMan,youmuststopyourself
andinsertamomentofclarityandthoughtinbetween.Humansare
uniqueinthisrespect,butseldomdoyouseeusexercisethiskindof
restraintwhetheritsallowingourtemperstoflarewhenwerefeeling
stressed,orallowinganxietytoparalyzeusfromtakingthenextstep
withawoman.
Thesimplestformofpracticeisworkingonthedreadedapproach
anxietythatmostguyshavewhenmeetingwomen.Eachtimeyoufind
yourselfreactingratherthanconsciouslyacting,youneedtohold
yourselfaccountable.Whenyoufindyourselfsittingonabarstool
waitingforawomantoapproachyou,notonlyareyoubeingunrealistic
(shesnevergoingtocomeoverandintroduceherself),butyourealso
conditioningyourselftobepassive.Yourelettingyourdoubtsandfears
stopyoufromtakingaction.Youstarttellingyourself,Illtalktothe
nextgirlIsee,oryouinventarationalization:Shesprobablywaiting
forherboyfriend.
Whentheaverageguyseesanattractivewoman,aprerecorded
thoughttapestartsplayinginhishead.Itspurposeistotalkhimoutof
doinganything.Dude,dontbother.Shesprobablyalreadygota
boyfriend.Besides,yourenotnearlyrichenoughorgoodlookingenough
forher.Yourememberthelasttimeawomanlookedatyoulikeyouwere
apieceofcraponhershoe?Itseasiertojustforgetaboutit.
Thisreactionmustbeshortcircuitedbeforeitcanstart.Getupandstart
movingtowardher.Dontstarttorationalizeortalkyourselfoutofit.
Observethefeeling,butactinawaythatwillbreaktheoldconditioning.
Youcanobserveyouregoinalmostanysocialsituation.Developthe
abilitytorecognizeyourownthoughtmechanismsslippingintogear.
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Onceyourecognizetheseprerecordedpatterns,youcanthendevise
waysofmanagingandcorrectingthem.
Valuesandbeliefs:Whatdoyoustandfor?
Anempoweringexerciseyoucanuseto
raiseyoursenseofselfesteemistotakea
littletimetoinventoryyourbeliefsand
values.
Takeoutyourjournal(hopefullyyouhave
realizedthevalueofkeepingthisongoing
recordofyourpathonthewaytoAlpha
Manhood),andsetasideapagetolistthe
thingsyoubelievein.Thesecanbe
anythingfromtherulesyoulivedbyas
yougrewup,tothebeliefsyouformed
aboutwomen,work,andlifeingeneral.
Herearesomeexamplesofourpersonalbeliefs:
Womenwantmentobestrongandconfidentandtoleadthem.
JamesBondmoviesareanexcellentinstructionaltoolfor
understandingtheWayoftheAlphaMan.
Actingwithchivalryandhonorisoneofthenoblestpursuitsof
theAlphaMan.
Chickflicksmaybesuitabledatemovies,buttheactorsinthem
runcountertothetruebehaviorsandbeliefsoftheAlphaMan.
PamelaAndersonisstillprettyfreakinhot,evenafterallthese
years.
Okay,thatlastonewasthrowninforfun,butyougetthepoint.You
needtofigureoutwhatitisyoureallystandforinthisworld,because
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thiswillformthebackboneofyourAlphaLifestyle.Whenthegoinggets
tough,theAlphaManknowsexactlywherehestands.Andthisfeelingof
havingasolidfoundationofvaluesgivesyouacertainpowerand
confidenceinconversationswithwomen(andmen)thatcannotbe
faked.
Theresasaying:WhoyouarespeakssoloudlyIcannothearwhatyoure
saying.
Sositdownandgowildwiththisexercise.Listeverythingyoucanthink
ofthatdemonstrateswhatyoustandfor.Listthebigthingsfirst,and
thenkeepgoingintothesmallthings.Pushyourself.Thefirstfewvalues
andbeliefsshouldcomeeasilytoyou.Itstheonesyouhavetowork
hardtouncoverthatyouwillfindthemostrevealing.Somewhere
around30or40,whenyourebeatingyourheadonthetableiswhen
youllhaveanOh,Shit!momentthatwillmakeallthelightsturnon.
Trustusonthis.Theeffortyouputintothisexercisewilltranslateinto
greaterconfidencelateron.Itslikeknowingyouvegotaparachute
withyouatalltimesthatwillsaveyoufromanysocialgafforblunder.
Youwillfeelsafe.
SkillSpecificInventory
Whenwetalktoguysinourworkshopsandduringourconsultations,
onethingthathasalwayssucceededinraisingtheirsenseofvalueand
worthiswhatwecalltheInventoryExercise.Itsdeceptivelysimple,but
hasperhapsthehighestpaybackofanyexercisewecanrecommend.
Openupyourjournalandmakealistofallthethingsyoucandowell.
Startwiththethingsyouweretrainedforinschool,andthengointo
everyareaofyourlife:yourhobbies,yourspecialinterests,yourtalents,
etc.
Then,addtothelistallthethingsyoucandothatarequirkyandfun.
Thesearegreatonestotellawomanaboutwhenyoureonadate.
Somequirkyskills:
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MemorizedPito50places
MemorizedagreatscenefromGoodfellas,wordforword
Youdoadeadoncelebrityimpersonation
Catchingnickelsoffyourelbow
Youvegotacoupleofkillercardtricks.
Womenwouldtellyouthissecretofattractioniftheyknewhow:A
majormeasureofamansselfconfidenceishisabilitytorisk
embarrassmentandjustbeagoofball.Itsoneofthemostendearing
thingsaguycandowithawoman,becausesheknowsthatonlya
confidentmancanlowerhisguardanddisplayhisvulnerabilities
exposinghisrealpersonalityandhumanity.
Theinsecureandlowselfesteemguysareallbluffandposture.Weve
gottenlaidmorebybeingthequirky,funguy,thanweeverhaveby
beingtherigidcoolguywithnosenseofhumorabouthimself,orfeels
hehastoputwomendowntomakehimselflookmorevaluable.
Reviewtheseskillsfromtimetotimetorenewyoursenseofself
confidence.Theywillformthebasisofmanyconversationsyouhave
withwomen.Createastoryaboutyourgoofyskillhowyoucameup
withit,andwhyandthenshowittoher.
GoalsandPurpose
ThisoneisthebigkahunawhenitcomestoAlphaconfidencebuilding
exercises.Onceyouveestablishedyourfoundationwithyourvalueslist,
andthenestablishedyoursenseofpersonalvaluewiththeskills
inventory,youllwanttotakeittothenextlevelwiththisone.
Verysimply,youneedtostarttakingthesteeringwheelofyourown
life.Thismeansthatyouhavetostartsettinggoalsandfiguringout
yourpurpose.
Fornow,dontworrysettingahugemasterplanfortherestofyourlife.
Youdontneedtogiveintodelusionsofgrandeur.Startbyestablishing
ashorttermdirectioninwhichtoaim.Youcanalwaysmodifyyour
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courselater,butrightnowitsimportantforyoutostartlookingforthat
purposeinyourlife.
Maybeitstobeafather.Maybeitstoclimbamountain.Maybeitsto
writetheGreatAmericanNovel.Whateveryourpurposemaybe,itsnot
goingtojustfallinyourlap;youneedtostartactivelyseekingit.
Wheneverwegetinconversationswithwomen,theygetthemost
excitedandinterestedwhenwedemonstrateapassionanddirectionfor
lifethatweareheadingtowards.Toputitanotherway,theresnothing
moreunattractivethanaguywhodoesnthaveacluewherehesgoing
andisbeingtossedaboutbylifelikelitterinthewind.
"Thedifferencebetweengreatpeopleandeveryoneelseisthatgreat
peoplecreatetheirlivesactively,whileeveryoneelseiscreatedbytheir
lives,passivelywaitingtoseewherelifetakesthemnext."
MichaelE.Gerber
Sohowdoyougetstarted?Itsactuallyverysimple.JustgetSMART.
SMARTstandsfor:
Specific:Yourgoalshouldbestatedindefiniteterms.Itsnot
enoughtosay:Imgoingtogetbetterwithwomen.Youmustbe
specificandsay,Imgoingtoincreasemyapproacheseach
month,myphonecalls,andjoinanonlinedatingservice.You
needtohaveafirmgameplaninmind,astohowyouregoingto
accomplishthisgoal.
Measurable:Youhavetobeabletoquantifythegoal.Howmany
approachesareyougoingtodo?Howmanyphonecallsareyou
goingtomake?Howmanyemailswillyousendthroughthat
onlinedatingservice?Giveitanumber.
Attainable:Iswhatyouregoingafterrealisticforyou,atyour
currentskilllevel?Ifyouhaventhadalotofexperiencepicking
upgirls,itsnotrealistictosetagoalfor3onenightstandsthis
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month.Itsgoodtosetthebarhighforyourself,butifthegoalis
wildlyunrealistic,yourconfidencewillsufferwhenyoufindit
impossibletoattaindespiteyourbestefforts.
Rewarding:Willthisgoalmeetyourlongtermneeds?Doesthe
goalmeshwithyourvaluesandcharacter?(Sometimesthebest
thingsforusarewhatwedontget.)Butwhateveryouwant,make
sureitssomethingthatfitsyourlifestyleanddirection.
Timebased/trackable:Canyoutracktheprogress?Canyouseta
timelineforachievement?Createmilestonestoward
accomplishingthegoalsoyoullknowifyoureonoroffcourse.
Thiskeepsyouworkingtowardthegoal.
Whenyourevealtoawomanthefactthatyoureheadedsomewherein
life,andyoureworkingonyourgoalsespeciallythosegoalsthatdo
notfocusonwomenwecanguaranteeshewillfindyoumore
interestingandcompellingthattheaverageguy.
TheSnowballEffect
HerearethreeotherqualitiesoftheconfidentAlphaMan.Wereferto
themastheThreePs:Posture,PatienceandPoise.
#1Posture.Carryingyourselfwithconfidencemeansmorethanyour
mentalattitude:italsoreferstoyourphysicalposture.Whenyouenter
aroom,standtallwithyourshouldersbackandchinup.Movewith
purpose.Assumethatwhenyoushowupanywherewhetheritsabar,
acoffeeshoporajobinterviewthepeopleinthatenvironment
(especiallythewomen)aregoingtonoticeyouandsizeyouup.Theway
youmakeyourentranceandmovethroughtheroomiswhatformstheir
firstimpressionofyou.Lookasifyourefamiliarwiththeterritoryand
comfortablemovingthroughit.
#2Patience.Superconfidentmenmakeitseemasiftheyreinnobig
hurry,thatallgoodthingsinlifearecomingtothem.Insecuremen
complainloudlyandbehaveobnoxiouslybecausetheyrebeingforced
towaitinline,orbecausethewaitressbringsthemthewrongdish.
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Theirtempersflareiftheyretryingtochatupagirl,andsomeother
dudeinterrupts.
AlphaMenexudecalmandpatience.Theyalsoavoidsituationsthat
wastetheirprecioustime,sothattheydontneedtodealwiththis
bullshitinthefirstplace.
#3Poise.Whenyourewithwomen,itshouldfeellikeyoumove
throughtheworldeffortlessly.Dontbringhertoseethebiggestnew
movieonthefirstFridaynightthatitopens,whenyouknowyoullhave
towaitinlineandstruggletofindadecentseat.Dontbringhertothe
hotnightclubifyouknowitwillmeanwaitingoutsidetogetin.Make
reservationsinadvanceeverytimeyoubringagirltoarestaurant.This
ispartofmakingwomenfeelthatyouareaprotectorandasourceof
stabilityandsecurity.
Now,theexampleslistedabovemightsoundlikenobrainers;ofcourse
youdontwanttohavetostandaroundinlinewhenyoureonadate.
Butmostmenaresoeagertoagreetohersuggestionsthattheyfailto
takeintoaccountthepotentialproblems.Oftentimesitsthewoman
whosuggeststhemovie,orthebar,ortherestaurant,notrealizingthat
itsgoingtobeamobsceneonceyougetthere.
ThisisanotherreasonwhytheAlphaManmakestheplansandcharts
thecourse.Youknowthatwhereveryoutakeherormeether,the
environmentisnotgoingtoposeanysignificantchallenges.
Whenproblemsariseandtheyinevitablywillyoumustfacethem
headon,buthandlethemwithcharm.(Especiallywhenitinvolves
lookingoutforthegirlyourewith.)
Whentheaverageguyiswithawoman,andanunexpectedsetback
occurs,hegetsfrustratedandloseshiscomposure.TheAlphaMan,on
theotherhand,viewsadversityasanopportunityforhimtodemonstrate
poiseandtoshowcasehischarm.
Letssayyourechattingwithagirlatacrowdedbar.Theguystanding
nexttoher,whilechattingandlaughingwithhisfriends,keepsbumping
intoherarm.Yourfirstinstinctmightbetoconfronthimandtellhimto
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backoff.TheAlphamoveistopolitelygethisattentionandsay,Excuse
mesir,Iknowitscrowdedinhere,butwouldyoumindgivingmy
friendalittlespace?Idappreciateit.
Ifherespondspolitelybyapologizingandgivingherspace,youmight
goaheadandtellthebartendertogethimanotherdrink,onyourbill.
Itsonlycostingyouafewbucks,andyouvejustimpressedyourgirlby
notonlyprotectingher,buthandlingthesituationwithgraceandclass.
Anotherexample:yourewithagirlatarestaurant,andthewaitress
screwsupherorder.Shewantedhersteakwelldone,butwhenshe
takesabite,shementionstoyouthatitsundercookedbutitsnobig
deal,shesays.Thisiswhenyousignalthewaitressandtellher,Excuse
me,Iknowitsbusyheretonightandyouvegotalottohandle,butmy
friendactuallyorderedhersteakwelldone.Wouldyoumindaskingthe
cheftocookitalittlelonger?Idappreciateit.
YourdatewillprobablymakealittlefussandsayReally,itwasokay,
youdidntneedtodothat,butinsideshesthinkingThisisaguywho
isgoingtolookoutformeandprotectme.Andthatssexy.
Youcantakeitastepfurther:attheendofthemeal,whenyoupayyour
billandleaveatip(whetheryoureleavingcash,orsigningyourcredit
cardreceipt),saytoyourwaitress:ImgoingtomakesureItakecareof
you,becauseIreallyappreciateyouhelpingmyfriendwithherorder
earlier.
Tiphermorethanyounormallywould.Nothingtooextravagant.Itsnot
thedollaramountthatmatters,itsthegesture.Yourenotonlyshowing
yourdatethatyoureagentlemanwhorewardsgoodservice;youre
showinghowimportantitistoyouthatsheisgivenproperserviceand
treatedright.
Aminorgesturelikethiscanpayhugedividendsbecausemakeno
mistake,yourwomanisnoticingallofthisandfactoringitintoher
opinionofyou.Attheendofthenight,whenitstimetoeithergiveyoua
goodnighthandshakeorinviteyouinside,thesegesturescanmakeall
thedifferenceininfluencingherdecision.
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Whenawomanhasaconcernthatyoucanfixforher,takedirect
actionbutdoitwithcourtesyandstyle.Toomanyguysthinkthat
beingaggressiveorconfrontationaltowardsotherpeopleisgoingto
impressthewomantheyrewith,ormakethemseemimportant.
Actually,theoppositeistrue.Menwhoexudeimpatienceoreven
worse,cantcontroltheirtempersarehugelyunattractive.Sheisthe
onewhoisgoingtohaveherlittleemotionalwaves;thatspartofwho
sheisasafemale.You,asanAlphaMan,aretheunmovableisland.
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ALPHA RULE 13:
BE SOCIALLY AWARE
AND ADEPT
Understandandcontrolsocialdynamics.Viewothermenaspotential
allies,notasthreats.Whetheryoureanglingforapromotionoronafirst
datewithawoman,socialdynamicswithinoneononeinteractions,and
withinthelargerenvironmentcanalwaysbesteeredtoyouradvantage.
Learntoviewtheworldthroughtheeyesofothers,particularlywomen;
identifytheirindividualneedsanddesires,sothatyoucanembodywhatis
missingintheirlives.
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Thegreatshortcomingofmost
seductionsystemsandtheresalot
ofitoutthere,somegoodandalot
badisthattheyfailtotakeinto
accounttheindividual.Everymanis
different.Youhaveuniquestrengths
youmustusetoyouradvantage,and
vulnerabilitiesyouwillwanttoshield.
Plus,eachmanalsohisowngoalswith
women.Thisiswhynocutanddry
setoftechniquescanpossiblyyieldthe
desiredresultsforeveryone.
Thereis,however,oneconstant:youmustbesociallyawareand
understandthedynamicsthatoccurbetweenpeople.
Itsequallyimportantthatyourecognizethetypeofwomanyouare
targeting.Herpersonality,andmoreimportantlyherneeds,are
ultimatelywhatwilldeterminehowtomaintainherattractiontoyouin
thelongerterm.Sometimesaonenightstandisallyoureinterestedin,
butifthesexisgoodandthegirlishot,youobviouslywanttokeepher
onboardasasexualoptionorperhapsasagirlfriend.Thisiswhenyour
strategyneedstogodeeperthantheusualtechniques.Youcanpossess
astrongsuperficialgametheabilitytoapproach,initiate
conversations,andsteerittowardsaclose,whetherthatmeansgetting
herphonenumberortakingherhome.Butawomansinterestinyou
canwanequickly.Therearewaysinwhichyoucanhookheronamuch
deeperlevel.
Thebottomlineisthatmostmenaretooselfabsorbed.Theyonly
considerwhattheywantfromwomen:sex,ortherightgirlfriend,orthe
idealphysicalpackage.Theyfailtotakeintoaccountwhatwomenmight
secretlywantfromus.
Heresthebigsecretyouneedtoknowaboutthis.Nowomantruly
feelscomplete.Theyallfeeltheyarelackingsomethingintheirlivesor
intheirself.Girlswhoare8sand9sareselfconsciousabouttheir
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physicalimperfections;the10saretiredofbeingperceivedasbimbos
andwanttobetakenseriouslyfortheirotherqualities.Otherwomen
mayappeartobeseriousandprudish,butyearntoexplorethewild
side.
Remember:Whenawomanfallsinlove,itsusuallywithamanwho
seemstofillinthemissingpiecethatsheislackingorstirsthesideofher
shehasrepressed,butyearnstoindulge.
Fromnowon,whenyouinteractwithwomen,youvegottotrain
yourselftolookbeyondtheirexteriorandobviousqualities(senseof
humor,whatshedoesforaliving,greatrack,etc).Findoutabouther
missingpiecestheareaswhereshefeelssheislacking.Themoreyou
talktoher,andthemoreeffectivelyyouguidetheconversation,the
clearertheseareaswillbecometoyou.Bypresentingyourselfasthe
guywhocanfillinthesegaps,whocangiveherwhatsheneeds,youre
goingtocreateadeep,meaningfulattractionandrocksolidconnection
andrapport.
Alotofwomenfallunderoneofthefollowingcategories,ormightbea
combinationoftwoofthem.Keepthesecharactertypesinmind.For
each,therearespecificstrategiesyoucanusetocreateattraction.
Sometimesthesestrategiesruncountertothemethodswenormally
teach,butawarriormustadapttotheconditionsonthebattlefield.In
certainsituations,adifferenttypeofchickrequiresadifferentsetof
tactics.
TheFallenStar.Wementionedinourintroductionhowalotofguys
peakatayoungageanditsdownhillfromthere:Thinkofthehigh
schoolfootballcaptain,themostpopularjockinschool,whowindsupat
age25stuckinacrappyjobandiscompletelydisrespectedbywomen.
Well,alotofwomenalsopeakearly.Inhighschoolandcollegethey
werestarsontheirsocialscene.Theirlooksandsocialstatusmade
themstandapartfromthepack.Fastforwardtenyearsandtheyre
strugglingtofindthemselvesworkingamediocrejobanddreamingof
doingsomethingelse.Backintheirglorydays,themostpopularguysin
schoolchasedthem;now,theyrecompetingwithendlessotherwomen
atthebarsforguyswhowindupbangingthemonceandnevercalling
again.
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AFallenStarisanywomanwhosefriendsandpeersoncelavished
attentiononher,butthosedaysaregone.Inthemostextremecases,its
agirlwhowasliterallyfamousbefore,perhapsaformerchildactress.
Butchancesareyourenotgoingtocomeacrossachickwhousedto
starinasitcom,andanyway,asweallknow,thesekidsusuallygrowup
tobetotalheadcases.Allthetime,however,youarecomingacross
womenwhowerestarsintheirownlittleworldbeforerealitysetin.
NewYorkandLosAngelesarefullofthesetypes.Everyday,attractive
girlsfromsmalltownsarriveinthesebigcitieswiththeirheadsfullof
dreams.Thesedreamsarequicklysnuffedoutwhentheyrealizethe
insaneamountofcompetitiontheyreupagainst.Thesmalltownbeauty
whowasthestarofhercollegedramaprogram,theonewhoeveryone
thoughtwasdestinedforHollywoodglory,windsupwaitingtablesand
goingtocattlecallauditionswheresheisjustoneofahundredaspiring
actresseswhoareasbeautifulormorebeautifulthansheis.InNew
York,thegirlwhoranhercollegenewspaperandgotperfectgrades
windsupslavingawayasanintern.
Or,theFallenStarcouldbeadivorcedwomaninher30sor40swho
wasadynamoinheryoungeryears,beforemarriageandhavingkids
forcedheroffthattrack.Sheusedtobeawildcatonthepartyscene,
turningheadseverytimeshewentout.Thenshebecameawifeand
motherandherstardomended;shewentfrombeingthecenterof
attentiontobeinganunderappreciatedhousewife.Nowshessingle
againandbackonthedatingscene,butshesselfconscious.Shesees
thehotyoungchicksatthebarsandshefeelsold,outofstep,
unattractiveeventhoughshesatotalMILF.
Now,whatifaguycomesalongwhomakesherfeellikeastaragain,
whoplaystothisinneryearningandletshershine?Whoencourages
heryouthful,wild,naughtyside?Shesgoingtoloveeverysecondofit.
Shewontwanttoletthisguygo.Butwhilehemakesherfeellikethe
star,thecenterofattention,itshimwhoiscompletelyincontrol.
Attentionislikeanaddictivedrug.Womenwhooncebaskedin
attentionandrecognitionwillalwayshaveasideofthemthatyearnsto
feelthatgloryagain.Gethertalkingaboutherglorydays,andnoticethe
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wayherfacelightsup.Indulgeher.Flatterher.Askhertotellyoumore
abouthercollegedays,whenshewastheleaderofhersororityandone
ofthehottestbabesoncampus.Ifshesolder,avoidseriousgrownup
topicsasyourebuildingyourbondwithher,andtalkaboutthesideof
herthatstilllovestopartyandcutlooseorthedayswhenshewas
younger,beforeherfailedmarriage,whenshewasthequeenofthe
scene.
DontgivetheFallenStaranysensethatyouarecompetingwithheror
tryingtooneupherbytalkingaboutyourownaccomplishments.And
nevergiveanyonethatsensethatYOUareaFailedStarandyourown
glorydaysarebehindyou.Thereisnothingmorepathetic.Youhad
greattimesbackintheday;yourehavinggreattimesnow,anditsonly
gettingbetter.Thatsthevibeyoushouldproject.Yourlifeisanepic
book,andthemostexcitingchaptersareyettocome.
TheDramaQueenisacategoryoffemalethathasruinedmanyaman.
Alotofguysfinddating(orGodforbid,marrying)aDramaQueen
excitingandtitillating.Atleastitsneverboring.Butmostguysdont
understandhowtohandlethesewomen,orwhattheyrereallylooking
for.TheyallowtheDramaQueentoconsumethemwithherendless
complaintsandproblems.Theyindulgethedramaandtrytobe
sympathetic.Butthisisthewrongapproach,becauseitisntwhat
DramaQueensreallywant.Theydontactuallywantresolutionstotheir
problems;theythriveonconflictandalwayswanttobeinthevictim
role.Thenicertheguyis,themoreshellpushhisbuttonsandcreate
argumentsoutofthinair.
TheonlywaytohandleaDramaQueenistogivethemwhattheywant.
Youvegottoinjectdramaintotherelationship.Snubherandwithhold
affectionuntilshespleadingforit.Whensheaccusesyouofcheating
(DramaQueenslovethisploy),donttakethebaitandtrytoconvince
heryoureMr.Faithful.Blowheroff.Evenbetter,accuseherofcheating
andmakeherfreakoutanddefendherself.Becausedramaand
victimhoodiswhatshecraves,shellbebondedtoyouaslongasyou
provideit.
Weseerelationshipslikethisallthetime,likethesuperhotstripper
chickwhosbeeninvolvedforyearswithsomebadboyloser.Shesticks
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withthisguyeventhoughhetreatsherlikecrapandcheatsonher.
Theyreconstantlyfightingandbreakingup,butshealwaysgoesbackto
him.Why?BecauseshesahardcoreDramaQueenandheprovidesher
withtheturmoilshecraves.Theworsehetreatsher,themorereasons
shehastobitchandcrytoherfriends.Thisishowshewantsittobe.If
thesweetest,mostromanticguyintheworldcamealongtomorrowand
sweptheraway,shedwindupchewinghimup,spittinghimout,and
findinganothercreepwhowillmistreather.
Youvegottothriveondramayourselfifyouenjoydatingtheseneedy,
neuroticwomen.Otherwise,cutthesechicksloose,orevenbetter,dont
getinvolvedinthefirstplace.
Theexamplewerelatedabovethesuperdramaticstripperisan
extremeone.ButDramaQueenscomeinvaryingdegrees;youmayhave
datedoneandnotevenrealizedit.Everytimeshecomplainedtoyou,
whatshereallywantedwasconflictnotthesolutionsthataniceguy
isalwaystryingtoprovide.
Seekoutwomenwhoonlysupportyourambitionsandallowyouto
focusonyourgoals.DramaQueensdontcareifyourebusytryingto
puttogetherthemostimportantdealofyourcareer.Thisiswhenthey
reallystartdemandingattentioninordertoprovokeareaction.
TheStunner.ThisisagirlwhoisflatoutHOT.Notanartificialbeauty
whoonlylooksgoodwearingapoundofmakeupandpairofhuge
siliconetits.Thisgirlisanaturalstunner;eversinceshewasachild,
peoplehavebeentellingherhowbeautifulsheis.
Youmightthinkthiswouldresultinagiantego,butthisisntthecase.
TheStunnerhasinsecuritiesyoudontsuspect.Herstrikinglookshave
causedpeopletotreatherdifferentlyherwholelife.Being
extraordinarilygoodlookingcanactuallybelonely.Girlstendtobe
jealousofheranddistrusther,worryingthatshesgoingtostealallthe
guys.Peoplemakeallkindsofnegativeassumptionsaboutherwithout
evengettingtoknowher:thatshesstuckup,shallow,fake,thatshe
mustbeabitch.Guysaretransfixedbyherlooks,butneverthinktheres
muchgoingonbeneathhersurface.
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ThekeytoscoringwiththeStunneristoidentifyandvalidatethegood
qualitiesthatliebeneaththesurface.Ignorethefactthatshes
incrediblyfreakinhot;nevermentionanythingregardingherlooks.
Instead,complimentheronhersenseofhumor;hercompassion;her
aspirations.Complimentheronwhatmostguysprobablyneverseein
her.
AnotherimportantthingtoknowaboutStunnersisthattheyareso
usedtobeingpursued,theyrarelyhavetopursueaguy.Butallwomen
cravethischallenge.TheStunnerdoesntwanttheguyswhothrow
themselvesather;theywanttowintheguywhoisdesirabletoother
womenandhardtoget.
ThisiswhymostStunnershaveabadboyexboyfriendwhotheywere
madly,passionatelyinlovewithbuttheguytreatedherbadlyand
brokeherheart.Thiswasprobablythefirstguyshegotinvolvedwith
whomadeherdothechasing,whomadeherfeellikesheconstantlyhad
toproveherlove.Sherelishedthisbecauseitwasacompletelynew
experience.
UsingapushandpullstrategywithStunnersisevenmoreeffective
thanitiswithotherwomen.Limityouravailability.Ifdrinksand
dancingatthenightclubturnsintoamakeoutsession,easebackand
tellheryouwanttotakethingsslow.Nevercallherbackrightaway.If
youregoingtomeetherinasocialenvironment,bringacoupleof
femalefriendsalongandstirhercompetitiveinstincts.Makeherwork
towinyou.
Knowinghowwomenactandreactbasedontheirpersonalitytypeswill
helpyouachievethegoalsyoudesirewiththem.
TheothersideofthisAlphaRuleisthatyoumustknowwhatisgoingon
inthesocialsituationsyouencounteroutthere.Alargemajorityofguys
areprettycluelesswhenitcomestosocialdynamics,anditstypically
theseguysthathavethemosttroublewithwomen.Theyexpectthata
socialinteractionshouldbecomprisedofsimpleblack&whiterules,
buttheydontunderstandthatitsactuallyasgrayasituationasyoucan
find.
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Yes,therearesomesocialrulesoutthere,butallofthemhave
exceptionsandthesearecausedmostlybecauseofothersocialrules.
Butonceyoudevoteyourselftowatchingwhathappenswhenpeople
gettogetherandtalk,party,havefun,argue,whatever,youllseethat
therearecommonsituationstopreparefor.
Thefirstthingyoumustknowaboutsocialinteractionsisthatweall
wanttoberecognizedandappreciatedbyothers.Whensomeonetalks
toyou,unlessitsastrictlybusinessinformationexchange,youmust
realizethattheyarereallylookingforaconnectionofsomekind.Theyll
feelthisconnectionasaresultofeitherboostingtheirego(foraguy),or
experiencingemotionandacceptance(forwomen.)Onceyou
understandthatweallhavetheseprimaryneeds,youllbemuchmore
effectivewhenyouseektogivepeoplewhattheyneed.Wheremost
guysfailinsocialsituationsisthattheylettheirownselfishdesiresand
selfcenteredviewpointgetinthewayofrecognizingwhatotherpeople
need.
ZigZiglaroncesaid,Youcanhaveanythingyouwantinlifeifyoulljust
helpenoughotherpeoplegetwhattheywant.
Weareallselfish.Itshumannature.Eventhewomanwhogivesallher
timetocharityworkandhelpingthepoorisselfishbecausethatwork
makesherfeelgoodinsomeway.Soitsuptoyoutoacknowledgethis
factanduseittoyouradvantage.
Youmustmakealifetimestudyofthesocialgamesweengageinwhen
humansinteract.Itsafascinatingandinfinitelycomplexareaofstudy,
anditwillreapyoudividendsbeyondyourwildimaginationwhenyou
seehoweasyitistoempowerotherpeopletohelpyouwithyourgoals.
167
ALPHA RULE 14:
KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN
Nevermakecommitmentsuntilyouarereadytodoso.Avoidthetrapthat
mostmenfallinto:rushingintocommittedrelationshipswithwomenout
ofdesperationorfearofbeingalone.Partofthegrowthprocessisdating
avarietyofwomen,inordertodevelopyourunderstandingofthem,of
yourself,andofwhatyouultimatelywant.
168
Feelingpowerlessaroundwomenisaterribly
frustratingwaytogothroughlife.Beingtheeternal
thesingleguy,whileyourfriendsarein
relationshipsorgettinglaidonregularbasis,canbe
agonizing.
Buttheresascenariomanyoftheseguysfind
themselvesinwhichisevenworseinthelongrun:
theyfinallywindupmeetingagirlandplungeintoa
seriousrelationshipwithher,despitethefactthat
shesnotrightforthem.Theyoverlookherflaws
becausetheyrethrilledtoberidoftheirsinglestatusandhavean
alternativetomasturbation.Mostly,theyjustknowdonotwantreturn
tobeingaloneanddateless.
Hereisoneveryimportantattitudechantthatwewantyoutorepeat
everydayforthenext60days:
Iambetteroffalonethanwiththewrongwoman.
WhenaguywhosbeenaloneforawhileappliestheAlphaRules,hewill
achieveanentirelydifferentsetofresults.Evenifthegirlhewindsup
meetingisterrific,hesnotgoingtoinstantlysurrenderhissinglestatus
andtakehimselfoffthemarket.Hesgoingtoleveragethesituation.
Nowthatheknowshecangetaqualitygirl,hesgoingtoseekout
others.Successbreedsmoreconfidence.Withagirlinthebank,hes
notgoingtoactwithsamesenseofdesperationthathedidbefore.
TheAlphaMancultivatesastableofwomen.Hekeepshisoptionsopen,
untilthedaycomeswhenhedecideshewantstosettledownwithagirl
whoissounbelievablyawesomethathewantsnothingmorethanto
spendtherestofhislifewithher.Heputsnotimeframeonthis.There
isnodeadlineorcertainagebywhichhemustmakethischoice.And
whyshouldhefeelanypressuretodoso?Unlikewomen,hesnotruled
byabiologicalclock.Heshavingthetimeofhislifedatingand
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sleepingwithavarietyoffun,sexygirls.Therearecertainwomenwho
canaccompanyhimtobusinessfunctions,andothersheenjoysseeing
forawildnightonthetown.Thentherearegirlshejustmeetsforsex
andquiettime.Andeverytimeheleavesthehouse,thereisthe
opportunitytomeetevenmorenewwomen.
Alotofwomenwouldfrownafterreadingthatparagraph.Theyllsaya
guylikethatmustbeaplayeroradog.Butthatssimplynottrue.
Whenitcomestowomen,theAlphaManreallycanhaveitallbutas
wellexplain,hedoesitwithintegrityandhonesty.Hedoesntneedto
lietowomenabouthisintentions.Infact,bybeingcompletelyupfront
aboutthefactthathesdatingmultiplewomen,hemakeshimselfmore
attractivetothenewwomenhemeets!
Doesthissoundfarfetchedtoyou?Well,allowustoexplainthis
further.Becauseyouhavethepowerandthepotentialtobethisguyto
dateasmanywomenasyouwant,onyourterms,andhavealotofgreat
sexandfunexperienceswithoutevercreatinganyresentmentorhurt
feelings.Andifyourelikemostguys,anddreamofonedaymarrying
andhavingkidswiththemostspectaculargirlofthemall,datingthis
wayandkeepingyouroptionsopeniswhatwilleventuallyleadthat
womantoyou.
Herearesometheprimaryreasonswhyyoumustkeepyouroptions
open:
1) Youneedaframeofcomparison.
Ifyoudontdatewomenconsistentlyandexposeyourselftothe
manypossiblecombinationsofpersonality,attitude,andlooks,
youllalwayssufferfromthegrassisgreenersyndrome.This
happenswhenyoufindagoodwoman,butyoufindyourself
attractedtoeverynewwomanthatcomesalongsimplyoutof
novelty.Whenyouveexperiencedalotofwomen,youllbeableto
betterselectthewomanyouwantandgiveherthemanshe
needs.Andyoullknowhowtostayfaithfultoher,knowingthat
youvealreadyshoppedaround.
2) Ifyoujumpintoosoon,youllfreakherout.
Guyshaveatendencytolockintheiroptionswhentheythink
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theyvelandedawomantheywant,usuallytoavoidthatuncertain
andjealousfeelingthatshemightbeseeingotherguys.Thisisa
scarcitymindsetthatyoumustpurgefromyourlife,becausea
womaninterpretsyourhastetobecomeexclusiveasneediness
anddesperationsignsofamanwhoisoflowconfidence.
3) PerceivedValue
Womenwantwhatotherwomenwant.Youwantherwondering
andfantasizingaboutyouwhenyourenotaround.Whatshe
doing?Whoishewith?Remember,thatwhichiscommonand
easytogetistakenforgranted.
4) AttitudeandConfidence
Whenyousetyoursightsononewomantotheexclusionofall
others,youlosethebufferofconfidenceyouhavewhenyoure
seeingmultiplewomen.Ifyouvegotabunchofgirlsinyourlife,
thelossofoneofthemwillnottroubleyou,andyouwontfallinto
anobsessivedownwardspiralifoneofthempullsawayor
disappears.Wouldyouratherputallyourmoneyononenumber
inroulette,orbetonseveralandbalancetheoddsinyourfavor?
HavingoptionsmakestheAlphaManslifemorerichandexciting,
whichinturnjacksuphisconfidencetoanevenhigherlevel.
TheaveragemanfollowsthesamebasicpatternasaguynamedBob
whomwemetatoneofourseminars.Readhisstoryandseeifyouspot
anysimilaritiestoyourownsituation,ortowhatanyofyourfriends
mayhavegonethrough.
Bob,now42yearsold,hashadaroughromantichistory.Whilemaking
steadyprogresswithhiscareer,healwaysfoundhimselffrustratedand
disappointedwithhisdatinglife.Hemadeeffortstobesocialgoingto
barsontheweekends,attendingparties,joininganonlinedatingsite.
Hehadfemalefriendswhokepttellinghimhewasacatchandtriedto
fixhimupwiththeirsinglegirlfriends.
Butnothingeverseemedtopanout.Bobwouldmeetgirlsandgoon
oneortwodates,buttherelationshipsdidntgoanywhere.Insome
cases,thegirlsjustwerentintohim.Inothersituations,Bobfound
himselfcomparingthenewgirlagainsthisexgirlfriendJoyce,whowas
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theclosestthingtoasoulmatehedeverknown.Becausetheother
girlsdidntmeasureuptoherthewayBobrememberedJoyce,she
wasabsolutelyperfecthewouldbreakthingsoffbeforetheywentany
further.
IthadbeentwoyearssinceBobhadbeenwithJoyce,buthestillhadnt
gottenoverher;hisbuddiesweresickandtiredofhearinghimlament
abouttheonethatgotawayeverytimehegotdrunk.Bobworriedthat
hewouldnevermeetanothergirllikeJoyce.Inthemeantime,asthe
monthswentby,hebecameincreasinglylonelyandanxiousaboutbeing
single.
Thenoneday,Bobmetagirl,Sarah,throughamutualfriend.They
starteddating,andforthefirsttimeinyearsBobwasgettinglaidona
regularbasis.Hefeltagreatsenseofreliefatnothavingtobravethe
singlessceneanylonger.Sarahwasinherearly30sandwaslooking
tohavechildrensoon.Allofherfriendsweremarriedwithkids.Bob
didntquitefeelreadyforallofthat,butheworriedthatifhedidnt
committoher,hewouldloseherandhavetoreturntothesingle(and
sexless)lifeagain.
Andso,heproposedagainsttheadviceofhisbuddies,whofeltSarah
wastooclingyandpossessive.Sarahimmediatelywenttowork,
planningherfairytalewedding.Bobsuckeditupandhopedforthe
best.
Fouryearslater,BobandSarahweredivorced.Bobtriedtoreturnto
thesinglesscene,butafterfouryearsofmarriageandnosociallife,he
felttoooldtobehangingaroundbarstryingtomeetchicks.Hefeltlike
hedagedtwentyyearssincehissingledays.Healsofeltawkwardabout
thefactthathewasdivorced.Hefiguredthathavingthisbaggage
wouldcausemostgirlstorulehimout.
ThisiswhenBobcametous,seekinghelp.Weputhimthroughsome
AlphareprogrammingwiththeRulesthatyourereadinghere,and
nowhesbackonthescenelikeneverbefore.
OneofthemostimportantprincipleswestressedtoBobisthatasan
AlphaMan,youneedtokeepyouroptionsopen.Beveryawareofthe
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factthatonceyoubeginapplyingthelessonsinthisbook,youwillbegin
toexperiencemoresuccesswithwomen.Theyllbeeagertoacceptyour
invitationstotakethemoutondates.Yoursocialcalendarwillbealot
morefullthanitwassixmonthsago.Whenyougooutwithyour
buddiestobars,clubsandparties,youllusuallyleavewithatleastone
phonenumberandanewpossibility.
ThisiswheretheAlphaManbehavesdifferentlythantheaverageguy.
TheAlphadoesntfeelasenseofurgencytocommithimselftowomen,
ortotakethemoffthemarketbeforeamoredesirablemancomes
alongandsnatchesthemaway.Hesnotinarushbecausehehasan
abundancemindset.
UseAgeToYourAdvantage
At42,Bobtoldushefeltoldtobebackonthedatingscene.He
couldnthavebeenmorewrong.Inregardstoage,thereisacritical
distinctionbetweenmenandwomenthatyouneedtokeepinmind.As
aman,youroptionsactuallyincreaseasyougetolder.Forwomen,the
optionsdecrease.The27yearoldwhoisthehottestchickattheclub
rightnowisonadownhillslope;shesgoingtobepastherprimeinonly
afewyears,andmayalreadybelookingtocosmeticsurgeryasan
answer.Manyofthehighstatusmensheassociateswitharentgoingto
beinterestedinmarryingawomanwhoisinher30s,whentheycan
haveyoungergirlswhodonthavetickingbiologicalclockscompelling
themtofindahusbandandfathertotheirkids.
Ontheotherhand,mostmenbecomemoredesirableintheir30sand
intotheir40s.Theyremoresecureintheircareers,earningmore
money.Iftheyvebeenouttheredating,theypossessfarmore
knowledgeofwomenandoftheirownwantsandneedsthanthey
didwhentheywereintheir20s.
Furthermore,therewasnoreasonforBobtofeelawkwardaboutbeing
divorced.Inthisdayandage,withdivorceratesover60%inAmerica,
theresnothingunusualaboutamarriagenotworkingoutnomatter
howoldoryoungyouare.Manywomenactuallyfinddivorcedmento
bemoreattractivethanmenwhoveneverbeenmarried.Byattempting
amarriage,evenifitdidntworkout,thesemenhaveshowntheir
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willingnesstomaketheultimatecommitment.Intheeyesofwomen,
thiselevatesthembeyondallofthemenwhoarescaredofcommitment
(whichismostofus).
Havingamarriageunderyourbeltisalsoaformofsocialproof;ifa
womanwaswillingtomarryyou,youmusthaveattractivequalities.
*NOTE:Ifyouaredivorcedandmeetsomeonenew,youmustspeak
ofyourexwifethewayyouwouldspeakaboutanexgirlfriend;
neversayanythingdisparagingabouther,nomatterhowhorrible
thedivorcewas,andmakeitsoundlikeyoupartedasfriends.Thisis
asignthatyouareemotionallymature.
So,doesdatingavarietyofwomenmeanyoureaplayeroradog?
Onlyifyoumisleadthemaboutyourintentions.WhenAlphaMendate,
theydotwothingsthatpreventthemfromhavingtodeceivewomen
andsneakaround.Theyarehonestabouttheirintentionsandthey
setdatingparameters.
Whentheaverageguymeetsagirlthathelikes,hisnaturalinstinctisto
expressinterestandestablishthatheistotallyavailable.Hedoesnt
wanthertothinkthatanythingstandsbetweenthetwoofthem
developingarelationship.Ifsheaskshimifhesseeinganyoneright
now,hisimmediateanswerisno.Hemightevenmentionthathes
lookingforagirlfriendoraseriousrelationship,believingthiswillmake
himlooklikeanattractivecandidate.
Butwhenamandoesthis,heisusuallyshootinghimselfinthefoot.
Mostguyswhobehavethiswayareinoneoftwoscenariosandwhen
theybroadcasttheiravailabilityandtheireagernesstofindagirlfriend,
theycreateanegativechainofevents.
Scenario#1:Yourehonestlylookingforaoneononerelationship,and
thisgirlyouvejustmetisawesome.Youdlovetobeherboyfriendand
sleepwiththisgirleverynightoftheweekfromnowon.Butby
establishingupfrontthatyouarelookingforarelationship,andnot
seeinganyoneelse,youmakeyourselflessattractivetoher.
174
Why?Becausenow,shedoesntviewyouasachallenge.Yourebasically
tellingher,YoucanhavemeifyouwantmeIvegotnothingelse
goingon.
Haveyouevermetahotchickwhoyouwerestronglyattractedtoand
youthinkthefeelingmightbemutualbutyouknowshesalready
involvedwithanotherguy?Thefactthatshesinvolvedwithanother
guybutsendingyousignalsmakesyouwanthertentimesmore!And
youllworktentimesharderforher.
Wereprogrammedtocravethethingswecanthave.Thisinternal
drive,theinstincttopushhardertowardsthethingsandmaterial
possessionsthatwevebeendeprivedof,canleadustoaccomplishhuge
thingsinlife.TheAlphaManappliesthisdrivetowardswomen.The
mostattractivefemales,theoneswhoaredesiredbythemostmenand
presentaformidablechallenge,aretheonesheisgoingtofocuson.On
theotherhand,whenwomenthrowthemselvesathim,hemightenjoy
someonenightstandsbutthesegirlscantholdhisattentionforvery
long,becausetheypresentnochallengeatall.
Whenitcomestofindingamate,women
possessanevenstrongercompetitiveinstinct
thanwedo.Pictureakitten.Youredangling
apieceofstringoverit,justoutofitsreach.It
willleapupintheair,swipingatthestring
withitspaws,desperatelytryingtograbit.It
willkeeptryingtothepointofexhaustion;at
thatmoment,nothingintheworldisas
importantasgettingthatstring.Butifyou
simplydropthestringintothekittenspaws,
itwillplaywithitforamoment,lookatit,andthenleaveitandwalk
away.Thestringnolongerholdsanyappeal,andthegameisover.
Now,pictureyourselfasthestring.AsaselfassuredAlphaMan,women
aregoingtocomeafteryou.Theyregoingtosendyouallthesignals:
flirtingwithyou,dirtydancingwithyouattheclubs,textingcute
messagestoyourphone,callingyouinthemiddleofthenightfora
bootycall.Accepteveryinvitation,andahighlydesirablewomanwill
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eventuallyloseinterest.Keepyourselfjustoutofreachgivingyourself
tothemonlyinsmall,limiteddosesandyouwillbecomethesole
objectoftheirfocus.
Nowletslookat
Scenario#2:Youreseeingvariouswomen.Maybethereareacoupleof
girlsyougooutwithoccasionally,andanothergirlyouhookupwith
onceinawhilewhenyourebothhorny.Settlingdownisnotevenon
yourradar.Butyouneverwantwomentothinkyoureaplayer,soyou
tellallthegirlsyoumeetthatyouresingleandnotseeinganyone.And
eachofthegirlsyoureinvolvedwiththinkstheyaretheonlywoman
yourespendingtimewith.
Inevitably,thesegirlsaregoingtostartthinkingtheyreinanexclusive
relationshipwithyoubecauseyougavethemnoreasontothink
otherwise.Andyoudontwantanyofthesegirlstoknowaboutthe
others,sinceitwouldupsetthem.Youhavetobecarefultohidethefact
thatyouvegotothergirlsinyourstable;youreconstantlymakingup
excuseswhyyouarentavailablewhenoneofthemwantstoseeyou.
Thiscausesyouunnecessarystress,andcouldleadtoanuglyblowup
whenoneofthemfindsoutshesnottheonlyonesleepingwithyou.
TheAlphaMandoesntletitgettothispoint.Heknowshesgoingto
savehimselfheadachesandstress,ANDmakehimselfmoreattractiveto
allwomen,byestablishingupfrontthathesnotdevotedexclusivelyto
anyone.
Thismaystrikeyouasodd.Isitreallypossibleforyoutomeetsomeone
new,admittoherthatyoureseeingothergirls,andhaveheracceptit
andactuallybeturnedonbyit?Theanswerisyes.Youvejustgottobe
carefulinhowyouphraseit.
WrongApproach#1:
HER:Soareyoudatinganyonerightnow?
YOU:Nothingserious,justseeingafewdifferentgirls.
176
WrongApproach#2:
HER:Imsurprisedaguylikeyoudoesnthaveagirlfriend.
YOU:Iprefertoplaythefield.
AlphaApproach:
Imseeingafewpeople,butjustonacasualbasis.Noonehasreally
stoodoutyet.Imkeepingmyoptionsopen.
Bytakingthisapproach,yourenotshuttingthedoorinherface.Ina
perfectlypleasantandhonestway,youretellingherthatyouarea
desirablemanwhomwomenfindattractive.Ananswerlikethiscreates
hugesocialproof.Ifshesinterestedinyoualready,herinterestlevelis
goingtoratchetupabignotchwhenshehearsyousaythis.Youve
kickedherfemalecompetitiveinstinctsintogear.
Theotherprincipleyoumustfollowissettingparametersonceyou
areinarelationship.Inthiscase,wedefinethewordrelationship
broadlyitsimplymeansyouarespendingtimewithagirlonaregular
basis(andhopefullysleepingwithher).Youmustestablishthatyou
leadafull,busylifeandyouaremakingtimeforher.Youarenotgoing
tobeavailabletoherconstantly,andthereareotherprioritiesinyour
lifethattakeprecedenceoverhersometimes.
TherewillbeSaturdaynightsthatyouwanttospendwiththeboys.
Therewillbeweekendswhenyougooutoftownwithouther.There
willbedayswhenyoudontreturnherphonecall,becauseyouvegot
worktohandle.
Ifyousettheseparametersfromthestart,womenwillbevery
accommodatingtowardsanAlphaMan.Shewillfeelfortunatethat
youvemaderoominyourlifeforher,andshewillappreciatethetime
youspendwithherevenifitsonlyafiveminutephonecall,justto
showheryouvebeenthinkingofher.
Ontheotherhand,oneofthebiggestmistakethatguysmake,whenthey
meetagirltheylike,ismakingherfeelthatsheistheirabsolutepriority.
Thisiswhenyouseepatheticsituationswhereguysallowtheir
177
girlfriendstocutthemofffromtheirbuddies;theycantgooutsocially
withouttheirgirlfriendintow(iftheyreallowedtogooutatall).Ifthey
dontreturnthegirlscallwithinanhour,shesgoingtogivehimshit
aboutit.
Hesurrenderedcontrolearlyon,andnowsheisintentonmaintaining
thatcontrol.Prettysoon,youaskhimtogooutandhaveadrinkandhe
usesthattiredphrase:Igottacheckwiththeboss.
Thekeywithparametersisthatyoumustestablishthemverysoonin
therelationship.Youhavealimitedwindowoftimeinwhichtocreate
thesegroundrules.Sixweeksintoarelationship,ifyouvebeen
spendingeveryweekendwithher,itsgoingtocreatehurtfeelingsand
jealousyifyousuddenlytellherSorryhon,thisSaturdayImgoingout
withtheguys.Ontheotherhand,ifyouestablishedfromthebeginning
thatyourfriendsareapriorityandyouhaveregularboysnightsout,
thesehurtfeelingswillbeavoided.
Theseparametersmustbenonnegotiable.Ifshecomplains,befirm:
youdlovetoseehersoon,butyouvegototherplans.Aswesaidbefore,
aslongastheseparametersaresetearlyhercomplaintswillbe
minimal.Itswhenyoutrytochangetheparametersmonthsintoa
relationshipthatthingsgetugly.
ThatSaturdaynight,whileyoureoutwithyourbuddieshavingablast,
shellbethinkingofyou.Butshewontbeangryandhurt;shelljustbe
missingyou,andlookingforwardtoatimeinthefuturewhenyouwill
makeyourselfavailabletoher.Herfeelingswillcrystallizeevenmore,
andshellbeyours.Thatsthepositionyouwanttoputwomenin,and
thatiswhereyoumustkeepthem.
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ALPHA RULE 15:
ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS
AND
MOTIVATION KILLERS
Removefromyourlifethatwhichdoesnotserveyourgoalsormoveyou
towardsyourGreatDestiny.Disqualifywithoutmercy;donthesitateto
ruleawomanoutifshebehavesunacceptablyorpossessestraitsthatare
intolerabletoyou.
179
Lifeisfullofobstaclesandchallengesthatstand
betweenyouandgettingwhatyouwant.Infact,the
chaosoftheworldwilldoeverythingitcantostop
youfromstayingfocusedonyourgoalsandachieving
everythingyoucan.Foreverygrandobjectiveyou
putinfrontofyourself,dozensofsmalldistractions
willarise.
Donotletdistractionsturnintoexcusesand
eventually,cripplingobstacles.
Motivationisthegasthatfuelsyourlife.Withoutit,youwillstalland
findyourselfpullingintothenearestgasstationwhereyoumayspend
therestofyourlifeifyourenotcareful.
Therearethreeprimarystepstogettingandstayingmotivated.
1)
FigureoutwhatmotivatesYOU.
Eachofushasauniquekeytounlockingourinnersenseofmotivation
anddrive.Itsyourjobtofigureoutthismotivationalkeyandleverage
it,sothatitkeepspropellingyouforward.
Forsomeguys,gettingrichistheirmainmotivator.Forothers,itsthe
allureofwomenandthecomfortandpleasurestheybring.Forother
men,itscareeraspirations.Whateveryourparticularmotivationis,you
mustfinditanduseitasthecarrotontheendofthesticktopullyou
forwardinlife.
Alsorealizethatyouremotivated,inasense,evenwhenyourechilling
onthecouchdoingnothingbutwatchingTV.Inthiscase,somethingis
motivatingyoutoNOTtakeaction,andyouveallowedthisde
motivatorittokillyourforwarddrive.
Weallneedtotakeanoccasionaltimeoutandzoneoutinfrontofthe
tube.Butstayawareofthefactthatduringallofourwakingmoments,
ouractions(orlackofaction)aredrivenbyeitherinnermotivators,or
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demotivators.Thekeyistobreakthepatternofallowingdemotivators
toruleyourlifeandholdyouback.
Establishwhatyourmainmotivatorisrightnow.Then
2)
Motivateyourselfeveryday.
Guysaskusallthetime:Isthereawayformetogetmotivatedonce,
andhaveitstick?WhydoIkeepfallingbackintothesamepatterns,and
needtofigureoutwaystogetmotivatedagain?
Thisisoftenacomplaintofguyswhoattendalotofworkshopsandread
alotofselfhelpbooks.Theygetabriefbuzzofmotivation,thenloseit
afterafewdaysorweeks.
Theansweristhatyoumustmotivateyourselfdaily.Readbooksthat
motivateyou;ifyoudiscoveramotivationalbookthatisextremely
powerful,buyasecondcopy.Keeponeonyournightstandandonein
youroffice.Refertoitthroughouteachday.Highlightitandmakenotes
init.Watchmoviesthatmotivateyou,andhangaroundpeoplewho
motivateyou.Makethisadailyroutine,andintime,feelinglazyandde
motivatedwillfeellikeanunnaturalstate.Insteadoflyingonthecouch
andzoningoutforhours,youllbethinkingofallthethingsyoucouldbe
accomplishingwhetheritsexercising,reading,orworkingonthat
businessideayouvebeenkickingaround.Or,youcouldbeout
socializing.Thereisalwayssomethingyoucanaccomplishonthatfront,
betweenmeetingnewwomenandexpandingyoursocialnetwork.
Whichleadsustothelast,andprobablythemostimportant,step
3)
RemoveDEmotivators.
Wedontrealizejusthowmanythingspullonusinlife.Theresyour
familyobligations,yourworkobligations,yourtaxes,yourcarneeds
washing,yourbathroomisdirty,yourneedyfriendwhoalwayscalls
youwithhisproblems,andonandonandon.Yourlifeisanendless
chainoftodosthatneverends.Asthesayinggoes,whenyoudieyour
inboxwillstillhavestuffinit.
181
Thisiswhyitssocriticalthatyougetridofthethingsthatholdyou
backorremoveyoursenseofforwardmotion.Ashipdraggingan
anchornotonlymovesslowlyitwilleventuallyhitasnagandget
stuck.
First,youregoingtoneedtoseparatethegoodfromthenotsogood
whenitcomestoyourfriends.Thereareguysthatarepositiveinyour
life,tobesure,butmostofushavemorethanourshareofanchors
pullingonus.ToliveafullyrealizedAlphaManLifestyle,youmust
chooseyourfriendswisely.Theyneedtodeserveaplacewithinyour
innercircleandtheymustencourageyourforwardmomentum.Most
guyswillnot,soitisveryimportantthatyouviewthiswithobjective
eyes.Mostofyourfriendswillbeenviousandsubtlyworkagainstyour
forwardprogress.Itmaysoundcynical,butitstrue.Youcanhaveyour
successoryourcurrentsocialcircle,butnotboth.
Someguysaregoodforsomethings,andnotsogoodforothers.Itsrare
tohaveaUniversalFriendgoodforallareasofyourlife,especially
whenitcomestogoingoutandmeetingwomen.Mostguyslacksolid
game,andthishindrancewilldamageyourmotivationandlearning
curvewhenyougoouttoimprovethisareaofyourlife.
Therearealsoguysthatwillbeadragonyourlifestylebecauseoftheir
negativeattitude.Guyswhoaresullen,misogynist,oralwaysspinning
thingsthewrongwaywillhavethesameeffectonyouasapassengerin
yourcarthatisconstantlyreachingoverandyankingonyoursteering
wheel.Youmightwindupgettingwhereyouwanttogo,buttherides
goingtobebumpy,dangerous,anddamnfrustrating.
Fewguyshavewhatittakestobeasolidwingman.Theguysinyour
circlewhoplaythisroleforyoumustbepositive,motivated,and
growthoriented.Watchoutformisogynists,haters,players,critics,or
otherguyswithattitudesthatdonotreflectyourAlphaMindsetand
Lifestyle.
Ideally,headoutwithawingmanwhosegameisstrongerthanyours.
Otherwise,itshouldbesomeonewhomightnotbeatyourlevelofskill
andconfidence,buttheyremotivatedandexcitedtolearn.Theywillat
leasthelpyoustayoutinthefieldandimprovingyourabilities.Thebest
182
wingmanisaguywhocanpushyououtofyourcomfortzonewithout
blowingawayyourgame.
Asforanyonewhodisruptsyourgameorlessensyourchancesof
hookingupwithwomentherearealotofhatersouttherewhod
prefertoseeyoustaysexuallyfrustrated,justlikethemcutthem
loose.Youcanstillhangoutwiththemiftheyservesomeotherfunction
inyourlife,butforgetabouthavingthemaccompanyyouwhenyoure
lookingtomeetwomen.Withbuddiesyouveknownforever,beaware
thatyoumayhavegottensoimmersedintheirnegativeandself
defeatingmindsetthatyouaremistakingcodependenceforfriendship.
AsTonyRobbinssays,thesinglemostpowerfulfactoronyour
successinlifeisyourpeergroup.Havinginspiring,supportivefriends
isgoingtohelpyouachieveyourgoalsfaster(whilehavingalotofgood
timesalongtheway).Theeffectsofhangingaroundandbeing
influencedbythewrongpeoplecanbeevenmoreprofoundbutinthe
oppositedirection,towardsfailureandregretinsteadofsuccess.
Otherdistractionsinlifeyoumuststayawareof,andeithertonedown
oreliminate:
Television.Bytheageof70,theaverageAmericanwillhavespent
about710yearsoftheirliveswatchingtelevision,livingsomeoneelses
experiences.Lifeisoutside,notinthatbox.Throttledownyourviewing
toaminimum,andneverwatchtheeveningnews.Theirskewedand
negativedistortionofworldeventsisdepressingandofteninaccurate.
Overindulgenceinentertainmentlikemovies,games,strippers,etc.
Yes,youneedtoblowoffsteamonceinawhile,butmaintainbalance.
Manyofusaresoaddictedtoourrecreationalactivitiesofchoicethat
weneverfindtimetomakeourownuniquecontributiontotheworld.
Porn.Weliketocallpornthesimulatedgirlfriend.Itsafantasythat
leadstoaquickmasturbationsession,andthussapsyourwillingnessto
gooutandmeetarealwomanthatcouldgiveyourealsexual
satisfaction.Italsodistortsyourunderstandingandimageofwomen.
183
Preoccupationwithsports.Playsports,andoccasionallywatchsports,
butdontmakeitawayoflife.Again,ifyouknowmoreaboutyour
sportsteamthanthethingsthatbringyoudirectsuccessinyour
lifestyle,yourejustlivingvicariouslythroughtheachievementsof
others.
Work.Whileworkisaverynecessarypartofyourlife,youshould
alwaysbelookingtomakeyourownuniquemarkontheworld.Too
manyguysusetheirworkaholismasawaytoshoreupathinsenseof
selfidentity.Letyourworkbeapassion,butdontletitconsumeyou.
Meaninglessassociations.Thisincludeschatrooms,Myspacepages,
onlinemultiplayergames,oranyothersimulatedsocialization.Getout
ofyourhouse,dude.Dontlieonyourdeathbedregrettingthatyou
nevertraveledtheworld,orthatyousathomeandsurfedtheWeb
everynightintheprimeofyourlife.Virtuallivesarelikeartificial
sweetener:similar,butnotnearlyasfulfillingastherealthing.
Perfectionism.Strivingforperfection,demonstratingaperseveranceto
getthingsexactlyright,mayseemadmirable.Butformanysocalled
perfectionists,itresultsinnothingbutatonofwastedenergyand
procrastination.Almostallchoresandactivitiesinlifeneedonlybe
donereasonablywell.Yetwewasteourtimeorganizingclosetsand
desksandputtingfinaltouchesonthingsthatwillnevermakea
difference,justtoavoidthenextdifficultoruncomfortabletask.Itsthe
old80/20ParetoPrinciple.Over80percentofthebenefitsandresults
arecontainedinthe20percentzoneofyoureffortandactions.Dont
wastetimeinthewrongzone.
Heresanothersetofpercentagestokeepinmind.90%ofsuccessis
simplygettingoutthereanddoingit.Only10%ofsuccessisaresultof
informationgathering(suchaslearningfrombooksandothersources).
Thisbook,forexample,givesyouawealthofknowledgeaboutmeeting
andattractingwomenbutevenifyoumemorizeeverypage,youve
onlytraveled10%ofthepathtosuccess.Therestcomesfromapplying
itintherealworldandputtingthesemethodsintoaction.
184
Aspowerfulasthismaterialmaybe,twohoursinthefieldinteracting
withwomeninrealsocialenvironmentsismoreconstructivethantwo
weeksstudyingathomeinisolation.
Knowingisnotenough;wemustapply.Willingisnotenough;wemust
do.
Goethe
Getoutthereandrelishallthewonderfulexperiencestheworldhasto
offeryou.Noneofusaregettinganyyounger.
DOITNOW:Putdownthisbook,calltwoofyourfriends,andsetupa
timetomeetforadrinkordinner.
185
ALPHA RULE 16:
CULTIVATE SEXUAL POWER
Projectsexualpower,inandoutofthebedroom.Thebestwaytokeepa
womaninlovewithyouandfaithfulistoshowheramanthatknowshow
topleaseher.Thismustoccuronmultiplelevels.
186
Wearemen.Notwomen.Notfish,nordogsorcats.
MEN.
Andassuch,wehavequalitiesuniquetous
thatwecannotdeny,nomatterhowmuchthe
modernmediamayencourageyouto.While
weve(thankfully)passedthroughthe
feministperiodofculturalchange,wevenow
emergedintowhatcouldbecalledthe
GenderConfusionperiod.Womenarebeing
toldtheyshouldnthavetodependonmenin
anyway,whilewereledtobelievewemust
besofterandmorefeminineinordertobe
attractivetotheoppositesex.
BeforeyoustarttakingyourcuesfromQueerEyeForTheStraight
Guy,youmustrealizethatthisgenderconfusionrunscountertoour
biologicalprogramming.Ourculturemayhaveevolved,butwe,asmen,
arestillhardwiredthesamewaywewere2,000yearsago.Andwomen,
whethertheywanttoadmititornot,stilllooktoustoprovidethesame
basicsfunctionsourancestorshandledinthecavemandays.Theyare
attractedtomenwhocanprotectandprovideandareinstinctively
repelledbymenwhoareprojectweaknessandinsecurity.
Todaysindependentwomanwilloftenmarrythesweet,harmless
guyonewhoputsupwithherdemandsandbringshomeagood
paycheckbutitwontworkoutinthelongterm.Shesmellsthe
weaknessalloverhimlikecheapcologne.Eventually,sheseithergoing
tohenpeckhimintoabsolutemiseryasshetriestoforcehismasculine
sidetoemerge,orshesgoingtoditchhimforamanwhoexhibitsAlpha
qualities.
Weveallknowncouplesinwhichthewomanisconstantlynaggingthe
guy,andtheguyisalwaysbucklingtoherdemands.Whatyoure
187
actuallyseeinghereisawomanwhowantshermantostepupand
assumethemasculinerole,butheisunwillingorunabletodoso.His
timidnaturehasforcedhertoassumethatroleintherelationship,and
itsaroleshehatesplaying.Itsnotnaturalforawomantowearthe
pantsinarelationship.
Shemightactlikesheenjoysbeingtheboss,butshereallyyearnstobe
withanAlphaManwhotreatsherlikeaWOMAN.Thismeansaman
whoputsherincheckwhenshegetsbossyoremotional.Itmeansbeing
asourceofSTRENGTHratherthanbeingpassive.
Youmightthinkawomanwhosalwaysbossedherboyfriendsaround
wouldrailagainstamanwhosuddenlyputsherinherpropergender
role,andlaysoutthepathforhertofollow.Buttheoppositeisactually
true.
WomendontfeelthreatenedbyAlphaMen.Onthecontrary,theyfeel
relievedtobeinthepresenceofonebecauseitallowsthemtobe
comfortableinthegenderroletheywereborntoplay.Inarelationship,
womendontwanttoleadandhavetomaketheharddecisions.They
dontwanttobethesourceofemotionalstrength.Thatsyourjob.
Thewomenwhoactthebossiestareusuallycryingoutforaguywhois
strongenoughtoputherinherproperfemininerole.
Firstofall,youasamanneedtounderstandtheprincipletraitsofbeing
masculine.Thesearethethingsaboutmenthatareinherentlymanly.
Dontbemisledintobelievingthatthesequalitiesarebadormisguided.
Theyareanaturalpartofyouandifyoustartchannelingtheminthe
rightdirectioninsteadofsuppressingthem,theyregoingtohelpyou
achieveyourgoalswithwomenandbeyond.
Menaredriven.
Itsyourjobtofigureoutyourlifesgoalsandpursuethem.Amanwho
failstoachieveinlifeisgoingtofeelunworthyandinsecure.Ifyoure
feelingastateofconfusionorapathyinyourlife,werewillingtobet
youarenotpursuingyourgoalsthewayyoushouldbe.Definingyour
goalsandgoingafterthemaggressivelyisaninherentlymasculinetrait.
188
Wanderingthroughlifewithoutfocusordirectionisnotonlygoingto
makeyouundesirabletowomen.Itsalsogoingtomakeyoufeeldeeply
unfulfilled,sinceyouarefailingtofollowthroughonyourgenetic
destinyasaman.
Menareemotionallydurable.
Doyoueverfeelliketheworldisfullofproblems,andtheyreall
crashingdownonyou?Ithappens.Butdontventthesefeelingstothe
peoplearoundyou,andforgetaboutsharingthemwithwomen.Ifyou
needhelp,getatherapist.Theygetpaidtolistenandofferadvice.The
realityisthatmostofthepeopleinyourlifedontcareaboutyour
problems,andtherestaregladyouhavethem.(Miserylovescompany.)
Dontcryaboutwhereyouareinlife,orwhathappenedtoyou.DO
somethingaboutit.Keepyourproblemstoyourselfandnevershare
youremotionalweaknesseswithawoman.Ifyouthinkyourebuilding
bondswithwomenbysharingyourfailuresandfearswiththem,what
youreactuallydoingiscoolingoffanyattractiontheyfeel.Women
appreciateamanwhocanshowvulnerabilityattimes,buttheyare
turnedoffbymenwhomtheyperceivetobeweak,needyorinneedof
direction.Ifyoufallunderoneofthesecategories,startmakingthe
necessarycorrectionsandinthemeantime,keeptheseissuesto
yourselfandOUToftheconversationsyouhavewithgirls.
Menhaveapowerfulsexdrive.
Wenaturallywanttochasewomen.Weliketolookatwomen,andeven
whenwehaveonewoman,wewantothers.Thisisnottosaythatyou
cantcurbyourdesireandbefaithfulandmonogamous,butthisisnota
naturalstateforamantolivein.Youwillalwaysstrugglewiththehalf
ofyouthatwantsonelastingrelationshipandlongtermsecurity,and
theotherhalfthatlustsaftersexwithsomeonenew.
Dontfeelashamedofthisinternalconflict.Itshowyouarehardwired
tooperate.Realizethatthemalesexdriveisntahandicap;itsactually
anincrediblypowerfultoolwhenchanneledintherightdirection.Ithas
inspiredmentoleadarmiesandbuildempires.Intodaysworld,it
189
inspiresmentofindbetterjobs,makemoremoney,andimprovetheir
game.Thedriveforsexmakesusbettermen.
Letsbehonest:whatisitthatreallycompelssinglementogotothe
gym,furthertheircareergoals,buynewcarsandclothes,anddoall
thoseotherthingswesupposedlydointhenameofbeingarespectable
memberofsociety?Itsreallyaboutthemaledesiretobecomemore
attractivetowomenandtherebyfindawaytosatisfytheirsexdrives.If
womendidntexist,mostmenwouldneverfindthemotivationtowork
hardandchasethebigmoney.Hell,theyprobablywouldntbeableto
putdowntheXboxcontrollerandgetoffthecouch.
AsyougooutthereandstartapplyinganAlphaattitudetowards
women,andstartapproachinganddatingwithmoreconfidence,finding
outletsforyoursexdriveisnotgoingtobeaproblem.Youwillgetlaid.
Thisiswhenyouhavetolevelwithyourselfaboutwhatisgoingtomake
yousexuallysatisfied.Doyoureallywanttobeinamonogamous
relationshiprightnow,ordoyouwanttoplaythefieldandkeepyour
optionsopen?
Dontbuyintotheculturalstandardthatsaysyoushouldgetserious
withagirlbyacertainage,orsettledownandhavekidsbecausebeinga
bachelorissomehowwrong.InAmerica,theaverageageatwhichmen
andwomenmarryhasbeenrisingsteadilyovertheyears.Itsnotthe
sameasitwasinourparentsday,whenitseemedoddifyouwerestill
unmarriedatage35.(Inourgrandparentsday,reaching25without
tyingtheknotwasenoughtocausesuspicionyoumightbebattingfor
theotherteam.)
Alotofmenwindupmarryingawomanwhomtheyfeeliswife
material,butcontinuetopursuesexwithotherwomen.Werenot
goingtopassjudgmentontheseguys,butwewillsaythatadulteryis
oftenadangerousgametoplay.Foralotofmen,itwindsupcausinga
lotmoreproblemsthanitsworth.Itcanalsoserveasamajor
distractiontothegoalsinyourlifethatareworthpursuing.
Wesay,whynotjuststaysingleforthetimebeingandenjoyallofthe
optionsyouhaveasanAlphaMan?Whyisitwrongtoleadthebachelor
lifestylewellpasttheagewhenmostofyourbuddiessettledown?The
190
answeris,itsnotwrong.ThedifferencebetweenAlphaMenandregular
guysisthatAlphascapitalizeontheirsinglestatusbydatingdifferent
womenandenjoyinganawesomesexlife.Regularguyslooktoendtheir
singlestatusassoonaspossible,becauseforthem,beingunmarried
onlymeansloneliness,desperation,andshellingoutfordrinksatthe
barthatleadnowhere.
Menfixstuff.
Theassumptionisthatguysarehandy,thatwerebettersuitedthan
womentofixcarsandappliancesandfigureouthowtoworkthe
remotecontrol.Themanofthehouseissupposedtostepupandhandle
thisstuff.Womenexpectitofus.
AlphaMentakethisastepfurther.Youdontjustfixthingsaroundthe
house;youfixproblemsinwomenslives.Womenshouldknowthatif
theyexpressaproblemtoyou,youregoingtotakethebullbythehorns
andletthemknowhowtohandleit.Whensheventstoyouabouther
painintheassroommate,orhowshesbeingmistreatedatherjob,or
howherexboyfriendwontleaveheralone,dontjustlistenpassively
andbeashouldertocryon.TakeACTIONbyprovidingaplanforherto
follow.
OK,Lisa,thisiswhatIwantyoutodo.Youregoingtotalktoyourboss
andtellhimyouvebeenworkingveryhardtogetthisprojectdone,but
youregoingtoneedsomehelpsothatyoucangetitdoneexactlythe
wayhewantsit.
ThisiswhatIwantyoutodo,Monica.Youregoingtotalktoyour
roommateandtellhersheneedstorespectyourspaceandyour
privacy,becauseitneedstobeacomfortablelivingsituationforbothof
you.
Yougettheidea.Insteadofbeingpassiveorofferingwishywashy
suggestions,layoutasolidplan.Thisshowsthatyouaredecisiveand
youreaproblemsolver.Itsalsoamuchbetteralternativetolistening
tohertalkendlesslyaboutherissues.Hearherout,andthencut
straighttotheheartofthematterandcreateasolution.
191
Itdoesntreallymatterifyoursolutionisntthebestpossible
approach.Noticethephrasingusedintheaboveexample:ThisiswhatI
wantyoutodo.Youregivingherdirection.Youareestablishing
yourselfasaleader.Whethersheultimatelytakesyouradviceornot,
shesnowgoingtoregardyouasaguywhoisA)lookingoutforherbest
interests,andB)adecisiveleaderwhodoesntsitonthefence.
Complaining(orlisteningtosomeoneelsecomplain)isawasteofyour
time;youreaboutgettingthingsdone.
Menpossesssuperiorphysicalstrength.
Menarethephysicallystrongerofthetwogenders.Itsnotevenclose,
andthatincludesthe240poundlesbianwholiftsweightsatourgym.
(Wereprettysurewecouldtakeher.)
Whenmengetangry,theyremorelikelythanwomentolashout
physically.Women,ontheotherhand,tendtoturntheirangerinward.
AlphaMen,however,learntheartofselfcontrolandmanagethese
instincts.TheAlphaManisntthetoughguyinthebarwiththequick
temper.Hestoobusychattingupgirlsandspreadingpositivevibes.He
alsoknowsoneofthefastestwaystosendwomenscurryinginthe
otherdirectionistoengageinaconfrontationwithanotherguy.(The
guyslookingtogetintobarfightsusuallydosobecausetheyneedan
outletfortheirsexualfrustrations.)
Oursuperiorphysicalstrengthisafundamentalmasculinetrait.Women
loveastrongman,sincethissignalsthatyouarecapableofprotecting
her.IfyouregoingtogetseriousaboutbecominganAlphaMan,start
buildingupyourstrengththroughworkingout,orstudyamartialart.
Youdontneedtobeabodybuilder.Addingsomeleanmusclemassto
yourframewillboostyourconfidencelevelsubstantially,andwomen
willtakenotice.Afewmonthsinthegym,followingagooddietand
workoutroutineafewtimesaweek,candowondersforyourself
esteem,aswellasyourstrengthandenergylevels.
Itsalsoacoolseedtoplantduringconversation:Ivebeenrealbusy
lately,especiallywiththisnewworkoutroutineImdoingatthegym.I
trytostayingoodshapeIneedtheextraenergytohandlemy
schedule.
192
Leaveitatthat.Noneedtoflex.Youvesaideverythingthatneedstobe
said.
Menareproviders.
Intodayssociety,womenaresupposedtoabletomakejustasmuch
moneyasmen.Itsnotunusualforawomantomakemoremoneythan
herhusbanddoes,andthisissupposedtobeokayasignofthe
changingtimes.Bythesametoken,somewomenfeeltheyshouldpay
theirshareofthebillwhentheygoondates.
Theproblemis,itreallyisntokay.Itsanotheraspectofthegender
confusionwevebeentalkingabout.Whileitmayseempolitically
correcttoletawomanpayherownway,theystillexpectustoprovide
forthem,ortoatleastdemonstratethatwearecapableofproviding.
Whensheofferstopayhershareofthedinnerbillorforthenextround
ofdrinks,tellheryouappreciatethegesturebutyouvegotitcovered.
Itsyourtreat.Shemightmakeafuss,butthisisjustforshow.Shes
testingyou.(Ifyoudontbelieveus,thenexttimeyoureonafirstdate,
takeheruponheroffertopayhalfthebillandseeifyouevergeta
seconddatewithher.)
Ifpayingfordateswithwomenisaproblemforyoubecauseitsastrain
onyourwallet,youeitherneedtostarttakingthemtolessexpensive
placesarestartmakingmoremoney.Itsthatsimple.Coveringadinner
billorafewroundsofdrinksisntsomethinganAlphaManshouldbe
worriedabout;youworkhard,andwhenitstimetoplayyouvegot
thingscovered.
Anotherrealityisthatrelationshipsinwhichthewomanmakesalot
moremoneythanthemanseldomworkout.Menarewiredtobe
protectorsandproviders,andwhenthisresponsibilityistakenaway
fromus,itchipsawayatourselfesteemandgeneratesresentment.It
alsomakesawomanloserespectforyou.Lookatanynumberof
celebritymarriagesforproof.WithBritneySpearsandKFed,theonly
surpriseisthattheirrelationshiplastedaslongasitdid;shehadallthe
cash,whichateawayathissenseofmanhoodandcausedhimtostray.
193
SamewithHalleBerryandherexhusband,thewannabeR&BstarEric
Benet,orJenniferLopezfirsttwohusbands.
HowcouldaguycheatonHalleBerry,youmightask?Theansweris
obvious.Shepaidthebillsandhadbodyguardstowatchoverher.Her
husbandsbasicfunctionasaman,toprotectandprovide,wasnegated.
Itwasonlyamatteroftimebeforehestartedhuntingforotherchicks
thatreinforcedhisdamagedsenseofmasculinity.
Aswevesaidbefore,havingalotoflootisntnecessaryforyouto
succeedwithwomen.Ambitioniswhatsmostimportant.Butaguy
whosbrokeandjoblessisnotanAlphaMan,andarelationshipin
whichthemanisfinanciallydependentonthewomanisusually
doomed.Likewevesaidbefore,ourculturemayhavechangedbutthe
basicrulesofbiologyandattractionarethesameastheywerea
thousandyearsago.
Menplaythedominantroleinthebedroom.
Allofthetechniquesandstrategieslaidoutinthisbookeventuallylead
tooneplace:thebedroom.Youvegottobeskilledinthisarea.Skillis
builtthroughpractice,andthebetteryougetatanything,themore
confidentyoubecomeinthatskill.
Mostguysaresoeagertojustgetlaidthattheydontconsiderthe
importanceofpleasuringthewoman.Wevetalkedalotabouthow
womensizeyouupandeitherqualifyordisqualifyyoubasedonthe
thingsyoudoandsay.Thisdefinitelyextendstothesex.Justbecause
youvegottenherintobed,dontthinkyouvewonthegame;thisis
whenyouneedtostepupandshowheryoudontjusttalkthetalk.
Alphasdeliverinthebedroom.
Withallofthesestrategiesinyourplaybook,youshouldntsuffer
throughdryspellswhileyouwaittomeetthegirlofyourdreams.Go
outthereandstarthookingup.Havingsomecasualsexpartners,while
youreouttherehuntingfortheperfectgirl,isthebestwaytostayon
topofyoursexgameandlearnnewtricks.
194
Themajorityofguysareeithertoonervoustoperformwellinbed,or
theyreonlyconcernedaboutgettingthemselvesoff.Ontheotherhand,
guyswhoaregreatinbedtheyrephysicallyassertive,focusongiving
thewomanpleasure,andmakesureshecomesfirstwillkeepgirls
comingbackformore.Oneofthemostpowerfulwaystoassertyour
masculinityandmakeawomanfeelbondedtoyouistobringherto
orgasm.(Orevenbetter,multipleorgasms.)
Mostwomenarebasicallywiredthesameway.Othershavespecific
erogenouszones(suchastheirears,neckorback).Itsuptoyoutofind
them.Dontaskwomenwhatyoushoulddo,wheretheirsensitiveareas
are,orwhatpositionstheylike;tryafewdifferentpositions,alternating
betweenslowandfast,andseehowsheresponds.
Kissandsoftlybitedifferentareasofherbody.(Ears,neckandbackare
oftengoodareastofocuson.)Whenshereallystartsgettingintoit,keep
hittingthatspotuntilsheclimaxes.Thenmakeherclimaxagainand
again,untilshesspent.Themajorityofwomenclimaxmosteasily,and
mostpowerfully,whentheyreontop.Makesureyoualwaystrythis
positionwithanewgirl.
Practicewithdifferentpartners,developyourskillsandbuildupyour
control,andwhenyougettheopportunitytosleepwiththedreamgirl
youllbereadytohandlebusiness.
Menareleaders.
Yes,weknowthatwomencanbeleadersaswell,butitsmenwhoare
trulymeanttotakechargeoftheirlivesandtheircircumstances.Evenif
youvealwaysbeenabitofafollowerwithinyoursocialgroup,orin
yourworklifeyoustillhaveopportunitiesallthetimetoleadby
example.Menaresimplynotrespectedwhentheydontprojectleadership
qualities.ThisdoesnotmeanyouhavetobeTHEleader(i.e.,theCEO,El
Presidente,theBigCheese),butitdoesmeanthatyoumustcompletely
OWNtheareasoverwhichyouhavecontrol.
Fewmenhavetheabilitytobetotallyincontroloftheirwork
environment;ifyouvegotabosstoanswerto,yourpaycheckdepends
uponyouplayingasupportingrole.ButthereISanareaofyourlife
195
whereyoucantaketheleadershiprolerightnow.Itsyourdatinglife
andhowyoudealwithwomen.
WerememberseeingthemovieTheQueenwithHelenMirren
portrayingtheQueenofEngland,andthinkinghowbaditmustsuckto
bethehusbandofawomaninthatrole.Everymanhasasneakysense
ofdisgustforothermenwholetwomenruleanddominatethem.(We
evenheardaboutaguywhodchangedHISlastnametohiswifes
surname.Ifwefindhim,weregoingtoslaphimaroundalittleand
hellthankuslater.)
Menhaveastrongsexualdrive.
Sexformsthebasisofmanymensforwardprogressinlife.Itis
harnessingandutilizingthisdrivethatisthemostchallenging.Thisis
whyamantendstowanderandsearchduringhisyoungeryearsand
laterachievessuccessafterhesmasteredhisownsexualpower.
Theneedtosatisfyoursexdrivealsoleadsalotofmentocommitto
womenbeforetheyshould.Mostmenstrugglethroughtheiryounger
yearsbeingrejectedbywomenanddeniedsex.Onceagirlcomesalong
whosatisfiestheirsexualneedsonaregularbasis,theydontneedany
moreconvincing;theyleapintoacommittedrelationship.Butthis
gratificationisusuallyonlytemporary.Thesexwiththatgirlgetsold
afterawhile,orshestartswithholdingit.
Onlybybeingwithanumberofdifferentwomenareyougoingtoknow
thedifferencebetweengoodsex,andgreatsexthedifferencebetween
experiencingpleasure,andgivingagirlanexperienceshewontsoon
forget.ThisiswhywestronglyadviseyoutodevelopyourAlphaside,
getoutthereanddate,andhaveavarietyofsexualexperiencesbefore
youeverthinkaboutsettlingdownforthelonghaul.
Useyoursexdrive;dontwasteit.Masturbation,asnecessaryasitmay
beattimes,squandersthisenergy.Thetensionyouexperiencethat
leadsyoutoselfsatisfactionisthesametensionthatcanberedirected
towardyourgoalsinlife.Infact,oneofthereasonsthistensionisthere
istomotivateyoutogooutandpursuewomen.Ifyoufeelfrustrated,
usethisenergytoachievethegoal,notsimulateit.
196
Theresareasonwhymanyprofessionalboxersarecelibateinthe
weeksleadinguptothebigfight.Ifyouvebeencelibatelatelybecause
youvebeensufferingthroughadryspell,wewantyoutoharnessthat
energy,combineitwiththetechniquesandstrategieslaidoutinthis
book,andstartdominatingonyoursocialscenethewayMikeTyson
onceconqueredinthering.
Menarethestablebedrockoftherelationship.
Whenawomanisinanemotionalcycle,orexperiencingPMS,orupset,
orrespondingtoanynumberofotheremotionalstimulus,itsyourjob
asamantobeconsistentandsteady.Rememberthatyouarethe
shoreline,andshecanbethewavescrashingin.Itsyourconsistency
thatgivesherafeelingofsafety,whichtranslatesintoalasting
relationship.Whenyoushowherthatyouwillbestrongandstable,she
willrewardyouwithhermostintimatetrust,inandoutofthebedroom.
Youmustbefirminyourresolve.Thisistheoneareawhereshewill
testyouthemost,andtheonewhereyoucannotaffordtofail.
197
ALPHA RULE 17:
BE SPONTANEOUS
AND
UNPREDICTABLE
ThisistheXFactoroftheAlphaPersonality.Hepossessestheabilityto
makelifeseeminspiringandexcitingtoeveryoneinhisorbit.Youmust
comeacrossasanoriginalinordertodistinguishyourselffromevery
otherguyoutthere.Whenyouconveythesensethatyourlifeisan
adventure,filledwithgrowthandnewexperiences,womenwillwantto
comealongfortheride.Menwhoareentirelypredictableareultimately
boring.
198
Uncertaintydoesntappeartobea
wordthatfitsintotheAlphavocabulary.
Afterall,wevebeenpreachingthe
importanceofbeingasolid,stable,
masculineforcetheyintothefemale
yang,sincewomenaresuchemotional
creatures.
ButwhiletheAlphaManslongterm
gameplanandgoalsaresetisstone,he
needstocultivateacertainairof
uncertaintywhenheswithwomeninordertostimulatetheirattraction
level.
WhenawomanjoinsanAlphaManforaneveningout,theresnotelling
whereitmightlead,becauseheisaspontaneousperson.Womenlove
thisabouthim,sincetheyreusedtodatingpredictablemenwhomthey
inevitablywinduplosinginterestin.
Themajorityofpeoplelackspontaneityintheirlivesbecausetheywant
tomaintainasmuchcontrolaspossibleovertheirnarrowlittleworld.
Notonlydoesthislimitthemfromenjoyingnew,possiblylifechanging
experiences,butitalsoleavesthemillequippedtodealwiththe
inevitablecurveballsthatgetthrowntheirway.
Theuncertaintyoflifeissomethingthatagreatmanypeopleattemptto
counteractandfight,topreventthemselvesfromfeelinglikespecksof
dustthrownaboutbythewickedwindsoffate.Butcertaintyiselusive,
andthismakesourlivesmuchlesssuccessfulandhappythanwewould
beifwewereopentotheunpredictableinlife.
Letsfaceit:controlisanillusion.Yes,wecaninfluencelifetoalarge
degreewithouractions,butultimatelyyoucannotcontroleverything
youdliketo.Theworldisanimmenselycomplicatedandchaoticplace,
andyoucantpredictanythingwithanygreataccuracy,either.
Unfortunately,agreatmanyofusareaddictedtocontrol,andthisisa
199
directobstacletospontaneitywhichisaqualityyoumustexhibitin
ordertostimulatefemaleattraction.
Haveyoueverbeenatworkinadeskjob,facingnumerousprojectsand
tasksyouneededtogetdonebutinsteadofgettingstartedonthem,
youfoundyourselfreorganizingandcleaningyourdesk?Itsanatural
tendency.Onereasonfordoingthisisthatwereprocrastinating,but
thatsthesuperficialexplanation.Therealreasonisthatorganizingour
deskissomethingwecanCONTROL.
Itsavirtualcertaintythatyouwillbesuccessfulatyoureffortstoclean
upyourdeskandestablishorderinthissmallpartoftheworld.The
senseofaccomplishmentthatcomeswithcleaningyourdeskisalso
predictable,andgivesusthesensethatwecan,infact,steerthiscrazy
shipoflifewereon(toasmalldegree,atleast).
Peoplehatetofeeloutofcontrol,butitsthissensationthatthrillsusto
ourcore.Everbeenonarollercoaster?Mostoftheexcitementyou
experienceisduetoyourinabilitytocontrolthespeed,direction,or
altitudeofthatwildride.Itsevenmorethrillingwhenyouletgoofthe
barthatholdsyouinandjustlettheridetakeyou.Predictabilityisthe
reasonwhywecanttickleourselves.Ticklingonlyworksbecauseofthe
unpredictabilityofthepersondoingittoyou,andthatswhyyoulaugh.
Oneofthereasonsthatmanywomendislikeonlinedatingisbecauseit
takesallthemysteryandromanticrandomnessoutoftheprocess.
Youlearnaboutsomeonestraitsandinterestsinaprofilethatbasically
allowsguystoshopfortheirpartneronline.Notromanticinherbook.
Awomanwouldrathersufferthroughineffectivemethodsofmeeting
menthatarenotaspredictable,inordertomaintainthisillusionoffate
anddestinythatMr.Rightwillcomesweepingintoherlife
unexpectedly.
AsanAlphaMan,youwanttocultivateanairofunpredictabilitywhile
stillprojectingthesensethatyouarebalancedandincontrolofyourself
atalltimes.Thisisnotacontradiction.Themenwhoaremostsecure
andconfidentinthemselvesaretheoneswhoareunafraidtoexplore
newterritory,takerisks,andenjoytheexperiencesalongtheway.Its
onlythemostinsecureandmentallylimitedpeoplethatneedtoclingto
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thesameroutine,yearinandyearout,neverpushingtheboundariesof
theirownnarrowlittleComfortZone.
Inordertodemonstrateunpredictabilityandspontaneitywithwomen
youmustfirstgetusedtoitinyourownlife.Ifyoudontmakeitapart
ofyourreallifestyle,youllonlybepresentingalietothewomanby
tossingitintothemixlater.Youneedtogetridofyouraddictionto
controlrightnow.
Hereareafewwaysyoucanstarttorealizethepowerofspontaneity
rightNOW:
Chooseadifferentroutetodrivetowork.
Calluparelativeoutoftheblue,justtotalk.
Gotoabookstoreandcloseyoureyesinfrontofthenew
releasessection.Pickabookatrandom.Buyitandreadit,no
matterwhatitsabout.
Tuneintoaradiostationwithmusicyoudontnormallylistento.
Gotoyourfavoriterestaurantandordersomethingcompletely
different.
Now,thesearesmallvariationsinyourlifehabitsthatmakelittle
differenceinthegrandschemeofthings,butbyventuringoutsideyour
comfortzonelikethisonaregularbasisyouretrainingyournervous
systemtotrustthatchangeisntscaryafterall.Becomingcomfortable
withminorchangewillopenyouuptomakingmoredramatic,exciting
changeswithoutlosingcontrolofyourlife.
Thenextstep,then,istograduallyincreasethescaleofthesechanges
youmakeinyourlife.Insteadofjustalteringtherouteyoudriveto
work,whynotchangetheplaceyouwork?Insteadofgoingtoyour
favoriterestaurantforanewdish,whynottryadifferentrestaurant?Or
adifferentcuisineyouveneverhadbefore?
Yoursenseofstabilityandcontrolcanbeconditionedjustlikean
athleteconditionshisbodytomanagetheanxietyofchangeand
becomemorespontaneous.Onceyouvechangedyourownhabitsof
predictability,yourereadytoinjectthesenewattitudesintoyour
interactionswithwomen.
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Oneofourfavoritemethodsofbeingspontaneouswithwomenisto
inviteherouttoabarforadrink.Whenwegetthere,wetellherweve
changedourmindandwanttotrysomethingnew,grabherhand,and
leadherovertoanotherplacenearby.Shellfeelcaughtupinasmall
adventurewithyou,andbykeepingheronhertoes,youredrivingup
herinterestandattractionlevels.
Letssayyouhadasuccessfulfirstdatewithagirlandnowitstimeto
arrangedate#2.Theobviousroutewouldbetoplayitsafe:takehertoa
movie,afamiliarrestaurant,etc.
Instead,takeanoriginalroute.Bringhersomewherealittledifferent.It
doesntneedtobeanythingcrazyorexpensiveoroutoftheway.The
trickistomakeitseemlikeanadventure,oneyoureinvitingherto
sharewithyou.Also,youresendingthemessagethatyourenotlikethe
otherguys.Yourefun,spontaneousandnevertotallypredictable.
YouknowwhatMandy,thisweekendweregoingtodosomething
different.Imupforanadventure.
Dontsaywhereyouregoingtotakeher;justsayyouvegotsomething
inmindthatsgoingtobealotoffun.Leaveherinsuspense.Thenpick
herupandenjoyacoolactivitytogether,somethingoutsidethescopeof
anormaldate(i.e.dinnerandamovie).
Adventuredoesntneedtomeantakingherskydivingormountain
climbing.Justdosomethingdifferent.Ifyoulikephysicalactivity,take
herhiking,bikingoriceskating.(Spendingtimewithheroutdoors,or
duringthedaytime,alsotendstoputbothofyouinamorerelaxed
state.)Maybeyoutakehertoanamusementparkandhitthethrillrides.
Or,itcouldbeassimpleastryinganexoticrestaurantthatservesan
unusualtypeoffood.Showherthatyouvegotimagination.Yourenot
thetypicalguy,whoslockedintoapredictableroutine.Inviteheralong
ontheexcitingridethatisyourlife.
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*****
DeanSays
Getwomeninaspontaneousframeofmind,andyoullgetthemto
ventureoutsideoftheirowncomfortzones.Oncethathappens,the
nightcouldleadanywhereandifyouplayyourcardsright,itcould
verypossiblywindupbetweenthesheets.
LivinginLasVegas,whenIhitthenightclubsImoftenvibingwithgirls
whoarehereonvacationorforapartyweekend.IhavearoutineIuse
togreateffectwiththetouristhotties.Itsallaboutencouragingtheir
wild,spontaneousside.Basically,Iplayonthefactthateveryonewhos
partyinginatownbesidestheirownwantstohaveamemorable
experienceandImgoingtobetheguythatgivesittothem.(This
techniqueisespeciallycoolbecauseitworksevenbetterongroupsof
girls.)
So,afterfindingouttheyrefromoutoftown,Illstartplantingseeds:
Icantellyougirlsaretotallygoingtopartylikerockstarstonight.
ThatswhatVegasisfor,right?
ThenIllpointtooneofthegirlstheonewholooksthemost
conservativeandsay,Ihaveafeelingshesgoingtobethewildoneof
thegroup.Ibetbackhomeyourealittlebitconservative,butwhen
someonelikeyoucomestoVegas,lookout.Anythingcanhappen.
WhenIsaythesethings,theylaughandtheirenergylevelrises.Im
encouragingthemtobespontaneousandwildtonightreinforcingin
theirmindsthattonightisspecial.Icontinuetoleadthemdownthis
path
ThisisdefinitelyapartytownbutyouknowwhereIhadthemost
insanetime?Miami.Thattownisoffthehook.Itravelalot,andI
wheneverIminanewcityIalwaystrytogooutandhaveonenightthat
IllneverforgetaslongasIlivewhereIjustcutloose,gowiththeflow,
seewherethenighttakesme...
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Ikeepplayingupthisletsgetwildandspontaneousvibe.ItellthemI
wanttobringthemtoareallycoolspot,aplacemosttouristsdont
knowabout.(PlayingupthefactthatImaninsideronthelocal
scene.)Afterwehitacouplemorebarsorclubs,Iusuallywindup
takingatleastoneofthegirlshomeattheendofthenight.ThenImake
sureittrulyisanighttoremember.
ThisisntjustaVegasthing.Ifyouliveinamajorcity,youregoingto
meetgirlswhoarevisitingfromoutoftown.Betheinsiderwhos
goingtohelpthemhavethatcrazy,wildnighttheyresecretlyhoping
for.
*****
Oneofthemostcommoncomplaintswomentellusisthatmenstartout
interestingandadventurous,butrapidlydegenerateintoboring,
predictabledrones.Theydontunderstandthedynamictensionthat
existswhenthesituationismoreunpredictableandspontaneous.
Itsbeenshownthatwomenhavetwodifferentattractionmapsintheir
headsthathavebeenhardwiredthroughtime.Ontheonehand,shes
attractedtoaproviderthatstablefamilymanwhowillbethereto
keepherfedandsheltered.Butshesalsodrawntothebadboytype,
theguythatkeepshernervestinglingwithexcitement.
Thekeytomanagingthebalanceistokeepherfeelingsafe,butatthe
sametimegivingheranexperiencethatshecannotpredict.Itsthelaw
ofinertiathatendsupdoinginmostguys.Menvaluepredictable
routinesandstableemotionalwaters.Womenvaluetherandomand
chancedriveneventsintheirlives,andtheyespeciallyenjoythewild
wavesofemotionalturbulence.Recognizethis,andtargetit.
Lookingatthebiggerpicture,beplayfulandspontaneouswithlife.Open
yourselfuptonewexperiences,andyoullconstantlybemeetingnew
women.
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ALPHA RULE 18:
SEDUCTION IS A SKILL SET
Theaverageman,whenobservingaseducerofwomen,typicallybelieves
theseducertobeanaturalwiththeoppositesex.Hebelievesitisagift
somemenarebornwith,andthevastmajoritywillneverpossess.Butin
truth,seductionisaprocessthatcanbelearnedandmastered,likeany
otherskill.Onceyouvebuilttheproperinnerfoundation,thereare
principlesandstrategiesthatworkeffectivelywhenapproaching,dating,
andbuildingrelationshipswithwomen.Butyoumustnotbecomelazyor
overconfident,anddeviatefromthegameplan.Eachprincipleexplained
withinthisRuleeachstepoftheprocessmustbefollowed,fromthe
openingapproachtothefourthdate.Somewomenwillberesistantto
yourcharms;otherswillbesurprisinglyopentoyouradvances.Either
way,youmusttrusttheprocessandimplementeachstep.
205
Allwomenwanttobeseduced.Itsafact.Everygirlouttherewhos
singleandalotofthemarriedones,tooarereadyandwillingto
meetacool,fun,confidentguywhosdifferentfromalltheothers.Aguy
whodoesntcomeatherwiththesame,tiredlines.Whocancarryonan
intelligentconversationwhileexpressinggenuineinterestedinher.A
manwhoisntneedy,butmakeswomenneedhimbecauseheisasource
ofstrength,stabilityandpleasure.
Ifhisavailabilityislimited,womenwanthimevenmore,becausethey
knowhehashisownlifetoleadonefilledwithinterests,passionsand
ambitions.Themoredifficultheistopindown,themorestronglythey
areattractedtohim,becauseoftheprincipleofsupplyanddemand.
Andwhenhedoesspendtimewithawoman,shefeelslikethecenterof
theuniverse.Hemakesherfeelgoodaboutherself.Healsomakesher
feelsexuallyaroused;hemightbringoutherwild,sexuallyadventurous
side,apartofherthatshesbeenhiding.
Basically,allwomenwhethertheywanttoadmittoitornotare
lookingtomeetanAlphaMan.
WhenyoureanAlphaMan,thereareendlesswomenwaitingto
welcomeyouintotheirworld.Theyreoutthere,waitingtobe
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approached.Whydoyouthinkwomenspendsomuchtimegetting
dressedinthemorning,orspendtwohoursselectinganoutfitand
doingtheirhairforanightoutwiththegirls?Isitbecausetheydont
wanttobeapproachedandpossiblymeetanawesomeguy?Ofcourse
not.Theywanttobenoticed,andtheywanttomeetaguywhoisgoing
tomaketheirnightandwhoknows,maybetherestoftheirlifemore
pleasurableandexciting.
Theproblemisthatalotofguyswonthesitatetowalkuptoagirland
trytoengageherinconversation(especiallyafterfourorfivebeers),
buttheylacktheskillthatisrequiredtotakethingstothenextlevel.
Theydontunderstandtheprocessofseduction.
Theaverageguymightgetherphonenumberandtakeheronafirst
date,butafterblowingapocketfulofcashandfourhoursofhistime,the
girlsschedulesuddenlybecomesbookedupforthenextweekandthe
weekafterthat.Henevergetsthechancetoseeheragain.Or,hemight
windupsleepingwithagirl,butshestheonewhodoesntwanttohave
arelationshipafterthatbecausesheregretslettingitgothatfar.Guys
makecriticalmistakeswithwomenallthetimeandfewofthemever
realizewheretheywentwrong.
Thegoodnewsisthattheabilitytoseducewomenisntsomethingthat
youreeitherbornwithoryoullneverhave.Itsaskillset:onethatcan
belearned,practicedandmasteredthroughexperience,justlikeplaying
asport.Therearestepsthatmustbefollowed,rulestobeobserved,and
strategiesthatmustbeapplied.
Ifyoudoso,theanxietyandintimidationfactorbecomesremovedfrom
yourinteractionswithwomen.Itbecomessomethingtolookforwardto
andenjoydoing.Becausewhiletheaverageguymaintainsascarcity
mentalitybelievingthereareafinitenumberofwomenavailableto
him,causinghimtofeelanxietyaboutpossiblyblowingitandanguish
whenhelosesagirltheAlphaMansattitudeisoneofabundance.
TheAlphaManunderstandsthathisoptionsarelimitlessandthereare
morethanenoughbeautifulwomentogoaround.Hedoesnotfeel
threatenedbyothermen,orbecomeenviouswhenoneofhisbuddies
landsanattractivewomanbecauseasanexpertinseduction,he
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knowsitsjustamatterofidentifyingtherightgirlandputtinghisskills
towork.
DefiningSeduction
Lookupseductioninthedictionaryandyoullseeoneofthe
definitionsofthewordistoleadastray.
WhentheAlphaManseducesawoman,hesactuallydoingsomething
quitedifferent.Ratherthanleadingherastray,heisgivingherwhatshe
yearnsfor.Hedoesntrelyondeceptiontodoso,becauseitisnt
necessary.Infact,Alphastyleseductionmeansyouaredealingwith
truths:thetruthaboutwhatshesubconsciouslydesires,andthetruth
aboutwhoshereallyis.Bydiggingbeneaththesurfaceandpinpointing
thesethings,theAlphaManisabletoprovidealevelofstimulationthat
themeninherpasthavebeenunableto.
Ifheisleadingherastray,asthedictionarydefinitionsays,itsonlyin
thesensethathescausinghertoforgetallthesillyrulesshehasin
herheadaboutthekindofguyshetellsherselfsheslookingfor.Someof
thegreatestseducersinhistorylackedhandsomelooks,wealth,or
respectablejobs.Otherswerenotoriouswomanizerswhosereputations
forbreakingheartswereknownfarandwide.Onpaper,thesewerent
desirablemen;theydidnthavethecharacteristicsthatmostpeople
assumeanattractive,highstatuswomanrequires.
Butintheend,noneofthatmattered.Theseguysunderstoodhowto
seduce.Oncetheyfocusedtheirattentionsonawomanandputher
undertheirspell,itwasadonedeal.Womenwerepowerlesstoresist,
whethertheywerequeens,socialites,supermodelsormoviestars.
Thefirstthingyouneedtoknowaboutseductionisthatwhenyoumeet
awomanforthefirsttime,yourenotseeingtherealher:youare
beingpresentedwithanimage.Picturethisimageasaforcefield,a
barriershesurroundsherselfwithtoscreenoutallthewrongguyswho
comeatheronadailybasis.Yourmissionistopenetratebeyondthis
imageandgettoknowwhoshereallyis,andwhatmakeshertick.This
willestablishabond,andmakeherlowerherforcefieldtowelcomeyou
intoherworld.Thisiswhenseductioncanoccur.
208
AsJohnTravoltascharacterinBrokenArrowsaid:Warisahighly
fluidsituation
Andsoishumaninteraction.
FlatteryGetsYouEverywhere
Flatteryisoneofthemostimportantelementsofseduction,anditwill
getyoueverywherewithwomenifitsdoneright.Oneofthekeysto
seductionistoflatterherintheareasinwhichshesecretlyyearnsfor
validation.
Womenwhoareobviouslybeautifuldontneedvalidationinthisarea,
sodontcomplimentthemontheirlooks.Furthermore,itsahugeclich
anditcauseshertoautomaticallylumpyouinwithalltheotherguys
wholackanoriginalapproach.Shemightalsoresentthefactthatmen
areonlyimpressedbyhersurfaceappearance.Allwomenwanttobe
takenseriouslyfortheirotherqualities,whetheritstheirintelligence,
creativity,ambition,etc.Itsuptoyoutodiscovertheseareasandlether
knowhowmuchyouappreciatethemandrelatetothem.
Ifsheisinsecureaboutoneofherqualities,butyearnsforvalidation,
thesearethemosteffectiveareastopinpoint.Shemaydreamofstarting
herownbusiness,butlackstheconfidencetotakeaction.Shemayenjoy
paintingorwritingpoetry,butisshyaboutshowingpeopleherwork
becauseshesinsecureabouthertalent.Maybeshehasaquirkyhobby
thatshekeepstoherself,becausemostpeoplewoulddeemituncool.
Byidentifyingthathobby,gettinghertotalkaboutit,andresponding
withenthusiasm,yourecreatingaverypersonalbond.
Oneofthemosteffectiveroutestoseducingabeautifulwomanisto
ignoreherappearanceactcompletelyunfazedbyitandinstead,
identifyandvalidateaqualityofhersthatlurksbeneaththesurface.
Encouragehertogetthatbusinessideaofftheground;tellheryouthink
sheddoanincrediblejobwithit.Asktoseeherartwork,andtellher
whatyoulikeaboutit.Whenshesharesheraspirationsandinterests
withyouespeciallytheonessheisshytoadmityouaretruly
becomingpartofherworld.Ifyouretheoneguyshesmetrecentlywho
209
seemstosincerelybelieveinherhiddentalentorhersecret
ambition,yourebondedtoherinawaythatnootherguyis.Youre
alsoforgingawebond,andshellseeyouasanallysomeoneshecan
trust.
Ifshesahottiewithasharpsenseofhumor,focusonherhumornot
onherlooks,whichistheonlything95%ofmenbothertonoticeabout
her.Ontheotherhand,shemightbeplainlookingwithagreatsenseof
humor.Peoplewhoarentconventionallygoodlooking(bothmenand
women)oftendevelopastrongsenseofhumortocompensate.Inthis
case,youwouldntwanttocomplimentheronhowfunnysheis;she
hearsthisallthetime.Instead,singleoutonanaspectofher
appearancehersmile,hereyes,hersenseoffashionandfocusyour
flatterythere.
Justasthehotchickcravesvalidationforherintellectualorcreative
qualities,theintellectualchickwouldloveforaguytonoticethefact
thatshejustgotherhairdone,orhasbeautifulgreeneyes,oriscarrying
atrendypurse.
NeverConfess
ThephilosopherAristotleoncesaid,Hewhoconfessesfirst,loses.
Whenseducingawoman,oneoftheworstmovesyoucanmakeitto
confessyourfeelingstowardsher.Itdestroystheelementofmystery.
Anattractivefriendofours,Christine,toldushowshedbeengiving
Internetdatingatry,andtwoguysinarowcompletelyturnedheroffby
confessingindifferentways.Bothofthemweresingle,handsomeand
treatedherlikealady.Buteachofthemmadeacriticalerroronthefirst
date:theymadeitcompletelyobviousthattheywereintoher,andit
wasuptoherwhetherarelationshipwasinthecards.
Guy#1pickedChristineupfortheirfirstdateinhisbrandnewBMW.
Whenshegotinside,hepresentedherwithabouquetofroses.Thenhe
whiskedherofftoafancyrestaurant.Duringtheirmeal,assumingshe
wasimpressedbyhisbigspenderapproach,hesaidtoher:Ijust
wantyoutoknow,ifwedowinduptogether,yourenevergoingtohave
toworryaboutmoney.
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Guy#2tookhertoacasualMexicanrestaurant.Hewasfunny,sweet,
andinteresting.Attheendofthedate,hewalkedhertohercar.Hesaid,
Ireallylikeyou,Christine,Ithinkwecouldbeagoodmatch.SocanI
seeyouagainonFriday?
Christinetoldhim(truthfully)thatshemightalreadyhaveplanson
Friday,butshewouldlethimknow.Thenextday,hecalledhertofollow
upandseeifFridaywouldworkforher.Sheanswered(untruthfully)
thatshedid,infact,haveplans,butshewouldcallhimsometimetoget
together.Sheneverdid.Hewoundupcallingherfourmoretimes,
leavingmessagesonhervoicemail,beforehefinallygaveup.
Itmightnotsoundlikeeitherguymadesomehuge,dealbreaking
blunder.Butthefemaleradarisaverysensitiveinstrument,andboth
guysmadethesamebasicerrorthatcausedChristinetodisqualifyfor
her.Essentially,theybothconfessedthattheywerehighlyinterestedin
datingher.Theyadmittedthatshedwonthemover,andnowtheywere
puttingtheballinhercourt:theonlyquestionnowwas,wasshe
interestedindatingthem?
Thisconfessiondoesntevenneedtobeverbalized;anytimeyougotoo
fartoimpressawoman,youreconfessingyourattractionwithout
havingtosaythewords.Rememberthathumansareattractedto
scarcityandvalue.Thetwoareprettymuchsynonymous.Ournatural
instinctistoshyawayfrompeoplewhotrytoshowushowvaluable
theyare.
AboutGuy#1,Christinesaid:Therosesandtheexpensiverestaurant
weredefinitelyoverkill.Whenhemadethecommenttomeaboutnever
havingtoworryaboutmoney,thatwasit.Icouldntwaittogetthrough
ourmealsoIcouldgetoutofthere.
AsforGuy#2,Christinehadthistosay:Hewasasweetguy,buthewas
tooeager.Ifhesreadytobemyboyfriendafteronlyonedinnerdate,
myinstinctstellmetheressomethingwrong.Heseitherreallylonely
whichmeanstherehastobesomethingabouthimthatturnsoff
womenorhesjusttryingtogetmeintobedassoonaspossible.
211
HowwouldtheAlphaManhaveplayeditwithChristine?Well,hewould
havekeptanumberofthingsinmind:
Neverviewafirstdateasyouropportunitytoimpressawomanand
winherover.Maintainthementalitythatitsherchancetoimpress
you.AsanAlphaMan,youholdthecards.Youhaveendlessromantic
andsexualoptions.Youaregrantingherawindowoftimeinwhich
youregoingtogettoknowher,andseewhetheryouareinterestedin
furtheringtherelationship.
Beingthatthisisherchancetoimpressyou,sheshouldbetheonedoing
mostofthetalking.(Ifyouwererunningacompanyandconductinga
jobinterview,youwouldntspendthewholeinterviewramblingon
aboutyourself,wouldyou?)Itsaboutpostureandbeliefinyourinner
value.Askherquestions,andencouragehertotalkandshare.Themore
shedivulgestoyouaboutherwork,family,interests,goals,etc.,the
morecomfortableshewillgrowwithyou.Thegreatestfundamental
mistakethatmenmakeonfirstdates,orduringtheirinitial
conversationswithwomenisthattheydominatetheconversationand
talkaboutthemselvesasiftheyretryingtoprovetheywouldmakea
desirablemate.
Theresasaying:WhatyouarespeakssoloudlyIcanthearwhat
youresaying.
Andheresanothertruismthathitsthisnoteabitstronger:Theempty
canrattlesthemost.
Onafirstdate,neverspendbeyondyourcomfortzone.Evenifyou
normallydineoutatexpensiverestaurants,realizethattakingagirlto
thistypeofplacecanmakeherfeeluncomfortable.Ifshesusedtogoing
outwithherfriendsfor$30meals,spending$200onyourdinnermay
putherinanawkwardposition.Sheswondering,whatdoesthisguy
expectfrommeattheendofthenight?Orevenworse,thisguyis
reallygoingallouttoimpressme,yethebarelyknowsme.Whyisheso
eager?
AnAlphabuddyofours,Jay,runsahedgefundandisworthmillionsof
dollars.TheothernightwewereoutatabarandJaystruckupa
212
conversationwithasexyblonde.AtonepointsheaskedhimSowhat
doyoudo?Hesimplyreplied,Iworkinfinance.Ivehadapassionfor
iteversinceIstudieditincollege.Thenhedivertedthefocusofthe
conversationbacktoher:So,youmentionedyoureaschoolteacher.
Thatmustbeagratifyingjob
Jayresistedthetemptationtobragabouthiscareer,andputthe
spotlightonher.Ifyouhavecertaindesirablequalities,suchasthefact
thatyoumakegoodmoney,itsbesttoalludetotheminvagueterms
andretainanelementofmystery.Ifyouspendalotoftimeatthegym
andshemakesaremarkaboutyourmuscles,downplayit:Itrytostay
inshape,IneedtheextraenergywiththetypeofscheduleIhave.Leave
itatthat.
Oneofthebeststrategiesandatestofawomansinterestlevelis
somethingwecallhitandrun.Insteadofbraggingaboutsomethingor
showingoff,youmerelydropasmallhintandthenmoveoninthe
conversation.Thisprovokeshercuriosityinawaythatisirresistible.
Forexample,JohnistalkingtoAlicia,andsays,Yeah,Iknowwhatyou
mean.Traveloverseascanbedraining,butitsalsosorewarding.You
musthavehadablastinItaly.IfeltthesameaboutHongKong.Sowhere
areyougoingnext?
Doyouseewhathedid?HemerelyhintedathistriptoHongKong,and
thenmodestlyredirectedtheconversationbacktoher.Ifthiswoman
hasanyinterestinhim,shellaskhimtotellhermoreabouthistravels.
Andifshedoesntask,thatsprobablyaredflagtohimthatsheiseither
selfcentered,ornotallthatinterestedinhim.
TheSuddenGoodbye
Anothercommonmistakemenmakeisfeelingtheyhavetomilkevery
encounterforaslongaspossible.Iftheyreabletostrikeupa
conversationwithagirl,theyllkeepchattingandchattinguntil
eventuallysheistheonewhohastoendthingsandexcuseherself.
213
This,too,isaformofconfessing:yourebasicallytellingherthat
youvegotnothingbettertodo,youreintoher,andyouwanttochat
withherforaslongassheiswillingtochatwithyou.
UsetheSuddenGoodbyetomaintainthepowerpositionandheighten
yourauraofmystery.Youshouldbetheonetoexittheconversation
first.Whenyouchatonthephonewithher,youaretheonewhohasto
goafterfiveortenminutes.Whenyoumeetagirlatanightcluband
chatforalittlewhile,youaretheonewhohastogorejoinyourfriends.
Atthispoint,youcangetherphonenumber(wellshowyouhowina
moment),oryoucanexcuseyourselfwiththeintentionoftalkingtoher
againlaterinthenight.
Rememberthefirstruleofshowbusiness:Alwaysleavethemwanting
more.
AlphaManMoment:TopGun
AnawesomeillustrationoftheSuddenGoodbyecomesfromthe
movieTopGun,the1986blockbusterinwhichTomCruiseplays
fighterpilotLt.PeteMaverickMitchell.
Inthescene,MaverickandtheravishingCharlie(KellyMcGillis)have
justfinishedacozydinneratherplace.Hesplayingitultrasmoothand
thesparksareflying;itappearstheyreonlysecondsawayfromtearing
eachothersclothesoffandconsummatingtherelationship.Charlie
gazesatMaverickacrossthetable,andwithalustfullookinhereye,
says,Thisisgoingtobecomplicated.
Maverickabruptlystandsupandsays,Imgoingtotakeashower.
ButMaverickisnttalkingabouthershower.Hegetsonhismotorcycle
andheadshome,leavingherbefuddledandboilingoverwithlust.
LessonLearned:
AsSunTzuonceadvisedbattlefieldgenerals,makeyourwayby
unexpectedroutes.Naturally,Maverickwoundupsealingthedealwith
214
Charlieshortlyaftertheincident;byleavinghertogotakeashower,he
knewhehadherinthepalmofhishand.
Thepowertodismisswhatwedesireistheultimatestatementofpower
overthatdesire.
Mostguysleapatthefirstopportunity(orperceivedopportunity)to
hookupwithagirl.TheAlphaMan,ontheotherhand,knowsthat
declininganoffercansetthestageforanevenhotterhookuplateron.
Whentheaverageguyisinterestedinagirl,heimmediatelyaccepts
everyinvitationsheextendstohim.Shecanblowoffhisphonecallsfor
days,butassoonasshecallshimback,hefreeshimselfuptotalktoher
foraslongasshewantsto.Sheturnsdownhisinvitationstogoout,
alwaysclaimingtobebusy,butwhensheunexpectedlycallshimona
Fridaynighttogettogether,hesreadytomeetheratthetimeandplace
ofherchoosing.
Oneofthemostpowerfulmessagesyoucansendtoawomanisthatyou
areabusymanwithafulllife,andthatyouhavelimitlessoptions.You
canteverletawomanthinkthatyourewaitingforherphonecall.By
simplymakingyourselfunavailablesometimes,notalwaysagreeingto
meetherwhenshewantsto,youimplythatyouvegotafulllifeand
otheroptions.
Remember,womenwantwhattheycanthave.Whenyoudogranther
someofyourtimewhichshenowperceivestobevaluablesheis
goingtobeappreciativeofthetimeyouspendwithher,ratherthan
takingitforgranted.
Justasimportantly,knowwhentocutyourlosses,preserveyourself
respect,andforgetaboutwomenwhodontrespectyourtimeoryour
efforts.ThebestsellingbookHesJustNotIntoYoucausedasensation
bytellingwomentheobvious:ifaguybehavesincertainways(blowing
offplans,notwantingtocommit,etc.)thenitshouldbeassumedhes
notintoherandsheshouldcuthimlooseandmoveon.Thetruthisin
theevidence,inotherwords.
215
TheAlphaManfollowsthesamephilosophy.Whenawomanstandshim
uponadatefornogoodreason,callsoffdatesrepeatedly,orotherwise
flagrantlydisrespectshistime,hedoesntaskquestions.Hesimply
moveson.Shegavehimtheanswerwithheractions.Maybeshesseeing
anotherguy;maybeshesgettingoverabadrelationshipandisntready
todatesomeonenew.Itdoesntmatter.Whateverherreasonfor
blowingherchancewithyou,itstimetobanishherfromyourthoughts
andmoveon.Dontfrustrateyourselftryingtofigureoutherlogicand
motivations.
Somanytimes,weveseensituationswhereagirlisinterestedingetting
toknowaguy.Theymeetatabar,theychat,theyexchangephone
numbersbuthewindsupblowingitbypursuingher,makinghis
interestinherobvious,ratherthantakingarelaxedapproachand
leavingherwantingmore.
Ratherthanmakinghisintentionsobvious,theAlphaManunderstands
howtokeepwomeninastateofcuriosity,expectationandarousal.Alot
ofguysweknowbehavedesperatelyaroundwomen,tryingtowoo
themwithelaboratedatesandmakingthemselvesavailableatthe
womansconvenience.TheAlphaMan,ontheotherhand,behaves
unpredictablyandisdifficulttopindown.Heconveysthesensethathe
leadsafull,excitinglifewithorwithoutwomen,andthathistimeis
valuable.Heseesthemathisconvenience,andthetimehedevotesto
spendingwiththemistherebyappreciatedinsteadoftakenforgranted.
Adoptthismentality,andyousendthemessagetowomenthatyouarea
manwithoptions.Females,bynature,haveacompetitiveinstinctand
wantwhattheycanthave.Normally,itsthemanwhodoesthechasing
whenhesinterestedinagirlcallinghereveryday,tryingtoarrangea
dateforwhenevershesaysshesavailable,makingitcompletely
obviousthathesromanticallyinterested.TheAlphaManwillstimulate
awomansinterestandthenforcehertochasehim.Byreversingthe
roles,heassumestheroleoftheleaderintherelationshipandhuman
naturewillcompelhertofollow.
216
AutomaticOpenersandConversationStrategy
Whentheaverage,ordinaryguyapproachesawomanandtriestostart
aconversation,shesgotherstandardrejectionlinesalreadyworked
out.Herearesomeoftheclassics
Imwaitingformyfriend.
Imnotlookingtomeetanyonenew.
Youreareallygreatguy,butIjustlikeyouasafriend.
Imseeingsomeonerightnow.
Whenyoustrikeherasjustanotherclichguyhopingtocreatea
connectionoutofthinair,shesgoingtosmackyoudownwithaclich
rejection.Butwhenyoupresentyourselfasanoriginalwhenyou
engageherattentioninauniqueway,andstrikeupadynamic
conversationyouregoingtogetpastthatforcefield.
Learnsomeopenersthatwillengageherattentionwhiledistinguishing
youfromtherestoftheherdtheguyswhowalkupoutofnowhere
andoffertobuyheradrink,askhersomelamequestion(sodoyou
comehereoften?),orjustseemboring,selfcenteredorweird.
Whenmostguyswalkuptoagirl,theyradiateanxiety.Theysenda
subliminalmessagethroughtheirwordsandbodylanguage:Ihopethis
girliswillingtograntmesomeofhertime.
Youvegottoprojecttheoppositemessage:Mytimeislimited,but
theressomethingaboutyouthatmakesmewanttoknowmore.Lets
gettoknoweachotherandseewherethisgoes.
Asolidapproachinvolvesafourstepplanofattack:
1. EstablishLimitedAvailability
2. DropaHook
3. NameExchangeandinitialBodyContact
217
4. SegueintoaControlledConversation.
ToestablishLimitedAvailability,leadoffbysayingthatyoucanonly
chatforaminuteorasecond.Thisway,youreputtinghermain
concernatease:thatthisrandomstranger(you)isgoingtotryto
monopolizehertimeifshestartstalkingtoyou.
Mostgirlswouldnormallyhavenoproblemexchangingafewminutes
ofpoliteconversationwithafriendlyguy.Unfortunately,experiencehas
taughtwomenintheseenvironmentsthatguysdontknowwhento
leaveorwhentoshutup.Ifsheacceptshisoffertobuyheradrink,she
fearshelltrytolatchontoherforaslongaspossible,untilshehasto
makesomeawkwardexcusetogetawayfromhim.
HerearesomeexamplesofestablishingLimitedAvailability:
Youvegotthisreallypositiveenergyaboutyou.Ihavesome
peoplewaitingonmeoverthere,butIjustwantedtotellyouthat.
MynameisJohn.
Or,IjustwantedtoletyouknowhowmuchIlikethat_______
yourewearing.(Thiscouldbeadress,apieceofjewelry,atattoo,
etc.identifyanaspectofherappearancethatisvisually
interesting.)Icanonlystayaminute,butIjustwantedtoask
whereyougotthat.
Ifitsanitemofclothingorjewelry,addthis:TomorrowIneedto
buymyfriendSarahabirthdaygiftandthatsdefinitelyherstyle.
Ifitsatattoo,addthis:myfriendSamanthakeepstalkingabout
howshewantstogetatattoo,butIwanthertogotoanartistthat
doesnicework,likeyours.
Heresonetouseinabar:Icanonlychatforaminute,myfriends
arecallingmeovertodoashot,butIwanttoaskyousomething.
(Saythisatanormalpace,withasmile;neversoundlikeyoure
actuallyinarush.)MybuddyMikeoverthereisgoingthrough
thissituationwithhisgirlfriend,andIreallythinkonlyanother
womanwouldknowtherightthingtodo(Atthispoint,youre
218
goingtotransitionintooneoftheCheatingHooksthatwell
explainshortly.)
Or,walkovertoherwithyourphoneinyourhand.Glanceatit
withapuzzledexpressiononyourface.Saytoher,Doesyourcell
phonegetasignalinhere?
(Shechecksherownphone)MinesOK.
Ineedtostepoutsidetocallmyfriendbackhewantsmyadvice
onasituationwithhisgirlfriend.Actually,beforeIcallhimletme
askforyouradvicerealquick(Again,youwillleadintoa
CheatingHook.)
Ifsheisreceptivetoyourapproach,youreobviouslygoingtospend
muchlongerthanaminuteorasecondtalkingtoher.Oncethe
conversationisinmotion,thestuffaboutneedingtogetbacktoyour
friends,orgoingoutsidetomakeaphonecall,doesntmatter.Thisis
simplyamethodforopeningaconversationinawaythatfeelsmore
comfortableforherbyremovingherbiggestconcern:thatsomerandom
guyisgoingtotrytotalkherearoffandmonopolizehertime.
Butalsorememberthis:justbecauseshesintotheconversationdoesnt
meanyoushouldkeepitgoingendlessly.Themoreeffectivestrategyis
totalkforalittlewhile,exchangenumbers,andthenexcuseyourself
politely:Imgladwemet,Alyssa,Iappreciateyougivingmeyour
thoughtsonmybuddyMikeandIcantellyouandIhavesomethings
incommon.Ihavetogonow,butImgoingtocallyousowecan
continuethisconversation.Whatsagoodtimetoringyou?
IfsheisNOTreceptivetoyourapproachwhoknows,maybeher
boyfriendisinthebathroomatthemoment,orsheispreoccupiedand
simplynotinthemooditshouldntfazeyouifsheisunableor
unwillingtochat.Thatspartofthebeautyofestablishingyourlimited
availability.Theresnosenseofrejectionwhenyoualreadytoldher
youcouldonlystayforaminute,orasecond.
TheprincipleofLimitedAvailabilitycanalsobeappliedtoplanning
dateswithawoman:
219
Ivegotatonofcommitmentsthisweek,Cindy,butIwanttomake
sometimeforyouthisweekend.Saturdaynight,IvegotthisplaceI
wanttotakeyouto
YknowCindy,Iusuallydontgooutonweeknightsbecausemy
morningarealwayssuperbusy.Andmymomwantsmeinbedby9:00.
Onlykidding.ButImgoingtosetasideafewhoursonThursdaynight.
TheresthisrestaurantIknowyouregoingtolove.
Now,letsgobacktothescenarioinwhichyoureapproachingagirlfor
thefirsttime.YouestablishLimitedAvailabilityandinsertaHookthat
isgoingtokickstarttheconversation.TheHookneedstobeatopicthat
willengageherattention.Ofcourseshesgoingtowanttotellyou
wheresheboughtthatcoolpieceofjewelry,orfashionablepairofjeans;
allwomenwanttobeconsideredstylishandsmartshoppers.Inthe
otherexampleswegave,theHookinvolvesgettingheradviceona
relationshipmatter.
Hooksthatinvolverelationshipadvice,specificallycheating,are
particularlyeffective.Womencanchataboutthisstuffallnight.Theyve
allgotopinionsandexperiencesoftheirowntoshare,andyouknow
howwomenlovejuicygossip.(Alsonote,theseHooksareaneffective
waytointroduceyourselftoagroupofgirls.Justdontmakeitobvious
offthebatwhichmemberofthegroupyouaretargeting.)
ButyouvegottoselltheHookcorrectly.Yourapproachhastoseem
spontaneous,likeyoujustnoticedheroutfit/necklace/tattoo/purse/etc.
andhadtoaskaboutit,oritjustoccurredtoyouthatyoushouldgeta
womansadviceonyourfriendMikesrelationshipproblem.Itshould
neversoundscriptedorpreplanned.
HerearesomeCheatingHooksyoucantransitioninto.Dontworry
abouttryingtomemorizethesewordforword.Wejustwantyoutoget
thegeneralidea.Onceyouvetestedthemoutinthefieldandgauged
somereactionsfromwomen,youllprobablyfindwaystomodifythem
andmakethemevenmoreinteresting.
220
SomybestfriendMikejustgotkickedoutofthehouseheshares
withhisgirlfriend.Somehow,shefiguredoutthepasswordtohis
emailaccountandshecheckedhisemails.Shefoundoutthathes
beenkeepingintouchwithhisexgirlfriend.Nothingbadthey
werejustforwardingeachotherjokes,chattingabouttheirwork
andstuff.ButMikesgirlfriendtotallyfreakedout.AndMikegot
upset,becausehethinksitwasaninvasionofhisprivacy.Nowshe
wantstoforgivehim,buthesnotsurehewantstogobacktoher.
Imjustcurious,ifyouknewthepasswordtoyourboyfriends
emailaccount,wouldyoucheck?Behonest.
(Toreallysellyourstory,pointoutoneofyourbuddieswhoisinthe
bar.DesignatehimintheroleofMike.Ifhesdrinking,mentionthat
hesdrowninghissorrowsoverthewholesituation.)
AfewkeythingstorememberaboutHooks:
1.Neveraskpermission.DontsaydoyoumindifIaskyou
something?Or,CanIaskyouforsomeadvice?Thisgivesherminda
chancetocomeupwithsuspicions:Whoisthisrandomguy?What
doeshewantfromme?IfIsayyes,ishegoingtotalkmyearoff?
Instead,launchrightintoit.Dontevengiveherthechancetoturnyou
down.IfyourHookisinterestingenough,shellgoalongwithit,and
Voila!yourenowengagedinacoolconversation.
2.Attachthehooktoaspecificpersonorreason.Thismakesitsound
authenticanditlendsjustificationtothehook.Inotherwords,youdont
justblurtout,Hey,ifyoufoundoutthepasswordtoyourboyfriends
emailaccount,wouldyoucheckit?Dontjustsay,Ilikethatnecklace
yourewearing.Wheredidyougetit?
Intheexamplesabove,theHookwasattachedtoanindividualyou
referredtobyname.Youreaskingabouthertattoobecauseyourfriend
Samanthaisinterestedingettingone.Youreaskingaboutherpurseor
necklacebecauseyouvegottobuyyourfriendSarahabirthdaygift.
Youwanttoaskheropiniononcheckingaguysemails,becauseitsa
situationthathappenedtoyourfriendMike.
221
YourcellphoneisausefultoolforcreatingHooks.Positionyourself
nearherandpretendtobereadingatextmessageonyourphone.Shake
yourheadandsigh.Orsayoutloud(justloudenoughforhertohear),I
cantbelievethisguy.
Glanceatherandsay,Ijustgotthecraziesttextmessagefrommy
friendMike.Ineedtogooutsideandcallhim,butbeforeIdo,letmeget
youropiniononsomething
Herearesomeotherhooks:
YOU:Didyouseethetallguywithblondehairwhojustwalked
out?
HER:No
YOU:ThatwasmyfriendTed.Imsupposedtogotohiswedding
nextweek.AndIjustsawhimherewithanothergirl,itlookedlike
theywereonadate.Hejustleftwithher.
HER:Really?
YOU:Hedidntseeme,thankGod.ButnowImnotsurewhatto
do.IknowifItrytotalktohimaboutithelljusttellmetomind
myownbusiness.ButIdontthinkIcangototheweddingand
pretenditsthiswonderfulthing,whenIknowwhathesbeenup
to.
SHE:Thatsreallymessedup.
YOU:Ihavetogomakeaphonecall,butletmeaskyousomething
realquick.Haveyoueverbeeninasituationwhereafriendof
yourswascheatingonherboyfriendorhusband,andyoutriedto
tellhertocutitout?
(Thiscantransitionintoaconversationaboutloyalty.Mentionhow
importantloyaltyandhonestyaretoyou.)
Anotherone
222
YOU:Youseethatguyoverthereintheblueshirt?Thatsmy
friendTony.Hisgirlfriendjustdidsomethingreallymessedupto
him.Iwasntgoingtocomeouttonight,butheneededsomeoneto
talkto
HER:Whatdidshedo?
YOU:(Leaninclose,likeyouresharingasecretandyoudont
wantTonytooverhear.)Well,Iguessshewantedtotesthis
loyalty.Lastnight,Tonywashereatthebar,andshesentoneof
hergirlfriendsinheretoflirtwithhim,toseehowhewouldreact.
Tonydidntknowthisothergirl.Anyway,shewasflirtingwith
himlikecrazy,hewoundupaskingforherphonenumber,and
thenshereporteditbacktohisgirlfriend.Nowshesaysshes
breakingupwithhimbecauseshecanttrusthim.Butwhatshe
did,doyouthinkitwasfair?Settinghimuplikethat?
Thiscantransitionintoadiscussionabouttrust.Tellher,Personally,if
Imdatingagirl,thatmeansItrusther.Andshehastoknowshecan
trustmecompletely.IdreallybeupsetifIeverfoundoutmygirlfriend
wastryingtoluremeintosometypeoftrap,becauseIwouldnever
thinkofdoingittoher
3. MakeyourHooksomethingyouaregenuinelyinterestedin.Dontask
questionsthatyouhavenoemotionalattachmentto,orshesgoingto
sensethatyourejustusingthatasanexcusetotalk.Thatinitselfisnot
necessarilybad,butyouwillcomeacrosswithagameyfeelthat
womenaremuchmoresensitivetothesedays.
*****
CarlosSays
Inmyseminars,onecommontraitIvenoticedamongtheguys
whotreatmeetingwomenasagameisthattheylack
authenticity.Theygoouttoapproachwomenwithsomevery
cleverandconvolutedstrategies,andtheycreateapickup
persona.Thispersonaissignificantlydifferentthantheirown
223
personality,andasaresult,theyrunoutofjuicetokeepthis
personaalive.
Whentheyrunoutofclevermaterial,theyareforcedtorevertto
theirownpersonalitywhichisnowsofarremovedthatthey
cantmakethetransitionintoanauthenticconversation.Thisis
whymostguyswhovestudiedpickuprunoutofthingstosayto
women:theyretryingtoohardtobeadifferentperson,inorder
todeliverthelinesandroutinestheyvemappedoutinadvance.
WhenusingtheopenersandHooksweveexplained,makesure
yourephrasethematerialsothatitflowsnaturally.Youdont
necessarilyneedtoinventfictionalscenarios,suchasyourbuddy
gettinghisemailaccounthacked.Youveprobablygotsituations
goingoninyourlifethatyoucanrepackageandrephrasetouse
asHooks.ThemoreREALandauthenticyoucanbeinyour
interactionswithwomen,themoretheywillpickuponthisand
feeldeepemotionalinterestinyou.Remember,womenhavebeen
hardwiredoverthousandsofyearsofevolutiontosmellthe
bullshit.
Theyhavetoonadeepbiologicallevel,theyretryingtoselecta
manwhowillhelpthemandtheiroffspringsurvive.Thewomen
whoaresuccessfulareabletopasstheirgenesintothenext
generation;theoneswhofailfacegeneticextinction.Itsharsh,
buttrue.
*****
ConversationStrategy
Aftertheconversationhasbeenflowingforafewminutes,introduce
yourself.Dontletmorethanafewminutespasswithoutgettingher
name,andtellingheryours.Whenshetellsyouhername,extendyour
hand.Whensheshakesit,bringinyourlefthandandputitontopof
hersagentleclasp.Createasenseofphysicalconnection.Never
shakeawomanshandthesamewayyouwouldgreetaman.
224
Fromthispointon,occasionallymentionhernamewhenyouspeak.
Thisenhancesthesensethatthetwoofyoushareaconnection.
Encouragehertokeeptalkingandsharing.Validateheropinionsand
feelings:
Thatsinterestingthatyoufeelthatway,Kim,Iactuallythinkitsgreat
advice.ImgoingtotellMikethesamething.Sohowdidyoubecomeso
smartaboutrelationships?Keepitflowing.
Duringthisconversation,youarepromptinghertodomostofthe
talking.Butyouaretheonewhoiscontrollingandguidingthedirection
oftheconversation.Thismeanstwothings:
1.Youarekeepingtheconversationofftopicsthataregoingtoslow
downyourprogress.Rightnowyouarebuildingabondwithher:youre
chattingaboutinterestingthings,gettinghertoshareheropinionsand
feelings.DoNOTlettheconversationgetintoanyterritorythatsgoing
totriggernegativeemotionsinher.
Forexample,aftershetellsyouherthoughtsonMikeandhis
girlfriendorwhateverHookyouusedshemightstarttalkingabout
herexboyfriendandsomesimilarcrapshewentthrough.Dontcuther
off.Lethertalkbutonlyforacoupleofminutes.Lookforyourchance
toredirecttheconversationtowardssomethingelse:
WellImsurethatguyiskickinghimselfnowforlettingyougetaway,
Kim.ButIvealwaysthoughtthatbeingsingleisalotbetterthanbeing
withthewrongperson.AndIcantellyoureanindependentgirlwho
canhandleherself.Youveprobablydonealotoftraveling,amIright?
(Transitioningtoanewtopic.)Imlookingtotakeavacationthisyear
andseesomeplacetotallynew,Imopentosuggestions
2.Youaremovingtheconversationtowardstopicsthatplaytoyour
strengths.Youwanttoplantseedsinhermindaboutyourpositive
qualities.Itcouldbethefactthatyouarewelltraveled;thatyoure
launchinganewbusiness;thatyouboughtahouserecently;thatyou
stayingoodshape;thatyoureknowledgeableaboutmusic,fashion,the
coolestnightclubsintown,etc.
225
Now,heresthetricktodoingthis.Youwanttomakestatementsthat
implyyourpositivequalities(orplantseeds),withouteversounding
likeyourebragging.Thisrequiresyoutomakeaprefacingstatement
thatgivesyouareasontomentionyourpositivequality.
Itssimple,actually.Herearesomeexamples:
ImgladIcameouttonight,Ineededtoblowoffsomesteam.
Gettingmynewbusinessoffthegroundisalotofwork.
Theprefacingstatement:Youneededtocomeouttonightandblowoff
somesteam.
Theseed:Youarelaunchinganewbusinessandareanambitious,
hardworkingperson.
Thisstatementisnaturallygoingtoprompthertoaskaboutyour
business.Dontgointodetail.Keepitvagueandimplybigthings,i.e.,
Itsastartupcompany.Lotsofworkinvolvedtogeteverythingupand
running,buteverymultimillionaireIknowwentthroughthissame
process.
Heresanother
(Checkingyourwatch)ItoldmyselfIdonlystayoutuntil11.Imon
thisnewworkoutprogramthatsbeenkickingmybutt,butIgotta
sayIminthebestshapeofmylife.IguessIcanstayoutalittlepast
mybedtime,thoughIwanttohearsomemoreaboutthattripyou
tooktoEurope,itsoundsreallyinteresting.
Theprefacingstatement:Youvestayedoutlaterthanyouplannedto.
Theseed:Youarehealthyandphysicallyfit.
Theextrasmoothmove:Youimmediatelyputthespotlightbackon
her,byaskingtohearmoreaboutthetriptoEuropeshementioned
earlierandyouhaveleftanopenloopofcuriosityforhertoaskabout
yourexerciseregimen.
226
StatingYourCase
Whilewereonthesubjectofstatements,keepthisinmind:most
questionsthatyouwouldnormallyaskagirlcanberephrasedinthe
formofstatements.Thisisamuchmoreoriginalandinteresting
approach.
Rememberwhatwesaidearlier,abouthowyoushouldavoidsaying
anythingthatsoundsclich?Well,oneofthebiggestconversational
clichsisaskingagirlaseriesoflameassquestions:Whatdoyoudo?
Whereareyoufromoriginally?Whatkindoffooddoyoulike?etc.It
makesitsoundlikeyoureconductingajobinterview.Anyguywith
absolutelynogamewhatsoevercouldcomeupwiththosesame
questions.(Andtheydo.)
Lookathowtheseclichquestionscanbeturnedintostatementsthat
engageherinterest:
Question:Sowhatdoyoudo?
Statement:Icantelltheresmoretoyouthanmeetstheeye.Im
curioustoknowhowyouspendyourdays.
Question:Whatdoyouwanttodowithyourlife?
Statement:Ivebeenslammedatworklately,Imlookingforward
totakingavacationoverseas.Ibetyoureprettywelltraveled.
(Ifshesneverleftherhomestate,itdoesntmatter.Thepointis,youre
gettingontoacoolsubjecttravelandyoureflatteringherby
implyingthatsheseemsmoreworldlyandsophisticatedthanthe
averagegirl.)
Question:Whatkindofmusicdoyoulike?
Statement:Icantellalotaboutapersonbywhattheyvegoton
theiriPod.OK,sonowIwanttoknowthesongthatyouvebeen
227
playingoverandoverlately.Youdneverguesswhatmineis...
(Whenshesaystellme,insistthatshegoesfirstbuthaveyourown
answerready.)
Question:Sodoyoulikegoingouttothebars?
Statement:Igetthefeelingtherestwosidestoyou.Theresthe
serioussidethatsallaboutyourworkandgettingthingsdone,and
thentheresthiswild,partysidethatcomesoutonceinawhile.
Andwhenitdoes,lookout.
(Again,thisisapredictionthatisprettymuchguaranteedtobeon
point.90%ofwomenliketothinktheyrefairlydisciplinedandin
chargeoftheirlives,butalsohaveafunlovingside.)
Thereareendlessexamplesofthis.Dontaskclichquestionswhenan
wellphrasedstatementwilldothejobmoreeffectively.
Heresagreatonetoclosethissectionwith.Howaboutwhenyoumeet
herforyourfirstdate?MostguyswillsayNicetoseeyouagainor
Goodtoseeyou.
Comeon,dude.Yourgirlspendthelasttwohourspreparingherselffor
thisdate,andyouresayingsomethingtoherthatyouwouldsaytoyour
dentist.
Instead,stopforamoment,lookherupanddownforabout3or4
seconds,andtellherYoulookfantastic.
Watchthesmilelightupherface.Youllseehowmuchdifferencea
changeinphrasingmakes.Bypausingandvisuallyappreciatingher,
youllreallysetheronfire.
228
The10StepAlphaSeductionPlan
Nowthatweveexplainedsomeeffectiveapproachesandhowtoget
theconversationflowing,weregoingtolayoutthecompletegameplan
forasuccessfulseduction.
StepOne:LimitedAvailability.Asweexplainedbefore,thisishowthe
gamecommences.Rightoffthebat,youestablishthatyoucanonlychat
withherbriefly.Butthisisntjustanopeningtactic.ItisanAlpha
Mindset.Oftentimes,thesituationisgoingtopreventyoufromtaking
thegirlhomenomatterhowwellyouhititoff.Obviously,notall
encountershappenatbarsafterdark.Youmighthavemetherata
bookstoreoratthedogpark,inbroaddaylight.Winheroverwithyour
originalityandcleverness,getherphonenumber,politelysaygoodbye,
andmoveon.
Dontthinkthatthelongeryouspendtalkingtoher,themorepointsyou
arescoring.After10or20minutes,shemightbetalkingtoyououtof
politenesswheninthebackofhermind,shesthinkingofthe
appointmentsheneedstogetto.Youneverwanthertobetheonewho
endstheencounterbysayingIhavetogo.Ifthingsareflowingand
yourehittingtherightconversationalpoints,theresnoreasonwhyyou
cantgetherphonenumberafter10minutes.Iftheresnochanceofthis
conversationleadingtoanotherlocation,exchangedigits,saygoodbye,
229
andworkyourmagicwhenyouseeheragainandhaveherundivided
attentionallnight.
StepTwo:Buildrewardsintotheconversation.Theideahereisthat
youarenotgivingheranythingforfree.Yourtimeisnottobetakenfor
granted.Neitherisyourmoney;yourenotthetypeofguywhoneedsto
buyfemaleattentionbygivingthemfreedrinks.
Aquestionwegetaskedfrequentlyis,WhenImatabar,shouldIbuy
girlsdrinks?Well,itisthepolitethingtodo,anditspartofbar(or
nightclub)etiquettetobuyaroundofdrinksifyoureenjoyingagirls
company.However,thereisarightwayandawrongwaytodothis.
WUSSWAY:Thirtysecondsaftermeetingher,youaskherCanI
buyyouadrink?(Someguysdontevenwaitthirtyseconds;they
makethedrinkofferbeforetheyevengethername!Terrible
move.)
ALPHAWAY:Fiveortenminutesaftermeetingher,yousay,Im
enjoyinggettingtoknowyou,Cindy,youvegotacoolsenseof
humor.(Or,Ilikeyourstyle.)Imgoingtogoaheadandgetusa
drink.Whatareyouhaving?
Theresanimportantdistinctionbetweenthesetwowaysofdoingit.
TheAlphaWayimpliesthatyouarerewardingherwithadrinkbecause
shehassufficientlyimpressedyou,andnowyouregoingtogranther
somemoreofyourtime.TheWussWaysays,Imgratefulforyour
attention.CanIpayforafewmoreminutesofyourtime?
StepThree:BuildthePhysicalConnection.Astheconversation
settlesintoacomfortablegroove,makephysicalcontactwithher.
Lightlytouchherarm,shoulder,knee,orherback.Leanincloseand
lowerthevolumeofyourvoicetocreateaprivateconversation.
Thisisntjustatacticforthebarsandnightclubs.Youcouldjustas
easilybetalkingtoagirlinabookstoreoratthepark.Anytimeyou
wanttosharesomethingwithagirlyouretalkingto,withouteveryone
elsehearing,itsyouropportunitytoleaninandmakelightphysical
contactwithher.(Emphasisonthewordlight.Subtletyiskey.)
230
Thisisagradualprocess.Youwanttotouchherverybrieflyand
delicatelyatfirst,seehowsheresponds,andgraduallyincreasethe
durationofyourtouchesastheconversationcontinuesandthe
connectionbuilds.
Theenvironmentisalsogoingtodictatetosomedegreehowmuch
contactisappropriate.Ifyoumeetagirlatanightclubandshesitsdown
withyouacouch,andyourechattingandhavingadrink,itsfineforyou
tolightlytouchherkneewhileyoutellherastory.
Ifyoumetherfiveminutesagointheaisleofasupermarket,youmight
lightlytouchherforearmasthetwoofyoulaughaboutsomething;that
wouldprobablybetheextentofwhatisappropriatebodycontactin
thatsituation.Butaslongasyoucanbesmoothandsubtleaboutit,
theresalwaysareasonforyoutoinitiatelightcontactinsomeway.
Itsimportanttodothis,becausesheneedstogetacclimatedtoyour
touch.Evenalighttouchontheforearmcreatesasenseofphysical
connection.If,attheendofadate,youhaventsomuchastouchedher
armyet,itsahugeleaptoexpecthertogiveyouapassionatekiss
goodnight.Youvegotherwarmheruptotheideaofthekissby
establishingbodycontactbeforehand.
Ifyoudothiscorrectlyoverthecourseofadate,shesgoingtostart
leaningintowardsyousothatshegetsmoreofthephysicalaffection
youvebeengraduallydolingout.
Donecorrectly,thisbecomesadanceofattractionwhereyouestablish
lightcontact,thenpullbacktogaugeherinterestanddevelopthesexual
tension.Touchingherhandcanleadtorestingyourhandlightlyonher
kneewhileyourelateastory.Thiscanleadtohandholdingorgently
231
massagingthebackofherneck.Takeitinsteps,andperiodicallydraw
backtoleaveherwantingmore.
Herearesomeotherwaystobuildphysicalcontact:
Whispertoher/leanintoherspace.Thisworksespeciallywellinnoisy
orcrowdedenvironments.Whenyouleanintolisten,youreimplying
thatyoureinterestedinwhatshehastosay,andthatyoureagood
listenerwhodoesntwanttomissaword.Butwhatyoureactually
doingisclosingthephysicalgap.Then,whenitsyourturntospeak,
leanin,lowerthevolumeofyourvoice,andspeaknearherear.This
createsthesensethatthetwoofyouarehavingaprivate,intimate
conversation.Itsjustthetwoofyou:nooneelseisallowedinside
yourworld.Thishastheeffectofcreatingaromanticbubblearound
thetwoofyou.
Readherpalm.Yeah,weknowthataboutoneguyinahundredhas
evenaclueastowhichisthelifelineandwhichistheheartline,but
theAlphaManknowsthatthisskillismerelyatooltostart
establishingsomesensualtouchwithher.Youdontneedtobea
certifiedpalmreader.Justlearnthebasiclinesandmakeuptherest.
Thekeytointroducingthisistonotbragaboutyourskills,buttohint
atit:
WhenIwaslivingwiththeseguysincollege,Ipickedupsomepalm
readingability.Itsactuallyareallycoolthingtoknow.Donteven
suggestthatyoureadherpalm.Lethermakethesuggestion,sothat
youcanjudgeherinterestandnotseemtooforward.Whenyoudo
yourreading,justdelicatelytracethelinesandstrokeherpalm.The
handsarethemostsensitivepartofthebody,andoneofthemost
sensual.
ThumbWrestling.Itmayseemchildish,butitsalsofun,cute(inher
mind),andeffective.Teaseheraboutsomething,andthenchallenge
hertoathumbwrestlingmatchtodeterminewhobuysthenext
roundofdrinks.Putupabitofastruggle,butletherwin.Whenyoure
done,caressherhandasawaytosaygoodjobandreestablishthe
sensualconnection.Thismoveisgreatforraisingherexcitementand
energylevel.
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Remember,theAlphaManisalwaystheleaderandtheguide.Youcan
expressthisnotjustverbally,butphysically.Lookformomentswhen
youcanplaceahandaroundherwaist,oronthesmallofherback,and
guideheralong.Thisputsyouinaprotectorroleandremindsherof
yourphysicalpresence;youaretheretolookoutforher.Forexample,
whenyoureenteringarestaurant,holdthedooropenforher.Asshe
passesthroughthedoor,placeyourhandonthesmallofherbackand
guideherinside.
Or,whenoneofyousayssomethingfunnyandyoubothlaugh,reachout
yourhandandclasphersahighfivegesture.Holdherhandfora
secondasyoulaugh,thenreleaseit.
Ifyouresittingacrossfromheratarestaurant,leanforwardwhenshe
sayssomethingyoutotallyagreewith,orwhileyourebothlaughing,
andtouchherforearmlightly.Holdeyecontactwithherwhileyou
speak.Keepyourhandthereforacoupleofsecondsandthenwithdraw.
Ifyouresittingnexttoheronacouch,lightlytouchherkneeasyoutell
herastory.Giveherakneeasoftsqueezewhenyouwanttoemphasize
something.Withdrawyourhandassoonasyourefinishedmakingyour
pointanditsherturntospeak.
Thekeywiththesephysicalgesturesistobesubtle.Yourenever
grabbingher,latchingontoher,ormakingitseemlikeyoureputting
themovesonher.Thesegesturesshouldallfeelnatural.Ifsherecoils
fromoneofthesegestures,donttakeitasarejection.Itsimplymeans
youneedtolaysomemoregroundwork.Andbypullingback,youre
demonstratingoneofthemostimportantAlphaqualities:selfcontrol.
Everytimeyoustrategicallywithdraw,youcreatemoresexualtension.
Ifyouworktheprocess,shellstartlookingforwardtothenexttouch.
StepFour:Validation/Appreciation.Figureouttheareainherlife
wheresheyearnsforvalidation.Onewaytofindoutistoask,Ifyou
wonthePowerballlotterytomorrow300hundredmilliondollars,
letssayandyouneverhadtoworkanotherdayofyourlife,how
wouldyouwanttospendyourtime?
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Tothis,shemightgiveajokeansweratfirst:Iddoawholelotof
shopping.Butdigdeeperandgethertorevealmore.Askheriftheres
somethingshehasalwayswantedtopursue,buthasnthadthetimeor
moneytodoso.Maybeyoullgethertalkingaboutahobbysheis
secretlypursuingorwantstopursue,orapartoftheworldshehas
alwaysdreamedoflivingin.Whatevershesays,expressyour
appreciation.
Rememberthatflatteryisnamedthatbecauseitseemspatently
manipulativeandfalse.Butifyoureinsightfulandfindthewaysin
whichshewantstobeappreciated,andthenyoucomplimentherinthe
rightwayaboutit,youwillachieveanelectricconnection.
StepFive:RevealVulnerabilitiesandShareaSecret.Onequalitythat
womenfindimmenselyattractiveisyourabilitytotranscendyourmale
egoandjustbeahumanbeing,flawsandall.Wedontmeanthatyou
shouldturnintoawussinfact,byrevealingavulnerability,youre
demonstratingthatyourealottougherandmoreconfidentthanmost
guys.
Hereswhatyoudo:
Choosesomethingaboutyourselfthatcouldbeconsideredaliability.
Maybeitsyourhairline,yourweight,yourheight,orthesizeofyour
nose.Normally,mostguyswoulddotheirbesttohidethisperceived
shortcomingandavoidanyconversationarounditforfearofbeing
embarrassed,orhavingtodealwiththeinsecuritytheyvebuiltaround
it.Butnotyou,AlphaMan!Youknowthisisoneareawhereyoucan
projectyourstrength.
Ifyouchoseyourhairline,thenmaybeyoullsaysomethinglike:SoI
waslookinginthemirroryesterdayuntilIwasblindedbymybald
spot.Itriedspraypaint,butnogo.Ihopeyoulikethesexymonklook.
Bybringingthisvulnerabilityoutintotheopen,andpokingalittlefunat
it,youvejustdemonstratedalevelofconfidencethatmostmendonot
have.Youveexposedanddestroyedthisweaknessinonemove.
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Justdontoverplaythiscard.Toomuchjokingaboutaparticulartrait
lookslikeinsecurity,anditwillappearasifyourefishingforhertopay
youacomplimentandmakeyoufeelbetter.
WecalltheotherelementofthisstepSharingaSecret.Thisisabout
bringingherintoyourworldandbuildingupabondoftrust.Youcan
prefaceitbysaying,IdontnormallytellthistoanyoneOr,Ifmy
buddiesknewthisaboutme,theydneverletmeheartheendofit,
but
Thissecretdoesntneedtobesomemajorrevelation.Itcanbesimple.
Maybeyoudlovetotakesixmonthsoffandtraveltheworld.Maybeif
youwonthelottery,youdtakeyourdadonafathersontripsothetwo
ofyoucouldspendtimetogetherandrepairyourrelationship.Maybe
youvealwayswantedtogobacktocollege,orgetintogreatshapeand
runtheNewYorkCityMarathon.Whatever.Shareaprivateaspiration
withherandactasifshesearnedaplaceinyourcircleoftrust.The
moreemotionallyengaging,thebetter.
Anothergreatwayofshowingvulnerabilityisjustbeingagoofballwith
her.Womenlovethis,becauseitbringsdownherdefenses,makesher
laugh,andmakesyoulookmorehuman.Weresureyouvedonethisat
onepointoranotheryoustartedimitatingsomeone,orplayinga
goofycharactertomakeherlaugh,andyoukeptgoinguntilshewas
beggingyoutostopbetweenfitsoflaughter.
Youdonthavetobeanembarrassingclown,butyoucantakethe
chanceandjustletyourselfbeagoofyguyforafewminutes.Showher
thatyoudonttakelife,oryourself,thatseriously.Thisalsoshowsthat
yourenotgoingtobesociallyreactiveanduptightabouteverything,
whichisamajorindicationofinsecurityinmostguys.
StepSix:ControlherPerceptionandtheFrame.Womenarebrought
uptobelievetheyshouldntbeeasy.Eventhoughwomengetsexually
arousedjustlikewedo,theydontwanttofeelliketheyregivingitup
toosoon.Manygirlstellthemselvesthatitswrongorsluttytohookup
withaguythefirsttimetheymeet,orafterthefirstdate.Onewaytoget
aroundthisistodistorthersenseoftimetomakeitseemlikeyouve
knowneachotherlongerthanyouactuallyhave.
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Oneexample:Youmeetagirlatabar.Afterafewdrinks,yousuggest
goingtoanotherplace.(Ivegottoshowyouthisbar,youregoingto
loveittheMojitosareoutofthisworld.)
Afteracoupleofdrinksatbar#2,youbringhertoanallnightdinerto
getsomefood.Bythispoint,itdoesntfeeltoherlikeyouresomeguy
shejustmettonight.Itfeelsmorelikeyoureonafirstorseconddate.In
effect,yourejammingherfemaleradartheinstinctthatnormally
tellsher,theresnowayIdhookupwithsomeguyImetatabar
tonight.
Thistechniquealsoworkswellondates.Dontlimittheeveningtoone
location.Visittwoorthreelocationsandhaveadifferenttypeof
experienceineach.Forexample,dinneratarestaurant,thencocktailsat
abar,thenanightcaporacupofcoffeeatthecoolspecialspotyou
mentionedearlierasoneofyourfavoriteplaces.
Yourabilitytocontrolherperceptionoftherealityyouarecreating
aroundherisoneofyourgreatestAlphapowers.
Anotherexample:
Letssayyouvebeenoutwithherandthingsaregoinggood.REALLY
good.Youknowshesdiggingyou,andnowyouwanttotakeittothe
nextlevelandgetherbacktoyourplace.Whatyouneednowisacloak
foryourmotive.
Itsnotaboutbeingdeceptive.Youwanttotakeherhome,andyoure
prettysureshewantsthat,too.Butitsuptoyou,astheman,toprovide
thejustification.Youvegottocreateareasontomovethingsbackto
yourplace,onethatsgoingtoeaseherconcernaboutappearingtoo
easy.
Hereshownottodoit:
WUSS:Hey,letsgobacktomyplace.
HER:Uhmwhy?
WUSS:Hangout.Havesomefun.
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HER:Imfeelingtired.Maybenexttime
OK,nowletsshowhowtheAlphaMandoesit:
ALPHA:Hey,yousaidyoulikedU2,right?
HER:Yeah,theyreoneofmyfavoritegroups.
ALPHA:ThenIvegotsomethingyoureallyneedtosee.
HER:Whatisit?
ALPHA:IjustgotthisamazingDVDofaconcerttheydidinItaly.Youll
loveit.
HER:Wow,soundsgreat
Bygivingherareasonthatissociallyacceptable,shedoesnthaveto
feellikeshesengaginginpromiscuousbehavior.Awomanwillavoid
anykindofsocialdiscomfort,eventothepointofdenyingherself
somethingshewants.So,makeiteasyforher.Pavethepath.Allshehas
todoiscomealongfortheride.
Inmanycases,sheonlyneedstherightexcusetogoforwardwithher
owndesires.Herconsciencetellsthatshemustappearpureandclean
butunderneathisawomanwhoiseagertorealizeherownsexual
desires,justlikeweare.
StepSeven:Escalate.Acommonproblemweveexperiencedwhile
helpingguysinthefieldisthatoncetheyvestartedaconversationwith
awoman,theyrereluctanttotakeittothenextlevelinfearofruining
whattheyalreadyhave.Itsliketheywanttolockinthiscurrentlevel
ofsuccess,butbydoingso,theylockouttheirpossibilityofreally
closingthedeal.
Ifyouregoingtomakeanomelet,youhavetobreakafeweggs.Ifyoure
goingtomakeittothenextlevelonavideogame,youhavetorisk
crashingyourshiponthislevel.Yougetthepicture.
Escalationmeanstakingacalculatedrisktomoveforwardinthegame.
Ifshesnotready,youwillnotbeslappedorhaveadrinkthrownin
yourface.Shewillsimplydenyyouradvanceandyoullhavetoworkon
buildingherattractionandtrustupabitfurther.
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Makeyournextmoveanadvancementthatissensibleandsmall.Ifshe
refuses,backupandcontinuewithadifferentstrategy.Donotletit
rattleyourconfidence,oritwillbeevenhardertoregainherattraction.
Ifsheacceptsyouradvancement,yourestthereforabit,andlooksfor
momentstopullbackagainjustbeforeyournextescalation.
Example:Joeisataloungenightclubwithhisdate,sittingonacouch
withher.Hesgotphysicalcontactgoingtheyresittinglegtoleg
andtheyrehavingdrinks.Hesgottenalotofstrongeyecontactand
gigglybehavior,andhesfairlysureshesintohim.Hewantstomoveto
thenextlogicalstep:handholding.Helooksdownatherhandand
makesacommentabouthownicehermanicurelooks,takingthe
opportunitytoliftherhandandholdherfingers.Shesmilesinresponse,
gentlypullingherhandbacktoinspecthernailsandcommentsabout
howtheychipsoeasily.Sheputsherhandbackinherlapwitha
nervoussmile.
Atthispoint,Joecouldfeelthwartedbutheknowshejustneedstotry
again.Afterafewmoreminutesofjokingandteasing,sheplayfullyslaps
himonthearm.Joelooksathisarmwhereshehithim,lookingather
withanexpressionthatsays,Hey,donttouchthegoods!Shelaughs
again,andhereachesoveragain,gentlystrokingtheskinonthebackof
herhandashestartstellingherastoryabouthowhewascaught
skippingclassinhighschool.Hedoesthistotakesomeofthesocial
pressureoffher.Thisway,thehandholdingdoesntfeelobvious.
Ashecontinueswithhisstory,sheturnsherhandoversotheycanlace
theirfingerstogether.
Joeisnowcontrollingthegame.Heachievedthisfortworeasons:
1) Herisked.Joecouldhavegoneonallnightwithwarmandfuzzy
conversation,whileneverestablishinganykindof
sensual/physicalcontact.Butheknewthathehadtokeepmoving
forward.Otherwise,shewouldhavegottenboredandeventually
excusedherselftogohome,orgoneintotheIlikeyouasa
friendroutinewhenhefinallytriedtomakeamove.Whenguys
dontescalate,thatswhattheyget:aonewaytickettotheFriend
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Zone.Nogoodnightkiss.Nofuture.
2) Joewasconfidentlypersistent.Hedidntletherinitialpullback
frustratehimorthrowhimoff.Hedidntreact.Heeasedback,re
assessedthebattlefield,andtriedadifferentangle.
Remember,itisyourresponsibilitytocontrolthetempo,initiate
contact,andgraduallyescalateit.Ifyouvegottenherinterestedinyou,
thisiswhatsheexpectsfromyou.Ifyouwussout,sheseventuallygoing
toexcuseherselfandgohomejustasdisappointedasyouare.
Dontplayitcoolandnotpushthingsforwardoutoffearthatyoull
losethegroundyouvegained.Alsorememberthatinmanysituations
withwomen,theromanticbubbleyouvecreatedisalimitedtime
opportunity.Ifshesfeelingattractedtoyourightnow,theresno
guaranteethatshellsliprightbackintothatmindsetthenexttimeyou
seeherifyouevengetthechancetoseeheragain.
Somesamplescenarios
Jackmeetsacutechickatabarandchatswithherfortwenty
minutes,untilsheexcusesherselftogofindherfriend.Hedidnt
askforherphonenumberbecausehedidntwanttoseem
pushy.Hefigureshellrunintoheragaininthenearfuture,
sincetheyhangoutatthesameplaces.
AdamhastakenEricaonfourdates,buthehasyettokissheron
thelips;hesgottennothingbeyondagoodnightpeckonthe
cheek.Hefiguresifshesacceptedfourdateinvites,shemustlike
him,andtheresnoneedforhimtogoforasmoochandrisk
comingofflikeahorndog.Sohellwaitfortheperfectmoment,
whenheknowsshewantsit.
EdhasanawesomefirstdatewithahottienamedLeslie,whohes
beenlustingafterformonths.ToEdspleasantsurprise,theywind
upbackathisplace.Theyregettinghotandheavyonthecouch.
ThenLeslielooksintohiseyesandsays,Weprobablyshould
holdoff,right?Imean,itsonlyourfirstdateEdagreeswith
her;yeah,theyshouldwait.Hefiguresthatbyplayingthe
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gentleman,shellrespecthimmoreandtheresabetterchance
shellseehimasboyfriendmaterialnotjustasaonenight
standshemightregrettomorrow.
Itshouldcomeasnosurprisetoyouthatnoneoftheseguyswoundup
havingsexwiththeirgirls.Thecommondenominatoristhattheyfailed
tolead.
Again,youmustsustainforwardmomentum.Thepathofescalation,
gentlemen.Beforewe,theauthors,evolvedintoAlphaMen,wehad
manyfirstdatesthatwethoughtwentwelleventhoughtherewasno
physicalcontactbuttheyneverledtoaseconddate.Youvegotto
coaxherdownthepathandtakeitasfarasitsdestinedtogo.
Dontexpectwomentoleadyoudownthepathtowardsthatfirstkiss,
ortogiveyouobvioussignalswhentheyrereadyforsex.Yourjobisto
lead.Nottopressureher,buttoguidehertowardsromance.Whether
sexcomesafterthefirstdateorthethirddate,itshouldfeellikea
naturalprogression.
StepEight:ClosetheDeal
Whetheryouvejustmetherforthefirsttimeoryoureoutonadate,
youvegottoleadthesituationtowardsapositiveconclusion.Inother
words,youvegottoClosetheDeal.
Dealclosingcanmeandifferentthings,dependingonthesituation.
Herearetworulesofthumbtoremember:
1)Wheneveryoumeetanattractivegirlforthefirsttimeandhavethe
opportunitytospendafewminutes(ormore)chattingwithher,make
sureyoudontlethergetawaywithoutexchangingphonenumbers.
Neverassumethatyouregoingtorunintoheragain,orgethernumber
bysomeothermeans.YouropportunitytonumbercloseisRIGHTNOW.
Trainyourselftoadoptthisattitude,andgettingphonenumberswill
becomeareflexaction.Nonightoutshouldendwithoutatleastone
newnumbersignifyingapotentialdateinyourphone.
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Note,wedidnotsaysimplyGIVEheryourphonenumber.Thisisa
weakplaybecauseevenifsheisattractedtoyou,thereisnoguarantee
thatshellevercall.Infact,herfemaleinstinctsaremorelikelytocome
upwithreasonsNOTtocall,aftertheinitialexcitementofmeetingyou
haswornoff.Thisiswhythephonenumberexchangeisthefarmore
effectivemethod.
Ifduringtheconversation,yougathersomebasicbackgroundinfoon
herandcomeoffasacharismatic,funguy,thephonenumberclosewe
useispracticallyguaranteedtowork.Itssimple.Takeyourphoneout
ofyourpocket,tellheryouaregoingtogiveheracall,andtreatthe
exchangeasaforegoneconclusion.
Itscooltalkingtoyou,Sarah.Imgoingtogiveyouacallsometime.You
spellyournameSARAH?(Startprogramminghernameintoyour
phone;then,handthephonetohersoshecanprogramhernumberin.)
Then,callhernumber,rightthereonthespot:Here,Imcallingyou
now.Savemynumber,soyouknowitsmewhenIcall.
Thisisimportantfortworeasons.1)Itsanequalexchange.Yougot
hernumber,nowshegetsyours.2)Bycallingherphoneandhavingher
saveyournumber,youknowshellrecognizeyouonhercallerIDwhen
youringher.
ThetrickhereisthatyourenotgivinghertheopportunitytoTHINK
abouttheexchangeanddecidewhethershewantstogivehernumber
out.Yourenotgivinghermindachancetocomeupwithnegative
possibilities.(Whatifthisguyisastalker?Whatifhestartscallingme
constantlyandannoyingme?)Yousee,whenyoutaketheAlphaMan
routeandlead,youactuallymakeiteasierforher!Allshehastodoisgo
withyourflow.
Anotherwaytophraseit:(Asyoutakeoutyourphone)Idlovetochat
withyoumoreaboutthat,Sarah.Whatsagoodtimetoringyou
tomorrow?(Then,programinhernameanddothenumberexchange.)
Thismethodgivesyouanotherbuiltinassurance:shellmentionher
schedule,whichmeansthatwhenyoudocall,theresamuchbetter
chancethatshellbefreetotakeyourcall.
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Remember,ifyouknowthatyourtimewithherislimitedmaybeshes
inthemiddleofgroceryshopping,orshereallydoeshavefriendsatthe
barsheneedstobetbacktoitsalwaysbestforYOUtoendthe
conversationbeforesheexcusesherself.Getherphonenumberandbe
onyourway:Ivegottorunnow,Sarah,butweshouldchatagain
sometime.(Asyoutakeoutyourphone)Illgiveyouacall.
2)ThesecondruleofthumbwithDealClosing:rememberwhatwesaid
aboutestablishingbodycontact.Whenyoureonadate,light,occasional
bodycontactsendsthesignaltoherthatthisisntjustafriendlyhang
outsession;thisisprogressingonaphysicallevel,towardsromance.
Youmaynotgetthechancetohookupattheendofthenight.Maybe
shereallydoeshaveafirmruleaboutgivingakissonthecheek,and
nothingmore,attheendofthefirstdate.Thatsfine,aslongasyou
establishedsomephysicalcontactwhetheritwastouchingherarm
whileyoutoldastory,orbrieflyholdingherhandasyousharedalaugh.
Yourelayinggroundworkforthenextdate,andsheknowsyourenot
somespinelessfriendzoneguywhosnevergoingtomakeamove.
StepNine:Foreplay&Sex
Mostguysdontlearnhowtobuildupthetensionofsexbeforethe
actualevent.Inthemoviesitusuallygoesstraightfromboywantsgirl,
togirljustcavesinandtheydoit.Intheinterestofbudgetingscreen
time,theyglossoveronefactthatisofvitalimportance:
Oncethingshavegottenphysical,youmustraisethesexualtension
byescalatingslowlyandjustabitslowerthansheprobably
wants.
Considerthisscenario.CharlieisonthecouchwithSandy.Theyre
kissingandtalkingwithaniceblendofmusicplayinginthebackground
fromCharliesiPod.(Wehaveatleast3or4romanticplayliststhatplay
forhoursonend,andyoushould,too.)Charliestartssneakinghishand
upSandysshirt,strokingherstomachandmovinguptothegreat
mountainousregioninherbra.Then,Sandygentlymoveshishand
away.Theycontinuemakingout,andCharliegoesinagain,thistime
gettingfurtheralmostgettinghishandinsidethecup.Again,Sandy
gentlymoveshishandaway.
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Thelongerthispatterncontinues,themoreSandyfeelsshesprotecting
herimageasacleanandvirtuouswoman,andthemoreshefeelsshes
builtuphisdesire.Bynow,Charliespantsaresotightinthecrotchthat
hecanfeelhisownpulse.
Heresabetterapproach;itssomethingwecallbeatinghertoit.The
nexttimeyoureworkingonsomesexualescalation,youneedtopull
yourownhandbackbeforeshedoes.Thisachievesseveralgoalsatonce.
1) Youappeartohavesuperhumanselfcontrol,oneoftherarestof
allmasculinetraits.
2) Shewillbeleftwantingmore,ratherthanbeingnervousthat
thingsaregoingtoofast.Shellbetentimesmoreturnedon
waitingforyournextadvance,andshellbetentimeslesslikelyto
refuseitwhenitcomes.
3) Becauseyoureholdingback,shellwonderiftheressomething
wrongwithher!Shellfeeltheneedtoprovethatshessexually
attractivetoyou.Youreprovidingachallenge.
Bypullingbackonyourown,youreversetherolesagain,andshe
becomesthechaser.Weveusedthisstrategycountlesstimesoverthe
years.Ithasproventobeoneofthebeststrategieseverforhelpinga
womanfollowherattractionthroughtoasatisfyingconclusionand
withoutallthemessynegotiationsthatsomeguysthinkisapartof
gettingsex.(Ifyoueverhavetopleadwithawomanortrytoconvince
hertogetinbedwithyou,youvealreadylost.)
Asforthespecificsofforeplay,well,thisisntasexmanual.Butwecan
giveyouafewsimplerulesthatwillamplifyherdesire.
1) Goasslowasyoupossiblycan.Chancesare,whatyouconsider
slowisstillalittletoofastforher.Kissherslowly.Moveyour
handsslowly,asifyoureunderwater.
2) Nosuddenmoves.Justbecausesheispushingherpelvisintoyour
handdoesnotgiveyoualicensetopullyourwankerout.Keep
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goingatthesamerate,butkeepsteadilymovingforward.
3) Useyourhands,lips,andtongueoneverypartofherexcepther
breastsandvagina.Savethoseareasforlast.Verylast.Youwant
hertopullyourhandstotheseparts.
4) Gethertotalkalittle.Womenliketotalkanddescribetheir
experience.Askingquestionslike,Howdoesthatfeel?andDo
youlikeitwhenItouchyoulikethat?aregreatforgettingher
verballyengaged.Womenareturnedonbywords.Usethem!
5) Whenthetimecomes,youneedtogetup,takeherhand,andlead
hertothebedroom.Plainandsimple.Ifshesreluctant,resume
whereyouleftoff.Dontactlikeakidwhojustgothistoytaken
away.Rememberthatawomansdelaysarenotnecessarily
denials.
6) Withdraw,reassess,persist,escalate.(Lather,rinse,repeat.)
StepTen:LimitedAvailability:Here,wecomefullcircle.Onceyouve
completedasuccessfulseduction,thekeytomaintaining(andgrowing)
herinterestinyouistogobacktotheveryfirststep,theonethatgot
youinthedoorinitially.Maintaintheattitudethatyouareaspecial,
limitedopportunity.Ifyouhadanamazingnightwithher,anddecide
youwanttoseeheragainsoonandkeepbuildingtherelationship,thats
fine.Butneveractovereager.Asaruleofthumb,donotseeherforat
leasttwodaysafterthatfirstnightofsex.
Thepolitethingtodoistocallherthenextday.Wesuggestdoingthis
asacourtesy,andtomakesureyousetyourselfapartfromanyjerksin
herpastwhoneverdid.Ifinthebackofhermindshesworryingthat
shebehavedlikeaslutandthingswenttoofar,orthatyoureaplayer
whojustwantedanothernotchonhisbedpost,ashort,upbeatphone
callwillneutralizeallofthat.
Dontmentionorinanywayrefertothefactthatyouhadsex.Andifyou
wanttoseeheragain,dontplanadateduringthisphonecall;sayyoull
callherinacoupleofdaystoseeaboutmakingsomeplanswithher.(Be
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cool,eveniflastnightwasthemostincrediblesexofyourlifeandshes
thegirlofyourdreams.Thinklongterm.)
Ifyoudontfeelcompelledtoseeheragain,haveashort,friendly
conversationandtellhertocallyousometimeifshewantstohangout.
Puttheballinhercourt.Maybeshecanbeabootycallforthefuture;
maybeyoureallydontwanttoseeheragain,andifshecallsyounext
weekyoullpolitelymakeupanexcuseabouthowbusyyouare.Women
dothistomenallthetime.
OnceyouvecompletedanAlphaSeduction,therelationshipcango
anywhereyoulike.Andonceyouveestablishedapatternofregularsex
withawoman,youcannowstarttostructuretherelationshipinany
wayyouseefit.Butyoullfindthatyourchallengesarenotover;
managingarelationshipcanbefarmorechallengingthananyseduction
youllevercomplete.
Thegoodnews,onceyoupossessthisskillsetyouwillhavesomething
thatmostmenonlydreamabout:sexualoptions.
*****
CarlosSays
AlthoughIcoverseductiontacticsinmyseminars,Imakesureallofmy
studentsknowthis:youwilllearnandgrowmoreinthecontextofa
matureandhealthylongtermrelationshipthaninanyothersituationin
yourlife.
Ittakestrueconfidencetomaintainamutuallyfulfillingrelationship
withagreatwoman.DontthinkTheAlphaRulesarejustaboutluring
womenintobed.Mypersonalhopeisthatafterbeingoutthereinthe
fieldwiththeseRulesandhavingfunonthesingles/datingscene
whetheritsforthenext6weeks,orthenext10yearsyoulleventually
findthegirlwhoyouwanttobuildagratifying,longtermrelationship
with.Ittakesalotmoreworktomaintainarelationshipthanitdoesto
keeppickingupandseducingdifferentwomen,butthepayoffscanbe
spectacular.
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ALPHA RULE 19:
FORGE UNBREAKABLE
SOCIAL CONNECTIONS
Pursueauthenticrapportandconnectionwithpeople,aftertheinitial
attraction.Whileyoumustdisqualifywomenwhobringnegativityinto
yourlife,thereisplentytobegainedbyforminggenuinefriendshipswith
certainwomenwhoyouarentsexuallyinterestedin.Thisiscriticalto
expandingyourcircleofallies,therebybuildingyoursocialstatus.
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DaleCarnegieoncesaid,Youcanmake
morefriendsintwomonthsbybecoming
interestedinotherpeoplethanyoucanin
twoyearsbytryingtogetotherpeople
interestedinyou.
Itsabsolutelytrue.Themainobstaclethat
preventspeoplefromforming
relationshipswithothersisthatwe,as
humanbeings,arenaturallyselfcentered.
Whetheryourgoalistonetworkandestablishnewbusinesscontacts,or
meetandbuildrelationshipswithwomen,youachievefarmoreby
beinginquisitiveandexpressinginterestinpeoplethanyoudobytrying
totalkyourselfup.
Thisisthe#1ruletoformingsocialconnections.Putyouregoasideand
spendthebulkoftheconversationgettingtoknowabouttheother
person.Eveniftheygooffonatangentaboutsomethingyouare
completelyuninterestedin,actliketheyrethemostinterestingperson
youveeverencountered.Thisway,youmakepeoplefeelvaluedwhen
theyrearoundyou.Thisstrokestheirego,andnaturallytheyregoingto
wanttospendtimewithyouinthefuturebecauseyouprovidethis
positivesensation.Thiscanbeessentialtoclosingabusinessdeal,or
gettingawomanintobed.Thesamesocialdynamicapplies.
Listeningandexpressinginterestmaysoundasimpleandobvioustactic,
butbelieveusconsideringhow90%ofmenconducttheiropening
conversationswithgirls,thisalonequalifiesasanoriginalapproach.If
youweretoobservetenguyswalkinguptothesamegirlatabarone
night,takingtheirturnstryingtohitonher,youdnoticethatinnineout
oftencasestheguydoesmoretalkingthanshedoes.Hefigureshehasa
limitedwindowofopportunityinwhichtosellhimself,sohesgoing
totrytocramasmuchinformationaspossibleintohispitch.
Nomatterhowmuchyoumighthavetooffer,thisapproachisdoomed
tofail.Wheneveryoumakeitobviousthatyoureinterestedinherand
tryingtowinherover,youremakingyourselflessdesirable.TheAlpha
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Manturnsthetables:bylisteninganddivulgingminimalinformation
abouthimself,heputstheballinhercourtandmakesherdothework.
Whenshestheonedoingthetalking,itcreatesthesensethatyouare
theonewhoneedstobeimpressed.
Whenawomanfeelsthatyouaregenuinelyinterestedinher,andshes
sharingthingsaboutherselfthatotherguyswouldntbother(orcare)to
askabout,herattractionlevelsrise.Whenshemakesinquiriesabout
you,keepyouranswersbriefandsomewhatvague.Ifsheasksabout
yourjob,mentionthegeneralindustrythatyourein;dontmention
yourjobtitleorstarttalkingaboutwhatyoudo.Dontletherpressfor
moreinformation;smoothlyswitchtopicsandprompthertokeep
sharingthingsaboutherself.
Asshetalks,useencouragingphrasestokeepherflowing:Thatsreally
cool,tellmemoreaboutthat.Yourjobsoundsinteresting,howdyou
getintothatfield?Sowhydoyoufeelthatway?Yougettheidea.
Anothertacticforformingpowerfulconnectionswithnewwomenisto
haveotherwomenaccompanyyouwhenyougoout.Ifyoudontalready
haveapooloffemalefriendsthatyoucanhavecallupontojoinyou
whenyougooutsocially,thenyouvegottodevelopsome.Thisis
anotherstepintheprocessofbecomingasociallydynamicAlphaMan.
Heresthefirstthingyouneedtoknowaboutthis.Whenyougoout
lookingtomeetgirls,dontlimityourinteractionstotheonesyouwant
todateorhookupwith.Alsolooktobuildconnectionswithwomen
whoyoucanuseinthefutureascompanionsonthesocialscene.While
itmaysoundsomewhatmanipulativetousewomeninthissense,itsa
winwinsituationforallinvolvedbecausethesewomenwillalways
benefitfromanAlphaManscompanionship.
Justnoticeallthewomeninthebarsandclubs,stickingwiththeir
groupsoffriends,whoarecutebutnotexceptionallookingenoughto
attractattention.Makenomistake:justlikethehotchicks,theycame
outtonighthopingtobenoticedandmeetmen.Thesegroupsareeasy
toapproachandgettoknow.Nextthingyouknow,youvegotseveral
newfemaleallieswhoaregoingtoenhanceyourgamewhentheycome
joinyoufordrinksnexttime.
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Whenyoumeetupwiththesealliesinthenearfuture,yourenow
surroundedbyagroupoffemalefriends.Thisgivesyouautomaticand
significantsocialproofwithalltheotherwomeninthatenvironment.It
doesntmatterifyourfemalefriendsarentthebestlookingchicksin
theroom.Whatsimportantisthattheyprojectpositiveenergy.Women
willalwaysnoticeaguywhoisaccompaniedbywomenandappearsto
beshowingthemagoodtime.
Takeitastepfurtherandstartusingthesenewfriendsaswingmen.
(Girlscanactuallybemuchmoreeffectiveinthisregardthanyourmale
buddiescanbe.)Theyllloveit;theideaofyouwingingeachother
addsanewelementofexcitementtotheevening.Saytothem,Yknow
what,girls?Tonightyoureinluck,becauseImgoingtowingyou.AndI
happentobeaworldclasswingmanjustaskanyofmybuddies.So
tonight,itsgoingtobeallaboutmeetingnewpeople.
Itsagreatpropositionforwomen,becausewithyouhelpingthemout,
theycanmeetanyguytheywantto!Thesocialrulespreventthem
fromwalkingupandtalkingtoagoodlookingguy,oragroupofguys,
theyreinterestedin;menarealwayssupposedtobetheoneswho
makethefirstmove.Butwiththiswingingarrangement,iftheyre
checkingoutsomedudeacrosstheroom,youcaneasilywalkoverto
himandhisbuddies,introduceyourself,andmakesmalltalk.
Afewminuteslater,yourfemalefriendcaninnocentlywalkoverto
seehowyouredoing,andthenyoullintroducehertotheguyshehad
hereyeon.Ofcourse,asinanywingingsituation,youregoingtotalk
herupandmentionsomeofhercoolqualitiesinfrontofthetarget,to
directattentiontoherandgetaconversationstarted.
Wevehadmanyfun(andproductive)nightsthisway,wingingour
femalefriendsandhavingthemdothesameforus.Andifyouvegotany
stunnersamongyourfemaleallies,thisisanenormousasset.The
merefactthatyourehangingoutwithhottiescausesotherwomenin
theroomtoimmediatelybecomecuriousaboutyou.Andthemorefun
yourgroupishavinglaughing,dancing,drinkingshots,etcthemore
thatothergirlswillwanttobeapartofyourcrew.Youwontneedtodo
anyconvincingwhenitstimetowalkup,introduceyourself,andinvite
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themtojoinyourpartyinprogress.Theyvebeenwatchingyouhavinga
goodtimeallnight;theyalreadyknowyouretheman.
*****
DeanSays
IvedeliberatelybuiltfriendshipswithalotofattractivegirlswhoI
neverwoundupsleepingwith.Sometimesitwasbecausewewentout
onadate,andonceIgottoknowherbetterIcouldtellshewasnt
someoneIwasinterestedindating.(Or,Icouldtellthathavingsexwith
herwasgoingtobeabiggerheadachethanitwasworth.)Inother
cases,Ididsleepwiththegirlbutitwasonlyaonenightdeal.There
wasntanymajorromanticconnection.
Aslongastheywerecoolandfuntobearound,Itriedtomaintainthem
notonlyasfriends,butasalliesonthesocialscene.Now,sometimesthis
justisntpossible;ifyousleepwithachickandshesexpectinga
relationship,butyourenotdownforthat,itsgoingtobecompletely
awkwardhangingoutwithherwhileyouretryingtomeetnewwomen.
ButIvefoundthatalotofgirlsIvebeenwitharetotallydowntogoout
barhoppingwithmeandhaveagoodtime,justasfriends.Anditmakes
perfectsense:shesgotaguyshetrustswithher,soshefeelsprotected.
Icanserveasabarrierbetweenherandanyguysshedoesntwanttobe
approachedby.And,Icanwingherwiththeguysshewantstomeet.
Inreturn,Ihavethemwingme.TheyknowhowIoperate,andthey
knowtheroleIwantthemtoplay.MyfriendSharonismyace.Shesa
veryhotstripperwhoworksinoneoftheVegasclubs.Shesalsoa
dramaqueenandhasanewboyfriendeveryotherweek,soIknew
whenImetherthatthiswasntagirlIwantedtogetromantically
entangledwith.ButIalsoknewaslammingchicklikeSharonwouldbea
greatcompaniontohaveatthebarswithme.Everyonenoticesthisgirl
whenshestrollsintoaroom.
SharonandIusethistacticallthetime:Illintroducemyselftoagirland
startchatting.Sharonwillbeinanotherareaofthebarwithourother
friends.Aboutfiveminutesintomyconversationwiththegirl,Sharon
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willwalkover,completelyignoringthegirlImtalkingto,andputan
armaroundmeandgivemeaquickkissonthecheek.
IintroduceSharontomynewgirl.Sharongivesheraquickhello,then
turnsherattentionbacktomeandchatswithmeforaminute:howIve
beenlately(Spectacular,Ireply),whatImdoinglatertonight(Im
notsureyet.Justseeinghowtheeveningflows).ThenSharonexcuses
herselfandwalksoff.
ThisoneminutecameobySharonraisesmysocialproofwiththenew
girl,bigtime.NowshehasthesensethatA)Iamamanwhoisin
demand,andB)sheiscompetingwithotherwomenformytime.Ifher
interestlevelinmewasa6or7before,ithasinstantlybeenbumpedup
toan8or9.(Itsuptometotakeitupanotchto10.)Thisisabasic
ruleofsocialdynamics.
Onetimeataclub,Iwassittingdownwiththisdropdeadgorgeous
AsiangirlnamedEmily.ButIcouldfeelmyconnectionwithher
slipping.Acoupleoftimesshementionedsomeguyshewassorta
dating,andIkeptsteeringtheconversationawayfromthat.Then
Sharoncameoverandsatdownonmylap.Shecompletelyignored
Emilyandstartedbeingflirtatiouswithme.IintroducedSharontoher
andweallsattheretalking,withSharonstillonmylap.Astimewenton,
IcouldseeEmilywasstartingtocompetewithSharonformyattention:
actingmoreflirtytowardsme,orderingaroundofshotsforus,standing
upanddancingsexytoasongsheliked.
Eventually,IgaveSharonthecue.Sheexcusedherselfandwalkedaway.
Lessthanaminutelater,Emilyhadplantedherselfonmylapandwe
weremakingout.
Whenitcomestomen,womenarehighlycompetitivewitheachother.
Playonthisfemaleinstinctanduseittoyouradvantage.Themore
investedagirlisinyou,themorefiercelysheisgoingtoprotecther
investmentfromanotherchickwhoisthreateningtostealitaway.Even
ifyouveonlybeentalkingtoagirlfor15minutes,ifyouvebeen
buildingasolidconnectionduringthattime,sheisnotgoingtostandby
andletanothergirlincludingfriendsofherscomealongandsteal
yourattention.Whenanothergirlentersthepicture,watchhowfastshe
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movesinclosertoyou,startstouchingyourarmwhileyoutalk,or
makesotherattemptstomarkherterritoryinfrontoftheinterloper.
Then,whenyoueventuallychooseherovertheothergirl,shefeels
likesheswonsomethingandshesgoingtomakesureyoudontslip
away.
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ALPHA RULE 20:
PROJECT AND RESPECT

AMBITION
Womenareattractedtomenwhoprojectasenseofpassionandpurpose
inlife.Thesequalitiesaremoreengagingtowomenthanpossessing
financialwealth.Whenamandemonstratespassionforlifeandachieving
hisgoals,heimpliesthatheiscapableofbeingpassionateina
relationship.Andwhileyourfinancesmaybemodestnow,ifyouproject
ambition,womenwillbeintriguedbyyourpotential.
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HeyCarlos&Dean,
IliveinLasVegas,whereitsprettymuchagiventhatthereallyhotgirls
areonlygoingtogoforwealthydudes.IhaveagoodjobbutImbyno
meansrich.ShouldIjuststayawayfromthe10sandassumetheyre
golddiggers?Oristhereastrategyformackingthesetypesofgirls,when
youdonthaveaFerrariparkedoutsideinthevalet?
Bruce
GuyslikeBrucearecrippledbythewrong
mindset.Whenaguyassumesthatagirlhe
doesntevenknowisonlygoingtobe
interestedinwealthydudes,orbadboys,
oranyothertypeofguywhichhebelieveshe
isnot,hesthrowinginthetowelbeforethe
battlebegins.
Guyslikethesearemakinganexcuse,a
justification,becausetheylackthewilland
thestrategytoapproachexceptionally
attractivewomen.
Theyvefallenintothetrapofbelievingthatcertaingirlsareoutof
theirleague.
Letsbehonest.Thisisreallyjustanotherwayofsaying,Idgivemyleft
testicletodateahottielikeher,butshedprobablyblowmeoff,soId
rathersavemyselfthehumiliation.
AguywhoisafraidofrejectionisjustanotherBetaGuywhodoesnt
haveconfidenceandtheresiliencetowithstandthisreality:
Noteverypersonintheworldisgoingtolikeyou!
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Now,therearespecificstrategiesoneshouldusewhendealingwith
HSFs(HighStatusFemalesthegirlsthateveryguyintheroomis
checkingout),andthingsyouvegottounderstandaboutthem.More
importantly,youvegottogetridoftheselfdefeatingattitudethatthe
hottestbabesareonlyinterestedinguyswithmoney,becausethis
simplyisnottrue.
ItisntmoneythatHSFsareirresistiblydrawntowards.Money,onits
own,isnotenoughtomakeawomanfeelapowerful,lastingattraction.
Moneyisasymbolameansbywhichwomeninterpretother
dimensionsofyourAlphaBehavior.
ThemajorityofguyswiththebigbucksandflashycarsarenotAlphas,
andwhenwomensensethis,allthemoneyintheworldcantstimulatea
deepattraction.Sure,inreality,richguyswhohaveevenalittlebitof
gameareoccasionallygoingtohookupwithwomenwhoaredazzledby
theirmaterialpossessions.ButasnonAlphas,theyfacetheexactsame
challengesthatanyguyfaceswithtryingtomaintainarelationshipand
keepawomaninterested.Theonlydifferenceis,therichguyswindup
losingahellofalotmoreindivorcecourt.
Itsthestatus,ambitionandpassionthatAlphaMenconveythatgive
themamagneticaura.Naturally,alotofmenwhopossessthese
qualities,andknowhowtochannelthemeffectively,dowindupmaking
alotofmoney.Butiftheyrewealthy,itsabyproductofcharacteristics
thattheyalreadyhave.
Thegoodnewsis,anymancanachieveandprojectthesethreequalities
regardlessofthesizeofhisbankaccount.(Andnotonlyarethese
qualitiesincrediblyeffectiveintermsofattractingwomen;theyrealso
criticaltosucceedinginyourcareer,yourgoals,yourfinancialsuccess,
etc.)
Letsbreakdownthesequalitiesandexplorethem:
Statusisanindicatorofthewayotherpeopleinyourenvironment
andinsocialcirclesviewyouandrespondtoyou.Itsyourlevelof
socialpower.Whenpeoplelikeyouandrespectyou,itsevidentinthe
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waytheyactwhentheyrearoundyou.Andwhenyoudrawthistypeof
favorableattention,yourstatusgrowsintheeyesofwomen.
Womenareinterpretivecreatures.Whilethethingsyousay(andthe
wayyousaythem)areimportant,thewayyouinfluenceyour
environmentmakesanevenmorepowerfulstatement.
Projectingstatuscanbeassimpleasbeingfriendlywiththedoormen,
bartendersorwaitstaffatthebarsorclubsyougoto.Whenpeople
knowyournameandarehappytoseeyou,womennotice.Youre
somebody.Itmeansthatyoumusthaveattractivequalities;inhereyes,
theremustbeareasonwhypeoplerespondtoyoufavorably.
Thisprincipledefinitelyappliestothefriendsyousurroundyourself
with.Ifyouintroduceabuddyofyourstoagirl,andhesarespectful,
likeablepersonwhospeakshighlyofyou,thatisapowerfulandpositive
reflectiononyou.(Ifyousaidthesethingsaboutyourself,shewould
thinkyoureabraggingfool;ifhesaysitforyou,yourenowcompletely
endorsed.)Themorecool,interestingpeopleyouhaveinyoursocial
orbit,themorestatusyoullhaveintheeyesofwomen.
Thisconceptisalsoreferredtoassocialproof.Whenotherpeople
respondtowardsyouwithfriendlinessandalevelofrespect,theyre
vouchingforyoursocialvalue.Thewomanyouarewith,ortheother
womenintheroom,takenoticeofthis.Andevenwhenyoudontthink
theyrenoticing,trustustheyare.
Whentakingagirlonthefirstfewdates,youshouldbringherinto
environmentswhereyoualreadyhavebuiltinsocialproof.Thiscould
bearestaurantwhereyoureonfriendlytermswiththestaffandthey
welcomeyoubyname.Itcouldbeabarwhereyourebuddieswiththe
bartenderandoneofthecutewaitresses.Ifyoureintothenightlife
scene,itmeansyouknowthedoormenattheclubsyoufrequent.Youre
notjustanothernobodystandinginline;youreawelcomeguestat
theirestablishment.
Startcultivatingtheseconnections.Itcanbeassimpleasstrikingupa
quickconversationwiththedoorguywhilehechecksyourID.Askhim
Howsthecrowdintheretonight?Afterheanswers,offeryourname
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andshakehishand.Tellhimhowmuchyouliketheplace.Maybethrow
inalittlejokeaboutifyougetinanytroubletonight,youregladto
knowheswatchingyourback.(Or,ifhesbuiltlikearefrigerator,crack
ajokeabouthowyouvegothisbackiftheresanytroubleinside
tonight.)
Doormenareusedtodealingwithimpatient,arrogantordownright
rudepeople.You,ontheotherhand,makeapositiveimpression
everywhereyougo.Vibewithhimforaminuteortwo(dontwearout
yourwelcome;hesgotajobtodo),andmakesureyourememberhis
name.IfyoucomebacknextSaturdaynightaccompaniedbyagirl,
yourenowgoingtoshakehishandandgreethimbynamewhenyou
encounterhim.Thenintroduceyourgirltohim.(Alwaysintroduceyour
datetothepeoplewithinyourstatuscircle.)
Whetherheimmediatelyremembersyouornotisunimportant.Whatis
importantisthatyouresettingatonefortheeveningyoureaboutto
enjoywithyourdate:youvebroughthertoaplacewhereyouare
known.Yourebringingherintoyourworld.
Makethisapartofyournewroutine.Ifyouhaveafavoritecoffeeshop,
restaurant,bar,nightclubwhateveryourhangoutsareyoushouldbe
onafriendly,firstnamebasiswithsomeofthestaff.EstablishanA,B,
andClocationwhereyoucanbringadateonanynightoftheweek.In
eachoftheselocationsyouarefamiliarwiththeterrainandwithsome
ofthepeoplewhoworkthere.
Youareincontroloftheenvironment.Youknowwhereeverythingis
located:thebathrooms,theexits,thequieterareaswhereyoucanhave
anintimateconversation.Ifitsarestaurant,youknowsomeinteresting
menuitemsoradeliciousdessertyoucanturnheronto.And,most
importantly,youknowthisisaplacewherebothofyouwillbe
comfortableandwelltakencareof.
Also,mentionthatthisoneofyourspecialplaceswhereyoudont
usuallybringpeople.MakeherfeellikeaVIPinyourworld.Youcantell
her:
Yknow,Lisa,IveneverbroughtanyoneherebeforeIusuallycome
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herealonewhenIwanttoenjoysomequiettime.Thisplaceislikemy
sanctuary.ButIthoughtyoudenjoyit,soIhadtoshowittoyou.
Themoreofftheradarthisplaceis,thebetterthisstatementwill
work.ThisiswhyyourA,BandClocationsshouldhaveunique
qualities;insteadofbringinghertoStarbucks,findauniquecoffeeshop
thatmostpeoplewouldntknowabout.Insteadofbringinghertoa
chainrestaurant,findfamilyownedrestaurantsthatyoucanshare
withyourdates.
Ambition,thenextquality,canbejustasattractiveasfinancialsuccess,
mostlybecausewomenknowthatambitionalmostalwaysresultsin
richesandprosperity.
Whenyouretalkingtoawoman,mentionthethingsyouarecommitted
toachieving.Youmightonlybegettingstartedinyourcareer,butif
youreanambitiouspersononanexcitingpath,shellwanttocome
alongfortheride.Projectingambitionisalsoaneffectivemethodfor
takingtheedgeoffanyvulnerableareasyoumighthave,andspinning
negativesintopositives.Hey,weveallgotfaultsandweaknesses,but
thedifferencebetweendealbreakersforherandendearingquirksis
allinhowyoupresentthebigpicture.
Forinstance,letssayMikeiscurrentlyworkingasaninternatarecord
companynotagloriousjobtitle,butitsasteppingstonetowardsthe
careergoalsheisambitiousabout.Hemeetsagirl,Michelle,andshe
askshimwhathedoesforaliving.Whichofthefollowinganswers
soundsbetter?
A.Imanintern.Iworksixtyhoursaweekandgetpaidpeanuts.
B.RightnowImlearningeverythingIcanabouttherecord
business.Iplanonowningmyownrecordlabelinthefuture.The
hoursarelong,butitsgoingtopayoff.
WithstatementB,Mikehassaideverythingabouthisjobheneedsto
say.Nowhecansegueintoaconversationaboutmusic,atopiche
knowsalotabout:Yknow,Michelle,Icanactuallytellalotabouta
personbythetypeofmusictheyreinto.Sotellme,whatradiostationis
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yourcarradiotunedtorightnow?
Verysmooth.Mikehasansweredherquestion,glossedoverthefactthat
hesanintern,andemphasizedhesonhiswaytoachievingbigthings.
Then,heasksheranoriginalquestionthatwillopenthegatewaytoan
interestingconversationaboutmusic.
Noticethephrasingheused.Theclichquestionwouldbe,Sowhat
kindofmusicdoyoulike?Tothis,mostgirlswillgiveavagueanswer,
suchasIlikealotofdifferentkindsbecauseitfeelsweakand
supplicating.Butbyaskingherwhichstationherradioistunedto,it
makesherthinkandgiveathoughtful,honestresponse.Italso
demonstratesqualification.Youshowingherthathaveparticular
tastesandknowyourstuff,andyouhavecriteriabywhichshemust
proveherself.
Passionisacharacteristicthatwomenintuitivelyrespondto.Aguy
whoexpressesgreatpassionwhetheritsapassionforlife,travel,his
career,oracertaintypeofartormusicisaguyshellwanttobe
around.Atsomepoint,mostmenlosetheirenthusiasm,theirspark,and
reallyarentpassionateaboutanything.Presentyourselfasthe
opposite.Thewaywomenperceiveit,amanwhoispassionateabout
thethingsheloveshasthecapacitytobepassionateabouther.
(Remember,theyrealwaysinterpretingfromwhattheyobserve.)
Statementsliketheseopenniceconversationalgatewaysand
underscorethatyoureadynamic,passionateperson:
Ilovetotravel,itsoneofmybiggestpassions.Imhopingtogetbackto
Londonsoon,thecultureandthenightlifethereisjustamazing.From
here,yousegueintoaconversationontravel,andaskheraboutthe
mostinterestingplaceshehasevervisited.
Rememberthatallconversationsshouldunderscoreyourdepthand
demonstratevaluetoher.Butyoumustalwaysbesuretocalibratethe
conversation,sothatitneversoundslikebragging.Leaveenough
questionsinherheadthatshewillfeelcompelledtostickaround,long
enoughtogetsomeofthemanswered.
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Otherwaysyoucanverbalizeyourpassion:
RightnowImreallypassionateaboutmycareerImdoing
whatIlovetodo.
Ihavealotofinterestsandpassions.Imthetypeofguythat
whenIgetinterestedinsomething,Icommittoit100percent.
Lately,IvebeencommittedtogettinginshapebecauseIwantto
lookandfeelmybest.
Anequallyeffectivewaytoimplyyourambitious,passionatenatureis
tocommendherfordisplayingthesesamequalities.Ifshementions
howhardshesbeenworkingatherowngoals,tellherhowmuchyou
respectandappreciateambitiouspeople.Ifshetellsyouhowmuchshe
lovesbeingasocialworker:
Thatsinteresting.Thelookinyoureyeswhenyoutoldmethat
Icantellitssomethingyourereallypassionateabout.Thatsa
qualityIloveinpeople,whentheyvereallypassionateabout
somethingandcommittedtoit.
Nothingyouresayinghereisphony.Werealldrawntowards
passionatepeople.Notonlydotheytendtohavemoredepthand
sinceritythantheaverageperson,butwerealsoexcitedbytheprospect
ofthemtransferringsomeofthatpassionandcommitmenttous.
MoneyTalk
Dontforgetthatinhypercompetitiveenvironmentssuchasnightclubs,
havingatableintheVIPsectionandan$80,000caroutsideisreally
nothingoriginal.Youdbesurprisedhowmanyoftheseguysare
strugglingtogetwomen(andweadviseguysliketheseallthetime),
whichiswhytheyreoutattheclubsblowinghundredsofdollarson
ridiculouslyoverpricedalcoholinthefirstplace.Meanwhile,the
bouncersandbartenderswithanabundancementalityaregettingall
thephonenumbersandactionthatthewussesaremissingouton.
Guyswhotrytousemoneyortheappearanceofhavingmoneyoften
windupdatinggirlswhoareconstantlytakingfromthem,ratherthan
260
giving.Theserelationshipsturnouttobedisasterswithoutexception.If
youwalkedthroughtheghettowavingafistfulof$100bills,wouldit
comeasasurpriseifyougotmugged?Well,dontexpectittobeany
differentonthedatingscenewhenyouusemoneyasalure.
Whetheryoureallydohaveahighnetworth,orarepretendingtohave
moneyinordertoimpresswomen,gettingyourfootinthedoorthis
wayhasthreemajordrawbacks:(1)itpreventsyoufromdeveloping
stronggame,whichisnecessarytogetandkeepgirlsonaconsistent
basis,(2)itoftenattractsthewrongtypeofgirl,and(3)becausewealth
isnotauniqueororiginalquality,thesewomencaneasilybelured
awayfromyouwhenawealthier(orseeminglywealthier)guycomes
along.
Aguyweknow,Brad,playedthegamethewrongwayformanyyears.
AsahedgefundmanagerinNewYorkCity,hisgamegrewlazyand
weakbecausehisoutwardtrappingsofsuccesswereenoughfor
beautifulwomentoatleastgivehimachance.Hedcollectphone
numbersandtakegirlsoutondatesspending$300onatypicalfirst
datedinnerbuttherelationshipsneverpannedout.Eitherhedgrow
boredwiththegirlafterafewweeks,orshedplaygameswithhim(not
returninghisphonecalls,actingevasive)anditwouldfizzleout.
WeadvisedBradtotakeamoreoriginalapproach,andsoonhemetthe
girlthatisnowhiswife.WithMandy,Ididitdifferently,hetoldme.
Insteadoftryingtoimpressherwithanextravagantdate,Idid
somethingoriginalwithher.Wehadapicnicinthepark;Ibroughtsome
sandwiches,snacksanda$10bottleofwine.Afterwards,wewenttoa
freeshowatanartgallery.Thedatewoundupcostingmeabout$20,
anditwasthemostfun,relaxedfirstdateIdeverbeenon.
WhenMandytellsthestoryofthatfirstdate,shementionsan
interestingdetail:IcouldtellBradwasalittlenervous,andacoupleof
timeshetriedtodrophintsaboutthefactthathehadmoney.He
mentionedhisnewcaratonepoint,andtheritzypartoftownwherehe
lived;Ijustnoddedandstartedtalkingaboutanothersubject.Afteran
hourofconversation,helookedatmeandsaid,So,youhaventasked
mewhatIdoforaliving.Ishruggedandsaid,ThatsbecauseIdont
carewhatyoudoforaliving.Icouldseeashiftinhisbehaviorafter
261
thathewasmorerelaxed,heseemedhappierjustgettingtoknowme.
Itwaslikeaweighthadbeenlifted;heknewIwasntlikealltheother
girls,whohefelthehadtoimpresswithmoneytalk.
Whileitmightnotseemoutoftheordinaryforawomantoaskyou
Whatdoyoudo?veryearlyintheconversationespeciallyifyoulive
inacitylikeLosAngelesorNewYorkdontanswerit.Evenifyouve
gotajobworthbraggingabout,dontforgetthisisasignthatsheisa
womanwhoqualifiesordisqualifiesmenbasedontheirincome.Doyou
reallywanttogetinvolvedwithawomanlikethis?
AnOriginalSpin
Ihateitwhenguysstarttalkingabouttheirmoney,orallthestuffthey
own,forthreereasons,saysNaomi,a32yearoldattorney.First,its
anautomaticredflagthattheyrelackinginotherareas.Second,Ifeel
disrespectedbecauseitslikehethinkshecanbuyme.Andthird,it
makesmeassumehessleepingwithabunchofwomenalready
becauseletsfaceit,ifhesalwaysouthittingonwomenatclubsandhas
thekindofmoneyhesbraggingabout,therewillalwaysbeslutswilling
tohookupwithhim.
Justaswomenneedtostopaskingguyssowhatdoyoudo?five
minutesintotheconversation(inLosAngeles,itsmorelike30
seconds),youshouldntaskwomenthisquestion.Notbecauseitsends
thewrongsignals,butbecauseitsaclichquestionthatprobablyisnt
goingtomovetheconversationtothenextlevel.
Instead,putanoriginalspinonit.Askher,Sohowdoyouspendyour
days?Thiswillprompthertotalkaboutmorethanherjob.Ifshe
worksaboring9to5duringtheweek,shemighttalkaboutthehobbies
sheenjoysontheweekends,orsomethinginterestingshedidthis
afternoon.Thiswillopenthegatewaytoanengagingconversation,
insteadofhergivingashortanswer(i.e.Imareceptionistatadental
office)andyounoddingandawkwardlysaying,uh,thatscool.
AnothernoteaboutHSFs:Yes,therearewomenouttheremost
visibly,inthenightclubswhoseattitudesaresobitchy,andwhose
barriersaresothick,thattheyrejustnotopentobeingapproached
262
unlessyoureacelebrity.Dontcovetthesegirlsorletthemfrustrate
you.Pitythesechicks.Theyreusuallybottomlesspitsofinsecurity
becausetheyvebeencheatedon,dumpedandcrushedbythebadboys
andgoodlookingplayerstheyjustcantstayawayfrom.(Dating
thesejerksonlyservestoreinforcetheirowninternalbeliefsystem:
thatbeyondtheirlooks,theyoffernothing,andthereforetheydeserve
tobetreatedpoorly.Likewesaid,underneaththefakebreastsandthe
$500outfit,theyrebottomlesspitsofinsecurityanddysfunction.)
Ifyouapproachagirlandshegivesoffthisvibe,andevenaftersaying
therightthingsyoucantmakeanyheadway,politelyexcuseyourself
andmoveontothenextpromisingpossibility.
Counterhernegativeenergywithnothingbutfriendly,laidback
positivity.Whyberude,andreinforceherbeliefthateveryguyinthe
clubisjustacreeplookingtogetlaid?Instead,throwheracurveball.If
shetriestoblowyouoff,giveheryourbestsmile,tellheryouhopeshe
hasagreatnight,andmoveontosomeothergirlwhosinthesamefun,
openmindsetthatyouarein.
Look,therealreasonguysfearthesewomenisthat1)theyrepresenta
challengetousandourselfimage,and2)wethinktheirangry,hateful
opinionaboutusmightactuallyberight.Youcureboththese
misconceptionsbybuildingupyourselfimagetosuchahighlevelof
healthyselfesteemthatyoucanactuallygiggleattheirridiculous
behavior.
GiversandTakers
Alsounderstandthatagirldoesntneedtobeaflashygolddiggerto
beadrainonyourtimeandyourwallet.Therearebasicallytwotypesof
women:GiversandTakers.
Giversarethewomenyouwanttospendyourtimeon.Thesegirlsare
appreciativeofthemoneyyouspendonthem,whetheritsbuyingthem
adrink,dinner,orhelpingthemoutwithafavor.Theythankyouwhen
youdothingsforthem.
263
Takersaregirlswhoconstantlyneedthingsfromyouanddontshow
appreciation.Theserequestscouldbeminor,sosmallthatyoureally
dontnoticeatfirst.Butifyoupayattention,youllnoticeadisturbing
patternofbehavior.Sheconstantlyrequiresyoutospendmoneyonher,
andanyappreciationsheshowsishollowandsuperficial.Spending
moneyiswhatsheexpectsofyou,orofanymanshesgracingwithher
gorgeouspresence.Thisisafutilepursuitthatwillleaveyouboth
brokenandmiserable.
Keepaneyeoutforsituationslikethese:
Youmeetagirlandbuyheradrink.Whenherdrinkisempty,she
goesaheadandordersanotherroundonyourtabwithout
sayinganything.Or,sheordersadrinkforhergirlfriendonyour
tab.Cutthischickloose.
Youtakehertodinnerandsheordersthemostexpensiveitemon
themenu.Evenifthisitemisntawholelotmoreexpensivethan
theotheritems,aconsiderategirlwouldntorderitbecauseshe
feelsorderingthemostexpensivedish,onyourdime,mightsend
thewrongsignal.OnlyTakersdothis.Or,awomanwithnoreal
socialconscience.Botharebadnews,myfriend.
Whenyousuggestarestaurantforafirstdate,sheshootsdown
yoursuggestionandsaysshewantstogotoarestaurantthatis
muchmoreexpensive.AGiverwillgoalongwithyoursuggestion,
atleastonthefirstdate,evenifitsnotaplacesheisfamiliarwith.
Theonlyexceptiontothisruleisifyousuggestarestaurantwitha
styleoffood(i.e.Indianfood)thatshedoesntlike.Thewayto
avoidthisistofindout,duringthefirstconversation,whather
favoritetypesoffoodare.
ShedoesntsayThankyou.Thisisasimpletruth:ANYTIMEyou
spendmoneyonherordosomethingforher,sheshouldatleast
saythanksifnotrightatthatmoment,thenbeforeyougoyour
separateways.WheneveryoudosomethingforaGiverwhether
itsbuyingheracupofcoffee,orcomingtoherhousetohelpher
setupherDVDplayershesaysthanks,andshemeansit.
264
SomewomenarentreallyTakersbynature,butovertimetheybeginto
takeyouforgranted,andtakeadvantageofyou,becauseyouseemso
eagertoplease.Youcanavoidthisbymakingherawarethatsheisnot
thecenterofyouruniverse,andthatyourenotgoingtodropeverything
whenshewantsyourattention.
Letssayshecallsandasksyoutocomeover,becausesheneedsyour
helpwithsomethingaroundherhouse.Dontjustsaysure,Illberight
over.Thismakesyoulooklikeyouvegotnothingbettertodo.Instead,
youcanhelpheroutbutmakeherthinkthatyouremakingaspecial
effort.ImrightinthemiddleofsomethingletmeseeifIcangetthis
wrappedupsoIcancomehelpyouout.Illcallyoubackinalittle
while.
Or,youneedmyhelpnextSaturday?OK,letmejustcheckmy
scheduleandgetbackyouIhavesomethingstotakecareof,butIll
seeifIcanputthemasidesoIcancomehelpyouwiththat.
Or,ifshecallsyouonshortnotice,tocomeouttonightandmeether
atabar:Iwasplanningtostayintonightandtakecareofsome
things,butIdowanttoseeyouletmecallyoubackinalittlewhile,
IllseeifIcancomebyforanhour.Howsthescenethere?
Moreredflagstowatchoutfor:
Sheisanemotionaltaker.Youveonlymetherrecently,butit
seemslikeeverytimeyoutalktohershewantstotalkabout
problemsinherlife.Shesnotreallyinterestedinhowyourday
went.Shewantstotalkaboutherday,especiallythethingsthat
pissedheroff.Or,evenworse,shehasconstantcomplaintsabout
herex.Thecorrectstrategywithwomenliketheseistomovethe
conversationtoanothertopicapositive,pleasantonewhen
shestartstocomplain.IfshealwaysinsistsontalkingaboutHER
problemsandshowinglittleinterestinhowyouvebeen,forget
her.Shestoocaughtupinherownnarcissisticworld,andits
onlygoingtocauseyoudramaandheadaches.
Sheisatimetaker.Sheactslikehertimeismorepreciousthan
yours.Ittakesheradayortwotoreturnyourphonecall,and
265
whenshedoes,shesayshowbusyshehasbeen.Well,unless
shesbeeninjail,nooneissobusythattheycantfindfive
minutestoreturnaphonecalltosomeonetheylike.(Really,have
youeverbeensobusythatyoucouldntfindtimetoreturnahot
girlsphonecallwithin24hours?)Ifyouwantsomething,youll
dowhatittakestohaveit.
Ifagirlisdisrespectingyourtimethisway,whenshecallsyouback,
dontmentionthis.Beyourusuallaidback,confidentself.However,do
notusethisphonecalltosetupadatewithher.Dontgiveherthesense
thatyouvebeenanxiousforhertocallyoubacksothatyoucanplana
date.Youmustbetheonemakingthephonecallwhenthedategetsset
up.
So,whenshefinallyreturnsyourphonecall,haveabrief,upbeatchat
withher.Tellheraboutsomethingcoolyouvebeenupto.Dontsay
youvealsobeenbusy;mentionhowyouwereoutshoppingatthis
awesomestore,orsawagreatmovie,orwerewithsomefriendsata
reallyfunplace.
Whileshewasoffbeingbusy,youweredoingyourthingandenjoying
yourself.Thesignalyouaresendingisthatyoureaguywhoisoutthere
onthesceneexploringcoolthings,spendingtimewithcoolpeopleand
livingarich,interestinglifewithorwithouther.Yourenotaguywhos
waitingbythephonewaitingforherscheduletoclearup.
(Yourenotoneofthoseguys,right?Youvegotyourownlifeandsocial
scene?Good,becauseasanAlphaMan,thisisntsomethingyoushould
havetofake.)
Then,duringthisphonecall,tellheryouwanttomakesomeplanswith
hersoontogodosomethingfun.Dontsaywhatitis.Hintatit.Say,
Letmegiveyouacalltomorrow.Imthinkingabouttakingyoutothis
placeIknowImsureyouregoingtoloveit.Ihavetorun,butIlltell
youaboutittomorrowandwellmakeithappen.
Thiswillgethercurious.Thenendthephonecall.Callhertomorrowas
yousaidyouwould,andifsheanswers,setupthedatewithher.Ifshe
doesntanswerandittakesheranotherdayortwotogetbacktoyou,
266
thenyoucanbesureyouredealingwithawomanwhodoesntrespect
youoryourtime.Makeonelastattemptatsettingupthedate,andifshe
continuestobeevasive,forgetabouther.Sheeitherhassomeotherguy
inherorbitwhoisoccupyinghertimeorherthoughts,shesaflake,or
shesjustnotinterestedforwhateverreason.Remember,nowomanis
honestlysobusythatshecantfindtimetomakeafiveminutephone
calltoyou.
Whatweredoinghereisnotmanipulative.Youretestingherfor
suitability,andthereisabigdifference.
Oneofthemostimportantdecisionsyoullmakeinthislifeiswhich
womanyoulldecidetostaywithoverthelonghaul.Shelleitherkeep
youfloatingonair,orsinkyoudowntothewreckoftheTitanic.Ifyou
dontwatchthewarningsignsandmakesomeintelligentdecisionsnow,
theresagoodchanceyoullwinduptellingyourdivorceattorneyabout
themwhensheswalkingawaywithhalfofyourlifespossessions.
Infact,thenationaldivorceratewouldbemuchlowerifmoreguys
lookedoutfortheseTakertendenciesearlyonintherelationship.
Whenyouconstantlygrantawomansdemands,thesedemandswill
onlyescalateovertime.WhenaguystartsdatingaTaker,intheearly
stages,maybehesonlypayingfordrinks,givingherridesaroundtown,
andshowingupatamomentsnoticetohelpherpaintherbedroom.
Yearslater,thepoorschmuckismarriedtoherandnowherdemands
aregigantic:ahousetheycanbarelyafford,anotherkidhedoesntwant,
workingajobhehatesjusttomaintainherstandardofliving.
Doyouknowthestoryoftheboilingfrog?Putafroginapotofboiling
waterandhelljumprightout.Putafroginawarmpotofwater,and
thenstartslowlyturninguptheheat.Hellgetsleepy,andthewaterwill
gethotterandhotterandprettysoonyouvegotyourselfacooked
littleamphibian.Thisillustratesthesituationtheaverageguyfinds
himselfin,afewyearsaftersettlingdownwiththewronggirl.Hes
cookedandhedoesntrealizeituntilitstoolatebecauseheignoreda
negativepatternofbehaviorthatanAlphaManwouldhaverefusedto
tolerate.
267
Weseeithappentoguysallthetime,anditsjustnotpretty.Maintain
therightattitudefromtheverystartandyoullneversurrendercontrol
toaTaker,aHighStatusFemale,oranyotherwomanforthatmatter.
YouretheAlphaMan.Letskeepitthatway.
268
ALPHA RULE 21:
BE THE PRIZE
Humannaturedictatesthatwhensomethingisoutofourgrasp,wewant
itevenmore.TheAlphaManknowsthatbybeingaloofandelusive,he
cultivatesanairofimportanceanddesirability.Buthislimited
availabilityisnotaphonypretense;menwhoareintentionallyaloof,or
unreliable,runtheriskofalienatingpeople.AlphaMencreatehealthy
boundariesaroundthemselves,fillingtheirtimewithpositivepursuits,
andareveryselectiveaboutthepeopletheyletin.Youareaprize,which
womenmuststrivetowin.ThisistheAlphamindsetcontrastingwith
thatoftheaverageman,whoareoverlyconcernedwithimpressing
womenandscheduletheirlivesaroundthem.
269
Everythingwevepouredintothisbook
isultimatelysummarizedbythisconcept.
YoumustBethePrizeinawomanslifeto
notonlygether,buttokeepher.Period.
Endofstory.
Ashumanbeings,wewantthethingsthat
weperceivetobevaluable.Wenormally
livewithascarcitymentality,hoarding
andprotectingthatwhichisimportant
andvaluabletous.Thisiswhythemulti
billiondollarinsuranceexists.
Whyisgoldvaluable,andironcheap?Ironmakesmostofthethingswe
use:cars,girdersforbuildings,planes,andsoon.Goldissoftand
delicate,andmustbemixedwithothermetalstoevenmakejewelry.Yet
itisitsscarcitythatmakesitworthhundredsofdollarsperounce.
Diamonds,ofcourse,arethemostcovetedgemstonesintheworld.
(Dontbelievethehypethattheyareagirlsbestfriend;thattitleis
reservedfortheAlphaManinherlife.)Butwhatisadiamond,really?
Whyisitthatweplacesuchextraordinaryvalueonsometinyobject
thatcomesoutoftheground?Itsallperception.Thegeniusofthe
diamondindustryisthattheyvemanagedtoconvincetheworldthat
theirproductsareoneoftheultimatesymbolsofstatus.
Nowitistimeforwomentoperceiveyoutobesomethingextraordinary
andrare.Whenyouappeartobecommon,theywillcontinuesearching
foragreaterprize.Inaperfectworld,wewouldallbethankfulforwhat
wehavebuttherealityisthatwerapidlybecomeboredwithwhatwe
alreadyknowwepossess.
Imaginethis:Yourfavoritefootballteamdecidestopayallitsplayers
thesamesalary,regardlessofperformance.Andtotopitoff,theNFL
270
decidestogiveeveryteamthatplaysnextyearabigtrophyandrings
foreachteam.Doyouthinktheplayerswouldworkveryhard?Would
theprideofbeingonaneliteprofessionalteamstillfeelasstrong?
Canyouimagineifeverypersonthatjoinedakaratestudiogotablack
beltwhentheysignedup?
Whatifeverystudentwasguaranteedadiploma,regardlessoftheir
grades?
Youseewhereweregoingwiththis.
Tovaluesomethinginlife,itmustbedifficulttoattain.Theremustbea
pricetopay,andwemustultimatelytreasureandvalueitenoughto
makesacrificesandpaythepricetogetit.Wedonotvaluethatwhichis
giventous.
Youmustbecomeascarcecommodity.Towomen,youmustappearto
havelimitedavailabilitysothathernaturalsenseofdesireisgivena
chancetodevelopfreely.Nothinginlifeworthhavingiseasytoobtain,
andwomenknowthisonaninstinctuallevel.Shehasakeensixthsense
thattellsherwhensomethingisjustabittooeasy.
Howdomenappeartooeasy?
Bybeingtooavailable.
Initially,youllhavetodomostofthegruntworktogetawoman
interested.Butyoudonthavetoanswereverycallortextmessagefrom
her.Betteryet,beoutandbusyenoughwhereyoucanttakeeverycall
fromher.Whensheasksyouifyouwanttogooutandseeamovie,you
dontsay,Sure!Whendoyouwanttogo?Yousay:Imopenon
WednesdayandThursdaynightthisweek.Whichoneisbetterforyou?
Remember,werenottryingtousefalsetimeconstraints,orplayhardto
get.AlphaMenarehardtoget.Theirlivesaresobusy,fun,and
involvingthattheysometimeshavetotakeabreakfromwomentorest
andrecharge.(Thisisalsoknownasahighqualityproblem.)
271
Beingtooagreeable.
Shesays,Ilikesnowboarding!Yousay,Me,too!
Shesays,Ilikescarymovies.Yousay,Me,too!
Shesays,Ilikelongwalksonbeaches.Yousay,Me,too!
Evenifyoudolikethesethings,youhavetoatleastpresentadifferent
takeonthemelseyoullcomeacrossassupplicatingandeagerto
please.Guystrytoooftentomakeiteasyforawoman,notrealizingthat
thefoundationofeverycompellingromanticstoryeverwrittenwas
basedonthetensionofonesimplequestion:Willtheygettogetherin
theend?
Or,aslegendarymoviedirectorBillyWildersaid,Alovestoryisnt
aboutwhatgetsacoupletogether,butwhatkeepsthemapart.
Womenwantandneedchallengethesamewaymendo.
Thisiswhyonceyouveestablishedaconnectionwithher,youshould
constructivelydisagreewithherwhenyouhaveacontradictory
opinion,Youresafetobeabitdifferentatthispoint.Theironyisthatit
willonlydriveupherattractionandinterestlevelwhenyouappearto
beindependent,andnotconcernedaboutconstantlyimpressingand
pleasingher.
Beingtooattentiveandfocusedonher.
Heresanotherclassicmistakeweseeallthetime.Whenaguyisintoa
woman,hellbroadcastitlikeapolicesirenwithhisawedsmile,eager
bodylanguage,andoverallappeasementposture.Thebestthingyou
candowhenyoureinterestedinawomanistogiveheryourattention,
butbreakitfromtimetotimesothatyoubothhaveachancetomissthe
connection.
*****
CarlosSays
272
IwouldregularlytakemydatestoAmoebas,aSanFranciscoCD
store.Itsagroovylittleplace,andIknewwomenwouldlikeit
becausetheyreallintomusicinsomeway.
Whilewebrowsedtheaisles,Ialwaysmadeitapointtoloseherand
goofftolookupsomemusiconmyown.Idwaituntilshefoundme
again,orwehappenedacrosseachotheragainbyaccident.Theeffect
wasalwaysthesamesheseemedmoreintomewhensheandI
rejoinedeachother.Itwasthecombinedeffectofmedemonstrating
independence,thebriefseparation,andtheminireunionthatgave
heracompleteemotionalexperienceinjustashortperiodoftime.
Giveyourwomanachancetomissyou.Alltoooftenwegetcaught
upinthepursuit,anddontrecognizewhenitssmartertobackoff
andbealittleunavailable.
Understanddeepinyourheartthatwomenareimportant,andthey
desireaboveallotherthingstobewantedbymen.Butonlyby
becomingatruePrizewillyoueversucceedinmakingwomenwant
youinreturn.
*****
Thismindsetisaboutrecognizingthat:
Womenrespondemotionallytoabsence.Giveheralittlespace
onceyouvebuiltupherattractiontoyou;shellbegintofeel
slightlyinsecureandwonderwhetheryoufeelthesamelevelof
attraction.Shellbeeagerforyouraffectionsthenexttimeyou
reunite.
Whenawoman(oranyoneforthatmatter)doesnotlikeyou,its
reallynotyou.Itsher.
Youcannotmakeawomanlikeyoubygettinginsideherheadand
herthoughts.Stayout!
273
Womenwilltestyoubyseeingifyouwillgiveupyourpassionsor
hobbiesforher.Ifyoudo,youredoomed.
Theshowbusinessaxiomalwaysleavethemwantingmoreis
the#1strategyfordrawingwomenintoyourworld.Whenyoure
constantlytryingtosatisfyawomansneeds,youbecomethe
pieceofdanglingstringthathasbeendroppedintothekittens
paws.Shesnotgoingtostayinterested.(Whenitcomestothe
bedroom,however,delivertotalsatisfaction.)
Thechangeofmindsetweretalkingabouthereisamassiveonefor
mostmen,anditisthecoreofanAlphaMansidentity.Youcantfully
adoptthismindsetuntilyouvebeenoutthereawhile,employingthese
strategiesandlivingbytheseprinciples.Youllprobablyexperience
yourown,personalOhshit!moment,whenitsuddenlyseemsso
easyandyoullbekickingyourselffornotdoingitsooner.
OnceyoucrossovertothissideoftheForce,weresureyoullnever
wanttogobacktothewayyouwere.Itslikecrossingadarkenedroom
andflickingonthelightswitch:allofthethingsthatcausedyouto
stumblebefore,younowviewwithlasersharpfocus.
Itsajungleoutthere.Butyourealionnow.Gooutthereandgetit.
Classdismissed.
274
AFTERWORD
Thetoolswevegivenyouinthisbookaregoingtoradicallychangethe
wayyouthinkaboutattractinganddatingwomen,butmore
importantlytheyshouldradicallyimpactthewayyouviewyouroverall
lifestyle.
Inthefutureweregoingtobereleasingmoreprogramsthatwill
completethispictureforyouandextendtheideasintoyourwhole
worldyourcareer,financialsuccess,familyrelationships,spirituallife,
younameit.AnAlphaMandoesnotlivebytheseprinciplessimplyto
achievesexualconquests;heoperatesbythiscodebecauseitsasound
andprincipledwaytoleadhislife.
Remember:Whenamanislivinghisgreaterdestiny,pursuinghisgoals
withpassion,clarityandconfidence,hewillneverhaveashortageof
beautifulwomenwhowanttocomealongfortheride.
Nowthatyouvecompletedtheselessons,wewanttotellyou
abouttheNEXTLEVELofyourAlphajourney
275
If youre ready to master the total mindset and lifestyle youll need to
put the 21 Alpha Rules to work, we want to let you know about a
state-of-the-art video series weve created called the TRIPLETHREAT DVD PROGRAM. This explosive package includes over 9
HOURS of hardcore instruction, led by Carlos Xuma and featuring
some very special guests.
CUSTOMER REVIEW of The Alpha Lifestyle Program:

Triple-Threat DVD Series
by Trevor A., California
When I read the book The Game by Neil Strauss I first became interested
in the pickup community. I checked out a number of books and websites
276
created by the various gurus that Neil wrote about. I learned some clever
tips and pointers ways to approach, open conversations, take a more
confident, cocky approach, etc.
But still, when I talked to women, I usually felt like I was faking it. The
insecurities I had before never really went away it just felt like I was
covering them up with stories, routines, negs, etc. Basically, I was like a
car with a fancy new paint job, but I had the same old beat-up engine.
I was looking for a product or a system that would help me put all the
pieces together. Sure, I wanted to learn the best pickup techniques, but I
also needed to get motivated in other areas and create the overall lifestyle
I wanted for myself.
Then I came across a guru named Carlos Xuma. Id put him in a different
category than guys like Mystery, David DAngelo, etc., because Carlos
takes a more complete and holistic approach (mind, body, spirit) to the
subject of getting women.
Carlos emphasizes the importance of Inner Game: transforming your
beliefs and mindset to allow you to achieve more success not just with
women, but in other areas such as your career, finances, relationships,
etc. I know he studied NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) extensively,
and while some of the other teachers have incorporated NLP into their
material, Carlos does it in a way that makes you a more attractive,
successful person on EVERY level. Not just when youre trying to talk to a
girl.
Anyway, I got on Carlos email list, and I was excited when he sent out an
email about a special, exclusive seminar he was hosting in Las Vegas
along with Dean Cortez from M.A.C.K. Tactics. He wanted to hand-pick a
small group of students to learn his new system, which he calls Alpha
Lifestyle: Triple-Threat.
I wound up being chosen to participate in the seminar, and it was honestly
one of the coolest weekends of my life. The seminar was held in an
amazing penthouse suite overlooking the Vegas Strip. He had a couple of
super hot Playboy Magazine models there to assist!! ... along with some
special guests, including one of the creators of M.A.C.K. Tactics, another
program that I love. This guy is a former Marine and Hostage Negotiator
who teaches how to reprogram yourself to have a total Alpha Man mindset.
His presentation was one of the weekends highlights.
277
I learned so much from that seminar, I dont even know where to begin.
Carlos laid out a complete blueprint for transforming your attitude and
mindset, and then taught us awesome techniques that put a whole new
spin on pickup.
There was a camera crew there filming the seminar, and I was psyched to
hear that Carlos was going to turn it into a DVD series. He recently sent
me a preview copy, which looks totally slicka very professional six-disc
package.
I have to say, watching these DVDs was an even BETTER experience
than being at the seminar. During the editing process, Carlos
superimposed tips & reminders on the screen that make it a full
immersion experience.
If youd like to learn a complete arsenal of pickup strategies, theres a ton
of it in there. But the Triple-Threat program goes WAY beyond that and
gives you the tools you need for a complete lifestyle transformation. He
breaks down the concept of The Alpha Man and explains, step by step,
how to change every area of your life to become a far more confident,
powerful and successful person.
I give this one five stars out of five. Ive had it on regular rotation on my
DVD player for the past couple of weeks. Before I start my day, or go out
to meet women, I play a chapter of two to get my mindset exactly where it
needs to be. Great stuff, and highly recommended. Nowadays, I feel like
Ive got a Ferrari engine under the hood!
*****
When you order your copy of the Triple-Threat Series, in addition to
Carlos Xumas complete presentation youll get powerful lectures by
Chris C., the Hostage Negotiator who helped create the M.A.C.K.
Tactics system. Another segment is taught by the seduction guru
Ranger X, who unveils his Under the Wire approach Tactics for
the first time anywhere. The program even includes Playboy
Playmates who help to demonstrate the secrets of Closing the Deal.
You can read all about it and watch an exclusive preview at this link:

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THE ALPHA RULES

By CARLOS XUMA & DEAN CORTEZ

The Alpha Lifestyle Program

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

THE ALPHA RULES

Introduction by Dean Cortez

Introduction From Carlos Xuma

MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS

MASTER THE ART

WOMEN ARE ONE ASPECT

BEWARE THE COMFORT

ALPHA RULE 10:

ABANDON THE DESIRE TO

ALPHA RULE 11:

BE BOLD AND DECISIVE

ALPHA RULE 12:

CARRY YOURSELF WITH

ALPHA RULE 13:

ALPHA RULE 14:

KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN

ALPHA RULE 15:

ALPHA RULE 16:

CULTIVATE SEXUAL POWER

ALPHA RULE 17:

ALPHA RULE 18:

SEDUCTION IS A SKILL SET

ALPHA RULE 19:

ALPHA RULE 20:

PROJECT AND RESPECT

ALPHA RULE 21:

CUSTOMER REVIEW of The Alpha Lifestyle Program:

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